The Basement Yard - The History of BJs

Episode Date: July 30, 2018

On this episode, @DannyLopriore & I talk about the history of BJs, payphones, & answer your questions. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard today. It's just me and Danny. Oh, I'm a little loud. I'm coming in hot here I gotta go. I'm going a little crazy. You're always hot. I'm always Sorry, don't be sorry. I was gonna. All right. I thought I just came on too strong. So like Definitely felt like a bear hug. No, but like I speak the truth. Thank you. I'll let lies run out of these lips I Don't let lies run out of these lips no way Before we start this episode, I just want to say thank you to everyone who Signed up for the patreon. There's over 200 people now. Whoo

So that is helping tremendously if you don't know what it is You can go to patreon.com slash the basement yard and check it out Basically, it's a crowd sourcing thing and if you pledge a certain amount of money There are things that you can get as rewards such as a Extra episode that is only available to the people on the patreon a full video episode that we're doing That's exclusive for them as well some merch stuff and other cool stuff. So anyway, can you stop checking out your fucking chest hair in the mirror? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. What's going on? Cuz it's got a gliss in the right way off the gold chains. What's gonna glisten? The gold's got a gliss. Oh gold's got a gliss gold has to gliss. Yeah, but like I'm sorry

It's all right. Sorry Anyway, so yeah, thank you to everyone who was uh on the patreon I don't even know what to call them who pledged patrons patrons. Yeah, thank you for all the patrons that's friends I Tried guys Oh Yo, anyway, so one of the things I wanted to talk about I was saving it for the show, but I was on Facebook, which is rare

I don't really do that anymore Facebook died very quickly. I feel like once old people got their hands on it It was over. Yeah, they're like, oh, you know what? Cuz like girls are out that like when we were in high school I mean and me too like you're up there like oh, I'm drinking a beer. Fuck. Yeah, and girls are like Oh, look, I got this tattoo that my parents don't know about and then your parents are like Fucking poking you and sending you framework question like well fuck this whole platform. No, and then we all left Yeah, and they stay they stay and they haven't figured out anything else yet No Instagram and Twitter on that so that's why whatever but anyway

I was on Facebook and I saw a picture of a sonogram Yeah, which is what they're called right? Yes, like the black and white a baby a stomach thing I don't know why people cuz like here's our listen I'm not saying I hate babies cuz I want kids one day. I'm not saying I hate babies What I am saying though hate those goddamn sonograms true hate sonograms I have to agree with you because people are so excited for the sonogram when it's not even theirs I understand the parents enjoy your sonogram. Yeah, whatever it is. What do you ever you think you're seeing? You know what I mean? You're looking at silhouettes here, right? And you put this picture on Facebook and you go. This is our boy. He's four months eight

Seconds, I don't even know what I don't know it's almost worse when they show it to you in person You like you see a little speckle right there. He's like, yeah, what is that? That's his nose that dude that I don't know what this is I'll tell you I've seen a nose. That's not a that's not a nose not yet at least no give it time Let it cook those things look like like those tests you would take like to see if you were color-blonde I Yeah, yeah to see like if you see an image in there Dude, I'd never I've seen a human in a sonogram ever in my life. I've seen just it looks like a galaxy sonograms You can't tell what what they are. I don't know why people are so excited

I see comments underneath pictures of sonograms and it's like, oh my god, so cute. I was like, dude This literally could be an MRI of a knee and like someone's torn ACL And I wouldn't even know the difference. Yeah, that's a radio wave of somebody's stomach. Yeah, that's a we're not calling that cute out here It looks like you poured oil into black paint. Yeah, and then now it's just like this thing Yeah, which I like or like remember that thing that I can't remember what it was But you would put your hand in it and we take the more like that the mold of your hand. It was all those needles You remember those things. Holy shit. What the hell are they called? I don't know But I know you're like your fist in it and whoa, look at that

That's what they would look like a bunch of needles you put your hand and it was like a glass casing on the top Yeah, yeah, yeah, turn it over. Yeah, you know what I always do put my face in it I would too, but it'd be so hard to keep it. Yeah solids. I don't know your face for a long while What the hell are those called? I don't know what what happened? I don't know You know what else do you remember those things where it's like you plug it into the wall And it's like a glass ball and has strands of electricity. Oh, yeah, and you touch it and roll go to your finger. Yeah, what happened to those? What is that? I think we just grew up It sucks. I know I want one kids toys now are way too advanced. They're so cool

I remember just go if anybody's house had one of those I would be entertained for hours Yeah, you would put your hands on it and then you could it looks like you could see the bones in your hands Yeah, I felt like a fucking sorcerer Voldemort is about to kill somebody I could summon like anything I want anything dude I'd be I you know, I used to plug it in and then take it into my closet and just sit in the closet That was very emo now looking back at that. That's very witchcraft. Yeah, did you ever do that like witchcraft? No, I Skip that whole phase We're going to my closet alone. There was a lot of things there could have ever done at least I was alone sure

No No seven minutes in heaven or no weird experiences with no what you think seven minutes in heaven is you get fingered I'll never forget that. Yeah, people get fingered in seven minutes and I wasn't I Mean, I'd never fingered anybody in seven minutes. I've never played any of those like kissing games. It's fire though I'm sure it is but whatever but those you know those balls That's a weird sense Those like electric things like yeah, they were so cool. They were so awesome It's remember. I was thinking about this the other day

Do you remember how on TV? They used to be commercials for toys and there isn't any awesome There's no more commercial for toys hungry hungry hippos hungry hungry hippos. You remember crossfire. Do I remember crossfire? Dude those fucking little metal balls. Yeah kill somebody hell. Yeah, and choke somebody They also made the game look way cooler than they they actually were hell Yeah, they would shoot those balls the commercial be fire flying out of them I was like riding some like fucking like green goblin hovercraft. Yeah, you're like, oh, yeah It's only ten bucks and then that dude would come on and at the end of the course be like everything you see here It's not included a couple of us. We're no better. Yeah

