The Basement Yard - The Art Of Gloryhole-ing

Episode Date: November 21, 2017

On this episode, @Frank_Alvarez80 & I talk about lots of things but the only one I can remember is glory holes. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard. I am joined by Frankie. It is casual Friday. It's always casual Friday I was making fun of you right as you started because you start as you always do You should see the way I start veterans minimum it's out of control. I shouldn't welcome back to veterans minimum today We were talking about that's a lot. Yeah, I know you know what I should have done in a past life Been one of those like auction people. Yes 25 25. You actually talk faster than I do I don't think I talk faster than you can you have the ability to wipe Frank Can talk Very fast. Yeah, white Frank has is yeah. Yeah, just for background Joey is nicknamed me Frank and white Frank

Because like I'll talk no like I went on with my friends I'll be like talking normal, but when I get into like a serious conversation or like an Articulate at what you just get all you just over articulate all of your words And I'm like you sound like because I need to make sure that everyone understands what I am saying I know But it's it's way easier that way. Oh my god, my legs Do they actually say things those auction people I don't think so Like no, but there's like stuff that they say in between is like 33

33 I don't think they know I think they just kind of roll their tongue back and forth and no one knows the fuck they're talking about Do you ever like just what's that? I'm trying to move my tongue real fast All right. Do you ever just like try to do things really fast? What like Like like I don't know just like try to like clap really fast. What was that? You're like you never seen like those speed clappers That's how they do it That's pretty quick. Yeah, they pretty good. They speed clap like that. I try to do things really fast all the time And I don't do well

Yeah, I don't know that was a that was a wild sense there you ever try to like do stuff really fast Run Well, I can think of spice of life, I guess right by Salam So anyway, I tweeted about something I want I wanted to kind of talk about it because I mean Frankie could vouch for me here that It's kind of ridiculous how it's become a trend on the internet that Whenever it approaches finals week in like high school or something these kids Will be tweeting out pictures of them getting up to the whiteboard by the way whiteboard. Yeah crazy First of all, we had chalkboards dog

Nothing made me happier than being the one to clean the chalkboard. Yes such a satisfying like feeling I know But these kids today, they don't have chalk in their lungs. We walked into class. We came back from lunch We were coughing. Well, it was a cloud of smoke in there The it was like basically being sentenced to death to have to go clean the erasers. Oh my god fucking machine It was loud as fuck powered by a jet engine Probably like a little person behind it like pedaling a fucking bike definitely a midget in there Mmm, not the proper not this proper term actually learned that yeah They do they don't not like that little person is the right term

But I feel like little person would be a little more offensive That's exactly what I said to them because we interviewed a little person on the podcast that I do other people's lives And I told them like I said midget because I'm not I'm just not aware, you know what I mean I thought that was the thing and apparently it like was but then I had a negative connotation They changed it, but I was saying like if someone calls me a dwarf I feel like that's like very lord of the rings, but that's but that's also like a that's that's the name of the Condition, right? Yeah, so like I guess that makes it okay

Yeah, I guess so but then that's like you're then calling people by their condition, which like I don't know like I remember I'm not gonna call you a diet of diabetes or some shit That's like that's the same thing like one of the things I learned in you know like a class that I took over like people suffering from mental illness It's like you don't like there's someone suffering from schizophrenia or depression. They're not depressed. They're not schizophrenic. So it's like Counterproductive by calling someone that has dwarfism a dwarf. Yeah, and we can go into that all day, but it's not up to us It's up to them They make the rules, but anyway By the way, what we were talking about with the chalk

So I want first of all for people who don't know the chalkboard right back in the day We had these boards you had to write on with your hand no markers There was chalk that you had to do right. Do you ever want to eat the chalk? No, I what? Dude chalk is what I don't know why like I always just like wanted to take a big bite into a thing I'd like the little skinny white pieces of chalk. It's like hard dude I mean the human teeth are a modern marvel. They can bite through almost anything. I don't think mine are mine are kind of like I Literally chew ice on the reg. No, I don't do that. I chew ice on the reg That's kind of crazy, but go on. I'm sorry. I told you I wanted a bite chalk

So anyway periodically the teacher would be like you and you go downstairs to the Eraser room and like clean these erasers and it was a tiny closet literally like two by two Like two people couldn't fit in this at the same time Nope, and there was just thing that looked like a water fountain But at the top it had these bristles and then you turn it on it goes And it would just like go back and forth And you had to like put the erasers on it's yeah, you know the chocolate off the amount of Chalk pollution in this tiny little box was unreal. We were a hot box

Seven years second-hand we hot box the hell out of that chalk. Oh, I mean you would not believe it was crazy And first of all it was always what idiots the teachers were that we had I mean shout out They were good teachers, but like they'd always be like alright Frank you go and pick a partner and like instantly Our eyes met and we was like let's go. I wouldn't even look I would just start standing up Yeah, like it was crazy how you were allowed to do something and I'm going to the bathroom pick a partner Bring the attendance down pick a partner. Yeah, I got reamed out Reamed out and I remember not allowed to play in line soccer that day. I was very upset line soccer's a goodie

