The Basement Yard - The FanGirls Want Me To Die

Episode Date: November 24, 2015

In this episode, I talk about the AMAs, Harry Styles, Donald Trump, & why kids suck. Nothing surprising. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard. It is currently November 23rd Monday. It's 1 30 8 p.m. I don't know why I'm giving you all these fucking extra things like it's sunny out You guys want to know the weather too? I don't know why I'm telling you all this, but whatever. I'm a fucking idiot but anyway yesterday was the AMA's Which I didn't watch because Monday night football was on But I saw a bunch of shit on Twitter because obviously everyone's like live tweeting it and stuff I did see a picture of

One direction on like the red carpet and wow First of all, I tweeted it, you know Thinking it was safe, but it's not safe because the fangirls are watching I don't even know how they find me, but they do but so anyway one direction's on like the red carpet And like three of these dudes are wearing suits. They look great and then Harry Styles is I don't know what this guy's wearing. All right. It's like a floral pattern jacket and pants that are like identical and the pants are like bell bottoms so I

Was like what the fuck is kid wearing right? Fully aware that I know nothing about fashion, right? This could be the coolest suit on earth But to me, I'm like that looks fucking weird. So I screen shot the picture Posted it and I all I said, I didn't even go crazy. I didn't you know go in all I said was I have questions Right. I said I have questions and then the fangirls found me. I don't know how But they went fucking crazy There was it was funny because they're all like who are you irrelevant? Oh, yeah

Okay, and then like since I said I have questions a lot of people for like I have a question Who the fuck are you? It was great. Oh, man, it's good someone said Joe. Don't do this to me. I was starting to like you Oh, man, don't make me fight you fucking a 11 year old girl wants to fight me somewhere. Oh My god, I would totally win that fight too because you're 11, you know No way you could win that one But uh, I'm laughing at myself. I'm going fucking crazy It's insane, but a lot of people were tweeting some shit. There was a one tweet that I retweeted

I can't find it now for some reason. I'm looking for it, but this one girl She uh, I had to retweet it because it was hilarious. Well, let me look at my phone and it's gone. It's not there But she said something like is your question why do they look so good and Why does Harry slay your existence and you'll never look as good as them and I was like, how the fuck Would that be my question? My question is pretty obvious. My question is what the fuck is this kid wearing? you know what I mean, but I didn't I didn't say anything more than that because I Already knew how that was gonna go one time I tweeted about Beyonce

I said that I Haven't liked a Beyonce song since like 2007 or some shit I said but love on top is great, right? So that's all I said. I said I didn't like a Beyonce song since 2007 except love on top Which is a banger by the way, but like I hated drunken love and like that whole album I didn't really like any of those songs and that could have been because the radio beat the shit out of those songs But I don't know but I didn't like them. That's my personal opinion, you know and these fucking

Beehive accounts Beehive be Queen Queen B is my baby all these fucking Beyonce cunt like they always have crazy names They were all tweeting me like who the fuck are you like you're an idiot and then they were like going back into like 2010 and like finding these tweets like oh this song is great, you know or like up. No, no, it was the VMAs I think four years ago in like 2011 and I was like Beyonce just killed it just now that Performance was amazing and then people were like you've been a fan bitch and I was like listen It was a great performance. I'm sorry

But yeah, they're fucking whacked man. These fangirls are out of control and their logic is a little off um They're like Are you bullying right now because if you are then you deserve to die and you're ugly and smell like shit and you're irrelevant It's like all right. Well, you're kind of That's that's counterproductive. It's also hypocritical what you're saying there But but you can't say anything about and it which is kind of cool. I guess do you have these kids have a on army online that are just ready to

Cyber bully at any point that really makes me think about kids in school because like it's funny to me because I'm a fucking grown man but uh, yeah, so Imagine like a kid in school who's like weird, right? It's just like he has a weird haircut. He's into like just I don't know just what's a weird thing fucking Some I don't know some like weird anime like he's into like anime porn We're like March Simpsons like fucking Peter Griffin. He's like into that but like everyone knows it And um, everyone makes fun of him. Can you imagine like this kid goes home? And there's 20 twitter accounts tweeting him like you're a fucking idiot and a fag and just like going crazy

You know, I understand why these kids are fucking The they are killing themselves like a lot of them are like getting a cyberbullied and like killing themselves But Jesus Christ these little girls man And they you know what the worst part is they hide behind a picture of like Kendall Jenner Like their their profile picture is like a picture of a celebrity Like an attractive celebrity so that no one can see a picture of them and go yeah Well, you're fucking ugly too, you know because they're afraid of that so they hide behind his celebrity These fucking kids man, honestly if I'm being completely honest

