The Basement Yard - Let The Kids Be Kids

Episode Date: January 23, 2018

On this episode, I'm talking about weird media outlets obsessing over 13 year old relationships & psychotic parents. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard today as much but I don't know what the fuck I just said today is Monday, January 22nd 2018 I am by myself and the reason being is that I usually record this before today when this is going out But I was away this weekend So I couldn't record anything. I was in Boston for the UFC to 20 card Which was fucking awesome. We all got hammered went to the TD garden. It was fun But what wasn't fun was the drive. I mean, I didn't drive there or anything but it sucked because driving to Boston from here is like four hours and Last Sunday Saturday me and my buddy. We drove to Pittsburgh for the Steelers playoff game

Which is six hours 15 minutes something like that And I drove most of that trip So I spent nearly like 20 something hours in a car in the past week So I would like to die basically is what I'm saying. I never want to get in the car again Yesterday I had to uber for my mom's house to here and it was miserable and it's only like 15 minutes But I was like I got to get out of this fucking vehicle because I just can't it was too much Driving there was like dude. It's so weird because I'm only driving to fucking Pittsburgh, right? It's six hours or whatever

But on the way there we had to stop and I'm like, dude, this looks like the Midwest Like where are we right now? There was farms and shit. We went to a rest stop to get gas and I'm filling up the car or whatever and then we go inside to get some Snacks or whatever got a Kit Kat obviously and as I'm walking out Like an Amish family is like walking in like they're all dressed like milk maids and shit. You know what I mean? like the wife has like a She looks like an she had like an apron on like she just got done churning milk Or what churning butter or whatever and the son looked like he'd like plays with like a wooden dreidel or whatever the like a wooden top

Whatever the daughter looked like she was training to be whatever the mother is and the father look like Abraham Lincoln with a top hat I'm not kidding. By the way, this is all real and I found it We're like I was expecting when I walk because they were walking in as soon as I was walking out I was walking out expecting to see like a horse in carriage. I'm like, well, this is fucking incredible like this fucking family But then I thought I was like, you know Amish people don't really Use that they were like drove there in a minivan and I was like, I don't think they're allowed to come in here and like You know be under the fluorescent lights or whatever they got to have candles or something I don't know anything about the Amish community, but it's okay. We can offend them because we know we're not they're not listening to this

Okay, they have no technology. They're not allowed I did not expect to start this In that way, but um the steerer's game was mad fun Yeah, I don't know if I told this on a podcast before but one of my friends is like a diehard Steelers fan so I was like, you know what let's get tickets and I went all out. I was like, let's get tickets 50 yard line first row. So we did and it was fucking freezing It was freezing it we woke up in the morning It was two degrees on my phone and with the wind chill was probably like negative 10 or some shit

It was freezing. I had foot warmers hand warmers I got hand warmers stuffed into random pockets and shit tried to stay warm But obviously the the Steelers ended up losing 45 42 to the Jags But yeah, it was a fun trip It was so cold that like I was drinking a beer and I drank like three fourths of it And then I had it in my hand and I'm watching the game and I don't know how much time went by I was just kind of distracted then I went to go take a sip and most of it was like ice like it was like slushy Like a lot. I was like dude

This is not safe out here. Okay But yeah, I also fucked up my knee again and Have it on camera like I wish I was able to like show everyone in real time Like this video because the video is so fucking funny One of my friends walked it like we were walking to into the stadium like we had been tailgaining So we were like kind of drunk and then as we're walking towards the stadium I turned to my friend. I'm like, yeah, if I hear black and yellow I'm gonna flip out like the song by fucking Wiz Khalifa. I'm like, yeah, if they play black and yellow

Which they usually do Because it's a song for fucking Pittsburgh. So I was like dude if I hear black and yellow I'm gonna bug the fuck out. So we're walking in and before we even get to our seats we're like in like the concourse and there's a DJ with like a crowd and There's Jags fans and Steelers fans and there's a bunch of people dancing or whatever and we're like, oh look at this My friend takes out his phone and he starts recording just to like, I don't know He was recording this and then all of a sudden the guy plays black and yellow So in the video you see me out of nowhere

