The Basement Yard - Having Sex With Inanimate Objects

Episode Date: December 11, 2017

On this episode, @Frank_Alvarez80 joins me to talk about people who are sexually attracted to inanimate objects. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

welcome back to the basement yard today I am joined by Steven Seagal himself how you doing Joe you look like Steven Seagal today it's Frankie everybody well I look like Steven Seagal yes your hair is slicked all the way back into a pony tail it's you have a gun on you I don't I wish and you're in a black shirt I mean I wish I had it actually I do carry a gun it's a pea shooter it's a pea shooter that means a lot of things so that joke works so it does be shoot pee I've never gotten Steven Seagal and I'm I gotta be honest I'm upset I did you're more like Antonio Ben Derris all right I like that I'm a booze and boots yes all

right I can that's not bad that's the first time I've ever done that impression I just got wet that's what I'm gonna say I'm gonna throw that out there you're in a leather chair too so what you're just sitting in it yeah I'm gonna slide off you slide off the chair thank you guys for putting up with my nasally voice I have been gone well I wasn't here last week cuz I had the flu oh yeah I was ready to die yeah super cool with dying last week I would have been all right are you still got what's up nope still got the flu no I'm fine now but literally Saturday and Sunday I couldn't leave my bed good no it was the

fucking worst I like seriously like at one point I would like to look up at the sky and just be like take me you don't have a roof no I sleep you're laying outside that might have been the issue I look up at the sky and realize I'm in the park so thanks for putting up with my nasal my majorly hounding noise the fuck was that I'm young Sheldon first of all did you see the video that I tweeted today oh the I have great I have great words Donald Trump that was a worst that was terrible I was awful I've done a good one before yeah that was really bad that was so funny do you use it when he says Missouri a Missouri no

there was one where he said United States that's a really good way and God bless the United States it's kind of like it's crazy that we went from such a great orator orator excuse me I just pulled a Trump in in Obama to that was oh my god when I saw that this that would be like if my father was the president because my dad cannot my dad says Winder like Soder Soder I remember what's Winder window oh open the Winder stop I'm sweating like and one of my teachers growing up used to say Victoria I'm like you're making it harder on yourself what is that I don't know what Victoria that doesn't make sense like a

girl's name is Victoria like a Victoria I feel like you're doing that to just be a troll at that point like Victoria I don't even know like why the fuck you're making it harder that's awful yeah I don't think there are any weird like words I say weird the only thing is like I really like I speed up saying the word mirror and sometimes it'll just come out like meur meur like I just like I don't have time for all those fucking hours and O's so let's go mirror yeah I give up it kind of sounds like mirror like in reverse yeah but that's like people think I say the word the University Quinnipiac I like put an emphasis on the Piac see

that's wrong that's Quinnipiac really I say Quinnipiac Quinnip you put a win Quinnipiac what is that Quinnipiac that's what I say and then people like it's Quinnipiac it's Quinnipiac I don't fucking know that's not way more like Native American well it is so it was an Indian tribe Quinnipiac the yeah like the Quinnipiac or the Quinnipiac I don't know how to say it I always use that's how what I was told Quinnipiac Quinnipiac that was like some kid in my high school he wouldn't say blockbuster he say blockbuster I'm like that's raw I don't know how you're saying it right and wrong the same time my aunt would say

weekend for weekend wow she's stupid she's an idiot aunt wow she's dumb she's a dumb but I don't think by the way aunt or aunt I say aunt I don't know what change and I don't know what pilgrim you are or where the fuck did you grow up on the Oregon trails and aunt is that where it came from I don't know but that sounds like it where it came from I just have ever said auntie no I've never said God bless because this pair of scissors was going through your fucking dome no but like I'll say aunt but I'll never say it when I'm talking about someone like if I'm talking to store like oh yeah my aunt did this but I'll never call my aunt

my I call her Aunt Debbie I won't say Aunt Debbie I don't I don't I don't think I've ever used aunt and like been serious about it yeah I don't know yeah that's like do you say uncle but that's like people today that call their their mom's mama and their dad's papa like I get it it might be a cultural no no no no super weird to me at like mama and papa mama fine papa is definitely like past the age of like six you should not be using mama and papa dude it's this isn't 1920 what is papa yeah like when I hear papa I literally think of like a family of bears I don't know why that's the person that comes to mind it's like

papa bear yeah a mama bear you know like fucking Goldilocks papa just makes me think of like an old Italian poverty yeah I'm a papa yeah exactly yeah I like I don't know a kid playing with like garbage and he thinks he's having a good time but he's poor and he's saying papa my pain the picture good enough I close my eyes and see it and then I just see that little idiot kid to run up and say papa yeah you go that's even worse papa one thing papa what are you and all these like nicknames for like grandparents I don't get either well I I mean I can kind of get it because my mother both sets of grandparents were

