The Basement Yard - Women Are Supernatural Creatures

Episode Date: August 13, 2018

On this episode, @DannyLopriore & I are talking about the fact that women are the most incredible creatures to walk this planet. Pregnancy? Penis? How do they do It? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

why are you laughing okay welcome back to the basement yard obviously it's me and Danny today he's got the giggles sometimes when we record I just start laughing I don't know you're like a giddy little child I'm happy to be here I'm happy to be here before we start I just want to remind everyone of our patreon if you go to patreon.com slash the basement yard patreon spelled P-A-T-R-E-O-N dot com slash the basement yard you can support the show and get some extra content in return like exclusive episodes full-length videos and shit merch promo and all kinds of stuff I'll shut the fuck up now anyway um but yeah

you're all fucking giddy yeah like a child I'm a giddy I'm a giddy child you're a giddy kid it's funny because earlier today Danny periodically will just say the most random thing like you saw on the last episode where he was like yo we don't hug like that was random true though I mean it's not we're not gonna go back anyway but we're not gonna get into it but then he I was in the gym this morning and he texted me he goes yo did you believe in the tooth fairy I have some context just do it just no there wasn't no no I have it I'm sure you got it I'm sure you got some content yeah yeah yeah but my context was I have a

niece who lost tooth yeah and it's like family group chat everyone loves to talk about what the babies are doing okay so they were like oh the tooth fairy is coming to town tonight like my sister and I was just like oh let me start thinking about the tooth fairy for a second it's fucking weird as shit dude it's fucking who created that I don't know we and we let it go I'm just like yeah some old lady is gonna fly into my room and then take my old teeth yeah and buy it buy my old teeth you're gonna come by my old teeth and your parents were okay with that yeah but yeah buy it hey listen hey hey Joe listen some ladies

gonna come by later right she's gonna pick up something I left under your pillow she wakes you up don't worry about go back to sleep all right she's gonna leave you a little something for you okay but the most comes back to me okay that's another thing it's like my it's like mob related yeah I feel like my parents would have definitely took a percentage if this was a real thing yeah you know what I mean and then another thing was is like if you you know when your friends you lose your teeth around the same time that they do right then you know you're talking about price that's another thing it's like you got a

dollar what the fuck's wrong with my tooth yeah well I got 30 cents yeah that's when you realize who's poor and who's got money yeah yeah that separates the men from the boys right there yeah and I don't know if it's the cost of living or the economy or what's going on but there's been some little kids like I lost a tooth I'm like oh did the tooth fairy come yeah give me ten dollars ten yeah it's a lot of money what do you need ten dollars for inflation though inflation sure but ten dollars what are you gonna give your kid you know we give my kid please nothing that yes I'm not I'm not gonna fucking download this

dumb folklore into my child I think stuff like that oh this might be a hot take stuff like that makes your kid a pussy the tooth fairy yeah because it's like here's why I don't think it makes them up now here's why it's the word pussy because when you lose your tooth the kid is excited to lose their tooth they want something in return because somebody told them about this stupid fucking tooth fairy yeah it's gonna come and give them money if you go to sleep with it under your pillow now if you aren't one of those families that believe in that and you don't want to do that and you don't do and there's no money

there your kids gonna wake up crying and complaining I didn't get money from the tooth fairy and then you got to explain to your kid that the tooth fairy is not real and then you know I'm gonna say to my kid what the fuck do you need yeah why do you need money so we got bills yes I've been a pussy we want to go you want to go get my skills I'll buy you the fucking skittles yeah what do you need money currency your tooth's coming out yeah it's just very weird that parents would be so willing to offer a child up to a fairy another thing is weird to $10 that's a lot that's half a lap dance at a strip club yeah come on

and like a pretty good one too solid yeah fucking lap dance hell yeah cheeks just shaking around yeah what was that okay if they let you do that in there some of them don't they don't let you what they don't let you slap their ass no anyway I'm not doing that I here's another thing I never bought it when I was a kid either I bought it because I had older siblings that made it like they like hyped it up oh you lost your teeth oh man it's awesome man there's gonna come I was fucking hype yeah then like I got like nothing yeah I was like this is this isn't real what spoiled fucking asshole created this I don't know because

this sounds like something you think would be created by a child where it's like maybe if I put my tooth under my pillow I'll get some money for yeah first of all what the fuck what parent what parent goes out of their way to give their kids money I know I think zero is the and also losing your tooth not an accomplishment they come out on their own you didn't work for this you know you you didn't work for this yeah you know it was also gross too when like kids would have a loose tooth and they could like move it around all they do I think we're gonna poke it to I know we just flop back and forth those little snaggle tooth

fucking asshole hanging on by a third pull the fucking thing out already sick get out of there get out of there did you ever do that off we tie a string around your tooth slam a door I tried to do that once it didn't work actually I think that's the most psychotic the barric the string was too long oh so just shut yeah just shut mean I think me and Mike tried to do it or me and my sister tried why wouldn't you just walk farther away come on yeah too smart yeah that's too smart I'm sorry well you have to be a fucking engineering student to know that when you start losing your teeth 7-8 I'm not good with ages I'm

terrible with ages I'm really bad I know I have no idea how old I was like in 2002 don't even try it's gonna take a while no I'm gonna pen and paper I'll figure it out but no no no I can guess this you're 26 now 16 years ago you were 10 good job or nine it doesn't fucking matter the point is I wasn't getting paid for my teeth falling out no you never got tooth fairy money no it's smart no never all old shit like that is weird I don't like it also the Easter Bunny another another bullshit thing I never believed that too because I'm giant a bunny man is gonna come here I've seen bunnies before they're not that big

they're not that big and they're not capable of hiding eggs Easter egg hunt though I will get down on that oh fuck I y'all nasty at a Easter egg on once last time what I just say I don't know you mean some very dark I think I said Easter egg hunting yeah wow never mind let's move forward it's pretty dark no but I I love the Easter egg hunt I mean this goes it the Easter egg hunt is good only if you get off to a hot start though you know what I'm saying I mean so in my family my so here's just to give you an idea didn't have the tooth fairy no wasn't getting that coin and then usually what people do on Easter is they

put like money and some of them or they'll put this and that yeah for me it was in the in the eggs it was always like jelly beans a peep and then one of them maybe there was like five bucks so I was cool with not finding any of the jelly bean ones but if I got the five dollar one fucking height hit that church and I've heard I've heard church on Easter I don't think so good for you what hit those jelly beans those jelly beans hit the fucking shit out of lightning round favorite flavored jelly bean the starburst ones yeah they're ridiculous they are very good but I thought oh hey wait what I talk a

