The Basement Yard - The Birth Of The Dirt Wolf

Episode Date: September 5, 2017

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Welcome back to the basement yard. Today I have two guests, Frankie's back, Joey's back. If you're watching this on full screen, you see a lot of beer on the table. We got paid for none of it. Just wanted you to know. Just wanted you, yeah. And I'm not even gonna pretend like

there's an intro to this. We don't really know what we're talking about, however. Joey started a story before, you know, before we started this thing. We didn't even ask questions because we knew we needed to talk about it. You're like, save it, I wanna know. So he goes, all we heard was, I was forced.

Never mind. I'm like, wait. After I made a comment about an enema, he then goes, someone that was forced. You were talking about butt chugging a beer. Right. And I said, I wanna leave the room. You said, do you really?

And then you said you didn't. And then I said, you know what? I was forced to see a photo of a man with two penises yesterday. I thought it was gonna be crazy. I'm glad I saw it. It was weird, but it was, wait, was it going to a zoo or a weird circus?

Was it two full dicks or one that broke into two? No, no, two full dicks. Full dicks. Spread out like that. And what a mutate. That's some X-Men shit. It was a Reddit AMA, actually, and they just- It was rated what?

It was a Reddit AMA. I don't know all these languages. I don't know this. This is very internet. This is very Q&A. The guy with the two dicks was gonna ask me anything. It wasn't just like a picture. This is like a dude with two dicks.

Just like a dude. Two dick dude. Can we hit him up? Can we get him on this show? I wanna see- Where is he from? I admire, like, listen, it's not weird. I don't have his coordinates.

To admire a good look. It's like admiring a painting. Like when Van Gogh admires, you know, another painting, it's like a man admires another dick. But now there's two. I'm not gonna fully agree with the entirety of that statement, but the last part, if I see a two dicker, I'm in. At that point, you're kind of just like,

I'm not in, like I'm down to participate. I'm down to see it. Just like the possibilities are endless. The damage you can do with two dicks. There are a lot of stuff. Let me ask you, if one gets an STD, does the other get it? Great question. That's a great question.

I'll tell you right now, if I had two dicks, one would get one. One would get one. One would be my throwaway dick. One would be for like- I'm just finally gonna fuck about this for- One would be for your girlfriend, the other would be for like everything,

but would you have like a partition, like a playing card in between them at all times, just to make sure that they don't meet? Just like a sheet. Just a sheet. Can you get like a left boner and not a right boner? What are the questions they were asking? You're looking at me like, I have two dicks.

Yeah, I know. Can you get a left boner, Joey? You do have the answers. You were on the Reddit. Yeah. I just saw the picture and the top comment talking about how he was probably the man in the locker room in high school.

I don't know about that. Swinging two cocks around. I don't know about that. That gives it- Now, if he has sex with one person, is it a threesome? Or is it have to be another two? Think about how- Wow.

Good question. Yes, it is. Cause you can, I mean, depending on which way it's split, like- It's this way. It's this way. You can turn to the side and do a lot of things. Oh yeah.

Oh yeah. D-D-P. But he has one- DDP. He has one, his balls are pulled out. Diamond Dow's page or deep dick penetration. Double dick penetration. And deep, maybe.

Big dicks. His balls are pulling over time. Good size. Good size dicks. That's good. That's like having one giant dick. You know- Stack them up.

Now, when someone asks how big his dick is, does he combine the inches? Because that's a really good one. Is it cumulative? These are questions. Is it like, oh, I'm packing a solid 12 inches. Like, whoa, six each. Right.

Six each. Right. You know, these are the questions we'll never have the answers to. This is the best podcast already I've ever done. This is so intuitive. This is like, so intellectual. You think about having like a five or a six sum.

Sounds great, but really, there's gonna be two or three girls who don't have much to do. Right. You can only eat so many for ginus. I mean, gist. The amount of people you could have in the room with you and then be kept busy. Well, listen, it's gist.

Only two. Twice as long. There's only two. This guy was tripodting it out and had three. First of all, might need to call this Smithsonian. Tri-cock is wild. Listen, two is, I'm scared of one. Two is a lot.

Two is a nightmare. Two is Freddy versus Jason. Now, is he circumcised? That's a lot of skin. Is it? You know what? I'm not just saying this. It looked like one was and one wasn't.

A power move. Absolute power move. Half Jewish. Absolute power move. All right. That's a super power move. That's super solid. You know what?

I'm versatile. His parents were like, whatever, dude. Does he have to shave both? Or does he like two-face it? Like for Halloween, does he go full two-face, like one-size-size? I imagine the circumcised one gets the shave. He's a switch-hitter, you know?

He's a switch-hitter. This is so interesting. I am so intrigued. So am I. I want to meet this guy. First of all, what does that feel like to get both of your dicks blown? First of all, that's also got to be awful

flipping them up into your waistband. Oh, you get a boner. It just, you know what? Actually getting a boner is probably dope. Because people are like, oh, he doesn't have a boner. He's clearly got two things in his pocket. Something's going on over there. Yeah.

So this guy's got a gun on him or something. What's going on over here? What does a two-dig boner look like? A donor. A double boner. Coin it. That could be the word you submit to Oxford, the diction.

The webster to get it into the dictionary. How hard is that to do? Can you just submit words? Well, if you get it in, they pay you. We were just talking about it. Wait, how much? I can make up words all fucking day. But they have to be like, you know, like correct

and shit like that. Stupid. What about like, if you submit, like, is the term gutter slut on Urban Dictionary yet? I don't know, but I like it. There's nothing more appropriate. A gutter slut. Anything could be a gutter slut.

A dirt wolf. First of all, don't talk about them like that. Second of all, I'm really curious about Oxford. Who pays, they pay you? Yeah, I believe so. I think it's a correct word. What the fuck does that mean? I think it's websters.

First of all, words are literally just made up things. But they need to be rules to them. Like they all come from that. Oh, I can make some rules. Well, I know like a few years ago, they added selfie to the dictionary, like shit like that was new. They added SmackDown as emoji.

Stop. Oh, lays a SmackDown? Yeah. That's amazing. Emojis now in the dictionary? Yeah, I think so. There is no love in this world anymore. No happiness and no love.

Is there Austin 316 in the Bible? Cause I feel like that. There should be. That is something. Do you guys use emojis? Only when I'm really sad. I use them. Only when I'm ready.

That's it? That's all I have? That's my sentence. I only use like four emojis. And it's pretty much just this and this. That's it. A lot of sign language. I use a decent amount.

Yeah. I use the eyes a lot. Like whoa, what was that? Yeah, I remember you saying that you use those eyes a lot. Yeah. What? We had this conversation? It's the dope dirt wolf.

You're not drinking dirt wolf yet. Not yet, not yet. But I will do. You can feel it. By the way, this beer that we have, we went to the supermarket and we saw a beer called Dirt Wolf. No idea what it is, but it's 8.7.

It's a double IPA. And then we got Icelandic water. Yeah. Which was $17 and it tastes like a fucking Coors Light. Nothing crazy. Did I say we weren't getting paid by the way? Yeah. We won't say the brand name

because we probably can't pronounce it. Yeah, it's very Icelandic and shit. I have no idea. By the way, can you guys see Frankie's socks right now? My voice is just going. It's just going. Ren and Stimpy. Ren and Stimpy socks.

