The Basement Yard - If You Wear A White Coat, You're A Doctor

Episode Date: February 23, 2016

I bought a dog, some kid pretended to be a doctor, and other stuff. Please don't read this. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard. It's February 22nd 8 p.m. For what it's worth I'm starting these a little late, but it's because I had a long day today. I had a long fucking day Um, I had to film my video for tomorrow today Just because I'm gonna I'm redoing my room because I Got a dog. Well, that's my early birthday present to myself I went out and I was like I need a golden doodle and I was on a bunch of sites

And I finally found one and I was like no way and it was like too good to be true because Believe it or not like a hundred and fifty weeks ago. I went back on my Instagram and looked I posted a picture of a dog of This dog sitting in a passenger seat and I was like it's like a little puppy And I was like I would shut I look caption is I would chop my dick off to have this dog and the dog that I bought Looks like that dog. So it's just interesting. I realized how New York I sound when I say the word dog Dog I bought that fucking dog, you know, I was walking my fucking dog and spilt my fucking coffee and Fucking the dog. I spilt the coffee on the dog. I know I sound very New York. I'm sorry, but anyway So I had to film that video today and I edited it. I added it

Addited edited. I don't fucking know I fucking fixed it. So it looks good and that'll be up tomorrow night, but Since I was shooting it. I had to move a bunch of furniture And just my room's a fucking disaster because tomorrow I'm gonna paint the walls because I gotta redo everything. All right, if this dog's coming in here I can't have it come in. I feel like I'm having a kid I can't have it come in here into my room and you know finds a little something Eat it and die a week after because they'll throw me in jail. Probably. I don't really know the rules, but um

Yeah, so what I'm doing is I'm redoing my room. I'm taking all the furniture out I'm vacuuming and then I'm painting all the walls and just you know cleaning everything, you know, really good clean and To me is a nice place to stay. I don't want to grow up in a shit environment, which it is now I'm looking I'm looking at it right. I'm looking at it right now guys. I'm looking at my room going this is horrific, it's terrible But tomorrow's gonna be the worst day of my life because I got a paint and I just hate painting I really I would rather get inside a washing machine and let it run until I either drown or die from head injuries I would I would rather do that than paint seriously. I really would I had to paint my mom's room

when I was younger and We me and my brother did it. They're like just to paint it and like what a bad idea Yeah, give kids fucking paintbrushes that get paint and we did and it sucked obviously we had to do it like four different times I wanted to kill myself and then we had to put up a fan and like that's a disaster to almost kill myself doing that But yeah, but you know you gotta do it. I gotta do it for the dog I've always talked about having a dog my entire life and now I'm finally gonna get one. I'm really excited But it's like having a kid. It's so weird. My mom was like kind of against against it at first because um We have a dog already, you know, but he's a small dog. This dog's gonna get big by the way, which is you know exciting, but

She's like she was crying I was like mom want to get a dog. I like I I used to bring this up to her all the time And I used to actually make pretend that I had a dog and called it Charlie And whenever like my dog chase now whenever he would do something wrong And I was like, you know what Charles I would never do that because I would train him and he would never he would never do that Charlie's a good dog and I did that for like a year and then now I just bought a dog named Charlie. So Dreams dream come true. Everyone dreams do come true. If you just try, you know, just try and dreams will come true

That's my impression of a third-grade teacher Talking to the kid who just failed the spelling test. I don't know. I'm an idiot never mind. That wasn't funny I'm back in the gym now. I fucked up my shoulder so bad Well, not really cuz I'm already back in the gym, but last week I was in the gym and um, I Was doing incline dumbbell press which is basically you're sitting at an incline And you have dumbbells and you press them But uh, so I was doing that and I had 60 pound dumbbells in my in my hands And I had them up in the air and like a moron in the middle of the set

I like got an itch on my nose So I went to go itch my nose on my shoulder like, you know You go to itch your nose on your shoulder and I tried to do that while I'm holding 60 pounds in each of my hands And so I went to go do that and my arm went backwards and then the weight just forced my arm back and Just it like spun around and I pretty sure I dislocated my shoulder and then I Stood up immediately and I still had to wait in my hands and that forced my arm down really quick And then my arm just like snapped back in and I was like what the fuck did I just do and it was scary, man I was like oh

I was I screamed in the gym It didn't hurt that bad because like I think my body went to shock because I didn't feel like pain Like it hurt a little bit obviously, but like it wasn't like excruciating I just screamed once when it happened because I heard like a bunch of like cracking and just like weird noises and Then I stood up and everyone stared at me like what the fuck's this kid doing? And I'm on a knee just grabbing my shoulder and then I start to realize that I cannot see Like I just lost my vision like you know you ever like a you ever faint and like right before you faint All you see is like white or like weird colors and everything's kind of moving around

