The Basement Yard - Mashing & Splashing

Episode Date: March 13, 2018

On this episode, @DannyLopriore joins us to talk about MASH & squirting. Normal stuff. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard today. I am joined by Danny little priori. He is back back and better than ever my friends Delfel. Yeah, probably down 100% 100% 100% today. We're doing something special on the show. I'm excited. We're kid. We're throwing it way back Okay, I don't know. I just said it like no, no, it's not Not good. Yeah, you sounded like an action hero kind of though. Yeah, but not not a good one. No, not good anyway We're gonna be playing mash to start this show if you don't know what mash is Wow your piece of shit I'm hype and yes, you are a piece of shit if you don't know about man. This is like how every kid Knew how their life was gonna pan out and you want and the crazy thing was is you fucking believed it

I fucking believed it. I believe shit out of it And I also just played this game until I got what I wanted. Yeah, of course, of course You know what I mean, like I would restart it to like I'll hold up chill chill chill. Wait, wait, wait, wait Yeah, yeah, but you know in a way. I got confused. I lost count. It's like you fucked up You don't even need those check marks. Yeah, so basically, let me just explain what we're gonna do before we do it, right? So the game mash it's like m a s h right and that stands for mansion apartment shed Shaq Shaq sewer swamp just a not a good place. You don't want s you don't want s and then H is house right and then there's five categories what we have five here. It's your future wife

Your car your income your job and how many kids you're gonna have and then I just start writing lines and Then Danny tells me when to stop and then that's the number and then I just start counting one two three four I start crossing shit off and that's when you find out What's gonna what your life is gonna be like? I feel like it's gonna be like even more like I'm gonna be even more anxious Now than I was when I was a kid. Yeah, I'm pretty I'm pretty far So I'm fucking ready. Well, you get to pick everything too. I'm down to pick. I'm down to also get some help here. Yeah Yeah, I got you. I got you. Okay, so wait also when I do the lines thing I started and like I start counting those first. No, no, no, no, no, you just literally yeah, you start at M

Cuz M is a category. Yeah, cool All right, let's start with the wife. All right. Yep First one. We're gonna put your current girlfriend. Yeah put a lot on there Fingers crossed fingers crossed. I don't know how to it's all right. Well, I do want to say I do want to say he did it But it's fine. Is it a yeah, I'll take that. Yeah, what do you got it? What else L a nna H? Yeah, for a second a la and a She's a good kid. Whatever Who else we got like your celebrity crush Rihanna? I

Get Rihanna in there. Love Riri Uh for me, I'm gonna put Keith Sanagato here My brother Keith, you know what Keithy sands. You know what I mean? Not hating it. Not hating it. Not hating it I need two more. So let's put Rosie O'Donnell Rosie O'Donnell For the love of the game vintage Rosie though vintage Yeah, like Rosie like Rose like wait like League of their own Rosie or like Rosie first of all Donald show. Oh Donald show League of their own. That's a good Rosie though

Awesome Rosie. Yeah, good movie good Madonna to dude Madonna was good in that movie very good kind of smoky, too 100% Yo, I didn't want to say it, but yes, she's slutty in that movie. I was all about it. Yo pointy tits come on one more Rosie O'Donnell what about we just put like an animal no No, let's do like a Disney character princess. Oh, I like this right Ursula No, we get yeah, yeah, you put a like a like a Who's like a like an in-between one? I don't want to give you like a like a really hot Nala from the Lion King

Who is kind of hot for a lion first of all? Nala was hot for a lion dude first of all she was a cub a cub no no they grew up Eventually, yeah when they wrestled to like Elton John am I like the pedophile now cuz I was I'll talk about grown up grown up Nala's is a smoke show a smoker. She's a smoker and also hot line hot line One of the hottest lines I've ever seen 100% Yeah, Simba's a good-looking lion too. Oh, but especially when he gets that red mane going. This is yo What a sexy bunch of animals. I know you think they knew that when they were drawing them like yo Let's just make these tigers and yeah, I mean it's like these lions hot as fuck

They handed something it's like just make them sexier It'd be like listen your first draft was really good this line not hot enough Yeah, no one a hot fucking line not always have like sex eyes, you know, she always had that like side eye Yeah, but like they always yeah, they always made them really super sad. Yeah, it's like I kind of want to fight like it looks like you Don't know if she wants to fight you or fuck you. Yeah, like the playful fighting between them the sexual tension in that movie Off the charts when she's biting his ears. I know I want you to bite my ears. Whoa Are we like into pussy out Yeah, we're fine. No, no it's on there. I mean we're not fine. What we get Nala. This is gonna be a conversation

I hate it. I don't hate any of those. I don't hate anything right now. All right car Let's go Lambo. I'll give you Lambo Lambo Mazda Miata Mazda Miata, yeah, Mazda Miata, man It's like it's like it's a it's a convertible, but like not a cool convertible. It's like for old retired Yes, okay, like you go to play like around the golf and the Mazda Miata Shopping cart shopping cart. I feel like that was always like kind of a standard. Yeah, you needed like some fucked up Some piece of shit like thing to get around Camel camel that's a good one. Yeah, it's fine. I love a camel a

Camel would be cool for like three hours Yeah, cuz it takes you forever to get it. Yeah, like once it got sick But yeah, let's fucking go. What's it got past the point of people being like cool. That's a camel Probably wouldn't want it anymore. No, I'm good on it. And then like a regular car. What's that? What's that? Honda course. All right, Honda Honda coupe and we're we're plugging along here. Yeah, we're ready income. Let's start I gotta start high one $1,000,000 one million I feel like I never really went over like a million Cuz back then a million dollars was like the most money you could ever possibly have

Yeah, it was the most I could ever think of yeah, the bank would be like dude You can't put it on the drill in here relax like dude you've hit your cap for your life. Yeah good You're rich enough. I don't even know what a lot of money was back then if I found $20, I was just like dude I'm set. Do you remember when you were great in fifth grade. I found No in 50 great 50 great 50 grade In fifth grade, I traded my Charizard to this Asian kid Alan. I don't know. I had to say his ethnicity It's nothing to do. It's all right. It's all right. It's a Charizard. It makes the story what it is, you know, Pokemon Asian

I feel like you know Hand in hand. It's hand in hand. You know what I'm talking about. He knew what he was doing in that deal So yeah, he knew what was going on the value and there's a reason now that I'm thinking about it Why I said the word Asian right so I was like this Asian kid Alan I gave him the Charizard he gave me $50 because he found $50 on his way to school. Oh So I didn't try to like, you know, was it a hologram Charizard? It was not Dude, you hose this kid. I hose them hose them, but here's the thing right? He knew what he was doing He found it money has no value back then true and I didn't even know what the fuck I was gonna do a $50

But then when I got home my mom found the $50 it goes Where'd you get this? Yeah, and I was like Like she was assuming I'm selling drugs or some shit. I was like, no, I fucking I gave my Charizard to this Give it 50 bucks. She made me give the $50 back. I didn't get my Charizard back So oh, oh took my Charizard in the fucking $50 damn son. Why did you get the card back? I'm a pussy dude. Damn. He's way bigger than me. You're sweater vests and shit Right pants. Yeah, you know, I mean I do kick your ass 100% anyway $10,000 a year. Yeah, yes, you gotta be you gotta be you gotta have something bad on there $10,000 a year

I'll go Okay, how about 20 25,000, okay, and then we'll go 100 100,000 100,000 then do 40,000. I Think we just goes zero. Oh, yeah Yeah, just be like no money at all. That's fine. All right, good job helicopter pilot Looking at the job sector for a while. That's why being a helicopter pilot would be fucking dope Are they are they crushing it dude? If you were like a helicopter pilot for like the celebrities

Do they have their own helicopters? Yeah, hell, yeah rich people have helicopter. I know they have planes Where are you going billionaires imagine like flying a billionaire around in like the Swiss Alps or some shit Are the Alps in Switzerland? I think so. Yes, we're right. We're right We're right, but imagine that and you get to wear like cool clothes like one of those cool fucking helicopter pilots What are they wear? They wear like those suits like the cool like aviator suits You know anyway, I get to wear one of those cool headsets should be fire helicopter pilot put it on there I mean, it's on there. Where else we going rodeo clown? I

