The Basement Yard - Pterodactyl Porn Is Real

Episode Date: June 28, 2016

My buddies @its_ferg4, @ItsAhmeddd, & @KeithSantagato are here to talk about some weird things.. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard. It is Monday, June 27th. Full house right now. I got a med is back. Yes, I am. Okay. Okay. Keith's here and a new guest. We got, we got Ferg. Ferg's here for the first time ever. Don't be shy, Ferg. Shout, shout it out if you feel like yelling. Poppin is cherry. Yeah, I'm here. Yeah. Okay. He's frozen. Ahmed, put your fucking phone down for five fucking seconds. Jesus Christ. First of all, Ahmed was supposed to be here 45 minutes ago, but decided to have an in depth conversation with Ferg's mom about God knows what. It was pointless. What were you talking about? No conversation I have is ever pointless. Yes. Was it how to make the meatloaf better? 90% of the conversations we have. My meatloaf was on point. You made the meatloaf sucks. I made the meatloaf. Yeah, what it tastes like. Fuckin meatloaf. Did you eat it? Charlie's foot. Did you eat it? What? You ate the meatloaf? Yeah. Yeah, you're both going to be thrown up tonight. Yeah, your dog pissed on my foot. I hope he's shit in your mouth. First of all, you have to talk into the microphone. I was. There you go. Now you're in there. I hate looking at you. Honestly, you just make me sick.

I told him that this completely changes our relationship because you know you have a friend or you have a bunch of friends, right? And maybe you don't. Maybe you just sit at home and you don't have any friends. So don't listen to this. Turn it off. Anyway, if you have friends, you have certain friends that when you tell them to be somewhere at a certain time, they go, yeah, you go, okay, they're going to be there. You're not that person anymore. Stop. You're not that person anymore. Uh-oh. I was being respectful. You're not reliable anymore. And I was having a conversation with my friend's mother. This is how you be respectful. Yeah, okay. I'm sorry. I really have to go. I'm so sorry. I just have to go. Like, we're doing this thing. I have to. It's just real. I've had enough of you. Great meatloaf. Great meatloaf. Thanks for having me. Love the fucking curtains, by the way. You see in this. Your hair looks great. I'm out of here. You're an asshole. I'm not an asshole. A full blown asshole. I'm not a full blown asshole either. Whoa!

Okay, anyway. So Ferg and Ahmed are the two people that I used to go to the gym with all the time. That's probably never happening again. Probably not. Because Joey had a little boo-boo in his ankle. You want to get into this? Yes, I do. You want to get into this? What's your four-fever over here? We were going to the gym every single day for like three months. Or four months. Three with him. I think I can afford six months of the Matrix. No, it's like four months. Four or five months, right? Ahmed missed, I would say, like 45% of those days. Stop. You see? You didn't? You're a liar. No. You're a liar. You are, too. At least once a week, you would have an excuse. That's a lie. Oh, poke me. We're all lying. I missed maybe three days. No, do you remember what he said? He's like, yo, I'd wake up at 6.30, meanwhile you don't go to the gym until like 9 o'clock. That's what he would say. And he goes, I'd text you guys, none you would answer, so I'd just go right back to sleep. Yeah, no, he...

Exactly. That's such a lie. That's exactly what he said. That's not a lie. He once told us that he had a fever and he sent us a picture of a thermometer that he googled. 103 point something. He's like, yo, I have a fever. I can't come. And he googled the fucking picture and we found the picture on Google. So there you go. You're clearly a liar. The fuck are you drawing over there? I was trying to write a script, but it didn't work out. Yeah, but we don't do that anymore. But anyway, we were going to the gym every single day and then Vegas happened. We all went to Vegas. We stopped going. And then when we got back, we had no strength. I lost six pounds in Vegas, so I couldn't do it. I gained every weight that I lost. I couldn't go to the gym and lift. I feel like I couldn't lift 10 pounds. And then I was like, we'll go back on Monday. And then Sunday, I hurt my fucking ankle and I haven't been back since.

So I'm probably the weakest girl in all of Narnia. We went today, who was very productive. I was killing it. What'd you guys do today? Arms. Clearly. See the fucking swollen shoulders? Shoulders. There you go. Did arms and shoulders. Look at my dick. We did dick and ankles today. Dick and phalanges. Yo, it's fucking hot as shit in here. I'm dying.

I feel back home. Right back in the desert. Fucking dick. Oh my God. So I want to show you guys something. No. I don't want to see it. Kate Wolf. She's a comedian. She texted me this.

