The Basement Yard - How People Get Famous

Episode Date: October 4, 2016

I have @itsAhmeddd on to talk about some things. I forgot what they were. Sorry.. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard. It is Monday October 3rd, and I am alone today, and I am lying I am with a med hello How are you guys doing a mod for all the people who yell at me saying I pronounce your name wrong? Oh, it's a med. Yes, that's a med I wish everyone could have seen your face just now when I was like I am alone. He looked at me like should I leave? Before we get started I just wanted to share this I did share it on my snapchat Story right because that's what the kids do No, but today I went to go I plugged in my phone

I I don't buy I don't buy Apple chargers because they're flimsy as fuck. I buy this like off I don't know if they're off-brand, but like this weird fucking company they're called Belkin and I use them because they're like thicker wire or whatever Yeah, and they have worked from worked for me for a while And I was like all right cool And then today I plug my phone in and when I go to take it out the metal part that goes into your charger port whatever Yeah, just stays in my phone and the fucking wire just detaches. That's happened to me a few times That's it's pretty rough. I'm like what the fuck is going on and it y'all it took me forever to get it out of my phone

I thought I was like forget. I need a phone now when I had that problem I had to use like a pair of fucking tweezers. Yeah, and I plucked it right out, but dude I got my charger from 7-eleven. I don't know how much you spend No, I think it was like 15 bucks or something on Amazon. I Amazon everything if it's on Amazon like I won't At all I bought my car on Amazon Overnight shipping By the way, Amazon Prime amazing anyway, but yeah this fucking thing I And I go on to talk about how we fucking like

Samsung and or Android one of those fucking other things that isn't an iPhone and I'll never buy because they don't have iMessage one of those things Those companies they make like shatterproof phones. You could shoot bullets at it You can throw it in the in a toilet and nothing happens, but they can't make a fucking charger Although I did see a commercial for one of those phones where it's like you just put your phone on top of this like Thing that looks like a speaker and it charges your phone. Yeah, but those fucking phones explode Yeah, the androids apparently they explode the androids are the Samsung or is that the same company? Samsung Android I think

It is Samsung. I don't know it's not Apple, so I don't fucking know but that when I got on the plane to Vegas for the rock thing They said specifically like if you have a Samsung for whatever the fuck the phone is They were like turn it off like usually they say put on airplane moment. She was like no turn it off Just fucking do it like they're like I don't and I was like what the fuck happens And apparently like a lot of people snapchat me like yeah the phones explode sometimes Oh sometimes I'm like what? How do they explode? Why would you make a thing that can explode that people are holding up to their faces?

That happened to my mom though, but with her iPhone it overheated So she wants Timo won't got her brand new phone for free Did it explode? No I don't even I can't even What kind of explosion are we talking about like mini hand grenade or just like it just kind of melts on the inside Like I don't know what explosion is a big word. Yeah, that is So I don't know what the fuck that means But I don't know how you make a phone

And accidentally put explosive materials in it. You probably shouldn't be saying those words with me on the podcast Yeah, I'm not who's saying nobody You do it all the fucking time No, but I was like what the fuck is this yo It's insane. I'm not doing that shit buying that Anyway, it's fucked up. Uh, by the way, I just found out how a med was born today. Um His parents had sex No, but he just literally and like

I didn't we have a bunch of things to like talk about today, but this just came up like Randomly like literally we're sitting here like, uh, what should we talk about today? And we had a couple topics lined up and right before I hit record He goes by the way, you know how I was born And I was like what and then please tell the story So my parents don't really know what time I was born. They give me a different time every time I ask them It's not like on the birth certificate. I don't really I don't even know what my birth certificate is Right, but I was pretty sure I was adopted but right my mom told me while I was coming out of her

I came out with like little little little little pebbles like I was shitting as I was shitting as you were being born Yes, sir, and that's why I shit all the time That explains a ton. You came into this world shitting and now it's shitting on you. There's How do you shit while you're being born? I mean, I'm sure there's you know, listen, there's a lot of things. Did you get a uti? I'm pretty sure that's not good for vaginal canal. I probably shouldn't be talking about my mom I'm just saying you brought it up. I'm you're shitting in your mom Wait, were you shitting outside or inside or a little bit of both? Oh, yeah, I think it was a little bit of both

