The Basement Yard - Peeing Your Pants & Pokemon Go

Episode Date: July 12, 2016

So @AntVino & @KeithSantagato are back to talk about peeing your pants, PokemonGo & other things. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I don't know why I'm yelling. I am here with Davino, of course can't get this kid to not come anymore Keith how are you and Keith's here? Keith how are you fucking great the reason over here drinking a beer and fucking eating Cheetos So that's nice kiss you on the American diet Joe the American diet the beer says America on it The beer does says what okay does say America on it. It says America Land of the thing, but they made that beer more Hick, you know Cheetos like you ever see a cheetah Keith go ahead. What are you? Where are you going? Please tell me? They're balls

Wait what say what their balls are fucking orange whose balls you're alive cheetahs are cheetahs balls So you're looking at cheetah dick. Wait a cheetah a cheetah Cheetahs balls are orange. Yes Tony the fucking stop knocking that. I'm sorry a Cheetahs balls are orange while you're fucking screaming. I'm sorry. There's no such thing as orange cheetah balls I'll look it up. He's talking about an actual cheetah. I know I don't believe that shit I've seen cheetahs in the wild or aren't Google that. Okay. I want to know I've seen cheetahs. You've never seen a cheetah How do you know I wouldn't know how do you know I don't know so on Facebook

You see there's a picture on a Facebook circulating like Facebook is fictional like for the balls like for cheetah balls Whatever, why the fuck are we opening talking about this? Yeah? I can't my fucking Internet Uses love cheetah. Yeah excuses. Look. Okay. Anyway. Yeah, I need to get some fucking Wi-Fi in here But files doesn't come here. So you know what are you serious? Yeah, they don't get a house, isn't it? Yeah, but man Anyway, the reason why Keith is here. We'll get it to you in a second yet This Keith is here because I want him to tell a story. Well, I'm gonna come I'm gonna tell the only reason So I'm here. Yeah, I want to I'm gonna I'm gonna tell the story And then I just want you to explain yourself because it makes no sense

I'm excited for this Joe. So yeah, yeah, Davino doesn't know so the other day the other day I where was I oh I was out. I was I was I was out. I wasn't I was gone. I was gone for the weekend No, it's home, right? So Keith decides he's gonna go out with my brother and my cousin my cousin and my brother are Oh my god, you're cheatable They are they are orange right? Oh, that's fake. That has to be bright orange. They're bright orange. Oh, that's fake How is that it looks photoshopped? I could do that, too. Wait, what did you what did you that looks like puffs? He's such cheetah balls That looks like dude, that's

It does it looks like cheese puffs. You want to put cheetah nuts? It says this. Yeah, you know why you know why the fucking cheetahs? Sorry, the cheetahs balls, you know other fucking yo, I mean to tell me that's a cheetah's balls are orange It was just a joke or you cheese is orange. You dumb bitch. You need to tell me that's not fiction So you could die cheese whatever you want. I want to hear the story. Let's go carry on so So Keith goes out drinking and you know, we've said this before that sometimes when Keith gets really drunk his bladder just goes I don't know what's going on. You gotta pee and pee goes everywhere, right? Yeah, so there's been times where he like falls asleep and then he pees himself in his sleep

Which is understandable. It's like they're drunk people do that sometimes, you know, I evolve having 90% I evolved from that So now Keith has graduated what to a new level. Yeah, what happens? Please. What are you doing? Right? So here's what yeah, a new level. It's called. Please. Why why do you do this? So he was walking so he was really drunk and he was walking home. It's three in the morning three in the morning Don't piss in public in Astoria. So listen, so he's walking home and he has to pee really bad And he go and he doesn't want to pee outside Why because he's afraid because he thought of me, right? He doesn't want to be labeled as a sex offender. No, you need three strikes, bro. I already have one told you

And I wasn't you know, it's crazy. I wasn't even peeing when I got caught I was about to and then they whoop. I was like, yes, and it was it wasn't even out It wasn't even out of my pants. You dick was in it was in I Was like, are you fucking kidding? I was unzipped or I was buckled. I was unzipped, but I was scared I was 17. I was drunk underage and he's like you want to want to go in you want to go in for Summits for public urination. I was there not thinking public urination will catch up to me one day If I piss in public two more times. I'm a sex offender. Fuck that Jesus Christ

