The Basement Yard - The Legend Of Blackout Keith

Episode Date: October 9, 2015

In this episode, Keith has his first beer in 4 years because my Facebook page hits a million likes. We also go on to tell the most ridiculous drunk stories that we have. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Well pussy Okay, shut up dick welcome back to the basement yeah So I made a bet with Keith. I didn't make a bet. Yeah, it wasn't a bet I said it was like an agreement that if my Facebook page ever hit a million likes that he would drink a beer with me because he stopped drinking and It hit it hit tonight. No three years ago. I stopped drinking. Yeah, so it hit tonight My the Facebook page you got a million likes first of all holy shit. Yeah, that's a lot of fucking people I've been funny too. I don't get it. It's insanely irresponsible that a million people are like yeah

No, this is this is this is for me. This is this is a good idea fucking idiots. Anyway Yeah, so we have beers here. Hold on. I gotta get my phone. Where is it? Hold up? It's right there All right, here we go. Joe put on some fucking pants, man. Yeah, I'm not wearing pants. There's no pants podcast. Well, we were just at a Kids balls are out. Best Buy Theater in Times Square is now called the PlayStation Theater It changed into fucking week. So yeah, we went to a Bo Burnham stand-up show and it was fucking hilarious And while we were there after we got out I checked my the Facebook page it hit a million. So Keith's got a beer Keith has a beer. Whoo, and I got a I got to get it I got to get it on video. So I'm setting up my phone

You know cuz I'm one of these fucking dickheads. Hold on. Let me open my beer Keith. Let me hear you open it ready open it Open a dick Smells like alcohol is we're drinking blue moon Belgian whites Get head Keith first beer back. There's no cheers. Oh, yeah, here we go cheers to a million Man and to a Fuck a million more to a billion more. I mean, I don't know about that but you head sure. Oh My god, he's hammered. Oh, he's coffee. Yeah, just throws up So hold on. Yeah, I need an orange. So I mean, let's let's go into why you stopped drinking. All right real quick

Take it off the stand. Let's get fucking. Let's get real. All right. Let's get personal. You want to get that personal? I mean, whatever So Keith stopped drinking four years ago three last time drink was my birthday like four three years three Come on. I said it like eight times three years ago. Oh, well, I'm deaf and dumb. What are you fucking hammered? You opened your beer. You didn't even drink it. I did drink the fumes got to you. I smell so good So three years ago on my birthday was the last time you drank in and that was when I Man, that was a bad night, too. I don't even remember it. What was it? I was where do we go? Like I said, I don't remember it. No, but you know where we went. No

We went out What were you doing three years ago? I was 20 the day after your day after my birthday. Yeah, because I think we we were at a Fuck we were at Merrick Lane's The bowling alley story a bowl now. We're at the bowling alley. Yeah, you remember that I was spitting out the car Oh, right. So that was the last time you drank. Yeah. Oh my god. So we're We're watching a no, we were not watching football football was no we were we were watching football And there's no way because football ends before my birthday. Oh, yeah, that's true. Anyway, so We were taking long story short Keith stopped drinking because for whatever reason when he gets drunk his body goes

You don't need to stop Yourself from pissing yourself. Did that make sense that sense? Yeah, you don't need to stop you. Yeah, so he would just piss His body would forget how to hold in the littlest amount of piss actually a lot of piss dude I would be soaked you would wake up. So I was wearing just just give you an idea. I Was I went to bed woke up six hours later. That's not even a long time Right, it's that's like half half asleep eight hours. It's like ideal. Yeah So I wake up mind you I have on jeans a sweatshirt like everything socks well besides shoes and

I wake up my socks are wet my jeans are soaked My sweater is completely Just like saturated saturated. It's another word for silk. Is it? Yeah, I don't think so Yeah, it is I'm gonna have to Google that so it's so Google it. I'm gonna go a lot of tell the story Yeah, I just had an accent for no reason just now and then the pillow I had was wet too plus it went through the fucking mattress and There was a little on the rug too. That was underneath

Keith how much piss I don't come out of I don't even drink that much It's like my body. It's just like, you know, we're gonna get rid of everything if I pissed myself Which I haven't in a while the last time I actually pissed myself. I was Yeah, I pissed myself. No, not from drinking. I just like it was weird But I was we had bunk beds when we had bunk. Yeah, it was totally fine when we had bunk beds In our room upstairs. I was on the top bunk and I was wearing a onesie and I woke up and I couldn't even like feel my dick

