The Basement Yard - Sixth Base On The First Date

Episode Date: June 6, 2016

I'm joined by @ItsAhmeddd, @AntVino, & @KeithSantagato to talk about how far is too far on the first date.. Get Yours at Casper.com/BASEMENT Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard. It is. I don't know what the fuck day it is. What a day is it? It's the fourth June something June 4th Saturday June 4th. It's a full fucking house. It's the 4th of June Everyone shut up real quick. Okay Keats here my brother Keats here. Davino is back. I know everyone hates him He's back here and then the first timer Ahmed Hussain. Oh Wow That is bad Usually I wouldn't say people's first and last names, but those are so common that no one has any idea

Say my first name. How American Anthony. There. I don't like saying that at all Yeah, when people call you Anthony like when I hear your parents call you Anthony. I'm like, what the fuck? Yeah, it's like you're talking about a 13 year old boy. I don't like that at all awkward by the way I just want to point out that Ahmed Still to this day believes that I only keep him around as a friend because it adds some diversity Yeah, to my friend. It shows that he is not a racist He loves all people you know someone got mad at me because I called you a med in a vlog and they're like, it's Ahmed Yeah, is it Ahmed?

They didn't get mad at Habibi Ahmed Habibi. My name's a man. I didn't get mad at him. Yes I don't know what these people I say his name. I say his name with an a in the middle of mod Yeah, well, you're all fucked up Listen, we need to get listen. I had to say we had to keep the laughing down to a minimum my rib Hurts when I fuck your rib cereal. I will fuck your rib Yo, I will you you know what I would do that face yours Time out real quick before we start I just wanted to say that this podcast

Somehow some way was ranked number one comedy podcast high-five keep on iTunes and it's all thanks to not Davino Not all Joey buys is probably not. I think it's a man. You buy Joey you're going back. Listen Joe. I like to I'd like to make a toast and say that you don't have any You don't have anything to toast and now it's bad luck Keith was my best friend first. I Don't even want to like story told talk to you right now. Is that a hickey on your neck? What is that or did you itch yourself? I scratch or you have poison ivy? Yeah, you look like Shamrock made of gold. Okay, that was sick. That was great. All right. Anyway, let's Let's let's get into your story here. All right. He's hasn't told me what it is and he's you know, I don't want you to be mad

I'm not gonna be mad. You just tell me it's actually pretty all right now check this yo First of all, I could use names because I asked them both if I could use it Now I'm gonna I'm gonna say I was do it was a rough day. It was like a Monday and it was Tex and Carly She was like yo check this out She goes look what my friend Christina sent me Son now first of all, I like to say thank you to this girl cuz she diagnosed me before I went to a doctor about my ribs Right. All right. I spent three hundred dollars for dick. I just called her I showed her a picture She was like three hundred dollars on dick

Wow Well, I understand I sent her a picture and she's like dude. This is what you got. That's it now I go waste money. All right. Anyways, so she was like dude. She's a nurse, right? Chilling the ER, you know Mackin wait, which one this Christine girl Christina. Okay, Christina Chilling in the ER like yo, what's good? You know how cops come in, you know, and they have to bring the bad guy Yeah, right. So it's cop comes up to her and you know Right, you know, I just arrested that guy Yeah, yeah, so whatever happened happened and they get their number like they exchange their number all the exchange numbers now mind you

He met her in the ER. Yeah, all right. Didn't chill yet. Didn't go out. What you do me a favor talking to the fucking microphone Sorry, they didn't go out. They didn't why I sound bad. No, all right. Here we go Fucking yeah. All right, so exchange numbers $80 on that savings. So they exchange numbers I They exchange numbers, right has not children there, right? So they're texting this this guy Ready this cop and why fuck? I don't know if it's a long island. I don't maybe Go, yo, the first thing he says to her will you let me choke you and spit down your throat? See now We're back to your old story. No

No, but that I just thought it was fucking dude. You didn't show it there. You didn't speak like Right, yo, that's I'm just gonna say like six base just cuz you're a cop you could fucking say whatever you want Why is you don't do that? First first you gotta run the bases you can't just like heard like a trooper You know any fucking girl in the story would would have been like you'll delete my number, right? This girl goes why don't we start with drinks or dinner first? That's so she didn't put it off the table. This guy You know I'm saying like you know that means she's not into it. This is not her first rodeo

She's been choked and spat her throat. Maybe you don't know, right? Nurse, you know you ask the girl if you could say her name. Yeah, I asked him And she was like, yeah, dude, I'm not afraid to get spit down. He said you could use her name, so Yo, Shaz good. Don't sue me. That's man. That's funny. That's crazy. How do you do that? How do you have a lot of balls? Yo, let me ask you a question though. Yeah I'm at what would you Jesus Christ, what would you say to a girl like like What's your yo, let me get your number and you text her and you hit her with a we haven't chilled yet But will you let me spit and choke down your throat? You can't say so much

You know you can work your way there. Yeah, you could work your way there. Yeah, like three weeks later No, not the same day, but you start flirting first like you don't just text her and say that that's yeah Does he like start off a day? No That would have been better yeah, like yeah, let me choke you spit in your eyes and so you don't like your mouth You don't have to thumb in your butt. No See you listen. Can I shove a condom down your throat? I mean like what now you're trying to kill some listen I'm a cop. Excuse me. No, so have a condom You realize it's plastic, right?

