The Basement Yard - We Hate The Ocean

Episode Date: March 19, 2018

On this episode, @AsaAKira & @Danny Lopriore join me to talk about circumcision, Netflix, baldness, & more. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the baseman yard I just want to let you know before we start this episode that we do have a youtube channel set up So you can watch some video clips from every episode go to youtube.com slash the baseman yard Also, there is merch so you can head to the san agata store.com to purchase baseman yard merch. So check that out Anyway, today i'm joined by danie is back and asa kira is back as well. Hi her second time on the show Everyone thought we fucked after the first one, which is totally maybe we did No one knows anymore. You know who the fuck knows take it to the grave. There's like one kid in the comments. Oh my god smash i'm like relax

People always I don't think i've ever been photographed with anyone but at least one person didn't say like oh, they're fucking just like Oh, yeah, they just assume. Yeah, that's gotta be rough though That's constantly anyone that you associate with you think they think you have sex with them. I don't really care I mean next there. I have like pretty low standards anyway, so it's not elaborate I have pretty little standard elaborate. I mean like i'm not like I would never like Like be embarrassed about anyone. I would be photographed if they thought like I was fucking them

Yeah, you know like if they're good enough to be in a picture with they're probably good enough to fuck Have you ever had somebody like famous that you needed to take a picture with? Um, like I saw them on the street and I just had to go up to them. Right You know what? Actually, I asked peter north for a photograph one. Oh, I would too peter north the north shower Guys got lava coming out of him. He turned me down What? Yeah, he was like, oh, I'm so sorry. I'm leaving for the day. It was like I had a convention too. Damn

I was already like this was like last year Really? You want it? I would ask so you're like heavy in the game. Yeah, like I was already I was probably peeking honestly Damn, why do you do that? I don't know. He was tired. I guess he wanted to go home Guys got a couple big jizzes. I know you could just turn people down. That dude is a that dude is a legend Other than that, I don't I don't know. There have definitely been people like I I like really random people though Like if I if I ever saw Nathan fielder I would like have to take a picture with him. Oh, yeah, you know, that's that

Nathan for you. You know what that is like the best show ever. He's a funny guy. I don't have to look it up so like yeah random people like that, but I I tend to like not if anything like I don't want to take a picture with him because I don't want to like be that person Right, yeah But your dms have to be nuts though of famous people probably sliding in there from time to time. We'd not say any names I'm not gonna say any. I would never say any names, but have you ever just been like kind of just like oh, that's fucking awesome Oh, yeah Like that's enough to me like I've never I can just say this like I've never had sex with a famous person

Stormy Daniels is the most famous person I've ever had sex with Nice, but like for me like the fact that they dm me is enough like that's enough for my ego like boom Yeah, like got it. Yeah, that's the trophy right there The cam and then the other thing is like people always like Try to expose like athletes. Yeah, why? Dude, it's kind of fuck. Isn't it cool though that like let him fuck poor zingas. He gets like, uh Exposed all the time and he's just like yeah shoot or shoot. He doesn't give a fuck. It's awesome You see that time he commented on a girl's thing like hard eyes and somebody wrote underneath it

She's 16 and he just wrote. Oh, sorry my bad That shit was hysterical So you've had some pretty big big Yeah, like definitely a lot of like comedians a lot of rappers a lot of athletes. I would say those are like my No, I everybody that's famous. For example, like no a list actor has ever hit me up. Okay, like No, either. I'll let you know right now. Brad Pitt slides in there You better do something about that. I need to see him. I feel like super a-list like Actors like they don't really use social. I feel like they're so into their craft like they're just like now

But I do think they have to have like a team that does weird hollywood fuck parties that like satisfy their Dude, do you know think about how much fucking ass like leonard caprio slate dude? I think they're all bisexual You think leo? Probably. I mean I think you get tired of having so much sex with everyone that walks into the room who's female They're like, I'm gonna I'm gonna throw a dick into this equation. I think so too That's what I really think it's like Also not to mention people who are like really into acting like think about like the drama kids in school Like they were more sexually adventurous and like, you know what I mean? Like I just feel like

Yeah, like although most of them are bi Back in the day like the rock stars like rock and roll those dudes were banging both They were banging dudes and it was like Mick Jaggers. Fuck some guys. Oh, oh first hundred percent Mick Jaggers Jagging guys banging butts. Yeah for sure banging butts Yeah, banging butts.com copyright get it sure Boom merch. No, but Mick Mick Jagger was definitely doing that shit. Oh like all of them. Yeah, like it was like blow Orgies and with some dick sprinkled in I know but even like back then when everyone was like not acceptable of anyone Like if you love their music like that's all right. Yeah, it's cool. It's still like a old Italian dude

It's like like bangs do but it makes the music better. So It's fucking Mick Jagger, dude No, like Stephen Tyler is like practically transgender. Yes, that dude is one step away from being just a straight up woman You know that dude's scarf collection on a whole nother level. Have you ever seen his foot? What you guys he looks like a foot. Okay. I mean, I'm gonna google his foot because it's Insane wait, is it gross or is it like dope? Is aerosmith still like What do you mean is it dope? I don't I don't know. I don't know why I said that. Yeah, honestly, I can see it over here It's dope. I imagine she's like, yeah, he looks all kind of wrinkly and fucked up

But his foot out of control his fire really good foot. I mean, I guess I mean Barbara Streisand His beautiful hands. So I guess it's not totally out of a lot of hands. This is his foot Ew, I need to see this foot. Let me see this doesn't even look like a foot That's a that's a claw first. There's like a toe growing out of like the base of another toe That's a talent. Wait, this looks like a two dick thing It looks like oh my god Is this always like I'm double-toed First of all his pinky toe. Oh my god. They stack. Yeah, his his second toe is stacking on top of his big

That's the most disgusting thing I've ever heard. I don't like it. I don't like it You think he was making groupies suck is like double toe That dude's done some weird sexual things. I mean, it probably goes there after a while like like you said like orgy's I think it just goes it keeps escalating until you're making them suck. You're just never satisfied Can't get no satisfaction. Oh, that's what it was about. It all comes around Speaking of Barbara Streisand. Did you see that she cloned her fucking dog? Well, did she really would you say she cloned one of her dogs? Look it up. You can clone things now. I did clone a sheet back in the day

No, there's already been a woman that cloned her dog and she was actually caught in a murder scandal There's a documentary about it on netflix called tabloid and you should definitely Damn, wait, she cloned a dog and they murdered someone. Yeah, but two totally like stand alone events Wait, is there also like a netflix gangster? Yeah, she you know mad random shit She's like a snapple you open it. She's like by the way. Barbara Streisand great hands. Stephen Tyler's foot Yeah gross and she cloned her dog. Yeah, you know snapples half half the time. It's wrong. I mean, I have no idea Yeah, didn't they only half the facts are real Really? Yeah, you have to go on to their website to check which ones are real and which ones are not

That's fucked. That's how they get you dude. What were you just talking about? What was your favorite snapple? Oh diet peach Diet peach mango madness Diet yeah diet peach. No the diet peach tastes better than the peach to me. I'm a peach guy I like the peach lemon every once in a while and if i'm gonna try and go yucky yucky I'll do the mango madness mango is pretty good. Have you guys ever had snapple apple? It tastes like eating an apple. No, it's not like apple juice. It tastes actually like eating an apple Is it green? It's definitely not like eating an apple. It looks like fruit punch snapple apple

The furthest thing for eating an apple. No, it's like probably closer to like I want to get back to this dog. Oh, yeah, so barba Streisand cloned her dog And I'll look it up. Is it what kind of dog was it? Wait, so after it died. Wait, would you say someone called their dog and killed someone? No, no, no, I think it was on her way I think it was like the dog was on its way out and they cloned it Dude, that's weird. So I think you're like partially raised itself cloning dogs I mean like so I just had a dog die not like maybe a month ago And I I would do that but wait

So wait, hold on. Does the dog look the same? I would clone my dog. Why not? My dog was but like, how do you make a dog out of nothing? Well, first you have to have millions of dollars And it's not nothing. It's it sells. Yeah, it's itself. So they basically started like uh, you probably have to get it Like the cells extracted while it's alive. That's what I'm saying. Imagine you raised yourself. Yo, wait, you're telling me you're able To like I knew this like happened, but I thought the sheep came out fucked up or something We're like, you know what? Let's just not do this anymore. We're over popular We're there. We're there, dude. So you can take the cells

From a dog and just make a dog out of there. No, you can make the same fucking dog, bro Like I think it starts in like a petri dish You know and you grow it like a tree. I'm pretty sure the only reason we're not cloning humans is out of like decency Yeah, and it's like immoral. I guess. Yeah Like look here, dude. I'm blown away by this. I had no idea. Yeah, man. Watch this be totally wrong Yeah, people just in the comments section be like these those two are fucking full of shit. Those two are fucking idiots, dude None of us have a degree. I'm like 95% sure that yeah, they could do head transplants The fuck's that mean you could transfer somebody's heads to somebody else's like frankenstein. Yes, I'll show you that too

