The Bechdel Cast - The Beguiled with Alana Hope Levinson

Episode Date: July 13, 2017

Sofia Coppola has never heard of The Bechdel Test and Caitlin and Jamie are TRIGGERED. They welcome wandering soldier Alana Hope Levinson into their creepy house for a discussion and, eventually, an amputation of 'The Beguiled.'  (This episode contains spoilers)Follow @alanalevinson on Twitter! While you're there, you should also follow @BechdelCast, @caitlindurante and @hamburgerphone Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Daphne Caruana Galizia was a Maltese investigative journalist who on October 16th 2017 was assassinated. Crooks Everywhere unearthed the plot to murder a one-woman WikiLeaks. She exposed the culture of crime and corruption that were turning her beloved country into a mafia state. Listen to Crooks Everywhere on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. That's right, the only, Katherine Hahn is joining us on Las Culturistas. That's right, the queen of comedy herself. Get ready for a conversation that's as hilarious as it is insightful. Tune in for all the laughs, the stories,

and of course, the culture. Don't miss Katherine Hahn on Las Culturistas. Listen to Las Culturistas on Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Gianna Pradenti. And I'm Jermaine Jackson-Gadsden. We're the hosts of Let's Talk Offline from LinkedIn News and iHeart Podcasts.

There's a lot to figure out when you're just starting your career. That's where we come in. Think of us as your work besties you can turn to for advice. And if we don't know the answer, we bring in people who do, like negotiation expert Maury Tahiripour. If you start thinking about negotiations as just a conversation, then I think it sort of eases us a little bit. Listen to Let's Talk Offline on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the Bechdelcast, the questions asked if movies have women in them.

Are all their discussions just boyfriends and husbands, or do they have individualism? The patriarchy's effin' vast. Start changing it with the Bechdel cast. Hi, welcome to the Bechdel cast. My name's Jamie. My name's Caitlin. And this is our podcast where we talk about the role of women in movies. And oftentimes how movies don't treat women very well. Oh, rats.

Dope. Yeah, as we always say here in the Back to the Podcast, rats and dope. I'm excited for our episode today. I think we, I was pushing for this one. I was sending texts. I'm going to be honest, I was ambivalent, but because you wanted it, it made me excited. I'm a pusher. I'm a pusher.

That's a what? That's a Mean Girls quote? Doesn't matter i push people i push people but for this one i felt like it was worth it more and more frequently we have people in our mentions asking for specific movies that they would like to see discussed and i saw this movie pop up a number of times sort of wanted to see it myself and didn't realize at first so we're okay not to bury the lead because you already clicked on it you know you're gonna we're doing the new beguiled

movie by sophia coppola and i didn't know at first that it had previously been another movie but my mom was like oh i loved the original so did my mom right she's because moms are horny for clint eastwood horn yeah which is you know there's a generational thing there right that we'll never quite understand i wonder who that is for our generation like who like when i talk to my kids someday i'm like how are you not horny for this guy and she's gonna be like i don't get it i don't see it i don't know when i talk to my kids i'll be like why are you still here i I thought I aborted you. Oh, no. I'm going to have a whole brood and then I'm going to sit them down and make them stare at my framed portrait of Alfred Molina.

Oh, there it is. And be like, do you get it? And then if they don't get it, I got to lock the door and we got to stay there until they get it. Well, before we get too carried away with that, we should introduce our guest. Are you spitting up a hairball? Sorry, I just gave birth. Anyway, so we have a guest, as we always do. She is great. She is a very talented writer and the writer and editor of the men's magazine, Mel. It's Alana Hope Levinson.

Welcome to the show. Thank you. Excited to be here. Yeah so so we all saw the movie together hours ago. Yeah hours ago we were discussing it at lunch over Thai food and also we all saw the the first version of the movie that came out in 1971 starring Clint Eastwood. Well, I saw half of it. I kind of fell asleep. But enough to get the gist. Right. Enough to be angry about the remake. Right, right.

And we were talking about this as well. I was like, I don't know how I would feel about this movie if we had just seen it and it didn't have context of the first movie because a lot of what we've talked about so far has been pretty like comparative between the two but the first one's better first one is so much better I hated this one I thought it was not a good movie I thought a lot of the interesting scenes and interesting characters in the first one were either very glossed over or entirely omitted like the first one handled just different components of storytelling so much better rising tension and characters manipulating each other etc like so much better

in the first one than in this adaptation more orgy scenes in the first one automatically makes it better it doesn't pass the vectal test if there's not an incestual orgy scene i'm pretty sure with the updated terms and conditions um maybe that's the loftest test actually oh is that uh the loftest test is the baldest woman is in charge oh Oh, okay. Cool. This movie does not, well, there's no bald women. All these women, they have elaborate braids. They have two. Yeah, their hair's too long. The braids were a little out of control.

Like, come on. Yeah, it was like we know that. The Civil War is going on. Who's braiding your hair like that? And how long, okay, we will summarize the movie in a moment. But first, who gave Elle Fanning a crimper in 1862? It was so distracting. No one else got a crimper, but she's like, I'm the wild and loose gal.

I have a crimper. I just figured she slept with braids in and then it crimped her hair. But crimping didn't happen before crimpers. You can't fold your hair like that. You can't do it. She put her hair in braids and then a few hours later took them out and now it looks crimpy. She would have had to have folded her hair in very tiny and then she would have had to have another student sit on it. Sit on her face.

Sit on her hair. Sit on her face for several hours to accomplish a look that was for no one except her i mean she did it for herself who gave her a crimper that is an important question thank you for raising it and it would be cool in the in the light that this was supposed to have been a kind of pulpy movie um but the pulpiest this movie gets is you get a lot of tight shots on uh colin farrell's fucked up leg that's about as sexy as it gets yeah you see like a little bit of and that is gross and i could not look at it but some notes i took during the movie include Elle Fanning and her crimped hair is triggering me.

How did Elle Fanning crimp her hair? Crimper as weapon? That would have been cool. If she did have electricity or a crimper. That happens in the movie Sleepaway Camp. Let's not talk about that. Let's talk about the beguiled. I just blacked out the movie because it was so bad.

I need a reminder of what happened in there. I'll do the recap. Right. So this is the 2017 version recap. Correct. So a young girl is in the woods picking mushrooms and she stumbles upon a wounded Union Civil War soldier. He has an Irish accent. Why?

Wait an hour. They'll make up a reason. Right. And she's like like i belong to this seminary for girls this school i'll take you there because he's wounded his legs all fucked up so he goes with this girl and they go to this school which is run by miss martha and then there's a teacher named edwina and there's like something like six other like teenage-ish girls who are the students. With the exception of one child actor, they're all blonde ingenues.

Right. And the one that isn't blonde is chubby. Right. Yeah. And is like. And is the worst child actor I've ever seen. Right. Right.

