The Basement Yard - Reminiscing On The Younger Days

Episode Date: October 2, 2015

In this episode, I'm joined by my friend Nick, my brother Keith, and my girlfriend Sammy to reminisce about the younger days. I suck at these descriptions. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

this is actually the background vocals basement yeah okay enough you know hold on can i start it can i start it can i start it can i start it can i start it what number for real what are we gonna talk about shut the fuck up doesn't matter Keith huh no i want to get like person i want to find out wild shit dude shut up okay welcome back to the basement yard oh this is going on yeah i'm not editing either because fuck that um what today i'm joined by fucking keats back i don't know why he's staring at me it's weird so keats back my friend nick the best podcaster i thought you were gonna scream because you'll be in the mouth and my girlfriend's here also hi sammy um we're just preparing for the hurricane that's happening on sunday yeah we got a long way

off wait when is it supposed i thought it was sunday not now i was supposed to hit i would have been in the car at 2 a.m i was coming back from boston and that's from the there's a trajectory trajectory you said projection project yo what word did you make up before you'll keep me up a word oh oh he instead of saying dramatizing he said drama sizing no dramaticizing and he tried to convince me that that was actually a word dramaticizing that's a word no it's not dramaticizing go ahead define that shit you're being dramatic and they're sizing in there you're dramaticizing that means you know you know what that is you're exaggerating the size of something yeah the drama it's a it's a key word dramaticizing that's fucking amazing how do you spell that

good i don't know i was watching akila and the b yesterday who akila and the b you want to do me a favor and talk into the mic and not swinging around like boss no but i was i was watching akila and the b yesterday and the she's like so good at spelling what's akila and the b it's it's kiki pomer and she goes to a spelling bee and she wins kiki is this a show or a movie it's a movie oh that movie sucks she like she like jump ropes and she spells like pot and toad or something pot and toad that's a plot just sounds wonderful it's actually good i'm sorry her dad way too difficult yeah it's dude what a movie about a spelling bee can't wait to fucking see it yeah he'll learn definitely nothing gonna pay 16 dollars

in a movie theater to watch that and if it's 3d it's like 45 how much is a movie like regular now 1450 it's a joke but i was gonna say seven seven long island price baby give me some why long island there's 750 bucks are you serious yeah this is horseshit you also you also gotta go on like a like a tuesday i went on tuesday to watch a movie my mom was like 750 dude i went one i used to work for everything popcorn all that i had i saw the entourage movie with shannon at like 11 a.m in the morning and the movie was still like fucking 16 but you also saw it like the week after it came out i saw it wednesday wednesday night that it came out with timmy and his brothers in the city 21 dollars yo what am i paying for 21 and i saw it already too so i'm

even more of an asshole you're fucking more the second time i don't understand how people do that though they go to see the movie twice it's like you can't just wait now no i had to see it twice how much do you have you done or that asian lady that comes by and tries to sell to you he just said he saw him entourage multiple movies hangover i've seen twice paid for them twice yeah dark night twice yeah i'm pretty sure dylan saw the ninja turtle movie like four times have you ever paid for i think i've seen one movie twice but i can't remember movie three times i think it was twilight twilight horrendous wow twilight so dude i need for twilight of course i paid for twilight so it makes sense i love it's vampires is sparkle have you ever walked out of the sun

listen back up off the fucking have you ever walked out of a movie because it was so bad okay right there keep it there i'm getting out that i didn't hear what you said all right take three have you guys ever walked out of a movie like because it was just so bad no no dude if i'm paying i'm fucking sitting there yeah i've never left in the movies i have it i have it right away the worst movie i've ever seen i was in the movie 16 or 15 years old and i couldn't get into an 18 year old movie and we we bought tickets to some fucking like barbie lego movie or some shit and we snuck into the village and it was fucking awful is that when they fucking paint the door like that's who's gonna die next type shit the fuck are you talking about no the village was uh who's

the dude um god who's the who's the guy from gladiator not russell crow the the the evil like oh fuck he has like a cleft lip oh oh i know you're talking about oh what's his name phoenix uh phoenix marie got me some shit phoenix marie yeah i don't know but it was a movie he's in his sons i think he's in it i could be totally wrong someone's like listening to us like this kid the fucking idiot but uh he i think he was in it and it was about how it was like an amish village oh no and they would scare people and then they're not leaving like like you know if you leave then these monsters are gonna come and like the older people used to dress up these monsters and like scare people at night and it was so fucking dumb there was a pale bitch that was blind to

jesus christ keith yo this kid's roof was oh my god yo the two movies here we go worst movies i've ever seen at a movie theater one was in the mix with usher and slone i i can't mix i've never i never saw that yo it's like it sounds like a pancake mix and it's like he's really close with like the dad of like slone who's slone slone from entourage her name is it's like a manuela i've never seen entourage something or some shit anyway that's the worst movie i saw and then after um in the mix after malibu's most wanted came out what was that first like weird movie that jamie kennedy's yeah he made like a master of disguise oh no that's that's dana carvey yeah that's dana carvey i love master of disguise turtle turtle turtle that