I'm telling you it's like from the onion dude Shit is getting real. You could do all that shit. Is anybody anyone anymore? What is it? I don't even know who's who's who anymore? Maybe you guys maybe we are clones Please don't fuck with me like that. I can't I can't handle this. I've had a long day. I mean, do you think we're a simulation? I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. What I mean, do you think we are here's the thing right with that whole simulation thing and whatever Just because it's very simple to me I don't care see I love that approach that you have because we had a small conversation like this It's like we were talking about going to the moon, right? Yeah

Like who gives a fuck if we go to the moon or not? I'm not going who gives a fuck. I'm never going I kind of agree with you know, it's like why is was that ever like a thing until they Like it's never the moon's never going to be complete to the point. I need it to be in my lifetime Yeah, I need it to be better than earth for me to go right Same thing but never going even if it's fucking it's it's blowjob land. They just you getting sucked all day Dude, I don't know getting in a rocket tough Tough i'm flying into space. Are you fucking crazy? I never just understood the whole like

Obsession with like the moon and mars. Fuck all that shit dude. I honestly it's cool to like think about flat earthers And like this whole simulation thing and all that We might have a simulation person here though. I don't care. I don't care. That's like telling me that a fork is a spoon Okay, what? What changes the one thing I would want to know though is if there's like other shit Like if there's like another planet that has humans on it. They don't want to meet those fuckers They won't be humans. I don't think I think they're I think there are other beings out there I definitely believe that I do so do I but I'm with you like the who cares thing like

Every conversation I've ever had about the universe ends with who cares. Yeah, because we're never gonna know We're never gonna know. I'm not gonna consume my mind. What's the point of knowing? Yeah I'd literally rather watch the office again. I know yeah office. Great show. It's the best. Love it's the best Oh, hey, Steve crell gray hair Hot guy. Yeah, hot older guys. Very good actor. Notice that in season one and two Steve crell. He has holy balding Yes, and he has that ugly ugly like pushback hairstyle He has the greatest plug. He's plugged up. Oh the greatest one dude. You watch would you plug up? I mean, I have luxurious hair. So but if I had if I had to you plug it. I plug it

If I had the dough, why not? Would you I don't know you want to go full ball. They'll go I don't I don't I don't And my brother's bald and two of my brothers are bald and my dad I'm the only one that has hair. They were all toast by this time. I haven't lost one I never Realized how much guys care about hair until I started working at barstool and like literally every single day

There's a at least a five minute conversation about who's bald. Who's not? Oh, yeah, that's great hair Who doesn't see I wouldn't go that far, but I understand the debate and the obsession Because if you think girls care though about being bald, yes, they do Yeah, they do. Yes. You I've literally never even thought about it until yeah Well, the bald dudes you see are like Johnny sins the guys ripped up you stick He's I don't care if he's bald got his fucks But like normal people that have regular ass dad bods and shit that are bald. It's like dude You got a lot of symptoms of bad things. I don't like this and I look at guys like tiger woods

You're seeing tiger woods hair. Yeah, just fucking shave your head. Yeah, and he could pull it off Yeah, I never I mean he's tiger plugs Yeah, I never understood the holding on aspect of hair me neither like the george castanza Dude, get rid of your head. Just cut your fucking hair. I don't think they know I think they do I think it's like when you tan so much that you're tanner eczic I think it's like they're they've been combing it over for so long so long. They still in their minds think they have hair They have hair It's very true because you lose it slowly day by day. You see yourself every day

But I also feel I'd be devastated. I feel like it's weird because I think a man gets very vulnerable when he starts losing his hair Like you start thinking about a lot other shit than like just losing your hair Yeah, because then you start to feel like oh, no, you get super insecure about things Yeah, so now you're insecure about everything and your hair's all fucked up You're wearing hats all the time fedora's like you don't want to go down that path I think there's so many other things that you could make up for baldness with

Like being hilarious. That's true, but you better be fucking funny like I would date george castanza I would date george. It's my favorite character of all time Love george being funny gets you a lot farther a lot. Can you imagine larry david with hair? No, no, he would suck Do you guys see that picture? I don't want him to have hair, but like why what is that? What is that haircut? You know what I mean? Yeah, it's very strange I got a billion Dude that guy could literally surgically put a dildo on the top of his whatever he wants

We we'd forget about it. We wouldn't even know in a week. We'd be like, yeah, no, it's larry It's because he's fucking hilarious. Yeah, I just could I could just never look in the mirror and be like Danny DeVito Like what's that? Yeah, what is that? A lot of hilarious people are bald. I just realized. It's not good. Lucy k bald. Yep. Yeah I think louie will be back I don't You don't think so I'm so devastated. I know that sucked and It sucks because you can't say anything about it. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's still funny

He's still funny that we can say, I think anyone that was in those particular situations has the best chance of getting back It would it would probably be him though. Well, he was you know top of the world Right. He is the funniest stand-up to me of our generation Yeah, he's he's he was Damn, he's up there. He's top three for me. Yeah, but what if he comes back in 10 years? And it's like a Dave Chappelle thing where he's like not quite I thought then I would rather he stay away With those Dave Chappelle had four that came out. I thought one of them was really good

Yeah, two of them. I liked the other ones were okay. Yeah, but none of them were as good as he used to be No, well, let's think about how like how lucky we I also think Kevin Hart's another one It's like I liked one of his stand-up. I don't think Kevin Hart's funny at all. Yeah, I don't anymore I don't think he was ever funny. You know what? No, I thought no I hate that voice. It's like him and his z's. I'm sorry to do the same shit Yeah, I don't like when like, you know, who I think is super not funny at all charlie day That guy is I'm not crazy about charlie day either. Like that brand of comedy. No, thank you. I love always sunny though I never watch it. Don't glenn howerton is fucking funniest shit on that show

I'm a really big that's he gets like that because it's either you love that show or you don't there's no like middle of the pack Like always sunny. I'm a big bill burger. I love bill. He's he's like maybe my favorite ever his show on netflix is hysterical Is it? Yeah, he has a cartoon on there called that his newest stand-up was the only one that I thought wasn't that good Yeah, he's a little richer now. That's why but I also think that I mean, yo I honestly every single stand-up he's ever put out like all his specials. I think are incredible laugh out loud funny This last one was funny, but not as good as the other ones, which I'm holding it up to a high standard Right. Do you think it's possible to age and Be great until old age. Yeah, George carlin. Okay, fine besides him guy was on his death

Literally, I don't know. I mean that is the best but there's like a lot of older Like don Rickles was funny until he thought they fucking died But I feel like you know like you know David tell like even in music or acting or whatever I feel like it's kind of a blessing when they die early. Well, yeah, I mean in terms of Jesus No, I mean like I understand where she's coming from though like legacy wise. Yeah Like you don't want to see their star fade, but like guys like david tell like yeah He's just as funny as when he started and he's fucking old and like angrier than ever But like I look at most stuff like even like music though

That's such a what have you done for me lately type of business. Yeah Like who who is good past their third album? Generally, nobody it's hard It's hard and then and then most of the time you have a lot of people You're so big that you have a lot of people that hate your shit. Anyway, right, you know Like just for the sake of it like think about being Exactly like think about being alive like when the fucking Beatles put like revolver out I'm not a huge Beatles person

No, but I'm just saying it's like compared to like they they change so much from like where they started to there I think if you're gonna do it, you have to keep evolving like Madonna. You have to you have to Yeah, I guess so that's why like I mean, I think that's why I like Kanye West so much I feel like all his albums sound different Yeah, because they're all like completely different and he tries to do that because he I feel like he knows That's why I feel like something like that is like, you know, whatever, but I can't like yo someone like Drake Like I recently just started getting back into Drake, but I like Drake too. No, he had 10 years But what I'm saying is I haven't I haven't really like

Loved there was a point where I felt like yo all these songs just sound the same views was wack Did you like views I don't remember which one that was that was the what was even that was like hotline bling I think was on that album. Oh, I like that one See because like it's like that album wasn't that good I like joined the biggest record of the year But I'm saying like Drake has great songs But as far as like albums like I can't listen to your album all the way through because they all sound the same I want to have a good album anymore

Oh, do we even give albums chances anymore? No, really we'll streaming fuck that Fuck that up like you don't even allow a song to grow on you anymore. I thought dam was a good album Yeah, Kendrick's album was really good. I liked his first album. Yeah, I liked uh, what good kid mad city? Good kid mad city is definitely my favorite. I was like the last to me That was the last album came out that like the whole album was a pimp a butterfly was good I don't love it as much as everybody else loved it. I didn't like it at all Yeah, me neither. I like dam more than I like that album. Mm-hmm agree, right? Yeah, but I do feel like the older you get it's very hard to stay true to like your initial fan base

It's never going to be the same No, like and I just think if Louie does make a comeback in 10 years I'm I'm not going to keep my hopes up because like I don't think what can you talk about? But I also think that he was because I saw him At msg and he was really bad Really? Yeah, it was bad. I was like and I and I went into that show A mega fan right excited like you wanted to like it. Yeah, like, you know, when you go to a comedy club There is that like silent not so the unwritten law like I'm supposed to laugh here