That's crazy. I went to wait. I went to court with my mom for that one. She hated me Anyway, he keeps like I don't want to pee outside because I don't I don't want to be a sex offender, right? Three strikes, kid And so what does he do? What's the alternative? You just pissed your pants. Oh, yeah Oh, shut the it wasn't like that. It wasn't like, you know what? I don't want to fucking pee outside I'm just gonna piss in my pants sure that no, it wasn't it was all right I'm gonna try to hold it and then get keep that in a home. Yeah, it's all right So as I went home as I'm walking home, I'm probably a block away. Did you wet your shoes? Did you wet your shoes? Yeah, I wouldn't know how much piss it was it was it was like no

Did you stop and let it go or you just kept walking? I kept walking Dumb toes have a block away from my house, so now couldn't run would you shut up? Yep Tell us what happened. I'm trying fucking I Really had to go and like like a little came out and like you know, I like I tried like like hold it Hold it. Did you grab the tip? No, I didn't pinch the tip. Yeah, I didn't do that Sometimes you never pinch the tip when you have to pee I'm very damaging

Why would you tip all the time? Why would you pinch your tip? I pinched a shaft. Don't pinch the shit pinch in the Sometimes I grabbed the whole Pinching your shaft. That's not safe putting a cake in the holes. Yeah, that's bad dude. No wonder you pee dude This kid peas. Oh my god. The door could be closed upstairs He goes upstairs into the bathroom door close. I can hear him pissing and it's like It's fucking like a machine gun a lot of force like a lot of force you're pinching the fucking shaft You have some nerve Is that who are you that bad your dick's probably all disheveled all fucked up

It kind of the other day the other day. I thought I had kidney stones Yeah, could you overreact everything here? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I have kidney pain I'm like, okay, whatever. He's like, yeah, I have kidney stones. No, you don't I drink by the way, but can I tell fucking story? Yes, I'm sorry. I'm sorry Floors yours so now I'm block away from the house. Yeah Little comes out Hits like by my knee area Wait, that's a little key time out. We were in shorts. No, I was wearing like

Somewhat tight jeans and weren't skinny jeans. So how does the pee hit your knee unless you're that's not a little 12 inches long like the size of this a little bit hit my ankle. It was like a It was a JFK shot. Okay. So it's correct. It. Let's just be clear. Wow. You don't have a foot long dick. No, okay Good. It's close. It's not So you So some size of this might some P hit your Some P hit your knee Yeah, and that was close to it wasn't there. Okay, right, right?

So now I'm like fuck trying to hold it now. I'm walking faster, but it was a great idea and as do that Then like legit half of it came out a good picture. So now I have so now I'm like I'm like pretty decently soaked Wait, but did your shoes get wet? No, that's how you know it was a bad time. No, right pretty decently got soaked Okay, so now at this point I was really still had to go but I was like I already fucking pissed myself my whole thing. Yeah, yeah Do it. So I did so you just wait. Wait, did you stop and just like fuck it? You just stood there until walking peeing you're walking and pissing. Mm-hmm. That's a lot dude I know it was a commitment. You can't just walk until you don't get your fucking snapchat. Oh, no

But the whole thing is this isn't even the funniest part of this whole night. Here we go, right? So like I pissed myself a lot Right you're soaked at this point. Yeah, like you took a dip the only thing Yeah, the only thing that isn't happening is my shoes are squeaking as I'm walking cannonball into piss was anybody awake No, no, no, it's 3 a.m. Oh shit Right so now I get it. I would have got butt naked in front of the house. I Would have done that safe safe keeping I get in my house. I go upstairs uh-huh, and then Shannon's like

You have to like I'm not sleeping in your room because Charlie was already in Shannon's room. She's like all right. So you got to go downstairs and shut off the air conditioner. So the guy fine So now I get downstairs Still covered and still pissed. Yes Right now I get to your room. How were they black jeans? No, they were gray. Oh, so there was an obvious stain Oh, yeah, Shannon. Well at this point. They're probably black from it being soaked. Yeah, okay All right, good. So now I'm in your room. Mm-hmm, and I'm like Might as well take off the piss pants, right?

