The Basement Yard - Super Bowl Party Aftermath

Episode Date: February 9, 2016

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Welcome back to the basement yard. It's Monday February 8th Super Bowl Sunday was just yesterday Little hungover my voice is a little horse. I had a big party here. There was a ton of people here I want to say there was 20 20 some people at my house We got a keg and some beers some extra beers just in case the keg ran out, which I'm not sure if it did I don't know but It was a good time. They didn't have light beer. They only had Budweiser, so I was fucking

It was fun though. All my friends came over Everyone came there was a bunch of people there. We're playing flip-cup. We drafted teams actually we picked four captains Literally we had because we had an extra fantasy Draft board with stickers and everything so we wrote everyone's name on it and we drafted teams I'm not bullshitting the house. How dumb does this sound? It said it was as dumb as it sounds But we drafted teams and I was a captain and I took my friend Dominic And then I took my girlfriend and then I took his girlfriend So I was like oh team babe like it was so dumb, but that wasn't our team name

That's what my friends called our team, but um we ended up winning the whole thing everyone was laughing at me It's like oh, we got a bomb squad you're with them new team babe. We fucking won. All right. That's what happens I'm the best there is at flip cup and beer pong. I'm just saying I know everyone says that Dude, you can't fuck with my bounce Or my behind-the-back shot shut up, but I'm actually really good. We got a we got a gold medal yesterday but um The game definitely didn't go the way that I thought it was gonna go I thought the Panthers were gonna run through the the Broncos

Didn't think Peyton Manning was gonna play well, which he actually didn't anyway, but their defense is just absurd The Broncos defense is crazy And it was too much for the Panthers too much for Cam, but here's the thing I just went on a whole fucking rant on Twitter because The fucking media has some balls Making Cam Newton out to be like this punk or crybaby or just like Classless person always arrogant like dude. Have you forgotten who this guy is the entire year?

This guy has been nothing but smiling happy every time he scores a touchdown He gives a football to a kid in the crowd No one does that shit not one player in the NFL does that they get into the end zone They go they get into the end zone. They do a little dance and they get back to the fucking sidelines But this guy makes it his mission to get the ball and give it to a kid Which is a nice thing and you know, I've seen a bunch of videos of him like talking to other kids Like he's kids who are sick. He visit he visits kids who have cancer or what or whatever and He's a nice guy and now all of a sudden after the game

Panthers lose obviously you're upset You're the starting quarterback of a team that just lost in the Super Bowl Okay Just fucking imagine that now afterwards you have to give an interview to a bunch of idiots That ask you of the most obvious questions. Oh what happened out there? We fucking lost. That's what happened Stop so anyway He's there. I'm opening up this piece of chocolate because I don't give a shit You're not supposed to eat on podcasts, but this is my shit. I run it

So afterwards He has to give an interview and right next to him. There's like a Broncos player and he was saying something like You know, we we were stacking the box Basically, he was saying we were trying to make ham Newton beat us with his arm like trying to make him throw and You know, he couldn't throw tonight and he was just like upset hearing that right after he lost the game So he just got up didn't say anything got up and walked away Everyone freaked out. Oh this guy He needs class. He's this. He's that like dude. Are you fucking crazy?

He just lost a Super Bowl How do you expect a person to react after the biggest game of their life? You know what I mean like how we are we forgetting that this guy is a human being He just made it to the Super Bowl And lost It's terrible What do you expect I can't expect I can't even like believe that they expect people to give interviews after that It's crazy and someone tried to interview me after I just lost a Super Bowl forget about I'll do a whole lot worse than that

I want to flip the fucking table, but don't don't talk to me. Don't ask me questions I'm gonna sit here for the three minutes after be here. I'm leaving. Don't ask me anything It's so ridiculous and people are on Twitter just like bugging out like oh, he's classless with with his dab Like like he pulls his dick out every time like every game he pulls it out like that's a dab He's got his dick out dude. It's like a little fucking celebration in the NFL if you've ever watched a football game Obviously you would know that every time someone gets a sack an interception a first down or a touchdown There's celebrations going on like obviously and

