The Bechdel Cast - The Room with Barbara Gray

Episode Date: August 31, 2017

Oh hi, listeners! Two's great, but three's a crowd! Except when Jamie and Caitlin invite guest Barbara Gray to talk about The Room. We did not leave our stupid comments in our pocket...we say them all on this episode! Hi Doggy!(This episode contains spoilers)Follow @BabsGray on Twitter! While you're there, you should also follow @BechdelCast, @caitlindurante and @hamburgerphone   Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Daphne Caruana Galizia was a Maltese investigative journalist who on October 16th 2017 was assassinated. Crooks Everywhere unearthed the plot to murder a one-woman WikiLeaks. She exposed the culture of crime and corruption that were turning her beloved country into a mafia state. Listen to Crooks Everywhere on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. To listen to new episodes one week early and 100% ad-free, subscribe to the iHeart True Crime Plus channel, available exclusively on Apple Podcasts. Kay hasn't heard from her sister in seven years. I have a proposal for you. Come up here and document my project.

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from Blumhouse Television, iHeartRadio, and Realm. Listen to Dream Sequence on the iHeartRadio app, They're just dreams. Confessions. Join hosts Gabe Gonzalez and Chris Patterson Rosso as they explore queer sex, cruising, relationships, and culture in the new iHeart podcast, Sniffy's Cruising Confessions. Sniffy's Cruising Confessions will broaden minds and help you pursue your true goals. You can listen to Sniffy's Cruising Confessions, sponsored by Gilead, now on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes every Thursday. On the Bechdelcast, the questions asked if movies have women in them. Are all their discussions just boyfriends and husbands or do they have individualism? The patriarchy's effing vast. Start changing it with the Bechdelcast. oh welcome to the back dog cast i just did a can open of mike's heart that was almost as long as a tommy wiseau sex scene this is the back dog cast my name is jamie my name is caitlin and this is our podcast that we have and we release on a weekly basis and we talk about the portrayal of

women in movies and maybe you've seen them maybe you haven't seen them it's up to you which ones you listen to we don't know we're not the police i think you should watch every movie we talk about we are now your new religion you have to follow us you have to believe everything we say yeah and that is the bechdel cast my therapist is calling right now do you need to answer the phone? I do. I have to tell him. Okay. Beer. Wait. Okay. Let's pause. No, let's not pause. Okay. Let's not. I'll be back. Okay. I'll just chat for a moment. We have a podcast. It's inspired by the Bechtel test, which is a test that requires that movies have at least one scene where there are two female characters.

They have to talk to each other. Those characters have to have names. And their conversation has to be about something other than a man. Hey, guess what? No movies pass. Not a single one has ever passed the Bechdel test. Just kidding. But rarely they do.

Anyway, Jamie is off talking to her therapist, which means there's not much left to do except for me to introduce our guest. She is one of the co-hosts of the super great Lady to Lady podcast, Barbara Gray. Hello. Hi, Barbara. What's up? Thank you for being here. There's so much drama so far. The Mike's Hard Lemonade opening, the therapy phone call.

I feel like Wizzow would be proud of this. Right. There's no rhyme or reason to anything that's happened so far. And it's very... Complete nonsense. Yeah. So talk about your history with this movie. When did you first see it?

How many times have you seen it? I first saw it, I grew up in Salt Lake City. And we were hanging out in my friend's basement. And my friend Bob was like, you got to see this movie. told us about it and this was like a this is a while ago I mean like fifth well it came out in 03 by the way we're talking about the room I don't know if that was ever established I guess this was maybe like Jamie's back this must have been like 2005 or something there 2006 okay so he just shows us the flower shop scene that's all he shows us and then hello doggie yeah like the craziest scene of all time the weirdest timing you've ever seen in anything

like oh hi you're my favorite customer but it's just and i was like i need to see all of this immediately i want to see this movie so we watched all of it so the first time i ever watched it was like a basement with my friends and then when i moved to la we went to the five-year anniversary screening of it and um it was just like a magical experience because people were doing all the interactive stuff at the perfect time we just had a really good theater and it was all like really fun and right because people like to throw spoons at the screen or something there's so much people have written like weird interactive stuff that works really well like there's a scene in the movie you know that scene where she's like, I'm going to get you drunk, which he's obviously

never drank before, so he doesn't know what alcohol is. So she brings out... Yeah, she brings out two glasses of what looks like whiskey, and then she puts vodka on top of it. And he goes, it tastes good. And he gets drunk immediately, and he's like,

it tastes good. It's an amazing use of symbolism, because we're led to believe, oh, they're drunk because there's a tie around someone's head. That's how you know. That's the symbol. And also they drink the entire bottle of vodka. You would be like having alcohol poisoning at that point. But I love you so much and I am wasted. I'm wasted.

I love you, darling. You have nice legs. You have nice pecs. It's so weird. Oh, man. But the first time, so I saw that screening and this guy like stood up in a robe and he was like, here's how you make a scotchka. And he had this whole thing. It was just this really fun interactive aspect to it.

And I have seen it so way too many times. Like I hadn't seen it in a while. I watched it last night and I was like, oh, my God. Like I know I remember too much of this movie. Yeah, but I've always it's, you know, it's got a special place in my heart for sure. Watching it with this intention was different. Oh, sure. It was I had to watch it two times.

I usually only watch it once before that. But it was like you can't I hadn't seen it in years. And so it was like I couldn't just watch it. Like, oh, this time I'm watching The Room for its female characters. I just had to watch it once for fun, and that was great. And then the second time was almost better. It was a totally different experience. Yeah, well, I had never seen this before until a couple days ago.

And I have since watched it four times. You have? Yeah. That makes me so happy. That's a new record. So I watched it once by myself. The next day, Jamie and I watched it together. We were drinking Coors Lights.

In bed. Right. Yeah, we were in bed. That's the way to do it. It was sexy. You watched it in bed. Then I watched it the following day again, the Riff Trax version of it. And then I saw it again this morning because I keep I'm like, I don't know what this movie is about. It's impossible to follow. So you just are like, what am I what? Where am I going? I still feel unprepared. And

I've watched it four times in the past three days. So we don't even need to talk about like how terrible it is. It's already been discussed on a million different platforms. It's going to be very hard to find something to say about this movie that has not been said already. That is an interesting challenge. But we at the Bechdel cast are always challenging ourselves. We're always pushing. We are very challenged. Wait, we are challenged?

We have a lot of... I don't know. I drank a Mike's Heart before the episode started. And I talked to my therapist. He's mad. Oh, no. Did you not show up to something? No. He's a phone therapist. He lives inside my phone.

And he was like, did you go to the pharmacy? I was like, no. And he was like, well, go. I was like, fine. What if the character Peter from this movie was your therapist? Don't be a psychologist, Peter. Even though two seconds ago he was like, give me your opinion as a psychologist. Yeah, there's just no rhyme or reason. Everything he writes contradicts itself two seconds later.

Right. Really quick before, I know we should try to go into some sort of summary of this movie oh right but i've seen this movie i would guess six times now because i've seen it twice in the past couple days is the guy in the flesh-toned sweater who shows up at the party scene is he supposed to be he's supposed to be peter yeah it's concerned white shirt is what we always called him and he he definitely replaced peter because i don't think peter could show up or something and so that guy takes the role of peter being like you're ruining our circle of friends and it's like who are you who are you i just come from

absolutely nowhere i registered with me for the first time on the last viewing i did this morning of it i was like oh he's supposed to be the guy that kept looking into the camera that i thought was cute he thought peter was cute he looks like david wayne i feel like david wayne should play him in the news i don't know he well we were talking about this when we were watching the film in bed together that that guy was the most my type and then i think we decided that the guy who replaces that guy was the most your time i want to make it clear that no one in this movie is my type. First of all, they're all white. Not even Mark.