Drive some of you are like, what are your hopes and dreams? I want to be a helicopter flying rodeo clown Rodeo clown now, how much you think rodeo clowns are pulled? Oh my god. We're definitely gonna Google it That's for sure. Yeah, I would say I would say like they probably get paid nightly. Yeah, they don't make us out or like per like bull riding contest or something So nightly you want it's just so fun at a job this country's like yeah This guy's gonna come out here right in this bowl once he falls just like fuck run around and fuck with this bowl So it doesn't by the way paint your face for some fucking reason Face fated like clouds put on this wig

Anyway professional rodeo clown No, no, you got a pic. All right, I'll pick a I It's like a really good job Doctor doctor. We'll go doctor. I feel like that was a very mashable answer doctor. Yeah fireman doctor What's like a weird thing now a rodeo clown? Yeah, I meant like like weird like I just like unique like a medium You mean like a medium

It was a weird man bug me out. I really don't even want to talk about it. Okay No one more thing all right, um Baseball player sick. Yeah Three of those jobs. I'm definitely down with All right a number of kids you're gonna have 17 Gotta have one crazy 17. I'll go zero Then we'll go normal we'll go three right then we'll go 408. Yeah really potent really just a lot of semen

Yeah, just dumping it Last one I Got one we'll go 2.8 Right, that's open for interpretation. Yeah, whatever you guys think about that. That's on you point two of this person is missing All right, so now that we have it all filled out Alana Rihanna Nala Lovin those a loving the ass

Dude, I love back in the day too with the with the wife one where you would just You'd be in class and you'd be like because you're in fifth grade and someone asked you like all right So who do you want your five to be? Yeah, you would always put like at least two girls you had a crush on you like All right, give me fucking Jennifer Lopez Fucking Erica, I guess. I don't know. She's right there. Just so much a lot too. Just like like you don't give a fuck just inside though You're just like please please Even try to like count the fucking check mark before they even write them. Yeah, and then you're just like watching like She get it. Did she get eliminated? She gets saved like she lives survives one round

You're just like, thank you Jesus Christ All right, so here we go. You ready? I feel like this is gonna work. All right ready set go Okay, one two three four five six seven so now every seven Crushing crushed, okay? One two three four five six. Goodbye Keith damn it. It's gone. Sorry Keith one two three four five six No camel. No camel. All right One two three four five six seven fuck the rodeo clown damn it. I'm gonna have a normal life Oh

We still got it one two three four five six seven. Oh, no hunt. No 408 kids. Damn it One penis two three four five six seven. Sorry Rihanna re-res out Alana Nala and Rosie This is this again. This is getting hot one two three four five six You're not gonna make ten thousand dollars a year. That's good. That's good. It could be bad though This is like dealer. No deal. There's one million. I'm gonna get a fucking phone call He'll gonna give you eight thousand. No deal. No deal. Sorry. No deal. Howie. Okay? One two three four five six seven not a medium not a medium. Yeah, I kind of was looking forward to that one

I honestly, I'm glad you're not a medium. Yeah, true actually one two three four five six seven no apartment. Okay All right. All right. Okay Wish that s was gone One two three four five six seven not a Mazda Miata Damn it. Yeah, honestly, I wanted to fucking rock that me out. You want it's rocked. Oh my god I wanted that me out all the way. All right. All right. Live the play another day This is so fun. I know Okay, really is

One two three four five six. Sorry, dude. Not a helicopter pilot Literally, you're gonna be a doctor or a baseball player. That one hurts more hurts more than the Miata. I Wanted to be a helicopter pilot man. That was the one I was committed to but I'm gonna be a doctor or baseball player I'm chilling. Yeah, you're chilling. Okay. That's game ever two three four five six Seven no mansion. No mansion. I almost fucked that up. I was hoping you did. Okay mansion. No apartment. Okay Bullshit ass house one two three four five six no shopping cart. All right, either a Honda or Lambo This is getting real normal. I know I know Six you're a doctor, dude. Damn dr. Dan dr. Dan

That's fucking hot. I feel like I would want to go to a dr. Dan like take my kids to one Hey, dr. Dan dr. Dan, you know, like pound gives like the dappin. Yeah, a lot of lollipops Lot of lollipops. I'm a little tiger. What's up little guy? What's up champ? Big dude. Big buddy. You feed this guy. I'm just fucking around. I'm gonna give you a shot buddy. Yeah, and return your head off Okay, two Gotcha, bud. Yeah, I got it on two quick band-aid Who's a strong little man? Okay. I hear a great doctor by the way. Thank you man. Okay, a lot of work one two three four five Six

Man Felona you're watching this got the boot got the booty see the Rosie a dollar now. I'm excited. Okay One one two three four five six seven not making a hundred thousand Why do I know I'm gonna make zero dollars? Already know I already know I'm gonna make zero dollars And then being dr. Dan is gonna be completely super creepy now. Yeah I'm a doctor. I don't I just don't get paid. You know me. Yeah. Okay. Anyway one Two three four five six seven living in a shack. Damn it living in a shack. I'm gonna be a doctor in a shack You're a hacker swamp or shed not nothing good sewer sidewalk

Okay, one two three four five six seven million Here we go wait, which one did I just cross off 25,000. That's right. Okay, one two three four five six Driving a Honda dog a doctor in a Honda doctor in a Honda. Maybe you're humble Yeah, yeah, or maybe have zero My humble Honda. Yeah, one two three four five six Bye Nala Here we go, you know, you know, I'll take Rosie she don't take no shit She also is only attracted to women, but it's for the game

It's for the game, but you're a doctor, so like I understand. Yeah, dude. I'm a doctor dates Rosie old on all I know what I'm doing Let's go. I don't I'm doing fuck one two three four five six Seven you're making a million. I'm a millionaire, bro You're a millionaire millionaire in a Honda with Rosie old Donald and I'm a doctor. Get at me. It's true But let's find out how many kids you're gonna have okay one two three four five six seven not gonna have zero all right Okay So Rosie's gonna have to get after Suck it up and then we say is it legal their own Rosie old Donald or is it Rosie old Donald show?

Yeah, it's a Rosie a Donald show. All right. She used to have cool stuff on her desk. I'll take it You remember that right What did I just cross off One two three four five six seven not gonna have two point eight kids You're gonna have full kids as a doctor. I would have been able to explain why there's two point eight kids It is true. Okay one two three four five six seven you're gonna have three kids three kids This is a very normal life. I know but I am dating a Profoundly lesbian woman married to her actually

So here here's here's here's your life. We're moving forward. Okay, it's not gonna be Alana So once you get home you could dead that I know it's the love of the game Just let her know I live for Rosie Alana if you're watching this I don't make the rules. No. No, you gotta I buy it. I abide by respect the game respect the game 100% so you go home. You did that you tweet Rosie O'Donnell. Yes. Tell her listen. Hey listen This is how it's gotta be right mashers calling mashers calling mashers calling You're married to a Rosie. It's fine You're driving a Honda. That's fine. Yeah, you're living in a shack

How big is a shack? I know like if I live in a shack in New York, or am I living in a shack like the Everglades? Doesn't matter. It's a shack. There's a shit piece of shit, right? You're making a million dollars though That's awesome. Just weird that you're living in a shack. Maybe you're one of those tiny home people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah for sure For sure. That sucks. You're a doctor Dr. Dan in the house. That's why you have million dollars. Must be a great doctor And you can have three kids three whippersnappers three whippersnappers. That's awesome. This is a good life two boys and a girl That's not on here, but in my mind. No, no, you could have it in your mind in my brain in my brain Yeah, but that's that well to your doctor. Can I keep that? I would keep it. I'm gonna put it in my wallet

Put that in your wallet dude. Oh what life could be. I wish you could have been a rodeo clown So wait, can you explain this helicopter pilot thing? I feel like that was like your dream job I just always like I always see people get on helicopters Like what? How do you always see this? I always see cool people who have a lot of money so now since I have a million dollars Yeah, I look into it They always have a good. I feel like a helicopter pilot is the cool guy or girl But it's like I would be a cool ass fucking helicopter pilot like you ever get into an uber and the guy's really cool

Yeah, imagine that in a helicopter You know like a lot of people don't get in helicopters in their life Yeah, but that's the other thing. Yeah, but like you keep like I always envision like a rich guy, right? And I would be like his helicopter pilot and like he give me a nickname I'd give him a nickname. We'd be boys and I'd be flying them around in a helicopter just live in life It's just like your dream job like if you had to do one job like if you could have any job. Oh You know for you know what I'm gonna skip over you for a long time You know what you want to do kind of what is it? Well, I don't let me go

All right, so if you were doing what you're doing now and you had to do something. What would it be? So for a long time, I wanted to be Adam Richmond. You know that is no who's that? He's the guy who did man or mad adverse food. Oh Yes, yes, okay That was thrown up every day. Do you think you could do those challenges? Well, though. Oh, no, you'd be bad at it. Yeah, I Get nauseous like fast Like you cuz he would eat like like four pound cheeseburg. Yeah, he goes you fucking apeshit. Yeah, there's always very dramatic He's always sweating like I know might have to throw a towel in he ends up crushing talking to the fucking

Adam talking to the camera He's got meat sweats Yeah, he's like oh man, these are these are hot wings about you eat all these wings We'll put your picture on the wall, so yeah, it's like give a fuck about your wall First of all, I do give a fuck about that. Well, let's be honest with you I mean when you step back and realize it's just picture on the wall You're like, I don't give a fuck but to be on the wall. Yeah, I would love to have like my own food network show And what would you do?

