The Basement Yard - Weird Ass Dating Websites

Episode Date: April 3, 2018

On this episode, @Frank_Alvarez is back to talk about dating sites, Blac Chyna, & more. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

welcome back to the basement yard today I'm joined by Frankie he is back yeah people have been asking and here you are here I am I've been busy growing my hair out yeah we need to talk about that dude fuck you it looks weird it looks like you look weird it's nice it's long very long it's not like objectively nice it's like it depends we you look like used to play like in a band like 40 years ago yeah so the best bands came out you no longer look like I don't know what age you are I feel like people can look at you and be like 52 or like 26 I don't know dude the hair adds so much pizzazz that wasn't the word I was

going for but sure I look at this thing as distinguished I think I look distinguished the hair helps because like what it's down when it's down it's like wow like he's chill you know what I mean like he's non-threatening but when really when it's tied back you got a problem when it's tied back it looks you look kind of scary but this like down stuff so it's up it looks like Steven Seagal down who does it look like just some guy who sells weed in your building and like could possibly kidnap your kid for ransom to pay for someone to get more weed that could happen I don't know I think it's you should grow your hair

out I mean it's I'll tell you this I'll take this over that sixth grade flippie voice any fucking day oh my god yeah but like alright so I look like I'm in sixth grade but you look like the janitor in the sixth grade I look like the guy who befriends the sixth graders yeah the janitor that helps them cut isn't there like always one guy in a neighborhood that's like dude why are you still here why yeah oh yeah we yeah I was in Jersey yesterday at the like boardwalk like the point pleasant boardwalk yeah and it was like little kids and like their parents are around and then one just like 65 year old guy in

a suit just like hands in his pocket yeah like walk just walking as slow as possible does that bother anyone else that like people wear suits on holidays I hate that like people like it like dressed up for Easter yeah or like Christmas happy your Easter happy my Easter yeah your Greek you don't do that the orthodox is this Sunday listen let me just why to I don't know why you guys got to be rebellious I think like the Greeks were like he came back a weekly I don't really believe this shit don't know if he came back that but is anyone really celebrate Easter like like how Justin Bieber did did you see his

post by the way no what Justin Bieber like drop like drop this post where he was like my Lord and Savior Jesus like it's like as if someone had a gun to his head at that moment like any last words and he was like this day is about my Lord and has risen and all that good nothing makes me happier than people that are like born again Christians because I in one way I take them so serious and then in the other I don't take them serious at all I'm just like confused by Bieber like he was pissing off balconies like a week ago and now he's just like saying sorry to God yeah he was like fuck Bill Clinton you

remember that when he like yeah like a picture of Bill Clinton why dude Bill Clinton was the greatest oh it's a blow job bill man if there's one guy to be people always say Bill Clinton the first black president yeah that's what they say he went on to our senior hall and he was just ripping the sacks wait really you never saw that there's a video that oh yeah he went on he went on that show and he like killed a sack and rip sacks dude he like shreds the gnar when it comes to sacks that's hot you got to be honest Bill Clinton hot dude yeah I mean you know how she looked like Kenny G and he rips the sack dude I would oh yes I

would fucking love yeah Kenny G because he still fucks I went to an event mad long ago for like Charmin this is when like Vine was popping you remember Robbie Ayala Danny you remember Robbie Ayala I had I went to where you got the hair flip from no well continue so we went to this thing it was like for Charmin and I had to like shoot a vine there or some shit and Kenny G was like it was like his that's kind of fucking show and he was just ripping like the guy was ripping the sacks I think he played the flute too dude I'm pretty sure he's like one of the like there's like six people on the planet that can breathe in through their

nose and out through their mouth at the same time yeah so he's held like an eight-hour note yeah yeah like I think Mariah Carey can do it too where she can like that's how she does like her whistle tones or whatever they are yeah she doesn't get that anymore oh no no no no by the way Kenny G also probably like one of three men my mom would go full slut mode for who the other two John Travolta wow that is very probably old-school John Travolta this is this new Travolta that just looks like nothing we're talking like welcome back hotter Travolta we're talking about grease lightning a lot of hip thrusting that's John Travolta

that's kind of a hot dude oh yeah have you ever seen Saturday Night Fever no it's an awesome movie but it's oh I have seen that he like beats his girl for a lot in that movie yeah but back then that was just like regular stuff careful it's true they were beating them left and right yeah no it is sadly true people are beating them left all right so Travolta Kenny G who else is your mom just turned into a gutter slut for Jesus I mean it was cool when I said so real I don't know I'd like left one open I was like I'm sure there's someone else my mom's would be let's it's someone from the Yankees it's gotta be anybody my mom

