The Bechdel Cast - Transformers with Teresa Lee

Episode Date: June 22, 2017

As Caitlin and Jamie's personal protest against the forty five hundredth Transformers movie being released this week, we had fellow hero Teresa Lee come in to discuss pissing cars, Megan Fox's feud with Michael Bay and, bear with us, Jerry Bruckheimer's well-documented love of veneers.(This episode contains spoilers)Follow @leresatee on Twitter! While you're there, you should also follow @BechdelCast, @caitlindurante and @hamburgerphone Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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The patriarchy's effin' vast, start changing it with the Bechdel cast Hey, welcome to the Bechdel cast. My name's Jamie. My name's Caitlin. And this is our podcast where we talk about the role of women in movies. Oh boy, is it. It is! Okay, wait, I just got really sidetracked. From what? We haven't even started. I don't know.

I just, you know, like my brain just went off in 45 different directions and only one is the correct one. Well, about 14 of my thoughts right now are in reference to your braids, which at the time of this recording, this is your last day of being 30 years old. A lot. Right. Yeah. Your last day of being 30 years old. A lot. Right. Yeah. Your last day of being 30.

How do you feel? I feel fine. As I've mentioned before, I am a woman of advancing years. I hate that you can say that. And I'm proud. You make it sound like you're Jane Fonda. No, I feel fine about it. I'll be 31 tomorrow.

Although by the time this episode comes out, I will have been 31 for a few weeks. So much wiser. Right. Yeah. What was the correct way for my brain? Oh, this is our podcast about the role of women in movies. It is based around the Bechdel test, which movie must have a scene between two women who have names and they talk about something that is other than a man almost never happens or sometimes barely happens.

Right. Yes. Sometimes it passes by the skin of its teeth and we're like, meh. Right. And then sometimes it's like you have these, like sometimes we'll have a conversation and I'll leave it like, yikes. That didn't pass either. It seems like we were just complaining the whole time

about men. Which maybe should count. If it's like a very negative... If you're talking about like murdering men, I would argue an amendment to the rule. You can't be talking about men or you can be talking about killing them due to the fact that they've wronged you.

Or for sport. Killing men for sport. Surely for sport. Yeah, so it's like if we're talking about our hunting trips, we go out and kill problematic men. That does pass our version of the test. We're going to be arrested. That's okay. Cool.

That's okay. As long as we're in jail together. I think that there should be a police officer outside of all open mics just waiting to arrest men who say dangerous things. Speaking of open mics, you've got an open can of Mike's Hard Lemonade. Whoa! Holy

shit! Yeah, you're not wrong. You're not wrong. And now, today I'm the only person with alcohol at the table. It's 3 or 4 p.m. I feel like a real clown. I had every intention of bringing a small bottle of wine. I know. And I totally forgot it.

But I feel like it was my best performance on an episode ever. The one where I was drinking wine. It's like, you know, you like hit a point where you drink a little bit and then it makes you better at everything. I was there. That seems like a dangerous message to spread oh yeah like driving not like operating heavy machinery but like remember when um guitar hero was popular like a decade ago i know you there was i know you're good at guitar hero there's bragging about it at Bingo last week. Oh man, that's embarrassing. We went to Bingo last week.

And? And I was... Caitlin was bragging about how good she is at guitar. Which of those things is more embarrassing, that we were at Bingo? I had a great time at Bingo, but only because I won. Yeah, true. We gotta go back to that place and use our $10 gift certificate. Hey, we

should introduce our guest before we just carry on. I'd love to go to bingo with our guests. Yes, we should go to bingo with us. Great addition to the table. Awesome. Our guest today, she works at Cracked.com. Also, she runs a monthly comedy show in Los Angeles called Very Forward. Teresa Lee. Hi. I was trying to be really good about not speaking before my intro. You did an amazing job. Great. You know, podcast etiquette. I heard you guys yell at people.

We went extreme. We only yell at men. Right. It's the rule. I also like to think that Mike's Hard has a surge in sales just because of this podcast. I hope so. Who else is drinking Mike's Hard? Mike's Hard at all?

I don't know. I don't know. But my local 7-Elevens, I was just, I have a great screenshot on my phone right now of my friend and I are hanging out at a 7-Eleven tonight. Like, you have plans to hang out there tonight? Yeah, we were texting to try to figure out, like, which one to go to. 7-Elevens are actually, in Taiwan, like, a really cool, I mean, that's not like a cool hangout, but they're much better. They're just like better food.

It's like, I can't describe. It's just like a happier vibe when you walk in. They have like tea eggs and good food. And there's like 24-7. It's really cute. Yeah, it's just like a cute place to go. Sounds like a Wawa. Yeah, a little bit.