Fucking cook that'd be pretty fucking dope if you had a cooking show That would be dope food network. Do you watch chopped? Sometimes I Would I would yeah, I went through a pretty big chopped phase like I wouldn't want to be on that show I would just want one where I do like 30-minute meals like whatever like Rachel Ray or whatever did you remember her, right? Rachel Ray. Yeah, she's still doing it. I think she's still doing it. Yeah, damn. She's fucking killing But yeah, I would love to have like my own like my own cooking show. That'd be dope

Yeah, but I think helicopter pilot still wins for me wait There's a There's a fucking a cooking show my mom watches. I forgot it's some redhead woman It's not wait. Is she like older? Yeah, and she has kids and like oh Yeah, like for them like throughout the day. Yeah, and it's like southern food and it's fucking. I know Who's like the Greek lady that cooks remember Lydia's kitchen Lydia's kitchen? That's like that's like the Jesus Christ of cooking check killed that. I was thinking of Giada D. Laurenti. Who the fuck is that? She's like a shit. She has her own show on the food network. It sounds like a like an Italian car. I'll show you where later

Was it Gianna the dentist would you say? Giada D. Laurenti's I think her name is I have no idea what that is. We'll check her out But yeah, like she like I want to show where I it's just my show like cooking. That'd be dope Maybe but helicopter pilot again That's what I want to be that's such a weird thing Yeah, but it's a fucking baller job like if you walked into a bar and somebody told you there were a helicopter pilot for like The Obamas you'd be like that's a fucking cool job. Yeah, that's Air Force one. You'd be a fucking savvy He's not an Air Force one anymore. He's not the president. I'm saying oh now you mean you mean post-pres, post-pres

Helly. Yeah post-pres Obama straight up in the helly killing it Have you ever had a job like before before like before like all the YouTube stuff? Yeah, what'd you do? I delivered pieces for a long time. Did you and then yeah, what kind of car did you have? I drove my dad's minivan. It was red First day on the job porno wait and I have it right there. Yeah first day on the job as I was pulling into the parking lot to walk into work. I hit a car and the lady was right there She's like, oh, can you just I was like man. I'm so fucking anxious right now. Relax You know what I mean, but there was nothing wrong. She should let me go

How long did you deliver pizzas for I did that too like three years damn really that long yeah place Yeah It was a good piece of real like they we I made so much money like I would like I was a good night Like good like a really good night. Yeah, I'm the best night. You're making like 130 to 150 in cash that is not bad. That's great How old you I was like not 18 older. I was like 18 damn. Yeah, it was good. So that was your only other job No, I just I also worked at So I worked at two pizzerias the other the other one was like a brand-new one that opened so I got I didn't get fired from my

Delivery job. Mm-hmm. I had to leave because as I was parking a drunk dude on a motorcycle hit my car and went and We're like on the highway. No, I was parking like in the back of the pizzeria Like it's on like a street Yeah, and my car was like backed in and I just had to turn in the front and he drove into the back of it Why what happened to him? You fucked up. I don't he sued me Damn, did he win? Well, they settled because whatever that literally the police the police report said that I Was zero percent at fault and he got like $13,000 or some shit Jesus because it's like that

But that's what people do and that was your dad's van. Yeah, damn. Do you know what kind of van it was? It was like I like fucking van The seats were taken out of the back and shit. It was all fucked up. That's awesome. That's awesome I think my first job. I was a camp counselor Nice, so people probably thought you were the man back. Oh fuck it. You know Danny's here. Yeah, that's Dan He works his head backwards. Yeah, man Yeah, I saw this in the pool. I saw him drink a beer once man. Awesome. Yeah, I got fired from that job though Why I um, I

Was like every at the end of the day you would take the kids and like walk them to like their parents cars. Yeah So I'll take it skinware so no, no, I'm taking you take two kids at a time because you have two hands Yeah, yeah, and you take them there and take them there But you're holding their hands Yeah, but I'd like to point out that that would not fly in today's world. Yes, it was no you're walking onto the car You can't hold their hands. I'm telling you you can't tussle their hair. It's over. You can't touch kids Duly noted The more you know the more you know boom

But um, yeah, so I was walking the kids to the car and some gentleman was standing in an area that their people aren't supposed to stand Mm-hmm, and I was like sir you can't stand there and And He was kind of responding to me in a way that was like a little like like he had like this authority over me Mm-hmm, so I was just like sir you can't stand there you can't stand there Then he's like kind of giving me bithbins this long story short I told him basically like go fuck himself and then I found out that he owned the camp Yeah, he ran the camp and the rec center of the town I used to live in and I had no idea

Amazing. Yeah, also. I was like kind of like a little asshole. Yeah, yeah, yeah 15 16 fuck you dude Yeah, I was like, you know, I'd go like you own the place or something relax Yeah, I put the kids in the car and I was like, you know, go fuck yourself and then I get called into the office and my boss Lisa was like you cursed at mr. Blank and I was like And they're like you can't work here anymore. So that's awesome I didn't work there for another two years and then they rehired me when I was 18 years old That's lit. Yeah, that was a probationary period. Nice. But yeah that and then I delivered pizza Do you have any good stories from delivering pizza? Yeah, like you'd always know like who was fucking super blazed like when you would go

There was this one guy who delivered to all time every time you answer his door tidy whitey's Sweating and that's it. I'm not y'all. I swear up and down. He was wearing tidy whiteies and that was all not even socks Sweating I'm like, are you doing yoga in here? Did you ever get tipped and change? Yeah, old women awful Yo, man, this is all I got man. Why are you ordering a pizza if you only have three dollars and change? Yeah, what's wrong with you? Yeah, are you like it shit like that that makes me like a really good tipper now? Yeah, cuz I know how shitty that was so I'd live that I always tip at least like even like if no matter what

It's gonna be four dollars. Yes, three dollars. Yes, like I've tipped me on if you tip under three dollars. That's like Terrible, okay. I don't care if you order a pack of gum. You can't even get a fucking gallon of gas for two dollars Yeah, every time I order pizza though. I just like it's like five to seven dollars Well, I always thought about it like did you ever forget something while you were bringing the pizza there like a soda? That happened to me a couple times and I would have to drive back to the fucking pizza and go back and socked I have actually There's two there's two two times two things that happens to me once so when I was delivering Uh-huh, it was snowy out like fuck like y'all my dad's van sliding all over the goddamn room

I don't know how room all over the road. I don't know how I didn't crash that thing But I never did but I was sliding sideways down streets like bad like a sleigh and this one day I was walking up the stairs black eyes didn't see it Fucking pizza went right up in the air. Oh you fell I fell the pizza went up in the air, dude Did it land on you? No, no, no, it didn't open it Just like the box like when in the air landed on the floor I was like fuck just picked it up and I gave that shit and ran out fuck Yeah, it's got the fuck out of there

Did you ever accidentally put like the pizzas at that angle where all the cheese would run off in your car? I don't know. I don't open it up and check really happen to me a couple times They called on me no, but there was this one time I almost got fired from the job for my my new pizzeria that I was working at I Did everything there because it had just opened and I was the most competent person they had I was doing Literally, I don't know what anyone else did there was waitresses right one bartender Okay, and then me behind the counter with this dude who would make the pizzas and then throw them in the oven

Then he would do nothing He would just make them and throw them in the oven. Yeah, so I'm I'm checking on them making sure they're cooking whatever now I'm two in the phones doing the register doing slices cutting pies and shit. I'm doing everything. I'm pissed It sounds awful by the way, and I was getting paid like literally eight cents an hour It was crazy. It was like Japanese Children factory type of salary. Okay quit that job This is gonna get good. Yes. So anyway, so this one time I