regular jelly beans here don't go off the grid here you didn't send any ground no so much jelly beans are very good oh they're amazing off like off off the reservation for a second what kind what brand just color color with I guess like either green or pink good choices watermelon ish yeah black was gross black liquor it's like like black liquor is gross it's disgusting yeah only people that are like 65 be black liquor yeah and why would you do it yeah we got better stuff yeah if you were drafted in the Vietnam you love I don't know why I don't know why that's an old-school thing it's literally like eating a shoe

yeah it's gross it's nothing about it tastes good yeah like scientifically I think that's true like it's not sweet it's yeah it's nothing it's one of those things like we believe in a lot of dumb shit when we're kids yeah I mean not me I mean no I I believe in dumb shit I didn't believe in that dumb shit like the Easter Bunny never believed in it I never thought there was some bunny I'll tell you what though believes in Santa till way late really yeah wow and I was like I always kind of knew in the back of my mind but I didn't want it I didn't want anyone to tell me yeah my mom when she told me burst into tears yeah well

that's the right way to do it you want to know how I found out Santa wasn't real I also kind of found out on my own as well and now is the reason why they told me because my parents are fucking idiots what they do and they took pictures of them and my aunt and uncle they were all wrapping gifts together yeah now I'm looking at the picture it's in her fucking mirror like jammed into her so I'm looking at it I'm like I got the same GI just and she was like oh that's she got that far as her cousin or something yeah and I was like oh no it's a little fishy yeah she let me know yeah I was kind of like alright fuck so

the year of the year before I found out that old say Nick was it was a sham all right sorry for anyone that believes in Santa by the way spoiler alert he's not real yeah the year before we left milk and cookies and they left a note Santa left a note right so I was like oh you left a note and then like later on the day I saw my dad write something and like a party was like this kind of looks exactly like Santa's handwriting like in my head like it was a small genius moment that I had at a very young age right I was like something's off so there's nothing something's wrong here one time it was like June and I told my

mom I was like you know I'm gonna do today I'm gonna write Santa a letter in June half Christmas I don't know it wasn't probably June it was like definitely not near Christmas though you're just gonna hit them up though just check in yeah how's it going how's your vacation my dude how you doing how's it going yeah miss Claus still chilling I wrote him a letter I was like Skud Skutty you know what I mean Skut Skut what's how you doing how's the misses all that shit right catch up so I was like what do I do with this letter my mom's like why don't you leave it in the living room on the couch or something and I was like lit yeah I

gotta pay to post this thing exactly right send it all the way to the north pole I didn't even know where the fuck that was but anyway so I left it there the next morning I come down and there's a note from an elf oh didn't even get the Santa you got customers his name was like Jingles Jingles which in hindsight not a cliche cliche yo my mom is a master fucking like calligrapher right this bitch has handwriting on her yeah okay the powers in her hand and it was all fucking just like twirly and Christmasy as shit just beautiful yeah it smelled like fucking if she went above and beyond she probably like baked

it when like gingerbread just to like make it smell like cookies and just rub them on the fucking yo so I got a letter back from fucking Jingles and Jingles was like yo he said all this stuff like yo Santa gonna write you back cuz the dude's kind of busy he's fucking you know I'm saying a little comedic a little comedic style from your mom there right yeah like genius stuff and because I had I had asked Santa if he wanted to be pen pals just keep in touch be boys I mean if you're gonna be pen pals anyone as a kid Jingles had to let me down easy though he let me know that couldn't be possible oh I was like all right and she's like she

goes oh my god you got a letter and he's it was fire that's my parents went above and beyond for Christmas and I think that's why I was such a believer yeah you know I mean you still are you still oh my god first of all I wrote a paper like in a high school about how Santa Claus is real because he lives within all of us oh my god I crushed it was awesome a plus I want to come back to that type of thing but what no good upset what no no I want to come back to that type of thinking okay like but I wanted to finish how I found out about Santa okay so my brother's girlfriend I was like yeah like this is around Christmas time I was

like oh man like I really hope Santa gets me this like I think I've been good enough and she was like whoa like Danny like you know like Santa's not real and I was like what and then she was like he's not well he's not real like we all love each other and we buy gifts for each other like you know that's what Christmas is you know like Santa's like he's not real and I was just like burst it into tears yeah burst it into tears what a bitch yeah as soon as my parents came home I was like got mom dad Santa isn't real and they were both like who fucking told you that yeah and I was like Jennifer told me was this again my

brother's girlfriend at the time oh hilarious yeah yeah my dad fucking lost it really got so mad how old were you I was probably like six oh way too young way too young six or seven yes yeah so my dad gets fucking hot yeah but he's not gonna yell at her because it's a girl fuck that you know but my mom got even hotter and was like why did you tell Danny that Santa isn't real huge thing fucking started from there like she went in the other room and talked to her I don't know what was talked about in there yeah but all I know that when it came out Santa was real again that's all I know that's all I know yeah but you

did you believe still still after you know your dad is mad when they come in with stuff and the first drops it just yeah does that yep he was pissed yeah pissed if someone a year before I kind of figured out because of the handwriting yeah yeah but six is too young I was a firm believer I think maybe until like nine yeah don't fuck with me like that I can't take that shit it's crazy that's fucked up yeah how old was she she was like 16 oh that's a bitchy age yeah that's like I know everything you're a fucking loser little kid some other might ease fuck her yeah that's so funny though you know my brother had a

kid of 16 right yeah yeah so like she was like pregnant and like oh yeah Santa's not real dog I was just like check yeah are you gonna fucking tell your kid as soon as you born that you're gonna ruin his life yeah I scream at this fucking belly right now that's man yeah that's how I found out Christmas wasn't real other thing I used to believe the thing I wanted to come back to yeah about your paper yeah if enough people believe in something it is real I think you're right about that yeah so but here's the thing he in he is real he is real he is not I don't know if personified is the right right he's not he's not an alive

breathing person right but he's fucking real right the spirit of it is real because millions of children are greeted by this jolly old man at malls which I still think is weird but the legacy continues the saga continues yeah if enough people believe in it it's real I agree why not your your perception is real yeah and if my kid wants to think a fucking guy comes down the chimney and gives a gift to it go ahead yeah who cares believe it cares let the kid have fun the rest the majority of his life is gonna be terrible the majority of life is terrible I mean I wouldn't go that far let's I'm just saying it's not as fun

parents are when you're sick yeah it's fucking awful yeah okay let the kid have the golden years yeah yeah I'm down the fucking chimney I'll do whatever I want I'll dress up I'll dress up for the kid I'll hire a white guy if that's what you want I'll do whatever you want let the kid have time yeah I agree you know before he's an asshole to me when he's 12 and 13 and like hates everything I do at that point you want to steal it from yeah yeah yeah I'm gonna be an asshole guess what Santa's fucking fake idiot doing you all these years and the other thing is it does take away from the work of the parents though a little bit so I what

