The Basement Yard - Let's Go Larping

Episode Date: April 25, 2017

Today I'm joined by @AntVino & @ItsAhmeddd to talk about lapping & our biggest fears. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard today. I'm joined by a Med and DeVino. Oh, yes, we're back And I know you're probably wondering what the fuck you're looking at and I'm going to explain that and for those of you Who are not looking at it go get the app you piece of shit anyway Real quick before I mentioned anything about full screen or whatever the fuck we're talking about DeVino pissed himself on the way into this room taking a number one You're hurry up. I didn't take anything off because you know I'm wearing I'm wearing right we're wearing costumes right now for anyone who can't see and

It was really fast. I was trying to tuck it back in quick and wait You were peeing and then you just tucked your dick in miss where it piss briefs And I thought I was done because it's really tight when you're going in between briefs and the zipper Yeah, and as I was going I said, oh, I'm done But I think it was just squeezing the very back part like hey, I don't want the base Yeah, and I put it back in and it was like, oh just kidding friend I know that you're not done pissing. I am yeah, that's like a basic human function to know that you're like That's very true, you know, I'll be honest here. I'm not the best like

Shaker in the business. You know what I mean like, you know when you pee and then you got a shake I like to get out usually there's like I would say three to three to seven drops What that make it, you know that make it into the pants and just happens it drives within minutes You don't even realize but you yeah, do you know listen? I don't know if that's normal or not I'm gonna tell myself that because it makes me feel better, but you Actually pissed yourself. It looked like someone dumped a cup of water on your fucking pants. You know Joe. I had a good day today. I Don't really know what that means. All right, by the way For those for those of you who are interested in watching the basement yard a week early

You can go to fullscreen comm slash basement yard and sign up use the promo code basement you get a free month and Yeah, there's a 15-minute extra show. We're all dressed in costumes right now. I'm dressed as a knight Davino. I is dressed as I'm a warlock He's dressed as himself. I'm a warlock in a green suit And a med is wearing I'm a priest. No, you're you have horns. Okay, what is he Satan? No, he's not. Do you know what the devil looks like? No, no, that's a weird question What does that have to do with anything? Yeah, so By the way, any of you guys say anything dumb this entire time I do have a sword in my hand and it can reach both

You're sharing my face. You see this. Yeah, if you spill your beer Then I will actually get a real sword and cut your fucking head off the sword of Aragon Okay, if you know what that is, you don't know what that is. I should have said You should have you should have said never even gonna fight the whole time never even seen just please What do you look like yeah, what am I he fits his character with his brown skin You look like a monk with like with horns like a ram horn I would just like to say I haven't podcasted with the med for I want to say Seven months. Mmm. It's been a while. It has been and you guys are really very happy

It's been a good day. Listen. I look good right now. I'm gonna say you do you should save that for Halloween next year You should yeah, what'd you just say? You come into my show you come on my show my king. He thinks it's he thinks it's a show I look like he thinks it's his show. I said my kingdom I'm gonna hit you with a fucking sword. You talk shit again. I have a shield. Here's the thing. Okay First of all, can we explain why we're wearing these costumes? I don't know Davino knows. Yeah, he does. Hi. I'm Anthony These costumes have to do with I'm gonna sound really I'm gonna try and sound really smart when I say this. This is gonna sound terrible

LARPing the topic is a LARPing right and I was at the gym with my friend and Somebody came up to me. He goes. Hey, man. Yo, what's up? You know someone I know He was like, yo, man. Yeah, you want to go LARPing and I'll come again. What did you know what LARPing was? No, I was like, what the fuck is all yo, dude Yo, it's like where you go into the woods and you get dressed up and you know like nights and warriors and kings and queens And you know the girls are so hot your kids are out man And I'm like time out that sounds like a great time First of all tits in the middle of the woods. That is beautiful and a tent and it's even better. We're getting now

We're talking kink. I've seen that porno You get like XP man like you go into the woods with 2000 XP and like your sword swing is like a 15 And you hit people yeah, man. Yo, you're dead. No, man. I'm not and you have to be dead for like at least I think like until you play a video you left out like 15 steps just now All right, like people have sword fights They have sword fights, but they have moves like my counter strike and my my tail whip What do I have what and you don't have anything I just have my guts just horns my gust is like a 25 XP my good. What you do is you hit them and you're like, hey, man

15 me again. See what happens. Hit me again. I'm gonna get me again. See what happens You have me again. Hey me again. One more time. Thank you piece of garbage. Yeah, you say it about the Orlando bloom you Orlando boom had a bow Jesus wrong movie dildo movie fucking Pirates of the Caribbean great movies coming out again I can't wait exactly not wait everyone's the first one, but I will give you some legolas if you want I got a bow and arrow in the back legolas. No aragon right here the king of return of the Kings Anyway, cheers larking So this kid is going larking Yeah, man dressing up as a knight. I looked at him and I was like, dude, you got the wrong guy

I'm not about it. You didn't say that though. We like open. I'm not a time I'm not a dick. So like I was like, yo, man, that sounds pretty awesome. Text me. You're all in for it. No, I didn't go You missed out. Yeah, I didn't go for that tits in a tent It's like why don't you just go to a renaissance fair because it's the same thing go to medieval times great place Love me. You get to eat with your hands. I went when I was in sixth grade. It was pretty good I'm looking at his camera. Who you looking at? Hey, he's sober this time and he's still fucking I'm not looking at the right camera You'll know if I'm drunk. I'll start cursing not even start cursing. You'll just start saying things that don't make fucking sense. I