Started on the inside but as I was exiting I was shitting everywhere. Yeah, it was pretty rough I didn't even know babies that could shit that early kidding No, I'm not kidding actually because think about it when they're in the stomach. What happens This is probably a question that I should know the answer to But they don't shit when they're in the stomach. I mean, of course they got to be shitting somewhere But is there like a porta potty that in the fucking stomach? What's going on get you shitting the sack that you're in

No, but I I came out full blown shitting and I bet it wasn't little pebbles. It was like, I don't know what it was my mom told me fucking And the worst is like my mom didn't even say just to me. She like said in front of all my friends So it was pretty embarrassing. That's good. Yeah It's like a story. I gotta tell it. I'm gonna tell my family that she also told my friends that I stopped sucking my thumb at the age of 15 Was that true? Yes. Can I ask why you were sucking your thumb? I don't know I still do but you suck your thumb. No, I'm kidding, but

I did come out shitting though When did you stop believing in Santa Claus? I'm muslim. I don't believe in christmas I don't really know I Asked that I was dead serious. Yeah, I know When did you stop believing in Santa Claus? Never started actually

Oh, fuck. I'm sorry. I miss Keith That's great. Well, you know, because the reason why I'm asking is because you said you you stopped sucking your thumb at the age of like 15 yeah, well, I 15 very late. I mean you're already in high school. So you were sucking your thumb in high school That's very interesting What? Nothing. All right, uh, and I was gonna say that I Believed in Santa Claus for a very long time. Did you yeah, still do No, well, I do have a theory. Okay. Okay, and it's deep. I wrote a paper on it and uh Middle school, I think that santa is in all of us

And it's a spirit Spirit of giving You understand? Yeah, so we're all I mean listen I celebrate christmas because I go to all my friends house and collect a little bit of gifts Yeah, that's nice of you just because I'm a scavenger, but other than that You're a vulture. Yeah, I'm I'm a scavenger. What do you guys got in here? I always stop at my friend's house pick up my gifts and leave by friends. You mean neighbors surrounding neighbors It's like knocking on doors like I'm coming to your house this summer. This summer. You hear me?

I'm coming to your house this summer for christmas. Were you in the uh, The christmas party we had last year. Yeah the secret santa secret santa, right? Yeah, what did you get? Uh, fur got me a cowboys hoodie. Oh, yeah, and I gave Frankie cigars Everyone got like sport stuff. I got a customized Giant hoodie from dillon. Yeah, but it was nice. I made it. I made it for you. Oh, yeah, you did a job Let's go my old job, please your old job. I'm sorry. Thank you. Oh, I'm sorry You're an accountant now, so he's a big boy. I understand Um, yeah, we gotta do that. We gotta do a big this year for the fucking christmas party

I don't know what the fuck is gonna the fuck is gonna go down this year, but Only god knows it was a fucking disaster last year. Yeah, it was pretty Frankie wanted to make some like homemade mac and cheese but make the cheese from scratch And it was just awful like it barely tasted like cheese. That's why you got to leave the cooking of Keith He or just or just buy velvita and that'll be it like just buy velvita That's all you need fucking uh It tasted like some off-brand mac and cheese like you know when you go to the supermarket and you see cereals

Like you see like fruit loops, but then they have like frutios frutios. That's good stuff. The cocoa fucking I don't even know what they call them, but like just dumb fucking names All it's apple o's is another one instead of apple jacks Yeah, very good cereal. I hate both you hate apple jacks. You know what I like kicks and crispics You like kicks kicks is very kicks is all right. I'm not gonna catch it crispics. What is that? Is that like rice checks? Yeah, some similar. All right What the fuck was that it was burp you sound like a komodo dragon

The fuck is that what's your favorite cereal of all time? Yeah All time like they've changed fruit loops fruit loops. Yeah, you're a basic slut. What are you lucky charms? Lucky charms lucky charms is the most overrated shit ever and I've talked about that on a podcast pretty pebbles Pretty pebbles is very good. I like captain cross though. Oh, okay. I forgot about captain crunch Tricks before they got lazy tricks is good. Yeah when it was shapes. There's kids alive today. What are you doing right now? Sorry, this kid's lifting a shirt. There's kids alive today that have no idea that tricks used to have actual shapes Yeah, when they did yeah, they're like fruits and watermelon other just circles grapes and watermelon They still taste the same though. I know but it's bullshit. Like why did you do that? You had to cut costs

