The Basement Yard - Lingerie, Tinder, & A Hymen Certificate

Episode Date: October 27, 2015

In this episode, I'm joined by my brother and sister to talk about YouTube Red, Dating Apps, & some other stuff that I won't type out of pure laziness. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard. I got my older siblings, siblings, siblings. I said that mad weird. My brother Thomas and my sister Shannon are here. It's Monday. What's today's date? The 26th. The 26th. It's 7 30 at night and I mean I just wanted to talk about some things in the past week. For instance the new thing YouTube dropped this new thing it's called YouTube Red which is the dumbest fucking thing in the world. Basically have you heard of it? Is it like red the color red or like red like read in past tense? No. What is YouTube? I hate you. No it's just red the color. Not YouTube red like they're reading YouTube. Why why

they pick YouTube red? I don't know but you said before it sounded like a porn site like YouTube red. Like red tube? Yeah. Yeah. No it's just it's YouTube but just for porn. And mom was like no it's red tube I don't know. Wait isn't that porn? Yeah actually it is. You know but yeah YouTube red is it's YouTube but you're paying $10 a month for no advertisements. So you're paying more than your Netflix subscription to not watch five seconds of an ad before a YouTube video. Yeah like they're like oh you get no more pre-roll and no more like who get they're five seconds. What's pre-roll? When you click on a YouTube video there's an advertisement that plays before the

video yeah but you could skip like 90% of them or just X them out or just like wait five seconds hit skip and you're done and you're gonna pay $10 a month so that you don't what are you doing? I'm snapchatting. Oh my god. He has a snapchat addiction. Yeah all he does is snapchat. That's not a good angle. But you're paying $10 a month to not have advertisements on videos. It's the dumbest fucking thing in the world. It's not like Pandora Spotify where you have to really listen to these long 30 second videos about Home Depot or whatever and it's like messing up your groove. Yeah you can't have your groove messed up. I

can't. Unacceptable. You're still using Pandora? What is this 2009? You don't use Pandora? What do you use? Sorry. Apple music. Like a fucking normal person. Apple music. Yeah. Okay rich guy. Does anybody else use Spotify? I use Spotify. I still have you know you have you have two subscriptions. But yeah I'm retarded because I didn't I'm still paying for Spotify. You just have way too much money. No I don't. I wish you did have more money because maybe this operation would take place in some place other than this filthy basement. Dude if I had all the money in the world. We're in an actual basement yard. Yeah. We're outside in a

minute. We're outside. I haven't even been using Pandora Spotify because I literally only listened to Sorry by Justin Bieber and Hello by Adele. Just one after the other. Did you hear Bieber's new song? No. It's fire. You haven't heard it? Chan I'm 31. Oh my god. What the fuck do I look like? I listen to Justin Bieber. I only listen to that song and Hello by Adele. Just both of them on repeat all day long. I will listen to Taylor Swift like all day long now. Yeah I'm not even gonna pretend. If they let me listen to Taylor Swift at my desk I would. Going backwards to the YouTube bread thing they had this they had this other thing

that came out. It was called Vessel and it was basically like a whole nother YouTube network thing and they front they gave these YouTubers like hundreds of thousand dollars or even millions to start a subscription subscription. This is awesome. Oh god I can't. Can you turn my mic up? Just punch me in the face. You can hear yourself fine. Fuck you. I don't even have your phones. What kind of operation is this? We're in a basement. Just punch me in the face. They would they would pay these people to start accounts on this vessel whatever the fuck it was vessel.com I don't know and what it was is you paid like 20 a month to get

whatever videos they're posting on YouTube like two days early. No. How dumb is that? I refuse. That's so dumb. I'm not even gonna pretend like that's a good idea. And you know what's bad? These fucking YouTubers who are like oh man I just love I love you and you've been there since thick and thin since thick and thin. That makes sense. I'll tell you what if you're on YouTube you are a loser. Yeah I agree. I'm gonna have to agree. No but they but it's bad because they're like taking advantage of these young impressionable. Yeah give me your $20 a month. You can see my video two days before. Yeah but I got news for you. If

you're young and impressionable and you're old and not impressionable parents are willing to pay $20 a month for that just so you'll shut up to leave them alone. They suck too. You gotta take your problems. Yeah they suck you suck. That's a whole family of suck right there. That's what that is. That's what that whole YouTube red thing is. It's for people who have so much money they don't know what to do with it. And the best or maybe they just don't have Netflix and you're like you know what fuck it. I'm not paying $10 a month for Netflix. I just won't watch ads on my YouTube videos. Dude who doesn't have Netflix. Who doesn't have time

to watch a three second ad? Me. God. I got zero time. God damn it. I barely have time to do this podcast. Oh yeah. I might fall asleep in the middle of it. We're old. Shet you're literally dressed like you should be on a ship. She looks like you look like Rose. She looks like Rose in Titanic when she went running through their ship in her nightgown. That's what she looks like. No but like you know you ever watch like what's that show where they go where they're fishing. Joe. No the one where they catch crabs and shit. Oh deadliest catch. Yeah and Wicked Tuna. Deadliest catch like at night when they take off all their gear. This is what they're

wearing like Long John slippers and this like droopy ass white shirt. You look like Long John Silver's wife at night. Listen I'm cute. I look cute. Compared to who. I look good. All right. You've been wearing those pajama pants for four days. Two. Now tell me how to live my life. And Joey probably took that outfit off the floor. No this outfit came out of my drawers. No but do you know where he got his underwear? Me. These underwear are yours. Probably out of my laundry. These are mine. No but I did have to steal some back from you. No it's insane. Let me just let you all in on some facts. This is all horseshoes. I have my own room when

