The Basement Yard - The Extra Yard - Tim Dillon

Episode Date: February 6, 2020

On this episode, we are joined by stand up comedian Tim Dillon to talk about  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Guys, go check out our patreon where you can get our daily morning show and next week's episode today. Welcome back to the extra yard That was great. Is that not it? No, that was it. That was it. That's it. That's it. It was it was. Yeah, I enjoyed that Do you want to do it in a world? Yeah, I need a world. Wow. We're in Queens. Wow a young man I guess a studio in his home Chainsmoking cigarettes. Yeah, really pays off. I started at 12 I started I don't smoke anymore, but I started smoking cigarettes at 12 Every now and then like me and my friend would steal a pack of his mother's marboros and go down the block and get sick

We'd smoke like six each and just sick. It's sick at 12 You're like 13 12 trying to be like little bad asses didn't know what what else to do Yeah, I spoke like my first cigarette 12 on the board on the boardwalk and in Wildwood, New Jersey So rock whitest thing I've ever heard. Yeah, Rockway Beach Queens was where like my family had a little bungalow that so like we go down on the boardwalk and like Somebody get like a beer somebody take a beer from their mom or dad 11 people split it Yeah, yeah, it's the way it worked. Yeah, and you know Wholesome way to grow up wholesome way to grow up. This kid's never smoked a cigarette in his life

Yeah, he's a healthy guy healthy guy. You got a you drink, but yeah, you know, I haven't stopped doing that recently too Yeah, well, you gotta People don't realize this about drinking Over 30 does not look good. You know starts looking good again around 55 Because then you could do the gray hair with the whiskey at the bar. It looks good and in your 20s It kind of looks okay, but once you get from 30 to 55 It really doesn't look good starts to look a little sad. It looks sad like you're running from something Yeah, like you should not be playing beer pong right at a bar right in your mid 30s

Probably not I would say well, I'm I'm a year sober year in some chains sober. Congrats. Thank you and It was starting to look that way. Yeah, I'm like nine years. I stopped at 25 I'm about 10 years stopped at 25 I turned 35 next year It's around 25 is the time that I think people should just look at it I'm not saying you have to do it. Yeah, just look at it and go where's this going because at that point high school is over College is over. Yeah, it's been over. It's been over You're 25 now and you're like, okay, what's the move? Yeah, and that's for me It was just like I just felt like I was consistently like blacking out and I've never do that right. Yeah, what am I doing?

Yeah, yeah, I got to start doing stuff. I can't fucking be blacking out like this. I can't be fucking well getting drunk and getting naked It's cool when you're 16. It's great. It's awesome. Maybe even Clip that Let's just when when you when we were all we were all Yeah, we'll fix that impose. Yeah, body. Yeah Listen, I get you know, I got mad at my show or people got mad at me rather because I said listen guys I don't want to I don't want to listen. I'm all for the legalization of everything legalized weed smoke it Bait yourself at CBD oil eat it everything gummy bears. Whatever you want to do

I'm gonna tell you again a lot of you just missed your window We will never be funner than when you're like 17 or 18 and you don't have any responsibilities and you're just being stupid with your buddies and you're laughing and falling off a chair because it's so funny And people don't want to hear that. They're like, no, it's no and I'm like, it's just fine You can do it when you're 36 But just know that it's not it wasn't the time to really do it No, it's not because because if you really think about it like you said when you're 17 years old You smoke weed and like watch a couple episodes or something and eat a whole bunch of candy

That's what you're supposed to do because you don't have a responsibility You're supposed to get high and eat barbecue chicken pizza and laugh with your friend at a word That's funny. Yeah, someone said flirt and like yeah, right. It was hysterical. We we just laughed we we we used to like It's not even a word. We just used to say tongue And it was funny. It was hilarious And we would just sit there. I love how you have one that sticks out in your mind We used to go like you would revisit tongue Oh, we would just be like tongue because we tongue us meant eat right like food

So we just get we would just be like let's go tongue and it just made us laugh So hard and we were high and that's when that's when it's supposed to happen But I got a lot of hate for that. Yeah, I don't know why because you told kids to smoke it I was well. No, I was like, you know, I was like, listen, it's it's just not a great look man I mean, listen, I'm just I don't want everything smelling like weed Yeah, I don't want the whole fucking planet high. I just don't I just don't I'm sorry. I know that people get mad at that. No, we don't do it. Yeah, no, no, no

We talked about it like the other day. We were like, you know, like, you know, it's cool. Like when you come home It's like, dude, I worked a really long day I'm gonna smoke a little clip here and like read a book or like watch a little tv But it's like if you're waking up in the morning and you're just rolling up a blunt and smoking that shit and then just smoking all day It's like we got to find some other things to do Lots gotta find some other things. I also think like with disney world and I catch flak for this I'm like, there's a time to go like there's like adult summer camps for people that didn't go to summer camp I'm like, I never went to summer camp. Yeah, but it's over now. Yeah, I'll just never have that experience

This guy loves disney world. I can't love it. I know you do Yeah, I I have a whole bit about how much it but it's like listen No, but I'm also in agreement with you at the same time. It's your sickness It's your 30 and you have fucking mickey mouse ears on you got a I will say this in my defense, right? I when you go and you're like, this is great But then you go and there's also people there. They're like, ah, this guy's got a lot of merch on he's wearing ears It's like, okay, this is a little much. No, it should be the way people feel about heroin where they go This I'm embarrassed that I do this. Yeah, I shouldn't do it. Like I wouldn't want anyone to know god. It's good

Yeah, um, but that's the thing where it's like there's a window to experience certain things and I'm like, no I can't like there's adults that are like, hey, I just want the experience of being in summer camp And I didn't have it so I'm gonna recreate it and do it and I'm like guys you can't it's over Yeah, you don't have that experience. Just let it go to be a normal person Just let it go like not everyone's gonna have every experience Right. No, and I feel like people are very obsessed with like this sense of like They want to be weird or like they want to do like it's You could it's okay to be perfectly normal

Right and just do normal shit Like you don't have to pay for a grand to go to fucking some place. Well, it's some resort neck like you're in camp Well, it's also social media makes everyone feel like you're like, I think I have to take Yeah, what does my aunt sue think about trade deals? It's like Stop. Yeah. Yeah. Can we stop? Can she go back to doing what she's doing? Yeah, you know, I feel like a lot of old like once the old people got on facebook though It was it was over it was because facebook used to be fun Facebook was a lot of fun. I'm gonna get drunk tonight or I'm gonna see who's single or like

I'm gonna post a picture from this party and then old people just got on there and they were like, yo I'm gonna fucking democrat I have a bit about it where it's like it's supposed to like dead dogs people just eulogizing dogs all day And I'm like, it's depressing. Yeah, there's a bunch of dogs that have been like they fell into a bunch of tar And now we gotta like get you dogs carcass off social media. Why are we posting or it's like a hand with like their paw on their hand And it's like a picture of that. It's like, yeah, but I get it It's like this is the evolution facebook had its moment It's now like the vultures have come like instagram will be next because like, yeah

Oh, it's a lot like once middle-aged white women get involved. It's almost over. It's it's over for everything You can see it happening like once your aunt carol or whoever is like Hey Yeah, yeah, it's toast like we need to move on. It's also just social media in general like you got to just keep There's it everything comes and goes everything comes and Facebook just buys all of it as it comes as it's like coming up Facebook just owns it. They don't care. They're like, yeah Except for tiktok, which is owned I think by the chinese government. I heard that is that true I have no I've heard inklings that that is something like that. It's a big takeover on tiktok

I still don't understand it. I think you know, so tiktok as ridiculous as it is I think it's actually a lot more the way social media almost originally was intended, which is like it's not serious People are goofy. It's like here's a guy dancing falling. It's the way it should be Yeah, it's like I'm sure there are people that are making careers or thinking they're going to make careers But the vast majority of people like get a million views. It means nothing Right, like they're not their kids. They're young and you're okay Like it makes more sense tiktok in a way makes more sense to me than like a 300 comment thread about climate change With my uncle tommy. Yeah, who's didn't graduate high school. He's weighing it. Yeah, like on facebook

I'm like, I just don't think it's a big deal that it doesn't rain anymore. He's like the the consensus is That the ozo and I'm like, all right, tommy But the whole thing is like I think that there's a lot of Like just young people that look at how serious people take social media. They're like, we don't want to be a part of that We just want to watch people fall and dance and be stupid That's why I deleted facebook though. Yeah, it's because like my dad would get into these arguments about like trump and on my dad like What are we doing here? There's a kid from this neighborhood that I like grew up with who is

a complete idiot and like Maybe didn't graduate high school. I don't really know doesn't have the the biggest diplomas out there and he's over there All he talks about is conspiracy theories and like wake up. You guys are sheep. The media is controlling you on facebook Yeah, I'm like, who are you right? Why are you doing this? Does he have any success doing it? No, absolutely No, I don't know some of them do. Yeah, so some of them do some people Some people like you'd be shocked at like, you know, their their ability to like create a fan base out of Out of anybody who's there which is which is funny because it's almost ironic when people are like they make

Like a little fan base out of being just contrarian and like conspiracies and this and that and they have this following The high that they get from just being contrarian and like, oh, I know if I continue doing this More people are gonna follow me or whatever. It's the same thing as this 14-year-old kid taking his shirt off and humping his pillow Yeah getting all these fucking things. I think the problem is like once you you Like the problem is when you have a fan base You can you could be afraid of them. You could let them own you. Yeah, or you could just go. All right guys I'm glad you're here, but I'm gonna do what I'm gonna do and hopefully you still think that's cool Yeah, but a lot of people when they have a fan base, you get a rabid fan base that you know, they will turn on you

immediately like there's podcasters I know who like put out some inappropriate shirt, but it wasn't inappropriate. It was like they put out like some like tp On a shirt because it was like they went to a summer camp with a tp And then their own fans were like you are being cancelled because you're appropriating native american culture I'm like you've been listening to that podcast for three years. You know, they're not racist But people are just like well you gotta they we always say to um We we said something about how like the queen like we were like what the fuck is the queen? Yeah, we're talking about the royal wedding and how it's such a ridiculous like spectacle

Yeah, you know people just just tried to cut our heads off. Yeah, I love it. I love with the english people at least They were like, yeah, they were like you should probably do some research about the queen. I was like, no I'm not doing research. Yeah, I was like fuck that and she doesn't do much like it's a ceremonial post. Yeah, which is cool It's great. It's fun. She has fun. She killed princess diana. Whatever it is. Maybe I don't know. What do I know? I'm 100 convinced though that princess diana got killed something happened. No one just goes and like oh the paparazzi's chasing me Something's weird. Oh, we're gonna go in this tunnel and magically die in a tunnel So here's the thing I'm in this weird place because I don't believe anything But I also think conspiracies a lot of them are stupid. So I'm in this weird place where I'm like, yeah, I don't know

Like I'm like, I don't want to get on board with the lunatic from your neighborhood I'm also like that seems really weird. I think just seems weird. It's also the paparazzi ran Uh, the queen the princess off the road. Yeah, there's god, but maybe it did it But that's the other thing. It's like maybe it did it It's so weird man And it's like they used to be fun to talk about conspiracies used to be fun and hang out with your buddies and talk about them And now everybody's gotten super serious about them. And I'm like, well guys, this is not the best either Well, that the thing is is people take them they internalize them, right?

