The Basement Yard - How To Be A Comedian W/ Kate Wolff

Episode Date: November 16, 2015

On this episode I have my co-host from Invasion Of Privacy podcast Kate Wolff. We talk about how she became a comedian and then things get real weird when we start talking about aliens. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard on this episode. I got Kate wolf. Hi who if you don't know She is my co-host on another podcast called invasion of privacy So you could check that out if you enjoy this and if you don't then fuck you alright, that's it Of course, they're gonna enjoy this But Kate is a stand-up comedian for how many years now? I've been doing stand-up for a little bit over five years. I know it sounds like I'm given like a corny interview No, I like it. Oh, yeah, you don't I don't I thought it was honestly I would guess like three to four, but it has been five. It's been five. Yeah, five years

I thought when I started that five years in I was gonna be like Amy Schumer famous by now But not not living in a loft with my child wasn't Amy Schumer doing comedy for like ever No, she's been doing it for a while But she actually started doing well pretty early on like she got super famous lately But even before that she was semi-famous, right? She's been in Comedy Central for years and she was on the Ellen DeGeneres show like yeah Yeah, I haven't heard Amy Schumer's name before like Last year and it's interesting because the movie train wreck like I saw it fucking hilarious

I thought it was a great movie but like in that movie they had Like Amari Stodomar was coming off of a knee surgery, which was like really old news So I'm like when the fuck did they film this? You know what I mean? So it's like Hello, I guess that movie came out like a year or two after it was like in production I'm sure I'm sure she was writing it for at least a year, right movies take a while to make No, they don't they don't Kate they take two months. That's it. I Don't fucking know so anyway, I was kind of interested because I mean a lot of people have been telling me I should do stand-up comedy I've really been thinking about it. I've been trying to get you to do it for a while

I know a lot of people are like why don't you it doesn't make fucking sense that you don't I'm like I know But let's just say I was like I'm down right now You know what I mean? Your season vet with five years under your belt. Yeah, I got zero You would do really well though because you already have so much material like you could honestly take a lot from your videos If you wanted to you write jokes all the time, right, you know So you would be able to use that if you wanted and yeah, you just already have that kind of stage presence You'd be fine. It wouldn't be like a typical person starting from scratch Like when I first started I was never in front of a camera with the first time

I was in front of a camera after I started comedy look like a deer in headlights. It was Ridiculous. Did you ever had like obviously you don't but like stage fright the first time you don't Are you kidding the first so I did a mic and took me a month to prepare Well, how many people were in the crowd? No, first of all, I brought 25 people with me the first time So I was such a nerd really all were so excited for me So I would be the complete opposite of like no one come I just I don't I just want to No, I didn't know that wasn't normal So like they loved it at the mic because it was a show for everyone now

Yeah, cuz normally go to a mic. It's like you have six comics there and it's really sad but no I brought a whole crowd and But I was so nervous. I thought I was gonna throw up pass out like I remember Probably 20 minutes for I went on stage. I remember thinking you can just run out the door Like just get up and run. Yeah, I think about that all the time. I remember one time I didn't want to go to LA. I had to get on how to fly to LA and I was like what like Maybe if I just smash a rock over my knee like I won't have to go brutal. That's way worse than just running out the door but

So how did it go? Was it a disaster? No, I mean when I watch it now, it's brutal. Oh, you got it on film Yeah, oh, that's great. Yeah, I can show you I really want to say it though But it's brutal because I don't breathe. I just I've met it's all memorized. So I just blow through the material You can see just how nervous I am But for a first time it was great, right? And I knew once I got off stage that this was what I was meant to be doing because I was teaching at the time Yeah, and that was my full-time job and After I got off stage. I was like, nope. This is where my heart belongs in comedy

How many times after your first time did you experience? Like the worst show ever I didn't really have awful shows at first. You know, I I got anxiety every time I went on stage for like the first Eight months probably it got it got better, but like definitely the first two months every time I was having a full panic attack, right, but um, I Would say I mean, of course there were there were shows where I didn't do as well, but I'd say like Bombs came probably like two three months in where I start really getting on stage a lot and then you get up and you have a crowd That's just not into you. Yeah, it takes a lot to get through that

You know because when you're on stage and you're not doing well if you're new you can see it in the person's face Like I would I'd be like, um, okay, so that one didn't work Now onto the next one like you can't yeah, you can't act like that. You have to be really cool on stage So now if I go on and it's not a good show. Yeah, I just you can't act like it bothers you So you're just like I have fucking whatever you're just going to you just keep going So if they don't laugh you can say something funny about it and be like, all right, you guys don't get me You know, like you can't do this whole like oh, okay. Well, um You know like you pull your shirt. Well, that was awkward you can't do that because once they smell blood in the water

The audience will just turn on you. Yeah, like I I I don't like I don't feel like I have a stage fright. I really don't The but because like I remember at this conference. It's called a the new front. It's like a Bunch of advertisers and like companies they come there and you put on a presentation and blah blah blah And it was for the the company that worked for early daily I was up there on a stage with all these people Pierce Morgan was in the crowd and like the CEO of snapchat was there like all these Important people John. I remember this day, right dude and John. Yeah, I don't think you could come to the podcast or you can It was a there was an elite daily shoot that day. That's what it was, right?

