The Bechdel Cast - The Mummy with Georgea Brooks

Episode Date: June 12, 2017

For our thirtieth episode of The Bechdel Cast, we decided to get drunk on Mike's Hard and SCREAM about Brendan Fraser's performance in 1999's The Mummy with our good pal and fellow comic Georgea Brooks for a full hour!Important note: Brendan Fraser said he would be 'first in line' to see the new Mummy movie with Tom Cruise. DOES ANYONE KNOW IF BRENDAN WAS COMPED INTO THE MUMMY? OR DID HE HAVE TO PAY???(This episode contains spoilers)Follow @GeorgeaBrooks on Twitter! While you're there, you should also follow @BechdelCast, @caitlindurante and @hamburgerphone Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Daphne Caruana Galizia was a Maltese investigative journalist who on October 16th 2017 was assassinated. Crooks Everywhere unearthed the plot to murder a one-woman WikiLeaks. She exposed the culture of crime and corruption that were turning her beloved country into a mafia state. Listen to Crooks Everywhere on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. That's right, the only, Katherine Hahn is joining us on Las Culturistas. That's right, the queen of comedy herself. Get ready for a conversation that's as hilarious as it is insightful. Tune in for all the laughs, the stories,

and of course, the culture. Don't miss Katherine Hahn on Las Culturistas. Listen to Las Culturistas on Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Gianna Pradenti. And I'm Jermaine Jackson-Gadsden. We're the hosts of Let's Talk Offline from LinkedIn News and iHeart Podcasts.

There's a lot to figure out when you're just starting your career. That's where we come in. Think of us as your work besties you can turn to for advice. And if we don't know the answer, we bring in people who do, like negotiation expert Maury Tahiripour. If you start thinking about negotiations as just a conversation, then I think it sort of eases us a little bit. Listen to Let's Talk Offline on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Are all their discussions just boyfriends and husbands or do they have individualism?

The patriarchy's effin' vast. Start changing it with the Bechdel cast. Hi, welcome to the Bechdel cast. My name is Jamie. My name's Caitlin. And this is our podcast about how women are portrayed in movies. It sure is. And we use the Bechdel test, which, let's lay it out for you, is based on a test invented by author Alison Bechdel.

It is a test that you have to put up. Oh, God. Okay. I'm doing so well. There has to be a scene in the thing you're watching that has two women in it, preferably with names. We say with names. With names. With names. Ass names. With names.

Assertive. Okay. And they are talking about something that is not a man. That's all it takes. That's all it takes. But wouldn't you know it, a lot of movies don't pass the Bechdel test. Whoops. Yeah.

No. It's too bad. It's a damn shame. It's a goddamn shame. It's a goddamn shame. However, it's the world we live in, and I'm okay. How are you? I'm doing pretty well.

I'm about to crack open a small bottle of Chardonnay. I didn't have time to get my time. Oh, no. I'm sorry. I was late. Well, I'll be the drunk one on this episode. It's not just any Chardonnay. It's Crane Lake Chardonnay, and it comes in a plastic bottle.

I'm sorry. As someone who's drank wine out of plastic bottles plenty of times, what's wrong with that? There's nothing wrong with it. I just wanted to seem relatable. I'm not one of these fancy glass bottle drinkers. Caitlin's usually drinking out of a glass bottle. Yeah. Well, I'm drinking my mics hard trying to keep it real drinking out of a glass bottle. While I'm drinking, my mic's hard

trying to keep it real. You're a Hollywood elite. You're out in another... It's just... Not today. I'm with the proletariat class. I'm triggered. With my plastic bottle that I will recycle. Welcome back.

Welcome back to her. Anyway, so we talk about movies, specifically about the portrayal of women in the movies. And we have a guest every episode. Today is no different. No. Nor will it ever be. I'm so excited for our guest today.

She has her own podcast. Whoa. Boy, does she. Called Ya Booze, Ya News, where she and her co-host get very drunk and then say the news. And it's a lot of fun. And she's a comedian and she's very funny. Georgia Brooks! Welcome!

Hi! Hi! Thanks for being here. Oh my god, thanks for having me. I can't wait to talk about boys together. That's what we're doing, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're just going to talk about boys.

Who do you have a crush on? Oh my god, I don't even want to talk about it right now. I'm having a rough week it's fine if you're gonna talk about your rough week we're gonna have to change the subject to voice right sorry um sorry this is this podcast uh oh never well exchanges passed the bechdel test yeah well that's like our intro basically of hi i'm jamie hi i'm caitlin we did it we have names we're not we're talking about women yeah we're talking about ourselves really i'm caitlin i'm jamie very self-involved version talk about a movie so it's like the whole podcast passes

back to pretty although sometimes we do spend a lot of time talking about al Molina. That's me. We got an audible Aristotle laugh. Yay! I think Alfred Molina actually, okay, to transition into the movie we're talking about today, I'm surprised Alfred Molina was not in this movie. Honestly, yeah. I think that he would have been a good fit. I love seeing Alfred Molina in a vest. This is a very vest-heavy movie.

I love seeing Alfred Molina playing two vest. This is a very vest-heavy movie. I love seeing Alfred Molina playing two-type. Not against type. I don't like to see him challenge himself. I'm googling who you're talking about. Oh my gosh, he's the beefcake. Oh my god, I just saw him in an episode

of Shetland. Really? Yeah. You're going to have to watch it. I think that I need to lock myself in my home and watch everything he's ever been in and come out a new person, come out a guru. But Alfred Malia, unfortunately, is not in this movie, but it seems like he could be. It totally

seems like he could be. He would be a great fit for this movie. I'm so glad I looked it up so I could talk. He aesthetically, now I'm thinking about it, he aesthetically works very well for can we say it the mommy 1999 brendan fraser that one the roller coaster movie yes if you've ever been to universal studios yeah can i just say i like told my boyfriend i was like i gotta watch georgia the jungle this week and then ten minutes later i messaged him being like i meant

the mummy i totally forgot all right because brennan fraser's in georgia the jungle i think that's the only one i ever saw him in not georgia the jungle too oh i got confused here's a someone who is just as handsome and bad as him did you know know that Alfred Molina is a series regular in Angie Tribeca? No, I did not. I didn't either. I haven't seen Angie Tribeca. Now I gotta watch it. I mean, I knew he was on Feud.

I didn't know he was on Angie Tribeca. If we could... I honestly wouldn't mind if we talked about boys the whole time. I love talking about boys, especially when boys are Alfred Molina. Also, can I say, like, I know this is controversial, but Brandon Fraser re-watching the movie. And by re-watching, I mean, I honestly, once I started watching The Mummy yesterday, I was like, oh, I haven't seen this before.

Oh, perfect. I had never seen this movie. I didn't know that I hadn't seen it. Probably because I was thinking about George of the Jungle. I thought I'd seen it because I'd been on the roller coaster so many times and that's true because there's a video of brendan fraser in character that used to be at the end of the roller coaster it's the only thing that is the only like video tie-in that's better than the brendan fraser saying at the end of the ride whoa that was pretty crazy anyways remember to unbuckle your seatbelts like that

was literally what the video was little fact fact, that's still his only gig. He still gets royalties from that roller coaster video. But the only one that's better, if you're listening at home, is look up the Bill Paxton Rest in Paradise Twister Experience video. It's not a ride that exists anymore. It's literally one of those like Hollywood things where you go in and you just watch a set from Twister blow shit around. And then at the end,

there's a video of Bill Paxton saying, wow, the majesty of nature. Check out Twister. It came out in 1997. This ride existed as recently as five years ago. Where?