named after like their their language in their grandmother grandfather in the language so like my grandmother was yeah yeah for yeah yeah for a Greek for grandmother and then it was Papu and then like that's just that's that I get a little more because grandparents in other cultures are like that's not fair yeah if you do it you can't you can't play both sides there's a girl fuck you I just fed that one I'll defend it no I was always grandma and grandpa it was never like peep peep no nothing gets me more pissed than when people say grandma gra MMA I say that really but but the same thing in mirror just stop giving up

like you say mirror mirror yeah but that mirror is such an insignificant object compared to your grandmother I begged it now if you watch if you're seeing your grandmother in a mirror then you're in trouble grandma in a mirror grandma grandma yeah no but it was when I hear people sometimes like oh this is my no no no I'm like oh Jesus yeah I gotta do an accent now yeah yeah yeah no no yeah like alright so hello say hi to no no no no hello I'm very American I can't do this was like I is my abuela I'm like oh my in middle school I was friends with a lot of Jewish kids yeah and they have like a grandma grandma yeah I think so I

think in in their language in Hebrew that there is words for it but I remember one kid in particular was like he didn't introduce his mom and I didn't know it was his mom for the longest time he was like this is Ema and I was like hi Ema who is this like who is Ema but it was his mother that I found out like months later was that his mom's name no it meant like mom and I like called her Ema and she was like you can't call me that if you're not my my child she said that I swear to God wow sounds awesome I don't yeah I mean he was fine this is mom you're like hello mom yeah this is Ema what do I call her I think it's like

dude you gotta like translate this for me you know yeah super rude like that's like if I introduce like my best friend by our like inside joke nickname you know what I mean like have one wow you picked up on the best friend part I really I'm really proud of that yeah I assumed but like I don't introduce like Nick DeVito is boss I do oh I don't I say this is Nick we call him boss no I go rate the boss really and introduce Espo as Espo well as but that's his last name I'll be like this is Espo I don't know yeah it's a little different though like if it's like it you clearly I don't speak Hebrew why do we call Nick DeVito boss

I don't know how that started I have no fucking clue where that came from yeah I don't know what is he the boss I just kind of accepted that I mean I'm fine with it yeah I mean it's easier for me to now just call him boss cuz there's like well at time they were like 14 fucking nicks that we hung out with yeah like we gotta we gotta separate this yeah there was like big Nick little Nick Dominic Dominic Dominic big Nick little Nick Dominic yeah fucking and then Nick came along again yeah fuck all this there's like an Anthony's we have like three Anthony's so we didn't call any of them Anthony yeah we had DeVito and

Impey yeah and when I go to their house and they they were wow what happened I just I just I think I just had a stroke real quick real quick stroke Jerusalem Jerusalem United Shaysha no whenever I would go to like Impey's house and his parents would call him Anthony I'd be like it doesn't work is that yeah it doesn't work it's like I would like I'd call DeVino DeVino in front of his dad and it would just like I remember I was in the car with them once I was like DeVino and they both were like what I think I was at his house one time and his dad called him DeVino and I was like that's awesome that's so awesome you know

you're when you're bigger than your family name that's super dope yeah it's amazing did your parents call you anything we had grown up my mom I had nicknames for everybody what was yours Joey Lowy Lou that's cute Keith was Keithy Cuda dude which is lit I would have thought it was like Keithy Lou or something like that I think Keithy Cuda dude Thomas was Sonny Bunny Shannon get ready Shani Wanny Poo Poo panty these are all real did your sister ever poop her pants I'm assuming so I wasn't around for that must be a tough one for your sister to hear oh every time your mom says Shani Wanny Poo Poo panty she's

she has like another one for her but I'm it's escaping me right now oh Shani Foo Foo okay that I can see that one's better yeah Shani Wanny Poo Poo panty it's one that we hold to our dear I would never ever let anyone yeah we do that ever yeah use this shit your pants yeah when you were younger that's why mom called you that my mom called me Frankie Cisco was one that she would call me a lot which I was so pumped after the song came out and then my dad had nicknames like I was froggy but froggy here's the funny here's from daredevil I know that's foggy shit but he would call me froggy and then he'd

like write it in my birthday cards and only put one G and it would drive me fucking crazy yeah what are you doing dad and then my my brother Nick was picky Chris was fishy and Jessica was shushy shushy because it was like we would call her like sissy when we were younger like yeah I remember that and like I guess my brothers couldn't speak until they were 22 so they would so they would go shushy oh wow okay that makes sense yeah so I guess but I don't go open this is my brother picky that's his twin brother fish and this is shushy shushy my big sis my big sissy my big sissy my big sissy my big sissy my big sissy my big

sissy shushy if there's someone out there who's like Hebrew who's actually named like shushy or something we're sorry it's just show she's show she's definitely like a name there's gotta be like a shoshana out there that people call him shoshana yeah like shoshy I actually love that name really and glorious bastards shoshana she was she was good Kristoff was saying it like Kristoff not Kristoff Kristoff yeah yeah he was the way he says it and like the accent love it anything he says is dope yeah he sounds you know he's like he speaks like six languages fluently which I'm pretty sure is a genius yeah

why do you need more than I think you should go three max anything more than that's like I don't know dude if I can learn if someone's like came to me and said I will snap my fingers you can know 10 languages I'd be like sure who the fuck would turn that down so it came up to me and wanted to give me a million dollars I'd be like yeah for sure no but like if I have the option of like very easily like if I had like a superpower I can easily learn fucking languages I'd learn them all I guess so yeah I think it's cool you know what I mean to be able to communicate with anyone if you had to learn three I mean I can kind of do