I couldn't even have at that point because I like I just felt this warm sensation Like near my dick area. Yeah, and all sudden I was like, I'm pissing myself I swear to God. I'm not making that up. I swear to God. I just felt like a warm sensation I'm like, I think I thought I was bleeding, but I was like, wow. No, just urine. It's it's pissed 13 you had your period. Yeah, so that's that's why but yeah, Keith stopped drinking because He would just piss himself. His body would just be like, dude, I don't even know what what that is I don't know what holding piss in is so he just would pee and it would just be his whole thing It was awesome. It wasn't it was hilarious. It was depressing

There was a point where I Was really drunk I came home. I Pissed I will what is it? I'm not even joking. I probably fell asleep for like a an hour and a half woke up Soaked and your body waits me to sleep to piss it says if I go to sleep and then my bed just It's like a trapdoor into a fucking pool like that's basically what goes on Are you just like you go to sleep with like flexing your abs and like force and piss? I don't even know it's it's crazy. I'm happy. I haven't shit myself

Can you imagine you would get drunk and all sudden shit? Yeah, you'd wake up and then it would be a problem Then you'd be like, okay. This is an issue. I got in the piss. Yeah, Jesus. Yeah, I went there. Oh my god But haunt. Yeah, there was what I was saying when my story was I woke up soaking wet and My drunk self thought hey, you don't have to change Let's just fall asleep in the dirty laundry. It's the same thing And that's what mom found me which it is I guess Never mom found that mom found me like that and I wouldn't wake up and then you She came downstairs because you were sleeping

For some reason you're sleeping in a living room Didn't make it up. Yeah, and then mom goes downstairs. She's like you have to get Keith. He's not waking up She thought like something was wrong. Yeah, and you came upstairs and you mom's like all you said was Keith wake up you bitch and I woke up and I started throwing up in the toilet. That was the first time I threw up. Yeah drinking oh No, you were thrown up in the sink. Yeah, the world was coming out of you I remember this kid opened his mouth and like Five gallons of puke just in the sink. It was red too. Yeah, it was gross

I don't even know I didn't have anything I was dying laughing and mom was so pissed because she's got you drunk She was Josh's mom. I know I remember you telling me that you were like Yeah, I feel like I'm picturing cuz she's screaming at me. I can't fucking hear But I could see her you're so deaf that you're I mean you're so drunk that you're deaf dude. I I What was it? We walked inside? That was when we were in Josh's house, right? Yeah, so we walked home. It was my idea to walk home I don't know why you gave me that privilege to pick whether we were saying or not, but I Walked we walked into the door

Soon as I took my shoes off. I remember that and then soon as I took a step on the stairs Nothing, nothing completely like nothing and then the next thing I remember is I Opened my eyes and all I see is red and then I lift my head up and all and then I see mom Well, I thought it was Josh Josh's mom and She's screaming and you can't I can't hear but obviously I could see she's pissed off And I'm saying to myself like oh Shit, she knows I'm drunk all the stuff. Yeah, I'm just going I'm sorry like I just kept saying I'm sorry

That's another thing when Keith gets drunk. He just fucking apologizes Like you would not believe I'm gonna go into this one story. All right, so we were at a bowling alley, right? Which is so like cliche get drunk at the bowl. It's like we're like alcoholic step-dads Let's go to the bowling alley and get drunk come home and fuck up everyone's day So we went to a bowling alley and we're drinking and Keith's hammered like visibly I can see that he's drunk and All of a sudden he's like sitting there his eyes are like half open his kid starts fucking spitting in like a cup Like I hick. I'm like the fuck are you doing? This is the last night right and he goes. I just want to spit And I was like, yeah, I bet you're gonna fucking throw up and he's like I'm just spitting like I'm a southerner

Just just spitting into a can he made it seem like this is just something I want to do I'm just spitting like it's a fucking it's a hobby of his. I'm just this is what I want to do This isn't Titanic dick. Wow. Wow my voice cracked anyway, so So he's like spitting whatever and then we're like, all right fuck it. Let's go so we're we're walking home and Keith grabs onto a flimsy-ass tree and throws up so much Like a lot like a lot yeah like a shit like like so much came out