Listen, I'm all about, there is nothing more important to my life than my socks. There's not much going on here. Everyone can go. My day is made by a good pair of socks or ruined by wet socks. And I will fight. I will fight anyone that doesn't agree with that.

If you were traveling to a deserted island, you can only bring three pairs of your socks. Which pairs would you bring? That's really tough. That's such a TMZ question. I feel like you just ran up. You just ran up out of it. Three pairs of socks.

I don't know, man. I have some really good ones. I don't know. I have these. I just got Jurassic Park socks. It's hard. With T-Rexes on them. Love a good T-Rex.

All about T-Rexes. All about them. Stegosaurus were my shit growing up. I couldn't even tell you what they look like right now. Are those the ones with the big ass plates on their back and shit? Yeah, like the plates. And then like the tail with the spikes.

Yeah, those are my shit. I had an action figure. Put it go on. All about socks. Big action. I have one Santa Claus surf boarding. This doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but I'll take that.

It's done, hook me up. I like it. It's done, right? There was a store in Vegas that was just for socks and I wanted to go in but I knew I'd drop an easy 400 bucks. I can't, like socks are my weakness. Do you wear socks to bed?

No, I'm not a criminal. Do you wear socks to bed? No, fuck no. Does anyone in this room wear socks to bed? Kyle? Oh, hold on, wait a sec. I mean, I have. Yeah, I mean, I have.

Is that a hard no? It's, I mean, Kyle? No fucking way. Thank you. Thank you, Kyle. That's the only appropriate answer. I mean, I have to, but. I mean, yeah, when I'm black out and I don't know better.

But I also wake up without them on. Yeah. I don't know where they go. I've become so like agile with my toes. I can like fold my socks with my toes. What? I swear to God. That sentence is ridiculous.

I can like grab stuff. I've become so agile with my toes. I have. If I wasn't so self-conscious of my feet, I would do it right now, but no one wants to see my feet. I'm telling you. I would, I think we would all like to see you

drink that beer with your feet. Wait, you could drink that beer at your feet? Uh, I could definitely, I think I can. Frank, if you can get your foot. I mean, you know I'm pretty flexible. He is pretty, it's scary. I'm scary flexible.

Like boner worthy. I'm regretting. Flexible. I just presented it to you. It's all right. I'll come up with one. It's going to get hot in here. Give it time.

That's all I'm going to say. You also weren't pants, so there's not going to be a whole lot of like, you know. I will rip these pants. Fuck these pants. I will rip these pants. We'll tell you it's hard getting these socks off. Oh yeah.

What about, yeah, hold on. The flexibility thing I don't get, by the way. Why, like why is that like a, not a stereotype, but just like a whatever. Like if a girl's flexible, she's like, oh dude. Cause you could put her in weird positions. Yeah, but who does that? Who's fucking people in pretzels?

Serial killers. That's you. Oh, you know what I would love? For you to put your fucking heels behind your skull. What? No. They're still, you can't get these socks off. I got one off.

Just one. Can we light a candle or something? Can we light a candle? Can we light a candle or something? What are you doing? I'm just trying not to run over the cords. Okay. This is a mess.

So, Frank's gonna try and attempt to drink this beer with his toe. I don't even think you could hold that beer with your toe. Yeah, I can. That's an easy one. That's not, that's a heavy thing. There's a lot of liquid in there. Oh, the foot's out, guys.

Guys, the foot is out. If you don't have full screen, please, Frankie, stop, hold on. Let me get it in between your fucking toes. Thank you. All right, he's got it in between his toes. Look, winded. You're about to be,

if you drop that, I'm gonna kill a bird. You're not even in the line of fire here, Joe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. This is a lot of life's at risk. I was really confident. Frank, Frankie's got. I didn't like.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, there you go. Yeah, give it an angle. Get a good angle. Here we go. Yeah, go ahead. Drink it. You got it. Frank.

What if I just get it into my mouth? I'll be psyched. If you get anywhere close, I'll be fucking. Yo, this kid's groin is shattered. I can see it. Give me a little bit of control. Make sure I don't drop it. Yeah, spot him, Joey.

Give him a spotter. I can't believe how did this happen? How did we get here? He's got a secure in there. Oh my God. Frankie, please don't ruin your thumb. Way more than I thought I would today. All right, this isn't happening.

All right, I will come back though. No, no, no. I'm gonna stretch all week. We'll be back next week. Frankie's gonna drink a beer next week with his toes, everyone, go get full screen. I appreciate the effort, nonetheless. I'm winded closer than I could have gotten.

Do you know how tired I get walking up stairs? It's pretty fucking pathetic. I'll walk up my stairs. I only have like 15. That's a pretty decent amount, actually. 15 steps? 16. Maybe, yeah.

Maybe 15. And I get to the top, I'm like, can't do it, I don't know why. It's tiring. Sometimes I brush my teeth and I get tired. It's really fucking pathetic over here, I'll be honest with you. Might be all this October fest we're drinking.

How often do you go to the gym? At least five days a week. Oh, really? Yeah. Still tired? Oh, exhausted. What do you do there? Definitely not cardio, I'll tell you that.

I think it's the worst. It's really horribly boring. Oh, it's fucking... Cardio? Everyone who's on fucking Instagram being like, cardio, hashtag, fucking ol' cock and leg day, this sucks, dude. It's awful.

Who's enjoying that? I hate cardio so much that I need to like, I need to like picture myself doing something on it. So like when I'll be walking up the stairs, I like picture like I'm running after like a baby falling or something. Like something to just take me out of the fact that I know I'm doing cardio.

I fucking hate it so much. The baby falling. Like, I'm coming, you know what I mean? When you're on the treadmill? No, no, no, on the stair climber. Treadmill, I just... Oh, you're running up stairs, saving a baby that's falling from what?

A window. What stairs you're running up then? Do you know how buildings work? Yeah. I can't defend you. He's like looking at me for help. Stairs are in, come on, this makes sense, right? Joey.

Yeah, come on. Right? Let me ask you another question about your feet, your socks. Do you always wear matching socks? Yeah, I'm not a fucking atheist. I'm sorry, that was aggressive. I don't have anything against atheists.

I do, I really don't. I don't. Yeah, it's like a pet peeve of mine. My girlfriend will literally send me a picture of her feet. Don't ask what makes us happy. Okay, this is... And one sock will be one thing and the other will be the other

and I'll get very agitated. I'm wearing a fucking black sock with a blue trim and then a purple sock. I don't see the need to fucking do that. I'm pretty sure, on the show, I either wear socks that aren't matching or I'm barefoot, which is bad because my feet are not good.

Or you wear those garbage converse socks. Right, yeah, exactly. Those were free. Yeah, I don't, anyone who would see your socks is a close enough friend to where it doesn't matter what your presentation is. We have a friend who, when we used to have sexual girls, that's a weird sense.

Not anymore, much more. He's eight now. Not anymore. No, but I remember back in the day, he used to be like, yeah, I'd tell girls to leave their socks on because I don't like feet, it's gross. I need to ask, after I need to know who this is.

It's an easy guess, I'm telling you. Like, you definitely know who it is, the most, whatever. Do I even know who it is? No, I don't know. Like, do I know the person? Probably, I don't know, maybe. Yeah, that would be a really awkward conversation. Like, things are getting hot and heavy, by the way.

Like, that would be so weird. Check seriously, I can smell your feet, put the fucking back on right now. Take them off, go ahead, go now. Are you sucking toes? No. No. Toes suckings, like, heavy.