In Florida. It was like, I think it was like, yeah, like Universal Studios in Florida. I mean, this is the second movie we've done now that has had a um a ride a ride roller coaster yeah you guys do pirates of the caribbean we're gonna do the country bears we're gonna do you guys gonna do song in the south anytime oh no that is a roller coaster movie it's like my favorite

roller coaster i know and it's problematic on Slash Mountain. Isn't that the one that's so racist? Yeah, yeah, yeah, and they're like, let's not change it. Let's not change it. I'm sure someday we'll also do Jurassic Park. I would love to do a Jurassic Park episode. Oh yeah, the Jurassic Park raft ride is fun. I love it. Well, there's a

place called Paramount Canada's Wonderland and I bet they've got a lot of rides based on movies that you guys just don't know are rides. about tomb raider there's a tomb raider ride no way yeah i would almost gotta go to canada i would almost prefer that to the mummy well i don't know there's also uh the one with the guy who jumped on the couch. Tom Cruise. He's in the new Mummy movie. What's the movie Top Gun? There's a Top Gun ride there too. No way.

Oh, these rules. That kicks the shit out of the Twister ride. It wasn't even a ride. You just stared at it. Oh, wait. Here's another good time. This is a roller coaster podcast now. I love and my mom, I've never seen my mom more excited than to go on the Aerosmith roller coaster in Orlando, Florida.

For some reason, the Disney Corporation took it upon itself, you know who needs to be adapted into a roller coaster? The band Aerosmith. I mean, they're not wrong. They're a great band. They're from my hometown, for crying out loud. From Brockton? No, they're from Boston. So my mom, she used to be a roadie for the Beaver Brown Band.

She was their road sled or whatever she did. I don't know. I don't know exactly what she did with the Beaver Brown Band. Let's call her. Jill, what was your affiliation? She doesn't like to talk about it. So I think she was the roadside. But she aspired to

be the Aerosmith roadside. Never got there. But we went to Disney World when I was like 12 and all she wanted to do was go on the Aerosmith rollercoaster and was thrilled because when you're in the waiting area because it's an in-demand roller coaster there's lines uh how can that be true but go on it's a great roller coaster okay but there i was on it last year and i was

like no hold up but there's a huge like you're waiting in like their studio and then all of aerosmith acts and they short sketch and they're so bad and they're just like oh my god we gotta get to tour it the venue we gotta get to the venue oh my god get us to the Greek or like whatever they're saying um and Steve Tyler is there and he's like oh my god guys we're gonna be late hey didn't they point at me and they say hey can you drive for us we need some roadies and my mom was like ah because she wanted to be ready so bad yeah she was thrilled oh my god this is the coaster cast wow anyway the movie was cool yeah so you guys hadn't seen it before. I think I saw it when it first came out in 99 and then never again, except for today and yesterday when I watched it twice.

And then maybe never again after this. Never again after this. But is it time for the recap? Yeah. All right. The reek. You guys don't do that? Oh, wait.

Yeah. Cut a track right now. We'll use it everyda-da-break. You guys don't do that? Oh, wait. Yeah. Cut a track right now. We'll use it every single time. Oh, shit. Well, first, I feel like someone was like, hey, I really want to make an Indiana Jones movie, but I don't have the rights to Indiana Jones, but I want to make an Indiana Jones movie anyway, so I'm going to make this movie, and I'm not going to care that it's very bad. Yeah, probably.

I can see that. It has such an Indiana Jones probably. I can see that. It has such a Jones feel. It has a Jones, like a CVS brand Jones. Yeah. Right? Yeah. But then I was up and up.

That's so funny that you were thinking that, though, because I was thinking, oh, this is like a better version of National Treasure. Which is just another version of Indiana Jones. I love National Treasure. I'm sure it could have been a fine movie. Know who shines in National Treasure? Oh, no. Nicolas Cage? John Voight.

Oh, fuck. John Voight. What's the name of that guy you like? Alfred Molina. Right, okay. I wish he was in National Treasure. Another movie he'd fit in great. Well, he is in Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Alfred Molina is. Oh, yeah, he is in Raiders of the Lost Ark. Alfred Molina is. Oh, yeah, he's in the good one. I'm sorry. Last Crusade is a very good one. Here's something. If not the best one. Tweet at me if you disagree. Will it shock you to hear I've never seen an Indiana Jones movie?

No, it won't. It does not shock me at all. I've seen National Treasure probably five times. So you don't need to see Indiana Jones. Exactly. That's like, get it. Just think of that, but better. But like, what if this is better? I've seen National Treasure probably five times. So you don't need to see Indiana Jones. Exactly. I get it. Just think of that, but better.

What if this is better? But I love, it's something I know and love. The plot twist in National Treasure is daylight savings time. That's a great twist. I love that twist. I'm so glad I brought this wine because I need to get drunk immediately. Raiders of the Lost Ark probably is the better film. But we all can agree that Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade is a much more fun movie.

And I'll leave it at that. That's a roller coaster too. I know. It's a really fun one. It was a fun one. All right. Anyway, so this movie, God, well, to quote Brendan Fraser's character, I gotta rescue the damsel in distress, kill the bad guy, and save the world. I love that line.

I was like, boom, nailed it. Nail on the head. Brendan, I have a lot of thoughts about Brendan Fraser. I'm sure you're not surprised. I'm not surprised. My new theory is that Brendan Fraser is ostensibly the rebound boyfriend of actors because you do not have to take him seriously. He's fun for two hours. The second you hit two hours, he is not fun anymore. And you're like, I want to go home.

And that's that's that's. Luckily, this movie clocks in at just over two hours. But ten minutes of that is the credits. So, yeah. And you're also distracted by a mummy. So it's like, you're busy. He's got... The thing about him is like, I forgot how hot he was. I was like, holy crap, he's so hot.

But then by the end of the movie, you see like where you're like, he's just something off hot. You know what i mean when his eyes are wild he's a cvs brand hot this whole movie is a cvs brand i like i feel like if you called brendan frazier's name he's got the kind of eyes where he'd like look over like a like an egret he'd be like what like an emu ostrich what am i thinking of i'm thinking of a large bird that's how i think emu i feel? I feel like Brendan Fraser could lay an egg. And that's what he's been doing lately. I wouldn't be surprised if Brendan Fraser was like, I laid an egg this time.

I had cold brew coffee for the first time today. Oh, that's the last time I had cold brew coffee. I had a panic attack. I am. True story. I feel like I'm on the I had a panic attack. True story. I feel like I'm on the verge of a panic attack. But let's ride this wave. Let's ride it. And let's recap the story.

We open in ancient Egypt. What year is it? We don't know. Something BC. Something BC. I don't give a fuck if it's before Christ. Yeah. Not interested.

Let's leave this out of it okay just to clarify so in the beginning when it's like the bc era and then so what's that chick is she like super special or something she's the pharaoh's mistress wife or mistress no mistress where is this we don't know do we hear about the wife i don't so. If only they would talk about something together. I know. If only women had a conversation. There's just one scene where those two meet. But then she's having an affair with someone else. Right.