Spanish English and English and Spanish have to be like I know English so an additional three right now or just three forever I just three forever I would say English Spanish and like French yeah I was kind of dope I would say honestly I would say English Spanish and like Arabic ooh because like that's that's becoming so big yeah a lot of Arabic people a lot of Arabic but that yeah I hear Arabic is really fucking hard too so that'd be kind of cool I or fucking go Latin learn the like the origins of everything or just something like mad random like Gaelic yeah I didn't go brah you know what I mean just like had no

idea what you're saying fuck it so I found a story that I want to share with you and I told you beforehand and I told you we'd bring it up here yes so I was cruising through Twitter here we go and I found a story of a British woman who is marrying a chandelier and apparently excuse me a shandy no not a shandy that's my nickname for chandeliers by the way oh okay a chandelier you know like the things that hang from I know what a chandelier is well I just want to make sure because there's a woman fucking marrying one and apparently there's like this whole group of people that identify as like objective sexuality where or objective

sexual where it's like they are sexually attracted to fucking random objects which is the craziest thing here we go object sexuality or objectophilia is a form of sexually focused on particular inanimate objects those individuals with this express preference may feel strong attraction love and commitment to certain items or structures of their fixation so question one why a chandelier yeah what is it about a chandelier hey chandeliers are pretty nice when they're all done up but a cheap chandelier looks like it was put together by someone on the seven train I don't even I don't even know like you know obviously have you ever seen a chandelier and be like wow that's fucking beautiful

I didn't get hard if that's not what I'm asking we'll get to that right yeah uh I've seen a chandelier and be like whoa that's cool because it's like something that's bright or whatever you know and maybe there's like are you like a third grader like a three-year-old at heart you're just like lights huh yeah I think so I think anyone that's why we like fireworks like oh look lights you know that's true so I think like that could you be like could you be like a an objective sexual to fireworks that would be that would be awful yeah that'd be do you imagine you just relationship top relationship you're just watching your loved ones get murdered every minute not only that like going for a hug or something oh yeah

that'd be pretty bad no but I don't know but this like I don't know I'm just like because I mean as you know I do that show other people's lives and this is something that could possibly pop up on there and I'm not gonna say like this is how I approach all those things obviously it's quote-on-quote weird because it's unique it's and I don't understand it it's against social norms yeah and I don't get it at all so it is a little funny to me that someone's like you know what I'm gonna marry this candle at the end of the day dude marry the fuck out of this chandelier put your dick in that chandelier sometimes I wish I would just marry a chandelier I mean I'm not saying my current girlfriend is this way

but like you like arguments that you have with people and you just can't fucking deal with it anymore chandelier would never do that to you never and if they do you should walk over turn that shit right off turn it off or just fucking like I I have no idea why but it's such a dream of mine to like pull out one bolt of a chandelier or something and then just watch it fall to the ground and shatter what is going I don't know it's just like you ever see like some deep rooted shit you're going through you ever see like those movies where like people just like literally pull out one bolt and the thing just fucking collapses I want to do that with something I kind of like that in movies too like I think it was in uh one of the Batman movies where they

were shooting up at the chandelier and then it came down and crashing to the floor that would be so fucking dope and how dramatic of a breakup would that be like you argue you argue with a chandelier they're just like I'm done do it yeah they'd be rough but I mean this is that's crazy all right I'm gonna ask it what if and we haven't even gotten into like I don't even know what this is going if we haven't even gotten into the physicality of it because apparently they get physical with these objects but if you were to be like attracted to an object what would it be oh this is good I like this um I'm all about like it honestly first thing that popped into my mind was a blanket I'm all about soft wow a blanket that's all right though I like

thanks uh I'm glad I'm glad you approve no but like I'm really into soft fuzzy blankets right now I'm going through a thing right now okay like every night hint hint everyone I'm going through a thing with uh fuzzy blankets for some reason but I have two of them and only two yeah that's a lot why how many fucking blankets can one person have I have a lot you have a lot of blankets I have a lot of blankets geez does that make me like a Mormon in like the objective sexual yeah you're just kind of like hoarding all the all right hey I mean someone's gotta do it but I'm not gonna like wrap my dick in a blanket you know what I mean well hold on and bang a blanket if you can wrap your dick in a blanket you're a modern marvel of human engineering no I'm sure