was the worst movie i love that movie i walked out of it i was like 14 and i was like yo mom this movie sucks i've never walked out on a movie i was like 11 then the worst movie i've ever seen in the movie theaters was uh was a crank two never see that i thought that was a video game with jason statham yeah crank is a video game dude is it no it is a movie too yeah y'all the worst i was like why am i did i pay for oh i'm thinking of crackdown that's yeah that's the one crack down my favorite video you know i once in the movies once when i was like it was my birthday it was my birthday i was like 12 years old and me and i brought all my friends to see my dog skip i cried on my birthday in front of like girls did he have one leg the fuck you've never seen my dog skip of course i did

have never seen it it's about it it's about you know frankie muniz oh yeah so frankie muniz is in it when he's mad young before no one got my joke yeah we did skip your jokes suck your jokes suck that's why no one got it uh thanks go take a left whoever's laughing right now i totally appreciate yeah all zero people are laughing at me maybe thomas so frankie muniz has like he gets like a dog and it becomes like his best friend and this dude hits it with a shovel that's the whole movie he hits a dog with a shovel but the dog's like fine i think or maybe it dies i don't know no it's fine but do you cry yeah i cried i cried at marley and me oh dude i didn't cry at molly and me i almost die molly molly molly yeah molly water we watch we watch marley and me together dude if we have a

dog and you watch marley and me you cry you know what i've just gotten my dog like a year or two before and then i watch that shit and i'm like yo fuck i'm gonna be a mess when this thing passes i watch i am legend and that is a sad dog movie as crazy as that is it is to choke it out and he has to choke the dog he has to kill yeah because the dog gets bit by like a venomous zombie person selling it to a zombie so you guys are talking over each other jesus christ someone talk everyone's talking at the same fucking time trey can't hear anything fucking idiots anyway so this is a will smith chokes out his fucking dog and it's sad well it's sad because his dog was like the only person that he's able to speak to because everyone else died

like he was the only one in the city you've never seen i'm legend no i know like the did you see him like that snow yeah yeah what the fuck was that no but like what's sad is he drives every day at like a specific time he would drive through the city in his car with his dog in the passenger seat and he'd look for food like deer and like lions and stuff would be there lions in the city yeah because because it turns into like a jungle there was like no one there that's what that'll that's what'll happen if there's no fucking humans all right and so no but what's sad is he he kills the dog like he has to choke it out and then like the next day he's like really sad about it and like the dog isn't sitting in the passenger seat and like he looks there and he's like really sad and

like there's a scene like in the beginning of it that he goes up to a mannequin and he like has conversations with mannequins like he himself somewhat sane which is crazy and the dog which is not sane yeah and the dog yeah and the dog apparently like told will smith like you have to go talk to her if you think she's pretty and he goes up to her after the dog dies and he goes into the mannequin was like so my friend he said that i needed to say hi so hi it's like or something like that it's so sad that's like cast away when he looks at the volleyball what's that i'm sorry have you seen that i thought it was a rock dude you never seen cast away no it's kids time out time out nick is a piece of shit because this kid hasn't seen anything

have you seen the wizard of Oz no i haven't what i actually just go ahead why don't you just make everyone deaf i just i just recently take her mic i just recently saw the sandlot and by recently i mean like may of this past year first time ever yeah i mean you should have been deported years ago wait what what get ahead what like you were talking about sad movies you ever see my sister's keeper oh my god that movie is so sad it is terrible he's never seen my sister's keeper oh no bro you want to talk about sad movies you ever see fucking airbud that's shit it's sad so you bring it up disney movies yeah that's not a disney movie every disney movie is sad first of all it's air did you cry and frozen when she no my sister's it's got sports it's got dogs and sad do you do you

know like the the reason between my sister's keep like the my sister's keeper it sounds like a lesbian i was gonna say it's like a porno like no like a sister it's so sad technically you think you're upset now you'd be even more upset if you've heard how many movies i haven't seen that like are like childhood classics i don't know i'm not really a movie person so i'm probably like with you on the scene i've seen sandlot though so like if you're listening to this and you haven't seen sandlot turn this off i don't fucking watch it no listen to my sister's my sister's keeper yeah just stop following me don't listen to this if you haven't seen it fuck you it's a great movie my sister's keeper this girl grows up like her sister is sick like she has cancer and she grows

up giving her like bone marrow and stuff to her sister without like having a say because she wasn't old enough to like give her own whatever what it was was they made it's like she had cancer they knew we were gonna have cancer so they had another kid but the reason they had the kid was to use the kid's organ to save to save her to his sister that's some crazy and then and then towards like the end of the movie the one she like gets fed up with it and she ends up getting a lawyer yeah like whatever and then her sister ends up dying at the end's mad it's so sad and she looks so realistically sick that's their job in hollywood well no but i'm just saying like it was it was insane it was so sad like babe look where the mic is it's about three feet from your mouth

she's like you know yeah it's so sad it's crazy no one can hear you you should just go outside and talk i give up can't i connect this or something no that's an xbox headset why this is so much easier we'll have fun connecting it i used to talk to people while my brother would play and they would think that a girl was playing and they'd get so upset i would he would play like halo now he's like headshot everyone to be like yeah got him and he'd be like yo it's a girl whenever i was on there was a girl was always like a bunch of dudes like yo let's see your tits like even though like through the headset yeah like wow she's like yeah i got him out oh sick like dudes are weird fucking nerds playing dude people on like people on the video game headsets are like