do you mean oh my god Santa brought me this it's like dude I have to work like four shifts to get you the stupid yeah I would spoil it just because of that because I'd be like yeah like I bought this so don't fucking like trash it Santa just didn't give this to you cuz you were nice yeah I totally just contradicted myself yeah you did it's all right you should have quit while you were ahead I have you started to get starting to get steamy there no I did I'm sorry oh yeah you could have gone for 40 minutes I just think it's a big deal like when a kid finds out about Santa yeah hey you know that's the one

that I think is like a good one yeah because it like it shapes you yeah you supposed to think it's real yeah and then you find out that it's not it's not a person but it's definitely still real and you have to be good to get stuff yeah gotta be good to get stuff of course if you're gonna be bad can't be bad you get fired if your kid did something bad would you give him a lump of coal my cousin got a lump of coal see that's good parenting yeah it's great parenting he was a fucking asshole yeah he was he's still around isn't yeah all right I'm saying was a kid I was like no he's like 35 all right you do the was out

there I got a little worry no no when he was a kid he was a fucking asshole yeah and rightfully so he got a fucking piece of coal yeah good on good on his parents yeah I'm sure it taught him something he's successful yeah don't be a fucking asshole six figures look at that there you go a bunch of lumps of coal now yeah friend but another dumb thing I believed when I was a kid when I used to go to barbershops that blue juice yeah I used to think he could drink it first of all to this day it looks delicious it does it looks fantastic anything blue that color blue I'm like get in my mouth yeah I want to

freeze it and just like scoop it like an icy what is that I think it's just like alcohol like perox not peroxide but like yeah like cleans the whatever the guy would always like dip the razor in like and like you know can I get a lick of that real quick before you just yeah shake me up is that blue raspberry like what is that you know what I believed when I was younger I believed that crossing like I was I was scared of the crossing guard I thought they were like police oh like the crossing guard for school yeah like oh you can cross the street now like in the vest and everything I was so afraid of them because

I thought they'd arrest me if I tried to cross without their permission no you didn't I I promise I did I don't know why I thought this but like where I was going to school at the time whenever I would walk to school everything was good fine and dandy I was crossing the shade out of streets yeah I was fucking Jay walking I was out there I was living yeah then I get to school and that bitch would be there with her vest oh and then I'd be looking at she was a mean she was a mean one most street cross people street cross people I gave you the answer what was it crossing crossing most street cross people I was

up late I was up late last night yeah most street cross people crossing guards aren't the nicest no I wouldn't be there I would hate it yeah when you think about it were you a run across or a walk across I was a walk across I was a run across were you yeah but the backpack bounce a little bit remember how about your backpack bouncing when you were a kid where's that it felt like a weight if we come up here you take three steps fucking things over fucking heads maybe running it be side to side it's like Jesus Christ go easy kid oh my god that's like one book in there not bad yeah remember that

was like no binders we're fire you I fucking loved binders yeah but then it would come to that point where one of the fucking rings would get like offset and then I can't flip the pages toast it's toast I gotta get a new one I can't whatever I keep this the teeth won't even you know they have like teeth yeah yeah the little things that lock like that oh man I miss binders yeah that's why I'm under in here that's why I got you on oh yeah we do have a binder oh my god it's dope my binders were a fucking mess though did you ever have a trapper keeper the fuck is that that sounds like a harry potter like plant or something

like a trapper keeper trapper keepers were like everything in one they were like your notebooks your folders and your binder in what in a box all on one but like a box yeah it was basically like oh it was like you would unzip yeah yeah like and it would I don't know why I made that Velcro sound yeah that sound like a cat it's like a duck to find your sound it did sound like a cat with a duck what you want to do Velcro that was even worse that was we have no future in sound effects we know that that that but anyway um trapper keeper trapper keeper the one you would you would unzip it and then you open it and

it would have like your pens your pencils and like whatever I'll be honest to you I hated organization I thought anyone who was like super organized was a fucking idiot it was mostly the girls because girls are smarter well that's actually a fact that they were way smarter no one can convince me that men are smarter than women it's just it's just obviously there is an exception to every rule yeah of course some smart dudes out there of course but I consider myself and it's okay one it's an it has to be an absolute fact that girls are smarter when you're younger yes they grow like way faster than dudes do yeah

they're all like ten foot ten yeah dude when I was younger I feel like I was one foot two and girls were seven foot five Duncan and they liked us yeah why it's like I like put me in your pocket yeah Jesus Christ poly pocket me yeah what do I mean fucking go on your shoulders we were trench coat to the movie around like I'm your son that's what it was like and you know what I had a crush on a girl who was tall as fuck mad good at basketball too yeah those are always not the cutest ones so the tallest ones when you're a kid yeah you're like I want this tall girl that was it was girls have like periods when they're like 12 where you

going I'm just saying like guys we got a pretty easy we get off like what do we got to deal with nothing absolutely nothing I'm I'm so happy I have a penis let me do I mean there's some good and bad to having a penis but like I don't even think so I don't even like it's so crazy me how like hype girls are to be like to have kids yo I always say I think having children like for women I'm like if that was me someone who's like in their head and has anxiety and whatever and overthink sometimes mm-hmm I whenever I'm having a good day yeah I'd be like there's still a dark cloud over my head like dude one day you're gonna push a

fucking baby out of that thing yeah I'd be like fuck this it's terrible and they're all like game for it yeah they're like yeah I can't wait my sister right now it's like I want to have a baby like right now I'm like Shen you don't realize or she does realize a human being yeah is going to slide not slide he's gonna basically crawl at it yeah and it's not gonna be pretty might rip your asshole open I know it's not weird to get their buttholes ripped if anything has the possibility of ripping this asshole you can fucking mark that off the list yeah I'm not signing up for that shit that it that is the full

benefit of having or if there's a possibility that this is gonna hurt so much that I'm gonna shit myself yeah in front of a room full of people no thanks I mean I've been pretty close to doing that myself though I've been pretty close but not it that I didn't pick a couple cases I'm a couple case of Rito's away from doing that oh I can I can pretty much do it on command at this point yeah I could shit right now okay don't I don't do I won't but yo I don't know how people are just like because they're gangsters they are it's some of them look at listen to this have more than one first of all some people have

triplets I know three times today and they live and they live to tell the tale and then and then were you a cat first of all you have three of them yet a litter of children yet a litter what are you a seahorse yeah I know just bringing them out is out of control but here's what I'm saying you have three of them yeah and not only is it the worst pain in your life it's the worst pain in your life three times I know right I don't give a fuck you to give you the epidural whatever it hurts doc okay whatever so not only do you do you spend all an entire year of your life feeling like you're gonna throw up in the

