The Basement Yard - We Got Into Clown School

Episode Date: August 4, 2025

It's the most exclusive school in the world! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the base- BASSMENT YARD Welcome back to the basement yard. How you doin' Mr. Green? How you doin' Mr. Green? Mr. Green. In the conservatory with the candlestick. Colonel Green?

Fuck that game. Colonel Mustard. Who's Mr. Green? Fuck that Mustard, Colonel. Who's the Green guy? Green. The Green- I don't know. I haven't played Clue in god knows how long. Professor Plum.

They're all- are they all colors? Mist- I don't think I've ever properly played Clue. Like, how do you know who's killing who? I don't know. You know what I remember playing? Do any of you guys remember the- are you afraid of the Dark board game from the 90s no I remember yeah I wouldn't well yeah you're too young we get it you're only 20 years old you fucking why are you wearing aviators inside I thought I'd put on something nice by the way it cam it cam it's a cam cam and they can't can can if the ant cam cam can the can cam ant can cam cam ant cam

Anyway, uh yeah, I like green oh We're skipping over a clue clue. Yeah, I never properly played it me neither It is I still don't even know what a conservatory is I think that's where you like look at stuff. That's an observatory. I think You're right. You're 100% right. You know what I like? A planetarium. Oh man. You might have one of those in your house one day. A planetarium? Yeah, where you just have like a big... Planets?

Yeah. I could see you getting like a light in the middle of the room. And you like... it just shows the stars. And you can just look up and be like, there's Orion's belt. What was that shit that we used to climb into when we were children it was like the bubble right the little yeah It was called a planetarium. We would go into the basement of our school. We'd all climb into a bubble and sit We would sit crisscross applesauce very close very I was coming to that hard. I um we would sit Chris We'd sit crypts crops Bible bells, and then and then it would project the like the stars and stuff Yeah

And then they always did the thing where they were just like if you whisper over there The person across can hear it because of how like it it shaped. I don't believe that oh no it 100% you know what else is like that to Grand Central Station. They're like if you go at parts of Grand Central Station you can literally go to one end of the of the room and whisper and the other person on the other house I can hear it as clear as day I guarantee you that's fake no it's a real thing I guarantee it is really shaking your head it's real you've done it no that I've done it but I've seen it I've done it and it is real I don't believe you you want it to be real Why would I want whispering to be real because you are I like I mean at heart I?

Do I get offended by that or not? I don't think so. I think that I'm asking you a party of personality Oh, I think you're good. You like that. Yeah, I do I kind of like okay fine But you shut it in the derogatory way that I don't like no I'm saying like you would want it to be real So it's like yeah, yeah, I guess you're telling me you go To an opposite end of grand central station, and I'm gonna hear you whisper Yeah, I promise even with all the hubbubbub. Yeah, not the hubbubbub. What's it called? Pubbub hubbub hubbub hubbub hubbub hula blue hula blue is it blue or hullabal something similar to that happened to my family at a restaurant they were complaining about a waiter and and because of the arch of the room,

the waiter heard everything they said from across. This isn't something I believe in. You don't need to believe in it, it's true. Okay. Things can exist beyond your comprehension. I mean, it happens every single day. What happens every day? Things exist beyond your comprehension.

Brangin'. everyday things exist behind be beyond your comprehension. Branden I like you can't comprehend the like astrophysics, but it exists. Same with me. I mean, I'm not saying like you're I'm not like I'm exempt from it. We're both in the same category just because we can't get it. Doesn't mean it's not real. I'm not acknowledging that like I'm 100% correct it's one of those things that like I'll have to experience it and then

I'll believe it it's literally called the whispering gallery in Grand Central Station yeah so like people would go in and what is that back in the day they'd be like oh this this who is over there with her ankles out and then people would be like I heard that yeah whispering bitch I mean they give names to shit all the time I mean that doesn't that's the proof that we have that it's called that I mean I didn't know I'll be honest it kind of makes it cool that they called it the whispering gallery yeah

because if it was just called like there's like secret like restaurants and shit in Grand Central do you know all about this stuff? I know there's like secret trains well that I don't care about I'm talking know there's like secret trains. Well that I don't care about. I'm talking like there's like secret bars and restaurants and shit. Speakeasies? But they're not really speakeasies. They just like you need to go through one to get to the other and shit like that.

My uncle randomly brought me once. And he was cause like This is Now that I'm saying it it sounds weird. You just described a speakeasy. Yeah I guess so. It's not a speakeasy. Yeah, I guess so. I guess so. It's not a speakeasy. You gotta like, go through a door.

It's just weird, like, yo, like, down there, it's like a maze. Like there's like ways to get to like buildings streets away without ever going onto the street level. Like, it's very strange. Yeah. They made it for like, you know, like politicians back in the day. They'd be'd be like John D Rockefeller doesn't want to get up to the street so he needs to walk under this building yeah you know yeah I mean wouldn't that be nice to be so successful one day that you could just just like go down a

secret tunnel I love secret tunnels a secret tunnel would scare me because it's still a tunnel dude like tunnels freaked me out a little bit if it was Just like a show I like a but I like I like secret shortcuts like someone's house You go and you pull a book and a door opens love that. Oh, yeah. Yeah, love that dude That's why one of the reasons why I love The 90s Addams Family movie yeah when they like go and there's like a slide or the Casper dude when she sits in a chair Oh, I love that. That's why listen listen listen listen listen listen that Movie is great that scene

Every little kid at that time is just like that's everything I want in life right there It like brushes her teeth and shit like cracks an egg brushes teeth washes face blow dries Yeah, just does all the cool shit. Yeah. All the cool shit. And you're in like a little roller coaster the entire time. I will say this. I don't think I can say where it was, because I will probably

get in trouble. When I worked at my old job, I went for a case that I had to work. I went underneath a building, and the underground tunnel system is like crazy like back tunnels under and in places that you would never even imagine damn yeah I want to do I want to be in on the secret there's cool secrets that you're not a part of I want to be like I want to yeah I do want to be in on it I feel FOMO now you would have

definitely I know you say you would know, but you definitely would have joined the fraternity in college. There's nothing secretive. There are secrets. They call it the secret society. Bro, you're all right there and you're all idiots. No, no, no. There's like different meanings and stuff to things that are secrets. That's not a secret to me. I mean, but it is by definition. It's a secret. All right. Well, you don't know me in order for me to be in a mouse.