Just start hopping into the middle of this crowd with my hands in the air And then I push people out of the way to make a circle and I start dancing and shit, all right people I am specifically remember this one guy give me a dirty look like you what the fuck are you doing? But I was I was hype. I was drunk. I was feeling it So I started dancing and then my knee just buckles. So for people who don't know my ACL is still torn I tore it two years ago in the summer playing football and it's a high-grade tear. It was like 70 some percent torn and I just never got the surgery. I just kind of rehabbed it made the muscles around it stronger And I don't really have problems honestly, but there's certain

You know motions that'll trigger it and it's like it'll pop out of place and it hurts like hell It'll feel like you tore your ACL again. So that's basically what happened And I don't even know why cuz I wasn't even going super hard, you know what I mean I wasn't like stopping the yard or anything like that. I was just fucking dancing So I was dancing and my knee just buckles and you could see me just drop in the video And then I just hop up and I just fucking Hopped out of the fucking the crowd like I was limping out and I fucked up my knee and we were walking back to We were walking to our seats. We were dying laughing cuz I'm like dude

I think I just tore the rest of my ACL here. It was a fucking mess, but Anyway, yeah, that's what's been going on the last couple of days. Yeah, but yeah, like I said, I was just in Boston, too You know January's been out of control so far. I mean 2018's off to a cool start. I've been doing a lot of cool stuff But I think now it's time to buckle down get back to work All right, so that's what I've been trying to do I had no idea what I was gonna talk about on this podcast Actually, I had one thing that I want to talk about let's save that for later though but this morning when I woke up I

I've I woke up I don't know why but I woke up it was like five o'clock in the morning and I was wired and I was so tired going to sleep. I went to bed at like 10 30, right? So I woke up at five wired and I so I just grabbed my phone and I'm on Twitter and all of a sudden there's just like a ton of people talking about The Stranger Things girl so Millie Bobby Brown the girl who plays 11 and Stranger Things is apparently dating Jacob Sartorius, which if you don't know who he is the internet fucking hates this little guy

They're both like 13 if I'm not mistaken, but he like makes some music, but he was like a viner I think but he's really like cringy and he says like, you know, he got famous for making these tweets where it's like girl You know like I Really don't understand this like when people do this like girl, you know, you're beautiful like what and he's talking to no one Like, you know, I mean, he's just talking in general to anybody. He was watching yo girl Get love that by the way. Hey girl I just want to let you know like if no one told you today You're beautiful and like you're perfect and you don't have to change which first of all

That's like a bad message to spread because sometimes people got a change and nobody's perfect or like maybe someone's ugly You know, I mean just let them be that and then figure it out You can't just go lying to people you're kind of crippling them, but that's a different conversation But this kid was posting videos and he's like hey girl, you know He's saying all that shit and he got like famous off it cuz 13 old girls like oh my fucking god Look at his hair flip You know, he's got a doper one to me. He like he worked on that shit For years he had to go man

but Yeah, little girls eat that shit up. So Anyway, this kid eventually started making music. So now he's making music. I haven't really heard from him in a while But now he's apparently dating Millie Bobby Brown, which good for him You know good for him because everyone loves this chick. My sister fucking loves Millie Bobby Brown. Oh my fucking god. She's the cutest fucking girl ever She fucking loves her so I mean, you know good for this guy but the thing that I found just like

really weird cuz like We live in a world now that like you pick up your phone You just consume a bunch of information and you don't really think about it So then I'm reading this and I'm kind of like oh wow this is going on and then I stopped it I'm like what the fuck am I doing? These kids are 13 Why the fuck do we care? I don't know