you could wrap your dick in a blanket just not the whole blanket a poly pocket blanket about yeah maybe like a hand towel or something um those are just sad left yeah that was a tough pill to swallow um I don't know if mine I think I would go with something like I'm I love marbles I fucking love marbles for some reason you know what stick in your hand in a bowl of marbles I love that I obviously have done it a bunch yeah but like dude I haven't seen a marble in years well they I'm pretty sure they're extinct because no one plays in the streets anymore your marbles were like a fucking thing I love marbles so like I would see a really nice marble

and I would be like I'm so about this yeah but like now getting into the physicality behind this relationship because these people fuck the shit they fuck these objects right they figure out a way how would you do it with so like how would you do it with a shant well that's actually kind of easy yeah a lot of a lot of prongs a lot of prongs just take your just walk you can walk around it make yeah take your pick yeah exactly duck duck goose sit on the on the prong that would be all right see like that I can understand and if there are bulbs on it just be careful be very careful because those are glass very fragile yeah you ever see the video by the way the guy putting a jar in his ass and it breaks I have seen that and it ruined me have a fun weekend with that thought yeah if

anyone doesn't know what we're talking about there's you're lucky first remember back in the day so this is me talking to everyone is listening back in the day there would be like a new video that would drop every other week that had a weird name like two something one something yeah or like five kids in a sandbox yeah or just like random shit you're like what is this yes one of them I remember was a girl putting a dildo in a guy's p-hole oh and the guy just screaming at the top and that look I am not kidding that caused me physical pain in my dick and I'm not kidding the first time I saw that I was like yo my dick actually hurts well it all started with two girls one cup right two girls one cup set the precedent I remember for the first time watching it I have

a very strong stomach I couldn't stomach that yeah that was rough I like and not only and I'm starting to like my throat starting to bother me saying this but like not only were they like eating shit but then they were like playing with it in their mouth oh and then throwing up I'm serious I'm not even fucking around stop don't throw up here uh and then where was I going with that and then it was the kids in the sandbox the fucking dildo in the dick oh and then it was one of it was this this is one guy one jar some shit something like that don't go look it up if you don't know it you're lucky yeah you probably can't find it it's probably like FBI blocked her I don't even hope so or it's on the dark web where everything is dark web dark web um but it was a guy it's

literally you can just see his feet and you see this mason jar by the way it's a jar it yeah it's not like a little like oh it's a jar it's a jar yeah it's it's pretty big it's a serious jar and I don't know what this guy had to do to prepare but this jar kind of went in pretty fucking easy I'm pretty sure like that's like marathon like prepping there you could have slipped your foot in this guy and warm you think he like sat down and wrote down like all right first week I'm going to fingers second week dildo this was like a workout plan apple fourth week you know where do the melon yeah mel avocado melon watermelon jar well watermelon pretty big but jar like jar so basically this guy sat on this jar and he got it in his ass and fully in his ass it was like halfway

no no no I remember it was gone he got this he got this dude I'll never forget this he gets it in his ass oh my god I and as soon as it gets in his ass you hear it break and then he starts bleeding out of his ass and literally pulling shards shards of glass out of his ass most impressive thing didn't hear a peep out one fucking sound not one sound it's like he was almost expecting it and this is happened before it's like well here we go fuck he didn't say anything I stubbed my toe and I I scream louder than fucking a woman going through childbirth yeah and this guy literally had millions of shards of glass at his asshole and not a peep I want to meet that guy shake his hand and then wash my hand watch immediately after I was gonna say I hope you wash it real quick just

yeah if you're fishing glass at your ass on the reg because this was like 10 years ago yeah first of all I can't imagine what he's stepping in there I'm still alive second of all if he is what his what else has he shoved at his ass here's a question how do you get stitches on the inside of your ass oh they can open you up and do that's like stitches on the inside of your mouth they could do they're like dissolvable though so they don't have to go back in and take them out yeah but they have to go in through the ass again yeah of course they do so a doctor's gonna just put you to sleep they what they they literally like blow air in your ass and it fucking inflates everything and then they go in yeah why do you know this this is real they inflate asses in the ER I've gotten a

colonoscopy before that's how I know they blow it they blow so they wow my colonoscopy I said I was like god fucking almighty put me to sleep wait what are you like you farting for a week after that bro no they say like after you wake up they tell you to go to the bathroom because there's a lot of air that needs to come out it's and you were just blowing farts just literally like jet streams yeah and I had to take a a laxative for it that was the crazy I'm not even kidding that was the craziest thing I've ever experienced what taking a laxative and this was like an over the counter like it wasn't like a like a fucking chocolate bar laxative like it was like a medical grade laxative I'm so afraid of laxatives dude it was it was called suprep and I went and the guy like the

doctor's like all right I need to tell you how to take this or else you're gonna like you can really hurt yourself so I'm like uh okay and they give me two fucking I kid you not like as big as this Yankee candle two things and they go all right drink the first one half of it fill it with water drink the rest six hours before you go in for the colonoscopy do the exact same thing yo I kid you not within seconds of finishing that first one yo I've never like literally I've never experienced something like that exit my body like I swear to god it was like pouring like shooting water out of a geyser it was the most fucked up thing and I couldn't eat for 25 24 hours straight what the fuck dude it was and then I they put me to