I get undressed. I do it in my room. My clothes go into a laundry basket. When I wash them they go into the washer into the dryer back up to my room. At some point in that process Joey and Keith come across my negligee. We're underwear whatever. I don't even know what a negligee. I have no idea what that is. It's like a camisole. Yeah don't. Yeah what the fuck is that. Is that like the thing you put on the camel when you ride it. Camisole. Yeah it's like a saddle. Or is that like camouflage shirts. What is camisole. No it's the block the sun. Camisole. You know. This is all bad. There's people out there that are hysterical laughing right

now because that joke was money. Or camel's soul. Okay. Did you need to tell me that was worse than mine. Yeah that was pretty bad. So what the fuck is it. It's like a nightgown type of thing. So it's a nightgown. Why don't we have different names for the same thing. I don't understand the whole lingerie thing. It's so dumb. Like if you're if you're wearing it you're about to be not wearing it. Yeah. Why wear it then. Yeah you bought it for 10 seconds. Don't wear it. Just like just like pull your t-shirt down or something. Yeah yeah just or just not just wear what you're wearing before. I mean I get the whole like tease and I'm sexy. You know you're weird. Yeah. Why are they all

strapped together. It's like a one piece. And what is he talking about. Yeah I don't think he still doesn't has no clue what it is. No no no he thinks he knows. It's strapped. You never saw that. There's lingerie where the legs have holes in them for no reason right near the thigh and then there's buckles. That's called a G string you lunatic. No it's not. Wow you're fucking dumb. A G string is a thong number one. What you're talking about is a garter belt. Oh. No it's not a belt it's on your leg. Yeah but a G it begins with a G. It goes around here and it straps to the knee. Oh yes you're right. Yeah it begins with a G. I'm a girl you're going to frigging argue with me. G string you were way off.

No I meant to say G belt. Yeah. A G belt. G belt that's like an inspector gadget what the fuck he wears. A garter belt. A garter belt. What's it called. A garter belt. Whatever it's fucking a girdle. I used to wear those under my football pads lingerie is dumb. No you know how on weddings. Yeah yeah yeah. Where's the garter and whatever. Yeah that's also stupid. Yeah I know I'm not doing it. There's a lot of a lot of a lot of dumb things going on. Oh first of all I wanted to tell you guys about this video that I saw recently and the reason why I saw it recently is because I was looking up things to talk about for this podcast and this showed up so I was like oh all right this is funny. There was a there

was a woman right who I don't know how but there was like this thing on like on the front of the bus and she got on it and pretended to be a bike. Like you know how some cars have like bikes on the front of them on the back of them or whatever. So she put herself it was like a bus like an empty day bus and she like got on the front of it and like stood on it and was just like positioning herself as a bike. How do you position yourself like a bike. I can't even it she doesn't look like a like whatever but she was screaming I'm a bike just drive. Yeah. And everyone was like what the fuck. That's like when you roll up like on foot to a drive through and you and your friends just standing like in a position

of a car in the position of a car. And you're like dude just serve me a basically in a car. I don't care how late it is. I'm starving. I'm too black out to drive. I need 50 chicken nuggets stat. Yeah. I need eight 20 piece 20 piece. Aren't they on the dollar menu or is I'm stupid. I don't know 20 pieces on the dollar. I think I went the other day. How are people not just 9000 pounds. They are 9000. Well I tell you what. I'm so bad lately because it's I go to like these bad neighborhoods and all they have is like McDonald's and Popeyes and I just can't resist. Yeah. And I go through the drive through. They do put heroin in all these food so that you come back. Seriously. I got six chicken nuggets

and a small fry and it was two dollars and forty two cents. Yeah. There was one time I walked the change out of the console and pay for that. I add you out of the camisole. That's not how much change. How much change. How much change. How much change do you keep in the camisole. The camisole. Yeah. We're talking about a whole. I thought it was a cup holder. Apparently it's a camisole. Camel hole. It's a I'm going to call it that from the console. Get my keys out of the camel hole. Like where are you. What. It's the space between the humps. I went into it. All right. I'm going upstairs. I went into a white castle on time with like five bucks left with two double bacon cheeseburgers and a drink. Nice.

What's where to go and diarrhea for the next four days. I've never been to a white castle. It's shot out of me. It'll change your life. Why. Why castle doesn't turn into just water. It turns into a hole. Coming out. I just spit everywhere. Everywhere. There is spit. But that's what happens. But the reason why I brought that up. Well I brought that up. Please get to your point. No. But I have no point. But that was the video. Right. But that reminded me of the story. I'm like they remind. Yes. She was spreading to be like but that reminds me because it was crazy people in the world obviously. But it reminds me of the story. Great. I love every one of them. Yeah. I was I was standing outside. You know the story. I was staying outside PS2. Oh my god.

