The Bechdel Cast - Men in Black with Sam Ike

Episode Date: September 14, 2017

'Women In Assorted Colors' Jamie and Caitlin do a live show about Men in Black at the Boston Comedy Arts Festival with guest Sam Ike, who almost hooks up with Jamie's mom.(This episode contains spoilers)Follow @TheSamIke on Twitter! While you're there, you should also follow @BechdelCast, @caitlindurante and @hamburgerphone  Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Subscribe now and listen to the NFL Fantasy Football Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the Bechdelcast, the questions asked if movies have women in them. Are all their discussions just boyfriends and husbands or do they have individualism? The patriarchy's effing vast.

Start changing it with the Bechdel cast. Welcome to the stage, your host of the Bechdel cast, Kayla Girante and Jamie Lofton. Hi, welcome to the Bechdel cast. Thank you so much for joining us for our live show. The live show. At the Boston Comedy Arts Festival, thanks for having us here and to Improv Boston.

Yeah, we were happy to be here. I'm doing a good job so far. At the Boston Comedy Arts Festival, thanks for having us here and to Improv Boston. Yeah. Yeah, we were happy to be here. I'm doing a good job so far. You're killing it. I'm killing it. We're very sleepy. Yeah. I'm delirious.

Less than 24 hours ago, we recorded another live episode. Well, actually, like 12 hours ago. Yeah, pretty close to that episode. In New York City. Ever heard of it? Um, bitch. Yeah, pretty close. In New York City. Ever heard of it? Bitch. And then we slept next to each other on a coach bus this morning.

It was very intimate. Yeah. It was nice. At least we don't have to share a mic this time. Last night we were scissoring each other in order to share a mic. It was very cute. People loved it. I suggested, what was the name change? Oh, the Scissor Friends.

That's the new... We're scrapping the Bechtel cast. Who has listened to our podcast before? Round of applause. Last time we did our first live episode here in April, everyone was like, what is this? Like everyone had wandered into the wrong room.

Has anyone not heard an episode of the Bechdel cast before? Oh, I brought my harpoon gun. Good. Okay. That's okay. We'll explain to you what it is. We sure will. The Bechdel cast is inspired by the Bechdel test. It's a test that requires that a movie or a TV show or anything with characters in a story has two women.

They have to speak to each other. Those two women characters have to have names, and their conversation has to be about something other than a man. A lot of movies don't pass the Bechdel test. It sounds like a joke, but it is just tragically 90% of movies in existence. Right. Yes. So we're here to talk about the portrayal of women in movies and how it's shitty and how it should be better. We're the scissor friends.

And then we're talking about a specific movie today. Also, last time we recorded a live episode here, we were like, hey, has anyone seen Dirty Dancing, the movie we're talking about a specific movie today. Also last time we recorded a live episode here We were like hey has anyone seen Dirty Dancing the movie we're talking about today, and everyone's like no What is this? What's the movie? What's the movie? We had some real feral degenerates here last time So if you're a returning audience member, what's up? You made it real weird last time. So today we're talking about Men in Black. By round of applause, who has not seen

Men in Black? Hello! Calling out my name! We're about to spoil every second of it. One of those movies that is again, on television 1,000% of the time.

Really quick, I just wanted to check in with our usual stuff at the top. Alfred Molina check. We do have an update on Alfred Molina. We didn't talk about it at the Scissor Friends last night. Wait, what is it? We normally work with our producer, Aristotle, and he was near Alfred Molina a couple of days ago. Yes. Oh, wait, no, it's tomorrow. It's tomorrow, I think.

He's going to be near Alfred Molina on 9-11. Never forget. Alfred Molina probably doesn't forget 9-11. One of the many amazing qualities he has. I sense a lot of confusion from the audience. Why are they talking about Alfred Molina so much on a podcast

about the portrayal of women in movies? Because Alfred Molina, well, he's an ally. He's for sure an ally. He's 100% our greatest ally, probably. He's also a master of his craft, and we just respect what he does so much. Beginning with the Royal Shakespeare Company in the late 1970s.

Hey, let's introduce our guest. I'll check in a little later. Okay. I'll allow it. Yeah, without much further ado, so every episode we talk about a specific movie and we have a guest to help us. Not that we need it, but we're happy to have our guest here today.

Our guest today, we don't need him! Thanks for volunteering your time, you dumb bitch! He's a friend of ours. He's a friend of the cast. He's so funny. He's a local comic here in Boston. Give it up for Sam Ives! Woo! Yeah! Welcome! Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Appreciate it. I love how it just started. We basically just came on to tell this guy we didn't fucking want him. We did not need him. We're just saying we could do it alone.

We've never had a live podcast with a live man before. Most of our male guests are cadavers. Thanks for being here. We've never had a live podcast with a live man before. You do. Most of our male guests are cadavers. But we do, when we record in studio, in our studio, we, our studio, we're millionaires. When we record in studios,

we usually restrain the male guests, depending on how threatening they seem. Yeah, with any assortment of bungees, chains, anything like that. Sam's a bungee guy. He's not going to hurt us. I'm easily the weakest man in this block. I don't think Sam could escape the bungees.

I think we'd be safe with the bungees. Well, Sam, thank you so much for being here and for bringing us the movie Men in Black. Tell us why, is there any special reason you chose this movie? What's your history with it? How many times have you seen it? I believe in aliens because of this movie. Okay.

I bought into it. I saw it, and I was like, that seems accurate. And I just wanted to share that. I saw it and I was like, that seems accurate. And I just wanted to share that. So this is more of like an indoctrination than... Someone told me I could talk about a movie for an hour and I was like, oh, and I could convince people that aliens exist? Done. Great. Well, I'm really excited for what's to come.

