The Basement Yard - I'm Not Carrying Your Baby

Episode Date: May 1, 2018

On this episode, @AsaAkira & @DannyLopriore are on to talk about surrogates, dog poop, college, & more. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard today. I'm joined by two returning guests Danny Asa's back. Hi third episode No, we were supposed to record this like three hours ago, but no one can waste time like us. Nope Whatever it was. I think we're the best of the business when it comes to wasting time and the it's actually not really wasting time though It's getting to know each other. We should have had the mics on That was a great show out there. It was you know, we were talking about assholes and like really getting after it Internet stuff. Yeah Like we found out that like us is like totally cool with having sex in front of a camera and a crew of people Yeah, but it's a little too sexual to get a lap dance in front of people. Yeah, no, it's not in front of people

I don't mind doing sexual things in front of people, but I don't like getting if I go to like a strip club with my friends I don't want to get a lap dance in front of my friends like that feels too Vulnerable like I don't want my friends seeing me like in that sexual state for some reason You know, your friends are like watching you get banged though, right? That's okay. That's okay I like getting banged. I don't like way less vulnerable than like just getting like I don't want to do it Okay, so it's okay. It's okay But I don't want to do it like like I I don't care like for example I wouldn't care if you guys like just happened to come across a

Movie of me getting D.P'd but I would never want to like get a D.P'd in front of me I know like in front of the live audience. You know what you know, that makes sense though Yeah, you don't want to see it live action, but I'm not I'm not talking about that because obviously like I get that You know I'm saying like I wouldn't want my mom on set like Get after it get get after that D. Yeah Yeah, I mean, but I'm just talking about the lap dance part where I'm like But I feel that way about anything that's like really vulnerable like I don't like when like people watch me binge eat Binge eat. No, I'm the same way. I don't like eating in front of people. Yeah, I don't let yeah

If why it just feels gross. Yeah, like you don't go to restaurants and shit No, I'll go but I but like that's fine. You'll eat like a right amount if I'm talking to you. I Can't just eat and you had to just be talking to you. You need to be eating as well. Mm-hmm. I Agree with that. I can't just I feel like it's gross Do that Like what are you just gonna watch me eat? Yeah, why are you watching me? Why are you judging me? Yeah, I guess I mean, I'm sure I have some like weird things too, but I just can't think of any of the top That's definitely one for me. Well, like if someone you have someone else has to be eating at the same time as you

Yeah, I don't like to eat and talk to somebody it feels weird to me No, being the only one eating is gross. Yeah, cuz you're the gross one. It's also weird like why are you eating by yourself? Why is eating gross? It just Is she eats? She eats. I've seen her eat. She's fine eating is gross. It's honestly disgusting. It's deplorable Have you it's deplorable really is could you um? What's the longest you could juice for have you ever done it? Wait, what are you talking about like just cleanse like actually juice what's like How long do you think you could only juice for no solid foods? Yeah, fuck juice juice is gross. I've done like a juice fast. You're talking about right? Yeah

Yeah, I did buy all the shit and like do it I didn't master cleanse once which is like the lemon juice hot water cayenne hot water and maple syrup I did that for 10 days. Well, you drink hot water It's hot water with lemon juice cayenne pepper and maple syrup. What is that supposed to do? Like it's like yeah No, it's not just for your asshole I feel like that would just clear me out for porn I did it like back when I was on drugs and you know what at the end of the 10 days. I found out I was pregnant Hold I

Love when she comes on because she says stuff and just breezes over it like just yeah You know it was back when I was on drugs and shit like no way we're circling back Yeah, and then out of nowhere like it's normal and at the end I was fucking pregnant No, but it was because of that juice cleanse if it weren't for that juice cleanse I may not have found out I was pregnant Yeah, I Baby's like yeah, by the way by the pop out of here. Is that cool? I got so sick off the master cleanse that I went to the doctor and found out I was pregnant Wow

Or maybe I was so sick because of the pregnancy like we don't really know Yeah, how do they tell you're pregnant when you don't know you're pregnant because you didn't go in to be like I think I'm pregnant. Well, I went in being like I'm really sick and I guess like maybe the symptoms I was proposing were like, so yeah, you got morning sickness. Yeah, basically She's like I kind of feel sick in the morning and like I keep getting this like kicking feeling in my stomach Like I don't know what's going on this feeling. There's a person in me. It's just weird You know what I mean weird fact though morning sickness is not just in the morning like they call it that but it's actually all day long Really do being pregnant is trash

I'm so glad I don't have to be pregnant. Can we talk about this for a second? I think being pregnant is One of the bravest things somebody you're doing over here. You're breaking the fucking all I was trying to pull it closer I'm sorry. Wait, what'd you say? I would say Being pregnant is probably one of the bravest things Yeah, you could do what yes It's not brave because bravery is when you do something you're scared of but like it's not brave to give birth because your body was Like literally built for no me every is not being scared Yes to do some wild shit and having a baby person just kick the door down out of you

I know that's bravery to me. I mean, whatever. I'll take it. Yeah, like I'm not going to war. Definitely not having a kid I'm going to war before I have a kid. Fuck. Yeah. What? Yeah. Yeah Actually, that's true because in war you're not guaranteed any pain where it's birth You're pretty much guaranteed, but you could also just have a C-section. I mean that's you cut my stomach open Well, I still also have to carry this thing around for nine months. Yeah, and like be sick all the time It just be insecure everywhere you go. Yeah, like yo my feet don't fit into anything I have this guy even love me. I've been sweat panting for so long. You got Adam jealous I feel like you guys should have this conversation without me because you're making me feel really bad

Now I feel bad, I mean now now I'm scared. I wasn't Be scared. That's all I'm gonna say. Yeah, do you like will you fuck your wives when they're pregnant? Hell, yeah Hell, yeah, I can't wait. I mean, I think some guys are like we're pulsed by it. Yeah, nah bitches Pussies exactly Dude, I think pregnant women are hot to be honest. I mean, there's something mad attractive about a pregnant Yeah, it's like the most woman and here's why here's why not like not like on the street I'll be like, oh, yeah, let's go talk to this pregnant girl But like if you see like a pregnant woman just owning it kind of hot

I don't think that's what I meant. You think like actually physically hot Yeah, like I remember being little and like when Maria and on Sesame Street was pregnant. I was about to say I don't know Maria. I do know Maria for so hot Like there's something about pregnancy. That's just like you just know like she did something to get that way Yeah, like I think it's safe to assume most people like fuck Well, yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah, but like so like I wouldn't say like oh my god Something about pregnancy just turns me on I'm not gonna say that but I'm also not gonna say like doesn't turn me on But I definitely doesn't turn me off either like I'm not gonna have sex with my pregnant wife

No, why not I know my pregnant wife. Yeah, my kids gonna know my dick looks like trust me for sure I'm gonna get close remember we were talking about what's the first dick you ever saw it's always your dad's dick besides your own Yeah, it better be your dad's dick. Yeah, I mean, maybe it could be like your brother's dick, maybe your brother's I was like yo, my dad's got a huge dick when I was a kid, but I think then you grow up and you're like dad I think all kids it was the angle of being small and looking up. I had a huge dick Huge balls, too Dude old balls, so I'm pretty sure wait. Is it true? Is this true or untrue that the older you get the bigger your balls get? I will say I don't know I

I've noticed like I could actually increase in size in my balls The point that I thought I know now mine are hanging all right They definitely over time they will hang though mine. I don't have like a droopy ass sack You know a droopy sack is bad. One of my friends has got a fucking big old droopy thing I just realized we've talked about droopy balls before Yes I know Did that one or just the same thing

It just it can't help it. It always turns there. It's no I told you guys that I know someone who had like a ball reduction Oh, yeah, that's how that's how to control. That's yeah, if my balls are hanging they're hanging. I don't need to reduce them You know what I don't understand when women get like breast reductions like what a yeah, I'll be honest with you I don't get it either like In what scenario is that the answer? I think well, I don't know like for the back problems thing Okay, a side to me. It's like yeah, just deadlift like you get a strong back, but I just feel like some girls out your core Yeah, I think they just don't like the way they look but What I love titties. No, no, no everyone loves the way titties look

I wish more women knew how much men loved it. No, they know they know we know No, but like to the point like it's like you don't got to go and do that Here's the thing though So like I know girls who have gotten breast reductions and it was because Like there's a there's a bunch of reasons one the pain I guess and especially if like you're younger and they just keep growing You're like, yeah, what is this gonna stop? What do you mean? Like in like high school? They're gonna press Yeah, is it that bad though? Some titties are you know miracle grow There are there is always one girl in your high school has

Yeah, you're like, yo what happened she's just known for monster boobs. Yeah Yeah, and she's automatically seen as a slide. That's another thing So that was another reason that girls are like, you know I can't wear like cute clothing because it always looks like I'm trying to show off my tits and then everyone thinks I'm a whore So that that after a while, I guess all that happening It's kind of like dude I'm just if you put this top on like a girl with smaller boobs She looks fine, but because I have big tits I look like a whore

I mean, I get it like like Bridget B. Like looks obscene in a hoodie Like yeah, it doesn't look like a human beings running out. Yeah, but that's not a bad thing like I would yeah Bridget, where whatever you want I'm totally in full support or where nothing or whatever you want Well, you know when you got your implants did you ever think like you get bigger like big ones? Yeah, I wanted bigger ones, but my doctor wouldn't do how but wait what yeah So like I gotta I always tell people I got a Manhattan move job because I got them like on park Ave like in New York and the thing with like boob jobs in New York is like they always try to give you like the

Natural ones that like are like inconspicuous and like people don't know yeah and back then I wasn't important So I was like whatever. I just wanted bigger boobs like that's it and then and then like now that I'm in porn I'm like shit. I should have gone to like an LA doctor would give me like huge tits What wait what kind of first of all park have boobs bougie boobs bougie those are We hear park have you think of like nice? Yeah, but get your boobs done on park ever get some boozy boobs like everyone else in the waiting room was like like 15 year old Jewish girls that were like getting ready to get like nose jobs. Oh, I was about to say hold up You got 15 year olds. Yeah, it is. Yeah