Mark is a chode. He's a brawny paper towel. Mark is a chode. Mark is understudied. He is a chode. They're all... Let's not rule out chodes. If we rule out chodes...

I mean, I wouldn't have any history of having no life if I ruled out chodes. I would still be a virgin if there were no chodes. Don't count the chodes out. This movie, there's too many white people and therefore none of them are my type. Anyway, I think... I guess Wiseau is white.

I honestly think he's an alien stuffed into a human being's body. Even the sex scenes. He's chicken's cutlass. It's like there's like things moving under his skin during the sex scenes. He's literally a mannequin from the bodies exhibit. It's not good. It's bodies exhibit. It's not good. It's really bad. It's so bizarre. Well, he has such an alien's

understanding of what masculinity is and like, oh, I guess men throw footballs around. Yeah, men throw footballs. Like, love means roses and chocolate. The chocolate scene is so weird. When the two random people show up to make out, they put full pieces of chocolate in like a Snickers bar in their mouth and then they make out who has ever done that my favorite part

of that scene is don't judge i did that yesterday my favorite part of that thing is when they're burst in on by lisa and lisa's mom and then lisa's mom is like this is weird this is gross and then she sits in what very well could be probably a big puddle of cum i didn't think about that and she's like oh my god i all i could think of was the maybe squishy noise that could have happened wait i want to hear a summer are you gonna do one because i want to hear you try like i just want to hear what this this might be the one that i don't interrupt just to here we go caitlin's famous recap the room is about a man named johnny and his fiancee lisa so far so good they live in the room a room the room

the room but also a lot of the scenes take place on the roof so i'm waiting for a sequel called the roof oh my god yeah we should see what's happening on the roof i thought during what's happening oh please yes the roof is the roof of the room right yes i guess they were living in an apartment building even though they are always going directly outside they're never going into i mean it's not out of the question but they're always coming in they're always either in the room or emerging from a little shed on top of the roof the roof that weird illumination of shed that they all have to like duck if you're searching for logic or continuity you won't find it in this movie okay but sorry

so these two people have been in a relationship for seven years. Between five and seven. Between five and seven. This actress who plays Lisa is 23 when this movie is released, which means. I'm 22. Oh, God. It's worse. I crunched the number.

She's born in December. Tommy Wiseau is like 48 when this movie is released. So he's dating a literal child. It's not good. They're in a relationship and they're engaged. She's his future wife, as is said in the movie 8,000 times. Future wife. So they have sex.

It was one of the first things that happened. Oh, yeah, they sure do. And then... In case you forget, they have sex again. They take the same footage from the same sex scene and put it later. Right. But even though they seem to be in love, shortly after the first time they have sex, Lisa talks to her mom and she's like, I don't love him anymore. That was more life than you put into that reading of that line.

Right. And her mom Claudette is like, stay with me. But Johnny's good for you. He's your financial security. Meanwhile, she's calling this guy Mark, who is Johnny's best friend. Again, we only know this because it's said in the movie. Yeah, they say, but he's your best friend. But she has apparently been having this affair with Mark.

So she loves Mark and she doesn't love Johnny anymore. But Johnny's busy. Not Johnny. sorry, Mark is busy. I'm really busy right now. And then they also have a little boy slash college student. But he's 100% 30 years old.

His name is Denny. Denny. He comes over and likes to watch them have pillow fights. Yeah, he's in love with Lisa. He's in love with Lisa, but he also has a girlfriend who he mentions. And he's like, I can't wait to marry her and have kids with her. That's the idea. As with any relationship.

This premise of her not being in love with Johnny anymore and instead being in love with mark repeats itself for about 45 minutes in a in a bunch of different vaudevillian setups right sometimes these scenes are punctuated by men tossing a football around or going to a flower shop from what i can tell there is not a scene that takes place on the roof where there is not a man with a sports ball because the first when we see Denny on the roof and he's in trouble with the guy in the tank top and the beanie right which has nothing to do Chris R

his name official name oh hi Chris R I'll get the money and then that really protracted scene between Claudette and Lisa and Denny of like, what kind of money, Denny? And he's like, I don't know. It doesn't matter.

And then they're like, what kind of money? What kind? It's like, what are you talking about? But U.S. American dollars. But lest we forget at the beginning of this scene, before Chris R. enters with his gun and his body um denny is on the roof alone dribbling a basketball yeah right and then later mark's got the football yeah you're right i think every single time but i think when mark and peter up there it's just a joint that's the oh the prop and peter we changed the fuck out of mark but that's neither here nor there. I love Peter.

I'm in love with him. He's the only one who's not in love with Lisa. Is it because of his very tiny glasses? He's not like the other guys. His hairline is... Leave him alone. Leave Peter out of this. There's that great... In the first part where Tommy and

Peter are talking, Peter's such a bad actor. Tommy's like, Lisa's cheating on me Tommy and Peter are talking, Peter's such a bad actor. You know, Tommy was like, Lisa's cheating on me. And Peter's like, Lisa? And the implication is supposed to be,

but Lisa is such a good person. But with the way Peter says it, it just sounds like, does someone else want to fuck Lisa? Like the whole time. Like you just like her. Cause he keeps, yeah. The whole time he keeps,

I was like, I know she is cheating on me with my, and then it cuts back to Peter again. He's like, wait, Lisa? Really? I was like, okay, we get it. You don't think Lisa's hot. Mayonnaise? Yeah, you should put that in there. But everyone else thinks Lisa's hot because it's, said in the movie 1400 times also if you're having

a hard time following this recap don't worry the movie's also impossible to follow there's one of my favorite parts in like seeing it live was that there is a I can't remember what scene exactly it's after but there is a about 20 to 25 minutes where absolutely no new information

is given it's when him and Mark are playing football and there's a scene with the mom again. And that was the part they called the seventh inning stretch where they were like, go have a cigarette break, go to the bathroom. You will find out nothing new for the next 20 minutes. So just like hang out.

And then we finally get to the birthday party that they've been talking about for like the entire. Right. Okay. So yeah. So here's what happens. Basically, she's cheating on johnny with mark johnny overhears her talking about this with her mother lisa is like i'm in

love with mark and i had sex with him so he's also lisa starts talking about johnny hitting her she starts making up right she makes up a story but then he does push her and then it's like well i guess this has become a non-issue right she. Turns out he was capable of it. Yeah. But then she also makes up, she tells him that she was pregnant and she's like, I just made that up to make things more interesting. This plot point never comes back,

not even at, spoiler, the end. Yeah. Where Johnny kills himself never knowing if his girlfriend's actually pregnant or not. Right, right, right.

So he overhears Lisa being like, oh, I had sex with Mark. And Johnny's like, well, right. So he overhears Lisa being like, I had sex with Mark. And Johnny's like, well, okay. And then he taps his own phone. Yeah, I'll record everything. And then later on, the party has happened. He sees them canoodling. Like Johnny sees Mark and Lisa.