So so I was chosen to go on stage and give a presentation for this series that I was producing at the time and So I went up there and like during rehearsals like I don't care Like if it's like a I don't really give a shit about that, you know, I mean, I'm on stage At the rehearsal. There's like no one really there. No one's really paying attention And I'm just like telling a bunch of jokes and like the people that are there are like laughing or whatever So like I was like fucking I'm gonna do those jokes in the presentation. Like I don't care and I Remember this one joke where I said something like I said, uh, I was just presenting the the series and I said

I was like and here's the best part I'm in it, right? So I said that not a fucking sound brutal and I was like and it didn't even hit me Honestly until afterwards. I'm like no one laughed at that But like I didn't even think about it So I was like here's the best part. I'm in it and I just kept going because like I didn't even think of it Because I guess it was like I remind like a presentation It's not necessarily like a comedy club, but I feel like that would hit me way different if I was at like a comedy Oh, no, there are some jokes. I have what that have like big endings. Do you know what I mean?

Don't hit it and like there's one I mean, you're not gonna get the context of the joke, but I literally at the end I go like a muscle and I do this like big And if nothing and like if you do it and then everyone's just staring at you Yeah, it is the most awkward thing ever So that happens sometimes with that one because it's a more spiritual joke, you know So not everyone always is on board with the spiritual material, right? So it's really awkward when that doesn't get a laugh after that much energy is put into it Here's another question I have

Another like thing that I think about all the time because I hear the comics have like pretty much not the same routine always But there's a lot of the same stuff. So how often do you switch up your material or is it like every show? It's just like let me just fucking go with it. It really depends. There are definitely some jokes I've been telling for like a year or two and it's so old like I don't even like doing it when I tell it I'm just like, oh here we go again. Yeah But you know almost every comedian they have Material that they've used for a while that they know works You're always supposed to start with the joke that you know works because if you go up and you try something new and it falls

It's not good. You want to start with them trusting that you're funny and then you can try the new stuff I Try to do at least one or two new jokes each time And then if I'm hosting a show a lot of times I won't even do any jokes at all and just talk to the crowd in a funny way Which is actually one of my favorite things I like that too because I remember I've only been to a handful of comedy shows And I want to start going tomorrow, but the the hosts they don't necessarily have jokes They just kind of go up there and just be

Yeah, but some of those hosts let me tell you about some of those hosts their crowd work they reuse every time they're like Oh, you're from Australia boop boop boop, but you know they have their Australian joke Yeah, but no what I like doing Because I mean people don't know so I'm very spiritual and I read tarot So I feel like I can go into the audience and kind of feel what they're about. Yeah, so I'm feeling No, I know I think from this guy, but I combine it, you know with being funny Yeah, so I'll tell them I'd like just so you guys know I read tarot cards And I can kind of feel what you're all into and then I'll literally go into the crowd and be like, ooh

You like to choke girls in the bedroom. You know what I mean and a lot of times I'm right Cuz like if a girlfriend or one of their guy friends is there the blue. Oh, that's crazy She knew that so for me that's even more fun to play that game And it's been fun when you're wrong and you say something like oh you hate your mom and the guys like I love my mom You asshole my mom died. Why are you saying that? Yeah, so But that's just as much fun. So like So if you have a Show at like New York comedy club and you do a set there then the next night

Yeah, or you have the you have more than one show one night, right? Depends like tonight. I have two shows, right So would you do the same set two times in a row because it's two different places probably not I might open with the same joke Well, you know what tonight. I'm trying out Three new jokes. So I'll probably yes, do do similar stuff though because I'm sure I want to try them out I want to get them working. So Yeah, and one's a joke about aliens The big alien fan. Well, we didn't even tell them what happened. So all right, so guys last last Monday

I had Kate come over here and we recorded a podcast and as I went to go upload it Like usually I just take the the card out of this fucking thing plug it in my computer and then edit it And we're good to go. You know what I mean, but I for some reason I usually format my card every so often just to clear it out of Whatever and start over and I don't know why but I hit the fucking format button while the card was still in there and just erased Everything so we had a show last I literally was driving away. It was like 20 minutes. I I left Yeah, and I was like Kate got a text. No, I get a text where you're like, oh my fucking god All caps and I was like, no, please don't tell me and I already had a sense

I was like I have a feeling he deleted it. I I I like screamed down here by myself. I was like, no What it's the worst feeling ever. I hate it. Well, no So so you you texted me that you accidentally deleted it. Yeah And at first I was like, oh, like, you know when you get upset But then that's one of those situations where you have zero control over the thing Yeah, so being upset about it does nothing for you But just ruin extra minutes of your day, which I was like thoroughly upset for I want to say like a whole hour Were you I was like like it was like I would stop and then ten minutes later

Fuck like I don't know. I hate shit like that I thought it was a good episode, but I also feel like I came on very strong We were talking a lot about sex stuff and I feel like You're because since we do our own podcast I feel like when we are podcasting everyone already knows how crazy I am So I just kind of went hard. I'm like, no, maybe it should just I should ease I should ease people into that kind of stuff Yeah, we all know how you get around aliens

Yeah, we talked about aliens and vaginas, which are like my two favorite topics. Oh, they go hand in hand, right? Yeah, so we talked about aliens and then you had to re-record Right, so I talked about the UFO thing and I was so you're like what the fuck I was unfairly Listen, I was unfairly hurt. You talked about aliens for five minutes and I lost my mind I was like really you talk about aliens without me. I didn't yeah, I didn't talk about aliens. I talked about a specific UFO sighting I didn't go into Aliens how you fucking love them For whatever reason, which I didn't I swear to God did not know that about you