Like yo, it's a latex. Yo, do you use like toys? What's good like that would have been a nice question first Like do you use toys not even? We haven't been out yet, but can I choke and spit down your throat or you could just be like hey? What's up? What happened to what's up with cops dude? I don't know just because you carry a gun you can say whatever the fuck you are Apparently cops are just like way more aggressive man. I gotta you know what I got a gun So you want me to put my gun to your head? Spit in your face. I think it's funny because fuck are you talking about what Jesus Christ basically what he's asking

Yeah, you're out of your fucking mind. Let me choke you to you're almost not breathing And then once you open your mouth the gas prayer. I'll spit in your mouth Keith. You just made it way more dark Keith wants to say I like where you I like I like where you're going You know you discussed me Honestly watching you have sex is probably one of the worst things you could watch Besides me your own birth. I rather watch and watching a med shower That's pretty bad. It's pretty bad. You know I'm saying good for you. I feel bad for like the tile in your shower It what

He goes over the shower glass broken She didn't like deny him though, so maybe I'll use that line when we go to Vegas. That's why she's a trooper Yeah, and then I'll pick you up at the precinct. I guess She's gonna go no She's a rare breed because I don't think there's a large percentage of females out there that would respond that way They would have said that kind of Say they would do that I don't know man. It's not like girls who would say that. How about we how do we you know? Jesus Christ. That's a great answer. I wonder what he said. I just like no

He's like I can't do drinks to a girl like hey, hey, what's up? No? Hey, what's up me? You know just thinking about spending you know, it is you know, it is alarming, right? So this guy's a cop clearly he likes being dominant in the bedroom, right? He likes to be dominant in the bedroom, right? He likes to Hold people down choke him spit in their face Maybe call him a bad word all the time little whore something like that. You like to do what he does at work at home That's what I mean. There you go. Well, so what he's probably roughing people up all the time working 24 hours a day That's like an actual person

Someone's Jaywalk, and he's fucking choking. I'm getting a boner the whole fucking day Don't move sir. I'll spit in your mouth. Yeah, don't move stop resistant. Do you like this stop now? Stop it. That's my gun sir. Don't worry about it. Stop it. You want to get cuffed. I want to cuff you so bad. Yeah That's the kind of cop you would be imagine the Davino was a cop I would fuck with handcuffs real quick Yeah, you probably lock yourself in those things first of all a time out We have the most cliche thing we have fucking world time out We'd have to be dating for like at least six months for me to trust you to cuff me to something six months. Jesus while Wow, but what?

Steal my money in shit while I'm cuffed. Yeah, you're fucking wild six months Dude I could fake it for six months I would I could I'm friends with people for years, and they still have no idea who I actually am All right, Batman relax. I'm serious. That's six months. I'm not letting anyone cuff me I don't give a shit who it is. No, maybe no, I don't know Yeah, that's what I'm referring to when you're getting no obviously that's what you're referring to Yeah It's so fun. I mean plastic cuffs cuffsy. Yes, if you're using those

You're using those cop cuffs like fuck no, yeah, you're not escaping for at least what if you've misplaced the key Dude, I lose my wallet and phone eight times a day if I miss the key like and the key is tiny you got him a guy You got it Can you imagine being cuffed up and then she just was like Exactly she walks away or she punches you in the mouth Steals steals your TV chinchilla stealing TV. Hopefully she's not crazy like that girl that chopped off the oh, yeah There's listen to this story. Okay. I made a video about it. There's it in China. There was a Chinese woman People are insane. So there's they're insane. This is what happened people. It's not hate on anybody. Just shut up

Listen to how crazy this is I would take you down the dude listen. All right, the dude cheated on his wife and Then the wife Finds out Cuts his dick off. Oh, right. So then he goes to the hospital. I'm beating somehow they Put it back on no, they don't shut the fuck up somehow they put it back on the wife Kicks down the fucking door