Did that those are great ears by the way. I like them. Don't it's very hard to get on Can I just like rub it stop? No, you're my ear. Davino has elf ears on. I'm an elf with the sword Stop you poke me and it's gonna be on in this fucking place. I'm gonna flip a table nuts Can we at least get through the fun? No, you're scared. No, you think I'm scared of what you're hot right now, right? You're sweating. I'm dying in this I'm worried like it feels like you know, we should have my head looks enormous in this thing because it's tight And it makes my like head looks like a great nice little suede though This thing's made out of like a nice like it feels like my dog. I'm link

I can't even spread my legs in this link. You look like a leprechaun. I'm link. You actually just look like a guy That's the point. I'm link. You look like you work in the back of a restaurant, and it's St. Patrick's Day That's all I see kid thinks he's tough cuz he's wearing black right? He's a black knight He's the black black night great movie. Have you seen it? Nope? Nope Guys, Joey that's strike two and four. I'm gonna hit the ears Time out. Okay. Yeah, I'm not this is royal blue you blind son of a bitch Maybe let's get this again. What's the difference between navy and royal blue? You like oh you like failure to launch. I Don't know what the fuck that means

I'll drink anything. What are you guys drinking over there? That's spiced rum. There's a beer and that's coconut. That's not spiced from What are you drinking? I have a beer. What kind of you? Stella Thanks to you Have all my own shit. You didn't you didn't bring anything you never bring anything time out I believe you'll scream. I need to get you a home. Yeah, not your ear off now. What are you warning now? What are you now? What are you? I'm gonna cut his throat? I'm not scared of fear

Scared of fear. I'm gonna pot for the rest of the show. No, don't touch me. Okay Okay So anyway back to LARPing LARPing did he exclude? Yeah, I didn't disclose any more details. You have to you have to keep your XP because like you come out What is XP? Is that like your health? No, your XP is like Um is the moves like my sword swing is like a 20 XP and say you um, what's XP? 20 damage. How about that? 20 damage. 20 damage. There we go. And you get like a hundred health So if you have to before you approach, hey man, I got a hundred a hundred health left

You have to announce your health and then he goes yo, I have 50 health left and he goes Oh sweet. Well, my sword swings like 20 so 30 you're almost dead. Oh, and then you're dead and you have to stay on the floor Dead All right. Yeah, it's not my fault if you come as a fucking You know what I mean a jester because he ain't got moves. What does he have juggle? Oh, there's no juggling Who would do jester and try to fight people a fucking good person? All right, if you want to come as a queen you might get a thousand XP

But guess what everyone wants to come as a queen, you know what I mean? So you have to be I would be a knight There's no way you didn't show up to this thing and I kill I kill you wait I kill you and I I'd save you for a lot. I give you a drink to that if I run up on someone Cheers Here we go. More drinks. Yeah, enjoy it. If I run up on someone I have to announce my health. Yeah, that's terrible But yo you guys want to go 87 I'll go teacher. I'll go. Yeah, I'm above average swordsmen. I'll take it I like real swords, but not sharpen

Dole sores. Yeah, swords Wait, so words. I was like, I am no they have to be made out of this. They're plastic. They have real swords. They have real swords No, they don't stop. What do you think makes the clink clink fucking sound effects in their phones? Yeah You ever gonna be sober on this show or no, I'm sober. No, you're not You know, you're also 10 feet away from the fucking microphone. You piece of garbage. I'm sober You're not sober. You knew when I was three years. I see a stupid look in your eye You guys you guys know that it makes me mad. So what makes you mad? My doctor said don't get mad anymore Which doctor I quit

No, wait, so can anyone just like show up to this larping thing I'm pretty sure or you have to apply it. It's like definitely like a facebook group. Yeah, I gotta I gotta google join it Yeah, and then you write your name in and they probably like oh sir king. Are you gonna sir? Oh, think of a cool name Like schmetti. No sir like council off. You're gonna win again this year. What some stupid shit You've been there before. There's no way. No, I don't it's called live-action role-playing. That's why it's larp You have to stay in character. You can't leave. So wait. Do you need like a cool name because I can't I can't think of anything like sir gets off

That's like a hockey player. That is Ryan gets off. But um like something crazy I'm on larping.org and this dude has a fucking Bowen arrow like van hilt Wow, wow, I told you people are dressed up as like why'd you turn on that offer? It looks like I should go Are you down? I'm down. I think me and you would do Like a truck that they're driving. Yep Oh, they probably shoot the arrows and you you um what you do is you probably attack their their kingdom This is actually sick. You're like, where did you find that? I went to larping.org

And I came up. Where is it like? I think it's all over the place. I think this chick has blood on her face They're probably bling bring blood packets and they bite into them and it's pops in their mouth and I'm bleeding Oh, no, help Do you think that um he's he's into this do you think that These people are like the ones that are like cutting people up and putting them in their freezer and shit Yeah, no No, I don't think so either because I think that they get their release when they're like fake killing people on the