either racists dude i don't wear a headset just because everyone would just report me the only the only things that people on video games say are like like they say slurs yeah every everywhere yeah poon bro what's poon you're fucking new wow that that grade was epic it's like all right and like everyone's gay for the weirdest reasons you killed me you're fucking fag dude that's the whole point of the game what do you mean homo yeah right it's so shot me in the back yeah let's get so gay oh this kid uses uav fag yeah like it makes no sense i don't know what you had to talk about yeah it's let me tell you something about xbox live parties here we go it might be a little upsetting and like what a piece of shit i am but some of the best times

of my life have been on xbox live parties no yeah i just like out of control laughter yeah i've said this a million times but i have like i've had the same group of friends of like 12 kids since i was in like fourth grade and like when was this i want to say like five years ago this was like yeah like five years ago i was like 2007 was when it like because we were still in high school yeah you're talking about the first advanced warfare no but like well NHL 09 i know we were yeah so that that's when we started playing a lot though yeah we would like remember any time we score a goal we'd like flip out yeah like at all hours of the night so it would be an xbox live party with like 10 of my friends and we would just be going out and playing like whatever fucking

game you're playing either like Call of Duty or whatever and literally we'd be on it until five in the morning wake up here that shit might be my throat again i make mad noises wake up for school at like six thirty yeah come home like after practice and then just like no homework fuck that yeah get on xbox that's like five and like yo when i used to live in Astoria and like you know an apartment building so like my parents room was literally right next door and like i closed the door but it made no difference and i'd be like yelling at two in the morning oh goal remember Danny hold on hold on dude so me and Keith used to share a room upstairs in my house that is next to my mom's room and Keith Keith Keith would be freaking out at Call of Duty it's 3am

or halo whatever it's the same game with less futuristic shit so Keith's playing the game guys it's 3am my mom has work and she gets up at six and it's 3am Keith dies and all you hear is oh suck my dick oh fuck oh fuck you oh i hate this kid my mom comes running in the fucks going for the fucks wrong with you what the fuck is what is wrong with you i've never heard your mom say anything like no she never cursed she never said fuck but she would always pick the hell's wrong with you i'm sleeping i got she was like flipping out of him dude i would be dying in my bed it's because like all right all right all right as soon as she walked in before she started talking all right all right all right all right all right i'll stop i'll stop i'll stop you forgot it was so fun

that reminds me that reminds me of yeah Keith's classic one is oh my yeah yo what about when david david our friend david like say the most outrageous is this who i think don't say it on yeah it is so one of my friends one of my friends david is like that's so sketchy what i just said now i'm an idiot he told his mom like he he would be yelling and be like his mom you hear his mom in the background on the headset and she'd be like stop yelling david stop yelling david you gotta stop right now and he was like he was like shut up shut up shut up and she goes i'm gonna turn it off and he's like no you're not and all of a sudden he would see like he's signed off and then he'd get back on it's fucking bitch yours flip out on her go back inside into your

cave yeah like my crazy shit and then like you see like parents is such a terrible it's such a scary feeling not to me no it really is keeps fearless my dad when we would wake up my dad it'd be like world war four no joke wow we skipped three yeah well that would be like my dad if i walk my dad up actually my dad doesn't wake up no my dad would be up in a second he like would have so much trouble falling asleep and he'd wake up so early and if you mess him up and you wake him up like he's up like he can't go back to sleep and there was yeah there was a time where i was with my friend judy and she came over we were hysterical laughing for whatever reason and like the noise of my parents door in my old house was so distinct that when you heard it it was like you gotta fake

sleep like right now yeah and so me and her like jumped into bed and we're fake sleeping he goes i know you guys are up get the fuck downstairs so he goes get the fuck downstairs and like this was the last time judy ever slept over because he made us stay up and watch the entire lord of the ranks it's such a weird punishment no he was like you guys yeah he was like you guys literally everything so that's like nine hours yeah he kept us up the entire night he's like you guys want to wake me up no you can't wake up just stay up with me that was a very good series yeah and we're like i wish i got that punishment i thought i would just get a show no no no no no and we're literally like falling asleep when you're deadly falling asleep like you're so tired

it is brutal trying to stay awake like he we would doze and he'd be like hey wait the fuck up oh my god my dad like keith was a psycho and he would like he just yeah yeah definitely still is so he uh when we were younger we had a bunk bed don't touch me we had a bunk bed and we shared the bottom bunk all right so minkie slept in a twin together what was that sound what sound he's like it's like it's like a clap dude i'm making mad noises all right i'm only two beers in farting out of your mouth so anyway uh so never he doesn't fart out of his mouth he doesn't even burp yeah so anyway uh so we would be making noise and my mom my mom my dad would be coming up the stairs and you could tell when it's my dad because he's fucking 300 pounds and you and you just hear like