There's nothing those only thing trash about the 90s Nothing came with what you needed to play it and they'd never lasted long enough. No, like if you went Somewhere and they actually had a full toy set You were like I was taken away Dude in the 90s Not one time. Did you buy something? I didn't have to buy three things to make it work. Yep It was impossible. It was just a shell even a game. That was awesome You saw on TV even video games back then all you had to do was put it in your thing and it started

Yeah, now you got a download Takes fucking three hours to do We got that kind of time you remember Christmas like you ripping that open and just throwing that thing in that n64 And it just starts right up. I didn't have n64. But yeah, would you have I should play station? Yeah, yeah, I'm a couple years older than you. No, did you ever own n64? No Would you ever play retro games on your twitch though? Fuck? Yeah, I think that's I just downloaded Crash Bandicoot Yeah, I was playing that earlier. That's all you saw me play. Yeah. Yeah. First of all that game was driving insane Yeah, it's this is a game made for children and I'm over here, and I can't beat it drives me nuts

Yeah, you're yeah, you were dropping some big bombs on there I can't help it video games one of the most frustrating things of all time Mmm, like you're talking about the sonograms and kids. Are you gonna let your kids play video games? Yeah, I'll let them play but I want to play with them. Oh smoke my kids Oh my god, destroy them. I yo, here's my problem with kids like I don't I don't have any remorse Yeah, like if we play one-on-one in basketball, you better do the fuck up. So like what the train's coming. Yeah I'm gonna punch that shit too. Yeah, what do you think? I'm sure you shoot over me now get that shit out of here figure it out Yeah

Work on it like an underneath layup or something. You know I'm saying work that left hand That's got to be a horrible feeling the day your son beat you and anything. Oh man. Oh Yeah, that's like that's your midlife crisis right there Yeah, my son just beat me in the driveway my dad did it right because The last time he played me because I was asking to play him for years and my dad was a tremendous athlete But then like whatever dude got older. He got better. He can't move all my name my ankle life Yeah, you know, he sweats when he puts his socks on stuff like that. I've been there. His words not mine I used to be there. I know I know it. Well, it's the rest. I know well

So he played me when I was like 10 years old and he beat me by two and he's never played me since Quit it. Yeah. Oh, he was ahead. Yeah, and it drove me nuts smart man smart man You know, I actually my dad you probably faked a couple injuries now that you think about hey, maybe It's my dad. Let's go. I know you got none of the deal. Let's go. We're going to the park one-on-one You want to know one thing I miss? Just having a good old-fashioned catch Right I I'm not even kidding. Do you have a glove? I do I have two

Oh, you're lefty. No, no, no, no, they're both righty gloves. You catch righty. No, I could throw with both hands Wait, yeah, you throw like I Mean I you could obviously tell that I'm dominantly lefty, but I could throw well with my right hand So why do you have to write gloves? Oh because that's just the gloves that I had one was my older brothers and the one was Is a lot of us Yeah, I Want to play catch so bad. Yeah, just long toss I want to go to Models and just get a glove because I haven't had a glove

I haven't played baseball since I was maybe 15 years old Yeah, I stopped playing and I was focused on basketball for the longest time and then wait 15 It was way younger than that. It was before high school. Yeah, I say people start to go into like to their Main sport around like ninth grade probably I think Sixth grade was the last year Yeah, six. There's six grade was the last year that I played baseball and then I was like I love basketball That's all I'm gonna do and then I only played that and then I only played Football for whatever do you think if you like you never played video games ever you would have been a better athlete. I

Didn't play that much. You didn't play a lot of it. No, so you think you reached like your athletic This is as good as it gets right. Yeah, isn't that a humbling day where like you're just like holy shit I'm a junior like a senior and I was like this is about it. I Had a good run of being Very dominant. Yeah, I when you were little right when I was little. Yeah, I was I was like Like people like literally I say this all the time and people think I'm joking because like I'm a dickhead too Like when we get older and I'm 18 years old the park. I'm like, yeah, I'm the fucking best one here

I'll give you shit like I just talk shit. Yeah, but when I was younger me and my friend Dennis were People thought we were gonna be professional athletes like we were just light years better than everyone Dennis the tennis star Yeah, Dennis the tennis star. He gave me name Dennis would be really good at tennis Dennis the tennis Yeah, exactly But all I did was I would wake up in the morning and then go straight to the park and just play all day and play whatever the hell Anyone's play you want to play baseball you know play soccer or you want to play whatever and I was just like Naturally good at all of them. I guess because my whole family is like athletes as well Yeah, but then there was a point where I started to feel it where I'm like, yeah, everyone's catching up now

Oh, yeah, I know that yeah through eighth grade. I was like amazing basketball and football well football I got I got recruited to go to college, but but um, I Would say seventh grade was my cutoff basketball It's so sad I would say my basketball cutoff was around ninth grade Until I started like getting kicked off teams for like family classes and there you go. Yeah, so do your homework Yeah, but uh up until then that's when I was like, oh shit like the people I used to smoke

Mm-hmm are Getting close. I was like in seventh grade when I started to when Seventh grade was when I started to feel like I'm not the best player anymore anymore. That's a humbling experience Yeah, which was fine because I still was good. Yeah, I was one of the better guys. No, you're still out. You're hoping I'm hoping Yeah, the boss will tell you he's still thing. I'm the best basketball player of all of our friends We gotta get that we got to get that game going bro. I'm just three on three game. I got a high IQ Yeah, I got a good. I'm a D 3 and D guy 3 and D. Yeah stretch the floor a little bit I could pass like a mother fucker. That's great. Yeah, it's great. So I'd rather do that stuff with my kids

What like go outside Yeah, because like I feel like I spent way too much of my life inside that I need an excuse to go outside any I need an excuse to go outside like getting my dog. Oh, by the way, everybody I got a dog. Yeah, Danny got a dog. I got a puppy came the Joe's and Met Joe love Joe immediately pooped on the floor immediately took a dump. I feel I still feel bad I'll be honest with you. I totally forgot how bad puppy shit smells puppy shit is gross It's disgusting, but it can't be worse than actual human baby shit. It's it's up there