Right, like this is a time to laugh, but I just didn't find it fun I'm also going to say though going to see comedy at msg sucks. Yeah, I mean, you're you know, it's it takes away the intimate Right thing with the room and everything but um, I agree. I agree like sometimes they just don't have it And that dude's did was doing so much shit writing for tv shows and all that. Yeah, and his show was funny Yeah, it got too dark towards the end though You know what? Maybe because of this whole thing that happened. Maybe he will be hilarious. He'll have a bunch of stuff Yeah, because he's not just another rich successful guy. Right. He's gone through this terrible thing Yeah, or I shouldn't say that

You know, this terrible thing happened Whatever he did something he got a little weird How weird is that too? Like I don't understand the whole like Look at me jerk off. I don't know that's just what he was into I've come across it a lot. So I get it. Well, like dude's like like, yo, I'm gonna jerk off in front of you Yes, let's go. So like, okay. I think there's two kinds of guys that do that There's the guy that does that and hopes that the girl is into it and then that initiates the sex And then I think there's the guy that does that because he gets off on jerking off in front of people

But it's like, isn't that Like don't you want to have sex? I mean I don't know which side louis was on but I he was just beating he was beating from this story It sounds like he just is into jerking off in front of you, but I just don't get that. It's Some guys are why you're not blacklisted yet I don't like that yet I don't like that yet. Give it time. He'll jerk off in front of someone. I think in that scenario

I mean, obviously like I can't speak for those girls or anything But like I would imagine he would have gone for it if he wanted to fuck He probably would have gone for fucking right and I feel like they went to his hotel room at like what five in the morning Like, you know what I mean? Like he probably would have gone and he just and he just kind of went for it and pulled out at six like this cool Yeah Well, he said can I I think he asked if he could jerk off in front of them. Yeah, man. That's how do you ask that? Also, if you ask someone that if you are asking two girls that you've definitely asked one girl that yes

Because that's shooting for the moon It's like I'm a jerk off in front of both of these girls Yeah, I'm gonna ask you have to pay me so much money to even like have the balls to say that to someone and then right after It's like I'm kidding. Oh, yeah. Yeah, like I I can't right. It's gonna be a scary situation. I'm not that confident You know what I mean? That's scary. It's tough Plus, what does that take look like? It can't be good. No, it's actually Louis dick gotta be awful. Sure. It looked all right. No I think it's all like like all mash. You know how like when really white people

Their dicks get all like red as hell You know what I mean? Like I'm white but like pale white And they got like white ass dicks that get red. It's like it looks like you hit this in the door Louis does look like he'd have a very red penis. Yeah, but that being said, I don't think you can tell what someone's penis Is gonna look like just by looking at their face. Also, that's another thing too. You ever imagine a girl's tits They never look like what you thought they looked like Oh my god, I don't know if I've ever like imagined it. I've never imagined tits either. No, like you ever never like thought about I mean, I definitely have you just tell me that you've never imagined

I'm imagining tits. I'm imagining tits 100% Okay, so like when like if you looked at say a celebrity and you'd be like, I wonder what her boobs They've never looked like that. Can you imagine Susan Sarandon's tits? Let me do that real quick. First of all, think about it. Big Susan guy. Yeah, big sweater cows I'm imagining I'm imagining her boobs to be Really big. I'm picturing red red nipples. Yeah, but how big is the areola though? It's like a decent size. I'm thinking like smaller ones. I'm thinking right in the middle You know, it's weird. I picture like smaller nipples being like a new thing

You know what I mean? Yeah, like everyone in the 60s had big nips people had like decent decent areola. Yeah You know why because tits are fake now Damn and like the fake implant don't don't ruin this for me Yeah Okay, she's got she's got red nipples 100% though googling like lipstick. Oh, wait. I don't think she's ever showed her boobs Sorry you guys see now. We're gonna leave it open. I could I'm I'm envisioning them though right now red nips I could see them. I could see them clear as day I'll tell you I guarantee you they don't look like anything. I'll tell you who's to surprise me

Uh, and hathaway can't wow talk about red nips. She has small nips, right? She has great boobs She's got oh you guys susan saranda. She's got hammers. I think oh she her boobs look exactly how I imagined. Let me see Are they nipples are a little smaller than I thought I think they're inverted too. So you didn't think inverted man I'll be honest with you Inverted nipples and uncircumcised dicks. Well, it depends where you get after it Hold on. I want to talk to you guys about uncircumcised dicks. Mm-hmm. Why are men so against? Uncircumcised it. I don't think they're against it. I just think they feel like uh, I think you like what you have You know what I mean? Yeah, it's the it's a fucking dick. Don't you think it's weird that

Upon a baby's birth we automatically cut his dick off part of his penis. Yeah, I mean that makes no sense But it makes zero you like this kid. We're still doing it. Let's mutilate your kid. Isn't it like barbaric? It's a little weird No, it is 100 when I think about it like that But think about what it just looks like cleaner. It's a fucking dick, bro But when you guys have babies like do you want them to be circumcised? Oh, I don't care. Not my dick Yeah Not my dick not my mom kiss I find I find that most guys that I've talked to that are especially if they're circum

Only if they're circumcised want their kids to be circumcised. Yeah, I think it's a preference thing I think it's I think it's what really you go with What your dad has I think one by the time I have kids they're gonna like outlaw it Like yeah, we can't get the cut cuts. Yeah, that logic is so bad to say like Like you should do whatever your father did like we would never progress. I know I don't know if I could see my kid get hurt like that. That's what I'm saying Especially a new one because he's not gonna remember. I'm gonna be like dude one day I let my kids dick get cut in front of me. No fucking way. Have you ever watched the procedure? No way

Watch the where am I gonna see that online? Just google circumcision. I am never gonna google that you guys. It's Insane. I saw on amazon. There was a circumcision kit that you could practice. DIY. Yeah, what do you practice on? Little rubber baby dicks. Oh, who's who's at home like dad need to get better at this. Yeah, who's practicing? I don't know someone who's like doing it out of their garage or some Hey 200 hours. It's very it's much cheaper if you go to johnny down the block. Yeah, I know and he's practice. He's practice Numerous times. Do you want kids? Yeah, I want kids Yeah, I'll I'll I'll cross the dick bridge when I get there. Yeah. Yeah, I mean I'm nowhere near ready. I want kids and I'm pretty

anti-circumcision But like that's what's up. Absolutely, but most I I don't know I feel like most guys want their kids to be circumcised Yeah, but at the end of the day, I don't really care who gives a fuck Like you know, it's not up there with the moon. No, like I I I would give more a fuck about my kids dick But like at the end of the day the kids feel bad if they're like on circumcised I don't get that because like it's your dick like I joke around about it But at the end of the day like once she pulls your pants down. It's already too late. Yeah

She's already there. She's into it. She's committed. Yeah, she's committed, dude And then she's gonna pull down see an uncircumcised dick and go well, I didn't know about this Yeah, and then get out of it weird thing is like I I find it so weird that like we all assume that half the people and Or or like most people in America are circumcised because like Half the dicks I've ever seen in my whole life have been uncircumcised Like in real life and in porn. Yeah, so like That makes sense to me, but I feel like everyone wants to be Circumcised

Like you guys were saying I knew a kid in high school got circumcised in high school. What was he like muslim? No, he was his black kid Damn, why I don't know but he was on the football team and he was like, I can't practice. I'm like, what's going on? Oh, I know Sometimes like like at that point let it go tight I've heard of oh, yeah, maybe the force is too tight or something and they have to circumcise but that's very rare I would be devastated. It's more rare than getting like your tonsils removed. Probably had the hammer too probably

What just because he's black. Yeah, no, just because if his foreskin's too tight you're packing heat in there, bro that too Yeah, my dick is so big my foreskin is tight as fuck. Yeah Doctors need to do something about this skin Okay, hey man Your dick has outgrown your foreskin, bro. We're gonna snip this thing out. Yeah All right before we move on let's get to the sponsor today. We just have quip Which is my new toothbrush right now when it comes to your health brushing your teeth is one of the most important parts of your day

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Yeah, and that's one. Yeah. Yeah. No like I'm adding someone cutting your penis first of all my dick my dick getting cut space The ocean I have a big fear of the ocean. I hate the ocean. It scares the shit out of me. I'm never I'm not What do you mean? I I'm letting you know right now. Let me go on record and say you tell yours and I'll tell my fears I just want to say this. Mm-hmm anytime. I'm in the ocean I'm not having a good time. No I'm not I'm constantly paranoid in the ocean. I can have moments of fun. We're like ha ha ha But also there could be a shark here. Yeah, that's gonna eat my fucking

And also the ocean is strong as fuck. You ever get thrown by a wave. I'm like, I don't want that. No Also, also the ocean is gross. It's disgusting. Well, we're also from new york So that shit is fucking nasty. Anything we have up here is disgusting. Like, to be honest. Yeah Jones beach just riddles like marbro lights. I don't understand who's going into the water syringes Or like diapers cony island cony island gross a landfill That is a landfill with a giant puddle. It is disgusting But people grow up going to that beach bad. You grew up in new york. All right. I grew up in new york. Where'd you go?