See, see, that's why you're talking down. I was never spanked. I was never hazed or bullied. You know, there are people that were and I sympathize with those people, but you could join those things and not have that awful stuff happen to you. And then you could be in on the secrets like I know secrets that you don't know yeah you know do you know you do you don't know them right so they're secrets cool if I don't know them how can I be excited about not knowing because I do know that they exist but you don't know what they are yeah but they could be not worth me knowing like there's like secrets like the secrets are like The government you know like you need to be okay with like you know some secrets about the government personally

No, but I'm saying like there's like secret files and stuff. You know lists that may or may not exist So they say Fee what happened you know like you know that guy was that was totally fine There was no one on the list that list he got convicted for and with I don't vaguely remember someone bringing it up, but I've never heard or Believed actual is a listed way So you're gonna tell me these people that may or may not have been documented as a hanging out with this evil person Might have been on another list?

Yeah, right, dude Yeah, right What like you don't even you don't think for you know what you're brainwashed by the media and pull into believing that this thing that's obviously like makes sense to exist existed as soon as Trump was like forget about this stuff I went yeah yeah why were we even worked up about it in the first place we're idiots wait a second he didn't even like what what list dude why did I even care about that to be all that list that you said that he was going to expose it's a fake thing that never

happened why would I even if you believe that let me guess you also don't believe that they were eating kids in pizza places come on oh it was a joke like my guy it was a comedy come on guys who else doesn't run and get elected as leader of the free world on jokes Come on everyone on now now the soft Take it easy Now the soft liberals don't like jokes Oh my gosh, this is why we said we can't joke around anymore This is why people can't be ha ha funny jokes comedy more comedy is dead

This is why people can't be ha ha funny jokes comedy more comedy is dead Elon said it he's and he's so right and who and who knows better about comedy than Elon Musk Elon Musk the comedian of all the world's comedy comedy is dead. You know like that. It's gone So what? Anyway, so now Trump makes a joke and everyone is so serious. What list? I stopped caring. I didn't even... How is it important even? What could be on there that could expose anyone that we have elected or known of?

Like what? So there was an island and maybe there was some foul play. So what? A couple of fellas... Certain people in power went to hang out in the tropic Okay, so what can't go on vacation? Oh now vacations illegal We got to donate all our money. We're not allowed to go on vacation anymore. Oh Okay, so if I'm not donating half of my net worth then I'm then I'm on this supposed list

That's what it is gotcha anyway back to these secret tunnels that I love there's a secret tunnel that I saw That is just for air Am I supposed to be impressed by that But like you want to talk about secrets yeah on the flight home from San Francisco I watched National Treasure reignited my fucking love for you back you gotta steal that good desperation of a repentance I forget that I forgot the plot of that movie where it's like he's worried it It's a treasure hunt. No, no, no, not like that part obviously, but like The whole point of why he's stealing it is because he knows someone else is gonna try and steal it

So he's gonna steal it in order to protect it. Yeah Talk about layers of idiot. You see yeah, like what are we talking about? Yeah, and Yeah, yeah what are we talking about? Yeah, and I still do this. I'm past yeah. Yeah, yeah, and Then it like leads to like secret treasure and gold and stuff like that right that shit is hard listen up if I ever found out that there was treasure within like a one mile radius of where I lived I need a phone going with a spade shovel and I'm digging, dude. Yeah. Because the idea of hitting, ding! Oh!

Yeah. Ding ding! And then unearthing treasure, now, if it was treasure in like a tomb, I'm only accepting treasure if it's in a wooden crate that has chains around it and a big old timey padlock. And it's held by a skeleton. And it's held by a skeleton and I can hit it off with the tip of the shovel yeah that's the only

way I want treasure me too and I also want to be edged by clues so like I want to think that I got the treasure but it's like oh fuck another call you open it up and it's just like yeah I gotcha yeah and it's like damn I gotta go to now no I gotta go North Carolina and bring this thing with me, and then I place it in the wall and it opens up another door. Ohhhhhhhh. You know what I'm saying? It's shit like that. Like you have to like press a secret button, and then like the, the like, oh, this, any of these movies, Crazy.

National Treasure, uh, uh, uh, Indiana Jones, when like a secret stone thing opens and you hear the like And you see like the sand falling That's my ASMR baby, or say like press the button and then like there's just a cloud of dust like poosh like airs in there Now I don't need Asian girls Like Girls like like clinking their nails against a glass oh Like Asian girls like like clinking their nails against a glass For like ASMR. I just need the sounds of Indiana Jones. Yeah opening a stone sarcophagus Yeah, I'm glad you let me finish. Yeah Also torches bro, there's Matt yo listen for all you torch horners out there horny torch people. I'm in I'm in the club

National Treasurer's got some great torches good torch work great torch Do they do the whole like they dip it in like a natural pool of gasoline? It's already got it on there It's already light it and he uses it to take down spider webs up on point. I'm like I like that too I do like that too. I do like that where was there was a movie I recently watched or saw a clip from and it was like the underground is like a sewer of like natural gas it might have been an Indiana Jones movie now that I think about it can't let a match no but like he lit a torch and kaboom no but like that was the like that was the mistake

is like they were just like oh yeah, this would have kaboomed. This would have kaboomed. Yeah. Yeah, dude, I want to see like old timey padlocks that like need those keys that like clink in when you like get in there. Also old timey keys and locks. I like a big circular set of keys.

I do like a circular set of keys. Moreover, what's better than the idea of a torch? I want to go through with like an old dusty lantern I'm talking they are we get tired I know but like then you could just drop it a little and you could put it down and True because you when you investigate you need to get as close as Yeah, oh shit this hasn't been open there's always a booby trap right before you get in I heard you know what's crazy is I heard

booby traps were fake I heard they were a product of the movies like fake boobs like they were like not like where'd you like step on something and like poison darts shoot out across the walls and so yeah I heard that was all fake there were like things that like led to like fake rooms and like mazes and stuff like that Wait you thought like the pyramids were filled with booby traps Yeah Oh really, I thought that maybe there was some like locks I heard that it was like there were no like booby traps like that but there were like just snake pits just like rooms and things that led to nowhere so like you would get

lost and eventually die right because back then I imagine their sense of direction was not great probably better than ours now definitely better than us that you like found out where to go by the stars yeah dude if I don't have GPS I can't get fucking two miles yeah turn left in point one miles like what's a point one just tell me when and where yeah tell me what I'm turning um I did believe I did and I also believed I'm not even gonna lie to you most of what I currently believe about ancient Egypt came from the mummy which is also an underrated movie and it's a good ride at Universal. Like a book that you need like a lock thing to open up and turn it to open.

So sick. I mean dude you can just cut it. It was probably made with like leather from you know five thousand years ago. But like the idea that I needed and it would like clink when you turn like. I love that. I don't like the bugs too many bugs there's a couple bugs there's a thousand bugs in this place we don't need it you would have hated the beetle I saw this morning you had a beetle we saw a beetle about like that big this morning yeah look at this bastard

I took a picture of it where was it right on my front yard? Oh, no That sucks it was it was it was it was a it was a cool beetle Yeah, oh wow that's like a that's a beetle dude. Yeah, that's like a like a That's like a rassic one. That's not the word Like I don't know what word you're looking for like a Prehistoric no, it's by definition not because I want to like a textbook. Like you only really see pictures of beetles like that. It was a perfectly good beetle. It's a good beetle.