Cuts it off again and throws it out the fucking window Yeah, and then the guy that is beyond her the guy chased her into the street cockless No dick Cockless, but maybe maybe just a hole with blood gushing out. I guess he had some balls chase it What did you say I guess you had some balls That's a black corn and O'Brien So you chase around to the street and then he got a hold of her and he like beat the hell out of her I want to know are you kidding? I would have beat her with my my dick that fell off

And then he doesn't worry. No, they stitch it on that can't work Don't they turn vaginas into dicks nowadays Yes, that's Do you know I watched yeah, I watched a Facebook video of like a cartoonized how they turn vaginas I thought it was awesome. It's like kind of isn't it like cool What's up, they turn coxons of vaginas or vaginas I think you have your dick you if you have a dick you're just no, no, that's what they did I'm sorry, you can't you can't turn a vagina

Caitlyn Jenner get that. No, I think she's still Still has a ten inch Caitlyn Jenner must have like a dope day to not part with it. He's like, I'm not getting rid of this Are you kidding me? You think she beat it off? Of course. Sometimes you gotta shake one out What do you think you're gonna have a dick and not beat the hell out of it? I don't know your every chance you get Next Let's go sharks. Why? What's the series that to nothing? I don't talk about it. Listen. I damn right. I hate the Kardashians

Why so what are they famous for? Did anybody see? Oh my shirt. Oh, look at it What's a rag jolly famous for it's fucking hysterical. Listen, listen, oh, you can make oh, babe Oh, thank you. All right, touch my hand. He how do you first of all Kanye West clothing line? Yeah, I'm sorry is you know, I could do it. You know I'm saying Give me some sheets Put a couple of burn holes in it. They look like oil they look like Kramer's Call it's when you put him in the pizza oven He goes to Paisanos and he wants his clothes heat up never watch the guy puts him in the pizza oven

He takes him out like old burn and hot watch the office How many times you gonna watch that show I still watch it. Oh speaking of shows the greatest show of all time is one tree hill I'm gonna shut your mic off I used to watch one tree hill and gossip girl five it guys five girl. Let's go. What about 90210? Yes Bang break those shows are literally terrible. I was especially 90210 not one not one tree hill I saw Blake walking down the street by my school and I gave her hey You told her she was beautiful. Yeah, she was gorgeous Till this day. Did she like spit in your face. Can you please tell a story of Bernie Williams? Oh my god, Bernie

Will you still watch Lizzie McGuire? She's gorgeous, too. So hold on. Let me just preface a story Davino is a baseball fan. He always gets my brother. What is whatever I used to be? I'm sorry. Well back then dick back then yet eat sleep baseball Um So Bernie Williams famous outfielder for the Yankees centerfield right centerfielder I think it plays the guitar or the drums. Fuck him Yo, he could have a harp to he could choke on pebbles shut up. So you saw him What happened right here he goes so me and my brother had a strategy

He would stand at the front of the gate where the players would come out And they always had to make a right and I would stand at the red light the first red light that they Had to stop at yeah, so we had the walkie-talkie next else remember those I7 30s. Oh my god, yo Yeah, you know So my brother was like yo like yo first of all Derek Jeter was worse Derek Jeter screamed at me He screams at you scream get out of the street. What are you fucking stupid? What are you fucking stupid? Swear on my mother He was with her they were in the seat she was in Ferrari

She's amazing, right? So I said, yo, I'm the only one like Derek. I'm the only one here. Can you sign? There's no you're crazy get out of here. Whoo gone. Okay. It's a carpano trash So my brother my brother walkie-talkies me like yo, and that's Bernie Williams on the motorcycle get him. Okay, get him So you guys are holding wrap some rope around him. So hold them down choke. I'm spitting his mouth This kid got this so you're holding walkie-talkies. It was a next though. You mean tell me you have a nextel The next what did you have? What did you have a kick and I was what did you play snake? I had the razor Yo time out. Oh the moto razor time out I had a Nokia and I and one of them buttons broke off and I had used to stick to dial

I remember that all the fucking Nokia. Yeah, I had a plant growing out of my so so I go up to him I'm the only kid there was like 13 years old we were in Louis Armstrong and I go, excuse me like mr. Williams. Can I please have your autograph on a baseball? So this guy On his red motorcycle takes off his red helmet puts it on his lap takes his gloves off. He does all this Points at me and looks at me and goes. No Yo, I didn't even say I watched him put I

Watched him put his gloves back on and his helmet. He might have winked at me Gone the guy behind him. So hey kid was that Bernie Williams? Fuck you dick. Yeah Yo, that's amazing. Fuck if I saw a bird Williams till his day I'd probably beat beat the shit out of you probably lose that man. He's old, but I think Bitch, it's a big guy. I hate him. Yo, that's my favorite story The Yankees hate Dude, they sign autographs all fucking yo, I was leaning over the dugout. I was on the you know why I thought they They had it. They were gone and then I'll forget it as one fucking kid now

