The Basement Yard - I'm Uglier In Person

Episode Date: August 2, 2016

On this episode, I'm joined by @AntVino to talk about PokemonGo, our trip to CT, & more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard. I am Joe Sanagato today is Monday, August 1st, and I'm here today with a special guest Anthony DeVino, thank you for having me for the 15th fucking time. I think yes You know that was really good. You know what for your first fucking try that was pretty good. That was great I like it. You're a little quiet. You need more fucking Some energy, you know what I mean? Huh some of that some of that shit, you know, I agree But I was a little quiet, but that was good. That was good Look at us hanging out two days in a row. Oh, wow But we're on a streak Keith and I hung out probably around five times already five five days in a row

Yeah, that's that's a hot street. I take he doesn't hang out with anyone I think I've texted Keith more than yeah more than Dylan this week. That's that's unheard of that's Dylan who is DeVino's fiance? No, but you always text Dylan But Fucking yesterday was funny because all right, so here's the deal right so I when Pokemon go came out and like everyone started going crazy I was a little bit skeptic. I was a skeptic. I'll be honest like I was into it You know what I mean? I was like because Pokemon like reminds me of my

My younger days my childhood, right? I'm like I'm 40 years old reminds me of when I was a kid, right? And it was cool, but I always told myself like I won't Go out of my way to play like if I'm walking somewhere or I'm driving somewhere I'll throw it on maybe catch a fucking zoo bed or something You know and I was like, you know what these people who are just running Like in a store. I still think it's a little ridiculous that people are in a store your park at like 2 a.m. Trying to catch a fucking Volpics or some shit? Volpics. Yeah, I need a couple of

But Yeah, so I caved and I almost lost my job. Yeah Oh god, and so we were like yo fuck it. Let's go on a Pokemon hunt. Yeah, so we got so here's what happened yesterday. I Was just supposed to go on a bike ride with boss and And it ended up turning into a Pokemon hunt. We had multiple cars, but Brandon had one car Wake up, but but here's what happened before you got there. Okay. Yeah, so we I biked with Keith to this to the strip out of Story Park. Yeah, and Ferg drove a bunch of people. It was like Marco Eric and no not Marco Eric. No, Marco was there. Oh, it was yeah

Marco was there. It was Marco Eric and boss and So we're there and we're just like walking around hanging out and like while simultaneously catching Pokemon I'm gonna seem like that Yeah, we met up with them Because me and boss were supposed to go on a bike ride earlier anyway, but we ended up they he ended up taking the ride with them But yeah, anyway, so I took my bike there then as we're we're catching Pokemon We get a flash flood warning. Yo, I was driving down the stir park as soon as we got to a stir park I went I looked at a man. I was like, dude, did you just get that that message? He goes what message?

I was like flash flood warning. He's like, yeah, yeah, it's gonna happen in the middle of the night Yeah, about fucking 18 seconds later So I We Keats bike like broke like the gear came off So he you know, like he was pedaling at a thousand miles an hour, but was going three He couldn't like fucking go anywhere, right? So he had like a little string school bag and I When I when we get the flash flood warning like we immediately started to feel raindrops and I was like we are gonna be fucked

Any second I was like and we're not gonna make it home. So we're too far. We're gonna get soaked So I told Keith I'm like take my wallet and my phone and my keys throw them in the bag and just get in the car with Ferg and Ditch the bike because the bike was broken already Yeah, so he ditches the bike and I give him his stuff and they all ran to the car because it's like raining hard at this point So I bike towards them to make sure that they stay like dude wait up for Keith. He can't run He's gonna get in the car So we could save our phones and shit and he's like, okay cool as I'm biking back to Keith No, I see you listen

I was I was beeping at Keith for a minute kid had no clue is me and then he um I pull up to his side. I was like, hey wait get in so he started laughing and he ran I'm like, where's Joe and then go ahead. I was biking in the middle of the street And I see you in Davino's brand new pickup truck. I love it. It was great And he's like get in so I just fucking toss my bike over and put it in the better I thought you're gonna get in the truck. I didn't think you were gonna I was already soaked so I was like fucking and I just got into the bed of the truck and laid down Man, you know, dude, it was pouring the whole time. I was like, yo