So, okay, well, honestly, I think there probably is, I mean, the universe is infinite. Here's what happened. All right, let me start over. Where you know what happened? I know what happened. I've been looking for these answers. Start at the beginning. When did you first see the movie? I saw it in 96 when it came out.

I think it came out in 96, 97? No, 97. 97? Thank you, Jamie's mother, for clarifying. She could not have placed herself in a more prominent place. She basically has a spotlight. Did you know that beforehand? Absolutely. I saw it in 97.

It wasn't around in 96, dude. I think it's just your life was 95 skip 96 you went straight to 97 so you saw it early so when it came out yeah multiple times

I loved it I used to when my friends I used to try to zap them like memory erase yeah what's it called

what's the thing called the neuralyzer yeah I tried to neuralyze my friends. Didn't they have... No, it was Neuralize Mode. Don't yell at the audience.

I love how interactive of a show this is. It's a live event. It's dynamic. There's Neuralizers. Didn't they have them at Burger King or something? There was Burger King and Men in Black Toys that I very specifically remember wanting. Yep. It came with that and it came

and then there was a little alien from the video. Yeah! First of all, I love that there's just an era with movies with family-friendly rap theme songs. This is one of the best. It's not better than Wild Wild West, the theme song.

Wild Wild West is fantastic. I loved L.O. Cool J, Deep Blue Sea. Yeah. I'm a shark fin. This song is called Shark Fin. There is. Have you heard it? No.

I have no idea what this is. It's called I'm a Shark. I'll check it out. One of my favorite movies, Master of Disguise, they ended Dana Carvey's career. Dana Carvey is amazing. He's still alive today, given the fact that this movie exists. There was a rap theme song

for that, but no one saw the movie and the song was garbage. So. Yeah. I'm always disappointed when a movie has a bad rap song.

Like, that was the reason why I didn't like Carol. Yeah. The rap song in Carol was terrible. It just like didn't, yeah.

It didn't fit the movie. Can't be like, shit, can't rap. It just can't rap. Could you imagine? I'll agree with that. Cate Blanchett had a rap, baby. I think we nailed it, guys.

Yeah, you gotta go. I mean, I think that Carol's gonna have a second coming if you're gonna write a rap for Kate Blanchett featuring Rudy Merritt and with the same little alien

in the Men in Black the Men in Black alien story hey speaking of Men in Black can we be on here alien story. Hey, speaking of men in black... The movie we're here to talk about... Oh, yeah. What?

I don't know. When did you first see it, Jamie? Did you see it with your mom in 1997 when it came out? Well, I certainly didn't see it in 1996. No, I didn't. I think I was too young to see it when it came out, but I

remember watching it with my cousin on VHS probably sometime in the early 2000s. I remember seeing the Burger King toys and not knowing what they were, but being like, well, aliens and ghosts are for sure real, so I'm gonna want I wish I could get in the ground floor of this.

Unfortunately, I don't have all my teeth. So you also are on the pro-aliens exist side of things. I feel stronger about ghosts, but I do believe in aliens, yes. I mean, we've already talked about the movie Ghost, so yeah, we all agree that they are real. I mean, I think that's one of the reasons that Ghost exists. Yeah. Certainly. What I was going to say is that I saw this movie

in 97 when it came out. Just to keep clarifying, that's the year that it came out. We'll keep checking in as it changes. I was 11

and I had an existential an ex you're having one right now an out of body experience is that what you were about to say I was having an existential

thank you yeah pepper girl crisis Thank you. Yeah! Pepper girl. Crisis. Because at the end of the movie, the galaxy that was on Orion's belt, and then it's like, you zoom out and it's all fucked, and it's big aliens playing with a marble case full of little galaxies. And I was like, my life is so insignificant. And I didn't believe in God after that.

So it didn't convince you aliens existed, but it did rob you of faith, correct? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I used to think that every time I saw Marlboro's, I was like, oh, I have Earth. I thought big. I think that's a very interesting male-female perspective. Right? Yeah. I don't exist. And Sam's like I own it. Should I do the recap? Let's do the famous. So Men in Black, we open on Tommy Lee Jones and his older white man partner. And then they're...

Not hot. That one's not hot. And they're fighting aliens, because guess what? Aliens live among us. But they work for this entity called what is it? Section 6. Section 6.

Because in the beginning the border patrol keeps going there is no Section 6. You're struggling with talking too. I feel bad for you. I think that's what it was. Yeah, you're right. They're the men in black.

The older white guy is like, I'm getting too old for this shit. So they need to recruit and train a replacement. And meanwhile, Will Smith is an NYPD police officer. In plain clothes, Like, really stylish. Yeah. Like, orange baggy windbreaker pants. Like, stolen from

the Fresh Prince set. He looked like the fifth bad boy. Like, it was like Diddy, Mace, Biggie, Will, so four. So, like, if one of them got sick, he could just sub in. Biggie did.

He's an under-sick. Oh, I meant he died. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Biggie died. Did I spoil that? Did I spoil that? That's why I have a C and a notorious. Anyway, so Will Smith is chasing a dude, and he's also kind of hot.

Hot. Yeah. But he's also an alien, and his eyes blink that way. Oh, no, no. Guy running away, not hot. Oh, Will Smith. Will Smith's hot. Hot, oh, yeah.