It was a big one, too. And he got stuck upside down. I had to help him over. No. I had to help him over. His little legs. Was he kicking? He was kicking.

Can he fly? He could, but not when he's upside down, because his shell, Oh. You know? We gotta get some beetles in here. We don't. One day, one day we should lock Joey in his office and just release 10,000 locusts. 10,000 locusts? What are you, the Bible? Is he looking at me? Yeah. I am looking at you. He's looking at me hard. Yeah.

First of all, you don't even know where to get one locust Do you know how big a locust is no? There's a guess that's not it. That's not it. They're big. That's not that a locust aren't they big They're just grasshoppers aren't they no locusts come from grasshoppers Come from come from like the hell does that mean grasshoppers when they get really angry they turn into locusts come from grasshoppers come from come from like the hell does that mean grasshoppers when they get really angry? They turn into locusts real what kind of like you think you're not gonna like me when I'm angry They get they grow big like the whole yeah, I'm not kidding. I'm 40% sure that's the fact 40% is that's not even 50 to be on the basement yard when they get mad

Dude, they can't... Hold on. Grasshoppers don't turn into locusts. There's that 60% working hard for them. Yeah, dumbass. Keep reading, keep reading. But rather, certain grasshopper species exhibit a phase change when environmental conditions trigger

j- Gregorius? Gregorius behavior? So they just decide they're gonna be aggressive and they're like, I'm a locust locus now see that's what I'm saying causes them all warm and now the locus are trans yeah oh oh there I bet the locus are on

this list no the locus aren't trans the grasshoppers are that's what I meant but they get physical and behavioral shifts to get angry and they turn into locus so they like try to act... So a Locus is just a state of mind. Yeah.

So it's not just like a physical thing, it's just like, you know what, I'm like gonna be big Locus energy today. No, this is like when um... So what this feels like is like Locus are like the real gangsters. You know? Okay. And then grasshoppers are like white kids from Long Island You know and I kind of hear what you're saying like they try to like they get mad They have the n-word and then they're like this is what they're doing. That's kind of like that

That's exactly what it is But if they get too mad then they become jugalos and go to like insane clown posse concerts, but they never get there They never get there to him the insane clown posse they used to have bangers it what you were an ICP fan I wasn't an IC you were a jugalow my cousin was he had a giant poster on the back of his door that is one of the worst things I've heard about your family that's that by association is bad for everyone in your family I I'll take it. I mean I mean like I think I like tweeted I have my friends from college Kelsey and Eric

We we had these like inside like not inside jokes But I would always do that thing that I do to you where I'm just like oh my god You're a big fan of like you know rioting and stuff like that you know just like to like get a ride out of people and at one time tweeted at them that like Like hey you guys still big fans of the insane clown posse and they both texted me and they were like Francisco they were like They're technically a terrorist organization. You can't be spreading shit like what Twitter apparently. I don't think it's actually true. Oh But like you're saying maybe they were doing it back to you scared you they did I was just like oh shit I'm sorry. I didn't it was a joke, but like, maybe they were doing it back to you. Scared you.

They did. I was just like, oh shit, I'm sorry. It was a joke. But, yeah, I didn't know that you were a Juggalo adjacent. I don't, I mean, I'm not, I don't. I mean, it's like grasshoppers, frogs and toads, baby. Yeah. You know, you could be a Juggalo. You just need a little bit of face paint, some baggy jeans, and a very specific hairstyle that could only be attributed to the early 2000s. Yeah, that is true.

Do you know the Insane Clown Posse? Never heard of the Insane Clown Posse. Never heard of him. Have you ever like- Shaggy Too Dope, is that his name? I don't know. That didn't jog the memory. Have you-

Have you ever like had a clown around? What is it? Like at a birthday party? Like you clown around with with people you ever clown around? I've seen a clown Yeah, like yeah, like you like interacted with him. I didn't hang out with him. He asked me to oh Yeah, that's a if all right here here. He asked me to it's just it happens sometimes no Specific detail and it doesn't happen sometimes No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, What's school like yeah? I know school apparently it's like I don't know if it's still this way, but I learned this from Steve-o who went to clown school It's like one of the hardest if not the hardest school to get into in the country

clown school It was like more difficult to get into than like Harvard and Yale at the time Okay, go this is another one of those things that I don't believe just like the whispering hall or whatever the Steve-O from jackass right he went to clown school and I think like in like hindsight I've listened to his podcast Steve-O got into a school that is harder to get into than Harvard and Yale. Apparently, like they let in less people and have more applicants. There's no fucking way. What percentage of applicants do you think

get accepted into clown school? Did you look at that? I did. It's gotta be. Tell me the percentage. I don't know the percentage, but from Steve-o. Guess one. And maybe, all right, I'm saying.

I'm gonna say. Hold on right I'm saying I'm gonna hold on I'm saying are we saying today because today might be a different standard people aren't you know begging to get into clown school like they were in the early 90s yeah I would say 10% okay I'll even be nice I'll say 4 2% of applicants get accepted into clown school and now look up what Ivy League school percentage applicants get in in the writing here it says it is less than Harvard I fucking told you Steve Oh you fucking did well for me again you didn didn't let me down, buddy Hell yeah, how many people are trying to be a clown? I mean, I don't know about today but like back in the day bro the 80s

Big time for clowns John Wayne Gacy ruined clowns. That was what the 70s 80s 70s. I mean, I don't know but it was like our clowns even making bread like that I mean, I'm sure if you get into like a good like it's not like you then become a clown but like you could be like you have clown skills and you could be just like a Ha-ha-hee-hee guy at a show you go to the fucking box all the time Those there's no clowns there You never know next time you go to the box in between when people are like pissing, throwing up, and crapping on each other, ask them if any of them went to clown school.