I mean pretty much Louisiana lightning you know I'm talking about Ron Gidry Yankees pitcher from the 70s 100% she would do it oh my god my mom is just going full spread eagle this is getting just getting weird I know it's my mom we got a back off yeah where the fuck were we going with this we spoke Easter I think okay anyway talking about Jesus rising to just being a gutter slut yeah I know it's crazy nice anyway fucking wait why so again do you even know why you have a different Easter just like the Greek people are just like no no yeah next week literally no idea and it's not always next week sometimes

it's on the same day sometimes it's like two or three weeks later it doesn't make a whole lot of sense but I I just follow it nice I honestly I'm it does not get less religious than me yeah no you're not religious no at all if I walk to a church I'll like spontaneously combust you won't but it's like I think I will no what if I use like Christian mingle do you think like I'm allowed you're not a Christian what are you by the way but do I need to be Christian orthodox or whatever it's orthodox Greek orthodox yeah do I need to be Christian use Christian mingle how do they check that I think they that's a good question

actually you know what I mean do they like make you take a test like all honesty could I use black people meet calm I think I mean you're not supposed to do they have like a vetting process I bet they do but like it's a little harder with like Christian because like anyone could be Christian yeah and it's like oh you know I'll be all right call me call me straight date jade exactly Jewish people call me crazy no idea the difference between Christianity Christianity and Catholicism no I don't either you see what I mean I think I've actually told people that I'm Christian by accident I'm like yeah I don't I have no idea like someone can tell

like the difference might be like so like subtle yeah but I wouldn't know I don't know like it in like one is like Jesus like long hair and the other one he's like super short hair short hair fade it's got tape up I got no idea is this are we blaspheming are we blaspheming right now Jerry's like uh yeah you are I don't mean the blaspheme no I mean I'll blast some theme no I'm I'm not about blaspheming I'm not blaspheming I don't blaspheme I don't and my pants don't sag you ever seen that video the fuck is that you've never seen that video no the Jesus Christ is my oh the music video oh yeah I have seen that what the

fuck was that there's a part where the woman comes in and she's like I know I know like the video I'm saying like who the fuck made that oh I don't know but it's a it's a cornerstone of American culture it's up there hold on speaking of that I don't know why there's problems in my head but it just reminded me of what what the fuck you were just saying the video that's going viral right now that kid in Walmart singing well like yodeling I like don't know if I love him or hate him yet I swear to God I didn't know like that existed I'm not like I know like that is completely ignorant and like I didn't know that people dressed like that oh yeah he looks like a cowboy yeah bolo tie I know it didn't I don't think he had a bolo tie I think he did and like a

big ass belt was that like a giant boots I'm thinking like was that like a concert that he like set up I think that was just kind of like in New York City when people like yeah I'm selling peanuts I'll sing this song like give me a dollar every peanuts I don't know dude he was into it and it seemed like there was like people watching there's like a little crowd there was that woman who's like watching and it's like so not impressed no the old woman in the background yeah she's gonna fucking cry really I got a different facial expression you're better you know understanding those uh human tones than I am but yeah uh dude he sucked but like he's kind of awesome too you know I mean he's yodeling on purple purple hello on purple am I having a stroke you're right right

now he's yodeling on purple no but he's doing it on purpose but I don't think it's yodeling like that's not yodeling that's like a form of country music because he's like like yeah it was he's really weird you lay you lay you lay yeah that was that was not bad that was not bad that was kind of good yeah that was if you were like on the that was like a ricola commercial dude I hate ricolas but I'll do their commercials for money I'll do anything honestly the pain behind your eyes please yeah man uh but I actually found something going back to when we were talking about j-date black people meeting stuff uh because black china

he started to dating to black she's dating like a rapper that she met on he's 18 years old he's how old is she I don't I don't know older than 18 way older she's got years on her wait she's gotta be at least 28 she's a decade older than that check it um at least 29 11 anios come on that's not that bad 11 11 years in between 11 anios that's not that bad but it's bad when you're 29 and you're dating an 18 year old yes 18 you can't drink or do anything legally for another three years yeah it's just weird she's turning 30 in seconds frankie 12 anios this is getting out of hand seconds yeah I mean so I I did my research and I found some like really obscure dating websites and I want uh to kind of throw these by you wait oh the reason why you're saying that it's because

we just found out that black china I mean I don't think it's like serious though the black china said that she met this kid on christian mingle there's no way that's true you think black china even but even if it was christian mingle even if it was like how hilarious is it that people that are like scrolling by her like oh no swipe left oh and then like did they get just like someone's fucking with them black china on christian mingle one of the last dating sites that ever think she'd be on yeah to be honest with you uh all right let's see wait hold on hold on before we move on to this how do we feel about black china did I just say china I don't know what I just who do you feel about black china I can't say anything uh you're asking my opinion on black

china not for me someone someone posted a picture on the internet and it was just like a picture of black china because she has a giant fake ass and it looks weird dude she looks like she's wearing a diaper filled with shit like a lot of shit tons like not like a like a little baby shit even though babies do make big shits I mean not that big have you ever have you ever been like on the toilet and like lost your breath because of like what you're doing on there Danny give me a yes wait what you never like oh like you feel like the life is being sucked out of you like no I I'm sitting down how can I be out of breath dude it's it's possible okay so speaking of diapers there is the dining website called diaper mates she said a dieting man Australian it's big enough died but there's