Because she loves somebody else. Which is this man. He's bald. And that's really... Honestly, I thought he was... When I first saw this movie, I thought it was Billy Zane. I was like, that guy, that's Billy Zane. And then I i first saw this movie i thought it was billy zane i was like that guy's that's billy zane and then i re-watched it yesterday and i was like no different man who looks just like him before we start to get bad reviews we're not saying all

bald men look alike i know that we we've got to be aware do you know what was crazy and i know we're still doing the plot but we haven We haven't... We've hardly begun. But how, like, at the beginning, it's like that woman is, like, basically, like, a sex slave mistress. And then she's in love with someone, and he loves her. And then yet that person who loves her and her become the villain? It's like they should be the good guys. Yeah, I was a little bit confused about that too why are they the villains they've had a shit time i don't know anyways flash forward also the uh after christ

the the actress who plays the ancient egyptian lady her name is uh patricia velasquez who plays marta on arrested development whoa which one's Marta on Arrested Development? She's the one that Michael is in love with. Yes. That dates Job. Yes. Oh, that's fun. Yeah, I like Marta.

Yeah. I wanted them to make it. I know. Not her and Job. Her and Michael. Right. Yeah. Anyway, so they have this, like, clandestine relationship.

And the Pharaoh finds out. So he's like, you're a bad man. I'm going gonna curse you and i'm bald i'm in charge not really though before he could curse him oh the woman they killed him well the woman stabs herself and then they but they killed the pharaoh first i don't remember who cares but it's like i'm just saying it doesn't really, it like didn't even, it's like, this is a, why is this movie hard to follow? Like it shouldn't be. There's a lot of questions that I feel like I would come up with the wrong plot.

And I tried really hard to pay attention to this movie. It's a hard movie to pay attention to. And when I said who cares, I don't mean, I didn't mean to like dismiss you. I meant to say this movie is stupid. Who cares what happens in it? I just wanted to clarify. Right. Yeah. All my fans are going to be really mad about it. meant to say this movie's stupid who cares what happens in it i just wanted to clarify right yeah

all my fans are gonna be really mad about it the georgia heads are coming after you no brooks nation the bottom one the guy becomes a mummy and they like put him in a tomb and a sarcophagus and they mummify him while he's alive so he gets put in that thing when he's still alive which is you can tell it's scary because his eyes are like no yeah and they cut off his tongue which is right which is a bad thing in the bc how's he gonna go down on a woman that's what they're saying with air is that not how you get down on a woman just gentle blowing i feel like if you had a nubbin of a tongue, you could still do it. Yeah, you'd have to, like, really get in there, but, yeah.

A little froggy. No, what you have to do if you had a really little tongue, hypothetically. I'm not saying, I got it. I have a great tongue. But if you had a little tongue. I have an average-sized tongue. I drive such a fancy hot car because i'm compensating for my tongue i'm embarrassed my tongue

but maybe you you'd have to and everyone at home please picture this happening to a vagina spread your mouth and suction on to get the tongue because you can't bring the tongue the tongue has to be brought to yeah well anyway so there's a curse he's a mummy or something first scene so then the future comes then the future comes which is actually the past 1920 is it 19 oh did they tell us 1920 and then it goes forward more, so I was guessing that was around 25 to 30. But the first one's in 1920, when Brandon Fraser's still like, I only watched this movie once. You know why I remember the years? It's because I'm obsessed with Edwardian culture, which is like 1900 to 1910, and then right after that and i got really the one thing i really liked about this

movie is like the era it took place in and also her fashion her yeah it's uh she's a she's a colonial gal with very thin eyebrows i didn't even know that was right twice i wrote down triggered by eyebrows eyebrows very distracting i had no idea that was her because she has such like rich luxurious eyebrows and they're so overp distracting. I had no idea that was her because she has such rich, luxurious eyebrows, and they're so over-plucked in this movie because that was the style of the time. I did not know that that was Rachel Weisz until I looked at IMDb. She has pregnant teenager eyebrows. Over-plucked eyebrows are for pregnant teenagers and people who don't know what they're doing.

All the pregnant teenagers listening to the podcast, we're not trying to put you in a box keep listening think about how you're choosing your body, your choice with the baby but not with your eyebrows there's no excuse for bed rest so I should just IMDB this baby IMDB

I have been trying to challenge myself to not google things the second I want to Google them. Okay. Well, way to shame me. Shame me? No, but when I was watching the movie earlier, I was like, I'm going to figure out who this actress is. I know her face, but her brows are distracting.

And I didn't get it. I had to look it up. Well, it's... Because she looked hella familiar. And by the end of the movie, I was like, oh, I've seen her a buttload. Yeah. I think that's the technical term. That's the unit of measurement that I like to apply, yeah.

So then he gets arrested. Yeah. Brendan Fraser is, like, I guess a treasure hunter, and he, like, goes to this lost city, this city of the dead in Egypt, and there's these people who attack him. And he's like, no. And he gets arrested. And then intro, Rachel Weisz as Evelyn and her brother. And they work at this library of antiquities museum, also in Egypt. She's a scholar. I forget why she goes to. Right.

Oh, because her brother has this key thing. He's a treasure seeker, too. Yeah. And they find this map. And they're like, this is a map to the city of the dead. So they go and they find. They're like, that's just a myth. It's kind of like the scene in National Treasure where they steal the Constitution.

And they're like, there's a map on the back. And it's lemon juice. How did you find out what the. No, that's not right. They didn't hold it under a blacklight. I don't know what they did. It's basically like National Treasure. Right.

Okay. Continue. Anyway, they pair up with Brendan Fraser. And they're like, let's go to this place. They find the city. They go inside these catagomes. There's this sarcophagus and then they're like, this is creepy. And then there's these other people who are also hunting for the treasure in this place. In the 20s, everyone really wanted treasure. Everyone loved treasure back then. Not so much now. There's like no one seeking wealth anymore. You know, that's why I've made such a killing in the treasure business.

Because it's an under saturated profession. I like to steal old paper and be like, it's a map. And then go to different countries and just fuck around. You're very good at that. Yeah, thank you. Anyway, so they released this mummy that's in this tomb. It's because she reads from the book. Women shouldn't read.

That's the lesson here. Women be reading. No, thank you. She reads from this book. It awakens this bad mummy guy, and he keeps sucking the life out of people until he's regenerated. And his whole thing is he wants to be reunited with the woman that he loves. What? Oh, my God.

Aristotle. We got him to say something. Wait, what did you say? Is that her name? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Did you rewatch the movie recently? You just remember.

Okay. Wait, do you love the mummy? Oh, my God. If you didn't hear him, he said he used to love it. Okay. Wait, do you love the mummy? Used to. Oh my god! That's the best! If you didn't hear him, he said he used to love it. I don't believe it. You still do. How many times have you seen it? I feel like you've just been waiting to yell that.

The whole time you're like, they're gonna get there. They're gonna get there. That's so funny. What a twist for us. So this mummy guy wants to be reunited with his love, whose name is whatever. Who cares? And then he so he's like, I'm going to take this one other lady in the story and use her is like the vessel to try to revive my my beloved. And they're like, no, we can't let this happen.

So they have to go find this other book that's going to kill him because he's immortal and he can't be killed by any mortal weapons. So they're scrambling around and he's unleashing all these plagues on the city and they're like, no, how do we do this? And then there's all these other mummies who come up and attack them and a bunch of people die. And then finally they find the book they need and they kill him. The end. And they fall in love.

And, right. And Brandon and And they fall in love. And, right. And Brandon and Evelyn fall in love. Yes. Who saw that coming? I love that the hero of this Egyptian movie is Rick O'Connell. Sounds like a neighbor I would have. Is that the brother? No, that's Brendan Fraser's character.

