The Basement Yard - How'd We Get This Drunk?!

Episode Date: April 4, 2017

How'd We Get This Drunk?! by Santagato Studios Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard. I'm joined by Anthony DeVino once again. I like tits. Okay, great. So that's how we're gonna start that. Yeah, make more fucking noise. I know. Thank you. It's not a lot. All right. So I mean, shut up. As we as I was saying on another podcast of mine, I was gonna have a show where you can watch a video and stuff and now it's finally available. This is the first episode that is available on the platform called Fullscreen. So it just makes it easier. You're also getting them a week early. So if you're watching this video, then this audio is dropping on sound files in the next week. I know it's a little fucking confusing. I don't really fully understand it either. But if you want to go to fullscreen.com

slash basement yard, you can get this and use the promo code basement to watch it free for a month. Then after that, you're on your own. I can't wait. I can't wait to see that. That's gonna be good, huh? No more voice. Just face. So how are you? It was your birthday two days ago. We've been drinking a little bit. We've had it. We had a couple of drinks. It wasn't two days ago, Joe. It was yesterday. It was yesterday. I see them all fuzzy. But if you count today, this is a day already. What time is it? It's a day ago, dude. It was yesterday. It's six o'clock. I don't believe what time you were born. 5.28. My mom told me yesterday. A. M. At night. So it's been two days in the morning. Suck it. Yeah, whatever. Yeah, exactly. Kick rocks, kid. Anyway, tell me. Today

we're going to be talking about something. So I was on the internet and I found this story. An engineer from Barcelona. He created a sex doll that's interactive. Not like the ones in Japan. Like they have ones in Japan. By the way, if you guys see me looking off camera, there's all kinds of people in this fucking room. It's the weirdest thing. They're great guys, though. They're great guys. Yeah. I'm a fan. The guy in Barcelona makes a sex doll that's interactive, which means that it talks back to you and shit. It's really creepy. Are you kidding? It's pretty hot. I want me to pull up a picture. I do want to see a picture. There's a doll. No, but is it available online? It is available, but it is $5,347. Not doing that. In what, euros? No,

in American dollars. That's actually a great question. I don't know the fucking answer to that. Well, good luck. I'm not trying to invest. No, but it has modes. It has sexy family and romantic modes, which I don't understand. Is it for the lonely? I mean, obviously, if you're going to buy a human to fuck, then I think you're a little lonely. This is when the whole iRobot takes place and we all are fucked. No, you know when it takes place? Because this is why it's fucked up. So anyway, this girl, she's interactive. If you touch her on her hips, she goes, ooh, if you grab her tits, she's like, I like that shit, or like you could kiss her or whatever the fuck. So, but it has modes, sexy family and romantic. I want to know what the fuck is family?

Are you bringing this thing around your family? And like you're putting it in the living room to hang out with this fucking sex robot that's got its mouth open, ready to have a dick in it? Time out. If I brought that home to my father, he would fucking stone cold stun me and then tell my mama was fake. Tell you what? Yeah, exactly what I just said. He's had a couple. You don't bring a doll home to your family. Listen, I'm not saying it. Would you have sex with it? If I had enough in me. No. What does that mean? No, I wouldn't. You wouldn't have sex with it? No, it's like, like just go out in my prostitute, which I haven't done ever. I should try it. I would never will. You never know. Yeah. When I get to 40, I don't, I mean, I just feel like that's an age where I'm

going to start doing drugs and start buying. I will be married at 40. I'm not going to be alone. Yeah, exactly. That's why I'm, that's what I'm saying. You're going to start doing drugs. You're going to have kids and shit, but you're not going to want to like take care of them after like five years. You're just going to forget about that. Jesus Christ. They're five years old. Anyway, back to this thing. Her name is Samantha. And there's actually a video of a guy touching and rubbing her and she's saying, she's like talking back to him and she knows her name. So if you say to her like Samantha, yeah, if he's called her, hey, Samantha, she goes, what's up? Which is fucking terrifying. And she just stands there. Doesn't blink, which is kind of weird. I want you to