Okay. While we're having fun, do you want to guess the average salary of a circus clown? Oh, ten thousand dollars. I'm gonna say 42. It's in between 46 and 85 per year they can get up there well that's probably they need eight plus years of experience to get up there bro that's insane what it says eight years of clowning around to make 42 to make 85 to make 80 that's a great I mean I'm sure it is very physically demanding and you know they always say like yeah They're like the clown the clown cries. You know like that There's like a story like a famous story like there's like a sad clown or something like that. I don't remember what it's called pagliacci

This isn't jogging either of our memories here Pagliacci Pagg gg lii what is that an Italian clown? I think it's like a story of an Italian sad clown And it's like it's the moral of it is like he's the sad person or something like that How does that even? Is right That part I don't know this is a great day to be frank I'm two for two so far Why do you know so much about clowns? And the whispering wind room or whatever it's called

I'm just like it's like a story why'd you bring up the sad because I'm saying I'm sure that it is mentally and emotionally taxing on people to be a clown oh So I'm sure like yeah like that eighty six thousand,000 being a clown, you think like, oh, it's easy work, but I'm sure that there is a level of weight that comes with it that these clowns- Yeah, you're a clown. Yeah, but like, I'm sure that there's more to it. Like, no one ever asks a clown how they're doing, or how their day is, you know? I mean, we don't know that.

When's the last time you asked a clown how their day was? I haven't even sniffed a clown or seen a clown. Sniffing a clown is the standard there is kind of crazy. I haven't been close enough to smell one. I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I- You're amazed at the amount of money they're making, which means you believe they're overpaid. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying you spent eight years to make forty. You can't. You're flabbergasted. You're flabbergasted at the idea that clown college is the hardest school in the United States to get into. Yes, that is true. I am still flabbergasted by that. I mean, you know, it's an elite group of performers

and entertainers that need skills that are outside of the realm of what the common folk can do. It's not just about flips. How does it make sense, though, that that's the hardest school to get into, and you're capped at 80? Well, because clowns aren't what they used to be, Joey. So why would people still want to be like go, why would people still want to be clowns? I mean sometimes the clowning calls you.

That's it. Sometimes, you know, people, there are some people that clown around and then there are some people that were born to clown around. They've been down with clowns. They've been down with the clown, you know, and I'm sure the insane clown posse didn't do great for the image of clowns I am positive I can almost guarantee that shaggy to doben janko jeans and face paint has negatively negatively affected The cloud image of clowns in our country John Wayne Gacy didn't help either Certainly not.

I don't think anyone has done more damage to the clown community than him. I mean, bro, Bozo! Bozo was the guy. It was like the clown. Bozo the Clown was like the biggest clown in the world. Yeah. He's like an icon Still very confusing, but what's confusing about it? You know some people would call us clowns

Yeah But technically we didn't get into this school, so they'd be wrong right we are not documented clowns we're not We're not Doctor of clowns you know we don't have a bachelor's of clowning around we have nothing Well, I have degrees in some capacity you have nothing. Well, you don't have clown degrees Some people would say I do That's true

That is true well, we also have sponsors Surprisingly, but how they're we how are we still getting ads at this point? We have Stamps.com. Stamps.com brings all the amazing services of the post office right to your fingertips with Stamps.com. You go on their website, handles all your mailing and shipping needs wherever, whenever, seamlessly connect with every major marketplace and shopping cart if you sell products online. You can access all the USPS and UPS services you need.

No lines, no traffic, no waiting. You can just log on to your computer, and that's all you need. You can take care of it right there. There's no more tedious postage math. They have a rate advisor that helps you calculate the best shipping rates fast. Not only that, not only is it going to save you time, it's going to save you some money too. You can get rates you won't see anywhere else like up to 89% off USPS and UPS

rates. So you're saving time and you're saving money. So don't waste time worrying about a postage expert or standing in line to drop off letters and packages Go to stamps.com Slash basement to sign up for a special offer no contract cancel anytime that is stamps.com Slash basement you'll get a four-week trial free postage and a digital scale at stamps.com slash basement So there you go folks you want to go to stamps.com? You're going to sell some packages? You have a small business? Go to stamps.com slash basement and enjoy that folks, okay? And we also have Squarespace, okay? Squarespace is going to be the platform that you're going to use to build your website. Whether you

create content or if you have a small business or whatever, your website is going to be your first impression. So it's important that it looks professional and Squarespace is going to help you create a great looking website. And it's very easy, thanks to their templates. You just click on them, you go through, there's a bunch of them and you find the right fit for you.

They'll even give you suggestions if you have a certain type of business, they have suggestions on which templates you should use or which other people have used in the past, and you switch out the pictures and the text and you get moving right there. You have a great looking website and they also have some tools that will help you optimize your traffic or let you know where things are coming from so that you can have the best possible website you can. Anytime that we create websites, we are using squarespace.com,

and that's just a testament to how good their product is. So head to squarespace.com slash basement to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain using that code basement, okay? So again, that is squarespace.com slash basement to save 10% off of your first purchase of a website or a domain using that code basement. Very nice, Joey. Good job with that ad read. You wanna see me outdo it? purchase of a website or a domain using that code basement very nice Joey good

job with that ad read you want to see me outdo it because I'm gonna baby patreon.com slash the basement yard it's big green Frank over here and I'm not clowning around when I talk to you okay I'm very serious right now you guys want to continue to support the show which thank you for all you that have had in the past and will please continue to help us patreon.com please play the um hey play the sarah mclaughlin song while i'm doing this what play the sarah mclaughlin song while i'm doing this nobody do it patreon.com has a basement yard all right you sign up for that first year you get these weekly episodes one week in advance that's second tier guess what all right you want

to see this little this little kitty cat here get its blown out? No you don't. What? What? What? Got a Patreon? Gets head blown out? Yeah. Okay. Go to Patreon.com slash the basement area.

The second tier, you get weekly episodes Exclusive episodes every single Friday, so you could start and end your week with the basement. You see this little cute little puppy right here You don't want anything to happen to this so go to patreon.com slash the basement yard and if you want to save yourself some money and You know all you gotta do is And, you know, all you gotta do is go to the web browser version, you know, patreon.com slash the basement yard. And in order to sign up there, because if you use the app, then you're going to have to spend extra money because those, the people that run those apps, you know,

whoever they use it through Apple, whoever they charge extra money. So go check it out, patreon.com slash the basement yard. Folks, if you're seeing this, we are back on tour. We have done some shows already. We are excited. See this little duck right here. Careful what happens to it next. You better listen to me.