Some kids just need to get punched right in the fucking face That's it Just get punched in the face and then they'll stop tweeting bullshit. You know what I mean? This one girl Here's I found another one a girl uh when I tweeted that picture of Harry Styles She tweeted me like this article And and uh, it was actually no it was a twitter account And it was like

All it tweeted was what Harry Styles was wearing That day don't ask how they know every single day what he's wearing But they know what he's wearing and they tweet what he's wearing and how much it costs So of course I get this fucking thing and then she's like it's a $400 bow tie And it's Gucci and I'm like good for him, but he still looks fucking weird in it You know what I mean? He paid $400 well, he didn't probably didn't pay for it, but he's wearing a $400 Gucci bow tie That's fucking weird looking to me

And that's I don't know anything about fashion. I shop at fucking modells, you know but uh It looks fucking weird Looks dumb to me So don't kill me But yeah So uh, yeah, as I mentioned I wasn't watching the show But I was on twitter and of course everyone's tweeting about it. So I see a lot of shit

So I saw the video of Megan Trainor and Charlie Puth or Puth And they were making out on stage like hard Like hard making out like the weird couple in high school Like who just who are neck deep in each other's mouths when you're like walking a science clash like you're walking like oh fucking Would you cut it out to like press up against the lockers? And the dude's like holding the girl's throat and she's like holding his throat like it's like we like weird hard making out you remember those couples They were just like the weirdest people like actually the goth kids did that a lot remember the goth kids

They all wore like fishnet stockings on their arms and like It's a completely stereotyping but they all wore like fishnet stockings On their arms, but they all were like really sexually active I feel like like they were like boning and like listening to rage against the machine or whatever I don't know. That's not even emo. I don't even know what emo is anymore Like good charlotte. I don't know. I had a good charlotte cd back in the day I went through so many phases. It was so weird. I had I had a good charlotte cd and I also had an s club 7 cd Complete opposite sides of the spectrum

um Yeah, very weird But yeah, anyway back to charlie peuth and uh megan trainer They sang a song together that song. Let's marvin gay and get it on So after the song was over they just grab each other and just start full on Making out hard for like no joke 12 mississippi That long one mississippi two 12 mississippi Just making out and the cameras stayed on them and people it's funny because obviously they're in focus

But in the background you could kind of see The audience and a lot of them are like slow clapping like how I was in my fucking living room um, and uh It was so weird because they like the crowd was like slow clapping and like not sure What was going on and they were like slowly standing up. They're like, is this an ovation? Should we and they were just kind of like, um This okay, are they done? I don't and like slowly you could see like some people standing up and like A lot of people aren't smiling because like how weird is that?

Why are you making out on stage? after your performance For 12 mississippi and this kid was grabbing her. I saw a picture He was grabbing her ass with like a death grip like a gorilla grip Like you know when some dudes you know on like those twitter accounts. It's like this is how you hug your girl and it's like a guy Grabbing this shit out of some girls ass, but like in the middle like not a cheek like he's got like The a hand on the crack and like his middle finger and ring finger are like going underneath

And touching a little bit of vag like that. He was doing that shit Like dude, are you kidding? Wait till you get backstage to fucking Whatever and I was watching today, um On the new some Some show it was like a good morning america show with like these two corny white anchors who are just like Oh, and jaylo was shaking her booty last night booty and uh

They always try they sound all those people they sound like fucking Parents who are like trying to be cool and hip with their kids And they sound so dumb, but he was like, oh, I would have shown the kiss I would have said hey keep the camera on that kiss like dude. You're fucking weird Um But yeah, it was it was strange man. I was watching the show And they were like reviewing The amas and i'm just like this is so dumb like clearly charlie puth

Puth and megan trainer did this as like a publicity stunt, which i don't even know why like you guys are famous people And make bangers. You know what i mean? Like that song marvin gay get it on and get it on is a is a banger Megan trainer all about that bass banger that other song she has right now Love you like i'm gonna lose you or some shit. That's a banger charlie puth did fucking see you again the radio plays that Every day 400 times. So he's doing well no need for this You don't need to be madonna and britney spears making out on stage holding a snake

actually, I don't know if that was the same show but you know but um Yeah, dude what publicity stunts are so dumb like oh look at me. Look at us like come on man. You're already famous Just just let it go Just be a person What kind of person's like i want to make out in front of thousands of people And also the whole nation that's watching Like how weird are you celebrities are weird man? I really don't get their whole