The fuck is going on Captain crunch berries are amazing and they've been consistent cookie crisp. Holy shit. No cookie crisp is trash. Okay Get the fuck out Okay, crisp is trash. Honey bunches of votes with almonds Get the fuck out of here grandma. Honey bunches of votes with almonds Fucking what is that gotta keep it healthy. That is disgusting. If I want cereal, I want some shit that I could die from Yeah, so

Wait count chocolate. What do you don't know what that is? No. Yeah Yeah The chocolate with the with the mushrooms. There's like the guy who's a vampire chocolate with the mushrooms chocolate Of course, man, I'm blanking right now, but it's like count chocolate. You don't know who count chocolate is No, wow, we need to take you to the supermarket Because they still make the shit. Do you remember french toast crunch? Yeah, that's horrible Isn't a cinnamon toast crunch cinnamon toast crunch is amazing too, but they have french toast crunch That's in the shape of bread. I don't fucking know cereal like you man

Cinnamon toast crunch is fire though. Yeah, that's pretty good, but it keeps makes you want to keep drinking water milk Yeah, that happens a lot. We pour your fucking fill a bowl up and then you just drink the milk and I have a bunch of soggy cereal Anyway, moving on. Let's get into our sponsor real quick. We got paint night. Okay Basically, you show up you get hammered and you paint shit Someone teaches you how to paint something like not an asshole. Okay. It's not an art class though. It's a party Like you leave and you're like kind of hammered my mom my sister did it once and they just chugged wine the entire time Well, my mom did my sister doesn't drink sounds like fun. It actually does sound like a lot of fun. I want to fucking do it Yeah, so you don't need to be an artist

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That's the tagline That's awesome. It's beautiful. Um, also recently in the news fucking kim Kardashian The wildest shit ever Happened to this lady gets robbed at gunpoint. Yeah, dude. So apparently she was in paris kanye was Actually here in queens. He had he was doing some Concerts or shit. I didn't even hear about that the meadows. What the fuck is that? Yeah, I don't know I had no idea what I would have left to go though. It's not a cool, but uh, so kanye was in queens new york and kim was in

paris And these dudes dressed as police officers Go into the she was like staying at this mansion whatever but had a private apartment that she was staying in And luckily she wasn't with her kids But these dudes just come in there with guns and like they firstly like tied up the fucking concierge guy And made him tell Them where she was staying And then they went there and they see her and they like pointed a gun at her and

Tied her up and put her in the bathroom and then stole like 10 fucking million dollars worth of jewelry 11, but okay 11 Whatever I mean at that point 10 or 11 year old. It's you're fucked 10 million dollars of jewelry. I would do the same thing. I'd give it all up to someone puts a gun to your head Oh my god, you can I shit instantly. Fuck you can take it all. I don't give a fuck I mean, it's very surprising. Just leave my idea dude Thank god because you think about like how many people just dislike this this woman For whatever reason and I don't understand it and I will continue to never understand it Why people dislike kim kirk dashin so much because all they do is they tell me like

I don't care about that family or whatever, but I hate them. I'm like that is a completely Contradictive sentence. I love her the next no, she can sit on my face any day. Well I'm sorry That took a turn. I just I just got happy thinking about her. She's great. She's hot follow on snapchat It's nice. It's a good time. Kanye West is Very lucky man. Smart guy very lucky. Oh, yeah She doesn't sleep around so This guy, uh, but yeah, like I was saying like a lot of people like this this woman dislike this woman

For whatever reason and I'm surprised that you know some She didn't get killed or like shot or like raped god forbid. You know what I mean? Yeah, but it's like fucking I'd probably give up both my parents To just hang out with kim kirk dashin for one day. I don't know about most Maybe a tap kiss and I'd get rid of them indefinitely. So cheeker indefinitely Cheeker or what you need some lip. No, yeah that half lip half cheese. Yeah, that's that'll get me gone Oh, yeah, but yeah, dude, someone you can throw my guinea pig in the mix if she sleeps with me one night