No, I dared a friend of mine to suck my toe once and it was the funniest thing I've ever recorded. So this friend. Who? A friend of mine from college. She like, you couldn't come near her. How did this happen? Like, ha ha, suck my toe.

Which toe did she pick? The big toe. Oh, I think that's the one you go for. That's the one. And like, we were all like joking around, hammered. This is the same night I bit through a pineapple. The worst decision I've ever made. Pineapples aren't even spiky.

I feel like that's just a cartoon thing. It hurts. My mouth was on fire for like 20 hours. It hurt. Oddly specific amount of time. We were all like drinking and I said, I was like, someone dared her and I was like, yeah, do it. You're like, all right, so I took a video.

Mind you, Frankie's big toe can pass for a small dick. It's like, it's the thickness is there and it's pretty long. It's just from my fucking face. I think I made contact with it. It's a good, it's a good toe. What do you want me to say? So she sucked your toe for how long?

How many like, did she suck it like it was a dick? No, she just like put it in her mouth and like engulfed it. That's it. It wasn't sexual by any means. It was just a dare. How did it feel though? Did you think this is why people like this? I was, I was, I was hammered.

So my extremities, I couldn't feel any of them. So you didn't feel this? Fingers, toes, they were non-existent at that point in time. Okay, that makes sense. Yeah. You're getting very close to me tonight. Thank you. This is going off the rails.

By the way, do you guys want to try the dirt wolf? Yeah, time for a dirt wolf. I mean, time for a dirt wolf. So we have no idea what this tastes like. But you know, they graciously, shout out to dirt wolf because they graciously sold this to the supermarket near my house and we paid money for it. That was nice of them.

So nice of them. Good for them to make the money. I just like, it just pops. The word dirt wolf. Like it just, it catches your attention and you're so ready for it. It's a great rat name. The logo is very Game of Thrones.

I'll be honest. Yeah. Well, remember I saw it and I was like, dire wolf. Yeah. But this is way better. Dirt wolf, come on now. Should we get, no, no, no smell. Straight test. For the boys.

And then we'll, what's that? But we just a cold one. Oh, that's like an accurate. Cheers. Cheers. Here we go. I like it a lot.

That is very delicious. I like it a lot. This doesn't taste like dirt or a wolf at all. That the bottle is very cold, but it's actually kind of warm. Yeah. What is going on with this? Yeah. Really threw me under these lights. You know, it's catching some heat.

You know what though? The eclipse just happened. That could have something to do with it. Where it's like hot and cold at the same time. I'm gonna blame it on the eclipse. Daytime and nighttime. You're absolutely correct. That should be it.

There is a moon on this and the dirt wolf is in front of the moon. So. Maybe it's an eclipse of a dirt wolf. I was really upset with the eclipse. Why? Not great. Not impressed.

Well, we weren't in the vicinity where you can like. Do you just say vicinity? Yeah, vicinity. It's the dirt wolf guys. The vicinity. You weren't in the vicinity where you were gonna get a full eclipse though. I wasn't in any type of.

Yeah. Cause I was. I didn't have goggles. That's a scam. You see the picture of the kid on bar stool with the eyes that are just bloodshot. But that's not from the eclipse. I don't know, man. So you stared at the eclipse with no glasses on.

I didn't stare at it. And I looked at it like this hurts. And then I looked away. Okay. But like eight times. I did that a lot. I looked through my phone, which I hear is also dangerous for your phone.

Really? I think this is all bullshit. Like everyone was talking about the sun. Like it's big, bad thing. It was supposed to explode when we were in eighth grade or whatever. I'm telling you, I trust Neil deGrasse Tyson more than I trust my own.

Thank you. I, yes. Neil deGrasse. Oh, I gotta direct the wolf. Anything he says is just a fact and something that I follow. The guy is a stud. My friend recently met him.

And that's like one of three people I'd give a fuck like celebrities about meeting. Like I was actually jealous. Like he's the best. He's so cool and smart. Like that's what I want to be. You listen to StarTalk? I don't.

What the fuck is that? That's his podcast. StarTalk? Does he just talk about like a Ryan's belt? It's like him. That's the only one I know. Big dipper, little dipper. What else you got?

What's the other one? Big, big. Big dipper, little dipper. How do you cover the dippers? Isn't there a, aren't they ladles by the way? What is a dipper? They are, yeah.

I don't know why they call them dippers. I remember the first time I saw it. Can you imagine being so bored as a civilization that all you can do is just look up and go looks like a dipper. I have thought about, put that in the book. You know how they have like those things where you can like buy stars?

I thought about. It's so fucking stupid. I thought about it for my girlfriend for so long because she loves the fucking sun and the moon. First of all, walk to remember he did that. Phenomenal movie, almost cried. Very romantic. Just saying.

Thanks for that update, Joe. Yeah. I feel like I have a- So. No, and like, I was legitimately contemplating it and being like, I can just fucking lie about whatever star I bought. And she would never know,

bring out a certificate, but obviously I wouldn't do that. But you know, they're like expensive. I looked up like trying, it's like, it's up there. First of all, the other day, now that you say that, it kind of reminds me. The other day I saw on Instagram, Nina Dobrev, adopted a shark.

Oh, I thought you were gonna say she was adopted. Like, that's tight as fuck. Wait, so she posts a picture of a shark and it looks like some live stream. And I'm like, hold the fucking phone door, whatever. I was like, can you adopt a shark and then just watch them be a shark? Just shark around?

Joe. Because then I would pay $8,000 to do it. I was just gonna ask, what's your max price for a live feed of your own shark that you adopted? You get to name it and it's a high definition live feed. 24-7. Would you throw a 10K on it? I'll tell you what I'd pay 20K for.

A bird. A hawk? Eagle. No, I'm going straight eagle. If I get a bald eagle, oh my God. Do you know what kind of shit is on there? Swooping down, picking up fucking big ass animals, dogs, fucking people shooting at them

because they're like endangered and trying to kill them and shit. I saw a video of a bald eagle swooping down and drowning a baby deer. There is nothing. I wish a bald eagle, I wish, I really do wish a bald eagle would swoop down and drown my first child because that would be the greatest experience

just to watch it. You know what I mean? Just to see it. I don't know who I'd root for in that, the child or the eagle. Oh, I'm all eagle on that. All eagle? Dude, it's your first kid.

You can have others. Yeah, there never will be a time where you'll have that bald eagle do that again. Dude, exactly. How many kids would say, how'd your kid die? Fucking bald eagle trapped his ass. That's a good one. Yeah, people would be like, what?

And they'd be smiling. They wouldn't be like, I'm so sorry. They'd be like, wait, hold on. That's a really good one. Seriously? I would get it on fucking Snapchat. That would be really good. Dude, I seriously hope, I hope that's how I go.

I wanna fight a split. I do hope that's how I go. I do hope, I hope vultures. I've been attacked by turkey vultures, not fun. What is a turkey vulture? It's a fucking vicious, ugliest shit vulture. So we were at my lake house in Connecticut and we were across the lake, you know,

in like the mountains hiking. And there was like a rock formation and the guy that brought us hiking was like, all right, go ahead, go mess around on the rocks. It was Pat. Yeah. And there's like this rock formation. It was like, it was like a rock and then two rocks.