Oh, I don't know what that that smells like. Yeah, human baby shit is bad. I can't dog shit. It's bad. It's all like It's not even real okay, but yeah, so I got a puppy. So now I'm really outside all the time Oh, yeah, but when I have a kid, I want to embrace them to be like go outside. Yeah I want to play sports in my kid all the time. Yeah, I think it's the best thing I Yeah, I'm a big Advocate for sports for kids. I think it's like probably the most important thing more than school Is that crazy? No that I think schools more. I think sports is more important than school

I learned more about life through sports than I ever did in school. I agree and It's a shame that I also think that football is the best sport for life But it's also the most dangerous and kids get hurt and understand when you don't want your kids play football I don't think I'll let my kids play football. Yeah, I can tell you right now From the before and after football. Yeah, like my life before football and my life after football completely different mentalities completely Yeah, no, like I would not did you have any concussions in games? I know we talked about concussions the other episode I had four in-game concussions The only time I got a concussion during football was I was playing pickup football. Yeah, I got a concussion

My friends and then I got a concussion in Practice, yeah, they wanted to run a military. That's where I got three in practice. We're in practice special teams Because high school they don't give a shit they kill you they kill you and then the other one I told you that story off-air. I got a concussion so bad that I went over and sat on the bench and they were like, hey Yeah, you're okay. I'm like, yeah, I'm fine. Just let me sit on a couple plays. I didn't realize like where I was Yeah, you know, I was just like, holy shit. Like am I am I? Playing football right now and the whole everything just went Yeah, it feels like there's a force field around my head like I feel like I still have my helmet on

Yeah, and I was just like what the hell is that? Yeah. Yeah, my back's all fucked up. I'm fine. Thank God I mean my ACL is torn because I refuse to get the surgery, but so that pops no need for you get that surgery I'm not getting it. I was playing spike ball on the beach And I played like six games and then I went back because my brother lives out on Long Beach now I went back was playing again, and I you know, I fucked it up again spike ball Great fucking game so fun better than can jam Nah can jams the shit can jams fun as shit. Yeah That is so fun

good couples game, too because It's a bonding experience, but I could see myself getting a little angry the competitor. Oh, yeah, no because a dude Even when you're like you play with your boy for some first of all throwing a frisbee. Yeah It's a toughie. You know what I mean? It's an aim this thing. Yeah There's there's always like three kids in your high school that were like mad nice with frisbee though Like you would see them outside just fucking zipping that thing bouncing it off the floor and shit Any white dude who has like a collared shirt at a party is like you won't play can jam

I'm like no you're probably gonna smoke me comes in fucking Turtle in the frisbee on his finger like a basket. Just let it go. I'm gonna let it hit the can It's like all right there. Don't touch it. Don't touch it. It's like easy there Tyler. I'm gonna slot it so can jam or Cornhole I'm gonna go can jam can jam up to me is probably the fun. It's like lawn game. Yeah, you know what the white you do have to like Defend can jam well like offensively like you have to move a little bit if you want to go and smack that frisbee

Oh, I love can jam. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's the best game cornholes is That's a game you get that you play when you're getting fucking wrecked. Yeah That's a better tailgate game. Oh, yeah, it's the best tailgate game. Yo, you know, it's the whitest game in the world Golf ladder whatever You know that ladder golf or whatever. Oh frisbee golf. No, no, that's white as fuck too It's the one with like it's a string with two balls and you toss it. It has to hit around the thing Oh tether ball. No tether ball. I used to fuck people up in that shit. I never played that That's very like 1980s

90s, I know but like mostly 80s throughout their tether ball. How can that be hard? I'll fuck you up and tether ball. Well, my hand's broken Go righty. Yeah, I could I Got both hands. Yeah, I'll I'll I'll just smack this shit out of that ball thrashing and tether I don't even have a strategy. I've never played it before but I just need to go find a public park No, you don't see they don't even do a tether balls around here. Listen tether balls. What were you phones? Oh, it's things they disappeared pay phones were Bathrooms they were great though, but they were bathrooms. Yeah, they were I

Pissed in them. I can go on the record. I've peed in a pay phone. Oh, not good. Yeah, not good Not the ones in like Britain or England. No, no, no, no, no, no that had the red ones. Those are nice Those are beautiful and they're like timeless. Yeah Superman gets changed in there. Yeah, it's a nice little pay phone Pay phones in New York though. Yucky Babies get like changed in them and shit. Yeah, it's disgusting. Even if you pick up that phone Wash your hands for the most time you've ever done it. It's disgusting. They are gross most public things in New York are disgusting public bathrooms I I

Think we should all take we should tear them down and then figure out how to do it differently. Yeah, because it's not working now Italy Had great public bathrooms. That makes sense. They're not psychotic. Yeah I don't think anyone else any place outside of the US. I think it's way nicer Just don't over complicate things. Come on. Keep it simple. Just be a person. Yeah, why do you got a shit on the sink? I know why just go poopy pee pee like a regular person just pee pee Why why are we doing this? I just don't understand it. You ever take that everything's wet. Yeah, how did this sink break? Who is trying to wash their hands that hard and I'm also automatically turned off if I go and see any wet toilet paper on the floor Wet toilet paper yuck

Which is weird because toilet paper is used to wipe your butt, but it touches water It's disgusting and it's also useless at that point useless unless you're gonna wait for it to dry But who's got that kind of time? Especially if it's to apply. That's what I'm saying double the weight. Yo, by the way speaking of toilet paper I Judge people when they have shitty toilet if you if you have like Like your public school toilet paper. I don't want to be your friend get some thickness I know what is this and I know toilet paper could be expensive for some people not that expensive It's your asshole guys. What treat your asshole, right? Yes, you know I