Is this hair McLaughlin music still playing or is that not CGI anything in your hands? You can put a duck right here. No, Josh, you got this. Um, Oh, look here, here, put a, put a, um, a little penguin right here. No. Josh, you got this. Oh, look. Here, put a little penguin right here or something. We're back on the tour. We're back on the road. We're having a ton of fun doing these shows. So if you haven't been able to pick up a ticket,

there are still some available. Go check it out at thebasementyard.com. There's tickets available in select cities. And we'd love to see you to come hang out with any of us, you know, whether it be Hollywood, Florida, whether it be Vegas, whether it be Madison Square Garden. Okay, so you could see, you could find those tickets at TheBasementYard.com. And while you're at it, sorry, I got to get rid of these animals. They're everywhere. What is this bit? Of you killing animals. He's

threatening to kill them to be clear. I'm not. I'm telling them that that's what someone out there will do if they don't listen to me guys. If you're coming to any of the shows, go to thebasementyard.com slash submit. Sometimes when you submit funny stories, interesting stories, crazy stories, we talk to you, about you, with you at one of the shows. You never know, anything could happen. We had an Olympic gold medalist come on stage with us at one of the shows. We did a gender reveal at one, a proposal at one, anything could happen, but we won't

be able to make it happen if you don't submit. So TheBasementYard.com slash submit. Go check it out. We love you. We thank you and Let's hope these animals are okay Well, I'm I don't really know how to follow that up But I would like to Watch that video that we have queued up. There's a video of a what is it? It's like so I was scouring the internet and

there is a video that came out I'm not going to tell you the hook to the video I'm just gonna tell you that it was I guess this is the most of the hook someone crashed a wedding yeah and got a hold of a microphone can we can we pull this up things happened i let this crazy woman attend my wedding and she crashed out just play it play it it's uh... fifty eight seconds by the way i just gotta say

crashed out kinda love it as terminology. It feels appropriate. Yeah. Ready? Just be ready to pause at any moment. Okay. Okay. You are so lucky. You are the luckiest woman in the world. Dan is such a great guy. Well, I was just saying this is getting a little crazy now.

The woman could ever want. He's... kind, generous, successful, gorgeous. He's got an incredible body. Incredible body is a little crazy. Oh, but they laughed. Okay, fine. I'm just gonna be clear. Okay, ha ha ha. I would do anything to be you, Carolyn. No, really, I would do anything to be you Carolyn. No really I would because Dan you never even gave us a chance You never even gave us a chance I'm the one who taught you to make crab cakes

and it wasn't for you You taught me making crab cakes Pause this She taught him how to One what the fuck And two I taught you how to make crab cakes I mean That's pretty cool crab cakes great. I mean how is that what you're benchmarking your like love on?

This is such an insane thing to do at a wedding by the way I don't know they do it and I don't really do it anymore. Yeah, someone speak now for why we even doing this well Because I think it was probably like a thing back in like the medieval times where they were just like, I throw down thy gauntlet Yeah, like- To- to take her Fight one-on-one for the wedding? Yeah Like insane, yeah this woman is- get her out of there

Alright No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, What did she have that I don't? I'm Asian too! I'm Asian too. I'm Asian too? I'm Asian too? I'm Asian too? Yo, can I ask you a serious question? Is it about Asians? What would you- No, we talked about them earlier with ASMR stuff. What would you do if your wedding, like a crazy ex, popped up and did something like that?

Uh... like a crazy ex popped up and did something like that uh luckily I do not have an ex that I think is an insane person I know I'm not saying like and I'm not telling you to scour the fucking you know the the annex of exes that you have I'm just saying like that's such a good one scour the annex I'm just saying like what is your reaction if something like this happens to you? Speechless.

Yeah, like if someone was like no, like why, I would be like somebody shoot her. With the real gun. The gun that was being aimed at those poor animals before? No, like a stun. No, I mean like honestly like honestly, like a real answer is like, I would be speechless. I, I mean, I would have to get up and remove this person with the assistance of other people. I mean, I'm not gonna like, if I look at you and I go, let's go, you're not coming with me and like, whose wedding is it? Mine. Oh, it's your wedding. Yeah, or yours. I mean, I would hope that I don't have to get up at my own wedding to do this like that someone would do something Oh, so you'd look at me and you'd give me the look you'd go Frank Yeah, you'd go like if it was your wedding

Unleash the hound if it was your wedding and one of your exes was like just showed up and started acting crazy like you would I'm ushering this girl. You think so? Absolutely. Oh, I think well there would have been my sister and Some of her friends that would have been in my wedding might have had something to do with that for well Yeah, for sure. Yeah, I could see your sister going nuts there, but I God my sister, bro. I can't even imagine Because listen regardless of what? This situation is God that is so wildly uncomfortable for the for the bride if she was with the groom Not only that I mean everyone involved absolutely that would be just

Devastating but like if you're this person. What are you hoping to get out of this that that dude's gonna go alright? You're obviously trying to put yourself in the mind of someone that has some form of a delusion So like, in their mind, they probably have convinced themselves that this is going to be like the thing that wins them back Romcoms have ruined so much of that because people think like, if I show up when he's about to get on the plane with his girlfriend, he'll see me and... Just don't do people get into clown school before something like that actually happens There's a better chance of you getting into clown school. Yeah, what's up man? You have a question? Is it selfish of me to hope that this happens at a wedding? That you're attending? It's not but I would like it to happen at a wedding too

But if I can pick who it happens to okay Because I don't want it to happen to someone that I like actually really care about if I'm like at a fringe friend wedding, I'm awful so like a like a like a uncle's Cousins getting married or something like that not related by marriage, and you're just like something needs to spice this up a little bit or selfishly like You know like an in-laws wedding or like a you know your partner's fucking

Their friends like I don't so so someone tangently yeah, not not mine Okay, I'm going to add a layer to this that I think is gonna make you lose your mind. Okay. You know me. You know I'm all for a good joke. And sometimes those jokes fall flat. What would you do if I told you that this was staged by the groom as a prank on his wife. Frankie.

Is that what this is? Yeah. So reportedly, are you divorced that guy? You don't even finish the way you don't even do. Well, I mean, I guess the papers are probably signed at that point. If I'm her, if I'm the bride, I'd be like, are you a fucking idiot? Why would you think this would go well? Because here's the thing.

I love pranks. Joey prank Frank, pranky, Frankie. I'm all about pranks, but this is ruining the night for everyone in her, every single person in the bride's family. And it is so wildly selfish You're the only one that gets something You're the only one that thinks it's funny Which

That is so dumb That's what happened? No wonder There are rates of women just Not Having relationships with men More than ever before Bro that is the dumbest

I- like what is the thought process? Of like, oh, it's a- it's a- I'm just kidding, I hired her. Even if the- even if that person were to laugh immediately, the storm that is coming behind the scenes of just like, what the fuck, like what, in front of my family? Like... Dude. And if- if I was at a wedding like this and the joke went well I Would stand up and be like what's wrong with all of you morons?