a dieting website there's a diving website there's a dating website called diaper mates what is that for like babies take a wild guess as to what it's based on diapers yeah wait but what does that mean uh you never want the story of how you and your spouse to met to involve the mutual love and appreciation of adults who wear diapers because they have to because they're just hanging out either way that's not an ideal situation no it's also very specific like dude I mean but that's how you find someone like a man people who wear diapers are like yeah I only want to meet someone who's into these diapers too I don't know man like that's that's got to be kind of tough like that's such a personal thing for them I feel like that's got to be something like very specific

you know what I mean I think this is just kind of like we like diapers not like oh I got to wear them because I got this thing it's just kind of like dude I fuck with diapers and I want other people who fuck with diapers to fuck with me I can see it being like you know it's something very personal to them and they want to find someone that like matches their life a little bit so they find someone else that shits their pants this is a fair where blasphemy we're being very insensitive I know I mean diaper mates I don't know how I feel about it okay uh what about this one uh clown dating everybody loves the clown let a clown love you first of all right off the bat no everyone doesn't love clowns there's no tons of people hate clowns this is the one where I would assume you

would get killed the most like the clown one if I could show you like look at the avatar of this guy he he looks like he's ready to kill someone that guy's terrifying he's definitely going to kill clowns are fucked up dude it's no worse is it a clown like I'm in the clown industry or like I just fuck with being like a clown like all these are not making sense I think I I mean I guess it's for anyone if it's just like from the outside looking in you like want to fuck clowns or if you're a clown and want to fuck other clowns it's got to be the the clown dating world is got to be tough but are you fucking as clowns are you fucking as just like regular I'm sure they're going you know face painting yeah they think they paint their dicks oh that's it you think they put

like a little like red tip on the end of it yeah 100% 100% and then paint it like um never mind if you think they paint their balls oh this is a good one never mind we'll move forward yeah uh this is a really really good one yeah mulletpassions.com that one has to be fake 100% free dating and social networking for singles sport in a mullet you could kind of get on there I could but I feel like the mullet isn't the whole pack it's half the package you need the facial hair the handlebars to go with it yeah you know what I mean that one you know if you have a mullet and a handlebar mustache that's like I don't raise my kids I go to bowling and I come home and I hit them yeah and I mean that's they'll be sleeping and I'll wake them up to scream at them right you

know what I mean like that's not a happy household yeah I would love to meet someone that actually still believes in the mullet hairstyle you know what I mean I don't what was that good the 90s dude remember part business in the front party in the back they were like jean jack and jean shirt jeans on would you rather dungarees would you rather go mullet or rat tail remember those fucking long rat tails that people used to mullet or rat tail Jesus Drano or Chloron I don't even know mullet rat they'll both kill you dude I'm going to hide it can you can I tuck the rat tail into my shirt you can tuck it wherever you want dude you could bunch it up in your hair and then just like pull it trigger and just like

let it loose I mean I think I'll take the rat tail because I can conceal it you can hide a mullet you can see like head on people aren't going to be able to under what of a helmet no if someone's walking at you they don't even it's until you turn around then they know that there's the party in they can see I can see your fucking parties everywhere right here oh here's a good one ugly schmucks.com if you've given up on finding someone attractive and you're fine with someone whose self-esteem is as low as yours are these real ugly schmucks may be your best bet for just I would recommend signing up a friend or family member oh fucked up this is rough ugly schmucks I mean you gotta be pretty fucking ugly to be like I mean I've tried everything else

because there are ugly people out there let's not I mean let's be serious there's uh herpesfish.com which herpesfish I'm gonna assume it's for the fish and the sea with herpes no it's for people with herpes that one makes sense though yeah like if you're like people that are like if you yourself have it it would be way easier if I had gotten herpes that would be like my next it'd be way easier to just be with someone for the rest of your life yeah it's like all right we're this is better because I don't have to have this weird conversation and like be uncomfortable that one makes sense fucking clowns people with diapers and then what was the last one the the mullet oh yeah the mullet dude I don't know man that the diaper one you might find a gem on there you don't know

what kind of gastrointestinal issues you're dating the person has yeah but I bet if I knew if they weren't diapers I'd kind of be like kind of get the check so I gotta go um date skaters obviously 420 date obviously wait date skaters yeah stop flying through these I have fucking questions and you're gonna answer them for me okay all right I got you date skaters date skaters like big Avril Lavigne fans yeah and I mean the kid in this picture looks like Logan Paul so you know it's already got my you know money I bet he skates if he doesn't now he definitely has yeah he definitely has like one of those pieces shit mini skateboards you know what I mean yeah the one that like the cool kids had like you couldn't do tricks on they just rode