Yeah, they're like making out on the dance floor. And then he and mark fight a couple times everyone leaves and johnny's locked himself in the bathroom and lisa calls mark and she's like i love you i can't just a minute bitch right oh yeah he's like who are you calling a bitch you and your stupid mother and she's like oh and mark takes a total turn he's not johnny's best friend anymore he's like why don't you leave that loser what a creep yeah i'll leave that creep innovations are so weird my favorite part of johnny setting up that whole tape recorder in that protracted scene that was for some reason not edited at all where he's making weird kissy faces while setting up a tape

recorder in 2003 where tape like they were already obsolete anyways he sets that up but what is he hoping to discover that hasn't just been stated yeah that she was like i'm cheating on you and he's like proof of like a murder like you could just say i heard you said you're cheating on me right like where he's just like and now i'm gonna set something up so i find out if she's cheating i was like you just already knew and then at the end and this is like a fun part of the riff tracks too he sneaks back up the stairs when he knows no one is there like well he also takes out the tape after like weeks of it being recorded on one they're like oh yeah this this audio cassette automatically fast forwards to the pertinent parts also it's

capable of recording hundreds of hours of i mean it knows there's there's ai at work here let's bring him and why where is he i know he's doing a show story yeah i was watching his insta story he's in new york right now whatever well we'll be there soon we can hang out with him he he wants nothing to do with me i just have to accept it have you tried to contact him i oh yes oh man and at this point it's like you have very strange taste i really love hayley you're like tommy wuzow and he's lisa i don't know if he's accessible but i feel like you could find peter pretty easily from the movie peter's 100 around i found recent pictures of him and he looks the same oh good well anyways so basically we must press on johnny records this conversation

where lisa calls mark and is like i love you and johnny. And then he has this recording and then he freaks out. He trashes a room. Lisa's like, I'm leaving you. She leaves. Johnny kills himself. He shoots himself. He humps her dress. Right.

And then he, yeah. And then he shoots himself in the head. Mark, Lisa and Denny all come back. They're like, is he asleep wake up wait is he dead i'm almost upset that like not the whole cast of the movie comes into the room because like claudette should come in and just be like what's going on here like yeah oh claudette i love claudette she's my she might be my favorite character yeah and that's the story uh that was pretty concise i know it feels like we spoiled the end by saying

he kills himself, but I forget every time I watch it that that's what happens because there's just so much It has almost no bearing. Oh, you did too when we were watching it and you're like I had this film like two years and I was like oh yeah, that is how it is. Well, because it has no consequences then. Like, I guess Mark is like

oh, I don't actually want to be with you after all. Mark's like, fuck you, Lisa. But that has, I mean, not that anyone's emotionally engaged with this story, but no one gives a fuck that Johnny dies. Mark takes no responsibility at any point. It's so funny how every point, after he and Lisa fuck for what we understand, it's happened before. And then he's just like, I can't believe that happened.

And I was just like you you're fucking his best friend you willingly participated first of all mark is johnny's yeah i got i got mixed up but it was like it was like she he's acting at every point where it was just like lisa just like tripped and like fell on his dick and he's just like i don't understand how this happened well she's like she seduces him like 14 different times and each time he's like what's going on he's like have you i don't even know if he's a misogynist he might just be dumb as rocks he's very stupid he's very stupid everyone they're all very stupid and let's use this as an opportunity to transition into the conversation about women so we we have like three.

Three women. Three. Yeah. Lisa, the main character. We'll get into her. Then her mother, Claudette, and Michelle. Love her. Michelle, I also like a lot.

Well, Michelle barely has a personality. But Michelle's like the best actress in the entire movie. Yes, that is true. That factors into it. Yeah. Maybe it's just because she has so little screen time. We don't see that much. Right, that is true. That factors into it. Yeah. Maybe it's just because she has so little screen time. We don't see that much. Right, she's up against a lot.

The bar has been set below surface level. And so she does fine. Right. But if we're just sort of giving an overview of these characters, Lisa is like... I mean, Lisa is probably like... They call her a sociopath in it.

Yes, but her character arc makes no sense. I guess she's like... Her motivation changes from scene to scene. Right, exactly. So, I mean, again, this is like a crazy movie to talk about because usually we're discussing movies that have gone through a couple drafts of the script.

They've attempted a full character. Did you know the first draft of this movie was a 600 page book? What? I mean, I'm not surprised

because he doesn't cut, I don't think he cuts anything. The deleted scenes on the DVD are just the same scenes that were shot somewhere else. So he did not

delete anything. Because this whole movie was shot in 35mm and digital. And digital. At the same time. For no reason. Two cameras next to each other. What? Why?

And there are some shots where apparently neither of the shots are focused because they've turned it off. It's, oh boy. So Lisa is, yeah, I suppose a sociopath, even though it just sort of seems like she doesn't love johnny anymore and she'd rather be with mark but she's manipulating definitely johnny but either way her character's poised is this like very she's bored and she's just trying to like mix shit up right i mean and she would be bored because she we never see her outside of that house literally the only information we get about her outside world is that she says you you're right, the computer business is tough. And that's what apparently her job is.

She's trying to break into the computer business. Because she's like, I didn't talk to anybody today. Like, yeah, she's very isolated. Right. And Denny and Johnny are like her only. Denny, did they find Denny just like masturbating in a library somewhere? And they're just like, you're a kid now. And they're like, come with us.

Come here. Come here. And he's like, I'm 14. But he's clearly like 28. And she's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's just got that little penis haircut. That goes a long way. That down the middle.

That down the middle, like old school JT2. The point I'm trying to make is that it's a big old middle part. Yeah. All of the female characters are either... So, like, Lisa, she's selfish. She's a freeloader. She's callous with people's feelings. She's very conniving and scheming.

She's manipulating everyone. Meanwhile, her mom is, like, controlling. She's overbearing. She's judgmental. And then Michelle, again, like, doesn't really have a personality she sort of she also doesn't come into like kind of right and she has like three scenes only handful of lines like she's trying to handle the situation she's trying to be like lisa what the fuck yeah she's kind of the moral center where she's like but she also fluctuates in the space of one scene where

lisa's like he's hitting me and then two seconds later she's like oh but no you can't break his heart and it's like michelle she just said even though it wasn't true until it was later in the movie your friend just said that they're like her fiance's hitting her and he's like but you he's so excited for the wedding it's like man yeah everyone sucks everyone's terrible yeah that's basically the everyone sucks is the tagline for this yeah the men and the women but the women are poised as these evil succubus controlling manipulative beings which is pretty clearly how tommy sees women who broke his heart i want to meet her oh my god who this could have been in the victorian era because no one knows how old he is yeah he's very mysterious figure nobody knows where he's from it

turns out the birth date i turned up for him is strictly speculative he won't tell anyone how yeah he won't right the one i found on wikipedia apparently is like not confirmed it's this speculated if i had to in this movie looking at him if i had to guess i would say he's 52 but he looks this exactly the same now is a scary yeah he's an alien yeah i do think he's an alien i think honestly he's an alien he might just be like a bunch of sentient like sewn together chicken cutlets yeah it's just like a bunch of snakes stuffed into people's skin we're doing an episode i think pretty soon of men in black i think he's like like a little alien creature he's like operating a giant what they think is a human god that would

be so if he showed up in a men in black like sequel that would be so fucking funny will smith get on that yeah basically tommy does not see women as good people nice people maybe not even people he definitely sees himself as very perfect like it's like i'm a provider i love him he's the victim of this scheme and he's like obviously he has all these scenes just like i'm an incredible lover like it's very to prove it he's like i love i love you denny i want to adopt denny you know he's like i'm an incredible lover like it's very to prove it he's like i love i love you denny i want to adopt denny you know he's like always trying to give these weird speeches about how like how if everybody just loved each other the world would be a better place that and then there's a scene between um lisa and her mom where for the first few beats of that

lisa's like oh johnny hit me and i don't love him anymore and he's boring and i hate him and then denny shows up and her mom's like what's this kid's deal and then lisa like does a complete 180 and she's like yeah johnny's so generous and he's paying for his college tuition and he's a really caring person what what it's like there's no consistency of course there's not in this movie but tommy's always like my character's the best because I'm the best. I'm a good guy. I'm a good guy. There's a bunch of lines that I wrote down.