Or Rick O'Connor? Oh, shit. Rick O'Connell. Rick O'Connell.nell yeah my neighbors are the o'connells the guy who plays benny who is presumably an egyptian character is played by a guy named kevin o'connor that must have been confusing probably a white guy and probably another example of hollywood whitewashing hollywood whitewashing this movie is very very very guilty of whitewashing uh if we're looking at it in a macro way it's you know three white leads in a country of non-white people all the villains are you know that slightly brown slightly brown weed i mean i can, they're just ethnically ambiguous.

Right. Well, the Egyptian woman is played by Patricia Velasquez. And she's Hispanic, right? Yeah. I mean, they were like anything. Any pigment. Yeah. Yeah.

Which and but, you know, even the way that, like, everyone who lives in Egypt who is not American or British is, like, they're dumb or they're violent. And we're here to talk about women. But, you know, worth addressing. Well, it's hard to talk about women with this movie. It's true. We literally have to talk about other things. I do have something I would like to address. Please.

It's very serious so the reason we're doing this episode because there's a new mummy installment coming out starring hell not Brandon Fraser but Tom Cruise the guy who jumped on the couch isn't that weird usually when there's a new movie and they put a new person and they don't pick someone who's the same age as the original dude do you know what i mean you just didn't cast him last time like why brian frazier uh is if nothing else and he's a lot of things he's a class act brian frazier released a statement upon not being cast in the mummy reboot and being bumped by tom cruise and it's maybe the saddest thing I've ever read in my life.

Here's what Mr. Frazier had to say. Quote, I am flattered as Tom Cruise is a really big movie star. There were many movies made before the one that I was lucky to be a part of, which, speaking in the sense of, you know, history of time,

a lot of movies. I am certain this one will be unique. I have met Tom before and he is a nice guy. He will be great and the film will be exciting. And get your tissues out. I will buy the ticket to watch it on the opening day. Imagine if Brendan Fraser had to pay for a ticket to The Mummy. I think we should start a Kickstarter, get him a therapy dog and a free ticket to The Mummy. Because Homeboy is torn up.

He's torn up about it. It's just sad because it's like he could use it, you know? He could use it and he shines. I enjoyed him in Looney Tunes Back in Action in 2003. What's that movie he's in? Georgia the Jungle? Yeah. Yeah.

I want to see a reboot that you're in called Georgia of the Jungle. So does everybody. Hear that, Hollywood? But yeah, let's talk about

Evelyn, who I did not, I didn't even know her name until halfway through the movie. Yeah, same. Yeah. Because I was like, oh, Evelyn's a great name. I remembered Evie who I did not, I didn't even know her name until halfway through the movie. Yeah, same. Yeah. Because I was like, oh, Evelyn's a great name.

I remembered Evie because I was like, that's a Pokemon. Let's just, from the top, her, the way she's introduced, the way Evelyn is introduced. What a goofball. What a goof, right? She's putting books away in her library. What a weird introduction to this character. Yeah, because it doesn't even, she never looks never looks that way again like she had glasses on maybe or something she looked like a super nerd and then that was the end of that and she's like super

clumsy because like she's on this ladder trying to put these books away and then the ladder like somehow becomes suspended upright and gravity stops existing for 30 seconds or so and she's like kind of balancing on this ladder she's almost like they're still yeah yeah and then she finally tips over and knocks like 20 bookcases down to their set up like dominoes and then this like mean guy comes in he's like you fix this you you fix it. He's like, why are you, why do I even hire you? Yeah, you suck. And she does stand up for herself. She's like, because I can read ancient Egypt.

I know what hieroglyphics are. And in the most, that's exactly what she says. No. Well, I mean, it's like the most expository dialogue ever. I went to college and I know the pictures they made inside the triangles.

And the guy's like, you know what? Actually, it's because your parents had a lot of money. Did he say that? Yeah. I totally missed that. Poor little rich girl. What does she know about misery? Hey, Titanic check.

Ding. The guy who plays Mr. Ismay is in this movie. Really? And the guy who plays another character whose name is... There's also that scene with Violent Swimming that I was like, oh, no. Oh, right, because they go overboard. Oh, yeah. There's that.

And the guy who plays Captain Winston Havelock, who pilots their plane back to the city. Oh, sure. Captain Winston Havelock. Famous character, Captain Winston Havelock. I like pilots their plane back to the city. Oh, sure. Captain Winston Havelock. Famous character, Captain Winston Havelock. I cosplayed it, too. He plays the guy in Titanic who, after Jack, like saves Rose on the back

of the ship. And then everyone's like, did he save her or was he trying to rape her? We don't know. And then he's like, no, I saved her. And he's like, well, the boy's a hero then. That guy? Yeah. That's a deep cut. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah, yeah. You're right.

They're in both. He's in both. And then, yeah, Mr. Ismay plays Dr. Allen. He's also in Chamberlain. And doesn't he, the guy from Titanic and from this movie, he's also the bad guy in Jumanji. Ooh. Oh. I've never seen Jumanji. Oh, my oh my god sorry there's a new jumanji

movie coming out with kevin hart is there i think it's kevin hart and what's his name the rock okay i'm back we i mean story plot wise we have not yet gotten to the part with brandon fraser in a cage because I've been waiting oh we just jumped right over that because he got arrested for a reason that I can't decipher I'm not sure then he almost gets hung

he's in a cage he looks exactly like he looked in George of the Jungle yes I'm like is that George? how long has he been in the jail? we don't know I was talking about how I'm like, is that George? He's got long hair. Yeah. How long has he been in the jail? We don't know.

Oh, right. Well, I was talking about how Evelyn's character is introduced. Yeah. We haven't talked about her brother yet either. Remember how her brother is introduced when she comes like into the room and then he pretends to be like a skeleton mummy? Yeah. Like such a shitty brother move. I originally thought it was going to go in the direction of

like this is her husband and like or her fiance i thought it was going to be somebody who liked her who was a shit bag you know what i mean and then i'm glad it ended up being her brother me too because then we got to like we're like oh whatever i just want a love story to be able to happen and i don't want anything to get in the way of that like i like that it was just her brother so that he there was nothing getting in the way of her and whatever his name is. Except their differences. Sure. But it's like there wasn't like a she gets mad at him because that guy told a lie.

And it's like, fucking forget. I just want everyone to like be in love. I don't want any external opposing forces. Egypt is enough. Too close to. Yeah. I mean, Egypt. We're already in the trenches there.

In the sand trenches. Well, let's talk about how after she and her brother are introduced, they go to the cage that Brandon Fraser is hanging out in because he's been arrested for whatever reason. He's thrashing around. Right. How long has he been in there? Because he is effectively feral when he bursts into that cage. He's like, ah, like he's like screaming. I don't know.

Rashing around, kissing, hitting. It wouldn't take that long to come like that in a jail cell, I don't think. Probably not. Especially if you're as untethered as Brendan Fraser. With those eyes. But that's what I'm going to talk about. He just like kisses her. He's like, come here closer.

I gotta tell you something. And then he kisses her and we're like, but she seems fine with it, which is like, well, she liked it, but she's like, I didn't like it.

Right. Yeah. She's written by a man who also read the GI Joe movies. Just to keep things in perspective. Well, I was like, okay, why did that happen?

Why didn't anyone make that choice? And then she does like kind of push back a little bit. She's like, oh, how dare you? And then she keeps, she's like, you have bad manners. And why did you kiss me? And he's like, well, I was about to be hanged. It seemed like a good idea at the time. And then he pulls out a gun.