Like I thought like I knew you're into like tarot Reading people you can't really walk around telling people how much you're into aliens because most people are gonna think you're nuts I mean now I'm just broadcasting it to a lot of people but Especially with you because you're into the whole spiritual thing like you're open-minded, but you're not Like I had a feeling if I was like by the way, Joe I have a connection to aliens you'd be like cake go over in the corner. Don't talk to me. Don't look at me Shut the fuck up for five. I'm shutting your mic off. All right, so just stop Yeah, but why did you why are you obsessed with aliens? Okay, I'll thank you because I would love to get into this

This is why okay, so I'm I'm very spiritual But I used to be totally atheist and then I kind of opened up into being agnostic have you been probed That's the real question. Not that I know of not that I remember I'm pretty sure you remember like a probe. Well, some people who claim that they've been abducted don't really They have like dreams about it. I don't know so no, I don't I don't think I was abducted or probed I don't have any memories of that. I do have a lot of dreams where aliens have been communicating with me Like you have a dream and there's like what are they? Hold on what do they look like? Your basic ET

A lot of times I can't remember them all I can remember is they're wearing like They have clothes robes almost like Jedi's like they have I'm serious like black robes. Oh black robes Yeah, this is getting dark, but they're not scary. They're satanic. No, no, they're just like star travelers Whatever that means so but they often have messages for me and like a lot of times the messages coincide with what's going on like psychic messages like premonitions and Yeah, so Aliens and black fuzzy robes and slippers and you know what guys just they're like in their pajamas No, they're not and I'm starting to get self-conscious, but here's the thing by the way so on invasion of privacy

We did do a whole episode on aliens Yeah, check that out if you just want more proof because I'm starting to get self-conscious that I sound nuts But I'll keep going. I'm sure there's people who are like dude. I'm totally because like Believe in aliens. No, I do I do believe in aliens like I think that if you don't if you think aliens don't exist I think you're a fucking idiot. Well, this is what I say the universe is comprised of all the same elements and life always finds a way Okay, which is a quote from a movie. I was gonna say there's no way that I think it's Jurassic Park That's a tattoo that a lot of people get right life always finds a way But one day you're gonna get drunk and get that tatted like on the back of your leg anyway on your ass

But uh, yeah, so there's no way that there isn't a bunch of other Intelligent life forms out there and it's not like they use the same kind of travel systems. We do it's not like physical dimension They use vibrations grab they mess with gravity. They have other ways of getting here. That's not, you know Physical light years or whatever. I'm so not smart at describing this but But no for me the best thing about aliens and I would recommend there's a documentary called the Thrive movement And they have like a great 20-minute segment on there that really goes into aliens. It's towards the beginning But what I love is that a lot of alien contact has been as a way to help us evolve Okay, and grow so a

Lot of the crop circles and things like that They are actually it's sacred geometry and they are relating to the tourists which is like energy flow of the universe It's it's the flow that you find everywhere It's called the tourists and if we figured out how to use the tourists we could all have free energy So a lot of the times aliens are trying to help us evolve have free energy Teach us how to have renewable resources because right now we're not in a good place So the government absolutely knows about aliens But they're suppressing that information because aliens are actually trying to help us they're like dude fuck that

We don't want help. Yeah, we're making a lot of money off this oil shit. Yeah, like chill out I know you I know you have the fucking Cure to cancer, but you know keep that in the stars. Okay, don't don't bring that shit down here. Oh, yeah, we I mean There's technology from another one of my theories. I'm sorry for cutting you up But that's another one of my theories I think that we have the cure for cancer, but we're not letting that shit out. No, absolutely too much money That's in the Thrive movement documentary guys You have to watch this but the thing about the Thrive movement

It's about two hours But the the key is is because after you watch it you almost get really upset like oh my god the government's evil We are the government we're the ones that are suppressing the information because a lot of us are too scared and not ready to like Change our ways. So just when you watch it try not to like blame I feel like a lot of people also don't want to know necessarily because they're kind of like I don't want to change my lifestyle or it's kind of like this. This is they're like afraid almost of like Thinking that someone like it's kind of like a girl who gets cheated on and she doesn't necessarily like

She's like takes the guy back because she's afraid of being alone and like changing, you know, I mean It's like no, that's a beautiful analogy. That makes sense. Yeah, I was afraid it She knows she goes back because she's scared of the unknown Like she'd rather not feel alone and just be with that same guy and also she doesn't want to kind of she doesn't want to Believe that Someone did her wrong. So she'll kind of just get it out of her head and just move past it You know what I mean? I guess a lot of people don't want the answers to certain things because they don't know how to deal with it A lot of us don't want to live in reality. We'd rather live and like

I think I think that's Sometimes for the better that the government keeps certain things not all everything But certain things to themselves like if they said like, oh, yeah, uh Meteors coming like everyone we go crazy and killing we're not in a place to be able to handle that kind of information No, and I don't think I could either. I think a meteors are gonna hit earth I don't want to know well if a meteor was gonna hit earth But I know that they could say like hey a meteors headed our way, but we have technology We're gonna blast it. They wouldn't ever say yeah, they would just try to blast it. I feel like they wouldn't tell us

I think it's good. Like I don't want to know, you know, I mean because like I just want to live. I don't want to Think about that. But there's a difference But there's a difference between that of like not you know what I mean? Cuz that doesn't feel like a lie. That's like we're taking care of it. That's like if you have a kid You don't want to tell them that like I don't know I can't think of an example But there when you when you have a kid you don't have to tell them every single thing Right, it's not a lie But you don't have to be like hey just let you know mommy's gonna go on a date tomorrow night when you're with your dad and probably bone