It's really weird when you think about it people are so heavily invested into this 13 year old relationship that You know It's not gonna work out. Let's be honest. Okay. It's not. I'm sorry You guys could have your fun for your six months, but then there it goes. I Would never say that to them, but yeah, you're 13. You got a lot of growing to do One of you is gonna end up doing cocaine and like, you know Fucking lose a bunch of weight and then have to go on a reality TV show and then gain it all back and like You know cry on on it on fucking Ellen or something like before

You know, there's stuff that's gonna have to happen and that's just the unfortunate You know route you're gonna have to that's what happens When you when you grow up in Hollywood and like that's it's just gotta be like the worst thing ever like dude Do you see Macaulay Culkin? Great guy, you know great actor home alone What a fucking movie movies home alone, too. That's one. That's the best Christmas movie But I feel like just growing up in Hollywood it just has to sucks That's that has to sucks has to suck like you never know what it's like to be a normal person and just like kind of walk around

and just be like you can't like ever like It's it's it's gotta be fucking nervous like people are just always like hey And it's like that is just I feel like that drives you insane. That's why those people are like, oh god I'm gonna stay inside and just do blow Because that's the only thing that makes me happy. I can't go outside and I lose my mind when I'm sitting inside So let's fucking get high or get drunk or whatever the other kid from and then the other kid from it What the fuck I don't know what his name, but he was hilarious in it It was one of the kid with the fanny pack in it

He was I thought he was a fucking phenomenal actor But that he got caught like smoking weed and he had to issue some apology on his Twitter account Like he's fucking What is that? Why did you do that kid? That makes no sense Dude you're 13 You're gonna smoke weed and then your parents are gonna beat the shit out of you

And then you're never gonna do it again, or maybe you will do it again. I don't know. I mean you're in LA everyone smokes weed out there I've got back pain dude. I gotta smoke it. I know relax We get it But I just found that so weird. It's like oh you have to you know I wonder if like his agent was like well you got to make a statement Why dude like let me fuck up and just be a person like can I just fuck up my god? I Have offended I have a shame my family's ashamed My parents didn't raise me this way. He didn't say any of that. I mean he might have I don't know

I'm kind of paraphrasing. I didn't watch his apology video because it made me sick, but Just looked I was funny. It's like oh my god Like now we got to make apology videos and shit, but Dude that's got to drive you insane. Can you imagine being 13 years old and paparazzi like fault follows you everywhere you go It's like dude. I'm trying to go to chucky cheat. What are 13 year olds do? I don't know these kids were young though They were younger than 13. I think when they were shooting uh Whatever the fuck um stranger things, right? I don't know. Let me look that shit up because like stranger things cast ages

uh 13 15 13 50 so like 50 was it was a couple years ago though. It's your 12 years old. Millie Bobby grounds 13 today So whenever they filmed that she was probably like 11 10 the fuck like These are young ass kids and now you're putting cameras in their face and like making them do all stuff and like just it's not good The paparazzi is just fucking weird. They'll ask questions like yo, I'll be really fucking upset

If like a paparazzi runs up on millie bobby brown like oh my so are you dating jacob? Uh, what's going on? Are you guys getting intimate? It's like dude. She's fucking 13 back the fuck up We can't put that guy in jail for asking about that Because in any other situation that guy's going to jail If a random of 13 year olds walking on the street and an old man comes out just like hey, what's up? Are you have a boyfriend? Who you dating it's like dude

Chris Hansen would pop out of nowhere. Uh, what are you doing here? Uh, get the fuck in jail. There you go. Boom Stop asking this girl about her love life. You fucking weirdo It's fucking ridiculous um Yeah, I don't really know where I was going with any of that But I just wanted to talk about that because I think it's fucking insane, man. We're gonna stop You gotta stop Calf to stop. All right, because it's out of control

Just let these fucking little kids live their lives and be successful and crush it Because they're all fucking phenomenal. Um, all right Before we move on here Let's get to the sponsors. We have stamps.com Which I use frequently when I mail things because You know, I'm a I'm a homebody. I like to stay home. I like to do everything from home. I buy everything off of