Those are the people that battlefield that go to go to school And they're all quiet and they don't talk to anybody but they look forward to larping during the weekend That's like you like what are you doing this weekend? You don't you know, man I'm hanging out with my girlfriend. Oh, I'm larping like You don't repeat that Wait, what you don't say that say what these are kids that probably look forward to larping in the summer or the winter When it snows they probably you know, they that's probably their prime time Because it's cool. There's snow out you you bother me. I don't really know what that

Davino you just say things first of all I feel like I would look forward to it if I could like shoot a bow and arrow at somebody It's like that be sick. It's probably not like a real bow now. Yeah, it's probably like or a crossbow I need some like automatic shit like some villain van Helsing Van Helsing was a great movie. It makes that noise too. Yeah, that's exactly what it sounds like. You ever see role models? No, I haven't watched any movie Stop yeah, you give me your hand. I need to cut it Oh shit, okay here ready

That actually hurt give me the other hand give me another hand cut his hands off Now he has no hands you hit him too hard. Thank you Don't hit me. Davino. Wait guys. What is he gonna use? Huh? Your ears to protect you? First of all speaking of your first of all those aren't ears Those are horns. Thank you. No, they're called something. You know what he is? What are the things that a ram? No, they walk they have horse legs and then they have a minotaur That's who he is, right? No

That's who he is First of all, I saw a video on the internet of some kids like in scotland or some shit And they were like fucking with a ram and the thing was like running at him and Ramming him looks like me No, you look like a Never mind. All right I was gonna say something like dirty like you look like a dirty. Thank you. It was a stop there. Yeah, that's terrible

You look like a bath stop. How do you feel right now? You could use at least 1200 degrees in here I am sweating like everything's wet. Yeah, me too right now Everything inside like all under all my clothes is soaked. There's just gonna be a stain on my ass On the skirt that I'm wearing Yeah, I'm also like the fattest I've ever been I think Yeah, which is like why do you agree with me filled out? What I filled out First of all, can I get an honest opinion? Do I look bad? No. Yeah, you you hit rock bottom You look like

You want me to rate you sitting in it. What's up? You want me to rate you? Yeah, one to ten if I want to fuck or oh my well like either I guess so That's why you rate people right because you want to fuck them. I'm a seven. Yeah point Zero a seven just a seven. No, you're like an eight point four I'm an eight point four because you have a nice beard. It connects with your eyebrows That gives me an extra one point. You're your beard one was like that friday. So seven. What's that? What's friday? I'm just saying it grows your beard grows tracking this down

So right now right now, what would you rate me eight point four? Okay. Thank you. I appreciate that. I hear you At least maybe a seven point one seven point one. What do you rate me? Oh boy on a scale of what can I be honest one to fifteen? Who's scale is that can I be honest? I'm gonna ten on everybody's scale. Yo, I'll give you a good four Yeah, that's on a good day four. Yeah, because I look at you and say there's a lot of sweat there If you know, I wish that you would make sense. Yeah, me too. What did you rate? What would you know honestly six six you get to six picture me like close on not oh no close off You're a fucking easy a two

You give them a two for what? Just for like showing up. It's like when you write your name on the sat's like they give you some points for that Yeah, just for having a body. All right, so you get a two Go on Close the question close on right close on what kind of close Can I see like your legs if you're wearing like a sweater? sweat On instagram this times a hundred. No honest. Yeah, this guy shaves his arms. I'm gonna get that out of the way. Sorry

I don't shave my arms. I trim them to a good length Why so it looks nice Does it get out of hand if you don't yeah does I was just curious. Yeah, you're seeing pretty defensive. I am so wait Divino. I'm 7.1 Is this is this the worst I've ever looked I don't think you look bad. No you do What's wrong with them? Wait, you gave me an 8.4. I know it used to be a 9.6 I used to be a 9.6. Yeah before the 10 year old haircut Do we have a picture? This cut Joe was a 9.6

I don't know about that. Yo, when I don't think you look bad What I think I'm gonna cover it up honestly. What's bad about you just everything. I'm being so nice your head Yeah, thank you. I don't care put your hand down. Okay I don't know where to go from here. Honestly, I can't wait to larp you. I'm gonna larp you so hard I'm gonna break up the fight No, happiness is key Can we go to a lARPing thing? Do you know if we're like allowed or do we have to like pass a test? We'll probably be the coolest kids there. I'll tell you that I doubt it. I once walked into nintendo the nintendo

score in the city It's like nintendo center and kids kids were in a come in in a circle playing their game boys And like that the the core they were playing each other and I walked in and they all turned around and looked at me like Yeah, he's the coolest kid here. We're not well. How old were they? My age I disagree. There are kids my age that still play yugio Yugioh was great. They're looking for exodia That was a great game

I used to play it so did I a lot and pokemon first of all. I won the tournament at lunchtime in fourth grade Yeah, okay. What did you have revive everything? What is that dark magician? No, I had blue eyes, uh, blue eyes white dragon All right, blue eyes white dragon had a 2,500 attack blue eyes ultimate dragon would have ate him and then him Do you guys remember when divino was like I was the coolest person in that nintendo? and now you know the exact xp wherever the fuck you were saying before Hashtag nyr you're into this stuff. Yeah, you are put your strength down. Are you guys gonna nope? Okay? What the fuck's all along the edge of your cup? It's all like fucked up like are you like it's broken glass