Justin Bieber said Feel like a human. Hmm. All right. You're just not quoting this kid. What serious? I'm a recording this You're quoting this guy. No, no, but like, you know, you're sitting here when I have someone like you bothering me to take a picture I'd feel like I'm better than you and I wouldn't want to that's your fucking job Make the fans happy. That's true. Alex Rodriguez. I'm leaning over the dugout. I'm on the field Hey, Alex can I get an autograph me and him mind you can I get an autograph? Yeah, sure kid hold on he walks three feet away from me drinks his Gatorade throws a cup on the floor looks both ways and just fuck you and

And I'm like, yo fuck the Yankees fuck baseball AJ Burnett my guy next he packs hammers He packs hammers. Yeah, the tattoo on his wrist. That said I'll kill you Did he really know it just it looks so Oh Hey kid, I'll kill you like, okay, sir. Sorry Next divina how excited are you for Vegas? You know what a minute hold on before we get to Vegas. I need to do this You're pregnant divina's gonna take a shit any second Redump we're gonna talk about that also, but first number four. We're gonna we're gonna do sponsorships here

This one is from Casper mattresses bad first of all very comfortable the ghost first of all before They they sent me this bed, right? Mm-hmm. They send me this bed before I was even gonna Before I got this bed. I was already looking into caps Casper mattresses So my brother told me about he's like dude. They send you the match of mattress. This is a queen They put it in a box and it shows up in a in a box And then you open it and it fucking just turns into a bed

Dude, it's ridiculous. We are mattresses. It's it's made from two technologies Okay, one of them is a hybrid of latex foam and memory foam I don't know what the fuck that means, but it's comfortable. I'm gonna lay on it right now Okay, lay on it one to ten. Give me one to ten. Don't lie I don't even know what he said Um, but it's $500 for a twin size mattress 950 for a king size mattress. What about a full? Dad dude, I'm still sleeping on my bunk bed

But they they have they have low they have their low prices, man You want to buy a bed? Dude a mattress like a regular mattress like a twin mattress like $800. Yeah, I don't even know They have cheap shit and it's and it's comfortable as shit. I threw out my old mattress the same day I got this thing you slept on it already, right? The first day I got it I immediately threw my mattress out and the best part and not I mean not the best part But one of the things is they send you this bag to put your old mattress in. Oh, yeah, because bed bugs, right? I didn't even know that I was gonna put my mattress out on the street

Yeah, you'll get a ticket. It's a lot of money. Um, I might get one of these also Well, here you go. If you want to get one of these mattresses You get $50 towards any mattress purchase by visiting casper.com slash basement and using the promo code Basement so Davino if you want a new bed, I want a new $50 off show me towards any mattress King Queen Jack ace doesn't matter. Whatever you want $50 off you go to casper.com slash basement and use the promo code Basement, I'm gonna buy a meta bed. Let's go. What is that? Buy me a bed. Oh Buy a meta bed kids Oprah now meta bed. I didn't I do it. I don't know Oprah handing out mattresses

Anyway, who says he can't go home, huh? Your phone's ringing My phone's ringing Anyway Vegas we're going to Vegas next week. I'll be there for 25. Are you still gonna have diarrhea? First of all, tell me about your diarrhea. First of all, my brother gave me my brother gave me these detox pills Probably like from are you supposed to detox with juice? No, these things are working. Trust me. I promise you they're working What do you mean? You're like losing weight? Yeah, like yeah, like yo, I took him and I called my brother I was like yo, first of all, I opened the capsule seven of them and I put him in a bottle of water shook it up

Seven pills at once. You're supposed to take six. I went. I wanted to be a little more crazier. Oh, you wanted to die Yeah, that's me. Listen. I'm not So he sends me these pills and I take them and Geez Louise just been pissing out of your ass I should be after this $80 fucking send it back it says Team USA on it go You think though you think I can a med could make you a no, I can't I bought some I bought some I bought some salmon USA go for the World Cup. I bought a t-shirt

three days later Joey owns it because Joey owns my ICYP championships We're from 2012. Why do I have that? Did you leave that? I wanted I asked you can I have it back and you said no Did you leave it here? I want I'll find it. Don't make me do it It was like the beginning of Joey and I like our friendship and we were in Miami like this one like he's an asshole They started liking me really and he kind of use the like yo Can I wear the shirt because I'm going to the bar and you got to stay home because you're like 12? so