Uh thing so dude and internet celebrities are the worst Oh god the worst I hate internet kids. I hate them. They're so weird. They all tweet the weirdest shit I love you. You guys are my everything What how? Huh, you never met them You okay, you they support you and they're you know, yeah, that's awesome. That's awesome But to like give these little girls, uh false hope

That's a that's a crime there They're just like I love you and you're my everything and all this shit And then when I go to when I used to go to those shows those meet and greets and those kids would just like you know run away from their fans and just stay up in their hotel room and do coke and shit You guys don't know the real world

You only see what they want to show you It's weird man. I don't like it celebrities are weird famous people are so Like self-centered. I'm pretty self-centered, but like I don't feel like it because I compare myself to those people And they're just forget it. I can't do that. My fans will think less of me What is that? Are you gonna let fucking other people dictate how you're gonna live your life? You suck whatever also At the AMAs I saw that I'm worried now. I'm really worried guys because uh

nick Jonas wore a turtleneck Which that's two turtlenecks in Within a month. I think right? So we got two turtlenecks within a month. Are they coming back because I'm terrified Drake wore one and his hotline bling uh

music video Right Which that song Gives me nosebleeds. I swear to god. I can't I can't listen to it anymore. The radio beats the shit out of it I hate it. It's terrible It was good one. The first time I heard it. I was like, okay. I could kind of All right, and then the radio was like, oh, I got every every song. I'll play it every song. I'm like, fuck this shit It's it's terrible. But anyway, nick Jonas wore a turtleneck

Um, and I pray to god that they don't come back because I can't pull off a turtleneck I'm not that kind of guy. I can't I can't do that. I just look like a Uncircumcised dick Like a human dick uncircumcised And I got facial hair now not now. I don't have had it but like I got facial hair and the and the sweater I was just like a hairy uncircumcised

dick You know what I mean? And I would have a hair flip. I have like that little You know fruity hair flip that I got going on my haircut I would have all types of shit. I can't wear a turtleneck I can't do that. I don't even know where to get a turtleneck JCPenney, I don't know Where do you get shit like that?

Century 21 I don't fucking know I'm not buying turtlenecks I'm just on twitter right now just scrolling Just talking shit about everything that I see. I'm pathetic. It's it's just wild um Donald trump. Oh if I got to see this guy again, I'm gonna lose it Anyway, Donald here we go the headline

Donald trump tweets racist fake statistic about black people in crime Dude, how is this guy even a thought? Why are people still talking about it? I'm convinced this guy is a whole publicist pub. I can't even say that word publicity stunt everything he's done Has been like shock value like he just wants to say shit that everyone's gonna go did he fucking say

What did he say? That's everything he said You know, I feel like everyone who likes him Uh has had sex with the first cousin. I don't know. I feel like that I do And I think that people are gonna hate me in the comments right now. You don't know politics We're gonna make america great again All right I don't really know what that means and no, I don't know politics at all man. I know this guy's weird. I know that

He's like he talks. He talks real weird. I can't even do it. That was the most that was an awful. I'm gonna erase that Uh, that was a terrible, uh impression But this guy's what does he tweet usa crime statistics Blacks killed by whites two percent blacks killed by police and one percent. Yeah, I'm sure that's not fucking true Whites killed by police three percent whites killed by whites 16 percent whites killed by blacks 81 blacks killed by blacks 97 percent This is can't be true

um This is so dumb And it's like What the fuck This is the dumbest dumb donald whatever your fucking name is donald You're fucking idiot, dude Also shave your head. Let it go. All right. It's thinning. It looks ridiculous Just do something else with it

That would be life changing for that guy You remember when beaver cut his hair and like he wasn't rocking the mop top anymore He got like an updo and everyone was like, I don't even know this justin anymore You have a tattoo at an updo now Dude if donald trump changed his hairstyle It's like the world would shit itself. I might vote for him if he uh Changed his hair. I'm gonna tweet him and tell him that but yo, you're gonna get one more vote if you just fucking cut that shit off

Just called bald and wear hats Because it looks fucking dumb man I just talk shit. It's terrible. All I do is talk shit. I'm just I'm annoying Oh, and I forgot about beaver first of all Beaver is my guy I like beaver, man People think I'm joking when I say that but I'm dead serious. I actually do like beaver. I liked him back in the day