Like for their 16th birthday like they get nose jobs if you were 15 Why are you getting a nose job? It's gonna grow into that sucker. Yeah, I feel like your face is still growing or something Yeah, but sometimes you know, I guess girls stop growing when they have their period though, right? Is that true? Dude what like height? I Don't know 12 you think no one grow like how tall were you when you were 12? Yeah, but yeah, like that's different. I'm different dude. You see some girls that are 5 10

You think there's 5 10 12 year olds walking around. Yeah, but first of all girls are always taller than boys because they start They start going through puberty first. Hello, but they don't stop growing. Yeah, also, like American girls get their periods when they're like eight Whoa, what? First of all, I need some kind of Wait, aren't you like half Puerto Rican? Yeah, so you know yeah, but I feel like Do you have sisters? Yes. Yeah, so when did they get she was older than me? I don't know what she got her first period I'll ask her but do some research. I'm telling you they get them when they're like eight or nine

Hey sis, are you eight? Danny, why are you asking me this? What's up? What's going on? Any kind of cosmetic surgery in high school? Too soon too soon and they always up make up like a story. I got like I broke my nose I broke my nose skiing. I'm just like nah. You just wanted a cooler nose. It's fine Yeah, I kind of agree with that. High school might be in fact, you should be 21 Yeah, I think at least 18 at a high school do what you want. Yeah, your brain still growing at 18 Like yeah, but your nose is probably still growing to you want to give her But like you shouldn't even get a tattoo at 18

I think like that. It's you shouldn't do make any permanent decisions at 18 I just I feel like as a person I always regret stuff. I Could never get a tattoo. No, you don't have any no I'd be like, yo, I love this thing and I know like a week later be like I fucking hate it So like I could there was an idea that had for a tattoo there But it wasn't like it would just be like a Small word that I could get and I wouldn't regret where what on your body. I don't know. I kind of what word I don't want to say why I'll tell you afterwards. Why I don't want to say right because like the reason why it's meaningful

Is because like I don't want anyone to know cuz it's a little weird, right? The words pussy the word is pussy. What'd you say it was the n-word? No, no, it's a series. It's a series of numbers. I want to cover that one up, you know, no, it's a series of numbers You know, honestly, I hate all of my tattoos and I still can't I like your dear. Yeah, this one. This is my favorite one That one's really shit what hand tattoos. I got like that. I wish I could have hand tattoos But I got little ass hands. You know what I hate though finger tattoos and knuckles. I hate that I don't like it. I don't like it. Don't do this though. No Love and hate yeah chill

Yeah, I know I don't but love and hate. I like the way they look aesthetically. I don't like like what they say If I had bigger hands, I get tatted on my hands. What the fuck is this? I don't what is that back of your hands. What the fuck is this? Palm top of your hands back of your hands back. There must be a word for it like you can't just be What would a doctor call it Your fist I don't even fucking know your fit. What is the back of your hand? Wait, maybe it's just your hand Trying to see if your hands are like I love how we're looking at her hands thinking the answer will pop up Yeah, she's small dude. Yeah, what are you like five nothing five one and a half there five

You How long did you say five to four in your life? You know every time I say five to I feel like a fraud I know but five one feels like you know like cutting myself short literally so five one and a half But even though it sounds, you know, so you were the same height in high school. I'm pretty sure I was yeah Yeah, I've always but my whole life. I've always been like the shortest person. I've stopped growing like eighth grade. I Don't I don't know when I stopped growing I was small for the most part I was very small like when I was growing up

I was like shorter than everyone For the most part, but then I like kind of like you grew a little in high school. Yeah in high school I like five eleven. I'm five ten. Yeah, but I was like five. I was like five six for like mad long Oh, so you got lucky you got a little spurred and I was like 70 pounds like I was tiny and Then I spurred it ugly duck like now you're just this spurts bird. Yeah, look at that. Yeah, I mean for you. Thanks. I'll tell you Your seat how tall are you senior year of high school? Yeah, this site. Oh, I don't know I was probably like five nine five Thanks, that's what I was gonna say you probably this height maybe a little bit. I don't know probably yeah

I was probably this height. Why no, I was just wondering Why did I tell you I had my ten-year high school reunion last year? Did you go? Yeah, it was fire. I had so much fun. I didn't I didn't go to mine. I thought it was gonna be terrible Wait, my 15 years this year. Are you going coming up? I don't know you have to go. I Don't know. I didn't I don't really I had one friends in my grade. That's I had one I don't know how many years it was. I don't know how many years it was, but It couldn't be ten. Okay, how old you wait? You're 26 in two years. You'll have it Yeah, I graduate when you're 18. So but I had there was some sort of reunion. There was five

They probably did a five year five year. Yeah, I didn't I didn't go It's also it was also trash. This is high school. We're talking about right? Yeah, it was trash because it was in my Nobody's got their fucking doctor in here You're amongst friends Yeah, we'd nothing no nothing no sort of degree a D D Yeah, I'm not even sure I have a high school diploma, too Yeah, you know, you know, I had to go to summer school to get mine Oh, I've been to every year of summer. Yeah, I was the king. I never went to summer school

First of all, it was the only time I felt like an absolute genius in summer school. It's so fun Yeah, it was so you're the first of the best moron. Yeah summer school so fun because all your friends are there It's only like two hours in the morning Marlboro Reds We're to hang out the rest of the day because it's summer vacation It's summer school is awesome. First of all, it's also a joke. You're there for like an hour You do a whole year school in like a week And it's like being with the substitute teacher the whole time and it's a bunch of teachers who hate their jobs

And they give you an A no matter what did I've never been so I don't know There was this one time my Smart graduated Idiot My freshman year of high school. I should have went to summer school my teacher like hated me and I had to get like a 75 on the regents or whatever test it was

And I got a 72 and I was and I sent him an email. I was like, yo, please which regents was it? It was bio bio was a hard region. Yeah, and I got a 72 and he and he and he was and then he passed me I was like, oh, thank God I just I just narrowly passed that one in high school was passing with 75 the English regents was terrible You had the right like a whole essay. Yeah, I'm gonna writing though. I could bullshit forever Like I've won a essay writing contest Whoa, I wanted a spelling bee in third grade. Yo A bunch of genius. Yeah. Yeah, I told you my spelling bee story, right? Yeah, I think I think you talked about it

I spelled travel wrong. No, I know wait. I told you I spent I lost my spell it le I Like traveling. Yeah, you want to hear mine now the year before I lost It's not funny I'm still not over it. I was in fifth grade. Yeah, I was so mad dude, dude You know the teacher was like this teacher was like this like she said She's like us travel and she was looking down and then I was spelling it and then I would finish spelling it And she just looked up to me like this. Oh

Oh Yeah, but I did one even my third grade. I won My second grade I lost you want to know what the word I lost on walrus. I Spelled wait, you're spelling bee sounds way more advanced than your fifth grade travel. Yeah, you're back Oh, wait. Yeah, you can travel in fifth grade. It's pretty bad a lot of pressure, dude First of all, I was on a stage the whole fucking story. You shook you shook shook one, but I spelled walrus w a l r i s I thought it was I thought I was right So when I did that I was like, oh, you know, I got this one of the bag

You know, I came back the next year just fired up Like I don't think any of the schools I went to had those my school had 11 people in my grade. So that's why we did each grade did their their spelling our class was like The fifth grade alone had like over a hundred kids. Yeah one at once I moved back to New York From New Jersey, I had a big school Like kind of the walrus dude. The real spelling bee is wild. Those kids are ridiculous There's that documentary like with and it's always like it's all Indian kids. Yeah. Yeah, it's always there's like Asian kids and Indian kids Yeah, there's one white kid that like gets out like the second round. You're like, come on, dude

Root for you cabar agoya cabar agoya cabar agoya. Do you remember that kid? What was it? It was just some kid who spelled cabar agoya and he was like, I know it. I totally know it Why and you know, it's crazy. These kids know spelling so much that they when you when they ask like, oh, where is it from? Oh, it's greek. Okay. Like that changes the way they're spelling. Yeah They're also fucking one thing. That's it when they're in high school, though That's it's like it's good conversation starter. Is it like, yeah, I killed it in the spelling bee at one point Like I would be asking him to spell words all night if I knew you were in the national spelling bee

And I'm drinking and I'm next to you. I'm asking you to spell words first of all I don't even know words hard enough. No What's the first word you that comes to mind when you're like, you'll spell this it's probably so easy Oh, shit. Yeah. Yeah, but I have like words. I always spell wrong Who archipelago take a shot at it archipelago. What the fuck is that? Yeah, is that a word? So you don't want to spell it I think so It's like a bunch of islands archipelago Like a country. That's a bunch of islands. I think like a cluster of islands. Oh, I don't think that's how you pronounce it

No, no, you guys it is an archipelago. I thought That right, I think you're right Wait, are you fucking with me? Are you serious? We were just yeah, I think he's right and also People watching this bunch of people didn't go to college. We probably all pronounce it wrong. Yeah, I know to be like, you know I this is why you guys it's archipelago. I think you should look it up. What's one word you spell wrong all the time? Oh I always spell that word wrong. Oh maintenance. I'll crush exercise Oh, what exercise exercise is a hard one. No, it's not spell exercise. E x e r nope

Okay, there's a c. Okay. Well, there you go. That's exactly why It's hard to see our is e No, she's right. No There's a c an exercise. I thought is e x e r c i s e Oh, wait. No, maybe yeah, I'm right. You were wrong. She was I have to write everything down. I can't even do simple math without writing it down You're like rain man. Just like I have to write it. That's that's what it is. It's e r c i s e Why'd I say a c in the beginning? Yeah exercise. You were right. I got you. Don't worry about it. Yeah, I don't even know