Will Smith's hot. I was going, yeah. Will Smith's hot. I was going to get into an argument. I was like, are you serious? I thought you were talking about the alien. So they, like, pinpoint Will Smith as a potential, like, oh, maybe he could be a man in black. And then Tommy Lee Jones is like, yeah, how about him? And they, like, recruit him, and then they train him,

and he's like, oh, wow, there's aliens. Okay, I'll just give up the life that I had before, which really wasn't much of one. He had nothing to lose. He just had that orange jumpsuit. So then there's this bug who lands on planet Earth, and he's causing all kinds of mayhem around New York City. Ever heard of it?

And then they're like, we've got to get this bug. And meanwhile, there's a galaxy on a little cat's collar, and they're like, but what is Orion's belt? That doesn't make any sense. I'm doing an excellent job in this recap. You're welcome. So they have to catch the bug, and the bug's after this galaxy. Wait're welcome. So they have to catch the bug and the bug's after this galaxy.

Is Vincent D'Onofrio the bug? Yeah, the bug takes Vincent D'Onofrio's skin and wears it. Okay, okay, okay. So really quick, Vincent D'Onofrio hot. Yeah. Just wanted to make sure I was keeping up. I used to love making that face, the face that he makes.

My cat, get back! Give me he makes. I want my cat back. Give me my cat back. I want my cat. Give me my cat back. I just realized this is a podcast. They can't see that. I was a dead on face. I made the face.

I would not have guessed you could have done an amazing Vincent D'Onofrio. Yeah. But you put in the time. Yeah. Wait till we do Full Metal Jacket. Okay, but wait.

Wait, who would you be in Full Metal Jacket? That character? Or that, yeah. I've never heard. I know. Anyway, so, get the bug in the end. Wait, there's a lady at one point. You're right.

That's not what this podcast is about. Right, so all these dead bodies are turning up that are actually alien dead bodies. And this coroner, she's like working at the morgue and, whoa, what are these alien dead bodies? And then they flashy thing her all the time, which is low-key gaslighting. Oh, we'll talk. We'll talk. Yeah.

And she's cute. Hot. She's hot. Hot. Hot. And, yeah, so she's a character. The end. But that's about all we know. Oh, and

she's also horny. She's hot and she's horny. Or at least pretends to be. It's confusing. She points at her vagina at one point in the movie and is like just kidding. Yeah. We'll talk about that scene. It's a poorly written joke.

It's unclear like did she mean it or did she just point her vagina by mistake i know i find myself doing that all the time in professional situations i'm constantly like i'm so sorry that was involuntary it's just a condition of being a woman in the workplace. Yeah, can confirm. I was very, there's a scene in the beginning when you first meet her where Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith, they walk in and

she's talking to just Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones looking at one of the bodies and she says to Will Smith, she says, you know what I like to do when it gets really late Here and then Tommy Lee Jones cuts in but when I was a kid I Like because I didn't understand like sex. I thought like, why aren't they addressing that in the rest of the movie? And now as an adult, I'm like, is she saying she fucks the bodies? Well, what is she saying?

Yeah, what is she saying? I thought she was saying she does something unrelated to the bodies. But now since we've opened up that discussion, what is she doing with those bodies? Is she robbing them? Oh, maybe she's harvesting their organs. That's savvy. That would be a more

interesting character than she is. Spin off. She's selling that? Yeah, women in the black market. I don't know. I thought maybe she,

they can't be saying she fucked the bodies. That seems so weird. There's no way. There's a lot of sexual innuendos in this movie that don't quite land. Like, they're just like, there's a little uncanny valley, like, what are, like, what are they saying?

Do they like each other? Like, it's unclear. Yeah, is this a romantic plot line? What was, like, yeah. And she's so undervalued. And she's not in the sequel either. Right, well, because they set up at the end, because Tommy Lee Jones is like,

I wasn't training a partner, I was training a replacement. And then he retires. Which is crazy, because it's Will Smith's second day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Crazy. And then he retires. Which is crazy because it's Will Smith's second day. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Crazy. I think you got it.

Yeah, like, you got this. Yeah, so he retires, and then Will Smith and Dr. Weaver, the coroner, is like, I've been around aliens enough. One day's worth, that's all you need. And she ends up being his partner. it's set up so that like, oh she's going to be in the sequel and it can't be called Men in Black anymore. Psych! It's still two men

in the sequel and she's never heard from again. Yeah, he flashy thinker. My theory is she turned 40 and they're just like, well because we all know how much people love casting women over 40. They don't. It doesn't.

We don't do it. Let's get Tommy Lee Jones' body double. Let's have him. Tommy Lee Jones is hot in this movie. I'm sorry. It's true. Is he hotter than Tony Shalhoub's little head? His little head. Just because Tony Shalhoub's little head. His little head.

Just because Tony Shalhoub cannot get any hotter, Tony Shalhoub's little head. Shout out to all the... Oh, so if we're saying what part in this movie would Alfred Molina have had? Because I'm sure he was offered a part in this movie. He's a town. Could he have done Shalhoub's part

or could Shalhoub's part only have been done by Shalhoub? I wouldn't have recast Tony Shalhoub, no. Who could we, who could we, you know, he could have been Tommy Lee Jones. Could have been Tommy Lee Jones. Could have been Rip Torn. Could have been Rip Torn. I think it would have been a good set.

Get out, Rip Torn. I always confuse Rip Torn with He could have been, I think he would have been a good set. Get out, Rip Torn. I always confuse Rip Torn with someone I could go either way on with Meatloaf. With someone I feel very strongly about. Here's what Alfred Molineux

might have been doing instead in 1997. He could have been filming Boogie Nights. Okay. He could have been filming Anna Karenina. He's so,

he's so versatile. He could have been filming Anna Karenina. He's so versatile. He could have been preparing for his role in Dudley Do-Right. The Brendan Fraser one? I think the Brendan Fraser one. Is there another? Shout out to Brendan. It is Brendan Fraser.