Get that double that cotton L like that shit where they have like the bears. Yeah, there's like shit in the woods Yeah, yeah, no dingleberries like that's like their whole thing. Dingleberries are They're disgusting. I don't have nearly enough ass hair to have kind of that worry. Can you shave ass hair? Are we talking Indoor or outdoor ass hair indoor ass hair like crack ass. Yeah cracker. I Don't think this is something you shave. I think this is something unless you have a buddy. Yeah, you get a buddy Hey, I need a fave buddy system. I can't how much for you to like shave your friends be whole you I'm gonna shave your asshole. Not mine. I'm just saying why you don't think we're on the level of friendship

No, we are but I would go get waxed I Not gonna put somebody through that Literally, oh my god, really through that. Oh my I would get my be whole axed Extra Joe, I don't know Yo, if you were willing to do that, I'm 100% down. I'm paying for it then if you'll pay for it Wait, are you gonna get like a Brazilian? Yeah, I'll get I'll get like my get your gooch. Yeah, I'll get my gooch and my be whole You're gonna get your gooch wax. Yeah, dude. I wouldn't let I

Don't even know when my like am I allowed to prep or I got to go in what is prep? I got to go in wild horse. You're supposed to You're supposed to go in wild horse. All right, I'll go it makes it easier if they're short hairs It's harder to wax. I'll go in wild horse. Yeah, it's going there. I'll show like scraggling like it's not crazy down there But it's enough to like someone's got to get in there. It's like a like a it looks like a like a wet baby kitten. Yeah Yeah, you know, it looks like like it's like a bald person's like wet hair That's not fun. That's not good. That's not fun. I mean nothing's fun down there but holes are disgusting Do but obviously they're gross, but they're like

But holes to me just seem like they're not done Yeah, we didn't finish but they do a great job Depends who you are It's just weird like it's like man This has to come out of somewhere and we evolved to literally develop a butthole that expands and our poop comes out Isn't it weird? Hey, thank God. Otherwise, you'll be shitting out of our mouths humans poop Animals poop poop. It's poop

poop life Sometimes yeah, that's weird. We're all just dumping. We're all just poop We're not all just poop. We're mostly water. Well, no, no, no, I mean, we're all just like poop out here pooping Oh, we're we're definitely pooping. Yeah What were you talking about? I don't know Public bathrooms public bathrooms. What's the longest pee you think you ever took? Easy drunk pee easy drunk pee. Oh my morning pee. I already know morning pee is my longest piece That's because it comes out slow, but you get that like that you ever get that euphoria feeling when you're peeing

It's like kind of like like What if girls get that Morning pee like that euphoric piss feeling. I don't know I'll have to ask somebody. I will. Excuse me, ma'am. Just go outside. Excuse me, ma'am. Just quick quick question Yeah, you ever pee and it feels kind of like a half orgasm. It's really true though. Yeah You ever get like the double spray? Hell, yeah That's awful. Yeah, girls have girls have no idea

What's going on whipping the hog out and just like trying to get that thing like just anywhere after sex pee Oh, that's going everywhere double thumbs down double thumb it. Yeah, you got a double thumb it Yeah, you got that boner for a couple more minutes after too. Yeah This is just shut off. No, there's no button here. No, you can't just hit a release I still wake up as hard as a rock. I don't always wake up like that. There's I mean something not every morning Oh, for me, you could like you can count on it. I'm hard at the bank on it. Yeah, Danny's hard every morning Which is weird, but I love it. It's actually very normal. So it's not weird at all

Trying to justify it. No, it's not weird. Everyone has it's common. I looked it up. It's common I googled it. It's like I Google all my other physical symptoms. Yeah before we move forward Let's get to the sponsor today, which is stamps.com stamps.com brings all the amazing Amazing amazing services of the amazing Unbelievable the amazing services of the US Postal Service right to your fingertips You can buy and print official US postage for any letter any package any class of mail using your own computer and printer Don't even have to go to the store guys the actual like post the US Postal Service store. What is that called? The post office. What's wrong with me? Oh my god

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Okay, that is a lot of things go to stamps.com click on the microphone at the top of the home page and type in basement That is stamps.com and click on the microphone at the top of the page and type in basement Like I said, don't have to go into the post office anymore. You can just do it from home 3 a.m. You want to mail something fine up to you It doesn't close so there you go But yeah stamps.com and enter the code basement yo, but Back to what I was saying before about someone else's toilet paper going into someone's someone else's bathroom. I Had to know I had to know you for like at least a couple weeks before I like

blew it up blew it up No, but like so here's the thing, right? I feel like yo if you got a shit take a dump Take it up, but I'm the same. I'm the same way like in theory But if I just meet you and the first thing you do is take a monster shit I'm always gonna think of you as the person that came in my house and took a monster shit Yeah, I mean, I got it. I got it. Listen. I got a shit. Okay, you know me dude. I'm taking down Monuments in this place Yankee Stadium pooped pooped MSG pooped LaGuardia JFK poop. Damn. I'm out here. Okay, you're you got international poop. I haven't even gone anywhere

So I'm saying That's that's impressive. I've pooped. I pooped at a hospital once that you want to talk about danger. Yeah, that's called dying That's that's terrifying. Yeah Going near any hospital toilet is disgusting. It's not it's I mean, it's not fun. Not great either You know how like parks have bathrooms. Oh, they're the worst. Those are soaking wet for no fucking reason at all Porter potties take the cake though There's just piss all over that seat and just old blue shit dude What is that blue stuff and who is cleaning these and who created the porta potty who went was just like yo

I got an idea. Let's make a bathroom 40% of the way and then just leave everything else alone. Yeah, nothing. Oh, no, you can't flush. No flushing You're shitting this blue hole. Why are we going backwards? This is what they used to do in castles. Yeah, there'd be a room where you just shit into a hole And then it would just hang out there and no, I know was wiping their ass with straw That's what they used straw ill or hay. Is there a difference between those two? It's just weird how right like royalty like you're considered rich if you showered like once a month Bunch of stinky fucks. Everyone in back in history just smelled like shit hole. Oh