Also, like now I don't believe you about the the archipelago disappointment It's two p's And one s I think it might be two s's two p's it's d i s a p p o i n t disappointed You're thinking of mississippi Am I s s i s s i p p i Yeah, I'm right. Yes In the meantime, how do you guys pronounce this word? I'm gonna spell it. Okay, b i o p i c

One more time because I was writing something b i o P i c I'll give you the definition biopic Right. That's what I thought biopic. It's biopic. Yeah, isn't that weird? Like because it's like a biographical like movie. Yeah Oh, what was this thing arca pagaio? archipelago a r c h um e p

e l I'm doing it All right, so play it play all right. How do you want? How do you say it? archipelago archipelago Archipelago Damn, you're over three. Yeah, you're not doing so hot. You gotta you gotta exercise your brain. No wonder you spelt travel wrong shit travelay

Yeah, it's also the worst thing though I hated about schools when they would make you take tests like If you don't pass this one, you're not gonna be in smart math Yeah, I was in math. I went out of my way to take the dumb math. So I was in dumb math Yeah, I did I did it on purpose like dumb science too. I doubled up You had to I first of all in high school When you you get the choice your senior year to take science I was like no just didn't take it at all

And then you have the choice that if you grades were good enough you qualified for calc and pre calc And I qualified for either one of them and I took stat because it was easier. I was like fuck this Yeah, math and science are the worst. I was like, I'm not I'm not you know, I was done with math my junior year I like I had enough credits. I didn't have to do it again. I was done. What foreign language do you take? I took Spanish like my whole life and then when I got to high school, I took Italian And I know neither of them by the way, I took French. Yeah, I took Spanish then I took French Oh, I don't know because you want to Spanish and French and I don't know any of either I know a little bit of Spanish like I can't I definitely can't speak you but I could understand some of it

Italian is No, I don't know how I I had to take like a regions. Yeah, I passed I have no Does anyone remember a language that they learned in high school? No, some some people some nerds Some people I mean there are people with a better probably went to college. Yeah people who know how to pronounce words like, you know archipelago imagine Imagine if you took French in high school and then went to college and took it some more That's ultimate nerd shit. Yeah, that's kind of wild. Wait. Do you take languages in college? Yeah? Yeah

How do you guys know I went to college for eight minutes. I went there for yeah for a semester So what language did you take in college? I didn't take them. No, I didn't take one either So what are you guys talking? I took like hell, but you had a requirement. Oh, okay Yeah, you had to hit it eventually in your eye, but I wasn't there long enough to hit anything No, I had like a social studies class and English class that had an a plus in health class another a plus Some gym class that obviously I dominated. Wait, you have to take gym in college. Yeah, I took judo judo Yeah, I took judo

Wait, why do they have gym in college because they're pre-rex Like you have to take pre-rex before you can get like a like a master But I I mean, I understand why we're not a master a major I feel like in elementary school middle school high school Even like they make you take gym so that like you make sure like your kids are staying active and like they get exercise But in college like is that necessary by the time you're in college if you're not like doing that on your own Like do you really have to I agree actually? Don't make me run. Yeah in college. How dare you? Yeah, I'm an adult if I want to run

I can fucking run you're an adult in college. You shouldn't have to take pe Yeah, no, yeah, I yeah, fuck that. I'm not in that. Yeah No problem with that. Why because it's like the one class you No I had better grades at both you all right relax It's one word right and all of a sudden Exercise e x e are no

C ec God we're all so dumb and senior year. Yo senior year was fired. Did you go to your prom? Oh, we talked about this Yeah, you went stag though, right? What is that by yourself? No Oh, no, you went with the girl. We just talked about you went with this girl. You had did you go to your prom? Uh, no, I didn't have a prom my high school. It didn't have a prom the high school I graduated from wasn't like a real school Like we did internships instead of going to class and we had to like go to the school like once a week

What the fuck is this? It was it was for like kids. It was for like bad kids. You know city I'll convince you most deaf ones. I'm almost convinced you've never went to school in your life Have you have you done anything? What is it? No, I went to the same school as most deaf And it's like so basically like Whatever it doesn't matter But anyway, like after after graduating I I saw somewhere that like you don't even get a normal high school diploma from this school

It's like an equivalency thing. Oh, it's fucking so I'm not even sure if I have a high school diploma And I asked them on twitter like not that long ago and no one wrote me back Like I tweeted them, but you know, I have a high school diploma. I'm not sure that's so weird Did you ever have like a like like a regular job? Yeah, I mean we were pizza delivery boys. Yeah, I did. I worked at I worked at a bookstore actually. Oh, really? Yeah What'd you do? You know what? Uh, I was a cashier at Barnes and Noble's at Union Square. Um, I was I worked at books of wonder on 18th street. I also worked at bounce around

Yeah, I've had so I've had jobs since I was like 14. I worked at chat and shoe. Do you guys remember that restaurant? Chat and shoe It was by Union Square Um, what else I worked for cutco as their receptionist. Do you know that company? What is cutco? It's like for some reason everyone I knew in high school worked for cutco, but it's like a nice company It's basically a pyramid scheme where like I do remember these And the scissors could cut through the pennies and you're like, yo go door to door and sell them And basically it's a scheme because you they get all these kids to sell knives to their friends and like family

It's a scheme. It's kind of like it's kind of like, you know how like sell me a knife right now. What was your pick? No, I was the receptionist. I didn't my ex-boyfriend was the salesperson. Check this out. Watch this Ready cut through a penny. I do remember those. I don't remember the cut through the penny thing, but I do remember it being like Oh, I could get this job where you were selling knives And you're like what like I feel like two things happen and I'm 14 years old. Yeah I'm not uh legally obligate like, you know, but there's two things that happen in everyone's life I feel like there was like well and

Whatever for dudes it was there was some scheme of like, yo you want to make $1,000 a week like Selling knives thing and then for girls there's always some dude like hitting up like, yo 200 for socks socks Yeah $200 for like growing up like random like my space They would ask for sock for their socks perverted thing. Yeah I never got approached for socks and now I'm kind of like offended. Tell me about this ring Yeah, you got trash feet. It's gotta never hit. Yeah, it sounds like you knew more than one girl who was sending their socks

Not they didn't do it, but people will hit them up a lot of anchors. Oh, where like facebook myspace Just like oh, that's why I didn't have that growing up. Did your school ever make you try to sell magazine subscriptions? No, but we had to sell chocolate. I hated when my school would do shit like first No, I was I was selling the shit out of chocolate. I was moving weight chocolate. I could sell magazines I couldn't sell the world I forget you grew up in the city. She world's best chocolate. Everyone had that You guys never had world's best chocolate. Well, you didn't even go to school Well, I went to a private school so they didn't make us sell chocolate

No, but like world's best chocolate. It was like, yo you sell the whole box It was like 50 bucks because there was like 50 bars of chocolate in it Mad good chocolate. You would sell it real well Yeah, good for you. First of all, I would bring it home and all my family be like, yo, here's 20 bucks I'll sell half the fucking box for you. You know selling magazine subscriptions. It was I don't even Why did you have a magazine for your school? It was no it wasn't even for our school. It was for like Other magazines like sports. It was like a hustle. It's child labor Yeah, they were like, hey sell these subscriptions and whoever wins the most gets like a t-shirt

Do you guys remember did you guys ever do like focus groups growing up? Yeah, what is that? Where like like one kid always has the hook up and like you just do like all these market research focus groups Where you get paid a hundred dollars and then you get to eat all these snacks for free Yeah, we usually like at a hotel or something. It's like what like say they want to see how it would test with like teens So they'll give you like a brand of cereal and you go there and you eat it with your boys Yeah, and then you get paid a hundred dollars to like give your opinion. We I never got that much, but I got like 50 bucks In what it was just like like if your school would have a fair like yeah, what's great. Are we talking here high school? Like 9 10 I can go eat cereal for a hundred bucks. Yeah, you could still could yeah

I'll do it now. I mean, I don't have a hook up now Do you remember when like schools used to like uh, like how like a college fair? Oh, yeah Those fairs and stuff. That's where they would be at I've never even heard of this. Yeah, I would have been all over that It was pretty cool And then like I remember we would all like pretend to be things we weren't like You'd have to have like I don't I don't even remember really you'd have to be like of a certain race and like oh, yeah Or like like they they put you in categories and they're like

I mean, it was a great way to make money as a kid. Wait, they made you see like if like if Japanese people would like You know what? I just I just remembered like really popular cereal amongst the mexicans. I also do you guys love this I did a market research thing once for like A birth control pill that like wasn't out yet and they I got paid like two thousand dollars to take this pill Every day and like keep a diary, but and they would like take my blood pressure and all this stuff And I didn't take the pill. I just like pretended to So scheming, you know what you're that one percent and birth control That was 99 percent perfect. How about the I mean I was like 15

How fucked up was I was like, no, it's good. It's chilling put it on the market people start dying and shit Yeah, I know yeah, it's like oh my god vaginas have totally melted off of these women Because of the birth control We tested it tested fine But also like They could have been giving me a fake pill because half the people get a placebo. So maybe, you know, whatever helps you sleep All right before we move on, uh, let's get to the sponsors real quick. Uh, the first one we have here is a new one Wing wing you've guys heard me talk about it before this is a company that we created

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anyway We were talking about on the last show like if we would like donate Our sperm And we both were like, yeah, we would if a friend needed it. Would you ever be a surrogate to someone? You know, yeah somebody Surrogate Yeah, which is totally different. I know. I know surrogates get paid. Hell. Yeah. Okay. I was just gonna say that's why How much you can donate eggs? I think donating eggs is really expensive though

They get they get a lot equivalent of donating sperm because like to donate eggs You have to like go through like all this hormone therapy and it's like a really invasive process Wait, but would you ever be a surrogate for a friend? I mean It would depend on the scenario honestly like probably not Yeah, that's honestly like one of the best things someone can do for a person like that's probably the nicest thing Yeah, I'll do it is like insane to me. It would have to be like the most heartbreaking story Yeah, I have to like really like feel

Like I'll feel bad for you for like a month, but like nine months and I gotta like First of all, that's like a dude. You have to go out of your way for someone for nine months But you also get treated like a nine month fucking, you know, how much a surrogate is getting paid? Imagine I don't know. You guys tell me imagine like being okay Like, you know the rumor that Beyonce used to surrogate. Yeah, like imagine being Beyonce surrogate She probably got treated so well and she probably made enough money to like Like last a lifetime so wait, what does that mean? They take those sperm and the egg from the people and they you just hold this. Yeah, you just hold their baby

You're the host the average amount of compensation can range and this is like not counting famous people Can range from 30,000 to 50,000 after taxes or before plus expenses depending on experience experience Yo, I'm not about to take 30 g's So for this it's completely probably like forever ruin your body. What's the minimum? It says the minimum I think for that a woman should take for this is like 50 g's no no in the millions more okay relax in the million for you, maybe In the millions Millions how much wait, are you saying that's low or high? That's high. Hi, dude. What do you think 100,000?