So I take them off in my room. Yeah, thank you. I don't remember taking them off We are I remember the idea. Let's take them off. What did you do with the pants? I want to know I want to know too. Yeah, are they there still I sleep in that room. No, they're in the back room Are they still wet? No, they probably hopefully you try by now. It's like an urban myth. Those pants are still wet to this day Yeah so now I Like I said, I remember the idea. Let's take them off. Don't remember taking them off, right, right?

He slept so now I Woke up next morning. It's like nine in the morning. I wake up. I am completely naked I'm not wearing socks. Wish I was there for that. Not even socks shirt Nothing, we're comfortable completely was it comfortable. Did you have like a bracelet on it was the AC on? Yeah, I had the green boy Glasses are no glasses was the AC on sleep my glass. Yes. All right. That's a comfortable fucking sleep if you asked me Yeah, shit covers you had a bracelet on thank God cuddle. Did you cuddle? He wasn't completely naked He had a bracelet was a dog in bed with you hold on a second. I had no clothes on right

Which means that's what naked means. I understand but this means I took all of my clothes off and walk In your room and just walked around the house like like there was no fucking Yeah, you're reckless 10 inch dick just dangling. Yeah pissing on both knees. Yeah, you're wild dick swinging We're shining her room sleeping. Yeah, thank God. Thank God my dog wasn't around this fucking you probably would have bit it off The way you said that was like you were fantasizing about You're on time. You're not allowed to talk for time. Get it off So you woke up completely naked. Yeah, I'm sorry. Did you pee again in your bed? No, well, that's good news That's why that's why I said evolve from pissing bed to peeing while walking now

Let me ask you an important question. I got a pui Okay Are you okay? Let me ask you a question. Let me ask you an important question. Okay, I'm so excited for this question Which which would you prefer like a bed pee? Middle of the night bed pee or uh, I'm I'm awake and I'm I'm peeing my pants. I'd rather pee my pants awake Right, I think I'd rather pee my pants awake as well. Yeah, me too. I want to know what's going on I wanna wake up into a nice environment. I used to wake up Like because I wear I still wear rubber sheets

You don't wear rubber sheets You know what it meant there on my bed because in case it just goes through I don't want it soaking the mattress I'm at this thing as rubber sheets. Of course. Oh, you see it. Yeah, I want to see them No, not listen this kid's thinking like yeah, it's like a standard It's like a it's like a thin rubber thing that goes over and then your sheet goes over it So you don't feel the I still need to see this. It's a rubber dick. You never seen rubber go look at a tire I don't know why I'm yelling. I'm sorry. I don't know. I got really angry. The reason I had the rubber sheets The reason I have the rubber sheets was my mom bought them because I

had to keep fucking cleaning my mattress Afterwards, let's get dick. This kid's dick is hammered when he gets drunk. Your dick has a new mind. He's like, yo, Fuck you Keith. I'm gonna piss man. I'm gonna do this. You're gonna care. Yeah, my dick's been sober No, I used to wake like I used to wake up in them like this was the worst time the worst one I ever pissed my pet. Okay, piss myself. Oh boy was I got really bad. I was so drunk. So see him like double Hmm, I get home. I Go to bed whatever I wake up. I Was fully clothed

Which means I had shoes socks the whole fucking jacket. Yeah Well, no, I wasn't there was piss on you wasn't um, I woke up My jeans were soaked all the way to my socks So you fell in the puddle. Hold on. We fell in the snow all the way to my socks My shirt soaked My head the back of my head was still wet

You were sweating and my pillow. You're fucking drenched. What did you do? I don't know You have to drink to pee that much I don't know a glass of milk. It was an un-okay amount of pee It was like someone threw a brick at a fish tank that was hovering over his bed I could have filled up two toilets with all this. Yeah, that's crazy. That's insane, right? I've put a ton of piss look the worst part of it all besides cleaning it up was it was usually Like in the summer when I was like drinking so I had the air conditioner on it's not I'm freezing Wake up just shivering because I'm covered in

Like it's so he's gonna get a piss flu. He's gonna get a piss flu. Yeah, you can get sick from your own piss, dude Jesus death by piss. You can't have that. Yo, I epithermia. I can't lie to you. I've been yet No, I wouldn't have cut pneumonia. I've flew it in your lungs. I've got coming out of my Appeal I've gotten drunk so many times and I've just never done that like I've come home and my parents record me on the toilet Throwing up saying things like I have herpes and shit It's where I got my dad has a video me saying you I hooked up with three girls tonight. I'm pretty sure I have herpes I'll show you he has the video my parents laugh at me. I'm like, yeah, I don't know What did I tell you I was sitting in his house like the day before the day we're flying from Vegas? That was funny