Like I saw you guys posted something uh, john benier ramsey. Yes. Yes. We wanted to do a conspiracy line of ice cream It was fucking hysterical. Yeah, just the egg cream We wanted to do a bunch of them. I love that. I go when I read that I was like, jeff yule does not melt sweet cream Not a little not an 11 ice cream. Yeah, just fun. Just bring it back to fun. Yeah, but I remember like Like it's fantastic But I was like john benier ramsey like name came back up because they had some like documentary Yeah, that's why I was in my head too. So I'm sitting talking with my family And people are like getting fired up about like the fucking brother hitterwitter flu. Yeah, all right some shit

I'm like, yeah, I'm like, dude. It's so specific. It's like an episode of clue. Yeah, it was the brother with a oboe Yeah, yeah, conservatory. I was like with a viola He didn't have enough power to crack her skull at that age. I'm like, yeah, when did we all become forensic scientists? Yeah, everybody's a nancy grace. Yeah, what a fun What are we talking about? It's christmas. It's christmas. Are you talking about john benier ramsey getting her skull crushed and open a gift Shut the fuck up. Have some ham Like nine eleven and people were just going off about that conspiracitarian people would be like, do you know anything about jet fuel? I'm like, no, dude. No, I don't know

Fuck up precision about it. It's like and I haven't seen an episode of mythbusters yet about it So if myth if mythbusters really wants to do it get a jet fuel go out there Well, you know, you know, you hate to say it because we all use technology But you look around the world and you're like, we shouldn't all have this probably do what I've been saying that You know what I mean? Like it's one of those situations where like this needlessly complicates so many people's lives You should pass the test and it drives them insane Like I think that the mental illness you're seeing the increase in anxiety and depression and all these things in teens and everything You're like, oh, dude, this is like gonna be an overall net negative

Coming, you know for people's mental state even though it's gonna allow them to like make money and everything easily And like I was just talking to someone about like divorce and like how divorce rates I was like, yeah, because Back in the day you would be in a neighborhood with like maybe a hundred people And you'd marry this girl and those are the only people you knew now, you know people in fucking australia We're like, yeah, this girl's hot. She's kind of close for my neighborhood, but this girl in australia. I'm like This kiwi is a lot hotter than my wife So it's like you're constantly comparing yourself and like especially with the kids where they go on to instagram

It's like you're constantly comparing yourself to other people like oh, this person has more likes this and this and that Everybody's thoughts don't need to be published. Yeah, and I'm not saying I'm not against like I'm not like because I know people What are you saying that the twitter should no I think everyone should have the right to have everything out there But like, you know, a lot of people just need to go about their day Yeah, you just need to fall in line. Yeah, they don't need we don't need their take It's the reality. We don't need their take. I just I don't need my Kathleen's take all the time That I see once a year, you know, right? It's she thinks trumps are boyfriend. Yeah. Yeah, she goes on twitter Boomers are in a weird spot. They either hate trump and that's their identity or they think he's jesus christ

Like there's no in between. Yeah, my aunt donna thinks trump is a Russian asset and the country is being taken over by vladimir putin and everybody's a russian and everybody's right And my aunt Kathleen thinks donald trump was sent by jesus christ to put hillary clinton in prison and i'm like, I bet it's neither Can we talk this out It's possible. There's a middle A hundred thousand miles in between. Yeah, I think he's just a casino magnet who was on tv and people said, you know what? Fuck it. Let's give it a shot. Yeah, that's exactly why now. Why not sent by jesus christ Also, like the whole russian conspiracy like that would have been cool in like the 1940s. I would get it. Yeah, you know

I would I would understand but now it's also like it's just eat man people just want it to be something That's not them. You know, yeah, they just want it to be something that's not them They want to be like it's this outside thing even in our own lives, you know, like Like you know with with like diets and everything i'll come up with the craziest excuses to not eat. I'll be like Well, it's the food industry. It's like that has nothing to do With the fact that you made the wrong choice. Yeah, the food industry also provides salads There's salads you could just eat but you choose not to and then you're like we're being poisoned It's like we are but you're also poisoning yourself. A lot of that is you

I think it's just people just want it to be something else and then people would be like, uh, like, uh Good foods like expensive, right? I'll just start yelling about monsanto. They'll be like, why are you fat? I'm like, it's monsanto Every night when i'm asleep monsanto drugs me. Yeah with it's the wheat. They're genetically manipulating the wheat It's like, all right. They are but that's not There's no there is no worse feeling though when you eat something that you're not supposed to eat You know, you're not supposed to eat. Yeah, and then you which is all things Yeah, it's like it's like where does it stop because even if you're eating healthy people love to tell you It's like, yeah, that's good

But it has like aspartame in it Which leads to cancer and then if you try like you shouldn't drink carbonated water I'm like, dude, shut the fuck up. My favorite thing has always been like my fat ant My fat ant is on a diet every other week, which I love. It's one of my favorite things about my and my fat ant does She'll explain you her diet in detail and my fat ant as she says the same thing about every diet She goes you can eat what you want But you got to be accountable and it's the most hilarious thing because it's like First of all, no, you can't you know, but she's like this

She's like you can eat what you want You got to be and then it's a ridiculous like it's an insane like she said I can have an ice cream sundae But I also have to just have water Yeah, I'll also have water and then my favorite thing is she'll go I'm like, why don't you have a salad and she goes, do you know? Do you know my favorite thing she does It's my favorite thing and I've done it every fat person has done this ready they go And it's the most insignificant thing and it doesn't matter at all and it's not at all the reason you're fat, right?

And the idea that it is is hilarious. They go. Do you know the sugar that's in those salad dresses? They go you might as well have a have a fudgy the whale cake from carvel. It's like that's not true Eat a cupcake. It's the same thing. It's this. I might as well have a milkshake balsamic vinaigrette You might as well have a milkshake. It's like that's not at all. These are salad have a whole fucking wedding cake. Why don't you? So much fat in there. That's insane. I'll just have a lot put lobster bisque on the salad. It's like that's not That's not the case But people just want Like it's so bad

My friend the guy that I that comes on my show sometimes re used to tell me there was like a diet I don't know might have been in the 90s early 2000s Where like this you had a little card And they would give out little cards and every meal would be like a little card Then you'd have a cheat card and you'd have to put the cheat card in with all the and this is how complicated We've made just what should be natural. You just said it You said it when you know when you eat something you go man, that shouldn't happen Yeah

But like we fight our bodies so hard and it's just like no i'm gonna eat this And then like you'll do stuff throughout the day to like reward yourself to like eat garbage Like a child or a dog. You'll be like, oh, yeah Oh, yeah, like, you know, I went outside at eight o'clock today and I had you know what I deserve this I deserve it. You didn't do anything. I went for a walk. I went for a walk You know my dog my dog's feeling good. My heart rate was 93. Oh, yes You know, sometimes I'll walk up a hill and I'll go I should have Every time I don't want to pass out

I got a headache because I've been on this diet. I walked up a hill. I mean, let's not get hysterical. That's a real hill Yeah, see also like there's fat milestones though because I'm a heavy set guy Yeah, you know, and it's like, you know, like I'll be like, hey, man. I went for a two mile walk today. Yeah, that's awesome And then people are like, dude, we do like seven miles. Well, you know, it's funny He's my grandmother once I did like I did like I walked the boardwalk I would like jog walk jog walk It's like four miles and long beach long island and I came back to the house and drank and Nestle's quick And she looked at me. She went and you're even and I'm like, yeah, you're right. It's like, oh good way to think about it

You're all right. Honestly, it's probably less because I'll you just said I'll fluctuate like 30 pounds It's like I have a weird fluctuation like that too. I fluctuate. I fluctuate I'll be really good and then, you know, I'll fall off the wagon and then it's when you're off the wagon It's hard to get on the wagon. It's almost it's almost impossible It's very tough. But once you're on the wagon, you just gotta stand and I do have that all or nothing mentality I'm one of those guys who are like, I gotta just go beyond the wagon. Like I can't be I hate to say like I can't be a guy that just cheats Once a week once every couple of days. Like I need to just eat really good and like cheat once a month

Yeah, yeah, you know, like last night we went to the movies and I was like I didn't eat anything before that but I had like fucking pretzels with like cheese sauce Yeah, and popcorn. I was like, dude, you can't eat anything now for the rest of the day because you just ate 3000 calories or like when they give you a basket of bread of warm like pretzel bread There's this restaurant called ocean prime in new york They have one at Beverly Hills and they just give you a basket of warm pretzel bread with butter And you just eat it and you could taste that it was just made and you could almost taste that it's still kind of like dough And you just say to yourself god

I could eat this entire Basket. Yeah, and then I do Yeah, and that's the problem because you're like I just one two three four Oh, that's the basket and then they come back and they go do you want us to bring you? Yeah, you go like save me for myself like please. Yeah, so it's really it's really tough the other another another fat problem Is that when you're like, I'm too tired to cook Right, so I'm just gonna order food But you order shit. Oh, yeah order just healthy food. You can order healthy food. You can order healthy