I would say minimum 100,000 Yeah 30 grand like I need I need a salary first of all I'm putting my fucking body on the line here for you but it also shouldn't be a one-year salary because Honestly, like you have the baby and then you there's recovery time and then you're not gonna like snap back into your old body That's what i'm saying like 100,000 another year like the average american makes what 35? Yeah So like 100 like you get paid three times that yeah

Yeah, that makes sense. Also. I want pretty during and post care Yeah, I think that comes with it. Well, I don't know like I can't just have this kid and you're like Give it to you and also I want 100 g's like after taxes like either pay me in cash or like pay me like 130 or whatever the fuck But you also don't exactly want it in cash Because that gets complicated too because it's like No, I'm just making the point of like I want 100,000 to fuck with like I don't want to have to pay taxes on right

I've made me feel like a baby drug dealer like if I got 100,000 in cash in a suitcase Yeah, it's all there here. I mean give them the baby. Honestly, but if Beyonce did it, that's probably how they did Wait, what happens if you have a miscarriage? I mean yeah, I guess maybe yeah, but also do you get like prorated? Yeah Is there insurance like if you go through like half up front four months of pregnancy half up front Prorated maybe you get paid by the month. No No, because then someone could scam you and be like miscarry miscarry quote unquote at six months You think about how you have to be so medically scanned probably yeah before they do that

Yeah, but still like things could happen like accidents happen. It's like terrible, but like I would never pass that medical scan. No, you went all the fucking random But that was back when I was on drugs. I was I had no idea I was pregnant by the way See what we have but the thing is for them though The thing is for them, they're just holding the baby. We were talking about how sperm like you could pick who's sperm you want Right like down to the fucking T It doesn't really matter what your surrogate looks like, right

It doesn't matter what your surrogate looks like, but you would want someone like I want a big boss woman That would just be able to handle these kids. You'd want like someone like Eastern European or like of Hispanic descent Yeah, that's like some people that have some kids. Yeah, give them some color the ability to get tan. I'm sure those hips the color Yeah, the ability to get a tan. No because like I'm really irish. I want a tan, baby Okay, do mixed babies. Yo mixed babies are the cutest babies on earth Asian babies are mad cute You guys wait hold on just because you have a mix or just because you have a brown surrogate You're not gonna have a mixed baby

Yeah, I mean there could be some sort of thing like when you're coming out slide get something with you on the way out Grab on to some A film of like melon melon just something just something you're in there you're getting some Yeah, you're gonna get some I don't think so. No at the very minimum You're getting the diet that they're on if they have like some European diet. That's true I would feel very attached to a baby even if it wasn't mine and I gave birth to it. Yes I don't want to just hand it over to you Like how do people do that with puppies like you you like you have like a uh, what's that called like a breeder

Like you you you have all these puppies. You're like, and then you just sell them away. I'd be like, oh, hold on I know but let me get one. No, I'll take this one. I'll take yeah But a baby would be even more because it's coming out of your vagina as I'm saying like, you know That's wild. Yeah, I don't know we I think we talked about it like wanting kids though The more I want to think about sometimes, you know having a kid is awful Yeah, a lot of times I think I would say I would say at least six years straight. It's awful Wait, hold on what the first six years you mean? Yeah, no the first six years the kid's gonna love you the best part It's once your kid's called 13 starts like reading a book. I would much rather have a baby than a child

I'm telling you That age At least for me and this is on a very small scale cute after six. Yeah very Very small scale very small small scale my puppy when I got him like you're so anxious about like In the middle of the night, you're like, oh, he moved. Is he joking? Is he dying? And it's like you were just so on edge that you can't sleep like I could not sleep at all now imagine having a human If it dies, you're going to jail. Yeah, you know, I mean like you have to take care of it and make and it's crying constantly But at least at past six if you want to be an asshole be an asshole throw you in your room

Like I don't give a fuck. Have you ever taken care of babies? Yeah Like but also past six like they're like out in the world being their own person. That's way more scary I mean, uh, you know, you'd be all right. How old are you when your parents letting you fucking just run around New York? I was in fourth grade. My parents were like, yeah, I was like fourth grade too. I could run around way too young You're in New York City. None of my parents do that. None of my friends were like really allowed to Like maybe that's why we didn't go to college when I was in when I was in like fourth grade My parents were like do your thing come home at 6 30 for dinner And then be home at 10 or it was 8 30 when I was super young

but you would stay in like that neighborhood that Like where your house is now like you hang out in that I remember when I was young I was allowed to go further than most kids. I was allowed to go further like yo, don't go past this blog or whatever But like it's like a fucking lifeguard at the beach. Yeah, don't go past Just like come back. So yeah, you're too far, bro. Come out. You're also the youngest of four, right? Yeah, yeah, people look out with my other brother too a lot Yeah, people looking out for you But then at a certain age a lot of my friends were allowed to stay out later than me and I had to be home at 11

Ugh Yeah, you were that friend Well, like a lot of a lot of kids. No that had a curfew. Oh, but I wasn't it wasn't like Like it wasn't like I was in high school and I was happening. Oh, okay It wasn't like did you have a curfew in high school? No It was just like I had to keep in contact with my parents like I'll call my dad and be like, yo I'm at my friend's house still like whatever right as long as you kept in touch. You can hang out

Yeah, I could do whatever hell I wanted and you were saying though back to it. You didn't go to a prom My high school didn't have a problem. My high school had a daycare. Like that's the kind of high school it was Daycare internships. So did you do like a promposal? Hell no, I saw one the other day. I saw a promposal the other day yesterday Yesterday in washington square park I was just sitting down with my book agent actually and we were just talking and then we looked over And like there was a group of four kids that were holding prom question mark or so five kids And then they um and so like I was videotaping them the whole time because I thought they were gonna one of them was the prom

Kid But it ends up like they were just there for their boy Who was by the fountain and he was kissing his girlfriend and when she turned around they were holding up the signs that said prom It was super sweet. Right, but like that's awful. Why are you hitting your head? That's terrible because here's why if that's your girlfriend She's gonna go to prom It's for instagram It's for Instagram dude, you're not getting engaged. I can I saw you met her six months ago and you asked her to get married So yeah, it's your girl

Recruiting five your doofus friends to come out there and hold the fucking thing for you First of all the guy who's like, yeah, I'll hold down the M Like dude, if my friend asked me to do that, I would tell him to go fuck himself But that's what I thought that's what actually that's what I thought is like this is not as this is not a love story Between the boy and his girlfriend. It's actually like a bromance story Like the fact that those four guys were willing to take their sunday And go do this thing for their friend that like, you know, they're like, this is corny Yeah, and but they were willing to do that for their friend like that's that's

It's for instagram. It makes me believe in friends It's for ig for sure the kids in high school now are like dying to go viral for any sort of reason It's like oh, you know promposal But like that wasn't a thing when I was growing up like no one did that. No, no one was making signs or like Putting like a thing in a like you're eating a burger. It's like what is this piece of paper? And it says like when I go to prom like there was none of that I would never put like an engagement ring in food. No, that's or like, you know people put it in like Champagne. No, you're gonna drink it. Yeah

How many people a year do they have to dig their engagement ring out of a pile of shit? Oh Because like dog eats it. No, they they themselves eat it because someone No, because like they're the the guy put it in like a cupcake or whatever and the girl eats it Human shit human shit. How many times are you thinking? Yeah, what are you thinking? Yeah, I was gonna propose tonight, but fucking charlie ate your ring. I'm sorry That's what I thought But then you're saying shit

So then I then my my thing went to like shit like junk or like No, like they got it in a ring. So you bite it and then you you have to shit it out Or if it's in the champagne glass or whatever like it must happen. It happens There's that least 20 people in the world per year digging an engagement ring out of shit. I guarantee it Yeah, probably I got to dig my engagement ring out of human shit. That's so bad starts of the marriage dude So awkward it's so yes shitting on the ground or on a piece of like a tarp so that I could sift through your shit Yeah, because you can't shit into the toilet because The rank you go in there and then when you find it. Are you like honey? I got it. Oh my god

Not only that but how many shits until we get to this. I don't know So it didn't come out on the first wave of shit dude the first three the first three days you're shitting on the ground Oh my god, I could never marry that person. I know I would have to bring the ring back and get a new one I would have to bring the ring back and then move to a different state. Yeah away from whoever that was I love how you thought a dog ate the ate the ring. I thought of american pie. You remember he's the he's the ring I would never I would never put it in food, but there has to be so many people. Yeah

That have to do that Like how you were talking about the dog shit. Uh-huh Human shit is way grosser than dog poop way grosser. Well, yeah Also, you know, it's weird how like I'll pick up my dog shit No problem But if my friend asked me to pick up their dog shit, absolutely fucking not. Yeah Let's discuss dog shit. It's kind of gross or like some strangers dog shit. Uh, what? No, fuck out of here. No