Yeah, it's a really nice, pleasant experience. Whereas here, I always think of just like drunk high school students. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah, it's a really nice, pleasant experience. Whereas here, I always think of just, like, drunk high school students. Yeah, and then me. And then me, too. As someone who grew up in western Pennsylvania, I'm a sheets girl myself. I don't even know what that is. Fuck Wawa. What is that?

It's like a worse version of Wawa. Oh, I was going to say, I went to Philly recently, and I was like, all I have to do is see the Liberty Bell and go to Wawa. Wawa's cool. Wawa's cool. Wawa is cool. It was hopping. I felt a little bit unsafe there. But it was also late. But, you know, Wawa rules.

What else were we talking about? It seems as though we're doing anything to talk about the movie we're here. Oh, yes. But I have one more thing. Yeah, go for it. In regards to Dunkin' Donuts, which is my bread and butter, having come from a town. I would call it your donut and frosting. My, okay, I get it.

My donut and old frosting. The Dunkin' Donuts in Los Angeles, they kind of sound like the 7-Elevens you were describing, where people don't realize that they're supposed to be disgusting havens for societies forgotten yet. They're still pretty clean. There's a Wi-Fi signal. People don't seem unhappy to be there. It's amazing. I'm looking forward to about the year or so of that we have left at the West Coast Los Angeles Dunkin' Donuts.

God bless. Shout out to my crew in that water village. Cool. donuts god bless shout out to my crew in that water village cool anything else we need to cover before we jump into the really great movie we're talking about today positive feminist michael bay's 2007 transformers and boy are we not happy about it it took me three days to watch it because i had to keep stopping it so hard to watch it because I had to keep stopping it. It's so hard to watch. It really is. Had you seen it before or was it a long time ago? Yeah. Yeah. When did you first see it? I saw it at a drive-in with my brother and my dad, which is like the two worst people to see this movie. At a drive-in in Maine, there used to be, they do double features.

I saw it in the theater. Then I watched it again for a paper that I wrote in college which I brought and intend to read. Yes! I'm so excited. Then I watched it again to prep for this episode. Two times and I'm

furious. First of all, it's an assault to all of my senses, including my sixth sense where I am able to see dead people. Hailey Joel Osment, you're going to pass out. Hailey Joel Osment

will not respond to my tweets. I once sat next to him at an off-Broadway play. He's so cultured. He's so cultured. He's so cultured. He's so smart. He's so small. I can fit him in a backpack. Why doesn't he hang out with me? I'm upset. This movie is just...

I hate this movie so much. And people are like, Kayla, why are you doing an episode on this? Who picked this? Why are you doing it if you hate it so much? And yes, I picked it because this podcast is all about synergy. There's a new Transformers movie coming out. We have to stay relevant.

I do remember not liking it as much as I did not like it the second time. I remember it being a junk food candy movie. But I remember being like, oh, it's time. I remember it being like, you know, a junk food candy movie, but I remember being like, oh, it's fun. I remember Megan Fox was hot. And then re-watching it, there's so many more things that I was like, whoa, that was unnecessary. Like, why did you put that line in?

What? I made a list of all the things that I don't like about it, which I will also read. Well, should I start with the recap? And then go away. Well, the paper. You have several typed sheets.

Oh, my God. That's great. I'm excited. What grade did you get on this? I got an A-. It's not well written. It was for an English class that I took in college. I had to write a review of something.

And everyone else in the class was like, they were writing reviews on things that they loved. And I was like, can I write a review on something that I hate? And my teacher was like, yes, please. And I said, great, I'm going to write about Transformers. This is this horribly written paper that I wrote in college. Okay. I wondered if a summer blockbuster that got a majority of fresh reviews on Rotten Tomatoes would transform my opinion of Michael Bay's capability as a director. When I watched Transformers, I was unpleasantly surprised by the movie and pleasantly unsurprised by Michael Bay and his inability to direct a decent film.

Transformers is an overrated, clunky movie because of its inadequate script and poor direction. Cool thesis. Thanks, Caitlin. And then here's the plot. Sam Witwicky, played by Shia LaBeouf, the main character, gets a new car, which happens. Cool thesis. Thanks, a.k.a. transform. It's not clear. Not super. Among the alien robots are Decepticons, evil transformers who want the cube to transform human technology so they can destroy the human race with it. I think the cube is found. And when the Decepticons try to steal it from the U.S. government, everyone battles.

I'm not good at writing. Decepticons try to steal it from the U.S. government. Everyone battles. I'm not good at writing. And ultimately, the good Transformers beat the Decepticons with the help of Sam and his friends and the U.S. Air Force. And Sector 7. Sector 7! Okay, let me try to find the best part. You already sound exhausted. Transformers, like, the idea, like, just to clarify, the cartoon is cool.