I feel so bad for Joe and Keith's like, oh shut the fuck up deck. He's fine I was like, yo, I was beeping at cars just so I could get you home faster. I was like, yo, he's soaked This isn't fair. I was like I feel so bad. I'm like get the fuck out of the way I was having the time my life back there. I was like, yo, I'm never sitting in your car By the gas station. It was like a fucking four at least five six seven eight inch lake And I was looking at Keith and everyone's like, yo, I gotta go through that I put the car in four by four because you go two by four four by four and I just floored it and did you feel it like Yeah, it was in felt it. I was like, yo, you had to get so there's like a little window behind you

I knocked on the window. I was like, so we don't care about my life I thought you were driving into a gas station. We're all exploding. Yeah, fuck that I had to do that was awesome And because where you had to drive there's like an overpass and when you drive over the overpass like When you get underneath it, it's obviously not raining, but once you like Keep going the water Overpass I was so I was like I would keep was like, oh, wow Look at this and all of a sudden it fell on my car Somebody just like throw water at us and then I turned around I looked in the mirror

I saw you look up and I was like wow He just got so yo it was like someone dumped like 10 gallons of water. I was like yo This is an ultimate. I was like, this is an ultimate water ride for Joe right now. That's what this is. It was great though I I would rather sit in the back Than ever fucking do that ever again. You're the first person to sit in the back of my pickup There you go. That's the second time I've done in my life the other time I had to sit in the back of Ralph's because we were taking all the basketball hoop the basketball hoop. That was fun. Oh, no, I'm lying So I've done it three times twice in Ralph's

Right, and then the other time I just like got in the back from the park I was like fuck it just just drive that shit is awesome. It feels great I feel like everyone should take a ride in the back of a truck. So country, which is so dangerous, but Especially in a fucking rainstorm dude, it was fucking raining like so As Keith I was like, yo, I feel so bad for him He's so I couldn't see you after all because you had a duck just in case cops Yeah, oh my god was awesome Dude, like now that I'm thinking about it like because we're talking about it

I like just took all my clothes off in the in the back room of my house and just left them in the pile There was no dryness to you. No, no, no, so I they are probably still there Still soaking wet probably smelling like mold right now So I probably have to take care of that when I head back to my house Yeah, it was It was it was a lot. It was a lot of work, but yeah, that was our day yesterday and this this past weekend. We went to Connecticut to visit man our friend Frankie. Where did we go? I don't even know where we went like what was the place called? I want to go back the bar. No, where does Frankie live? Milford

What Milford Milford, Connecticut, I guess It it looks like a beach town, but it's so cool It's like you're in the middle of fucking nowhere and immediately when we stepped outside He's like first of all, we walk outside his like apartment complex. How I'm tell him what happened the plan remember and I took off and oh My god, so we were surprising him. He had no idea that we're visiting him. It was his birthday that day But he didn't think anyone was gonna see him. So we just fucking we were We were like yo We're just drive up and I was texting his sister because his sister visited him

So I was texting her and I was saying like listen, we're gonna come up there. It's gonna be a secret whatever So we we pull up to the place first of all the GPS just stopped. Yeah I was confused once we got near the place it just shut off and was like you're here But there was like no it was like buildings around. I was like where the fuck is it? It's like you lived in a shopping center. Yeah, it was like a shopping center There's a problems above it so we pull up and we see one of these windows is wide open and Like you could see right in and we thought we saw him so like

Yeah, it was so in dancing. So we pull up into a Fucking spot and I texted sister. I'm like hey Jess come get us. We're downstairs. She's like, okay She comes down and she's nowhere near where we were like we thought we knew where it was But we weren't we weren't she was like on the complete opposite side of this parking lot and she goes Hey, and she starts waving her phone as soon as she starts waving her phone for some reason Davino fucking takes off Sprinting it scared the shit out of me at first. So I just started running and then you hear Nick behind us like yo chill out Anyway, that was the fastest I've ever ran. I thought we were running from Frankie. I thought Frankie was coming down

So I was like, oh go no go go. It was so fucking funny. Oh, you scared the shit out of me. Yeah, that was good But he ended up being very surprised and then we went out to this place called Eli's tavern. I don't even know what the bar was called first. It was called Eli's Tavern first of all I had that day was a bowl of cereal and I was at two beers when I got you drunk the car dealership for like six hours as soon as I got home You call me like yo, we got to go. I was like, oh fuck. So I got changed and ready I had two beers or three beers at Frankie's and I was like, all right. Well, I'm gonna be fucked up today You know, like this is happening and and then we took shots and then we drank more beer and I was

