The Basement Yard - You Can Break Your Penis

Episode Date: September 6, 2016

On this episode, I have @KeithSantagato & @AntVino on to talk about new YouTube rules, Miami, broken penis' & more. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard. It is Monday, September 5th, and I am with Anthony DeVino 80% of the time when these start you can probably guess that he's gonna be here. Welcome back, Joe. Okay And also Keith is here My brother Keith you can say hi. It's okay. I don't want you put the fucking mic like near your dick just now I was gonna fart but it was silent. Okay, never mind. Thank you for that's how we're gonna do it By the way, I don't know if you know this because I just I was walking both the dogs Just now and Charlie Lift cuz Charlie just started lifting his leg like not too long ago to pee usually just squats like a fucking drunk chick in public

so he would He was walking and he started he went to go pee and then chase went to go like smell his balls or something And he pissed on his head And chase is white so he had like this and the fucking pee was so Like yellow like a raid yellow like literally lemon lime Dog piss is really it's fucking yellow. I know Poatin a real question. Did you give him a bath? No, I didn't but I walked we we walked up It happened like the first tree that we saw and then I just we just kept walking. I was just like whatever

He had no idea he had so now he got home would dried piss all over. Yeah, wait, but then he got a bath Stayed there while Charlie was peeing on his head. He didn't move out of you know, it's funny Like he had no idea that that wasn't supposed to happen So he got pissed on his head and didn't stop him like dude. What the fuck he just kept going He kept going he peed on everything like he was totally cool. He was totally cool with piss all over him Like didn't now soon like the initial pee. Yeah, did he like flinch and move out of the way or just stayed there? Like yeah, I love golden shower basically he didn't he didn't Yeah, he wasn't a post

He got pissed on man if you're into it, I guess so it's a strong smell It's a very strong scent and Charlie. He's huge and first of all Charlie's balls I posted the other like like last week, I think he was laying on the floor and his balls were just sticking out He's got his balls are easily bigger than my balls. Well, yeah, yeah easily God bless definitely bigger than mine a hundred percent Are you getting them? I don't know. I've read some articles that like you shouldn't because it's Like it's bad for their there's pros and cons to it like but I heard if you do I Heard that they go from being really hyper to mellow, right?

It's supposed to change their Behavior, but also like if you do it too early then like I've read that like that something would testosterone and like they can get like Leg problems or something and I was like whatever. So leave it. Yeah, I'm gonna leave it for a little while and maybe get rid of him Maybe not I don't fucking know man. You never see balls on a dog ever He's gonna hump everything so I let him he doesn't really hump anything He tried to hump like chase a couple times, but you know, hey, whatever you're into that's like your brother So yeah, yeah, I don't know what I just said. That's pretty funny. Whatever you brought it. I don't Anyway, I wanted to talk a little bit about before we get into Davino because he just went on a nice trip

He has a couple stories, but I wanted to talk about because people are kept asking me Davino I don't even think you know this tell me so YouTube recently like apparently they have like new rules Set in place or something. I don't know I've read different things like I've read that they're not new rules and whatever but basically People are starting to feel like if there's cursing in a YouTube video Then you can't monetize it, which means that you can't make money off of it You can't run ads on it and everyone's like, what are you gonna do? Yeah, they're like

So basically What I'm gonna do is I'm going to change everything. I'm gonna make everything very advertiser friendly because I'm all about the money and So you're gonna do the right 15 things in my room, right? This one's my favorite Yes, I'm going to do a bunch of collabs with people from LA Who have more subscribers than me? Are you gonna get blonde? Are you serious? Are you joking? No? I'm serious I'm going to start doing what's in my mouth challenges. Oh Great one What's some what's mother good ones? Oh a lot of challenge videos

What about those prank videos where you oh, yeah yourself and have your girlfriend find you right right? I'm gonna do some weird Semi-racist pranks. Yeah, people. Yeah. Yeah, those are top five videos. That's how you go viral exactly But people were asking me what I'm gonna do, but I'm not gonna fucking do anything different Like I'm not gonna go up there and be like and just not dude fuck that I'll just not get paid for them. I did it for two years when I started. I wasn't getting paid a dime Not one dime. I don't I think you're good. Not even a nickel I haven't gotten shut down though. I'm like all my videos

From what I've read which wasn't a lot. Yeah They they were kind of saying like they were already YouTube had these in place and like somebody just like really pissed them off So like, you know what fuck it. We're just gonna enforce these rules on him Yeah, I mean, I don't know man. It's I could give a shit. They could do whatever they want I don't care and honestly like so this happened to me before and I was like I think I was 18 at the time and I got flagged for something as soon as I Because back in the day like now anyone can make a YouTube video and then just start getting paid for them And you have to make at least like $25 a month for it to get to get paid anyway or whatever, but