It wasn't okay. It was he only had like two throw-ups like me when I throw up I'm getting like six or seven. There wasn't a dry heave nothing No, like this shit's coming out and then all right. Let's go somewhere else. There wasn't even like a Like you know some people like I feel I feel I think I'm gonna no He just opened his mouth and shit shot out of it twice And then he was fine. Yeah, it was white and then we go into so we go inside and He goes upstairs. I go downstairs because our rooms in the basement so he goes upstairs to the bathroom I go downstairs then

20 minutes later my mom like sneaks downstairs and she goes Get your brother get your gotta get your brother. He's drunk and I was like What oh, I don't get him and she's like just go get him. I was like, okay, so I go upstairs and I've told the story before but for new listeners. This is it So I go upstairs and my sister's in the fucking hallway my mom's in the hallway and they're like he's in the bathroom And I was like, all right So I open the door This kid's fucking naked

Bent over asshole facing me So so his asshole staring at me, right? I can see some balls too Okay, she's gonna face work. I get like I know a lot about him now. This is what I mean Like we're real close. I wasn't like expecting it. I thought he was gonna be on the toilet Maybe you just fell asleep on the floor but whole looking at me but naked don't know why he felt the need to be naked but he was naked and Then he turns around and then I just shut the door cuz I was laughing so hard

Then I opened the door again. Now he's got shorts on which was a miracle, you know, thank God No, then he comes. Oh, no, he wasn't no I never close myself. No, no, you didn't so he comes out of the bathroom, right naked My mom my sister are right behind me and I'm like dude. What the hell are you doing? And then we have like a banister at the top of the stairs. So he like gets in like a squatting position Grabs the banister In a squatting position and starts pulling it while in the squatting position. I'm pulling this banister So dick is swinging. Yeah, there's balls hitting whatever. Yeah, there's balls hitting butthole. He's got dangly balls

Balls hitting butthole dick swinging, right? This dick's hitting the belly button, man. He's pulling hard. I got a whale dick So my mom my sister are there And I'm fucking dying laughing because this is like the best moment of my life. I'm already thinking about telling the story That's why that's why that's why I'm so good at telling it because I was already thinking in that moment Like how am I gonna tell us the people? This one might make me a million mill. Okay. Yep. You're good. This might make me a million error so So my mom Is pissed because I'm laughing but anyway Keith gets up from his fucking little pulling and squatting

exercise and He walks into our room, which is right next to the bathroom at the time He walks in there So my mom goes Go get him. I was like, okay so I go in there to go after him and as I get in the doorway this kid slams the door on my body I Felt like he broke up one of my fucking things on my spine and I'm like, dude. What the fuck are you doing? And he goes, I'm going to the bathroom and I'm like, you're not in the fucking bathroom and

Then he's talking to me like I'm fucking stupid and he's going Joe I'm going to the bathroom And I'm like dickhead How you didn't punch me in the face like I have no idea because it was the best time of my life And I was like dickhead you're not in the bathroom and then he finally let's go with a door and like lets me in and he goes Yeah, but I've been trying to go and everyone's just saying all this type of shit He said some stupid sense like that that made no sense I remember saying that and then he fell into his bed and he just stayed there and then when he fell into his bed

I just looked at mom and I'm like we're good. It's totally fine My sister was so upset. She's like I don't like when you guys are drink a drunk I don't like when you guys drink because you're like different people Dude, someone had to slip something in my drink because I don't want to drink a lot man. It was fucking hilarious Fuck it. Dude, I've seen your asshole like Sorry, Jesus Christ. You've never seen my butthole. I think not I have what? Yeah, what? Inkinetic it I I

Went on the dock and you just had your ass out. It was like a joke But you're just had my ass out that doesn't mean I was bent over spreading them Because that would be a thing that would be an issue. Yeah, thank you. Check this out spread asshole Anyone who look there's there's rules for moaning people. Thank you. Check this out. Yeah If you're gonna moon someone like there's no spreading because then it's a problem, you know, then it's like to you're sick Yeah, but if you're just like it just ass cool. Yeah, but if I see a rim Dude, it's a difference now. You're thinking pedophile friendships on the line at that point like dude I don't want to see it in your asshole. I don't want to hang out with that hairy mess. That's around it. All right