Okay, I know you have a lot of gun time. He pulls out a gun. Okay, I know you have a lot of gun time. He pulls out a gun? Well, he like slams, after he says that line about like, oh, just I was in a cage, so you pretty much do whatever you want in a cage. Like, he slaps down all of his artillery in front of her. And I'm just like, this is a weird choice. Also, before he meets Evie, and even before he kisses her, he calls her a broad. Oh, yeah.

But he's like, who's this broad? She'll do. It's a 20 or something. Yeah, she'll do. That's actually historically accurate. For a forced kiss? She'll do for a forced kiss. I'm George of the Jungle.

Also, Brendan Fraser controversy. All you Fraser heads out there, let me know what you think. I don't remember if Brendan Frasier has an Audi belly button or if the guy in George of the Jungle 2 has an Audi belly button. One of them has an Audi belly button. I hope it's Brendan because I have an Audi. The Audi community is very oppressed, especially in Hollywood. Is it even safe to say that on the air? I don't even. Maybe edit this out.

Like, outie and proudie is what I'm saying. So it's Brandon Fraser. It's Brendan. Oh. I'm going to look up his tummy. Brandon Fraser abs. So first of all, whenever you kiss someone without their permission, technically it's sexual assault. Yeah. So that happened and then there's this story beat where she's like kind of swooning over it she's like in her when she's

drunk oh no like before that she's like she's in her room on the boat because they're heading toward this city of the dead and she's like trying to read and she's like so hot and bothered and then she's like oh come on girl it wasn't even that good of a kiss like clearly she's apparently thinking about this kiss well we saw the kiss and we know it wasn't that good so she must be in love yeah no that's not okay you're right i hear you especially because that i was like oh yeah this is so weird because it's always unacceptable, obviously. But if a villain character had done that, I'd be like, oh, we're supposed to know he's a bad guy. He doesn't respect women.

This is the hero of the movie who pretty much in our introduction, Feral Frazier bursts out. He's foaming or whatever. And then he immediately assaults a man with his fist and then a woman with his mouth right and it's just it's just like oh yeah this guy rules can't wait to go on the roller coaster like it's just weird well and then yeah they have a couple minutes after that whenever they're there's this like public hanging ceremony where he's about to be hung she's trying to barter with this guy who's like in charge of him, I guess.

And then she's like, I'll pay you 100 pounds. And he's like, no, I'm a lonely man. What else can you give me? And he puts his hand on her knee. And so she gets assaulted twice in a row. But she negotiates. She does. She gets it done.

And then she slaps his hand and then the whole crowd laughs proving that women are funny. Which is pretty cool. This was a groundbreaking movie for that reason. Yeah, it was groundbreaking. And it is kind of cool

that she saves him like roles are reversed when a woman saves the man. She's a good, with some exceptions, like getting too horny to read a book um who hasn't right i'm like i could think of an example of maybe a time that that has happened to me but she's a pretty good character but this is i think like symptomatic of blockbusters of

you know princess leia because we see evie in a very leia-style sex prison where she's chained to the sarcophagus at the end and all that. And it's like, we have one solid female protagonist. And the main problem is, A, all the male characters. And B, there's no one for her to talk to. Which I feel like is a problem we've come up on this podcast again and again and again. Yeah, it's like she had no chance. She only could talk to those dudes. Right.

Because there was just no and also like and but to be fair she chose that life of adventure and most women don't do that but at one point she's like i'm not an adventurer i'm a librarian and i'm just like um okay cool and then she passes out on him and he doesn't he knows that passed out means no and i think that's really great too drunk to stand means no and that's a great message and instead for young men like aristotle who are watching at the time yeah because he kisses the air because she's like i'm gonna kiss you and then she passes out and then and so he just like he kisses the air because he knows he can't kiss her and i think that's great even more assault than he's already assaulted her well what happened what they were trying to show is that he was like

the bad boy and then she kind of like made him a good boy she fixed him she fixed him i think that that's impressive because i this is not a protagonist that jumped out to me as i could fix him and i think i could fix almost everybody. Brendan, he's a wild... I wouldn't want to leash that Bengal tiger. You know what I mean? She also wasn't trying to fix him. It just happened. Do you know what I mean? She was very busy

and very excited about all of the history around her. And she wasn't even trying to change it. She was horny for history, honestly. She was horny for history and he was horny adjacent. She was like no woman history, and he was horny adjacent. Yeah. She was like no woman he's ever met. Now I'm putting plot lines in that.

She's not like, well, we don't even know if he's ever met a woman before. We've never seen him in a scene with another woman. Right. She could be his first woman that he's met. Maybe. Now there's a movie. Let's talk about it. I'm thinking Ricky Gervais for for the lead

i wanted to talk a little bit about the scene on the boat where one while she does save brennan frazier from being hanged uh then he has to go and save her because these bad guys on the boat who are like the guardians of the is that who they were lost city okay they're just trying to keep that mummy in right i think cool yeah so they come and attack and she gets saved by brandon and then he's like throws her overboard he picks her up throws her into the water uh what ocean would that have been i don't think it was an ocean they were on a river the nile i think it was i said the the nile that's when my mom went swimming in the nile really that's cool let's go on an expedition and dig up some bones that's what i call sex no going on an expedition take up some dry bones digging up some bones wow sounds like you're doing you gotta lube up those bones

but then i actually i'm sorry i'm not digging them You gotta lube up those bones. You gotta lube up those bones, Caitlin. Sorry, I'm not digging them up. I'm burying those bones if you catch my drift. You're cashing men and burying their penises. I got it. With my vagina. With your, oh, whoa. So your vagina's the dog.

Like a poop. Oh, okay. I was thinking of your vagina as the shovel. Oh, yeah. No, I guess so. You know what's interesting about this movie? So he keeps saving her with his muscles and she keeps saving him with her wit and knowledge. True. Really forcing. on being a fucking weird idiot where she goes, you know your history.

And he says, I know my treasure. Oh, Jesus. As if to double down on like, I'm a fucking idiot. I'm not smart. Which I appreciate. I love when a man's like,

guess what? I'm not smart. I'm stupid. And it's like, you know, usually you're right. That brings me to the scene whenever they're trying to haggle with the guy

who's selling them camels. And like, no, we only want four camels. And then Brendan Fraser's like, well, we could have gotten them for free. All you needed to do was give them your sister. Suggesting that Jonathan should have sold Evelyn to get the camels. I think even worse than that, that it was just Brendan making a joke, which is even worse. You know what I mean? Like, I don't even think he was real about that.

But he was just like, like, I hate when dudes make jokes. Like, men are bad at comedy. They're so bad at comedy. Women are great at comedy. Men are bad. These are just the facts. I hate to come to Brennan's defense, but what a compliment to be worth four whole camels.

Like, most men would be like, oh, you know, like on the camel rating system, four whole camels. You know what I mean? Like, most men would be like, oh, you know, like on the camel rating system, four is pretty high. Especially if you're, like, using the humps as measurement. That's eight humps! But women have a bunch of humps, if we remember from that song.

What a great album. Check it out! I danced to that at a talent show you can't see but i'm dancing anyway yes true how many camels are each of us worth i'm a four camel girl trust me oh i've been with men who've tried to sell me for camels and he he's like, I'll take no less than four. He meant cigarettes. I'll take no less than four cigarettes for this one. Not even speaking in cartons. He's like, this is my girlfriend.