Yeah Because the our fifth-grade teacher Mish net sir shout out the fuck out shout out She goes alright Frankie bring the attendance down and I was like alright You know they had like the little bubble scan tronches and we'd walk it down and I picked our friend Ricardo to walk down with us and We walked down and he was like this was the smartest one of the smartest kids in the class Yeah, was friends with us, but like super straight edge. Yeah, like a hard and What we get to the there's like two ways to go back to like many ways to go back to the Classroom and I was like go. Let's go the long way and he's like no I'm taking the short way

So I was like alright, we'll go and then we'll meet at the classroom So I took the long way and I went to like cut him off at the stairwell and waited there for a solid five minutes No one I Was like fuck so I went back to the classroom and then just got destroyed I'm verbally destroyed by our teacher do mish net sir We had a sex ed class in fifth grade that she taught and mind you she was like The meanest of the fifth grade teachers that we had everyone loved her the most. Oh, yeah Yeah, she was great, but she was like the strict one, you know like no no leeway whatsoever

and she taught the sex ed class and I remember the first day we were in class and She's doing whatever and I'm just trying to hold it together because I'm an immature fifth grader in Dennis Yeah, and then she turns to the board and she and that was good for most of it and then all of a sudden she goes the penis is a Miracle and I lost it. She's like get the fuck out and then I couldn't go back It was like one of the things at the beginning of the class She's like like everyone that had taken it before us because your sister had schnitzer my sister had schnitzer right and it was like don't laugh Do not laugh because like there was always one or two dickheads in every single year

Yeah, that would laugh and then just get murdered. Yeah, I couldn't help it and that was you and Dennis That we learned a lot that day though, you know, yeah, I miss I would go back and redo elementary school in a fucking heartbeat Yeah, every school was fire. It was the greatest time in the world and like we would have like There was like a jungle gym in one of our like the kindergarten teachers room. What mr. Steve, you don't remember that Oh, yeah, like the loft, you know, what's fucking pop around? I didn't even wow I forgot this guy had a full fucking playground in his in his room and he had Mad rugs a lot of with the roads the roads on the rugs and you're just like oh Dude, wow, I totally forgot about that. Yeah, but back to what you were saying like these kids like

Like all right, so why a lot of it approaches finals week Yeah, and like high school now or whatever they just go up to the board and write 50,000 retweets and we don't have to take a final and then they take a picture shaking their teacher's hand So and sometimes they get 50,000 retweets. I don't know if the teacher goes. I just fuck you guys I'm just kidding or if they're like, oh, yeah, you're good. You don't have to take a fine First of all, what's the teacher getting out of that first? Let's go real basic. Yeah Did you ever take a final in any elementary school class? No, it's not elementary. It's usually high school Okay, all right. I did take finals in high school. Yes either way

Just study take the fucking test everyone. This was my biggest thing through college I knew so many people that like Would fucking lose their mind stressing out literally like couldn't We got like hyperventilating shit and I I always said legitimately I had good grades all through high school not all through high school, but high school and college and I said like Just show up and fucking pay attention and write down notes Like that's really all it is and then if they give you homework do the homework Write the fucking paper if you need to write a paper, but like I don't see I I I know like people need it for certain

But like just relax I know some people are like, I'm not a good test taker and I just get that that that and I'm like I Honestly people use that because I don't I never studied. I have like a photograph memory here, which means I didn't learn anything Which means like I could literally I'm not even kidding in high school. This is no bullshit The the vocab test text The vocab tests They were they was so stupid it was like here's the word Now just give me the antonym

What the fuck would I learn even if I knew what you know what I mean? Yeah, like why would I need to I don't even know the definition? I know the antonym. Yeah, but I would literally not look at the words at all And then sit in class the day the test stare at my book close it and get a hundred That's exactly you know, that's the thing that I would do is I would just sit there Minutes before the test and just look over and just be like got one word to definition You know what I mean like like or like one word from the definition with that word and like it like I always found it Help now I get like people don't have that ability and some people do have learning disabilities and stuff like that but like It's like oh man, I would go back and take tests any day

I literally haven't been in school in so long. I don't even know what it's like. I kind of miss it but I I Literally I tell everyone like I went into every test and I still do this like going into meetings Or going into anything any tests, whatever. I just go in there like I Don't care if this works out or not I just got to trust my abilities and like if I fuck up I fuck up whatever go down with the ship like you can't like yeah Like that and stressing out. I think would take you out of here to be honest there's really only

like Five or six years where you need to care about that and I would say like the last year of high school College and if you go on and do you know An advanced degree a graduate degree or PhD or whatever like you like looking back Mike our grades in elementary school and middle school meant nothing Yeah, and mine were flawless back then and mine were not we did a fucking 180. I dropped out You got a fucking masters like we did a complete Joey through elementary school was like He was like king of YouTube