We've got to take her and bring her into the ocean. I feel bad for her. Let's not be mean to her no no no no she i actually think she's super cute i was just saying that is like they they just love these like blonde ethereal wavy like hyper thin like might fall over if you cough around them kind of a vibe l fanning you've got some thoughts if you well no I'm just saying she like is I feel like one of the more recent incarnations of that sure exact well when we were leaving the theater I do believe and I love Kirsten Dunst and Nicole Kidman in movies that are not this movie and in things that

are not this thing but I do believe that Elfanning should she actually go on to like have a lifelong movie career, will play a part exactly like Kirsten Dunst at some point. And will play a part exactly like Nicole Kidman's at some point. Because this is like the path forged for the ethereal blonde. They will, you know. Oh, yeah. Just through the generations. Right. It was like sort of three generations of, I mean, and, you know, depending on what, how old is Nicole Kidman? Impossible to tell. She doesn't age. Right. It was like sort of three generations of, I mean, and, you know, depending on what a gen, how old is Nicole Kidman? Impossible to tell.

She doesn't age. Right. She's just like a mythic figure to me. I don't, like, I don't know. It could be like she's 45. She's 50. She's 50. Oh, wow. So she's great. I wish they didn't put that wig on her in Big Little Lies, but I love that show. Me too. I was going to say, I wish we watched that.

Big Little Lies was the best show ever. Nicole Kidman's wig is insane. I know. Anyways, what were we talking about? Who knows? So he arrives at this house that they all have this school in. And they're like, well, did we turn him over to our soldiers? But he's wounded and he'll just die in prison. Maybe we should nurse him back to health.

And then we'll turn him over. And then they decide to bring him in, tend to his wound. And over the course of probably a few weeks, he starts to kind of seduce different of these women from Miss Martha to Edwina, the teacher, to one of the older students although that that's a little tricky because she sort of goes for him first and then he but he does not resist in any you know true that's a tricky and these one seduction attempts i think happen more clearly in the 1971 version than they do in this version but basically everyone's very horny there's a lot of horny depth to this movie we're back it's a tone poem it's a tone poem it is a tone of horny depth and you'll find the movies that we apply these tags to are rarely good movies a tone poem with a lot of horny depth

is a way of saying probably don't see this one maybe Maybe skip it. So different of these girls get jealous and they're like, well, you like her. I thought you liked me. And Edwina catches him in bed with the Alicia character, Elle Fanning. So she gets very furious because he had been courting her kind of. And so she pushes him down the stairs and it fucks his leg up even more. This part is great in both movies. Yeah. Yeah.

It is fun to see an A-list actor take a serious tumble. So they decide to amputate his leg and he gets really upset that they cut his leg off. He gets really pissed. He gets pissed. Well, and also this is a fun Colin Farrell moment in the movie. He trashes the whole upper floor of their house and makes elephant noises as he does so. He throws a right fit. He does.

He's pissed. Then tension is running thick in the house at this point. He's threatening them. Let me leave. I i'm gonna kill you all he's got the only gun yeah he takes their gun and they're like oh god how let's just let him go but also he's dangerous he might kill us so they decide to use his love of mushrooms not like mushrooms but just that would, actually that would be amazing. That would be killer. If this whole movie was just about like

trippings. So they decide to, they like form this plot to murder him by feeding him poisonous mushrooms. Meanwhile, Edwina is like, but I still love him even though I fucked his leg up. She goes and has sex with him

and then he eats the poison mushrooms and he dies and that's pretty much it that is they're like here take this body the confederacy right they they do sew him a shroud what was that about that was weird in the original version there's like a full circle moment where it begins with them singing that song. I think it's Clint Eastwood breathily singing like, don't go to war. Don't fall in love with a soldier. He'll hurt your feelings. And war is not good.

And it's supposed to be creepy. And I think the way I did it was too beautiful. I have tears in my eyes. Thank you so much. But then at the end of the movie, the women in the first movie are taking Clint Eastwood's shroom poisoned body to bury it as opposed to leaving it out for the Confederacy. I think that in the first movie, the implication is they are just like, this never happened. Because technically technically who's gonna come looking for him there right so but in the second one for whatever reason let's just call

it laziness they do not marry him they leave him out um and then there's an excruciatingly long final shot because sofia coppola feels that we need it can i just say i didn't like this movie well alana you pointed out that the plot of this movie is very similar or like it could be like a porn movie where it's just like oh this hot handsome soldier goes into this house of all ladies and what's gonna happen next it's like the pizza delivery guy story all over totally yeah i feel like and that's one of its strengths the first one at least is it really leans into that element where it's like what is this i mean sofia coppola like rewrote it the second one but the first one was written by a man the first one was written by a man and it was adapted by a book that let me

double triple check but was i believe written by a man right because i me double, triple check, but was, I believe, written by a man. Right. Because I feel like a woman wouldn't dream up this plot. Right? It's like there's this house of, like, sex-starved women because it's wartime. They haven't seen a man in 10 years. And then this soldier who's, like, bloodied and hot,

like, comes hobbling into their home and then convalesces. They nurse him back to health and then just, like, are immediately, just, like, need the D. All of them. All of them. Even the child.

But I thought you loved me. Oh my God. This reminds me of the part in Monty Python and the Holy Grail where I forget which They're great to women. Just kidding.

No, it's a terrible movie to women. But there's a scene where one of the knights finds this castle with all these horny ass women in it and they're like oh you put out the thing it's just like a bunch of horny women who are trying to fuck this one knight and he's like i have a quest to get on i gotta go and then um it's it's really funny good story caitlin i love it i want to know why this story for sofia coppola as we discuss it i will also actively seek out the answer but um why is this a story that sofia coppola is like you know who needs to update this and whitewash the fuck out of it me also just uh i do have the wikipedia page for the beguiled 2017 pulled up right now just to uh put my mind at

rest saying it's not making a lot of money it isn't but it's see also film remix whitewashing in film those are the two suggestions attached to this video and we and we should talk about that but this talking about sofia coppola is tricky it's hard to it's just it's hard this movie debuted at can and sofia coppola won the best director award at can for this movie for some reason she has confusing this confusing because it's not a good movie. But she was the first woman in 56 years to have that distinction

and is only the second woman ever to have it. So it's hard because the movie objectively blows. Yeah. But... Well, right.

Good for her for winning an award that does not often go to women that's nice does she handle different parts of the movie well no she doesn't well alana what's your experience of sophia coppola in general i guess yeah i mean i growing up was a huge fan because of virgin suicides lost in translation like i think those came out when i was coming of age generally is. Yeah, I mean, I, growing up, was a huge fan because of Virgin Suicides, Lost in Translation. Like, I think those came out when I was coming of age, and they felt really important to me, and still are, especially Lost in Translation.