Guinea pig. No, I'd get rid of my mom my dad and my guinea pig Let's get a let's get a ranking in order of where the where they lie here If you had to go one two and three my parents and my guinea pig, right guinea pigs one Right, um Dad's number two Mom's number three moms number three. I hope she's not listening to this. She's definitely listening They just have like a sixth sense and they just know when you're talking shit So they'll just hop right in there and just she's listening right now. Trust me. She probably is but I'm sorry

Yeah, we were having a conversation with like our friends and like the group chat today about like You know because one of my friends was like, oh man They didn't say like good for her Or or some shit like that because like I don't care or like or they said something and I was just like I don't understand why people hate kim Kardashian. Yeah, because for me This is just you know, I would do nothing differently that she did. You know what I mean? Like Joey have sex on video like how many times you've been with your friends have been like, dude I would put out a video having sex with someone if I could turn into 150 million dollars

I'd have sex with you for 150 million. Okay. Well, sorry. We can negotiate how much money you know, uh, but Yeah, so I want to ask these people like I've never had someone actually justify Why they hated her so much and like oh, she's not talented and whatever like She fucking what is she supposed to do give them money back or like I don't understand like what what is she supposed to do? I don't know if that's just how people are. I mean people people hate you people hate me

But there's no reason it's like all her family put out a sex tape And that's why she's famous like that's that's disgusting like Okay, first of all this girl sucked one dick on camera One dick. She's doing it right and it was her boyfriend at the time And they put it a cool. I don't care if she broadcasted it Live during the presidential debate or whatever like who gives a fuck Like why does that fucking matter like you love these porn stars that are blowing people every single day

Exactly. So what's the difference? She sucked one dick became insanely rich because she's not stupid as much as people like to uh She did it. She did it for the business reasons I don't I don't even know if that I don't know what the reasoning is, but I love her It could have been just because you know, ray j was like cool at the time He was a famous guy and she didn't care if she was on camera with a famous dude Right think about if you fucked some some famous person and like a sexy a sex tape was made You were like fuck it put it out like exactly. I had sex with this famous person

Like it was all hopefully I become rich right after that too Exactly 150 million dollars and like I want to ask people who hate chemical Kardashian like if you Were in her situation. Would you do anything differently? Honestly, she's living life, man You know what I mean like maybe when you get after you get all that fame and money and you get that platform You do other things besides what she's doing But the rise that's which is the reason why everyone hates her like what could you have done differently? Not only that what could she have done differently because the video came out and all of a sudden she became this fucking superstar

What is she supposed to do? I mean hide in her house like no, no, no, please. No, no Well, everybody's making a big deal because she's like taking these shirtless pictures and everything these nude pictures too That's another thing. We're all free the nipple. Hey women like feminists whatever like it's just a nipple not a big deal Kim Kardashian puts it on look at this for oh god Like I don't understand. Listen. I don't know why people are hating on it. She's I love every second Now we're gonna like god people are photoshopping her clothes back on. What are you doing? What are we doing? The world became afraid of tits overnight and I don't like it. I don't understand

I put up a few pictures of me and a speedo. No one hated that picture. So no, no, no I hated that for sure. I hated that isn't that this like the same thing. No. Yes. No. Yes I'm in a speedo kim Kardashian's naked Little different Actually very different. Aren't you fucking thinking about it? You know you naked it has to be like A such a bummer That's probably the worst site to see

What's the difference kim Kardashian naked me and a speedo. Yeah, you're right. No difference there Not at all. No big fucking deal. I fucking died That's terrible. This kid bought a speedo not just any speedo. No, no Can I please tell the story? Go ahead. I bought it for my friend's dad for his birthday Wait, oh, I thought you said you bought it from your friend's dad and like tied the fuck out I bought it. I bought it for his birthday. He just wasn't really a fan of it. So for his birthday award We went away to vacation. I just bought for him And people were just laughing at me. I was walking on the beach

Just in a speedo And my body's like mad deformed and shit And you were just like fucking. Yeah, you were owning it. Yeah, that's good though. At least you can own it At least you're not like, you know 80 years old and like have like a fake tan and hairy ass his dad uh his His dad goes, it's kind of sad that you don't bulge in a speedo. I was like, it's pretty tight on me though Actually, you know, it's pretty cold out here. You know, it's the middle of summer pretty cold out here