morning yeah and you put on a ton of weight mm-hmm and you're fucking moody and you're all this shit can't drink can't drink I forgot about that I mean you could drink but I don't know good that's gonna go for you I think you can have like wine like every once in a while don't do it don't people don't drink when you're pregnant you can't bang heaters can't bang heaters so love those head bang heaters yeah can't bang heaters definitely do not bang heaters can't do that no but then but then after that so you have triplets mm-hmm right after that right it's like oh my god I was hurt so much you have triplets what

happens the next day you're on the clock for 18 fucking years yep I've taken care of kids I know say goodbye to sleep say goodbye to your money yep and we're just signing on a dotted line for all that shit and listen the payoff is worth it of course having children you're beautiful what I'm saying is though for us yeah it's like guy oh having kids is tough we don't even do anything I know it's for it's not but after after we do though after we do we got to give us ourselves some credit what two guys with no kids give us some credit because you know you gotta work you gotta be a provider you know I'm a postmates guy I

bring the food here yeah that's it yeah that's all I do yeah I work for postmates and then you got to get up when the baby's crying sure mom catch up a change a couple shitty diapers but I'm talking about the whole journey the pre and then you got to recover that's another thing where's it go I talked about this where's your belly go I talked about this is the other day with my sister I'm like can you fucking explain to me how these like Victoria secret models right this fucking big yeah okay they look like and then they have children and they look like the letter B I know it's a giant bump yeah and they're

like jogging and there's yeah they're just their stomachs just fucking all the way out here their belly buttons on its last fuck it looks like he's gonna shoot out at any moment looks like a cork it's gonna fire off this body right and then they have the baby and then like five months later back to just chillin Instagram killing it how does that not just rip all the skin the point I'm getting to at where I'm saying all the stuff women are magical creatures yeah and we walk around we see them all the time so we just kind of take it for granted but there's a lot going on in there yeah and we don't and we're

basically useless oh and guess what they have a period every month when does it end for them when does it end we just gave the right to vote eight minutes ago here's thing and here's thing if I'm bleeding out anywhere I'm not gonna work that day they gotta work if it's too big for a week if it's too big for a Band-Aid I'm not I'm calling out I'm calling I want one I'm calling I want one if it's too big for a Band-Aid if it bleeds through a Band-Aid we're going to go home I gotta go to the doctor okay I'm calling so I'm telling you right now okay I'm canceling some appointments imagine that you go to work and you have

all this shit they have like cramps and shit oh I love my dick a week of your life every month yeah it's pretty rough rougher than my life's probably ever been and they just are like they just they just they just taking strides yeah not only that not only they take it in stride they gotta insert tampons up their snizz snizz but not only that right not only that but then you gotta like and then what do you get what's the what's the payoff for them right what do they get penises yeah this is what you have to enjoy yeah a penis which is it yeah which is nice which gets you off one out of a thousand times not the best not

great not at least get a consistent orgasm yeah well back go like yeah good look no one's batten 300 it's bad dude if a guy who's batting 300 as far as orgasms go I'd have sex with him I want to know what he's doing dude teach me all right before we move on let's get to the sponsor today we have a new one welcome it to the show with open arms we have sent bird which is a luxury fragrance subscription service where you get to choose a new cologne every month okay this is popping you like to smell good or do you like to smell like shit you make the choice okay they have 450 designer brands to choose from like

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devastated how old are you I was young so I wasn't working with a whole bunch of inches yeah so when you lose some you're like so I mean we're not hey no but I'm saying like you don't you're working with what are you working with there you're fresh under under four yeah way under I mean hey what you had a four-inch dick as a kid you're the man oh yeah throw that thing around town but you don't know but so you're not working with a whole lot and then you lose some you're like yeah what is this you don't say that speaking of like an Audi belly button that's what it looks like yeah oh a shrunken dick that talk

about gross so here's what happened right I don't know I think I just had gotten out of the pool or something and I was like normal and then I see my guys I was changing I saw my dick and I was like where did my dick go basically right and I started crying is that like a public pool no no I was at home oh and I was like where did my dick go right so I was like what's going on and then I was crying so my mom was like what's wrong and I was like go get dad yeah I didn't want to tell my mom your first panic attack was penis related it's awesome basically yeah and my dad comes in the room and he's like what's wrong and I

was like my penis it like got smaller and he's like what what do you mean and he made me like show show me a dick what thank you pants off right now I remember that he made me show him dude I was so young I don't know how I remember this I was it's a traumatic experience I might have been for the traumatic experience and he made me show him so I showed him when he goes I know what that's from don't worry you're fine and then he walked out of the room just didn't even give you any wisdom just said nothing at that point my dad was everything he was my hero he was the greatest hit you with a super vague so I just believed him and

I felt totally fine after that alright dad said it's cool it's cool no need to complicate things no I mean was a dad go on web MD let me find out so he says that just walks out of the room and then that was it that's all I remember really I can't imagine how much fun him and my mom had after that though I know they must have brought that back so yeah our son's a fucking idiot a little dick did it yeah that's awesome I still get over I still get good over how your dad was like let me see that I mean when you're young and anything goes wrong I need to see it yeah it's another thing they talked about on workaholics one

time you ever see your dad's dick growing up it's huge it's enormous like yeah why am I getting one of those and now in hindsight I think I got you beat dad yeah I mean just like beating him bad it's like a retired me my brother used to pee in the toilet at the same exact time yeah yeah yeah like we didn't give a shit yeah actually you know it's funny you ever take a bath with your brothers and sister yeah gotta do that and she's old like four years older than girls more mature dude there was a there's a famous picture in our family with me Keith and Shannon yeah tub or was it I don't know but I remember there

were multiple times me Shannon Keith were in the same time also some of the cutest family pictures of all time or in the bathtub oh yeah Keith by the way cutest baby I'm like I'm positive of it I got a beat you have to know you no you don't I guarantee I was way cuter baby no baby picture off no definitely not no but this is going on Instagram not the the Twitter basement or Twitter who's a cuter baby who do you think I'll supply pictures I'll supply pictures so yeah what was I talking about how cute bathing with your family so there's a famous picture in our family of like because my mom was I mean she would

watch my cousin sometimes like she was yeah and we were all bad your yeah so she was a maniac at that point and she had a short fuse so she puts us all in the tub and she turns the water on whatever and walks out she comes back in and she's and we're like mom the water's too hot it's not too hot just sit down yeah and then she walks out got that poor woman and she was like getting towels or something she comes back and we stood up there was a red line on all of our stomach oh my god it was so hot and so she took a picture of it of all of us you just see it's like it's just all your we've been out in the