Like when Lisa's doing her weird whatever it is she's doing. There's like several times where she makes these broad statements about all women. Meanwhile, every time Mark is on screen, he's like, I don't understand. They're so confusing. And women are just, I'm so busy. What does he say? He's like, they're either psychos or they're, I can't. Oh, I wrote it down.

I just can't figure women out. Sometimes they're too smart. Sometimes they're just flat out stupid. Other times they're just evil. Which is just like, oh oh this is just a thesis statement of how tommy was so understands women and then later on lisa when she's having her crazy moments you know tommy comes in when michelle is you know they're drinking wine and their wax fruit is on the table and the same like an above they have a shot from like teetering above them like

it's the fucking war room yeah and michelle's like poison this weird thing and tommy comes in says what secret are you talking about and then lisa's like it's between us women like these like it's girl talk secrets yeah it's girl talk i just told you that and then what do you think women change their minds all the time it's just like and then if you write that into the script then i guess i also wrote down how people view women or how like whenever someone's like this is how women are lisa looks hot tonight uh right it happens 8 000 times one of the first times it happens is where lisa is talking about her mom i think to mark and she's like she's a stupid bitch and she wants to control my life and then johnny and peter and then later mark comes into the scene but johnny is like i don't

understand women do you peter and then Peter says, what man does? In my professional opinion. Yeah, in my professional opinion as a trained psychologist. What man does? And then Johnny says, they never say what they mean and they always play games. And then Mark shows up

and then Mark says, In all denim. And he's like, women are confusing. Women confuse me. And then he sort of mentions that he has And he's like, women are confusing. Women confuse me. And then he sort of mentions that he has a woman and Johnny wants to meet her. And then Mark's like, no, it's an awkward situation. Johnny says, do you mean she's too old?

Or you think I would take her away from you? Those are the only two options that a woman could exist in the world. A living gargoyle was like, she too old that's a perfect like yeah that's all women can be to me they're too old or i have to have the chance to steal them i my i love that okay so it is repeatedly vaguely referenced that johnny works at a bank right but i think he works as a gargoyle on the side of the bank oh my god he's totally a gargoyle he's a real car and he just crawls out of the third story window and purchase because he says there's a part where they're like oh did you get the promotion he's like no but

they've already put my ideas into practice so it probably means like, yeah, I came up with ideas to get the pigeons away from the bank from crawling after them. How would you promote a gargoyle? I don't know, but a gargoyle and a tie. Now that's fuckable. That's amazing. Especially if that tie ends up on

a lady's head. You have have great legs you have great pecs that i love that scene where they're where all the guys are talking about women is one of my favorites because they are like how did you meet lisa meet and it's and the story is like well i moved to san francisco i had no money and i had a two thousand dollar check and i couldn't cash it anyway i saw lisa uh sitting she was having a coffee she's so beautiful and that's how we met and they're like what but what was weird about it and she's like oh on the first date she paid yeah so good for lisa yeah for autonomy she i know but also he could be her father father. I didn't realize she was that young in it. If she's 22, we don't know how old Lisa's supposed to be,

but the actress is 22. And at the end, at some point in the middle of the movie, they do say five years. But then by the end, they're saying seven years. Well, it feels like the movie lasts for two years. So I guess that's like, yeah, we don't know the timeline for sure. Yeah. But with that logic, Tommy Wiseau, who is at least 100 years old, has been dating her since she was 15 years old when he first spotted her in that coffee shop.

It's the whole Edward Cullen, Bella Swan thing all over again. Ugh. But worse. Because it's with a cadaver. He's not even hot. It's okay when you're hot. Anytime someone, like a guy with long hair, dyes that hair jet black,

it is the most off-putting thing I can possibly think of. It's so sinister. It's so gross. Wait, here are a few more mentions of how women are. They're confusing, dude. Women be confusing. There's a scene where Mark and Johnny are in a, what I can only assume is a cheesecake shop. Yeah, everyone orders cheesecake.

Yeah. And Mark goes. We also have to talk about Lisa's pizza order at some point. Oh, yeah. Mark goes, I'm so tired of girls games. Relationships never work. It's interesting because I do want to know. I mean, obviously, there's a lot I want to know about Tommy Wiseau,

but I would love to know his history with women because he obviously is very off-putting as a human being and I think pursues women probably very intensely, and they're like, fuck no. And to him, he's like, oh, she's playing a game. It's like, no, you're fucking terrifying. She genuinely does not want to be around you. He's like, oh, the process ensues.

Yeah. He's like, I'll bring you a dozen red roses or whatever. He's probably dropped off so many roses to so many women. Oh, he's spending $18 all over the place. I feel like he took that weird. Okay, here's our here's our phantom of the opera 2004 joel schumacher reference of the episode they have a weird phantom of the opera candelabra in the bedroom it's very phantom of the opera like love yeah and it's always lit

like when even when they're shit drunk on whiskey vodka the phantom of the Opera candelabra, all 45 candles are lit. And they also have that like rain window machine. Yeah. It's a very like Pier 1 set. Yes. Lots of candles and like weird waterfalls and the canopy bed. The budget for

this movie was six million dollars. What? Six million dollars. And that's one of the other big mysteries is no one knows how that money was gotten tommy wiseau said that he might have raised it through a leather jacket business but that's as close as anyone's gotten to finding out i wonder he must have just been like independently wealthy also he could have been working a minimum wage job for 300 years we don't know that's probably he's have been working a minimum wage job for 300 years. We don't know. That's probably it. He's just been saving his pennies for this masterpiece.

He could have acquired, yeah, all this money. I would like to say that if I had been given this draft of the script, I would have written great coverage on it. I could have found ways to make it into something that resembles a movie. Could you have punched up the line, me underwears? You know know what i would have left that exactly as is okay i love that too this is one of the only movies i've seen where you see an entire scene play out and then someone describes the entire scene later i don't think i have ever seen that happen in a movie right because it's not supposed to no you don't need to repeat information 8 000 times uh me underwears that guy what that guy's deal? He was plucked out of a UCB 301 class.

But he had frosted tips in 2003, which I feel like was over by then. I think so. Guys. Well, at least where I was living, frosted tips were thriving into the late 2000s. I guess they were still. It just feels... Well, what's confusing about him and his character and how we meet him is that he and Michelle come into the room and have sex. Is that the room that we're talking about?

That's the room. I guess. Or is it the upstairs room where bad things happen? No, I think it's the room. I think it's the main... The downstairs room. Yeah, the downstairs. It could have been called...

The framed spoon pictures. Honestly, the movie should have been called The Apartment, which leads me to... Billy Milder. Well, Mike and Michelle come into that apartment to have sex, but it's like, do they have some sort of arrangement where they rent the room out to these couples? Are they room-sitting? Well, that's another thing is like when Lisa comes in from a more lit area, we don't know exactly where she reacts to them fucking on her couch the same way she reacts to finding out her mother has cancer, which is don't worry about it. Yeah. People say don't worry about it so much.