like up the stairs we're like fuck fuck fuck so then we we we'd be lying in bed and keith can't hold a straight face for shit i'd be laughing so he'd be like smirking and my dad will just come in and stand there and just wait for keith to make a noise and as soon as keith would go and then my dad i swear to god immediately we're just like start fucking ripping out his fucking belt get his belt off and then we'd hold the blanket up and he'd be fucking hitting us with it it was hilarious it was so funny keith and then i was laughing as he was hitting me so he was hitting me even harder that was the worst part keith whenever he got hit he wouldn't be like ow ow why are you dead oh my god why are you dead no why are you doing this so he would just laugh so my

even more pissed i remember why keith me me keith got into a fight and uh i hit him and then i ran because i saw the look in his eyes and it's like i'm gonna murder you very slowly so i ran away and uh i ran i ran i swear he looked at me like you're gonna i'm gonna throw you into a wood chipper wood chipper wood chipper so uh we run past my mom and then she gets in between us she's like what the hell's going on what's going on and then keith like fucking flexes or whatever like like in anger and then that's happened to me and she flinched because she thought he like was gonna fit like he was trying to make her so she flinched and then slapped the shit out of him yo she slapped him and i was like i was like now both of us hit him you know yo it was so amazing it was at

the top of the stairs right yeah yeah do you remember when i tried to walk away from her and i was wearing the sweater and she grabbed the sweater pulled me towards her and punched me in the back of the head with like the the slingshot yeah i was like wow i was like in my head i was like wow it was creative we had great parents you don't understand yo i know i got hit one time oh my god i got my my mom would my mom would pull my hair like it was it was insane i think you need that i got i got you do no i used to get punished like i would get like my i've never gotten punished i couldn't go to like soccer practice and it's different though because i when i think about it like you're an only child you know what i mean and like it's easy to keep one kid in line

you punish them and then he like pays attention but when you have like four of them and you don't even you can't even keep track like fuck it i'm just gonna beat this shit at all the first time i got hit and the only time i got hit i was older i was like 20 i had just came back from like buffalo i transferred back home and i went out on like a wednesday night i was like y'all mom i'm going out and she's like all right come back at like 10 and i was like what i've been on my own for like two years like i'm not coming back at 10 i come back the next morning like i slept at someone's house come back and like she's just like you didn't call me you didn't do this you didn't do that what's going on i was like y'all mom come on i'm like 20 years old now like let's be serious so she goes

to hit me i got her so pissed and i grabbed her hand i was like y'all mom like that's not gonna work y'all three days later i come out to shower and like i'm like shower singing and shit and have my robe on i opened the door she hit me so hard i fell back onto the wow surprise she's like i can fuck you up at any age don't ever talk to me like that i like myself good for her three days later she literally had a sneak attack that's what i said i would do that i would do that the only time like me and my sister and mostly get into the fights and then like meet my mom would like grab us like my dad has never laid a hand on me or my sister but him and my brother have definitely like bar fights yeah like put holes and bottles and chases but every time you and my sister would

fight like my sister would like sneakily get me in trouble over it so like she would like hurt me really bad and so like i tried to get her in trouble so she like pushed me really hard into the bed we were like going at it and she pushed me really hard onto the bed and i like faked like i was hurt so my mom came in and i wanted my mom to see like the repercussion that she was going to get for how hard she pushed me so i kicked her into her dresser like like full force like she pushed me onto the bed i think i was like 11 you shadow kicked her she i was literally like this and i was i was like oh my god and she like oh my god oh my god no it's like get the fuck away from me and i pushed her so hard into that and my mom lost it like absolutely lost it she pulled

my hair so hard into her room which is like across the house like i feel like everyone has parents that well i don't know if it's most i can't i can't really say that but most people that i know at least have had their parents like hit them with like weird objects like i remember my one one time my mom like she was trying to wake me up for school and i was like just not having it i was like and i was like i'm the top bunk so she can't really reach me if she wanted to grab me so i like rolled over to the wall so she couldn't reach me so she's like get you that's okay that's it and she left the room and i was like i won and then she came back with a hockey stick and she's putting it through like the fucking barricade of the yeah so you don't like fall over no but no there

was like a yeah there was like a barricade so you don't fall off the top bunk you're sticking it through there with a hockey stick and just jibbing with it i was like fuck okay i never i never wanted to wake up for school before i was even up i realized like what sickness i had when i woke up like no joke there was a time where every day i had something else wrong with me trying to get out of school like my mom would be like same you gotta get up mom i have an earache like i can't i can't go to school and my sister was live my sister's best friend was living with us at the time and like they would always like get out of going to school because they were in high school they were seniors it wasn't like a big deal and so they were literally they would come and be like oh you

have an earache do you have an earache and i'd be like yeah i have an earache like i'm i don't want to go to school and my mom would be like get the fuck up right now like she would freak the fuck out and my sister and tenor would just like stay there bro look at the mic get ahead yeah why don't you put it over your fucking shoulder so we can hear you all right thank you she's like i'm sorry yeah stop moving i never i don't think i missed a day of middle school you have a stand you cannot tell me i got it first i wouldn't want to got it with him that place was so hectic yeah we walked into guitar center to get a mic stand and it was like 30 people there's like five different playing different guitar songs different guitar songs five people