sun for like like three days straight with crazy sunburn like she tried to cook us we always say that all the time so cool you tried to cook us when we were younger you want to know it's funny is like that's hysterical to us some people would be like oh my god like yeah I would I don't hate those people though it's great sometimes you're gonna burn your kids by accident come on I was fine I didn't have like second degree burn or anything yeah I got clapped a couple times clapped I got this shit kicked out of me yeah man awesome love you mom love you dad please don't hit me so much but one time my brother Jared was

taking a bath he was an adult I was a kid so he was taking a bath he was taking a bath and I knocked on the door and I was like yo the Jared I'm hungry can you make me sandwich I'm like five at this point I can't make my own shit yeah he's like nah I'm taking a bath I was like yeah I'm hungry please he's like I'm taking a bath I get the fuck out of here so my brother Jared was notorious for falling asleep like in the bathtub like just like you know laying in I went in there took my dick out pissed all over his face no you didn't swear to God we'll call him right after this why did you do that make me a fucking sandwich you

are off and you weren't in you think you're a cure-cutter Keith oh wait do you see my pictures you are a devil I was beautiful yeah I was you peed on your brother's face all over his face did he wake up oh yeah he fucking killed you yeah he did you know if my five you have two Jared stories of him beating the shit out of me on here well you're an asshole yeah I can't leave you pissed on your brother pissed all over his face damn that's crazy and then this is one time too it wasn't my brother but it was my brother's friend who's an asshole at the time at the time we were kids like he would like fuck with us and shit like

like you know it was weird how older brothers their friends think they could beat you up yeah like it doesn't work like that yeah let's go your house and give your brothers wedgies yeah dude relax go fuck yourself yeah your own brother go get your own brother brother and fucking traumatized in so I was they were sitting outside of the parking lot with all these girls one time mm-hmm it was my brother and this kid Ben they were hanging out I was like you know what I'm gonna go pants them so Ben's standing in front of all of these girls that are inside the car like they're at a bank just getting money out

right across the street from our apartment I fucking Navy seal my way through there yeah doesn't see me I pants them shorts and underwear flopping down flopping down yeah he chased me for like five minutes couldn't catch me and then I made it all the way upstairs it was one of the greatest achievements of my entire life damn everyone saw as we everyone saw as we everybody my brother Jared loves that story to this day that's really funny yeah yeah that was a great one I did some cool shit when I was a kid I wasn't just peeing on people now you were yeah I was you pissed on someone so happens

make me a sandwich I asked nicely twice I mean now I know it's like hey Joe I'm kind of hungry I think we could order something I'm gonna order that yeah trust me don't get me don't fall asleep no no no no you can get pissed on God forgot about that story you know it's another thing that's weird when you're kid like you know so the tooth fairy is a weird thing yes that you don't know why this exists but also like you ever notice how like all the nursery rhymes in the world are like what is going on here you know what I mean it's like a ring around the Rosie is about people like that's a real rhyme yeah you know ashes

they all fall down and world just little kids like people are dying out there kids London Bridge is falling down London Bridge is London Bridge is falling down CNN said London Bridge is falling down I'd be like oh my god oh my god get everyone inside is everyone okay like what's going on what's going on in this bridge I would skip that's I'd be more afraid of that happening than I like ever would have joy when I heard it like when you sang the song you're so full of joy if it really happened I'd be falling down falling down what ashes ashes they all fall down that is dark as fuck all of them what are some other ones

pocketful of posey let me see if I could find some oh yeah rock-a-bye baby rock-a-bye baby is another one rock-a-bye baby something what was the on the tree top tree when the wind blows the stop just stop on the tree top yeah was a baby in a tree bad parents terrible parenting yeah get that baby out of the tree I know step one when the wind blows the cradle will rock get the baby out of a tree hurry up yeah they're gonna fall down when the wind blows the cradle walk when the bow breaks the cradle will fall yeah and down will come baby cradle and all dead baby is dead baby dead baby nursery around like let's

sing this to our babies to sleep as they sleep what do you think we're not supposed to grow up psychotic yeah I know let's retire those here's another one I didn't you know rubber dub dub honestly no I know like of it but I don't know it rubber dub dub something in a tub rubber dub dub three men in a tub stop yeah first of all men men grown men three three men in a tub that's a big tub has to be or very little men someone someone's dick-to-ass in there they're all dick-to-ass no it's dick-to-ass and then dick-to-dick because look look at the way I'm looking at you right now oh you want to put some guy in

the middle here yeah I thought they're all just like a bobsled team oh no no no I'm doing back to the tub you're back to the tub and then someone's getting dick to be d2b you can't go dick-to-dick I'd rather go dick-to-butt when you walk by people in the movie theater I give him I give him my ass you give him I give my ass to I get I don't give him d shots no I don't give dick in the face yeah I'll put your my ass in that face though hell yeah Rikishi style hell yeah all right another one oh rubber dub dub three men in a tub and who do you think they were the butcher the baker the candlestick maker the butcher meat yep the baker

yeah when I don't know the candlestick maker first of all these three grown ass people harsh with legitimate careers what are they doing in this tub let's move forward and then they said they all sailed out to see was enough to make a man stare this is the gayest nursery right at no point was there anything that wasn't like gay yeah it was all gay rubber dub dub it's kind of gay to no no I like rubber dub dub forget the rubber dub dub scrub scrub scrub in the tub good one so many different ways with this true but we told a story about a butcher and two other fucking guys we're in a tub and they sailed away and then

it was so cool that more men were looking look at those guys I want to be whoa look at those three look at that butcher and that candle maker sailing away in that tub yeah and why were none of them a sailor you're gonna need a sailor if you're gonna sail you don't need a butcher definitely not how you gonna bake on a boat you're not candlestick maker maybe yeah it's gonna get dark it helped a light the way that's what I'm saying it's only that's the only valuable guy he should be in the front lighting where they're going yeah the butcher I guess can make food if he has some stuff there baker I'm sorry you

have to leave yeah the sailor needs to be here yes Baker out sailor I agree Baba black sheep Baba black sheep have you any wool yeah yes Mary have I three bags full one for my master and one for my dame and one for the little boy who lives in the lane lives down the lane I think it says lives in the lane all right whatever why you give them a little boy stuff who's your master he lives down he lives by himself it's a little creepy why are you dropping off stuff to the little kid does no one proofread these before we just like download them for years and years there's no one go yo you know let's fix this or let's update this

even Wikipedia gets updated a little racist hill why one to my master oh you think that's like a slavery type of thing yeah I think so I think there's some or maybe this is like a BDSM thing and you're gonna be a BDSM but I hear something that old in here master it's a little slavey yeah it's probably so you Mary Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow that's about peeps that listen in 2018 you can't say that to somebody okay hey Mary how's your garden grow yeah that's it that's this she has a garden she's probably like is this talking about my fucking veg yeah that's a two-week suspension with pay the