send me the link later because I want to see what it looks like. I don't want to invest. Does that change your mind? Like if it's hot? No, it's not hot. It's a fucking robot. It's fiction. So why you want to know what it looks like? You want to know if it's hot enough? I'm curious to know what it looks like. I'm no happy with a female, a real human being. This is a female. Yeah, bullshit. I'm assuming it has flesh like, like flesh, flesh light, like it's a lot of a flesh light. You know what a flesh light is? It's a flesh light that you fuck a flesh light. Like you see things in the light. No, you know what a you know what a flesh light is. No, you don't know what a flesh light is. Yo, you need to get outside your fucking pocket pussy. Yes. That's what you gotta say. Why couldn't

you just say a pocket pussy because it's called flesh on the show. No, just call it a pocket pussy. Listen, it's like this, right? It's like this big. I think I haven't gotten one. If I got my hands on one, I would fuck it up. It's like spaghetti at least. So you don't you don't enjoy fucking it. It's like you're just you're feeling. No, I'm sure you enjoy fucking this thing. It's like it's so it's like this big. It's gotta be tight. I'm sure it is. It's brand new. Then it's good. Okay, so it's like this big and the top looks like a puss. So it's a you know, yeah, and then you put like jelly in it or like, like cake. What's it called? K. K why? There we go. K why jelly. Yeah, exactly. So you put it in there so that it gets all like whatever. You can't just stick your dick

in rubber. I'm curious to know what that feels like. I've never used K why jelly but haven't done a lot. No, but I'm not trying to do anal. I'm just trying to be like, she's not trying to do anal. That's an unpopular opinion, I'd say. I would never do it. You would never do it. I'm actually I'm scared. Scared of assholes. 100%. I've seen videos where girls were just I just that's where they you know, girls, they take shits dude. Yeah, I'm not trying to put my D where they P. G. Sometimes that happens. Sometimes when you put it just comes out and then you come out, they don't they can't they can't control. Fuck that. They lose control. My D isn't going anywhere near that that part where it comes out. Sometimes I go five times a day. Imagine her. Wait, what? Sometimes

I go five times a day. Oh, so you're like, oh, I want to sustain this week. I think anal is like a one time a day thing. Like it's not like you can have sex five times a day, but I'll never anal five times a day. I've never done it. You're putting a beating on someone's asshole. I'm okay I feel I just feel I mean, I've only done it a handful of times. I'm not out here. I'm not gonna I'm like a connoisseur. You could give me a zero on the anal because it'll never life. Yeah. You don't think you're gonna get bored? I one day I'm gonna try this. No, I rather fuck raw experience. Uh, what do you call it? I experience a I'd rather risk it. I'd rather risk a child than have sex in the ass. Right now, though, but one day I'll never continue to be talking about it.

I don't even know. I'll never fuck a girl in the ass. Oh, when you mentioned iRobot before, yeah, the thing that freaked me out, right? So during this video, the guys I talked to her and he could like he was saying like Samantha and she's like, what's up? And then he said he went he went Samantha romantic and then she went into romantic mode, I guess, which I don't know what the fuck that even means. But then she said, Alexa play romantic songs, you know, Alexa the little fucking Oh, so now you got two robots in the fucking room. Now it's like a web of robot robotic fuckery. They're taking over it. That's that's when iRobot you guys are laughing, but it's not listen you have a female a human being and you have one of the other you listen you're outnumbered

at that point you have Alexa the robot fucking sex doll and you know if they band together two on one I'm not a mathematician but I know two is bigger than one you don't have two robots and you in the same room you're gonna get fucked up either way you have your girlfriend Alexa play romantic music that's normal you don't have Alexa and me and my fucking robot friend no you don't so the pocket pussy I would use one but I think I don't I would only use it once because how do you clean it I wanted for free I wanted a one time pre-lubed no you got to put the lube in yourself KY jelly is like 15 bucks is it no it's not it's 15 bucks KY jelly holy shit it's eight dollars you fucking cheap bitch what kind of K why are you buying