Yeah, like if YouTube had fucking elementary school at YouTube like this kid was student of the month every other month I got it once not a year once from kindergarten to fifth grade I got it once yeah every other month this kid was student of the month fucking a hundreds and aces And I was the class clown just being a dick getting in trouble all the time Yeah, and then just drop of a drop of a dime 180 It happens like I would say eighth grade Yeah, where it kind of just switched then yeah, and then I was just like and then I you know the roles were first I was done. Yeah, but I checked out now. Let me ask you in that situation where like the kids

50,000 retweets we don't take a final. Yeah, do you blame the moron student or do you blame the teacher? Oh the teachers the fucking idiot here. Do you know if we're the first fucking idiot that went oh Yeah, do that What are you getting out of this teach and do nothing maybe retain some information that it might be useful down the road or 50,000 retweets like what what I don't get it. I don't get it I obviously if the kids shoot your shot do what you got to do, but I just don't get it first of all if do you imagine Second grade if we went up to miss Macchio and put that on the board. Holy shit I'm pretty sure my mom would like allow her to beat the shit out of all but 100% which we're not gonna get into that conversation, but

like That shit wouldn't have fucking like that won't do it I'm positive if miss Macchio and miss schnitzer second grade and fifth grade those teachers were like hey if we get 10,000 retweets do we have to take a final they both spit in our faces immediately Go sit down you fucking idiot Now you get 10 points off the final in four months. Yeah, whatever it is absolutely No fucking smelly sniff scratching sniff sticker on it. That was my shit, which again didn't get a lot of dude No, I was secondhand sniffing your fucking test

So miss miss Macchio, I remember that we were in her class and Dennis Who was one of our other friends? He was in the back of the class for some reason he had to stay in our Yeah, he wasn't in our class, but he was there I went to the back of the room. It's the end of the day It went to the back of the room to get my jacket, which was near like the closet was near where he was sitting I was like, oh, hey, what's up Dennis? She came flying from the front of the room. I was like, don't talk to him I was like, holy shit. She's like, he's my guest not your guest I was my fucking friend swift mover that mission miss Macchio old but she's got a quick first five steps

I had the best scheme going in second grade because remember when we used to have those Sims tests Matt, what the hell is that Sims? That's what our math textbook was called. So I don't remember you You don't remember that now and she used to before the day before the test go over everything that we do and she'd want us You'd expect us to write down on our in our notebook our notes. Yeah, and I didn't I Would sit there literally with my legs up which shocked. She didn't kill me for I'm surprised you have legs. I Was born with them. I'm saying she could have cut them off. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah And I would literally just scribble in my fucking notebook No, not a single word and then I got ratted out by this fucking kid and

I have never heard the human voice hit that note and what she was screaming at me And it wasn't like this wasn't cute like it wasn't cute. She'd pull you out and scream you in the hallway No, she'd scream you in front of everyone. Yeah, you're your fucking friends until you cry your biggest enemies until you cry Yeah, it's rough. She get right in your face. You could smell her breath and feel the heat Oh my god from her throat. Yeah, and she stood. I'm kidding you like I'm not kidding you She's when she stood over us. It was like she was definitely ready to kill us 100% She would ball up her fist like she was about to hit us It's crazy. Yeah, you remember that I remember in second grade. Who was that the Indian kid that like transferred into our class? I

Think his name was like I remember third grade. We had an Indian girl named Pooja I remember her no, but this it was little fucking fruit gels that I used to steal Those Chinese fruit gels. Oh Good the Kiwi ones. Hello. Where are you? Where where's Pooja? Where's Pooja and remember Stacy? Yes, dude Third grade was a year. What a year. We found ourselves that year this girl I was in love with him like second grade this girl Kelsey moved away broke my goddamn heart. Yeah, I fucking remember that third grade

Last day of the year who shows up Kelsey shows up. First of all, it was an ice cream party So everyone's having a good time then this bitch walks in Oh She's back Literally the most grand entrance. I've ever seen a nine-year-old. Yeah, I was ridiculous. Yeah, I remember that I mean It was it was such a fucking simpler time. I'm like, I was talking So I saw a couple of our teachers not long ago. Yeah, um And I was talking to them and they were like, yeah, we worry about our students using their cell phones in class

And I'm like, what I do I was just thinking that I was like, I can't imagine being a student like now There's just so much shit that going on in your pocket. It's it's like it's impossible to not be distracted. It's crazy and then like with like There's no way to to like not be distracted now. Unfortunately like The only technology we saw in elementary school was in computer class And at fucking lunch when we would play our game boy for 30 seconds before we had to go back up Yeah, uh, but it's it's fucking like it's gotta be like I say this seriously like it's probably tough now to be an elementary school Yeah, because there's dude. There's so much and now they're probably dishing out iPads and