But, I don't know, I kind of was, like, looking back at her filmography and I was like, she really hasn't made that many movies. Especially, like, since, I mean, so there was Marie Antoinette, Bling Ring, which I didn't know was a movie. And I know that like her entire career, my friend Alana Massey, who just wrote a great book called All the Lives I Want, wrote Shout Out, writes a chapter about the Virgin Suicides. And something I remember was just how harsh Sofia Coppola has been treated by the press, even though she had all these advantages, knowing who her father is.

But people didn't take her movies seriously because they were about women, especially Virgin Suicides, which was about teenage girls. But I don't know. I feel like now's the time, though, for her to like, she can't just rest on that right right it's it's hard because i i i the virgin suicides was one of my favorites growing up i i for some reason didn't see lost in translation until like very recently but and then marie antoinette is the best music video i've ever seen in my entire life even though uh nothing happens and it's expensive. But she's very visual. She tells, for the most part, what can technically be classified as women's stories. And is part of such a small group of people who have achieved mainstream success as a female director. But that said, this movie stinks i hope to one day live in a world

where there are you know just because we're women and she's a woman we don't have to be like cut her some slack like it's i'm not a fan of her work uh i don't remember virgin suicides that well i remember being pretty bored by loss and Translation. Sorry. I didn't see... Please fight. Well, I don't think... I also don't think her movies really age well, is another thing I'll say. No, that seems to have happened a lot. Yeah.

Well, but it's like Lost in Translation felt like when you saw it at that time. Now there have been so many movies like that, that if you see it, you're like, I don't get why this is... And even like improvements upon that same sort of formula where I mean at the time I saw Virgin Suicides for the first time I was like huh you know because like I'd never seen a movie like that

before and it was just like a cool like the ethereal blonde is very appealing when you're young and you're especially when you're like the same age as those characters and you're like oh I're especially when you're like the same age as those characters and you're like oh i want to see myself as like this very complicated tragic like you know whatever also you know she is she is in her 40s now uh she's in her 20s when she when she directed

virgin suicides and it's like they're i don't know i just felt like there wasn't a lot of you watch virgin suicides you watch it Virgin Suicide, you watch Lost in Translation, and then you watch this movie, and there's just not a lot of growth. Right. And I mean, for her and her position, I mean, maybe this is just me. I don't know. But I feel like she has a responsibility as one of the very few kind of household name female directors to make better movies that

well that's a hard thing too then because it's like that because then we're like doubling down on i yeah i don't want to make her responsible for all women directors and like there are so many you know it's okay for a female director to have a crummy movie like right and it's gonna happen in an ideal world there would just be so many female directors that she's just one of the ones that i don't like and then there's a bunch of other ones i do like but because she's one of the more notable ones she has a lot of attention on her so then we maybe criticize her work more but also like her shtick doesn't really work as well like in 2017 right now like you just feel you're like really like these like ethereal blonde white women like it just doesn't it doesn't like

work in the current like administration world it doesn't feel like it's grappling with issues that feel urgent right now right right where i guess that yeah because virgin suicides came out at the end of the clinton era okay where it's's like maybe we're feeling a little more safe. We're feeling. And yeah, like this is I don't understand why this was the moment for her to say, I want to first of all, make a Civil War picture. But I don't want anyone who isn't white to be in it because I don't feel like that's yeah and that's you know a whole discussion and it just didn't make sense for me for this to be the story that she felt the need to tell because for yeah her signature style isn't super relevant to the world right now I or I don't really think so but you know if you're going to if you're determined to use that same format then find a story where that makes sense like at least for marie antoinette

that format works because there's nothing pushing up against it and and there's not really that much that she had to ignore and actively cut out in order to accomplish the whole pretty music video. I didn't understand why this was the source material she wanted to use. Right. I don't either, especially because, like you hinted at, she totally deleted. So in the 1971 version, I'm guessing also in the book, and who knows how many other characters from the book either adaptation left out. But in the Clint Eastwood film, there's, or the one that he's in, there's a slave character named Hallie, and she is the only woman or person of color in the whole

movie. But that character gets completely erased in this version. And there's an article that I already linked to on our Twitter page that I recommend people read by Clarkisha Kent. It says, Coppola explained that she wanted to focus on the gender dynamics rather than the racial ones of this movie. And then the writer goes on to say that, uh, I call on this, mostly because black women find themselves at the intersection of both and because white women are not devoid of race, no matter how badly they want to be. And then she goes on to say that Coppola removing the black female characters ensures that she doesn't have to deal with how white women were complicit in slavery the counterpoint that she provides to this because people have asked her this question first of all we would also like to remind you that sophia coupla does not know what the bechdel test is or has learned in the past two weeks whatever i get that you know sensationalism and and and clickbait

that's a whole thing but her response to that was to paraphrase, and we'll post the sources for this as well, but that because she is a white woman of privilege, that she felt that she was not equipped to write a character who was black and who was a slave. And I understand that, but I also feel that her job is to tell a story. No one is forcing her to tell this particular story, but it's the one she's deciding to tell. And so if you're deciding to tell a story about the Civil War that takes place in the South in 1862, then you're gonna have to fucking do your research. You can't just cut out the parts that aren't immediately relevant to your personal experience if you know you have to do research you have to find someone to write the story with you you have to find someone who has perspective on this issue you can't just say like well you know i'm a white lady so i can only write movies

with ladies who are just like me. Which is what I was trying to say. And that's another hard thing to, but she's wrong. That's when I was, that's the point I was trying to make when I was like, it's her responsibility to make better movies. I didn't mean better as in like better quality, although she could stand to do that as well, especially considering this beguiled movie. But I meant like she, I think, just has the responsibility

because she's like, I have influence in this world. I can get movies made. I can make movies that a lot of people are going to see. I think then she has a responsibility to do what you're saying, do the research, include the characters that are relevant to the story, and put them in there. Or pick a different pick a different story that's more important or i mean if you don't want to make films like that that's

fine well it's also weird to take a movie that is essentially like all about race and then say i can't handle this in the mood like it's set in the middle of the civil war so like she can't really take it out of the movie she tried but it's not a non-white character in this whole movie. Yeah. It's crazy. So, you know, maybe she should have just said it in a different time period or something if she wanted to do that. Or, like, done a different movie. Done a modern update of it.

Yeah, sure. Exactly. It's like an apartment in Bushwick. They're stuck there for some reason. I don't know. Right. Because it's about global warming. Oh, yeah.

We saw the trailer for... We saw the trailer for Spinning D. Manhattan is sinking. I don't know. I'm just spitballing here. No. Yeah. You can't...