I like toys. The cartoon is cool. The movie is terrible, but the idea of alien robots, cool. Good. I should have prefaced this by saying I've not seen any. I didn't play with any Transformers toys. I didn't watch the series, and I have not seen the animated movie from 1986. All good, clean fun. I didn't watch the original movie, but the toys.

Well, I had a family friend who was two years older who was a guy who had all the guy toys. So I didn't have myself, but I always wanted. You know when you have an older friend, you want to impress him. So he'd have Transformers, and I was like like i thought if i could figure out how to change them it would impress them so i play with those toys nice did not impress them i was busy playing with mostly legos oh nice yeah but we're not talking about the lego movie god damn it okay yeah that's a fun one i like that right okay so then i on to say, where there should be progression of plot and character development, there is unneeded violence, stupid jokes, and characters who, when they aren't trying

too hard to be super badass, they are delivering absurd lines of dialogue. A cop asks Sam, you eyeballing my piece, 50 Cent? A kid with a video camera runs toward explosions, exclaiming, This is easily 100 times cooler than Armageddon. Either Michael Bay, who also directed Armageddon, has no tact by alluding to himself, or he is acknowledging just how terrible of a director he is. He is certainly not doing that. He has no idea. He has no idea.

He just jerks off to that part of the movie. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Armageddon is such a stinky movie, too. Oh, God, that. But, boy, does every parent of that era openly admit to crying at Armageddon. My parents for sure cried at Armageddon. Oh, I cried during that song.

The one clue of my life. Because Liv Tyler is in that movie. Oh, I cried during that song. The one clue of my life. Because Liv Tyler's in that movie. And so she's like, Dad, give us a banger. And he does. Why don't they make a movie based on the Aerosmith rollercoaster? There's an Aerosmith rollercoaster? Yeah.

Oh, man. I've dropped some hot refs to the Aerosmith rollercoaster. We talk about it in every roller coaster movie one. But there are multiple. Oh, and The Mummy. Yeah, The Mummy, another roller coaster movie. I was reading something today about just like, wow, this summer is just only reboots of things from 10 years ago. And I feel like the Bechtel cast is really reflecting that because we've been talking about a ton of anyways it's called the rock and roller coaster starring Aerosmith so uh if you're

listening to this three or four years from now and you just saw the movie rock and roller coaster starring Aerosmith the movie chances are I wrote that movie oh. Then I write a few paragraphs about how it's riddled with cliches, that it fails to adhere to any sort of basic laws of physics, and it's hard to suspend my disbelief for a lot of things. And then 20 or 21 year old Caitlin wrote, the only leading female character is just another sex object for teenage boys to fantasize about. Although they tried so desperately to avoid this by giving her a typical masculine ability, being adept at mechanics, she still is just a nice body with a pretty face and no brains behind it. So really solid analysis from 10 years ago when I was dumb. And then I go on to say that it's poorly acted, poorly directed, blah, blah, blah.

The cinematography is terrible. Action scenes give you seizures, blah, blah, blah. The editing is sloppy. And then I say I mustn't ignore the possibility that this movie was made to serve as a two and a half hour commercial for the U.S. Air Force. And then I say, word on the street is that Michael Bay is directing Transformers 2 to be released in 2009. Even if it's 100 times better than Transformers, therefore 10,000 times better than Armageddon, it will still be a stupid piece of shit. I didn't say that, but, you know.

I was like, well, I'm going to name i was like yeah so that was my really cool paper um my review of transformers well done thank you well done i think you should have gotten a higher grade i think i should have gotten a lower grade honestly well you know i could see it both ways i think uh if we're grading on terms of passion I was very passionate yeah the recap I don't even want to say it I don't even want to go there of what happens

I'll do it as quickly as possible Shia LaBeouf has a character with a very stupid name Sam Witwicky I would argue this is where we lose him because we lose him. This is where we lose him because we had him. We had holes.

We had holes. We had holes. I love holes. You know, even Stevens, he made that misstep in that kind of offensive Disney Channel original movie called True Confessions. I won't get into it here. But this is where we lose him. Sam Witwicky gets a car and it turns out that it's an alien space bot. There's a pair of glasses that belong to his great-grandfather. And somehow they have important information imprinted on them. They don't even – they have the coordinates, but then the government is just like, oh, we know where it is.

And then they just go away. It just goes away. Wait, are you suggesting that this story isn't very good oh no whoa whoa they just hired a pops guy and he was like i already got these make it work oh god there's the bad transformers the decepticons the bad guys we're deceiving you right it's called decepticons. The bad guys. We're deceiving you. That's why they're called Decepticons. One of them is named Starscream.