I recommend everybody to buy a speedo. I just yeah, I mean not everyone You know, it depends what your region looks like if it looks like Someone's afro down there Maybe just wrap a towel around you It'll be all right. No, but honestly, I I think I look better than Kim Kardashian in a in a speedo, but that's just me I'm gonna disagree. Can I ask why you even have like on your instagram? There's pictures of you in that speedo and it's just like and there's pictures of me in a be in a girl's bikini that she left That I remember and you actually had to draw on the picture because your ball was hanging out

I had to put some blue dots to make the color of the bikini bottom Because your fucking nut was hanging out. I remember that but everybody in Miami, right? Yeah Weird I came out like everyone was outside like in the pool or whatever I leave for 10 minutes come back. I'm Ed's wearing a bikini top and bottom. I'm like, okay What happened? I just was out here. Some girl left it at the house Did she ever come pick it up? No. No, I wouldn't pick it up after I saw you wearing it either I posted the picture. She never came back like that. I'm not getting that shit. Leave it there Jesus Christ

Oh my god, I'm gonna die in here. Um, also in the news Uh Fucking rick flair My man is smashing holly berry. Is that her name? holly holly holly holly holly holly holly berry holly berry, okay If you guys don't know who who who she is if you are just lost if you don't know who rick flair is

And you have to know who rick flair is. Okay famous wwf wrestler Okay, it was the wwf back then The nature boy. Whoo, right? So this guy right personally if I was a girl Not my type. Yeah, all right. I feel like he's been old for a while Well, listen, he definitely does is insane amount of blow. Just like a ridiculous amount He has to he always looks like he's just

He just like blew five lines in those. He's a great guy though He is he's he looks like his fucking head's gonna explode. I'd give up both my parents to hang out with him too You give them up for a lot of things there You have a list of shit that you just give them up for But apparently like I don't know you did you read up on it at all? Because like you texted me and you said like Halle Berry is like, I mean rick flair said he's fucked Halle Berry He said something very funny. He said that uh During his 90s divorce

She took a ride in his spaceship or something like that. Oh, she took a ride on space mountain. You said whatever the fuck that means That probably means like they Snorted coke together and then had sex. I don't know what it meant. How is he pulling Halle Berry, man? She's beautiful And like he's a rich guy, but she's a rich girl. So that is out the window Right He's but he's a legend So was she at the time so two legends smashing That's amazing

But I feel like at that at that point if you're both legends And you're both rich and famous It just comes down to like are you actually attracted to this person? You know what I mean? Like all those things cancel out Like you can see like a billionaire guy who's like fucking 75 And just not good-looking having this like 20 year old fucking Romanian girlfriend who's like no, he's a great. He's you know, he listens to me and shit That's bullshit. I don't know

They just have like weird excuses of while they're with this guy like no. Yeah, he listens and He put me in his will like this way you and I right both rich and famous right right now. Okay You don't think I'm attractive What the fuck you asking me that for because it's the same thing as them. No, it's not both rich and famous I'm not it's a matter of they why not fucking each other That's the difference. You're really off with the analogies today. Maybe you should just take a nap Take one off. All right, you're done. No more fucking analogies. All right And if you're gonna have one really fucking think about it before you say it that would be nice

Okay Because I don't know what the hell you're trying to do Jesus christ. I'm sorry, joey I still I I mean I have no idea how rick they're pulled pulled holly baleigh. I'm very happy from though I really think that famous people like in hollywood and all those people they just all fucked just like Constantly bring me to hollywood. I mean, you're gonna have to earn like a status there first You know, I'm a funny guy. I'll be right there. Yeah, I mean

I'll be okay You've I mean you're gonna have to figure it out a lot of people move out there to try and be famous So they could be in that fuck circle. Yeah, that's really my my actual Theory I swear to god I think everyone like if you want to be in this one, you gotta fuck my wife Or you gotta you know what I mean like weird stuff like, you know those pornos where the guys Want to watch their wife get nailed. Yeah So I think that's what happens in hollywood a bunch of times like these old executives like the studio heads like have these