I realize he never answers a question in the movie. Like even when one time when Denny says, what movie are we going to see? He goes, don't worry about it he couldn't even bother to write the movie title things don't always work out as planned i'm like what do you don't want to date this movie in time at all and like but people have frowsy tips and flesh-colored sweaters we know when this is taking place yeah i do think like talking about writing coverage and like helping it become a better movie it is because it's obviously very like lifetime movie-esque and you know all those kind of like older lifetime movies where the woman was like this manipulative

you know woman who's kind of like taking over and like it like has that essence and it could have been that if somebody had taken the reins and fixed it right right there was no hope so what do we know about because i didn't do any research about the development or production or anything of this movie was tommy waso like bananas was he like an authoritarian sort of yes okay he was an authoritarian and he also couldn't do anything like so the disaster artist which is coming out as a movie is a book written by Greg Sestero, who plays Mark. But also, if you look in the credits, is the line producer and assistant to Tommy Wiseau.

Right. Like, he had to wake Tommy Wiseau up every day. Yeah. So he, like... And then managed the budget. He basically became friends with Greg Sestero and was like, I want to make this movie, blah, blah, blah. And, yeah, was just totally, like, I think, you know, had his hands in every single part. Would never, you know, had to have it his way.

But also a terrible actor who made everything go. Like, that scene where he comes out on the roof and is like, I did not hit her. I did not. That's bullshit. They had to do, like, dozens and dozens of times because he could not do the line right. But it still seems to be 80 yards. And then it's still dubbed over. She's like, what were you actually saying?

Yeah. When the line could have just been like, I didn't hit her, throws water balls into the ground. But like, his insistence on apparently overcomplicating

all the dialogue is hilarious. And then, I love how like, 80% of the dialogue in this movie is just like, unnecessary throat clearing.

Hi, how are you? I'm good, how are you? And then the rest of it is like insanely on the nose, expository. What kind of money? What? What kind of money?

He definitely has... He's my best friend. Oh, you're my future wife. Right. I have cancer. Don't worry about it. Yeah, I got the results of the test back. I definitely have breast cancer.

I love Claudette. Claudette is great. She lists that off like any of her 400 divorces. She's like, I got the test back. I definitely have breast cancer. I'm so glad I divorced that other guy. And then later on in the movie, she's like, I'm tired. I'm blah, blah, blah.

It's like, yeah, because you have cancer. Yeah. But it's never brought up again. You're going through a tough time. Well, I feel like Tommy was like, we got to throw more drama into this. Make the mom have breast cancer. Make Denny be involved in some drug scheme. Right.

Zero of it pays off. Exactly. Yeah. But he's like, I know there should be drama, so I'm just going to shoehorn it in here. He just, like, threw the plots of every, every, just like scrambled around a bunch of words. And we're like, okay, drugs, cancer, cheating, Guy in a beanie, psychologist. And even that shot where it seems like Mark might throw Peter off the building. Off the roof.

And Peter makes eye contact with the camera. And then it's like, oh, no, he's fine. And then Mark just says, sorry. It's a movie. Oh, sorry, man. Sorry for that attempted murder. Yeah, you guys have gotten into a fight with a friend and almost thrown them off a roof, right? It happens all the time.

It's fine. As long as you say sorry, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. You're fine. Anyways, I will say, okay, for some more background, I was doing research on the actress who plays Lisa, and she has done her darndest to try to capitalize. Yeah, but at least to hopefully, like,

because a lot of, like, the early stuff for this movie, from what I was reading was, like, I mean, people were making fun of her, obviously, but they were they were also like making fun of her body and all this stuff and she was like i hope that i can turn this into a thing about body oh did she try to do that she did i wouldn't say she was necessarily successful but i i would like to cite the fact that she did attempt to say hey my body is not the worst part of this movie by a long shot because i guess like the very early early early people to this movie were like especially i think the screen yeah there was like some mean stuff at the screenings yeah people yell out yeah yeah

i can see it both ways where it's like they're being no meaner to her than they would be to tommy wiseau but also like yeah she's not her she's just on screen it's ways where it's like they're being no meaner to her than they would be to Tommy Wiseau. But also like, she's not her fucking... She's just on screen. It's not like... She's not fucking up. She's just being there. Right. She's basically a kid.

Yeah. Being humped by this fucking stone ghoul. I would love to see her like in something else. Because when I watch it again, like her acting isn't great but she's given such bad stuff that sometimes her acting is okay in the movie. The material is so bad that I would like to see her in something normal.

She moved back to San Antonio a long time ago. I'm sure. Yeah, this wrecked her. I did see though, the last time I looked her up, which was a few years ago so it's probably not happening anymore, she was trying to sell paintings of spoons and footballs and stuff. No! Yes!

She was making art of the room-related shit. I guess. I mean, I guess if Greg... Is it Sestero? I think Sestero. If Greg Sestero can sell a book to James Franco, sure, sell a painting of a spoon. Right. Why not?

Jesus Christ. sure sell a painting of a spoon right why not jesus christ one of my favorite parts of the movie is when it's either the first or second time that johnny and mark get into a fist fight at the same party but something gets knocked over or broken or a glass gets broken or something like that and then they sort of calm down and then john Johnny goes to Lisa. Lisa, clean that up. Because, like, that's what her role is in the story. Women be cleaning. Women be scheming. And that's all women are good for. And then we already kind of touched on this,

but, like, eight different characters throughout the course of the movie, some of them more than once, will be like, Lisa, you're so beautiful. She's looking so hot tonight you look great in a red dress which is like okay fine i don't know if you guys caught this but red means she's bad sorry whoa um it's fine to tell a woman she's beautiful i suppose but if that's the only thing about her that they're ever commenting on to be fair she provides them with nothing else other than she might be seeking a job in a computer business but you're right because

tommy is like oh he's provides he's got he's this and this and this and she's got nothing besides right okay so it's established early on and then it keeps being repeated especially by claudette that l Lisa can't provide for herself. We don't know why. Or why Claudette believes this is true so vehemently. Right. Sure. It's like Claudette's getting divorced. Like, what are you doing, Claudette?

Yeah. Besides purchasing cream-colored pantsuits. But, like, sure, maybe Lisa's struggling to find work in the computer business, but also, like, she seems perfectly capable to find work elsewhere. You know, some other type of job. The cheesecake shop, the flower shop. One of the shops. Tommy's got friends everywhere.

Johnny's like, he's his favorite customer. He can find a job for Lisa at this flower shop. But instead, she stays in the room all day. And it's like, why would you make this character? I was like, are you just sweeping your friend's cum around? Like, what are you sweeping? This place is clearly filthy. Like, it's a filthy place.

She also can't unload groceries and talk at the same time. She has to pull something out of a bag. I'm looking out for number one. Pulls out another bag of chips. Wouldn't you? But it's just unclear why the choice was made, as with any choice in this movie, why she is incapable of providing for herself or holding down a job or anything like that but it's like the whole thing is like she has to stay with johnny because he provides for

her at his gargoyle job at the bank so she's just been with him for so long since she was 15 that she's just used to him providing her with all the necessary carbs and plastic apples she needs to survive and she just i guess doesn't know what it's like vodka there's bottles of whiskey there's everything she found the bottle of vodka outside it was denny's yeah there's a good fan theory where denny is lisa's dad and that's why there's no scene. I went back and every scene between Denny and Lisa's mom, for some reason, is very contentious. And she comes in and she's like, who's that? And then he's like, you're not my mom. You're not my fucking mom.