Shout out to Brendan Fraser. Kaelin's going to murder us. I feel great. I do want to talk more about... So there are two female characters in Men in Black. And just those two and no others. In New York City, yeah, where there's ten women total. Right.

One of them is Vincent D'Onofrio's wife. Her name is Beatrice. Beatrice. Beatrice? I'm just repeating what I think you're saying. Stop castling Caitlin! Yeah, Beatrice, and she has very minimal screen time, as does the other female character character Dr. Laurel Weaver

I'd say between the two of them they might have an added total of like 20 minutes of screen time that feels generous there's really when they say men in black they're not fucking around something I wanted to point out about that, movies with like They're not fucking around.

Something I wanted to point out about that, movies with, like, men or boys, or, like, men in the title, yeah, in the title are always action movies, superhero movies, exciting movies about people kicking ass. Examples, Men in Black, X-Men, Spider-Man. Bad Boys. Bad Boys. Bad Boys.

No Country for Old Men. All the President's Men. The Other Guys. A Few Good Men. The Nice Guys. The Nice Guys. Yeah, they're like, woo, what fun movies. And then movies with like women or girl in the title are like dramas. Little Women. Little Women like 20th century women the

end mean girls oh yeah just a really good point that I'm making. Girl. Spice girls. Spice. I just want to participate. Check out our Spice World episode of the cast. No girls. Sorry. Girls trip.

Girls trip. Oh, yeah. Recent movie. Yeah. Generally, they're more about, like, interpersonal relationships. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but I'm just'm just saying like there's a disparity between the two types of action versus like a fluffy or it's about women connecting

hate it kill an alien already right women so that's just something I wanted to share with you all and you're welcome I mean it's tricky

because this is okay so this is maybe the millionth time on this podcast that we have come up against a summer blockbuster movie that is pretty well loved I still enjoy this movie I think it's a fun plot hole ridden romp. Yeah. Movie Galaxy. It's fun. The theme song is dope. But all these movies have the one female character

whose main thing is, you know, even if she is to, I guess, this movie's credit which I hesitate to say, but she at least has a job. She's a woman in STEM. She's a woman in STEM. She appears to know how to do her job

until Tommy Lee Jones keeps gaslighting her. That's upsetting. Oh, you mean by erasing her memory? Yeah, neuralizing with the thing he got from Burger King. But she's a character. She's not given a lot of screen time. But it's the problem we always come up against, which is there's no one for her to talk to.

There's no other female character for her to even be in a scene with. Right. She's surrounded by dead people. Yeah. They only give her alive people. They're not even alive. There's nobody alive. Well, uh... Oh, my goodness.

What is dead? She apparently works with David Cross, who's like the receptionist at the morgue. Yeah. Oh, yeah. What are they talking about? I don't know. He fucks the bodies.

Yeah. Someone's got to fuck the bodies. Rule number one of the morgue. Someone's got to be fucking these bodies. It's your first day, kid. Get in there. When we see all the recruits, whenever the recruits, because they're like, oh, these Navy guys, Right. It's your first day, kid. Get in there. When we see, like, all the recruits, whenever the recruit,

because they're like, oh, these Navy guys, these military men, all the people that they're considering for the new men in black job, all men, not a woman even considered. You see the scene when we are first introduced to, like, the MIB headquarters. Yeah. Which basically still kind of looks like the Guggenheim Museum. We see the Guggenheim Museum at the beginning, you're like, oh, that's cool. And then you see MIB, you're like, is it the same?

Is it a back room? Anyways. It could be. There are a few women in that scene, but it's largely men there all the aliens we see all men yeah no lady except for like you see like a screen and will smith's teacher oh yeah yeah uh apart from that apart from like people who don't have any lines or just like only sort of seen in the background uh all the aliens with speaking roles go to men big problem in Hollywood

you know we're our female alien protagonist over 45 queer sexuality aliens of color yeah queer are they? that's like Avatar oh yeah hey That's like Avatar. Oh, yeah. Hey! I love that! I love that!

This is why we let the guests talk. I have something I'd like to address. Please. Okay. There's another trope in mostly 90s era movies. Something that terrified me as a child and I still find horrible, is there's a little pug in this movie, a little pug informant. They make his mouth move like a person.

Yeah. So then it's like he's a little person. Oh, that's the problem you have with it? I don't like it. Oh, okay. I find it scary. There's movies where it's, because, you know, like, fast forward five years, it's CGI. This is some sort of scary practical effect.

How is CGI? It looks real. You think they, like, hooked up, like, wires to the dog's mouth? Was it like the dog peanut butter? Was it pet dog peanut butter? Like in Mr. Ed? Yeah. Use the wire. Yeah, see?

See? Your mom gets it. My mom knows all about spirits. She hated Mr. Ed? She freaked her out. I don't like when animals talk like they're people. They're not people. There's that movie Cats and Dogs.

That one is the worst because it's all just like Nathan Lane's voice coming out of a cat. And you're just like, no! Like, it's just scary. It's not, it should be a cartoon. Uh, okay. Also, male dog there we go back to theme again where are all the female dogs

with speaking roles in Hollywood that dog is so wait what about like babe scary no scary that's nuts babe scared you? Scary. Yeah, the mouth.