it doesn't make any fun 420 date 420 date come on my god you love weed as much as me oh my god no one loves weed like these people grow up god must have so much sex on that yeah right um here's one that's a huge just oxymoron yeah Amish dating dot com Amish dating dot com you can't go on the internet Amish people so you're getting Fommish people fake Amish fake Amish did you make that up yeah right now I believed it see that was that was good like wait hold on are there like levels of Amish I mean they're the ones that like go on like room spring and never come back what the fuck did you just say you know what room spring is no it's like sounds like a German beer almost uh it's uh when the Amish

turned like 18 they're allowed like a year or a set amount of time to like go out and experience the real world and they can come back and be like fully welcomed into their community or they can stay out forever oh they get a year it could be I mean it could be a year first of all who's getting out of Amish and going like this sucks I'm going back to Amish the minute I discover like uh light bulbs yeah anything cars that aren't like my the rest of my family's got to push this thing turning wait wait wait you could just go buy milk you don't have to sit there and fucking oh no that's butter hey hey both yeah learning that you can just spread the butter and not fucking churn it all day yeah wait so I don't know how this works I think I saw an Amish family too

I would love to see an Amish family when I drove to Pittsburgh oh yeah you definitely did we were in like a gas station or something and this fucking family walks up and they're all dressed like milk maids and you know whatever but I was like yeah these people are Amish but they're like not allowed to see electricity I don't really know the rules to be honest with you so like the bus comes by and they're like huh and they just like duck behind a rock that's your eyes oh man that's crazy um marry me already what find a husband find a wife find the love of your life hey I like how they ride that was a haiku that was fire online dating takes a hip new turn join serious singles in a community where only the sincere come out to play meet someone special change your life today I guess it's like

you sign up whoever you meet you're marrying like bing bang boom that's it what a dumb app there's also that that show on like MTV that's like blind marriage or something or my first kiss like the people that like kiss for the first time on like the altar or something the mega versions yeah yeah mega versions is that what they're called virgins I gave him that name yeah I mean that's fine and then last one here is a good one furry mate that's like the people that like fuck like dress up like animals and fuck nice would you do that dress up like an animal and and fuck I need to know I would I if you were what animal do you think would be the hottest to dress up as if I was gonna dress up like an animal and fuck somebody dude I'm going straight I'm going straight

raccoon like that like raccoons like they get down you know I don't like fox fox that's a hot one too dude bushy ass tail yeah dude I'd fuck your life up dressed as a fox or like if you really want to get him get crazy like go like fucking a horse you know what I mean you can't live up to expectation I just don't like the ones that are like super easy like kittens or puppies or even like rabbits be something better to fuck as yeah you know what I mean why do people do that do we know I've talked to people who dress as like furries and stuff like they really yeah what do they say they say it's not all about fucking I mean they there's there's their fair share amount of so what is it d and p uh they just fuck with it they just like doing it it's just like a fun

that's like those people like playing like costume like dress up or whatever that's like those people that live their life as a baby yeah that I mean that goes with the diaper people that doesn't make sense do you know how much I would love to not have any like problems but I do so I can't be a baby what does that mean that's how that works oh like responsibility yeah I'd love to like problems sorry my nipple hurts what's up my nipple hurts what's going on it's like it's a little chafing chafy nip chafy nip dude yo do you ever wear like a basketball jersey and no but yes dude dude I my nips bleed in college when I was in my frat the fucking like like the stitched on letters on the front fuck that my nipples would be on fire fire fire I saw

a guy Keith Keith ran a half marathon once and when he crossed the finish line there was a guy running yeah huh dude blood oh I could see like stained nip blood and then and then their feet are all fucked up too like Keith's feet were like yeah the feet I could see the nips though dude you gotta tape them rookie move dude I or just run without a shirt on that too can you do that it's like the half marathons I think so I'm pretty sure there's like no fucking rules for those things right yeah it's just like just don't cheat which people do anyway which I think is like the ultimate just like the example of a rule don't cheat just don't cheat no rules I something else that I saw that I wanted to bring up to you um are these uh these women that are selling their virginities online

what websites are we so on it's like you're sniffing through I wanted to talk to you about these uh virginities that are going around like I don't know what the fuck you're talking about right no dude sorry it was on the black market uh have you seen like these videos of these girls videos well they're not like fucking maybe they fuck on camera but like they'll like sell their virginity if I'm if I'm buying a virginity I better be able to get this on film okay well they're selling it for like millions of dollars like 1.10 which is just two million American American everywhere like they'll I feel like it's all like it's always these fucking like European I wanted to say creeps want to say weirdos but