Sort of young wives who are like 20 years younger than them. Yeah, so it's like they're they're 40 But they're hot and they're 60 and they're just you know, they're dick works like So they're like, oh, you want to be in this movie Channing Tatum? Fuck my wife, you know, maybe not Channing Tatum. You think that's how it works. I don't think Channing Tatum I don't think he's fucking people but like definitely, uh Like an upcoming person No, not even like I think like, you know, I think Tom Cruise has fucked someone's wife

Before or maybe not fuck them, but at least take him out to dinner and like give him a tap kiss, you know Just make him feel like just give him something exciting. I really think that's how it works out there Like yeah, you gotta you gotta and then there's the the other side of it You know, there's these executive heads and they they want to get blown by a dude And they're like, hey, you want to be in a movie? blow me in my office I swear Well, yeah, some some things work like that, I guess

But didn't that happen with John Travolta or he was like jerking off his masseuse But he was making people jerk him off to be in movies or something like that Or he had to jerk someone off to be in Greece Did he I think so I could be making all this up I don't know where the fuck you're coming up with this shit Yeah, this one jerked off this one I'm putting someone got jerked off. This is gonna be this is gonna be trending on twitter I do

I do remember reading that like the the other guy I've got the name Are you familiar with Greece? Um, I haven't watched it in a very long time who John Travolta's characters name is Danny Zuko It's Danny Zuko. Who's his like best friend like I don't know And Nikki or something. Oh god, but that guy whoever his best friend in the movie was He I remember reading that he would like Take naps and he would wake up

And John Travolta would be staring at him like just like weird shit and weird, you know what I mean? Just like What the hell and like you gotta figure someone's getting imagine like waking up to the venos face. No, I would fucking Rock him. Yeah, I'm done. I'm out of here. All right. I'm not jerking off anyone to be in a movie I'm not I'm not blowing anyone and I'm not waking up to the venos face I'll take your your fucking hot wife out on a date and maybe tapkiss her but that's as far as we're going unless she's Really I don't think I'll ever have a hot wife What I don't think I'll ever have a hot wife. You think you're gonna have an ugly wife

You're already like you're 21 years old 22 and you're always like, yeah, my wife's hideous like You have a while to think about that. She's already ugly She's you're shooting for a star. Yeah, but The fuck you're at a low standard. So that way when you achieve Your goal or a higher, right? You're satisfied I think you just need to get rich so you can get one of those like swedish 19 year old girls who like be your wife or whatever I think so. That's so weird to see it really is so weird to see and I'm not gonna mention names so there was one time I was in LA and I was at this girl's house, right?

and There was like a couch in one in like a bedroom and I went behind the couch and saw a smashed A frame a photo frame with a frame. Okay for photos like a breakup. Yeah And it was a wedding picture of her being held up She was in a wedding dress and her husband was saying there her husband

70 something So I was like Okay I see what happened here and she lived in like a mansion and like all this stuff and I was just like, okay Yeah, that's that's a very unhappy. This is obvious. What's going on? But yeah, I was just like this is crazy and I imagine that it happens Way more often in LA than it does anywhere else in the world Probably just because you know, everyone out there is trying to

trying to Sleep with each other's way. Yeah, everyone's fucking everyone jerking off to get To get into movies. What should I name this podcast? Like I'm not jerking off anyone to get into movies That's kind of long though. That is very long. You got to you got to beat them if you want to I don't know. I'm trying too hard near. I'm sorry. I tried to make it a thing, but it didn't work Now I'm all for one. You got me threw me off my groove. You're fucking analogies. No, my analogies are great. Watch your analogies are fucking awful They're terrible also

The last thing we'll talk about here and most important importantly um There's a a grown man Uh by the by the name of matty b raps right He's around four or 13 years old grown man I was looking at my phone to see how old he was. You're gonna check how old he was. I was like, Joey, I don't think he's that old

So this is kid, right he's literally the whitest kid, okay I'm pretty sure his parents play polo and like cornhole right Polo's the whitest thing you can do literally it's the whitest thing you can do play polo But cornhole everybody plays it. No, I know but it's still like a really white thing. You know, it's a really white thing I play it So what I'm not white. It doesn't matter. I'm not saying you have to be I'm just saying it is like