This picture and another picture. I didn't save the other one. So this is pterodactyl porn. Are you seeing this picture? What the fuck is going on? That's amazing. That's like a step above anime. I can't show you guys the picture because this is a podcast, obviously. But it's a picture of a girl.

And there's three pterodactyls. Three guys dressed as pterodactyls. And the set is weird. It's like they're on a lawn. There's two trees. And it's at night. So one dude is nailing her. She's riding one dude.

I mean, I'm sorry. She's riding one pterodactyl. The other two pterodactyls are standing up with their pterodactyl dicks out. And she's got a hand on each of them. So she's skiing. Right. While riding. So she's skiing and pterodactyling. So she's skiing and pterodactyling.

So she's skiing and pterodactyling. So now that's a porn phrase. You ever heard this? No. You watch the most porn out of anyone in this room by like ten times. No, I don't. You open up your web browser and stuff. Yeah.

Or just J. The word jizz. Or Y. You can name 40 porn stars. Follow them on Twitter. Exactly. Why not?

All they post all day is like GIFs of them getting fucking rammed. What's the problem? By a ruler. There's no problem there. So pterodactyl porn. I didn't know shit like this existed. I asked her how she got there.

You can't really see the dick. It's kind of blurry. It's like shot in 360p. Why was it ever shot? 1080p. That's not a bad size. I'm just surprised there's an audience for this. That people are like, I want to see a shit kid.

I really want to see a pterodactyl just take one down. People dress up as gorillas. Oh yeah, they dress up as the furries. Any furry animal. A chipmunk is a small gorilla. It's the same fucking thing.

Why are you looking at me like that? I want a piece of shit. You're not even here. Go text on your phone. I am here. I'm fucking here. You've never watched pterodactyl porn? Let me ask you something. What's the weirdest porn you've ever watched? Even if it was by accident?

You've had to see that one where that girl creates a paddle. Excuse me. We'll get to you. Probably like a teenager railing out of grandma. Those are pretty bad.

Was she 18? The dude was a teenager. But he's probably like 25. Clean shave in the face and he's nailing an old person. That's weird. How do you hold a 67 year old person and you're like

I'm gonna do porn. They were probably in the business though. The guy, I'm just like why? Money. Were you that desperate for money? Times are rough. I actually think it wasn't paid. There's probably an 8% chance you have a fraud addiction.

They didn't get paid for it. I don't know how I came across that. What about you Keith? I want to hear about this fucking paddle. Paddle sex. Or like a rowboat paddle? Or like a fraternity paddle? Does this fit?

Or a ping pong paddle? Okay, we landed on it. Third time's a charm. Holy shit. I forgot who showed me this. It was probably you. He showed himself this. I forgot who showed me this. You know what fucking I probably did.

The truth comes out. Here we go. Squeezed it out of him. Guys around the girl. She gets off. Takes out a paddle. Just starts paddling this guy's dick. She beat his dick with a paddle.

I thought it was going to be the other way. I would have fucking kicked her right in her throat. Can you talk into the microphone? You're putting it across the room. He's beating his dick with a paddle. She's beating him with a paddle. Did he like it? I don't know.

I didn't get that far. She was serving it? What angle was she hitting it? Left to right or up and down? I think she was a righty. No. I was saying when she was hitting it was it going left or right or was it going up and down?

Up and down. It doesn't sound bad. Left or right is crazy. Hold on one second. I just paused this thing because I had to get my food to deliver. What did you just say? Did you guys ever watch that Brazilian but to face lap dance thing?

Oh yeah, I've seen that. Where the girl just starts bashing the guy's face into her ass. The chick puts her legs up on the guy's shoulders. That's like a thing they do. That's like in Jamaica. They have the hardcore grinding things. Yeah. But it starts off looking like a yoga position

and then she just starts pulling his face into her asshole. She wraps her legs around his neck and just starts fucking forcing his head. I have a big nose. Your nose will be broken on impact. You'd look like Rocky in Rocky 4. Like at the end of the match. Easily broken.

Your nose would be shattered. It would just be all fucked up. What did you just say? He looked like Rocky at the end of Rocky 4. When he fights Apollo? He fought Draco. Rocky 1 he fights Apollo. The fuck are you talking about?