This is wrong and dumb. This is they're all idiots that I'm leaving like that would be insane I think like I'm now I'm putting myself in somebody else's shoes here I'm gonna put myself in the shoes of this is my daughter getting married bro I'm telling you right now hmm I'm getting a gun and I'm shooting that dude in the back of the head front of the head in front of his parents my daughter's wedding and he pulls a prank like this is like rip his suit off and the suit jacket I meant like I'm roughing them up you're you're I don't know where you're going you said suit and suit is traditionally two pieces I strip of me get his cock out and I say how dare you and I bat it around all right

Crazy now with the bat. Oh, you know what I'd be with you. I'd rip his suit off and I'd shoot him in the penis We mean I'm with you like I was gonna say that I'm with you with the whole ripping the suit off that at where you go after the suit is ripped off I can't be on board with because I don't know I know that if this was my daughter I'd let you rip the suit off because you really want to do that for some reason right and then I'm pointing the gun at His penis and I'm shooting until it until it is dust What I'm finding interesting is that like everyone in the background is laughing like did they know? It could be awkward laughing I would that's what I would do the whole time

Somehow I would just as bad. I would literally be like this. If I was the bride and everyone else in the room knew but me, that's... Oh, that's horrific. Wait, that's so bad. I'd be like, I to worsen my family as well Yeah, just be like all of you thought this would be a ha ha he moment No, every single one of you take out your penises. I'm gonna shoot. Yeah, we're all shooting I'm gonna shoot everyone's penis there get out of here

Yes, there's an argument if this is this guy's sense of humor nobody really likes him anyway Yeah, the fact that you found a woman to marry you with this sense of humor is astonishing as it is I mean that's exactly why you should play it safe and not do stuff like this because there's no way you find another so just chill you know who should get married this guy and the guy that gave the speech where it's just like the happiest I am is when the kids go to sleep and you start ballgagging on my fucking shaft. Yeah, yeah, yo, I saw another one like that. Bad? Where a guy was like... I assume before the clip the woman gave her vows or whatever and the guy goes

I can't wait to tap that whenever I want and just like laughs and the priest is like Or the officiant's like that's all you're gonna say and he's like yep, and he's like seriously That's all you're gonna say and then they cheers with monster energy and the and the and the guy was like can you try and find that? Oh, it's like I can tap that ass whenever I want or something like that tap that first of all yeah It ain't 1999. Yeah, I'll tap that ass is a craziest way it's like this guy's favorite movie is Joe dirt and the guy second of all if you want to get specific that's another good bad whatever that person wants not whenever you want fucking hillbilly boy it's like

I could tap that ass well something like that he said something like that smack that ass oh maybe it's that okay I think I got maybe it's smack that ass which is like still I mean and The the the fishing kept going like for real like you're not gonna. He's like been right anything That's what he said he gave her how many chances did he give them like three too many dude insane? I wouldn't even I would have cut him off. I can tap that stop Yeah, just say I do and I'm and I would turn around and leave I'd leave their papers on the altar be like find Someone else to submit these because I'm not doing this bad

This is it. That's it. That's it. I promise to smack that oh Another white guy shocker. Well you have to turn the volume on brother, right? I Got you all right here. We go I'll promise to smack it every chance I get oh, that's all I get And he goes we've made it this long yet, oh my god cut his head off Cut it cut it, cut it off. Cut it off. Dude, I'm letting you know right now.

Guys, just stop. Just stop. Just stop, it's so easy. It's so fucking easy. It's okay to say nice stuff to your wife. It's okay. It's not gay. It's not gay.

It never was. It's cool. It's so cool to. It's cool to be nice You know I have the greatest wife in the world You know how excited I get to love her and tell people how much I love her You gotta do say nice stuff. Oh my god. Nice you stupid ass. Oh, I can't wait to tap that oh For I would if I was his wife the first time he smacked my ass, I'm crapping in his hands. Hahahaha Are you fucking kidding me?

Hahahaha This is so- Just be constantly shitting on his hands if he smacked my butt. Guys, come in close, pull in close. Josh, you close? It's so easy. Just stop. All you gotta do is those- those- those- what you think is funny? Ugh. Don't do that! those those what you think is funny. Oh, don't do that just

Buy buy a small filter and just filter them through there. It's crazy That's all you got it. I could I'm becoming Sebastian Mettis. I'll slap that ass every chance I get We should cut his hands off. He the only ass. He should be smacking is cut his hands off. The only ass he should be smacking is his pantsuits when they're on the ground and I shoot his penis off. Well that's we have ads I forget we have more ads and I don't even know I think there should be a timeout clock or something for that. Timeout for time out for the ad. We have Rocket Money. Rocket Money is an all in one personal finance app that's gonna find and cancel all and watch the subscription

so that they can put money back in your pocket. It's also gonna help you lower your spending with their budgeting tool, and it can help lower your bills so you can grow your savings. It's all about putting that money back in your pocket, folks, and Rocket Money's gonna help you do that. Their dashboard lays out your total finance picture,

including your bill due dates and paydays, in a way that's easy to digest. So it's just gonna help you get your stuff done, all right? As far as your financials go, make it more organized, and make you more responsible, so it's great. And they have five million members that have saved a total of 500 million in canceled subscriptions, with members saving up to $740 a year when they use

all the apps premium features okay so it's really helping people out there and even if you feel like you have a handle on your finances and whatnot it's good to know if you're paying for something that you're not really using anymore or maybe you accidentally signed up for in the past. Clearly people are saving money from this. So cancel your wanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Download the Rocket Money app and enter the show name, the basement yard in the survey. So they know we sent you.

Okay. Don't wait. Download the Rocket Money app today and tell them you heard about them from our show. All right. Go get it. And lastly, we have square Okay, square is the platform behind the scenes of menu businesses you already love which we use square at the live shows This is how we?

Sell you guys our merch at the shows okay? If you're gonna see but you could be you know and if you go into you know a bunch of different businesses They have these machines that square Selling smoothies cutting hair fixing bikes whatever it is sending invoices. You can track it all from one place It's not just a point of sale It's also hardware that works in person and on the go We have a piece of the hardware that we bring to the shows so you guys can tap, pay with the card. This is how we're doing it. It tracks inventory.

So this is Square. Okay? And if you have a business out there where you are selling things, you offer a service to people, Square makes it very simple. It's a one-stop shop for everything that you need. Okay? And if you're starting a business or running one that deserves better tools square helps you sell manage and grow without slowing down Right now you can get up to two dollars two hundred dollars off square hardware at square comm slash go slash basement That's square sq you are e comm slash G o slash basement to are.com slash go slash basement. Okay, run your business smarter with Square and get started today. All right, folks.

Beautiful. You all right? You can't breathe or something? No, I'm just like astounded by them. Flabbergasted once again. What's the like, I mean, I think we actually recently spoke about this, so nevermind. But what would you do if you saw this at a wedding? If it's your wedding.

Like, I'm getting married? Yeah. Oh, I'd hope someone stepped in way earlier. Also, the fact that someone gave her a mic is confusing, but now I know it was a joke. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It would have stopped right away, I think. So that means several people were in on it. Well, the moron fucking husband was.