Let me tell the story. Okay, never gave it back to me. Here's the deal. Okay, we went to Miami and we we got a house Did I surprise you guys when you did? We got a house and when you go when you rent a house You go into it and then you put your stuff in a room and then your shit just goes everywhere Yeah, it's clothes everywhere, right? You guys did not and one of the days team USA was playing Portugal so we were like let's go to the Cleveland air on ocean and You know, I wanted to wear a shirt that had USA. I didn't even know the game was on It was gonna be on while we were there. I didn't know if we were gonna go

So I met had a shirt and he can't go because he was 20 at the time Oh, he was a he was 19 at the time So I was like yo, can I use your shirt and he's like, yeah sure So I wear the shirt of wear it when I get back board like I said your stuff's everywhere shirt went on the ground got packed up my stuff and it's in his washing machine right now Getting clean for Vegas. Yeah, it really is Some USA gear for Vegas, I'm gonna wear Copa cabana cabana. No, why would get a cabana? I never understood that

Listen for that $80 for that $80 bathing suit. I ain't wearing anything else but that bathing suit You should wear it the entire trip not pack any shorts. Where to a club. I have some salmon shorts I have I have an abacrombie t-shirt mousse button-down short sleeve. You can't see the I'm not staying in my hotel room. I'm staying at a friend of mine apartment. So I Extra money for no reason. All right. There you go. We what yeah a friend. Is he I'm confused as fuck But what? Me Davino, yo, are we sleeping over your house tonight before shut up? Okay me Me Davino my friend Josh my friend Dylan

The ADD in this room is absurd Me me shut up. Can you fix your light? It's making me tired. I'm gonna throw up on you I'm gonna throw up in your pocket. Where's the puppy? Me Davino Dylan and my friend Josh are staying in a room and for whatever reason I just I was like, yo fuck it Friday to Sunday Let's stay in like the nicest room they have and we're gonna fuck that up I hope I I'm gonna make a big mistake. I'm gonna get like a security deposit back. I'm gonna find up Yo, listen, I will release a

Vegas is probably way more expensive than that bullshit. I will be fine. But yo, you know, it was funny First of all the house was mad But like the whole house was like made of marble It was that pool wasn't nice. So I'm telling you everybody got a rash My back was ruined the pool the pool we went to Miami We rent this house and had a pool in the backyard. It was nice when we went in the pool I think it was because the paint Yeah, I was it was paint. It was real paint. It wasn't paint was like it was coming off

So we got out of the pool you were like itchy But no one would say anything about it because they didn't want to feel weird They thought like oh, they were just whatever and then someone was like God, you know, I feel a little itchy from the pool and everyone at the same time was like, yeah But the pool was all fucked up but we had parties there and it was crazy and I remember the day I had to check out. Yeah, Davino showed up. He didn't tell anyone. He showed up That we can kick the door down. Yeah, I don't know how we got it a little dance. Can we give a little Can we give a little shout out to tables, please? Oh, gosh Russian like sweep. You're out there. I know you are

I know you're listening to this. I know I didn't tear my ACL. I Joey Joey took down the table right after you did. Okay. So hard. I have to tell this story, too That's that's what I was getting at when I said security deposit or mine I almost missed my flight because of her. What we did is we took a table that was outside. It was like there was a glass Top to it and it was like this metal frame. So we brought it into the house to play beer pong on and while it was in the house One of the nights Ahmed decides he wants to have a dance battle First he was just dancing by himself, right? You're just dancing by yourself and then this girl was like, I'm gonna dance battle to you Right, so she starts dancing and shit

Like and a meds going crazy right mad chris brown 2006 He's doing hat tricks with his hat like he's putting it on his elbow flipping it back onto his head I was very impressed. It was very Justin Timberlake, right? It was crazy Then out of nowhere, right? So they had rounds. It was like, all right, I met you go All right, the girl goes all right a med goes another girl, right? And then there was a the final round was like you guys battle each other you go at the same time So it meds out there. He's killing it, right? Hat moves and shit. He's spinning like it's crazy Blinking the crowd is going crazy the crowd being like four people, right?

It was a lot of people but everyone was like God Joey Joey was sleeping. I was sleeping. I was done He's the one telling the story and be listen my I got all the details with vomit on the mop I don't like you're not you're not achieving anyway So they're dancing and then the girl realizes. Oh, I'm losing I need to set it up right right now And she's like I need to pull this out this girl like spins and goes to do a split And as she does a split she did the split she landed she did the split and she kicked the leg of the glass table across the fucking

The most impressive part of it all the table still stood Just came out of where the leg was black water I think I ran over to Dylan and I was like hugging him because I was laughing so Dylan crawled into my room and was looking for me and when he got into my room He turned the lights on and he's trying to tell me the story and he can't like no words come out because he's laughing so hard The next day she like apologizes like no you made our entire trip Yeah, the next day she didn't wake up early They woke me up a half hour before my flight was gonna take all I was like, yo, I gotta go