I would be insulting a lot of people so I'll just say it including ourselves I feel like well maybe but like if you like that's crazy would you sell your virginity your but your but whole virginity wait hold on do you still have your but whole virginity I still have it okay me too intact right hymen's not going it's like a it's like a bank teller window very thick can't get through I'm telling you right now it's not going anywhere yeah uh what would you realistically sell your but whole virginity for Jesus and what are these v's going for they're going for like millions of dollars yeah would you say like this is what I'm expecting or would you do like a like a like an auction I don't know I would definitely not do an auction

you don't have like a choice to say yes or no it's kind of like but you're like it could be gone for 10 bucks you're a good looking dude though and there doesn't mean I feel like I know but people are basing your but whole off of the fact that it's a but whole they're basing they're looking at you and saying you know hair flip semi muscular he's got a nice but whole I don't even know what to say to you at this point right now I like first of all let's go on the record no but holes are like yeah but it's a fun time it's the nicest but whole which is literally I think a joke in and of itself yeah I what am I selling it for you know I don't know if I would sell it because I'm scared but I think I would just kind of test the market kind of like in the

NFL with her like oh I don't maybe we'll trade Odell what would we get for him yeah what would we get and then I would find out and then I would weigh my options because if someone's out there like you know five thousand hundred million and it'd be like maybe dude anything over a million that's an easy way so what are they doing on my bottle they're they're banging it yeah they're banging it and but like I feel like what happens after it could be like sensual like you can ask for things I mean they're already paying the millions of dollars be like look bring me to dinner get me juiced up you know like you know uh and be gentle is there a way I'm sure there is to be gent Danny not really I mean that's that's tough yeah like that's got to be really really tough

I would sell it if someone's just like I just want the rights you know what I mean like they own your butthole yeah I'm cool with that like it's like a star you know what I mean where it's like oh I got you a star it's like yo you're never gonna use this yeah you're not gonna go there you're gonna like make it like people that buy bricks outside of stadium I would definitely sell the rights it's kind of like soccer all right so what is your what is your asshole worth oh it's tons really yeah it's you don't think it's been like beaten up from whom but I mean just like normal wear and tear I mean I mean that's a good point that you bring up normal wear and tear has a good amount of here's the thing though like I don't really shit boulders like 18 butthole like

I'm not gonna go younger than that but like you turn 18 yeah you turn 18 yeah how much is your butthole worth oh jeez I mean it's I'm it's unpriceable it's what's the word I'm like priceless priceless priceless not good so like what would you say is your your butthole would be valued at give me a number today no no give me a number then give me a number now oh I dude like I said priceless dude 18 that's like not enough money in the world like that's like yogurt on a table smooth you know what I mean you don't first of all I don't feel comfortable talking about my 18-year-old butthole why you're 18 yeah but it was yeah but it's mine okay so then what are what is your butthole value that now like eight thousand dollars that's okay it's like a used car to sell

no no no no I just get so offended no way no my my butthole is is up there I I think it's up there with the like I said I would sell the rights to it probably for less than people think it's just the rights if you're not gonna have any access I come here right now and I say here's the rights here's 20 grand yeah you want the rights for the for the butthole what are you gonna do to it ever in your life I'm just admire it honestly I'll need some pictures I'll need some pictures I mean I'll do 20 it's like those people that like adopt tigers that never they never meet them you know what I mean sharks yeah like oh you adopted an elephant you'll never exactly that's all you need a pick every month right right more than 20k more than 20k yeah for your butthole yeah dude you're

aiming high brother it's not mine anymore I mean it's still you it's like it's a joint partnership so is he get well he gets like 51 he gets final say on decisions I think he'd probably get 49 but like he's still like in the conversation for anything you do to it I mean yeah he's in the board room but he's not making yeah he's not he's on the board of directors he isn't the board of directors I don't know this is tough how much you selling yours for oh low I'm damaged goods dude I'm damaged goods oh I'm lucky I traded in a 2000 knees I would bar for it I traded in my old cards was a 2000 Nissan Ultima and I got a thousand bucks I'm lucky if I get the same for my butthole yeah um is there car facts for this kind of stuff by the way how do they know these girls are

actually virgins um that's a really good question I think like do they have them sign papers or they have to like go to the doctor together and be like look check it out yeah that's a really good point I mean if you're paying millions at that point you can bring them to one doctor yeah you have to like really know for sure what is the appeal like why do you want to so badly bang a 20 she was 26 that girl 26 year old virgin like what is the appeal I mean you ever heard the saying everything in this world is about sex except for one thing sex and sex is about power so maybe it's a power thing I've actually never heard that really right dude everything in the world's about sex except for sex sex is about power it's true think about it music movies television

everything it's kind of just maybe so horny right see crazy talking sex anyway it did it so she sold her virginity for millions probably definitely an old dude I would hope actually I don't know if I would hope for I would hope what if it was like this guy that she's been dating who is like a secret millionaire and he wanted to like protect her first of all he's got to be bigger than a millionaire till just be out here buying multi-million dollar no jz's a millionaire he's not a billionaire yet that's true you know I mean like 999 million is a millionaire technically yeah but at that point I still wouldn't pay like two million for a virginity I don't know dude if it's if it's if it's coming in like that if the flow is just