Shitting in a hole Well, I guess the queen the queen was shitting in a hole with shit in a hole and why per butt with straw? Yuck dude, they were having sex back then. I know That's sense is funny. They were having sex dude. Can you imagine having sex? Just gross just like if you and a different person you guys didn't shower for a whole month and you weren't wiping your ass with Toilet paper. No, just straight up straw and hay and whatever else I'm calling a call that and I feel like the clothes back Then we're so thick. You know, you're wearing potato sacks. Yeah, just sweating. Oh my god

And then and then having sex you think your balls are girls now Your balls and like the 1700s were disgusting way worse. Oh way worse I feel bad for girls who are given beaches back then because that must have been the saltiest dick in the world Do people get beaches in the 1700s? I don't know. Why did blowjobs get invented? I feel like that's like like the 50s No 1920s they were throwing the mouth around. Yeah, it was the great depression. So I'm saying someone's getting sucked back then Yeah, lost my job my house everything. Somebody sucked me. Yeah, there's a prostitution going on I wonder when though they were definitely getting sucked game of Thrones people get sucked

So this is what is the originate like I want to know the origin of of the BJ the origin of the blow I would say the origin of the blow though the blow would probably be like I guess where do you think it started Rome? Italy Italians were weird. Why because they would have like Orgies and stuff like pages. I'm looking some stuff up here. Oh, we got some facts. Oh my god Has this ball? This is fucking hilarious. Oh My god, this is gonna make a great segment here. All right, here we go This this is called six things you need to know about the history of blowjobs

I'm ready, which this is the only time I've ever ever read one of these headlines where I was like things you need to know And I'm like, I agree. Yeah, this is stuff you need to know. I think so. So the first one The first documented blowjob Resurrected an ancient Egyptian god. Oh my somebody sucked a god to life Who's that lady sucked back to life and what's her number or like hot number or whatever the fuck Yeah, where's her fucking mumma fuck mumma mummified body. Yeah, dude. That's crazy Imagine resurrecting a god with your like you sucked. Yeah, I love how it's documented So I wrote that down diary today. I sucked the God's dick and brought him back to life

It's amazing crazy to the Pompeii Pompeii Ian's we got a pump penis No, because I didn't know how to pronounce I knew it was Pompeii But I don't know if I'm peeing in or Pompeii in Pompeii and we're very sexual people Pompeii is best known as the Italian city that drowned in molten lava when Mount Vesuvius erupted in 1780 79 AD told you those Italians get dirty but the ancient city was actually a lot saucier than you think

Saucy city sauce Like that about 50 years ago erotic fresco paintings. First of all, that's a term that I need to throw every day vocabulary I need or like that's my rap name now erotic fresco. Yeah, I'm taking it Erotic fresco, you know, you heard that new erotic fresco. Yeah, it's fire. Yo, that sounds like a great name Yeah, erotic fresco. Yeah, that's gonna be my fake name. Damn it You can have it too. Cool. We should check into like hotels erotic if we go on if we go. Oh, damn it. We just gave it away Whatever Fuck

Uh Paintings were discovered in the baths of Pompeii depicting lesbian sex lesbians getting after it scissor nice me timbers group sex I think anyone's having one-on-ones back then probably not they haven't full straight full court games Yeah, five on five five on five girls and guys. Yeah with a bench Hell yeah, he passed teams. It's probably like football games. Honestly like 11 on 11 There's no one-on-ones real nice scrum. Oh, yeah, and lots and lots of blowjobs a lot of head Historians believe the paintings were intended to get visitors who would need to go through the baths to get to the city center. Oh

Into the Pompeii state of mind, which was sexual and horny. Do we I need to go to Pompeii? Yeah, dude told you Italy freaks out there Fucking ancient lesbians with Group sex and lots of blowjobs Three the ancient Greeks loved the blowjobs, too. Why is that a fact like of course they did? Yeah Who's not loving beaches new slash modern-day Greeks probably love blowjobs. I'm sure they I'm sure of it Only the ancient Greeks loved blowjobs They were called playing the flute

That's what they called it playing the flute That's crazy. Yo like Socrates is probably getting fucking sucked up, dude hell. Yeah while writing all like deep shit He's like wait, hold on Julie Caesar is getting anything as possible as he's getting blown up Number four an entire chapter of the karma sutra is dedicated to oral sex Yeah, I can really shit. Look at this picture. Oh My god, so this is it looks like a picture you would see on the side of a Cave or whatever and a picture of a guy and he's on his knees Right, and then there's a girl who's also on her knees in front of him

But she is doing she's leaning backwards like the exorcist coming down the stairs crab walking and then sucking them Crab walk reverse BJ. This is like a reverse Boston crabs suck job. I don't know if I could come like that I mean, I think I could Had a sheer like amazement Yeah, like I wouldn't I'd be so shocked that I wouldn't know what to do except it would we have to do anything with the blowjob Would just be the physical feet that I'm that I'm that I'm saying. Yeah. Yeah, exactly That's why I don't go to the circus. Those people are amazing. Just the witness. Yeah Five blowjobs were a punishment in ancient Rome now. We definitely got to go to Rome

Yeah, because I told you Romans were sucking sucking dick. I could misbehave a little bit. Oh, yeah, you know what I mean I think you had to suck somebody's dick though. I Think that was the punishment. Oh Never mind. Yeah In ancient Rome giving a blowjob was terrible horrible thing and was even worse than anal sex Which if we we got it we got it like if we got to put it on a scale What's the nicest? What's the meanest? Anals? Definitely the meanest. It's not even close. It's so mean You're mean anals mean. It's mean. Don't be mean. I mean you could be mean