If you give me four cigarettes, she's your girlfriend now. I would never date a smoker, okay? I did once, actually. He gave me this shirt. I mean, not to smoke shame everyone. God. We're're gonna get some emails about this you guys are smoke shamers listen this is a really nice shirt that my only smoker boyfriend got me so worth it what is it white man can't jump white man can't jump cool yeah i've

never seen that movie it's good it's good it's a good movie yeah check it out he also gave me the i'll link you to his facebook profile don't worry about it yeah shout out as long as we're talking about boys still I think the podcast is going great the next scene I wanted to bring up was Mr. Ismay who's real character's name we don't know

but we know him as Mr. Ismay from Titanic he's sort of with this other group of Americans Americans they're the Americans right sorry I cut you off no I was just saying a line from Titanic I heard it with this other group of Americans. They're the Americans. Right. Sorry, I cut you off.

No, I was just saying a line from Titanic. I heard it. At the end of the first VHS, one of our favorite lines in the movie. Of course. And he is referring to Brendan and friends, and he's like, they're led by a woman. What does a woman know?

Which is obviously to show that these are the bad guys. Like, we're not rooting for these guys. They're bad and they say horrible things like that. And they're wrong. They're wrong. Because in the next scene, Evelyn says she's basically rattling off all the

things she knows about hieroglyphs and the legends and the mythology and all that stuff. Everybody knows treasure, but she knows knowledge. She knows history. She knows knowledge. She knows history. She knows knowledge. She knows knowledge. Well, first of all...

Beyonce, knowledge. Oh, man. So the problem is, like, he's like, they're led by a woman. What does a woman know? And then in a few scenes later, Brendan Fraser's like, he's talking to Evelyn,

and he's like, why are you here? Oh, yeah. So it's like, yeah. Because she's like why are you here oh yeah so it's like yeah um because she's helping your expedition you motherfucker well and she does i mean almost at every opportunity she has to stand up for herself he does stand up for herself which is why i think she's a good character she's always advocating for how smart she really does seem to be even though it's not plot relevant very often. And she also is like... Do you think she's a suffragette around that time?

Oh, maybe. I don't think she thinks she has the right to vote, and it's a damn shame. So while her strength is knowledge, and she knows a lot about history, specifically ancient Egyptian history, but she seems to have some huge blind spots in her knowledge because she

doesn't, because she doesn't know enough to not read from a book called the book of the dead. She was too horny. Because that's what awakens the mummy. I like that. Would you have known that? I mean,

she doesn't believe in things she can't see. She said, that's true. Oh, that is true. Anything would come of it. Good point. i mean she doesn't believe in things she can't see she said that's true oh that is true anything would come of it good point well she wasn't super it's weird because she is superstitious at certain parts of the movie and then another part she's like i don't believe it and yeah like she she's like no there's rumors that this city is real she says that in the beginning and then later she's like if i don't see it i don't believe it and it's like you've one must pick but the scene where she steals the book i loved because she steals it from this guy who's like drunk he passes out she takes the book mr ismay mr is that mr ismay yeah oh god i think he may get his headlines um thank you that was for you uh and then she brings

it over to brendan and brendan's like it seems like he's joking he's like don't read the book don't do they're flirting right but then once she reads it and something bad happens he's like i told you not to read the book you were flirting with her you would have read it if you could read he was he was being manipulative he's like hey i died she, hey, I told her. I told her not to read the book. And she's like, I'm sorry. And then Mr. Ismay is like in the right, even though he's like the dumb alcoholic.

He's like, we told you not to read the book. I feel like every dumb man in the scene ends up being right. And that's frustrating. I feel like there's a lot of like in this movie characters who should are the bad guys, but then they're the good guys. And then they're the bad guys. I feel like there's a lot of, like, in this movie, characters who are the bad guys, but then they're the good guys, and then they're the bad guys. Like, I feel like there's a lot of mix. Evil is fluid, you know? More like real life. This is, like, basically a documentary.

Listen, we're like Chef Salad, so there's a lot of good, there's a lot of bad just mixed in there. What do you guys think happens in The Mummy Returns? I think he comes back. Wait, Erisol, have you seen it? Do you know? Not only did he nod, he like gave this like, of course I seen it. Stupid woman. Oh, you bitches

haven't seen The Mummy Returns? Well, I don't know. I mean, if we're using, for a yardstick of a movie I have seen, The Return of Jafar, Jafar, Jafar returns in that one. So one might assume that the mummy returns. No, that Jafar returns.

The mummy returns. I used to have a crush on Jafar. Jafar is hot. Which animal is Jafar? Jafar is the evil... The evil brother. Uncle. No, that's Scar.

In The Lion King? That's Scar. Fuck. Who's just... From Aladdin. Aladdin villain. You have said every Disney movie that's not Aladdin. Jafar, right.

He's Jafar. Is he the parrot? No, he's the good cat, right? That's Raja. I'm not kidding. Who the fuck is Javar? Oh, it's the bad guy. Yes.

Oh, I don't know why I thought it was an animal. I think we should start a podcast about straight-to-video sequels. You guys should do, like, mini-sows that are just sequels. And you don't have a guest, maybe. Not a bad idea. Get some quality time. I claimed the copyright for that. You guys can have it, but just always give me credit.

Credit at the top. Right. The director of The Mummy, Stephen Sommers, has an impressive resume if you were an aggro white dude who wants to be a lead in a movie. He wrote. Wrote? he wrote and directed the mummy good for him here and he also wrote the mummy returns jury's out on what happened he also wrote revenge of the mummy the ride he wrote the roller coaster video rode the roller coaster too i bet he is on the roller coaster sex riding the roller coaster too. I bet he is on the roller coaster. That's what I call sex. Riding the roller coaster.

That one wasn't as good. That one makes sense. No, but if it's like the mummy, there's fire and a jump scare and then you go backwards. Yeah, exactly. That's what sex is like. There's like a hologram

of Brendan Fraser at the end of sex. Brendan Fraser comes at the end and says, unbuckle your seatbelt. That's exactly what sex with me is like. And then he wrote the mummy, Tomb of the Dragon Emperor.

And then he also wrote G.I. Joe, The Rise of Cobra. Oh, okay. He mixed it up there. And Van Helsing. That really bad one. Oh, yeah. The next scene I wanted to talk about was whenever... Thank God you're here.

I'm here to keep this on track. I was talking about a relevant thing. I know. I'm not suggesting you weren't. I'm doing good. I'm doing good. You're doing great. Okay, what scene?

So it's after they've unleashed the mummy. Uh-oh. I know. I'm not suggesting you weren't. I'm doing good. I'm doing good. You're doing great. Okay, what scene? So it's after they've unleashed the mummy. But they go back to the city. I think Cairo, maybe. Yeah, probably. Good bet. And they're in a hotel, I think. And they're like, all right, we're going to have to go back because we really fucked this up. We're going to have to go fix it.

Brendan Fraser does not want Evelyn to go along. So he picks her up and then he throws her on a bed and then he locks her in a room. And to be fair, she's very angry about it and she's fighting back. She's like, I can't. No, I want to go with you guys. Don't leave me here. But it was just like, come on, Brendan. You don't have to pick her up and hurl her across the room. But he had to trick trick her there are so many

scraps that ed gets into in this movie if someone would just let her hold a gun she never that's holds a gun does she ever hold a gun there's a scene where they're in like they're like around the campfire and like a noise happens so he's like hold this and he shoves the rifle in her hands but then he comes back and gets it immediately in most scenes brendan frasier has two guns or more he never gets he's got a pouch full of weapons wait talk about your gun theory okay so not a theory these are facts oh i love it um so i started counting the number of times where there's a scene in the movie where a character either pulls out a gun or the scene starts and guns are already drawn or are being fired.