Like I'm a single mom. Yeah, by the way So yeah, I don't know that but that's not necessarily a lie But the government blatantly lies and the other thing with aliens before we talk about 2012 if you want to go there. Yeah, I do a lot of alien contact has been so government officials have gone on record or ex-government officials that a lot of the contact that they saw They were in the I always for the Air Force. Yeah, and The alien spaceships came and shut off the nuclear warheads So that's great for me. That's dope. It's like aliens being like first of all, they're not just looking out for us They're kind of like if you mess up your planet, you're gonna affect the whole universe little kids shouldn't play with matches kind of stuff

Also, or it could be like let's shut let's shut these you don't mean like they have that over us now Should I do it if we come here we can shut off all your missiles and what are you gonna do? Yeah, but I don't think it's no, I know. I don't think it's like that either. I think they're nice guys, you know Yeah, I mean Hopefully if they're listening guys aliens if you're listening big fan, don't kill me or probe me, please I can't handle it. I'm a big fan of the aliens and the ones that I kates dying to get probed the ones The ones that uh that I'm into are very highly evolved all about unconditional love kind of aliens Yeah, the the black robe and I don't I don't fucks with those bad aliens like reptilians and shit

Do you think there is a bad aliens? Yeah Do you think that one day? Okay? This is really going out there. Okay. This might even be a movie. Oh my god. I'm so excited if like Bad aliens came And started shooting shit up and then all of a sudden good aliens came to defend us now. We're talking That's already happening right now on a certain level. No, this is what I mean by that. So, okay, uh There's one group of aliens That that are always helping us out and they claim to have like a spaceship that we can't see because it's a whole other frequency Like around earth though that like protects helps protect us

So in a way, we're already being guarded by highly evolved aliens and we're being guarded from an attack I mean, I okay. There's this one There's this one alien channel. This is just gonna get worse and worse. There's this alien channel I'm so into his name's bashar. Look him up on youtube I know a lot of you are not going to be into him, but he's brilliant So like I get a lot of information from his channeling and I've just done a ton of research I guess for the last five years. I read all sorts of different things. I know a lot of people Uh will at this point go what the fuck is this chick talking about? I know she's a fucking idiot

But here's the thing I like hearing all of these things like I love conspiracy theories and like because I I don't necessarily like believe them But I don't believe what I'm supposed to believe either. I liked I like hearing all the sides of things and kind of just being like Well, you know, maybe yeah Yeah, I can tell you the world is way weirder than we think it is There really are other dimensions other realities extraterrestrials. It's way out there Dude, a fucking space is the scariest thing in the world I think it's magical wormholes and shit black holes stuff like that exists

That doesn't why we're not going to think shit like that exists on earth Why are spiraling on a sphere throughout the galaxy at thousands of miles per hour? You're gonna tell me that other shit's out there like everything is out there. It's like dude. No, it's uh, it's uh It was a fake tweet. That's all I'm gonna get. You know, I don't know But that I don't it's I didn't really know I was trying to explain that it made sense in my head Every time every time I come on I mean there was only one other time but I try to ease people into my personality And like last time I talked way too much about my vagina and then I went way too hard with the aliens

No, I like it but going back to what we were talking about before but if uh media was headed towards earth I wouldn't want to know 2012 Uh, how old was I? Uh, 20 years old when it was happening, right three years ago. So When that was going down I was like I like I didn't I don't know if I believed it or not, but I was kind of like

But yeah, but what if because like my dad was always super into that You like you and my dad would have the craziest conversations because like he has books on crop circles. Like really all that Yeah, like all these conspiracy theories off of san agato. Yeah, he fucking loves it. So um, well, do you know what 2012 was? I can tell you Some of the mind obviously, yeah, but it wasn't obviously the end of the world It was the end of a certain type of consciousness The vibration the frequency of earth It raised it something good. Good. Good. Oh fuck. Yeah, fuck. Yeah, people are waking up

That's the thing because I used to like I said, I used to be totally closed off to this totally an atheist The energies are actually changing on earth. So people are able to wake up to this stuff more easily So there are going to be some people that think we're batshit nuts right now But some people who felt that shift and felt that change. I'm like, oh my god. No, I know exactly what she's talking about I I felt it. I could feel it almost felt lighter Is what happened like the frequency got lighter Less gravity, you know people are floating. Yeah, and there's people are waking up aliens with black robes Coming to me in my dreams. Yeah, that'd be fun. You know, it'd be hilarious if like one day

Aliens come here and they all got black robes on and then you're gonna go see You fucking asshole. You're making fun. I don't know if they would all wear, you know And they're all different kinds of aliens out there. So, you know, they could it could have been a bunch of different Alien species, but they're all wearing black robes Like because I I do think that there's what they call it's like the galactic federation of light or something like that Like well, think about it this way think about this way. You know how we have the un Once we open ourselves up and realize that alien life's out there and we kind of are okay with contact We're gonna be a part of that it's gonna be like the un

But we're gonna be a part of a galactic Uh nation, you know, which is great because then we can work together and they'll be like, oh, you know your oceans How they're fucked. We already know how to fix that. Here you go Like we're gonna be able to reverse a lot of the messed up shit that happened. Stop dumping shit into the ocean. Um, very simple Hey idiots. Yeah, stop making the little japanese kids. Hey idiots, you want 12 hours a day You want more peace? Stop murdering each other. Yeah, uh, maybe don't bomb. That'd be sick. That's a start Yeah, we're gonna go ahead and shut off all your bombs. All right, really condescending aliens I know this sounds crazy to people who are closed-minded, but it's really true