like steady I would throw my money around not a virginities no but like I've never done that I've never done that by the way what paid for virginities well no I haven't done that either I've never taken a virginity oh I don't know if I'm at liberty to talk about that I would I I mean I just don't I like I'm happy about it too like I don't want to do that yeah I mean I guess it could be a very messy you know what I mean it can be a very messy uh situation that's just slow guys have an easy dude go wave not that easy I mean like they're yeah you're right I should stop this they don't have it that easy I should stop what I'm talking about is like I knew listen sometimes there's accidents I knew someone who I will keep their name out of the

conversation right uh who lost their butthole virginity right and then they're the person that had engaged in this sexual activity with them made them ride home on their bike afterward first of all taking a bike to uh taking a bike to bone is so frat that is so like that's so frat 1980 I love it honestly that's a power move that's crazy but so that sucks that he probably walked his bike back let's be honest I don't know dude or he like did the whole stand up while you ride thing I feel like if you're if you're riding there you have to ride back because it's not a short walk like you wouldn't ride your bike three blocks I would if my butthole was fucking killing me no you wouldn't you just said you'd walk that's what I said like I wouldn't ride it yeah that's

what I'm saying is like if you had to ride your bike somewhere it's obviously a not not a walkable distance we're really Sherlock Holmes in yeah dude it's honestly like we have to narrow it down to like New York City blocks what is like the shortest you'll ride your bike three blocks three three blocks I haven't walked anywhere in ever I fucking I as soon as I got my license I gave that up and even before that if I had a bike sometimes I would like rollerblade Mikey I'm going to the deli rollerblading yeah rollerblading can you imagine rollerblading after getting something in the butt do you just like split apart and die I don't think so it's like a leg goes that way leg goes that way that's terrifying we're really grasping at these

jokes right no you're going that shit I do you know you're honestly just distract me with your hair you're welcome it looks like a Halloween wig can you take your hat off yeah can I see it oh you know what literally put your head back on dude this now you look like Zorro not Zorro that's nice who does he look like like a span it you look like Jesus kind of you're speaking up you know I swear to God I didn't even mean to do that what but we had like I didn't mean to make this like transition or whatever but we just watched this fucking video of like oh my god this like Jesus thing it was like the crucifixion they were like reenacting it for some reason which heavy why are we doing that there was three there was like a cruise someone they were crucifying people it was

like fake but like whatever it was a play it was an obvious play some woman's recording about her phone which also very weird why are you recording the reenactment of a crucifixion are you gonna watch this later there's just a whole bunch of no in one like yeah stop it yeah but at the point where this Jesus character is on the cross this guy comes over to spear and like stabs him because he got stabbed while he was up there which jeez they're really come on he's down I mean you know uh this dude jumps out of the crowd with a helmet I don't know where he got it and fucking levels the guy who speared Jesus that's and honestly hilarious he should not be arrested because of that like he did he did something good tried to save Jesus good intentions you know what I

mean like do you think you know it'd be funny all right so really my mind's about to go crazy right now oh fuck this is probably not going to be funny at all but I have to say because it's already at the tip of my tongue but imagine how funny it would be if that guy like tried to go back in time he's like I gotta save Jesus and he saw that show and he was like oh this is it he landed too soon he landed too soon oh this must be it this is weird this is why this is like 21st century architecture yeah well there he is looks a little different there's a lot of lights is on the stage I don't know looks like a phone that that woman has yeah I don't know it was but that was that was amazing this guy just fucking levels up with the fucking helmet fuck them up

just like black china it all comes back full circle right back to black she was trying to beat the shit out of someone at a fucking amusement park with like a child's toy or some shit what is wrong with the world that black china is married not married fuck famous not married she's banging an 18 year old far from married from that she met on chris or mingle dude that's like a that's like props to her almost what is fucking around with an 18 year old when you're 30 people go to like jail for that no they don't really don't no they don't that's literally the opposite of what they go to jail for I know they go to jail for when they're like 16 and they're like 28 that's not really the opposite for like I mean they're legal

no I don't know why no one's talking about that because when taiga was like fucking with Kylie when she was like 17 but like they're not because that was illegal this is going to sound weird is it illegal if christian is like yeah cool uh yes and no like technically yes like is there a is there like a parent's permission slip that they could sign and be like this is sick like the parents can like report it if they want but then it's still illegal because then what would stop a parent from selling their kids virginities full circle hello no way you can't sell virginities but like if they child virginity in that conversation do you know what I mean when they're the guardian I mean I don't know I just like it's like but I'm saying like no one's saying

anything about black china dating someone that's 12 on you're younger than him her whatever whatever it is I don't know I I mean I don't I don't really care hey man love is love bro I guess so is it love them I don't know since you just suck and be in like a video the other day a different guy hey man we don't know when that video was from brother brother brother that's true it's very true all right before we move on let's get to our sponsors here the first one we have is hymns which is a new wellness brand for men it is a one-stop shop for hair loss skin care sexual wellness offer men medical great solutions real doctors offering well-known generic equivalents to name brand prescriptions to help you keep your hair and why is that important because 66