All kinds of shit. Yeah, I I don't know about you, but like I'm I'm a I'm not like an a digital learner Does that make sense? I think that's a term, but okay, but like I like if I'm gonna read a textbook I need a textbook. I can't like read. I can't read on an iPad. Oh, I can't read on a fucking iPad I can't it fucks it like Kindles. What the fuck are you doing? Kindles are actually pretty I have the fire the amazon fire tablet It's actually kind of cool. Fuck that but like what for like learning I want to if it smells like a book, you know how books smells love the book smell But like I don't like reading books at all, but I'll smell every book you got And like an older book too. You know what I mean? Like that's like the spine's all fucked

I'm talking like original copy of lion which in the wardrobe like dude Put that in a bottle and sell it c.s. Lewis. What's good? Yankee candle get on that make a library book. Oh my god. I'd buy nine. I just I seriously Yankee candle just like just release a library line Yes, like old. Yes paperback hardcover A textbook encyclopedia has its own smell and so did the fucking like coloring books had their own smell coloring books then like the like the vinyl not vinyl but like

You know when like a like a book was like a children's book how they're like the paper But they're like coated in like the really thick paint. Oh, yeah, like glossy. Yeah, that's a different smell What's that book with the caterpillar on the front like that the very hungry caterpillar? Hello That was really or the the fish one with the the scale the one color scale or whatever the fuck it was Yeah, man. These are these are classic. I don't know why we're not making millions of dollars off of this right now Listen, if anyone takes this this is our fucking property. Right. Yeah IP right here. This is what we're doing We're making we're making book scented books. No, this is a serious question Here we go. We used to have like library class like twice a week in elementary school

But do they still have that? I don't know Like what the fuck do they do? They just walk into a room and just everyone's got a fucking Kindle That's so confusing to more than that. That must be sick. That must be computer class then I don't know what the fuck is computer class now. They probably teach them how to snapchat Fuck knows back out your lips like this Had it what the fuck were we doing in computer class? I don't even remember kid picks. I do remember that We fucking went off on kid picks. Yeah, um, and then there was like

you know, like uh Putt putt's time adventure where it like taught you about history and like a computer game Well, I had a computer game once I forgot what it was But it was like a mansion you walk in and like there's a bunch of math games you gotta play Dude, I I was going through Sporkel today and just sparkle. Do you know what sparkle is? Yeah, dude. Dude. I sparkle hard and it was like You know things from elementary school if you were in the 90s and they were like three computer games that I was like

Holy shit. There was one where it was like you were a movie executive trying to make a movie Then there was another one where it was like you're a fish trying to find someone or something or like Like holy shit We had the coolest way of learning and now they're just like, oh, uh, if chris brown, you know makes 30 000 songs And each of them are two minutes long How many songs how long are his songs? You know what I mean? Like it's fucking stupid I gotta find the name of this fucking game because it's really gonna bother me dude Reach out to the people. I'm about to and like be like, yo, give me this fucking game

Look up putt putt's time adventure. You might that you might remember that one putt putt pu tt times two P as in pp Putt putt's time adventure. Oh, yeah, I remember this shit It was a little little pink car. Yes, dude. He went off. Yes See, it's it's sort of like this. It's sort of like this same Same animation and stuff. Yeah same concept, but it was fire and I fucked with it hard

Oh boy, I remember in computer class once I was sitting there and Uh, all of a sudden on my screen this thing pops up and it says hi. I'm like, what the fuck is this? And I'm like, what the hell I'm afraid. I want to know. Sorry. Hello And I'm like, what the hell's going on and then I look at miss elaine and she's like gives me a look It's her and that was the first time I ever Seen like a like an instant message. I was like, what the fuck is this is crazy. He was like, he's talking to me But she's over there an immediate email. I was yeah, I was like, what is that? Yeah, see the teachers did that for you

If I got a message from her it would be like sit the fuck down. Shut the fuck up and pay attention Oh good times good times And then like also kind of a little I don't know if I should be asking this but I'm gonna Um This is good. So what did we listen to at our like dances like the halloween dance Dude ignition Bear but that was toward like sixth grade. We listened to a lot of otown Wow

A lot of bahamen a lot of bahamen. Fuck maybe too much bahamen to be honest with you Like what are they what what what do they play now? There's only so much selena gomez little pump Little pump Little pump Gucci gang you never heard little punk gang. Gucci gang. Yeah. I know that song. Yeah, unfortunately But like and then like so our school little pump Our school dances consisted of Literally the girls dancing

And that's just like staring and the guys staring and literally running around in circles around the girls dancing Like this is all true. This is what do they do now? Like i'm afraid to see a sixth grade. They dry hump I said that weird, but they dry hump Um, do you like you wanted to give up? I was like high up. I committed. I was already too far into the hump You committed man. Yeah Uh, but that's definitely uh, what's going down over there. I can't believe that How about how about just don't be a piece of shit and take the test? Yeah, wow you brought it all the way back to the front. Yeah