And I mean, also, the reason why I think her reaction has really bothered people and why it really bothers me is like, this is the problem with white feminism is like, oh, well, race and gender i i don't want to handle the race thing because they're not related it's like no they're totally related right and the fact that you deny that is really problematic and just another way of being privileged and not having to do it because you don't exactly deal with it yeah and so i mean for me it just boils down to regardless of gender race anything do your fucking job like and her job is to tell a story competently and in a way that because she's choosing to adapt is faithful to the source material and she fails

to do that in this movie so no matter like you know she she fucked up yeah and i think that because like some of the major themes of the movie are agency and the idea of being a prisoner what that means etc etc she actually does a disservice to her movie by not including it like the character's motivations don't make sense you don't really understand what's at stake for these people like their um backstory like she cuts all that out because i think she's trying to like i don't know she's trying to get around this and i think she kind of shot herself in the foot because right now just like it just feels like a movie where women are wearing like shirts all the way to their neck and just like are walking around in their house like i don't know it just lost all like the depth

mm-hmm yeah well let's let's talk about the the way it is adapted a little bit because i feel like she is you know she chooses this story for reasons i cannot find a concrete reason that she was like this is i must i'm whatever uh but she has the interesting opportunity of she's adapting a story that was written by a man that was then adapted by a man and she's adapting that so she's in some ways kind of the first female major creative hand to even be involved in this story but you know cuts out so much and and i mean most notably cuts out the only non-white character in the entire story and there is in the book hallie uh the slave character was altered from the book to the first movie but she's

still there you know she's there and i would argue is the most interesting character from the 1971 film for sure i mean it's like you know she she i mean she's there and then there are a few great scenes between her i want to make sure i get the actress's name may mercer plays her in the 1971 movie and there are several scenes between her and clint eastwood's character john mcbee that are you know if not perfectly done, at least thought-provoking, and her character is given fucking screen time and perspective. There's the scene where she's helping him out with whatever his leg is always bleeding, it seems like,

and they have this conversation about being a prisoner and freedom freedom oh and then he's all he's like you and i should be friends we because clint he's always looking for allies he loves an ally that's clint's whole game he's basically he's like who's on my side implying that like i i'm fighting for you like i'm fighting for the union so right we're trying to end slavery and she's like white men aren't killing each other because you care about us. And then she says the N-word, which I'm not going to repeat. So because you care about us, black people will say. But she's the best character in that version of the story.

Yeah, she's like the truth teller that actually like she connects all of the characters, like the ideas back to the state or the politics, which I think is really important. Like I'm trying to think of the characters, like the ideas back to the state or the politics, which I think is really important. Like I'm trying to think of the other. It's so relevant to like the time and the place that they're in that. Right. Not having her there is crazy. Yeah. Like there's this one conversation where like he says, we're both prisoners,

which is interesting because he sees himself as like a prisoner in that house, even though they've nursed him back to health. Yeah. And she's like, the only difference is that I can run away, which is an interesting thing to say. Cause it's like the only difference is that i can run away which is an interesting thing to say because it's like well she can't really right either right but what

does it mean to be like physically held in a place first just versus just right right i don't know so it's like all of those and she's also the only one right that like shoots him down. Yes. So there's a scene late in the movie and this, this exact character switch happens to both Clint Eastwood and then Colin Farrell, who plays his character in the modern movie. But it makes sense in the 1971 movie and is completely out of nowhere, borderline confusing in this adaptation. But towards the end of the movie,

McBee's leg is amputated uh and we are led to believe in both movies rightfully so like they had to do it but he doesn't believe that he thinks that they amputated his leg for revenge he realizes his leg is amputated he freaks the fuck out takes the only gun in the house and basically you know now all the women in the house are the prisoner and he's not anymore. And he's yelling and he is in the first movie. I mean, he is like pretty. He's like, I'm going to rape everybody. Yeah.

He becomes like a feral beast. Yeah. Like it's extremely. He goes, OK. The best scene in the first movie is little Amy who rescues him. Also, we haven't talked about how he franches her. We'll get there. But little Amy, who is in the first movie especially in love and has this crush on Clint Eastwood, has a pet turtle.

And in both movies, it's's like why would you do that but she is holding her turtle and clindy swed yanks the turtle from her and flings it across the kitchen and it dies and and then this and i feel like for that audience that's the point where we're like maybe he's not a good guy after all he threw that turtle but after he basically says okay you're my prisoners now i'm gonna have sex with whoever i want or i'll kill you and then the white women disperse and then there's another scene between clint eastwood and may mercer where he says basically he's like well well, you're first. Like, come down to the basement.

We're doing this right now. And she is the only person in the entire movie to openly defy him as opposed to all the, you know, tricks that the movie is based around. And she, you know, she basically says, you'd better like it with a dead black woman because that's the only way you're going to get it from me over my dead body basically and then he folds and leaves and that is the last major interaction those two characters have and that felt like an important thing to happen

not just because we needed more of that character but also because she's the only character who doesn't fall for manipulating it and she's just like no all these other women these stupid white women are like falling for his there'd be no movie if the white women weren't so dumb right that's most movies yeah so she's the only one who like sees right through him doesn't fall for his tricks and his manipulations and then all the other women are like i haven't seen a man in four years southern belle and i just want a book that's what they say yeah i mean was that both during both versions i was just, this guy ain't shit. Like, he's not.

Like, he does not. Like, it would be one thing if they set him up as, like, really charming. He doesn't even. He's not even that charming. Right. Get Ryan Gosling to play him. Maybe I'll play him then. Clint Eastwood seems crazy from moment one in the first movie because he first scene makes out with a kid.

Yes. He makes out with a kid. Here's what happens. He she finds him. He makes out with some other soldiers like he hears them off in the distance and he doesn't want to get caught. So he's like, I have to kiss this kid as a diversion. Oh, is that why he does that? I thought he was about to die and he was like, oh, to kiss this kid as a diversion. Oh, is that why he does that? I think. I thought it was because he was about to die.

And he was like, oh, I'm going in and out. Right. I was thinking of it like, to invoke a past episode of the cast, I was thinking of it like a random like, oh, this is kind of scary. Like when Brendan Fraser lunges at Rachel Weisz when he's in that cage in The Mummy and is just like, I kissed you because I wanted to. And then you're like, that was an assault. It might have been that, but I think that was motivated by, there were

soldiers running past, so he's like, if we're just kissing, they won't bother us, I guess? Not an excuse. A 40-year-old man, French, a child. No one will notice anything. He hears the soldiers approaching, and then he goes, how old are you? And she's like, 12, 13 in September. And then he's like how old are you? And she's like, 12, 13 in September.

And then he's like, old enough to kiss. And then grabs her face and kisses her. He literally says old enough to kiss. Old enough for kisses or something like that. It's bananas. And then from that moment on, because she's 12, she's like, I love him. Right. Because they kissed.