sleep because I was like I don't I don't want to be awake for this no no no and they're like all right well this is what we do they like put a rod in and just blow a shit ton of air so it like inflates it so they can see better because everything in there is fucking contracted this is amazing dude it was the I'm learning so much it was one of the weirdest experience I mean I had to do it for health reasons which everyone should you should do it too right but they don't start doing colonoscopies until you're like you should you should start honestly around like 25 no what they start doing is they start doing it at 40 usually but if it's in your family then they do it 10 years earlier you should I have to start doing it at 30 I mean realistically there's no

harm in getting it done sooner rather no there's not but you know but it hilarious it was quite I can't wait for this now oh you're excited for it dude I've been shooting water out of this thing you I have said for quite some time you need to get that check we have stopped we guys I need to understand something this is not a joke we have had to alter plans for like places to eat or places to go because joey's like needs to think about how long it will take him to get to a bathroom it's actually not that bad anymore but god bless that that is dead honest that is true I'm like like well like well like I said when I feel a little sick I'm like well I can't go out yeah well we there was the day where we were coming back from Connecticut and I was like Pete and I were

going to get Chipotle and we were like Joey have Chipotle and he's like no I won't make it in time and we're like dude it will pull over to like the rest stops and you can use about it you know what rest that's the other thing this kid can't use any form of public restrooms so he needs to be home basically that's because I'm not that brave you know people just walk into public restrooms and just blow that shit up and just laugh about it I can't I'm just like if I'm over there just like half farting half pooping and then I walk out I feel like everyone's gonna be I'm gonna walk out everyone's gonna be like dude what are you doing dude I I'm very like I remember back in the day there would be some bathrooms and I'd look I'd be like this is this is a saw contraption like this

can't be a real place yeah like the ones on I-95 are like nicer rest stops so I I trust them I've used them before I trust them I trust them I mean you always look at your surroundings when you go in as soon as I open that door if I see one thing close it next all let me ask you a question before we do these sponsors when you go to a public restroom yep and you gotta take a dump do you make a makeshift no toilet seat with the why do people do that I don't know if there's one there I'll use the ones that they provide but if there's not I'll just like fuck it what can happen to your ass cheeks well there's always been rumors that you can catch like venereal diseases and infections from toilet seats oh god is that what we're worried about worried about gonorrhea I

think like people that think that are the ones that think that they're spreading their fucking cheeks and rubbing it across the fucking outer rim of the seat yeah like if you do it well all the open wounds are nowhere near the rim yeah nowhere near they're fucking in air right so yeah I don't I don't do that okay well anyway we got to get back to the object and sexual thing yeah we'll get back to that but first here we go my computer's all fucked first we have MVMT watches movement how you doing um holidays are coming around oh perfect time for movement and if you're like me you have no idea what to get people watches kind of like a standard dude gift you know solid watches uh socks ties and that's it kind of wallets I guess too I guess

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free shipping at bluripin.com slash basement uh bluripin a better way to cook oh I fucked up so it's not for free first this week's menu and get your $30 off with free shipping at bluripin.com slash basement that's what it is and uh yeah so that's what we got so what the hell are we talking about with uh the other thing so people fuck chandeliers right so not the chandelier but there was another video of a woman who we just watched before we started this oh with the with the roller coaster she's in love with a roller coaster right and uh like in like like like lust if anyone here has been in love like you remember those strong feelings and how you were attracted to someone physically uh mentally emotionally someone shares that with a roller coaster yeah and and then there

was a woman with a fence oh my god hold on so we watched the video and like I'm sorry but it's funny but the woman with the roller coaster right she walks up to the roller coaster and she's just like lend it have it like she's like she's all up on the she's literally starts off looking at it and just says to the woman interviewing her like or that's with her like you know exactly what I'm thinking yes and then it cuts it cuts to the top of the roller coaster which is like such a phallic shape and it's like Jesus like they're not even anything you know exactly what I'm thinking you trying to suck that dick and then she's like when I'm orgasming when I'm making love she's like all I keep saying is I want your fluids yes I want and by fluid she means like

the grease yes not roller coaster jizz which I guess grease is roller coaster jizz but they use it to help the road so it's like what a roller coaster lube I guess so what would be the jizz of roller coasters like laughter we're getting deep yeah let's just go with grease grease grease so boom uh no but uh there was one point where she's laying underneath the roller coaster she's laying on the ground underneath this roller coaster and then her hands are covered in grease and then she's putting it on her face and she's just like you loving it you smell so good that's what she said and she's and like she's not speaking as if like about the roller coaster she's speaking to it she's speaking to it she's like you smell so good I want your fluids which right that's fucking like