Uh, to high school. No, no, no to the beach. Which beach jones beach I I started going to rock. Oh, I yeah, I've never I went to cony island once. Yeah I went to cony island once. I was like, well, this isn't happening And then I went to rock away a few times and then jones beach was the one but the the beaches here are You gotta go to long beach long beach is nice My brother just moved to long beach. They do have nice beaches. It's very nice there. That's where I'd rather drive the extra 20 minutes Yeah, jones beach. It's not a beach person. I'm not either. I hate sand. I got sand Dick dude. There's nothing at the beach for me. No, you never get that shit off your feet

And it smells like farts. Yeah, and you gotta wait you gotta wait to like use that little stupid fucking rents thing to get your feet and when you get out of the water, you're like, why do I feel like there's like a Film on me. It just feels like a weird layer like everyone's just pissing in that water And what you don't know the thing I hate too are those fucking hardos that try to swim all the way out And the lifeguard's always like, hey Yeah, I got the whistle Get back, dude. Fucking trend and water you turn around. It's like, what what what maybe they just like swimming No, no, no, fuck that guy. And also no one likes also a big hardo move people that swim in the ocean

Like you'll be out there and they're swimming this way. What are you doing? We're going Phelps Getting a pool getting your fucking laps in and fucking jones beach. What a weirdo. Well, I do I will say I think Swimming in the beach or swimming in the ocean is a better workout I think because you have to work out your core or something right the current no one needs that much of a workout, dude Go to your local ymca. Yeah, get your laps in. Yeah, just have a good time out here. Take your time Yeah, definitely pull over ocean any day. Well, listen like one of my worst fears is like On a raft in the middle of the ocean. It's like, you know at some point

Fucking whale can come out of nowhere knock me out of this thing And then now I'm having a full blown panic attack because I don't know what could touch my feet I would tell you that was that's terrifying. Yeah The scariest image in the world is if you were sitting in a canoe and a whale swam under you I would just die of fear. You ever see that picture of that happening. Yeah, that's what it comes from That yeah, I would never go in water again Just think about how scary that would just be on a raft though. Like you're not no whale You're just on a raft and no and you're just floating around out there

And no one can hear you fucking scream. Just kill yourself. See that's what I would say I'll just jump in the water swim as far down as possible and just start inhaling air, bro No, I can't I can't I would try to make it. I'll probably beat it to like common nerves Every like half mile, but you also I love things just like that's when you get down So now that no one's looking I don't think you should like burper No, that's actually a very bad idea because you'd probably be so dehydrated and you're losing moisture If you do that. Yeah, sure. It can't just with no

Yeah, but I wouldn't be jerking off to the point of like dehydration. That's kind of that. Well, if you're doing it every half mile Yeah, every half mile you're jamming it like where are you drinking your water? All right every 0.75 miles How's that? I mean you gotta think about how hot it is too sun exposure your toast Yeah, fuck that dude. I was watching planet earth recently love dude some of the weirdest shit is in the ocean and like I don't what is it it looks like a someone like a little kid just drew a bunch of shit And it's an animal that moves. Oh, we were talking animals are kind of gross. They're gross

And then the the fucking fish that has a light bulb attached to it What? How is there electricity in this equation if you go down far enough? Is it an eel? No, it's like a little and it has a little giant teeth too And it has a fucking light bulb that just hangs over the head like like a like a like a like a minor like a lantern Yeah, it's weird. You know like a minor has that that light bulb or it's where that's where it's like because it can't see because it's so dark Like zoolander's dad. Yes, like yo to me. It's like so get rid of this light bulb. Just swim up I know go up

It's way better up there. And isn't it true that we know more about the About space than we do about the ocean. We know nothing. We know 10 of the ocean. I think It's terrifying. No one's no one's looking into this. We can't get to 15 percent. That is pretty crazy. It's nuts That's scary. We know 10 about it and we're just we're just swimming in it I don't swim in the ocean man. Yeah, I'm good on that shit. Fuck that But for me, it's more a gross thing than anything like I'm not that scared of it, to be honest Pools could be pretty gross pools are pretty like, yeah I'm not that into like full on like public pools. No, I know

Not a fan like a story of park has a pool yucky girls. I've been Yucky gross I've been in it once and I was like this is probably not a good idea because it's like the neighborhood pool It's gigantic. Yeah, and like everyone goes and I'm like, dude kids are like shitting in this water. Oh, yeah For sure like I can feel myself getting our sore throat a fever and a UTI Yeah, dude. I taught kindergarten kids how to swim for years Kids are shitting in that pool man. Oh my god Big time big time shit water And also like how often are they cleaning that pool like it would take so much effort to drain it

Clean it and refill it. It's not enough. It's not enough. No, do you still go to public pool? So no, no I'm I'm out. I'm basically out of all aquatics at this point. I like I'll go to someone's house pool Right, I'll go to a resort pool. I'll even go do a hotel pool. I will go to a that's me too though No, I'll do a hotel pool But they look clean, but they usually I like put there for a lot of chlorine and I was to the pool You're like in my eyes. You ain't opening those eyes underwater. No No, but they but they look clean, you know when you were a kid. Did you wear goggles? Yeah, I was big time. I still wear goggles. Yeah, you still wear goggles

If you're gonna swim What is that childish that weren't goggles if you're going to a pool right now and you're not swimming Okay, I wear goggles. Oh, I thought you guys were like, yeah, I wear goggles when I go hang out at the pool To play like to play marco polo like I'm gonna go a pool to hang out drink have some beers I'm not gonna bring up guys. I brought an extra pair of goggles But like if I'm going if I'm like swimming in a pool, I'll put some goggles on All right You cannot swim without goggles. No, it's impossible. Absolutely impossible. No when you're one two pulling you need those

Dude, how do people not know how to swim? Can I ask you something though? Yeah, I hate that. I hate that. I can't swim Really? I can't swim 30 Go learn 30 go learn. It's not that hard to learn If you can't if you can't swim or ride a bike you're a grown man you're an adult dude go back Go back and learn if anyone ever came up to me over the age of 30 and said I can't swim Get out of my face. You're pathetic. You're pathetic. No, but you know, what's the absolute fucking worst If you don't have a learning disability and you can't read Yeah, that's rough. That's like

Especially when you're really rich like floyd mayweather like to me. I'm like See, I think floyd can read. I just don't think floyd cannot read well. Have you heard him try to read? Is it that bad? Oh my god, he did like this radio drop and they played it and he like he literally Could not read it. It was the saddest thing I've ever heard But it's like you have the money to learn It's I understand like growing up in unfortunate circumstances and you know, blah, blah, blah But like You're so rich. I know you could hire somebody to like

Teach you the abc's or something. They say our kelly can't read either. He can pay. You could definitely pay He's probably he tells some kids their abc's trust me. He's probably a little bit like mentally disabled He's also talented That's his favorite part of the alphabet Elemenop That was definitely him in that video Come on. Wait, is there even a doubt? He got off

Yeah, he got off How is everyone in the world go? Yep, that's That was good too. I like that Wait, what the hell were you talking about before this? Oh, we were talking about people that can't swim and now is our kelly gill Oh, this is what I wanted to ask Do you got this drives me insane when you jump into a pool? How do you jump into a pool? I don't jump in pools. Yeah, no, I would never if you were to jump Do you do the jump turnaround handhold jump into the pool like no, I'm not fucking I mean

I was worried about first if that's what I mean if you were to cannibal into a pool Okay, this is what I'm getting at if it's diveable. I'm gonna dive in Do you hold your nose when you jump into pools? Fuck no I want to I want to like grown men holding your nose. Dude breathe out Breathe out of your fucking nose. It's so true. It's so true. Oh my god You're an adult But it's like dude, what if you're if you're over 25 and 30 Don't hold your nose. Hold your nose. Oh like when you go underwater. It's like, oh, hold on

What? Yeah, let go of your nose almost now that you guys are saying it you're making me think I might hold my nose I don't know though. No that I hate you. I will I will say I will say if I'll give a girl a pass you hold her nose See maybe she doesn't want the booger thing going on. I get it. No can't hold your nose though I don't know now. I will literally if we were in a pool together and you held your nose I'd be like, we're getting over this today. Oh, yeah, here we go. Breathe out of your fucking nose For a fucking tire hands behind you. I've done it because one of my friends. He's a he's a nose holder

He's so weird. I hate it. I'm like, dude. Just breathe out of your nose. Why do you hate it? Is it like a pussy move? It's a pet peeve. It's a week. It's a pet peeve. It's it's it's a rational and it's stupid I'm aware of that. Do you have a weird it's because it's weak though Like no, it's just it's just like you look like a four-year-old No, it's just one of you probably have stuff that happens during a day It would be like an adult wearing floaties to right but no no no floaties is worse. I mean, it's obviously worse No, I mean floaties would be absolutely unacceptable. Yeah Like if you have to wear floaties don't even go in the pool. No not at all

Just pretend it's one of those things that you see yeah It's one of those things you see because I feel like every day we see people do stuff that we're just like Why are they doing that? That's one of them. Yeah. Oh, dude, you know what drives me insane. This is completely irrational. You thought that was crazy This is crazy It drives me crazy when I see people drinking cans of soda like on the street Like walking around just drinking soda like actually walking. Yeah