It's the poor yeah, my poor sock too. No too much yours looks like foam yours looks like my I don't even know Like you had chapstick on or something What is that? It's foam. He has crust lips. He has crust. Yeah, you're fucking crusty. See now. You're a one now You're a one dude. You're so At least you're not a zero. I can't stand you both. I've met some zeros in my day I hooked up with a zero once I don't care in vegas. It was a good time I've hooked up many zeros

That's not something you brag about you're right while dressed as a ram I don't think I hooked up with a zero. I think you have yeah multiple times I don't want to hear this. No one's multiple Oh, you want to drop names? We can't just drop names. So put you tell me you've never hooked up with an ugly person in your whole life Joey, no one's ugly. So please shut your mouth. Oh, I'm sorry. Yes. I apologize. No bullying No bullying whatever the fuck. Yeah, exactly. I'm a more attractive person You do me a favor. Just talk what? Like don't say ugly

Just say less attractive Everybody's beautiful. Do you know? Yo, I'm the words are subjective. I'm still questioning your sexuality till this day. It happens. Here we go All right, all right, whatever. Okay, let's get to these sponsors real quick First one we have Zip recruiter. Are you hiring? Do you know where to put you? I'm sweating so much in this thing. It's crazy We're laughing at you. I really feel it. These lights aren't helping either the lights in here. We have a logic to it Please shut up. I'm not taking these off, but I try to

Wow, please shut up Do you know where to post your jobs to find the best candidates post your job in one place is enough to find quality candidates So if you want to find the perfect hire You need to post your job on all the top job sites and now you can with zip recruiter.com You can post your job to 200 plus job sites Including social media networks like facebook and twitter all with a single click Find candidates in any city or industry nationwide. Just post once once

Once and watch your qualified candidates roll into zip recruiters easy to use interface um today Well, I don't know where where my my listeners can post jobs on zip recruiter for free by going to zip recruiter.com Slash basement that's zip recruiter.com slash basement Uh, yeah, if you're hiring use zip recruiter. What else we gotta be fucking Blue apron my mom's favorite Everyone knows it. Yo, it is so hot. I'm going to pass out in this thing. That's not going to be funny in a little bit

Uh, stop blue apron is the number one fresh ingredient and recipe delivery service in the country. Ooh Uh, basically you sign up and these people they drop off food at your place Pre-portioned with instructions on how to make it. So not only do you have a meal you have that Knowledge for the rest of your life Right, which is nice. Fantastic. You can make it for birthdays valentine's day your fucking girlfriend's birthday Whatever the fuck you want to be any you talk again. I'm gonna cut your head off Uh, they have nice food Fucking salmon bakata and orzo and broccoli pork chops and miso butter with bok choy and marinated

Marinated apple. They have all kinds of shit. My mom loves this stuff Blue apron if you're listening keep standing at the vino. I am seconds away from snapping your fucking neck For less than 10 dollars a person per meal All right, check out this week's menu and get your first three meals free with free shipping by going to bluerapin.com slash basement That's bluerapin.com slash basement. Are you guys done? I haven't sweat this much since fucking football camp. We haven't said a word Jesus My dress is getting all like you guys can see your dress. Listen. You want to hear a fact? What?

Are you guys ready for this? I'm not this is a fact of the vino. I haven't brought these out since o3 But stop touching me. How old are you in o3? But yeah, I had to count my fingers 40 Here's a good fact and I hope everybody lives by this The zebra stripes Aren't real If you know, I really am terrified of when you say things like that I don't know if I need to like call someone to like pick you up and put you in a white padded room sometimes I don't

You know, there are people that text me till this day and say can I get a fact and I'm like, yeah And they need the same help as you there's a lot you want to hear fact number one. Yeah, no That's it. I can't Okay, all right Anyway, you have problems. Uh, did you guys hear about the united situation? Yes, I did shit Uh an asian man Fuck I don't know david dow He was on a plane basically what united did is they overpacked this fucking plane

I mean by the time you guys hear this it'll probably be like old news or whatever I heard they they're known for that though. Like they packed their planes They overpacked them all the time and then they picked random people to come to get all I've never flown united. I have no idea. I mean even delta song. Well, here what happened is, uh They they had a flight and then they needed four uh employees to get to Like chicago or louisville or something because they needed to get to catch a flight

So they needed four people to get off the plane because they had a full plane And they were offering like we'll give you a 500 bucks Credit towards a flight or whatever and people like fuck that and then they got up to like 800 or something These are all numbers that I'm making by the way. No one trust me. I would have taken 800 No, but they got there were it was a couple hundred dollars. Like I know that for effect like it was like 500 dollars minimum, I think and uh people weren't Like responding they weren't they didn't want to get off. No one volunteered. So they said that they let a computer randomly select

four passengers That had to leave And I don't know what happened to the other three, but apparently this david dow dude Did not go quietly because he was like fuck that. He said he was a doctor And he had to like get to patience or whatever And basically they just had the police come and straight up fuck this dude up They ripped him right off the plane one of the cops lost his job already He's unlike he's unlike suspension or something and this guy that david whatever david dow