Like a lot I was like, yo this kid's talented. He gets sing drum dance. What the fuck he does and people were like, oh, no gay And I was like, all right But then when he started getting his whole swaggy like I'm swaggy and he was throwing eggs at people and he just Thought he was mad cool. That shit was annoying. So I stopped fucking with him. But this new album is pretty fire I gotta say A lot of people think I'm joking. I'm dead serious. If you listen to it, it's good. I I'm not gonna like You know let the internet influence my opinion. I thought it was a good album

Uh, he performed yesterday. I looked up the video today um And I think it was sorry that he did um was like the last Song of the show I think and it just started pouring rain on stage And I was like, why is that? What is this? You know, why is that necessary and it didn't make sense to me and then my girlfriend goes. Oh, no rain represents change And I was like what she's like, he's washing away all his other persona and he's sorry

And I was like, all right, he could have just did the song and everyone would have You know pouring rain is a bit much. I mean, it was kind of cool. I guess I've always dreamed about you ever get in the shower and like hear a song because like I always have music playing in the shower If you don't have music playing while you shower You're kind of a serial killer and a communist and a piece of shit So have music playing. Okay um but uh

yeah, so you ever like have music playing while you're in the shower and pretend you're performing The song like it's your song and you're performing it But in the pouring rain, which is the shower And my only one who does that shit. I can't be the only one who who performs Songs in the rain in the shower. You know what I mean? I also have fake arguments. I put that in a video once like on a limb I was like, I hope people relate to this but um whenever I'm in the shower

I uh Plan out arguments like an argument I know I'm gonna have with someone like if I'm if I'm uh gonna have an argument with my sister or something I will pretend to have the argument in the shower and and just Just do the whole thing like I'll do her part too Of what she'll say and then I'll say what I'll say it back and I just rehearse the whole thing

But so by the time that it actually happens. It's a smooth, uh, It's a smooth argument. There's no breaks. There's no thinking. It's just I have all the answers um And I don't know if I'm the only one who does that but If you don't do it, you should because it's a good fucking strategy. You'd be prepared for fights You won't stumble. You don't want to trip up on your words What else am I doing in the shower? Someone asked me if I ever jerked off in the shower, which obviously what am I?

What else am I gonna do in there wash? Yeah, you know, you know how long it takes for a guy to wash Fucking seven minutes maybe Dude wash the dick ass and then like put soap on your arms and Arm pits and then shampoo your hair. What the fuck else are you gonna do use conditioner? Who does that shit? There's people who are using conditioner What the hell what is conditioner? What does it do?

I use it once and it just made me feel like I put like grease in my hair and it doesn't come out I don't I don't like that shit I use shampoo And that's all I don't rinse and repeat because that's a myth. They just want you to buy more shampoo Anyway, Thanksgiving's coming up. I can't wait for that shit. Just sit watch football and just eat a ton of food It's gross It's gonna be sick

I think a black friday. What a dumb thing black friday is and by the way I don't know if you guys know this but old navy is gonna get people fucking murdered. Did you see that there? Did you see their uh? Their new like promotion that they're doing on black friday. You could win a million dollars For standing in line at old navy, which is like a smart idea like because people are gonna line up just to try and win a million dollars But they're gonna shop at the store because they're standing online, but what a fucking are you trying to get people killed? first of all, it's black friday Which people turn into animals the doors open at fucking

Walmart and all of a sudden people are are you gonna snap someone's neck for a fucking 12 inch TV? The fuck is going on? Like what black friday is the dumbest thing and also, you know cyber monday. It's the same thing except from the comfort comfort of your home Why am I gonna go outside? At fucking two in the morning or whatever it is And just wait outside with a bunch of psycho animals And then wait to get inside so I can get like pants that are 60% off Who gives a shit?

Do you really care about pants that much? Or you want to get I don't even know like a silverware? The fuck just wait till cyber monday Do people not know about that? Dude cyber monday the monday after black friday, obviously um All these sites have crazy deals It's crazy. It's great. I go on cyber monday. I spend like a thousand bucks and I get I get packages for like a month

Like a thousand bucks every year cyber month not a thousand. I'm fucking lying, but like you spend like four hundred bucks Uh, and then you get packages for like a whole month. You get new shit every day. You're like, oh, it's christmas again Well, not again before christmas, but Yeah, just do cyber monday black friday the fuck's going on Every year you see someone dies on black friday. Are you fucking kidding me? How do you trample a person? How do you kill a person with your feet? Because you want

Fucking a toaster For 20 bucks. Oh a steal now. I can make toast you killed a person for your toast every time you toast bread Just remember you fucking murdered someone for your toast You idiot Black friday is so dumb I don't support it I don't do it But yeah, fucking old navy now old navy's gonna have people line up at their store, right?