Yeah, it was all right But yeah, we went to this bar is called Eli's Tavern and then a couple of other Two more of our friends showed up and surprised them like while he was there also So you had a nice little birthday, but I had this place. It was it was a pretty cool place It was like a I liked it. I thought the girls were fine. Some of them were good, you know, it was nice I liked it. It was funny because I was like, I'm like, yo, let's just walk around like because we walk in and we like There was like a table right there. So we stood there for like, you know, a half an hour or whatever And I was like to be honest just fucking walk around. Yeah

So we walked around because it's a pretty decent size. Yeah, it was she was pretty big But the place across the street was poppin. Yeah, apparently there was like a line It was like a cover. So we're like fuck that dude. I wanted to go in there. There was a lot of people in that place Yeah, there was because I had to walk out to go look for food Yeah, and there was that one girl who noticed Who I was we walked it was like you guys you guys were like three like four feet ahead of me and I was just behind you like clueless and This girl you guys walk past and I look at this girl and she turns around her friend

She goes, oh my god That looks like Joe Sanne Goddow and I like go up to her like whisper in here and I go that's because it is Joe And then and then I kept walking and she grabbed my arm. Oh my god. Is it is it him? I listen to his pockets Oh, so she's listening to that. Yeah. I was like, yo, that's his friend's 21st birthday. I had no idea. Oh my god. Don't remember her name, but she she was cool Hold on the other girl too. Oh my god Some other girl comes up to me. She goes. Hey, first of all, this is a really weird question to ask because I Like I don't know. I'm just the kind of person like I don't feel more important than anyone and I just hate

You know, she asked the weirdest question. It was she comes up to me and she goes. Hey, are you Facebook famous? I was like, I don't know what and she was like You're famous and I was like, no She's like, do you make videos on Facebook and I was like, yeah, I guess so She goes, so are you famous and I was like and she goes, so you're not famous and I was like, no And she's like, so you do you get like a million people? She started asking She kept like she wanted me to say yes, and I just don't feel comfortable saying that because it's I like I don't think I You know what I mean? It's like a weird. That's not for me to answer that question. I would have been like, fuck. Yeah, I am. What's good?

But but girl is weird. She comes up to us. It was hilarious because First of all, my friend Frankie was his birthday. He was wearing his button down shirt that had like palm trees palm trees and like Fucking parrots all over it. It was mad weird, but he's so Spanish She comes out and she goes, hey, are you Facebook famous? And then he comes out of nowhere and goes Hi, I'm frank and she like clenches. Yeah Her beer with both hands and turns her shoulder towards him and was like, hi I was crying and he goes clearly you're not interested. I am sorry. He just walked away. I was but the way she reacted She was like, um like he had his hand out with a roofland pill in his hand like, okay

This is gonna go right into your drink. She was like, um I was laughing. Oh D hard. It was so fucking. I told one of the girls. I was like, no, he's not famous I was like, do you have my space? He's famous on my space Oh, yeah, like you guys got Zanga Tumblr. Yeah, that's such a weird question to ask somebody. I think You know what I mean? Like, hey, a lot of people that's like a weird like, I don't know even Do you know what I mean? Because I don't know

Like that's not for me to answer. That's like saying like, hey, are you Are you attractive? You know what I mean? It's like a weird question to be like, yeah You know what I mean? You want to I would have just been like if you think I am then Right, but she was like my friend wanted me to ask you and I was like, oh I don't really know how to answer that one of the girls. Would you kill me if I asked you to take a picture with us? I was like, no, I wouldn't kill you for anything. Like, yeah, I would kill you. I killed I killed so many people There was there was one girl we took a picture with that

I guess her friend following me and she sent me a message with that picture. Oh my god. The one time I'm not out You're there with Joe Come back You're such a we it was such a dive bar kind of I like those bars I had so much one girl actually said she was like, what are you doing here? This place is terrible. I'm like this place is amazing Yeah, I loved it. I loved every second. I was like, what do you mean? Every guy is a tough guy in there This is my girl

Like shut the fuck up. I mean that's anywhere you go. I guess Yeah, but there you put Dudes with beer. Yeah, and then other dudes With beer and then girls it sounds like a fight and you got a party, huh? Then you got a You got a deal with those three girls I wanted to talk through the whole night and I was like, yeah, I'm gonna go over there and just I went over there And it was just awkward. I was like, hey, what's up? And she was like

Staring me in the face just I'm like, okay Good, good talk. I guess we're not talking Dominic told me that you walked up to a girl and she went, uh, no chance and then just walked away from her I don't even remember that. I probably I probably didn't I probably at that point was a little fucked up You just walked up to her and you assumed I mean she wouldn't be interested. You're like, uh, no Dominic saw a girl. What look at him. Just look at him and he goes, I gotta go over there He walked over to her. He said something and she goes, that's my boyfriend