You're not my fucking mom. It's like because she's his lover. Also, she's like, don't you have a kitchen in your own house? Because he comes in to borrow a half a cup of sugar, some flour, and some butter. To obviously turn into some sinister sex instrument. I really like, I like that scene a lot because like Denny comes in. This is right after they find Mike and Michelle making out. And then Denny comes in.

And Claudette is like, this is worse than Grand Central Station. And you know that Tommy thought that was the funniest line he had ever written. He was like, now this is fucking funny. And it was just like, if I were a burglar, you'd be my best friend. Like, I feel like he thinks these are hardcore jokes. I'd never even occurred to me that those were supposed to be funny. I think it was supposed to be funny. Yeah.

And then, but then the response to like what is this grand central station like denny's sort of like oh what a bitch i'll come back yeah because i'll come back for this free shit later denny and claudette i would pay so much money to see between them i loved that was the only one that jumped out at me it's like we don't know how old denny is we just don't know it's impossible he's like We just don't know. It's impossible to say. He's like the opposite of Tommy on the Benjamin Button scale. They're both kind of just like crossing each other with the body. And in Denny's first scene, he's just like, but I want to watch you guys fight. And then they're like, aww.

Two's great. Denny, Denny, Denny. Denny, Denny, Denny. Johnny goes, two's great, but three's a crowd. You know, that famous saying. Right know that famous saying that goes exactly like that that's how I get out of threesomes so you want me to leave and he's like haha that's the idea

that's the idea oh my favorite line in the entire movie is when Michelle comes in and Lisa and Mark were about to have sex and his like pants are undone and she goes, hey, XYZ.

And he's like, what are you talking about? And she's like, examine your zipper. That is so funny. Which totally goes against what you say earlier, which was like,

don't cheat on Johnny. But then she's like, he, he, he, he, he, he. I caught you. Well, I mean, if they're already going to do it, she's got to help her friend. XYZ. I think she was saying examine your zipper like about their whole thing. She's like, hee hee hee he the bank i can't talk about it it's confidential

anyway how's your sex life just like the most insane i would love to copy a bunch of those lines and just go on a date and like completely use totally all of those lines. Just completely like go for it. You'll find your one true love that way. I think I will. My favorite line is in that same scene between Michelle and Lisa where Lisa's just saying like I love cheating on Johnny. Blah blah blah. Mark's hot. And then

Michelle says your point of view is so different from mine. And then these two scenes back to back are amazing. Because it's like this scene of what Tommy Wiseau thinks female friendship is like, which is a woman being like, I'm terrible. Aren't we all? And she's like, your point of view is so different from me. Secrets. And then cut to Tommy Wiseau's version of what he thinks male friendship is like, which is jogging around talking about stocks with Mark.

That's the thing about this movie. Like, women are not portrayed well by any stretch. However, neither are the men. No one is portrayed. Except for Johnny's character, who is like put on this pedestal and is like, I'm just the victim. I'm the provider. I'm a great guy and I'm caring for everyone. But everyone portrayed me. Apart from that hard to be like, well, the women aren't portrayed well because, well, neither are the men. But he does seem to have an extremely limited understanding of how women think and interact and relate to each other and relate to other people. Humans, however, yeah. Right, exactly.

Again, he is an alien and he does not understand human interaction in general. He's had so many millennia to observe humans. It's amazing he doesn't understand them better. True. He's perched up there on a ledge. Have you guys ever seen him in person or anything? No. Does he live in LA? I think so. I mean, I don't think they do the midnight screenings anymore, but he used to be there every week. And he wears, like, five belts at once it's very weird he wears like five different studded belts all kind of like crisscrossing over his body i've heard i've seen like pictures of him i i

almost saw him once many years ago in boston but then i didn't but like he he has toured with it right yeah he's gone around with it i I did once. I was home once. I was about to settle in and show the guy I was dating Friday Night Lights for the first time. We were about to get in. It's like a big commitment. And then I got a text from Tess, who's my co-host on Lady to Lady, that's like, I'm at a party that Tommy Uzo is at. And I was like, this is a fucking crossroads. Do I go to this party right now?

Wait, did you go? Yeah. Okay, of course. I had to. And it was close. We were like, we have to go. Friday Wait, did you go? Yeah, we Okay, of course. I had to and it was close we were like, we have to go. Friday Night Lights will be there. Yeah, yeah

but we just showed up to this random party like did shots with Tommy who took pictures with him and then left. Do you still have the pictures? Yeah, I'll show you guys can put it on

put it online. Get out of those. It's really funny. I wish I had hung out now in retrospect we should have just hung out at the party and tried to get drunk with him

but I didn't I was focused on getting back. I mean, well Friday Night hung out at the party and tried to get drunk with him but I didn't I was focused on getting back I mean well Fran I lie yeah I'm not going to lie to anyone does anyone have any other thoughts

about the portrayal of women in the movie I will say see it like I feel bad if you haven't seen it because it's it's very

obviously like you said it's like very confusing it's hard to follow us if you have but you have just see it just fucking give it a watch

give it a watch with your friends. It's a really fun, stupid movie to watch. I enjoyed watching this more than I enjoyed Gigli. Yeah, it's one of the most fun bad movies of all time, I think. Gigli is a blast. Hey, speaking of really bad movies, I saw most of a movie called Titanic 2 last night, which I know that exists. Oh, yeah.

Wait, can you break it down? Is it like a Titanic 2 to the James Cameron movie or just to the event? To the event, although there are many different visuals and lines of dialogue that are directly lifted from James Cameron's Titanic, where the story is like there's a group of Coast Guard people and scientists who are sort of tracking this giant glacier and shit's falling off of it.

Big chunks of ice are falling off of it and creating these tsunamis. Tsunamis? Yeah, tsunamis. Tsunamis. That's the technical term. They're creating these tsunamis that are fucking everything up in the Atlantic Ocean. Meanwhile, Titanic 2, a ship that was created to sail across the ocean. Who's going to get on that, by the way?

You're really going to be like, yeah, let me buy a fucking ticket to Titanic 2? As if there were a more ominous name for any. Yeah, what the fuck? The Challenger. Leave it right on the Challenger 3, please. Jesus. So there's all these people on board the Titanic 2, and the icebergs start to fall off into the water, but it's not really that the ship hits an iceberg,

but that's not really the threat. It seems to be more of the tsunamis that are happening. Anyway. Is this like a sci-fi channel movie? Who made this? It's like Shane Van Dyane van dyke which i think might be dick van dyke's offspring or grandson or something like that directed it and then uh it's like a very like d okay so they know it's like sharknado most yeah exactly like most of

the ship is like cgi'd very poorly but it's incredible. It's my new favorite movie. Check out Titanic 2 and borrow it at your local library today. I will say I watched The Room last night with a guy and I didn't want to

I didn't want to start making out during it because I was so worried about one of the fucking sex scenes starting because in the movie all the sex scenes have moaning put over them.

Yes. ADR moaning. Yeah, it's ADR moaning put over them. Yes. So it's like ADR moaning. Yeah, it's ADR moaning of Mark going like mmm. Four months later. Lisa.

Yeah. And I was like I can't afford to start making out with this guy and having like one of these weird sex scenes start.

Because they happen every few minutes when you least expect it because it's always like oh finally one ended we have at least 20 minutes but you never do you never know i mean the first one is three minutes in i think yeah and then it lasts for

like seven minutes i tweeted last night that i was like oh what's the opposite of an awakening because i just saw the room for the first time and now i'm in a sexual coma so there's a great tweet thank you so much you guys great yeah. Follow me on Twitter at Caitlin Durante. Anyway. Oh, should we talk about whether or not the movie passes the Bechdel test? Amazingly. Yeah. It does, right?