Sent out an order like it was like down the block literally down the block walking distance, right? and I sent the order out and The dude calls back he calls and I'm like hello, you know, whatever and He's like, yeah, I just ordered from you guys and I ordered a two liter of Pepsi and It's kind of warm right and I was like, yeah, sorry about that Like we're really busy right now. So our fridge wasn't stocked. I went downstairs to get a new thing and just sent it out So that's why it was like room temperature. Okay, she goes. Yeah, but I you know I wanted it to be cold and now I'm like are this dude serious and I'm like, I'm sorry, sir

Next time you come in and I can assure you that we will have cold Pepsi damn That was super. You sounded very nice, right? Then he goes and then he just kept going where he was just like, yeah I just think this is like I just don't understand why you would serve someone Like warm pepsi like I wanted it to be cold and then my manager is standing next to me and went well fucking put ice in it then I was like fucking put ice in it And then my manager grabbed the phone out of my hands like Charlie and he's like, you know, he's like looking at me Whatever, but he was gonna fire me. I'm not fucking glue with this place. That's such like an old like God

Yeah, I was like, well fucking put ice in it because I was being nice this guy's like I know your fucking thing is warm dickhead put it put it in the fridge I once quit I used to work for like a recreational recreation center kind of but like one of those bougie ones were like People send their kids to get basketball lessons for like $600. Yeah, like a real like high-tech like training facility I guess I was fucking working the desk there for a while and They just like all of a sudden I was working like almost 40 hours a week. They just cut my hours. It's like 10 hours a week And I was just like what's going on here, you know, oh, yeah, we had to cut back some hours I found out that they weren't trying to put they couldn't pay me like for full time because they would have to give me like benefits and shit

Yeah, so I see you the schedule one day. I'm working one day and it's Saturday and it's a 8 p.m. Shift to Like one o'clock in the morning because they used to have paintball upstairs. Mm-hmm. So I'm like, what the fuck is this? So I said, you know what? Not coming in on Saturday So I'm sitting around Saturday at my apartment just waiting for the phone call waiting waiting waiting Phone phone rings around 830 845 I'm supposed to be there at 8 I Answer the phone It's my boss

He goes, hey, Daniel. What's up? What's going on with you? Where are you? I said nothing's going on with me. You guys cut my hours at 10 hours a week and he's like, oh, yeah We had to do that. He's like are you coming in or not? I said nope and guess what fuck you and you could suck my dick And I hung the phone up and I hung the phone up stop and then my co-worker Mike night Who's the man? I love them. He he uh, he called me. He's like, yo, do you like really just like say that? I was like, yep. He's like, damn That's fire That's great, we all have this boss was one of the worst people wall suck my dick and I never felt more like

Like alleviated after that like I felt so fucking good. Yeah telling somebody who I fucking hated to suck my dick It was one of the best feelings of all time. I just feel like everyone is better than getting your dick So yeah, once 100% okay 100% yeah Everyone should have one moment like that in their life Where they have that feeling of just being telling somebody to go fuck themselves. Oh, I've had numerous like in the past It doesn't feel so good. Yeah, it feels good like you're like such a powerful person. That's what I'm saying I was like, you know what? I'm gonna take some control of my own fucking life here Yeah, I'm gonna tell this 50 year old man to suck my penis. Yeah, and I'm gonna love every second of it

Because this guy should suck my penis. He's an asshole. I hated him Anyway, my that that job that I'm talking about where like the manager or whatever I just stopped showing up. That didn't say a word. I love that move too. I've done that before they called me after like two weeks I'm like two weeks by the way after like two weeks. No, they had called me like hey, you coming in I was like, no, I'm sick or whatever and then like two weeks. He's like Are you like coming in? I was like No, no, no, he's like, all right Yeah, and that was it like it was weird like I just stopped it's so weird that like that was the only way that you thought you

Could do it like that. Well, you're like, you know what this I'm just gonna do this Yeah, I'm just gonna not go to work anymore Well, I quit my job at elite daily and that felt like a breakup. All right, like I was like really hate this Bobba had to talk to my two bosses. I fucking love those guys. All right, and I was like Yeah, man, I'm getting out of here. You're like, what's up? And I was like, so I look at the ground is like No, but they were cool about it, but that one felt like a breakup So that's hard when you have to quit a job that you like. Yeah, that that was the best nine-to-five job

I think anyone could ever possibly have yeah, it was so much fun. What years did you work there from man? I'm bad with years. Yeah, I worked there for three years though. Oh, so you were there for a while. Yeah, I worked there for like three years But it was a ton of fun. Where was their office and it was in the city. It was on park and 25th Oh, nice. Yeah, and then they moved to some big-ass office, but I was like out of there before then bigger and better. Thanks bigger and better things my bro Fucking hilarious fucking hilarious All right before we go any further. I do have some sponsors here. The first one is Harry's Harry's razors nice very nice Harry's is all about great a great shave at a fair price. What's better than that?

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They are and you get scared when the people are behind you and they're looking at the same things you want And then you get scared you don't even get it I don't run out of the store. You know what I'm also worried about in the supermarket I'm like, I feel like my cart isn't that healthy and people are gonna be like look at this young asshole I feel very judged in the supermarket. So I was like I gotta throw some celery in here. So people think I'm healthy You know what I mean? That's why I don't like that But blue apron what they'll do basically is they'll send a box to your house that has a bunch of pre-portioned meals And instructions on how to make them so not only do you have a nice meal that night?

You also have a recipe now. You know it now. You know it now. You know it can impress girls It's like you know what I mean any any any special holidays or birthday anniversary Cook it up and get after it. You already know what that translates to Lotta sex anyway There's a 100% sex guarantee by the way it says here actually I made that part up They're gonna get so mad that I said that anyway But yeah, they have good food. It's not like you know cheese burgers or like whatever It's like high-quality stuff here, and it's all under $10 a meal, which is very affordable

and Right now blue apron is treating the basement yard listeners to $30 off your first order if you visit blueapron.com Slash basement so check out this week's menu and get your $30 off blueapron.com slash basement but yeah It's lit Super lit. You know I mean love blue apron. Yeah, I'm all about it. My mom goes apeshit for it I just like you said before it's just supermarket. Not for me. It's not I don't like it. Don't like it too much pressure I also think this is the future like coming to my house. You know what I mean?

Why would you want because I've made I've made meals I've never I would never make of course and think about how do I know about anything think about how much time you also waste Going out picking up stuff, and then you regret most of the stuff you end up getting anyway exactly not worth it Not worth it get the blue apron. Okay? Anyway, I wanted to get to something also. I saw us in when I was in I don't ask how What but I found this last night? when I was in bed and I want to see it's the

It's a picture of titties check this out check this out. It's titties No, it's a big the most googled sex questions. Oh, okay. Yeah, most googled sex questions Let's see if we know the answers The first one is a doozy. Okay. Okay. Let's do it first one these and this is them I don't know if this is like an order, but here we go first one. Where's the g-spot? I'm gonna give a right answer here in the vagina. Yes in the vagina. Yes, I would say that's correct. Thank you That was the answer though. No, no, it's like up until like the left says the g-spot is a patch That's located around two to three. It's up issues

Inside the vagina on the front of the vaginal wall Meaning the side towards the stomach not the butt. Yeah, see it's up. It's up. Yeah, cuz I'm all about the hook Yeah, you have to look of course. There's like a groove there, too Like it's like a groove like the roof of a you ever like touch a dog's mouth. Yes, it's wavy a top of a dog's mouth Very good. It's not that groovy though. No, no, no, that'd be you got a way too groovy Saturday night fever kind of groovy Exactly like that Yeah, so I don't know all right, so I think we got that one here we go during intercourse sticking a pillow under the woman's butt Can help I love how they put butt in this but like they made everything else sound so like

Put it under the butt Under a woman's butt can help the penis to stroke the g-spot during missionary. Yes, absolutely Or you can use your finger in that come hither motion. Yeah, that's what you're just talking. You said the hook. Yeah, I'm all about hooking To I'm all about hooking all about hooking to how to make a woman orgasm This is like a two-part answer for me eat her out I guess I was gonna say use your tongue use your tongue. Well, there's three things use your tongue use your dick Come on Dicks not happening dick is not happening. Yeah, that's what you're real. I'm all you know all about getting the job done first