That's exactly what it was like for two minutes like a literal two minutes And I didn't know how to fix it because I wasn't necessarily dizzy Like it's usually when you're about to faint like you can't walk and you're just like But like I could do all that I just could not see and my arm was killing me and it was the weirdest thing So I was on a knee right after it happened and my friend didn't know what the fuck was happening My friend that at Ferg that I go to the gym with he thought that I dropped the weight on my face and that Like I was holding my face or something because I couldn't see I was trying to touch my eyes I was making sure they were there. I was like what the fuck happened. They exploded and shot across the gym

But I was like dude. I can't fucking see and so I went outside To get some fresh air and had my head between my legs trying to get the blood to rush back to my brain and It just wasn't working and then I stood up and I was like dude. I got a whatever and As this is happening. He's looking at me And then he goes are you sorry? What do we do? What are we doing? I'm like what the fuck I'm going home. What the fuck do you mean? This kid thought I was just gonna shake that off and just kind of continue with the workout like dude

No, I'm fucking going home. I actually like it was it came to the point. It was so weird I lost all the blood in my head like I should have passed out, but I didn't for some reason My head felt like a million pounds so much so that the back of my neck was hurting Because it was like working so hard to keep my head up. It was so weird I lay down I don't like this bench in the locker room and as I lay down Someone walks in and smacks my leg and I hear yeah, what's up pussy and I look up It's my friend Espo and I'm like dude. I am not in the mood right now

I just almost killed myself and I'm trying not to die here. So just please stop. Yeah, whatever And he just left. I was like good. That's great But yeah, I'm back in the gym now so today was the first day that I went back there and It felt good We did I was like deadlifting with it. So it wasn't anything crazy I felt like, you know, if it was gonna come out it would come out when I was deadlifting because You know, whatever But we'll see how it goes

Tomorrow I'm gonna do some shoulder work and if it pops out. I'm fucked. So, you know, there you go I just can't be injured. I hate it more than anything. I Just can't like sit and do nothing because what the fuck it's terrible. I Hate doing that shit. I got injured once I injured my knee in high school And I just had to sit and do nothing and I was just like to fuck this shit. I just hate it So I'm back in the gym fucking. Um, anyway, did you guys hear about the kid who? pretended to be a doctor. Oh I love it. I love this story. This guy is kids great

This kid's great and I I admire I admire him I just do because all right, so here's a story if you guys don't know I believe it was in Florida I don't really know all the details. I just like skimmed through the story and I got the Twitter version of it, but this kid pretended to be a doctor And he would just like walk into hospitals with a stethoscope glasses and a white codon and Pretend to be a doctor and he would like

Evaluate patience and I don't know how the fuck You can just do that like is there no sign-in sheet or fucking something like they don't take attendance in a hospital Hey, is doctor fucking Morales here or whatever the fuck, you know what I mean? They anyone with a white coat everyone in there is like, oh, yeah, fuck it. He must be a doctor Just go ahead do what you gotta do. Does no one know who works there So this kid would just walk into places and just be a fucking doctor and he would give people physicals and shit and I heard and this is not the first fucking time they've done this he got busted

You know months before Doing this and because he was sitting in on like gynecology Appointments, I don't even know what the right term of that is The gynecologic appointments, so I don't fucking know But he was sitting in on those and people were like the fuck you doing kid first of all this kid's 18 It's not like he's like a grown man and like he could pass as a doctor. He's an 18 year old kid with a mohawk You can't you you fucking can't tell a difference. Come on, man People are dumb people are so dumb. How do you like not know?

like You I hate you know, why does this doctor look so young? Why does he have a mohawk and why the fuck's his name doctor love? That's another thing That's not a joke. He called himself doctor love His name was like Malachi or something And he called him he'd like to be called doctor love. How you doing? I'm doctor love like dude Get the fuck out of here. Where's your dad? Is he the doctor? Who the fuck are you? You know, it's so weird to think that you could just walk into a fucking hospital and be a doctor

Are you kidding me? I Don't know why more people don't do that It's so weird and this kid is like He's the best interview ever because he got interviewed and You know when they do those Split-screen interviews where it's some like reporter who has the most confused look on his face And the kid's sitting there and he's like the reporter goes well Why did you why did you do it and the kid was holding his ear like he had a earpiece in

He did which is completely unnecessary. He's holding his ear And he's like like he's fucking secret service and he's like I don't like your tone And I don't like the way you're conducting this interview. This is over and he pulled it out He fucking got up and left. I'm like, oh, I love this fucking guy. Oh man, it's great, but He got away with this shit for months No one noticed they were like, oh, that's dr. Love, you don't know he's a new doctor here He looks young, but he's he's he's qualified. Who the fuck interviewed him. I don't know but um