You could be mutually mean. Yeah, I feel like We'll just And for ancient Romans anal sex was an unforgivable vice However, it was totally fine to receive a blowjob and petty crimes were often solved with forceful blowjobs. Well, you want to know what that sounds like? Awesomeness. No, no, I think what they mean is that Oh Yeah, are they saying oh for example imagine you're an ancient Roman and you own a fantastic onion field This is what a weird example

So many onions. That was an accident so so many onions Suddenly a peasant runs through your field and steals some of your onions that jerk instead of having his eyes gouged out or his arms chopped off You can simply pull down your pants and order him to give you a blowjob the end Damn Rome was fire And pretty gay. Yeah, I Mean there. Yeah, it's okay. I think I think back then It was way gayer than it is now you're guilty of stealing these onions

What would you like to do with him cut off his arms rip his eyes out? No, you know what? I'm gonna make him suck my dick and then kiss me. Yeah, and then just stay with me Hold the onions. I do. Yeah, I'm gonna eat this apple now. Hold my onions. It's weird But yeah, that's kind of crazy fun fact having bad breath an ancient Rome was frowned upon because it might have meant you just gave someone a blowjob Is that how much sucking was going on in Rome that like if you had bad breath like well hold on whoa You just suck a day before Like I can't just have morning breath like

Going to like the courthouse Without in favor of the plaintiff the defendant will have to suck the plaintiff's penis. That is all Yeah, just of course Jared. This is out of control All right, six, which is the final one or all sex could get you executed in the 19th century So that's 1800s. Wait if I got it or gave it It's a question probably both. Oh Double execution. Yeah Imagine one imagines. Oh any sexual act that didn't lead to your wife popping out babies was a mortal sin

So think about how bad you want head. It's like yo if you get head will execute you. I'd still think about it Or here's the loophole, uh-huh you can get your head But then you got to make a baby immediately afterwards or just get it started Let's get it started. Ah, let's get it started Why y'all get what happened to black eyed peas? I don't know will I am will I am furgy Furgy the other guys who are the other guys. It's like the Asian guy and then like another black dude, I think Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what happened to them. I don't know. Where's the love is a banger though Where is love is a bang?

Is that Justin Timberlake? No wrong with world mom. No, no, no on the course Don't don't don't don't that song. No, yeah, it sounds like Justin Timberlake. I can't be JT I'm a dude. I'm gonna play the song for you right now. Tell me this isn't JT I'm gonna play it for you fair use because I heard it the other day, and I'm thinking I'm sitting in my car. I'm like is This I thought it was furgy No, I Don't think so. I mean that would make sense and I could be wrong here, but just listen

Fuckin advertises unbelievable talk over them. We don't want to give him any love. I hate I hate YouTube for this reason Right guys, you get it? Jesus, I'm gonna have to try and find the um, I do the YouTube Come on this doesn't sound like him I You so grab it listen JT bro Sounds like him and for you

I Think that's him. Also a fun fact, you know the That's Justin Timberlake. No, it's also written by Pusha T. Ba da ba ba ba. I'm loving it. Yeah Really? Yeah, he wrote that Look it up. Put it look it up push it to me. Ba da ba ba. That's what he wrote push a T McDonald's look at it. Hold on Pusha T McDonald's I'm loving it Wait did he I

Don't know I can't find it. It's all right. He's rich anyway But I hold on let me look at that. Where is the love? Justin Timberlake They also didn't have a song that said let's get retarded Yeah, I'll never forget that But even when I heard that song I was like, oh, I didn't I didn't have that reaction I had it. No because this is back in the day. Yeah, what year is what year was it? I mean it was close to it was probably like 2004 5. Yeah, I would say what song is that again?

Let's get let's get it's let's get it's let's get retarded. Let's get it started, right? Uh What year is it 2003 let's get retarded. Let's get retarded in here. Yeah Let's get retarded Listen, I love will I am you know what I mean black eyed peas. These are a fun family pop group and They're over here going yo Let's get fucking retarded in here

In here. Yeah I wonder if they just got rid of that whole version altogether. I think they did there's no way they perform Let's get retarded as let's get I bet you that and someone I think I said this during one of my streams And someone was like they performed that song at like the Super Bowl, but I don't know if they said retarded But I don't know I would love nothing more for that to happen because yeah, listen I know I don't say the word retarded anymore At least I try not to because I could see how that be offensive to some people. So I try not to say it Grown up though

You like yeah, I'm getting retarded drunk. Yeah, you're tossing tards around. Yeah, I was tossing the tards Everyone was tossing the tards. I was tossing tards. Like yeah, that's retarded or like whatever. What are you a tard? Yeah, but like, you know the world spins you get smarter and like you start to realize you're a moron Yeah, don't be an ignorant fuck so strike it from your vocabulary, right? But the fact that we don't even talk about the fact that there was a radio hit called let's get retarded That's funny any way you look at it. That's amazing. That's funny. That's the American dream right there That is the American dream yeah, I mean if I had to sum it up Yeah, if you think about like even just music in general like M&M couldn't have gotten away with what he was saying

No, he's he's he was saying crazy stuff To that yo 2000s were weird. Yeah Those were the last years that you can get away with like saying yeah, I was like get it out now guys Yeah, you only get a couple more years left It's gonna get real fucking quiet okay, you're gonna get real quiet enough. Oh man good times Yeah All right Anyway, let's do the first ever installment of the what the fuck this patreon want

So if they're for those of you who don't know we have four different tiers on patreon and the $10 tier If you pledge that you also get the ability to send in questions that we're gonna answer at the end of every show So this is that segment. It's called what the fuck this patreon one So I'm going through right now and we're gonna answer some of your questions The first one being from someone named Daniel and he says would you rather fuck a goat and no one ever find out or Not fuck a goat, but everyone you know and meet thinks you have I'll fuck the goat no one finds out you're gonna bang the goat. Yeah Because here's why if everyone thinks you fuck the goat you might as well just fuck a goat Yeah, but that would indicate that you would like like fucking the goat. No, it would just be to get me out of this particular situation