So it was like, you can climb through it. So we were all trying to climb through and none of us were getting up. So Espo, my friend Espo, he like elevated me through it. He's like, I'll go around and meet you around and we'll stand at the top. I'm like, fucking awesome. And I hear like panting.

Like, so I'm like, thinking it's him. I'm like, oh, Espo, where are you? And I turn around and it's this massive bird, wingspan as big as my fucking body. And the eggs are right in front of it. And it just starts getting up and fluttering and its fucking wings are hitting me. And then it flies away.

I swear it's a real story. You can ask Espo. Wait, a bird that big, did you grab an egg? No, do grab an egg. That's a terrible idea. What? Then they're coming after me. That's how you die.

Grab the egg, get the fuck out of there. That's ruining nature, dude. Dude, you could beat up a bird. I don't know, that was a big bird. And that was like 12 at the time. All right, yeah. I was the size of like, Macaulay Culkin and Home Alone. There was nothing I can do to save myself.

Not a lot, right. It could have flown away with me. I'll tell you what, today, even though I'd probably let it happen for the story, but if a bird swooped down and attacked me, right in the face, right hook, pow! Feathers everywhere. I'm taking, I'm taking an egg and tucking it,

like it's a, tucking it right into the elbow, like it's a fucking football, and just booking it. Are you hatching it, or are you pan frying it? How do I hatch it? You just sit on it? I think you just sit on it. Yeah, I think that's how it works. Wait, would that happen if you took a vulture egg

and just sat on it? Would eventually it would burst? You probably leave it in the right temperature. Do you think a baby vulture knows? Does it think that you're it's? Absolutely, absolutely, you are it's mother. Yeah. And you're not gonna steal that, and you have a child?

I take back what I said, you should've taken the egg. Right! God damn it. Yeah. Raise a vulture as your own, teach it English. Oh, how dope would it have been to just be like, at a beer pong game, who's your partner? Oh, you wanna see?

Just throw my hand up in a vulture, just land on it. A big fucking. I'll admit, I fucked up. You fucked up. I did, I fucked up. You're an idiot. Yeah, that would've been dope. Ever since I saw the first Flintstones movie

and they crack a massive egg into a pan, I wanna fucking eat like a crazy egg. Yeah, it would be a delicious. Like what egg? Like ostrich eggs? I think that's a real thing that people eat. Oh, people, yeah. Did that one verify that?

It is, it is. People eat ostriches. People eat fucking dogs and shit. People eat people, anything's edible in this world. Would you eat a person? Are you fucking crazy? In what situation? What am I, Hannibal Lecter?

In what situation? I'm not saying you're killing them. They're already dead. No. Am I at a restaurant or am I on a deserted island that I'm dying? We are at a restaurant and you see on the menu, it says human thigh bone.

Who's the human? Who's the human? Boneless human thigh. Is it a celebrity? No. Gordon Ramsay thigh is probably delicious. Now, you see, that changes everything. That's what I'm saying.

Like you go to Gordon Ramsay's steakhouse and on it, it says human. Would you have it? Yo, technically? You're not answering my question. Who's the human? If it's Gordon Ramsay, I would consider it. All right, it's gonna be like not a homeless person.

It'd have to be a celebrity. It'd have to be... Oh, their leg? Yeah. Or the rock. Oh, yeah. Would you eat the rock's thigh muscle? I don't know if I could finish all that.

It's a lot of muscle. All right, well, come on. Give me this, please. We could split it, Joe. Even then, I've seen his thighs. You saw, listen, if it was, I swear, if it was morally acceptable, I would eat a human. Like after, I'm not gonna kill them,

but after they're already dead and it's on the menu, I'm trying it. Why? Because it's there. So are dicks. Yeah, but the stipulation that it's morally acceptable would mean that it's not a big deal at the time. Like this question is based around the fact

that like it's kind of fucked up, right? Like if you're like, don't worry. This is why I like him. Like don't worry, everyone thinks it's okay. Then you're like, okay, sure, I'll try a fucking human. Technically, I should say yes, because I eat any kind of meat. So like, why wouldn't I eat like a straight up elbow or something?

It's a forearm, you know? I'm seriously like 100% serious. Like elbow meat is tender, bro. I just like, I really wonder what humans taste like. Dude, go get a knife right on the basement yard. Full screen down. Stop talking shit. You know?

Just cut off a finger. Only got a couple episodes left. I don't know, man, that's dangerous. So next week, report back to us what humans taste like and with the flexibility to drink that fucking beer with your toes. Yeah, I will come back and I will be able to drink that beer with my toes.

I guarantee it. I'm going to practice. Joey, you go to the gym with me. You will see me practicing. I'll be working out. I'll be on the other side. These are the workouts that matter. I'm gonna be doing crunches

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Anyway, let's get back to the show. So you're accountable is what you're saying? No, but potentially. But under the right circumstances, you're in a person. I think I would eat a person if I was like straight up revenant, a plane crashed, whatever that book or movie is, whatever. That's different though.

Yeah, I mean, never. Kill the fat people first. At a restaurant though, in 2017, you see human on the menu. Dude, no. I swear I'm going for it. I'm not. Going for it. Unless it's like a Halloween menu,

because then I'm like, oh, this is actually just chicken. And it's like Kurt Schilling 2004 calf. Oh, bloody ankle? In for that. Kurt Schilling, bloody ankle? I'll eat that. I'll eat Kurt Schilling now. Fake bloody ankle.

I'll eat him now. I do not like him. Fake bloody ankle. It's all a ruse. You're with the, it's all a ruse. It's all fake news, fake media. Trump was behind it all. Even back then.

I'm telling you. He knows what's going on. This dirt wolf's getting to me. I'll be honest. I'll be honest. It's starting, like I'm starting to taste the dirt. Because it goes in tasting like wolf, the aftertaste. That's the dirt.

The dirt. That's what it is. I feel like in my chest, like I'm ready to like fight. That's the wolf. But I know that I would get murdered. That's the dirt. That's that dirt. Where, yeah.

That's the dirt. This stuff's good. I like it. It's from Victory. Victory, a victory for your taste. That kind of sucks. Me on these. Bill Burr.

Bill Burr. I've been listening to a lot of Bill Burr podcasts. Everyone just shut this podcast off. Go right to Bill Burr. It's great. Well, I wouldn't. Or just go on YouTube, watch some Jake Paul. He'll be fine.

That sounds like a horrible idea. That's Frankie's boy. Well, Frankie, yeah, Frankie loves Jake Paul. I swear, I would rather sit on a cactus than spend a single minute watching any of his stuff. Yo, the shit with this kid is getting really crazy. I'm assuming you guys have no idea who we're talking about. I hope, oh, you guys are so blessed

to not know who Jake Paul is. I mean, it's every day. By the way, it's every day. By the way, we're talking to the people behind the cameras. I'm assuming everyone who's listening to this probably knows who the fuck this kid is, but. Just letting you know, one of them looks like every middle-aged woman's dream.

I'm telling you right now. Who, Ramel? You are, Ramel is a super stud. Super stud. I actually know who the middle-aged woman is. Dude, I'm telling you, you got the gray streaks in the side, he is every woman's dream. Dude, I would never show my girlfriend a picture of you

because not that she's a middle-aged woman, but you would be gone. Yeah. I would be gone. You would be with her, and I'd be in the dumps. Where were we? So, Jake Paul? Something about his love for Jake Paul.