With Dominic. Oh my god. I knew it. I was staying outside PS2 with Dominic and like a couple of the people and this car comes flying down the block. Right. And it fucking hits the brakes mad heart stops racing in front of us and just like tinted windows. All of a sudden the window rolls down really slow and as as the windows rolling down Dominic goes. All right. Get ready to run. Right. Because we were like it was at night. We thought about to get shot at for no reason. We're like 15 years old thinking we're going to get shot. But so the window rolls down and it's some drunk woman with some crazy accent and she just starts pointing at three of us. She goes she goes you're a horse. You're a horse and you're a horse. Dominic she goes thank you.

And then she fucking drove away and I was like what the fuck is going on. That's one of my favorite stories. You're a horse. You're a horse and you're a horse. She'd have been like you're absolutely right. Sorry. She didn't even point at me and I was like what am I. I was confused. I was wondering why I was so left out. It was fucked up. You're not a horse. You don't have to cover that you know. It's not a state secret. No I don't know why I'm doing I don't know. I don't know why I'm doing this sweet Google notebook. Yeah I don't know where I got that. Mom got it for me. Let me have it. No it's got all the pics for the the NFL on it. So I can't have it. Is that what you're telling me. No it's like fucked up anyway

like the binds coming off of it. You ever get a notebook and this happens to it. We're like the pages get separated from the actual literally the worst day of second grade. Yeah it's terrible. You have to page out and that's what happens because it's like sewn in. You know what I hate. I hate teach. I hate binders. I'm not talking about binders. I refuse. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. I swear to God. You know what I hate. I hate like paper clips you know. I love paper clips actually. Oh really tell me more please. I'm sure everybody else wants to hear about your paper clip fetish too. Oh let's hear about you say camisole one more time you fucking piece of garbage. You know that was funny. What. I don't even remember what I said but it was

probably hilarious. You said camels hold some of the camels hold which was funny. He said camels hump or something. No I thought it was like never mind. I don't whatever. Listen you guys are just haters because I'm old. Yeah. You guys just don't get my humor because it's like next level. Right. If there's any old people out there they probably get what I'm saying. Right. Or. No. Or they also think you're. Did you hear the story. I did please tell me again. I was in Orlando and we were in Disney World and there's these two little kids. Okay good one. He's on fire. He's on fire. He's got tons of jokes here. Yeah. Such an idiot.

No I was in Orlando and I saw these two little boys and they had their arms. They had their arms around each other. I can't say it now. Why are you kidding me. I was in Orlando bloom. All right. So I was in Orlando and I had these two little boys had their arms around each other and someone was like oh look at those two boys are best friends and I was just like or I just left that open for interpretation. Yeah. Are you killing yourself over there. You're enjoying yourself. That was funny. What you're Orlando. He cracks a game show. It wasn't a game show. Phenomenal. You don't have to be gay to you know being on some guy named Orlando could be in jail. All right. Could be against your will.

What. Well if you're in him I mean if he was in if Orlando was in you then that's against your will. What. Okay. I'm not going to go there. I'm not even sure what we're talking about anymore. It was about to get weird. Let's switch gears. Yeah. What else you got in your Google notebook. Yeah. I wanted to talk about the picture that I was just telling you guys before. I shouldn't have told any of this because I didn't know you guys could be on it because you've heard it before but I saw a picture on the Internet of this husband and wife at their wedding like dancing and shit and it was like an Instagram post and the caption of it was always like oh I love my husband and then it says I'm so glad that I could give him a certificate that says that from a doctor that

says my hymen is still intact. So it's like she has a certificate that says I swear to God I've never been nailed. Tom you're snapchatting. You're like a fucking. I just crushed that one. He was like a 13 year old girl who just got a fucking iPhone. It was like I can't wait to show everyone but anyway so this woman has a certificate that says that her hymen is still intact that she gave to her husband which I don't know if she's just... I want to know what doctor does that. Listen maybe that was part of the deal you know. What deal? He was like listen I'll marry you but not if you got a fractured hymen. Fractured? It's either broken or it's you can't half break a hymen can you? Yeah you can. You can half break a hymen? Sure. Sure. Dude you can break a hymen in spin class.

You could break a hymen. I'm pretty sure I broke my hymen the other day not even in spin class. Seriously. I just like fell weird. A spin class could break a hymen real quick. A butterfly stretch could break a hymen. No but. That whole hymen thing is bullshit because if you use tampons you can break it. It's like you know. Does it hurt? I don't know. You had one. I know but I didn't have that. Word knows that thing is go. Oh that's hilarious because I'm such a whore. I didn't say that you were a whore. That thing is just gone. There's not a trace of hymen in there. It's like fossils in there of hymens. All right. There is something wrong with you. I don't like I don't.

Hymen. Never mind. Hymen is great. I love that word. I knew a girl in high school her last name was hymen. Hymen is so German. Hymen. That's not even a joke. Isn't hymen like very German? How am I supposed to know? It sounds hymen. It's probably it's named after a guy named hymen probably Google it. What guy is like yeah I found it. A guy whose G spot is named after a guy whose last name starts with G. I don't know what it stands for. Did he also invent the G string and the G belt? Oh my god. And it comes back full circle. See I'm good at that. He's bringing it back. Yeah but no more. Now we're back at the beginning. This is how you end to stand up. Yeah right. You bring it all together. You bring it all back home. And then you say thank you. You guys been great.