Or even not just sitting on a bench. I don't know why that drives me insane Wait, hold on. What part of that is it the can or is it the fact that they're in public? It's like just the soda. Is it like you think you're so cool? No, it's just like just walking with a soda Yeah, it's gross as you out. Yeah. First of all, what are you doing? I hate cans of anything I don't like cans of soda. I'd rather have a bottle of soda. Yeah, would a bottle of soda freak you out? First of all, who is still drinking soda? That's true. That's true. I don't know, but this can't I This all happened. I didn't know this was a thing. I didn't know this was a thing until I was walking on the street and I saw this woman

She was holding on to her daughter's hand and she was drinking a seven seven up In the other hand and out of a can on the street. Just walking. I was like Oh You got so disgusted. I was disgusted and I swear to god in my mind in that moment I was like, I would much rather this lady be smoking two cigarettes at one time and blowing the smoke into the kid's face This fucking soda can't drive me insane because soda is bad for you. Yeah, I don't like soda like that But also just like you're drinking it on the street and also it's seven up Like I'm cool with you drinking cans indoors or in a backyard at a barbecue

But you know, you're walking around drinking a can of soda Like I know what if it's a can of like arizona iced tea Arizona iced teas get a pass. Yes because of their size Or just because it's like it's a deli thing. Yeah, I hear you. I try to get but just like Come on. What are you doing? Is it like is it too much? Are they making themselves at home too much? No, it's just I don't know why it Don't try to find a meaning because there's no meaning. I don't I don't like walking and drinking I don't like people that walk and eat

Who the fuck's doing that in new york people do it a lot Like a hot dog. I understand my uber pool and break some food out Inappropriate. We're about to fucking fight like fast food on a plane tuna sandwich on a plane. Yeah, that's happened to me It's disgusting boiled eggs tuna fish Um hamburgers you eat that shit in a closet in your home. Yeah, do not bring that into the world I hate that shit. It's it shows what kind of person you are. You're not considerate Yes, you're you need to join society. Yes is what it is. You know what? I don't like that We do but we all do it and I can't stop myself. I don't like that. We say bless you

I also think that's kind of dumb. It's so dumb, but I can't stop. Yeah, I keep saying this is the year I'm not going to say bless. So here's the say bless the I always say here's the thing though, right bless the I don't mind saying bless you But if you sneeze and look at me like What's up? I'm like, dude suck a dick. I know you need me to do this I will say I will say though. I will say there are some times I sneeze I feel bad if I don't get a bless. Yeah, I don't care, right? And the people who like nothing I don't care like a quiet room and likes one person sneezes

I definitely separate the room into the people that said bless you and the people who did not Oh, I will like that. I will go way further for that person that said bless you 100% like they you showed your character Yeah, hey, can you copy make a copy of this fact for me? I'll make two of those you want to know why because you said bless you my pleasure I used to go out of my way to not say bless you when I want my boss used to sneeze I'll do that too. People. I don't like my fuck you. Fuck that guy. I'm keeping these goddamn bless here Blessed or not I'm keeping these blessings to myself, but it's almost one of those things like we all need to like as

The whole world we need to agree. She's gonna start a hashtag. No, like no more bless you No, but it'll never work because the whole world used to be on board like starting 12 o 1 a.m. Tomorrow Nobody says bless you and if you do you're punished. Also, we need to go that far Also, if you think about it, man is this We're doing jail time here. I'm just like there's gonna be assholes out there who continue saying bless you It's just kind of weird that whoever started that was weird You sneeze god bless you Well, they say like they they used to believe that the soul escapes your body or yeah, like some stupid shit people are so weird

It's like dude, you sneeze Like when the Greeks are like, yo, if your palm inches that means you're about to make money. It's like or I just have like a weird Yeah, it's a little dry. It's an irritation. Yeah, there's too much moisture. It's like, oh my left ear hurts It's like dude. That means someone's thinking about you. Yeah, uh, that's not my ear just hurts. Yeah You know what I mean? Do you talk in ubers on the phone? No I absolutely not hate that and if somebody calls me, I will press ignore or I'll pick up and say hey I'm in an uber. I'll call you back. Yep. I almost I like to do that If I make a phone call, I'll say, um, I'm really sorry. Can I make a phone call real quick? See that's that important

What were you gonna say? What do you love about me? No, I love what do you love about me? I love that move because that is a very polite move. That's that's I like to pick the phone up and say that I'm in an uber And the other people in the uber pool be like, you know what that's a stand-up guy Stand-up guy That's a stand-up guy. That's a stand-up guy. Yeah, because I'm going out of my way to hey. What's up? I'm in an uber pool right now. I can't talk. I'm sorry. You're also spreading the good word Showing people by example. It's not okay to talk on the phone. I do I do do that. I will pick up phone calls It's insanely rude. I rarely get phone calls though

So when I I usually pick them up if I have to and then I'll but I'll say like hey What's up? I'm in an uber right now. Right just so they know like I'm not gonna be like talking about Fucking crazy shit right now in front of people and also when people are like gossiping in the uber It's like calm or you're in public. You got a bluetooth. I know You have that like that little self-awareness people should not be allowed to talk on the phone in public No, the phone talking on the phone should be like in business personal space. Yeah. Yes First of all, who the fuck calls anybody anymore? Anyway, yeah, what are you a psycho? I get scared when people call me because I'm like somebody's dead. So I was dying

Don't you feel like whenever someone's talking on the phone in public like I always get the feeling that they like want everyone to hear 100% like they're like bragging in a weird way. Yeah, I'm like dude. Fuck you like guys will get in the cars Like an uber pool like it's like talking about their business I'm like dude. If you fucking do a business you be in an uber x. All right. You're in a fucking uber pool Shut the fuck up nobody can't q1 was really good for us. Yeah. Yeah I think uh next quarter we got to you know try and flip these and uh try to do the best that we can I talked to Jared and uh, I'm like, dude, shut the fuck up and fuck Jared too Yeah, just for you and your fucking guilty by association. Fuck your friend. Yeah

Whoever's on the other end of that phone tell them the other thing is too is I don't understand how people eat on the subway Yeah, dude Cut their nails on the subway. No, excuse me. I mean, okay I don't want to be racist or anything, but I'm Japanese for the record Chinese people do that. They cut their nails. They cut their nails Is that like something you guys have against each other like when you yell at each other Be like, why don't you go clip your nails on the subway? You Chinese fuck No, but I you know, it's crazy. Hey, you're Japanese your whole family. It's sushi. Yeah

Well, you cut your fucking nails on the subway Do you ever you ever notice that Asians are probably like the most like Calm and cool and collected people. Well, Japanese people are mad passive But I'm saying like they're they don't give up from from what I've seen. They don't give a shit No, like they're just out there They got like an umbrella in the middle of the summer like knocking into people on fucking mainstream People, I mean, I I'm telling you I'm telling like let me tell everyone right now She said it. She said Japanese people are like so polite like if you go to japan, it's like going to the future

people in japan Japan has living in a society down like you step on an escalator Everybody knows if you're standing on an escalator, you go to the right if you're gonna walk you go to the left Like everything is they everything is so cohesive and like everyone's so aware of each other China on the other hand, but there's so many people I mean japan has a lot of people too. Yeah, but isn't there like billions there? Yeah, I don't want to say a number that sounds like ridiculously stupid, but I'm just gonna say there are billions I'm pretty sure there's billion

I'm like 95% Are you full of japanese? Yeah. Did you ever see the videos of like the trains? Oh, they're just like pack a min. Which means like that too. That's insane. Yeah I feel like all countries are like that except for america. I know they pack trains like that. Yeah, like dude literally to the point It's like stepping on with their feet. That's what I'm saying like, yo, you like someone could die in there Yeah, totally like I'll wait for the next one. I don't have to go to work that Crazily, you know, yeah, but they're asian. So, you know, yeah But you know what in japan like the trains get so packed that it's totally normal to like be molested on the train

God, that sounds terrible. Now that I think about it. Now that I think about it There is that that like category of porn that's like groping and it's usually like asian. Oh, oh totally Can you tell me why japanese porn is blurred? Yeah, why does it not show cock? Why are you blurring that day? Show me that cock. Is it because they're like self-conscious? No All right, so my theory's out So it's actually my stereotypical racist friend who's like a really famous porn star in japan Yeah, and she was telling me. Oh, wait. What's her name? Hitomi Tanaka Hammers, you know, that is

Dude, the biggest boobs I've ever seen in real life. Yeah, let me tell you they're 100 real and let me tell you Her stomach is tiny like she's gotta meet this girl gotta meet her. She's on she's coming to new york in June I think I'll bring her on She's awesome. No, like she's super cool So normal. Yeah, anyway, she was telling me that in japan It's actually against the law to shoot porn and show penetration So like when they blur it out, they're pretending to pretend to insert, but they actually are inserting Do you know what I mean? No, they're like, yeah

Wait, they're blurring it because then you can't prove that my dick was in right got it They're they're being like, oh, so it's illegal. So they blur. Do they blur come too? They don't blur come and they don't blur assholes until you touch the asshole because an asshole Because an asshole is not um a sexual organ until you penetrate it. Wait Have you done scenes in japan? Never. Have you ever done a scene in another country? Nope only america and In la they in florida, they're different, right? You like you have to wear condoms somewhere else I mean, you're supposed to actually wear a condom like really and pretty much all porn. Yeah, but nobody does