Starscream? Really? That kind of sounds like a good guy. That's a cool name. He sounds like the lead in a band. That does sound like a roller derby name. That's good. I wish I could roller skate. Merry fuck kill. Optimus Prime. I wish I could roller skate. Merry Fuck Kill.

Optimus Prime. Megatron. Starscream. I love it. I love it. Anyway, who knows what the story is? There's big robots and they fight other big robots. And Sam Witwicky's there with Megan Fox.

He wants to fuck her. She's good at fixing cars. The end. But she's a criminal and he gets mad when he finds out. He's like, I can't believe you lied about your criminal past. And she's like, I would have told you, but I was trying to protect my dad. He's mad about this. The criminal part really disturbed me because when the agent, John Turturro, is like yelling at Megan Fox, who's an underage high school girl,

about being a criminal, he's like, criminals are Fox, who's an underage high school girl, about being a criminal. He's like, criminals are hot. What are you, training bra? He's like yelling at her. It's so disgusting. That whole part disturbed me so much. And then she makes him take off his clothes as a punishment. But that scene is so creepy because it's like why is she still online?

He's clearly getting off on this that she made him take off his clothes and he's like you're gonna you're gonna die for this and it's like no you're a hot girl just made you take every like uh and he's wearing like i totally forgot about that scene like that was something i must have just blocked out he calls her a training bra he's like yeah he's like you and the training bra to preserve my view of john torturo i had to imagine at the end of every take of that him just being like i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry and then explaining that he needs the money to like pay for his son's doctorate

or something i was like surely john torturo must have had a noble reason for accepting this i'm just i mean i'm just glad that it wasn't Alfred Molina. You know, there are worse men who could have gone down with this film. True. And Alfred, he was good. He was coasting on his Doc Ock money. He was fine. Yeah.

His reputation remains intact. Yeah. And that's, hey, that's saying something. Shout out to Alfred Molina. All right. Moving on. Yeah. That scene, there's also like a, what to Al Pimolino. All right, moving on. Yeah, that scene, there's also like a,

what I think is an attempt at a joke where like he's wearing this like Sector 7 like Superman t-shirt, which is like, ha ha, look at him. He loves Sector 7 so much. He wears an undershirt about it. And it's like, I think an attempt at comedy, but it's not funny. I wasn't sure what they were going for. I think it was a joke. Yeah. I think an attempt at comedy, but it's not funny.

I wasn't sure what they were going for. I think it was a joke. Yeah. I think. Another huge thing about this movie I forgot was, like, how integral the government is in it. Like, when I thought of this, because I did see it and presumably watched the whole thing. But, like, I just remember, like, oh, yeah, Shiaia labeouf cars megan fox is treated like trash like those are the three things but i forgot there's so many yeah like extended military sequences to the point where it's like i i was bad i didn't do correct research but i'm like

were they receiving money from the military to make this because i mean so much of this movie is product placement like yeah you. The cars are Chevy's. It's a commercial for General Motors. Right. It's like SD car too, right? When they pull the drive out. There's a Ferbie truck. There's a truck with a Ferbie on it

that one of the Transformers picks up and throws. Which is weird because it's 2007. That's way past the church. Yeah, there's also a a Burger King image, you see. There's so much. I mean, it's insane. But I'm like, would that be legal to take money from the U.S. government to say like, hey, the U.S. government is great? Or is that just something you do because you're Michael Bay and you want attention?

I don't know. I'd also have to do research about it. Yeah. I found a list of brands that are advertised in this movie. It is incredibly long. I'll read off as many as I can in a breath or two. Burger King, Cadillac, CBS, Chevrolet, Cisco, eBay, Gilmore Oil, GMC, Hewlett Packard, Hummer, iPod, MacBook, Mountain Dew, of course.

Nokia, Panasonic, PayPal, Pepto-Bismol, Pontiac, Porsche, Taco Bell, which is, you know, too bad for, I love Taco Bell, Toyota, USA Today, Xbox, XM Satellite Radio, Yahoo, and one fictional brand, Bolivia's Auto Sales. And that's it. Right. Right. That is run by Bernie Mac. It's run by Bernie Mac. That's correct. Right.

Not his character. By Bernie Mac. Still to this day. It's a little break of the fourth wall. From the grave, rest in paradise, Bernie Mac. Rest in paradise, Bernie Mac. Still to this day. The little break of the fourth wall. From the grave, rest in paradise, Bernie Mac. Rest in paradise, Bernie Mac. Oh, yeah. That scene's weird, too, because he waves his mom across the hall. Yeah.