Yeah That is that is a move 100% is I felt like a genius when I did yeah, I was like, let me just knock this out first Yeah, that's how I always like because then then you're like you're playing with house money after that exactly house money house Money house money. Yes. Yeah 100% house money Make her orgasm and then you're like, I don't even have to be here anymore Oh, this is all bonus right now. I did my job. You're you're like he said house money house money How do you how to do it? Here's how you do it? You Try really hard to do it and if you can't you just find her someone else. Yeah, those are your two options

But that's it. I don't even know here we go deep kissing manual genital stimulation. Yeah, of course Yeah, let them like let them manual dude. Yeah. Yeah. No, let them get it started down there. Yeah, you know Let him get it started down there. That's hilarious. I'm trying to be I'm trying to be somewhat clean To warm up the car. Yeah, I mean Step on the gas. It's like yeah, it's pretty neutral. She knows how to jiggle the keys. Let's just say yeah in a lock She knows what she's understand. Oh, she's turned on the car before fuck. Yeah Can you get rid of herpes? No, fuck. No, sorry, dude. That's for life. That's an easy one. It lies dormant within you. It all says this. Ah, sorry

It's his ass. Sorry. That's funny. How to get rid of gentle warts Nail clippers man No, that sounds terrible An appeal banana. What are you talking about people put banana peels on warts and they go away Our general warts just like I don't know if they're a regular. They're not they have to be different type of wart It was just a wart, but the spot is what I've never had a wart in my life. Have you ever had a wart? I don't think so What what a disgusting name by the way wart I have a wart Oh, I remember like Frankie had one on his hand and it was bad like he had one like at the top of his thumb like

It was just like a bubble It was like a hard thing. Oh, and he had to get it frozen and then it had like And then they burn it off. Yeah, like he his hand was like all fucked up. I remember mine had to do that too I don't know anyone with general warts though. Let's try to keep that way. Yeah, I got a nice streak going I don't have any friends that are that open with me either about that. I don't think yeah I don't think that's something you like disclose your friends. I don't even know. Hey, by the way general warts kind of my thing That's not happy. Is our general is general warts a different thing than herpes. I Feel it doesn't like her I feel like herpes like causes general warts

Anyway, you sound really stupid What is the clap we're halfway through the list now chlamydia no gonorrhea. Yes, all right second time to charm. Yeah That was easy. Yeah, it's fine. Really good. I've noticed. Why do they call it the clap? I don't know I think that's it's scary. Yeah, I think that's something from like the 70s the clap Because I feel like that people didn't really know about like STD's until like much later Well, I think they just didn't care like in the 80s everyone was just like Fucking crabs is the weird one. But you can literally have actual like on your shit That'd be good

Just have a fucking like crab people just crawling around on your phone Yeah, it has how hard is it to get rid of crabs because I feel like you shave your pews you shave them And I think they give you like a special shampoo. Yeah, but even if you shave them like goodbye. No, right? Where's the where they're gonna hang out? Well, they're probably like lice Because if you shave your head people get lice they shave their head, right? Don't If you get lice you just just like the shampoo that kills them or something. I would just shave my head. Yeah, that's way too extreme I hear you. That's like getting that's like getting a fucking way too extreme

It's like getting a strep throat. I mean like you just cut this throat out. I'll never speak again. I Like to live extreme how to get a bigger penis manually jelking Tell me the answer right now. What is jelking? Oh my god, jelking. What's the answer? Like stretching step one do nothing because you can't get your penis bigger unless you get it surgically and has that's true What is jelking gel? You gotta know about the gel. All right, so the jelking is uh, can I hold on? Yeah Okay, go. All right Jelking is an exercise that you do for like 20 30 minutes a day

You it's basically a manual stretching of the penis and you and you could do it and it actually works But it doesn't work like that. Well Yes, wait, look it up. I mean just like pull your dick. Yeah, you do like like Like pulling exercises what like you're feeding a rope down the side of the building. It's exactly It's exactly what it is it's called jelking and you pull on it Yeah, and it makes you I can be pulling on this thing 30 minutes a day Listen, it might not be 30 minutes a day, but I think the more it adds it does add it does work wait I swear you did it

Yes, but I try to one You have to do it for like a prolonged period way. Hold on. Hold on. So you did it Yeah, but I didn't I didn't do it to the way that it's supposed to be done Like it's not like it has to be like really really you really have to get after it like anything else joking It's like going to the gym, but you're joking your penis. I spell jelk J. A you know J. E. L. Q. Jelk Wait, why is there a queue? I don't know. It's weird. Jelk. Jelking. Yeah Putting that on a shirt. Yo, Jelk gang or Jelking Jelking Jelking. Love it. I'm getting it. Awesome Well, look up Jelking after we're making we're making that sure Jelking come on

Had no idea by the way. You had no idea what Jelking was. No, and I look what what is what the Jelk is Jelking Did I come up for you to know? Jelking exercises look Cosmopolitan call a fucker. Hold on. It says however Hunt contrary to popular belief the size of your dog isn't the only thing the ladies care about Okay, why didn't I read that? That's stupid However, there is a really weird procedure called scrotox never heard of that that can make your balls bigger Balls honestly, I could do without my balls balls are weird dude I'm not I'm like cool like no one's ever like what girl do you know that's like he's got a huge dick, but like his balls

We're tying you know, he has the smallest balls Ever seen guys got tiny balls. I've never seen I've never had any girl ever say hey Wish your balls were bigger. No girl say that. Yeah, I've never felt like dude. I don't have big balls I don't want to show my friends. Nobody says that. Yeah, no one That's so weird So gross or the opposite like oh my god dick was like alright, but his balls were Like that doesn't happen, okay, seven here we go how to measure a penis from the base It's true. Do you measure from the top of the base or underneath underneath you get that extra half inch wait under

You know what I'd like first of all alright look right here look right here like you know how they're like you're It starts here. Yeah. Yeah, and then there's the base, right? You have like that extra okay start from there always start from there So here's the thing right I Swear to God people don't believe me when I say this I haven't measured my dick I'd measured it maybe once and back then it was like killing it. No What do you mean like I had a bigger dick back then you never know what a peak no that was I was young. I don't know how old I was nor do I remember the size off. That's a lie, but anyway, I could ballpark it now

That's a different show What's up? Contrast but wait, I don't Understand the question. How do you measure it like with what items or like? I think it's like where do you start it from and I think you put it right next to you And then just jam it as far as you can into your gut. Yeah, your body as much as you can Yeah, it's running in there. It's running It counts. Yeah. Yeah, you know part of me to measure your flaccid length. Who's measuring flaccid?

Let me tell you something be a lot of sad cowboys if they're just Flaccid dicks, oh dude literally If I get out of a pool You wouldn't even know I had a dick just fucking button on a fur coat But not a fur coat. Oh, man, I've been there like when I get really cold my dicks like perpendicular to the floor You ever have those moments where you have like like the hardest penis you've ever had in your life And you're like I cannot believe that my penis is this big or end this hard right now It's usually like in the morning for me. It's like a super Saiyan penis. Yeah, it's like once every like two months

You're like, what is this? You're like, no, yeah Okay, that's not my penis This one's not me. No, not so All right eight. How old do you have to be to buy condoms? I Think you know, no There's no age restriction on condoms, so even a ten-year-old go buy a pack fire That's dope. Yeah, I want to meet that ten-year-old. I want to meet this guy's fucking at 10. Hey, what's up guys? Hey, can I get those a magnum?

Is it the sour patch and a pack of Trojan, please? take three airheads and The but yeah, yeah the vibrating condoms right there. Can I get a slushie and you guys got fire nice Wait, hold on Nine here we go how to insert a male organ into a female organ who is typing like that? Oh, how do you type? I thought they were really gross. How do you how do you how to insert a male organ into a female organ? We're like a like a four-year-old baby genius Female organ into a man's organ. I don't understand the question. Is it like is it like a diagram?