No I was like wake up we need to go my flights. Oh god Yeah, I didn't get any of those doughnuts remember when I bought Yeah, you did I remember that You're like really generous That's about to pay for two cars He bought like $80 worth of wings didn't have one Good friend one night one one morning in Miami. I woke up. There was an entire grilled cheese sandwich stuffed into my underwear

That was in mine first I know and then Josh Josh stuffed it in my oven grilled I didn't know what it was at first You know what I mean? I like at first I felt something weird, right when I woke up And then I saw like a piece of crust and I was like like did I eat last night? I don't know whatever and then like I was like, okay, what the hell is that and I grab it It's an entire grilled cheese sandwich in my good. Did you eat it? Fucking eat it daily burn the house down making it. Yeah, he'd he someone made bacon without putting any Anything like in the smoke everywhere

Well, whatever the fuck I shout out to Josh Yeah, I'd like to shout out Josh. I love you dirty dirty and I cannot wait to like it endless drinks in Vegas from him Why why yeah, why okay? Jesus Christ. Oh, right. Um, anyway, so back to the the table, right? So she kicked the table down and then later on the night. I forgot that it was broken stared at it in its face Do you remember? I remember her face completely. She just stared at it like did I do something wrong? Like, yeah Things I remember from that trip. Yeah, I was crying. I was making eggs. No, but listen so the table, right? We fixed we put eggs we put the leg back on the table and then later on the night

I forgot about it and I put my hand on it the whole fucking thing came crashing down Luckily the glass didn't break and then the final day we woke up and we had to check out by like 11 So we're up at 10 o'clock. We have an hour until this guy gets here And I have to dive into this pool that is now Cloudy as shit cloudy as an old dog's eye. You ever see a dog's old dog's eye. It's mad cloudy You're like, why were we looking for I had to get there was cups and beers and shit in the pool So I had to get them all out So I get them all out we throw the garbage out and the table right so we get the table

We put it outside and we prop it up. First of all, the leg is not even touching the rest of it standing up And then we just like new book gorilla glue, but it did not it didn't work It just fell off like randomly So we just set it up and it was like perfectly fine and when the guy came He's looking around at shit one of the doors didn't close. We kept it open. That was the only door Yeah, there's the only door we shut every single door that door we left open because it wouldn't close It was fucked up so broke and then How about when he went in the backyard and saw all the garbage is like, whoa, he's like, holy shit

I'm like, yeah, I didn't know what to do with it. We eat a lot like we put it in garbage bags But anyway, so we had the table set up and me and nick are like shadowing this guy like making sure he doesn't touch the table So he walks over to the table looks at everything. He's just kind of looking around Oh, it looks good. And then he gave us our security security deposit. We were in the car driving towards the airport like And then I bought a $60 stake at the airport idiot You ate a 60 at an airport. It was a very nice truck not like Peter Luger is at an air It was like a fucking idiot. It's a steakhouse in the airport. Yeah, it was nice. That's steak. That's airport steak Are you kidding?

All you guys think you're like, you're my fucking account You Joey But who buys a $60 stake at an airport at an airport, I don't understand if it was a steakhouse. This guy Frankie in Miami, but $90 breakfast Talking to them, yo, like you guys okay, like why would you spend money because that's right for them? You do this shit all the time. Can I get a strike in Vegas? I want to buy a $60 stake in Vegas $150 First of all, everything in Vegas costs money. Literally. I would hope so. Is there there's no wet willies

If you open your door to your hotel is probably like if you ask the concierge a question, they're like, what's up? Thank you for that. But that that since that room we don't get nothing I don't know. There is a bar there though. I don't know if it's It's definitely not free for that. I don't know. It's a nice room. Everything is now. Are we drinking on the plane? Yeah, buying drinks for everybody. Joey was hammered before he got off except the pilot. It's a party Oh, what was it? Uh, Jen coats got to 737 rocking like a g6 No, he's singing country. Let's go Who sings that Dirk's Bentley, baby. Oh, yeah drunk on a plane

I hope the snaps are gonna be on fire with that song and I was drinking on that plane This is what you want to do. Yeah, I'm gonna buy the season the fifth season of dexter because that's what I'm up to Wait, do we have Wi-Fi on the plane? Yeah, how it's free Wi-Fi. You can't stream anything. You can't stream So I can use Twitter Yes, wait, so I can't watch Netflix on the plane. No Can I pay for that? No, why can't stream are you taking jet blue? You can watch movies on jet blue I mean they'll have movies you can watch. Yeah, like Deadpool and Tarzan. Yeah, but I want to watch one tree hill

Yo, it's like that crazy. I never met a kid like this before bro. You're right. You are green with him You bastard. I wouldn't go what y'all I'm gonna watch one tree hill on the plane No, ass. Well, you gotta watch something crazy like x-men. Yeah, or gone girl like joey did Dude gone girl was great. Oh, but no one is complaining to joey about What we're complaining about my financial decisions the tv show joey wants to watch gong girl. Forget it Girl Yeah, you think you this kid walks in and the first thing he says I do want to watch sisters with Tina Fey though Yo, this kid. I've seen the question. Is it good. It's all right. You both. Do you are questionable?