Obviously, I don't want to fuck a goat. Let me go on record. You don't want to fuck a goat. I don't want to fuck a goat, but I Don't want everyone I know thinking I fucked a goat and being convinced imagine everyone you know being convinced you fuck the goat You might as well fuck the goat then I See what you're saying. I see your logic. Yeah But I didn't at least you have your own truth. That's true And then if I fuck the goat I would have to hide that my entire life You also might have some weird STD. Yeah, you get goats. Yeah, that I don't even know how To get rid of that

Yeah, do you think if you fucked weird animals like a dolphin or something? You create an STD and a doctor. I can't help you I honestly think that's like where a lot of STDs come from what just like people just like not like people You were not even supposed to do that like people fucking animals. Yeah, like sticking your dick in like an ant hill It's like dude. I don't know what you did. Yeah, like no one does this. Yeah People fucking animals probably definitely been the spawn of some of the diseases Which actually now is why I want to change my answer because I will not fucking go so you'd rather just everyone think I don't know That goat's got it's what I'm saying clean goat. Yeah clean if that if I could screen that goat

If I get to pick the goat I might be on board. Yeah, if I get some hot goats. Yeah, hot goats. Oh, yeah, I Watched the scurry channel. Yeah, I see I want to file fuck hot goat There's a ram a goat. I think it's a goat family. Yeah, fuck a ram. Fuck it Ram on Ram grab by its horns. Yeah, I think we're we're in dangerous waters here with We had to yeah Hey, John Hey, we didn't ask you asked Next question from Michael Lopez not sure how geeky you guys can get but let's find out

If he had to choose between being sent into the Lord of the Rings universe or the Star Wars universe Which would you choose and why then? What would your role be in that universe? All right, I'll take this one Star Wars Because way less walking That's your answer just made answer way less walking and If I could be a Jedi I'm the baddest motherfucker on the planet. Damn. I would love to be a Jedi. Yeah

Fuck Lord of the Rings I mean Lord of the Rings is fucking cool to a man or the legless just fucking Right, but you know if I was a Jedi I would just have to do this and throw those fucking things Yeah, but we're not fighting each other right, but I'd rather be a Jedi All right, but what realistically what would you be power the fucking force? I'd be Darth Vader Well, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah You think if you were sent to the Star Wars world You'd just be Darth Vader. Oh if I was sent

Yeah, like what what realistically where do you where do you stand Boba Fett? I've died like I'd be really cool But I died some like silly death Boba Fett. Oh, he fell into that hole. Yeah, San Juan. He's fucking cool. Yeah Boba Fett's my favorite character. Yeah, I Don't see you being Boba Fett. Well in my mind, you know what I see you as what you remember in the return of the Jedi Yeah, when they walked through that like cafe or whatever and there's that blue guy playing I'll take that too. Yeah, I'm worse You know what? I am you ever see pictures of job of the hut. Yeah, and then near his tail There's that little thing that's like chained to him. Yeah, like got a high-pitched laugh. Yeah, I think that's where I'm headed

So you're going Star Wars here in verse two? probably Probably yeah Lord of the Rings is very dangerous. Yeah, like some people just chill and start wars I'm an extra and hang out like Luke Skywalker. Not for nothing. He's going out looking for trouble. Oh, yeah You know what I'm saying 100% I'm not looking for trouble. I'm just trying to hang You know what I mean Darth Vader those fucking badass. Yeah, he's that guy. Did you see rogue one? Uh, yeah, yeah, I saw all dude. He mercs in that. Oh my god at the end Oh my god

Uh molly says if this is uh As an ex Yankee candle employee, I need to know what is your current favorite scent? What's that one you have that breeze the Bahama breeze Bahama breeze out there? Yeah, it's amazing. Bahama breeze is fine But coconut beach coconut beach clean cotton fluffy towels Fluffy it depends on the size of the fluffy towels. I think they just continue really. Yeah, because it was too good It was making people lose their minds big big Yankee candle fan I love Yankee candles I even like the little ones

For the bathroom Which ones like oh, yeah, they're really tiny. Yeah Fire fire Uh, all right, our final question comes from Byron. He says would you rather have A third leg or a third arm? Oh I already know my answer. It's easy third arm No wrong

Here's why I want a third arm I could be able to play video games and text at the same time Can you imagine that too the kind of things that you could do though You could like play video games and then beat it or you could like cook and beat it. Yeah Everything revolves around like what are you really going to get with a third leg fast as shit? No, you're gonna have to You're gonna have like a weird Like gallop, but I'll just have like steps constantly, dude I'll be where's where's this third leg like go like is it protruding down like your gooch?

Like is it like a tripod? Or is it like off to the side like a tail like a kangaroo? I think it has to be usable. Yeah. Yeah So maybe it's a third arm or like maybe it's out the back like a tail And I could sit back on it and I could fight like a kangaroo still taking a third arm. No, I'd want to be fast as shit What if you're like already like kind of fast And you can have a third arm like a third arm in a fight like good luck How many fights am I getting into now? I'm just saying oh you do the UFC. Yeah

Do the first like three arm champion. Yeah I'm going arm because I do more shit with my hands than my feet. I just want to be able to run really fast And then what make the league I'm not even sure what league I'm talking about. Yeah The third arm opens up way more doors. I'll tell you what I'll tell you what I'll tell you what I'm taking home gold every year. Yeah, what a third leg You put me you put me into the Olympics triple jump. I'll beat the shit out of anyone triple jump. Yeah Or a high jump probably

I don't know third arm for sure though Either one of these looks weird. Yeah I like wherever to go like the third leg can actually look normal Yeah, because the third arm is not going to look normal. No, you'd need four Would like would have come out of my chest Straight out of the chest I don't know. I wish it would be right here because then I'm definitely jay at while playing video games

Yeah, would you want a left arm or a right arm? I would want a right arm Why because I'm left-handed already. I know what it's like. So I would like to be like Super right-handed then I would just because then it would really feel like someone else was doing it That's the ultimate stranger Yeah, you said on your third arm till he gets numb and jay it Jesus christ, Danny It's true. It is true. It is true