I think you just put it in dude Like that I guess Remember the first time you like tried to find like where your dick goes into a vagina because vaginas are like kind of nuts Oh, yeah, but like you that's when they like they got like use their hand that guided in there Yeah, it's like you'll guide me here. You know what I mean? I kind of like that. I'm all about the guy all about the guy Big guy big fan of the guy big guide guy Guide me in I'll be honest take my hand. I'm a big guy guy. Yeah 100% I like being guided. It's like taking your hand, but it's your penis. I just like guiding it into the promise

Right, I don't hurt you and I don't want to hurt me. I know and it's more welcome. Help me out It's more welcoming. It's like this is go for it. Yeah, it's like opening the door to you know, let me in Yeah, you know what I mean? I wouldn't just walk into your house. No, of course not. You're right there open the door Yeah, I don't want to break down the door So what the robots it? Now the last one we have here. How long does sex last? On a good day Five to ten minutes

So thank you for saying that because I feel like especially when we were growing up guys were like, oh dude If I jerk off before I have sex and fuck for like an hour. Guess what doesn't work doesn't work. Nope fuck for an hour What what kind of how many condoms you got on? There are and like just like the super same penis we were talking about there are occasions when you're like, holy shit I'm going for broke here. I'm killing the game. Yeah, but I would say on average five to ten minutes So let's see what the average is here. It says Foreplay lasts a good 20 minutes. Yeah, if we're counting that yeah, I mean it really depends what day it is It's the Valentine's Day four plays like or if you're like mixing it up though, too

Like if you're going from like be mouth stuff to these stuff mouth Mouth stuff hands and stuff, you know clappy clappy. Yeah, slap slapping stuff before slappy. Maybe spitting So four play last a good 20 minutes while the while the actual sex part Maybe spitting Okay Four play last a good 20 minutes while the actual sex part of sex only lasts Was that that was me? Sorry. I Don't know what the fuck that sound was. We had to stop recording like the fuck

But anyway The fuck was I talking about so yeah sex is only oh, that's what it was. Yeah. Yeah, okay So the actual part of sex lasts 7.3 minutes. All right, so I was in the ballpark. I was right five ten minutes. Yeah 7.3. Yeah, furthermore according to a survey by researchers at Penn State Why is this what we're doing at Penn State a quickie of only one to two minutes is way too short Who's fucking for one to two minutes? Yeah, it's pretty bad. That's bad On my worst day. It's not one to two minutes. No, I can hold my breath

I want to see something if I could hold my breath Before I can come Yeah, that's crazy. Well, that's like a thing or an ironic Expliciation I would never and not one part of me would ever be like I want to not breathe and bust this nut Yeah, I'd be like I can't focus because I can't breathe off of me. Please get off. Stop. You're hurting me Three to seven minutes is adequate Three to what three to seven is adequate. All right ballpark it Seven to thirteen is desirable. Oh, I'm desirable as fuck. Yeah and ten to thirty minute romp is simply too long

And yet I agree with that dude. What woman wants to do this for 30 minutes Come on. You want to get jackhammer? No, no way. Who's got that kind of time? I sound like Jerry That much time to fuck jack hammering me. Yeah, I don't know what are you doing? Oh No, yeah, but I mean 30 minutes is way too long. I would I wouldn't even want to do after a while. I'd be like, can we just it's not gonna happen tonight Yes, roll over. Did you have a good time? Did you have fun? Let's go home? Okay?

Yeah, it's like have you ever have you ever faked No, no, I've done it like not not to that. No, I've done it I just like you're too tired. I just like was over it It was bad. Yeah, it was like I was it was a one-night thing And I'm like, this isn't gonna happen. You threw it down already. Yeah, so she's like, are you good? I was like, yeah, I just I just that's the worst that question. It's everything. All right Just like what do you a waiter? Yeah, how's the food everything good?

Get so defensive like what do you mean? Yeah, everything's fine. I honestly she she didn't say that she said something But I just like, you know, I just was like, yeah, I just fucking I can't I didn't it's fine. It was good I mean you have a condom on there's no way of knowing right You know, I'm fine. I'm fine. You ever jerk off into a condom when you were younger? Yeah, yes Yeah, yeah, we think about how many because no, no, no, no, I was trying to think if I really if I like completed Like I was completing to complete. Yeah, for sure. I was pleasing. It was pleasing. Yes. That's smart though It's good practice. I wanted to know what it was gonna feel. I did that too. I wanted to know what that was I thought like this is what vagina is gonna feel like like a condom condoms are so fucking weird

Yeah, I hate the way it's like it just makes the room smell I know and then your fingers smell like that for a while. I just fucked a balloon animal in here the other thing too is like when I would whenever I put like Starting to put them on I'm so focused on putting it on I start to like lose my boner. Yeah, because I'm not focusing about having sex I'm focusing like squeeze the reservoir and roll it all the way down to the base. Yeah, I'm just like, oh, dude I don't have a boner anymore. Yeah, no, it's not good. And you know, I fucking so you ever put a condom on the wrong way Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah In you get that fucking inverted fucking reservoir. Yeah, I'm like, oh, what the fuck is it?

Like, you know, I mean, it's terrible and other than it's kind of weird like in movies like after they fuck They never address like the jizz situation ever. Why is that? What is that getting? Like I've never had sex and I was like, oh and they roll over and they're done Like no one goes to the bathroom. Yeah, and like they love each other even more. It's like they Hollywood I mean like love each other Hollywood completely takes out the awkward of the post-jizz. The jizz is the worst part. It's the best and worst I know for us. It's fantastic. No, but I'm saying like the post it's like, well now What do we do? It's like, oh like do I get you a towel?

Yeah, so weird and like you had to do like that weird like I just came shuffle to like find something to for them And now you're naked and now you feel like vulnerable. Yeah When I run away Like she's looking at my ass. She's like I look so girly right now. Oh god. I'm like sliding like a cross fucking floor Here it is. Sorry, dude. Yeah, it's not good. No, but Hollywood really does not address the post-jizz Yeah, I've never really thought about it. No until now like really really thought about it No movies ever. Yeah, and it's never like You know because for the most part people aren't coming inside people right but like are you gonna have sex with somebody and just roll

Over with the condom still on your penis. I Mean, I'm not Leave it on leave it on for a minute. Let him aeronate. Let him aeronate. No, that's so gross I could smell a condom right now. No, I can't I can't can you? Yeah Like PTSD I could smell it right now. I burped. I thought I thought you're gonna drown I didn't know what's going on there. I thought a condom was gonna pop out of your fucking mouth just now She's like yeah, I ate one earlier Joke it out of your fucking throat right there

Continue the gel joking. Oh man. Is that list on yeah, that was the 10th one Those those the sex questions. I if you did it. Do you have any other questions about sex? No, I have tons of knowledge about it I don't like when they do sex scenes Yeah in movies. Yeah Are they really the company challenge? I wonder if they're try humping like shit out of each other Yeah, like 12 year old and they gotta have boners, dude. Oh, yeah, they're born it up They have to have a boner fully torched They just like talk. So here's the thing

No, no, no, they have like a tape that they put over things like girls have a tape that's like this Same skin tone as their skin. So it doesn't look like there's anything but they put it over themselves Oh, so that they're naked, but it looks like they have like, you know something over. It's like athletic tape Okay, yeah, like JJ Wad has on his fucking shoulder like that and then the dudes I believe have like some sort of sock thing that covers their dick and balls. Okay. That's also kind of like flesh Colors, yeah, and then master it like and then they just straight up just start Ramming I feel like that's more like weird than like actual porn

It is I can't imagine that dude because you gotta think about how many people are on a porn set. It's like Four right and then on actuals is like 36. That'd be so weird watching two people have fake sex It's one guys holding the light over. I know dude. Yeah, I know this guy can see my tape. I wonder if they ever have like real sex No, probably not. No actors are weird though, man. I Almost would rather have real sex. That's what I'm saying I feel like fake sex is like is tough because I have done that once I've had fake Sex and like a skit. Yeah, like in a sketch once we were talking about one night stands or whatever and this female comedian

Kate Wolf she was like She said something about it was just like red red flags Like if you go to someone's house and you see when I'd say whatever right She's like if you see like deer heads and stuff on the wall So the sketch we shot for that like over her her voice was me on top of her like Thrusting right and then her like looking past me at the walls and being like, oh, what the fuck like there was right stuff there But it I had to just like fuck not fuck her but like just you know what you mean like I had to like rub up against her

So you guys were actually rubbing against each other. Yeah, but we weren't naked So I had my shirt off though. Did you get a boner? No, it was so weird I was like do I because like I was good friends with her. You know what I mean? So I was it was like this is gonna say tomorrow. Yeah, it was bad like we did like a test run I was like this sucks. Did you use it? Like end up yeah, it's in there. You could find it on YouTube so much and I think it's a thumbnail as well So good. It says like it's the videos like Gen Y Some about what I'd stands you'll see it