I'm sorry. What do you shave yours? I don't shit. How am I gonna shave my asshole? Yeah, that's another thing. Oh That's another thing. We're talking about shaved. How people shave that area. They don't shave it. They like near it That burns no I've never neared me either. Yeah, I mean my gooch is a fucking. Oh, yeah, it's the Amazon. It's never been discovered. Yeah There could be all kinds. Yeah, there's like different species down there. Yeah, I just I don't want anyone to go there, you know That's it's worse. Yeah. Yeah, I don't want anyone to see it It's like that tarantula if you get too close to it, you just go blind It's bad. I

Can't even imagine like someone going down there and seeing that Pretty sure if Sammy knew no, okay. This is this is a funny question. She would break up with me. Yeah, for sure Uh, no, just if you weren't going out with Sammy Okay, yeah Would you allow a girl here we go He's got a beer in him Would you allow a girl lick your asshole? Oh, here's the deal. Okay um

No but I uh I wouldn't because Uh, I gotta then I gotta kiss them afterwards like dude. That's my asshole. That's not mandatory because look it's different. I feel like Girls assholes and dudes assholes are come they might as well be different body parts Because theirs are like nice and like clean If they take care of it, right you ever see a blue waffle, right? But they don't that's not an asshole

Hey, man, there's probably a blue asshole so, uh Like but they don't have like hair Like they don't take shits and like shit gets caught in the hair. You have those days where you're like Yeah, it's like it's like your shit your shit has like a hard time getting through the hair You ever get one of those? Yeah, it's like fighting through the woods. It's like going through a fucking screen It's like trying to shit through a screen It's like it's like a guy in the amazon with a machete like chopping down trees to get through. That's kind of what it's like

Sometimes, you know, oh, yeah, and it pulls the hair. All right. I gotta stop. Yeah, it's I mean it's a mess it is but uh But girls they don't have to worry about that so they could get in there clean it up nice whatever But like dude like for me right now. I know sitting here Like my assholes the worst part of me right now I know that I'm not gonna be like hey check like Put your tongue on the worst inch of my body. I understand but she's offering

Right. She's offering. I would have her sign something Sign a waiver. Yeah, like if you get hurt, this is on you like if you go blind Not responsible. Yeah, if you throw up pink eyes probably a 94 chance Yeah, it's like a confidentiality like you can't tell anyone how bad it is back there I have no control if i'm gonna fart or not while this happens. I also just feel like it's it's just weird Like i'm not not into that. I don't know. I just feel like it's weird It's a little like I don't I don't know. It's just not for me. Yeah

Like don't don't put your tongue on my butt or anything for that matter It's uh, just stay away from my asshole. It's the only thing I ask, you know It's a good rule. It's one of joe's commandments First first commandment thou shall not Touch or lick asshole. Yeah My ass lick the asshole kuma What if a girl like

Like I don't know man. I'm not gonna discriminate against ass lovers Because I'm sure there's people listening to this like dude, you don't even know How good it is and I'm kind of like mangoes like yeah, I mean crazy a lot of people say that like Fucking shrimp is dope, but I don't like shrimp. I don't like shrimp, you know, I don't like seafood So that's just me man. You know give me a fucking chicken parm hero. I'm chilling. You can like seafood. That's totally fine It's not my shit Yeah So don't put a tongue at me

Jesus christ All right, we got way off topic. Yeah, where are we right now? We're talking about assholes Yeah, we brought up because yours was staring at me. Yeah, that's true. I don't know if I have any other junk stories Did I have a lot of hair on mine? Keith I don't remember because I tried to black that second out I've probably seen my asshole like once. I don't think I've ever seen I might have seen it once. I don't why would I ever see it? Why would anyone ever see their own like it's not like you're in the mirror like that, you know that

That pose where you just uh bent over Looking through the mirror And it's spreading your asshole What are you talking about? All right, you're like hunched over So now you could see between your legs. Yes So now you can see behind you correct and you're you you're doing this in front of the mirror Who is doing that? I never did that

But i'm just saying you can do that if you want to see your asshole Are you giving out lessons right now for free? You're like, hey here you go for 995 you can get another 10 ways um people will take the the weirdest Fucking nudes dude. That's crazy. Like my snapchat is a fucking disaster mostly because it's like It's it's like oh a dog Then it's like a fucking 13 year old girl in like fucking social studies class like dude. I love your videos And then I open another one and it's a dude with his dick out And i'm like here we fucking go