Back then you had to get to a certain point to be able to get paid So I got to that point and I enrolled in this thing and I remember when I made one cent Like as you could look into your account and you can see how much money you generate you're generating and it said one cent And I was like super hype about that because I'm like, yo, I'm making videos and getting paid for it Even if it was one cent killing it. Yeah, so That happened and then Like two weeks later, I got shut down and like So I've made like 20 bucks in one month once and

I just lost my train of thought but anyway, I fucking They shut me down. I couldn't get paid anymore I like I had made $20,000 a month and then they were like now fuck you and I was like you're disabled And I was all pissed off about it But then I you know looking back on it It's like I'm thank God that I got disabled because if I was like 19 years old And I was making like a couple thousand dollars a month I would have been complacent and just like not try to be better or like whatever and just I would have sucked

So I was like whatever and then when I found out about the music Yeah, I would have started wearing circle frame sunglasses and Pharrell hats went to LA for some Instagram tie-eye shirts and shit Rip pants. We're gonna get to that by the way I've never owned a pair of rip pants The only time they've ripped is because they were too baggy and they were dragged on the floor Very well So the other day when I found out about these like YouTube whatever people were freaking out about it like oh

No, it's gonna get paid if they're cursing I Was like taking a drive because I always take a drive like randomly or whatever and I was taking a drive And I was really thinking about like if that happened and they just I couldn't get paid for YouTube anymore And I was super hype about it. I swear to God I was excited because good shit It'll it'll that would force me to figure out another way to do whatever because they are there's no way in hell I would ever like

Stop doing things the way that I want to do them just because I can't get paid from like I would never do that But fuck you guys. I think you're really good at like coming up with ideas So you wouldn't have a problem with that like fuck it fuck you too. Yeah, I would honestly I was thinking too. I was like even if they cuz like I have an exit strategy for everything Like if YouTube was like, you know what? You're not gonna be paid. You're also not allowed to upload I would literally have to like create a new Platform or like a website where people had to go only to see these things But I was hype about it. Honestly. I was like if they shut me down like I would still be okay financially

Like I still have things in place to be paid money for certain things that I do but it would force me to You know figure out a way to be better or just you know, have you thought about maybe just not cursing anymore or It's hard. I it's not about not it's not about not cursing like I I don't curse because it's Like I don't do it on purpose. I do it because it's I don't want to play to some Audience like the way that I talk in the way that I do think like this is just how I sound I'm not like going out of my way to curse and I'm not going out of my way to not curse

I'm just saying shit, you know, I mean that's just you know, I'm not gonna. It's just how you that's how we all talk Like I have like a really foul mouth My mom says it all the time like I I say the I drop the F bomb like it's like it's a daily thing So does Keith but it's not like we go out our way to say something and then oh, yeah, fuck man Like yeah, I don't I don't want to be like, you know, yeah, fucking fuck it Sometimes that does happen just cuz I'm fired up whatever but I do that cuz like I forget a word No, the fucking yeah, what is it that fucking we say fuck for everything? It's it's you know We all fucking you know, we do that type of shit and who gives a fuck exactly a word let it go

Isn't that weird to her like yeah, I Love George Carlons thing on it. What fuck but like no like all like the curse words. He has oh, yeah No, he's just on another level man. Honestly. Well, he is now, but yeah someone the other day actually wrote me an entire email. I Swear to God it was like Indented it was there was a fucking There was everything there's an introduction paragraphs conclusion and then did yeah, they were all in it was crazy It was just like in perfect form was eliminated. No, did you read it? So I read I skim through but basically this person it was really long

So I didn't want to read the whole thing because the first sense maybe not really care about it Honestly, but it was basically some guy giving me a speech about how I should not Say the word fuck Because I would reach a bigger audience and I'm like, I don't give a fuck about that like you like you know what I mean I didn't mean to do that. It's like I don't give a fuck about that like like the world needs to hear me No, man, I'm just saying shit the way I want to say it whoever likes it likes it. That's it Yeah, I'm not trying to you know brought in my horizons. Whoever likes it will find it That's it. It's that and now you're just appealing to everybody. I don't want to do that. Yeah

I don't like I'm not trying to there's there's nobody out there who doesn't curse when they speak like they use perfect Straight English and not like curse at all. Yeah, it's impossible monks the guy was also saying the guy was also saying like You know the He said something he was talking about comedy and saying like, you know if you do this and that like this person and he was named I'm just like dude. What the house is so confused. I just wanted to write back like I'm not fucking doing this I didn't say anything. I mean some of the stuff he did say were you know made sense? But you know to give me a speech on on that is just All right, dad. Come on buddy. Yeah. Come on. You're right. Anyway, um, if you know you have a nice little new

Piece of jewelry on right now. What is that? Yeah, I'm a lot of watch. You got an apple. I watch pretty late, too Would that come out in like 2015, you know what Keith? Why don't you you stay back in the future, huh? Miss the lightning bolt Why did you want an eyewash? You know what? Um, I uh, I've been wanting it for a while and I bought it as a gift to myself for getting into local three and I know like somebody who has it and she like let me like look at it. Try it wear it out. Yeah, all right Stop laughing. I'm not I was dead serious. I was so I liked how it all like fit Yeah, perfect. So what the fuck do you do? Can you like text on it? What's going on? I can text I could talk on it