Fuckin that son of a bitch Oh Yeah, I mean, you know, come on. You guys got iPads in your classrooms like You know what I mean? Your teachers aren't allowed to hit you or threaten you or do whatever. That's another thing You don't know teachers. They can't do anything teachers can't like touch kids They can't well hope not. No, I'm not not like grab their assholes. I'm saying I'm saying like grab their wrist or be like, no, you can't do that or whatever or like keep them in their seat Like there's none of that like they literally can't do anything at the end of the day

If the kid wants to act out he he's going to yeah, I mean, it's it's kind of crazy. We We have you can't cut the balls off, you know, or However, you want to relate that, you know to make sure it's gender-neutral the statement But like we have like taken away the ability for them to be Authoritative where it's like now the teacher's a friend, you know, and yeah, no I can kind of understand where they're coming from and like where they want to be But it also kind of contradicts what they want them to do like I'm sorry I can only learn so much from you, you know what I mean

Like you as a friend as seeing you as a peer Yeah Like as a teacher like I need to like look at that person and be like this is someone that if I fuck around They're gonna whoop my ass Even though I know they won't whoop my ass Yeah, and uh, you know, also, I think something that's crazy and I might be going too off topic here But like I also think it's crazy that we immediately now just classify

Everything as a mental illness ADD ADHD And they're not chalking it up to kids just being fucking kids Yeah, you know what I mean when you're a kid there's so much Shit being thrown at you that can you know turn your attention from here to here and one minute and there and there to another And and I really struggle with like everything now being chalked up to you know Oh, well, they're just not focusing. Well. Yeah, because they're a fucking four-year-old that

you know really just wants to See flashing lights and you know hear stuff like that. So but that's another story for another time It's another story for another time before we move on here. Let's get to the sponsors here the first one mvmt watches We get it holiday shopping can be tough, but thanks to mvmt Thanks to mvmt all that gift-giving anxiety can disappear with the press of a button Uh, you want to get your boyfriend a watch or your girlfriend a watch or whoever to watch Get them an mvmt watch dog

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rich lathering shave gel and a travel blade cover To get your free trial set just go to harry's.com slash basement right now. That's harry's.com slash basement And that's it All right, all right By the way, another thing I wanted to talk about is I really wonder if these kids You know, so we talked about how there's no chalkboards anymore It's all just kind of like if it's not digital. It's like marker stuff. It's the whiteboards. Yeah, right

Um, so they don't have that pollution Also, I'm pretty sure they don't have the bathrooms that we had back in the day. I'm sure they're a lot nicer I hope so there's more rules And stuff ours the urinal went down to the floor, which means pee on the floor Dude, you know, it's a lot of a lot of piss on the floor now that I think about it that whole like What is that who came up with that? I don't know architecture just doesn't make sense there. It's it's like Okay, you want to get splashes of piss on your shoes?

Let's put this on the floor. Let's put this in there. Yeah, it just makes no sense It doesn't make any sense It's such a like do you remember the one bathroom near the lunch room that literally looked like it was out of a fucking like 1920s prison that bathroom looked like Someone walked in with a fire hose and just fucking And it had the fucking old sinks that were like a bathtub Oh, wow. I forgot about that. Yes, we literally could like I'm sure there were points where we fucking sat in one You can literally sit in this thing. It was gigantic

It looked like they took a tub and just put it onto the wall onto the wall. Yeah, it was absurd It didn't make any fucking and it was drains like in the middle of the floor just because Well, they knew it was basically it the floor looked like the bottom of a pool You ever see it Not the not the recent movie the original one right You remember the shower scene where he comes out of the floor and it's like those small white tiles Yeah, that's what it was. I literally felt like it was inappropriate and and do you remember looking up? Don't look up exposed pipes

Probably a lot of asbestos just a ton of asbestos at that age looked kind of cool. You wanted to touch it I wanted to hang off of it. I did too Oh, man, and people and why would we walk in there and just ball up napkins and just chuck at the wall at the wall at the fucking ceiling I remember there was I don't I forgot who it was, but there was one kid in our class who's like Prank was he would piss on the fucking toilet paper rolls So if you went to go take a shit Bedtime bad time. What and that was another thing too. It was always fucking with the people needing to shit

Oh, well, they're an easy target. I mean, they're sitting duck literally. Yeah, they're sitting. They're sitting, you know They are sitting duck. They can't get up. Can't chase you. They can't That's where like the like the real good Pokemon trades happen Like at lunch it would be like, all right, you trade like a Bulbasaur for a Charmander But like in the bathroom Of like the boys bathroom. It was always hard to switch in hands literally like that's where the shit went down Like the underground pokemon experts would be in the bathroom at the right time. Oh, you want a bedrill? Well, you're gonna need to give me a graveler. Yeah, you know and bedrills aren't hard

But you needed it. You needed a bedrill, you know, sometimes you need a bedrill and it was like a high level Don't get me started on pokemon. Yeah Geodudes, those are my shit. I was looking at something today. It was just like name all 151 pokemon Did it? Yeah, I can name more pokemon than I can states Well, there there are more There's three times So I would hope you can name three for everyone Yeah