Her character actually makes the most sense in my mind. I agree. But she's the only one where you're like, okay, I get why you're in love with him because you're 12. And this is crazy. We're being led to believe a charming, handsome man, even though no one's really proved that to us in either movie. But sure, sometimes he's Irish. But I like Amy's Irish. But, like, Amy, I like Amy's character. Well, and I think outside of that is, like, the new movie basically just kind of takes out all of the sexuality.

I mean, it's there a little bit. But in the first movie, part of what makes it so great is it's just, like, there are all these, like, sexual fantasy scenes and flashbacks and stuff. Right, yeah. And it's interesting that when Sofia Coppola adapted it, she took away like all of the female sexuality. Like, why would you do that? Unless her argument is like,

oh, that was because men wrote it and they were like trying to like write in these like porny things. But I think it's just like that now, now we just have a boring movie. And it's like, for example, Elle Fanning,

her character in the first one is like incredibly hot. And also just like really,'s like, for example, Elle Fanning, her character in the first one is like incredibly hot and also just like really, really like she does like a full blown seduction is like, oh, you won't like I know more than you think. Like I would be his royal penis cleaner. Call back to coming to America. Wow. I love that. Because she's like, I'd clean in places that you wouldn't and then like she's like you're such a hussy she was hussy shamed and i don't care for that but and that's what i'm gonna call shaming from now on but again that's like the another character where okay first

of all i this is a fucking southern gothic story and the point of southern gothic stories is that most of the people in them are like diluted and strung out like that's like a hallmark of the of this genre of like you know and we we have the ingredients for that where it's like these women have been stuck with each other for a long period of time they're always in danger but they're also extremely bored you can see why and and the the book in the 1971 it's too much it's like the miss martha apparently used to fuck her brother and and thinks about that a lot and then goes to clint eastwood and is like well it won't be the same, but you'll do. Sort of. I mean, but there's like you see the sexuality like play out because that's really what the story is about.

It's a soft core porn. Right. With a theme. Yeah. And nice costumes. Well, I mean, at its core, I have a big problem with any rendition of the story. I haven't read the book, but with both versions of the film, it's basically suggesting that there's a group of women and they're getting along fine. And it's the Civil War.

But they're still trucking along and learning French. And everything's great until a man shows up. And they just all want to fuck him. So they're all, they're jealous of each other. And they're like, basically everyone's world falls apart because of the introduction of this man. So I think a better version of this story is he comes along. He's an enemy.

They take him as like a prisoner of war and they feel compassion for him. So they're like, we'll nurse him back to health. We don't want him to die per se. But then he as as he starts to try to manipulate these women a better version of the story would be if they don't fall for it and then they have to retaliate and be like yeah if at least one of them doesn't fall for it for three quarters of the movie it just goes on for so long like scene after scene after scene even in the good one it's scene after scene of like a different girl goes into his room he seduces them now he has another ally and then we see a bunch of near misses of the women talking to each other

and it's like are they gonna find out no not this time but at least there's some suspense this oh god i couldn't stand it there's no suspense There's not really any. There's not a major character that has a lot of doubt in him, which I thought was interesting. Shout out to my favorite movie, Doubt. that i mean and this would go all the way back to when the story was originally written but like there's you know six there's seven women in this house i think and not you know and i feel like there's one of them like the little girl who plays the fiddle is sometimes like i don't may may yeah that's she was the one like there is one girl who sort of had some doubts but she was in no way a major character and was always just there like, no, we want to fuck him. Shut up.

Like, it would have been interesting if there was like a little agent of chaos trying to figure out what he was actually up to versus like trying to fuck him. But that's a note for everybody. Not just for Sophia Coppola. Oh, another scene that was in the original version that was taken out of this one was, again, Sofia Coppola just erasing any moment of tension that might be, was when the Confederate soldiers come to the house at night and they're like, we're here to protect you. And they're like, actually, we're okay. And they're like, no, we really think you should be protected by us. And they're giving off very rapey vibes. And Miss Martha keeps insisting like, no, we're fine. Please leave now. Good night. Thank you. And then they're just like, they're very persistent and it's extremely uncomfortable and it's very tense because all the girls are like scared and rightfully so because they're presumably coming in to rape them all they think

that i mean it seems like they're right like no matter what soldier comes to the house regardless of what side they're on they're afraid of all of them right yeah yeah i'm pretty sure that sofia coppola like do they ever say the word rape in the new one they they may say rape one time i feel like maybe in the first scene where someone's like, oh, you know that all those Yankees are going to rape us. I think they do say that one time. And then there's another scene where when the soldiers do show up, but Sofia Coppola is like, you know what?

Moment of tension. Don't eat it. You're not going to show it. Don't eat it. More pink. They just come in and they're like, where are they? She's like, they're in the kitchen. Hey, getting a bite to eat.

You made them Sammy's. You know what I feel? I feel like she, it wasn't even that she was like her answer of I just didn't write it in because I don't know their perspective. It's almost like she took that original script and was like, I'm going to write out any, like, I'm not going to touch anything that's going to get me in trouble on the internet. Like, I'm going to write out the rape. I'm going to write out. And in so doing, got herself into it. She just kind of like every kind of thing in the movie that was like interesting and sort of edgy, she just decides to not address, which is super weird because it ends up being just the least edgy or interesting movie in the world. It's weird what she keeps and what she doesn't. And there is like Nicole Kidman does say at one point after she makes the soldiers Sammies and they're downstairs.

We never even see them leave. They're never referenced again that I remember. But there was like one of the little girls leaving and saying like, oh, can I go downstairs and say hi? and they're downstairs. We never even see them leave. They're never referenced again that I remember. But there's one of the little girls leaving and saying, oh, can I go downstairs and say hi? And then she's like, no, don't tempt them. And I was like, we must remove temptation. But in the other one, you see them leering around and they look like

drunk and scary. They're so creepy. It's a very tense scene. And I was like, I was worried for those girls and women because I was like, they're going to force their way into the house. And by the way, then you get the context of like why it's so hot that they have this guy that's kind of their prisoner. Because the way that sexuality is framed in every other context in the movie is like them being raped. So it's like kind of cool that like you understand like, oh, there's this guy. He can't walk.

And he's safe. Yeah. At the very least. He's non-threatening for now. And then I start throwing turtles around. Now we're all in trouble. The old turtle toss. Back to the crimping.

Was anyone else like, they had turtles as pets back there? Where the fuck did they get a turtle? From the swamp? Yeah. I mean, I got my turtle in San Diego back in the day. I got my turtle at... Like at some back in the day i got my turtle at uh like at like some boardwalk there yeah like i bought it on the side of the street anyway i it's a little crazy to me that you know during the civil war there were pet turtles who knew uh

something that sophia coppola kept that uh that bothered me about the first movie and was like one of those things where i was like oh yeah this movie and its source material was written by a man. So there is that major moment where Edwina catches L. Crimpt fanning Alicia, Carol in the first movie and McBee in bed. This is a huge moment. And then after we break Colin Farrell's leg and it's all fucked up and gross, there is a brief exchange in both movies where Elle Fanning lies and is like, he came after me. He attacked me. And so she's trying to get herself off the hook by basically saying that he raped her. To which Edwina responds in both movies by being like, oh, she's such a liar. You know, and then Miss Martha says, well, we don't know. It could be either way.