yeah some chick was playing piano there was someone playing like this like bongo set yeah and then another dude's playing the drums in the background you're walking it's like that is not what it sounded like at all no it should make will ever sound like that i don't know why i even attempted to just like free for us i don't know why i i attempted to make those sounds but i'm an idiot i used to love going to middle school though that was like my favorite that was it right i hate it so much honestly middle school going to middle school was the best times of my life and i'm gonna you know what i should have i should have micro strepo it was the worst i should have a strepo on this one day so we could talk about stories from middle

school because i could talk about it all day you get nappy too the wildest i went to the ghettos middle school and it was like it was there was like five white kids and i was one of them everyone was spanish or black it was great i was wearing shirts that were like 10 excel they wouldn't fit me now pepe one of the year i was home school it's not like really wasn't there dude fooboo i think it was keith actually had a school picture he was wearing a fooboo shirt it's great it was baby blue and like what's fooboo speaking of that i know fooboo is like i remember hearing about it jimmy jaz company like kind of brands yeah you know super ghetto i've heard of fooboo but i don't know who made it i don't know pelle pelle that sounds like someone

in greyneck made that remember the jeans with like all the mba patches on oh yeah it was like lot 29 no that was the cartoon ones remember the loony i had some dope uh i had to get a little better i would never wear a shirt that had a picture on it or not i would only wear the locker t shirts it was like i never like shirts with logos on it you know what i wore sixth eighth grade a uniform yeah that's that was brown that's terrible but i would totally be the girl to like i give up you're gonna shove the microphone down your throat now she's like no yeah tell it a second no but you would buy you would go to full locker right and they'd have like five shirts for 20 bucks and you'd buy five different colors and then like if you were super like ghetto you'd

wear like one day you'd wear a red and blue shirt but like if the red one was on top that'd be shorter yeah you would get a size smaller yeah you get a size smaller so it looked like you have a blue shirt on there and then the red one over and then the next day you'd like just flip it yeah like i had jordan's that were i had dirty and i had the 14's that were red and white and so i got a white shirt that was longer than a red shirt so i got a red shirt that's the red shirt was shorter and that still wouldn't fit me today and this was middle school and i was tiny back then it was that big it was huge yo i ordered nappy i had shirts that would come down literally like right above my knees yo you still order football jerseys and like now i have some they're

like size 56 which in football jerseys it's like a 3xl and i'll talk about like classic ones and now they don't like my dad's like 270 and has like a big ass belly and shit like they don't fit him and like now they're up to like my kneecaps i'm like yo why was i 13 wearing that shit that's crazy oh yeah just forgot what i was gonna say uh we'll come back to keith uh quick commercial break sponsored by no but dude i remember middle school was great oh man oh that's what i was gonna say nappy had that white shirt where it was like he was just wearing a shirt and shoes that was it yeah one of my friends you couldn't see his jeans one of my friends chris nappy he uh he uh was met he was a little guy he uh i want to say he was five foot nothing like in middle school maybe even

shorter than that i think he'd be generous too and he yeah yeah no he was tiny so he would uh he would wear big ass shirts and it looked like he wasn't even wearing pants like it was it would just be down to his shoes like everyone was just super ghetto it was hilarious it was great those were those were the days i think the only black person i was in my school was our friend friend yo you're from a really white jewish neighbor jewish neighborhood yeah persians agents my school was on the projects like the same block it's pretty ghetto shout out to brian that disaster it's turned into it's like teachers are like banging students dude well how about that let's talk about that for a little bit all right like not that okay keith is interested not that prevalent when we were coming

up but now all of a sudden yeah people are getting fucked left and right every period i wouldn't complain if a teacher banged me she was like of course that's why the women teachers do it it's like a fucking uh they feel like of course i do no i don't obviously i don't just saying i really don't if my son came up to me we get it if my kid comes up to me he's like yo i'm having an affair with my teacher and she's like slamming i'll be like nice what i was saying was like the women do it if they're like not confident about themselves and then they just like want to feel like they're well let me bang a 16 year old no because those those younger kids are like dominate me wow you could do whatever you want yeah put me in like a pretzel or some crazy shit that i had then years

that's man weird bro that's man weird bro i think it's so weird but like that's probably like i don't think if i had one attractive teacher my entire school career one i've had one there's a lot in high school there's teachers now that i would say her name because like mom knows her connelly i know you're talking about actually whoever goes to great neck and is listening to this connelly is a hot hot teacher he's a dude so if he came up to you it's like hey i'm trying to bang you there's moyal who is this moyal there was a teacher in my high school not gonna mention any names obviously but like he was like out in the open that like he would bang students like it was like obvious yeah and he had like a high position at the school too but he was just he was mad young and cool

there was a and like you just knew like mad girls every girl be like oh my god he's so hot and like then after class he'd be like hey what's up i'm a teacher here like the girls would be like drooling over him he definitely like for sure and i i know from girls that would be like yeah we like there's like touched us there was a teacher at my high school oh my god best story i have the funny you could say what you're saying and then i have the story i have then you should have just let me say it i'm sorry i just don't want to forget it i see i go to my senior trip i almost got abused by a teacher i am i got my boo grabbed by a teacher was it a guy no i was a girl all right teacher try to abuse you sheet no no like we were in our room and yo john n and we stopped for a way in the room with me