It's a picture of her looking weird and me on top of her just like humping away. Oh, I did another one You did another sex scene. Yes, I did I did it was about a shower sex and There was this one where I actually made the joke where I was saying like I'm like cuz I hate shower sex I actually do I think it's like it's it's horrible. It's like can we just do can we we're showering here? Yeah, and it's also impossible to get your penis in there And it doesn't feel as good. It's awful. It's like fucking sandpaper. Yeah, it's like yeah, it's not good not great But um, I was saying how I didn't like it I was like I'm trying to like not drown now and not slip and it's like all these things

I got to focus on while trying to give you an orgasm like some fucking impossible So it was a scene with me and this girl had her hands up against the wall and I was behind her Just go and I had a scuba mask on with the with the fucking thing That's pretty funny and I was like it was like doggy and I was humping this chick Basically, do you have like sign something for that? No, but she she I believe she was in a relationship at the time and Yeah, it was super weird But it was just like yeah, everyone's watching you and you're like I got a fake I know trick right now, and then it's like a cut. All right. That's pretty good. Yeah, it was just it was just weird

No, I think we got it. I think we got it. Yeah, and also like the fucking director on that scene is like on that shoot Was like such an idiot. He's always just like Let's get one more of geez come on man. I hope for a little more for me You know, we get more thrust. I think more power. Yeah, I don't know. I Don't like it. We shot a lot of weird videos out of the like that. It's one about squirters. I think really sports P right I Think I don't see this is one of the questions that should have been on this top 10 I know what it what is squirt? What is squirt? I think it's PP. I

Think I think it's uncontrollable PP Mixed with like like some other kind of like it's it's a creche It's a it's really fucking like It's fascinating. I know I have to Google it after this because you know Sometimes you watch it, but like I won't watch squirting point. I'm not like not I'm not like disgusted by it But it's not like I'm not like sign me up, but they're like, yeah, it's like a volcano though. Yes Sometimes it gets out of control Oh

Yeah, it's like really it's a messy thing. It's scary to me. First of all, I've never I I'm so I can pee for distance and I can't get that. No way No, I'm not like like this. Yeah, it's like wine. Yeah, how's it doing that? You ever get one of those houses got like five different settings. I know you go to the flat ones like All over the place for you can spray the whole fucking lawn cuz it's hate Yeah, no squirting is like it's kind of wild, but here's the thing like I'm not against it like I don't I would be super I'd be guest. I'd be proud. Yeah, it would be like the champagne Like just a champagne shower after like a game winning. Oh, yeah

Yes, you know what I mean in the locker room after you clinch the ALCS. Yeah, that's championship shit Yeah, 100% it's never happened to me So, yeah, either I've been striking out all these years are like people just don't have the ability. No, you'll get there. I don't think so Just don't have to you got it in you. I don't know but I don't know how I react I feel like I would just like at first. I feel like I would just like clog it up I'd be like whoa, you'd be super high. I would be high-passwords Mayer Squirt, and then you'd be like she pee on me Well, party you will think they don't actually not forget it's cool

It's cool, but is it pee because it's always clear. I think it's both I think it's a little mixture of pee and something else because there's no way all these porn stars are like that hydrated Come on. It's all clear. What they do. I think is they douche up there They douche. Yeah, dude. There's a lot of like magic tricks in porn. There has to be yeah People aren't doing that. There's like a little guy with a hose. This is probably some green screen stuff. Yeah Like I've seen some squirts. Yeah in my day, but none of them make me go like man. This is hot No, I would like I love this. It's like I'm a I'm like. Yeah, it's kind of it's just out of control It's like ill not for me. I'm not like ill though

It depends I feel like the first time I'd be taken back by it I'd be like whoa, and I try to like plug it up as if it was like Like my there's a hole in my boat. You know what I mean? But I could I just I'm trying to I'm like thinking about somebody's squirting right now It's so weird. Yeah, it's so weird. I Just feel like I Don't know It's tough. It's a toughie. Yeah, it comes and goes how much how how into it. I guess I could be yeah, you know

I'm not gonna completely throw it out But I'm hot and cold with it. Yeah I'm trying to compare it to something there really isn't anything like what kind of foods that you're like I don't like hate it. I'm just not gonna like it'll be like like tomatoes Yeah, right. Yeah, like sometimes I love tomatoes on a sandwich. I'm not gonna eat it like an apple No, not gonna cut slices of tomato and eat that. Yeah, I feel you know, I'm not that's a good one. Yeah, good job killing it today Yeah, you're on fire dude. I'm a doctor and I'm married Rosie O'Donnell. I think I'm pretty smart I would agree to that. I do live in a shack, but it's fine. That's fine. You have a million dollars. You're probably investing it

Yeah, of course, of course my portfolio is insane. Yeah, joking a lot of joking a lot of joking Joke life joking I Can't wait to get a shirt says joking. Oh, yeah, I just have my mom go. What's that? Oh, yeah It's about making your dick bigger. My oh, thanks. Happy. I asked happy Mother's Day Happy International Women's Day Oh Man All right. Well, I think you can wrap this the fucking hell. Yeah, we've been we've been up and down here

We've been all over the place. I think it's the best. I think it's the best Type of podcast that you could do just go all over the place. Yeah, I don't know Just like a squirt all over the place start out with match and then with a squirt Start over the mansion and with a squirt. I wouldn't want it any other way. Oh, man I might title it that yeah starting no mashing and splash Mashing and squirting mashing and yeah, that's good. I like that. Yeah, I'm a genius. You are a genius. Yeah, I'm so smart You're a doctor. He's a genius. I am a doctor. That's true. That's true. How is Rosie?

Rosie's doing well. It's really a shame that things didn't work out with knowledge because I was really hoping for that I was rooting for that, you know, and that was more of like a college thing. I think we Realized that we weren't What we used to it was like a mutual thing. It was a mutual thing. All right, me and Rosie, you know, we know like it's business Right, you know, we do have fun together, but like let's it's safe. It's a safe move Me and our son our three kids are great How old are they now? Mitchell's 16

16. Mm-hmm. Oh my god. I remember when he was like four. I know me too me too. Um Kenyans 11 He's getting up there. Yeah, this is she but um, and claudia is going to be eight in Two weeks Wow What are you guys doing for the birthday? Uh, probably going bowling alley bowling alley, you know, she wants to run jet skis Jet skis. Yeah. Yeah, but you know really high maintenance

I'm a millionaire. I could afford a jet ski. I know, you know, why are you fitting all these kids in your house? Why don't you get a bigger place? We're kind of waiting for my portfolio to turn over. Okay. Yeah, I mean that makes sense Financially, that's like the best decision. We put a lot of money in bitcoin and it's kind of crashing. So Well, yeah, you got to get out of that. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. You should have got in earlier I know if you got into, you know, you get into late, you know how these things are. Oh, yeah, of course Of course, you don't have to tell me I'm a doctor. Yeah, I know It's been so cold lately. I feel like it has been the weather's like changing. I know to jump it off

Weather is always like a small talk staple. I feel like I talk about the weather to more people I don't know than people I actually know Dude, I talk about weather and I'm like, dude, it's been cold. Cold, huh? And it's never like it's been hot It's always like it's been cold lately. Yeah, it's never warm. Never warm. Would you rather it be hot forever or cold forever hot? Because you could just dump that ac Cold is too much, but I like hot. I run hot. You run like I blast my one 100 you run hot. Yeah 100% Oh, yeah, close to the sun too Very close close to the sun. Yeah

But I don't who the fuck likes being cold. I don't know some people do actually, you know, I saw someone You know these things that are going around on instagram now and it's like you're fucking like it's it's basically like a myspace Survey, it's like who's your favorite podcaster? Oh, yeah, what are those? I don't know. I have no idea but I get tagged in them all the time, which thank you but God that fucking sucks. It's all right. Get that money. Get that money No, but someone I saw someone it was like choose winter or summer But winter I'm like kind of fucking psycho puts winter all those people at the winter olympics probably Bunch of idiots if you ask me. I didn't watch any of the winter olympics

I watched a little bit. I got caught up in figure skating got caught up. Yeah, I do. I actually like figure skating I think it's cool to watch. It's you know, the dudes are some of the strongest goddamn men They're unbelievable. They're strong as hell. They are tossing these chicks just flinging them Not giving a shit just throwing bodies. Can you ice skate? Not like that. I can't I can't triple axel. I could skate. Yeah, I could skate These guys are powerful of shit too coming off of there dude triple sow cows or whatever whatever they're called axels Sow cow sounds like something delicious. Yeah I got a sow casting 16 out sow cow. It does we gotta look that out