His mom comes out. It's 3 a.m. She has no filter. He's mom goes. Yeah I'm really worried about Anthony because you know, sometimes he goes down. He doesn't even know who he fucks She said that to me It happens I'm like My divina you are incredibly open with your mom. Yeah, no, I tell her everything. She knows exactly who I fuck Well, they have to they have to walk past my parents first my mom was like sometimes mom's like damn like why I Swear to God her in my aunt. They're like, dude You could do better

Yeah, my dad's chill about it, but my mom my mom will be like nah Anyway, let's let's let's real quick Yeah, it's like tell me I want to talk about go ahead real quick. Let's just get into this sighted about this sponsorship We're back with blue apron Killing again, I love to cook don't know why if you don't know what blue apron is if you sign up for blue apron Basically what this company company will do is they will send you a package in the mail periodically and there's tons of ingredients in there Fresh food They have fucking freezers on the bottom of it and it just keeps everything fresh portable freezers shut up

No, it's like ice packs eat dickhead. I said that wrong, but anyway So they they send you all the ingredients and they send you instructions on how to make certain meals and it's like legit Meals healthy. Have you cooked them are they good? I have cooked first of all my mom's obsessed with them She's always like I'm making a blue apron tonight, and I'm like, okay, mom. We get it So is it small? Yeah, it's food for no But you can you can set it up where you want either food for two or food for the family I look at the website. I just need to order it. Yeah, dude We were getting like Middle Eastern chicken and chickpea stew. I don't even know what Middle Eastern chick

I don't even know what that is. It was a tofu. Yeah, it's not like, you know fucking I look shitty. I looked in your lunch room bull shit balls. I looked in the box and I was like damn That's some good shit. Yeah, everything's labeled. It's like dude down to salt and pepper. That's everything They send you a potato Like a whole fucking like yeah potato just random shit Far makes and it's less than $10 a meal and it's the highest quality standards. Okay Anything you want so it's a new new recipes are created each week by the culinary team So and they're not repeated within a year. So you get new shit all the time you try a bunch of awesome

How many do they have how many how many what good for you? How many what like different? They have tons dude. They have tons. You would never eat the same thing twice if you have if you have them This girl just like my picture. I think don't even call me on but they they have a ton of different coming home Each meal comes with a step-by-step easy to follow recipe and it's pre-proportioned ingredients Like I said, it can't be prepared in 40 minutes or less Check out this week's menu and get your two meals free with free shipping by going to blue apron.com slash basement That's blue apron.com slash

Basement divino get on that. I have to do it because you know, I like to cook Psych two meals. I have no idea how to cook, but here's a thing like to watch your mom But here's the thing. Hell is she's good. I've seen the instructions from here I could cook me me and my mom cooked one of these blue apron things once and it's like bonding time. What bonding time Yeah, well, it's a great woman. I love her It's easy though. They have all the instructions in the pictures and shit. It's like the easiest thing in the world Anyway, did you want to say something about piss? Because I can't really go from piss to food back to piss. It's like a rough thing. What was I gonna say about piss?

I don't know my just been home drunk before and you know, I said the stories before I never pissed myself ever What about shit? Have you shit yourself? I'm not drunk and I never will I Drunk though. Oh, wait. Well, I remember shitting myself when I was little you've sharded. Yeah, who hasn't sharded This room hasn't sharded. Have you sharded? No, I've shit myself when I was a little on the baseball field Yo, you know what happened to my parents clean me out. You know what happens to me a lot There's a two-person job. I was young and I was like damn it. What's going on? Is that chocolate? Hold on I like last week, you know what happened to me. I like had like an itchy ass

So I itched my ass and then I went I was taking a shit and I pulled my Grain pants down I was taking a shit and I pulled like my pants down and my boxers and my boxers. It was a crazy skid mark Oh, that's so gross. That's like 15 years old. I was only play football when we're 13. I was like, yo, that's terrible That's gross. I'm sorry. Just washed my ass for an whole hour just in the fucking shower just scrubbing I'm sorry. You have like, you know when you make a shark fin over your head. You have your hand like that That's what I was doing. I had that like credit carding my ass You don't you don't use like a you don't use like a wuffa or a washcloth