I could send people if you have the watch I could send you like my heartbeat or like stupid doodles like I could write fuck you And you'll get it It has a really cool thing where like if you lose your phone you could um you press a button and then all sudden your phone starts beeping really loud Yeah, that's useful. No, like you could like no, I was serious No, like when when I'm at work. I can't look at my phone because clients get mad. Oh, they hit they call my boss Yeah, he's on his phone. You can't call my boss for looking at my watch So I'm looking at my watch and I'm scrolling I could look at Instagram I could look at snap not snapjack a look at Twitter

I could look at any updates and it's pretty cool like can you look at adult and it's good No, and it's good for working out too because like it keeps like your track of everything like you're your blood pressure and everything I was like Fitbit fucking I'm saying all this and I haven't even gotten to it yet today I got the I got the damn watch today dead. I have 14 days to figure out if I want to keep it so far. It's cool Today's day one. Yeah, I'm gonna say day 13. He fucking no, no, I say day for three and a half No, I want to really wake up in the middle of the night. I I can't I gotta get rid of it No, it doesn't come on. Oh, it does come on To I got a charge of damn it. It doesn't come off. Oh, you could make water proof. Yeah, when you're washing your hands

No, is it like no like washing your hands? That's it. I'm saying you go in the pool. It'll break. That's what I meant Yeah, okay, it's not it's a night course. How much was this thing? You know It was money. It was good. Are you know Hold on this is a good inch like tour like just tell me how much it is and I have it was $375 also was less than a meds car payment. Okay, so God, it's just I just think it's so dumb I just don't know, you know, I don't want to say that because you bought a gift for yourself

But I can't help it. So you got a lava lamp the I yeah, man First of all didn't buy that mom got me that on Christmas. So suck a dick. You better not bring her up in bad terms Yeah, I will cut you. That's my mother. You know, I saw her We were sitting in the truck to pick up and I'm playing with the watch. I'm charging it and Tommy goes. Yo, doesn't that girl look like Sammy? So I'm looking down and I look up and I go Yeah, dick that also looks like Shannon and Joey's mom and then I look back down But they were like far away if they were closer, I would have gotten out gave my husband

They were walking it looked like they were with two other people. I don't know who they were They were by themselves. All right, well, there were two people walking in front of me Was it two other guys? Yo, I would have I would have sprinted over there and cause the scene but they were like pretty far and I was like I'm not gonna do that cuz Sam hates me as it is You know Something something nice like that something nice, but it was funny. Yo, she looks like Sammy. I'm like it is dick head

You know whatever by the way last night we had a madden toward him at my house. That was the most disastrous thing in the world beer and It was it was like no chicks it The little how many people you think were there ten? Yeah, it was like a like 1110 we were missing Ralph and Dylan I think yeah, maybe so there was like ten people in my room The AC was on you wouldn't even know it though because it was fucking hot. Yeah as shit my my My AC sucks as it is. It's pretty big too, which I don't understand. It's fucking blows language

It doesn't blow cold though. It was a lot of people in there. It was it was a couple of blows out the devil's dick We had we had a madden tournament and then like it went so late that we were just like It was there was three people left So one person got into the finals and then I had to play my friend Nick And we all just decided like let's just split whatever money we had because we had money on it Like let's just fucking split, but it smelled like absolute shit in there I don't because I went up I went upstairs for something I think to just like cool off because it was so fucking hot and there was no oxygen

For whatever reason I couldn't breathe and then when I came downstairs like I got to the top of the stairs Just a whiff of just like just us like a locker room and a with filled with Alcoholics you didn't change your sheets when we left. Why would I do that? Why who's why hold on did you do something? Dicks Shit and there was people laying on my bed. I would be freaked out Joey Joey went upstairs Everyone's ass and dick was just rubbing on his bed key. That was rubbing on you. Ah, no, don't remember that. Don't say it I don't say, okay

cool It's crap All right. Anyway, let's let's do the sponsorship here. I love those a new one. Oh New one did you get anything? Yes, I did. What is it? We have here Harry's razors What yes, it's Harry's Harry's uh, it's it's Harry's it's how much a month shut up. Okay. I'm gonna get to it, okay Curious so

Basically you sign up for the site. They send you a box with a razor and razors. Are they called razors? You shave your face with yeah, and it comes with razors a couple of them, right? And it comes with like a cream and like all his other shit Oh nice started by two guys who wanted a better a product without paying an arm and I like to get it and it's high quality high Performing high performing German blades. Oh, those are really good crafted by shaving experts Okay, shaving experts Exist all right. So now now that's fucking news to me How much an hour it's a fraction of drugs there drugstore cost

Plus no pesky pexy glass cabinets to unlock either. Okay. Nice. It's about half the price of other big branded Blades they ship for free to your front door Why pay $32 for an APAC of blades when it's half the price at Harry's Okay, go to Harry's comm and Harry's will give you $5 off if you type in my coupon code basement With your first purchase. That's Harry's comm coupon code basement HR ys comm and That coupon code is basement $5 off for a nice little shave I think I'm gonna do that because what which one am I doing now? Which one do we all use the dollar shave club?