Thanks for your life. You get off the fucking stage. You guys be great. Thank you. I know I do stand up all the time. For us. For no one. For no one. Three people. It's so dope. But there was a picture of it was the picture of that and the next picture was them two holding like in like their wedding attire and she's holding this plaque attire. What's it called Tom. Get ahead. Shut the fuck up. He's so angry. So he's they're holding a plaque that is a certificate with like her name on it like she just graduated high school. Like I swear to her like her doctors. Yeah but you know what that thing's useless in like an hour. Seriously I don't know what the hymen. No. Oh yeah the hymen

and the diploma. Yeah because it's going to be gone. Is it dated. Is there a guy like is he going to check afterwards and then take it back. Is he allowed to have had sex before. Where's his high. I don't know the guy. I don't know if the guy check a hymen on a guy. How is that fair. Guys don't have hymens. Exactly. What if your P hole had like a hymen or something then we wouldn't pee. That's true. Didn't think about that. No I was just saying like there's no way to check that on a guy. Like why do we have to be virgins. Dude we don't check if you have hymens either. I'm just saying these weird freaking people. I don't even know what does the hymen look like in the south. It's like a piece of skin. It's like a flap that goes like it separates the vagina from the cervix.

I know. I know so little about the vagina. Oh less than that. Just I don't even know where it is. How many holes are down there. Six. About to give an anatomy. How many holes. Yeah. This is news to me that there's more than one. There's a P hole. Do you think we pee out of our vagina. Sure. Where else. We pee out of our urethra. And that goes through the vagina. No it doesn't. There's two different holes. So wait. The opening. There's a little hole. No Shannon the opening. The big hole. The big hole is the vagina. That's where the baby is. Isn't the whole thing the vagina. Like Queens is a vagina and where we live is a town which would be a urethra. But it's still in the vagina. Queens. The vagina. Our town is the urethra

of Queens. No. Exactly. Technically the vagina is the opening. Just the opening. So once you get inside a complete different ball game. Oh yeah. Different place. That whole can. That's like when you go into a club but there's different levels. It's like oh up here there's house music and down here is like pop. Is that what it's like. I have no idea. I've never been to a club. This is what I hear it's like. He just said pop. Yeah. Now here we got pop. Yeah. They play Michael. They play Michael Jackson. Yeah. King of pop. Oh my god. You're so old. Shut up. Let's watch some videos of you dancing to new kids on the block again. Yeah. Well guess what. I'm so old that back then I was like the coolest fucking kid on the block because I could dance like that. There's no kids

on our block in my I was like two kids on our block the whole time I've been alive. That's right. And I out danced them all day long. Oh man. New kids on the block had a bunch of hits. New kids on a block had a bunch of kids. Chinese kids. What happened to them. Did you hear that died. The lead singer died. He had leukemia. LFO. Yeah. Good Lord. I thought you were going to say good. Wow. You're fucked up. Did you hear that. Is it the Spice Girls are my go on tour again with the Backstreet Boys. No not to that. Wait. Why. I would have went to a Spice Girls concert. Not the Backstreet Boys. If anything I would think you would go to Backstreet Boys. To be honest I probably know more Backstreet Boys

songs than I do. Spice Girls songs. Who knows more than three Spice Girls songs. I know colors of the world. Yeah. That's the old that one and then we want to be my lover to and then what's the third. I don't know when to become one. I don't know that song. I don't know that one. You're right. I only know two Spice Girls songs. I know two Spice Girls songs and they had great lollipops. Do you remember the lollipops. What. You don't remember the lollipops. They were like strawberry and they had their pictures on. No. Yeah. The wrappings had like a Spice Girl. I was in high school when I was when the Spice Girls were cool. I want a blonde. What. Yeah. And now I hate blondes. You've never dated a blonde in your life. I've never. I don't think I've hooked up with a blonde.

I have. What. What. You've hooked up with them. I was going to say just girl is your type. That's it. If she's a girl. It's fucked up time. I disagree. Blondes, brunettes, red heads, gray heads, red heads, dogs, cats. Have you hooked up with a red head? A red head. I don't know. Like a steaming red or like a oh it's like a hint like rogue. Like a natural all burn red. I'm not a kiss one on the mouth. I wouldn't doubt it. Okay. Have you hooked up with a red head. I don't want to know. I don't really care. I do. I want to judge you. No, actually. I mean, actually. You know what? You wouldn't believe this. I have it. So and I've had my head under a Betty Coder too. Have you ever right swiped on a red head? Yeah. No. What? Oh, I don't know. I'm

talking. Sometimes I get into like a zone. It's going down. How many tenders are there now? There's so many tenders. But like there's Tinder. There's there's so many they rank them now. There's websites dedicated to like which ones how you become a good dating site. You got to get a lot of people. But like isn't I thought Tinder has to be the biggest one. No, no, not anymore. Well, what is the biggest one? It probably started the trend. Yeah, it did. But then now they now they're coming up with dating sites for like just random. It's like, oh, there was like farmers date or some shit. You want to date a farmer farmers only.com. Yeah, that's shit. Farmers only. Oh my God, I was listening to Z 100 one more. What does that profile look like? High weight crop. Like, yeah.

