The Basement Yard - My Body Is Garbage

Episode Date: December 8, 2015

In this episode, I'm joined by my girlfriend to talk about the Victoria Secret Fashion Show, exercising, and other stuff. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard. It's what is it December 7th fucking three o'clock in the afternoon My girlfriend's here Sam. He's here Yeah, so she's here so fuck yeah, I'm gonna ruin it I'm recording this before I go on a run because today I stepped on a scale and it said 182 and I was like, okay I'm a fuck. I'm a hundred eighty two pounds That's fucking a lot I know but I I know but I know I know I know tone. No, I mean I Don't that's the thing though. I don't

There's not really like tone to me. No, it's just I feel like I'm like All right, yeah, my arms but the rest of my body I haven't had a six pack since I was seven years old Did you ever see old pictures? Obviously you see them like the old pictures of me where like girls back Like I never wore a shirt like once it hit May I was like fucking no shirts because I thought I was like I had a great body or whatever Right and I was built like a fucking pencil a mechanical pencil and like I had I had abs by default because

When you're one pound They just show and girls like, oh my god, you have abs. That's so hot. It's so hot. I was like, yeah Yeah, we're And then I do And then now I'm 182. I don't think I look 182 though. I think I look I don't think I look 182 but Because you know what it is. I did gain weight because I was going to the gym a lot and so I put on a lot of Muscle poundage See I said that muscle poundage. That sounds like a porno title. I was just about to say that muscle poundage

That's like a brolic girl and guy just fucking pound in it. You ever see those girls. No, I don't watch porn You know, I'm not talking about I'm talking about you ever see those girls. No, I don't I don't yeah, but yeah, she doesn't watch porn which is Is that weird I don't know I think it is you think it's weird. I don't know anyone who doesn't Why don't you watch it? You never had like a sleepover you and your friends. You're like, let's There is only one time and it was like on TV You saw a TV porn. That's probably why you don't like it. It was called the worst It was called like

Sex something real sex real sex. That's one real sex is horseshit because it's not real sex This one was weird though because they had like a What is it called? What are those people who run around on? Football fields mascots. Yeah It was a mascot of a penis and a mascot of vagina like these big fake Peanuts and vaginas were fucking. How old were you? Yeah, that's traumatizing you fucking giant dicks and giant vaginas. Yeah, and then they were like orgies going around it That's good. Yeah, so that's my porn story. That's good

But you never had like a that's good No, I had like a sleepover Robin's like let's watch like let's look at a dick on the internet Where'd they know I feel like everyone has those stories like girls no because let's Google dick at that age where that was like Acceptable I could say is it except was acceptable like when it became like something we would do at an age of like 1617 like touch it dick overs. Oh I was having sleepovers at 16. I know and you probably got dicks shoved up your butt multiple fuckers wrong with you I'd never happen You just woke up

What the hell's wrong with you? All right, so uh Anyway, but we're going are you running? Yes. Okay, you're just gonna jog You're probably gonna put me to shame because you could run that we I was biking a lot and then you were running Like a cut like months ago in the summer, but you would run like five miles or some shit, right? There's zero percent chance in my entire life. I'll ever run five miles straight. Yeah, but I walk some of it It doesn't matter and I can't start running and then like walk and then go again You just gotta be like oh if I do this I can have a chocolate bar That's the worst

If I work out I could eat a chocolate bar. I don't work out to where you were I don't work out to lose weight. Well, you don't have to lose weight. You're fucking you're tiny I work out to be healthy and then I eat the chocolate The logic there What you can't not have chocolate so you better just live your life so that the chocolate doesn't negatively affect you But if you were allergic to chocolate, it was so fucked then I would have an up you pen with me at all times I don't even know what that does Is that the thing that like someone passes out and you fucking stab me in the chest or the leg like in horrible bosses