Which is just like a dangerous precedent to set no matter what you're doing in it. Yeah. But it's hard because it's like that is crucial to the story. But that bugged me in the first movie. And I was like, oh, well, it seems like Sofia Coppola is writing out a lot of stuff. What's she going to do with this? But she's like, keep it. So that character,

her name is Carol in the 71 version. Only character name has changed. Yeah. Why? What's wrong with Carol? Oh, probably because of that movie, Carol. You guys should do that movie. We should do Carol. No two characters in any movie can have the same

name so no sorry i mean the main male character's name is john after all he's the first john in any movie yes but carol is an iconic name carol come on but um i liked that character carol in the 1971 version i just like that she was in control of her sexuality. Me too. Sexuality. And she's like, that's a guy. I don't want to fuck him. And so what if I'm 17? I'm going to still.

Yeah. Old enough for kissing. Old enough for kissing. That's what they say. Because they set it up that, you know, she just is. I mean, she's a teen. She's fooled around before. It actually makes sense that she's going to fool around with the soldier that's convalescing in the next room it's with like the older characters that it doesn't make as much

sense right and again it makes sense when Clint Eastwood does it because he's actively manipulating everyone but Colin Farrell's version of this character is not actively manipulating everyone so it's confusing like and especially when if we had just seen the 2017 version i would have no idea why he goes to l fanning's room instead of kirsten dunst that would make no sense like i don't get in the first movie he's sort of blackmailed by carol who gets jealous at one point in the movie and basically tries to sell him out and and give him up to the other soldiers and almost gets away with it and then he finds out that she was responsible for it and she was just like well don't make me jealous and so clint eastwood in

the first movie is like threatened by her and a little bit afraid of her better go fuck her then and he's sort of like i mean she's really the only character that he seems like threatened by her and a little bit afraid of her better go fuck her then and he's sort of like i mean she's really the only character that he seems like threatened by until he loses his leg and he loses his shit but like it makes sense why he goes to her in the first one because he feels like she has some sort of power over him right and has the ability to fuck him over. So of all the options he has set up for himself. Right. So even though like

Carol isn't an admirable person, I don't like her or identify with her, but I just like that she was sort of playing his game. She's like, well, if you're going to manipulate all these people,

I can do it too. So it was just at the very least interesting. I actually kind of do, if I had to pick one and I was watching the 1971, I was like, who do you identify? It would be Carol. Carol. I gave it to her. So it was at the very least interesting. I actually kind of do, if I had to pick one and I was watching the 1971, I was like, who do you identify? It would be Carol.

I don't know. Carol's kind of badass. Like, you know. Yeah. I mean, I think she's a very interesting character and Edwina's a little bit frustrating because she's so naive, especially in the first movie.

Poor Edwina. I feel for her. I feel like I most closely identify with Edwina and I feel for her. I feel like I most closely identify with Edwina and I'm sorry. Really? Oh my gosh. I hate, in the Coppola version, I hate that character. I mean, everything in the Coppola version is worse. But in the first one, she's

like, I'm 22. And then he kisses her. She's like, I don't know how. And he's, I don't know. I feel that way all the time. I'm just like i don't know don't hurt my feelings please and and like i don't know her naiveness comes across in a more convincing way genuine and a lot of you were saying this earlier like for that character kristen dunst is not of an appropriate age because she's in her early 30s and it wouldn't make sense

that a woman in her early 30s would be is she real i thought she was older than that but maybe i'm wrong 35 but like they don't they don't say edwina's age in this movie they do in the first one they say she's 22 and that she's been in this school for seven years right so it totally makes sense that her attitude towards men would be like ah i don't know i don't trust you and this is something i want to talk about. Again, it's a big comparative thing. But in the first movie, there is this whole built-in structure where every major female character is made clear that they don't trust men. And Clint Eastwood sort of asks all of them, why don't you trust men? Men are great. Men are great.

Men are cool. Can I fuck you? Men are great. Trust us. We're cool. It's told through sometimes flashbacks sometimes they just state it but we figure out why every woman in the house doesn't trust a man sometimes it's whoops i fucked my brother sometimes it's like a father issue

and it's like everyone is given some sort of reason of like why they are not so quick to trust him and that felt like really of all the stuff in the in the first movie something that could be really useful to sophia coppola and these are reasons they're giving reasons why they don't trust him but in doing that are also explaining why they end up doing it so easily like they have these issues right so it's like oh i had this thing happen which makes me not trust men but it's also why i'm kind of like just want to believe that you're different sort of exactly right but right which is a relatable thing yeah totally um but then they just take that away and you're like i'm none of that is is given in the new one and i really the thing i really liked about the first

movie is that we the first character we meet in both movies is amy she's picking shrooms she comes across she's a shroomish soldier she's like i gotta get my psychedelic fix on depending on the adaptation she franches them right and and it's again very like cheesy in the first one but it's a southern gothic story so it's supposed to be but where like amy is talking to clint when he's i don't remember it's either right before he loses his leg or right after i think right after and oh she finds out that he'd been hooking up with everyone she's ever met in her entire life. Which must be hard when you're 12. I'm like, you fucked everyone I know.

And it's really just getting her ready for what it's going to be like dating. Yeah. He's like, I'm just prepping you for this scene. Yeah. We take it to college. It's rough out there. But he's like, fucked her all the maternal figures she's ever had. And, you know, there's like the little child actor and she's just like, but I thought you loved me.

And he was like, I do. And then she's pissed and then he throws her turtle and then she's like, I'm going to poison you. But by the end of the movie where Amy is sort of the driving force between so many major events where she finds him and at the request of miss martha she gets the stuff to kill him um by picking the poisonous mushrooms and by the end of the movie you almost get the feeling that it's like oh this whole movie is amy's future flashback to why she will never trust men is because this handsome, like we are to believe this handsome soldier who Frenched her while he was covered in dirt turned out to be a pretty bad guy. Who would have thought? I know. I know.

Was anyone else, Matt, like, basically when he's around, like, threatening them with a gun, and I keep thinking, like, there's one of him. There's, like, ten of you. Someone kick him. And then when they're like, we have to poison him with the mushrooms, I kind of wanted to, I just kind of wanted them to, like, get the gun and kill him. And I was like, why do they have to, why do they have to kill him in, like, this feminine way feminine way, which is like poisoning you with the food we make? And maybe that's a function of the time. But I wanted them to go straight up. Yeah.