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Uh fairly soon. I'm working on some stuff, but you'll see I'm making a video around one of this One of this item that I'm that I'm coming at with but whatever we'll talk about that another time um Yeah, back to what I was saying before this is what I was kind of saving for the latter half of this but So you remember how I was talking about you know, these kids from stranger things I don't know if I'm saying remember when I was talking about it was fucking four minutes ago. You remember

Uh The kids being photographed or whatever right so paparazzi gets to just run up on these kids And take pictures of them like while they're eating or whatever or sitting with they're just doing nothing And people can just take pictures of them. Did you know I didn't know this But I have family members that work in the school system here, okay And they told me

Like I didn't know any of this. Okay, because when I was growing up shit was way different. All right, but nowadays There has to in the beginning of the school year There is a notice that goes home that has to be signed and Given back to the school That says their student can be photographed Now I'm talking about photographs for like a yearbook or you know Student of the month take a picture of the kid put it up on the blackboard January you are the smartest kid boom, you know what I mean, which I'm sure they're gonna get rid of that because

Everyone's everyone's the student of the no But anyway, so shit like that any photographs for any anything There has to be a notice for that. Why Can someone explain why we have to do that? why What's the issue Can I love it better question? Why do you not want your kid to be photographed in the school? I'm not saying everywhere. Obviously. I'm talking about in school. Why?

What are you worried about We're taking a bit we're putting it in a fucking yearbook for the kid Or we're taking a class picture or it's a you know a science project It's the science fair and you your kid did an amazing job and we're gonna put this in the gazette or whatever Why do we even have to ask? We're not taking pictures of their dicks We're taking a picture because your kid did like did great or you know some achievement and we're gonna put them on the board Or we're gonna put them on the bulletin board or whatever or the school newspaper

There has to be a thing that goes around like What is going on? Like what has happened like what I just want to have a conversation with someone who's who's gonna let me know You know, oh, no, I don't want my kid to be photographed I don't want him to you know, don't make him the student of the month because I don't want his picture up there Well Like I said, they're not naked picture like what are you worried about like I don't even understand and I was trying to ask the people Who I was talking to

You know, what is what is the worry like what is what is gonna? What is gonna happen? You know what I mean now because it's not random people taking pictures of it's like my teacher that I see every day And my the kids in my class are gonna see this picture. Who the fuck else is gonna see this? Who's just like siphon through a fifth grade yearbook or some shit? You know what I mean? Even so it's just random bit like I don't know but your kid your kid's got an instagram though. See that's what I don't fucking understand No, you can't photograph my kid. I don't want him to yeah, but he's all over your facebook account And and he's got a fucking instagram and you know, he's posting all kinds of shit

He's got a snapchat god knows what's going on and snapchat like but that's okay Why does he got a fucking iphone? Where you can look up right porn Into google or whatever, but you can't have his picture on the bulletin board. Why? Why? I don't get it I don't It really makes no sense to me

It really doesn't and another thing is now also You know, this is going back to the conversation. I know i'm kind of like reiterating from the conversation I had on the podcast before the last one, but it's just kind of like This is you're ruining kids you are ruining them You're making them so shitty if you just hand them everything They're going to be shitty and not self-sufficient and just

They don't know how to work for anything then because you're giving them everything and you're making it so easy on them Like let some shit happen to this kid I know that sounds bad, but it's true And it's not even like shit. It's a picture You know I am all for putting things in place and like making kids safer and whatever You're putting them in a fucking bubble at this point pretty soon kids are going to be shown up to school All in a bubble and they can't get in the classroom