What is that? Well, I don't use that my my brother uses dollar shave club I use it too But if this sounds a little bit better and this one I they I have worked with them like and in you on YouTube before like back In the day and they sent and they send you like a box and it opens up and it's just like it's a cool presentation Honestly, I'm all the razor and it's like chrome and then there's two. I think I think too. Don't those come to Like razor heads, and then there's like an aftershave cream thing and they're good razors Did I say no? I think I'm gonna do it. Yeah, I've been buying them for my dad like cuz my dad's been buying me mine my whole life So I did the dollar shave club my dude. I got it

It's nine dollars a month. Let me ask you something You shave your dick. Yeah, of course shave dick. Yeah, you ever shave the balls. No, you can't shave, you know It's rough. I've done it. I've done it shave your balls But you gotta get like you gotta get the skin tight. Otherwise, you just that's what that's what we do We like first of all, I haven't shaved my dick in like two years I'm serious. I gotta I got a color and cabinet hairstyle going on so you're like fuzzed out No, no, no, I buzz it down. Oh, but I don't like shave it girl girls like shave They like you shave it like a yeah, I sit there in the fucking bathroom for an hour, and I shave my balls

I used to do that. What do you have the triangle? Not really no dude, you can't shave your balls. I don't do it all the time, but I'm pretty good You know, that's like trying to write on a t-shirt. Yep. You ever try to write on a t-shirt. She's impossible Skipping you can't shave your balls. I like a clean dick. I respect the girl's mouth I'm not afraid a little pubic care. No, I'm good clean. Yeah, I gotta get on I got a Colin Kaepernick hairstyle going on. We don't want to know about your fucking pube fro I do No, I'm all set on it. It's it's really natural down there It's very it's it's keep got a hot wheels a hot wheels track. You can legit get your hands stuck down there

Put it this way Do you think buying Harry's is probably better than buying it? Well, it's German an Apple watch. So and It's German to be fair one time like actually multiple times like so this is the thing that I do where I go online And like I shop because I refuse to go to malls or stores. I just hate shopping you in a mall, bro I hate it. Thanksgiving Eve. I think I've seen you. We shared Miss Fields cookies. No, I never went to black Friday That's my worst night. No, you were at a mall with me once not up like Friday Yeah, I've been to like I went to the outlets the tanger outlets Yeah, I've been there before but like I hate malls and I hate the shopping like I just hate it

Like I would rather get something a male and it doesn't fit. I don't even send it back Honestly, I'm like the worst I throw money away all the time like that. I'm so stupid Dude, you bought that shower radio and fucking broke it like the second day you bought it No, no, no, I didn't break it. The batteries died and I just haven't changed. Can I can I ask you a question? Who's bright idea was it for that fucking toilet light my mom. All right, I'm sorry I thought it was like you Joe because I walked in there and I was like, oh, there's a nightlight I don't have to turn on the light. I'm scared. So I walk in close the door pitch black blue bowl I'm taking a piss all sudden lights are out and I'm midway and I'm like, oh

Where's the ball? Shut off. Yeah, and I just I like I had to like move my foot a little bit and it turned back on I was like, oh There you go. Yeah, my mom bought that. I think it's super excited about it because I'm all about the gadgets So you have a little gadgets and shit and she's like you're gonna love this and I'm like what she goes to go upstairs And I went to the bathroom and like the toilet bowl was like blue or red or whatever red I thought every time I walk in it turns red. I have no idea Because you're evil and it scares the shit. That's like Satan's coming out Yeah, you're a come dude like I've gone online and bought like

So like, you know when you're shopping and you and you want to buy something that's completely out of your normal style Yeah, like let me just try this. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? Like I recently bought a pair of ripped jeans distress jeans. Did you really? Yeah, so I wore them You saw me in them. Oh, no, you were in Miami. I'm sorry So oh, yeah, I made for that. I bought a pair. No, you were here for the fight For the McGregor fight you weren't at my apartment. Oh, yeah, I didn't notice them. Yeah, so they're not like super distressed It's not like some boy band shit, but it's a little bit and I like normally I wouldn't wear them So I went easy and I bought like, you know