I'm fucking cbs you're buying a jug a lifetime supply you only need a one time thing maybe like an 18 ounce listen I'm not gonna lie I swear to god this is a true story so I used to like in my mom's house the basement was where I was staying obviously and there was a back door so I used to sneak girls in there you're a bad ass you're a bad boy shut up okay so this girl came this girl came in one time and I don't know why there was no anal there's no anal like you know at all that is nothing you do with k y I wouldn't she brought KY and she left it there and I didn't know it was like a little like a plastic thing like a little rip it open and you know I mean yeah like a little yeah like a little container like alcohol whatever and she left it on the floor and in the morning I

woke up and my mom's like what's this and I was like I was just I was dense seriously was like I'm really sorry okay I'm just gonna pretend like I hope she's not watching this because now she fucking knows what happened yep there was no anal though mom I swear to god don't show her um speaking of anal wait speaking of what you're talking about recently I did not take the condoms out of my garbage can there's two of them in there continue damn mom I gotta get a good fork my mom throws my garbage out all the time I got a good she just you know I'm sure your mom knows you have sex of people damn my mom used to buy me condoms it was bad I'm telling you guys don't get don't get the uh don't get the label I get the blue one the blue

Trojans we're not sued we'll just get yelled at the blue Trojans the blue Trojans yeah yo I walked into the that's your favorite condom the deli by portobello what do we call that what are you talking about the deli by portobello guide tree all right we went I went in there I went in there the other day with Ralph and his uh his um new friend she's she's cute and I walked in there as soon as I walked in he goes I know what you want pulls off the blue hands it to me five dollars I was like excuse me five bucks I was like yeah game five dollars and I left you know how much those condoms are in a CVS how much eight bucks three dollars difference fuck it but five dollars I'm hyped I'll take it they might be expired but fuck we're not getting anyone pregnant

how do condoms go like like how do they expire I like that makes no fucking sense I like no condoms it's rubber does rubber just start to my pullout game my pullout game is too strong we get it you know yeah I can't wait to meet your kid in fucking seven months or whatever you might meet him tomorrow yeah exactly I'm not mad someone's gonna call you hey uh I got three got three of them I'll take a kid I remember three years ago Davino told me I think I'm ready to have a kid yeah I think you're fucking stupid I have health insurance now that doesn't do anything yeah I know well you I mean I don't know I don't really know what's going on with you are you gonna help me if I have a kid in what way you're not gonna bring a gift bring a gift you're not gonna be like hey man here's a

thousand diapers or a million a thousand diapers do diapers expire no no they're by you know how much diapers are no I don't why the fuck would I know how much detergent I know how much that is crispy cream listen I'm not buying it I mean I should make me the godfather which would be a good choice no you know who's a godfather no I don't you know who the godfather is okay I don't know what that means it's very mysterious of you um anyway also the next thing we're gonna talk about here uh substitute teacher in South Carolina showed up to work hammered and threw up all over the classroom floor I did not see I come I saw her having sex with a child yeah you did you know but listen she threw up all over the over the classroom floor and then she was so drunk that they had to wheel

her out on a wheelchair because she couldn't stand up maybe and with and they found a box of wine in her fucking purse box of wine is good wine man I'm not gonna lie how big is this woman's fucking person you just hit a whole box of fucking wine in it she probably has a Louis Vuitton and how much it was 9 30 a.m. by the way I believe yeah it was 9 30 a.m. what time did this woman start drinking that you're you can't walk it's wine is it supposed to you're supposed to feel nice time old Italian ladies drink like 10 glasses a night time out Joe wine sneaks up on you in advance that makes no sense you know what I mean no wine wine sneaks up on you like hey man remember beers are sneaking up yeah no wine sneaks up when you like hey man like yo I'm here you were drinking

me hey it's it's for women for women definitely sneaks up bad I mean for me it might take like a bottle or two but for girls your box line oh shout out to college wine guy I don't drink wine I'll drink it if you put a bottle in front of me I'd say thank you I went on a date once and the girl ordered wine like without warning me she was just kind of like yeah can you also let's get a bottle of where I guess we're doing this now yeah showed up on like a cart and like in a in a metal bucket with ice and like whatever the whole thing the guy had a fucking nap whatever a handkerchief over his arm like he knows the funniest part he poured it a glass and then made me taste it yeah and I was just like hmm yesterday we went out for my birthday yes it's good we went out for my birthday I say