Yes, because you're the most beautiful man I've ever seen in my life. He's a good-looking dude, bro. So, let's do Jake Paul, right? He's like this 20-year-old kid he's on YouTube. Yo, I went, so he's got so much money. Three, four years ago, I was doing this YouTube event out in LA.

Me, my friend, Ryan, Abe, we were going to the mall, and he was at the same hotel as us. Whatever reason, Jake Paul tagged along. This was before he was any hot ship. And all I remember from this trip was Ryan goes, yo, Jake, those are cool shoes. What are they? And Jake goes, I don't know.

And then Ryan's like, okay, where'd you get him from? He's like, they're just the store. And then he didn't really talk to us the rest of the trip, and we were like, fuck this kid. And that was before he was a fucking psycho. Known psycho. Like, he's always been a fucking piece of shit. This kid's actually out of his fucking mind.

That's crazy. And I love, oh man, I love how he recently came out with a video about how he's a martyr. Oh, if you knew what I'd do for little kids, oh, oh my God, I was fed up. Conveniently have it all on video. Yeah, right? Like, oh, I am a big proponent of,

if you're gonna do something, do it behind the scenes. Do it low-key. Nothing pissed me off more than seeing vines of people going up to a homeless person. Here's a hundred bucks and McDonald's. Shut the fuck up and just do it and don't tell the world about it. Yeah, when you're making thousands of dollars

off your fucking charity that you're doing, it's not charity. Like, it's selfish. Like, it's total bullshit. And that song, it's every day, bro. Yeah, this kid made a rap song, by the way, for anyone who doesn't know. It's horrible.

I'll be honest with you. It's the opposite of Dirt Wolf. Bad. It's half of Dirt Wolf. Just the dirt. Just the dirt. Just the dirt. But he, yo, do you know what else?

So you know this thing, he has like a crew of people. So this is what this kid did, right? Team 10, I almost bought you a Team 10 sweater. That would have been hilarious, by the way. Maybe I'll get it? Please do. So he formed this like group called Team 10, where he has like a bunch of YouTubers

that he like, literally his friends from wherever he is, Indiana. Yeah, he was from fucking the square-ass state. Like Illinois, Ohio, something like that. So he brought his friends to LA, and he made them YouTubers. And they all have like a million subscribers, like immediately, and they're all making this money,

whatever. And he takes like a percentage, like I've heard 20 or 30% from them, because he made them whatever. Oh, what a good best friend from their hometown. Right? Sound like a good fucking guy. And there's this kid,

this fat marshmallow-looking dude. Oh my God. His name is Nick Crompton, right? And apparently, I don't know how old he is, but apparently he's like the CFO, which I don't really know how you get that title. But he- You get hired by Jake Paul.

There's a kid who came out with a video, and he was like, yeah, I was gonna join Team 10, but it's getting at Crompton. He kept hitting me up and being like, yeah, I wanna suck your dick. So he was trying to suck his dick. Like he was trying to like, you understand what I'm saying?

Yeah, I heard you. He was like, you could be, like he was being like, yeah, you could join the team, but I gotta suck that dick. This is what's happening when you let fucking 19 year olds move to LA and give them a fucking billion dollars. You saw that shit that happened

with like the sexual assault Jake was like accusing that kid from phase of like choking some girl and then like it ended up being a lie. Yeah, I did see that. Jake lost like a hundred thousand subscribers. I could not tell you how much, how upset I am that I have to know this stuff.

Not that I have to know, but it's like I can't escape it. You can't avoid it. It's all over Twitter. I certainly can, because I've never heard of this stuff until you guys just brought it up. Dude, there's this kid,

his name's Banks. And apparently they, some girl who's Jake's assistant got choked out by him and she has like a big bruise on her neck. She's like, oh, he went like this or whatever. And the kid's like, what? That never happened.

Like he was confused. So he's gonna get the security footage from the place they were at and shit. It's like this whole conspiracy. Everyone online is like posting pictures. Like it's a fake bruise. Like it's like a publicity stunt. Like, cause yo, they've done shit like that.

You know, YouTube is so much different now. It's so weird, right? Dude, I remember the first time I ever discovered YouTube and like it was just looking up Jack Black hosting SNL and like, what it's become now. Jack Black.

Dude, you know how I feel about SNL. Bro, school of rock. Absolutely. Classic. Jack Black. Oh yeah, not hardcore. Unless you live hardcore. I hope you got the rights to that.

I don't know. Just mute it. Just beep the whole time. But like, seeing what it is now, it's become like so, it's taken over. It's like, this sounds weird to explain,

but like YouTube used to be about just like cool clips from like other like shows and like movies and stuff like that. Yeah. And now like its original content has become like just so much bigger than what it is in a bad way. It's embarrassing.

It's dog shit. It's dog shit. It really is. Like I saw like, I was at the movies recently seeing Spider-Man Homecoming. And they had a commercial for a YouTube red show where like, it's like a murder mystery dinner. Where like all the fucking Vine stars are there.

And I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like, what the fuck am I watching? Like this is not, I swear on my life. I was like, I should not have paid to see that advertisement. I was so mad. They owe you money.

They do. They legitimately do. Can I get that $2 back? Yo, I really got off YouTube because I thought the culture was corny and the content was corny. And that was like a year ago. It's gotten so much fucking worse.

It's been a year. It's really bad. Yeah, it's really bad. It's really fucking bad. I could not be happier to be like out of the community. Do you mind if I have diss tracks? Oh man. That's another thing.

Everyone on YouTube thinks they could rap. I'm like, man. Oh my God. That's why like, our friends and I talk about this like, we fucking, obviously you're a good friend and we're gonna support you no matter what.

But you're like the anti-YouTuber. You know what I mean? Like you do your shit and you stay like on your own course. Like you're not fucking, you know, except when you joined SDK. But other than that,

yeah, your record's pretty clean. You know what's crazy? He never told us about that. I'm not surprised. It did. It was like so under the, like you like swept it under the rug for a while. But like, why would I tell you that?

That would be like announcing every time a video came out. Like, why would I do that? Exactly. But now we know it's Joe Sanagato Tuesdays. Literally, I know now. I think it was Sunday or Saturday? What? On SDK.

I thought it was Saturdays. I don't know. Doesn't matter. I can't believe I'm just making videos a little bit. You know what I hate? I hate when old people who are like 70 or 80 are telling you a story and they spend 30 minutes on the fucking time

and date they were on. Oh my God. It drives me fucking crazy. I hate to admit. Was it a Tuesday? No, it was a Wednesday, 1940 fucking. Joe, Sammy does that constantly. I'm like, shut the fuck up and go.

It doesn't matter. None of this matters. I hate to admit that's how I am. Dude, I hate when people can't tell stories. I consider myself a very good storyteller. When people just start be like, wait, no, it was a Wednesday. Wait, no.

Oh God, what was it? I'll say, like, I'll correct the story. I'm like, shut the fuck up. I'll correct the story. Like, listen, I know it was Tuesday because I know I was going home and watching SmackDown live. And I remember that was the night

that Daniel Bryan said, like, that's how I am. Great. Well, you're a piece of shit. I hate to admit it. Yeah, so that's two things I don't like about you. That's it? Second is your shirt. Dude, are you kidding me?

I only like that if you're 70 and living in Florida because you retired from your cop job. He's got a point. Come on. Come on. Listen, I am so about. He texted me a picture. I forgot where he went.