Semi like very light distressed, but they were fine. But this one time I bought these jeans Right and a hoodie, right? And I was like, this is a cool outfit ripped hoodie. No, it wasn't ripped It was like some fucking stupid it looked like a robe and then the jeans were like Like white washed like crazy, but like they were like a a tan tint to them I'm sorry. Did you say a white washed? Yeah, the fuck did you just make that up? I don't know. I might have I was trying to sound cool. Please continue. I'm very hmm So I I took them out and I put them on made sure no one was coming Right, so I put them on and I see what I look like in them

And then I put the the sweater on and I see what I look like in both of these things And I just rolled them up into balls and hid them under my bed. Yeah, and at the right time I just threw them away Swear to get brand new clothes. Wow. I was disgusted. That's what I've done So that's worse that buying an Apple watch, you know, but you're ready. You're ready after me. All right Bad thing I bought I bought a razor scooter. Yo, that was bad. No, no, no, no He bought a razor scooter and I was 25 Do you know how hard it was to buy those things when we were younger? I had a California hot man

This thing was a California. It was very heavy. That's all I had to say carry on Keith All right, it would have been worse if I bought like a skip it or like something like that. Yeah, but You said count every time as you go around one two. Yeah, no, it had a counter on it. Yeah, I know Now Keith what a thing I hated about the razor scooter it was that it was a razor No, it was Like the handles didn't go up far enough So because I'm like seven year olds Keith. So I'm like hunched over like like an idiot. I look like an old guy That's 90. Yeah

Funny story about the razor scooter though is I bought it It was what was it? It was like fifty seven dollars to my god fucking joke and Sorry, I know right went out for a test ride drive with this thing Sure enough get two blocks away from the house. I Hit a goddamn. What is that called? Rock no, no, no, I hit a stick fucking Fell off this thing and now I'm rolling

In the street. I'm in the middle of the street now rolling, but I'm still holding on to the razor scooter There you go thinking this thing is gonna fucking run away on me now interesting. Yeah, came home with two bloody knees Yeah That's an everyday came home with two bloody knees Came home with two bloody knees. You're sweating. You're standing. What is standing gonna prevent you from sweating? Take the thing out of the stand if you're gonna stand We're back. Anyway, so do you know I want to hear about your Miami trip because he just went to Miami It was like now it's two weeks ago. Probably

So you have no track of time. It's just yeah, I don't know sometimes a year ago I forget a lot of things and it worries me that am I gonna get old one day and forget Well, you are gonna get old one day to Vino. So yeah, you are I will never show up You should never check that one on your list So how was your how's your trip my trip was well I went away with Tommy. Yep, and Nicholas deus. Yep from veterans minimum. Yes, and I thought it was gonna be a great trip It was a great trip. It was it was probably it was probably better than it was no suspense there I had too much fun. I got really tan

Sunburned tan and I met a lot of great people now When This sounds like a school project Now before I get into this I try to memorize your lines. It's like we played beach volleyball With random people yeah me and Tommy and Nick against these Tommy is a pro Tommy Tommy's pure California He's got the hair to be honest. Yeah, he's got hair died was ass Nick and I were okay You know we we kept it good. It was a good game. You know a couple of games three on three

It wasn't bad. Did you win any of them? No? Were they like I'm spiking it and shit, but we had good formation. It was fun Great, but yeah, like we we chilled, you know, I met I met I finally hmm, I Finally met Candice Candice who is oh someone Davino had been talking to for some time. She is probably the coolest I say girl, right?

Woman girl. She's a woman. I've ever met it's it's crazy how much I hate New York girls now. Here we go But Candice was was probably the coolest chick ever. Yeah, she was cool I remember we when we went to visit Frankie in Connecticut Either you facetimed her or she was facetiming you mind you these streets that we're walking in our pitch black I loved it. I was like, thank God someone can see us So if we get fucking thrown to a van right now like someone can call the cops But uh, yeah, I talked to her like while you were buying ice cream sandwiches and the gas I've been talking for a while I finally made my way down there and she hung out with us for the day

It's nice and she went home at night But um, yo, it was cool because we went to the beach, you know, we just chilled and then we went to fat Tuesdays because All we drink are those slushie drinks down there and fucking pineapple vodka is like 20 bucks. Jesus. So Um, oh, I could get into mad story. Yo, all right, first of all I want to know about that place that you guys went to where it has like a fucking ice skating Oh Wednesday, we land and Nick hit somebody up that that you guys knew and she was like come to the basement You know, it's popping come to the basement. I didn't bring jeans because I'm a fucking idiot and

Which I'm gonna call it I had to wear Tommy's jeans and Tommy had skinnies and you know Tommy's a lot taller than me Yeah, so his skin is turned into relaxed fit So it actually worked out pretty well. All right, so we get there, right? It's aligned. It's it's aligned to get in and Yo, we get down there. Dude. There was an ice skating rink There was a two-lane bowling alley Dope bar and the club was insane and there were some arcade games now You would think oh, this is this is Dave and Buster's no you had to dress up to get in otherwise You weren't getting in it was as they would say

lit as fuck All right, I had mad fun. It was amazing. I would be skating the whole time No, I was to be me and Tommy were hammered. We were like, you know, we go out there. We'll die We'll break our skulls now would have done it. Fuck it But that was sorry. It was you've been you've been on the strip the Cleveland there the Cleveland there was good Yeah, I know shouldn't drive we went to the Cleveland there. I remember it's like two years ago or three years ago and USA was playing Portugal and we went there and we were fucking going crazy