By the way, I don't postmates anything in your house. I don't believe that any and I'm I know that it happens I've never met a person who's ordered a salad I've never met a I've never picked up a postmates bag that wasn't heavy. No a salad's like a light thing I've never met the camera side of fries. I'm sure that that happens But it's also like my parents were just not good food wise. Yeah their generation. I don't think was great I think like the generation above them like greatest generation was really good It was like we all cook at home meat potato vegetable That's all we had was like pasta and that's that's that's good

But like my like my parents who were like boomers. There was like a lot of fast food There's a lot of mcdonalds. It was a lot of like when you were a little kid you like grew up eating those things Oh, you're 35, right? Yeah, I'm 30. So like I grew up like It depends like some people's parents were really like a lot of my friends were like italians were like Oh, we didn't eat anything outside of the house. You know, that was my family. We cook my mom cooked every night Yeah, but my dad would just be like here's all this fucking butter pasta and fucking heavy cream eat that shit all night Yeah, but my parents were like here's wendy's which was even worse because they're like Well, we're you know, you're coming home from swim team and school and this and that we don't have any time

And just here's kfc. It'll be fine. Here's wendy's. Oh, it's the best though. It was the best I mean laying down watching rosanne and eating a honey barbecue chicken wings was probably the happiest I'll ever be as a human band Got canceled, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Now. It's like brosanne. It's like it's like just it's just like It's rosanne. It's rosanne without rosanne. It's the creepiest thing because you watch it. Is it called rosanne? It's called the conners, which is the name of her family and you like watching for a few minutes. She's like, what the fuck's rosanne? Like and she doesn't show up rosanne was a great show. She's great. It was a great show one of my favorite shows Do you remember the ending? Yeah, it was sad as shit where she walked because the whole last season had her as a millionaire, right?

Yes, she had won was it won the lottery? She won the lottery and listen to how this thing ends. It's one of the It's one of the saddest fucking things ever. It's so good, dude And she eventually what happens is at the end of the episode You see her walk through her house and her house for now. Remember the whole season She was living in like this, you know, nice wealthy like, you know Palatial like this. I think it was the same house, but it was all like new furniture like rosanne made it Like yeah, it was new rosanne came up. She's a millionaire. They were like a blue collar family the whole show And then when she walked

Through it for the last time you saw that it was just her old house that she had never won the lottery And it was just the same thing. Yeah, and she's typing downstairs on a typewriter that her I think I think I just got chills. I remember that episode. Yeah, and and rosanne was typing. I think John Goodman's character her husband Bought her this typewriter because he died right isn't the show didn't he die or am I wrong? The whole show he's alive. Okay, and then at the end you realize he's been dead. Yes, and she's typing Here's what's funny about this. There was no you had no idea. She's just writing this

So the whole show is like very like meta in a way and here's very it's all meta and here's the other thing There was no reason to do this. No You could have just left us all happy with dan and the big nice house And do you remember the show dinosaurs? Yes. That was the saddest fucking ending too very sad The ice age came and they all died the whole family was frozen in a block and there's a baby in there He's like, what are we gonna do? What are we gonna do? I mean, it's like, well, we'll just be together things were dark You forget that like disney films were dark. Yeah, everything was dark. We're sleeping beauty. It's like scary now Maleficent's like I will kill the child

Yeah, oh Like I was like, yo, this is a show and they're gonna freeze this dinosaur baby to death and he's dead Yeah, man, but I love that to me was a golden era of tv. Fuck yeah The golden era of tv was opening up a kfc little box of crispy strips and macaroni cheese and when they had baked beans And uh, who's biscuits turning those biscuits and then turning on the simpsons And king of the hill roseanne was like that little fox block that they have seven a And it was like simpsons king of the hill roseanne and then something like other show roseanne was just like it was great It was a great show

I don't think I've ever seen a full episode of roseanne. Oh, you love roseanne. You gotta watch it. Yeah, roseanne was a great show It's a great show and I age watch married with children. Of course. Oh man. Of course. I know that's crazy No way that show can be made now No, dude, they they're remaking reno 911 for this new app quibi and reno 911 was one of the most politically incorrect Wild shows love that show. It was one of the best shows it launched comics. It was a great platform for comics I'm like, how the hell are you gonna make that today? Yeah, are you gonna have like nits? Nick Swartz and like Dude, they have like reno 911. They have like clan members making wine One of their bits was like a clan member and they're like doing a wine tasting at the clan

I'm like, this is never happening and Swartz and it's just like on like roller skates trying to blow people like Harry Best Harry was great But I love the late night I show ban my producer movies from the 90s all the time Like I'll just I'll be like just break out in 90s movies because I I miss that era of just movies And like sometimes you'll watch these movies and you're like, oh, they're kind of boring But every 90s movie dude was just you get to hang out in a world Yeah for two hours

You're just in this world and it's not like insanely now everything's so plot-driven where it's like everything's like what's gonna happen Yeah, and it's like there's explosions in cgi. Yeah, and everybody's got to be plotting against everybody else Nothing's what it seems nothing's on the level. It's awesome. It's all yeah when the twist coming You know, it's oh zark everybody's here and there and this and that and we something's so nice about like That the stuff like watching some old stuff You're like, oh, this is just the plot the plot of the movie is just one thing and we're just hanging out in this world But seeing what that's just yeah like uh Something like this symbol is like lax the last action hero. Yes

It's just like yo kid has a magic ticket. He goes into the movie and hangs out. We're all sourced in there That's all that's all we need That's it. And then a weird guy would arrange slicker holds him over the side of the roof a rain slick And then then that's it last action hero man true lies true lies was great The bridge is out. Yeah Dude, I mean good stuff. It's just you know, I was good. I feel like the like people don't know that movie jamie lee curtis She she was she looked good. Well, I believe born in her maffordite. I think she was howard stern I always remember they always went after her for that for a while. How great was that? How great was 90 stern?

I try I tell him, you know, I go to sleep to 90 stern still to the stern is the best thing that's ever been done It's so fucking good. Oh god. He's my idol. Yeah, modernity sucks. Yeah, you know, we're all making a living talking into this If we explain to our grandfather that he'd be like what? Yeah. Yeah, we do talk We just talk in a funny way my grandpa would beat the hell out of me. My grandfather was like, I was a general contractor I started as a bricklayer and I just I worked my way up. I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm a podcaster Yeah, our grandparents would think we're just fucking pussies. Yeah. Yeah, it's like you guys are fucking pussies Yeah, you know and like and you want to know it's like the strange thing is that Podcasting has become something where

If you don't have one, it's weird. It is. I think when did we get there? Um, it was very fast. It got there pretty quick like three years ago Like a few years ago nobody nobody knew nobody knew and now it's like, oh, of course I have one What are you talking about? I think part of it is that like the idea is like if you don't have social media Now I envy the people that don't have this social media. I just I just said this on last show You're the coolest guy in the world the guy that has a family and kids and doesn't care about social media Maybe maybe has like an instagram they update once every three months or like a picture of their kid like hey still happy

We're all alive. Um, that's so nice But like the constant bombardment with other people like there's no reason for having high school Why do we need a high school reunion? Yeah, I know what we're all up to and there's people that aren't on social media. We don't know what they're up to They're dead. You're in jail. Yeah, you know, I'm from long island. If you're not on social media, you're in jail Like there's there's no guy that's gonna walk into my high school reunion. That's like, hey I'm not on social media. I spent all my time trying to curate. You know, it won't be that he'll be like I had 11 deweys on the 11th the judge literally took my phone and like it's just

House arrest Right, right, right see like So you So you were born in 80 85 85 85 So you got like another golden era too though was like it was also like a golden era of sports too It was golden era of all that. It was just a golden era of life. Yeah Yeah, I mean the 90s 96 bulls like if you like if you look at all the cows cowboys like Yeah, it was great not for new york as much but all the 99 series yankees. Yeah the yankees

My uncle was at that game. I think was it the one where Wade Boggs was on the horse? Oh, yeah, when they won. Yeah, that was my uncle was at that game Like and he'll never forget that he'll never forget that like even like sporting events now Like if something happens, it just doesn't have the same feel to it. Yeah, there was everyone's like this too. Yeah Like I remember just going like I remember watching Michael Jordan as like a nine-year-old kid like later in his career and being like This is the greatest human being I've ever seen. Yeah, this guy's really good. Yeah There was something magical about the idea that you were at a thing. I was a wrestling fan I was huge wrestling so I would we would go into like the battle royal or monday night royal

Whatever it was like, you know, and you would see flipping from nitro to raw and shit Yeah, dude You would like sometimes our Parents would take us into the garden and you see these guys and you're like, dude, this is like we're here If you're not here, you're not here. It's over. You don't get this again Like to see stone cold stun someone. Yeah in 1999. You're the glass shatter made me happier than anything in the world I remember Hulk Hogan like when I was like a kid I'm talking about seven years old like just watching Hulk Hogan just like getting the ring

Just was wild like watching him come out to that. I am It was just wild and it's like dude when he turned bad almost cried. Yeah, I was still a mark Yeah, so I was just he's still yeah, I was still a mark. I have friends in their mid 30s that are still marks That's the big problem. So I'm watching that's another thing in your mid 30s enough with that I know that it's I know that it's fun, but enough with it. I have friends that I think Should be put in a home because they go to wrestling events in their mid 30s. I think they should something's deeply wrong Something's wrong. It's I tell at that point. It's like get a drug addiction. Yeah

It would be nice. It would be nice in Miami. We have would be better than this Pro wrestling is something that it's almost like you're hiding like a secret life If you watch pro wrestling interesting because it's just like you don't want to tell your friends like Yo, I watched Monday night raw last night. I'm right the whole thing Well, the whole thing is like how different is that from the there's like dudes who like watch my little pony They call them bronies. Yeah, it's like how different are you than a bronie? It's close It's like, you know, it's Like when you're a kid and know it's scripted