What do you think about it because I really am a firm believer that that aliens do exist And one day whether it's a thousand years from now or whatever We're gonna run into them, you know And you know, I think I think pretty soon. I think I think the sighting that happened last week Um is the start of people actually kind of opening up to the fact that this could happen Please beware this is I have a theory that the government is going to make it like bad aliens are getting ready to attack us As a way to have more control Let me tell you something guys the aliens that are making contact are not quote-unquote bad aliens

So just keep that in mind. Well I just want everyone to know that this is very independence day. It's crazy one day. We're gonna have Like the president is going to be on stage with the pope and a fucking alien It's going to be sick It's going to be so dope. I am so excited to be in contact with aliens because I'll tell you I would definitely way rather Have sex energy transfer sex with an alien than some of these creepy ass dudes Around these streets. Can you explain to me? How energy transfer sex works

I mean, I can semi-tell you because I'm not an alien But you kind of just stare at each other and you're like, oh I don't know. I feel like if you knew how to work with your energy field You could both be like sitting in different areas and like learn how to like project your energy across the room totally So like if it would probably feel dope and I went to if so if I go to my girlfriend's house Her parents house for dinner and we're sitting across from each other I could be eating this steak and boning at the same time and the parents have no idea Um, no, I don't think that would work because I think you'd still be in a state of ecstasy. That would be quite apparent

So it probably would be obvious that we yeah What if we get really good at it and we're like we're able to hide it, you know, you never know Okay, I don't know. I feel like listen. I feel like a lot of the aliens that have energy transfer sex um A lot of them are light being so they have kind of gone past the physical and they just exist as light and energy So I don't even think they eat steak Because steaks a very dense form of energy Because steak is a very dense

It is you want to eat lighter food like first of all, they don't eat food like that anymore Are you okay joe? He just got an alien just poked him in the eye. I flipped my contact. You wear contacts Yeah, I'm blind as a fucking bat. I got lasik Did you what is that noise? It's aliens, man. God if an alien spaceship came right now, I'd be so all right fix my contact. We're good. I could see God that fucking hurt like a bee um God that hurts you okay. Yeah, I'm I'm crying. It's totally fine. I'm just gonna cry out of this one eye

This made you really emotional. I'm very emotional. You're remembering who you really are An alien from another planet. Listen, uh, the platees. It's the one of the plateians there. Um, I don't I could totally see being friends with plateians. I don't think that's where I'm from everyone But you guys should check out plateians. Yeah, also check out the star wars movie that comes out Which is a documentary But uh, yeah definitely Also the aliens that I really meant to are called the arcturians So you guys I had no idea they had names or it

Oh, yeah Because there are tons of people who have contact with them this is fucked up because you're giving them names And they haven't given they don't know we don't know their name, but we've given them names That's kind of like when christopher columbus called the uh, the name americans indians. No totally, but we're doing it all over again Now we're gonna murder and we're gonna I'm glad you brought that up actually about christopher columbus because A lot of the natives hold on real quick before we get into this I made a video like two years ago about thanksgiving and in that I said that the pilgrims

on the mayflower sailed And and were the ones that did that Like how dumb am I? See, I'm not really good at history. So I would have been like totally right and I thought of what I thought I was it like I was like no, I didn't even mention christopher columbus in that whole video like I'm Yeah, it was Chrissy see he's the one that discovered Chrissy. Chrissy say chris columbus chris columbus

He came over and that was the start of the right thing. Why did you want me to bring that up? Oh because this is okay. So back in the day Uh The thought of like other countries existing was even crazy to other people So when they had like a ship coming to them like I'm sure when the native americans saw a ship coming They're like, what the hell is this the fuck is that thing? It's alien to me because that's what the word alien really means. It's like foreign, right? You know, so I don't know. I feel like right now the thought of other

beings living on other planets It's like so out there and crazy but once it was crazy to think of Not being the only ones on earth right and then people start, you know coming over on a ship You're like what we're not alone. Yeah, that's actually a good way to to put it. That makes more sense Yeah, it's not it's pretty obvious once you actually accept it Right, I mean, let's hope it doesn't go the same way that it went that time because we killed everyone No, well, they don't know. I'm telling you arturians platians um

The anunnaki, they're fine Anunnaki is not a thing from game of thrones Oh, that's a Dothraki Dothraki, you know that yeah, I don't want do you watch game of thrones? I love game of thrones. So do I when is it coming? It's coming Khaleesi. It's one is it come march? I don't know Oh man, I don't know great show. It's a great show I wish we talked about more normal stuff because I feel like this was probably a lot. This was I don't think we even do this on our We talked about it. I tried to not but fuck it. I don't care people could be like, hey, I don't this uh, whatever

It's all it's a different thing. How many times you have an alien conversation? Probably never because you and all your friends are like You know, but if you want more alien conversations I couldn't even say conversation right hit me up. Kate's got them. I would love to talk I could talk about aliens all day every day. She's got platians and Dothraki. She's got it all. I relate very much to arturians. Just so you know arturians I'm gonna they live near arturists to star and the boots constellation Shoutouts to my peeps. I don't know anything. I know big dipper little dipper and that's it around his belt