And they're just like a super stereotypical. She flips him off. And then he says. Terribly offensive scene. He says, if I had a rock, I'd bust your head, bitch. That's a line that's spoken in this movie, a male character to a female character. I mean, Bernie Mac and any other person of color, their portrayal of those characters, horribly racist and offensive. Holy shit.

It's just like they're screaming. They're loud. Yeah. When the cops break into the house or the the FBI, and there's a scene where... Anthony Anderson's house? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anthony Anderson's brother just runs, smashes him. The cops are here!

And you're like, why is this happening? That's so funny. And the character in the beginning who's speaking Spanish to his fellow Air Force pals. Oh, yeah. And they're like, don't fucking speak Spanish, you piece of shit. And he's like, no, I'm going to keep it. And they're like, don't fucking speak Spanish, you piece of shit. And he's like, no, I'm going to keep it. And they're like, don't! It's English! You stick English in this house! Yeah, we're like to imagine that

in like 2007 movie theaters it was like, oh, oh, oh, oh. It's just, it's like the subsect of people this movie does not fucking hate is so small that it's practically just Shia LaBeouf and the government like and that's about it yeah and even certain people inside of the government they're like this guy sucks because

he's not a white guy yeah well even like i feel like the movie tries to like it'll kind of try to do something where they're like okay we're gonna give this woman a role and then they like shut it down like the the blonde australian analyst yeah we're gonna you know give a you know smart make her smart and make her really uh knowledgeable but then she has that scene where she figures out this transformative thing she walks in the room and the guy's just like why is she in here and then for whatever for no reason like they hired her and then they're like why is she in here and she's like they're like oh she figured she in here? And she's like, they're like, oh, she figured it out. And the guy's just like, she did it? Like, she probably had some help from her team.

He's like, why would you? I don't understand. It's just like a waste of time. And then they say something. They're like, yeah, stop using that brain mouth of yours. Yeah. It's like, what the fuck? You've hired her to help you.

And she did the thing you asked. And now you're like, yeah, she's a woman. Get her out of here. Yeah, they undermine her at every chance they get and like she is arguably the most competent female character in the movie although like i had to look up her name because i like yeah i don't remember her name and she was maggie she did it was like yeah she didn't have one right yeah she did i think anthony anderson says her name like once good and other than that like if you miss that you don't know her name um good for you anthony right but yeah i mean she is one of pretty much two main female characters

the other one being megan fox i would say that sam wetwicky's mom is like more of a secondary character she sucks they all suck megan okay so let's talk about Megan Fox and her character. Oh, boy. Her character's name is... Michaela. Michaela. Michaela Banks. Here are the different things that are said to her throughout the movie.

Her boyfriend toward the beginning is like, you can't drive my car, you're going to fuck up my wheels. Why doesn't my little bunny hop in the backseat? She does respond by saying, I can't even tell you how much I'm not your little bunny. So like his sexism is used as a marker to be like, this is a bad character. And then like same thing with like John Turturro calling her like you in the training bra. These are indications that like, like oh these are bad characters who we're not really supposed to like but you don't get to do that and then also treat that

character like shit as the movie to treat her like shit so the scene where she like pops the hood and is like seeing what's wrong with this like shitty camaro it's just like lingering male gaze headless women of hollywood style just like oh look at her hot abs look at her nice little boobs look at her ass just like a very objectifying yeah several seconds worth of screen time where you're just like yeah yeah i remember that scene it's dark it's pretty much the only scene from the movie i think maybe that's's why I was like, oh, I feel like it was a good movie. No, I'm just kidding. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. It's kind of the only thing from the movie that I remember. Like the only actual visual thing that I'm like. Yeah. The cart. Yeah. That's a creator of Famous. Totally.

And there's like, oh, boy. I mean, if we're going into Michael Bay's history with women, that's several hours long. But Megan Fox ended up leaving the Transformers franchise after the third movie. And she cited specifically because Michael Bay was such a verbally abusive piece of garbage. And Kate Beckinsale said very similar things about him when she was in Pearl Harbor. She's also a bay joint. Well, you guys know how, or did you hear about her audition? I think for her audition for this movie,

he had her wash his car. But I was reading an article about it where they had her wash the car and then it said, in fact, there were even rumors the director filmed the entire audition. I'm like, i hope so like it's not an audition like what right i mean yeah it's gross but like at least film it if that's the point but then if you're just gonna do it then it's just just for you also yeah then use it as evidence to incriminate him as being a horrible piece of shit but then how many women auditioned for this and didn't get it that had to wash his car?