Yeah, as long as- So he kind of calls the shots there you just need him to be in it on it yeah you if the bride or groom won something they usually get it oh my god I like that is bro run that idea by literally one person and they're gonna they're gonna tell you like hey don't unless this is like one of those like tick-tock couples that like prank each other you know what I'm talking about Yeah, where it's like where you know the one where like the girl walks in he like perfectly shoots a dart at like a Milk balloon above the door you know what is that dude is that shaving cream is it milk is it no whatever it is?

It's no way. It's real. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,'t getting me fellas. Come on everybody like we're not Who do you think we are? Yeah? This is the king of the internet dude. This guy knows everything that happens on there everything Well I've never accessed the dark web Me neither. I don't even want to say the word because it scares me. Dark web? Yeah. Why? It's scary to me Why you don't want to buy like a kidney no me neither no I don't know either dude it's a very easy and obvious answer there I don't want to buy how do you even know about finding that I don't know how many people you think just Google it and then you Google dark where's the dark web where is it how do I get there how do I get to the deep dark

web how do I get there so I can prove that this list never existed? Oh my god do your own research? Yeah, no, I've never accessed the dark web never done anything like that so did you see that liquid death? Has a flavor coming out that is fruity pebble milk flavor water I a flavor coming out that is fruity pebble milk flavor? Water? I mean, I don't know how good that sounds. Milk water?

I don't think it's like milk, but I think I looked it up the other day. It's fruity, here, back with a bizarre beverage this time of taking breakfast, the canned water brand is partnering with fruity pebbles to launch a new sparkling water that tastes like cereal and milk combo. I would try it, but it sounds like it'll be rough.

Listen to me right now. When's the last time you had fruity pebbles and you just swam amongst the pebbles? I had them like eight months ago. Very specific. Why are you so, what was it like a Christmas time? Yeah, you have Christmas pebbles No, it was just the regular ones, but I did have them. I thought the timeline was gonna be way longer So that's impressive to me. Yeah, I think it might have been longer for me. I've been a couple years Well, I mean I don't I haven't eaten cereal in a very long time But then I was like fuck it. Let's get some fucking fruity pebbles.. Hell yeah, and then I ate it every day for like three days in the box

I'm kind of excited for when They take all those like natural dyes out of the food so I can then just get back into fruity pebbles I don't think it'll still be good though. Oh, I'm sure though. It's I'm not worried about the sugar I'm worried about the like red 40 Yeah, that's not great because I know if I bring it into the house I'm gonna have it and then if I'm gonna have it my kids are gonna have it and I can't give them right what could potentially be poison right you know I got to be responsible so maybe I'll like closet you know how

like people closet smoke cigarettes in their house you're gonna closet eat fruity pebbles and go you could just wait till they go to sleep. And then just get a little bit of- I'm normally tired by the time they're in sleep. What time do they usually go to sleep? Children. Maeve is between 7 and 730, but once that sun starts setting earlier, she's going- she's 6- 630. She's getting spiked into bed.

I'll tell you that. Like that mouse. Yeah. Ruby, honestly, I'm not even kidding, it has to do with the time of the year during the winter when the Sun sets at like 430 They're ready for bed at like 630 Ruby's a little later now. She's in bed by like 830 now, but like again What miles what? My mind did I go to sleep back then during the school year his bedtime was like he had to start like brushing his teeth at like

815 and he's in bed by like 845 okay, and But he's honestly he's the toughest one to get to bed because like Maeve we put into bed shut the door good night She stays there Ruby. She sits there. She reads she keeps her light on she turns it off puts herself to sleep It's cutest thing in the world miles. I Just wanted to come out and talk to you guys. I just wanted to oh my god. I'm so hungry Yeah, literally just wants to chill a little yeah, and it's cute, and I know I'll miss it one day But like I'll be in bed like dozing off or back, and I will be watching something and he'll be like Kiki can you? Can you go make me like a pizza bagel?

And I'm like, dude, it's nine o'clock. Like, I'm not going to go and make you a full meal. You're like, all right, I'll just have a waffle. But can't yeah, it's a, it's a, it's an art getting kids to sleep. An art to dance. Yeah. Oh, with Santa gets thrown out a lot You know once you start getting Santa's watching guys. No even during the summer

Even during the summer yeah, that's you really want Santa to find out you know okay. I'm gonna call him You know I'll give him a ring. I'll give him a buzz Santa's the ultimate tool It's good one. You know not to get to Christmas in July, but elf on a shelf, do you guys use that? I mean, I don't have children, but. The elf started appearing two years ago, and let me tell you, whoever called him, Becca? Yeah.

We bit off a little more than we could chew. Why, like now it's like a full-time job? So like every night it's supposed to do something creative And like Becca's very creative She's very good at that stuff She- she- the elf Brought like little like trinkets and stuff So like she- she- but like

She'll be in bed and she'll be like Oh my god I forgot the elf And I'll be like I got it And I go out there and I just stand there like this for 20 minutes. Cause I'm like, what do I do? So every now and then I'll just like throw him in like a cereal box and be like, he's eating cereal.

That's crazy. Yeah, yeah. You know? Oh my God. And Becca will do one where he like made a slide out of toilet paper and mine, he's just like hanging out at the front door. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you gotta have some balance. Cause if they're all insane it's like what it's a lot dude it's a lot creating a magic for your kids is really difficult I don't consider myself a hero but if anyone decided to call me one anyone anyone at all anyone I've seen crazy ones on tik-t where it's like, look at this elf taking a dump. And I'm like, what is this? Yeah, there were ones that, or it was on like a wire or something. Becca did that one where he was zip lining through the house.

Yeah, that's what it was. It was zip lining. And with like clothes pins. There was another one that she did. Oh, she set up like a date night with a Barbie and the elf on the shelf. Damn. Yeah. That's cool. My mom would continuously move him every day closer to my little brother's room. And eventually when it got close enough, he just started to cry every night because he didn't want it to get any closer. Yeah. I like that.