Please tell me what you just called that thing. Is it called a wuffa wuffa. It's a wuffa. Oh, man fucking Out letter wuffa wuffa Fuck you guys. It's okay. Leave me the fuck alone. That's fine Yeah, he would leave you alone with your little fucking Pokemon go because walking around the street Yo, I caught a fucking don't our dude. Oh, I'm sorry. Star do a star do a star you oh Gasly was on the fucking dashboard. Yeah, I don't get out of here. Gasly. No That's my gas so for the people who don't know this fucking Pokemon go app is like sweeping the goddamn nation

I'll kill him legit sweeping it and probably Japan. They like all video games. I just when I was going to sleep in there That's listen guys advice The best way of playing that game is when you're on the bus or the train because you're moving pretty fast and you're just Catching and catching as you go. Oh, I was I was doing it today and I was like, yeah Pregidity man. Let me explain the game So what happens is I mean if you never I'm not gonna explain Pokemon to anyone because if you don't know what that is Then you're fucking piece of shit. You had no stupid shit. So anyway, this game when you download it It it's like linked with Google Maps

So it's like actual your actual Neighborhood the way it's set up is like you can see it and this guy walks around as you walk around the character in the game Moves around and then like Pokemon will just pop up and then you could catch them And then you can go to certain places like get pokeballs like a hospital is like a poke gym So if you get near it, excuse me, it's Christ That was good. Bless you if you get near it you click on it And then you could start battling people with these Pokemon and you've caught around your neighborhood and shit I have a Bulbasaur. So let me explain

So this is what happens, right? So if you there's certain places that's like a gym So if you go there you could battle whatever But what what is happening is that fucking people have just disregarded real life It's completely shitty now Legend there was a video going around on Twitter. It's a life of Sims now. There was a video going around on Twitter And there was just random people like a bunch of people in Central Park in this one area Everyone's looking at their phones and like flicking like trying to catch Pokemon and like battling Asia. I'm like you get what are you doing? Yo, I'm gonna meet my next girlfriend there. No, you're not. Yep

Dude, it's bad. You're gonna meet your next see people like you gonna meet your Listen, I walked into the Nintendo store in Times Square and they will fucking crack their necks I'm like damn. That's the coolest kid in the store. I was like, that's right bitch. Oh, really? I was the fucking cool kid. They're like damn. It's a bully. Oh, everybody look away That never happened. They were in a circle playing their game boys. I was like, yeah, motherfuckers. Why were you in the Nintendo store? Cuz I live Why were you there? Why wouldn't you go to the Nintendo store to buy stuff? What'd you buy? I bought a Lego key chain. Did you? Yeah

Wait, you went all that way You guys want to fight me. Yeah, you know what? By the way, I was wrong. You are the coolest. Nice key chain. There's a jewelry store by CVS Wherever the fuck it is by the train station. They sell Lego watches See now I need to get on that I'm over there. I love the Lego life Listen Pokemon Go is so fucking it's dumb. It's it's fun

But it's dumb if you're gonna let it how is it we all three of us were on it in my car just now We all caught that out. We all caught the same Pokemon. Yeah, I'm saying it's fun It's not fun if you let it consume you like yes people. Yes, it will you go out of your way Drive to the fucking city. I did just sit in one spot to catch a fucking zap. I drove town. Jack I was yo, I gave this girl city this fucking this girl was in my car. I was like, you'll do me a solid Stop talking over each other. All right, I was in the car with this girl Yes, and I was like, you'll hold my phone and as I drive catch Pokemon for me and she was catching Pokemon for me. Yeah, so Yeah, yeah, when y'all like yo, son, let me see a Pokemon. I'm like, yo, I got like 50 and you all have fucking eight each

Yeah, you're the man. That's right. You have fucking nine Pidgey's Dodo's Dodo's what are you gonna say? There's a zappados in the city. No Gyarados in in in Rikers Island Creek Stop dude, it's bad though. You know what's gonna happen. I'll go to the city for a zappados. I'm just saying so what I What if I catch a Mewtwo on the Empire State Building? Like the Empire State Building you're making me sick I won't go to the top the Empire State Building to catch a Mewtwo Shit, it's $40 to get up there. It's $40 to catch a Mewtwo then. Well spent Here's what you gotta walk up the stairs. You can't I won't I won't go catch Pokemon in the city