Fucking dr. Love he um Dude, that is so outrageous to me I really can't I keep saying the same shit over and over again, but whatever But it was so funny another interview not interviewed But like they were walking him out of the hospital in cuffs like the cops or whatever and of course There's someone like reporter there and she's like Sprinting next next room. So tell me

What are you gonna do and then the kid you can tell he's like trying to put on his best adult Impression and he's like well, I'm very saddened. I'm deeply saddened by the allegations and accuses accusations against me But I will be pursuing this and he says this isn't the first time this has happened I will be pursuing this like dude. How do you pursue it? What do you mean? How you put up a case? Bro, you're 18. You can't be a doctor. That's the facts like you have no What are you pursuing? What the fuck are you talking about? It's like murdering someone on live TV and then when the cops arrest you you're just like I'm gonna fight I'm gonna get a lawyer talk to my lawyer like dude. What?

We saw you do it. The facts are there. The fuck you mean you're gonna pursue this What the hell are you talking about doctor love you dickhead? They didn't teach you that in medical school This kid's out of his fucking mind. I love it though. I think it's great I think the fact that even after he gets caught. He still thinks he's a doctor is amazing to me. It's You know Jesus Christ man the dedication It's not easy Anyway, I went on a hike this weekend, which was kind of sick It was in

Not sure I think it was in New York. It was like on the board with the border of New York and Jersey But the place is Harriman State Park and there was like trails and shit Dude, and I like I live in the city I like the only trees that I see have been planted there, you know and I don't see any of that shit. I don't see nature none of that I just see concrete and fucking taxis So it was nice to like get away and go and go hiking It was just me and my siblings and we

We went hiking and dude the air over there is just different Like I See I'm gonna sound so dumb, but I don't know if it's I'm I'm sure I'm sure that you know It's a higher elevation, but it's not that drastic But I was out of breath man literally we got there and There was a hill to start it was like this little hill and we went over it and

I was sucking air. I was like How long is this hike the hike was like five or six miles or something like that It was like four hours it took us because we kept like just hanging out and just appreciating views and stuff like that but it took us like four hours is like six miles and You had to climb and we were climbing up rocks like it was no fucking joke But dude that first hill I was like Like I'm in Colorado like I kept making excuses like now the elevation That's why the air so thin here, which I don't even know if that's true. I just was making excuses, but

Dude, and I plan on going to Colorado this summer to go hiking There's just certain Trail that I saw and it's beautiful man It's like there's trees and like a hot spring and then like mountains like all in one fucking Hike and I'm like, dude, I gotta see things like this. Well, I still can you know what I mean? It's only a matter of time before I fall off and everyone just starts fucking hating me So it's like why not now? When I can afford to go just go because I'm gonna fall off. It's only it's a matter of time

Right Come on. It's not gonna last forever Joey knows that Joey knows So I gotta go while I can but I want to go to that I might go with my brother and Just go on this hike. It'll be sick man. I just swim in that water Maybe get like a parasite in my dick have to amputate whatever. I don't give a fuck Take it take the dick. I don't need it But yeah, man, we were a climate it was like this big-ass run like it's through woods and shit Obviously, and you know, there's river. There's rivers and Brooks. I don't really know the difference between those two honestly Brooks rivers

Fucking puddles, whatever their bodies of water and water is Russian I walked across like a Tree that had fallen down and just like walked across the river on that like balance myself like I love shit like that You know, I never get to experience that The only thing I was like a balancing. I was like the sidewalk in New York City. It's fucking horseshit But it was nice man the fucking It was beautiful. I took a lot of pictures Put someone Instagram that like it. There's an Instagram that I have it's a photography Instagram. It's

photographs, but it's spelled f a u x t o e g r a f s and That's my photography Instagram that like all those pictures. I just like fuck around. I just like really editing pictures. I think it's cool But yeah, I went there I took a bunch of pictures and it was so sick man the view from up there is incredible You're just all the way up. You could see from miles. I saw a fucking hawk Like what do I see pigeons? I don't see hawks Shit was fucking awesome and I posted the pictures and a ton of people like oh, that's bare Mountain I know I've been to bare Mountain. That's bare Mountain like that's not fucking bare Mountain

I don't know like why you think every mountain looks the same or all the woods looks the same. I don't fucking know but yeah Anyway, I mean my birthdays in three days Like I said, and I still have no idea what the fuck I'm doing like I don't know like I the group chat with all my friends in it There's like 13 people people in it. I left it just because it was so much like it was just 400 text messages a day And I just I couldn't keep up. I was like, you know what? I'm gonna retire and I retired from the group chat I did I retired I suggest that you try it if you're in it if you're in a group chat with a bunch of people Just leave it and just don't even tell anyone why just leave it and watch them freak the fuck out