We we went to you know what willies was packed. Oh, yeah, and we were like, you know, I was like, you know Why don't we go to fat Tuesdays? I love fat Tuesdays. Remember in Vegas fat Tuesdays. Oh, yeah So we walk in there and we get we get our drinks and we go and we sit outside We're sitting outside with me Candice was across from me and the Tommy and Nick to the side of me and we're just talking and all of a sudden this random Ready, they were like three girls to the back of us. Hey, what's up? They turn over and look around. I'm like, oh, hey Like how's it going? And this girl out of nowhere. Oh God, all right. We're like, oh, how long are you staying here? Yeah. Well Kyrie almost gave me Vika last night

I'm like Niko's Niko's you mean Kyrie Kyrie Irving like, you know, like the basketball player. She goes, yeah He wouldn't fuck me. He wouldn't fuck. Yeah, and I was like, oh, that's the almost Zika part. Am I right? First of all, I don't think Zika can be transferred like that. Oh, I may be mistaken. I don't know I'm pretty sure it's like I ski. I don't know. I think it can. I'm not sure. I don't know I can't so so um, she just starts talking like we're not even saying a word Candice is looking at her like, yo, you're like, what are you doing? And um, I was I was just trying to get them to hang out with Nick and Tommy, right?

So I was like, yo, what are you guys doing tonight? Yeah, I don't know. I might show a jewel Santana What the fuck she goes, yeah, you know Chad Johnson chills here, too So I might meet up with him and Nick is like dick. He just got a job with the Browns like you're lying right now You She's like, yeah, you know and she had um a hat on and and don't get me wrong. This girl was actually she was good She's good looking. She was good looking, but you know too pricey. Yeah, you know, you guys got you guys got Kyrie money You come chill with me tonight. Like no, we're not gonna show with you. Is this the girl who tweeted me? Yeah, I remember I was like Joe tell this girl we know him

She was like, I was like, you know who Joe is she goes know who is that and once I brought up your page and like showed her and oh Yeah, I know him and then she wrote to you. You're bae. You're funny. I love you. Yeah. I was like, you Like you lied to me. You know exactly who he was. I remember I hate girls like that I think Nick told me she asked what my net worth was. Yes. She goes. What's his net worth? Those look like he's a millionaire Straight up straight face everything she goes Oh and she had a savage hat on which got me going crazy because I was gonna get savage tied it on my My god, I totally forgot about yeah, listen I face times me and I'm like what and he's just and he's standing there right completely sunburned and I'm like

I'm like, what's up? He goes. All right I'm gonna get savage tattooed on my inner lip and I'm like, well, no, you're not. How's that? Nope. Don't do it Nick was gonna pay 50 and I was gonna pay 50 is a hundred dollars. Yeah, I called him like how much is it? He goes a hundred bucks. I was like fuck you so I hung up But then after I called you I called Sammy Yeah, I was like, yo like should I get this and she I texted her actually and I was like I was like get ready and she's like what and I'm like good No, I said good luck and she's like for what and I said just wait and then she the next time she texted me

She's like wow He's gonna make a mistake and I was like, yo like it's dope like nobody will see it I'll see it, but then I thought to myself Frankie won't let me live no without shitting on me every day Yeah, you know why Nick was gonna pay the 50 was because he was gonna make fun of you for the rest of your life Oh, yeah, we all were I was gonna get shitted on. Yeah, I understand but I thought it was also cool like savage Yeah, yeah, but yo listen to this so we're um I'm chilling in the in the lobby of the hotel and we leave and as I'm leaving me and Candice are leaving um these dudes Like Tommy first of all Tommy ventured off by himself. He was in mangoes cha cha sliding everything by himself

I love how independent Tommy's Tommy could go have fun by himself so I walk outside the hotel and I see five people lined up on the sidewalk in handcuffs and cops individually Screaming at every single one of them like this girl's screaming. I'm a us marine You have some fucking nerve resting me and the cop is like, you know why you're getting arrested tonight because you weren't fucking listening So you're going to jail. I was I was laughing to the point where I was like, yo guys are there cameras around? Is this Miami cops?