Oh, yeah, right. Have you ever stabbed someone? No Not with an epipen just a knife anything epipen An epipen epipen. Yeah, I thought it was epipen I don't know epipen The first day of sixth grade my friend had an allergic reaction to a sesame seed bagel next to me And she was like fully dying and the teacher pulled out a fucking pen and jabbed her and then they did the epipen thing What's in there? Insulin. Oh, is that that that's probably wrong

That's probably so wrong. You're gonna die of beades Someone listening just went what a fucking idiot This kid's dating a fucking idiot and I'm over here agreeing with you. Yeah. Yeah, that's a little insulin. We're both dumb It's totally fine. That's why it works. We're both dumb. Yeah, see you always call me an idiot You thought it was insulin in the epipen Epipen you that's probably wrong too. It is epipen whatever So tomorrow, I don't know is this I don't know if that's true But you said it the Victoria's Secret fashion show is tomorrow at 10 tomorrow at 10 and I'm gonna eat cinnamon rolls

See, there's two sides and chocolate chip cookies. There's Twitter is split on the on the Victoria. Actually, there's it's a three-way split It's a threesome on Twitter and oh What about that tweet that you got and whoever was that tweet? Oh, yeah, that we were gonna have a threesome and then you were gonna do everything that I don't do well I guess you're doing nothing Yeah, so what we did me was like hey Can we have a threesome me and your girl and I'll do whatever she doesn't do and then you could do whatever you wanted

I was like what? Very weird tweet. Okay. Yeah, put the Victoria's Secret fashion shows tomorrow. So the thing is split. It's people who are People who are fans of the show and are like, oh my god, she's gorgeous. I love her hair and then there's people who are like Models are gross They're too skinny. They're too skinny and it's disgusting and it's like it's bad for society because now Society people on the internet love the word society. I know society is gonna think that this is the society that we need and This is what society is supposed to look like Society, I don't know I say it with a list, but I just imagine everyone who says that society is really gonna look like this

Okay, it's not realistic And then there's people who are like I'm not fucking watching like they boycott it Yeah, which I don't see we just sit there and when we watch it we just say which one you can have sex with Last year it was Dowson Dowson. I was trying to think of her name. I knew it was a D. I was like Donald Not Donald but and my brother So Dowson she was the hottest one But like here's the thing. I'm not a huge model guy He likes me

Shut up, but there's not like I don't know there was one year. I forgot what year was it was It wasn't last year Maybe it was two years ago. It might have been last year. I don't fuck it. I don't know. It doesn't fucking matter anyway I don't even know but I was like I don't I find like two of these girls attractive and how many are there like 20 years I'm sure well now you're gonna find so many more attractive because Kendall and Gigi are in it and you're obsessed with Gigi I'm obsessed with her, but she's definitely good-looking and so is Kendall and what's her name? Obviously the Adriana Lima's fire Yeah, I saw pictures. I saw pictures of Adriana. She didn't look that good. She's getting up there in age, right? Yeah, but it doesn't matter. I think she I think she's the prettiest out of all of them

But I think she needs to have a good spray tan to be pretty because sometimes with the lights there She looks a little sick a little sick. Yeah, like her skin tone looks sick Well, she's standing next to people who look like fucking trophies. They're all like bronzed. Yeah When when I was in that fashion show in high school We because I didn't get spray tans like everyone looked so glowy and pretty and I looked like dull because of the lights that were Well, you're brown as hell. Anyway, that's why I didn't get one But I'm saying like the stage lights that they would definitely what they would have there Yeah, but she's still Adriana Lima. So yeah, who's I don't know any of their names

Candace swine flu He swine pole what's what I think she's so ugly I'm gonna stop you. No, no, no, no, I don't think she's so ugly, but I do not think that she's as pretty as people make her I think she's Top three really She has an amazing body the hottest one is Miranda Kerr to me Yeah, I think she's really she's But they have a lot of pretty new ones. There's a girl like sat the one that we were talking about who was on the commercial