They're gonna think you hate them. It's like unfollowing Five people at one time. They're all gonna hit you up individually like are you mad at me? What's what's going on and then you don't answer them and just let them sweat it out? It's awesome when people worry about you. It's so dope But um, I'm not in the group chat anymore and my friend that I go to the gym with my friend Fer He told me that in the group chat. They're talking about plans for my birthday without me apparently like oh We're gonna go here for Joey's birthday Fuck no, you're not. What do you mean? And then I heard one of my other friends like oh, we're gonna go to this place

He said he wanted to go here. No, I didn't though. Fuck you talking about dick. I didn't say any that shit These guys are just making up stories. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I Have no idea man This was much easier when I was younger when I was younger I would just have all my friends come over and they would sleep over Like every year they would come to sleep over and everyone would bring me Mike and Ike's because that was my favorite candy They're like hey take some Mike and Ike's and they'd write on the boxes and say, you know Happy birthday bitch, and I'll be it and I have you know how many people sleep over all these people and

My mom would hate me and that would be it man, but I don't know man I'm one of those people that's just like I don't want anything. I don't want I don't need anything I really don't though man. I really don't This dog is You know This is like the only thing I wanted To get a dog, and I finally did it just so happened. It's around my birthday, so I'm kind of just content right now

But uh life's life is uh life's good for me. I can't lie right now. Life is good I just got over that fucking wisdom tooth and the shoulder But I can't really complain about those things because those are shit problems. Those aren't actual problems, but um Yeah, man. I'm just oh shit I'm just uh Very thankful lately when I really just stop and think about it You know I took a huge huge risk with all this comedy YouTube bullshit and You know it's it's really just paying off now

And it really put me in a position to help people that I need to help So I'm just you know really grateful now and just like I get to do that and some like You know and I'm not about the money at all Because like I really could care less like honestly. I just need money to survive And I like I don't have nice things really like all the nice things that I have were like gifts Like I bought some Certain like I don't have like nice clothes or like shoes really I buy cleats. I like I have a lot of cleats and like basketball shorts, but like I don't have like nice jackets or

Jeans I have like two pairs of jeans. I literally have two pairs of jeans one black one below. That's it Like and they that's it. I have two pairs of jeans. I don't have nice stuff, but it's so it's like it's not about the money I just you know like being able to help People that I need to help And I'm just like thankful because this whole fucking worked out man. It's really insane And now I could fucking buy a dog

Which is great and I get to take care of uh get take care of a dog for the next fucking 15 years Whatever the hell it is Can't throw those away not one of those people. How can you do that? How can you just like you know those people that get dogs and just They're like I don't want anymore and they like tie it to a pole outside And then someone finds it because it's so skinny and it's been barking for a week Like the fuck is wrong with you, dude People do that to babies like the fucking people in this world are out of their fucking minds

It's really out of control man. Jesus christ um Anyway Pretty much wrapping it up here. We're at 23 minutes guys. I know everyone's complaining like oh, you gotta make you gotta make these longer Well, I so I gotta I gotta ask people to come on this thing because I don't like I can't talk to myself for too long. I just go fucking crazy And I like I spiral out of control and start talking about dumb shit I can't believe people like listening to this honestly

Someone actually tweeting me was like I listen to your podcast all the time. I feel like we're friends because You know, whatever. I'm really not trying to I mean, I'm trying to entertain people in a way But I'm just also, you know, this is like more of a personal thing. This is actually me. I'm not putting up a fucking What's the word? A facade like a facade does that work? Yeah, I'm not just uh putting a mask on and trying to entertain people This is actually how I am all the time Which is why my friends would would not listen to this thing for more than two seconds

Actually, my friend nick listens to this all the time. So thank you nick You're still a bitch and um, I don't like you but thank you for listening um But yeah guys just reiterate what I was saying before I'm just very thankful. I'm turning 24 and you know I'm really happy that I get to do This right now and I know it could possibly not last forever. So I'm really cherishing the moments that it is

um, of course, I'm gonna do everything my power to Continue the shit um Because I do like entertaining people and I think it is my calling in life But yeah, I'm just very thankful man. I could fucking

It's just great Um Yeah, man, that's it. All right, I hit 25 minutes. Fuck you guys. You said make it longer the last one's 24. This one's 25 All right, so fuck off Anyway, um, if you guys are into sports, you can check out the sports podcast. It's called veterans minimum Um, it's on itunes and soundcloud. That's another thing good news guys baseman yards back on itunes Fucking back there boy Back on itunes. So go to your podcast app and just fucking take a listen. It's on there or have a listen download it

I don't fucking do something listen to it We're on itunes. Um, anyway, the sports podcast veterans minimum. It's on itunes and soundcloud Let's go check that shit out. Also one another podcast. It's called invasion or privacy um with kate wolf and That is another podcast. I'm on which is a lot of fun always have a guest There's like two or three people on it. So those are an hour long. Those are a lot of fun So go check those out and uh, yeah, I'll see you guys tomorrow night when I post that video, right? And thanks for listening you motherfucker