How many horses do you have? Yeah, how fucking there you go, shed. How many horses do you have? Benjamin Franklin. Apparently, it's only for 90 year old farmers as well. How many? Oh my God, they were talking about that on Z 100 one morning and they were playing all the jingles. Of all the dating sites? Yes, it was hilarious. I can't remember any of them now. Farmers only. So how but how many? What's the biggest one then? Do you know? I think it depends. I think I from what I've heard the most effective one is okay, Cupid, but you got to answer like 100 questions, but it's free. So it's like, there's like eHarmony and mash.com, but you have to like pay a lot of money for that. And then as

far as the apps or apps go, I think okay, Cupid is probably the most legit, but you have to answer tons of questions, which who the hell does that? So okay, Cupid actually want to meet someone who's actually dating. Yeah, they don't want to like it's not like Tinder was like, yeah, it's like, yeah, maybe swipe for for vagina, right? No, right guys, right? Swipe vagina. Listen, Tinder's scary, no matter who you are. Tinder's amazing. I redownloaded it the other day. Listen, if you want to have a great time and like lose 30 minutes of your life, there's a Twitter account called like Tinder fessions, and they just post the wildest shit from Tinder, and it is absolutely hilarious. What people say to people, like people's profiles, it's nuts. Oh my god,

I've seen some things like on Facebook. That's why I redownloaded it because For some material. Yeah, it's really amazing. I could honestly make a video of Tinder profiles, and I just kind of just blur out the name because I kind of feel bad because they live around here, no? That's true. They'll find you. They can find me in fucking, you know. I will find you. And I will get you. I find you. But I see some of the wildest shit, and then sometimes you get like a hooker, and she's like, hey, but she's like advertised free advertising, right? But they can't say money. So they say roses. Really? Yeah, like I'd say bones like 200 costs 200 bones. All right. They say roses, like can I get 200 roses, 200 roses an hour and come back.

Get out. I don't give a shit about you. You didn't have to sound like prostitute when you left. Yeah. Jesus Christ. We're talking about prostitutes on Tinder, and she's got to say that shit. I can't, you know what? That's actually genius. But prostitutes on Tinder. It's so, yeah, it's. It is, right? Because like if you're, if you're a guy and you're on Tinder, odds are you're after work. You're on Tinder with a raging boner. Exactly. And if you're like drunk enough, and you have enough money, and you swipe on a prostitute, and she's like 200 bucks an hour, and you're like beautiful. I have 200 bucks. Yeah. Can I get 100 bucks? Yeah. Well, I got like 30 bucks. So can I get like 10, seven, like seven to 10 minutes of your time, please?

How much is it just to watch? I just, can I just come with you on your next little excursion? Oh man. How great would that be? I would go. You get to like, do you think that happens? Like, like hookers like, who are hookers in training, shadow, the pros. Yeah. Like this is how. It's like student teaching. Yeah. This is how we, this is how it goes. Don't mind her. She's just going to watch. She'll be in the back. Don't worry. She's taking notes. What are they called the teachers that sit in the back of class and like take notes? What are they called? Student teachers. Jesus. Who is this guy? What are you listening to? Oh, I think I'm, I think I'm dumb. I think that's what it is. You know what it is? Oh, I found it. Are you still snap chatting? No, jerk. I'm a jerk.

Listen, for the record, I never actually snap chatted. I deleted them. You still snap chatted? Yeah, I did. It still counts. I know because it's funny. Here she comes. She's beauty and she's grace. She's wearing. Nope. Here we go. Damn it. You was hoping something was going to run. I was hoping someone's going to come to me. Peter Gold. Sorry. That's all right. I already came up with something genius earlier. Tom, have you actually never been in the club? I know I've been in the club. I hated it, but I was sitting one. They're terrible. Yeah, they're terrible. I don't think I'll ever go to a club again. It's not my scene at all. I don't think I've ever been in a club. Listen, I can tell you this right now. I was out with a friend of mine

who's his friends, who I didn't really know, were real big into like clubs. This is what they do. They only go to really nice places. They eat at really nice restaurants. This is just their thing. I was with them one particular night. We had met up. I wasn't spending the entire night with them, but I just met up for a drink or so. We were in, for all intents and purposes, just like a regular bar. We're hanging out. At one point, one of the kids comes out to me and he's like, yo, for real, who the fuck would come here? Seriously, think about it. Look around. All these people came here on purpose. I don't even know what to say to them because I was like, this is kind of a nice place. What does that mean? All these people came here by purpose.

He's like, no, they all came here on purpose. He's like, they left work and they said that they were going to come here and this is their idea of having a good time. I'm like, I don't even know what to say to this kid. I was like, hey, you know, teach his own. This and that. Then he's like, I tell you the truth. He's like, you look around. There isn't really a whole lot of talent in here. Listen, I'll tell you what. When I go out, if I bump into somebody, I want there to be a good chance that something's going to happen. I was like, who are you? Psycho? He's my talent. He meant good-looking chicks. Yeah, talent. Those are the kind of things that people who don't have sex with women say. Good. Is there a good talent there? All right,