And, oh, bad for those girls. I hope they're doing okay. So here are a few, I'll give you some quotes from Kate Beckinsale and then from Megan Fox pertaining to this movie specifically. But Kate Beckinsale was in Pearl Harbor in 01. She said,

I don't think I fit the type of actress Michael Bay had met before. I think he was baffled by me because my boobs weren't bigger than my head and I wasn't blonde. I just had my daughter and had lost weight. But I was told that if I got the part, I'd have to work out. And I didn't understand why a 1940s nurse character would do that. Which is totally fair. And Michael Bay said at the time when this movie came out, and also this is our Titanic

reference of the episode. Thank goodness. Unfortunately, because it is coming out of Michael Bay's mouth. But he says, I didn't want someone who is too beautiful, in reference to Kate Beckinsale, who is beautiful. Women feel disturbed when they see someone who's too pretty.

When you look at Titanic, Kate Winslet is pretty but not overwhelmingly beautiful. That makes it work better for women. What? I just want to cut off my hand. It's just insane. I'm furious. It's bad. Here's what Megan Fox

said. She first describes what you were talking about, having to wash her car. She then says, the first time I ever met him, I was 15 and an extra on Bad Boys 2. She said, we were shooting this club scene and they brought me in and I was wearing a stars and stripes bikini and a red cowboy hat and six inch heels, which amazing Bad Boys 2. And they took me to Mike Bay, and he approved it. And they said, you know, Michael, she's 15, so you can't sit her at the bar, and she can't have a drink in her hand. So his solution to this problem was then having me dancing underneath a waterfall getting soaking wet. Oh, my God. And I was in the 10th grade.

Oh, no. And that's a microcosm of how Michael Bay's mind works. So, yeah. and that's a microcosm of how michael bay's mind works so yeah there's a lot of stuff on there's like a good uh oral history of michael bay being terrible unfortunately it only goes up to 2011 but it is more than enough you know how sometimes we're like you're on notice i was gonna say we should put him on bay watch wait a second sorry wait wait wait michael bay oh his name yeah i like it i like i was just like so what i want to see bay watch what i also want to see bay watch but yeah we're gonna see i was attempting to make a really great pun. It clearly went over very well.

I get it. You're welcome. We're going to go to the Baywatch. It's just like in Geely. Geely, yeah. We're going to go to the Baywatch. We're going to go to the Baywatch. Can't wait.

Oh, I forgot about the line where Miles, which is Sam Witwicky's friend, calls Megan Fox an evil jock concubine. Oh, God. I love that. Which is my new back tat. That's my stripper name. Evil Jock Concubine. Coming to this day.

So yeah, women are treated generally very terribly in this scene. I mean, Megan Fox is one of the lead characters, but she has almost no dialogue. She has a decent amount of screen time, but most of the time she's wearing, like,

got to make sure your midriff is showing, like, really objectified the entire time, doesn't have a lot to contribute to the story. There is a moment where I was like, okay, cool that this happens, doesn't redeem anything, but she saves Sam from, like like the little decepticon that's like going out this is like right the scene right after bumblebee his yellow camaro transforms and starts battling another like a decepticon and there's like a little decepticon that's like

attacking sam and she like takes this saw tool and like kind of hacks away so like she saves him okay great we get this like little role reversal of that and then toward the end she has a moment that sort of contributes to the story kind of where she hooks bumblebee up to a tow truck and she's like i'll drive you shoot and it lasts for maybe 30 seconds and that's it but But even that scene, I remember, because at the beginning of that scene, there's just like a minute of her like open mouth breathing on, like close up shot of her breathing onto the wheel right before. And I was like, what is this? She's like holding onto the wheel like,

and she's like, what's happening? And I'm like, is she fucking a transformer? And then we zoom out and then he's like being hooked up to the thing. And then she's like, I'll try. Full on panting. I'm like, what is happening a transformer? And then we zoom out and then he's like being hooked up to the thing. And then she's like, I'll try. She's full on panting. I'm like, what is happening? Why are you panting so much? There's an insane amount of panting.

I've got a ton of quotes that people have said about Michael Bay queued up. It's just overwhelming. They all seem very passive aggressive. And then some of them are so nice that it's upsetting. John Turturro says he likes blowing things up. George Lucas says Michael's films are immediately identifiable. He's an auteur. Well, that's what Ben Affleck says.

Oh, no. I think Michael isn't actually an auteur in the truest sense of the word. Every movie he makes reflects his personal creative vision. You may like it, you may not, but those movies are him without compromise. There's something to be said for sticking to your guns. That's a hard disagree for me. There's something to be said for flipping a table at Michael Bay. Steven Spielberg says he has the best eye for multiple levels of pure visual adrenaline.

That seems a little too nice. Michael Bay says... About himself? Yes. Michael Bay says, I'm like a true American. Oh, no. He just writes like a teenage boy. I had a screenwriting class in college with a guy who all his screenplays were just...