It doesn't matter anyway because you're a kid right and you just want to see a dude raise hell and kick some ass Absolutely, but when you're 30 and it's scripted and you're like looking at it from like this critique Like you're like Roger Ebert. Yes. It's like just I don't really like the storyline. It doesn't really make sense And it's like you're 30. Yeah, it's like dude. I didn't even know what a storyline was when I was younger I just wanted to see Goldberg come out and like you'll be like if you were sitting there with your girlfriend and you go When Santa coming and she goes Like she laughed at times and you were like no really when's he coming? And you know at a certain point she'd go

Joe, you know, come on and he goes. Oh wait, Santa At a certain point you go, are you okay? Yeah, like that's what I just want to ask everyone at that wrestling event Are you okay? Dude, if I if my fiance walked in from work Yeah, and I was sitting there my underwear Watching fucking wrestling on our tv be a problem. She'd be like you're like flipping out like oh my god. Oh my god Roman Reigns sucks. Yeah, they'd be like she'd be like dany. I'm never gonna suck your dick again Turn this fucking shit off. Sometimes I envy when I watch people that are just pure like white trash

Envy the simple pleasures of that. Oh, dude. I usually you fucking suck Yeah, like the way they get so invested in something that doesn't mean anything Did you did you ever see the the famous video when it comes to wrestling? There's like this guy It was like who who are the guys that were sitting down? There was like these wrestlers that were sitting down a chair. I think it was like dusty roads or some shit Yeah, and some guy they give him the microphone and he starts to try and ask a question and he starts crying Right, and then he just goes I'm sorry, and then he's like it's still real with me. Damn it. I was like

Oh my god. Yeah, and the guy's like calm down calm down. It's like come on buddy pull together. It's just it's just like It's just like crazy, man. Yeah every every now and then I'll see like a little cousin of mine Who's not little? Like a little cousin of mine will get so invested in something about sports like sports is great. It's great Yeah, but they'll get so invested in it. I want to be like I want to just comment like you don't have health insurance Yeah, that's scary. You you're gonna get fined. You can't go to the doctor. Is that not like at least get it Man about that. Yeah, this year was we were I think you said it too This is the least amount of football we've watched. Yeah

I didn't watch one because we just kind of we're busy. Yeah, but it's also like there's something weird about being an adult And just going and cheering on a team that does absolutely nothing for me Yeah, I feel like if I if I didn't play fantasy football, I would watch it even less You know and fanaticism is cool, but it's a fun thing to do. I get it But at the end of the day, I think What technology has done is opened up this whole thing We're like everybody kind of gets to do you know or gets to be into something different Yeah, so even these passions that people are like very mainstream and stuff

They're awesome and they're cool and there's a reason why so many people like them But there's also people that are like I'd rather watch a youtube video about how to build a canoe Than a football game and it's just like oh cool because you're like I watched a football game. It's fun But I also want to better myself. Yeah I want to instead of just being passive because that's what sports is. It's passive, right? Like your whole family hates you, but the giants are on. Hey the giants are on, you know, where's my wife fucking someone else Who cares? Being passive and then you like

You know, I think I think people are like I want to be active now. I want to do something. Yeah Yeah, I want to have a meat a meaning kind of yeah, I'm gonna do this It's gonna like better me and right and I use it tomorrow And another reason why I hate going to sporting events too It's like you could pay upwards of hundreds of like hundreds of dollars thousands of dollars if you if you're one of those people Just and they lose right You spent six hundred dollars to watch your team lose or it could be just an awful game You're not guaranteed anything. Absolutely

And you spent all this money and you screamed your head off and your team lost and now you just go home and you're Now you're more miserable in the trash shitty life was before it's you know But I think it's just part of like people like hey, it's comfortable. It's what I like to do That's what we do. You know generations of people in our family have just watched life by watched life passed a buy I've done nothing, but that's an inherited trade. I feel like sure, you know like my dad But you're my part of your environment. It's like everyone around you is just like no It's just what we do. We really care about the nicks. Yes We really like then that's what you're gonna, but it's also like most of my memories are from like my dad sitting down

And watching yeah, my dad would lay on the couch I would just fucking do this my dad would lay on the couch and my dad would watch the olympics together sometimes And he would just like he look we'd get a kick out of the names Oh, yeah of the speed skaters and stuff my dad would be like hey chavo Yeah, my dad would be like, uh, what was the other one we loved hey chavo who was like a speed skater Apollo oh, no, all that stuff. I'm trying to think the other one. It was hey chavo peekaboo street peekaboo street I'm trying to think the other one. Hey chavo. There was another asian one this peekaboo street. Yeah, boo street That was the name peekaboo

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Uh undercover tourists is is getting my money. Okay, because gotta save money. All right, so let's get back to the show The name was peekaboo peekaboo street and she was in america and she was filthy like amazing And her name was peekaboo peekaboo peekaboo street You better be an olympian with that name. Yeah, that's another thing though Peace nobody watches that anymore and that used to be great. I love the olympics people love it I can watch swimming like all day. Dude. It's it never does well anymore and it's sad because it's like great to

See the greatest athletes on the but it's also like as we get a country that slides into morbid obesity It's just people can't envision like people used to like watch that and they're like, yeah if I like worked hard and yeah You know like now people look Oh Like no one cares. I feel like people are so cynical now you hear these stories like her father Put her in the pool every day. It's 7 a.m. They're like he probably abused it was probably horrific It's a horrible thought and it's horrible The competition is not right that girl should have been allowed to fail like me. Yeah. Yeah

No one should work hard. I'm a loser too. People should just back their way into this That idiot who works at geico like me. Yeah, exactly. That's why people watch not some superior athlete People don't watch reality tv to see anyone win those competitions. They watch somebody to watch them lose So they go see you never should have tried So they can go back into their office sit there and just you know eat a meatball. I told you san jaya was gonna lose Look at this idiot. Look at this idiot. Do you remember that was the first couple episodes american idol? I don't even think they do that anymore where they remember it was like the first three days You're like, yo, I'm watching american idol because the first three days. It's like, yeah, it's just freaks

Well, it's it's like I see the comedians like a lot of long island comedians will still try out for america's got talent Yeah, these are people that perform primarily in the back of pizzerias and they think that the only thing It's true And they think the only thing that stands behind between them and superstardom Is performing your jokes on america's got talent. They have no this is what I love about long island Never would they be like work harder come to the city that's 50 55 minutes away None of that plays into their thing. They just go. Oh, I just got to roll that dice life's about dice Yeah, so I just go

At america's got talent and I tell the joke that I used to tell at ravioli's on root 110 And then I'll be famous and of course none of them ever get picked All right, but it's just hilarious. They all dress up in suits. They go there. It's like so sad That's why like if I did that I would like try to make you have to come also with like a super sad story too So they'll put you on tv. Yeah I gotta be dead if you have any kind of talent you have to be like guys. I'm going to los angeles You're all dead. Well most don't answer the phone for a week. Most people on long island. Their super sad story is their face Yeah, yeah, they come out and people just know like it's written all over their face like failure

Is written in the ridges of their face. That was like susan boil. She came out and she walked out there She was screaming chimneys and you're like, what the fuck is this woman? Yeah, yeah Chimney sweet and then she killed she crushed another She did kill it's so weird that she had a nervous breakdown. She's well, of course. Yeah. Yeah. Did she get cancelled? Oh, no, she's Susan Boyle said some probably heinous things. Yeah, she had a twitter back in the day. Oh god, susan boil I would love that susan boil's twitter would be fire. Yeah, I wish my dad had twitter that would be great That's the thing like also. It's like that girl we were talking about today. Uh, camilla

Cabello cabello. Yeah, she got she said a few things. She said some stuff what she said the n-word Yeah, a whole bunch of that stuff a whole bunch of that stuff. What else? I mean, did she posted a picture of piglet Um black with an afro and then if you change the p to an n you could see what it was. Okay. Yes Now what is the response to that? How does what happens? Well, like so that kind of stuff I was just like, all right, you're reposting this on your page like Okay, am I gonna be like, yo, this is like a fucking hatred like racist thing like Obviously sitting here. It's not my fucking call if it is right to me though. It's like, okay, this is a kid being stupid Yeah, exactly. Why can't you see but but apparently she also called all of her bandmates the n-word and was like, um, what'd she say? Yeah, um

Uh, she was like I work hard And uh to the point where I almost cry and I'm getting bullied by four n-words That's not a little kid. It's not that's not great. That's that's upbringing. That's unsettling. Well, isn't she also non-white? I don't know. I don't know what she is. She always just looks like she's on fucking anti-depressants I think if you're hispanic, you but there's a little bit of a window like a guy like me can't say that but maybe I'm Puerto Rican. I maybe have some you got a little leeway a little leeway, but it's regional though Yeah, like if you go to fucking warnings, that's what it is. Yeah. Yeah, like you got point all wait and and like we're under 21 so we call it anything. We're going to jail. Yeah, we can't say anything a guy like you or a guy like me can't say anything

You you could you only hope that you have is you would be saying it to be like cool. Like we're cool. Yeah, like I'm I don't think that works. Let's do an a half-white guys. Let's break this down. It still wouldn't work But if I said it, I mean I can't get away. I can't say black Yeah, like my voice the way it sounds like my little guy on accent. I can't even say black. He was black Oh my god, Jesus. How do you want your coffee? I'm like, don't put anything in it If I say black Yeah, black. I want to black. Oh my god. What's he saying? What's he about to do? Yeah. Yeah, it's gotta be careful So a question I wanted to ask you. Yeah

Your characters that you do yeah I love the over the top Controlled chaos of them. They are. Yeah. Um, have you ever had to cut Bring it back a little bit from time to time where you're just like, you know what? I could either do this funnier or the way I delivered this wasn't the right way So what we do is we have this process where me and an editor and sometimes one other person

But usually me and my editor the guy that works on everything with me Will I will have an idea he will have an idea either one of us will have an idea We'll kind of trade back and forth on what would be funny And then the idea is just either putting a costume on or or maybe sometimes not putting your costume on but like The idea is just kind of ranting and finding lines that are funny. Some of them pre Scripted a lot of them improv right and then just seeing how those lines cut together Some lines are very funny after other lines and are not funny. If they're not, I mean, you know how it is Yeah, so I think but as far as like have we ever