Yeah, I I I can't name I can name the states. I can't like show you where they all are You know in fifth grade we had a test where we had a the capitals know all the capitals and we only had to know I think like 20 and I knew all 50. Yeah. Well, I think that shows you we had to know 20. I think I knew four And it was like not even new york's. I think I knew like fucking Carson city and just like random ones are across the country Oh, I don't even think Carson city is one of the is it I think so of what utah You tell me. I don't know Carson city I'm pretty sure if I'm wrong. I'm

That just goes to show I just spelled capital c a p t i t a l Oh, I thought I thought that's how you spelled Carson. Carson city is in Nevada is that Nevada? Yeah, it is and then I must be the capital. Yeah I gotta take capital of Nevada I see I used to know all of them It is Carson city. Good. Good. Thank god. What the fuck else would it be?

The only other town I know in there is los vegas and reno that too Uh That's it. That's it. There's only three those. Oh, there are three cities in Nevada Yeah, it should be the state should be called nabata with a small town called Little Excuse me. The state should be called los vegas with a small town called nabata. Exactly I figured it out guys. They figured it out

Um, but yeah the bathrooms. I feel like that's where my anxiety started with shitting in public Because you couldn't get a serious like problem that you have. Oh shitting in public is like terrible, dude I I will avoid it at all. I only do it if I'm like, well, I'm not going to shit myself as a grown man You apparently do all the time. I don't shit myself ever We literally can't go eat at certain places because you're like, I won't make it home You're talking about taco bell and chipotle, right? We were an hour and a half from home. I'm gonna eat chipotle and then drive an hour and a half We're gonna have to pull over on the side of the road like a cycle. There are multiple gas stations on 995

Oh, you want me to shit in a gas station bathroom? No, no, no, no, no, I'm gonna reel my ass No, but they're like those nice like nice gas station bathrooms. They're like the nice like rest centers They're called they have like places to eat in there too. No. Yeah. No, no, no No, dude gas station bathrooms. I assume they all have like glory holes like Everything is just covered in semen. Have you ever seen a glory hole? I haven't I haven't either. I really want to I would love to see a glory hole I'm like right on my instagram You know like those would you ever would you stick your dick through for a second just to say you're there

Well, that's how you end up on a fucking registry, but Like, you know those horror movies where like people there's like a hole and they like look through it And then something fucking pops out. That's what I think is going to happen to a glory hole Yeah, like you go to look through it and a dick just hit you the eye right in the eye Yeah, you're like, no, no, no, that's terrifying. Yeah. No, but you really like I'm saying like So I don't really know how glory holes work. I'll be honest like if you're in the bed I think it's like a drive-up window. It's just there right, but how do you get to the other side? How do you know that you're on the dick giving side and not the dick getting side?

That's a really good question me right has someone ever like has there been like a like a like a like a pile-up Yeah in the middle of a glory no one knows which side is which so they just go to stick them in the same time Boom dicks collide or do you give it like two fingers in like is it like a hey? I'm here I'm coming in or you just let them know you could talk they can hear you But I feel like that's like or is there like a knocking I think that's like an unwritten rules code That's like an unwritten rule of glory holes. Don't talk Like right. Yeah communication just whole dick mouth mouth or

Or stuff. I don't know. I mean there are a lot of things you can do with it. That's true But I think there's like a morse code. It's like And that means like I'm my dick's going in. Yeah, like sos and morse code or something. Yeah Suck off something like I think suck our Suck our slab Slab I've never heard anyone refer to their dick as a slab. Some people should right Well, I just agreed with that and then didn't realize what I said. I was like, yeah, right

But you don't think that if you came Came across a glory hole and it seemed empty. I'm not saying use it I'm saying just do this Because then you're like a part of the crew You know what I mean? Look like you stick it in you get it out before anything happens I would do it. I have my dick in a glory hole. I would have to know there's like no one else in there I wouldn't want to be intruding on anything or anyone's business. No, I wouldn't either I like it's it's it's it's doing it for the story is what you're saying

I'm saying put it in take it out right away. How quickly do you think this is going down frank? You stick a dick through the whole I have a lot of logistics Based questions talk to me. So like first of all, what is who brings something in to cut the glory hole? Wow, is it a puncture? I think it starts off as a knife wound to the wall And then it's stretched out over time. All right. So then are the like are the the edges like Sanded down if I put my dick in there is it gonna come back out looking like it just got clawed by freddy krueger That's a good question. Is it like padded? I don't think it's padded. It depends where you are and then like

How thick is it? Like how I think you'll be all right, right? Like who adjusts like who says like this like they put a unit one side To the wall and just like draw a circle around it with a marker and say that's it Right because you can't go too big on the glory. Yeah But I think it needs to be big enough to fit some balls You're going you're going dick and balls. Oh, I'm not going balls. If I'm doing it. I'm going in and out Just dick. I feel like that's like one of those like Chinese finger traps