But he bought. I went to the mall and for my birthday, bought this hat. A bunch of Hawaiians. And then just like, I'm not gonna name the store because they're not paying us yet. Yet.

But I bought like five Hawaiians and a pair of pants for like a hundred bucks. It's not my thing. But like, he pulls it off. Like, more than anyone I know, you know? I still think it's like. That was a hard ass. Cheers.

I thought my bottle might shatter. That's all right. My favorite is my girlfriend after I bought them. She's like, it was like the first week of August. She's like, you know, you only have a month left to wear those. I was like. Wrong.

That's a subtle way of saying, throw those the fuck out. I will wear this in January and be full on. Freezing. Like, happy about it. I do not care. Nothing screams, I'm ready to lay it down like this shirt. What is that?

But I need Viagra first. These are cock rings, by the way. Oh, you really did go get cock rings? I didn't go get them. Those are like label your beard. Full screen. Like, we have a real, you know, a really dope set up here.

Kyle, who's the kid in the closet right now. How long's he been there for? He can come out. It's okay. 20 years? You can come out. No one's gonna. No.

Yeah, all right. That's your choice. That's your progress. We play for prizes every week. First of all, no, don't put your hand out like I'm gonna give you this because you're not gonna get it. Actually, you can have this.

I have another one. And we won cock rings. And then it really started making me think. Like, I honestly don't even know the purpose. It's kind of fucked up that he has one. I don't. Yeah. He broke one earlier.

You guys can share it. He broke one and I woke up because I napped on his couch. This is like, and I woke up and it was in between the cushion that I saw and I was like fucking cock ring. Dude, have you, I feel like this is like science class.

Remember when they were like, like today we're rolling about sedentary rocks and you just pass them out to everyone. Like you'd feel it and pass it on. That's kind of like what we're doing right now. Let's just keep this on my wrist throughout the day. You can. I don't know about,

and if I need to fuck I'm just like ready. First of all, imagine having a dick the size of your wrist. All right, question two. One cock ring for two dicks or two cock rings? Great fucking question. Can he use just one cock ring? Clearly it would stretch wide enough. Can you group them together?

I think he could get away with using just one cock ring. I'll be honest, this is a three pack so I would just go two to be safe. But would the two dicks be too thick to fit into one entrance? So if he's gonna split and do some kind of DP action, he's gonna need two. They're called two thick.

There is fucking humans coming out of that hole. You think that it's too thick to fit in there? Never been a dick too thick. Coin it. Never been a fucking t-shirt. Coin it. Never been a dick too thick. What?

Trademark. That sounds like a trap song. Wait, wait, a three pack? Where's the third one? The third one, I honestly don't know. Oh, I broke it, I broke it, I broke it today. I had it on my wrist and then it pops. So I was like, oh, fuck.

Yeah, that's a good question. He's trying to hide it. He pulled him out like he didn't use them. And I was like, okay. Well, I'm definitely using this. Definitely. This one's the thickest. That's a girthy one.

This is a girthy fucking cock ring. I would love to know the scientist behind making a fucking cock ring. It's just gelatin. Like what did you go to school for? Biology? Like, well, we strategically placed the bead three centimeters away from the next bead.

There's science behind this. Isn't that funny though? There are scientists that are not trying to cure anything. They're trying to figure out. Trying to get people off. Like, why it's better to have these beads in this thing? Great guys. I don't know.

Or girls. Moment of silence. Let's take a look. Yeah. Don't give me that or girls shit. Jesus Christ. Do the people that hire cock ring experts need to see like you're from a better school.

Who's a cock ring expert? Nearly the people make it them. I don't think that's a job. Like, oh, hold on. He went to Purdue. We only hire people from BYU. Yeah. All right.

These are our cock rings have clout. Okay. You have to come from an IV to this company. Do you think like in the, not the porn community, but the cock ring community, they're like. Is that a separate community? It's gotta be a similar community. I don't think it, it might overlap sometimes,

but I'm just saying, do you think people are like, oh no, I use those. Those are terrible. I need these ones. Is there like drinking like Bud Light versus Dirt Wolf? Yeah, yeah. Who reviews cock rings? Knocks it out of the phone.

Who reviews cock rings? There's gotta be people with cocks. I'm looking up cock ring reviewer. Yes. Thank you. Me and Franky were on the Amazon one time and there were cock rings and penis rings. Different things.

What is a penis ring? Okay. So I figured it out. When you're born, you're born with a penis and then when you turn 13, you have a dick. And then if you get lucky enough, when you graduate high school, it's a cock now. There's science behind these terms.

Right. And I have a dick. And I'm gonna have a dick forever. Now, the word penis didn't come up and you were telling me the difference between a cock ring and a penis ring. I was just saying, a penis ring, I'm assuming is like a smaller kind of.

For guys to talk like that. Yeah, little dick. This one looks like it's straight out of men in black. Look at that. It has like bristles. I think it has like buttons on it. Like for different. It literally looks like it's like touchscreen.

Well, some of them vibrate and some of them do crazy stuff, right? Oh, now hold on. Some of them shoot out liquids. It breaks it down. We have basic rings. Right, yeah. Of course.

Made of basic materials that won't cause confusion or intimidate you or your partner. Can you imagine having a cock ring? It's like, oh no, I'm confused now. Like it's a Pokemon move. What the fuck is that? Then there's penis rings. An easy to use stretchy hypoallergenic,

which is very important. Oh, very important. Very important. Hypoallergenic. Silicone ring, that's a total breeze to get on and off. Small. Gotta be easy. Discrete.

Why do you have to be discreet? Yeah, I feel like everyone, it's out in the open at this point. Like no one, you're not hiding a cock ring from anybody. And able to fit over the plumpest of dicks. That's the word. The plumpest of dicks. That's a direct quote.

This is the cock ring you want if you're relatively afraid of trying something new. Coming in a friendly red color. Aw, who looks at a cock ring like, that's red. I feel more comfortable now. Yeah, right? I feel like red isn't that friendly. I feel like that's a little intimidating.

The penis ring screams, put me on your dick. Is that what they said? That's what it says. Then there's erection rings. This is the next rung on the cock ring ladder. Three specialized rings that come in different sizes for those who just aren't sure where to start. Which is clearly what you have.

Yeah, I think this is just like a training bra cock ring. I'll be honest with you. There's nothing special about this. Here's how it works. You got a harder ring, which is super thick. Yeah, go on. And can actually help stimulate your partner's clitoris while still delaying ejaculation.

So that's the point here, I guess. So it just makes your dick numb. This is, you're asphyxiating your dick. Okay, you're chokin' it out. Yeah. Chokin' the chicken literally. Then there's the beard, excuse me. That looks like what he had.

Yeah, that looks a little bit like what he has. The pearl-beaded pearl-ong ring. Ooh, I got the pearl-ong ring. Whoa. Okay. Follow me here. The master series triad chamber cock and ball cage. A cage? Cakes.

Cock and ball. That looks like a very dangerous thing. Can I see this thing? It looks tough. Can I see? No. Cock and ball cage. I wish, can you guys like zoom in?

That's a cage. That is dangerous. That's literally, I'm pretty sure that's what they had to like keep the velociraptors out. That is. That's like what Olympians hang on. This looks like a propeller, the charged o' hair. It comes with a charger.

Yeah, you're gonna need that. You're gonna recharge it. Big old multi-stage vibrating penis ring. AE triple threat penis ring. This is like a snake. These look crazy. Vibrating ascasm cock ring plug. Yo, this one literally has an ass plug attached to it.