And this is just scenes. So it's like not even the number of times this happens. This is just scenes where this happens in. So within a scene, it could happen. I feel like there are scenes where they put them away and they're like, actually, no. Yeah, they come back out again. So this is strictly just the scenes that this happens in. It is, I counted 21 scenes in the movie where characters are like, hey, it's been seven seconds since I've drawn a gun.

Better do it again. There's only 18 scenes in this movie. It's wild. The joke is that weapons don't kill the mummy. So what the fuck? Exactly. That's true. They only kill each other with weapons.

Man, it's like a metaphor. Once a gun is used to shoot a scarab beetle. Once it's used to shoot the mirrors, to just tilt the mirrors so that the light, the reflections. So like guns are used for not the right reasons. It's like they're knives and forks. The thing that really bummed me out about Evie was I was on her side. There was shitty. She was being assaulted all the time, but at least she had a character.

She had a set of skills and knowledge and like she was a capable female protagonist until like the last half hour where she's pretty effectively taken out of action until the end of the movie where she's like this is where like the damsel in distress line comes in where she's taken by the bald guy aka the mummy oh yeah the mummy a poor man's billy zane this is called uh the bald guy and then the bald guy returns not to be confused with the bald women rule the bald guy and then the bald guy returns not to be confused with the bald women role the bald guy tomb of the dragon emperor right cool because she's like strapped to a slab she's like and princess leia like she's put in a hot outfit and restrained where was that outfit from right i don't know what she had underneath forever 21 oh Forever 21. Oh, yeah. It's like, did he just, they're like, we've got some, we've got a wardrobe in this pyramid. Right?

Because it fit just so. But that sucked. Like, watching basically the whole climactic scene where she's literally in the center of the screen. Beside a dead woman. Beside a dead woman, chained, unable to participate. We ever see two women together? One is dead. One is dead. chained the first unable to participate we ever see two women together one is dead and then brendan frazier who i cannot imagine was trained in any way for these fights because he just seems to be you know flailing flailing frazier just lunging at probably like tennis balls on sticks that weren't real CGI mummies yet.

And he's just like, huh. We've all been there. She did kind of help save the thing because her dumb, dumb brother couldn't read the thing. Right. And she was trying to tell him. She's like, what does it look like? A bird. A stork.

Yeah. And then she's like, oh, it's this word. And then, yeah, true. But she is in that moment still pretty passive and helpless um but i did at least she was doing i wrote that down too i'm like well at least she participated yeah she wasn't like forgetting all of her skill set for you know what i mean like when they just like negate the fact that she has any skills whatsoever for the sake of uh damsel in distress yeah She does have skills. I just hate that

they like... She should have saved him. That should have been the twist. I thought she was going to. Well, because at the end, she had like one hand free and you know when that skeleton mummy hand grabs something and then Brandon grabs the mummy hand and I thought

that she was going to do like the final blow and would get the mummy, but I thought that she was gonna do like the final blow and would get the mummy but she doesn't right Brandon Fraser uh takes a dead person's hand and does it right trigger I mean overall the men in the story which is 90,000 percent of them are overall consumed by greed and they mostly resort to violence whereas the one woman character who we see generally has integrity and she provides a lot of information that's necessary for like the progression of the story and she is kind of active in i mean like different things she does or different bits of information that she says lets the story move forward. She participates. Right. She participates.

Wow. We really lowered. You know, it could be better. It could be worse. She doesn't have one of those moments that I always talk about and hate in summer blockbusters where the one female protagonist does something and goes hmm, told you boys. Look what I can do. I just kicked something

really hard and it broke. And then they're like, like oh we're so horny so that was good she just did what she was good at and no one was like oh a girl can do that although there is a moment where this is after the mummy has captured her and taken her

and he's bringing her back to the city of the dead and the mummy's making this big sandstorm and the plane's flying the dead and the mummy's like making this big sandstorm and the plane's flying into it and the bald guys always be making sandstorms and the sandstorm is like overcoming the plane that they're all in that like brendan fraser and all those guys are in and she's like oh my god they're about to die she's you're gonna kill them so to distract the mummy she goes up to him and it's like oh is she about to punch him she about to distract the mummy, she goes up to him and it's like,

oh, is she about to punch him? Is she about to kick him in the balls to make him lose his concentration? Instead, she kisses him, which I have conflicting feelings about because on one hand, I'm like, yes, I too, whenever I can, try to use my sexuality to confuse and distract men.

But that's not... But were you taught that from movies like The Mummy? Probably. Maybe if you didn't like The Mummy probably I would have rather I would have rather she had gone up to him and like punched him in the face or punched him in the dick but she's really just doing what Brandon Fraser did

she's doing a kiss is a stun gun she learned that assault trick from her future husband so she can be taught and then she and brennan fraser do share a consensual kiss at the very end a little bit too long for me i mean and for her brother he wasn't having it all right because then he's like maybe i should kiss this camel which i think would have been a really groundbreaking moment for cinema had he kissed the camel. Agree.

Right. Yeah, totally. Especially if that camel was a dude, which is what he clearly wanted the whole movie. Yeah, that was implied. I really hate that. It's like, why don't you just be gay and not make this a thing? It's a very heteronormative movie. It's like Michelle and Gilmore Girls,

the original run. It's like, let's just say it. Thank God they did in the... I know, because it's just like, after a while, if you have a gay character in the mix long enough and don't say it, it almost becomes worse. Totally. We're just like, why? Everyone else is fucking right and left.

Let's acknowledge this character. Clearly, they're always hot. Let's let them fuck.'s let them fuck totally talk about thank god he found his partner yes frederique i have nothing to contribute to this conversation i have not seen that show oh it's my favorite show i love that show so much it's my you have all time favorite any of the indiana jones movies so we're eating i was too busy watching gilmore Girls probably almost as many times as I've seen The Jinx. Okay, I have a question about the Bechdel test in this movie, tying all the themes together. Does this movie actually pass the Bechdel test because the two women fought each other for quite a long time in the tomb? I don't know if they even exchanged one word,

but they were certainly fighting, and it wasn't over a man. It was about being alive. Well, they're interacting, but because they're not speaking, by the rules, it doesn't pass. At least there are two. I mean, congratulations to this movie for having two women in the same scene. Right. Yeah, that's all we get out of this one.

So, no, it doesn't pass the test. I would say that it does not. Taylor, what's going on? What? Am I being weird? Yeah. Oh, I think you're being fine, but I guess I don't hang out with you as much. Even though that's sad.

I know. We keep trying to hang out. I keep texting you and you're like, I'm busy. Sorry. I love how Canadian your story is just now. I wasn't going to point it out, but I appreciate it. I'm being weird. Okay. I love how Canadian your story was just now. I wasn't going to point it out, but I appreciate it. Oopsie doopsie. I'm being weird.

I love it. Actually, okay, so we're discussing. I thought maybe it passed the Bechdel test because she fought with the female mummy, and that was quite a long time, and that wasn't over a boy. Well, words are not exchanged, which is one of the caveats of the Bechdel test. I mean, they got so close. They just forgot to write lines. Maybe there was some dialogue and it just ended up on the cutting room floor.

But that was the only opportunity. There was literally no other women in the movie. Not even extras. I don't even know. In the crowd scenes. One of those weird Hollywood movies where it's like women don't exist here evie is smurfette and we don't know yeah we don't know how this world came to exist yeah right it's crazy how did they repopulate are they worms no do you think return of jafar passes the

test i would guess not i don. Does Nella talk to the mom? Again, we're talking. Oh, fuck. Oh, no. I don't think Aladdin does. Aladdin doesn't. I don't. Because she's the only girl, right?