and john till this this day tells his story i opened the door and just my boxes and i had those like christmas boxes were at the top they had like the jingle bells fuck what and they were like i had the script wait hold there's bells on your boxes yeah like you're at the actual bells yeah like little tiny bells like they're probably like half of your like pinky nail yo crazy super poppin for for the holidays and you'd walk and you'd hear them jingo like oh my god so i had those on right yeah and i opened up the door i opened up the door and she's just like oh you guys are making too much noise and she just walks in right she's like oh what's going on you guys have drugs in here you guys are drinking we're like no we're just you know just having fun and like she starts

like she's like oh my husband wears these sometimes and she starts like grabbing my waist and she's like moving me forward like yeah my friend yo i'm not lying i know you call me a liar all the time this is a thousand percent you yo and i'm over there like at the door many is in the room too he closes the door and we're just in there it's just it's five dudes and our and our teacher she's like moving me around she's like oh turn around do they do they jiggle and like she's do they jiggle she's asking me to like she's asking me to like jump up and down and like i don't like in high school i was like i had like a way nicer body than i do now so i was like in good shape a teacher has told me to jump up and down so she's like oh let me hear the ball she's like oh my god

my husband wears these all the time they're so sexy and we're just over there like mad like flirtatious with me i was just like yo and she was all right too but i'm just super creepy what the fuck yeah yo like grabbing my waist like pulling like i i'm pretty sure like she pulled the waistband out so she probably like looked down to yeah there was there was a teacher and then that's why she walked out of the room because she saw like we're working with and she's like yeah you know she's like ah he's got a one and stick i'm out of here there was a teacher i right when you said jump up and down it reminds me of a middle school my middle school teacher he was like the biggest creep he was like known for being a creep and he yeah my middle school teacher and that's crazy

yeah and he put me in a table that was next to his desk like i didn't sit with all like attached to the attached to his desk and he had me sit there and every he'd be like who wants to go on the board and like write like the question down and people would raise their hands and he'd be like you go and he'd he'd tell me to go up to the board and he'd look at me while i'm doing it not look at me like i didn't know this and he'd look at the students like like okay like and how okay i was in seventh grade did you were you like developed not i don't not like i am now i doubt it yo real quick that same teacher two summers ago at the beer garden bought her a drink oh my god that ass she's like i'm divorced now till i was like hey i haven't seen you in so long

yeah you were trying to make moves like yo you remember when you saw my little yo i still have those boxers it's two inches now yeah no no so then listen so then the teacher so then the teacher is that better yeah okay so then there was one day where i would always come in late and he told me he was like you're late and i was like yeah he's like you look so sad though like why are you so sad like you're late and i was like i i'm just tired like hence why i'm late like i just woke up and he was like jump up and down get excited like get happy you're in math class and i was like i'm not gonna jump like i'm not gonna jump up and down in front of the entire class and you like what so i ended up going to my guidance counselor

and i told her what happened and she was like you're not the first person to complain about him so you can do all your math work in my class for now on and i didn't go to his class like the rest of the year in middle school i got one teacher fired for some shit like that because i wasn't even there but like uh there was this girl um forgot her name even though i probably shouldn't say it anyway but anyway she she uh they went on a trip when i was in middle school i got kicked off of every fucking trip like i was not allowed to go anywhere like i couldn't even go to prom they're like you're not fucking coming i was like all right cool i was the worst kid in middle school but um so prom yeah i was gonna say yeah yeah you did it was like a you go to it's like a dance oh my god i

didn't yeah i didn't have that so i called a boner dancing with some girl my brother my brother my brother got a blowjob from two girls in a church at his like fifth grade dance i'll tell you about that oh fifth grade yeah in a church yeah in a church all right well that's a lot of sins at one time he's blessed bad hope he took a bath and he's blessed i like that he's dropped the bar keep look at this okay funny i'm out of here um so this girl went on a trip and she's like oh this this teacher grabbed my ass when i was getting on the bus he was like oh everyone on the bus and she's like i got on and he grabbed my ass and i turned around and looked at him and then he just looked away and i was like and i just heard that i was like i got you i wasn't

even there like i didn't witness it so i went to my assistant principal because i was cool with her because i was fucking in that office every day first of all it was awesome like all my teachers they would scream at me and yell at me for like whatever and they would send me to the principal and i would go there and she always had a bowl of candy and like a dartboard and that's all i would do for the whole period and she was like she's like what the hell are you doing now like you know whatever like you know just go there or she i'd go there and i would be hanging out and she'd be like what did you do i was like i like cracked a joke and like everyone laughed and she sent me here she's like all right just go back to class so she sent me back but anyway

that's relevant so i get there and i tell her i'm like hey listen this guy i heard that he grabbed her ass like i'm not bullshitting like blah blah blah so she's like all right i'll keep it in mind and then i guess other people told that story and he was gone we had like a fucking substitute for the rest of the year hilarious by the way this kid there's this kid his name is Sean that i'm friends still friends with and he was like a good kid in middle school wait isn't this is Sean Sean Keller no is it the one that like the with the limo night is it no no no no that's Mike that's Mike that's Mike that's Mike that fucking psycho no so this kid's Sean right he's like a good kid he does always work whatever