my uncle goes I'm gonna have a bottle of wine for me and my nephew so he said yeah fucking go so the guy tried it you supposed to swish it around my mouth he goes it's good thought of you 100% I've been like I was like Joey he goes to the alpha male I don't know I don't know she was obviously the female and you would just I don't I have no idea what was going on but what the fuck is going on with teachers this teacher shows up to class hammered with a box of wine and her fucking purse and she was drinking it during the whatever she was doing during the class throws up then has to be taken off what's going on teaches are drunk and they're fucking students like crazy nowadays she wanted how many how many teachers fucked you in middle school or your whole

school career three no zero and you know it not any by the way that's my camera that's your fucking camera all right three no one no you know how many teachers I would have fucked in middle school how many if I was thinking about the dick what does that mean seven and you know which one I'm not gonna say it but she hangs out on my block she's not watching you know who she is don't say her name god bless her she has faith you know god bless her here's my point she's an A I'll give her an A plus my point is I don't know what is going on the kids nowadays are just so spoiled they get laptops and cell phones as soon as they're born and then their teachers fuck them when they're in

seventh grade and they have a story to tell for the rest of their lives when I was in seventh grade my teacher was 97 years old and had tits down to Renee's and she did not want to fucking me trust I wish my teacher fucking me in seventh grade fuck you know what I had it I would have been like yeah if if you know what you're doing and you fucking me I lost my virginia I fucking what 12 13 did you no I fuck I lost my virginia on a park mansion broad daylight I'm not ashamed keep looking at my camera no one's fucking no I'm looking at you I was he's just leaving fucking switch all right so for this week's uh let's do some sponsors this week we got blue apron once again my mom's favorite sponsor uh blue apron if you're wondering what it is

it's a service that if you sign up for it they have food sent to your front door all pre-portioned ingredients and it comes with step-by-step instructions on how to make the meal so not only do you have a nice meal you have that education for the rest of your life on how to make shit I know you like it damn right you've been saying that you were gonna get blue apron for years now and you haven't got it I've been working a lot of overtime that doesn't make any sense it doesn't mean anything uh and they have nice shit they don't have just like you don't microwave stuff they have like vegetable chili and baked sweet potatoes with crispy tortilla strips I just read that and got immediately hungry um check out this week's menu and get your first three meals free

with free shipping by going to blue apron dot com slash basement uh blue apron dot com slash basement and what the fuck else do we got here stamps dot com all right stamps let me bring up the motherfucking script here what's that it's stamps dude obviously they have they have a really funny slogan actually these days you can practically get everything on demand no like our podcast listen whenever you want when it's convenient for you so why are you still going to the post office and dealing with their limited hours when you can get postage on demand with stamps dot com all jokes aside I use stamps dot com and it's honestly I well what are you mailing shirts and hats and shit like that all right you gonna call me out I don't give a fuck uh

buy and print official us posters for any letter or package using your own computer and printer and unlike the post office stamps dot com never closes right now use my name basement for the special offer four week trial includes postage and a digital scale go to stamps dot com before you do anything else click on the radio microphone at the top of the homepage and type in basement that stamps dot com and then enter basement don't forget to enter basement that's the most important basement yard anyway so yeah I understand you have to pee because you've been chugging beers and you're a little drunk and you were talking about god knows what just now let's go rangers you just said you were gonna fuck seven of your teachers when you're grown up the first episode you

want you want to say shit like that unbelievable you're everyone probably thinks you're a fucking what um listen in washington in washington some high school football coach uh was grilling hot dogs for his team at a leadership camp which i've played football my entire life no idea what the fuck that is leadership camp sounds weird what is that don't know but he was grilling hot dogs and allegedly tell me he goes you think that's a big dog take a look at this and put his 50 year old dick in a bun no event and showed it to the whole team where do you find this shit i'm i'm out here he put his dick in a bun right that's crazy like his dick was the hot dog i would do the same thing show the entire football team you're the same thing yeah you're