Everyone in long island they wear like these short khaki shorts and play cornhole like on the weekends and they wrap sweaters around their fucking neck and shit You know, and they just say weird stuff Anyway, and like the wives they drink champagne every night like I don't understand why should they drink and they get fucked to be on Movies, right exactly when they get fucked to be in they fucked their gardeners You know, I mean the gardener shows up one day. He brings his kid. He's 23 years old She loves him and she fucks him one day. But listen matty b is a very good rapper Okay, so matty b this kid is blonde hair blue eyes whitest day

and he's like 13 right and uh, he's Famous, I'll we can say that he's been he's been well known for many years to the point where now I think he's famous And if you don't know who is who he is look him up because he's trending on twitter He's trending on twitter right now, but he got famous for rapping Like songs kind of like, you know how kids bop would take a song and then just Make the fucking like the shittiest version for like second graders

Like uh, the song a it was a achon when he said I want to fuck you. Yeah I want to love you and they made it like a love story fucking thing So this kid basically did that for rap And just would put it on the internet and like I guess the little kid just fucking loved him. He's good. He is very I don't know what so bad I I really don't know like It's just so weird to see It's weird. It's really strange, but the poor kids. He just got grounded off twitter. I mean not twitter the internet

The internet right so he just put out a picture on twitter, which is why we're talking about him He's trending on twitter put out a picture of him holding up a sign in the hallway of his school apparently Uh that says just got grounded from the internet Right And then the picture before that is him his legs Sitting down in in what looks like an office and it says A principal's office or something or some shit like that. He has a rough life and uh, he was covered in like eggs Or something, right

So either this was a really big cooking accident Or he this is a fake uh Food fight for like a music video of some shitty rap song that he's putting out in the near future a school prank too Or a school prank, which I don't think so. Why is this kid even in school free maddie b? That was a dumb question free maddie b, which is also a trend here free maddie b a lot of people miss the kid Yeah, put it like free bobby schmurder Schmurder you murder talk about white people

free bobby schmurder Uh, so Yeah, free free free bobby schmurder, but free maddie b first. Yeah maddie. No, he won't last in there maddie b He's grounded from the internet. Yeah, how can you laugh? He's not locked behind cells. Listen, free him Yeah, for real. Okay, let him he needs to be on the internet. Where else can he be? He's just maddie in in in real life. He's maddie b wraps on the internet Oh, he's been on ellen Has he I don't really know but i'm assuming you ellen always has people like that like viral like white kids

Let's get joe on ellen. No, do you know that? You know, it's funny you bring that up Years ago like I want to say three years ago. Yeah, I know ellen's producer hit me up and was like Hey, you know we because a lot of people were like trying to trend that to get me on ellen And like I was like, oh, that would be awesome and back then I was super like Just so different, but I was like, yeah, get me on ellen, right? You're a loser So I was like, yeah, get me on ellen, right? So people were tweeting it and then they saw it and then they hit me up And they're like, oh, yeah, we're gonna send your stuff around

To the producers and to ellen and if they like it then we'll bring you on the show and I was like, all right and like Obviously, no, you know what I mean? What the fuck would I be doing on ellen? You know what I mean? So that's funny like they're gonna. Oh, this is joe He makes videos. Let's play one of his clips. It's me after like What the fuck is this guy talking about talking about fucking, you know, whatever the hell So they ended up getting back to me and saying like, oh, your stuff's too vulgar Because you know

It's fucking ellen man. Imagine they didn't hit you back off the album even better It makes sense and I was kind of like, yeah, I know I know I shouldn't be on this fucking show It's terrible. Oh, you know ellen's great though. I love ellen. They should get schmetti on ellen No, no Should not get schmetti on ellen at all If you do something that's like viral though, I will push it so that you get you on ellen I'm gonna fuck someone's wife. You can do that. I don't think that's gonna get you on ellen though Maybe if you like buy someone

Like you gotta find a homeless guy and like build in my house and then she'll put you on her show So do that. Oh, so just do do it just to get on the show, right? No, no, no, not out of the kindness You don't do things out of the kindness of your heart anymore. Okay. That's an outdated thing. You do it You snapchat it or you put it on facebook So you can get some recognition and some likes so you feel and sympathy filled, right? You want to do that's me. You want to make pretend that you care And then just profit off it. Everybody thinks I live my life based off sympathy I love when we did that thing like we were being