He turns around and he goes, yo, dude, you have no idea The fuck do you mean you have no idea? What do you mean you have no idea? No idea. What dick? Like, what are you saying? Yeah, dude, that's my girl, man And he goes, my bad, bro. And that's it. Dude, you have no idea. Shut the fuck up Um Before We move any further with this. Let's do a quick advertisement. Casper mattresses Comfy shit. Comfy shit. I have one. I actually have one. They sell me one. It's amazing

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It's like a fucking mattress in there. I think that's awesome Because you know, that's how you know much better that is than fucking trying to Maneuver in your car and leasing it up on the car. Yeah, I might come on dick Don't bring it to your door to the box. There's no like shipping like not not shipping Like, you know, you have to pay for the guy that delivers it. Like you have to pay that dude And I typically bring it in and put it down now. Fuck that coming in a box. It's nice. Yeah, it's nice Uh, anyway back to back to this this bar that we were at There was this one girl in particular

It was very funny because we we had been talking to them like the no You know two of our friends had been talking to them for for like a majority of the night That's hold on. Let me clear you up. That's when I was with them at one point. Frankie looks at me and he goes Right now decide it's me or you And I was like, wait, oh to talk to the girl. I was like, oh today's your day, buddy It's all you go for it and I walked away Yeah, so I was dead. They were like cool or whatever. Like they were friendly people and then And then after we leave

We're staying outside And they're out there and then she goes She goes, oh She's like, do you mind if we take a picture? I'm like, yeah, cool. It's yeah, it's whatever. No problem So as we're taking a picture she goes I thought you'd be funnier and I was like Like I'm supposed to be cracking jokes in the middle of a loud bar and just like You know what I mean? And then and I was and then I said something of like like that. I said something like

Oh, yeah, I'm like not on the clock right now or something like that And she goes, yeah, I thought you'd be cuter too. And then I just burst it out like What the fuck yo those were the girls in the white pants, right? I don't I don't remember. Didn't they say like, what do you think girls like got to doing out here with white pants? Which is here to fuck Isn't that what she said that isn't that they said something along those lines because dominant guy they pointed out Oh white pants. Ah, you're here to party and she goes. Well, what do you think girls with white pants are doing here? Obviously here for one reason is that a rule because I don't even know that I'm like

So every girl that wears white pants is looking for dick. You're telling me that I was like awesome Great, I'm gonna go upstairs not upstairs. But when I get home, I'm gonna go upstairs And burn every pair of white jeans that my mother white sister own everything everything anything white gets burned Yep. Um, I didn't know those rules that girl came up to you. Hey, yeah, I went to school with your brother She kept walking like she that's it. Yeah, she did she actually Contacted my brother and he's like, oh, I heard you met someone I met. Uh, I went to school with I was like, yeah Small world deck. We were in a small little town. Yeah back to what I was saying Like we're backtracking like crazy right now

But when we walked out of Frankie's house, we walked to this bar And he's like, yeah Because we had like beers or whatever and he's like, do you want to take a beer for the road? I'm like, you're allowed to drink on the street here like Vegas. We're allowed or we just did No, we just did you're not allowed to drink on the roads there But it's like, yeah, it's not gonna matter like these are like dark streets and like they were he he lives on it's like I don't know what the fuck it's called But it's like a busy street, I guess up there, right? Like there's lights and there's a gas station

So I was like, all right, whatever. So we walked down the block and I'm like, yeah, I guess it's pretty dark And then he's like, yeah, we're going this way it was fucking pitch black And these big fucking houses and Frank's like, yeah, they're all for sale. I'm like, yeah They're for sale because people are dead on their floorboards And an old woman walks around that night and no one could seem to find her. Yeah There's blood all over the fucking windows. I'm like, yo people could die out here easily and no one would fucking know for a month They're two months you get away. Yeah, the murder is gone The only reason why if dead bodies didn't smell after a while

They would never even knock on the door. They could bury them in the backyard. No, I don't know. No one No, never. That's crazy. You could probably go live in one of them and no one would fucking even say anything to that That whole night I was starving, Joe and that night we finished that gas station came in clutch. Oh, yeah, I had I bought an ice cream sandwich munchies Munchies Oreo cinnamon Oreo, oh the cinnamon bun. Oh my god, and I which are fucking unreal. They were delicious, right? They're crazy good Go buy those. I eat a lot of cinnamon. Those are the best like version because like the birthday cake fucking those are trash