into showing people your dick no have you seen my dick i want him i feel like you have seen my dick i feel like all our friends have seen my dick probably i've never seen your dick you keep that private it's like your social security number i've never seen one of this is zipper my zipper listen it's the first episode maybe way to the fourth till we start whipping out dicks on the show huh you want me to pull out on the third man we could wait a couple weeks oh i gotta be this guy also there was a report that he once called a girl who was friends with some of the players on the hockey team a puckslet what you never heard that there's a girl fucking guys or a guy fucking guys have you paid attention to any word i've said this entire time help me

there was a report so he showed the football team his dick in a bun a guy so he's gay no he's just a guy i mean he maybe maybe you like i'm pretty sure he has a wife and kids nothing wrong with he's a high school football coach he put his dick in a bun and showed the team and then separate separate story he told some girl who was friends with kids in the hockey team that she was a puckslet so she must fuck the team that's what he was there are girls i fucked the team they have no shame oh obviously i'm sure there's no shame in that they fucked the team sometimes you gotta do that you know for school spirit maybe they just i could talk about this for hours but of course huh what's up there are girls that that legit wake up and say i need to fuck so

and so today because he's the eighth person on the team i need to have sex with so i'm like yo go for it like i don't know what to tell you what is wrong with this guy what's going on in schools now the guys too i just realized i didn't even realize those two were related this one's in south carolina this one's in washington now this happens in new york not that i want this guy to show me his dick or anything in football practice i think you want to see his dick i don't want to see his if it fills up the bun it's a hotdog listen damn i'm not showing no guy my dick oh my god no whoo it fills up the bun it's a hotdog i just don't understand i don't understand this this woman is is showing up drunk thrown up over the floor this guy's showing kids his dick people are fucking

kids you don't understand where we what society how do we evolve to that it's so common record hot teachers they're always like gym teachers they're always like in the middle of a volleyball lesson like i'm gonna fuck jason never had a hot gym teacher my life some of them most some some of the teachers that you see that get caught for banging students they're good looking and you're like dude you can't just go out to a bar bang anyone there when you're born a female you immediately have this card looks like this you're born and you have this card and instead of it being a joker it just says i can have sex whenever i want you go out if you're a single if like listen if you're a single english teacher you're in your mind you're like yo i'm gonna fuck this

kid that i'm warning you i'm warning you as fuck i mean what other what other subject would you be born in science that's lame english you're like yo tell me not i mean like you want to you're not making a bit of sense why would you want to be a teacher if you want to fuck your students i mean like what are you gonna get away with murder you're gonna go to you're doing it you're gonna go to jail as what a pedophile as a woman that's not good i'm pretty sure you can beat up and as a woman they don't like that grow the fuck up just fuck someone you're having a kid live your dream that was beautiful good job right yeah you should put that on like a fucking i don't even know caption or your instagram picture i mean act your age i've seen shows where teachers like i'm gonna fuck you you're

15 i'm 35 what shows are these these pornos you know what show i'm talking about no i don't know what no one knows what the fuck you're talking about i don't know what that means letter rock um anyway do you know who the cashmere sad girl is no you have no idea no but my job has been making fun of her and i'm like who the fuck who what you really don't know docker phil yes good guess you didn't guess that no doc there's jerry springer there's judge there's judge judy they do different things all the show is dr phil's a dr phil and judge judy did you hear what i just said dr phil's a doctor i don't really know what i'm whatever he does judge judy's a judge you see okay anyway this is a 15 year old girl

who became famous because she was like yelling at her mom on a dr phil whatever and now apparently she's making like 30 grand an appearance are you kidding me i go like i'm gonna punch my mom in the fucking mouth right now yo i'll i'll i'll tell my mom she's fiction for 30 grand i mean give me 30 what did she get cash cash me outside she has like an accent oh my from where's she from philly i don't fucking have florida oh my god i hate philly is she from florida she is in florida i think she's in florida but she's got red here losers she's 13 loser yeah so so recently though she there was a video that came out that her mom was like beating her up like hit her it's fiction bro no it's really no like she was fucking her up all right because