Scorp three vibrating cock ring. What are you on right now? The Spacum Tyler. I think you could tweet from that one. Who's Tyler? Were you on like Amazon just searching dick products? First of all, I didn't even realize all these things even, like I don't,

why do we need all that? There's like, Why do we need machinery? We need like workouts. What happened to good old P and V? Smash them up against each other, stuff happens. Bastion guts. Yeah.

The good old days. I don't need tools. I don't, you know what I mean? Listen, people have gotten way too creative. Yeah, there's a lot of stuff that exists. It's like Kid Picks, but for sex. Kid Picks was my shit, dude. What the fuck is Kid Picks?

You never had kids. You don't know Kid Picks? Wow, what a piece of fucking garbage you are. Do you know what Kid Picks is? You guys are like a year older than me, so I'm a little thrown back as to how. Yeah, one year. Nothing changed in one year.

Yeah, what, yeah, what is Kid Picks was like? It was like Microsoft paint on steroids. It stands alone. It was like Microsoft paint on steroids. You could spray paint, you had to spray paint tool. Yeah, but then there was a painting tool that would go through all the colors, and then you could blow it up,

which was everyone's favorite part, let's be honest. Oh yeah, if you wanted to erase everything, you just clicked on this thing and it was a stick of dynamite, and you clicked on it and everything would blow up, which they would never make in a thing in 2017, because we're all fucking, oh no, it's dangerous. We're gonna tell the kids, they could play with dynamite. It's how to play with dynamite.

I hate that shit. I hate it so much. That sounds familiar, the dynamite thing. It's the rap music that's making the kids kill each other. Fucking idiots. No, it's the fact that they're not being parented. Yeah, you dumb fucking idiots. Yeah, and it's funny, because the people

that are most complaining about this are the ones from the fucking generation that raised the kids that are now our parents. Fuck, fuck! See, got too real, got too real. Too sweet. You saw that, right? He's putting the cock rings in my beer, yeah.

It's preventing you, I'm pretty sure it's, if that prevents ejaculation, I'm pretty sure that prevents you from getting drunk. I'm pretty sure it makes the beer last longer. Yeah, maybe. This is way more liquid in it now. I gotta, I'm gonna beat it with a cock ring on tonight. Let us know how it goes.

Feeling nothing. Is it that crazy? I put that on my tooth, hold on. I'm pretty sure that's what it's meant to do, to like prevent ejaculation and like, I don't know about prevent, maybe prolong. Pass another dirt wolf over this way. You want another dirt wolf?

These are, Frankie's gonna sleep here tonight. Pass another dirt wolf. Yes, Joe? No, what were you gonna say? No, go on, what were you gonna say? I don't know, but you just look like, what'd you just do? I was gonna remind you how much I hate my fingers

after I did that. Why? I just feel like I have such dainty fingers. Like, ew, ew, ew, ew. Has anyone ever told you that? No, I've just seen videos of myself and like the way I grab things, I'll be like, like very, very.

I wanna grab them, you know what I mean? But like, I'll be like. Grab them by the pussy. Sorry, too soon, too real, too present. But, just hate my fingers. Joey, talk about something. Well, your fingers are fucking dainty. And your shirts are loud.

I make up for my dainty fingers with my loud shirts. Yeah. It all makes sense to me. You're right, though, the elderly in Florida would love him, maybe chair, you're like there. No, they would pull over to the side of the road. Excuse me, where'd you get that? Listen, if there's any group of people I connect to,

it's absolutely the elderly. It's the, and I believe it. I went to a wedding recently. What? Not recently, but back in March, I went to a wedding. And I was macking hard on like 70, 80 year old women. I was just, you know, I'm having a good time. You're like trying to get everyone to dance,

you know, just being fun. Right. And I grabbed like an 80 year old woman. And I was like. With your dainty fingers. With my dainty fingers. We grabbed her where? Titties?

Hands. Okay. I was classy. I even did the, you know, like lifting her hand like this. Like a, like a, like a night. And like, we were just like joking, dancing. And then she pulls me in close. And she said, let's get raunchy.

Stop it. I swear. She didn't say let's get raunchy. You can ask my family. How old was she? She was easily 78. And you didn't have sex with her? I had a girlfriend.

Would that, would that interest you? Would you like to see what a 78 year old was like? Yo, listen, if you fuck a 78 year old while you're in a relationship, that's not cheating. Absolutely not. Oh, buddy, show it in, Joe. I don't think it is. I feel like it's like a, a different thing.

It's kind of just like, why did you do that? I would say 80. Definitely not cheating. 78. We're flirting with it. 70 is like the border of it. She said, let's get raunchy. And then did you get raunchy?

And I was like, holy shit. I didn't know what to do. So what you start, she's throwing it back on you. God, but you got raunchy. No, I didn't. Did you throw, did she throw it back? My whole family was there watching and my dad, I'm pretty sure he almost passed out from laughing so hard

because he saw like, she pulled me in like close. And I was like, let's get wrong. And you know, for them like, for like 70 year old women, let's get raunchy is like, let's like touch my wrist. Ooh, you know what I mean? I don't know. I feel like older women are like, I'm ready. No, I think she wants cock rings and DP.

Send me a postcard. She wants double dick fucking double cock ring. Hate to break it to her. I can't do that. So let me ask you a question. Single. What happens? She goes, let's get raunchy.

No, she doesn't say let's get raunchy. She said, let's get out of here. I got cock rings in my glove compartment. I haven't had anything to drink. In my purse. She says, I don't have, I haven't had anything to drink. I can drive back to the hotel. And then we just go get it on on her couch covered in that

like plastic. The plastic. Yeah, it's very loud. A lot of rug burn. I don't know. Golden girls will be on the TV. Right. And there'll be a bowl of candy on the fucking coffee table.

Of like the, like butterscotch candies. Butterscotch candy. Unmabled clear wrapper candies. Yes. Or like those ones that were like the strawberry candies and the wrapper that made it look like a strawberry. And there's a cuckoo clock just going off. And an Elvis pillow.

Oh, an Elvis pillow. A couple of Elvis pillows. And there's a half knitted scarf laying on the couch. Yes or no. That would be a good one. Are there Werther's originals candies? Caramel candies. There's definitely Werther's in that apartment.

You just have to look. If they're not in the candy bowl next to the strawberry ones they're in the cupboard and they're ready to be put out. Well, first of all, they have a cupboard. Which is old enough. Very old as fuck. Old enough. Right.

There's an Indian in the cupboard. They say the word cupboard. Old enough to where it's not cheating, correct? I don't know. No, single though. Do you do this? Which is 80. First of all, let's, you know, girlfriend's aside here.

She's 78. One to 10. For 78. One to 10. I would say a, a solid seven. A seven. Solid seven. Oh my God.

And you were drunk and you had a seven. Listen, I'm a faithful man. You know what I mean? Like I'm not gonna be. That's not what I asked. At what point is it not cheating? And it starts to veer in the direction of like community service.

When she's 80. I feel like you're just, you basically work for Make-A-Wish at that point. Basically. Because they're like on their way out. Is this getting too wild? Joe, you have a girlfriend. Listen, the dirt balls are moving.

The dirt balls are getting ya. Are making me do things. Joe, you have a girlfriend, okay? In this situation. Strawberry candies on the counter. Joey, you don't even have to stop there. Plastic wrapped couch. Joey, stop at strawberry candy.