I don't think he'd ever made out with a girl. But it would always have a scene where it was just like, hot girl walks down the hall, her thong is showing. And it's just like, she bends over the water fountain. And everything he wrote had something like that. You can just imagine his laptop is just caked in jizz. But yeah, I feel like that's Michael Bay. He's influencing people to write shit like that. Your screenwriting class at Uton College reminds me of my...

I do have a master's degree in screenwriting from Boston University. I hate bringing it up, but you leave me no choice but to mention it. So I just had to throw that out there. Oh, the other thing that i both alluded to in the wonderful cool paper that i wrote and in previous episodes is that there's that trope where when writers of movies don't know how to portray a woman so they're like i'm gonna give her this one trait that makes her not like the other girls. And that's almost always to make her good at fixing cars. Which is like...

Sex car lady. Are cars like an extension? Are they sort of like an allegory to guys' dicks? Is that a thing? I think so. You know how guys want big cars? So it's like if you're working on a car, you're good with dicks. She's like, I'm fine with how you're compensating.

I'm so good at touching this car. You can make your car go. Well, there is a line where she says, guys hate it when you know more about cars than they do. And then Shia says, actually, I don't mind at all. I'm a cook. I prefer it. Which is maybe the most progressive moment in this movie. It still sucks.

But, I mean, Jesus Christ. The other main female character, Maggie, who's, like, the signals analyst, who, like, really doesn't end up doing anything because then she has to go to Anthony Anderson, who's, like, the best hacker in the world. Love hacker characters. Yeah, why does she have to do that?

Why don't they just make her the best hacker in the world? Love hacker characters. Yeah, why does she have to do that? Why don't they just make her the best hacker in the world? Right question. It would be great. Because she needs help from her team, as they said as soon as she walked in. Well, she had help from her team. From her team. So yeah, that was, God, disappointing. But she is technically a woman in STEM, I would argue.

She is a woman in STEM. She's a long-suffering woman in STEM. She's a hot Australian woman in STEM, I would argue. She is a woman in STEM. She's a long-suffering woman in STEM. She's a hot Australian woman in STEM. Yeah, she's a hot, horny, exhaling woman in STEM. She's like, hello, I'm a woman in STEM. She's a woman in STEM. But I mean, like, God forbid

there be a woman on screen who's not, like, a 10. Yeah, there's also the... I was going to say, well, she's also hot, but there's uh wife of the um oh josh yeah yeah the military guy or whatever and uh and uh she she does have a daughter so there's a scene with two women but they do talk about how he's gone so i guess it's a man but they're like it would have to be her yeah the baby would have to say something back so that baby is not of an age where it can talk. I have another Michael Bay anecdote.

Interruption. Oh, boy. Michael Bay got Ben Affleck a new set of teeth because he thought Ben Affleck's teeth were too small. What? Wait. He got him a new set of teeth? Him and Jerry Bruckheimer.

It was a joint effort to get Affleck those new teeth. Per Michael Bay, Jerry had a problem with Ben's teeth. Quote, he's got baby teeth. We're going to fix his teeth. So Ben got a beautiful set of teeth out of that film. That reminds me of the scene

where there's a small child and all the Transformers are starting to come to Earth and she wakes up and she's like, that must be the Tooth Fairy. She gets her little tooth in her little tooth bag and comes out and there's a giant robot and she's like, in what is maybe the worst example of

child acting I've ever seen in my life, she's like, are you the tooth fairy? It's because Michael Bay had a knife pointed at her the whole time. Leave her alone. Haley Gillespie had aged out of that role. He wasn't available. He was like 20. Oh, man.

Are any of the robots women, do they have genders? They're all male voices. The Autobots? The Autobots seem to identify as male. Yeah, that's right, because they pee out of their dicks. There's that scene where... Oh, yeah, the robot dicks. They've got lubricant leakage.

They piss lube. It's upsetting. It's about lubricant leakage. They kiss lube. It's upsetting. It's gross. I made a list of all the man characters versus the very, very few female characters. We got Sam Witwicky. We have the Autobots, which is Optimus Prime, Bumblebee, Jazz, Ratchet, and Ironhide. Then we've got the main Decepticons, who are named at least. Megatron, Bone Crusher.

I think one named Frenzy? I don't know. That's the name of a sundae. And Starscream. I love the name Starscream. Sam's dad, Miles, Sam's friend. The hacker, Anthony Anderson.

John Voight plays the Secretary of Defense. John Turturro is the head of Sector 7 and then the various Air Force guys Josh, how do you say his last name? Duhamel Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson Yes

Who looks great in this movie He does look, he's a very attractive man Nice Sheena sweat on Tyrese Gibson There were no women of color that I noticed, except for very tertiary characters like Anthony Anderson's grandmother and Bernie Mac's mother, who are both... From across the hall.