Back to this paddle. I have seen like, you know those random Twitter accounts that post like weird sex videos that are like 20 seconds long. There was one of a woman sobbing. What the fuck

was that? There's a dragon. Pterodactyl soundboard. They're just making that. Alright, I'll stop. You look like an old fucking woman. An old woman orgasm. An old guy

an old woman. Sound like an old woman. What the fuck was I talking about just now? No, not paddles. No, I just moved on from the paddles, Keith. You fucking me up with that. Oh, the videos. This woman was soccer kicking this dude's nuts.

He was laying on the ground. That turns me on. What? Does it? So you like the paddle? No, paddles one thing. If anything, the foot hurts more. What the fuck is that? Paddles one thing, the foot is another.

Paddle is not one thing. So you'd rather someone pale your nutsack? Maybe. Hold on, let me ask you a question. Paddle? Paddle or Ronaldo? Who's swinging the paddle? Who's swinging the paddle?

Is it Roger Federer? You know who's swinging the paddle? Some Asian dude from the Olympic team for China. So he's got a fucking forearm that'll take your tip off. Do you see Ronaldo's legs? Do you see these Asians' arms motion?

What? I don't know. That was not English. No, but which one? Paddle or the foot? I'm taking the paddle too. We're all paddle here. I'll take the paddle ten times.

You said Ronaldo though. I'll take the foot. Really? I'll take the fractured ankle. I'm not righty, bro. He's fully going to commit to this hit. It's not going to be like, I'm going to wimp out because I fractured my ankle.

I'm also going to wear Timberlands. Steel toe? No, no, no. Stilettos, what are they called? We're talking about porn real quick. I just wanted to bring up. I accidentally watched. So listen,

I swear to God it was accidental, but it's crazy. So you know those pornos where the guy in a taxi pretends that he's driving a taxi? I don't have money. He's like a British guy. I said, you're going to suck my coke.

This is this old guy. And they always end up doing it. They're like, okay, fine. I clicked on this video that I thought was like that. So this guy in a van picks up some girl. And all of a sudden he got real violent. It was like a rape sex thing. Like he would tire up

and yell at her and like, dude, it was fucking uncomfortable. I clicked out of it. I wanted to cry and tell someone. It was man weird. Now he told everybody. No, I know. But I was just like, why the fuck did they make this? You know what that means? That means there's people out there

that have rape fantasies. There's people that like snuff films. I'm about to find out. Oh, I do know what that is. Is this like when you kill someone? Why do I know that? What's that movie? No vacancy? Vacancy? No vacancy.

Who's in that? Russell Crowe. That's awful. What is this kid doing? I thought you were praying. It's the other way. I wasn't sure what the fuck was going on. Just the fact that

they make those pornos means someone's over there jerking it to like, someone in distress. I was like, I can't fuck with this at all. You ever watch anime porn? No. By accident. By accident. You can't accidentally watch anime porn.

The thumbnail is a cartoon. Well, you click on the one by accident. The one on the bottom, like the related search. What did you click into? A werewolf fucking a... Yeah, what was it? I never did it. Jimmy Turner? What was it?

Or was it just like random, Final Fantasy, Asian shit? Like the aliens, like the blue people. Yeah, like Final Fantasy. Oh, Avatar. What? Who in that group? No, that was the one I was showing you guys the other day.

The X-Men. Oh, Mystique. Yeah, Mystique fucking getting railed out. She could look like anybody. Yeah, that food smell is not good. Yeah, don't even think about it, all right? Fucking 45 minutes later, you guys could have food. You fucked up. It was him.

You fucked up. It was him. I was going to bring something up, but I just totally fucking forgot. What were you talking about? Anime. Mystique. Okay, now that you said that. So, when I was a senior in high school, I had a sex class, and the first day of class,

he was like, okay, what we're going to do is I want everyone to just go up on the board and write a word that is associated with sex. Balls. So, like, he went in reverse order. My last name is Sanagato, so I was like the eighth person to write.

The first seven people were like, love. Consensual. Relationships. I just wrote cock, because I wanted to set it off. I know everyone wants to write cock and dick and shit, so I wrote cock on the board, right?

And everyone starts laughing, whatever. Then people start actually writing things that they associate with sex, whatever. I don't know why I said cock, whatever. But anyway, it gets to this one kid. Mind you, this kid is so fucking off. Right?

Literally, I've seen this kid spit on his desk, and then smear it in. Smear it in on the desk. Like, it was Lysol. And you got to be smart to get it in that school. You were smart. You were just off. You were just off, did you?