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we have here is stamps.com which I used to use all the time actually still use it to mail things just makes it it's just so much more convenient than going to the post office uh you know it's the us postal service basically online at home your house is now the postal service all the amazing services that you get with the us postal service right at your fingertips you can buy and print official us postage for any letter any package any class of mail using your own computer and printer and just makes it easy they'll even send you a digital scale automatically calculates exact postage so there's no hidden fees or anything like that it'll even help you decide what the best class of mail based on your needs there's no need to lease an expensive postage meter or whatever

there's no long-term commitments or anything like that like I said I used to send merch to people all the time uh when I was doing it myself and stamps.com made it much easier instead of having to bring all these packages to the post office and like having to print stuff out and it's just it's it's a disaster at that place so I mean um you never have to go again if you use stamps.com you also get a couple discounts on stamps.com that you don't get at the us postal service so it's ways to save money and right now you can enjoy the stamps.com service with a special offer that includes a four-week trial plus postage and a digital scale just go to stamps.com click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in basement that stamps.com

and enter basement when you click on the microphone at the top of the page all right um anyway but I don't know I feel like I'm losing my mind I feel like a lot of celebrities like I think after a while you have to go crazy that's like my as a celebrity yeah dude I watched uh if you guys haven't watched it on HBO the Zen Diaries of Gary Shandling amazing so do you know Gary Shandling yeah and it was made by Judd Apatow he starts off as like the like most like fun loving caring stand-up comedian and then by the time he's like in his 50s he literally is a piece of shit like not a piece of shit but he's just like really nasty and it's just like dude and it's like the whole kind of story is like this guy's always been like trying to just find like inner peace and

zen and happiness and he never does and it like drives him nuts and he's making millions of dollars doing these tv shows and it's just like I hate this and like that's crazy to me you know what I mean it's like regular people you can be making that much money and like living like what people would believe is the most incredible life and you're just miserable I don't think being a celebrity is like nice at all I think that's terrible yeah I mean I could see that because you're a little more introverted in like certain aspects but I just feel like no matter what I don't know dude like that's I think an extrovert that's like dude I would love to not be able to leave my house without people taking pictures of me for like the rest of my life I don't know man I think it's about the

way that like there's a difference between like people take pictures of you whatever like we don't know if people are taking pictures of us on the street you know what I mean like but imagine there was 40 of them everywhere you went it's like yo I just gotta back them the fuck off the only times I've been driving and had to pull over because I got a shit and I just got to run into a place can you imagine people are like can you sign my fucking I got a shit yeah say no just fucking bowl your way through yeah stiff arm your way through I don't know I would never want to live though I feel like after a while it would become like a piece of shit see I'm different in that regard where I just love talking to people yeah but you don't I do but like you would I know I know

I'm saying like I'm not in that situation so I'm not sure I'd be able to say like yeah like fuck this is gonna be great but I don't know I feel like I'd be I would I would like that because I I just like talking to people imagine you saw an actress the other day at urban space in Manhattan imagine you're going through a divorce and then TMZ pops up it's like who's getting the bait do you so like what's happening what's going on but see those are the pieces of shit and I just fuck oh that's everyone just ignore them I know it's easier said than done and obviously I'm coming from a spot where I've never had I'm gonna fight you right now so then fight them dude people have done way worse and they're still famous yeah remember when fucking Brittany

like smashed someone's window at a gas station after she shaved her head dude shave her head it's power my Brittany it's Brittany bitch shaved her shit that's how you know Hollywood will fuck your ass I don't know dude that's that's where I would give my butthole virginity to Hollywood full circle also circles are tight do you ever see that like chart it's just like a chart of like lips going like this oh yeah it's like asshole find the imposter it's like asshole their lips the best is the one that's like porn or labor and it's just like girls faces like porn or labor trick all porn yeah I don't know I feel like I've never seen like two you know I'm saying like no I don't know where this is yeah I know I'd

you've never seen a nice I was insane like you know how important like they say wild shit and I was like and you're like that sounded like the yodel kid it sounded pretty good that was the that was the Walmart kid I'm not bad no that was pretty good dude I'm actually impressed I can hold it hold and hope do it I get up there like my carry that wasn't bad right I like it I like that I thought that was pretty good um what the fuck was I just saying oh like I was gonna say like in porn like girls make those noises and I'm just like it's so funny to make fun of it because they say like the craziest shit you don't watch porn no Frankie also claims that he hasn't jerked off since like 2000 first of all let's start this conversation uh no I just