Also, the other thing too, how do those people walk like 400 dogs at once you ever see those people? Yeah, they're senseis How do they do that? It's weird. I don't know. I could barely walk my dog. You mean like dog walker Yeah, but like they walk 11 at one time. You're stopping picking up 11 piles of shit. Maybe they're not picking it up Now they gotta be picking. No, it's a huge problem where I live though. What dog shit. It's everywhere It's like fucking landmines They people just leave their shit their dog shit everywhere. No, I don't do that. I pick it up That's a certain kind of person that leaves the shit there. I've called people out. I've called people out about you. Yeah You should yeah, I've told a lot a lot about it a couple times

I've been like, yo I've walked up to a woman her dog shit on the floor. I literally walked right next to her said pick that shit up Maybe you don't have to use that approach. No because I was because I saw this is why They act like they're on their cell phone and they don't notice that their dog is shitting I know this woman from my neighborhood her dog shits in our neighborhood all time I said you need to pick that shit up And she picked it up the word. Oh, and she had a plastic bag. Yeah, and she had a bag She tried to act like she didn't see your dog take a shit

The worst I have done that but like I don't I don't do that anymore I have done it though in the past if it's like midnight, maybe you can get away with even a shit out there You know what happened one time? I was walking my dog and some dog was shitting like a block away I could see that he's shitting and then the dude just got up and left and I was like, wow What an asshole and I started walking over there Dude, unless he had a ladle he's not picking up that shit. It was disgusting. It was yeah Yeah, if your dog is diary, like yeah, I'll throw some water on it or something. Yeah, I don't have a hose on me I'm not scraping this off. Yeah. That stuff just like soaks into the soil. Yeah

Everyone uses like fucking like bags that like newspapers come into I always say I'm like those long fucking Yeah, yeah, I have those like the doggy bags. Yeah, the doggy bags I mean, I got the dog park right here. So I just like He shits in there and then I just like they have scoopers too And they have like a thing like a community thing that has bags in it. So there's no excuse. Do you have a dog? He just died No, like literally like a couple weeks ago. It's okay. No, really No, I feel bad for you now that you feel that you have something that you love so much

Yeah, by the way, I don't have it anymore. Yeah, it just Well, that's the end of the video Whatever we go from here. No, it's okay. I mean, I don't think I'll ever be able to get another dog again That's what I was gonna say. I feel like If I had a dog, I would have to like have a dog While I had that you have to make them overlap That's that's what we did. So I'd be too afraid to cry. So like our dog Uh, our dog chase is like 10

Legends and then we got charlie two years ago. Yeah, that's the way to do it when chase goes We still have charlie for mad years and then you know in between that. Yeah, you have to somebody Isn't it weird that we like sign up for this though? It's sign up for sadness Yeah, like it's a guaranteed heartache and like the worst kind of heartache too. It's trash That's why it's the scene in family guy when he's walking out with brian and the hospital goes It's days like this to make me sad. You're gonna die 40 years before I do That's the thing it's like you love them for so like Ziggy's 10

Your dog ziggy's 10 years old. Yes. It's like it's coming. It's five years. It's like max max And then it's like Yeah, it's like it's like and it's it's such a specific like heartache Like it's it's worse than I think like when a person well, I shouldn't say that dude in house No, it depends how your life depends your lifestyle I know people with that their dogs are their fucking entire lives Yeah, like I know people are like, yeah, like humans lives I'm not trying to go on some like vegan trip here, but it's a domesticated animal that you love

Yeah, like a person. Yeah. It's like a part of your family. Yeah, like it's like weird when they're not there It's also a part of your family that like gave you nothing but great like Like they gave you nothing but love. Yeah, like they didn't give you any like of the negative thing It's like that one family member that like That you just don't hate for some like a little piece of you It's like, yeah, you know, you've actually never done anything wrong to me. I like you. I'll keep you around Great timing by your boy. Yeah, I killed it crushed that time nailed it Anyway back to fisting assholes. Yeah, not my thing. Oh my gosh

Infinity infinity war came out Apparently people died that too. So now I'm fucking everything on by the way I accidentally I went to go see it yesterday infinity war and I bought a ticket for 12 30 a.m Who sees a movie at 12 30 a.m. Guess what I did I saw mine at midnight. No, but this is this is bullshit because the on fan dango Motherfuckers It says April 29th

12 30 I see it. I'm like, all right. Let me pop that. No, that should be on April 30th That's what I'm saying. So I'm like, I didn't look at the a and p and p.m. Thing Because I'm assuming this isn't midnight because that's not 29 And I get there is like, no, this isn't this isn't it and then I actually got a tweet from someone like Yo, was that you at the movies who like got the wrong ticket? And I'm like, fuck. Yeah. Well, I was like, this is horseshit Like I was so mad and then had to buy another ticket to a different movie sucks movie tickets are not cheap these days What no a movie date is really expensive. Don't go to the movies on a date. Don't do it. It's great. It's like a hundred dollar date

Between the snacks Yes, the snacks is where you get killed. Don't be an idiot though. Yes. No caps make that in. Yeah. Yeah sneak those So it's not a good first date though. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. The movie is not a good first date Never horrible. First of all, you're not talking at all at all If you have dinner before the movie after the movie maybe because then you have something to talk about you got uh, yeah It's like you're right and a first date is like you might Movies are a great date for like if you haven't had sex yet

But you're ready to like start touching each other and like hold on to that like Yeah, bro. I would like sneak my pinky over on the armrest like this all the time like when you're trying to like Yeah, that's like yo if my pinky just touches like the outside of her hand It's in It's a height. Yeah, I'm height and she doesn't do like this like or like our knees are touching Yeah, like touching is big moment Is touching allowed on the first date? I think you're supposed to you're supposed to touch to show like affection. So like on the back like hey

Yeah, that's affection dude. That's works. Yeah, but you can't go full arm around though Dude, even with like friends even with friends like I feel like at a certain point Like if I put my arm around you right now, it's not weird But it's like a certain thing but like if the first time you met me I was just like standing there. I had my arm around you. You'd be like dude This guy's kind of fucking right you can't go in for the hug though either until like at least three or four times You need someone I think it depends on the person though because like I touch on I mean I have sex on the first day

I touch on people I uh touch that dick but like I don't know. I don't know. I I don't think that's like you can't make a universal law about No, you're saying like for it to not be weird like touching is good because if it's a first date Touching good and you don't touch them at all. I feel like a girl be like, yeah, he didn't touch me. Yeah, that would be weird But that's why the movies are a bad idea because yeah, it's not good I don't like doing anything on a first date like if I like date first date for me Like I want to hang out with you. Let's let's do anything your house. Oh, no, that's too crazy So like what I don't know like let's just go for like a walk or like some shit like I just want to like talk to you

Get to know you like a paddle a walk or like a central park or like I don't want to be like Yo, I'm eating or you're eating your self-conscious about the way you eat or like you're eating too much Or like if I got to take a dump. Yeah, you know walking Like whatever have you ever taken a dump on a date? Yes, you've date dumped dude. First of all This girl that I was that I was like Oh my god

Wait, I drove to jersey to hang out with this girl And we went to an i-hop and dude. I had to shit so bad And you'll shit anywhere is what I'm starting to when it's a panic. Yeah, you're a poop all-star Yeah, I honestly have my ass all seen things. You guys don't even you're like a like it's like a tether fucking vietnam war veteran It's really just a seasoned veteran. It's like smoke cigars and shit. She's like I've seen it all Dude, my ass is like I've been in two minutes. Oh, it's yeah, it's bad It's bad and I'm not that guy like I'm not a first date only like on a panic, dude Like I had to I don't know what what it was. I think I just like I was nervous

Maybe you're a nervous pooper. Yeah, maybe You probably were trying to shit so fast. Yeah, I'm trying to make it. I'm trying to make it a pee because listen certain amount of pee time If we go out on a date and it's the first date and I go to the bathroom for over five minutes What are you thinking in your head? You're shit. This guy's taking a shit. All right. You know what you do You come back with a story, dude. What the hell's going on with these bathrooms? What do you mean? But even then Girls are not that dumb though. Yeah, no, no, you gotta be even if that story makes me feel better at least

But even if that story's true, it makes us think okay now I'm like, okay, I didn't think anything of it But now I think you are shitting and you're just covering it up with a lame story If you come back you just come back The story does not cover up the shit. I'm lying so hard Or you know what I do if I know I'm like, yo, I got a shit. There's no way I'm getting out here without shitting I will hold this to the very last possible second so I can go and make it in pee time Go in there shit. Wash my hands. Get the fuck out there. It's like, oh you pee

I just realized what the correct answer is here It's you just have to be like I need to shit so bad and make it a funny thing What's up? You ordered? I have to go shit She's like do me a favor right when the guy comes I'm getting the steak Medium well, I gotta go dump. I gotta actually You just need to be hilarious about it and like be totally upfront I am very like I like it's not a lot of time that goes by before I'm on shitting and like Farting terms that movie was really good. Wasn't it? Hold on one second. I have to take a shit

I'll be right back. I'll be right back That would like seal the deal for me if a guy could pull that off in a funny way Yeah, yeah You're in yeah It would really depend who I'm with because if you're with someone who hasn't fully opened up yet But if you have someone you have really good chemistry with I have no problem be like, yo I got a shit and I have cold sweats. Let me talk to you Let me sit. Yeah, do me a favor sit down. I need to tell you something. I need to tell you and your brothers and sisters

Daddy got a shit real fucking bad Okay That's what's going down. Listen. Listen. Listen Let's not beat around the bush I got a shit and if you got a pee we can walk over together. Yeah, that's like a cup. I'll wait for you outside I'll check twitter. I I just want you know, I'm for sure washing my hands. Yeah, I'm not gonna put all your poop hands on you On the first day. No, no, no way to this to the third day