We're talking about like, you know your lives in shambles people are tweeting you like Or you would say like, you know going out tonight people would tweet like I meant don't go out. Yeah, don't spend money Like shut the fuck up. We're kidding Hold on. I wanted to share this one because do you have it saved? It's definitely the background on your phone. No, I wanted to actually motivation for me talk about what somebody uh Messaged me Someone dm to you. Yeah, I was thrown off on twitter

Or instagram knows on twitter. Um The thing I messaged you today. Oh, here we go. This is good So some random person messaged me and asked me how do they message you if they're random on twitter You can't just message random people. I'm i'm not on private or anything like that. Neither am I but don't you have to like follow someone They probably follow me, but this is what but you have to you have to follow them Or am I crazy you're absolutely crazy because I would not follow this person after what they wrote to me So listen, okay Ahmed would you rather drink a cup of your mum's period mum's or a cup of your dad's come

Wow Now now you want to talk about hard decisions So which one is it? Which one did you say? bruh Who thinks of stuff like this? I don't know, but I hate when people say mum Mum and I read it like that I know or they say bum Mum you like my bum. By the way, you know, it's crazy

You like my bum You fart it again. I've been farting every time I laugh the door is closed in here I have to get an ac one of those things one of the ones you could put on the wall Oh speaking of the devil my dad's calling me. So I think I'm gonna have to go with him To what I'm gonna drink What What what do you mean? I'm gonna drink you just left out. You told you told me what would I choose? Oh

So I said I would just go. Oh, that's disgusting dude. Oh, all right I would you have to pick period Isn't it like what is it like good for you or some shit? No, that's I'm sorry. I'm done with this placenta is the one I just want people eat that like All the time But that's not what that is. I think I don't know don't know much about vaginas. Just know how they feel and I like that And that's it

What why are you giving me that look and I wanted to let you know the reason why like I'm very quick To give up my parents to meet these famous people. Right. I have so many parents on twitter Basically like telling me how to budget myself and how to live my life. So right Who needs real parents who needs real ones? All they have all those all they had to do is just give birth to me Right. All these like fucking 13 year olds who will tell you like I'm mad. This is how you spend your money Yeah, like oh man, you know so much about the world. I'm doing I'm doing good now. So That's it

You know, it's great Not that you bring that up like the young kids on the internet are fucking amazing like now, especially during the presidential debate I'm sorry the presidential Race whatever the fuck you want to call it. We're voting soon. Uh, it's not oh the debate happened already Yeah, the debate happened already, but like while that was going on There was like these young kids who are like 14 and they're like, oh, I am not I would never vote for trump I'm like, yeah, no kidding. You're not voting for anyone for another four fucking years Shut up. Yeah, like what the fuck are you talking about? I would never you don't know anything just shut up. Oh my god

I I would never vote for a hillary You would never vote. You're not allowed. How's that kids are 13 people in canada just tweeting like, oh, what is what are they thinking with these two? I'm like, fuck you guys Fuck you shut you worry about your own shit whatever problems cana has I don't know They don't have any Drake. They don't have any Drake and Justin Bieber run at all. I fucking wish on the weekend too the weekend. Wow Starboy shaved his head by the way not shaved it, but he's got like a flat top or some shit Got rid of the monkey looking thing on his head The fuck was that thing? I don't know. It looked like like a like a fucking built the house for animals

Yeah, it looked like a monkey or like a like a palm tree kind of I don't know what the fuck Palm tree It didn't look like a palm tree. I don't know what the fuck it would definitely look like a palm tree It looked like a weird thing, but I don't know what that was what he was going for I heard that someone asked him a question about and he was furious. He got pissed. Yeah, he got so mad They're like, what is this thing? They were like and he's just so tight But yeah, anyway, uh, what time is it? We got to go because the giants are playing the vikings And I'm not really excited to watch this game because I don't know how it's gonna go

Oh god, fuck Anyway Ahmed, where can they find you if they want to contact you? Um, you can find me at It's on twitter. You can contact me at it's a med its all caps ahmeddd And on instagram, it's schmetti underscore at the end two eyes Oh

Uh, yeah, and that's all and thanks for listening your motherfuckers. Bye