but there would be some moments where this kid would just snap and he would just do the wildest and it was one day we were sitting in class and we had a substitute and his name was uh Gornick and he had a fucking newspaper up you know like old people read the newspaper like the shit is mad tall and then they like fold it down so he's got it up right mad tall and then Sean like we're all doing this whatever and he goes yeah it's only old people who do that so uh he goes hey Gornick and then he just folds the paper down and he and his kid Sean fired an eraser and it hit right between this guy's eyes like bang and then he was like shocked and it hit him he's like and then he fucking ran out of the classroom yo i was on the fucking floor

that kid i've gotten so much trouble with that kid there was another time we had a video production class and this teacher we're on the hallway and his name is mr hayworth right and uh someone someone in the back i forgot who it was but someone went uh yeah whatever gay worth and and called him called him gay worth and then he looks at me and Sean and he goes you two why did you say that and i was like i didn't say shit like what are you what are you talking about he's like i heard you like blah blah blah i was like dude i didn't say anything so then he's like you harassed my wife and i was mad young and i had no idea what harassed me and i thought it meant like i thought it meant like a rape so i was like so i got mad tight i was mad pissed i was like

yo fuck you because i didn't do shit i don't even know your wife right so i'm screaming at him the sword of god so then we get into his classroom right and we're chilling in there and he's already pissed off because of this well he's already pissed off because of this and then nappy right he's mad small he gets behind this like fucking big ass piece of paper in the back of the classroom it's like this big like art project and he's throwing crayons at him this is like who's throwing crayons you're a coward whoever through this is a coward and now i'm fucking losing my mind and then um and then he's yelling at Sean and he's going you call you called me gay worth like your homophobic all this shit and mind you Sean has uh

uh a gay mother she's a lesbian and he's like he's like i'm he's like i have nothing against gay people and then he goes he goes like this he goes i'm gay joey's my lover says this out loud class everyone's like what the fuck so he goes i'm gay joey's my lover so i'm like dude well and now i'm in now i'm in this lie with him right so i'm like fuck so then we had this thing called a section sheet which was like whatever you did wrong uh you would write it like it like there was one person who was responsible and would give it to every teacher and they'd write on it see who was acting misbehaved that day whatever and if like you were on it too much then you got the so on the section sheet we had him like second period so on the section sheet he wrote

Sean misbehaving and then quoted i'm gay joey's my lover so for the rest of the day all these teachers are seeing that they're like what the fuck happened in this class and it just so happened that that kid like when that happened he called his mom and uh they weren't home obviously there at work so they called the house and he left a voicemail and he played it back for me that night dude i swear to god i'm on the phone and i was actually there on the and he's playing it back and you hear him like your son is uh misbehaving in my class uh whatever and he's just saying all the shit and here's Sean in the background like yo i'm not a little kid like stop and he's like yelling at him and he's and then i remember he's like you you keep this up and send it to the assistant

principal and he goes yo you talk mad shit like you're gonna send me places you're not sending me anywhere dude it was wild i'm like dude dude i swear to god i could talk about middle school all day i gotta get those three kids here show on chris and mike when you said get up with the get up thing with reshuffle yeah retire do you remember when people used to be like yo can you get up on that like can you like touch oh yeah the exit sign yeah like an exit sign or something like that so like i was joking around to this kid mike and i'm like yo can you get up on that and it was like the light fixture in the classroom a little high that is this kid i can't touch that now of course we had a substitute this kid stands up on his chair like this stands up and goes to jump and the

fucking chair comes out from underneath his legs and just hits the ground didn't even come close to the light i was like the fuck is wrong with you this is it was psychotic yo you know when we were in south beach with the goonies we went out to a nightclub and alias did that to an exit sign broke it me and johnny walk past him as like he's doing it we go into the bathroom come out there's like nine bounces around alias patting him down searching him it's like a fire hazard you have to pay like 1200 dollars stop yeah we got thrown out the club a lot because you broke up it's a fire hazard you can't like you can't do that so he did that thing he's like get up and he's like you know he just slapped it broke it we come out the bathroom wait why is that a fire

hazard because it's like if something happens oh yeah it shattered it wasn't there anymore so then alias got thrown out so he's texting everyone he's like yo we all gotta leave because he's like i he either had to pay like 1200 or like we all left so we're like yo we're gonna leave we're not gonna make you pay fucking 1200 like that's crazy that's insane dude if that happened when we were in south beach i'd be like yeah uh no i'm not giving you any money you pay for it you fucking idiot that's insane south beach was great when we went i got cooked though i had to stay in one day you remember that because the sunburn was so bad i haven't like been to south it was at the first time the second time you went first time first time i had to stay home that one day i watched

like you know i fucking passed out i passed out i was y'all i was so tired yeah there was a i've never been there dude that was when i woke up i woke up to eric saying all right everybody get the fuck out i'm like oh forget what the hell's happening oh it was great oh man all right i mean let's wrap this up we gotta record sports podcasts by the way if anyone is interested in in sports i do have a sports podcast with three of my other friends nix on it yo and it's called veterans minimum you can look it up on itunes or soundcloud and check it out that's where i'm about to record right now uh just waiting on tim boss to get here yeah where the fuck are they i don't know who knows uh i gotta people even ask me if like if i could pick a day