What watch that movie? Yo, you're the man, bro. You're so manly. Yeah, first of all Tina Fey and Amy polar hilarious. Yeah for oh agreed Fucking up, but we're questionable. Yo, you obviously don't know what gone girl is It's like a murder movie. You walk down great movie. I mean you walk down stairs saying yeah, I'm gonna start paying for two cars You work out of sports What's it called? I wouldn't put it past him. He bought a 60 dollar steak. I'm convinced you sell drugs. Yeah No, no, no drugs. Yo, I just you're not cheap. I'll tell you that you have money, but you're crazy

Hey, but it's not like, you know, you're gonna pay for anything out of the ordinary. You can pay for my bills I got I got a thousand dollars. You can't spend it when you're dead I feel you a med you gotta spend it as soon as you know I don't know what to all bring to buy a car today and you were broke a med would give it to you I'm not gonna lie. He's a good friend. He would he would if he had a thousand dollars You give you 990 of it keep the ten dollars by a by a ten dollars If he gave you if he gave you 20 dollars for a bagel he wouldn't ask for the change This shit that comes out of his mouth. I think he's right. I'm gonna be honest. I've been farting for the past four minutes

There's a cloud here and it's disgusting. They're just waiting for you to get up Yeah, I don't know why but my mom loves him. Yo, can you yeah, I love her too. She hates Joe. That's my name every time I know and she tells me she loves you. She hates joy for some reason. They know your mom's name Can you switch that light to what so something like not tiring? I'm really it's white. Yo, you see how he changes it on his phone Yeah, why does he always complain on your phone? He complained so much Davino If you do like baby blue You want to do baby blue? How the fuck is that not tiring?

Right now I feel like it's midnight and we all need to go to sleep. No, it is currently 5 30 and we're about to go play We got some daylight. Let's go play some Do you want to play can jam or corn? I'm gonna play. I'm gonna play corn jam. I'm gonna use the bathroom is what I'm gonna go Jamming in my corn. What Keith? I want which one you want to play all I know is I'm the best player here. It stinks over here. That's bad Listen, I choose Keith to be on my team because he was my best friend for I'm not gonna play with the venom You got that mountain do it vodka in it

Yeah, I want to die early. I mean wow. I was way off that root beer alcoholic Yeah, I have one upstairs. Do I haven't had a mountain do since like Dude, they got those kick starters. Oh Who the fuck is mountain do like any of this ends? I have to give a thank you to joey Because saturday one more day weekend. He saved my life. You drown. Oh, you know, I was incoherent Wait, what happened to him? I met drink an entire bottle of fireball. Yo, you're an idiot. I had witnesses there He did he actually did were you trying to prove something? Everybody was saying that was he trying to prove something. He was because and now he knows he shouldn't we always Danny, right?

It was to Danny. No, no, no. Listen. Listen. We always make fun of the med because every year in connecticut He's always like, oh, I drink a whole bottle of fireball. I'm like, no, you didn't like you didn't obviously you didn't This year he wanted to make a point and he was fucking drinking an entire bottle of fireball mix it. No He just drank it out of the bottle So in the middle and so at night i'm in espo's house And also and they hear the door open and it's nick guiding this kid in the house and he's all fucked up He's like bouncing off the walls and he looks at me in the eyes and he goes Am I sleeping?

I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? I just And he's like, I got a spit he goes into the bathroom He starts spitting into the sink and then he throws up eventually, right? And then where he goes I put him we put him to bed. He's laying down. He rolls over He looks at me and he goes if I'm not up by 6 a.m. Call the ambulance He rolls back over right so then I go and lay down right in the living room 45 seconds later. He's up and out of the room like mad quick. He's like speed walking outside I'm like where's this kid going so I chase after him and we're standing on the balcony

And he's like leaning over and he's spitting and he's just like Is this what vegas is like? And I'm like, no I'm like, no, it's not And then he's going he's like, yo, I gotta stop trying to prove myself to people And then woke up the next morning. Oh my and then krista starts walking by she's like krista She starts walking by and we're like and he's like, yo krista. Come here. Come here. Come here So I'm looking at her and she's walking towards us and then as she gets close