Because cam noons in the spotlight. It's a huge deal now. It's like oh, he's got no class with all this. No, it's part of the game whether you like it or not and Someone was like, you know interviews a part of his job It's not like he won't be at a Super Bowl again. He needs some class like dude. It's not it's not about class He didn't do anything that's classless. He sat in the chair It's not like he fucking double middle finger the camera was like you'll fuck this I'm out He just quietly got up and walked away dude the guy's upset. He just lost the Super Bowl all the people who don't understand that Obviously have never fucking touched us

Sport in their life. They've never played a sport in their entire life. They have no idea what it's like losing It's easy to say from the couch. Oh, it's gonna need some fucking class. Can you go out there and catch a football then Roger? Jesus Christ Dude when the Giants lost week one to the Cowboys in the last second in the dumbest way by the way They lost to the Cowboys week one. I Sat at my dining room table with my head down For an hour literally an hour people were trying to talk to me and I would just wasn't moving I was so upset. I'm not gonna fucking team

I'm at home on my couch like an idiot and I'm that upset So can you imagine like actually playing and being fully invested your whole life? You worked for this moment and you lose Like dude, what do you expect? Oh my god, and I understand that oh, you know Other players have lost the Super Bowl and given interviews, you know after the game. Who cares everyone's different. They're not gonna react the same way It's not it's not like about a maturity thing. It's a human thing to be upset. That's like I'm gonna so next time one of your relatives dies I'm gonna come to your fucking house with a microphone Hey, you know tell us about you know tell us about her tell us

Tell us what you think about, you know her life like dude. Are you kidding me get the fuck away from me get these cameras out of my face It's ridiculous Fucking media always needs something to talk about and you're trying to make this guy look like a bad guy Because he celebrates Like dude, everyone fucking celebrates. Are you kidding me? Even on my team the Giants Victor Cruz. He's fucking salsa dancing down the goddamn field and no one said shit The our punter Brad wing if he punts a ball and it's a good punt He does like this golf swing like he celebrates his punts. It's a punts this guy's celebrating and no one cares

Because it's not Cam Newton Cam Newton is like Kind of like the new face of football is he not I mean at least this year. He's the MVP He's a fucking tremendous athlete And because it's him he's getting all his shit for it, but you know what it is that all comes from You know people who people Holding athletes to a higher standard and I've had this argument with my friends a bunch of times I don't think we should hold them to a higher standard I understand that it's part of your job to act a certain way blah blah blah, but everyone is human

You know what I mean? That's just a person. That's not some some God or some special You know version of me. No, that's just a person. That's it They they follow the same laws that I do they drink the same shit that I do. You know what I mean? It's this it's it's we should not hold them to a higher standard and now we're just like oh This guy's upset after a Super Bowl dude have some fucking class like what the fuck if you if I can't find parking I'm freaking out punching my goddamn steering wheel Tell me to have some class like I'm these people. Oh my god Everyone's a hypocrite. It's ridiculous. This guy just lost a Super Bowl and he actually handed on himself

He handled the situation Probably the best you could Other than actually giving an interview You know whatever this is the way to go about it. He didn't you know bad mouth the other team He didn't say any of that shit. He just got up and left. What's the big deal? God, I don't know one first take they're gonna have Stephen A. Smith and fucking Skip Bayless and all these analysts all over ESPN just like breaking down this film. Oh, you know, okay I'm doing these maturity. He's got to step up and what the fuck are you talking about? Oh

My god, these idiots put on your suit and tie and shut the fuck up That's why you don't have a jersey just put your suit and tie on and shut up the athletes understand you just lost the game I'm surprised you didn't go. Yeah, fuck the fucking Broncos and Peyton Manning. I'm out and left That would have been fucked up that also would have been real that also would have been like, okay. Yeah He's upset for sure Whatever man in other news, I think I'm getting a dog Which I know I have a dog, but it's not really my dog Like it's my it's my sister and my mom's dog because he hangs out with them guy doesn't even like me

you know, I take Instagram pictures with him because You know Looks great on Instagram. That's the only reason though. He doesn't actually like me that much He like I'm like a fourth option. I think like in the morning Mama leave sister leave My brother leave and then he'll be like, alright, whatever fine. We'll just hang out then and that's what all I am to him So I was thinking about getting my own dog and I want a big dog none is not like a huge fucking Beethoven dog, but a decent sized dog like a medium like a like in between a medium and a large