I'm in. Let's go. What kind of talent? Like on a scale of one to 10? I don't know. Thank God, I am not. On a one to eight? Yeah. I'm so happy I'm not single anymore. Dude, clubs are awful. It's disgusting out there. Like levels of disgust. It's like you pay, you stand on a line with other dumb-looking people because everyone on a club line looks so stupid. That's right. And you stand on that line, then you get to the front and the bouncer just is like, doesn't want to let anyone in for some reason unless you're a hot girl with huge tits. He'd be like, come right in. And then you pay a $40 cover. You get in there and you buy a drink for $23. $40 cover. Back in my day, it was $20. No, but you can't even hear the person that you're with. You

can't talk to the person next to you. It's a great place to go if you don't want to talk to anyone. Calvin Harris is fucking dropping bombs and you're like, what? What? Where did you go to school? Seriously, there's no way to ever have a conversation with someone. It just pisses me off. The last time I was in a bar was for my friend's birthday in January and I was just like talking to whoever, like her friends that were there and I was trying to like legit have a conversation and it was impossible. I was just exhausted. I'm like, all right, bye. It depends which bars you're in. Like you also don't drink though. Yeah. When you drink, your volume gets higher and that's not a problem talking to people. But really does your hearing threshold get higher too? You can just

hear people. I don't know. Some wild stuff happens to me sometimes. You could climb buildings. Seriously. I just make my way home. I just hit, I hit like a button and I just go. Yeah. When I'm really drunk, I just like, I'm responsible. Like I'll just like be, I'll be happy and I'll start cleaning up. No, I'll be really happy in the bar. You guys need help back there. You're all good. Let me get those glasses for you. Yeah, no, but I'll be smiling and all happy and then I'll just get really serious and turn to one of my friends like, I'm not okay. I need to go home now. And they're like, all right, time to go. That's what happens though. But I like bars because it's just, it's no, because if you go to a club, like I was saying before, you pay whatever

the cover is, it's minimum, it's $25 to get into a club minimum. You get in there. No shot. You're getting a drink before 45 minutes. It's just no way. And it's packed. Everyone's sweating and wearing fucking Gucci button downs or button ups. I don't know what they are anymore. Are they button downs or button ups? Is there a difference? All right. I went to, when I was in Scottsdale for my cousin's bachelor party, we went to some, it was, I guess it was, it was for all intents and purposes, it was a bar, but it was basically a club. We didn't have to pay a cover or anything, but like they played like straight like, yeah, like it was wild in there. And I'm pretty sure that I was the only one not like tripping in that place. It was the, I was like, this is insane. The music was crazy

loud and you couldn't, like in order to get a drink, you had to like stick your hand through the legs of like these girls that were dancing on the bar. It was nuts. It was so not fun. I didn't have a good time at all. I was like, this is wild. Yeah, I don't like. You have to be on so much ecstasy to have a good time in here. That's, that's another thing people say to you. It's like, dude, you got to eat. That's why you didn't have fun. Yeah. All right, sure. Jesus Christ. Say no to drugs. The dare program. Dare to stop doing drugs. Dare to say no. What does dare mean again? Drugs are really exciting. What is it? No, no, it's drugs are rancid elephants. I have no idea. Drugs are really elaborate. Yeah, keep going. I'm bad. I can't even come up with anything. I'm trying to

think of a word that begins with R and I can't really ravaging. I can't imagine Shannon in a club. She would just be like, oh, it's drug abuse, resistance, education. Oh, yeah, mine's better. It wasn't even close. Shannon doesn't do well in clubs or bars or any other. Where do you do well on the couch? Yeah. In front of the couch. You crush it on the couch. I do. That's what I do, and in my bed, take a naps. So like, do you talk to any other human beings? Of course I talk to human beings. Thank you. Yeah, like the ones she sings Old McDonald to. I talk to babies. Listen, I actually didn't sing Old McDonald today. What did you sing? Can we explain what you do so that people don't think you're going around singing at children? She's a baby singer. No. People hire her

to go sing to the babies. She has a master's degree in Old McDonald. Yeah. She walk in there and handle Old McDonald and get the fuck out. Yep. I'm a speech language pathologist and I work in really good dimension. Great. Great, which means that she goes there and she plays with a kid in Leaves. It's a lot. She plays with toys with a kid. It's constructive play. Right. So you give him, you're like, hey, put this circle in the circle. Right. And then he puts it in the square, you go, nope. Nope. He puts in the circle, you go, well, we're getting somewhere. Yeah. Well, yeah. But if he tries it, there's a lot of that. And then he shits his pants. Do you change kids? No, I tell the mom, I'm like, I think he pooped. I think he shit. I checked the diaper.

Are you serious? Yeah, because I'm like, you're seeing little dicks. Well, she's not checking the front for shit. Yeah, it goes everywhere. But yeah, of course, it's your little dick. They're all like potty training and stuff. Sometimes you got to help them out and then you walk in the kids just naked and he's pissing on the rug. I don't see piss, but I see naked. Yeah, sure. They're babies. Who cares? I don't know, man. Police. Police care. I'm a professional and I'm a woman. I'm not like a weird pedophile. How many pedophile women are there? Oh, there's going to be a lot of people. That's it. It's over. It's over. We can't even put this out now. Excuse me. Females can be rapers. All right? So enough with this shit.

You're ignorant and dumb and I'm 12 and I know it. I know. I love being harassed on Instagram about my opinions. No one harasses me. It's bullshit. Because you don't have opinions. You post pictures of you surfing. I'm very controversial on Instagram and I get a lot of heat for it, but I don't care. Yeah, but I don't think I have no followers. Yeah, people don't care. People get uneducated and stupid and ignorant and it's hilarious. Dude, whenever I like make a joke about something, there's like these 12 year old girls who are like, you're just immature. No, or like, they'll say, they'll say something and I'll respond back to them like calmly and then everyone will be like, why? You're immature. Why are you like fighting with a 12 year old?