He he's a doctor who already has money And now he's gonna be suing for more. So this dude is gonna be loaded. He's gonna be I don't feel bad by the end. I don't feel bad for him because he's about to make millions And it's super dope. I would ease first of all the video is kind of like nuts He was screaming. Did you hear him screaming? Like he was doing it so that he could sue again. You would you would do the same thing? Hell yeah, I would I would punch myself They pulled this guy out of a seat and slammed it on a fucking

Armrest yeah on the aisle like across the aisle boom and then Yeah, well his face was gushing. No, it wasn't that bad. Sorry. I overreacted. Yeah, you did. He was bleeding No, he was bleeding. All right. It's a slow year old and then he came back on the plane afterwards. I was like, I need to go I don't know. I did the accent. I'm sorry. It wasn't it No, but he he came back on the plane. He's like, I need to go home. I need to go home And even oh the fucking air just flew across the room. Are you kidding me? I apologize. No, I gotta hit you. I gotta hit you. Give me your hand. That's fingers. There you go. That's what happens Sorry, I didn't mean to hit your ear. I meant to hit your head. Listen the guy got his head slammed against the fucking armrest

He was bleeding. I'm assuming his glasses broke because the guy was wearing glasses And then they dragged his lifeless body off the fucking plane. No When people were kind of outraged there was this one woman who was like screaming Like they shit on him, but like Divino would have wrestled the cop, right? I mean, you know, this cop is obviously out of it. Yo, I would have swung at those cops No, you wouldn't have no, you don't do that. You don't do that because I would have like get me off this plane So I could fake injury and make money. That's what the guy did. I think I don't know. He was bloody Wait, hold on. First of all, he kind of sold it and I'm all about selling it. I'm down. Yeah, what has sold it to

I feel the guy for this. He's not in the wrong in any any point during this But he got dragged off like he was out cold, but then he ran back on the plane He's like i'm good now. It was like a soccer like a soccer injury. Maybe he was sleeping You know when someone gets slide-tagged and they're just like passed out and they got they had the stretcher As soon as they get off the field, they jump back on and they're out there fucking scoring goals and you shit This guy's gonna make millions of dollars though. He's good. Millions He can retire right now. He's 69 years old He's 69. He probably broke his

He's I love their their words. I don't know how to say what? bones Please enough Tevino Do me a favor when you open your mouth makes sense. All right, otherwise shut the fuck up Talk to him Joe. You guys think i'm drunk. Let him know Joe. You are very drunk I'm pretty sure they know when i'm drunk now. Did you guys see the video of the guy? Yeah, I saw it multiple times I like I liked how he was screaming. It was hysterical. It wasn't funny, but he was so Ah

Dude, I wish Someone would slam my head off a armrest. You're never driving. You're never driving down the street And like you you like tell yourself like yo, I could have got myself into a car accident there and made so much money Are you fucking crazy? You make that's how people make money, bro. That's how people die or make money Or die I'm just saying there's some there's some you just ask me if I drive down the street and say You know what? I should have drove right into oncoming traffic because I could have got some money out of this

No, but i'm saying there isn't how much you like money. No, there are people out there. I love my job. I have a great life There we go But like no, there are some people there are some people out there who like look to get hurt so that they can make money You know this too. I'm not giving you I know I got a fucking a guy hit me I remember on his motorcycle and sued me. He hit me I was parked And then he got 15 grand Sorry, I'm hitting the table shouldn't do that drink it away

You gotta learn what he probably got drank it away and got into another one. He listen I was parking he hit the back of my car. He was on a motorcycle and he went flying He asked the passenger window did a front flip onto his back and skid 10 feet He was drunk and he had a cigarette in his hand And when he hit the ground and I it sounds like I'm making this up But he had a cigarette in his hand and he hit my car did a front flip landed on the ground Skid had the cigarette in his hand was laying on his back smoking the cigarette I'm not making that up. It was that would only happen. You fucking superhero. Did your insurance go up for that?

No, I didn't because I was I he was 100 at fault But he was suing me for I don't know and I guess they just settled so they didn't have to go to court But he made money for hitting me while holding a cigarette driving a motorcycle Scared the fucking shit out of me. I had to leave my job even though, you know ready to quit that one 15 grand I'd be collecting change underneath the train station I had to I didn't want to get them in trouble Why? You wouldn't get them in trouble. I don't really know. This is what I was told. I was very young. I was 18 18

Yeah, joey was really skinny back then. I was he was he had a buzz cut You know, what was I want to turn back then? an 11 No Was an 11 joey hated me back then. I think we were a piece of shit me yeah I think we all hated you bro. I think you're smoking the marijuana. No. Yeah, you are Don't bring it out. I've come a long way. Bring it out. No. It came a long way hitting girls

Hitting girls. Hitting girls. Hitting girls. Hitting girls. Aborting babies. Aborting babies. Spray painting babies That were aborted. Can't wait till the death threats I get after this. What are you talking about right now, bro? Right, this kid's out of his mind. I don't know. I'll make a second. Why are you making fun of him? He was a great kid No, you were a piece of shit when you were I was I was but not like that. No, I know I'm I'm obviously kidding What should I do it to you after this? You're not gonna do anything. I have a sword. You have nothing you have horns I've horns. You can't do anything to me. You know what I am gonna do. You know, you should do it. I just felt the power go to him Okay