What's that called? Like him like a Marge. Oh god. That was terrible. Um But I'm like a crazy Dog person like if you go to my Instagram and look at the follows I follow like an unhealthy amount of dog accounts and all the notifications I get on Facebook or my sister just Tagging me in pictures or videos of dogs like I just love them. I don't know what it is I just do and my sister on Saturday was like, let's go to Shake a paw which is this pet store, you know in Long Island and

I Have it what I have avoided this place for the very reason that I bet to explain is because if I go into a pet store And all I need is for one dog to come up to me and look at me with these eyes and fucking jump up on the glass And it's over. I'm buying it, you know So I had my mom doesn't want me to get another dog. She's like, dude, you don't take care of this one I was like, that's not mine. That's your dog. I'll take care of my dog. I'll teach him shit You know what I mean? We'll hang out me and him but

So I went to this place because we kind of convinced my mom now to like let me buy a dog and like Realistically, you know, I could get one and she's not really gonna say shit should just be upset about it but So I went there and This place is like heaven, man They just have like a glass big glass cases in the middle of the store and they all are opened On top and they're just a bunch of little puppies in the glass and then some of them are sleeping some of them are climbing up on the glass trying to like

you know Fucking play with you Then there's dogs and cages and then there's dogs and I Don't know these display cases like, you know an Amsterdam the red light district where hookers are in the window Just like dancing like there's like something like that in the back. Well, like the Schmedium dogs are like in there They're just like hanging out taking shit There was a dog who took a shit like right in front of this dog's face while he was sleeping I wish I was making that up. It sounds like I am but I really did he took a shit

Right in front of this dog like I thought he was shitting on his face. I was like Jesus this dog shitting on that dog's face I'm not buying him Shit right in front of this dog's face and the dog was sleeping and then eventually you saw his nose going He smelled any more companies like what is this? What is this? Someone just shit right in front of my face Although I think dogs like that. They love smelling shit. My dog smells shit all the time I take him for a walk forget about it. This dog smells everything. He sees a pile of shit. It's like he struck gold He's like, oh, he's just there for 10 minutes. Just sniffing. I'm like, dude. It's shit. You and I both know let's keep going. I

Hate walking my dog, man, but I'm gonna walk this dog the one that I get I want to get a So I'm all over the place by the way But so I went I went here just to look at dogs and just kind of you know See if I really wanted the responsibility because you're signing up for a 10 to 15 year Child basically they have to make sure it doesn't die Bite people and knows how to piss in the right place So, you know, it's work So I went there and I was like, do I actually want this dog?

So I went there and I was just looking at a bunch of dogs There was I didn't buy one that day nor was I planning on doing it. I was just kind of just just I went to hang out, you know and I think I'm gonna get a golden doodle Which is a golden retriever a golden retriever and a poodle or a labradoodle Which is a they're like and they're both like a hypoallergenic genetic. I don't fucking know the word man But they don't like shed too much which is nice because I would like to get a golden retriever But forget about it. You would have to you have to fucking. What's the word sweep?

I forgot the word sweep whole new level of dumb guys. I'm getting dumber by the second but You would have to sweep every five seconds one of my friends has a like a husky got all his clothes are covered in hair Just covered It's insane. Like I don't want that. So if I can get like a big dog like that That's like a big shaggy furry fucking dog That doesn't shed Best case scenario. So that's what I'm gonna do. I already started following a bunch of golden doodles on Instagram I'm in you know what I mean? Hopefully in the next month. I'll buy one

And there's so much goddamn money, you know, but I don't care I asked the guy I'm like how because I saw one golden doodle, but it was a girl and I'm not trying to get a girl I'm not trying to deal with all that Periods and God knows what I don't know what happens. I don't want a girl I just want a guy give me a dog with balls. I'll cut him off and that'll be that you know But uh, so I went and there was a golden doodle there a puppy God cutest thing ever it was a girl So I was like, okay. No, but I was like how much is this dog? He goes

You know about like 28 to 35 and I'm like hum. Is that? 208 he's like, yeah, like 2800 at $3,500. I'm like Fuck I mean, I know dog. I think my dog was like 1500 so I was expecting around there This guy just doubles it on me and adds more on top. I'm like fuck so I Could be putting down three thousand dollars for a dog and then I got to pay for shots food Fucking who knows what else a cage? I don't know. I really have to Google how to be a dog owner real quick I gotta stop eating chocolate. I can't I can't be in chocolate job on the floor dog eats it dog dies