they honestly they're mad ratchet like they they they were like they were calling each other a bitch and shit it looked like a fight that you see on world store like two girls like tackling each other and like grabbing their hair or whatever and we're just like hitting each other and shit it was weird i was like if you gave me 50 bucks i tell my mom to punch me in the face and i'll be famous that's not how that works yeah that's not i mean are you kidding that's not how it works you want me to go skydiving off the building i'm working on right now i'll make a mad money from that seriously i was paying you to do this you no i'm not all right give me a grand and a parachute let me okay let me just spell it out no i'm not going to give you any money to do any act

why why would i you want to go skydiving with me i don't want to go six no let me be the guy and you're attached to me are you insane no i wouldn't trust you with anything i'm not scared let me ask you a question tell me since we're talking about hitting kids i will never in my life hit my child let my wife do it where is she let my wife do it i will never hit my kid wait why would you let your wife do it but not you because i'll never hit my kid i'm not gonna let him know that i hit her him or her what him or her or anyone in this room no wait you so wait you'd let your wife hit your kid yeah i'm not gonna be it because my kids gonna love me you're not gonna love his mom you've already decided this mom used to hit me dad never did i never hit him or her

i really have no idea what you're saying anymore i don't i'm not even sure you're gonna let your your your wife hit your kid but you're not gonna hit your kid so that your kid loves you and hate your hate your wife i'll never do it i don't know i'm kind of like pro hitting i think not like hitting like that like she they got into a fight i'm not gonna fight my kid not that i could get into a fight i'm pretty like i've never i mean i don't have kids but i'm pretty sure i could beat the shit out of them if i have i have three kids i'm sorry i know no i don't have kids what are their names first kid's gonna be anthony because of me what's the second one a boy or a girl you're gonna put me on the spot girl

claudia i don't like that no i hate you there i hate your kid already put me on the spot i'm gonna have my kid fuck your daughter and then you never talk to her my son's gonna beat this shit out of your kid i swear on my old no i've already planned it out when my kids when they act up they're not gonna listen i'm not gonna put them in time when my push ups when my kids do push up listen so they could fuck your kids up when mine fuck your daughter herb when my kid goes no daddy i want to go to syracuse this couch i'm like listen where's joey's son going oh daddy he's i'm like fuck that kid up then you can go to your college that you want to

fuck fuck you your kids aren't beating up my kids i know that my kid's gonna fuck your show i've never been more sure my kid is gonna have a kid with your daughter no yep promise no yep i'm back you'll go fuck her no i'm not a bad guy i'm not a bad guy oh i think there's something wrong with you all right how about the set though this is great i like this this is nice we got lights back here i think it's putting a nice like shadow on my head it looks nice right how do i look i think you look drunk anyone else thinks so just me all right maybe is this mic even on i'm not even talking into it anymore i don't know but there's a handle mic these guess where these are from good guess they're from texas from the outfield

you haven't made sense in eight minutes it's like it's insane the last eight minutes you've just been saying things and now look now look at you your disgrace your disgrace you make me sick i am a hard-working man and i worked in one what the fuck was that i don't know oh my god oh good for you all right let's wrap this up all right i need to get the fuck out of here i gotta pee i gotta pee also dude bad my name is antvino you can follow me on twitter and instagram wherever you want you want a tumblr he usually says it do you have a tumblr no fuck that antvino it's exactly how it sounds antvino what's your pinterest antvino what about uh you want to find me on ebay i'm not yourself

oh god all right so everyone who's listening and not watching if you want to watch this and see how drunk devino actually is uh you can go to fullscreen dot com slash uh baseman yard and you get a month free a month you get to see me once you might be on another time in the month i'm gonna refuse every time he asks me that's not true he's going to cancel planes and be here um yeah so go to fullscreen dot com slash baseman yard to uh and sign up you get a free month then after that you're on your own uh also there's gonna be a post show where it's like 15 minutes where we're gonna continue drinking and it's gonna be even more fucked up than this so that should be nice i can't wait so that's also available on fullscreen um so when you sign up you're not only

getting the podcast video but you're also getting the 15 minute show so do that all right and that is all thanks for listening motherfuckers