Well, because they're not like really blinking and you're just like, what is going on? And their eyes are glazed over because they're kind of like edited in post-production, I would imagine. I think about it a lot. But they're not blinking and their eyes are, they kind of have like, do you ever, okay, here's something I find scary in real life, is when you meet someone and they're like, meet my dog, and you're like that dog has people eyes. Yeah. Why does that dog have a person's eyes and where did he get them? Yeah, exactly. I think it's like, that's why I

believe in aliens. I think it's like an anger situation, where they take a dog's body and it's like, it's like a Vincent D'Affield dog. There's a little head in there. There's a little dog, I I want dog food. It's like a Vincent D'Affio dog. Keep listening.

He's doing a very good Vincent D'Affio. Yeah. A few more points I want to make about Dr. Weaver's character. Her dress is insanely short, which is an okay thing if you're a woman and you want to wear a short dress. That's cool. But they pretty much... Doesn't feel appropriate for a morgue. No, not for the morgue. Not really any workplace.

So she's like overly sexualized for no reason. Right. They develop her character so poorly that she doesn't even get to have a reaction whenever the dude's face opens up and there's like a little tiny alien in his head. She's just like, hmm. Like, how is she not like, what the actual fuck?

She has no reaction to it. And then like until like maybe 30 seconds later and she's like, I knew it. That is an alien, isn't it? And it's like, yeah, no fucking shit. Like, what did you think was happening? She's, yeah, I mean, and that's another, like, female blockbuster character thing is, like, her character changes from moment to moment depending on what the scene requires.

Right. Like, that shitty, weird, confusing. There's a scene, I forget what the executive scene is, but she's talking to Will Smith and she points to her vagina and he's like, well, what do you mean? And she's like, no, I was pointing at the floor. And that serves no purpose in the context

of her character. It doesn't make any fucking sense. It's just a bad joke that, like, who wrote this? Oh, I bet it's Ed Solomon. So Ed Solomon's jerking off at his house like, wouldn't this be funny? If I make a pretty lady point at her coochie like this. It's just like a gross throwaway thing that it's like,

oh, here's something I can do with the female character I forgot to write. Right. Well, that scene, before that one, the bug comes in and, like, throws her all around, like, pretty violently. It's, like, pretty alarming to see, like, how much violence is inflicted upon her. And then he's, like, still kind of fighting her,

and then Will Smith comes in, and he's like, well, I better hide under this cart. Yeah. And, like, holds her ankle, and she's like, you need to help me with this. And Will Smith's like, well, I better hide under this cart. Yeah. And then, like, holds her ankle. And she's like, you need to help me with this. And Will Smith's like, damn, girl. I got to drive, though. It's not a male-female.

I just got to drive. That's what I'm like. And it's like, what? Dead on Will Smith. Thank you. Dead on. I was like, is he here? We should have him sing our theme song.

Yeah, oh, my God. after that we see whenever like uh will smith is like oh i get what's happening and he's like if you hadn't been coming out to me like a drunken prom date and she's like oh whenever a woman shows any sign of sexual independence or something like that which is like one of those lines that we talk about where it's like the writer just be like, oh, here's one example. Yeah, like women empowerment, which is not actually what is happening. No, because in the next scene, they're like, oh, she's in trouble. Someone save her.

Like, it's just... Yeah, she gets captured and thrown in a tree. That's a wish. There's a big battle, and she's up in the tree the whole time. Yeah, dying of nothing. Again, it seems like, oh no, we forgot she's in this scene. So then they give her the last shot as a thing, but it's like, I don't know, it just feels so forced.

Totally, yeah. So that, because her character has been developed not at all prior to that. And also she knows how to do the... Like shoot the gun? Yeah, the, I don't know, I thought the space, it had a name, the space, uh... Space gun? Space gun. Space gun. Space gun. Okay.

Right, so that climactic scene plays out where the bug is... He's ripped out of his Vincent D'Onofrio skin, and now he's a big cockroach dude. And he's trying to get up to the spaceship. Tommy Lee Jones, he's like, eat me! And then he eats him. Funny. So, the comedy in this like, eat me! And then he eats him. Funny. So, the comedy in this movie, you guys.

I giggled! So Tommy Lee Jones is like swimming around in the cockroach monster alien for like five minutes. Not drowning somehow. Will Smith is all like, oh, I'm going to stomp on your relatives. Finally, Tommy Lee Jones bursts out with his space gun. There's a moment where... My mom's passing notes. Sam knows the answer.

Oh, the cricket. The noisy cricket's the little one that Will Smith has, and then the big one was called... I'll get back to you. Anyway, so the movie has like that one last moment where it's like

oh no, the alien's not dead and he goes to pounce on him and then Dr. Weaver's like nah, not today

and that's when he was like fuck. pounce on him. And then Dr. Weaver's like, nah, not today. And shoots the alien dead again. And then she said something like, interesting job you guys have. And then we're all supposed to be like, you go girl, except no,

because her character fucking sucks. Like 90s movies are riddled with you-go-girl moments like this. And I feel like the only reason they're in there is there's some studio meeting where they're like, wait, but how are we going to sell shit to girls about this movie? And they're like, oh, let the lady kick one time. And half of her said, look, I can kick two. And then we'll put a flower on a t-shirt, we'll throw Leigh's face on it, five million dollars. Yeah.

And obviously... Disgusting. It would have been fine for her to kick it. In fact, I would have preferred her to do more ass-kicking throughout the movie. Except, yeah, she's just only given that one moment. It's all utilitarian. Like, it's just...