Yeah, I know very little when I first got into this Like I so like I said, I was not into this at all And there have been a lot of different things that kind of woke me up But one of them was a bad car accident and after that because I think near-death experiences can really shake you awake And after that I I started really getting into this stuff and kind of like I was on the internet late and Some of these things really resonated with me is true and I was like, oh my god, people are gonna think I'm nuts Like when I just started reading about aliens. I was like, I am not telling anyone about this. So this was like Three years ago when I started getting into this. I told no one. I was so embarrassed and now, of course

I've accepted it. I read tarot like I'm just full. I'm full out spiritual weirdo But it's not weird for me. It's like the truth. It just makes sense and everything I've I've heard about Science just intertwines with it. Right. You're a teacher because not a lot of people know so you're a teacher And you're either teaching the truth or a bunch of dog shit. We don't know yet me. Oh, I teach truth That's my superpower is truth. I would never steer you all in the wrong direction. Oh, man um by the way completely off topic but, um

I just looked down on my phone and I saw this thing Do you know what groupon is? I think everyone knows what groupon is. I didn't know what it was. What do you think I'm an alien for mark turris, huh? An alien joke. Look at that. Oh man Everyone's laughing. Um, no, but uh I didn't know what it was until like five months ago and

groupon is I want to compare it to walmart even though I've never been in walmart But like you know how people talk about walmart how like you could buy anything there for like eight bucks And you're like what I get a house for eight dollars like you could buy anything there for the cheapest amount of Yeah, so on groupon When you go on there, you don't need anything that's there nothing on groupon is a necessity It's all shit. That's like This would be cool. Well, okay. Well, I don't know and it tells you like the spencer gifts of the internet

Exactly, but it's like I swear to god the stuff that I've the shit that I've bought on there I bought a bluetooth Speaker for your shower Right that like suction. Did you actually buy that? I actually bought it. Does it work? It does but like the battery's died and I never changed them God changing batteries and doing small little shit like that makes me suicidal enough. Can we just get shit that like? It bluetooth to the outlet and stays elect

I can't if something like fucks up with my credit card Do you know what I'm talking about like a small little thing we have to call up a company and like Mundane things like that literally make me feel like well, I can't go on anymore. Yeah, right Well, I'm gonna cut this credit card in half. Yeah, I'm just like no, you know what? I'm gonna stay in the fetal position I can't live life properly. Yeah, she's like I also battle depression anxiety So your credit card gets stolen and people are charging like well, I'm not gonna call because that's gonna take forever So let's just uh cancel this. We have a budget now. Okay So funny. No, I those kinds of things like sometimes just doing my laundry or even taking a shower. I'm like, I

I don't have the emotional energy to to do this. Yeah, I'm way more of a mess than you are though Yeah, but like on group on there's a bunch of shit there that you don't need I bought a it hasn't come in yet, but I bought a four four piece set of led lights for what nothing Like it was like 20 bucks and I was like, oh four lights steel and also they have like

They really went because like oh over a thousand people bought this and I like all right other people think this is a good idea Now there's like a timer. So I only got two days to get this just fucking four piece led lights I bought them. What the fuck am I gonna do with that, Kate? Well, you were telling me which I'm sure you're getting to that they're selling man buns They're selling clip-on man buns if you follow me on twitter you saw it because I tweeted it There's it's like a hair piece clip-on There would be nothing more terrifying than fucking a dude with what you think he has a man bun and pulling it and it comes off like that would be

terrifying Just oh my gosh, that's like the equivalent of like in high school when you're making out a chick and you're like Oh, you stuff your bra and you're like pulling out stockings from her tits That's at least a little more expected a man bun is like I would just be like what's happening Yeah, like dude, you're so weird, but I was also saying like most dude's hair these days. It's kind of short Still I think it's still I think it's getting a little longer But I feel like like with your kind of hair if you put a man bun on there It wouldn't even make sense at all

It'd be like where's that hair coming from and if your hair is long enough Then do your own man bun, but I guess there are some people who have like in the middle They got yeah in the middle you're like I'm gonna you so I guess that's what it's for because When you grow your when you're growing your hair out There's always that like awkward in between stage. Yeah, you're like, okay. I look like a zero right now Like I'm I feel like we're doing an infomercial for man. Yeah, we are you know when you're in that awkward in the middle stage You just can't make that awesome mean Man bun I said mean bun well now you don't have to deal with that

Uh No, but like even my hair like it's not that long but like compared to what it used to look like I had a shaved head. Oh my god. That's when I first met you you had a shaved head, didn't you? Yeah, I had a fucking number two All around I met you so I met joe through elite daily and um the first video we did was the valentine's day one And I just remember oh right that was the one Yeah, and it was like we didn't really like meet then though I just kind of like it was very quick and like no you and I we didn't really have a conversation

But this is what happened It was like four or five of you came out with me and I just remember there being like five pretty good-looking dudes Like I didn't like like you all like all like five White good-looking dudes. You all just blended into like white good-looking very very standard very yeah I was just kind of like okay, and then I went there again like a week after And I saw max who works there and I go hi joe. Yeah, by the way, let me just this kid max, right? He's I want to say he's six five I am five ten. I had no idea

It was so funny, but he's like i'm not joe on max and then you walked in and I just turned I go hey joe She got us she got us fucked up I'd tell you that all the time. I'm like a standard looking white person A lot of you it was good-looking white dudes, and I couldn't decipher one face from the other now Of course you guys do not look alike, but right at the time. I was just like I couldn't tell who was who people tell They tweet me all the time like oh you look like this guy And it's just like a white dude with facial hair. I'm like all right So I look like every white dude with facial hair apparently you look like an all-american good-looking white dude