The thing is though too is like first dates don't happen like they usually do anymore Because like I feel like everyone talks to each other either through like dms or tinder Yeah, people are ready to are locked and loaded ready to fuck by this time. I'm sucking this dick. Yeah, like I'm yeah But I think reversely it also makes for like an awkward first meeting because it's almost like you know this person kind of So well, but you don't Really know that well and you probably only know them just like through tech. Yeah Yeah, I think that's that's its own kind of now you have nothing to talk about And like it's just like it's weird. It's like oh

It's weird to be like in person talking to someone in person and like you only knew them through the internet or whatever Have you ever been on a blind date? No, have you no, but like I really want to I would do it even though like, you know, but I just think the idea of like a blind date is like hilarious to me If you don't know what you're gonna get and like speed dating like sounds so fun Doesn't it because like I'm I I'm I live for awkward I live for it So like I so badly want to go on a blind date just because I want to meet someone that's just like completely off

Yeah, like I'm not doing it to like Oh, maybe you'll find love this way Like like your friend knows what you're interested in better than you like And and a speed dating you're pretty much guaranteed to find at least two people that are nuts It would just be so and I would love to do it It always reminds me of like that four-year-old virgin scene Exactly. I would love to do it just for like sport Right. Right. Just to have just to do it just to see how good I am at holding conversations

Just to see how good I was I wonder if I proposed that to my boyfriend like, hey, can I go speed dating just Just just yeah, I wonder if he'd let me. Yeah, you're not gonna fuck anybody. Why not? You're just talking to people. Well, no first date over there. Well, no, I wouldn't I wouldn't I would I would honestly I'd make a promise like I'm not I promise I'm not gonna fuck so you're saying first day definitely not arm around yet First day it's heavy with the arm unless you can't hold a bench and like Definitely no hold hand if you go to hold someone's hand on first date, you're a serial killer heavy

It depends. No, it depends. Like did you just meet that person that morning? We're talking about like like school first day. Yeah, like like like you walk by you see somebody in real life You somehow get their phone numbers You have a mutual friend, and you're like we should go out some time. Like you don't hold their hand on the first date not chill I feel like I'm not gonna hold your hand until after I fuck You know what? You know what? No, can I tell you something? It sounds ridiculous, but you're absolutely right. Yeah I don't even like doing that. I don't even like doing that. I don't like holding hands I don't like things in between my fingers or something. I think you have to hold the we talked about it

Yeah, I don't I don't like it. What's a more masculine way for a man to hold a hand this way Yeah, or this way or on the back. Oh as a man. You cannot be the one in the back I told you. Yeah, but it's way more comfortable. It's like what are you my son? Yeah, it has to be hand down. It's way more comfortable No, but I'm leading you. I have to be the one behind. That's it. Like I'm leading you. This is the appropriate way Yeah, but like that one's way better. You guys are lucky. Yeah, dude. The back held hand is so comfortable the front I'm all like twisted you control the swing. Look at my shoulder. Look at this. No, I want to be in the back carry me around Wait, so when you hold if you hold a girlfriend's hand, you're in the back

I don't do it. That's like some topping from the bottom. Are you are you a in-hand in-hand or finger? Yeah, are you interlocking fingers? No, I'm not interlocking. I hate interlocking. I hate it. I don't like holding hands though I like I like I like holding Printed at any time like even yeah, sure But even like my girlfriend now like if I hold her hand she gets mad if I just hold her hand like like this like mad soft Like sometimes I'll just hold her hand. I don't mind. I don't mind you're gonna. Fuck and hold my hand or not You like I don't mind interlocking arms like that thing like she's holding onto your arm

And I don't mind like my arm around you, but I don't like holding hands Yeah, I know a lot of people that don't like holding hands. They feel weird. It is way more intimate than sex It's not even about the intimacy. I just don't like the way it feels No, I get it But I say I'm saying though if I'm gonna hold your hand intimately. I better have fucked you first A hundred percent. Yeah, wait, like why would you even hold someone's hand if you haven't had because like you're not fucking Why would you what business do you have holding their hand? Yeah, I don't know I mean when you're in eighth grade, hold the hands like well come on. That's totally different

Just saying honestly, I've been in relationship for a while now. I don't know if I could ever like start dating again It'd be so weird for me I would love to see that. It would be really awkward. It would be so awkward to be like So like I don't know what do you do? First of all, I would love to have someone to ask you Danny what my doorbell just rang. Who the fuck is that? I don't know. I would love to have someone to ask you But like, yeah, what do you do and I just try to explain it. All right, you know like I like um You know tits, right? You know titties. Yeah, you know titties

uh I make people laugh on the internet. I guess I talk about uh assholes with uh, you know ass like here I do like podcasts about butts Uh What's what's a masculine way to hold hands? I think you'd I think you'd be really good at dating Oh, yeah, I would smash it. I know me but what I'm saying is like you have the right personality I do like honestly like even if I went on a date I do I would crush it because even if I went on a date with somebody

Even if we weren't sexually attracted to each other, I'd be like let's just have fun Yeah, like I'll keep drinking and hanging out. I can hang out with anyone. I'm not gonna thrash you You're not gonna thrash me. I even like I like like I mean It's gonna come out weird But like when you when you meet a dude for the first time and you're like, oh, this guy's awesome I want to be friends with this dude. Yeah, and you're just like good on those dates. There needs to be 100% I could I could pass with that. Yeah, there needs to be a word for that I think it's the cutest thing in the world when two boys like

Meet and they so badly want to be friends with each other Dude, that's like me and this this kid that I know now It was oh, you're in one. Yeah Like a new one. It just happened and like it's just like, oh my god. I'm talking. That's what happened I know that's what no you meet people in your life. It's like a friend crush Like you just really want to be their friend and you're like, I know they want to be my friend, too That's so awesome Yeah, there should be a word for that. I don't know

bromance Yeah But bromance is a little bit further into the relationship. Yeah, it is it's definitely way more intimate It's holding hands like you guys are in a bromance. Yeah, you guys are full-fledged bromance. Yeah, we bicker now People think we're dating. Yeah, people think we're dating. We bicker. Are you past the honeymoon phase? No, we're still in there We're still in love for sure, but for sure, you know our personalities are coming out more when we're alone, you know We shoot with the door open is what we're trying to do Yeah, you know, it is kind of funny though is that I used to always close the door here when I would like pay

Now it's like doesn't make any sense. Your brother's now. Yeah. Yeah, that works Should we should we do it here? Should we do it here? Should we do it here? Should we make an honest man out of each other? How many best friends do you have though? Is there a cap on best friends? Oh, yeah, there's a cap I don't you know what I don't like what I don't like people who throw around the word best friend Like if I say someone's my best friend, I like I'm serious damn. I literally a serious fire under your shoes. Yeah, no Anyway, we're best friends. Yeah. Yeah, all right. We're your best friend. I mean like I think at any given time no more than

Four are they interchangeable? Kind of yeah, damn girls are cut through as far as I find the same way because I've had the same friends for like a long time And there's like 15 of them and I go through phases where like I've been hanging out with this kid like every day for like two months and then I've been hanging out with this kid all the time So I like I mean I get You have your best friends Yeah, you have like four. I think four four is a good number Which if you have four good for you, some people don't have any

No, I go through periods of time where I don't have four. Sometimes I mean like people have fallouts I've like definitely has to be a best friend cap though that are like never change Yeah, you can't just have these conversations to everyone. Well, people will say like best. That's my best friend or one of Like oh, it's like one of my like good friends I know what you mean Yeah, I know there's different like kinds of but I always say I always say that if it's any one of those 15 kids and someone's like Oh, you know this kid. I'm like, yeah, it's one of my best friends. Yeah, like one of my best friends That's what I'm saying because I've known those kids my entire life. Yeah, they call my mom mom like it's

Grow up together. Yeah, can't switch that. How long does it take? Is there like a Chronal or like a time like minimum No, it's just a chemistry thing I think Because I've barely known you and we're kind of like really good friends. Yeah, we're pretty close. Are you guys best friends? We're pretty close now. I think we're definitely flirting with it. Yeah, we're definitely on the cusp. It's getting weird Definitely been rubbing it with our thumbs. It's you know what I mean? It's like, you know when you're like waiting for the other person to say I love you first, right? It's gonna be sitting in the office one day and go, I just like I think you're one of my best friends

Yeah, I just think like you're my you're my and then we're gonna hug each other and cry for about 45. Yeah, that happens regardless It's not a problem It's coming up all your best friends are from growing up Except for one except for one How'd you meet them? I met her through my other she dated my other best friend. Oh, okay I've talked about her to you guys. Yeah But yeah, so Looking at me for I'm not I'm just looking around. I'm just moving my eyes

But you know what? We just started seeing best friend recently and like she said it Yeah, she said it like really passingly like she said it like she said She told me about talking to someone else and she like called me her best friend in that Conversation and you're like, I'm not gonna lie like my heart like yeah, like I could have cried yo Friends are a big deal You know friends are a bigger deal than like anything else. Yeah, I that's what I really like it's like growing up like Not having friends. It's gotta be so awful

terrible Dude, I can't do anything without my friends. I can't I can't function No, and like my I mean obviously my family but like I'm really close to my siblings And then like with my friends too. I'm really close with them Dude, literally if that's somehow just This structure that has been built in my life. Yeah, even crumbles a little bit I wouldn't be able to do anything. I hear you. I agree. It's crazy

You guys are really lucky though because you have siblings. So you have like an automatic. Yeah You are born into a community. Well, you have to be like I feel like when you're an only child You have to be way more creative to have fun Yeah, like when you're home or not even creative like I'm just like you can put me in a Like if you guys left this room, I'd be okay like for a while How long is it? I can just think my own thoughts No, like I can entertain myself like with nothing is what I mean like I can just like think staring at a wall Yeah, but a very long time whereas like I see that other people cannot do that