You know use me as a footstool Oh, that was oh, I want to talk about that. No you did. Did I talk about that already talked about that? Ah fuck Did I yeah, shit. It was in the last one. Yeah, I did son of a bitch running out of things to talk about Fucking run out of ideas might as well just close this podcast people say a lot of times to me They're like dude like ideas and i'm like i don't have any ideas and before you go any further Can you put pants on because your balls are just trying to come out? Wow, my ball is coming out

No, i'm not putting pants on refuse. This is my house It's my podcast my podcast no pants My balls can do whatever they want. Yeah, man. I got home Took my pants off first thing it's like when chicks get home after a long day take their bras off Then their tits the horn they tweet about it first then they do it. That's true Taking taking your broth after a long day of work greater than Fucking eight million of those. Yeah, fuck you One of the best is taking a shower naked. Oh really bitch. I thought you were in the fucking bikini

Thank you. Thought you were wearing a turtleneck in there Thank you for giving me imagery that you're naked So many others I saw I see the dumbest tweets like All these accounts tweet the same shit Like fucking relationship Yo relationship goals is like the dumbest

Fucking thing in the world. It's like relationship goals. It's like a guy grabbing a girl's ass But like grabbing it with like His fucking middle and ring finger are like It like in her asshole. Do you know what I mean? This is how you hug your girl like dude. No, it's not That's how you like finger banger in public. That's how you raise. Yeah, it's like fucking crazy Or like this is goals and it's a guy with like a watch on Grabbing grabbing this girl's thigh as he's driving like god damn those are your goals Goals. Yeah, and then he crashed the fucking car like everything's goals now squad goals

Fucking bagels Relationship goals feel goals No, yeah, I usually just post the relationship goals with the uh the funny pictures Excuse me You know those pictures like they're really funny Yeah, you know what I'm really bad at explaining shit right now. So I'll just stop maybe just maybe just shut the fucker I'm a half beer and I don't know where I am. Yeah, this kid's this kid's fucking lost Um, Keith, I wish that people could see the stance that you have right now

This kid First of all, there's a mic stand in front of him. He is taking the mic out Of the mic stand. He's holding it in his hand and now he's drinking a beer. He's got one foot on the ground the other foot Is on the table And like bent And he's grabbing his foot like dude. This is the weirdest position. It's like a sitting yoga position Joe, don't try it because I might see your shaft

Oh, yeah, my dick's coming out if I even lift my foot a centimeter. Hold on Like getting back to what I was saying before about Keith when he's drunk always apologizing this kid There was one night where I was like Keith to him because he's so loud. He has no I like I think you I think you do go deaf when you get drunk because He's we get in the house and it's quiet We're like trying not to wake my mom because she'll fucking crucify us And this we get in the house and this kid's like yo, joe. I'm like shut the fuck up Dude, what's wrong with you? Oh, I'm sorry. I'm like

Dude, shut up like stop. He's like, I'm just okay. I'm sorry I'm like shut just stop apologizing and that will be good enough. Stop it. And he's like, I'm so I'm just I'm just sorry He's screaming and I'm like Why are you sorry? And he goes He goes I'm sorry that the lights are on there was not even a fucking one watt on in the house No lights were on you're like Just shut the fuck up go upstairs. Yeah, just shut the fuck up go upstairs

This kid's fucking insane mom you say that she knew when we came home because she would hear you She would hear me going up the stairs. She's like you would hit the banister And the wall you would like bounce off at like a ping pong Like a ping pong ball. Yeah I whenever I whenever I know I'm really drunk I have like hiccups, which is like So I'm like dumbo remember dumbo you got drunk and you just kept like blowing bubbles and shit Yeah, except I can't blow bubbles. I love how that was like a disney thing and they're like exploiting. Yes guys fucking hammered Yeah, but like it was the was the booze

Laced with lsd because this guy's seeing pink elephants. Oh, it was fucking champagne Oh, whatever But like was there fucking acid in there? Yeah, I don't get it big elephants. Yeah, I mean the song's a banger big elephant song Yeah, I don't don't know it's a fucking great song. But anyway, but yeah Where's that? Deep river zesty jalapeno. Yeah No, thank you. It'll make your uh, your asshole rim on fire. Why don't you shit it out? What the fuck is wrong with you? Uh