It does. Because they talk about, she talks with Claudette about like work and business and stuff. I say it passes surely on the amount of filler dialogue in this movie but it does pass in the first scene with two women yeah there are honestly i am very surprised i was i counted all the scenes where women are interacting and there are like 10 or 11 scenes where when you edit nothing out of your movie yeah you pass the bechdel test if you leave absolutely everything a lot of them are duplicate exactly like lisa and her mom have the same conversation where Lisa's like, I don't love Johnny anymore. And her mom's like, well, you need to stay with him for financial security.

That conversation happens like four times. So most of the scenes, they are talking about a whole slew of men, either Johnny or Mark or Denny or one of her mom's ex-husbands. Or her brother. Yeah. Men get talked about a lot. But yeah, in the first scene, Lisa's mom comes in and Lisa's like, hi, mom. How are you? She's like, fine.

How are you? Hmm? Okay, let's go sit on the couch. I love when a Craigslist actor clundet is. Oh, yeah. And she's like, well, now what's happening with you? Oh, nothing much much do you want some coffee what's wrong i don't feel good today and then they start talking about how she doesn't

love johnny anymore but the first few those exchanges those first few lines of dialogue pass the bechdel test and then pretty much every scene after that where women are talking because then lisa talks to her mom a bunch more times lisa talks to michelle a bunch of times they almost always are talking about some combination of johnny or denny or mark but like very barely passes barely yeah but it's crazy to think that the room the best movie ever made passes the bechdel test it really and and like multiple times right because there's a few other like scenes that will either be talking about a guy and then the topic shifts to, then they start talking about Lisa and then they have a pillow fight out of nowhere. Or they start talking about something else and then they transition into talking about Johnny or something.

But yeah, it happens a few different times where they're not talking about a man the whole time. And also, to be fair, while most of the time, if there are women talking to each other, they are talking about one of the male characters. But the reverse of that is when the men are talking to each other, they're often talking about Lisa. It's either stocks or mostly Lisa. And they are, to qualify qualify the qualification talking about either how confusing or what a bitch what a bitch yeah she gets called a bitch a tramp all different names but i would also say she's called confusing just as many times it's just i feel like it's just like a weird mirror like i said that's me he just doesn't yeah he's like but they're so confusing right he's like she's a bitch but also i don't get it i wish i understood oh poor tom he

needs to take like some gender studies classes yeah yeah go to the college that denny's at and take a class you're paying for you're paying for the tuition you might as well sit in on it. You can auction. Audit class. I don't know words. What is Denny majoring in? I think baking. That's where he had to borrow all the sugar and the butter. For homework.

He bought drugs to then sell drugs so that he could make money even though Johnny's paying for everything for him. Yeah, small business owner. It's complicated. Yeah, he's studying business. He knows all about... He gets it. Whatever happened to Chris R., though? I mean, I feel like he's definitely started a rapping career because he was very Eminem-inspired.

He was provided with the wardrobe to start a rapping career in 2003. In San Francisco? I mean, come on. The gun that he pulls on Denny is the same gun that Johnny shoots himself with. They clearly had one prop gun on set. And they're like, well, let's use this again. Well, I mean, Chris R. did get arrested, apparently. Like, would take him to the police.

So maybe they just were like, eh, we'll just keep this around. You know, because burglars obviously want to come in and out of the room. You gotta have a gun. And they have a way of getting up to the roof. Right. this around you know because burglars obviously want to come in and out of the room you gotta have a gun and they have a way of getting up to the roof right i made a list of things i thought the room might smell like oh no well that's the ups that's the bedroom the is the room the bedroom what no the room is downstairs but also i guess they could probably could be connected because they're connected by a spiral staircase but i don't think there's a door i don't think there's

it is sort of one continuous room well no there is a door because we see when he oh that scene where you like see his dick basically he gets out of bed he gets i think he's going into the bathroom though i think he went into a bathroom i i made a list of cat food jerky oh yeah curdled gravy oh god there's some There's a cat in there somewhere. Living or dead. Spilled laundry detergent that someone spilled cereal in. The floor is 40% toenails. Oh. A dog visited this apartment three years ago and shit somewhere.

There's at least four chain wallets somewhere in this apartment. Someone at one point spilled a vat of vinegar in some place. Oh, and this was something we talked about when we were watching the movie together. All of the furniture in this movie

is covered in brown sheets and I presume underneath plastic sheets in case someone just has to pee. Say someone molded themselves over a rug.

They rent out that room to couples to come in and fuck in. Everything's covered in sheets. A la the apartment. Which at first I was like, oh, low budget. They were probably renting the furniture. But then it was like, you find out there's a $6 million budget.

And they were filming these couches covered in sheets in 35 millimeter and digital. Like, yeah. That was a deliberate choice for some reason. And also I said it might smell like Misty Menthol 120s, which is the cheapest but most femme form of cigarette. Oh. Fun fact, my mom smokes some. I feel like also a lot of dead flowers smell, obviously. Yeah.

A lot of dead roses. Those are flailing rose petals all over the place. There's certainly not an air conditioner in this place. What about, we didn't talk about the music, the soundtrack that plays during the sex scenes. The vaguely Eastern European pop music. I own the soundtrack. Do you?

I do. No way. Someone gave it to me as a gift. They found it at Goodwill. But I get the songs in my head. The rose one, I was singing along to it last night next to that guy, and I think he thought I was fucking insane. Oh.

The music is like, yeah, it's a popping. I want to know about the soundtrack, because I want to know if he hired one band to write it all, or what. Impossible to say. Impossible to say. I don't care enough to do the research. It's out there. If you want to find it go find it

to find it tweet go find it get finger to that song go crazy yeah why not or finger someone to that song right right let's not limit you yeah or simultaneous it's a finger yourself i've never pulled that off usually when it's like we're gonna do it at the same time one person's like i'm not really gonna do it though but you know. One person's like, I'm not really going to do it, though. But, you know, maybe you're not like me. Maybe you can actually pull off your end of the bargain. Yeah. Yeah. At least push yourself for Tommy's sake.

Right. Right. Challenge yourself. Just as Tommy is challenged by the English language and human behavior. Right. Challenge yourself. Should we rate the movie? Oh, my God. A yourself. Should we rate the movie? Oh, my God.

A million. Let's rate the movie on our nipple scale. We determine how the movie fares based on its portrayal of women. Zero to five nipples. I mean, there are two nipples in the movie. Well, two female nipples in the movie. We see a whole bundle of nipples. Well, it's really just Lisa's nipples, female.

Well, sure. We've seen Johnny and Mark. We've seen... And Mike. I'm amazed that Mark figures out how to put a short mic on. We've seen Mike's nipples.

Is Mike frosty tips? Yeah. We do see his nipples. So we see eight nipples, which is the number of nipples a single cat has. Okay, well, there it is. There it is.

Cat facts with Caitlin. Anyway, I'm going to give it... I mean, I can't give it any more than zero. Like it's zero nipples. Like it's not. Oh, okay. You do whatever you want. I'm going to give it zero nipples.

We can't even really seriously discuss this movie in any way because it barely is a movie but it's clear that the creator of this movie does not see women as dynamic multi-dimensional people he's just like they confusing they're confusing manipulative traitorous shrews who only care about taking my money they They're too smart. They're too dumb. Or they're just crazy. Or evil. Yeah, I mean, that plus the movie being easily one of the worst movies

I've ever seen. Four times in one week. Four times. You love this movie! It goes without saying that it's the worst thing ever and it does not treat women well.