She's a gold. She's she's really pretty. She's gold and then if she comes up to me She goes hey, she grabs my wiener. She goes hey What happens? She grabbed your wiener. No, but she goes No, she goes hey me you a bottle of scotch. No, you just have doubts in Wait, it doesn't change year-to-year. We haven't watched the show yet. So you still have doubts in I'm saying like after the show Well, I got I got one again. I get one a year, right? Last year was doubts and if it doesn't happen within that year and then it expires and I get a new one

Sure. All right. What's her name? Sarah? No, Sarah's the other one. She watch YouTube. I I I disconnected her internet Disconnected her internet one. Yeah, she can't see you. So who do you think? Oh, you know who's hot too? Chanel the black girl. Yeah, she's pretty. She's good I always imagine these girls to have voices like the society people I think I'm a model and like I wear the wings. I wear the I wear the wings, but they all like just sound like a Shakira or some shit No, Shakira sounds weird. They all have weird accents though. Yeah, they do

You know, you think they would have an American accent because they look so American, but they're not I'm really trying to find this and I don't know. Well, the good news is it's December 7th, so it's basically Christmas And I'm going to spend a good four days This whole month. It's her. What? This is the girl. Which one her one. I'm getting the past. No, this is Sarah I think she's pretty. They just this is a video. I know you'll see her in it. I don't find her Instagram. Oh, I Yeah, she's gold But it's it's Christmas season. I'm gonna spend about five days this something this fucking summer here we go

I'm gonna spend five days this month this month this month, right? Oh watching ABC free form Yeah, ABC family is changing their channel name to free form. It's which is the fucking worst name ever so I'm gonna spend about five days this month just Binge-watching Christmas movies. That's what I did for two days. It's great. Which movies did you watch? I watched the cartoon Jack Frost. I Didn't crash. I didn't watch the the human one the human Jack. I want to watch that one with you That one's fire and it makes you cry because they play landslide and they have like a sad montage

It's like dude's dad dies and it's like I don't And then you just start fucking crying every time every time okay, so I'm gonna watch that with you I watched the Santa Claus twat twice twice With the second one or the first one the first one first one first one the first one we talked about it Hot chocolate and the elf and if you haven't seen Santa Claus one your fucking piece of shit to watch it cookie in the sleigh Exactly they get in the sleigh. They get in Santa sleigh, and they have but they have buttons The guy presses the button and it makes you a hot chocolate in front of your fucking face and he goes Santa Claus

purple she show And then there's another button that cooks a big-ass cookie and it pops out. Yeah, I want it Yeah, and I know you'll get from me for Christmas. I believed in Santa Claus that I was like 11 All right, I don't know what the fuck we were talking about but It doesn't matter because what happened was the thing that I record on was like falling off of my bed And she grabbed it turned all the dials everything got fucked up And I lost my train of thought. I'm a bad person One of the worst you're up there with the do not say

Who's bad people? I don't know do not say the Joker. I think you're gonna say something else. What Hitler? Yeah, he's a bad guy. I think everyone said that in their head like bad guy Hitler right away. Yeah, there's one of the worst What are we talking about? Oh Christmas movies. Yeah, all right. We're talking about when I didn't believe in Santa all right Do you know I wrote a paper? Listen to this. Okay. Well first of all when I was in fifth grade. I won an essay writing contest, right? Your boy can write your boy can write So I

Won an essay contest for whatever reason in fifth grade. Yes, I'm doing a lot of hand motions right now But uh and then when I was in high school, I wrote a paper on why Santa Claus is real Right, so I wrote this whole elaborate paper. I forgot how many pages was but it was like Santa is in all of us and we are giving To each other You know what I mean? I am and I wrote this whole paper and there was like Bars in it like there was like lines where you're like, oh