I mean wicked does yet. No, and I was with wicked for three years, but I mean, nobody watches Nobody watches japanese first of all condom point in japan. They do yeah at this point. I'm kind of they can't get the pornhub over here though can they Why in japan can they get the good stuff? Doesn't sound like it I don't really know. I know in china. They got wild stuff and I don't know if it's china or japan But they have like this thing where it's like you can FaceTime date

like you you you You go on a date with someone like you pay and it's just FaceTime and they eat the same meal as you And you guys like have a date. Yeah, that sounds amazing. It's it's very like Out of this world. No, like uh, what's the word I'm looking for like technologically advanced progressive. Yeah, I don't know I don't know but I like the one I always wanted to go to japan just so I could eat sushi in those places They have like all those colored plates. Oh the the conveyor belt. Yeah, that's awesome. That does Oh, I'll fucking I'll try this shit because it's like a one pink plates like ten dollars What's the exchange? I feel like is it in thailand? They have stuff like that and it's it's dirt cheap

Like with american money. It's like you spend ten bucks. It's like your stuff I heard you can go to thailand like including the flight and everything for like two thousand dollars For like two weeks. Yeah, like you it's it's so cheap there pan And I heard it's great. My friend just went to thailand said it was fucking awesome I hear a lot of good things about thailand Yeah Little scared. I mean, I don't hear like I don't know like I just heard that In vietnam, I hear too vietnam's nice. Yeah, I hear people like have a great time in vietnam

They eat a lot of crazy shit over there though, dude. I'm like not that adventurous Could you eat a frog? See probably not well, maybe If it doesn't look like a frog like don't make it look oh, it's gonna look like a frog like if it's like popcorn frog Yeah, you could eat that right, but like don't make it look like a frog You know what I mean, right? They fucking eat like dog over there sometimes. You see that's fucking and korea They do in korea, but they're not vietnam doesn't do it. I don't want to like labradoodles They're eating wild dogs, which is like a basically a whole other animal

I mean like I could you try it. I couldn't I could A wild dog that's like basically eating a wolf, which is like basically eating a cow so no Hey, man, so we're just like eating uh, you know eating a person's just like a kid who's kind of like the size of a dog. It's like a pig. It's like bacon But it's so weird that we judge like it's so weird that we think it's okay to eat a pig and not a horse So here's the thing the other day it is this this was like a month ago, right?

Which I am like not ever gonna be close to vegetarian or anything, but there was this one day where I was eating chicken. I'm just like dude Like this was a chicken. Yeah, I'm stripping the meat from its bones. I know this is kind of gross Yeah, it is somebody didn't catch up. I mean, it's like someone murdered this so I could just go buy it and fucking destroy it You know what's also weird like imagine okay imagine ice cream made out of breast milk like that would be gross, right? I don't know. Like have you tasted breast milk? Yeah, it's pretty sweet. It's like like pretty sweet like awesome or like actually pretty sweet sugary It's pretty fucking sweet

Love sucking on titties. Can you lactate if you're not pregs? Yes, you can. Yeah, I've never liked it. No Wait, how do you how do you like to hate then? I thought it was just some girls just do The scrolling Andy Sandimas, you know, so I'm just getting free smoke Yeah, but like isn't it so like I think I personally I think that like if we ate ice cream made out of breast milk It would be super fucking gross But if you think about it, it's way grosser that we eat ice cream made out of a cow's breast milk Well, that's why we're the only thing that drinks that drinks other Species milk

You're not supposed to Right, we're definitely not supposed to drink. I don't I don't drink milk. I don't drink milk either, but I eat dairy products So like I'll have almond milk cheese You don't eat cheese. No, I eat cheese. That's milk dog. So then what's the point? I'm not drinking milk Like it's just milk. Why are you acting so like I'm not I'm like, I don't drink just like straight up milk Also, who's like we're adults. I know that's what I was gonna say also. Who is like, oh man, you know what? I'll have a glass of milk. Yeah, one of my friends does that I'm worried about you one of my friends Dude, I swear to god, I forgot where he was at what time of the day like like stupid time 6 30 at night

What with his dinner? Yeah, yo, can I get milk? What? Yeah, he's a he's an adult. That's very strange very bad And when he's like thirsty, oh wish I had milk like dude, you're a little gross. Yeah, and this is childish Yeah, that is the the beverage equivalent of holding your nose when jumping into a pool and then also what the fuck is almond milk Yeah, I don't know but it it's really good. It's really good. Have you ever had macadamia milk? No, no the best Coconut milk's pretty good too. So good, but it's very high in calories coconut water So good disgusting. Oh, no, no, no, which one though. Do you get like flavored ones that pink one is so good

Yeah, whatever flavored coconut water is good regular coconut water tastes like s one time I had coconut water and I was like, this is what I imagine just a taste like yeah, it's it honestly I don't know but it could be It kind of does see damn. I don't like that. I was right. I know I love that we just both prefer consistency is so different that like you wouldn't drink it and immediately like recognize it as Yeah, I just I didn't like it. I just feel the older you get you just love water So so much. I love water. I don't even drink anything besides water. I like selter She's drinking fucking coffee right now. Well, obviously coffee is different. All right

How much coffee do you think you drink a day? One cup. I don't I'm not gonna lie. I just woke up like like when you texted me. I was still sleeping I was like 11 30. Yeah, or like no, I was definitely later than I was like till 30 Like when I texted you that I like what's your address? Like that's when I had just woke up. She we were talking about when we were setting this up She's like, yeah, let's do it next week or whatever She's like just like sometime in the afternoon because I you know, I'm a piece of shit. I wake up pretty fucking late It's like, all right. I was like, how's that cool? I haven't like so I I'm not working at barstool anymore

I'm not working at wicket anymore. Like I I just do podcasting and like random days of the week I do videos and stuff And like and the guy I'm dating wakes up very late. So like I'm basically slowly just becoming a piece of shit Right, like we all are though. No, we all know what time you guys wake up. Well Sometimes 10 I wake up. I wake up pretty early every day. I can't sleep. I haven't seen like I saw 10 o'clock the first day that daylight savings switched, but before that I don't see 10 o'clock I'm up at like nine. I used to wake up at like five and go to the gym. I'm up at eight I'm up at eight usually at the gym by nine, right?

Yeah, but that's usually how I get back into that But like like now it's like harder like today I woke up at nine Which is usually kind of late for me like open my eyes wake up like usually I'll wake up at eight Or like 745 and then I won't get out of bed until like 8 30 I love that layover period though. I don't like waking up and immediately having to go somewhere It's so necessary to like go through your instagram stories Just get my day started the way I want it before I hand it over on your own terms I used to go to the gym at like 5 30 in the morning. Yeah, that's too much. That's such a hard

And that is tough because you have to wake up and just get up go It's like otherwise you're not gonna when you're in the groove. It's kind of the best. It's awesome The day feels so long. Oh my god by 9 a.m. You've already done so many things. Yeah, I got fucking time It feels amazing. That's true. You already feel like you like kind of like destroyed the day already It's tough to do that. I want to get back into that You need to like go through a week of like doing it and it sucks and then after that it's like you're gonna hurt them You're good. Could you ever do like a soul cycle? That should look awful soul cycle. Yeah Yeah, I do Barry's bootcamp. That's like, what's that? Is that is that what boxing class I took tough

Wait, do you get a rumble? No, I heard all boxing classes are tough like that So like the boxing class that I went to is in Brooklyn my friend was around the place And around the place around the block and I went because I wanted to do boxing like I don't want to compete I want to like work out learn how to punch and shit like that Uh Because it's like great Because like I hate running and like I can't just do cardio like I just hate it So I wanted to do that like two times three times a week or something like that

So I went to the class everyone in the class is kind of like half of it. It's like split like half women Half dudes And the women sometimes are older some of the dudes are like Yeah, some of them work out so hard And they and they're fucking getting after it dude and it's fucking tough It's like 45 minutes straight of like you're non-stop hitting the bag Getting down doing burpees in between yeah jump roping doing burpees and shit

I was dead and it was like quick and you do that in the morning and you feel great for the rest of the day They say you burn like a thousand calories like in the class. It's great boxing is great Like you really feel like dead after like cross the bag did a great workout But right now I'm like going to bed at 6 a.m. So Well, you have your own website, right? Yeah, I I do like an only fans thing I I'm I'm just like I feel like a lot of porn stars are kind of doing that now Yeah, only fans is great like because you can do whatever you want and you can build your own personal brand

I feel like the snapchat thing to like have like premium snapchat some people But that's kind of like what that is. But that's what I know it's similar though. Like you make your own content It's got to be hard to monetize porn sometimes, right I mean things are changing so much like even with porn hub like you can upload your your own content and keep making money off of it forever As a performer, right? Whereas like before like you had to shoot for a producer You only get paid your daily fee, which is not like a small amount of money. Like I'm not complaining Right, you know, but like yeah, like it's much easier to like monetize your own products now for sure

So like also though like too, it's like we were talking about it before I feel like it's like very Like it's genre-based too. Mm-hmm, you know So like even for you like people who are into asian porn You feel that you've kind of crossed over though, right at this point. Yeah, you know what? I mean, it's not like you're just not like an age. I think I feel so weird talking to you like this You're not just an asian. You're not like an asian. You're more than an asian. Are you more asian? I think people get to me mostly through anal You think so? I think her fucking instagram name is ass a hole. That's true. Yeah