So everyone Yeah But then uh the time that joe and I really got to know each other. It was like the next shoot Uh, we were filming for this like commercial for elite daily. Oh, yeah, it was like and that's where commercial thing I was talking about some crazy like Yeah, so I walk into this this fucking shoot and there's a bunch of people there and I I Don't know if I even remembered you because the first time I met you you were wearing like a jacket a hat

So it's like I couldn't I couldn't really tell what you really looked like and it was like for like 10 minutes We shot that scene in the park um So then I I see this woman there and I'm like who like I didn't really know who she was So then I hear her talking and I'm like what mind you she's saying the wildest shit and no one's even like Like I don't know like no one's even like trying to get it out of her She's just like throwing it out there and like seeing who like picks up on it She like to the point. I just want to like stir shit up. Yeah, exactly. You're kind of like yes, so uh

Who in here's eating ass or you know, she actually said quote for quote verbatim. She said my Vibrator is a hand me down and I was like I like this woman. She doesn't care. She doesn't care about uh much She doesn't care about her other people's opinion I would like to state because I oh every time you say that I'm like hold up I boiled the dildo in hot water before I used it and what'd you do with the the What'd you do with the The pot that you boiled the fucking thing you should have boiled the pot in hot water. I'm sure I ran it through the dishwasher Okay, you should have boiled the dildo that the fucking vibrator in hot water and then boiled the pot that you boiled

The I think everything you know what I mean and it came from my friend It was a hand me down from a good friend and I knew That she wasn't very promiscuous, you know, so I felt comfortable about her vagina germs touching my vagina And I'm fine Here I am still alive. You still got it. You still use it. Yeah, I don't really use it that much. I um Now I just kind of really hump My pillow and stuff So like you gave your your vibrator days are over it's they're not over, you know, maybe one day

I'll I'll be like I miss that thing, but you know, hopefully there will be live dick Coming at me Not just yeah vibrating plastic. Is it a dick or is it just like uh, it looks like a oh, it's it's like a blue dick Oh, it's shaped as a dick. Yeah, oh because I know there's those ones that just look like it's like an alien dick This whole time, you know those toothbrush traveling cases like those were some vibrator. No, no, no Yeah, I never got that. I'm like, dude, if you want to get a vibrator get one that has like the ridges and like A fake vein mine's not I know exact

I love how you said that I literally I started daydreaming. I was like, I know vain um No, some girls just use like they have like these vibrating eggs Like yeah, it looks like that doesn't go inside like that chapstick that you like it looks like an egg But you open it it's chapstick. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I have one of those But that's for my lips. Yeah Oh, that just sounded dirty again. Yeah, your lips on your uh, which lips Which ones you got um, but yeah on that shoot

um We became best friends right because because you were you were saying all the shit I was kind of like this one was out of her goddamn mind And I I love that so we were talking and then there was this little like cute uh model girl there marissa marissa Um, and uh, she was a babe. Yeah, she's she's a good-looking girl and she was just she's small And she was very conservative and like in the beginning shy But she's so sort of like I don't know. She's a shy girl, you know for the most part, but she was

She was I think that was like her first shoot ever I think it was the first time I saw her and she was uh, just very conservative And they're me and you like having this conversation about like eating ass and like all this other shit And we're kind of getting other people involved and like by the end of the shoot this girl marissa was like, oh, I know Yeah, you know guys look my ass all the time. I'm like, all right. Where the fuck did that come from? That was awesome So we have this weird power of of getting people to that What we do of comfort. Yes, that's what the real power is is having people open their minds

So in that case it was to talking about sex, which we all do Unless you are under a certain age, then you should wait uh because you have a lot of you have a lot of fans That should not be having sex now that I think about it But um wait till you're eight years old and then just do whatever, you know, that's it gross When was the first time you kissed someone? Oh, I was 11. I was so nervous to french kiss like I loved calling it french kissing. Why do we do that? It was so cute. I was so when I was growing up. I was so nervous About kissing how old were you when you first kissed? Oh, I was really young. I was like seven because with tongue

Yeah, what it was like a Gross. Yeah, but like I didn't like I don't know. I was so young that I wasn't nervous yet because I didn't really know what I was doing You know what I mean? So after that I didn't do it for years. You know what I mean? And then I didn't start like making out with chicks until like Seventh grade Yeah, which I don't know how was that 14 13 I don't know but seventh is like 12 13

Well, you're 14 and 15 your freshman year of high school So 13 14s eighth grade and Well, yeah, I think I told you this I think I told you this last time on the one that got deleted We used to have dry hump parties In middle school We're just kind of like spin the bottle without the bottle and you just grab someone you're like Well, like it like I had a boyfriend But like yeah about like 10 of your friends come over everyone's a couple and then like everyone would start making out

And people would just be like dry humping. So you would hear like in the background just like yeah Jean's rubbing It was so great Did you put guys play seven seventh that seventh heaven? That's a fucking Seven minutes in heaven seven minutes in heaven seventh heaven No, I know because that always kind of creeped me out even back then like really like that is such a like a weird game When you think about it and you're young when you get in a finger finger blasted in a closet when you're like 11 So