Pulled pulled back. It's interesting. Like there's things we've done where we've said just because of where the culture is now Yeah, because I like how you you really don't give a fuck. No, we also think that wild We had a debate once About a line we I dressed up like just slain Maxwell, which was Jeffrey Epstein's partner in crime We had a debate once because I don't know him at all Well, she's this British lady and we had a debate because I was You know, she's a human trafficker. She's a bad person. She's a piece of shit

But we said it's also not a nice lady. It's also fun. Like at the end of the video and I say this at the end of the video I say, you know, we never had on the island. We never had any black girls. They're very loud We'd get caught. Yeah, and the whole idea was like, it's just a funny thing to say Yeah, um, and then I think I imitated like a black girl. I was like I was like Like I don't need somebody on the island being like who needs to stop and it was like We had this debate going back and forth and I talked to some of my friends are like, no You're you're saying that she's racially insensitive, but she's a human trafficker Yeah, she's a bad person a horrible person an evil person. You're making fun of this person. She can be racist like right

Who was definitely not a stretch. You're probably also racist. Oh, I guarantee she's it would be hilarious if she was woke You know, she went up to Epstein. She's like we need representation matter Yeah, so you need to fuck different killer kids. Yeah, it's like now. Yeah, you fuck another white kid. I'm walking. I'm walking We're gonna make a union for these girls. They're not gonna have many decisions about it. So that was a debate that we had I'm trying to think of other debates. We haven't had that many debates about content. We're pretty much I also think a lot of people are looking at you like, oh, this is the saving grace. Yeah. Yeah That's like gonna just say whatever and like yeah, I feel like every there's a there's a group Of people just waiting for a person to be like to latch on to and be like, I don't think anything I'm saying is hateful

I don't know. I don't know. I think I've never got that feeling Some people are just willing to cross a certain line that others like are terrified people out there I think that are legitimately hateful that we'll just say stuff and they're like, well, they're that guy's saying what he feels It's okay, but it's also hateful. Yeah. Well, it's also, you know, I mean, you also have the thing called the brain Which helps right when you're creating content. You're not just fucking spewing hate speech Yeah, because it's Yeah, it's like it's a complete other thing. It's like, you know, I'm joking around No, you know, we're we're pretty on board. I think and that's what me it's me the guy that I work with have a very

Similar sensibility of what is funny. Yeah, it would be impossible to work the way we do if we didn't have that sensibility like if He thought something's funny and I I didn't think it was funny at all Or if I thought something's funny He thought like the idea is that that overlap is so strong that we can really work together to kind of figure out things But it's very refreshing though. Yes. Well, thank you. Yeah, because it's it's it's content that I honestly like I feel there's a void for And I also think it's something that kind of needs to be, you know, when we look at it We go, yeah 90s mad tv that would have been mad tv in the 90s

Like it would I think a lot of what we do would have been on television in the 90s Or which is crazy to think that it would have been on tv Maybe the 90s or early to top but now in 2020 it's not on tv But it's so wild to think that like we've gone in the other direction So so wild and so quickly so far and so quickly We're like I think a lot of the things that I've said would have The people I've said them about would have laughed at them right in the 90s But now there's no currency in that the currency is being a victim of being upset and being scandalized if somebody says something about

Right, so I think that's the way the pendulum is swung Wild yeah, and you have a great. I'm sorry. What are you gonna say? No, I was just gonna say that I think there definitely is a void because people are just terrified to say anything like we had someone on the show That was afraid that like after we finished recording They were like I said like Latino. Do you think that's bad? And I was like no Yeah, they don't even know what's bad. Yeah, you know like or I'll be talking to even some of some people that I know And I was like, yeah, this black guy and he's like, whoa, I'm like, it's a hard beat Yeah, people don't even know what is a slur. Yeah, like you're confusing shit

Like I'm not because it gets confusing because colored is not good But then you have people of color person of color and you're like, well, this is awfully weirdly close Why am I saying the word color? Yeah, like it is this weird kind of gymnastics you have to do It's it is mental gymnastics daily that you have to like kind of go through but um Also, too, it's like you have you do a great job at like getting everybody. Yeah, we try to get everybody, you know So it's like you could easily go like I'm gonna go leftist. I'm gonna go rightist. I'm You know, I'm gonna go right way way way all right here. I'm gonna go this way right, but if something's just funny It's just fun. Yeah, just fucking just fucking be funny. It's just funny

Also, like the fact that people can't even like pin you down of like, yeah, where's that's the best thing You know, everybody's a baby, you know, it's very easy because the left presents as as as easily offended But the right is actually very offended also. Oh, yeah, they get very Triggered, which is their word. Yeah all the time. I mean just look at what michelle wolf did to the correspondent center She made fun of trump and they lost their minds and it was like guys. It's a roast It's what she's supposed to do. It's supposed to make fun of trump You might not like her you might say she sucks, but you were like it's an outrage It's a scandal and that's when I realized it. Oh, it's not per se one ideology. It's just ideologues. It's fanatics

It's people that believe that they should have power and control Of what people laugh at because that's the first step of getting control of what they think and say Yeah, so I think that's the real thing So it's like I like to make both of those groups kind of angry. You have to yeah And it's also like we're talking about people that go into a room and like if one half of the room likes what the person said They stand up and the other one sits down. Yeah, it looks ridiculous. What the fuck are we doing? It looks ridiculous

I've had that too like on my on my facebook page I used to put out these videos where it's like people it was like people of walmart And it would be pictures of these people in walmart and like I would just do a commentary I wanted and people were just taking that and they were completely like these Super republican people that are like oh joe's the one who like will say whatever blah blah blah, and I'm like, okay Like whatever and then I'll say something like hey, maybe we shouldn't beat up gay people. Right. Oh, you fucking snowflake Yeah, what happened and I'm like, dude, what are you talking about? Everybody gets mad. Well, I was like maybe you know I said on the gun thing. I was like I I understand why people want need guns

But I'm like maybe there should be like a waiting period. I said the most milk toast Yeah bland thing where I'm like, maybe there should be a way and then they though Flack I got yeah, it was wild and you just like as a comedian I just don't I try not to care like I made fun of you I just re put a clip on my instagram about boomers and I just went into this random It's funny. It's great and the people are like well, not all boomers didn't care about the camera. I'm like, of course dummy It's comedy. I got a general if I can't like stand on stage like, you know Some people this doesn't apply to everyone. Yeah, and I want to stress this. It's like dude. That's a senator. That's your boss

That's not me. I'm in a nightclub or I'm on a podcast like get out of here. Just laugh you idiot Yeah, and it's like if you go to a comedy club, like you said like looking looking for some like political insight or promoted this this isn't a discussion. It's a show Shut the fuck up. I don't even get the mentality behind like Being willing to go to a comedy club Like I know people who are like big fans of comedy that haven't gone to a comedy club Right to actually pay for a ticket to go out and sit in the crowd and it'd be like that wasn't funny That offended. I think a lot of people just open their pocketbook or wallet to get offended or to complain

Yeah, they do a lot of people get off a lot of complain. They like complaining You know, I was a matriot eater restaurant for like a month I filled in for this other guy on Long Island and like a woman who come out to me She's like we've been here three times this last month and it's just not been good. It's like Thanks for your faith. Yeah, why are you returning and fucking leave the idea is like she's like I just I really want to complain. I complain to my husband all day and he's somewhere in his car trying to kill himself So now I can isn't the garage just pumping the gas, right? So now I can't complain to you because I paid I I got this sirloin so now I can complain to you you're you're you know, so that's what it is like sometimes in a comedy show

And uh, uh a woman will go crazy. I'll go, you know what I did tonight I gave her husband two hours off Because she's yelling and screaming when I said this in Providence, Rhode Island I'm like All of these women that were annoying and I had fun with them, but they were a little annoying They were a little chatty. I'm like I gave their husband two and a half Hours off. Yeah, and there's a guy somewhere thanking me And then you know, and I was like and now all that ends and they go home and I put the mic back in the stand

And everybody loved it because it's like and I'm like it's true. It's true. It's literally true. Yeah It's like you're just giving a respite to somebody else. That's fucking that's That's so true. I can't even like I I've been at comedy shows before where people are like talking and they're doing this and doing that And I'm like, dude, what like what are people thinking right now? Yeah, like to have full-blown conversations like out loud just like talking to their friend like y'all That was so funny and like repeating the jokes that the comedian just said I'm like, are you the guys ever been out in public? Yeah, a lot of times they are and they do that shit everywhere. Oh, right. That's the worst part. Absolutely I wanted to ask a question in entertainment, right?

Do you think like because we uh, we do another show here called the stank that's like a comic book show And we were talking about uh, like a openly gay superhero, right? Yeah Now when when you do an openly gay superhero, yeah They should have like a gay partner in the show, I think Yeah, I mean I guess because it's like superman has lowest lane, right? Bruce Wayne has like whoever he's fucking at the time It's like if you're gonna go gay with the character though, are you just gonna say he's gay and that's it I don't know. It's such a weird issue because I would have thought that like a lot more people would have come out of

I know so many people they're at there's athletes that are gay and they're just in the closet Yeah, and I know that there's and I know a lot of them. I don't know personally But I know of them and I know it's like I know that it's just the way it is Yeah, I would have thought that there would have been a lot more people that would have come out of the closet by now but I just think that like For a lot of different reasons that hasn't happened and I think people are afraid to lose money And that's kind of what it is because the reason I brought that up was because like we're talking about being pc and like stuff like this isn't like L.A.'s, you know, it's a mostly democratic place

But it's like, you know, like you guys are still trying to figure out if you should have gay characters in your movies Well, because they sell everything to middle america and middle america is still very uncomfortable with that And so I think it's it's more so than just listen because the gay people are making a lot of traction What has happened though As of late is that there is a political movement that has built with gay people in it and it's lgbtq if gbc Yeah, they added some letters and they've added a lot of letters and all of those people have interests and all of those people have Agendas and some of them are good. Some of them are highly questionable And so gay people get roped into this whole thing. So there's just a lot of people out there that go, you know what?