And then they're gonna give away a million dollars to one person Dude, what's gonna happen to that person? Fucking murder Beat the shit out of them They're gonna go crazy And what a bad idea that is These psychos I feel bad for anyone that works retail in general Because you have to deal with these idiots also like i'm an idiot like when I go into stores and I go to buy shirts or whatever

And I Take one off the rack. It's like perfectly folded. I don't even know how to fold clothes that well Like they fold them and they're all like precise It's crazy. So I take them off and I hold it up. I'm like, no, this one's too small And then I half shitty fold it and just like put it back and it looks like garbage But I just leave it because I'm a piece of shit, right? So these people have to walk around And like be nice to assholes like me who don't fold this shit properly that they probably spent all morning doing

They have to walk around and they have to Refold everything and then they say sir, can I help you? Uh, yeah, I'm looking for a oh I don't think we have them your size. Oh, well, this is fucking ridiculous. And then you have to deal with that shit Right. So people who work retail you guys are Del real MVP as the internet would say right you guys are special Um, but people who work on black friday. How does anyone even work on black friday? You know, I would never I would never work. I would quit my job before I worked retail on black friday if you work retail on black friday

My god, you You are brave You are you know just Courageous just a bunch of adjectives that You know revolve around being brave. You guys are all of those. I would never because you have to deal with psychos Fucking grown ass women Sprinting down the aisles

Trying to buy a a bag of fucking peanuts because they're a dollar Serials half off Grab all the lucky charms That's actually part where I would go first if I was like a black friday shopper But yeah, we got serials half off just stock up on cap and crunch and frosted flakes and uh

Tricks what else is a good cereal cookie crisp. Oh my god They just cookie crisp is a is a joke It's cookies With more sugar in them, but small And we sell it to kids and then we go. Why is everyone fat? Because they're eating cookie crisp And not fucking going outside So do you want to shoot hoops? No, I'm gonna shoot hoops on my app. I just flick my finger and

It shoots the shots for me I'm not gonna go outside and exercise that sucks I'd rather stay inside and create a twitter account called queen bees cunt And fucking yell at joe For saying he doesn't like her music That's what people would rather do Make a twitter account A fan account or a troll account like they have to go up a troll account

A troll account an account just so you could shit on people anonymously You are a bitch And I hate you And I hope that life punches you in the face and I hope you get punched in the face in real life That's what I hope Honestly, I do I mean that hard Uh

I do So I think I'm done talking to myself right now Um, my friend rob's coming over we're gonna Jam out a little bit because I got a keyboard and I started playing piano again. I played when I was like seven I got lessons for I don't know like six months or something like that I don't even remember but and then I stopped doing it and then recently me and my brother we bought a keyboard And Yeah, I've been playing that ever since and we kind of jam out on mondays because this kid's filthy on guitar

And uh, yeah, it's just fun try to post it on instagram Post some videos on instagram me playing the piano um, by the way If you guys are into sports Uh, I have a sports podcast with three of my other friends. It's called veterans minimum. It's basically what i'm doing here But sports we're fucking just talking shit about whoever Um, but yeah, so if you like sports go check it out, uh that podcast. It's called veterans minimum And uh, yeah, it should pop up if you just search that but yeah, that's all I got guys

How long is this thing? How long is it? They're getting shorter 32 minutes. That's not bad You know quickies guys 30 minutes. That's all you need. You know how it is to talk to yourself for this fucking long It's ridiculous Jesus how? I don't know 32 minutes of me talking to myself. I'm losing my mind. Um Anyway, uh, if you guys want to follow me on twitter. It's at joe sanagato. Everything I have is joe sanagato snapchat instagram

Fucking four square. I don't even know what the fuck that I don't even know what that is What is four square? I don't know. It sounds like an arts and crafts store. Honestly like michaels Um, so that's all. Yeah, it'll be a new video out tomorrow Um, I'm not gonna tell you what it is, but I will tell you that Uh, people seem to like these videos and I'm kind of excited to do it So that's gonna happen Uh, but yeah, that's all for this week's fucking baseman yard episode as always. Thanks for listening. Yeah, motherfuckers