Ah, what are we gonna do with this kid? I'm so sore my words now Half a beer in kids hammered Foot foot still on the table foot is still on the table. Yeah, but I used to get hiccups like great like dude you still do I haven't done it. Well, I haven't like gotten seriously drunk in a while Like if I'm drunk off beer, I don't feel like Like I won't say like oh dude I'm so hammered because like there's only so many beers you could drink Before you're a piece of shit like if I drink 20 beers, I'll be hammered

But who the fuck has time to drink 20 beers? You know what I mean? Can I get yeah, I know but like Well, I was a bad. Oh, that was another night What you can tell that story In Connecticut Oh How did we Fuck y'all. Oh god. I want to restart this and just fucking. Yeah, seriously. How the fuck did I miss that? All right, so

My friend has a house in Connecticut. All right, it's a summer house. I'll tell you what got me what What drinking though because Was it called a uh, bonzilla? Um, I'm sorry. I was I was having uh They were doing the bonzilla things you gotta explain what it is. All right, so bonzilla. What is you put like eight beers that it has Was it like six funnels? Is it six? Yeah, it's six funnels And like you could put like eight to like 12 beers in it And then whenever you just funnel the beers

But after a while none of them wanted to do it anymore and like I'm a pretty good chugger Yeah, I suck at chugging like I'm like I'm a pretty good chugger and um Like no one wanted to do it anymore So I was I filled it up myself And I did three funnels by myself And then somebody else did the other three and after that y'all it was terrible So I couldn't walk so here's what happened, right?

um kids hammered And he's in a hammock And one of my friends goes over to shake him right And fucking pushes him out of it and he lands on the ground I fucked up my knee too fucked up his knee if he was sober He would have like started swinging but he was laughing because he was hammered

And I'm drunk so I get beer muscles and I try to fight two of my friends I'm like I ran up to this kid who didn't do it And I was like I'm gonna fucking kill you and he goes bro. It wasn't me. It was him So I was like I'm gonna beat the shit out of both of you, right? So Then they explained to me that they were just trying to like shake him and play around but he like rolled out Whatever so Keith disappears

I don't even hear about then I find out later from two of my friends who found him in my friend's house This kid walked into my friend's house, right? and I was sleeping first right opens up the slide like gets in the house Then he opens up the sliding door and pisses On the cabinets. I thought it was the bathroom. He thought he was in the bathroom because he opened a sliding door from the inside he didn't like He didn't like open the outside walk in

He was inside open a sliding door and then turn and piss in the cabinets And then he sat on the couch without picking up his pants. So dick was out Two of my friends found him mind you in this house His grand my friend's grandparents and parents are sleeping in the rooms. So if they wake up Yeah, like 20 feet away from us. Yeah, so if they wake up, this is gonna be a really fucking hard thing to explain I would have never went back. No so Hopefully they don't listen to this podcast either. Yeah, right. So two of my friends

find him like that and uh They clean up the cabinets and they clean him up and pull his pants up and I'm like They come down the hell they're like, dude You won't not believe what just fucking happened. I have a whole bag of candy right here. Yeah, it's not good for you. No, I know What does that mean? That's not good for you. Like I'm a fucking struggling addict. No, you're just gonna be really sad at the at the end of it

I'm chilling bro. No, we have three more bags of that upstairs. I'm like 175 What are you four two? Four foot two. Are you insane? First of all, I'm taller than you. I know that. Dude, I'm five fucking seven and I'm five ten If he's under six foot I call him friend. That's another fucking thing that girls post all the time. Who the fuck said that? Mad girls What do you call a guy under six foot? friend

Yeah, you're the fucking man girl. You're the fucking man. Yeah, meanwhile that bitch is probably like four eleven I just want to be picked up and kissed In the rain mad rules, yo, you got to pick them up in the rain. Yeah, there's got to be a song playing Lifting involves. Yeah, if you're a bird, I'm a bird shit. I don't know This is a disaster. Do you remember when you were hammered at uh Was it digi new york? Yeah All of them really before you went to bed. Oh god, this kid almost killed himself by skittles