okay we say it's crazy we say it's weird because it goes against normal standards we understand that we understand that we understand that but it's fucking crazy like this is someone who's taking fucking grease and rubbing it on themselves and getting off to it yeah I kind of wish that I can do that like with an inanimate object just like make it easier first of all it would make it you can do it anywhere right right well like like if I was if I would get off by like the fucking dirt on the subway car I would just walk by a subway car in the middle of broad daylight rub my finger and cross it and I'd be lit yeah maybe rock solid what an awesome life that must be I mean it's it's tough how was it tough because how do you feel when you go to the carnival everyone's just

riding this guy yeah that's got to be a little jealous I I could see that like 30 people at a time just riding just right I would be but then it's like are they in like an open relationship like do they understand at that point that like all right other people will get to touch you but at the end of the night you're coming home it's kind of like if you're dating a porn star in a way it's like that's a tough would you ever be able to date a porn star no I wouldn't I wouldn't be able to either and it's not because they're a porn star it'd be because of what I like I'm insecure you know what I mean yeah that's it wouldn't be because of what they're doing because I think that I could be friends with and someone who I oh I'd hook up with regularly regularly would be a porn star I

could do that but I don't know about just like dating just because I'm like I'd be jealous or just like yeah that's that's a really tough one just insecure in that yeah I agree I think that would be kind of where my insecurity would come in because you first of all you know that she's getting way better dick than way better I'm giving her it's like you gotta every day like can you imagine them get like over dinner like hey uh sweetie how was work good good good yeah I saw your video you said this was the uh best dick you've ever gotten in your life yeah what was that about was that true was that uh what's going on was that script yeah oh I did I improvised it where do you get it from um but I like there's that documentary on Netflix it's really good after

porn ends uh and they said like to like women it's it's just a job like like some of these porn stars are like it's just literally like nothing but like filling a hole and it's like getting money which oh yeah we get intended yeah but I don't know if I'd be able to date a porn star that's really really tough yeah it's tough I get so like I don't get jealous for most but that my woman was getting fucked for the world to see and like my doing you know it's it's better than what I'm doing here yeah physically maybe not that relationship ended you'd be like you'd basically be a porn star afterwards yeah like I'm giving fucking like awesome dick now like guys that date porn stars are way better than I will ever be very secure people but I feel like guys at date porn

stars most of the time well there are also right I mean that's usually what happens yeah you know but isn't that like wasn't there that uh I heard on a TFM podcast that girl Mia Khalifa like her boyfriend was just a regular dude and then she got into porn and then she got into porn yeah oh I don't know that could I mean it like I said it it would take a very secure person to be like yeah I'm cool with that whatever that's super dope for them yeah it's that's that's awesome that's just I'm not able not me I'm also not able to do like long distance relationships either yeah I'm dating someone that I haven't seen in eight months oh that's on Cal in California that's yeah that's so people do that but it's like I wouldn't be able to do that yeah I mean I'm I'm you know I'm kind of in a pseudo

long-term relationship right now but like our friend one of our friends is dating someone states away a plane ride at least away right not a 15 hour drive which I think is absurd yes it's tough it's big you need to be really like really confident in that person to do where did we go where were we so the woman fucking the roller coaster and then oh that's why so wait in the middle of this video it cuts to this woman and she goes oh my god look at this fence and she's touching the here what she said she's like I didn't expect to find this here it's a random piece of 10 feet of fence in the middle of the woods right it's like it's like like a white picket but it's red it looks like a like a white picket fence but it's red

and red picket fence and uh she goes oh I didn't expect to find this here and she's like touching it and she's like oh my god look at the angles like they're amazing and then it cuts back to this woman with the roller coaster she's covered in grease god knows what now she's having a good time finger Peyton and then she's finger blasting herself and then when it cuts back to the woman with the fence she is straddling it and sitting on it we just like oh and then she just she just looks at the camera and she goes there's a lot of physical things happening right now like a lot of physical things and Joey and I lost it because it was such a quick cut and it's just this woman on top of this fence there was no warm-up like this the each spoke was not very far apart

she was getting a spoke in her ass and she was getting the spoke in the spike yeah yeah she was getting spiked in the spike she was getting I only I don't know how the term spike works I just said pudge she was getting a spoke in the pudge that's the worst word I've ever used I'm using it from now on that's disgusting I heard spike in that movie Bruno and I just it's so funny to me no the the pudge I like that but yeah like it was great marbles would be dope but there's one way to there's like really one realistic way to fuck marbles and then there's one like and then there's one like I guess kind of cool way like could you imagine what are you talking about could you imagine like how dope it is to put your hand in a bowl of marbles now imagine if

you just drop lube in there you know I might be honest something dude lube with anything probably feels amazing I don't I don't know lube with legos the yikes nails wow that's bad if someone's attracted to nails I'd be really concerned yeah that's that's a rough life boy oh boy guys I'm gonna pull back the curtain a little bit break the fourth wall here we had no idea what we were talking about coming into this podcast so I said oh I saw this thing about this woman fucking a chandelier and then we just went we'll find it from there guys I guess we'll start there we'll start there just let it go which that's where the real like magic comes from the magic I that's what I'd call it yeah you heard about these sex robots