There were hatchets around. There was a saw. They've got knives. Oh, yeah. They cut his weapons. We need to kill him in a dignified way by watching him choke to death. Right. Because someone's like, let's hang him.

And they're like, well, let's not resort to such brutalities it's like you're gonna play with him like i mean and maybe this is maybe what they were trying i the closest i can get to devil's advocate there is like maybe they were trying to express some sort of double standard of because at the beginning they're like you should have just let him bleed out not our problem and then they're like but we don't want to kill him even though he's fucked us all and it wants to kill us i don't know i mean i think yeah maybe but i'm i don't know because i feel like if we're supposed to see this as some story of empowerment i don't know how we're supposed to see this that just didn't feel like very i was just kind of like uh if sofia coppola had okay okay i'm not i'm sorry to keep yelling at her. Rewrite it, that they take a saw and just fucking hack him into a million pieces.

Right. This was a redo of the first movie with no details changed, but many just left out. There wasn't much altered. Shot in the same house that Beyonce shot Lemon shot lemonade adding more insult fun fact the fact that she omitted the black character they're also there's like a scene or like a shot in the new beguiled where l fanning does exactly what vivian lee does in like a scene in gone with the wind and i just i'm just like i'm gonna fight l fanning and i'm gonna win wait what does she do how dare you she pinches her cheeks.

Oh, yeah, to make them red. Right, which is what Scarlett O'Hara does right before she goes to meet Ashley. And anyways, this movie stinks. Don't invoke a good movie in a bad movie. That's mean. I have never seen Gone with the Wind. Wow. It has its problems.

But it is one of the best movies of all time. It's one of my favorites. I know that you like it. One last thing I would just say is that usually when we talk about a movie in the context of this podcast, it's like, there aren't enough women in it. Or the men outnumber the women. And that's certainly not a problem that this movie has. But I don't know this is just a complicated movie to talk about

because there are characters that i suppose are somewhat developed although in this version we don't get a lot of their backstory or their flashbacks so we don't really understand where a lot of them are coming from so that's a bit disheartening but the problems that a lot of movies have in portraying women don't really apply to this movie but so there's a there's a whole other thing that's wrong with this movie which is like a man shows up and everyone is fucks everything up yeah i mean if it passes the test but it also the main problem of the movie is though that like these women have no identity outside of the guy that they want yeah the man is the inciting incident to the movie so it doesn't it's like cool that there are a lot of

women in the movie but i'd take less women for ones that had more agency outside fucking this guy who sucks right like this movie passes the vector test but the issues of why it doesn't pass more are like basically baked into the story itself. Right. Right. So it's, which is interesting. That's a, that's a new problem for, for us. There's always a new problem.

There's always something new. It speaks to why the test actually like, isn't it enough? The test for sure isn't. It's true. Yeah. Um, never, no,

not that you said it was, but saying like, you know, you can pass and still be like really. Right. Although most of the scenes where women are talking, they are talking about John McBee. There's a few where they're not. They're taking French lessons.

They're talking about French. They're talking about stitching and other household chores. All those things that are designed probably to make them more attractive to a man. That's why you go to those schools. Etiquette classes. Yeah. Right. You can be like, oh, look out.

They're not going to France. Look at what a son of a bitch. No france taking these girls to france yeah all their conversations are like learn how to stitch so that you can stitch clothes for a man seeing killer man and stitching my shroud that you said that i guess that's cool that was cool that was fun to watch a child do but this story could just be so much more interesting if they, instead of all just succumbing to his like stupid seduction techniques, instead were like, I see right through you. You're not going to trick us, you piece of shit. We're going to fight back. Or if like if it is about like women's sexuality and them like discovering and they all fuck him and and

he's not manipulating them into it maybe he's just like let's all just have a poly relationship all that would at least be more interesting than the movie that we have here i mean and it would facilitate the orgy scene that i wanted right uh i think for me the story like it i don't mind that everyone's horny i think if there was one character who expressed more doubt shout out to my favorite movie doubt if there was one character who was more fucking suspicious of this person who they know is the enemy and it would make sense to be suspicious of the movie would would be very different. I mean, in that way, it's just like a really sexist movie that basically it's like the second this man comes in, they all

lose their minds. Right. Because they're smart. They're in school. Yeah, like, especially in the first one, they set it up that Martha is like a really kind of like no bullshit kind of ball buster. Yeah, because they have that like that moment where you can hear their thoughts in the first movie sometimes where hallie's like she does have a point of weakness i

was like oh she's a tough bitch that's what we're supposed to think yeah yeah yeah it was interesting everyone in this movie needs to grow up and get a library card and move on with their lives well in 20 years i will readapt this and I'll make it better. Here's the thing. I think that someone could have adapted. I don't know a ton of screenwriters right now off the top, but there is a way. There's one right here. Do I have a master's degree in screenwriting

from Boston University? Yes, I do. You should adapt it. But you can see it being adapted in a really cool way. Totally. But adapt it. Don you can see it being adapted in a really cool way. Totally. Yeah, yeah. Where it's like, but like, adapt it. Don't just do it again. We should get Quentin Tarantino to do it and make it just them blowing him away. Yeah, end of movie.

It's more of a short. Yeah, exactly. It's more of a short, the way that some people would do it. Let's rate the movie on our nipple scale. Okay, cool. We have a scale of zero to five nipples where we rate the movie based on its portrayal of the women characters in the movie.

Five being the best. Five being the best. Zero being the worst. I'm going to give it God, this movie's so hard. I would say two. Is that being too generous? Not generous enough? I don don't know you went first okay i'm sending the precedent one i was very annoyed that she that sofia coppola got rid of the hallie

character the one person of color in the story who was the most to me interesting character in the 1971 version the fact that as we discussed before like a man shows up and everyone loses their shit because we're like oh we want to fuck him and now we're all jealous of each other and we can't handle this competition and we're just petty toward each other like that's not good and a lot of their backstory is just omitted so we don't really know a lot about these characters they're not that well fleshed out or developed. So just overall, while women outnumber men in this movie by a lot, at what cost? What did the nipples look like?

The nipples... I've never said that seriously before. I was like, what is she about to say? I'm going to pass out. I looked really pensive. Sorry. You had a very grim look on your face. I was like, oh, my God, what did I do wrong? I was thinking about the rest of my life for a second.

The nipples belong to. OK, well, turtles don't have nipples, so it can't be the turtle. And that's too bad. That's too bad. We wish that they did, but they are reptiles. I suppose my nipples go to Colin Farrell, whose nipples we see because she scrubs them. She's like, I'm the royal penis cleaner, and I'm going to pull down your undies a little bit and scrub your hip. But also she scrubs his nipples, and that's what my nipples look like.