You can get it in real easy, but pulling it out is gonna suck No, I think it's it's big enough to get out to get out So then yours is not a glory hole. Yours is a glory portal. What does that mean? First of all, I don't know What kind of dick you think I have but it's not like the circumference of my thigh But you're putting balls in there too. I'm not putting balls in there But you're asking if I was someone who was a glory holder I would definitely go ball sometimes the glory. Holy is what they're called right the glory. Holy I I if you're going balls in there, it needs to be a bigger hole because like I said like oh, yeah

You need to like get both in there at the same time. That's that's not easy. Dude. It's not like a just a dick hole You what do you do? But that's what I'm like Oh, and I this is amateur hour when I close my eyes and I envisioned glory holes. Yeah, I see just a dick hole Yeah, I don't see ball holes It's not ball holes. If the hole is just big enough. You don't just see dick and that's it. It would be really nice You get some surrounding about this Make it like and like a museum experience

Have the glory hole underneath a little window so they can at least see the ball see the balls See them admire them. They don't need to go through They're just you know Like you know, it's like you see a glass. You can't get through exactly exactly, right? You know, don't put your hands on the glass non-reflective. Don't touch the balls. Yeah, don't feed the balls It's like a zoo exactly, right? So it's like a petting zoo. Okay, but I mean this is gonna take Quite the steady hand a lot of construction experience. I mean, I'm sure like see glass

They make backboards out of that. It's not cheap stuff. I'll tell you that it's not cheap And this is a lot to go for first of all, I don't think you go this hard for glory holes Glory holes are more it's supposed to be rugged. You know what I mean? Yeah The hole should be surrounded by like a piece of gum stuck to the wall and someone wrote Michael's gear But a glory hole to me is like an adult petting zoo It should it should like there should be some joy to it like it shouldn't be an like really negative experience if both

Part like if both people are consenting to the glory holing Right the glory holders the glory holy like if they're both consenting it should be an enjoyable experience like Add like a box of tissues underneath, you know, like definitely should be some music playing. Yeah Because it is it is nerve-wracking. You don't know what you're getting on the other side You kind of never know you never know, you know how brave these people are They're not i'm really thinking honestly the real heroes. Yeah, not all heroes wear capes Dude, I don't even put my dick into like underwear without like feeling around Like I would like sticking my dick in a glory hole would be like terrifying for me

But I think I would do it for the I protect my dick at all costs. Oh my god Like that's my most valuable possession. Yeah, and I and I have a family right Doesn't matter. Yeah, family. It doesn't matter, right So why are these kids writing on these whiteboards? How do we get to glory holes, I don't know so I just want to I just want everyone to like be aware There weren't glory holes in our That's not where we were going with that I know we both both said we have never seen a glory hole

But we're I I need to see one though interested now. Yo, I honestly how do you find them? There should be an app An app to find glory you could find everything else this bar has a glory hole this one doesn't I'm assuming they're like in like gay bars and stuff I don't know. I mean, I've been to some gay bars, but I've never seen a glory hole I have seen a lot of dicks though A gay bars. Oh, yeah, what do you mean? A lot of dicks. Why there's just swinging them around over there

I kid you not there was one I went to with a couple of friends because you know a couple of my friends were like, hey You know, they were like, oh, we're all going out. You know like bunch of guys bunch of girls stuff like that And then as a straight man, I'm comfortable with my sexuality, you know, and they're like, oh, we're going to a gay bar I'm like, awesome. That's gonna be fucking fun. Let's get lit. Let's get lit. Dude. No one parties like the gays I'm telling you dude. First of all, I feel like if if like all of our friends make fun of me for going to a gay bar It was one of the best nights of my life and I was in college And you would be shocked at how many incredibly attractive straight women are there Yeah, I mean, I believe it. I feel like going to a gay bar is like

Like you get to I don't know how to word this really But like it's sort of like role reversed where if you're a straight guy in a gay bar, like people want to buy you drinks Dude, I got so many drinks. Like I'm not even kidding you first of all Everyone loves a good compliment. I walked out of that place. I could have fought a minotaur like I I was on another level like people coming up to me like, hey, you want to dance and I'm like, oh I'm dancing, you know, like in the like with like a bunch of people like no, you want to dance with me And I was like, oh, no, thank you. I appreciate it and they'd be like, oh, you're not gay and I'm like, no

You'd be like, that's so awesome that you're here. Let me buy you a beer. Boom. Go up to the bar where I saw the dicks There was a guy standing on the bar Guy standing on the bar literally dick out swinging it back and forth Was he wearing pants? He was wearing like a g string But it literally was like a stripping gay bar. No, it's just like a normal bar. Just a normal bar With a gay dude flapping his dick around That's heavy. Yeah But uh, I had a fucking blast when I went to a gay bar. I literally had so much damn fun