Keep it moving dickhead. I was like, okay. Sorry. Sorry I was crying of laughter. Why the fuck does they get arrested? Oh, I don't know. I didn't stick around for that part But they were five people on the sidewalk sitting down You're getting arrested tonight because you were being a fucking asshole. You were listening you assaulted No, not assaulted stop, but he goes, huh? You resisted arrest some shit like that I heard that and I was like, yo, this has to be an episode of Miami cops or something like they're making it Because there was a golf cart a lot of you to be in the frame five rows and they were all getting in there

And I was like, yeah, I was like, oh, I would have gotten down right like I had to wait They didn't have like a like a squad. No, they had a golf cart. I guess, you know, so it's nice. It's Miami Todd It's nice. It was a nice weather. Yeah, you had to catch a breeze when I couldn't I couldn't believe that but um Catch and beat did you say someone got robbed? Oh, yes Somebody got robbed and me and Tommy are at the front desk trying to like get like, yo, they wouldn't clean our room for shit All right, so we're trying to talk to him and our card card keys didn't work For your room this dude dressed in white. He was wearing white shorts down. There was ankles white fitted everything Yo, my dude like son, I can't believe it. Yo, they stole 10 bands

They stole 10 bands for me and Tommy was like damn dude, that sucks like I'm sitting and I'm like, no, they didn't dick head I was like if they stole $10,000 from you right now, you would be home You wouldn't still be. Yeah, yo, my girl's coming to pick up the key. You gotta you gotta I was like, no You're going home parties over It's it's a wrap. You know what I'm saying 10 g's Who stole so he was like sold 10,000. He was like, yo, it was the black guy in yellow shorts If you see him call the cops I was like, oh shit that guy was talking to us this morning Because nick had a willy beamon willy beamon shirt on yeah, and yo willy beam. Yo, it's the shit. Yeah

And I was like, all right, let's keep going. I'm hungry. So he said that that guy robbed. Yeah, and I was like, oh I was like 10 grand. I was like, yo, there's no way. Yeah, he followed me into the alleyway. I was like, there's no alleyways here I'm like, what are you saying? Yeah, you know 10 bands. I'm like 10 All right, I gotta I gotta go. I gotta go. Yo carry your money in your front pocket. I was like, all right All right, dude, thank you. That's good to know. It's a nice role. I didn't know my ammy was that wild They say to do that when you're dancing with girls But keep your money in your front pocket. Yeah, because if you put in your back pocket, they steal the the wallet damn girls What the fuck did you hear that from?

What show keith Someone actually told me that A night in paris they're like they got their wallet stolen like twice by having it in their back pocket Maybe in columbia. They were dancing with a girl in the club Girl stole his wallet the only person who puts their hands in my pocket when we're out is divina Yep, like randomly i'll be Surrounded by people like at the bar and i'll feel a hand going to my back pocket and grab my wallet You know what now it's bad because i don't even turn around anymore because that's just assume

Mr. Vino because it comes out and then i count to two and then it goes back in and i know it's divino But one day someone's gonna take it and i'm should be like, yeah, okay They got a good lead on you I did it to dylan in the garden once we were going to the next game and dylan's walking and it's packed and i just Slide my hand into his pocket and he grabs my wrist turns around gets ready to punch me and i was like, yo man And he was like, he's like, yo, that's scared to shoot. I was going to fuck you up and i was like, all right Well, good thing you didn't yeah, no you do that all time. He puts his hands in my front pocket my back pocket I'm really good at it, but i just don't pursue that career. No

That's like a fucking klepto Jesus christ, you're that guy in the train bub. Oh, sorry, sir, and i always wanted to do that Now i got your uh, social security number you ever see those videos of the guys like standing there and like They stand next to you and they like take your fucking wash off your wrist and no, i want to see that Yeah, yeah, dude. They're like professionals dude some guy What was talking to him like asking for directions took his sunglasses his watch his wallet And like something else probably give it back. Does he give it back? Oh, yeah, he took his tie. He took his tie, too Yeah, so that and he puts it on his own wrist. Yeah, so he's like, yeah, I got your got your

Are you like what the fuck had no idea literally these people could go out in public and just And they want to have it don't have to have a job just steal things sell them Wouldn't even matter you just make a bunch of i want to see these videos because i think that's historical Hey, man. Yeah, this is yours. Whoa, bro. Yeah, you ever see that show where like they they rob someone's house You ever see that like it's like professionals. That's the most vague fucking description of a show. Where do you come? What was i was i done talking please? So they rob the house. Well, how it is. It's like they stage to rob a house. They want to see how the neighbors are gonna react Oh, yo, that's so they have somebody rob the house

And like you should see this shit like oh, yeah, we're just cleaning the house all of a sudden Meanwhile, they're taking like the fucking plasma screen tv out like as she's talking to them. It's like what the fuck Clean out the whole house. That reminds me there was a show back in the day where Uh These people would like they would have security cameras and all this stuff in there And then they would have this guy and the whole show was like basically the the main guy would go to these houses and Look at the houses and figure out ways to rob it and then like he would do it

Obviously not take anything but he would get in and like do it in a way that like None of the cameras would see him or like if they did it's like, you know what I mean? Like he would figure out a way to fucking do it, but I don't like just remind me of that It's a lot of shady people out there. Yeah, I agree. But yeah, it's probably not as good as fucking the video This kid was talking about before we started this podcast. Keith goes. Yeah, you know, Dennis Roblin broke his dick three times What? Apparently there's a video was fucking Trending on uh, facebook recently