You got in? Prep McRossy. Prep McRossy. Prep McLancy Cross. You got into all of them? I think I only applied to prep, anyway. So this kid would spit on his desk and smear it in. So he goes up and he just writes

anime, right? No one knew what it was. So dude, he writes anime, and I know what it was. So I was dying, right? And my teacher was kind of like, what do you mean by that? And the way that he explained it

was the funniest fucking thing in the world. I'm paraphrasing, but I think, I'm almost positive, he either used the word fucking or like piping or something like that. He was like, you know, it's like when

cartoons are fucking, y'all, I was fucking dying. Because it was already funny, this kid walked up on the board, wrote anime, and I was already like laughing, like trying to hold it together. And then everyone's like, what is that? And then the teacher was like, can you explain what it is for people who don't know? He's like, you know,

like when cartoons are fucking, I was like, what the fuck is wrong with this kid? Oh my god. Yeah, I met you on it for the 15th time, y'all, it's over, forget it. Fucking kid. You make me sick. Thanks. Why are you so tired?

I don't smoke, I don't fucking do drugs. Holy shit. It's a long day. Everyone has a past. Long day. What does that mean? Long day, bro. I went to the gym. Everybody has a past. I took for a shopping. What the hell did you guys go shopping? Well, he paid for himself.

I just helped him out. Okay. And then I had meatloaf. I bought some clothes. For Miami. Miami. Your brother's a bachelor party. How long are you going? A week. I'm coming. Where are you guys staying? Fountain Blue Hotel.

Wow, Fountain Blue. Fancy. You're going to live on Sundays? Live on Saturday. We're not there Sunday. We come home Sunday. You're not there for a Sunday? No. So that's not a week.

Five days. We stayed in Miami for an entire week. What a disaster that was. I almost fucking died. When I went, it was fun. Did we stay an entire week when we went? Yeah, I almost died. From heat exhaustion.

You never went to Vegas, though. I probably would have 100% died. Dude, I thought I had skin cancer when I came back from Miami the first time. The tops of my ears were just... They had brown spots all over them. I was mad scared. Look at my nose. Just like that. It was on top of my ears. It's never going away.

Yeah, it looks like you got a cut. You're going to get that dirty face. Someone shit on my nose. Our Miami trip was fucking hilarious. Which one? The second one. They were both fucking amazing. Second one, though. This is why it's perfect when you bring me everywhere.

Why are you whispering? Who's whispering? It's the best when you bring me everywhere. What'd you say? It's the best when I bring you everywhere? Yeah, when everybody. And then Vegas. I mean, it's very debatable. The first one was pretty crazy.

Yeah, but I'm hilarious. The dance battle. And then you guys asked me to play football with you guys. You guys won your first championship. That's not true. Vegas. We won five in a row. We didn't lose a game for five years. It was a younger league.

You brought me to Vegas. That was your best trip. That trip was pretty good. Everyone was there. It was hard not to be the best trip. I wasn't there either. You two weren't there. Sorry, I got a job. Sorry, I have a brother. I like your style.

No, I can't. Why are we arguing? Two days that you would take off for the weekend. I can't do that. No, I can't. You're the only person in the world that doesn't have sick days. I can only do that if I'm sick. That's not true.

Exactly, I don't know if you're really sick. Exactly. You know what? One of our friends told his job that he was getting his wisdom teeth removed. Let's let him lose his job. Yeah, he's going to lose his job. He was a man.

I already lost my job. No, you left your job. Why did you leave? Because printing t-shirts ain't for me no more. What's for you? Selling these rocks. I'm going to take over what you do. You're going to take over my shit?

What are you going to call it? What are you going to call it? I'm going to open up my own massage place. I'm going to call it Schmedy rubs. The FBI will be banging on your door. Why? It's a nice name. Schmedy rubs.

Are you serious? I'm not going to lie. I might give some banging ass massages. Not that I've gotten too many. I charge $20 an hour. Schmedy rubs. Schmedy rubs. Speaking of sponsored, this isn't sponsored by anyone.

No sponsorships this week. Nothing. If you work out an ad agency, a company, what the fuck, dude? You're listening every week. Send me some fucking money. This is the real thing though with your massages.

Do you give happy endings? Of course he does. That's the only reason he's in it. I'll let someone stick a thumb in my ass. Come on. Who's going to put a thumb in the massages? Can you delete that? What?

Who puts a thumb in the massages? Is that even a fucking term? That does give good massages. I've never gotten a full one. I always get like 30 second ones. Teasers. I want you to pay for the next minute. Jesus Christ.