Poke me with the fucking sword. I don't like to hurt people. I don't like to hurt you know You should do you should just wait 20 minutes because I'm pretty sure I'm gonna pass out and die anyway Being in this fucking thing the lights are Hot. No, they're not. This is nice. These are I'm sweating. I'm losing a lot of weight right now. I love it You're not losing a lot of weight. I'm going on vacation next week. Oh my god The shit that comes out of your mouth. I just swear to God. Where you going to Egypt? Myrtle beach to be you know, oh you're going with the same thing Myrtle beach Egypt. Yeah You know, how's that the same thing? They're both kind of hot. Oh, you know, I might go too

No, you're not sure there's some sand in myrtle beaches I'm not I'm going to disney next month. Oh congratulations. I'm going to disney next month. Yeah That's sick, dude. Just keep saying things people don't care about You're doing a great job Yo, do you ever Xanax on planes? Yeah, I don't like flying. No You remember what happened? You're afraid of flying. Are you scared of flying? We went to Vegas on our way back. I was so excited because we got on one of the new jet blue planes And it had big TVs

So I sat next to Joe and I was like, yo, I'm so excited like my second Xanax and I'm so excited to watch this tv It's awesome. It's touchscreen. I passed out. Joey woke me up. Yo, we're home six hours later I'm like, I wish I didn't even get to watch TV. Are you scared of flights? I can't no It's just I get now lately I get I get paranoid. I used to be afraid if I think about like me being on a plane I'm like Okay, we're in the sky. We're moving really fucking fast. We can't pull over and just like take a break Like if something goes wrong, we're hitting the fucking ocean or the ground. Well, if you know how to swim, you're fine. No, you're Have you seen any movie ever cast away you hit the water you're dead

sometimes No, you're dead for once. Yeah, you're right except that movie's sully But they were like three feet off the ground. He landed it and it was a big deal We made a movie about it. Tom Hanks. We gave but you're but you're scared of Castaway flying now or no, I'm not afraid of flying I was I got afraid when you take off it's a little scary. Hello turbulence. No, no, I don't I don't fuck with turbulence by any means I don't think anyone really does I had to I took I took a shit on a plane as soon as I got back and I sat down and I started shitting

Once my asshole dilated You took a shit on the plane, of course, I would never that's like the worst thing to do Would make a do hold it or shit myself. Don't eat before you get on a plane. I don't eat. It's a nervous shit It's like you weren't dizzy. You weren't dizzy in there. I shit in three occasions if I have to If I'm nervous and if someone hits me in the balls Someone hits you. Someone hits me in the balls. I got a stomach ache. I have to shit like a beating in the balls I shit like four times five times a day. You shit five times a day. Me too. I drink coffee. That's quite the bowel movements you guys have You're shitting five times a day

What are you doing? You're like jerking off the mic. What is he talking about? You jerk off the mic. What no, what do you've had one too many? You don't even know what's going on I'm trying to change the subject because you were touching me. That's what he was talking about. You touched me Anyways, all right, listen, I don't take shit on planes because I had one bad experience where um I was taking a shit and I got really dizzy and nauseous because you're in the back of the plane So of course when that plane turns your your stomach is going to turn That doesn't happen Yeah, it's not like a bus listen, I had bad experience. I remember

Listen, I'm gonna be honest with you. I haven't I haven't used the bathroom on a plane and god knows how many years I'm I use the bathroom every single time. I don't I also don't drink the same picture I walk in I take my balls out take a picture send it to somebody and then I take a shit But this one time I was taking a shit and then we hit really bad turbulence. I thought I was gonna shit on the ground Because I was like my ass was coming off the seat like we're bouncing around where it goes when you take a shit The thing you flushed the toilet the thing on the bottom of the plane opens and it comes down That's not what happened. You think shit's just falling from the skies. It will evaporate while time hits the grounds common sense I'm kidding

You're not kidding. He's not kidding. No, I'm kidding. I made a stupid reaction. I'm kidding, bro Are you serious? They just open it up and shit falls on somebody's random head Like oh my god a good look that would be dope that would no wouldn't no not for I mean if it happens to you that wouldn't Okay, have you ever had a bird shit on you? Yeah, I hate that Oh, it's good. Look go play lotto and then you lose I got shit on and I lost five bucks. So you lose. What kind of luck is this? I don't know man. What do you want? What do you want from me? Nothing

What's your biggest fear? Mine was flying elevators. I'm gonna let you go for elevators elevators Elevators if I get stuck on an elevator and you're in the elevator with me. I am beating you senseless Like you just you're lying. What's your biggest fear an elevator? No, it's not I've been on an elevator with this kid plenty of times. He's perfectly fine. I've never been on an elevator with you in my life I barely like to hang out with you acts like we didn't go on vacation together Was there elevators where you were hanging out? Would you want a vacation and an elevator? Are you kidding me? Where were you pyramid?