You know, it's gonna happen. I caught a Pidgey Yodo Who cares? Yeah, I do. You know what's gonna happen. Someone is gonna be looking at their phone and just being like chasing a fucking I don't even like a chasing a fucking Toka P Or some snorlax chasing a snorlax. He doesn't move You know, whatever chasing a fucking arcanine or whatever Arcanine the tiger he has blue balls to right purple. Yeah, he's fucking on fire. Just shut up for orange bulls So all right, so what's gonna happen is these people are gonna be chasing a fucking rat tata Oh

Wait, how are you pronounce it? Y'all rat-a-tat never are but a tat rat-a-tat how he said his name. He said it backwards chop up First of all our buck back. What happens when I what happens when I catch a Pikachu and yeah, that's that's true But he said his name fucking weird. Listen, I'm trying So what's gonna happen is these people are gonna chase fucking star use down the fucking street get hit by a car And then they're gonna call the fucking company and go hey poke shut the fuck up to be no Yo, this kid. Yo when someone talks don't talk over there. I'm gonna cut your fucking mic off Sorry, and then your head continue

So these people are gonna chase fucking whatever the fuck down the street. He's trying so hard With They're gonna get hit by a car and then they're gonna sue Pokemon go. Oh, you're fucking game I got a lot of shit saying like beware your surroundings. It doesn't matter when you when you open the game It says beware of your No, they can't get in trouble for it if they if they say it. Yeah, it doesn't matter You remember that fucking moron who bought a coffee from McDonald's and then spilled her coffee on her because she was trying to drink it While she was driving and then sued McDonald's saying your fucking coffee burnt my lap

Like millions This is when cruise control first came out Woman's in her SUV in her RV. She's driving on the highway She puts it on cruise control Just put your hands off the steering wheel if everything goes in the back to cook eggs If obviously it fucking veers off the road she somehow survives. I don't know why and then Why did you survive lady, right? And then she fucking sued The company because she said that I thought cruise control was that it was just gonna drive itself

So I thought she won. How do you win? I thought cruise control. Yeah, you thought that because you're fucking dumb Manual girl McDonald's got sued also by two two People obviously they got really fad off of McDonald's so they sued because they got fat and the judges Case was he actually said word for word to the judge But the fries are so good. They couldn't resist them You know how much of a piece of shit and they fucking one million Dude McDonald's everyone just complains about McDonald's and how they just have unhealthy food. It's no secret We all know it's shitty. I hate McDonald's. So why are you going there? I don't go there. Go buy a fucking banana

From the guy on the corner Dude, I don't even eat as fucking Lettuce I'd rather eat a Petco than eat at McDonald's fresh cow. I said Petco cuz there's nothing to eat there Could eat a couple of biscuits. I don't get that though. They're they're a service Place you go there and you go give me this shit and they go here Do you have it? Do you know what have to go in there? Do you notice how cheap everything is like they want to sell people food? That's so bad for you exactly for a dollar exactly and then people are gonna buy Oh, it's so cheap here son have a cheeseburger and fries. No eat these nuggets. No mom. I will die

Here's cholesterol Okay, I get a McFlurry mom. No, you know what else is cheap fucking crack you're gonna serve. That's your kids, too No, you know, it's a fucking bed for you and it's a drug if my kid goes daddy. Can I get McDonald's? I'll fuck him up. I swear to God. Oh, he'll never know McDonald's again I will fucking beat the shit out of him. Do it McDonald's. Yeah kill him. You can't blame No, I won't Can't blame McDonald's for you walking in and buying shit from them and getting fat. So we all know it's fattening It'll kill you all now. Hold on

Taco Bell, I think is way worse Taco Bell's a laxative You'll eat it. You have to eat it while you're sitting on the toilet. Yep You will shit and come on white castle is like that. No white castle. You're just eating you can get literally Like a third of a burger and you're like wow, I gotta get to a bathroom Otherwise, I'm shitting where I'm sitting even the buns at white castle. You're I'm like, what the fuck it's like this It's weird. I'm like, okay. There's plastic in this obviously and you would see two people eat a crepe case You would think that those burgers aren't even that bad for you because they're so small in their grilled. No, bro They'll kill you. They're like legit kill you. They literally like if you go like this is if you go