Now I'm an asshole, you know, I will tell you this If I do get a dog and it's a puppy My entire life is out the window. I might not even make a video ever again because I'll just be playing with this dog all day I'm gonna teach it how to Let itself out how to unlock the doors take a shit come back inside and then lock the doors to make sure we're safe at night You know, that's what I'm gonna teach my dog Wild shit like that. Oh go get me a beer. I saw I saw a Facebook video of dog of a dog He goes into a cooler gets his owner a beer

They kid me coolest dog ever. That's what I'm gonna do. I'm just gonna be playing with my dog 24-7 and Just get ready for the barrage of Instagram pictures because that's all that's the real reason why I'm getting this dog All right, so that people can see it on on Instagram go He's funny and he's got a puppy like it's crazy. That's all I want. I want to see those comments everywhere That's all I'm getting a dog for But that should happen within the next month or so I know I know I thought you know a lot of people I kind of hyped up the Super Bowl party

That was gonna have and you know some stuff happened, but I'm not gonna tell stories Because you know a lot of my friends have careers That they want to pursue and I'm not just gonna air it out like that, you know, it's not it's not nice I was gonna because I was like fuck it. It's hilarious, but I'm not gonna We're back on the Super Bowl guys. I'm all over the place, but it doesn't matter But it was a fun time anyway, I'm gonna get the hell out of here because Oh God I gotta I gotta just take a shower and drink some water my throat is on fire right now

It feels like I'm swallowing fucking sandpaper. It's so horse Or a coarse horse. I don't know one of them or the hoarseness of my voice is insane It's incredibly dry. I feel like my throat is bleeding I don't really know if that's normal or if I should go to the doctor or whatever But god fuck. Oh shit Beyonce was at the halftime show And Beyonce and Coldplay, but I'm going to see Coldplay in July. It's a July 16th or 17th I don't remember but I bought tickets to it. I'm taking my family. It's gonna be fucking sick. I love Coldplay people think I'm like Sarcastic when I say that like dude, no ever since that movie came out 40 year old virgin and people were like, you know

I know you're gay because you like Coldplay they like ran with that and they think Coldplay is gay Coldplay is my favorite band ever That's a lie. I like the who the who is my favorite band ever and then Coldplay love them They're amazing. I have all their albums. They're so fucking good But they were at the halftime show it was cool. I liked it, you know, it wasn't it wasn't Prince Prince's halftime show. Holy shit. That was out of control man That was the best halftime show I've ever seen But you know, this one was all right Anyway, I'm actually gonna get out of here now. I gotta take a shower. I gotta get the fuck out of here

Oh, I just got new running shoes. Look at me. I might fucking I have ADD. I have to I just got running shoes I customized them because I'm a fucking weirdo and I'm gonna go running see guys. That's a word of advice also Okay, if you're if you want to get less gross you want to start working out buy some like clothes Or like some brand new running sneakers because if you buy new shit You're like, I want to wear them and if you chances are if you're buying running shoes or like running gear like You know cold gear or whatever it is like under armor You can't wear that and just hang out, you know around the house or just like go out to a bar wearing that shit

So you run just so you could wear the new shit that you had so it's kind of like a Kind of helps you Helps you stay on track. That's why I bought these sneakers I haven't ran in a couple of days because I just forget or I'm just not interested and now I have these sneakers I'm like fuck. I want to wear these so fucking I'm gonna go running Maybe I'll fucking Instagram them, you know, that's why I buy shit You buy sneakers so you could put them on Instagram and then run and then tell people you ran, you know That's why that's it so get get yourself some new sneakers and I promise you those will get you out the house

I'm running. All right. That's my best word of advice If you guys are interested in sports at all, we're gonna be breaking down the Super Bowl on my Sports podcast called veterans minimum. It's on iTunes and SoundCloud. You could check that out Also, the other podcast that I'm on called invasion of privacy with Kate Wolf Those are that podcast is where I discussed some serious topics Not so much the jokes But it is funny. She's a female comedian and we have a lot of fun on that podcast. You go check that out also It's also on

SoundCloud and iTunes invasion of privacy and that's all and I'll see you guys Well tomorrow if you're gonna watch the video. It's coming out Tuesday. It's actually a fun video I shot a bunch of scenes with Keith so you can check that out tomorrow night 9 p.m. Bitch. Thanks for listening your motherfuckers