I I would imagine that the most people who like get introduced to me through searching the word anal I would imagine. I don't know It's also like anal ass. I was like, I don't know Yeah, that's right. Yeah algorithm get hooked up Related searches. She knows what she's doing. She knows what she's doing. She knows. She's like, my name's kind of close Might as well dive into this How quick did it take you to do anal? Um, I didn't ever think I was gonna do anal. See I feel like I hear that a lot

Yeah, I my first anal experience. You know, what's crazy my first anal experience of my life And this sounds like july but I swear to god is true is was with the guy I'm with right now Get the fuck and it was an accident And I believe him. We were fucking like we were like this was back with like teenagers Like I'm not talking about like a poke. I don't count as anal. I mean, well Here's here's what happened. We were fucking really hard in doggy style It went out and then it just like rammed in my asshole. It went all in I don't know if it went all in but like it was enough amount to count

It was the worst pain of my life. Did you cry? Oh, I cried It was the worst experience of my life and I was like, I will never do anal like I can't believe people That's nice. You got back on the horse. Yeah Well, but then I started once I got into porn. I was still like, I'll never do anal That's just not my thing and then I started dating a guy who liked me to fuck his ass with a strap on And that's who I started doing anal with. I was like, oh, if you can enjoy it that much Like maybe there's something to this and he started fucking my ass and because he likes to get fucked in his ass Like he was very good at like training my asshole

The last 20 seconds of this podcast has been I opening I don't think I've ever been an ass before in my life. First of all, it's happening right now I love how you just breeze through that like we're just gonna be like, oh nice Well, first of all, you started dating a dude that likes to get rammed and you started ramming. How does that come up? Well, so here's how deep into a relationship. What came first? I love you or hey, what's up my butthole The butthole thing was the first very first thing that came up So he I met him on a porn set like a normal porn set And he would keep like he kept texting me. Is he like he's a performer

I'm like, he would always text me but I was never really that into him at all And then like but I would text him back for attention And then like solid solid, you know what? I'm like when I was bored and stuff And then one day he texted me and he's like, hey, have you ever fucked a guy with a strap on? And I was like, what? And then that night I went to see him I fucked his ass with a strap on and he became my boyfriend I mean, that is a love that's a classic love story. No, it was that's like the notebook

It was like the worst relationship I've ever been I mean, if you start with the s or I can't imagine it goes up from there. Where do you go? Yeah I mean, he was like a psychopath Yeah, well, no No, you guys know first of all, that's not because he liked to be fucked in the ass with But I'm saying judge People who like to yeah, but you know you're not saying that I will judge on the fact that he's a lead north with asshole That's something I feel like you're warm up to we had been taught

Like it bats cleanup You got to get some people on base before you start, you know, but you also have to imagine we had already had sex on set That's why it makes everything different. It'd be way different if somebody that you met A civilian. Yeah, we didn't meet like at a coffee shop. Yeah, he was like, hey So can I finish my fucking macchiato before you start telling me? So what so when you do your first anal or they're just like, hey, we want to give you this Are you willing to do this? Yeah, that's how it works, right? I mean like once I started fucking that guy

And I was like, okay I think I want to start doing anal on camera because why not because it's something I enjoy now And so then I started talking to a few different companies and then they made an offer and So wait, hold on. So getting getting banged in the butt is how like how good is that? It can be really good. No, but I'm saying like because like for a guy or for a girl No, no, no, let me tell you for a guy even better. Someone who's receiving Shut up. Well, would you say a guy? She said it's better for a guy. Oh a hundred percent. You guys have prostates

It's a scientific fact Hey, we do But it's a scientific fact that guys like being fucked in that Joe chill. I'll probably never get there You know what? Let me rephrase that. I'm not gonna get there. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, don't leave anything out to interpretation So I'm open-minded, but I'm also narrow-minded when it comes to my asshole. I don't know. I can stay them Talk about how you like to poop. First of all, that was a different podcast. No one knows what you're talking about I was gonna think I got ramped in the end

First of all, you can stay here Yeah, no, we did a podcast on uh the pornhub podcast with us. Let's go check that out That's you'll find out what that means. Do you know how many scenes you've done? Um No, no That's but I mean like what I've been important for 10 years For six of those years I was freelance So I like your peak how many how many scenes you shoot in the week at my peak I was shooting like five six days a week

But not all of those were boy girl scenes like some of them were masturbation. Some of them were photo shoots so like Probably banging like two or three dudes a week. Nice at my at my peak fire But yeah, but that's also like I one time I counted how many people I had sex with but it's it's way less than you think because like There's oh We both gave the side idea. I don't know. I think I feel like I feel like you're judging me from that prior math that you just gave us I don't think so

Here's the thing. There's only like I'm fucking like the same 20 dudes over and over right, you know what I mean, wait, how much is it? So I think I came to the conclusion. I mean some of it you have to estimate, you know, but I think justifying now You know take a bit of grain of salt. I'm estimating. Yeah, but like everyone. I fucked in real life. I've remembered so Um, I think it was like 420 something holy Mother but that's including women. Okay for accounts 420 Yeah, something like that. I mean you would expect 420. Yeah, you're doing point 10 10 a decade of fucking Do you could do you could say yourself like semi retired or an on hiatus?

I consider myself like confused right now. I hear you. She's like the detox album You don't know if it's gonna drop right, but if it does you're gonna be hype But you're trying. Yeah, it's true. You're waiting for it every day. Yeah Like right now because okay, like I'm I'm dating this guy and like he's not very into the idea of me shooting porn And like I just so happened to start dating him in a transitional time for myself like where I quit wicked I started this new deal with porn hub. I don't have to be shooting right now Like I'm financially. I'm able to support myself like so I'm kind of like in this weird place right now where I'm like, okay. Well, like let me see where this goes

But I'm definitely not like I wouldn't consider myself retired at all. So I don't know. We'll see you never know You never know You feel it sounds like you found love is what it is. I mean in a hopeless place in a hopeless place Great song fantastic song even greater video even great. Yeah, the video is very good That's one of the best videos of all time. Hell. Yeah. Yeah. Um, that's a heavy statement. No, that's a great music video It really is you know, it's the best not at all time, but I but I get where she's coming from I think it's a song called you and me. It's where it's just two people making out on a pink background No, it's the most I'll show you guys later. That's kind of that control

Like I don't think I would be comfortable watching two people make out for like three and a half minutes Also making out in public up or down Super down if I'm looking at it. I'm down to make out in public though I'll make out in public, but I gotta I gotta have a couple Yeah, like I'm in a bar, but here's here's what I hate the stipulation with that if I'm in a bar and or like You know Like there's been numerous times I've been at a bar and there's these two people that are at the bar and they're just like

And they'll over each other like making out like singing songs into their ears And it's like dude you have passed the point of public behavior go home right like get out of here Yeah, I go fuck already like you guys are giving each other blue balls and blue clit. I don't know I Split on that because like I used to hate pda like I used to like not like that stuff at all But like right now I'm in a relationship where we do shit like that. All right, you guys will make out hard and like a bar Yeah, like I find it super hot. No, I mean like maybe not a bar like I don't drink so like I Don't really find myself in bars that much. But like

Yeah, we like make out in public and and like I'll let him hold my hand in public and stuff Which before was like Never. Oh my god Like I don't like anything that threatens my image of independence like it really is really like a turnoff to me She is a very independent. Yeah, she's such a gangster. It's cancer But do you ever get recognized in public while he's with you? God, that's weird. That's rough As a guy, he's just saying like as a regular

American man That would be very tough for me He now I'd be cool with it like if you're if you're at the point where you're no, but listen, listen If you get to the point where you're like, I am I am consciously dating a porn star. Right. You have to know what comes Yeah, of course. I think you can't be a guy that's like I'm gonna fight everyone who says hi joe He kills both way. I'm gonna suck your dick for a second. She's not just like she's one of the most famous porn stars Yeah, well, that's well, that's what's the difference though But what I'm saying, but I'm saying that should make it even easier for you. They're like, dude, people know who she is

I think but you know what he he goes both because like he's known me since I was 14 So like I think that he had he definitely has moments where like someone will come up to me and he feels very proud And he's like, yeah, like you did a good job like with your life and success and career But then like there's definitely times where Someone will come up and like someone will ask him to take a photo of us. He Hates that because it's very like hi. I've been masturbating to your girlfriend. Will you take a photo of me with her? Dude, so I'm like, let's just take a selfie. Yeah. Yeah, I would just give like Like like the pound and like keep it moving like I don't want to like take a picture if I saw

A porn star with a dude. I'd be worried that it's her boyfriend. I wouldn't want to Like you would willingly go out of your way to make that weird way less people come up to me when I'm with It doesn't matter who the guy is if I'm hanging out with one guy It's far less likely that someone will ask for a photo because in a way it's inappropriate Or like you just don't know like what scenario Right, maybe I'm escorting. You know, yeah, who knows like maybe I'm working like or whatever Dude, I love Wait, what was that? That's antennas going off