I as a gay person like a lot of people go. I don't agree with This right like I don't agree with like the total redefinition of gender by saying that like men and women don't exist Right and that whole thing and that there are a group of people that are saying things like You know, no biological sex and gender have nothing to do with each other Which I think is crazy absurd and any biologist will tell you that that's wild But so now because you have this very political movement and by the way, I don't think the majority of trans people Have any interest in that. I think they just want to live their lives as trans people But there are people out there where it's very political. So the identity

Now is a political identity It used to be so I think that there's people that either aren't coming out of the closet or just taking a sideline because they're like I don't know how much of this agenda. I have to co-sign. All right, that's what I'm saying like like, you know Like do you care if there's a do you think there should be gay representation in superheroes? Well, I think or in film video games. I care that people be authentic, right? So my whole thing has always been that right? So I care that there's authenticity So the idea is that if you are a gay person I'm not saying that you have to come out and judge you morally for not coming out

But if like If your story is about you to any degree I would rather you be as authentic to who you are as you can be because that's the most interesting to me, right? um Do I care about representation? I think yeah, it serves a purpose a hundred percent. It does Um, but I think how you get there is important, too I think if you get there by fiat, which is by dictate, it's never going to be necessarily

As rewarding as getting there by kind of natural evolution of of where society is Yeah, like you don't you don't want to like do that just to like score points. No, yeah Oh, we're just we're gonna hire a couple Spanish people because we have to it looks like Hollywood does that though No, of course they you know, it's just like hey, we need a gay guy. Yeah, let's just throw him in the next event Are they like redoing something? The Eternals I think has like a gay character. There was some like famous fucking movie or something that they're going back and they're making Like they're doing that. Oh, no, it was like Santa Claus. It was like Santa Claus isn't a guy now Well, yeah, that was an article or something. Yeah, we all get punked all the time because we don't know what's true and not

Yeah Like how many people are like well It's like all there's reports. It's like this was dead people and I have to be a woman or a non-binary But it's like it's kind of wild and I think that like a lot of older gay people Are less inclined to talk about this because they don't want to lose jobs or they don't want to be ostracized A lot of them kind of think it's crazy and ridiculous. Most people just want to live their lives. Right. Yeah, most people just want to live their life Yes, representation is important. It's cool to see. I would like to see Hollywood actors athletes people coming out of the closet living honestly because I think

being honest is always A risk That's and I like watching people take risks. I think that's where you get great shit. That's where you get great comedy That's where you get great art. That's where you'll get a great athlete. It's people that take the risk So if you're honest, it's a risk. I'm not judging people that aren't because I get there are times not to be risky When you're honest and you take a risk, I think that the only way that we've ever progressed as a society is people taking risks So that's kind of where I look at it where I'm like

I'm much more concerned with uh Other problems in society like I it's before I care about Batman being gay. I would like everyone to have water Right. Yeah, or food. Yeah, I would like kids not to grow up eating paint chips These are more important things to me personally right personally to me I think it would be like all all of those things. That's the stuff that gets pushed through the forefront Throw it's like hey flip michigan doesn't have clean water, but guess what superman's gay now part of that's a design

I think part of it is like we we realize that we can placate people with the diversity and the Representation stuff not that it doesn't matter But if we make it the whole story Then you have a lot of these other Things that should be more important kind of fall by the wayside. Yeah, and you know That's unfortunate and even like with the santa claus thing where they said like, you know People are saying that we should go back and like change who santa claus is and it shouldn't be male It shouldn't be female. It should be blah blah blah. It's like

Who knows how many people actually said that you know It could have been one person who wrote a blog post and said it and then someone's like Oh, we're gonna do this and put it on Fucking cnn and make it a talk of whatever that also like creates enemies for like the gay community because people are like Oh, they gotta now they gotta have everything, you know, and it's like then people start to have this resentment I do get that you have to push To get rights. I do get that. I think a hundred percent. Everybody's had to do that black people have had to do Yeah, people have had to do that. I do understand that. I do think it's again any yang

I think you push and there's push back and whatever you know, I also I think that we're a country right now that's getting on the brink of ungovernable. We're not there yet But what I mean by that is we're too different There's too much that is like too much divider Yeah, you go to I travel all over the country and I go to san francisco And then I go to the backwoods of louisiana and then I go to Iowa and then I go to jersey And I go, why would these places be one country? Yeah, like what does unite these people? What values do they all share?

Um, we are becoming very, you know, uh Fractious, so the idea that I think it's just going to be tough going forward to get anyone on board With a clear majority for anything. Yeah, I think you're just gonna we're splitting off into these little Tiny factions where like everything's a sub-genre. There's wars in the gay community. Yeah, there's wars within feminism Yeah, there's what like there's just gonna be things will splinter smaller and smaller groups Which is unfortunate, but that seems to be the future I don't see it all coming back together unless we get like invaded by aliens People always used to say is a joke, but like literally until we can all go over all human

What would make us do that some inhuman threat? Maybe it'll be ai. Maybe it'll be robots I don't know what it'll be But like we all have to come together for some kind of thing something It's gotta be something at some point because like you said even with the feminist thing It was like some some women are like, yeah, I think that we should be treated equally But I'm not gonna like Go punching men in the face. There's women that are like listen I'd trans women are trans women and then there are women that are feminists

That are like no trans women are women and then there are women that are like no We have a biological experience is completely different than a man who became a woman Caitlyn Jenner does not have the same experience as a woman who's lived as a woman I mean, these are real arguments that people have and they're essential and necessary But I also think in the era of social media the way people have these arguments is just very Volatile. Yeah, nobody can have them respectfully. Everybody's either hitler Or jesus. It's like jk Rowling made a comment. She's like trans women or trans women like Sex is real biology is real women or women men or men and

Transitioning is great if you want to do that. All right, but to say the trans women have always been Women is just factually biologically untrue. This is what jk Rowling said, right? I agree with that a lot of people. I know are sane rational not hateful people that agree with that However, that is now people like jk Rowling cancels. She's not an ally. So how dare you you're moving her into the group of people And jk Rowling by the way is probably hates trump. Yeah, never wanted to ever vote for conservative in the uk or the us Once nothing but gay people to be happy once nothing but trans people to be happy And so easily you can marginalize her and you could put her in a group of people Who hate you and don't like you and don't want you to be happy

It's wild to me and that's what scares me about the culture that we're in now Is that one wrong thing you you're making enemies and what's happening is These people that are doing this are actually creating the world. They hate They're manifesting. Yeah, they're manifesting the world. They don't want yeah, and that's unfortunate I also think though of people don't even really care like I think people they cancel jk Rowling But they forget about and three weeks or someone else to cancel 100% no one cares But I still think what happens is it's a it's an overall Coarsening it's a coarsening of the culture where people become a little harder and a little less

Open to chairing discussing talking all the things that you just need to do because we all live on this fucking rock We got to communicate people are just like, you know what I'm not gonna I just I'm gonna I'm gonna talk to these five people that already agree with me Yeah, and people go I'm gonna talk to these five people that already agree with me because I don't want to offend anyone I don't want to get cancelled And then what happens is you just get these cults of people That are like insulated and that's just incredibly bad when we've got eight and a half million people living in one This city. Yeah that need to communicate to figure out how to and we barely do that because like someone like you

You know like being openly gay comic, right? Yeah Like do you feel like pressure to be like? Oh, I have to have gay material or like I have to do this because like this is an audience My first identity other than openly gay is being a black woman. Yeah Being a black woman has informed my life more than being a lesbian or for sure Identify no, um, I I don't I mean I do have gay jokes sure Yeah, they come like in a short set you might not see them But in a longer set you might but you might not, you know, I guess anyone ever said to you'd been like, oh like I feel Like you should be like more, uh

Yeah, people have said it up People tell me how to do anything people have said that in the end They said in the interest of making money. You might want to be literally up. I've I've had people say that to me indirectly Yeah, of course I just I I so what the way I do comedy is is actually like a weird way. It's not that it's a weird way, but it's like If it's not I don't if like I do it in the way that like if it's funny or if it's funny to me or fakes Makes me laugh makes the audience laugh. I say it. Yeah, I don't Like if there's a funny angle on it and sometimes there is and there are jokes

I've done about it on netflix on comedy central on tv, but because I'm openly get I don't feel the need right It's like not a thing. It's not my career. I'm not making it my whole thing I also know there's comics in the closet. There's famous people Oh, yeah, they are in the club and you just never so it's like to me It's like oh all I'm do all I'm being is honest So if it comes in a If it's part of the act is part of the act people know a lot of people now my career know who I am They're kind of buying tickets. There's a right. There's enough of a

Little chatter not everybody but a lot of people know what I'm about So there are jokes there, but it's not my whole thing and it's boy. It's boring to me Dude, I thought if I went to a comedy show I'm gonna dude just talked about Sex stuff like I get I get bored with like dirty comedy. It's just not my I just think it's not for me ever Like some of it's done really well. It's great. I've just never been into it. I've never been into somebody Just making everything about and I'm not saying they gave people like everything has to be about that You could if you had a boyfriend and you could joke about them, but I also like I like a private life Yeah, for sure

So my comedy is not a bat like my I'll shit on my family should have if I'm like going out with somebody or Dating somebody. I I don't want to put them in I went out with a dude the other night It's like, yeah, I don't want to be on your instagram. I'm like, you're never you would never be on my instagram You know what I mean? You're a no one. Yeah Nobody cares who the fuck you are on my instagram. I'm never gonna see you again dummy. Yeah, are you stupid? You're gonna be on my instagram. You're gonna be a nothing. Yeah, you're gonna be a not You're gonna be in a cab and you have nothing. I was yelling at him You have nothing you're no

No, but you will never be anything but I totally get I totally get I get the ideas like I signed up to get criticized I signed up that people say all kinds of shit about me good or bad A person that I'm with didn't sign up for any of that. Why would I ever involve? So like there is like I do like I I might not necessarily like Bring up somebody on stage. I might be less willing to do that. It's not to do with sexuality But like I respect that like my family or me I'll talk about that. But the idea of like

Bringing up somebody on stage. I don't know that I would sometimes I will in a very general and vague sense But like I know people that will just And I get it. I'm not judging it at all, but they will just like They'll date somebody for a day and everything just they're they're they're out on their plan and the materials there and they're like And fuck that guy and he sucked in bed and everything like yeah A lot of sometimes female comics will be and I'll be like, oh that just feels weird to me Yeah, because if if you're not used to that Kind of like people think that they know what it's like to be at a certain point