The the reversed ones. The ones that those are fucking garbage as well. I hate those But the other the cinnamon. Yeah, those are trash. Yeah, and mint dude. Who's eating these mint? What about you know what I like the ones that come around on Christmas time out the the mint Oreos That is garbage Just eat a fucking thing a toothpaste. Yeah, people like anything people who like mint ice cream Gross. Yeah, get some ice cream. Not this fucking minty shit. It's refreshing. It helped Oh my god, it's disgusting. No, it's it's just everything that we ate came in clutch

I just bought like a bag of swedish fish and I ate the entire thing like a big like not like a little package like a bag I was so happy about that ice cream sandwich because I am a fiend for ice cream Dude, that was a big that was a good call. I didn't even see those. Yeah, I was really excited about that I was pretty drunk that time that day too. I don't I was I don't know if I drank that much I woke up with a big headache like I was like I was definitely hung over I think I was just like dehydrated they probably me too and I also slept on the fucking floor you slept on that picture Epic how Dominic is still yeah, you slept on the couch. Yeah, but I slept in a 90 degree neck angle My fucking neck was like shot if I if I can be completely honest. I don't remember moving from the couch

I don't know. Yeah, because me and you were on the couch. I think that well There was me you Nick and Frankie and everyone's kind of sleeping because it was like an L and everyone's kind of sleeping like that With our feet on the coffee table But then I got up and I went upstairs and I laid on the floor because I'm like, oh, it's a carpet It's gonna feel like a bed wrong. It was a good carpet though. No, it was but I was fucking first of all the place was freezing They were pumping like fucking 50 degree air in that place. Yep. So I was laying down. Luckily. I found a fucking blanket Oh my god, dude. It was terrible because Frankie uh because Jess and Danny were fucking sleeping in the bed So I was like fuck so I'm I just I just fucking fell asleep on the ground. My neck has been hurting me

Since that fucking day it was time. I mean the I slept okay, but it did suck a little bit of mine I won't lie to you Joe. I really you know I heard Nick was fucking is hitting me as we could Oh my god, I woke up in middle night plenty of times. Dominic throwing fucking condoms at my face The son of a bitch. Yeah, he he filled one up with water. Yeah, he woke me up with it And I fucking launched it out. I got it wasn't used if it was used. I probably we would afford So let's get Dominic's man. He's like fully clothed. Yeah, and we we They got into a car and we walked Because they drove up so they got into a car and then we walked when we got back to the we got to the back to the

Apartment before them. We're sitting on the couch. Dominic walks in no shirt and a headband on I'm like, what the fuck happened to you in this small amount of time. I didn't even know that Probably half asleep. Yeah, you are you're out. It was over. It was over at that point I think I woke up a little bit. I don't know It was a good night, man. I had a lot of fun. Well, I go back. Fuck. Yeah. Where's it millford? I'll go back. I'll visit frankie without telling any of yous and just go or I'll you know, that's fucked up Everybody could come you know, I'm down. I want to go to that bar that was across the street because that shit looked like What was that place called? I don't know, but it looked like broccos all over again. Oh, it's that it was some with an s

I want to say like I love long island stone hedge Not that but um, it was not the name. I'm sure we could find it, but yeah, it looked fun It looked a lot, but we couldn't get in because danny had a fucking tank top on. Oh, no He had a fucking he had bass fish a fish net tank top Is dick. I don't know where that came from Damn Anyway, I know you wanted to to talk about something that you saw recently God, I don't understand like I was um, I was working out by one riverside park

And it's um mad rich down there like jason kid lives there. Hideki Matsui um the Dalai Lama and uh Dalai Lama lives over there. No, I don't know Oh, doesn't the Dalai Lama have to live in like a fucking cave in the middle of Peru or something or a hut? Yeah, like a hut. Is he allowed to talk? I don't think so You know, no, he has to talk. He gives off wisdom. I think we're talking about monks I think we're both fucking dumb. That's what the problem is. Well, I've been dumb So so we have to figure it out Yeah, isn't the Dalai Lama the guy who just hovers over a pillow and just like

Is he really hovered? I think he does. How do I get that power? I don't know. I asked chris angel He's got to have some We should ask him when we were at the luxe at that time. Nobody wanted to fucking come with me. $70 a ticket I wouldn't want to go either. That's a I'm a fan. No, I'm not. Um Anyways, go on So I'm over there and I'm with I'm with this guy in the truck and we're sitting there and this kid comes by with like a four by four and a wheel at the bottom And he's going uphill and I'm like, yo alberto like how the fuck does that happen? Like what's he doing?