We're gonna make it. Did you ever did you see that girl that cheated the system and like was a horrible skier? Yes, how fucking funny was that? That was amazing. Wait, why did she do that make a point? I don't know. It was stupid though. I don't know the fact that she was even allowed at the olympics made like just Delegitimize the entire olympics Where was she from like kazakhstan or something? She's american. No, no, no. Yes. She was american. She had grandparents who were Citizens so she got her citizenship Of someplace of some country. That's what I'm saying. It wasn't america. But no, but she was born in america Oh, so she just got a free trip to the olympics. She's probably you know what she wanted to do slay in the olympic village

Those guys are fucking in there They're throwing major dick around in there. Yeah 100 remember we talked about condoms not a lot of condoms But here's the thing a lot of condoms. Yeah, of course I wish I didn't laugh because that was so funny No, not a lot of condoms, but a lot of condoms. Oh, yeah I think they hand them out they do they have a guy that walks around has a bunch of condoms and stuff I remember I was I saw shone white and he was doing an interview and someone was asking I'm like, you know how the olympic village all the sex parties like every student in orgy

I'm just like, I mean, yeah Thank you. I was working on that so hard. I was hoping that you would notice that Um, I really like to prepare for the show as I try to do all the characters and so, of course But anyway, so anyway, he says this though like notch lot and like Yeah, I've seen like like it's Like it's a car. Yeah. Yeah, I've seen one bill. I don't know how I would react if I saw an orgy going on I Be so I don't even know how I yeah, I know like imagine you walk in

And just there's like eight people fucking talk about mashing and squirting. I know that's a lot That's a lot of mashing kinds of squirting. I feel like kind of smell it. It'd be gross It definitely smell not a lot of oxygen not a lot of oxygen. You know like humid You know when you have sex and then with the door closed the windows down you get smell and then all of a sudden like You walk out of the room close windows. Oh, oh like the windows down and door closed Right. I thought you're talking like in a car though No, no, no or even that like when you're in a small confined space And you have sex and like after you're done whatever and then you walk outside of that area

You're like, there's way more oxygen out here So I can fucking breathe now. Yeah, it gets it gets it gets rough. Yeah. No, but the olympic village They're just throwing it around slapping them Just the best athletes in the world. Just fucking just sexy people. You know what you mean? Just like bodies on bodies Just ridiculous slaying the dragon big time all of them You can think about they're training four years. They're away from home. They don't live normal life Yeah, they're not like going to school and having sex regularly like that. No They work their ass off to win gold medals and to fuck like pumas and party their fucking ass

Yeah, it's like dude, you like imagine you like, yeah, my race is fucking the first day we get there You're fucking there for the next whatever. Yep Fuck show. Oh, I'm out. I'm out already. So I'm just gonna fuck. Yeah It's like, oh, what are you on the Australian gymnastics team? What's good? Yeah, you're throwing it around and you're coming back with some stories Stories big time stories big time rashes too Yeah, there's definitely a lot of that cleared up within a week though. They're like the right creams Like Michael Phelps in the olympic village like his first time around

Probably thrashed Because then he got too famous and he probably wasn't thrashing that much. No, I think he was still thrashing Yeah Was he like banging like a He like didn't know that person he was banging was like a transsexual or something. Yeah a transgender got caught up Happens. Yeah, but Phelps in the olympics Come onster Monster probably fucks with his gold medals on hell. Yeah, just like clanging around

All like 20 of them. Yeah, it's got tons 23. I think I think so What a fucking dominant athlete Ridiculous just absolutely redefined the fucking sport and just Killed everyone got a lot of stamina too and shaves his body because he's a swimmer. Yeah aerodynamic Guy's slipping all around in the bedroom. Oh, yeah, slippery. Hold on to that Good luck holding on to that Sean white crushing it. Yeah, but he's not a good looking dude. No, he's a creepy looking fella. Yeah creepy looking fella Yeah, he used to be even creepier until he cut his hair

Yeah, not good, but when you're Sean white I bet the snowboard chicks go crazy that dude Banks a lot of girls and like Burton jackets like and all that type of shit just Fucking just catching blowys on the ski lift. Oh, yeah big time Yeah, where's a beanie at all hours. Yeah thrashing Man the living village must be crazy. I know Dan. We got to try and get there. Let's try to like Try to get there for like a stupid sport Like team like team handball or something you think if you trained for like

No, two years you think you could make the olympic handball team No, dude, you crazy. First of all, all the kids in my high school are on the handball team. You have to be like super athletic I guess Handballs like people are like legit at that like the european like the european handball Oh european handball not like this one. That's fucking hard as shit Yeah, yeah the one where you're catching the ball and taking three steps and throwing it Yeah, you got savages playing that game, dude. They're throwing 90 miles per hour at the goalie. You could hang you could hang No, you want to know something that's impossible water polo?

No fucking way. Yeah, let's tread water for like four hours. It's like what are we are we navy seals? We're playing a game. Yeah, it's terrible. The fuck is this a game that game is not even really that fun to me Like like that's pretty fun It's a tiring water polo though. Those is are fucking for an hour. Those guys smash They got stamin out the fucking ass fucking just treading water egg beaters getting after it Do you do egg beaters or do you do the scissors? What are you talking about? You tread water? Which is scissors scissors is just like this and egg beaters are when you're doing this I don't beat eggs. You don't beat eggs. No, I scissor

It's like ghetto tread You you beat eggs. Yeah, I was a really good swimmer Like I was a lifeguard for a long time. You're an egg beater. Yeah, wow, that's tough off top of the water Your legs are just going in circles. Well, they're like counter like counterclockwise like that No, I go I go like I'm yeah, you do this one. Yeah, I'm like a jellyfish. Yeah, which is fine, too It's more tiring though. Yeah, it's very tiring. Yeah, I gotta start beating eggs Beat it

Beat those eggs, but yeah, uh, Michael Phelps definitely Changed the game Who else is out here fucking Out here fucking like Olympians. Well, Ryan Lochte. Oh, yeah, and and he and you knew it too He's literally one of the dumbest people in the world He's done very well and like embracing that. He's like borderline Retardus like he's bad like he's very dumb. Yeah, he is It's not good. No, very rich though

Is he? Yeah Yeah I think I think he was rich before he was swimming like I think his family has money good looking dude Smoky smashy quite super smoky. He's one of those dudes that like he's smoky as fuck actually now that I'm really thinking about it Smoky guy smoke, but uh when he dyed his hair like white Yeah Still smoky still smoky, which is weird, right? I know if you could if you could dye your hair white and be smoky still

Got my yeah, I got my fucking vote. That's for sure. If we both dyed our hair like white We'd like we look like lesbians. Yeah 100 you would look like your wife You know what I might have to do it she might want me to do it. I'm not sure she wears the pants I hope like I hope that when I'm older and my shit goes silver It'll look fucking fire. I don't think your hair is gonna go silver Not for a while It's gonna do it eventually. Yeah, but like I think you're gonna hold on to it for a while Like a lot of people I see them like in there like 30 they start going

Silver I have some whites. Do you yeah? Over here inside you see him damn silver fox. Yeah, I got like eight Fire do you pluck them or you leave them pluck them? I don't know I'm just asking I can't how the fuck am I gonna pluck one thing from the side of my head. I can't see it Wait, if you can't see it then how you know they're there because people go you got eight. I'm like, all right Who would call you after that? Yeah, you know Anyone who's around me, I guess anyone got some gray hair. So by the way, okay. Thank you so much. Um, anyway

I think we can wrap this up. I think we covered a lot of topics. So we tried to wrap this up before it didn't work out No, it's okay. That's fine. It's it's part. It's part of it's part of the podcast Right, so you know we're having fun, right? We're having fun. Boys being boys. Skies being dudes. Guys being dudes. Boys being bros Jelking it up a couple jelks couple jelkers. Yeah Jelking in our prime too But I started jelking right now. Yeah, of course Dude, I love It's

Oh man, that was funny. Oh, yeah Good times. Anyway, um, Danny, where can they find you? Uh at dany low priority on twitter and instagram Um, come find me and we'll talk about jelking Jelking jelking hashtag jelking hashtag. Um Guys, you can find me on twitter at joe sanagato Obviously, it's my podcast, you know this information if you'd like to find out more information about jelking you can visit our website jelking.com slash

big dick coming soon. Yep, and uh We'll see what's up. No doubt. It's a fake website. It's for everyone. Yes, please don't go there. Please don't go there Especially around people. Yeah, exactly. Exactly exactly Exactly Thanks for listening