Oh the luxor. Yeah, it goes in an angle. I meant I went in there twice. Yeah, me too the whole trip me too Wait, why are you afraid of elevators? He's not I just told you if I get what is the actual fear? No, because if I get stuck on an elevator Shut up if I get stuck on an elevator I get scared that like, you know Something's gonna break and I'm just gonna drop and I can't you're in a metal box. You're kind of just yeah What's holding them? What's holding the metal box metal rope? Okay, and what if it breaks emergency breaks? You think I'm thinking to hit that? No, would you just go on automatically? Oh my god. Divino, not everyone knows how to fucking elevate it. We're just not all engineers You don't think if if an elevator breaks the emergency brakes don't kick in

Oh, Jesus That's not good. That's not good. Are you kidding you? Oh, it just falls. You don't think there's no secondary option It's a shitty fear. Are you kidding? It's scary. Yo, let's see this. Why are you? I'm I I'm more you asked me what I'm scared of and I told you what I'm scared of and you're getting mad at me for What I'm scared of if I'm in an elevator and it breaks down the first thing I'm thinking is like if I have to shit Where am I going on the corner in the corner? In the corner right next to this lady. I've been in an elevator

Hold on but what if three stories I can't shit in front of people it fell it went down three stories like we went up We went up and No way and you heard It dropped that earth sound was wait the emergency breaks. Hey get further away from the mic The emergency breaks you you you you were in an elevator that fell. Yeah work Yeah, it's cool. Yeah, it was fine. Everybody was like, oh Okay, let's get out of here and that was it I would have never got back on but listen, right

You can't do anything about work that's different. So a lot of people are there people can call What if you're in like a random apartment building? Here we go. Not many people are there You're stuck for like seven hours. Thank you. Because who are you calling? No, we don't have no cell phone service. You don't have the service by a fucking game Hit that button where you could talk to the fire department be like, excuse me, sir. Can you help me? Yes, we'll be right there and then they come to know the address of the place Keep putting your ear on back. Oh my god. I'm at you act like they you push that emergency button that rings the bell But joe, isn't that a scary thing? Like if you're in that situation, I mean it would definitely suck

To be stuck in an elevator for sure, but I'm more worried about like if I don't have to shit I'll I'll sleep in it. I'll give a sleep in there. I don't care. No way You first, can't you open the door and like climb out? Yeah, let's get you know, you never see die hard You know, what's a bigger fear is getting trapped on the on the train Underground and there's no air conditioning on the train. I'm literally not even close to afraid of that Dude, you open the door it's also it's also packed and it's you know, how people are you're like touching What about the back doors that you can open exactly and you just walk out exactly on the third rail No on the other fucking side

What if you're in the tunnel like going from queen's world plaza to lex Then you get out you're underwater at that point. No, you're not. Oh, you are you are but so you can still walk out You can still walk. It's not like you're swimming You gotta swim out. What do you think this is a submarine? My biggest fear is centipedes. That's normal. That's not normal That's normal a centipede. They're so they're yeah, they don't bite. They don't bite. They don't they do bite Look it up. Look it up I'm googling it. So excited because guess who's getting a rock in the face

Stop put this down, please. No, when I'm right. I'm typing in do centipedes Bite what's the degrees in this place? I'm fucking dying. It's kind of amazing. Is a centipede poisonous Wait Maybe the one centipedes use a pair of hollow legs adapted with claws to bite into skin Oh What was the key word in that tell me what was did you did you guys hear it adapted it was Into skin you prick So what that's still like a bitch. It's not like they don't they don't come near you though. They don't mosquito bites bite

Wolf spiders Wolf spiders wolf spiders can kill you. Wolf spiders will kill you. Wolf spider. What the fuck is a wolf spider? What you you guys do you guys know what a wolf spider is? There's no wolf spiders around here Were they in Australia spiders instead of walking they jump you went from centipedes Centipedes So wolf spiders wolf spiders where they from joey talk to me. I can't wait to hear this. They're deadly. No, they're not man They're not deadly where

Are wolf spiders pa Carolina pa Yeah, it's in carolina too far First of all, this is a big fucking spider, dude It's like a tarantula. I've seen them. I don't fuck I said tarantula I don't fuck with things that have like a lot of legs a lot of hair like quick moving Uh, fucking so he doesn't eat lobster. No, I don't I don't like seafood. I love it

So do I? No, we should get some after this. Wait, hold on joey. Yes, sir. What's your fear? Did you say it? No, uh talk to me We'll get through this. I want me to take off that hat, please. I don't I want him to take off that. I don't know. I guess like joey's not scared of anything because he's no I'm definitely afraid of numerous things. Have you ever had a near-death experience? No, I guess dying is like a big fear Well, you're mine. I don't think about no that's because I think our minds our mind is programmed not to think about death Because when you start thinking about it, you can now we're programmed

Here we go. You're programmed by the government. Yeah No, so what's your number one fear? I don't know. I guess throw something out there. We'll talk about it I guess dying or like I'm afraid of a lot of I'm afraid of little you know what I'm really afraid of You ever watch the discovery channel and like these dudes are like Walkings through the amazon and then they pee into like a river And then these little bugs climb up this the pea stream and then eat their dick from the inside out This kid's been watching this. I don't like that shit. He's so weird. I don't fuck with that I've had a near-death experience if you want to talk about dying. What?