Profound shit. I got like a thousand on it. It was great I want to read it. That was the the best thing I ever did in high school and then everything else That was in high school. There's a fifth grade. No, I'm in fifth grade on the essay contest and this was in high school When I wrote this paper. Oh Yeah, it's a very very interesting way to look at it. Yeah, I never thought of that. I always think of him as a fat White-haired right jolly guy and I still kind of believe that Not what you're saying Saying like that the idea of Santa Claus isn't all of us exactly

Fat guy, and I'm a fat guy 182. We gotta we gotta get at the fuck out of here so I can go run I know running intervals Straightaways, I'll make you run more than a mile jogging the edge No, this is what I'm gonna do what I'm gonna do what I'm running is I'm going to sprint the straightaways and jog the turns and Once I get I'm gonna go around once right doing that then you do 20 push-ups Okay, and you do it again another 20 push-ups and you do four which is a mile Actually, I'll do five so I'll get a hundred push-ups in and then I'll do a mile and a fourth Oh

I'm not I'll get you to go more than that. I'm not gonna. Yes, you will yeah, I'm telling you right now I'm not okay if I jogged more than that and we weren't leaving you would just sit there Absolutely fucking I'll be dead if you won't be dead. I'm gonna throw up. You would not throw up I'm telling you right now. I'm going to throw up You just have to I feel like throw up. I just gotta throw up. That's it. Well, that's happened to me I ate mini-wheats No before I went running one time and I ran from my house to the water and when I got to the water There's like this little like down the block

The water so there's like a hill there and then like there's this couple like Sitting on a blanket like a picnic or whatever and I was like shit And I just like held on to a pole and was just yacking right next to them not next to them But like in the street like within Like they could see you they were 30 yards away. Yeah, they saw me. Oh my god I would have so much anxiety about so they're sitting there like oh beam. I love you and they turn around. They see me Fucking street. Yeah, and then I texted it. I texted my mom. My sister was like I might need someone to come pick me up I was only like a mile away

I was like I might need someone to come pick me up and then I started jogging and I was like forget about it Yeah, that's why that's why when I run I always run somewhat close to my house because I'm scared. I'm in a faint Or throw up. I wouldn't be able to go back to my house No, so I stay like a Mile away. I thought fine I feel like I'm gonna throw up every time after the gym because I go to the gym I work out and then afterwards I either get on the treadmill or the stairmaster both want to make me

I run on both until they make me feel like I'm gonna throw up or take a shit Stairmaster doesn't make me shit, but I've never done the stairmaster. It sucks But I have run stairs before yeah stairs is awful in high school. My football coach made us run stairs for 15 minutes straight I don't even know how the fuck I did that. Oh, I would do at home. Yeah, no You would do it in your house. Yeah, and your whole family probably hated you for that. No, they just I would have shot you with a blow dart. Oh, yeah, you're gonna shoot my dad Yeah, I told her dad My dad's like a macho guy who thinks that he's like God. He's a he's like a marine and yeah

He's a Tai Chi master. Yeah, he does all this martial arts. So I like told him that I could Yeah, I could beat him up Which was the one of the worst ideas I've ever had it's up there. It's top three and He's like, no, you wouldn't be able to and I was like, what if I shoot a blow dart at you with and he goes for fish No, that's what he said. He goes what kind of blow dart unlike it has the poison of a puffer fish So it will paralyze you and he's like, well, I'm going to say that that takes about two minutes to get into my system So what are you gonna do for those two minutes? And I was like, I'm going to run And he's like you won't be able to get away. Yeah, what did he say? He was like, you'd have to be 30 feet away

I was like, what about 29? He's like, it would not work He's such an ass. Yeah, but one day if I get my if I get my hands on a blow dart Your dad's called down. I'll tell you right now. You should really give that to him for Christmas I should get him like this is a can you go on Amazon and get a blow dart? I don't know That would be sick. It's what is it? It's just bamboo. Isn't it hollowed out bamboo? I've watched too many movies I guess you can make a blow dart out of what? No, that would be so funny and you can say truths like I'm not gonna shoot you with this You can have the blow dart that I was gonna I should do that paralyze you