I'm like, I was talking. I was saying my opinion. You're immature and ignorant and dumb. And you're fucking ugly. They're always throwing like a last one. They're like, your beard sucks. I never liked it. And your videos are just garbage. I love when they're like, oh my God, I used to look up to you, Shannon. And I really thought that you were such a better person than that. And I'm just going to have to unfollow you now. Like I'm sitting at home crying about it. I lost a lot of respect for you after this. Oh my God, I get that all the time. You should say, well, if you were with me all day long, you'd lose even more respect. Like the fact that you respected me is kind of weird. That makes me question your respectability.

I don't think you're responsible for having respect in the first place. Like I'm sorry, I'm supposed to be Mother Teresa. No, I've no opinionated mouth. And if you knew me, you'd know that that's right. You'd know why me and Joey don't even like her. Just kidding. She gets very upset. Because Shannon asked me, she's like, if we weren't related, would you like date me? Or did you said something like that? And I was like, Nope. Absolutely. No, actually, I never asked. You just went, I would never date you. Well, you were probably being a real big bitch one day. You're not my type. Yeah. No, because I'm not a man or a manish woman. What does that mean? It means you have bad days. Oh, okay. Taking shots. The last couple of ones,

we're good. Just for the record, Vin works out in his living room. Oh my God. Yes. So do you. I don't have weights. And I do like six push ups and I'm eating a donut while I do it. Listen, you have weights and you work out in the living room. Okay. And you go bike riding every day. You're not any better than him. Then has a squat rack in next to the TV. I'm not making any of this out. This can't wait to get these reps in while the walking gets on. It's like, Oh man, I love squatting the zombies. Really. Listen, he wants to be little pre workout little zombies. Whoo. He wants to be. We're making fun of them. We're going to be 500 pounds in like 15 years. Jack. Oh, that's awesome. Probably quit his job to go to the gym.

One time I took pre workout before a job interview. I did the interview. I did the interviewing. He walked in. Let me tell you some shit. I'm here to fuck. Shut up. No, he like said, he scraped it off the thing. I don't, he's like, I think it was bad and he was like here and more on everything. Dude, I my pre work, the pre mental toughness. What's the pre workout called a salt, a salt. Dude, I took a salt on your senses. You can climb buildings. If I was walking to the gym and I had a like, I don't even use it because it's like scary, but like I took it and I was walking to the gym and I didn't have breakfast. So it was already in my bloodstrap and heart. My heart's pounding. Like I just ran a marathon and got scared.

Yeah, no, that's great. They're fucking pounding. And like my skin gets itchy because your old, your hairs are like moving and stuff. I get there and I'm like throwing the weight. It's the coolest shit ever. One time I took it and I got in the car and started driving. And I was like, I wish that a motherfucker would come because I'd swerve right around him right now. I was all jacked up. Yeah, I know. It's awesome. Yeah, Vin doesn't really take that anymore. But like for some reason he decided to take it yesterday randomly at work. I'm like, what are you doing? That was a good decision on this part. He's like, I used to take pre-workout all the time. He's like, he's like, I took pre-workout before our first date.

This stuff. Oh my God, which was two years ago tomorrow. Whoopee. Where'd you guys go? We went to a bar and watched the Giants game actually. He probably thought you were so cool. And then he was like, wait, she's totally making this up. No. Wait. So one of those girls, he was like, Sue's your favorite player and you're like, A-Rod? No. Oh, no. Eli? Do you remember yesterday? He was like, just, he still shakes his head at me because I have no idea what the hell is going on. Oh my God. Shannon yesterday, she goes, what's that? Cause the Giants had a pick six. She goes, what's a pick six? Is that like an interception on sixth down? I was like, Shannon, not only is there not a sixth down, there's not a fifth down. So where the fuck? And Vin was getting mad. He's

like, you know what that is. Don't, she's joking with, I was talking about her the other day. He got so upset. He's very upset. Yeah. Cause you don't know anything. And he probably, he probably tries to teach you and you're just like, yeah, definitely, definitely. And you're like, paint your nails. I'm just like, don't talk to me. On your forever 21 app. I told him, I got a whole bag of sh with your name on it. And he laughed for like 20 minutes because I'm like, stop talking to me. I don't care. I don't care. I don't get it. I will sit all day. You can watch Shannon all day, but it's not that difficult. It's not. I know, but I just don't get it. But think about how much more fun you could have if you actually knew what was happening.

I don't know. I don't have room in my brain. I got a single. Yeah, I got a single. I just got so many baby songs on my head. How can I possibly cover head football? And I'm learning new things. There's six verses in twinkle, twinkle little star. Wouldn't why, why wouldn't there be six downs? Is there six verses? I don't know. I made that up. There's two verses. There's more. I don't even know what a verse is. Is that Keith? It's a corn. Keithy corn. It's a corn. He's going to kill me. Oh no. Are you wearing a P coat? Did you get me deodorant? Yes. That was the weirdest thing. I will not smell tomorrow. Keith came downstairs with a P coat and Gatorade and deodorant. He just came from the gym.