I look back in a med. He's sleeping You're standing up sleeping. I'm like, yo I did that too, bro. You're not alone. She goes, okay. She goes, okay, and she just walks away Now I'm like looking at him like are you gonna throw up and he's like I don't know but I'm like, are you gonna throw up again? He's like And he starts walking into the house then he laid down and I was like, fuck it. He just he just laid there He just went to bed. Yeah when I went up like a champ when I was drunk in ct You guys drew dicks on my neck and shaving cream my face. I never did anything

I was hugging the bowl. You were drunk. I was like near death. Like yeah, he could die No, I I can't believe you held it like you were walking after you drank that bottle To be honest after you threw up you were perfectly fine. Me? No, he wasn't No, you weren't gonna die because your body is saying I'm gonna get rid of this shit No, no one knew I was dying. Did you drink water? Not even a sip of you He still hasn't I gave him a bagel though. Yeah, if nick didn't guide me he would have died walking up the hill I would have just

Nick had like his hand on his back. I sprinted down that hill fell fleece Fleece first. What's up? What'd you fall on? Your face first place first Flank steak didn't you fall out of a tree? Oh, joey did. No, I fell out of the tree up there I fell off the house. Yeah, dude. My whole leg was how'd you get on top of the house to fall off of it? Someone you know, we climbed up a tree and then we're on it playing like manhunt. Yeah, Keith can do whatever he wants And then I fell off of it trying to get somebody off of the ladder Yeah, I mean that's all like just on keep saved everybody It's not that was a lie and we're just gonna keep moving forward

Did you listen to the the podcast a couple Month ago when we were talking about the manhunt and you hiding a couple months ago You you you play and you hid in the bush. Remember and nobody found you hugging the bush. Oh, yeah Everyone we had to I never played manhunt where does he wasn't cool with us back then? I used to play man. I used to play manhunt by uh elmjack. That's lame. Yeah, you didn't play with us here lame Yeah, I don't know what you guys play. Did you guys play sfa? Do you remember he used to dropkick that uncle sam? Yeah, which is like

So weird this one house had like this wooden It was gigantic wooden like it's like it looked like a cardboard. You were made of wood and you put it you put it in the garden, right? You're cool I'm gonna kill you. This was when bush diving was live. Keith would just run and both feet dropkick this thing out of the ground Like a bush almost in the house. Yeah, and just run away just all the time the people had to come outside and be like What the fuck? It's the ninth time this week Who doesn't like uncle sam? All right, let's wrap this up and let's go play a cornhole or cam jam. Which one are we playing? I was enjoying this. I need to use the bathroom. We're playing both joe. I have to use the bathroom too, so we're playing it

We're having a competition. Yes. Could we do how about this? Can we order wings? That sounds great. Could we do I have five dollars first game, right? The winner chooses if they want to continue playing cornhole or go over to cam jam How about this? There's a lot of cornhole. We play cornhole. It's gotta spot you for wings. First game we play cornhole. I have to spot you for wings. Listen, I have five bucks, dick. He's playing for nine cars this morning. I have a debit card. Yeah, you're making... I have no health insurance. Listen, you know what? Fine. I guess that's okay. First game cornhole losers have to buy

Whatever we buy to eat. Get out of here. No way because I'm fighting for death. I'm blinding Keith. You have a debit card. Yeah, it's gonna be me scoring all the fucking points. Let's go. How about the person? Yo, Med. With the least points during the game pays for everybody. All right, good. That's Davino. Good because I know I'm not paying. All right. Med, you have to buy my first drink at wet republic. And I want that big slush. That's about $75. Yeah, I know. That's a fucking wallet right there. It's literally $40. I'm gonna be a little rubbed chapstick on your face. You know what? Med's probably not hammered in generous anyway. All right, we're gonna wrap it up here. Let's wrap it up. Let's go, Med. Take over, maybe. Davino, where can they find you if they want to contact you? You know where they can find me, Joe.

I do, but they don't. You dumb bitch. And Vino. And then you can hit up. No, what's your address? You can hit up Keith after because I'm always at his house because we always play thumb wars. Keith does not have. Keith, where can they find you? They can find me on Twitter, at Keith Sanagato and Instagram at Keith Sanagato. Well, not at what? I don't know. Instrapment? What? Entrapment? Habibi, where can they find you? You can find me on Twitter at it's Ahmed. Three D's at the end. If you don't put three D's, you can't find me. Because you like D's, right? On Instagram. Yo, that was sick, dude. Instagram, you can do. I'm gonna retweet that.

You can find me at Schmetti underscore S-H-M-E-D-D-Y underscore. All right. August Ames is a gem. And that is all for this week's episode. And as always, thanks for listening, ya motherfuckers. One. Don't do it, Ahmed.