Right, I should um, I'm the worst at giving gifts though. I have no idea what I'm getting you I have no idea what I'm getting you. I don't want to after after I'm just gonna like Make you something you're gonna make me something. Yeah, and it's gonna like a like a cookie Try your cookies. There you go. Merry Christmas. I'm awful I'm really I really have never bought a good gift in my whole life as you have What my bracelet? All right? I got you a bracelet. Yeah, I mean no, but it was never like all right

I'm not counting like jewelry and shit because I it's not that hard to buy jewelry You say it's super stressful. It is because I bought you two things already Yeah, but I so it's like now. Oh great fucking now what an ankle bracelet a fucking o-ring What are those things called the body shit? It's like it goes around your neck and then your nipples and then I know underwear I don't like that and it's like mad Egyptian. You can get me like We're talking on our at dinner on our anniversary and you're like I'm taking notes. I was like you get me a mid-ring Yeah, what the fuck. Oh, right. Thank you for bringing the backup. I'll get you a mid-ring. No, don't much are those don't get They're like four dollars four dollars. What if they have like a diamond in it?

That's got to be at least like a hundred. Yeah, but you don't want a mid-ring with a diamond on it could fall off easily They go right here You want a four dollar mid-ring for Christmas? No, so I'm saying this shit is hard I'm gonna go to forever 21 and just buy mid-rings No, you're not and they don't turn. I'm gonna get you a bunch of rings. You give me a bunch of rings No, I don't know what the fuck I'm getting man. I suck. Yeah, I don't know what I'm gonna get you You buy whatever you want whenever you want. You're sitting in traffic You're like, oh, I want sneakers and then you order sneakers off your phone. Yeah, so then they were on sale

I'm a lot easier to buy for than you are because I can't buy you a watch. You're not a watch guy I can't buy you a necklace because I already bought you one and you don't wear it What necklace I bought you your necklace that broke I Bought that necklace and then you read you re-bought it because you broke it. I didn't Break it. Espo broke it. Espo broke it damn Espo. God damn Espo Ripped it off my neck. Yeah, where is it? You know, I have no idea. I honestly think it's at your place It's not at my place. It is. No, it's not. I took it off When there babe, I just did a fold so we're gonna argue. Is that we're gonna do we never am I gonna have to fight you in

The background of this thing Imagine we got into a brawl and I just beat you with the mic stand then you know what I'd go to jail very quickly Yeah, and I'd leave Never see me. You wouldn't be able to leave because I would break both your knees Both of them so you wouldn't be able to walk. You know what I would do you ever see the movie hostile hostage hostage Hospital what's it called hostile hostile where they cut the guys Achilles Achilles heel you saw it and then he goes to He's like you're free to go and he goes to walk away and he fucking just collapses

That's fucking crazy. Feel your Achilles heel. I don't want to if you can feel the tendon. I'm cringing imagine cutting that I don't want to oh my god That's fucking scary Hostile that movie was fucked up Is that when they're in the hotel? Yeah, and like Overseas, but I mean I just talked to Dylan recently one of my friends Dylan and he was like yo I Can't think of another place that we should vacation to in the United States Let's go to like Amsterdam or some shit and I'm thinking of the shit that me and my friends have done on vacation

I'm like if we did this in another country and like they already everywhere hates America, right? For the most part everywhere. I hate America except Canada for so because they're nice guys, you know, but Everybody hates America. So it's like people see Americans and if we did anything out of the ordinary like I don't fuck you either I'm gonna beat you with a club or I'm gonna like rape you or I'm gonna throw you in jail. Yeah I don't know I kind of want to I want to go somewhere I don't want to go to Amsterdam because I don't like do drugs