I mean, no time was spent developing her character whatsoever. Which is crazy, because they set it up that she's going to be the next man in black. Even have Will Smith dressed up like Morpheus at the end. Oh, yeah. He's got new sunglasses, and they're, I guess, cooler than the other ones. He's got the Morpheus look. So, the last scene of this movie is really funny, because it's like, okay, it's Will Smith's second day, he's in the Morpheus look so the last scene of this movie is really funny because it's like

okay it's Will Smith's second day he's in charge now and then there's a he walks towards Dr. Weaver and it's her first day as a man in black and she's wearing this suit

and she looks dope and as Will Smith's walking over to her she like says loudly a government secret. And it's like, Dennis Rodman's an alien? Is that right?

And it's like, oh, they're both bad at this. Everyone's like... Do they say in the second one why they got rid of her? I'm trying to figure that out now. Because the second one, if you don't know, 2002, and Tommy Lee Jones is just in it again.

What was it called? Men in Black 2. That was my first guess, but I didn't want to sound like a fucking idiot. But the poster... The poster is men, and then two Roman numeral I's, black. So it looks like men, two black. Which is the name of my Boyz II Men cover band. Oh my, Nick Cannon is in Men in Black 2.

Oh yeah, yeah. He's like one of the young guns. I didn't know. This is like drumline era Nick Cannon. Yeah. Not like scary wizard Nick Cannon. Yeah. What's with Nick Cannon today?

It's very scary. Men in Black 2 also has Michael Jackson. Really? I don't know if I've ever seen Men in Black 2. That shouldn't be. He wants to be an agent, and he just keeps calling it. Michael Jackson as Agent Cam. Martha Stewart as herself.

Is she an alien? No, she's as herself. As an alien, I think. She is an alien. I knew it. I love this movie. I love this movie. It was like my favorite movie for like two years. Between 97 to 99. Discourse moment. Okay. This is the sort of movie where people like it. It's a good movie. People don't necessarily think about oh, you know, it takes a second before you're like, oh, there are no women in this

movie. That is strange. We're in a major metropolitan area and there are no women in this movie. That is strange. We're in a major metropolitan area, and there's no women. Right. Like I said, we could have seen any of the recruits could have been, like, I don't know, half of them could have been women. There are women in the military.

I fucking hate massaging. Thanks, Sam. I don't know. Put that on a quote. Put that on the website. Yeah, and alien women. Yeah, exactly. They only have the pregnant one.

Oh, my God. I forgot about the pregnant baby visual gag. That's the only alien woman you see in there, right? That's another insane moment where Tommy Lee Jones goes up to the car. And then he's like, what's going on here? And he's like, my wife's having a baby. And then Tommy Lee Jones looks in the back and is like, oh, yeah, there's a woman giving birth. Like, there's. Yeah.

What? Interesting. I think, you know, that's a bold that's a bold visual gag yeah screaming yeah she's giving birth to a buggy squid things are coming out. Like, how do you not notice? It's essentially tentacle porn. I mean, I have conflicting feelings about that scene. Because on one hand, it's like, a women's issue is made out to be a joke. Okay, yeah.

But also, childbirth is terrifying. So I'm like, yeah, I get it. I'd love to give burnt to a squid someday. Let's just move on right from that and not talk about it any further. It's also weird how all the men in black are, because they have the suit, they automatically know how to do everything. Like, it's always like, it's always like, okay, hey, just walk in there, tell them you're a doctor, because they're going to believe you

because you're a man in a suit. Oh, yeah. They don't show any badges or anything. They just walk right in. That's true, yeah. And it's just like, I fucking hate men. Yeah, they just walk in there like, hey, I'm good at something.

Yeah, they just go ahead and tell people. Say it's legit. I'm good at something yeah they just go ahead and tell people things like that I'm like what and I just like pointed my vagina on accident and then if you dare question them

or don't believe them they have a gaslighting stick to be like yeah I'm good at things I got this at Burger King

oh yeah this is a triumph for young boys trying to learn how to convince women of less yeah do we want to talk at all about the other female character Beatrice yeah I mean what's there to say

the first scene you don't even see her. You just hear her getting yelled at. Right. Yeah, he's verbally abusing her. Right. And then he comes in, he's like, sugar. Water. Sugar.

And she's just like, okay, I'm a domestic person. That's all I can do. And then she gives him a bunch of... It's a D'Onofrio and sugar water. Okay. And then she just like... When you do the sugar water, that's all I could do. And then she gives him a bunch of... It's a denofriol and sugar water. Okay. And then she just like... When you do the sugar water, they get hilarious.

When he's like, sugar. You're not the only one who can do the impression. I didn't get this email that we were supposed to arrive with a denofriol impression. I didn't get this email that we were supposed to arrive with a... Yeah, I mean, she's, like, dumb as rocks, and... Major idiot alert. Yeah. Written by Ed Solomon.

To be clear, every time we criticize a female character, we're actually thinking about throwing Ed Solomon, whoever that is, off a building. Right. He co-wrote the first Charlie's Angels, I think, and he might have wrote Titans. Oh, good. Did he? He wrote Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, and Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey,

the Men in Black movies, the Charlie's Angels movies, and some X-Men movies. Super Mario. Good for him. He started as a staff writer for Laverne and Shirley, which honestly, there's no excuse. You have written for female characters before. You just are actively like, does the world really need women? How come? I would expect better

from the person who wrote the best Lucy Liu movie ever. Why is it called Charlie's Angels? Why can't it just be like, three kick-ass ladies who don't belong to anyone

but themselves? Like a little short. Like a little lunchbox. No, I... I think that's a fine title. Unsurprisingly, most of the people involved in the production

of this movie are men. There is a female producer on the movie, but it's directed by Barry Sonnenfeld, who directed Get Shorty, various Addams Family movies. Big Trouble.