with with pay is is up in the air it depends what field you're in finance you're not getting that pay if you're a CEO you'll get you'll get pay severance at least oh yeah with cockle shells and silver bells and pretty maids all in a row first of all the word cockle what is that I don't even know what a cockle is I don't know what a cockle is maybe a flower maybe how does your garden grow that is so creepy yeah well ring around the Rosie we talked about yeah what's a posey I know it's a flower but I never seen no I thought posey was the was the thing that was killing him was it yeah it's about like a like the black plague

or something pocket full of posies wait is posey posey is the flat oh it's a flat oh yeah it's a flower pockets full of plague bring around the Rosie I got the fucking plague in my pocket bitch oh I gotta look back to die from diarrhea a Rosie rash was a symptom of the plague and posies of herbs were carried as protection and to ward off the smell of the disease so that's what it was everyone had posy in their pocket trying like whatever got it but they all fall down so posies not help yeah fuck those poses sorry pop goes the weasel I didn't know this one all around the mulberry bush the monkey chased the weasel the

monkey stopped to pull up his sock pop goes the weasel he get raped wait can you say that one more time I'm trying to get confused here go ahead all around the mulberry bush the monkey chased the weasel the monkey stopped to pull up his sock pop goes the weasel he fucked that monkey he raped him that's rape 100% yeah he stopped for one second to pull up his sock and then pow and got popped he they are raped or murdered either or it's terrible yeah we're guy just are any of these good no they're all bad lucky lock it do you know that one lucky lock lucky lock it lost her pocket kitty Fisher found it not a penny was in it

was there in it only ribbon rounded I don't like that one I don't know what that is row row row your boat gently down the stream merrily merrily merrily merrily life is but a tree see that makes sense I like that sing it in the tub you pretend you're you got an ore and you're like you know I'm saying paddling could be like on your way to death though alright well that's if you look at it through a dark filter I'm just saying like this like you know I'm saying like the fucking rock-a-bye baby on a tree top the winds gonna blow the babies gonna fall down off the tree yeah that one they give you

all the clues this is this is clearly an irresponsible parent here yeah but row your boat merrily merrily merrily merrily merrily life is but a tree lavender's blue I've never heard this one this is some Midwest shit yeah lavender's blue dilly dilly lavender's green when I'm king dilly dilly you shall be queen I guess that's where dilly dilly came from interesting I don't like that one yeah it's raining it's pouring you know this one the old man is snoring he bumped his head on the top of the bed and couldn't get up in the morning he's fucking dead oh my god my grandpa's can cause somewhere

pouring the old man is snoring he bumped his head on the top of his bed and couldn't get up in the morning who's gonna find my grandpa they were so close to making it nice I know and I was like it's raining it's pouring the old man is snoring that he woke up now he's fucking dead now we don't know where he can't get up he's bad he's dead what were the why were these made bumped his head on the top of his bed you where's the top of your bed you know it's correct aren't you laying on top of it what is this guy underneath the bed yeah where's this guy sleeping or he's sleeping on the ceiling yeah that makes no

sense yeah it's poor writing unless he's the bottom bunk that's true which why would an old man be sleeping in a bottom bunk who's on top bunk no one yeah especially if you're old you're bunked but bed days behind you there's no way to hit your head on the top of your bed you would have to be sleeping underneath the bed that's science we know that that's kind of scary poor old man dude these are so funny old man is snoring and then they don't say he woke up and bumped his head he just he bumped his head so he's a proofread this and you know it's crazy somebody murdered him so listen that's a cover-up conspiracy

theory that this is gonna be a Netflix special what was going on in the government when this came out this is a distraction clearly I could already see there was a bill passed at the time that this came out okay I know that this is gonna be a Netflix original for sure 100% it's going to you know we should make like a fake one about like we talked to the old man we talked to the old man and then is the only person I live with him it was his niece yeah she was on the top she was never suspected until now yeah just have the whole thing like oh yeah me my grandpa gotta go along alone so much yeah because we should feel like

a fake one we'll never we're not gonna do it nice you know I was gonna say it's weird that parents were like so against Eminem like in 2000 like oh my god these are harmful lyrics bro when I was a baby you were singing about poppin weasels and babies falling out of trees and shit yeah old man now you're worried about Eminem yeah old man murder and weasel rape get out of here come on I could terrorist attacks probably London Bridge London Bridge is falling down we talking bombs we talking about it's going on natural cause yeah natural erosion did a bridge in London really fall down maybe it did maybe it did at

some point but it's not something to make a nice song how does London Bridge go is London Bridge is falling down falling down falling down my fair lady my fair lady I think so how does that go London Bridge I gotta look it up now and I have to know bridge is falling down what falling down falling down I can't believe I'm googling London Bridge lyrics probably come up on genius there's a song called London Bridge by Fergie I forgot about this is that the one she's like I'm gonna run around to run around to look at them uh no it's not that one what song is that that's a

for delicious yeah for delicious that black eyed peas back to back oh my god let's get retarded you remember that you remember that line of vine all right what the other people got around to run around looking at my pussy yeah it was great my bridges fall oh my fair lady it is my friend my fair lady what is my fair lady have to do like hey we're dying honey London Bridge falling down my my fair lady we're gonna die the bridge came down no one seems to be worried my fair woman isn't it weird how people used to talk back in the day

yeah everything I'll end with like a e if they what as like to just ye old yeah with a e on it what's this funny god if I could I would love to go back those times just for like four hours which times like medieval times medieval times yeah so not gangs in New York no dude I'm like partially brown they murder me yeah but you're Italian yeah that only get me so far I'll probably have to join a gang I'll be missing it I'll be missing an eye an hour into the fucking actually I'm pretty sure they fucking hated it yeah oh man Daniel day this is a knife all America why don't you burn them see if his ashes turn green I was like yeah

let's do the maniac it's racist as all yeah but he's got a fucking knife on him like cut his leg off I was like yeah the only one spared by the butcher yo I'm crushing this fucking impression right it's pretty good yeah I used I this always sticks out on my mind that scene this is a knife or America he just does this this is so fucking fire which is the notch on that guy's thing kills him with it it's not like you're burning up crazy um anyway you want to get to the patreon questions no yes I do all right let's get to these questions the first one comes from Brianna she says what's the most embarrassing thing that's ever

happened to you guys so I used to never have an answer for this question ever because by the way these are questions coming in from the people from the patreon like I said at the beginning of the episode when you get the $10 tier you are able to submit some questions and I mean constantly I would love you guys to submit a bunch of different questions because we're just like weaning through things that we think will be entertaining to answer so the more the merrier but anyway what's the most embarrassing that's ever happened to you I used to never have an answer for this I always thought it was like a cop-out

question like oh so what's the most embarrassing thing but now I have an example hit it and I know it and like I don't know if I was in I was definitely embarrassed in the moment but I was glad that I was you know what I mean were you drunk yeah yeah it's easier to take embarrassment but it wasn't I wasn't embarrassed because I was drunk I just happened to be drunk like I wasn't like drunk I took my shirt off was like being a drunk idiot had nothing to do with the drinking so I was at a bar and I was with my financial advisor okay off to a hot start and my buddy Greg and Keith right and they had karaoke and there was

only like like we I love karaoke yeah I know I have no shame so I'll just go up there but you know your crew your crew is a big karaoke crew yeah we love karaoke yeah we go in there we shut that bitch right fucking down yeah tell me right now but we we went to this bar so again my financial advisor my buddy Greg me and Keith we go out so me and Keith immediately go up and we're like yo let's do a Sunday morning by maroon five good starter so we do that right and I had you know after I drink and talk or whatever my voice gets a little raspy like as it is now and then I could like sound pretty good right so I did