Yeah, you want to go to Bora Bora you want to go to Bora. I do want to go to Bora Bora We got to go Bahama the Bahamas I want to do that too because I want to swim fucking 40 yards away from a shark. I don't I do I will tickle a fish Tickle a fish. Yeah, you're such a liar. You're terrified of fish I know you would never you wouldn't even go in the water I would go in the water if we were in the Bahamas. It's so much different. They're going in the water in Florida Because it's the Bahamas There's wildlife in there. I told you I was regretting not going into the caves when we were gonna go for Florida

Yeah, but it's different of you saying it when there's not the shit in front of you But when you're on the boat and you could see that there's shit in the water, you're gonna jump in there Psych I know you're not I'm petting a stingray and I'm gonna I want to swim with a dolphin. I'll do that I don't think you could do that anymore. Yes, you can. Can you or that's it that a documentary came out with the fucking whales We're killing the trainers and then they do that. Yeah No swim with dolphins. I've seen people post pictures Then we got to go back to Florida

Dolphins it's the only place they are in the world. They're in Florida and that's it Yep Oh, I do want to go back to Florida. That was such a fun vacation Where the fuck let's stop talking about vacations because we were talking about Christmas gifts and let's not get your hopes up All right, we're not swimming with dolphins for Christmas. No, I do want to go on a ski trip though I do I do too and I want to fucking Go flying into the woods and hit a tree and be concussed On the first day amazing

Thanks a lot. No, I'm thinking about it for myself so that I didn't have to work party But if you got concussed, yeah, I can have like a break You've had four concussions. You're fucking wanker bet. You don't even know who I'm talking about He's a he's a football player who has like 40 concussions and now every time he talks he like shakes or some shit Concussions fuck you up. You want another one? No, you actually probably should not go skiing or snowboard snow or boarding. I want to go snowboarding snowboarding. I do I Got a snowboard. Have you been snow? Have you ever done that? I've never gone down a mountain No, but I have gone down a hill in my backyard

With my snowboard How big was this hill fucking a foot off the ground? No, it was actually my brother connected it like he made a hill connecting to the top of our Garage and then we climbed up the garage from the fence and we'd slide down it Interesting I've been skiing once and it was fun as hell fucking Keith. He's a psycho you ski I well I went skiing. I don't ski like no, no, no, like do you ski or do you snowboard? I went skiing I didn't snowboard, okay, I Fucking said that yeah, I know but sometimes people say like we're going skiing but like snowboardings included. Oh No, I've skied cool sked. I sked

Get it but Keith has like, you know, you're supposed to go like side to side and do like they did the Instructions on us make a pizza like you got to make your feet into a triangle so you can slow down Keith kept his feet straight and went straight down the fucking mountain the entire time and to stop He just would turn over and fall down. It's fucking skis. We go flying and they go down the mountain. That's terrifying. Yeah, he's nuts. I Was over there going side to side going three miles an hour No, I was trying not to kill myself. I feel like I'd go I'd flip out on a snowboard I'm not I'm not about speed man. I'm really not like I don't fucking motorcycles Good, I don't fuck with like

Tubing that much I love too big No, I don't like that shit I definitely don't like if I was going on like really fast on a snowboard or skis I'd just fall down on purpose. I wouldn't be going that fast I don't fuck with shit at all. I think the only thing that would freak me out is if we went on a high mountain and like it was really steep But can we go on like the bunny hill or something? I'm not going a bunny hill. I'm not that big of a bitch You're going a black diamond. I'm not going on black diamond either. So you're in the middle. Yeah, what's the middle like like What's what is the middle? I don't know. Like gray stone. I don't know

Fuck All I know of is black diamond a bunny hill because people either brag that they're so good or say that they're terrible They never say yeah, I'm like mediocre. I never say that. I Don't even know I'm terrified. I don't think any of my friends can ski your snowboard either That's good because like almost half of them can't even like rollerblades. I'm shit When we go to I when we go ice skate why we have to go fucking ice game We do have to go ice when we go ice skating But like in Central Park, there's tons of people around and we just look awful as a unit because like there's like four of us