It sounds lit. It's so reversed Yeah, dude, like literally I I I want to see where I stand You know what I mean? You first of all if if an angel like you walked into a gay bar I am quite well aware. We've already spoken about this exhaustively. I'm quite well aware of where I sit On this, you know, I feel like you have a like a a straight guy rating What like what girls rate you And then what guys know what I never thought about that and it has to be different like I'm a strange eight for women Because again for in the looks personality 10 we'll go right we'll go for an eight

I don't know what my gay guy rating would be it would be interesting. I would love to know So would I someone needs to help me out and let me know I I And I don't I don't want like I'm gonna I'm gonna ask my friend Eric I really yeah, and I want to know too. I'm gonna ask him about you too Yeah, and I don't want any like Like don't be like oh you're at 10. I don't want that. I don't want 10 Do you know how my friend Eric is one of the most brutally honest people I need that that I've ever fucking I want to gay dude to tell me you're a six

I need I want to know I sent him a video of my lip that got stuck to a paper cup Which that's a whole other story what and he told me I am the most repugnant Individual he knows he uses every Incredible adjective I like to describe the worst thing on the planet. I definitely need a one to ten. Yeah I need to know Yeah, if anyone you know that listens Identifies. Oh, I have quite I have a gay following. I fucking love it I do

They they uh, they tell me all the time if anyone that listens identifies I want as gay. Please let us know what you think legitimately. Don't don't be like, oh my god, youtube 10 Like yeah, give us like a like what do you think? Yeah, let's ask us some fielding question We'll ask me some I want strictly looks brutally honest I want you to be like you like you like I find you funny whatever But you're fucking your heads fucked up or like your eyes a little slanted and I don't like that Like I want I want to be ripped apart. I want to know my rating. I want to know What do you think yours is? I don't think mine's like I gotta be honest with you

I don't think I'm a good-looking guy in the gay community. I I and I'm serious when I say this I think this might be the only possibility And I'm not saying it is true the only possibility that I have a higher rating than you I swear to god I don't think mine's good. I'm sorry dude that hair flip Gotta go I don't think mine's good. I'll be honest with you. I don't know like I see a lot of gay dudes And I'm like this guy's fucking hot

Super hot they take care of themselves. I just like I'm barely getting by dude. You know what you mean? So many hot dudes Whether gay or not. I'm all about hot dudes Seriously Blake Shelton sexiest man alive right now. That's ridiculous when when I saw the thing and it was like when Idris Elba Exists on this planet and Jason Momoa and they don't get it Dude, Blake Shelton This guy rigged this guy's not even close. He's not in my top hundred. He's all right What the fuck's that mean? I think I think we're talking about the hottest guy ever. All right

Not ever but whatever the fuck it is alive I need to find this top 10 Sexiest what is it? He got sexiest man sexiest man alive Yeah, look up the top 10 I got this is this is this i'm gonna be furious I'm gonna be honest with you here. How do I find this? Oh people people mac. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Do we know who got it last year the rock? Do you know anyone else who was on it the rock got it last year? Right, okay. All I saw was people losing their mind over Blake Shelton. Give the guy. Hey relax. I mean good for you

Good for him, but come on there. Come on. He knows where he stands people mag sexiest man 2017 list Here we go. Oh my fucking here we go. What do we got here? If they stop me from what would they do like a hundred? I don't know if they did a hundred. What is this site? I got a click Through a bunch of shit What who's this? They don't have numbers 10 most insane pimples. You'll never believe number six This is this is like i'm not doing this

This is stupid. I can't find it. Are you kidding me? Look on your phone People mag what what's wrong with your site people if you're listening Fix your shit I can't find it. Sorry Can't do it. I would love to tell you top 10 and deliberate that but The computer's not working fucking people magazine. You can't really find it. God damn it. First of all my computer's not even like How about you go to like people magazine calm and go from there? I was on people magazine and their site is a fucking shit show All right disaster

Wait, I need to find this. Oh my computer just started working. Okay, fucking super sexy chris hemsworth. Holy shit, dude You know what that guy should have won. He is a sexy dude That guy should have won and he's he's Aussie. That's that was an Aussie. That was an Aussie He's Aussie. Good. I good. I I mean, I can't really do an Aussie. I guess but he's a sexy dude. Why can't I find this goddamn list? I'm just going images. No, I'm not gonna find it. They don't have the list What's on the list people Whatever, maybe it's like they don't put it out so they make the people buy

Like they don't put the list on their computer. So like all those people bastards Jesus christ, anyway, um I don't really know where to go from here. Yeah, we could wrap this up. Oh, all right. Let's wrap it up. Love it. Um, we went all over the place today Listen Super fun Yeah, um Yeah, so frank, where can they find you? Frank underscore alvarez ad on twitter f alvarez underscore ad on instagram And as I say every single week, I do a wrestling podcast called the scourge circle jerks

You can find us at scj pod on twitter if you like wrestling and you like talking shit Come give us a follow And That is all. Yeah, thanks for listening. Bye