Sunday morning when I came back my buddy Greg was like you know I wanted to make fun of you so much but that was like that was pretty good oh nice so I was riding high yeah juice up I did some luminaires dude we did like eight songs like it would be like we would go someone else in the bar would go and then we'd be up again yeah like I did like eight signing up hard so I was just like riding high like I just I just couldn't miss I was crushing it people were loving it then I put in Santa Claus is coming to town what part of the years this is this is like April right put Santa Claus is coming to town by Bruce

okay yeah phenomenal song yeah wrong month yeah so I put that in shit comes on we start singing it dude we don't even get to the chorus and some guy just and you can tell that everyone's kind of like the fuck and you just feel that on you right but you're up there yeah you got to keep going the star has to keep shining I was riding high at that point I knew I fucked up and this guy just takes it upon himself he walks up and just grabs the mic out of man he's like you know come on enough he didn't even work there no he didn't work there wow it's not the guy like behind the bar wasn't the guy who was doing the karaoke he's

like all right and then he just took he took the mic and went back to the table and like I had to walk from there back to where I was shame at the time I was laughing because it is funny yeah you could understand how ridiculous oh my god it was great but it was but I remember feeling like yo this is so embarrassing but it was great and the funniest part about it too is that they were people there that previously had recognized me so they watched this whole thing happen to me which is great I loved it there's got to be footage of it somewhere I would love to see that there's definitely not but it was it was

uh it was embarrassing yeah it was a good embarrassing though I think yeah that's a good night out embarrassing I fucking mine is pretty bad when I was in high school there was like a Moroccan like band I guess I came in you know they bring up instruments and they take people from the crowd to come up and like play yeah like the easiest ones like scrape this stick along this thing yeah yeah yeah so like I got up there people know that like I was an idiot at the time so like they were just like at the time but they were just like what grade was this like 11th grade all right they're like yeah like he's gonna

go up there obviously do something stupid like dance or whatever I'm running up just eat shit in front of my entire high school did you like hit a step or not just came in too hot came in too hot you just fucking ate shit in front of my entire high school everyone laughed at me that's hilarious yeah and then I tried to save it by like running like onto the stage didn't save it everyone was just still laughing at me yeah yeah I love when people fall falling is one of the funniest things ever is it so funny and it's only funny when it doesn't happen to you well yeah if you fall everyone laughs at you I try to laugh

though get ahead of the curve because it is funny that's what I tried to do and it just didn't it didn't go well like everyone was still laughing everyone everyone was still laughing at me and even like the people like the Moroccan dance group or ever they were like yo you good like can you even like slide this stick across this fucking fake instrument I was just like yeah I'm good just give me dude I just want to let everyone know it's Danny Frankie and then me Danny has fucking slippers on and cast and he's like jogging down the steps and I guess his flip-flop or whatever my flip-flop

caught the back like the lip of a stair and then he started hopping around this staircase bouncing off the walls I thought he was joking so I was already laughing yeah yeah this is goofy dance goofy dad he feels like he's always on a stage to entertain dude this kid was hopping around on this then he hit the landing and then crashed into this door oh guys I laughed for like 25 yeah I hit that thing hard I thought I was gonna break the glass down I thought the whole door because you know when you're falling down stairs you just gain momentum and speed and out this is like I swear I broke the sound barrier on the

fucking stairs and then a week before that a couple days before that I fell down your other flight of stairs yeah those stairs though I get it cuz those stairs are terrible yeah it's not good they're horrible oh fuck that was funny all right I never thought that one would make air but it is it was so funny we'll cut you a post next question from Sarah she says what's your favorite nostalgic childhood food item that they don't make anymore mine's easily dunkaroos I feel like that's everyone's yeah don't why why would you stop making this to make fun dip I think so I haven't seen a really like a big fun

deal I like those power strings the sour like our straws yeah yeah those are good yeah they're good I think they're still around they're definitely still pixie sticks around yo pixie sticks are fucking dangerous I know I used to eat like 11 at once disgusting that's that control yeah well I'm diabetic no but those things you would eat him and then all of a sudden they just pop into the back of your throat and you'd be coughing for the next three weeks you ever done the cinnamon challenge yeah it's terrible yeah it's not fun no it's not good I don't recommend it and no please don't do that if you're listening to

this no don't but it's very it's actually very dangerous legitimately dangerous I know someone who's beaten it yeah cuz they knew they knew how to do it you have to like keep it in your mouth and like try to get it as much as possible move it around like in eventually you can you can do it but bring it down but yeah uh dunkaroos vanilla or chocolate chocolate what you say like that vanilla or chocolate chocolate no the ones that were like the beige cookies yeah with the vanilla icing but it had those rainbow like things but it goes in them yeah yeah those are good there was never enough

icing yeah and the balloons those are my favorite ones remember I do it was like hot air balloons mm-hmm if no one's are taught if we don't know what I'm talking about chocolate dunkaroos the chocolate cookie I'll take any type of dunkaroos but you know you can do homemade dunkaroos this is for everyone out there who's been wanting them you go to the store you buy fucking just a like a thing of icing mm-hmm and then you buy honey grams yeah perfect and they make cinnamon honey grams and they're ridiculous yeah they're amazing they're mad good so you can just do that if you don't care about your body what's

favorite girl scout cookie I don't like girl scout cookies you're quitting putting in my two weeks I don't know you're nuts man dosido I don't even know what that is Samoa I don't know what any of that is yeah you got have you tried them I've had I've had a cook like I don't know you know what next thing we're doing extra Joe trying Joe tries girl scout cookies and raise him I'll try him that's the next one I'm down how do we get him I don't know we'll figure it out I've never seen like an actual girl scout my life what they don't come around here never like outside of like you they've