Did you ever have imaginary friends growing up? I didn't have imaginary friends. Did you but I had like stuffed animal? No, I didn't No, I had like real friends That's really me No, no, no, but like I had brothers and sisters Yeah, exactly like it was no if you had an imaginary friend with brothers probably going to the doctor Yeah, you probably have to see a therapist. Yeah, your parents don't like you. No, not too much I don't think imaginary friends is like unhealthy. No as a little kid You know what though now that I'm thinking about it, that's really weird like do people think their imaginary friends are real

some um Like in drop dead friend Who it was like an old movie but like but like people, you know You see like fucking the tlc channel will do a special on someone who like thinks they have like a friend Or like those dudes that like buy dolls and they dress them up and like they fuck them Yeah, well, that's not an imaginary friend. That's no, it's plastic friend is having sex with a like a doll cheating No, no

That's like it's fire is what it is Yeah, no, but you know what you know what it depends on the relationship because if your girlfriend thinks it's cheating then it's cheating Whatever your girlfriend says is cheating is cheating. Yeah, you want to know it's weird. What you want to know it's weird What if they're just like I don't agree, but I do agree for some reason If you want it is the golden rule if you want to be with that person then whatever they say is cheating is cheating But otherwise it's like not Realistic Then don't be with them

Then you're don't be with an unreasonable person But like if if you decide that hugging girls is cheating and your boyfriend was hugging girls You're like, yo, you got you're cheating on me. Yeah If he's I mean I wouldn't want to be with someone that said that well, obviously, but i'm saying like That's part of like finding out if you're compatible. I think yeah But like if you if if like if I feel like the whole idea if you need to lie about hugging someone Then you're cheating

Okay, if you have to lie about it, I guess I agree in that regard Yeah Yeah, makes sense But also don't hug anybody else. I'm not gonna hug anybody. All right, so i'm just making sure Yeah, yeah, like everyone draws the line Another thing is too is like if I see a friend Like I have to give them a five and say hello to them like it's weird if I walk in and it's just like what's up Do you know what's fucked up? Keith never does that to me?

Why I don't know. Wait, dude, if I see you I'm like, yeah, I'm dapping you up I'm saying what's up. My brother won't do it to me because he's my brother. I want to talk about this actually He's my brother Like if I know you and I've met you more than a few times and I care about you I want to say hello to you I don't You like you don't care like okay, so my ex was from spain and like in spain they go way overboard Like you enter a room you have to double cheek every single person in the room when you leave the room

You double cheek every person in the room. Can't be double chicken. No, but like even a hug Like I feel like if there's more than two people in the room It should be okay to not to just a simple wave Hello, and a simple wave goodbye. I'll say hi to everyone Definitely not saying bye to everybody though. Like I'll be like yo I'm out later The high is more important than the buy for me sometimes with a friend. I'm all about the irish exit Yeah, I'll just bounce but if I come in here every day and if you're on like I'm just like

Like get the day started with a pound. Yeah, I mean I'm cool with like but like if we're out at a bar And like my brother Keith will show up. He'll say hi to everyone. Dap him up puts me back I'm just like, yeah, you're a brother. Yeah, but yo man, what's up? I dab my brother's up every time I see him So I'm saying I think that's really unnecessary. Yo Keith get it together. Give your brother a hug sometimes Dab me the fuck up dude bring it in When was the last time you hugged your brother? He hates hugging so I hug him all the time. That's why Yeah, I'm gonna hug him next time

No Maybe maybe I mean, it would be kind of mean if he doesn't like being hugged if he is autistic He just hug him all the time if he is autistic. He only it's he only got that part of it That is just the hugging part just the hugging part because are you a hugger? Like he can't like play piano like I'm not a hug I mean, I'll hug like okay, like for example today. I got here. I hugged you guys. Yeah, yeah So like if there's two people, yeah, I'll hug to say hi. I probably won't hug to say bye Right, but we did a high hug though a high hug. Yeah, like quick. Yeah, that's good. You're all right. Cool Like five people in the room. I would just say hi, right

It's a numbers game It's a numbers game and it's also like the mixture of like I think it's so awkward when like, okay Let's say like I know you guys and then let's say you have three other friends here Which isn't so unlikely That I don't really know like I don't really I don't know and you don't have to hug them at all I know, but it's also you know, but it's also Thank you, but it's also awkward if I hugged just the two of you And not like do you know what I mean? I think it's different if they're here already, you know us

So it's different our hellos will be different It's okay to have different hellos if I don't know you I'm not what Danny's trying to say is that if anyone is here you better hug him Yeah But I also think there's also a difference of like, okay I have certain friends that if they come over to my house, I'm not hugging them But if I see them out and about I'll hug them. Right. I don't know why I also feel like It's not necessary for you to dammy up every time you see me. No, yeah, you guys don't you guys see each other every day

Yeah, but I'm just but it sounds like Danny to you. It's very important I'm just that type of person like I like that human like just to be like, yo, what's up? I'll I'll see you later Need anything I'll talk to there are some people that come like I don't want to fucking hold on to you Yeah, like fucking lift you up off the ground like I'll just give you like a dap and be like, yeah, I'll see you tomorrow Yeah, I mean, I don't know I'm cool with I'm cool with like if I see you on a consistent basis Right, you don't got to say this. I'm gonna try and come in Well tomorrow is a Wednesday And then try and just see how I feel

Was just not saying it just like not just like sit down and be like, yeah, it's good Is it gonna be like that I could do Yeah, that I could do Yeah, but like obviously you're not gonna like go and just go into the office if I'm on the couch and not talk to me Yeah, that would be weird. Yeah, that's weird. I'd be like, uh, what the fuck open with a conversation Yeah, like, yeah, what's up? Just so what's up? I think it's gonna be so weird when you guys Meet up tomorrow. Yeah, Danny's gonna be like It's gonna be very awkward

I'm like, hey, and then eventually he's gonna be like, I'm not I'm not mad at you either, man She's like, Danny, why are you crying? What do you mean? What do you mean? No, I just I just I don't know I You didn't tap me up. It's fine. Don't worry about it. It's gonna be weird no matter what now I also hate that like I also hate when people get upset about that stuff though. I would never get upset about it Yeah, like the you know the unfollowing thing like what if I unfollow you on instagram Why are you gonna hit me up and ask me why just just take the unfollow. I know

Yo, it's a big deal to people though. Yeah, I hear that but also It's it's a statement when you unfollow someone on but fine Find out like I know you hate like people like take this l like I know you hate that expression That's taking a big fat l though, but like just just take it You we need an it's only an l if you ask yeah a mute button on instagram would be huge. Oh my god I would love that. Yeah, there's so many people that I follow. I'm like, I really don't want to see this person No, like just get rid of it, but I don't want to have the conversation either Right and also maybe one day you might want to DM them

By the way, if you have that app that tells you when people unfollow you you are wildly insecure And I also hate how it will come up on some people's timelines What it'll be like wait for instagram. No, no for twitter. It'd be like 50 people followed me seven people unfollowed me Oh, yeah, like they're part of the app. I think no one gives a shit about your fucking statistics. It's so weird It's like, yo, why do you have this? Why do you need to know? Yeah, it's you're wildly insecure if you have that I used to have like an instagram tracker Only to see like verified people followed me though, and then I got rid of it I mean, you want to be cool. I check that like I check it on social rank though

I was like, honestly, it's interesting to see like yeah, I want to see like how good my stretch is. Yeah Who's who's fucking with your boy? Would you Boy, that's all that's all every once in a while No, I know but like don't don't text me if I unfollow you like, you know, why do you want to follow me? Because we don't fucking talk. I know you guys are you fucking suck You guys have a lot more followers than me though. What do your notifications look like? I don't have any even come up No, I shut everything off. Yeah

Ridiculous. I I do have I do have on I mean like in the app Yeah, I like when you open it And like instagram the three shits will come out. Yeah Do you ever like it's probably just 99 all the time. I don't even look at them Yeah, I don't really know it is 99 though if I check but like I don't really you know On twitter though, it's not as crazy Instagram is kind of wild instagram is kind of wild because people binge like things they do

But with twitter, it's not like that. It's not like someone's tweeting you five times in a row because I would block you then twitter's dying Is it? Yeah, I love twitter though. Twitter's my favorite platform Instagram no, I don't think it's dying. I think that instagram is just taking over no twitter's dying People aren't people aren't on it as much Like tweets that I know like this sounds super corny, but like tweets that I know used to get like 500 retweets are now getting like 50. Yeah I mean I'm getting like 4 000 retweets these days Boys, maybe your body's killing it

Nah, it's just me you throw a boob out there once in a while. Yeah, if you throw a titty in the air you're gonna be straight You can get some retweets has nothing to do with what the tweet is. It's like god the weather's so nice right now It's like straight up tit Yeah, since the last time you were here though. Has anyone come up to you in public while you were through boyfriend Since then yeah, I don't think I've been in public with my boyfriend You guys are homebody. Yeah, we're home. I tried to invite her and a boyfriend out. I was at the bonnie Okay, there's a bar over there in that area and I was like, yo come through. Yeah, I just I don't know I just I didn't what do you guys do for like birthday? Like what do you do for birthdays?