That's what I'd say. $20 is the worst. Give me $20. I'll give you a massage for an hour. 25 I'll use oil. I'll oil myself. The other day, I snap-chatted something. I was laying in bed and it was like

late at night. I forgot what I said. Someone snap-chats me? What? Snapchats. They texted and they said I want chat-turbate. Chat-turbate or something like that. I was curious.

What the fuck is that? They explained it to me. I didn't go on because it was terrified. They were like, it's just a fucking site that you can go and just watch someone. And then people pay to tell them what to do.

If you pay like five bucks and you stick a finger in your fucking ear don't do it. I'll just call you up and tell you to do that and I'll pay you. First the thumb, now this. What else you got going on? Many things.

Shmetti rubs. I'll come. I'll be your first client. I was hoping you'd buy into the business and help me open it. I have negative $63 from my name. His app for his bank when you open it says good morning, native $63. $63.

Well, you have some sense in there though. You gave me back my change. If it's negative he doesn't have sense. Yeah, you're fucking giving him my money. You even owe them change. Do you still have negative money or no? Yeah.

So confident. Hold on. What's my motto? Happiness is more than money. Yeah, only buy a hundred dollars steak at the airport. Yeah. Dude, it's great. You're living. You're chilling. Money comes and goes. It's just paper.

You know what I mean? I'm serious. It's just money. It's not paper. I say that all the time. It's just money, man. Money can buy you things that make you happy. So you couldn't buy pizza? You think? Could I? $25.

What? No, we were going to do seamless and this kid was like, he wanted wings from Albus. So I was like, okay, and then I went on seamless. $25 minimum. I'm like, why the fuck am I going to spend $25? I want to have a personal pie, too. You're not going to eat any of that.

I'm not going to eat any of that. If I bought you six wings, you'll eat five. I don't know. I don't know why I'm not fucking hungry. How come you guys haven't eaten yet? I'm hungry. You just ate two meatloafs. Two? Two pieces. How many fucking things do you eat?

Two slices of meatloaf. What are you, seven? The meatloaf is huge. The meatloaf is huge? It's a good size. It's a loaf of meat, dick. What is meatloaf again? It's like a bunch of different shit. It's just ground beef. It's just one big hamburger. It's one big hamburger.

You want to know how I made this? Put the meatloaf in the bowl. No, you put the ground beef. You put the ground beef in the bowl, correct. What's the cooker's name? Martha Stewart or Betty? Betty Crocker. Martha Stewart. Alright, you put the ground beef in the bowl.

Then you put barbecue sauce. Catch up. Wait. Yeah, I say that word wrong. No, no, no. You put barbeque. Barbeque, yeah. Barbeque. Barbeque. Barbeque ketchup. Wow.

Barbeque sauce and ketchup. And salt, pepper. Chili powder. Chili powder. Paprika. Paprika. Garlic powder. Onion powder. That's a lot of powders. And breadcrumbs.

And two eggs. Two eggs. Two eggs. And you just squish it all together. And then you just put it in a pan. And then I shape it into whatever shape I want to make it. What shape did you go with tonight? I went with a classic rectangle. You also put breadcrumbs in there too.

I said breadcrumbs. Stop working out with no weights. Why are you just flexing? I'm not. I'm not flexing. So you shape it and then you put it in the oven. 350. Wait, so you could put it in like a heart shape? I did that one time. Wow, you're a stud.

Can you make a meatloaf for Valentine's Day? The girl is going to hate you. I made a smiley face one time. You gave you a Valentine's Day pizza? Oh man. Here we go. Bring it up. Joey's going to be single. This girl that I was seeing at the time.

She sent me a pizza that was in the shape of a heart from Albus and it arrived at my door and I was like, I didn't order any pizza. He's like, it's for you. So I get it and I open it and it's in the shape of a heart and on the box Did you leave a tip?

No, maybe, I don't know. On the box it said, I know this is cheesy but will you be my Valentine? That's cheesy as fuck. Wait, like quick question. We weren't like talking at the time. Well, we like had gotten to a fight. No one's whispering.

Can I talk? Can I please talk? Is that really what I'm talking? So fix my fucking mic. Fix your voice, dick. Yo, you're this far away talking. Oh, look who's talking. What the fuck up?

Keith's got the mic out the window. What? Oh, yeah. Pterodactyls. But like, hold on. What if you're in my position, right? Dead broke, right? The guy delivers the pizza. But you don't have the money to tip him.