I'm not like you are about this thing robot that ah I don't know about that heard it from my meat guy yeah what was the one he used I don't know I heard it from my uh my lotion my lotion guy slippery Dan or slippery Greg my lotion Anthony Crespino one of the fucking best SNL characters the last 10 years my lotion guy no there was no those those sex robots they they scare me first of all if you can like the bravery behind putting your dick into a robot I can't even fathom the bravery because at any point elaborate on bravery because at any point this thing could short circuit and all sudden it just either bites down well I don't know a vagina turns into a trap I don't know if

that's how they're made to like have like trap clap trap that's what you think until you've seen a robot yeah those were not built to be fucked I know I mean maybe they were we don't know but like these they they just scare me I don't know about that I don't know like and I don't want to hear it talk that so there was one that came out that like remembers yeah just shut up just shut up and let me fuck you Jesus they like remember what you like so if you if you say like harder and it goes to like a certain speed they'll like remember that speed wait what apparently what are you talking about they're like sex robots now that like can like remember things yeah but what would I want harder so say you're like it's like you're doing something to it and it's like

do you like that and you're like harder or some shit why would I say harder unless she's banging me I don't know what are you doing over there robots I'm sure they have robots for that anything really but robots that are doing the banging yeah so like or like if like you get like one of those that have like the robot like sucky mouths is that not a thing oh man why did you say like the sucky mouths sucky mouth robots oh yeah I think they all come standard with that so like say say maybe you want the sucky mouth robot to go a little harder he's trying to save the harder I'm trying to think of some justification man that is so funny the sucky that was so funny man holy shit I know that you're not just laughing for the sake of the

podcast when that fucking vein in the middle of your forehead pops out dude sucky mouths is the funniest sentence I've heard it's so long you got this sucky mouth robot you know that's what they're called oh man that's great but dude when when we first did a full screen when we had it we had the extra yard which was like that 20 minute segment that was like only on their thing RIP RIP they I wanted to I told them I wanted to do this like what's in the box thing where it's like you put your hands in the box and you try to like figure out what's in there and one of the first things they bought was this it looked like an an ass and had a vagina right and you stick your dick in it was basically like a flashlight but it had ass cheeks right wow and how expensive

is something like that that's a lot that's what I was getting at 250 bucks stop yeah that's a lot to jerk it that's not so that's like the deluxe edition I don't know I would fucking hope for 250 bucks that's an investment when you invest in masturbation look in the mirror yeah you gotta go back you might talk to your parents or something yeah and hey at the end of the day if someone that listens to this has invested in their masturbation think it over is what I'm gonna say but I mean like there's like acceptable levels like 250 is a level women like like by like vibrators or dildos oh go for it go for it go nuts have a blast when you're going above I would say 80 bucks that is a quite like you can like write it off on your taxes at that point I'm pretty sure

yeah that's a lot yeah that's a lot it was like 250 and uh I never got to bang it though I I'm not even kidding right now I'm glad you haven't you thought about it a lot though oh I would have I feel like I would have done it for the story where did it go it was cut they they covered it in like kimchi to try and throw me off what's kimchi it's like this fermented shit it's disgusting okay and uh they want to like throw me off me like oh what the fuck's that smell like what is this so they wanted to really make it smell like the real thing I guess so I uh so I like washed it like that day because it was disgusting I know it's terrible hate to see you wash out no I just like ran it under the sink water I didn't like dig in and you taken like the the fucking like

sponges for like decanters and just like pipe cleaning this thing no no I wasn't doing that I just ran it under the water because the kimchi was killing me but then I had it here because I just like I just had it and it was like a paper weight it was like I put it in the closet because it was something I wanted to show people when they came over like yo look at this fucking thing oh yeah I saw this I I did see this yeah so I uh I had it but then like I forgot about it and then like a week later someone came over and I was like oh yo you gotta see this thing so I showed it to them and it's still smell like the kimchi so I just threw it out but I was like you know what would have been cool to try that on for size but if I did try it on it would have been bad because you think if you

enjoy that a lot now it's like a game changer now I'm retiring the hand and it's just does that thing have like a back a back is there like an end to these oh yeah there's like a there's like a hole in the top there's a hole in the top and then the vagina hole and there's a but hole did you just say vaginal hole vagina hole oh I think you said vaginal vaginal hole what the fuck no there's a but hole there's a vagina and there's a hole on top that's like you could put lube in there or like clean it out wow yeah it's real it's a it's an operation but I didn't do it I should have though that's crazy I I would I remember seeing it now that I think about it and like it was it was aggressive it was it's too much for me I'll be honest with you I can't I can't do that I can't get

behind that I'll be honest yeah I don't know I'm afraid I would be like I wouldn't trust it because I'd be like what is there like a hidden is it like a wonder ball is there like something hidden inside right you know what I mean and like you you put it in and then gotcha that's what I'm saying about the what if someone got all right all right I could see that like a you know something if someone got like pissed at work and they were like I'm gonna ruin someone's day and put like a mousetrap in one of these damn things oh my god it's like the unibom I remember he used to send bombs in the mail and then they would blow up and people would die that way but except with this it would be sex robots the vaginas they got mousetraps in them dude mousetrap and a dick that's sick yeah I uh