Where like people are just open to judge you and they say I mean shit and some people can't handle that and yeah It's an it's an adjustment period when you're going through that. So just to sign someone up for that It's crazy. Especially if you're like a comic who's Successful on like a bigger stage. It's like you're not signing them up for a small dose of this Somebody said about my podcast once you're like, oh you should talk about your dating life more and I'm like, well I choose not to yeah because I want some part of my life that I can like not That I have friends like friends and fans. There's a difference So like I'll call friends about something and I'm not going to bring it to twitter

Yeah, ask your opinion otherwise. It's like what the fuck are we doing otherwise? Then you just don't have a existence as a human being which I don't want that's what but that's what like kids do You know like kids on the internet now they share everything and they make breakup videos and they have to like guys I feel like I owe it to you to say like what what do you say? Yeah, but that's that's a lot of them make a lot of money that way and I get it Yeah, you know, I just you know, I I feel weird about that shit I feel weird about it because that's I always feel like there's always some kind of pressure and entertainment to be like People want all of you. I mean, there's a comedian. I know right now who's putting pictures up of

Someone and they don't even know it Like there's a comedian going. Oh, by the way, I'm sharing photos of someone They don't know that I have a social media and they don't know what I do for a living. I'm like Yeah, this is why someone they're dating. Yeah It's wildly inappropriate. It's immoral. Yeah, so there's stuff like that to me. I'm just like super like god I don't think it is But they're not this is not a comedian with a huge following, right? But my point is it like tell us his Instagram It's

Get a following. I don't want it But like the thing is like I just kind of be careful with that stuff I just you know, I think in any entertainment You have to cling to something that's just personal. Something's gotta be real. Something's gotta be real I can't give you all of myself all the time And I've made that mistake even like on this show like I've said like things like You know that are like personal about like, you know stuff that I've had with like mental health and like my health and stuff And sometimes I'm like, maybe I shouldn't have said that

Because now it's just like it opens. Yeah, you know, and then like there's stuff that you're not necessarily guarded about But it's nobody's fucking business and you know, sometimes it's just in the moment you look back at it And you're like, uh, but it's like it just comes out But it's like I'm pretty much an open book, but there's some things where it's like you got to respect Yeah, it's just like, you know, that's me. Yeah, and just Shut the fuck up. Also. I think the beauty of being in like an entertainment and like especially like a comedian Where it's like I'm in charge of all the material So like if yeah, like you don't even get to suggest like it wouldn't matter. Yeah, because you don't know what you want

Yeah, you know like I'm up here doing my job And I'm I'm on the stage and successful because I know What you what you want, you know, like you don't know that it's just I I put up a picture of a dude that he was like a Drummer that I I talked on the podcast about I just put up a picture of him that we we'd hung out a few times I put up a picture of him like hey father's guy's drummer account. Oh Everybody went all my fans were like just shitting on him saying he's a horrible drummer everything And then the kid was like, whoa, he's in college. He's like a drummer and he was like, what the fuck is this?

I'm like, yeah, and that's but he you know, he was like, thanks so much. Thanks for plugging me But then he didn't realize oh that's gonna come with an avalanche of people. Oh, yeah Saying that you suck and they don't like you and whatever so people call me fat every day on the internet Yeah, that's not now really that's never happened to me. So the thing is Never had that happen. I've never once had that happen. What's that like? You know, I'm just like the people the thing that they could say that but it's okay to me if you do it in a funny way I'm okay with it like on I'm when I did it on row when I went on rogan people said why is rogan having rosy anon again That's funny. Be funny. I don't care. Um, but I I also think that it's just what I signed up for it is crazy

But it's just kind of what I signed up for Dude, we took a fat joke that was made about me and made it thousands and thousands of dollars right, of course Yeah, like daniel lost a bunch of weight and he like he lost like 40 or 50 pounds or something And then he like put up this picture on instagram and it was like showing that this before and after on the scale Yeah, and he's like, you know, I'm just like really proud of myself and like yeah, and then someone just wrote still fat Yeah, that's great. Oh, yeah, it's just these people they don't care. So we got a shirt. We got a little merch Oh, here we go. We put it on a christmas shirt. We put me shirtless on a christmas shirt still fat

I love it. I love that. But it was funny because like because I was hilarious. I read it when I read it I started cracking up. Yeah, I was like, you gotta it's people just want attention. That's what it is People messaged me like hey, man I think your show sucks. They said the other thing and I'll write back like hey, thank you and they'll write back Hey, man, I'm just kidding around. I actually like yeah, I'm like, oh, you just we were trying to catch I don't even get that mentality either. Like I don't understand that I guess you're just trying to like catch They're like, how can I have they're going fishing and they're like, what's the bait is the bait like hey, man? I love you or is the bait fuck you at the end of the day though

That's the truth is yeah, especially a lot of people in entertainment like they are very self-conscious Well, I'm gonna if the whole room full of people's not laughing just for if the whole room full of people is laughing And four people aren't I'm focusing on the four people. Yeah that aren't Yeah And that's really most comics will tell you if they're on a stage and everybody's dying and there's one bitch in the front row Or dude, whoever and they just cannot why is it not hitting? We're just like, what is it? What is it with you? Yeah Now I know now because that'll screw me up for the whole set. So now I don't do that anymore as much

Oh, it would fuck you up Well, it what happens is you just instead of you you make the show about one loser Well, not loser, but like people is not liking you. Yeah one person instead of just going Oh, I got 300 people here loving this. Yeah, and one you're back at the hotel thinking about this fucking one promotion lady Yeah, yeah, you saw me at the stand. I think it was a good set But I think the set after I did your show. I went nuts and I put it on my instagram I put it on twitter. It's got like 400 that 350 000 views. It's like Yeah, and you like went off on people went off on them. It was like the show right after yours. Yeah, yours was great

Yours was great. I think yeah. No, it was good. Yours was great. So it's like that's where you're at You're at like, hey, is it great or you're like am I going nuts? Yeah very It's very hard. It's very hard to be because it's also like it depends on what you're going through at that certain point in time too 100% it's I did I might I'm gonna take it easy on these three ladies But like if something bad happened an hour ago, I'm gonna fuck you ladies. Yeah, it's it's so funny too Because it's like you do the material like over and over again You work it out and then like all these people are laughing at the joke and then you get to a crowd

That's like not laughing and you're like Wait, was it not funny or you got like and then it's like that moment You want to know you're like, well, what what what do I have to do to make you happy? Yeah, because we're in this business of people pleasing and making people happy. Yeah, why isn't it working? Yeah So I feel like that would fucking bother me too. Like I can't believe I'm not making this person laugh Yeah, it gets to you. Yeah gets you a little bit You ever get to like I'm like social media though like Like like a fan that would say something like oh you fucking suck or something

And then you realize you're having like a full like conversation with them and you're like, what the fuck am I doing? Right. Why am I talking to this person at 2 30 in the morning about why? They shouldn't say what they said. Yeah. Yeah, I do. I catch myself all the time. I had to do it. I was like, dude Oh, yeah, well, dude all that's all the time. Yeah, I catch myself. You've never done that. No, good for you I don't I don't really go after your fuck. There was there was time There was times where I would answer someone on twitter who would say like a mean thing And then I just noticed like immediately that once you do that people are like that's how to we got them And then like the floodgates open. Yeah way more of it now that you're way more

I'm like that you're way more premeditated. Yeah, but because I think like if it's I'll tell somebody to suck my dick in like two Seconds, like I'll never be like angry because then to me it's like oh they won and like I because I don't typically get angry at Mean comments. I'm like, yeah, this is just part of the internet and part of like I'll get mad sometimes I'll get mad and I'll be like angry and then I'll like write something back Like I went back and forth with a check at 2 a.m. Once Back and forth and I'm like, what is your life? I was like, what do you what do you work two or three jobs? She's like I work two and I'm like, I bet you suck at both of them. She's like, yeah, I'm not great For 40 minutes we went back and forth

And you know what oh she said what is your life? She's like, I don't think you're as funny as the avon and why I don't know Why you're on rogan she's like the avon and chow are funnier than you and I'm like I'm like listen to me you cunt And I just went I was like listen to me you you pig You don't know anything. I called her a pig I was like you're a pig. I was like, I hope somebody walks into papa as you work and it blows your head off You know, and then I was like in the middle As I was doing this I'm like, what am I doing like what am I doing? Why am I doing how embarrassed are you after? You're like, I cannot after what she sent me a message and she said listen

I want to let you know you gained a fan last night. You're so funny That's usually what happens and then I wrote back. Fuck you And blocked her Fuck you, you know, oh my god Oh god And you suck at both of them. Yeah, that's the fucking hilarious Here we go before we wrap up here. We have these questions that we want you to ask. All right What you want you to answer? Yeah, uh first one being what was the worst job you've ever had worst job I ever had great question

selling That's so hard to say. There's so many bad things about so many different jobs. It's true selling copiers in statin island Cop like over the phone over the telemarketing copiers cold cold calling Copiers what percentage of people are hanging up that phone immediately? 99 999 like a lot. Did you ever sell a copier though? Oh, yeah, like three. Wow How long six months It was good. That was like great. I'm also kind of concerned at like I would get like 10 words into it Be like, why am I still on the line? Who the fuck is it? It was it was brutal

But it was a sales job that I could get that let me out In time to do stand-up. Yeah, but I took the ferry every day. It was brutal The whole thing was brutal. It was stupid. Oh bad. Here's what you got to do though. Sometimes. Yeah Uh, this the sheets that are currently on your bed. How long have they been there for interesting question a year I think Wait, no like for what do you mean like like like like the ones that like you wrap around mattress You haven't like no, they get washed. I made wash them every week. Okay. Oh, yeah, but like I think you meant like I love that