You don't have to tip anyone. I mean, you're gonna look like an asshole, but who gives a fuck? I haven't gotten tips sometimes. I used to be a pizza delivery guy. Some people don't tip. The grandma tipped you 25 cents, thinking that was like 100 billion dollars? Yeah, well 25 cents back then during the depression was...

25 cents used to buy you a bag of chips? Was it enough for a pie? We used to buy you a house back then when she was fucking walking around. Dude, this lady, she was the only lady that got like special service from Portobello. And she ordered a regular slice

and a can of coke, which is like not enough for a delivery. So I just walked there and gave her a slice and a can of coke. And she gave me... It was like four bucks? Or three dollars? Like it was some even amount. It was like four dollars, right?

So she gave me a five and I was like, thank you. And she goes, here's your tip. She gives me a quarter and I just gave her like a dollar bag. I was like, all right, thank you. I would have left. It was funny, like whatever. My dad actually told me a funny story.

He used to work for a moving company where they would like bring furniture to your house and like take it upstairs, whatever. And him and this other guy that he worked with, they carried like two couches, like a bed, whatever, like they were sweating. It took forever, like up three floors. She tipped them both like a dollar each or like, no, no, no.

It was like 50 cents. 50 cents each. She put it in their hand and closed their hand. Like, here you go. And they were just like, thank you so much. They like made it seem like it was so much money. Where was my tip? When I helped you set up your food tone.

That's a good question. It's a good question. Friendship that I thought we had, but apparently we don't because he'd rather hang out with... You ruined that tip. Berg's mom's a great woman. I met her for the first time. Women, yeah.

One day you're going to learn words. It's going to be so dope. My mom's a teacher too, that's that part. She was a column of homeschool you? You guys should get that like chalkboard paint. You know that paint? I was thinking about getting it, but I don't think I could do that in here. He doesn't know what he's talking about.

It's black, it's chalkboard paint. So it's like you paint an area and when it dries it's like a chalkboard. You get chalk, you go right on it and erase it. That would be awesome. A lot of people have been buying it. A lot of people that I know from Brooklyn that live in the hipster areas they all fucking have it.

They might buy it. This is a great IPA. That was fucking sick dude. That was a sick. Can't wait to use it again. Joke. What does that mean? IPA is a type of beer. I know that, but I forget it.

They drink IPAs and like craft beers only. By the way, have you ever been to Alewife? No. It's like a bar by LAC. Why the fuck are you rubbing my foot with your foot? I don't like that shit. I don't like feet. Feet are disgusting. You have two of them Joe, get over it.

By the way, in the past week three people have asked me for pictures of my feet. Did you send them? No, I didn't. They want mine, I can give them the finger with my feet. First of all my feet are on my toenails in like two months. I can give you the middle finger with my foot. I can give you the middle finger with my foot. Can you do it?

Do it. Your feet are disgusting. Keith's feet are the most skeleton. I have great feet. My feet look broken and they probably are. Keith's feet are like just the most bony. Look, watch.

Can you... This kid's got the middle finger with his toe. I have perfect feet. Please don't put your foot on me. Come on. They're not bad. Mine are horrendous. Mine are just really bad.

I have a problem. I don't cut my toenails for months at a time. I got hobbit feet. What the fuck is that? They're like hairy and small. They're not small. Hobbits have big feet. Did you ever see the hobbit?

What's a fucking hobbit? It's a little person. Do you ever read fucking books? Have you read a hobbit book? No, because it was a thousand pages. What's a hobbit? Frodo Baggins, dick. Frodo Baggins, you know Frodo from Lord of the Rings?

The little guy? You don't know what Lord of the Rings are. You don't know what that is. I know what Lord of the Rings is. Do you know the guy with the fucking ring in his hand? He's like, oh, the ring. That's Gollum, you dick. No dick. Frodo, Elijah Wood.

I watch different movies than you guys. You guys watch these series like Harry Potter and all that stuff. I watch Rush Hour. Rush Hour? Mighty Ducks. Mighty Ducks, too. Best movie out ever. Fuck, Joe. Ray Donovan started last night.

I watched it, Keith. You're behind. But I don't watch that kind of stuff. I'll make sure I sign in. I don't watch Star Wars. Anything good? You don't watch any of that? Have you seen The Sandlot? Yes.

You ever see Swordfish? What? Way to go, Keith. Is that the movie where Wolverine's getting blown while he has to hack a computer? Hold on. Did you guys make that up? No. Wolverine. Hugh Jackman.