That could I skate really well and Espo plays hockey So you could fucking skate like whatever and then there's like Frankie Who can't I skate there's Nick who was just a disaster Who else who else can't Dominic God bless that kid? He's not fucking Fur play ice hockey Ralph ice hockey ice Cocky, I don't know I Remember when I convinced you that I was a professional ice skater when we started dating

Yeah, I was like and I was like I have my body suits in my skates in my in my closet. Oh, that's fucking crazy. That's awesome Go get them and I'm like They're just like deep in there from the move and then I was like no you're fucking lying No, I believe I told you like two days later that I was like we should go ice-hanging. I was like, can you ice-kate? She's like, yeah, I used to ice skate all the time. I have the outfits in the In the fucking closet. I'm like wow if I haven't gone like this chicken like triple You're like one of those little like when I went last time. There's like this little Asian orange cones Yeah, she's in the middle of fucking backflip and I'm over here to help it make up. Yeah

That's what I thought you were you'd be in the middle like spinning really fucking fast Nope, I'm I try to stand I'm not good throwing up. I don't know how those people don't throw up when they spin that much It's spotting like when people spin that much they look at an object and they only are really looking at that object Cuz I don't fucking you look at anything when you're spinning because you move your head Like you look at let's say I'm looking at the corner of the laptop when you spin you look back But you look back at it like you move your head. Oh So you're rarely not looking at it. I'll just throw up

One time I went ice skating and There was a guy there. He was like obviously on a date and His oh you fucking fell and ate shit and his nose broke And he was bleeding a lot and he got up like nothing happened I don't know what I would do. Oh cool. It's fine. It's fucking blood just gushing. Oh Imagine you went on a date with a guy and his fucking nose breaks. What are you? I would freak out I think I'd I think I'd pass out

I would I would pass out I don't know what I would do like like if we had just met and I was like, oh, let's go ice skating date I feel like you wouldn't continue to date and then you broke your nose on the ice. Oh my god look bad Thanks, that means a lot. They think I'm a shallow piece of shit You're goddamn right now in the beginning of a relationship like we were gonna go I say like the second week No, honestly that no that wouldn't be like a deal breaker if you broke your nose on the ice It would actually be the opposite because I'd be like I'm so glad

That this happened because now I could I have this story forever and I get to tell people all the time So then you're welcome You didn't break your nose next time we go ice skating watch what happens You're just gonna nose Jump right down right into the floor. Hey, babe. Hey, babe. Look at this fucking nose. I just I fell fuck Help all right. Oh my god, it's close to four We got to go running. Oh, wow. I gotta run so Prepared for this. I'm honestly gonna get there and just cry and I have to bike to

Bike no, I'm driving there But we were biking there. No, we're driving to the track and then running Yeah, cuz I didn't want to go on the bike that has the metal coming out of the seat. Oh, yeah That was terrible. I had like metal spikes like going into my butt And it hurt and every time we'd like stop at a red light to be like This sucks We biked so far didn't we bike like eight miles that time eleven eleven Jesus. Yeah, it was a good time How many times did you just fart?

about four That's so romantic you like that. Yeah. Um, anyway So that's all for this this shit. That's all for this shit Yeah, if you guys want to harass My girlfriend and just you know, whatever her Instagram and Twitter. Oh, no your Twitter and Instagram are different, right? I Don't know You know, I don't her Instagram is Sammy Ricky. Oh, and my Twitter is Sam underscore Oh, I had no idea. I don't know. I don't even I what is social? That's you. That's what you said

That's you. That's you. Anyway, no, I could I forgot I forgot because my tumbler is also Let's go. I'm gonna go throw up. It's gonna be sick. Whoo. Thank you for listening. Yeah, motherfuckers