Kind of so he broke his dick for the third time the trifecta in recent well, he they like interviewed him But I don't know how the fuck got to this point, but he was like, yeah, I broke my dick How did he break his dick? Yo, I don't know. Dicks could break sometimes like when you're when it doesn't ever happen to you like when you're having sex and you just hear a crack in it Yeah, like at the base. Oh, it's so bad. Yeah, like it hurts for a second, but you're like, I'm having sex. So I forget about 100% it will be good. Don't worry. It's weird. I'm not gonna stop. It's weird. It's just like our Or like you're going and then like it accidentally pops out and then you hit like the side vagina And then it just like it backs up into you. It's like when you go boogie boarding

The board hits the sand that it gives you Oh man, I hate it when that it's the same. It's the same feeling but he broke his dick. Yeah. All right. Look This is the file. I really didn't watch the video because I didn't want to watch it. Do they put it in a cast? Yeah, dick cast I wouldn't be surprised. It's a dick cast uh, what's your macaw? He um He's like, yeah, my wife. She's really into crazy shit. He goes, I'm I'm we're fucking I got tired so

I'm going to turn the light on He goes and as I turn the light on she goes Why don't you run from where you are? and try to like Get your dick Like try to slam dunk it like try to like slay. Yeah slam dunk in the puss And he's like, all right fine. See he is his mistake his bad He's got a big vert too. Like god knows how high he's getting you gotta have some confidence in your aim to be able to do

Yeah, all right. So right now he he goes through with it He goes, I miss completely Right and I'll say here is a big crack Dick hurts right now. Yeah, that's not good. It's like I heard a big crack. He goes. I look down. There's just blood everywhere Oh, I gotta stop. Wait, he bled? I gotta stop. Yeah, he's like there was blood all over her and me. He said not again wait But hold on that that was a funny part was when he did it for a second time It was like I forgot how it happened, but it was like a different

Like scenario and he literally said oh, not again Wait, so what was the blood coming out of his tip? Yeah, this is making me really upset. This is crazy Yeah, I can't imagine if that happened to me. I feel weird feelings. He like snapped the cartilage I didn't even know you could snap cartilage. There's cartilage in there Dude Your fucking ears cartilage. I know but I can't break my ear. Oh, no, you can't Somebody please Yeah, well, I can't even imagine because when I do that whole stub thing like sometimes that happens, right?

You're trying to do the long deep stroke thing and then your your dick comes out and it hits like The thigh the groin area it hurts the tip and then it just stubs It's like stubbing your toe on the coffee table except that your dick and then The fucking the base and the rest of it just Cranks, I don't know how to explain it like waves. It sucks. We'll just go with that Yeah, and I'm like ow that fucking because you just explain like something from 50 shades of gray I would just keep going at that point like I gotta I gotta I love sex. I gotta keep doing it that's why sometimes when girls are on top I get scared because

They when they start like bouncing up and down and shit like dude, I don't have a foot long dick Let's just get that out there. Okay, so when they start to like try to When they think that I have a foot long dick and it comes out and they try to come down really fast It could end everything so I only yeah, it's joey bendick. Yeah Yeah, I agreed if something. Oh, I can't I can't all right. See these girls and pornos. They're fucking They could jump off like they could put their hands on the ceiling. It's still big to the size of the mic right now Maybe a little longer

Yeah, it's ridiculous. I can't I can't do that. It's terrifying and I hope I never break my dick Yeah, I mean if you break your dick three times break your dick once Shame shame on them. Yeah Break it three times might as well just get rid of it. Yeah, just you don't deserve it anymore Yeah, you definitely get a cock cock cast Or you got to keep it like wrapped up for like a year or whatever. You think they do that like 100% they have to They probably put a condom on it or do that or do you like make it yourself a like paper mache? You just put like a finger splint on the whole yeah, there's a hole in there fia. There's a hole in there

Broken cock. Sorry. Oh my god. I'm getting weird feelings. All right. I know like I have like a tingling Let's just stop doing this, you know, please for the for whatever Uh, we're gonna wrap it up here. Uh, it's a good way to end it Broken dicks Uh, broken promises and broken dicks Should I name it that anyway? Oh boy. Oh boy. That's funny as you say that and you never do. Yeah, I know I don't Anyway, Keith, where can they contact you and contact me at uh,

At yeah, okay at twitter and instagram at keith santa gato and divino Same old same old you contact me at antvino.com He's got his own website. I didn't realize that it's just Just that antvino for everything twitter.com snapchat I'm sorry Oh, man, if you want to contact me don't suck it dick Uh, and as always thanks for listening your mother fuckers The fuck was that I don't I was trying to get creative. It was cute. Yeah