That's terrifying. Isn't there a rule like you can't look at it in the eyes or something? I? Think that's medusa. Yeah, no isn't there something though not that I know of you're not supposed to touch it. Yes Yeah, if you touch it it like loses its magic and it can't because the the idea is that every night it goes to report back to the North Pole and then comes back and if you touch it it loses its magic but like there have been like accidents where like one of us have touched it and Miles just like I heard if you put cinnamon on it it brings the magic back so like I'll get home and there'll be just like a cinnamon freaking chalk outline of this elf on the shelf on the floor that fell on the floor like damn My mom put a picture of my little my youngest brother with it and said I love you like geo that's terrifying

Yeah, looking back. It was very scary actually you fucking better not I'm watching you yeah I wrote a letter to better not I'm watching you yeah I wrote a letter to Santa once when I was younger and my mom wrote me the letter back and she has like unbelievable handwriting and it was from someone named jingles an elf named jingles duh and I was like oh my fucking god bro and then I wrote another letter to jingles and the next letter my mom wrote was like oh, I'm busy I can't keep writing letters right enough. She realized that like I'm just gonna pen pal this fucking elf every day Your mom just totally just like fucking ghosted you as this fucking jingles as an elf. Yeah, it's just like hi

I'm it's it's me jingles, I love breaking your Christmas joy. Oh my god, Jingles, I love you. Alright, take it the fuck easy. It was literally like, the next letter was like, alright, I'm so busy at the factory, can't write back ever again. Be good. Alright, listen, I got work tomorrow, so like, we'll talk in a couple days. I'll hit you up.

I can't spend the night, I have work really early in the morning, so I'll call you. Listen, that was a really cool first date, but honestly, like, let's just wait to talk again. Yeah, so it was basically like that. Yeah, oh, we're big into, you know, we're a big Santa house. Yo, once, one Christmas when I was very young, I was like, I gotta know if this shit is real or not so my parents put me to sleep and I just waited and what I felt like was long enough that They would be like if it was that they'd be putting the presents there or whatever, you know So then I woke up and I just sprinted down the stairs and my mom's just sitting on the couch

It's probably like 40 minutes. Oh mind you like I'm a child So it's probably like 845 And she was just like what and I'm like, holy shit. It's real like that's what did it for me I want I almost so when it was just miles Becca and I he was Maybe three and a half at the time They were out like she had gone to pick him up and I was at our apartment and I was you know kind of getting something ready for Christmas but they pulled up and and she couldn't like buy time so I like set the thing up really quick but I was going to

like leave and make it look like I came back so I just sprinkled powdered sugar on me and fell on the floor and they were like what happened and I was just like what I think Santa hit me with magic dust and put me to sleep and to this day to this day he brings it up I'm telling you why did you do that again I like couldn't because like the play I forgot the exact reasoning But the idea was like oh, I just need to make it look like please don't clip this because obviously This is how my child finds out no no I'm gonna fucking Let you take my pants off and shoot me in the pants Wait so why did you do that originally just like I didn't have time to like

Get out of there or like make it look like it was like really like properly staged by Santa. So I was like, let me just. Oh, cause they were coming home. Cause they were coming home. So I was just like, I sprinkled some on me and I fell to the ground.

And I was like, you know, like cartoons. So when they opened the door, you were on the ground. Yeah. And they, and then you tell Becca you were doing this. Afterwards, she was just like quick thinking, or I might've told her like as they were pulling up because she was just like I can't buy time anymore. He needs to get inside and I was like, alright just go with the flow or like I'm gonna be like pretend you know just Leading her to the river. Yeah, and then he came in and I was just like and he brings it up to this day

He's like do you remember when? Santa you sleep out her on you and I'm'm like I don't remember because I was asleep I would have never thought of that yeah you get you do it's kind of fun how creative you get with these kids yeah you know oh my god and they're so gullible my god I'm gonna get creative with it dude it almost brought me to tears the first time because like those first like two years the kids don't really get it yeah but like last Christmas when Ruby like yeah and fucking sprinted outside oh my sprinted outside yeah like into the front

yard why she heard jingle bells and saw a light moving in the sky and was like, hey Santa! What are you referring to? Well on Christmas Eve, Santa, the kids have to go to sleep because Santa's on his way. Yeah. We have the Santa tracker up and when they're in bed and they're like getting ready to go to sleep. Oh you have it like,, he's over Albany. No, you can hear the sleigh bells, and you can hear, you know, ho, ho, ho, ho. You're like, he's here, you gotta get to sleep. You did that? Every year.

That's awesome. Every year. Oh, they wait until they can hear him? How can they hear him? No, because I, what I... Is this you running? Kids, go away! Is this you running around the house? So I'll either so I used to run so I the way are set up used to be is I used to run outside

And I used to with a big bell do it myself at you know as loud as you could be Just like fucking yeah, of course, and then I would sneak back in and be like I was in the bathroom What happened and now what I do is I put at our old house I put it in the attic and then I did one year where it was outside, but I put a Bluetooth speaker. Oh And I play I'll be like standing in the doorway and I'll play it on my phone and it's like And they're yo their face if I could bottle that if I could take a picture of their faces Give it to whomever scientists could turn that into a drug. I would be the biggest coke head on the planet Yeah, because it is

Why the confusion? I thought you were gonna name it a different drug Just went to coke I was like oh It's not that he would do that drug. He's like I would just do cocaine That's what I'm saying. I would do that drug if that was my cocaine Wow, you're you'll be there both that's so fucking if you guys choose and are lucky enough to are they they they um? So they hear it every year, and then they run to bed They're in bed already, and then they run to the front and look outside. I'm like, guys come on quick, we gotta get inside. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, Way to go. Thanks buddy. Way to go. Way to go. Way to go champ. Way to go buddy. Good job sport. Yeah no that's amazing. So back to what I was saying. You trying this liquid death water?

Yeah I'll try it. Let's get a case in here. I'll try the hell out. Yo hit up liquid death. Hit him up. Hit him up. Hit him up. Hit him up. Limp Bizkit. Did you notice by the way at the Hard Rock they had in a glass case one of his hats? No, did they? I'll get a picture of it. Damn, that would have been a sick thing to see. Yeah, put your hands up! They also had just like people's pajamas. Like I left the elevator and it was like, this is Elvis's pajamas and Frank Sinatra's pajamas.

I'm like, why the pajamas? I saw like Tommy Lee's shoes and Miley Cyrus's shirt I saw Nicki Minaj's like but boostie a or what's it called corset that's it like I think I saw like what's his name Kurt Cobain was in like a cheerleading costume. Mm. That was there. Interesting. I'm getting hungry. What was that transition? Because where that outfit was was right next to where the food was served. Kurt Cobain in a cheerleading costume?

I am starving. Well, there you have it, folks. We must go. No, we mustn't. We must. Must? Yeah. Must.

Must. But Frank, where can they find you? The Frank Alvarez all over social media. Go check out The Basement Yard out on Patreon. Patreon.com slash The Basement Yard. If you haven't and you want to try to get tickets to any of our upcoming shows that are still available, go to TheBasementYard.com. Hollywood Florida got some left, Vegas,

there's some left, scattered places. Go check it out at TheBasementYard.com. Thank you for all the love and support we've been getting. And if you're coming to any of the shows, TheBasementYard.com slash submit. Yep, and you guys can follow me at JoeSanagato and go follow the show at The Basement Yard and everything. And that is all, See you guys next time.