It last memorial day We were on the atv and I wasn't driving it our friend was our friend was and um You're playing footsie with me stop. Can you tell your story? So we were driving and I I gave him the helmet because I was like, listen, we're on the street You know, I don't need it like just oh, yeah. No, you're really tough. No, it was in pa. You're a bad guy

All right, so we're riding and he's going like 10 miles out. I'm like, yo, bro You could go a little faster. You know, I'm not you're going slow. So this was your fault as I I lean back and I hold on He hits the gas. They He loses control He he he lets it take him basically his body froze and said, yo, it's okay I got this But he didn't so I'm screaming dude. Stop. Stop and my feet are too short to hit the brake so

We hit a ditch of stones And he falls into a patch of feathers and I go flying in the air Now when you're all this is happening your body's like you're going in slo-mo If you ever get into a car accident or anything everything goes into slo-mo, right? So what's going through my What's going through my head is dude, you're gonna die. You have no helmet on you thought about all this. Yeah, you're gonna die No more sex You know that was the second. Yeah, so I was like so So I'm sitting there and like you're going and my hand hit a tree and the rest of my body wrapped around the tree

And I had I came out with cracked ribs and and a fucking hematoma. That was sometimes you're gonna crack your ribs, you know It's dope you lived Do you see a white light? You don't remember when with the vagus and I had my the side of my stomach was blue and yellow It was hard. It was blue. Yeah, it was hard. Yeah, it looked like you were like it still is a lot of pain. Yeah Whatever you're gonna get through this. Have you almost died before? Say similar to him ATV accident I wouldn't I'm not I'm not a fan of ATVs or more like after that. I would never ride it again because

Um, I was riding with my friend and his dad was taking videos of us, right? So he was like yeah, like go around me and it was like high grass. I didn't think anything of it About a 10 foot drop to a creek Into a creek. Well, I I almost went into the creek. I think it was 10 feet You weren't even there but like The ATV was like flipping over me and it just went Right near the water and I was stopped right by the I don't know why I'm doing the movements

But I was right near the water and like really scary. I didn't get hurt that much though like a few scrapes, but But what happens if I ended up in the creek and I just went? I'm drowning You're gonna drown in a creek isn't a creek like four feet deep three feet deep. Are you kidding? Oh, you don't okay. Well, it looks it looks steep and you Shut up Unless you just like What I don't know just whatever's crazy, dude. You almost die. I think you're just a girl. I feel like I'm almost dying right now

It's fucking hot as hell. I want him to take it off No, I want to see if you guys are planning on returning these you can't I'm all over it There's me all over this thing me too me too. I'm all right I would rather do anything than put on a pair of Boxers you've put on before I wouldn't even put on a clean pair of boxers you've owned I wouldn't drink out of the same cup that you had if you put it so we're gonna rush me now I wouldn't drive in the same car as you What do your razors look like? I feel like the razors are all saved them probably he probably saw he saves them

They're definitely like gucky and green. Do you have a toothbrush? You have those? Yes, I do. You know what those are? I do You close your towel after you dry it blue Like it just looks like cinnamon. It's probably like people like a icky. You know, uh, you guys had this planned out or something Does it smell worse when you leave the bed? Shut up. You smell gross now. No, I don't I'm wearing cologne To cover up the bad smell Do you know that like showering is with water and not like

Body spray and shit right? I know Joey. Oh, no, I was just I took a bath yesterday. Yes, I do First of all, do you take a bath and then just go about your day You're supposed to take a shower. Okay, good. You're supposed to take a shower and then bat No, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. You're supposed to bath then shower bath and shower you shower than bath I'm never bath. I use the bath bomb for the first time in my life yesterday. You've you wait use the bath bomb. What are you fucking? Mango on instagram. You're like a girl on instagram taking bath. Someone get this kid. You snapchat at it 1000% Why would anyone else use a bath bomb? Why'd you use it? What is a bath bomb? It smells good. You know, that's great You know, what about soap? You don't forget about that. You don't see girls post that shit. Oh glass the wine and the bath bomb

I know they take it look it looks like a galaxy and they dump it in it's like alka seltzer It just comes up and they take a bath in blue water. It looks like you were taking a bath and tang I'm sweating. I took it was orange, but then I used a filter and it looked brown. So people are like, what are you taking? It was brown like him It was trash flavored. Do you hear this Ahmed? It's fucked up anyway I think we're gearing up for a battle on the extra yard

Which is the 15 minute segment that's on after the basement yard if you go on full screen So We're gonna have to do that quickly so that I don't pass out and die if you guys don't stop I'm going to cut both your heads off I was just sharpening my sword sharpen it You're jerking the sword. No, I'm not. Yes, you are. You saw that Listen, there's your shield. It's disgusting. What are you gonna do block your magic powers with it? Davino looking at you and hearing you is like one of my least favorite things in the whole world

I know right next to drinking poison They're my friend right number four anyway, uh If you guys want to watch us battle it out, I'm going to cut Davino's head off I've said that a lot on this episode. I feel like I'm losing my mind Can I have a buy in this bracket and you fight a med first and you meet me in a championship? Can you talk it to the mic and then I'll think about it. You fucking piece of shit one more time. No, okay Uh, yeah, that is all for this week's episode of the basement yard

If you want to watch us duke it out Go download full screen and shit We'll see you next time I'm gonna die