Oh, yeah. There's a whole thing of like, stop objectifying Colin Farrell. And it's like, honestly, stop objectifying Colin Farrell. I was turned all the way off. If you're going to objectify him, can you make it not be like his weird hip bone? That's not a hot part. Like, just show his open wound again. I haven't been more convinced that she doesn't like to fuck or something.

After seeing this movie, it's so sexless. And even the shot of Colin Farrell that's supposed to be hot it's like yeah it's like if someone describes sexuality to an alien they're like this is what humans like colin farrell's hip bone it's like this is not what we like this is not what we wanted this is not what we signed up for yeah i just i don't know how she i mean i feel like most of her work there's like a lot of i think restraint and sexual restraint and that's a big operating thing but this then again don't adapt this story this is a fuck story yeah know what you're adapting if you're not if you don't want fucking in the movie that's okay but then don't adapt the fuck story right yeah because they're you're not going to make anyone any madder than

if you take a fuck story and you take all the fucking out of it. They're going to get pretty mad. You can take the fuck out of the fuck story, but you can't take the fuck out of the fuck. You can't take the story out of the fuck something. I'll figure it out and then I'll tweet it. Okay. Be on the lookout for that. I'm going to give it two as well.

Although I'm almost tempted to go a little bit lower. Yes, I was too. But, I mean, it's hard because I feel like the two versions are so conflated in my head now that there are a lot of things I liked about the first movie that the second movie just does not include and doesn't replace with anything. So it's hard to. But anyways, I'll stick with two. I just think that the story is troubled from the start. But with this adaptation, just nothing interesting is done with it. I know that we hold Sofia Coppola to kind of a harsher standard, whether we want to or not. And that is not fair.

But if you're an auteur filmmaker, I feel like it's not completely unfair either. It's tricky. I hated this movie. It put us all in a bad mood. And I wish that she had chosen a different story to tell for this one. Agree. The nipples go to Amy. Little 12-year-old Amy?

Hey, old enough to kiss. Leave it in. Don't edit it out. I look forward to your responses. Okay. We're gross. I'm giving it zero nipples. Hell yeah.

I didn't like this movie. Okay? Love it. And I'm not harder on her. I mean, think about if this was directed by a man, how apeshit people would go. What if Michael Bay directed this movie okay love it and i'm not harder on her i mean think about if this was directed by a man how what if michael bay directed oh my god you would be like right you know i just feel these women have no agency you've taken out all their sexuality i feel like i would be more exhausted and by if a man had directed this movie and not disappointed which is sort of what i yeah okay to

admit that i feel but i do feel disappointed that a major female director had all these missed opportunities in this story about women. Yeah, I just think, just looking at it from a pure storytelling standpoint, it was just super bad. It just was super bad. None of the characters had motivations. Honestly, it wasn't even that beautiful. Like the way her other movies, you know, it's like Marie Antoinette,

you're like, okay, whatever, this is cool to watch. And the costumes, the costumes sucked. Very quiet. See, I kind of like the costumes her other movies you know it's like marie antoinette you're like okay whatever like this is cool to watch and the costumes the costumes sucked very quiet see i kind of like the costumes i mean i liked when they got dressed up that was cool but sofia coppola is also like known for having cool soundtracks on her oh my god no silent silent movie oh yeah not a lot of score better movie better be good if you're not playing any hot tunes. I was like, where's the awesome... They're like, let the kid play the piano again. Let her play a little jaunt. I just was like, what does this have?

Why am I watching this? It's incredibly boring. All the moments that could be milked for tension are just like, nope. Sorry. Nope. Yeah. It's a fuck story. If you're adapting the fuck story, you gotta let him fuck.

She did a bad job. I mean, even the sexy nightie was not hot. The sex scene was not hot with Kiki and Colin. Was that supposed to just be a little rough? I don't know. He fell over

because he only got one leg. He's like, oh! He, I guess, landed inside of her. It was a lucky fall. And he was leading with his hard cock. And then they had a scene that you're just like, oof. By the way, you're waiting for this. At least he's about to die.

Yeah, it's just, I don't know. I'm sorry. Skip this one, gang. Yeah. Watch the 1971 version. It's not perfect. It's not even great, I would say. But it's so much better.

If you want to watch an adaptation, that's the one. And sorry that we talked as much about that movie as we did about the 2017 one. So go watch both. There's at least stuff to talk about. Yeah about yeah alana thank you so much for being here thanks for having me sorry i just go get your phone fixed oh yeah my phone's broken i don't know i wish i could blame that on the movie too but unfortunately she got so mad she threw it she threw it at the screen and it broke. During the Colin Farrell hip bump. Where can people find you online? You can find me at my favorite website.

It's really healthy to hang out on it. Twitter.com. Twitter.com. Fun hang. At Alana Levinson. Yeah. Awesome. That's where you should find me. Follow her there.

And read her work in Mel. It's so good. Read her work everywhere. It's the best. Read our work. I don't have any out there, but... Hey, watch my cartoons. I don't care. Anyways. Hey, here's a fun new thing you can

do is give us money. So before we go, you can check out our Twitter, Facebook, all the channels you would normally check to find our new episodes. And if you want to kick us a little donation, $1, $2, $1 million. It all goes towards the production cost of the show.

And we would very much appreciate it. And we love you so much. Yeah. So, you know, if you like the episodes, if you like us, kick us a few dollars,

that'd be great. You can go to paypal.me backslash Bechtelcast to throw a few dollars our way. Cha-cha-cha. Love it. Follow us and goodbye. Bye. Daphne Caruana Galizia was a Maltese investigative journalist who on October 16th, 2017, was assassinated. Crooks everywhere unearthed the plot to murder a one-woman WikiLeaks. She exposed the culture of crime and corruption that were turning her beloved country into a mafia state.

Listen to Crooks Everywhere on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey everybody, this is Matt Rogers. And Bowen Yang. We've got some exciting news for you. You know we're always bringing you the best guests, right? Well, this week we're taking it to the next level. The one, the only, Catherine Han is joining us on Lost Culture East.

That's right, the queen of comedy herself. Get ready for a conversation that's as hilarious as it is insightful. Tune in for all the laughs, the stories, and of course, the culture. Don't miss Katherine Hahn on Las Culturistas. Listen to Las Culturistas on Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Gianna Pradenti. And I'm Jermaine Jackson-Gadsden. We're the hosts of Let's Talk Offline from LinkedIn News and iHeart Podcasts.

There's a lot to figure out when you're just starting your career. That's where we come in. Think of us as your work besties you can turn to for advice. And if we don't know the answer, we bring in people who do, like negotiation expert Maury Tahiripour. If you start thinking about negotiations as just a conversation, then I think it sort of eases us a little bit. Listen to Let's Talk Offline on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.