Yo, this like a skateboard. No, it was a piece of wood and a wheel at the bottom But it was like coming through the wood. You know what I'm saying Okay, and I'm like, yo, what so I see him go up and then come down. I'm like, all right, obviously it's he gained speed So he comes to a dead stop and then he starts going uphill and I'm like, what and my boy alberto was yo Look at his hand. He's using his phone And I'm like, what and he was controlling the speed on his phone on that board It the board the hoverboard looked like I built it. It was a piece of four by four It was actual piece of wood. Yeah

And a wheel going through a black wheel and I was like, what so wait, it was just like the wheel Okay, let's just I'm trying to picture this because I don't I don't know the fucking talking about the wood So the the wood was in the middle Right, so it was splitting the wheel the wheel was splitting the wood. There was wheat, right? Yeah, okay That's what it was and it was like the kid was controlling it on his phone So what I came off was is like, okay It's probably that what is that thing called with the wheel a smart wheel? What is it called the people are always driving those are called hoverboards. I'm sure no, but there's a name for it

Like a segway no segway some shit like that and they stand on it and they go I've seen parents hold their kids hands while these kids are riding those things and I'm like, why great I was like, so our our pop like our population has come to this this guy made a homemade fucking And he controls it from his phone But I you know when I saw somebody else with the two recently and I guess like they sell them like that or you have to make it Right. I was at my friend's house and there was just some asian kid on a Like a skateboard thing

And it was motorized like they're called boosted boards though Like there's some like famous youtuber who like always rides one in new york city I'm trying to get and they go fucking fast dude like 40 miles an hour But put it this way you they're like they're like close to a thousand dollars though. Okay. Well that went from yes to a no I'm not yeah, they're close to a thousand dollars and and he just fucking rides them in the middle of traffic and shit But it's like It's a skateboard, but it's not like you without the hard work, but you don't have to be good just stand I'm watching parents walk with their kids on these things and that's how

obesity begins Or laziness like yo the kid is on his phone And and riding a skateboard holding his dad's hand the skateboard thing whatever and I'm like, are you fucking me right now? Are you serious you letting your kid? This is how you're gonna let this first of all the kids grow up kids got his fucking cancer emitting phone Two inches from his face playing pokemon go while getting while drinking a diet coke On a fucking hoverboard i'm gonna take you back to this this guy is our future That's our future the the fucking country future of the country is on a hoverboard

With a diet coke in his fucking hand with his cancer emitting phone Two inches from his face quote me on that that is the future unless we do something about it Let's fix the problem. I like wanted to run up to the kid and kick it from his feet and be like Hit a fucking bump kid. What do you want me to do? That's what the real world's like Yeah, fuck the real world's not gonna be fucking nice and uh a smooth ride like this you son of a bitch Oh my god, I feel like see I always talk about how I hate shit like that Like all this like and I'm I realized that i'm slowly becoming my father Because my dad hates any type of progression and the greatest man alive. My dad has a flip phone. So okay and

he It broke So he was forced to get an upgrade once and the store Didn't sell flip phones anymore like they're most because usually the flip phones are like free if you break it Whatever we'll we'll give you this just so they stay with the plan. What is what does he have now? Yeah, he changed services So that he could get a flip phone because he's just so anti progression That's crazy. He hates everything about it. Like he doesn't want anything to change

It's so fucking funny, but I realized that I'm becoming that way And I and I and it's like weird because like I'm dumb about it though Like I'll just talk about it and just be a hypocrite and then do it anyway like later on Like I'll probably get my kid a fucking hoverboard probably like right now in my life I know right now if I had a kid this second He would not have a phone computer or hoverboard or any of that bullshit the whole in five or ten years from now Yeah, I'll be like whatever. I don't give a shit. I'm already fat now. Like I don't care about anything I mean my my little cousin's seven and she has an iphone and and now she begs her mom for upgrades when the new one comes out

She's like that that gets me upset and I'm like, yo, shut the fuck up like you don't need this You find and then and then they get whatsapp. They don't know who the fuck they're talking to Oh, yeah, they're talking to people in like Austria. There's mad drama on instagram And oh, yeah, this is my girlfriend. You're seven. You know what? Like what are you saying? I you know, it's just it's bad that like The reason why my parents hated the internet when we were younger because like we we grew up in a time where you didn't Have computers and like anyone who if you even if you had a computer you didn't like like it