He's sitting there and he has to do some hacking. And John Travolta makes some girl blow him as he's doing it. So that he has to do it under pressure when he's distracted. That's awesome. That's a great distraction. Because even if you fuck up, I believe she got blown. He's getting his head blown off. Head blown, dick blown.

Head blown, dick blown. The best... My favorite movies to watch are like Nicholas Spark movies. Spark movies. The notebook. Paper Towns. No book. Miley Cyrus movies. You know the one she did.

What's that one? Oh, the song? What the fuck is that called? The last song. The last song? The last song? I think I've seen that one. Was she spraying the guy with the hose?

Were he spraying her? Those are good movies though. And I don't know if the movie that just came out... Dear John. With Miley Cyrus? I heard Dear John was fucking trash. No, that's good. I heard it was awful.

So you like Chick-fil-A? Yeah, Chick-fil-A. Some movies that have meaning, like A Walk to Remember. I've seen A Walk to Remember. Great movies. 1997, I think, by the way. That's what... What's his name? Shane?

I don't know. What about... What is that movie called? Oh, that movie! That movie's a good movie. The one that Ed Sheeran sings All of the Stars. It's Just Another Night. It's a new movie?

Is it new? Yeah, I think it's called The Stars in the Sky. Oh, Fault in Our Stars. Fault in Our Stores! Yeah, we got it! All the stars are fucked up! I haven't seen that movie, but I heard that I would cry. Great movie.

I love when I cry during movies. I love it, because it's hard for me. So was that Marley and me? Marley and me. Did you watch Dolphin Tale? Dolphin Tale? I never saw that one. Free Willy.

Dolphin Tale. Dolphin has a broken tail. Oh! They give him a prosthetic fin. And he was able to swim again. Great movie. Everybody cried when he was like, Get out of here! I don't want you anymore!

And he throws the ball. What the fuck, bro? I thought we were friends. That part made me cry. My sister was making fun of me. Marley and me, I cried. I never saw Marley and me. What? I haven't seen it twice. I've seen it twice.

Should I watch it with Frank one day? No. Shit, what was it? Marley and me, I watched the last 10 minutes of the movie. Come on. Because I walked in and my mom was crying. She was like, I'm watching Marley and me. So I'm watching it.

I didn't even see the whole leading up. I just saw the last 10 minutes and I was crying. And then I watched the entire movie from the beginning to end. Dude, I cried the entire credits. Don't spoil. The entire credits. How long the credits go? I was bawling.

You know what was really sad? My sister's keeper. Never seen it. Wait, have you guys ever watched the fifth quarter? Yes. I watched that with you. That's impossible. It is horrible. It's a great movie.

I was crying the first 20 minutes. Not tears. Hysterical. I thought I was in the movie. I was like... Wait, have you ever... First of all, the beginning of... That's a terrible cry, by the way.

Terrible. Terrible. The beginning of up will make you cry. Tear cry or laugh cry? No, tear cry. The movie that recently came out was about imagination

between all the fucking... What the fuck are you talking about? All the anger, all the feelings and stuff. Inside out? There's a part in that scene. Part in that scene. There's a part in that movie.

It's just like... Dude, it's bad. When I was talking to you, I thought of this movie that was really sad. Bambi. Lion King. Lion King. When Mufasa dies.

That'll fucking get my hair on your dick. I don't really know what that means. Long live. Wait, what was the movie I was gonna tell you? That I was crying... Old? New? There was one other one. Southpaw.

Southpaw. Oh my god. Dude, I'm gonna spoil it for everyone that hasn't seen it. I just wanna go home. Dude, she gets shot. It's in the trailer, but she's on the floor. She's in that movie for 15 minutes.

She gets shot and she's on the floor. I just wanna go home. And he's crying. First of all, Jake Gyllenhaal killed that role. He carried that fucking movie. It was amazing. That movie was so fucking good. But that scene, I was like...

I was in the room with my sister and her boyfriend. And I think Keith was there. It was fucking rough. That's like in step up when Chris Brown got shot. Five minutes into the movie. I mean, no. It wasn't sad though. It was sad, but it wasn't terrible.

It was pretty sad. It was sad, but it wasn't. It wasn't like fucking Marley and me and shit. He was just talking about South Pole when a girl got shot. If they threw a basketball and Chris Brown chased it and they ran the other way, I would probably cry. But he didn't. He just got shot. Did you guys ever watch Fruit Veil Station?

Fruit Veil Station? Did you make that up? Michael B. Jordan. What the fuck was that? It was a burp. Taradactyl. That sound all the way. Wait, what? Fruit Veil? What the fuck is this?