I feel like I saw I forgot do you remember rotten.com yes where you could just see pictures of like murders there was that's how I saw the oj pictures there was someone wait that's how you saw the oj pictures yeah of the murder oh okay um there was something on there that I saw that I'll never get out of my head someone fucking somehow got like a nut around their dick you know what I'm talking about yeah and it like turned their dick purple okay I'll never that website was all fucked up I hope it doesn't exist anymore it fucking sucked oh my god the shit like there was one time I saw like someone got hit by a train and it was like their body got like caught in between the train and like the fucking like track the rail no they're like oh oh yeah and like oh fuck that oh that

website sucked yeah I don't like that see that's what happens when you give people too much time I've been watching a lot of uh Netflix documentaries too just like fucked up shit at night I watched one the other day it was called voyeur and it's a dude who bought a motel and then built an observation dick above it so that he could watch in everyone's rooms so he's a voyeur yes and he didn't he didn't think of himself as a pervert he thought of himself as a researcher and he had a wife who like helped him out so did he watch people like changing and like using the bathroom and fucking stop he said that he's so what do you mean stop people fucking motels obviously dick I'm saying like fuck I'm saying like he would watch the how did he

like get so what the documentary was just like you did this really stupid illegal thing no did he get arrested I don't think so he better fucking get arrested now but you know it's so weird because during the documentary he kind of explains it in a way that he doesn't even see how it's fucked up like he's being interviewed that's that's like psychopathy that's psychopathy 101 these people are out of their fucking minds dude it's crazy I don't I don't understand he said that he saw a murder so let me tell you the story I'm gonna give this part away because I don't give a fuck but if you if you don't want to if you're gonna watch the documentary and you're like oh my god spoilers then turn this off but he said that he saw a murder so basically he saw into a room

right he had this observation technique he'd see into the rooms and he looked into this room and he saw that there was this dude who was selling drugs to kids and in one of the vents in the wall that's where he would keep the drugs so when he left he went down there and flushed the drugs down the toilet put the thing back now he goes back into the observation deck when the dude gets back he's with this chick that he was with before in the room and he goes to look for the drugs and he can't find them so he starts flipping out he's like what the fuck where are they blah blah blah and he's like you're the only person who I told that were there but whatever to the girl and he ends up strangling the girl

that's not like so this guy got a woman murdered here's the thing I don't think he's gonna I don't think he's gonna go to jail because it's all hearsay like they do think that he embellished some of these stories it's still fucking illegal to build something to like view into people's rooms and shit is it I'm pretty sure it's I don't know if it is I think there's got to be some sort of privacy law there's no way that he would do that documentary if he was going to jail no I don't know man there's there's super fucking creepy there's or maybe there's like a statute of limitation on it where it was so long ago now he can't get charged for it yeah maybe but that's

fucking crazy I I kid you not if I found out someone did that to me I would find them and beat them with a lead fucking pipe like mercilessly yeah you got it you got to punch this guy in the face man what did he look like oh man what can I I don't know why he looked like a like a raindrop he was shaped like a raindrop close your eyes I'm thinking of the guy that stole Woody in Toy Story 2 he looked exactly like that knew it I fucking knew it wow you had to have no one I swear to god on my life I have never seen or heard of this document with the glasses I know I that's what I'm talking about yep that he looks exactly like that I'm a genius Frankie that is incredible that you just said that I don't

fucking that's what Toy Story 2 bad guy I don't remember his name holy shit dude all right so I'm going to show you a picture of him and I'm going to show you a picture of the the warrior that's it's kind of sad that that's what comes to my head that fucking caricature I gotta show you the picture this guy where is he oh fuck this sucking mouth when you see Frankie you ready so this is what you said this is the picture that you said that's a good picture and this is the guy yeah of course absolutely same guy that also kind of looks like will ferrell a little bit it this guy almost looks fake and also they're wearing the same shirt which is kind of funny that is same color shirt wow that's incredible but yeah this guy is a complete psycho but a lot of fucked up shit on

Netflix go check that one out yeah I probably should check that one out yeah um anyway I think we can wrap up here wrap it up wrap it up Steven Segal where can they find you uh so my name is Frank uh at Frank underscore alvarez 80 on twitter at f alvarez underscore 80 on Instagram and then as you guys know I do a wrestling podcast if you like wrestling and sports entertainment we don't only talk about wrestling we talk about just like fun stuff like we spoke about alcohol this week so give it a listen yeah beers um give us a lesson where the squared circle jerks you can find us on twitter at scj pod and then uh squared circle jerks podcast on uh soundcloud and itunes and you guys can follow me nowhere because this is my podcast you probably know where

I'm at um anyway that is all thanks for listening