Like like fuck it. It's like from computer nerds and fucking whatever, you know anything so And and then aim came around and even then like you would do it like at night But not for too long. You're like, whatever, you know, you like to do other shit The away messages were the coolest thing in the world right not being on the computer and having an away message was the My mom was like, why is it computer? No, no, no, no my way message my way message I was like, it's a song. It's a song. It's a song like lyrics. It's lyrics. Yeah, the lyrics, uh, but Um, what the fuck was I talking about? I would put my girlfriend's initials and like a little heart So like I was saying like we grew up in a time where we didn't have computers and then we did have computers

So like we're on the we had like the best of both worlds like we know what both sides are like Because like now I as much as I talk about it and I think it's wrong about how You know these kids when something bad happens their first reaction is to pull out a phone instead of help Yes, and like I I can understand both sides where it's like obviously that's wrong Obviously right but at the same time they are young kids And they don't know better and they also were brought up in a generation where that's it That's all you do is tape videotape random shit like snapchat stories like No, no one's ever put up a snapchat story that we were all like, oh

Fuck we got to see it. You know what I mean? It's like it's all dumb shit Why are we watching it if we're watching it? I think people are just skipping through so they don't have like recent Stories like they just who's watching it. You know what I mean? Unless it's like one of these instagram models has got her ass out all the time done Yeah, I'll watch that I'll take a peek. I mean I'm I'm guilty for that Like the other day we went out to lunch me Ralph Dillon's bow. I took pictures of my food. I thought it was amazing Right look great. Yeah, I did that. I was taking videos

But today's generation. You're right like this little kid. I know got into a fight in ps2 And kids right away pulled out their phones recorded it put it on instagram kids embarrassed, right? You know what I'm saying? Like, why would you do that? It's it's much easier to get like cyberbulleter Exactly, whatever. It's not right. It's it's you know It's so what's the moral that don't get beat up because you're gonna be recorded I'm such a hypocrite when it comes to all that because I know You know, what's ridiculous. Yeah, and what isn't ridiculous, but sometimes you just do it anyway, but I hope that

you know, we can um Like like when I have a kid I could steer them in the right direction at least like knowing that it's wrong Can go a long way. Yeah, you know what I mean? So I feel like I can catch myself doing dumb shit like I refuse to Take pictures of my food if people can see me. So if I'm in like a restaurant, there's no way because I know people I'm not like a food guy. Anyway. I'm not like I don't take pictures of food. Really. I don't know. I did I mean, I'm embarrassably pokemon go on the train and people look at me like I am right right today I was caught across the street in that in that circle standing there catching pokemon at 12 30

I was cat. I was with the nerds I was am I my uh one of the foreman's walked by I took a picture of me and put it on his snapchat She goes, look at this legend and I was like, wow you got I was leaning up against a tree catch your pokemon I was like, I see you. All right, cool. Cool. Cool. Uh Yeah, and you know, it's also bad just like when super young kids get Access to like if they get an iphone and they're smart the biggest problem with it It's not because like oh, they're taking pictures of their food. They're doing this they're recording dumb shit

Like that's whatever. It's not really damaging as it is unnecessary. But the damaging part is like when super young Girls or guys get these phones Like there's sex and like titties and ass everywhere. Yep. You know what I mean? And back in our day, maybe I'm just like Jealous because back in our day You had to like find one of your friend's dad's Fucking playboy magazine and that's how you saw your first tit. Yeah, like there's no illegal cable box Child 69 I would wake up in the middle. I would wake up in the middle night

My dad would have that shit on he'd be knocked out and I just sat down and Watched everything watch titties, but we had to work for it. You know what I mean? Like you guys could just google titties and you see titties pops up. We had no google Nope, we didn't have on demand titties We had to fucking Scavenger hunt true story There is like a garage at the top of my block and behind it Was like this fence and and then you climb over the fence and there was a crack

In the garage because it was like made of uh Like concrete or there's like concrete, right? So there was a crack in it And there was a space in between the house in the garage So you go in between there and there was a crack and my friend put his dad's playboy magazine in there So whenever we wanted we'd go up the block Open up the magazine take a look at tits And then not jerk off because we was it was even before jerking off You know what that was but like I said the problem is like especially with like like the girls, right?