Except for like women in the streets. Yeah. The ones who are so horny for Aladdin. They're like pushing their tits together and they're like yeah but those are just creations of the genie those aren't even real women man-made creations man do you think that on the roller coaster of the return of the mummy there it passes the bechdel test like do you think there's women on that roller coaster talking about there's no women on the roller coaster Except if we were on the roller coaster doing a live podcast, which, hey, let's do it.

That roller coaster could pass the vital test. True. If we weren't gossiping about boys on the mummy roller coaster. Let's talk about politics. Female politicians. I know that history is not science, technology, or mathematics, or whatever the E stands for. Women in STEM, though. But I'm going to give it

to her. I think that Evie is a woman in STEM. Good for her. She's a woman in, like, SHEM. Science history. But isn't, like, anthropology a type of science? Like a social science?

Yeah. Archeology and anthropology. She's a woman in social science. Yes. So it counts. Yeah. Well done. Totally. Team effort. I was a doubter, but now I'm a believer. Yeah. Does anyone have any final thoughts about the movie that they want to share? I loved the return of Jafar.

That was a really fun movie. Unfortunately, it doesn't pass the Bechdel test. But in conclusion, Farrell Fraser ruled. I love Brendan Fraser. I don't love Rick O'Connell. No, he's not a big character. He started yawning.

Oh, my God. He started yawning. It's not his best character, for sure. No. No. He's got at least two other characters. Yeah. George of the Jungle.

He's in a movie called Bedazzled or something. He is in Bedazzled. Is that what it's called? Yeah. Let's rate the movie. I don't know. Out of what? Oh, well, we have a very prestigious.

And you know what's prestigious when you pronounce it, prestigious. A very prestigious rating scale on a 0 to 5 nipple scale. Oh, right, right, right, right. Yeah, you've listened to an episode. Yeah, sorry. So we rate the movie based on its portrayal of women on the nipple scale. I will go first. I will give it a two because Evelyn, just isolating her, is not a terrible character. I don't especially like her.

I'm never going to be like, oh, my favorite character, Evelyn, or anything like that. She does contribute to this story generally pretty minimallyally but she is probably the smartest character definitely the most knowledgeable about the things that are happening in the movie and the history that's relevant to the story and everything like that but she like she keeps being tossed around by men she's being antagonized by men a lot of the time she has to be saved a bunch of times although she does save bren Fraser a couple of times. But overall, because she's like the only woman that has any substantial screen time whatsoever, it's just not great. Like, let's see more women. Let's give her more women.

Let's also like give her maybe a more cathartic moment at the end. Like some like a big like, oh, I get to last 40 minutes of the movie. Right. Killer. Yeah. So because of that, yeah, two nipples. They both belong to the young lady at the beginning, the mistress. Because I don't know if you can see her nipples or not. But somebody can. But you have someone.

Someone out there. Someone has. Someone's probably seen them. Job. Job saw those nips. I'll give it two nipples as well. You pretty much said everything I thought about Evie. She's, again, as with all summer blockbusters, she's a fine character.

There's just no one for her to talk to. And she's assaulted several times, which I think is a pretty consistent feature in blockbusters to this day. I'm going to give my nipples to Pharaoh Frazier when he's wilder than usual. They're probably frothing, those nipples. Are they okay? Listen, these nips are foamy. I give it two foamy nips. I'm going to give it... I honestly am just going to give it one nip

because a movie, I didn't like the movie. Sorry that we made you watch it. It's not your fault. I said I would do it and I did it. And I'm giving one nipple simply for the outfits. And I guess I'll give it to the mummy

because he's taking body parts anyways. Who knows how many nips he has. He can go in his collection. He's like Ed Gein. Georgia, I would just say I would love if this was the point in the podcast where you're like, actually, I think I watched George.

Negate everything. Oh, man. I watched Return of the Far. Georgia, I watched return of your far georgia watched georgia the jungle caitlin did watch the mummy which is good yeah thank god thank god it's a great lesson and aristotle definitely oh my god aristotle we need to address how much he loves so funny that was shouted literally the highlight of the pod and there was a lot of highlights yeah i've had a great time here today oh this is i literally had the best time this is going in the hall of fame this podcast gets five nipples because that's the amount of nipples we gave it thank you oh you have another thing also the mummy returns gave us the gift of doing the rock johnson that's true that was his breakout role. Was it?

Yeah. Oh, right. Because he was like a pharaoh. A pharaoh. A scorpion king. Which Stephen Summer also wrote and directed. So this podcast gets five nipples. There's five nipples at this table.

I only have one nipple. So it's all good. I lost a nipple to frostbite. To frothbite. I cracked myself up. I'm never going to stop laughing. We'll know in a few weeks if that was actually funny or not. I hope it was. I'm drunk off of this plastic bottle of this plastic now you know how we are on your boozy

news we get so wasted so quick well hey speaking of that let's first of all georgia thank you so much for being here my absolute pleasure thank you for having me where can people find you online um georgiabrooks.com love it it's my home page great and um i'm also at georgia brooks on all the things and um are you still laughing at frost is it frost or did you think my audition was funny i'm laughing because you said frostbite thank god thank fucking god i'm a little i'm gonna i mean well i couldn't have done it without you it's true it's jamie your joke was so funny but then you heightened it and oh my god it's like we yes and it's kind of is that what that is please come see our improv team the return of javfar yeah it's full of lions it's basically the lion king our team is

called the return of jafar but we just show up and we watch the lion king absolutely yeah oh my god okay so your website um oh yeah and then download your booze your news it's with me and blake wexler and steven ray morris is our producer but he he's on it all the time talking. And we get really drunk and then we do the news. I've listened to it. It's very funny. It's a great way to get the news. It's such a depressing time right now. It's literally the only thing I'm doing right now that I'm proud of.

Yay! Wow. Yeah. Listen to that. Follow that. Oh, and follow my cat. Follow your cat. JoJo the Sphinx. Yeah. Jojo the Sphinx yeah Jojo underscore Sphinx Sphinx

because he's got no fur and he's got a sister named Sage ooh I'm hooked yeah I'm gonna follow her right now

please do it's so worth your time okay well I think we're gonna come away from this better people

deaf yeah you okay bud I'm great Georgia thanks again We'll have you back. This has been a blast. And hey, bye. Bye. Bye. Daphne Caruana Galizia was a Maltese investigative journalist who on October 16th, 2017, was assassinated. Crooks everywhere unearthed the plot to murder a one-woman WikiLeaks. She exposed the culture of crime and corruption

that were turning her beloved country into a mafia state. Listen to Crooks Everywhere on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey everybody, this is Matt Rogers. And Bowen Yang.

We've got some exciting news for you. You know we're always bringing you the best guests, right? Well, this week we're taking it to the next level. The one, the only, Katherine Hahn is joining us on Lost Culture East. That's right, the queen of comedy herself. Get ready for a conversation that's as hilarious as it is insightful. Tune in for all the laughs, the stories, and of course, the culture.

Don't miss Katherine Hahn on Las Culturistas. Listen to Las Culturistas on Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Gianna Pradenti. And I'm Jermaine Jackson-Gadsden. We're the hosts of Let's Talk Offline from LinkedIn News and iHeart Podcasts. There's a lot to figure out News and iHeart Podcasts. There's a lot to figure out when you're just starting your career. That's where we come in.

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