Are the new well, I live in a house like I live in a house That's just a fully functional home. Yeah That a family deserted because they got divorced and I just moved into perfect. They're their tragedy. They all just laugh We're getting divorced. So I made washes them, but it's like a uh, it's like a uh, it's but but the sheet like I've had it for a year Okay. Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, no, so you switch them every week. No. Yeah, I have to yeah. Yeah. Yeah All right, no one's been able to do this one Name five kid rock songs Yeah

Um, it's such a good question because no one can do it. They can get like two or three god That summer song he did I got but I don't know the name of it like Cowboy baby that one. That's one. Yeah, we got one. We got one. Um Is that all summer long? Is that him? That's too. Yeah All right I feel like I would just want to say dumb like southern words and that'll be it Moonshine

That is I guarantee that 100% that's a song. Yeah. Um, I'm gonna say He covered it. Isn't there something called bad at Wamba Damba or something? I'm gonna take it. It's Bob with the bar I'm gonna take it. Right. Yeah, isn't that it? Bad at Wamba Bamba. What is it called? That was the Bob with the bar to bang to bang diggy. Yes So that's three. I'm at three. Yeah three those are usually there's one more. That's like a popular song and then like there's no shot Kid rock. I'll give you a hint. It's he's it's his song. But is it his song? But there's a feature on it A woman of course. Yeah Um, I put your picture

That's four. We got four. Holy shit. Holy shit. We got four That's the song we got to put some music behind this Now I got to google because I don't know what the fuck he's gonna say it might be right. I know I know one I hold on hold on Oh, wow, I know I know us. I'll give you out. Is there something called like a redneck anthem or something Is there a kid rock redneck anthem or he did make a song about his uh, little person friend that I That was like a big song for him at some point. Was it? Yeah

I'm gonna say The final kid rock song Is we got four. This is big. Yeah, it's huge People are gonna catch on the fucking sheet. Yeah, I'm gonna say, um Um Wild man All right, google kid rock wild man. If it's there, it's there That's just a straight up gas of two words

No You've gotten the farthest That was I I'd imagine this guy would have a a wild song. Give me what what you got you got close though The red only god knows why it was the other one. I was gonna say I'd never know that song The one that I knew was american badass american badass. See that's what I was trying to get to and I'm like wild man is Yeah, he does have a song called I've been looking for it. Where the fuck is it from 2012 redneck paradise He said redneck anthem. He's close. I was close. I'm saying. Yeah, okay, so you're right there But it's a toughy man, but no one can do it. I hope no one ever gets it. Yeah

People are gonna cheat. We're gonna have to switch the artists up at some point. I don't think they're gonna be they won't know Who do you tell uh, who do people tell you you look like? Farley or kevin james. Okay. Do you like either of those? I think they're both great I mean in terms of like comedic value. Come on, right? They're both. I mean, I think Farley's funnier Yeah, but kevin james is great. You know, I mean, I think chris is a funnier Entity than kevin james for sure kevin james is good farley. I get yeah, kevin. I think uh I think it's just I think it's just especially asians. They think all fat white guys are one guy Like asian people get very excited

Oh, yeah, because like if you got off a plane He wasn't Beverly Hills Ninja if you got off a plane in hong kong you would get swarmed. It would think I was famous Yeah, yeah, I kind of want to do that. You should and just see if people just fucking run to you. I deserve it. Yes You deserve so many pictures. Yeah But see what's funny is like if I lose 30 40 pounds, then I won't get it as much No, I don't know you'll get like a Jonah Hill type thing, but then like when I lose weight I don't get it as much either interesting. Yeah, which kind of pisses me off. I want I want the fat energy all the time You know, this is what you say right before you fucking order poutine or whatever. Yeah. Yeah, yeah

Uh, what is something you have to do every day? Like that isn't like pee or pee pee be funny Yeah, be funny. Yeah, you have to be twitter instagram like even if I have no shows and I'm not doing anything else I still have to be funny. Yeah, which is exhausting. Yeah, it is have to I just kind of have for you or for them Probably more for me, but I think a lot of it's for them But a lot of it's just for me because like I'm worried about losing it Yeah, I'm worried about not have like not being funny for a while and then be like, oh I lost happen where people like people lose. They're funny. They take time off and then listen

There's a couple of comedians that I think are brilliant that even when I listen to their albums I'll be like that's a they have some brilliant bits, but overall They've kind of lost their funny. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, yeah, uh, which celebrity do you want to punch in the face? Chelsea handler Chelsea handler, Chelsea handler annoys me the most. I mean, I wouldn't hit her ever right and she'd beat me up I think because she'd win She's tough lady. She is uniquely annoying

Yeah, because the hypocrisy is very blatant. She made a whole career of cheap raised drugs calling that little guy a nugget yeah, and Now and he died recently and Yanis made a great point at dinner the other night. Yanis pops goes. We know what nugget is real close to Oh, yeah Yeah, so let's get there commando cabello knows as well. Right. Yeah, there's certain letters in there. So she's kind of annoying. Yeah Uh rate yourself one to ten Oh interesting Encompass the shit out of yourself. Yeah six

Love it around six Six strong six one day one day and nine what bumps you over five Oh Tenacity That's a great word. You know like just being just just just going and making just doing it But I mean the tens of the world like a ten would be like obama, right? So I like you want to talk about machines or a roguet like people that are machines. Yeah, like I don't you know I'm six is still being very generous for myself. Yeah, if if obama's i'm with you obama's ten me being a six

I'm i'm really treating myself well In that you want to know what it is you have intangibles, right? I agree. That's what bumps you up Intangibles help lift me too. I agree. It's the same way Uh, what game show would you have the best chance on a good question? I you know, sometimes I watch jeopardy and i'm like, man if I'd been on this one, it would have been good Uh, but I don't think I'd be that good at jeopardy. I don't think I'd be good at prices, right? I don't know what a lot of stuff costs like, you know, I've watched that a few times and i'm like, yeah I god, I don't know what a vacuum cleaner car. Like I don't know

Um, but I would and and wheel of fortune. I don't think I'd be that good at um I think I would be decent. Oh god, it's so tough Maybe I don't know it's family feud. You can't ever know because you have to play with a bunch of well. Do you trust your family to be good on it? No You can't I don't trust my family to be good on it. I mean, it's just like I'm trying to think what I would what game show Supermarket sweep Wow

Old school That was a great you really dug in for that one because what that's an interesting. What is it again? It's when you basically run through a supermarket and just do this you grab as much as you can. Yeah, I think I could do that Yeah, yeah, yeah I'll say that what aisle you going to first To get the most expensive stuff, right? Isn't that what the sweep is? Yeah. Yeah I saw a dude. Let's not smart. This guy was this guy ran into a supermarket. They did this one minute supermarket sweep Shit where you can grab anything in the story. I'd like no, it was 30 seconds

Yeah, he grabbed two huge TVs and laid them flat on the floor And stock piled cameras laptops and a bunch of shit on it and pushed it Like a sled. Ah through the finish line. So he put the TVs like this Put all the expensive supermarket has TV No, no, no, it was it was some Asian electronics store And he was just fucking pushing the whole thing must came out with like $40,000. I want to watch that now supermarket sweep Yeah, that's the one I would say. Yeah. All right. Uh, what else we got here the last one. Are you happy today?

Today, yeah Nice. I'm waiting for a no. Yeah. Well, yeah, we have we have we got a no yet today's been a good day Yeah, today's fine. I hear new york for a while for the for the holidays took the first and then I gotta get out of here You out of long island? No, I'm just staying the city of hotel. I can't Too much heroin in long island is this? No, I mean long island is great for an afternoon Yeah, or in the summer I could do a day and a half Why does long island have so much heroin now? Is there a reason? The people Yeah, I think yeah the the heroin and the peeps the people

The tax is that's who it is the property tax if I it's not the cats and dogs doing it, right? So I would I would blame the people. It's not all the lightning bugs. You should I would have to blame the people No, it's just crazy. Can you go to long island? It's a nice quiet long island night and just everyone's doing heroin Everyone's off the age It's you long island is one of the I've pitched a million shows about long island and none of them have ever And no show about long island other than like long island medium Everybody loves rainbow shot long island that could have been shot anywhere and had not no Distinguish it like right there's never been anything about every reality show that they try to make about a fail

It's a very interesting place to it. It's almost too grotesque It's almost it like it's too it's interesting It has no redeeming qualities even the jersey short it has redeeming qualities So at least they go to the gym, right? Yeah, right their tan at least they're loyal Yeah, like there's no redeeming no place has less redeeming like if you you don't you do a show like swamp people or Whatever any any of these shows about hicks or mountain people and it's like well At least they can like till the land and make your own food at least they love their family At the very least it like at least they're kind of like quirky and fun like they're like, you know, there's some cool

Shit, there's some redeeming quality to them long island New york has no Redeeming qualities it is a place It is it is really a place where all its negatives Are are what it clings to and what it has It's negatives or it's positives because they're the only thing there Now if you do material like that in long island, it has to kill Yes

I'll tell you this before I I leave this is maybe the most long island thing ever I did a podcast the other day about all these guys that used to work mortgages with I called them all thieves I said they're all Immoral people that would sell their own mothers And they all somehow it found one of them and they all listened to it And they all let me I'm I would bring can you bring hand me my phone? I I want to read the message. Oh, yeah This is a group chat. No, this is a message that um

I called them all thieves they would all sell their mothers It has no redeeming qualities. Let me let me read you this because this is this is truly amazing now. I called all these people You know I got this message. I was like, uh, maybe I shouldn't have said this, you know Loved all of it crazy. You remember so much Appreciate all of it made me laugh and feel all at once true entertainment. Keep going kid They are impossible to be shamed It is impossible

That it is kryptonite on a level That you couldn't even it wouldn't even love all of it. You loved all of it. You want to know what that is It's amazing. It's a redeeming quality And and great sandwiches. Yes, great sandwiches and it cannot cannot be offended cannot be offended. Good for them. Good. Good for them Uh, well, thank you so much guys. Where can people like find tim j dillon di llo went on instagram and twitter Um, you could listen to the podcast tim dillon show which is on apple podcast and everywhere All my live dates are on social media, but they're also on tim dillon comedy dot com

If you want to go out and see a show and stare at me in the front row and not laugh Thanks for coming. Thank you guys. I appreciate it. We'll see you guys next time Oh