Escorting I love when she just mulls over shit Yeah, like I don't know. Maybe I'm fucking having a beer. Maybe I'm escorting. I don't know I'm just hanging out. It's like, wait, can we back up? Talk about that. What's going on? I mean, you don't know what the scenario is right. Yeah, and also it's just like Some people don't want to be fucking bothered while they're in the street. No, I don't mind though like I I like attention. So I'm I'm cool with like if if someone comes up to me for a photo. I'm never like I'll never say no, right? Yeah, but I feel like you got those people that hang around too much and start like

No, for sure. Yeah, like if someone brought up one of your has anyone ever brought up one of your scenes I loved your back door Uh, fucking whatever stranger like a fan. Yeah, just like, you know, like Fucking bangbust 38. Yo, you suck that guy's dick. It was so sick person. Not really Unless it's like a unless it's like an event Oh, yeah, it's also about like the avian awards and stuff Like conventions poor conventions. It's I mean, I feel like it's exactly what you think it is It has to be everyone sits around. It's like comic-con, but for porn stars

That's gotta be a long weekend though. Oh, yeah Yeah, we should go to the next point. Yeah, shoot it You guys should come you can shoot it, right? Yeah. Yeah. I can get you access to everything. It'll be awesome but like I will say like for me a convention because like the fans and the and the porn stars and everyone stays in the same casino for the Whole weekend. Oh my god. I like in my mind. I'm like, this is probably what being an actual celebrity is like Like the second you leave your hotel room, everyone's asking for a photo Everyone thinks they you know, they want to talk to you and like I don't think I could but like for a weekend I can totally manage like it's fun for a weekend. Yeah, but I can't imagine living my life like that

That'd be hilarious dude and the avian awards though Those have to just be like everyone's just getting fucked up Not really. No, I would have thought everyone would just be like drinking and having a good time I mean, yeah, but not as much as you think right, you know what? I mean like like an orgy would never break out in the middle of the wardrobe. Do you have any avian awards? Yeah, I have a lot List them off. I mean Well, I won performer of the year in one year. So that's like the biggest one you can get

And then I have I mean, I have like a lot for the year, dude That's big deal. Best anal is a good one. Stay anal Best dp Best dp. Wait, what how do you have these wards though? They're my house in LA. Damn. What do they look like? We might need one for here. They look like Actually, they're shipping me one to new york right now because I won one this year and they're shipping it to me in new york Damn, did you like I'll I'll I'll bring it here. I'll show you. I'll be awesome They change it like every few years

So like the current one is the current avian award is like a gold statue. It almost looks like an oscar Right, but like some years it's like an acrylic little bullshit thing You know like sometimes did you go to the awards this year? Oh, I was about to say I thought you were like What's that acceptance speech like you want to thank uh My producers and stuff. I I've literally thanked my asshole for anal And then I like to thank uh the muscles for relaxing back there. I mean I guess it depends on what award you win But yeah, like people are it's weird because like

It's weird to take it seriously because it's like they're awards for fucking right, but it's fun still the thing You've been focusing your life on So it it does feel really good. Do you ever like do you ever like stat chase? You're like, I gotta get some more anal scenes in here if I want the reward a hundred percent. Yeah That's pretty cool. Yeah, I want to know the categories. Is there like best load? No, there's male performer of the year. There's best oral scene Um, who's one of that? I don't think I've ever won best oral scene actually No for real, I don't think I've ever

There's best actress which is like that's funny. That's like the the best acting performer. Yeah. Yeah There's best supporting actress After an actor does well you're like what a company though like that like actually shoots movies So that's I don't think I won a single award while I was with them though. Actually. Oh really? Yeah, because I only shot like one movie every three months. Oh, it's condom porn. It's like hard to compete with that But a conch it's it's so your contract contracted. Was that the right thing? Yeah There's probably more money in that though It's different money. Okay, you can there's definitely potential to make more money way more money freelance

But when you're contracted you do a lot less work for For like less more money than what you'd be making for doing that amount of work if that makes sense Like you're on salary So nice like whether you shoot or not that month you get paid. Got it. Could you date a porn star? I don't think most people I don't I'm not gonna say I'm not gonna say no all right But like currently probably not but I you like if you could get by the insecurity part of just being whatever You know, but if you think that now though

It means like three months down the road when you're in love or five months as you were saying Like it's it's not like you'll hate it then Like if you're already like, I don't know then probably I would like as long as I know from the beginning And I know what I'm getting myself into like Right, it's all about you have to have the acceptance for going into it I consider myself an open-minded person in that right and that kind of thing So if it if it's not going to work out, I'll know right away Like I won't jump into a relationship with someone if I think like this is going to bother me though

Right or this kind of bothers me if I'm just like super okay with it. I'm like, all right It's got to deal with you know Washington. I get fucked by people doing a way better job than I have Have you ever dated someone who they didn't know you were in porn? No, no, right? No That would be fucked up. Oh my god. Do you think you have to disclose that? Yeah, that's cheating If you're not I mean, I agree, but I'm trying to like break it down in my head I guess like unless maybe if you're in a totally open relationship where you're allowed to fuck whoever you want Then maybe you don't have to tell them. I don't know

Were you in a you you were in an open relationship? Yeah, I'm only in my first monogamous relationship now So when you were you were married, right? Yeah, I've been married twice. So when you were married, they were both open How does that rules work? Do you have to like say like hey? Every relationship is a different role like in my last marriage that ended like a few months ago like I We We didn't fuck people outside of porn. Okay. They were ground rules. Yeah, there were ground rules. Um, also like I wasn't He didn't like if I like ate a dude's ass, which is understandable

I honestly I feel listen great rule. It's like That's a one rule like I get it, you know He said boys have dirty assholes and girls have clean ones. You know, it's not totally untrue. I like to shake that guy's hand And then and then in my first in my first marriage Like we were my first marriage was before I was in porn and we were just like fucking whoever we wanted right So that one was like way more open way more open. Yeah, so I guess yeah if you're dating you have just a paper a paper marriage And I put it on paper, but we'll do it. I mean no like we were really a couple Was there any rules that I was like don't tell me about it like just do your thing or you have to tell me about it

Um, and that one I think we had to tell each other About it. I feel like I wouldn't want to know like do your thing, but just wear condoms Yeah, wear condoms is definitely a good rule So like the open relationship thing like that's another thing where I feel like as long as I know from the beginning And it's not something you're gonna spring on me like two years into it where you're like, by the way Can you open it up like I would you have to know from the beginning? And then eventually I feel like you can grow into being okay with that I feel safer honestly like in an open relationship like I have a lot more anxiety and fears in this relationship being monogamous because like

I think it's scary the thought of being cheated on is really scary now that we're not allowed to Yeah, it's terrible Like he'd have to go behind my back to do it. Whereas like if you're open, it's like well if they fuck someone else Oh, well, yeah, it's just part of it You know, but like now there would be like deceit who trusts who more you think Um I think us has got some pants on because people say oh, it's the same. It's never the same In terms of like no no way. This has got some pants. I think wait. What does that mean? Like you wear the pants

I don't know that I wear the pants because I like it's really important to me to like Be feminine in a relationship if that makes sense. No, I like being taken care of like right you want to do to do dude stuff Yeah, I like yeah, look and make no mistake your boyfriend Super gangster. Yeah, this guy. Yeah, this guy needs to meet this guy. I don't know who's I mean Wait, what was it who trusts who more? He's the more jealous person in general than I am. That's why I'm saying like I have zero jealousy I feel like men are Jealous they say men are more sexually jealous and women are more emotionally jealous. Yeah, that makes sense

like if he had a girlfriend I would Kill myself I mean not actually kill myself, but you know, no pretend to to prove a point. Yeah, we'll edit that We'll edit that part out. I would set it up. There would be you know, it would cost us some money, but I would do it It would be nice, but like I think for him it would be the opposite I think if like he would be way more jealous to know I fucked someone than to know that I made like an emotional connection so that's the thing like It's gotta be like dating

Gotta be tough for you to date. Oh, yeah, for sure. You know It's tough for anybody to date though. It's tough for anyone But it's a lot so much shit comes up. I know with our relationship that like I'm I almost feel like He must never have to deal with this with anyone else like Well, that's the thing that's scary though first I feel like any first date's scary now. You have to add that in there. It gets a little while For sure. I think so. What why do you look like that right now? I just realized we fucked up the cameras I thought you were checking the time. No, we're like an hour and 20 in dude. I thought yeah, that's what I was saying

I was like, yeah, I'm done It's all right. It's all good. It's all good. Uh, we're gonna wrap it up anyway. Yeah I've been talking for a minute. I know. Uh, also, where can they find you? Um on twitter. I'm at asa akira on instagram I'm at asa hole and my website is things. I wish I could instagram.com. Oh, and I have a podcast Pornhub podcast. Oh, yeah Oh, Danny You can find me at Danny low priority on twitter and instagram

And we are actually on the Pornhub podcast. Pornhub podcast. Go check that shit out. When's that? When's that come out? Uh, I don't I don't know. I'm like you guys like I don't know You don't know. It's good. You don't know. Yeah, look forward to the streets. Yeah. All right. Anyway, that is all for this week's episode. Thanks for listening