I don't watch porn I think porn is weird uh and I think I don't know I just like I can't get off to myself if that makes sense but you're not that's why the porn's there but I don't I don't think porn is like appealing it's weird to me like you're watching other people fuck and they're like it's like it's kind of gross too like Nick will always send and it's Nick that always sends these videos like girls that are just like just there's just like spit and just like shit everywhere and it's just like how is that appealing that's fucking gross what you know what I mean and there's like people that are like choking I worry about them like are you okay like whoa yeah I was that was good too bad right it's just weird it's it's such a weird thing I I don't know it's it's very strange

yeah and like they show very close like shots of like some very like intimate vaginas body parts not even vaginas but like but holes you're like looking like square in the eyes of an asshole like why would you do that yeah you know what I mean sometimes I think some of that stuff is weird like spread eagle like show me your asshole I'm like I'm good on that I remember I was in like seventh grade and oh no there was a like a fucking like minute porn clip or something that someone had showed me and it was like this girl who's playing the guitar it's fucking awful I was like I'm I don't know why she sounded like Kermit yeah what was that she's like I'm gonna get fucked in my yeah it's fucking hilarious she was playing guitar talking about how she's gonna get

nailed yeah did you get nailed within this minute I assumed so I mean you were there I mean it was one of those back in the day when we were in like middle school before like these like mass conglomerate porn sites it was like you had to go to like the actual site and watch the previews right you know what I mean yeah you never got any good stuff yeah it's like oh it's about to get good let's switch the scene yeah and it was so that's how they got you yeah it was um yeah I don't know people don't believe me none of my friends believe that I don't watch porn but I really don't I think I do really really really think it's weird I'm more concerned with like the beating it part if you have an active healthy sex life I think that you're good I don't think you need to

something gotta it's not a necessary day he's like uh what I I I no one believes me with this but I fucking like every minute or like what's no but I don't have the I don't get home like fuck like oh life I'm not saying a daily occurrence but I'm saying you're gonna since 2008 but there are people that we know that literally jerk off multiple times a day they're like yo I don't fucking believe you how do you do like then it becomes a hindrance on your life that you need to start planning around fucking jerking off I mean like that's we know people like that I don't know about hindrance if they don't jerk off three times a day like well literally who's been a three time I'm not gonna give this person's name up but

we'll be on Xbox like y'all I gotta be I'll be right back I need to go jerk off or like they'll literally be on Xbox headphones on they'll just mute it and fucking jerk off oh that's weird that's strange that's like having you guys in the room and it's like if you don't if you don't find porn it like what are you gonna jerk off to then right I mean I used to jerk off to weird stuff when I was younger go ahead like what I was just like regular ass magazines like a woman was like a turtleneck on but I saw the curvature of a tit I was like like a bond for me yeah just like housekeeping or like whatever the fuck my mom had gardening things gardening things yeah like I don't know you were jerking off to like dirt not dirt but like a woman with like a shovel in dirt

yeah the shovel is what did it she was like bent over so like half a cleave I was like dude I'm in this you know what I mean what is it about cleavage that just makes people go insane I don't know I'm not really a big like boobies guy do you like anything like boobies aren't great but like I'm flying boobies because that's what they are are they not boobies you're not a booby guy I like I like if they're they're awesome but it's like like small tits big tits it's like I use this example it's like salmon and steak I love both salmon and steak they're different I didn't ask that I know I said do you like steak and you're like I mean I don't I'm not a steak guy no I'm not like people that are like yo fucking massive like I need a girl with massive tits like

fuck it doesn't bother me I love all bodies man see now you are matching your haircut when you say stuff like that all bodies are beautiful I love all bodies man no but like again we know some very interesting people and that are like y'all the bigger the tits the better the woman and it's just like we know people that say that there's definitely a t-shirt out there that someone's wearing and they live in Alabama yeah I was gonna say at least Kentucky Texas definitely Iowa Iowa yeah have we ever met someone from Iowa I feel like no one lives there it's a made-up place now they live there you sure no I'm not sure yeah yeah anyway uh I think we could wrap this up I hope so no I can't wait to get tweets from

people from Iowa I live here I swear I we know and I have big tits F-Alvarez 8085 I changed my handles they're all the same wait where are they F-Alvarez 8085 I didn't even know you did that yeah thanks you changed your your Twitter and my Instagram handles so now they're both F-Alvarez 8085 8085 easy now you can find me listen to the squared circle jerks our wrestling podcast uh at scj pod this sunday WrestleMania brother it's gonna be horny we're gonna have some pics some predictions coming this week Danny Lope is gonna be there I thought you were giving me like a no I was gonna say uh it's gonna be fucking it's gonna be horny horny weekend super horny nxt is gonna be off the chart

all right well that is all for this week's episode of the baseman yard go check it out oh also you guys can check out the youtube channel youtube.com slash the baseman yard and uh if you want baseman yard merch go to the sanagastore.com you can cop that and uh that is all we'll see you next time thanks for listening you motherfucker