Big Trouble. Big Trouble with Tim Allen. It was a movie about a bomb on an airplane. It was supposed to come out. It's released. It was supposed to be September 12, 2011. Oh, 2001? It got pushed back.

It got pushed back. 2001. 2001. Yeah, so the year the thing happened. You know that. You know that. So it was that year. Yeah.

Not good. Yeah, he directed that one. And the Robin Williams vehicle, RV. So another movie that is a feminist icon, Barry Stein. Can I say, though, that Danny Elfman's score to this movie is like my favorite score. It's really good. Not all time, but of a movie about... The old man with the bug?

Oh, man. So good! Danny Elfman will be spared. Yeah. Yeah, he'll be spared. Because we need a new theme song. This movie made a million billion dollars. Yeah, it's a summer blockbuster that did really well.

It was made by men. There's only men in it. One lady's in it, but she has to point at her vagina and has to wear a skirt and also is bad at being a man in black. Yeah. You can tell at the end, you're like, oh yeah, she's

unqualified. Like she is. As is Will Smith. He's had one day on the job. Right. Does anyone have any other final points about the movie? It's a great film. Some issues.

Got some issues. Sure. The best out of the three. The men in black. We were talking about the second one, so I forget, we didn't mention that there was a third. Right. That's the one I think time travel happens. Yeah, that's the Josh Brolin. Yeah. They go like, I think they go to like the 60s 60s, and they go back, and then it's, like, back and forth, something like that.

It's, like, a time jump. Was that one straight to video? No, that had a theatrical release. 2012? 2012, yeah. It was, like, if you put the Terminator plot line with men in black. Which should be a winner.

That sounds like a great movie. It was sad. Did you see a great idea. It was sad. Did you see it? No. Oh, God. It's so sad. Did you see it? Did you cry?

It's so sad at the end. It's a touching moment at the end. Dude, it's fucking sad, man. Yo, I cried so hard at the end. It's like as sad

as the first 20 minutes of Up. Like, it's that sad. Like, it's that sad. Like, it's that sad. That's a stretch. Are you kidding? Yo, that's the saddest thing. You have to, the ending is just like, hey. Does Tommy Lee Jones, you don't care,

does Tommy Lee Jones die? No, what happens is you find out that Will Smith's father sacrificed his life to save Tommy Lee Jones and Tommy Lee Jones has been like secretly watching Will Smith this whole time and then you see at the end you see Will Smith as a child hunched over his dead father's body and then Tommy Lee Jones is there? Yeah because this is in the 60s. And so he fucking neuralizes Will Smith as a kid. And it's just like...

Dude, it's... It is an absolute boner killer. It is the saddest fucking thing. I know, right? Mrs. Loftus, it's fucking sad. The what? The jackhammer. The what? The jackhammer. Is that the gun?

The jackhammer? Oh, the gun! I forget. It had like a science-y name. Cause the joke was Tommy Lee Jones says a science-y name and then he goes, noisy cricket. And that's like the joke. Are you guys gonna like hook up?

I think Sam's my new daddy. Should we... He's the first on the cast. Yeah. We've never gotten new daddies before. No. Because we have a live audience, should we open it up to any questions or comments? Yeah, yeah.

Is there anything like that? What do you want? Oh, okay. We'll start here. Oh, wait. Come up. Oh, sure. Hi, friends.

Hi, Angela. I was wondering if you on. Oh, sure. Hi, friends. Hi, I'm Hala. I was wondering if you were to recast the lead roles with women, how would you recast them? Oh, all female. Are we going today, or are we doing it in 97? Seven! We've done it a hundred times! I don't know.

What do you guys want to do? I'm going to go with today's people I would do like Zendaya as Will Smith's character because I would

cast her in anything Tommy Jones I want Laura Dern that's good yeah I want Laura Dern to neuralize

a tiny Zendaya when her mommy dies I would love Julianne Moore and Ali Wong I think that would be a fun

that would be a fun what a pairing who's like a Rip Torn's character I feel like we need we need a Who's like a Rip Torn's character? I feel like we need a Alfred William. Alfred William qualifies for an all-female ring.

He transcends gender. He's so talented. Taylor Swift would be great as Vincent D'Onofrio's character. I would love that. Let's just do that. Let's just make that move. Let's just start a GoFundMe. It worked for Super Troopers too.

It did. Any other questions? We have some more questions. Yeah. Hi, I'm Kyle. Off of the Tilda Swinton point, apparently they almost cast her as Pennywise in the most recent It. Would have been way better casting. Anyway, the point I was going to make was, have any of you seen Under the Skin because Scar Jo is a great female alien I just want to declare. As a woman. I have not seen it. No.

So, sorry. But we will. We will watch it. And we'll write that down. Any other questions? So, Larifun Boyle was Dr. Raver's character, and I was just wondering, is she still alive? She is.

I wasn't trying to be stupid. I wasn't trying to be stupid. Wait, that's... I got her... I mean, yeah, but that was a while ago. She could have died since then. She was Serlina in the second one. She was the baddie. It was her, and she had Knoxville.

Johnny Knoxville was her, like, number two. Great to see him getting work. You know, I was reading Chris O'Donnell, who was Robin in the Schumacher Batman. Don't get her started on Schumacher! Great director, very talented! I love Tigerland. I love Phantom of the Opera 2004. I didn't see that one.