No, I mean like don't get me wrong. You know what? No, that's a lie. We go out. We were out the other night. Um Like two nights ago this weekend, but like I don't know. I just can't do that. We're like homebodies Like if I saw if I didn't know you and I saw you out with a dude Like and I saw you from across the bar like I probably just be like One of those I wouldn't really like I respect the game. I respect the gangster You know what? A lot of people do that like walking down the street a lot of people do that. It's like they'll give me a high five Yeah, yeah, it's good

Keep it moving. Yeah, I would only say something probably to like an athlete Yeah, because I got a lot of sports and shit like when we went we went to a belt tour event And there was mad athletes there and like Brandon Jacobs was there. He was on my fucking favorite team So I went up to him and I was just like, yo, you're the man. Yeah, I fucking. Yeah, you guys won a super bowl Not the wrong with saying we're up to somebody. He also was the biggest person I've ever seen. I was like, dude You're a lot smaller in person. Yeah, and he started laughing. I think he's six seven. I think dude. He's fucking huge He's bigger than Justin Pugh. Yeah I feel like for me like the person I go up to like it almost depends on like the level of celebrity

Like if it's a huge star, I won't yeah, I won't either But if it's like someone like a really like niche type celebrity, like if I saw Nathan fielder I would definitely go up to him. Do you know what I mean? Like someone who's love that guy you bring him up like every episode I think so But like someone like that, I mean like someone who's like uh the middle of the pack Yeah, but because like I would never go up to someone who's being like bombarded and just like get in line for some Right, but if they were like out and it's low-key like whatever and I just like, yeah, I know you like no And everyone in here doesn't but like I know who you are right like what's like

I just want you know like y'all you're the man and then that's it. Keep moving. I would never like y'all Let me get a picture. Let me have this conversation. I never asked for pictures. No, I would never ever you I think it's different for girls though Like most of like our idols are like dudes. Yeah, I don't want to ask another dude for a photo feels weird Yeah, I don't know I would ask Mindy Kaling for a photo actually. Yeah, oh, I love her Yeah, she's great Yeah, I I feel weird asking for pictures, but I definitely want to just be like, yo Like what about if you saw Jerry Seinfeld like just out walking around. Oh, I already know how Jerry is

I already know how he is like I wouldn't really I would tell my I would tell my yo Like I would say something but I wouldn't like I would definitely not stop moving is my is my plan Yeah, and I'd never always keep it moving like yo, you're the fucking man and just keep going And I never want to stop them from moving. Yeah, I don't want I don't want any of that either if they stop That's fine. Right and then I'll stop but like I'm I'm gonna do my thing like, you know, I don't want to I told you I met Bill Murray once right Did you yeah, I met him in LaGuardia Airport and I shook his hand and I was talking really quiet He was just mimicking back what I was saying to him

What? Yeah, so I was shaking his hand. I was like, oh bill like man. I appreciate like all the stuff He's like, hey man, like I appreciate all the stuff. Wait, was he doing it on purpose? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's doing it on purpose That's so funny. Bill Murray has a bunch of stories like that He was doing it to fuck. He was literally like being he was just talking about you Yeah, fucking with me and then I realized he was fucking with me He's like, all right, man. Take it easy and I like three steps as I took away. I go, you know, bill Murray just sundry me Yeah, so there's a famous bill Murray story that he Walked up to someone who was eating at a restaurant and ate a fry off their plate and the person looked up at him

He's like no one's gonna believe you and walked away. Yeah, I love that story. It's amazing That is amazing. Isn't that hilarious? Yeah, he was going to Florida to go fucking play golf some pro-am Whoa, that makes me like him so much more. Yeah, boomer is a man. There's there's a lot of stories about bill Murray like that Like he'll just like pop up into I felt so stupid You know the story where Ed Sheeran had a concert and he invited Beyonce and Jay-Z And then Beyonce and Jay-Z were like, oh, where we going? Let's go out to some place and he's like, all right Like well, I'll pick the place and he's like a dive bar guy

And he's like, so we went to some dive bar in Manhattan He's like and we're in the back of this like divey ass place and like Jay-Z and Beyonce are there Like how weird would that be? Ed Sheeran's the man I've heard that like everyone says do you think Jay-Z and Beyonce are a real couple? Yes, the fuck's that mean because like didn't he like allude to them not being a real couple recently? Like he said something like when we started out like we weren't a real couple or something like that I could see that like for business like entertainment. I could see that

I mean, I certainly think now they are. Yeah, I would hope All these goddamn kids they got now well Two three. Oh, yeah, cuz twins also artificial insemination. I think is going on there So you think she was pregnant though Yeah, I think so Because I think they just did artificial insemination like they did like because how old is Beyonce? 35 something like that something around there not that she can't get pregnant on her own

But I feel like when you're an entertainer and I think the most suspicious thing about Beyonce's pregnancy is that like Beyonce has the kind of body where like She's probably not gonna snap back Right, you know what I mean? She's like right on the edge And she did snap back Yeah So Like crazy and love Beyonce so hot But I don't know so good. So good. Who's the most famous person you ever met?

Jay-Z. Jay-Z It's fire Sheboy You met Kanye too, right? Same night Fire Double fire. I dapped him up. That's fire. I was listening to his album with him. Yeah Which was like that's like that sounds way cooler than I know There was a table in between us and we were just like listen. It was at his listening party

It sounds cool for you and really uncool for him, right? Yeah before we went on exactly the situation He had a big ass chain on was it the scoopity poop poop song? It wasn't that one. No, not that one. Scoop. Scoopity poop. Scoopity doop doop Oh god, I think we should wrap this up. Yeah, how long have you been doing this shit? I don't know Hour 25? Really? Wow. Holy shit. Damn And we talked for like three hours out there Shit, I gotta go to Pilates. I think we're all in best friend territory now. I think so I think so. Should we hug after this? Yeah, you guys are my best friends

Oh god. No highs on the bias No hugs with goodbyes. No hugs with goodbyes. I can't wait for you guys to say hi tomorrow morning. I can't wait either I'm not gonna like text you for like a week now. It's nice and you have a new new man in your life Which I just found out. Are you jealous? You're jealous. No, come on. I'm jealous. You know how it is Yeah, of course. That's why that's why you can't be tamed Oh I thought you said you know how it is You can't be tamed. I'm out here just making friends, dude. You're like honey. You can't be managed. Oh, you have friends

Good for you. It's great. Good for you. Great. I thought I was I thought I was the only one That's like if a girl gets with a guy and like they think like they've never like gotten with somebody before in their lives Like what do they think you like lived under a rock here entirely? Oh, but I'm like that I I'm so intensely jealous of ex-girlfriend stuff Like I if you're dating me, you can't even like mention an ex-girlfriend's name I think you're like a little bit of the psycho I mean, I think like She didn't deny it. I think how many like how many knives have you held to your boyfriend's throat? Oh a knife never

Oh forks. No, I'm making a warm spoon. I know I'm more of like a I'll like break your shit But I don't want to like you'll break a guy's xbox. Oh, yeah, I've done that I've had a phone. Like what's the most expensive thing you ever broke? Oh good question. I mean probably like a laptop or something You broke his laptop? Yeah, but I stayed On maniac. I mean, this was a long time ago. But you know what like the thing is like I can be triggered but I can also Be not triggered

So that's usually how that goes I can also like I could break your shit. No, like I'm not or I can just no not break your shit. No, like, okay Like I've been in relation. I've been in relationships for years before where like I'm I go the whole entire time Not triggered and they think I'm like a really cool girlfriend Like the guy I'm with now thinks I'm like super cool but like I've also been in relationships where like there are guys There are definitely guys out there right now saying that like I'm insane for sure

Well, I think everybody has a little bit of that, you know, yeah, they triggered me It is I can be triggered and I can also not be triggered. So just be fucking careful. All right, watch your fucking mouth No, like I hide your laptop. I haven't thrown anything in probably like a decade. Honestly. Okay. Yeah, so you're past that you're past your song You're destroying. I know I'm not like I You can come out of retirement. Yeah Yeah for the right person hide your fucking laptop. Yeah, I'm a little afraid now me too No, I would never do that to like a friend

A best friend say the wrong thing. She'll put this fucking table. What? Triggered the shit out of me. No. No, also, I'm in therapy now. So it's not like I'm a different person How long you've been in therapy for a few years Work. I mean as an adult a few years. I always saw a therapist as a kid. Would you recommend it? Oh, I think everyone should be in therapy everyone No one is above therapy in my opinion. I'll check it out It's fun couple therapy couples therapy. Oh my god, you guys will do it now with this new guy That would actually be a funny video. Well the new guy in the picture if I'm thinking the right person

It's a little close to home, isn't it? I don't even know what that means like Close to home the new wait, which guy we talk about. I don't want to even get into this because it sounds worse than one I'll be your therapist Let's wrap this up How funny would it be though if we took couples therapy? I know I feel like so what's kind of what's going on Uh, you know, just didn't it didn't say what up to me today. So can you have friends? Yeah, I think you do honestly because it's like

I mean, I don't know that it we have a very healthy friendly relationship. Yeah, we're pretty good right now I think any relationship could use like counseling Just to learn how to communicate better or like could be a good video You guys should honestly, I love it Oh, I'll try it. We'll figure it out. We'll see something Fucking hate the way you look at me. Anyway, uh, let's wrap this up. Awesome. Where can they find you? Um On like social media, it's at us. Definitely not your address. So like like like what are the coordinates of your apartment? Yeah, like what's the cross streets?

On twitter i'm at us akira um on On instagram i'm at us the whole and you can I have a podcast called the porn hub podcast which you guys were on yes, and um, and things I wish I could instagram.com is My like website, I guess Getting after it check that out getting after it At daniela priory On instagram and twitter and then you could like find me somewhere with joe probably yeah, probably

Because we're best friends now. We're going to therapy to make this You guys really should I I would watch that video and then I want to see a part two of you guys like employing the The tools that you learned to use. Well, I've been what I've been here two months Yeah, I would say around the six month mark. Maybe we'll do it. No you guys like my therapist told me that like the next time I'm in a serious relationship to start seeing a relationship counselor right away and I did and honestly, it's been great Well, I'm gonna have to check it out. All right, it's better to it's easier to prevent a pattern from developing than fixing a pattern That's already In place. Yeah, that was deep as fuck. You said you didn't go to college. That's right. That's all right. Hark a pelago

Anyway, that's all for this week's episode of the basement yard. Thanks for listening. We'll see you next time. Bye