With little girls when they see these like instagram models and they see Like you know kim Kardashian and like all these people It's like they dress a certain way. They act a certain way They take pictures a certain way some angles and shit like that Like if I ever like it was it's crazy to think like there's some six-year-old girl out there That refuses to take a picture from her left side because her right side's her goods You know what I mean? It's like that drives me. That's fucking crazy. Yeah like year six. You have a good side and a bad side You don't even have fucking every every it's come down to that. It's crazy. I'm not gonna lie. It's crazy

But let me ask you a question going back to jerking off Do you remember the first time you ever ever shook that out? Before jizz was a thing. Yeah. Yeah, you just do it and it was like this is nice And then you'd stop and you'd go play with Legos or something. Yeah, like that was that I I just thought I don't like damn I remember my first time I don't remember the first time I Jerked off and there was an explosion of Ejaculate my hand looked like uh

Like aquaman's hand I don't know what the fuck that means his hands are green. He wears gloves. So what's going on my hands and we're webbed out And I was I was like what what just happened. It felt so good I was like, hmm I'm pretty sure I told my mom Do you know what? Yo, this is I swear to god. This is true Swear to god. All right. Oh super young and I asked my dad I'm like, why

Did my dick get smaller? I Asked him and it was because like it shrinks. Yeah, why you know I mean obviously dick shrink Cats out of the bag everyone Dicks gets smaller a fucking like when you're cold or scared or like in the pool. Yeah, you know what I mean So they shrink if you've never seen that episode of Seinfeld Dick shrink, you know what I mean? That's good. Um So I asked him that I remember asking that those before I didn't answer I could hear his voice

He didn't say anything he I remember him Because my mom was also concerned because I was like crying and she didn't know what was happening like she Thought maybe something happened I had like a rash or something and I just told my dad and I remember him leaving that he he says he just told me He's like, you're fine. Don't worry. I know what that is And then he just walked away and I heard him say the same thing to my mom I know what it is. Don't worry about it and just walked away. Yeah, and that was it He didn't tell me what the fuck it was. He didn't educate me another funny story. I don't know why this is popping out in my head

But my one time I called my sister a dildo And I didn't know what it meant And I was just like whatever you're a dildo and she told on me And my dad like found me because I was out I was like up the block or something My dad found me dragged me home and he's like He was a really intense guy. He would be like, do you know what that is? Do you know what that is? Yeah, he's like, do you know what that is? And I was like

No, and he goes It's a rubber penis I swear to god he said that I swear. I remember vividly. I was like, I was like, all right. I'm sorry like Keith would laugh Keith always laughed This kid always laughed So my dad like was pissed though. My sister. What a bitch he told on me I remember asking my dad if I could call this kid. I was like, dad can I call him a pussy? Oh my god, my dad said

Right across the face That's what he said. I was like, damn my dad used to walk up to me with bolt his hands out Like like you're about to play that game or like someone's hands go on top and you're like quickly He would walk out like that and then just like you would have to guess You have to brace yourself for which hand is about to slap you. I never guessed correctly Always got the good hand. Bang. He hit me. I'm like, oh my god Dad's hands were huge. Yeah, they were fucking explains all the brain damage I have, you know Oh man, great guy. Yeah. Anyway, before we wrap this up just want to quickly say that um

If you're unaware, I am having a live podcast on august 17th At carolines in the city If you want to buy tickets to it, uh, the first show sold out at seven the next show is at 9 30 If you want to come by The website is carolines.com caroline carolines dot com slash comedian

Slash joe dash santa gato Uh, you go buy tickets there. We'll hang out have a drink or something also um I've been in this series The rock Dwayne the rock johnson rock he His team and him they asked me to host

Uh, this contest that he's having on his youtube channel youtube channel. I'm so jealous. It's called rock the promo and The first episode just dropped the last friday that come out on fridays But yeah, man, it's it's a pretty fun series. Like it's just literally like people Making up a wrestlers and like cutting these promos like i'm this guy and just like you know what I mean and Some of them are hilarious. Some of them are like fucking weird and like I host the show and I just kind of make fun of everyone It was pretty good. I just kind of like whatever. So if you want to it's basically what I do on my channel Anyway, so it's the same thing. So if you go check that out, it's on the rocks youtube channel

I'm pretty sure it's like youtube.com slash the rock or some shit I'm just having the rock. It should be the first thing. Yeah, it'll come up. It's called rock the promo So go check that out or something rock the promo rock the fucking promo, okay? Um, but yeah, man, that's that's that's all we got here. Davino Where can they find you if they want to contact you twitter instagram snapchat and vino an tv? As always. Yep. Um, yeah, and and that's all so thanks for listening. Yeah, motherfuckers