You got to go one at a time because no kids can no two kids at one time can fit through the fucking door because we're in a bubble It's too. I can't see it's fucking it's insane It really is wild it's wild But another thing is if a kid goes to the nurse for any reason The parents need to be called And i'm talking about any reason i'm not talking about like You know anything serious or like oh, I don't feel good. I feel very sick. I gotta call your parents. It's like If the kid falls down

at recess And scrapes his knee got to call his parents Or if they slip in the hallway and just go down for a second. No bruises. No bumps nothing got to call the parents You gotta you got a really bad headache got to call the parents To the point and like let me just You know Explain what I mean because it comes down to the it comes down to this even this

even this A student got a paper cut. I'm not lying got a paper cut And went to the nurse and the nurse had to call the parents Dude if a nurse called me because my kid got a paper cut I'd be like listen do not call me Unless this kid is dying or losing too much like bleeding out a paper cut Don't even give him a band-aid. Let it get infected. We'll deal with it later But like you know what I mean a paper it's a paper cut. We got to call for a paper cut

I mean, you know, it's just a bunch of people trying to cover their ass. That's all it is It's like oh well we can't because then we're gonna get blamed for bubba bubba And that just comes back to shitty fucking parents that just are looking for a quick dollar and it's just like who can I sue? What's anything's going wrong? Who can I can I sue anybody? And now we have to change the way the world is Like now we got a call because your kid Fucking blinked too many times. It's like oh he might be having a seizure. I know he's blinking a lot like no I just have something in my fucking eye. That's it But you got to call the parents so you know then they can't say oh the kid was blinking. Nobody called me

It makes no fucking sense And that's and that's why we're here. That's why we're just like this shitty like It's insane because every time I hear about the school system now. I'm just like well, how does anything like get how does anything go on? How does anyone get disciplined because you can't yell at kids you can't touch kids you literally cannot touch kids Like and I know everyone's gonna be like oh I'm not saying like touching my grab their asses. I'm saying like you can't put your hand on their shoulder Or tussle their head Or pat them on the back. Good job. You can't do any of that

because You know everyone's terrified. It's it's literally the kids run the school And as soon as they figure it out The school system's just gonna implode because as soon as the kids figure out that if someone touches my back and I go home and go Hey, it's this guy touched me They're gonna be like what and then it's just like this whole thing and then people get fired and then you know what I mean People lose their careers all because you got a good grade on your test and I fucking Tussled your head. Good job. Fucking dusty and then and then I'm I fucking

now I'm out Now I get fired and now I'm I'm my name is dragged through the mud as like a pedophile Because I tussled your head It's insane Bill Burr has a great bit about this too, but this is all real like this is all stuff that I'm like I'm not making up these examples. These are actual things that happened and that I've heard from people who are working in the school system It's like you cannot touch anybody

It's keep my brother. Oh god. That's crazy. This is wild Dude if I did something crazy my teacher would get right in my face and yell at me And just like I would shit myself I don't know if you can even raise your voice. I'm I'm not even kidding. I don't know if you can raise your voice I Swear to god when I have kids and they go to fucking school I am going to write up my own permission slip that says if my kid acts crazy Please feel free to yell at him

okay and Fucking pat him on the back if he does good job if he's a good boy Tussle his hair. Okay Nothing below the belt keep it high. That's all I ask But all this extra shit is out of control Jesus And if you call me because of a paper cut i'm going to blow up the school

Know that G a paper cut Christ Oh Oh my god, I remember being in school and kids throwing up and then the parents not even being called and the kids like I feel Fine now and they're like, all right, whatever You're gonna go to gym. Go ahead. Go to gym. I literally remember going to the nurse and

I was like I feel like I have a fever and she took my temperature and it was like 99.2 So it was like the mildest Fever and she's like, how do you like, you know, whatever, but I was like, well, I have gym next period So i'm just gonna go play and then I should feel fine after that and she was like, yeah, cool But now we don't even like trust kids to like no one there Like her like what do we think's gonna happen? Like, you know how like a horse will run until it has a heart attack and dies Literally, that's what a horse will do Do they think that's what kids are gonna do?