never knocked on my door there's ones that these girls are so smart the girl scouts in California they set up outside of weed dispensaries fire yeah mad fire mad smart but all right so yeah that's the next one I'm gonna get all the boxes and you'll try and you'll rate them how many are there it's like six or seven oh they're amazing do you sit knock on your door no no no you would come out of like the A&P and they'd be out there like hey girl scout cookies or like you'd be getting off the train and they'd be there are these girls making these cookies fuck no some fucking monopoly is making these things they're amazing have you

ever seen a lemonade stand yeah yeah have you ever done that yes I've done it too I didn't make it really a lot of money I made nothing yeah I think I made like 23 dollars but like there's some people like oh you're so cute here's ten bucks you know with the dudes I mean it wasn't me running that I was the one pouring it yeah you know like my sister and our neighborhood were girls and they were probably like they were selling it yeah nowadays you couldn't pay me to make a lemonade set we should you know what we should do a lemonade stand and see how much money we make we as grown men as grown men lemonade stand

yeah and see how much money we even know where you would put that right over there like we probably get like fine for like not having a permit yeah like yeah you don't you can't do this why kids do it kids do it I can't I do it definitely we make over 20 bucks I don't know would you buy a lemonade from two grown men probably not probably not and not to mention it's just gonna be like in a picture I know no one's buying it get Frankie the cell definitely not Frankie Frank is there you'd have to wear like a hair net no he'd be very nice though he'd be good salesman Frank is a great salesman alright let's get another

question here Assad what are your worst experiences on the subway I don't know every time you get on yeah the subway in New York is ridiculous I hate the shit on the homeless no pun intended but like they shit on themselves yeah they like shit on themselves and sleep on the train it's like sad but like one time this guy just took his dick out and just started pissing in the train oh that's I've seen homeless dick yeah midstream more times than I've seen homeless dick more than I've seen my own dick probably like that's how crazy it is and like my one knock with the homeless it's like you don't gotta pee on the train dog you

gotta I know your life sucks but like go in between this thing stops every two minutes yeah take you get out take a piss get back on I guess so you're homeless bastard fucking um you're homeless oh my god so come on so insensitive it's unbelievable that's all right no it's okay I've been homeless before I mean they're not listening so you know I've been homeless before I'm gonna tell you you want me tell you my homestory no okay but I have been you slept on the street my parents kicked me out I had nowhere to live for how long for this is gonna be an exaggeration so I'm not gonna believe the amount not like

two weeks you slept on the street I never slept on the street so you weren't motels I don't count that I was homeless you weren't homeless I was you were punished dude I had to order I had to order pizza and sushi every night that's my life now to a motel and I had a ps2 this is the you had a ps2 you're a homeless fuck out of here homeless fuck yeah but who'd be a better homeless person me or you I would never be homeless it's not the question but I pride myself on having a you tell me I have no friends no family no nothing pure survival yeah you said survival survival pure survival survival pure

survival yeah I'm beating you yeah hell yeah ready to kill kill what animals kill animals we're not homeless in the Amazon this is fucking New York City I'm not all you gotta know is like figure out when like Dagestino like throws like their bagels out the best life yeah or the only people that live better homeless life or people are like homeless in Los Angeles because it's so nice all the time right and like everyone's homeless there and first of all being homeless in New York is garbage no no but here it is no pun intended garbage but like you ever see that vice where that guy goes around and gets all that food what

the homeless guy no it's amazing he gets like they cuz like they get dated food but it's like they throw it out that day and he gets like hundreds and hundreds of dollars free food every day nice yeah but he's homeless that sucks yeah almost people live the best life was most ridiculous thing I've ever heard for me I think the worst experience on the subway it probably has nothing to do with homeless people but just the fact that there was one day where I think there's a video of me telling the story online somewhere but I was on my way to work and the train got stuck mm-hmm in between stops so it wasn't like you could

get off and there was a baby like two seats over that wouldn't shut the fuck up yeah we're just screaming crying and it's like y'all I understand it's a baby and whatever but I'm looking at you do something with this baby yeah we're trying to make it shut the fuck up yeah give it something you're in public do something yeah make an effort at least she was just ignoring it and we're all looking at her and she's looking at us like I know I'm like do some but I swear to God as soon as doors opened I hit that baby as hard as could and then ran away yeah I would do I punched it as hard as I could I've been on the run

ever since no but it was so annoying but then so here's the thing I we were stuck in between stops for that for I literally like an hour and then it moved a little bit I was like yeah stopped immediately right again yeah for like another 45 minutes you can never hear them when they come over the thing I was like what did he say what did he say I don't know what he said what he said and if you have your headphones in forget about your name here and anything only thing here is sorry ladies so yeah or they'll say something that you're like I don't even know if this pertains me it's like out the uptown

trains are not moving no one's going anywhere if you're going downtown fuck it and I'm like wait if you go uptown yeah that's exactly that's what it sounds like you're like I don't know the fuck you just said and then so anyway that train started moving when we got to the next stop they're like everyone's got to get off this train it's not moving anymore I'm like what the fuck so I get off the train and then I'm like and then I try to talk to conductor and I excuse me sir sir you gotta back up I was like the fuck is going like is the train electrified like why the fuck can I not he's like the train's not working

it's out of order blah blah blah like all right dude relax yeah there a bomb in there's what's going on so then I was waiting on the platform for another train another train doesn't come so I was like fuck this I'm going home so I get on a train to go home get on the wrong fucking train mmm so I go back to where I was and then get on the right train and go home dude it was like fucking 230 by the time I got home in the morning no I tried to go to work in the morning I had to be in the office at 9 I got home at 230 and I turned around and went home yeah I didn't even get to Manhattan yeah fuck that it was terrible

that's that's that's a rough phone call to I mean they were cool it was the best job ever really daily right yeah yeah you know and I was texting the whole thing about New York City though because if trains are down it's the most researchable thing yeah if they are no one can fuck with you yeah you're like yo I'm gonna be late because the train and then all that up the train is down yeah it's the best it's kind of cool all right anyway we're gonna wrap up this episode yeah but like I said if you want to submit your questions we would love to have your questions on the show the patreon is spelled P-A-T-R-E-O-N dot

com slash the basement yard and there's a bunch of tiers there and there's rewards for each tier the $10 tier is the one wow the $10 tier is the one where you're going to get the ability to submit questions so if you want to support the show then definitely hit that up and yeah Danny where can they find you Danny Loper on Twitter and Instagram and you guys can follow me at Joe Sanagato and go follow the twitch twitch.tv slash Joe Sanagato as well stream around there on Mondays and Wednesdays for the most part and go follow the basement yard on Twitter at the basement at the basement yard also yeah and the YouTube channel

there's a bunch of clips over there I'm sure people know about it but I don't know but youtube.com slash the basement yard you'll see it yeah that is all thanks for listening see you next time yeah motherfuckers