She's, she's got no chance. She's 85. Is it cheating? Serious answer. Say it again. Go ahead. I have a girlfriend. All the old people shit we just listed.

Right. Half knit scarf in play. Half knit scarf right on your dick as she tries to go down on you. Wow. That was a little graphic. Yeah. That was quite graphic.

I'm gonna blame the dirt wolf for that comment. Dirt wolf is doing, we have to drink this every time we record. You have a serious girlfriend. She's 85. Yeah. Is it cheating? Honestly.

Because I think about it like this. Like, if I'm dating someone and they're like, yeah, I blew this 85 year old dude last night. I'm not gonna, like, can you honestly get mad? Like, I can't believe you would do that. It's like, I would kind of be like, what did you say? It's like walking an old woman across the street. It's, it's community service at that point.

That's what I'm saying. Like, at what point is it not cheating? And it's like, oh, you did something nice. Good for you. Like you did your good deed of the day. Like, you know, if you buy flowers for a girl, if you're in a relationship, that's not good. That's like a bad look.

But if that girl was dead and you bought flowers, you'd be like, that makes sense. The sweetest thing in the world. Right. So it's kind of one of those things. Yeah. It's gonna be one of the worst things I've ever said in my life.

Yeah. Listen, I'm just saying, they, that's, that's like a lost art. That's a lost art. Like, dude, are like people- Are like people- Any five year olds fucking? People now are using fucking cock rings and cages.

Loops. They were just oil. Sending postcards. I remember when my grandmother passed away, rest her soul a few years ago, we went through like her old shit. And we felt cock rings.

No, no, no. And we found a postcard she sent my grandfather when he was in the war. And it was like, for that time, the raunchy of shit. Was it like- It was like a nudie for that time. She wrote to him like, I miss you so much. I can't wait to hold you.

And like, guys are jerking off to that shit. Like, alone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm just wondering, like, it's a lost art. It was so simple back then. The bras were still like a lot of, a lot of- A brazier was the hottest thing a woman can wear. A lot of cloth.

Now women are walking around- The triangle tits that Madonna have. Butt plugs and sex swings. So did we state that there's a, there's an age when having sex with an older woman becomes community service? Here's what I'll say. I'll say 75.

I legitimately do. I'll say 74. Becca, if you're watching this, my girlfriend, I'll go $1, Bob. Things that are acceptable at 75 for 500, Alex. But here's the thing, right? That's a two, I'm an asshole. So I'm trying to be as serious as possible.

Like, if I was dating someone who came back and told me, like, yeah, I blew an 80 year old dude yesterday at a wedding, I'd be like, what? Like, I wouldn't be mad at all. I don't think you'd break up at all. I'd kind of be just confused. And it wouldn't be like grounds for breakup either. I'd be like, are you going to like tell your parent?

Like, are you going to tell people about this? I would be like, do you love him? And she'd be like, What? What? What? What? What?

She's like, dude, he's getting so real. Do you love him? You love him? No, for real, because at that point when she says no, it's like, all right, dope. Tell me what it was like. She's like, seriously, you got to better addicted to me. No way we break up over that.

No, I don't think so. No shot. That's not like grounds for breakup. Maybe it's cheating, but it's definitely not like, oh, I'm going to break up with him. Because like, because if you break up with someone for cheating on you with an 80 year old, what are you going to tell them?

You are so not going to. Yeah, like. So she's like, why'd you guys break up? What'd you guys break up? Fuck the 85 year old. She cheated. She's like, what? Who's the guy?

Let's go get him. Listen, he's. He's in a gated community and there's nurses walking around the house. He's collecting a pension. You know what I mean? Oh, man, what a disaster. That's something else that really is.

Yeah, I think that's the age. What a time. I feel like we should just wrap it up. There's nowhere better we can go from here. Yeah, we're just going to go downhill. So we thank you. Yeah, I really want to. This has been fun.

Dirt Wolf is very dangerous as you can tell. Listen, I'm one and a half Dirt Wolfs in and I am ready to go to bed. I'm telling you. I drink a Dirt Wolf made a comment about a new sweater on a dick, I think. Yeah, that's what you did. So hopefully they sponsor the text video.

I feel so bad. My mom has sent me a lot of text messages. Wow, she has. She'll be proud to hear what you said. No, she'll be upset. Oh, yeah. Anyway, we're going to wrap it up. Joey, where can they find you

if they want to contact you? Somewhere. In a dumpster. Not a nursing home. What's your Twitter? It's just at joeygato. By the way, Joey makes music. So if you go on Apple Music or Spotify or something.

Oh, thank you. You can go check out his music, joeygato.gato.spot. G-A-T-T-O, go check that shit out. You've always been a great supporter of it. I genuinely like it. Bro, you play it for your friends. It was your friend Ahmed, right? Yeah.

I remember we went to a bar together and I'm not around Joey. Maybe like five, six times a year, I see him. I roll into the bar and you're like, yo, my friend's coming and he might come over and he loves this one fucking song. Yeah, the song back to you. He blows by you.

He walks in and he's like, yo, let's have Joey. My name's Ahmed. I could do your whole song, fucking acapella, right now. Just no fucking big deal. And he probably has taken so many videos of him mouthing it. Yeah, he slipped synced it on Snapchat.

You have good music. Joey knows, I'm not a big rap guy. I'm not, I'm not a big current music. I really don't listen to a lot of stuff, but your stuff is actually fucking good. Thank you, I appreciate it. It is actually very, very good because it's about the lyrics.

It's not about the fucking, you know, fucking bitches and slipping the mollies. Slipping the mollies. I don't know what it is. See, this is how- The next song's about 80 year olds. I can tell you right now. Oh, can I be on that one?

Cause I could- Absolutely. Thank you. I'll spit a quick 16 for it. Not right now. You're embarrassing me. You're embarrassing me. Where can they find you, Frank?

On Twitter, Frank underscore Alvarez80 on Instagram at FAlvarez underscore 80. And then I do a wrestling podcast. Joey knows about it. Came with us to a wrestling event last week. Joey's- It was fun as fuck. This Joey, I'm at a Joey sandwich right now.

It is confusing. Don't say things like that. Wrestling podcast called the Squared Circle Jerks. A lot of fun. Check it out at scjpod on Twitter. A lot of cool stuff. All right. And if you guys aren't watching this,

you can go to fullscreen.com slash basement yard. Put in the promo code basement. You'll get a free month. And then it's $6 a month after that. And that is all. And we'll see you guys next week. Oh wait, time out. We'll back it up.

We got the extra yard coming up. It's a 15 minute segment. Got two cock rings. Two cock rings now. This is the first time I've ever been pegged with a cock ring. If you put them both on, will you like lose your dick? I'm, I'm your dick's done. Also-

It'll just look at me black. Willful walking, watching. If you're circumcised, do you go before the foreskin or after? Is it, is your foreskin at that point? You have to get that guy on the shelf. Yeah. There's just, that's it.

Is your foreskin like a cape at that point? Questions. You can go to fullscreen.com slash basement yard. Put in the promo code basement for a free month and $6 a month after that. Also, we have the extra yard coming up. We're going to be playing a game. Have no idea what the hell's going on.

I hope there's not cock rings involved or anything like that. Exclusively available on fullscreen. So go check that out. And that is all. We'll see you next week. Woo!