Well, we can't send him out of the fucking office because what if he Doesn't realize that he's got a fucking staff infection and his dick falls like what are we worried about here? It's insane. It drives me nuts and maybe i'm wrong. I have no idea. I don't have kids. I don't work in the school system I don't but but but but but but what I do know is if we just keep You know finding an extra mile to go to just because we don't feel like You know, don't feel like fucking raising these kids We're gonna ruin them. We are going to ruin them Anyway, uh

last thing I wanted to talk about here is this dude um Basically, there's a story that's going around this guy was on tinder And he saw some girl her name was claudia and he accidentally swiped left, which means he like You know, he's basically said no swipe right is the yes left is the no and he accidentally went left rookie mistake And I guess he fucking loved the way this girl looked or whatever because then he decided to email every single girl named claudia

at missouri state university and This is how I control and eventually he fucking found her it worked And she tweeted she's like this guy literally emailed every claudia at missouri state to find me on tinder And dude this email that he wrote is fucking hilarious. He just wrote hello all claudios of missouri state Uh first off my name is hayden and I made a rookie mistake on tinder I accidentally swiped a left on claudia's profile left is bad And I really wanted to swipe right if tinder provided the last names

This would be much easier, but it doesn't so I have to describe the profile to you I swiped a left on a girl with the name claudia the age next her name was 20 But in her bio it said she was actually 18 and she didn't know how to change it The pictures she provided had some with her friends and her mom in them in her bio She said some of her friends were single and if anyone liked them better, that's fine But they couldn't have her mom had me dead by the way Uh, so like I said, I meant to swipe right but that didn't happen My instagram is whatever the fuck it is hayden mole if you want to look me up

I'm just asking if this Is your profile that I described please mention me back with a right or left Just so I know if you're interested or not if you choose right we could totally get some donuts or something Totally get some donuts or something But if you choose the left that's cool, too No worries if it's none of you claudias And you know even more claudia spread the word please it would be much appreciated enjoy your day So eventually this girl

Reached out and was like hey, this is me. I don't actually don't know if she reached out to him But she did reach out And whatever barstool ran a story about it. I don't know if she's taken to do it on a date But I kind of feel like he earned it. I'll be honest with you. I don't know what he looks like Or anything, but I feel like he kind of earned it went the extra mile It would be funny though if this is like if they ended up like getting married and shit And your kids are kind of like how do you and mom meet well

Like how do you explain this fucking story to people? It's kind of wild, but her tweet has like 20 000 retweets now and it's like it's insane It's fucking this is like kind of the modern day Like this is as romantic as it's gonna get moving forward. I'll be honest with you like the days of like You know those pictures of people going off to war and like the guy is Kissing a girl on a train or something like or whatever it is. It's like those days are over You know

The fucking notebook no one's building you a house You know what I mean and then waiting around for 30 years or whatever the fuck Ryan Gosling did in that movie Wasn't sure I wrote her letters and stuff. I haven't written a letter since third grade And that was because I had a pen pal that I had to write to Which was kind of lit Wow, I just said lit in a very serious Very serious way

I apologize for that but Yeah It's just this this this is as romantic as it's gonna get and it's like I don't because When I was growing up and if you heard someone was on A dating site You were like, oh my god, you fucking weirdo and it's like you never let that go But it's it's become pretty fucking normal. I feel like I feel like that's how most people meet people now

You had to meet them on instagram twitter or whatever Uh, you meet them online. You do everything online and it kind of has like a weird stigma to it but I mean You know, I don't really get it tinder. That's another story. I guess tinder's just kind of like a let's fuck right now or what's good, but Whatever, but I just kind of wanted to share that story because I thought it was funny Like can you imagine swiping no on someone you're like, oh fuck, but they were so good looking like they had a funny bio And you you go out of your way to email the in every single person named claudia at and at a school

I wonder how many emails this guy sent how many claudias because they're possibly fucking b. I think I know like four three Two I don't know I don't I don't know. I don't know why i'm still thinking about this, but anyway Um, that's all for this uh this week's episode of the baseman yard I'm gonna have a special guest on next week. So that should be cool Um, but yeah, that is all like I said before uh, the santa gata store.com

Which is where you can get some merchant shit. So go check that out and uh, yeah, thanks for listening. Yeah, bye guys