To the supermarket Whatever falls on the floor they pick that up and they throw it in a grinder and those are chicken nuggets That's so fucking those burgers. So I think there's salmon bones in there salmon bones. I mean, I'm just thinking of anything tar Plack from our teeth. There's Dude, it's it's that sweet sour If you're willingly going to eat fast food Just have someone spit in your mouth eat 7-eleven. It's the same thing. It's the same thing 7-11. I'm sorry I didn't mean spit. I mean shit have a person shit in your mouth

If you're gonna eat Taco Bell if you're gonna eat fucking McDonald's Taco Bell Just diarrhea. There's no salad. You love Taco Bell. I bring Taco Bell to the Super Bowl party every year Yeah, you do. I love it. Yeah, and it's fucking freezing cold. It's amazing It's you know, I buy it for you Keith honestly and Tom and I never fast food Stop eating fast food and stop drinking soda. Oh Soda's gross. I'll just switch to beer. No, you still drink soda. Don't you prick Keith loves root beer You're disgusting root beer drinking soda is like putting a pound on your body It's like you know that you know that you remember that the the candy that looked like a bottle and you dip it into the

To the sour sugar and you suck on it. I rather choke on it Oh, the baby bottle pop. Yeah, fuck. Yeah, I think that's death in there baby bottle pop Yeah, oh this fight You remember the spice girl lollipop. Remember the spice girl lollipops. I used to fuck on those Yeah, I used to Suck on two of them at once No, man, the spice girl pop remember when they were a big deal Despite what was it like out and then they had the wrestling ice cream. I do remember that do the wrestling ice cream was a shit

Yeah, there's the tits back in the day. It was shit. No, what about the spray candy? That still exists See that that's like this hour First of all, you ever spray that and the wind is it's like a windy day Yeah, you get in your fucking winter and you realize. Oh god. This is poison. Yep, you get that shit in your eyes You're like, okay, my eyes are burning. I can't fucking Just ingesting shit, it's worse than two-pace in the eye I'm telling you the truth. If my kid if my kid comes home with that shit. I'm gonna fuck him up No, you're not you're gonna take it from here's what's gonna happen. Okay, hold on

I don't hit my kids the other day. I don't have the other day Keith came home with some candy It's like it's like these oh juicy drop It's like called juicy drop right and it's like you know these sour gummy things and then it comes with a fucking paint tube of fucking it's a pen liquid Sugar You didn't eat that you squirt it on and then you eat it. You didn't do that, right? Yeah, no, you didn't I did no I brush my teeth right after and then the next day my teeth were killing me Why would you do that? Why would you put your fucking kidding me right now?

I don't even eat candy because my teeth hurt when I eat ice cream. I chew on everything I chew on pudding. I chew on ice cream. I chew on a smoothie. I'm chewing right now You don't know how to fuck do you chew water? Do you not know sometimes man? I'll chew on soup I'll you know how people like why do you drink a drink with soup? I do I used to drink milk with chicken soup Yeah, I was a little kid Joe You know Dennis Joe Sacker off stiff army memory when we feel football ripped open my whole lip Yeah, how about was it you I think? We were playing

Stickball I had braces Kid did a practice swing right in front of me hit me right. I remember that hit me right was it me I think it was me. Oh, no, I hit Chelsea stole in the face You knocked off like six on my brackets on one side. I think it was me and I Had a go back to the the dentist like right away because my wire came on it was like poking almost Yeah, that's happened to me before and I cut my whole lip open. It was dragging. I had a droopy lip I had a numb it with that. What do you call that numbing stuff that you buy from Genovese that tastes like cherry? Oh, it's a oral gel. Yeah, I was odying on that was a drug. First of all oral gel

I had my wisdom to my dick my wisdom tooth was going in and I bought that stuff. Yo, it's it's incredible It's numbing pills. It's wild. Do you do you do you was it are you? What's up? What's going on? Are your wisdom teeth out? No, they're all there high fives. Mine are still there, but I'm I'm missing 14th for adult teeth I'm missing. I just I wasn't where they go. I just I don't know. Maybe they're on vacation I still have a baby tooth Because you eat candy with gel got a baby psycho