to start putting these out but i have i don't like yeah i was actually looking forward to listening to you today i thought you should be out by now yeah i know but i just i didn't know what to i don't want to do them by myself because it's so fucking weird yeah it's so hard okay i'm here whenever you need i'm trying to talk about like hand jobs and shit like we need a crazy one triple x only i want to talk about fetishes i really want to find someone who has like a foot fetish and just ask him like why didn't you find someone no i did they did he impacts to you oh there was a guy hold on it was so funny and i was like do not play with him i do not play this because he'll be serious a dude uh i'm sure he wouldn't fucking bring someone he wouldn't know he wouldn't show up but he was saying like

yeah like i was like make sure you don't say you're into it because this kid's like very serious about this yeah so um you didn't save it save what the convo oh no i uh yeah i did actually oh yeah hold let me just read it so someone oh yeah yeah someone uh uh someone insta dms me a picture of because i put a picture up of like my shoes are on and like there's a track and the bridge in the background i went like running one morning and he's like oh you got great feet or some shit i gotta find it hold on just go to our tux no no no i have it oh here it is here it is i got it it says uh dude says dude i worship under your feet literally do you want a foot slave right so i'm like what's a foot slave so i'm like this is the best day ever so i said what's a foot slave

and then he goes what's a foot slave well i have a foot fetish i can kiss your feet lick them massage them suck and then he goes suck then he goes you can use me as a foot stool and then i was like a foot stool that's so weird i was like do not play with it he's like yeah you could like instead of putting your feet on an ornament when you're watching tv you can just put them on me so he would just stay there like all sunday just yeah like watching football and there's a dude there i'm assuming he's naked i don't know he's probably beating off all this yeah so imagine you showed up on a sunday all my friends come over on sundays and when you watch football at my house so imagine one day everyone showed up there's a random naked dude beating it my feet are on him and i'm watching

the game enjoying like yo is there room for another pair of lights can you just drop on there yeah so that's uh so that's it so yeah i want to talk about someone who's some foot fetish shit that'd be great or any kind of fetish you know leather or like what other fetishes are there thumb fetish well there's poop fetishes don't people like love when people shit on them yeah yeah like shit on your can i can i shit on you of course no seriously yes like after eating taco serious question like okay don't try to be funny okay if i'm not funny i'm not gonna try i know but like i don't want you to be sarcastic he said i know i know he doesn't think i'm funny it's okay it's cool you suck same um so what if i was dead serious right okay and i was like trying to have

serious conversation and all of a sudden i was just like hey like i just like i really want to like pee on you i'd say i'm not a toilet would you let me like pee on you no i'd say i'm not a toilet you wouldn't let me pee on you um what if you guys are showering together and he's just like like that's okay you could pee on me in the shower i might have peed on you i don't know you probably have that's great you know about farting how do you feel about that if you just like farting he's in there just going to town then you just like he farted so much we were talking about this earlier i was like i'm counting down the days of when i'm going down on you and you fart i fart all day it's okay i haven't farted during like no no i haven't done that that's why i'm

said i'm like waiting for the day because it's going to be hilarious there was one time i can't believe you're like waiting for that day no i'm not like waiting for but that's gonna be so excited like i'll hook you up if you want i'll blow it out i know but no you know what i mean like what it just like slips out and like you don't mean for it to happen like that's gonna be hilarious it'd be so funny i'm ruthless i fart everywhere so to see that's like when well this isn't like exactly like that but like when funny moments like that happen when we're having sex it's absolutely hilarious like it's so funny like when i drank a water bottle before we had sex yeah it sounded like the ocean you heard the water like moving in my stomach and we stopped

we're like what is that like that you or me we were at her apartment yeah it was man i was like the fuck is that and then anyway there was one time at her apartment she like slammed her head on the wall and we both pretend like it didn't happen then two minutes later we're like did you fucking slam your fucking head let me start laughing yeah it's a good time it's a good time you know slamming people's heads into walls you're gonna say slamming people yeah slamming them it's a good time too oh yeah all right we're fucking 50 minutes into this let's let's wrap this shit up keith where can they contact you if they want to contact you you want my number no i'm just kidding uh why the joke was sick yeah i know i'm terrible that was sick dude that was so

so sick yeah you're sickest so i'm gonna punch her in the face as soon as i hit as soon as i cut this out okay good what am i saying i don't know what i'm sorry we cut it yeah so where can they find you on your which your twitter uh keith santhigado my twitter okay and nick where can they find you six four six psych no nick day is ten on twitter that's dais and uh at sammy ricky on instagram did you remember eric had his number on his shirt yeah mad people calling him the next post is probably going to be with a black eye from you hitting me all right now you're making people think i actually hit you he hits me all the time guys i'd never hit you he hits me all the time

keith how many times this is fucked up defend your brother keith no no no he has never hit me are you fucking crazy it's a joke yeah it's a joke because if this goes viral he's fucked no well we get the views this kid beats his girlfriend he's the bestest joe santhigado does life no oh my god can we i'm totally kidding all right no one but i know you're kidding i would say i won't hit you but i'm gonna start all right uh yeah if you guys want to contact me on twitter at joe santhigado and always leave comments of what you want to hear on the next podcast or whatever i'm reading them all right thanks for listening