Yeah, so I was hammered, right? That's what I like an after party and there was an open bar What am I gonna not get fucking 19 jack and coax for free? So I did that And I talked to this kid for like maybe 40 minutes. I'm gonna say 39 of those minutes. He hated me For sure. Yeah, it was his name's uh, tim tim de la ghetto on fucking youtube I talked to him for like 40 minutes. Yeah, he definitely wanted to get away from you No, he's actually a really cool guy, but um

That's a lot coming from me because I fucking hate everyone who that's on youtube, but um he uh So anyway, I was talking to him and I'm hamp like fucking i'm done What I look down at my hands like this So i'm done and uh, we get to our hotel room I'm just like mad candy and shit So I eat a bunch of skittles and like you ever eat skittles and it makes your fucking your saliva Thick as hell

And it's like it's hard to eat like breathe So I eat a bunch of skittles and I just go to sleep in the in the middle of me sleeping my saliva forms of a hymen Forms a hymen in my mouth And now I can't breathe The fuck was that Keith so anyway, so then I can't breathe And I wake up like this This is the noise that they heard in the middle of the night

It's like 4 a.m. And you just hear me in the top bunker like this because there was a bunk bed by the way You hear me like this No, that wasn't it. I know I choked for real those Yeah, so I did that and I tried fuck that hurt so bad. Yeah, my throat's killing me So I did that and then everyone wakes up. Hold on the kid that was in the same bunk bed as you He fucking threw his phone across the room because he didn't want you to throw up on his phone. Yeah Like yeah, that was fucking smart. Yeah, so

So Don't ask why I'm sharing bunk beds with another grown ass man And by the way The other person in the room that that was supposed to be in the other bunk bed with me He was passed out around around the toilet like around it. Yeah, like hugging it We had to share rooms. So uh, so I I wake up and I'm confused like because I don't even know that I just choked and everyone's looking at me like What the fuck and I'm like what and like dude, you just almost died. Yeah, you almost died

and I and I was I was still like fucking drunk as hell and I was like, what? Oh, it's so tight. Yeah, he kept saying tight. I'm like, what the fucking saying I was mad. California. He never says that Yeah, I was mad. California that night for some reason. I was like, what? That's tight So, I mean I almost died and I was kind of You know That'll probably happen tonight one beer. Yeah, a couple of fucking tootsie rolls

I gotta work tomorrow. It's gonna show up in the news kid dies one blue moon three tootsie rolls All right, yo, knock on wood. Okay if I die Because of a blue moon and three tootsie rolls I deserve it blue moons are rare Or what blue moons like an actual blue moon Please shut up. I'm sorry. Anyway. All right, so we're gonna wrap this up. Um Keith, where can they find you if uh, they want to contact you and tell you that uh, They want to see your bottom on my twitter at at keith santagato

And yeah, that's it. I mean you could follow me on instagram too if we're doing that Oh, are we doing this? I mean if you really want to follow that Um, it's my name keith sanagato. So yeah, and if you guys want to follow me, it's at joe sanagato Keith is drinking his first and last beer You know unless he just gets heavily addicted after this Hopefully not So anyway, that's all that is the uh, the legend of blackout keith And um, by the way, there was like a lot more stories if you ever like hung out

And I only drank for a year Yeah Let's just put that in perspective. I'm sure all our friends have their own personal story and experience with black out keith but um It was a good time. It was only a year. It was a good year Anyway, uh, I don't have a solid day When these are Anyway, I don't have a solid day when these are gonna drop

Because I just don't know when they're gonna happen. I always like forget to do them And then I'm like, hey, we should do one right now. Um Right now it's looking I want to drop like on mondays, but it's tough So I'm just gonna drop them periodically and if you see them you see them I'm gonna tweet them post them Whatever the fuck it is uh, subscribe on soundcloud or go on that podcast app on your iphone and

Fucking subscribe there. All right, and as always thanks for listening That was corny. Yeah, I'm I'm a piece of shit. Honestly. Yeah, you gotta stop. I know. I'm sorry but What am I what am I supposed to say? Are we done here? Should I not thank them for listening? I'm trying to go to bed so I can piss myself. Go fuck yourselves. Don't listen Should I say that? Yeah, I said thanks for listening. I'm being nice. You gotta be different to get ahead in this world now I'm still gotta be fucking nice You piece of shit

Oh, yeah, that was nice Goodbye