I don't know true or false. You ever tried it. No, I've never tried the strength. No, I think that's out of control That's crazy. I've never done anything crazy like as far as jerking off goes Like I've never like just jerking off. Yeah, it's just you know, just just jerking Yeah, keep it classy The craziest thing I did was like when I was younger and like you're in the shower You're like, oh, maybe if I tried like a little blue shampoo on here. Yeah. Yeah Jay with shampoo Kill two birds with one stone. Yeah, clean that day clean that day

You shampoo your pubes Not like on purpose. I'd shampoo them. You shampoo them. Yeah. I mean, I don't What about your facial hair? Do you condition in shampoo your facial hair? No, I neither one of these hairs are that long That's true. My facial hair and my pubes hair Is not long enough It's not like a gun Oh my god No, but neither one of them are too long to be like, oh, I gotta I gotta clean this. Yeah

No, it's not like that. Not like that. Not for you. It's not it's it doesn't need that much maintenance That's what I'm saying. Yeah, what what part of your body you think needs the most maintenance at all times Like scientifically or in my opinion just anything. Yeah, I think your hands your hands, right? Yeah, you touch everything That's the thing like what needs the least I'll tell you what gets the least and what needs the least I would say what gets the least Like what do you take care of the least? My elbows

Elbows. Yeah, like I don't like I like I don't do anything to him. All right Like I'll put lotion on my knees Lotion on your knees. Yeah, you don't put lotion on your legs for what? So you don't look ashy Lotion on my my legs. What am I? What are you doing? You have no pigment What does that even mean? You never put lotion on your legs. So you don't look ashy

Am I that white? dude Put your I don't get ashy Look See that. No, I don't see that. No, it's ash I mean And I have lotion on that's why you put lotion on every day. Yeah, cocoa butter. Oh, I don't do that. Cocoa butter is great Just a little bit. I don't

But uh, the most I would say is probably my hands too. Yeah, what do you say is the least? What's the least? Oh for me. Yeah, what do I take care of the least? Yeah all my feet You like just like just everything everything. Yeah, what do you want to know? Like how long do you clip your toenails? Oh, not. I don't know. Do they get like disgustingly long? Yeah Honestly, also the only reason why they get cut is because people complain about them, right? Like you wouldn't care. You let them just go. I'm self conscious of my toenails get to get too long I'm not even sure how they look right now. Oh, they're not bad now No

But they could use some maintenance. Yeah. Yeah, they definitely could but I don't I don't take care of my feet Like I don't wash my feet Oh in the shower. No, I wash my feet in the shower. I don't it's just because I have so many sneakers I don't want I don't want them to stink I don't I don't wash them. I washed them. I'll wash them like I used to play a football every sunday And on games where it would rain I'd be covered in mud Yeah, so like I can visibly see dirt on my feet. Yeah, you you saw clean like an infection from that too

Yeah, whatever a lot of bacteria built up in there So I just athlete's foot. That's when I clean my feet But I don't like doing it because as soon as I put my foot down very slippery very slippery. I could go down Yeah, and who knows what's gonna happen then I'll save you Are you gonna be in there with me? My shower's not that big. I can get you I get you out there. Yeah, I don't take care of my feet. No, I don't wash them. I don't I don't barely clip them It's not good. Not good. Look. No Are you gonna now now I'm gonna be looking at your feet too much. Oh, this is weird

I get it all the time and if you asked my sister She would tell you. Oh, it's his feet. It's disgusting. I'm gonna have to hit shen I'll tell you what though because Everyone in my family's feet they take care of them. They do whatever. Yeah, they're normal people Yeah But and I thought always thought mine were disgusting, but then I saw some of my friends feet and I'm like, what is that? Well, we saw LeBron's foot yesterday. LeBron's got some feet on him. It's disgusting. It's it's not good. Yeah, not great It's not good. His pinky toe is like in the middle of his foot. Yeah, it's a little weird. They're all like hanging out with each other

Can we just single file a line, please? I I've said this before I can't get out of a shower unless my fingernails are clean Like no dirt under them Yeah, I mean that just like happens. I feel like yeah, I don't really go out of my way to clean that No, no, no like just clean but like if I if I shampoo my head, I'm good Like my fingernails get clean right but I want them clean before I go out

You are prettier than I thought I'm just out of your living life, man. Yeah Close that shirt up though. Sorry. Yeah You're fired All right, you're hired again. Yes. Um, all right. Anyway, let's uh, let's wrap this up a little bit Huh? Any plans for the weekend? I'm going to Yankee game. Oh Really?

Yeah, couldn't be guessed Uh, yeah, I'm going today. It should be fun. Um, I'm gonna be hammered in like an hour and a half So, oh Yeah, very nice. Uh, where can they find you Danny? They could find me on instagram And twitter at danielopriori.com That's not right. Wait, what? Sorry. Why did you say that? What did you say? You want to know why because I saw wing and I was just like

I've heard wing.com before and I was like wing alpha. It was running through my head I got all thrown off at danielopriori on instagram and twitter It's been a long week. It's been a long week. Oh, yeah, it has we're gonna wrap this one up Um, guys, you can follow me on twitter at josanagato and go follow the show also on twitter at the baseman yard And uh, our patreon like we said, um, it's patreon spelled p a t r e o n dot com slash the baseman yard Uh, check it out. Uh, if you want to sign up, uh, we would love to have you and you're helping support the show and um, yeah We're going to be dishing out rewards and stuff and answering your questions and uh, we'll be into implementing some other Things as well in the future. Also, if you if your question didn't get read this week

Do not be discouraged. We got a lot. So keep submitting. We'll try and get to everybody Yeah, and we're not going to read every single one right because we're going to pick the ones that we think fit the show Yeah, best obviously. Um, but yeah, that is all Thanks for listening. See you next time. Peace