It doesn't treat men well either either but it's just a stupid stupid movie and it gets zero nipples and those nipples uh belong to oh there aren't any so they don't belong to anybody there aren't any nipples i'll say three nipples this one i'll say two nipples and like a few like areola bumps is that a thing? Sure. A couple of areola goose bumps. Is that what we call these? I don't know. I think so. Whatever they are.

You know what I mean. So two full nipples and a few little bumpies. Wait. Why? Why so many? Because this movie, it's just a personal thing. It's like I've had a lot of really, really fun experiences in my life with this movie. And so I can't help but relate it to that.

You know, lots of different experiences with friends and like some good nostalgia for me with this movie. And just it's unlike anything I've ever seen. I can't, you know, I mean, obviously related to the point of the podcast. It's not it is not probably get any nipples, but it's so hard to qualify because it's such nonsense. Right. That I'll give it a pass in that point. I'm going to give it a nipple and a half. probably get any nipples but it's so hard to qualify because it's such nonsense right that i'll give it a pass in that point i'm gonna give it a nipple and a half and this is i will acknowledge apologist to an extent but i don't think that tommy was out does not want to understand women i think that he does he would like in a perfect world he would understand how women work

but the way it's portrayed in this movie is not but like he just doesn't and but i feel like at least he expresses through every male character and what are women like it's confusing what isn't confusing jogging sports balls, roofs, banking. Like, these things he understands. It does pass the Bechdel test a number of times, which probably says more to the flaws of the Bechdel test than anything else. But I think Tommy Wiseau would like to understand how women are. He never will.

It won't happen. It's crazy because he will live at least another 500 years he never will but men don't understand women what man does what men to quote my boyfriend that's peter that's the name of peter's like book he was like what man does understanding women he appears on oprah one time i'll give it a nipple and a half. One I'm going to give to Lisa's just because I can summon the image of it to my mind so quickly. And then the other half I'm going to give to Peter because we never get to see his nipples. But, you know, they're weird.

I feel like they look just like his face, like a miniature version of his face. Yeah, it's a mirror version of his face. Just shrunken down. With like a receding hairline at the top. Oh, he has a receding nipple hairline. I love him. He's cute. Anyways.

You're tearing me apart, Jamie. Sorry, Peter's cute. Well, that just about does it for the room amazing go watch it if you haven't seen it truly it is a marvel to behold experience yeah yeah no one can but barbara thank you so much for being here it's been a delight thanks for choosing this one i'm glad we were able to i'm glad to put you through that yeah Yeah. Well, you were like, Total Recall. And I was like, that would be fun. Total Recall, three nipples at once.

You have to give Total Recall three nipples. I mean, no matter what. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, you do. Like I said, I was just like, yeah, what are movies I've seen a million times? Yeah, Total Recall would be an interesting one. But I don't think it would pass at all.

Probably not. But most movies we talk about don't. Don't. Except for The Room, which now joins the hall of fame of movies we've done that inevitably, somehow, usually by mistake, pass the Bechdel test. I mean, I'm surprised that there were more than one female character in the movie. There's three! There's three. And, like, they all seem to get along pretty well. So, hey, Tommy

did something right, I guess. I mean, also if you count the interactions with the cheesecake waitress and the other woman ordering cheesecake, there's a whole cheesecake scene. Oh, but we don't know their names. Oh, yeah, yeah. But, hey, Tommy was like, look, women

can be flower shop employees. Women can be flower shop Tommy woke employees women can be trying to break into STEM but they can't quite figure it out well yeah

but they're trying the computer business they're trying oh no it's that dog at the flower shop some woman oh no that's true

bye doggie I'm really going for it I want to add the doggie I want to have a sex scene as efficient as the flower shop scene. That's my, like they're like, fuck,

fuck in and out. Bye Dougie. I do like though that you see Johnny both go into the flower shop and come out of for a scene that didn't need to be there at all. You do see every step. Yeah. Every step. Yeah. At least now I've seen this movie.

Shane Van Dyke, by the way, is Dick Van Dyke's grandson. Okay. Well, check out Titanic 2. Check out Lady to Lady. I think we're interviewing Dick Van Dyke soon. Oh, really? No way. I don't know, but we're supposed to. He came to a comedy show that I did in Malibu.

Oh, really? Shout out to Chris Crofton's Malibu comedy show. I did it recently. I got yelled at. By Dick Van Dyke? By Shane Van Dyke. By a Malibu drunk. That'll happen at that show. Dick Van Dyke was one of like six people

in the audience that night and the other four were a bunch of drunk people who heckled everyone the entire time. Anyway, Barbara, where can people find you online? Where can people follow you? My Twitter is at babs gray i probably don't pass the bechdel test on there in most of my regular life with myself and my website is my jokes are up here.com you can find me there and yeah lady to lady podcast and i have a show every friday called sauce at dasano pizza in hollywood californ California at 8 p.m.

Yay! I used to do paint night events there anyway. Oh yeah, and then you hooked me up with that paint job. Paint night job. I gave you the best paint job of your life. Oh no! You hooked me up with that paint night job before we were real friends. I know, yeah.

And then I trained and I was like, this job sucks. And I never did it. Hey, you can follow us on Twitter at Bechtelcast. What? Also on Instagram. Also on Facebook. Also, also, also on our new, new, new website. Pew, pew, pew.

Bechtelcast.com Yes. Bechtelcast.com period. You can go there for information about live shows that we have coming up including

a show at the Cinderblock Comedy Festival in Brooklyn, New York on September 9th we're gonna be talking to Ray Sonny about the movie Get Out

and then we're gonna go to Boston that's right the next day on September 10th we bought our Megabus oh I have to Venmo you

for our Megabus. Yeah, you owe me like $20. Oh my God, this is so embarrassing. But we have another show on September 10th in Boston at Improv Boston for the Boston Comedy Arts Festival. How many more times can I say Boston in one sentence? We have guest Sam Icke,

very funny comedian, talking about men in black, baby. So yeah, check out our website. Sorry, I just Venmoed you $20. Thank you so much. You're welcome. Check out Bechtelcast.com. You can also donate money to us there.

Please. And do all kinds of stuff. But please. Please? Question mark? Please? Please. Period.

Check out Twitter for the latest of whether Alfred Molina is going to hang out with us or not. Yes. Yes. Anyway, oh bye. Oh bye, doggie. Oh bye, doggie. Oh bye, doggie. Daphne Caruana Galizia was a Maltese investigative journalist who on October 16th, 2017, was assassinated.

Crooks everywhere unearths the plot to murder a one-woman WikiLeaks. She exposed the culture of crime and corruption that were turning her beloved country into a mafia state. Listen to Crooks Everywhere on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. To listen to new episodes one week early and 100% ad-free, subscribe to the iHeart True Crime Plus channel, available exclusively on Apple Podcasts.

Kay hasn't heard from her sister in seven years. I have a proposal for you. Come up here and document my project. All you need to do is record everything like you always do. What was that? That was live audio of a woman's nightmare. Can Kay trust her sister or is history repeating itself? There's nothing dangerous about what you're doing. They're just dreams. Dream Sequence is a new horror thriller from Blumhouse Television, iHeartRadio, and Realm. Listen to Dream Sequence on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. queer sex, cruising, relationships, and culture in the new iHeart podcast, Sniffy's Cruising

Confessions. Sniffy's Cruising Confessions will broaden minds and help you pursue your true goals. You can listen to Sniffy's Cruising Confessions, sponsored by Gilead, now on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes every Thursday.