That one I didn't see. Gerard Butler sucks. As a Phantom of the Opera, he couldn't have been worse. I read on IMDb that Chris O'Donnell was almost Will Smith's character. It was Chris O'Donnell, David Schwimmer, and Will Smith were the three. And I think if one of those two guys had gotten it, him and Linda Florentino would have kissed at the end of the movie. And I think because it was that big of a budget of a movie, they weren't going to have an interracial kiss.

Oh, interesting. For, I mean, 97, that checks out on that. My mom is an unfortunate woman. Right? that that checks out on that I love interracial relationships Oh my god! Oh my god, so close! My mom is literally just telling Sam she's single. She's just... I know, I... We don't need to go over your relationship status right now. I'm literally in the fetal position right now. She's buying the inverse of a movie like in gone with the wind they didn't know if they were going to go

frankly what are you talking about any other questions No! No! No! Any other questions? Yes, go ahead. I just wanted to say, I don't think it's come up yet, that Caitlin has a master's degree from the University of Screenwriting. Thank you. You know that I hate to bring it up.

Thanks for being the one to bring it up. I do. And we are in Boston. Yeah. So any BU kids out here? Oh, yeah. Hell yeah. So shout out to my BU heads.

BU heads. Hell yeah. BU com. BU com. Fuck yeah. Our sponsor today. Hey, let's talk about whether or not this movie passes the Bechdel test. No.

Well, nothing to add. There aren't even, like, two women in the same room at any point in the movie. Sometimes we have, like, near, like, where, oh, Keira Knightley talked to a lady. We think she had a name. Did she say something? Oh, I guess Pirates of the Caribbean is a bad movie. This one, there's not even the potential. No.

There's no discussion to be had. It doesn't pass. But let's rate the movie. On our nipple scale! We rate every movie on our nipple scale. Five nipples total. You can attribute the nipples to whoever you want. But the nipples are on the merit of how well the movie treats women not how much you like the movie right so uh i'm gonna give the movie oh like a half nipple because

the portrayal of women is laughable they get almost no screen time there's two female characters as opposed to dozens of men speaking roles in the movie and they're so human alien all different types of men yeah and the spectrum of men is represented but very few women and the ones we do see are so poorly developed that it's frankly embarrassing so it rates very poorly on our nipple scale and the half nipple that i'm giving it does belong to Orion the cat. Don't forget that cats do have eight nipples. This has been Cat Facts with Caitlin. I have nipples, Greg. Can you milk me?

Meet the parents. Yeah, I know the reference. Speaking of amazing segues I will also give this movie half a nipple just because I want to give the nipple to something it seems like a fun thing

to do in a live show otherwise I would give it no nipples it's stupid they take the our one female character then they have her say girl power

and then they throw her in a tree. They just are battering her around like a ping pong ball. They're like, she has a job, but she has to look like a, like, it's just stupid, bad, not for women, but a fun movie and worth your time. I'll give my half nipple to pregnant backseat tentacle lady she needs two but I don't have two

Sam? I give the movie a half nipple despite it being a wonderfully done sci-fi comedy action buddy movie, and it's an enjoyable one for kids and old people alike. I would say, ultimately, its portrayal of a woman was paper-thin,

and that's being generous, and I just expect more from movies that I think should be acceptable to everybody, should also represent the world that we live in. It sounds like you're joking. I generally mean that. So I give a half nipple and I give it to Linda Florentino for just doing the best that she could. With being given a strap of fabric. Because then after that she had to do Dogma.

That seemed like a long shoot. Directed by feminist icon Kevin Smith. Oh yeah, there's a Kevin Smith movie. Oh, poor woman and then she turned 40 and was you know sent away yeah but I want to point out that in Dogma

Alan Rickman doesn't have a dick and anytime you see a man with no dick it's a good day for me have you this is not going to be a fun way for us to end the podcast good day for me. Have you, do you, this is not going to be a fun way for us to end the podcast.

We should have just ended it there. Have you seen the movie with Patrick Wilson and Ellen Page where she cuts his dick? Oh yeah, Hard Candy?

Hard Candy. If Patrick Wilson shines. It's like she's really, and she's like, Ellen Page is like four years old and she's just like it's the greatest movie of all time highly recommend watching Patrick Wilson get castrated over and over yeah I watched it with my dad underrated performance by Sandra Oh in that film as well she's the neighbor she's great sideways yeah I

realized after I said that say about her in hard kid I was like oh I don't have Inclusion, side-by-side. Sam, thank you. Oh. Yeah. It wasn't Lara Flynn Boyle. I'm sorry. That is quite all right. It's on that, though. Yeah. Sam, thank you so much for being here. Give it up for Sam.

He's literally my father. Where can people find you online and follow you? Oh, you can follow me on Twitter at TheSamIke T-H-E SamIke That was my Twitter handle. Great.

You can follow us at Backdolcast on Twitter and Instagram and you can go to our website Backdolcast.com it's soon gonna say I don't like men

stand like comma bonus icon yes oh thank you so much again to ImprovBoston and the Boston Public Arts Council for hosting us. And thanks for coming out and see you some other time. Yeah, see you later. Daphne Caruana Galizia was a Maltese investigative journalist

who on October 16th, 2017, was assassinated. Crooks Everywhere unearths the plot to murder a one-woman WikiLeaks. She exposed the culture of crime and corruption that were turning her beloved country into a mafia state. Listen to Crooks Everywhere on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. To listen to new episodes one week early and 100% ad-free, subscribe to the iHeart True Crime Plus channel, available exclusively on Apple Podcasts. MTV's official Challenge podcast

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