Hold on. Isn't that like a t-shirt company? Fruit of the Loom? That's a fucking horrible joke. I'm sorry. I'll try harder next time. Please don't hurt me. Fruit Veil. Fruit of the Loom. I forgot he's going to Google it.

We'll be back in 20 minutes when he figures out what the fuck it is. A word from our sponsors. A word from our sponsors. Of course, Light. Fruit Veil Station. What is that? Because he had like a kid

and he was doing drugs and all that stuff. Selling drugs and everything. And he changed his lifestyle for the kid. And then I'm just going to spoil it. So his wife or baby mom at the time

wanted to go watch the fireworks, I guess, for 4th in July. Like in the city. 4th in July. 4th of July. Sorry. There you go. And he didn't want to do that. He wanted to stay home with the daughter

but she forced him out. What the fuck are you doing? Have some fucking respect. So what happened, man? You went to the fireworks? On the way back from the fireworks he was on the train and he saw somebody

that he had problems with from back in the day and they started fighting. And as they were exiting the train, the cops were looking for them and something happened where they started scruffling. I said, scruffling. And

he got shot being innocent by the cop and it was just horrible because he was changing his life and then his daughter had to find out. Yeah, he was changing his life and he got into a fight. Sometimes you got to get into a fight. You know what I'm saying? People change.

Right? A med changed. If I could change. Shout to Rocky. Anyway. Joey used to hate me. Yeah, I used to hate him. But now he loves me. I did before today. You don't like me? No.

I mean, there's like a 4% there. It could grow. We literally had a new level of friendship. We did. We changed everything. A 4% friendship. Everything is different now. Joey, let's wrap this up. I want to eat and I'm starving.

It's fucking hot as shit in here. Can we just take this part out? We're going to end it all funny. Let's think of something. Okay, ready go. What do you want to talk about? Okay, everybody shut the fuck up. Oh, wait.

Anybody want to hear my story? About what? When I shit my pants. Is this recent? 7th grade. That's a little old to shit yourself, dude. Very old. Can we take that part out?

I'm not taking shit out. So, I was on my way home from middle school. And I was walking home with these three kids. What am I talking about? Walking home with these three kids and we saw like chalk on the floor.

It was actually like right by your house. Okay. I was drawing on the floor with the chalk and some guy from across street thought I was doing graffiti on his property. But it was just like on the floor I was young didn't know what I was doing.

He starts chasing me. I'm like, I gotta go. I ran into the park. I saw Nick Alvarez there and he was playing paddle ball and this guy is just chasing me down the block. As I'm running I got so scared I shit myself.

It gets good. So I see some I see some guy in the park he was telling the guy I saw what you were doing in my property blah blah blah and my friend in the random guy was like no no he's been here the whole time blah blah

meanwhile I have this shit in my boxers. You had shit in you. The guy is like alright I'm sorry I didn't mean to accuse you blah blah. We walk into the playground at 48th Street Park and the guy is like talking to me and everything

and all you see is this shit fall from my shorts onto the floor of 48th Street Park and this guy just looks at me and he goes you alright kid? I'm like

I shit myself. You had shorts on? and as I was walking it worked its way to the right cheek and just fell right down onto the floor and the guy said you alright there kid? and Nick lost it

I didn't pick it up the flies were eating it 5 seconds in but I thought that was just an expression I was so scared I shit myself I was always an expression to me I've shit myself a few times but that was like the most memorable one words came out of the shorts?

that one was crazy we were talking and I was like thank you so much and just fell out of my shorts he tells that story at every fucking holiday so he got chased this kid he got so scared he shit himself that's amazing

thank you for that story it was terrible I'm glad everyone knows that about you now beautiful anyway lets end on that note Keith where can they find you if they want to contact you? you know that where can they find you?

at Keith Santagato Twitter and Instagram and Ferg where can they find you? it's underscore Ferg4 on Instagram that's way too hard it's Ferg underscore 4 you're gonna tell me what my name is

what's yours Schmedy rubs that's his business is that yours? Ferg underscore 4 it's underscore Ferg4 that's what I said you're dumb stop where can the people find you Ahmed?

you can find me on Twitter it's Ahmed it's underscore underscore underscore lowercase it doesn't matter

it's Ahmed with 3Ds at the end don't forget that or you can find me on Instagram at schmedy2ds2ys underscore okay schmedy underscore I just farted in this room so we have to get the hell out of here

and as always thanks for listening you motherfuckers