But that game is so weird. It's kind of like hey wait, how does it even go? How do you choose who it is? Or is it like spend the bottle? I don't it might oh for the most part really creepy for the most part I think you don't get to choose right so now you're in a closet confined area with uh, you know a guy And it's kind of expected of you To do something You know what I mean? Yeah, unless the guy's super shy, then you walk out and you lie and you say yeah I fucking touched his wiener

I remember the first time I saw a wiener Like I did not know what to do with it. It was so intimidating. It looked like an alien. Yeah dicks look like aliens uh Okay, I do you know what I mean like like yeah, they just I was like what is this thing? I don't know what to do with it like I felt like so what did you do you punched it? No, I tried to give a hand job And I totally did it wrong whereas like I didn't know that you gripped and then moved like I think I was sliding all over it Like a mess

Like I think I accidentally like had pubes in there at the same time like I'm sure I think I do that Yeah, mass occurred as dick without meaning to I remember like when I got my first boyfriend For real boyfriend in high school. I tried giving him like a hand job to come and he didn't and the next day I was like, hey, were you close? He's like, no You weren't doing it right at all and I was like, oh man He had to like give me lessons Did you would you rather someone tell you in the moment that they're that you're doing something wrong? Yeah There's been times where I'm like, I'm not gonna say anything because I don't want to like ruin

It depends. I think it's how comfortable this was a boyfriend So I needed him to eventually be like hey, this is how you do it. I don't know. I think I haven't had any Trouble or whatever, but like I feel like if my girlfriend was doing something I wouldn't say anything I feel like I would wait till after and being like And like bringing up but like also laugh like oh Yeah, I mean that was weird Don't do that again. I know you're right. I would not say it because like I had sex Uh within the last three months, I guess and there were moments where I felt like

I could have guided it a little more. I could have been like Hey, this is great. Could you do a little bit more of this? You know and I didn't I just kind of like okay But I because I think that comes with comfort With the more you can communicate You don't want to offend someone like yeah, you don't want to offend them and be like, um, I'm not gonna come like that Yeah, you're doing it wrong You could do that for two hours still not gonna come. Yeah, you're wasting your time down there. Um, ding don't sorry, but

That's that. No, thanks Yeah, let me just say this to people Uh, especially dudes do not just like Hump away at a girl like do not just like go fast and go boom boom boom boom. It's supposed to be like a dance Have rhythm go with like think of the ocean. Okay people. You don't just plug away at someone's vagina Or pound away not oh, yeah plug could work plug plug away pound away No No, no no jackhammer. No

I it can work up to getting harder and faster. It has to be worked up Right. Look, we did it. We talked about aliens and sex. Yeah, my life is made. It's unavoidable If we tried really hard to not talk about it, it just wouldn't happen But I feel like on ours we definitely talk all the time about things I know we don't yeah, it doesn't come up, but I feel like I don't know. I just I don't know Kate It's it happens, you know, I have to just stop analyzing it I did a I did a tweet the other day where I go

I don't need to know why the bird sings to be able to enjoy its song Which I know is really corny, but I just feel like I try to analyze everything You just gotta enjoy the song enjoy the song Out of your head into your heart By the way, I might get a lot of flak for this But I'm kind of really looking forward to Justin Bieber's album Didn't think I would ever say that in my entire life I'm not judging you. I'm just saying good for you. Some of the shit

I'm looking forward to Adele's album Is it all right? What is that come soon? I don't know the date, but her hello by the way this song hello, right? It's her going It's like it's a series of voicemails. I'm assuming it sounds like you know what I mean like I've called a thousand times and blah blah blah and like basically saying like I You know I show that I care, but you clearly don't care anymore Her whole first album was like shitting on this guy now. She's kind of like hey It could be a different guy. You don't know. I know I'm just asking questions. I don't know

I'm just saying if it's the same guy. It doesn't really make sense to me great song great singer I'm sure she's dated more than one guy. Maybe or it doesn't mean it's based on her own experience You can tap into other experiences when you create art Touche Touche case. Okay. I forgive your your stupid statement You fucking idiot. Yeah you moron Um, yeah, we're gonna we're gonna wrap this up. How long has it been? It's been uh Uh

Around 52 minutes. Wow. Yeah, look at us talking being friends shooting the shit Uh, kate, where can they find you if they want to contact you and ask you about aliens and fucking vaginas? Well, please don't ask me about vaginas actually I mean it depends unless it's an alien unless it's a really a pro. Yeah, if you have a question about alien vagina, let's talk um First of all listen to our podcast invasion of privacy. It's on soundcloud and iTunes You can find me on twitter at the kate wolf um

Yeah Yeah, and also you do tarot card readings, don't you? Yeah, if you want a tarot card reading You can hit me up k wolf to f 27 at gmail.com $30 for 30 minutes. I've gotten uh over skype right I've got yeah, she doesn't she's not gonna show up to your fucking house for $30 like I live in california. I'm like $30 I'll be there. No, but I got a tarot card reading from kate and it was Pretty interesting. It was pretty interesting. I enjoyed it. I did and by interesting means life changing and no, it was great

I liked I liked it and it really made sense and um, I really don't think it's bullshit And that's coming for me and I think everything's bullshit. So Not that my opinion really holds any type of weight I think it holds I think your opinion actually holds a lot of weight because You are a person who questions everything in a very fair way You're actually very about justice whether or not you mean to be because you'll take it in You won't prejudge it and you'll actually feel into it and then make your decision

Yeah, that's what I try to do Um, but yeah, and if you guys want to contact me on my twitter at joe sanagato and as always Thanks for listening mother fuck is