This gets pissing on his knee. I've never came close to pissing on my knee pissed on my left. I can't even piss on my thigh I can't do any of that If I pissed my pants my balls All the good times what? Okay The fuck are we talking about? No, I had something good too. Fuck. No, no, man You gotta let me live a little sometimes. I got a dream. Sometimes I got to eat toast I don't even eat bread. I haven't had toast in such a long time. I'll eat toast and bread

What? You know I haven't had in ages a grilled cheese You know why you haven't had a grilled cheese because you're not fucking seven years old Yeah, wait, you wouldn't have a grilled cheese. I make a bomb grilled cheese. It's hard not to make I put cheese and bread. So I know girls that don't even know how to make a cereal make a cereal You can't even make a cereal. I seven cheese quesadilla Okay, quesadilla Dammit, napoleon make yourself a dilla. Dang

Your chicken quesadillas fire by the way from applebees I had one yesterday. No crave over here. Yo, but by the way amazing Uh, grilled cheese with hot sauce Wow Anything with hot sauce that is fire. Let me hold on. Let me just clearly Let me give you guys and the listeners. It comes out. Shut the fuck up fire Why do you guys keep doing that? It drives me insane. I'm silent as a rock. Shit That's a song, isn't it silent as a rock silent silent as a rock

I don't know that song but a bg's No, quick red flag for you guys and everyone who's listening If you know someone that needs their sandwich cut into a certain fucking pattern so that they can eat it Yeah, just just piss in there on their face. Just do that because that's all I'm so hungry. I'll eat it whole What like whatever it is Wait, wait, you guys wait time out. I got a question Keith. What do you call the place that you borrow books from? A library Why all right, what do you think I was gonna say? I know I know what it's called

But I said library. I said library to somebody and they like you're fucking idiot. It's a library I'm like, I'm sorry. What'd you call the library? I say library I say I said like if I had to if someone was asking me, I know it's a library Same what's some of those words that like people fuck up. I'm simple fly People always simple Some people always get at me for saying x instead of s I say x I say x I think he was asking me a question and they the only here is axe like fucking Oh, yeah, but new york, you

New york guys, you know how it is to say ask Like ask on the fly. I'm talking really fast in those videos. I can't just be like, oh, yeah, they go to asking me Like I can't I just can't do it, man. I'm sorry Some people mess up strong straw. They say strong and you know, straw the fuck says that Strong yeah, that sounds like adam sandler or drawer. How do you know how you say you have your dresser like you draw your draw No, it's drawer. No, it's draw. We're fucking um, what was another one? I hope you try to correct me I'm like, yo, live where you live and let me live where I live Anyway, let's uh, wrap this up real quick. All right. It's getting hot in here. I'm sorry to sweat

My ass is just wet right now. It's just wet dream young Okay, um Shut up. Keith you did it again. Jesus can't end this thing. What is wrong with you? Both of you. It's fucking nuts. What's not me Stop talking Not happy. Keith, where can they find you if they want to contact you? You can contact. Okay, you can find me um At twitter at keith santa gato and instagram at keith santa gato and divino see one name is perfect What

What does that mean? It's like the same name for your twitter and instagram not like a med. He's got 10 different ones. Yeah It's so bad. I don't get that the underscore. It throws me off like mine is ant Vino everything. Yeah Everything my cell phone number and Vino besides your gamer tag shady killer Say what up It's a med. It's underscore a med to underscore. It gets me so angry. What's the underscore for the whole like, uh, I can't

Anyway, so what's your twitter and instagram? My twitter and instagram is same thing ant vino ant vino All right. Thank you guys for showing up. What's yours? Joe? What's yours? They know what it is. They're fucking listen to this show. What do you think they're fucking listening because of you guys? Yeah, they probably are Listen everyone has work tomorrow. Oh, by the way, if you're if you're still here You guys are still here still listening go on the itunes the podcast and review it and leave a Like leave a terrible comment a strong comment. Yeah, leave a comment. Leave a comment And you hate it today. I was looking at comments one of them said

I listen to this when I smoke a bowl in my car. I was like right on well, that's safe. And then another one was It was like bunch of bunch of fucking idiots with a microphone in their mom's basement who think they're funny What a waste of time that dude is just jenny He is so spot on it's crazy. I would die. You're so fucking funny. Anyway, so leave a comment and fucking review it And uh, yeah, just spread the word or give a fuck. Don't just don't spread Uh, whatever you got downstairs that makes you itch. Anyway, as always, thanks for listening you motherfuckers