Deodorant and Gatorade. Why'd you wear a P coat to the gym? I'm not wearing it while I'm working out. That's a good point. That'd be hilarious if you were though. There's this kid in our neighborhood. There's this kid in our neighborhood. He was wearing like these pointed toe dress shoes. No one can hear you. No they can't a little bit. But like he was wearing these pointy toe dress shoes. Yeah come share. Okay pointy toe shoes. And jeans and was in a dead sprint on the fucking treadmill. I'm not lying. Like fast. Like hauling. He probably didn't want to go home to change and he was like fuck it. He's like out. He was he was he was he's like you know he's off. He's a weird kid. Pointy toe shoes. How was the gym Keith? Was that good? Did she burn calories?

Did you take pre-workout? We were just talking about pre-workout. Have you ever taken it work and then shit his pants? Have you ever taken pre-workout? If I had pre-workout I'd yeah. You'd probably murder her. I'd go and sing. No you'd probably be like I don't feel right. Yeah he'd be like I think my heart's exploding. I think I'm going to die. No when I was. My brain's leaking. I've never been this close to Keith in my life. We're sharing a mic right now. What? We're sharing a mic. There was a kid. Just say it. There was a kid uh when I worked at uh like as a custodian in the summer he would take pre-workout to do his work and he knew it kicked in because his his left hand would start tingling. Yeah. Like yeah that can't be fucking good for

you. No my whole body tingles. It's great for you honestly. When the custodian was perfect. Constodating? Custodating? Custode? God I wish you went to school for like three seconds. I did. You might know a word. No you might know a word. I know a lot of words. Yeah. And I could spell words. You know a lot of curse words. Do you know SAT words? I know every word. Keith. I'm very educated. You went to college for like six seconds longer than he did. You think you're hot shit because you know words. I did way worse than he did. That's from Bench Warmers. You think you're hot shit because you know words. Because he's like athlete or that's amazing. I know words. I was in the spelling bee. Oh my god if I have to hear the fucking spelling bee.

Yeah would you get it wrong? Strong? Yeah because it was in fifth grade. Yeah well were you in the spelling bee in fifth grade? Fucking no. I was advanced and you were horse shit. No I was too busy you know getting the gym award. I got the gym award every people thought I was going to be in the NFL. Yeah that turned out real fucking wrong. I got the creative writing and the language arts awards. And I won an essay contest. I thought he was going to say an SB. Like no you didn't. Hold on a second. Here we go. I want a poem contest in high school. Oh would it say please. Do you know it. I know it's in a book. Go find the book. They told me it was published. I know it's in a book. That does not help anyone. It's published. I know it's on earth. I know that.

I won an essay contest. You have a locker. How long have we been doing this. This is 48 minutes we're on now. Oh I gotta go. Yeah remember we should wrap this up. Yeah we're gonna wrap this up. Shannon's smelling the mic again. It smells weird. It smells like a microphone. Are you done. I'm trying to think of what it smells like. All right Shannon tell the people where they could find you and yell at you for being controversial. Oh only on Instagram at Shannon Tantacato. I just recently got Snapchat but I'm not doing it with strangers. Yeah because I still don't know what I'm doing. Let me tell you if you're gonna do it with strangers use protection. Yeah because you don't know what people have or what they'll show you. I still don't

know how to work. Dude I open Snapchat and it's so weird. It's like a cat a dog a beer someone's drinking a beer and then it's like some dude's dick. Just like what's up are you gay. Like that's that's happened to me multiple times and you're like yeah a picture of a dick like are you gay. Like why did you ask before you sent the dick and I'm like no I'm not gay. I don't like pictures of dicks and I'm supposed to biologically like dicks. Well I think gay dudes like dicks. They like picks of dicks. Not necessarily. I think they do. Why. Because I was talking to a gay dude once. Oh my god you're generalizing. Yeah probably. No but I was talking to this gay dude once and he broke it down from me. He's like you know how like dudes break it down. Always want to have sex with girls like

it's always on their mind like oh my god. He's like now imagine two of that like since you're gay you're both dudes always thinking about sex and you could just bang whenever because you don't like that's how guys are and that's that's why there's a grinder where you could meet a dude swipe them and then you're like dude right now and he's like yeah then you go dick him and then you're done Anyway can I tell people my Instagram name? No. What is it Tom? Farts burn butts 11. That was Keith's first screen name for anyone. His first screen name was Farts burn butts 11. Yeah it was. It was great. Send him an email. He still uses it. It's only a job interview so could you have an email? Yeah it's um Farts burn butts 11. Did you ever hear that story about

our cousin when he was in college and he had to do a homework assignment and in order to access the homework assignment he had to use like a certain password to get into like this the course thing and he forgot his password so we had to email his professor for the password and he's like hey professor like I forgot my password you can you do you mind like can you send me what it is so he gets an email back from his professor. Dear so-and-so your password is Dick's Mac. That is terrible. Did he address it at all like nice password or some shit? No you just said your password is Dick's Mac. Please turn it in by Tuesday or 3 p.m. Oh my god that's amazing Dick's Mac. So what is your Instagram Tom? At Tom Santagato it's a real original. Oh boy and if you guys

want to contact I mean fuck that you guys if you're listening to this you have to know who I am no it doesn't make sense for me to plug myself. All of our Instagrams are our names. But you know it's my name Joe Santagato on Twitter on everything it's on everything all right. Keats in the background you want to follow him show him a boob whatever it is. That Keats Santagato as always thanks for listening. See ya. Bye.