Right. Yeah, yeah. Seen in the background of shots. And are portrayed in a racist way. Yes. You know, not surprising. I do have my list of all of the things i hate about this movie if you will indulge me please yes okay i've already mentioned a few why we're here okay

i'll read this as quickly as possible the opening line before began, there was the cube. So dumb. That's a good foreplay line. Also, there's a bunch of different mentions where Optimus Prime is like, if this doesn't go well, push the cube into my chest, which is how I initiate sex. Just throwing that out there to all you men. Push your cube into my chest. Yeah, all you cube-dicked men out there. Put it into my chest vagina. Thank you.

We already talked about all the racist stuff. The scene where for no reason a character says, remember weekends? The socks at Fenway? A hot dog and a cold beer? Because he's, I guess, from Boston. Because he's a true American. I get it, I get it, I get it.

You should have just said Dunkin' Donuts. Because it contrasts the Spanish guy, who's also American. He's in the fucking military. Right. And he was speaking like, oh, I love it when my mom cooks this stuff. Oh, yeah, alligators and crickets.

He's like, fuck you, you gross. And then he's like, no, no, hot dogs, bitch. That was perfect. There's at least 10 seconds dedicated to Josh Duhamel talking about how hot his baby is. He's like, we made such a good looking kid. Josh Duhamel wants to fuck his baby. Michael Bay tried to put it under a waterfall. Josh Duhamel's baby is like, well, we can't have this baby

holding an alcoholic beverage. Let's put it under a waterfall. Oh, boy. I hate Sam Witwicky's teacher in the beginning. I hate the presentation he gives where he's talking all of his grandfather's prized possessions. I hate the speech he gives to his teacher to try to convince him to give

him an A. I hate all of the expository dialogue. The movie's script. Sam Witwicky's dad. Bernie Mac's character. The fact that all the glass bursts in the cars at the dealership and no one wonders why that might have happened. Sam Witwicky's mom. The cinematography. The air freshener

in Sam's car that says, Biatch. Any attempt at comedy that's made in the script. Biatch freshener in sam's car that says biatch any attempt at comedy that's made in the script which is still relevant in 2007 these are the waning days of biatch yeah true all the continuity errors everything that sam wet wiki says in the movie the flight attendant who drops a ding dong on the floor that's supposed to be for the president, and then she picks it up and eats it. There's so many individual tales. It's crazy. The plot.

Shia LaBeouf's acting. Megan Fox's acting. The scene where Josh Duhamel is trying to place a call to the Pentagon and has to find a credit card to place the call. Every other part of that scene. The scene in Anthony Anderson's house. Sam's eBay username and photo, the fact that no one notices the little Decepticon that's running around very conspicuously,

the idea that there's an all-powerful device that can create life and planets, and it's called the AllSpark? It's called the female womb, bitch. Boom! The scene where the Autobots are just hanging out in Sam's yard and no one notices. That's the one scene I like, which is when they're hiding in the backyard because the Autobots are so cute. When they're like, no, get out.

You're messing it up. And they're like, get out of here. And they're just squatting. I like that. What bothered me about it is that Sam's parents were just like, oh, it's an earthquake. I guess, better not look out the way. Like, fuck these people.

I do also like whenever they go, Autobot, roll out. Yeah, that feels like the cartoon. That was fun. The fact that it's never made clear why pushing the cube into Optimus Prime's chest will destroy both him and the cube.

Details. Who cares? It doesn't matter. The scene where Shia, LeBeouf, and Megan Fox are basically dry-pumping on the hood of his car and then the other Transformers are just there watching, kind of. Yeah, they're humping on Bumblebee. So that's like a threesome, right? He's a third party in that. He's a part of it for sure

his hood's getting all oh god lubricated oh gross i was gonna say hot but i guess slick is a more appropriate ew slippery a little slippery threesome gross no no no no no no that's how i that's how i initiate sex, too. I'm like, I'm slippery. I'm going to hide under the table in a second. And the stupid Linkin Park song at the end. Yes, oh my god. I was going to say something about that, too. But like, is there any other band to close that?

Smashmouth could have also worked. Right. I hope that Smashmouth said no. It's like too trashy. We've got some Shrek residuals. We're good. Oh, to be fair, though, I also made a list about the things that I like about the movie. They are the score.

I legitimately think it's a pretty good score for an action movie. A lot of epic music that I was able to get behind. That's overly kind of you. And the idea that the car chooses the driver, but only because it reminds me of Harry Potter with the one chooses the lizard. That's cute. And those are the only two things on that list. Okay.

But then that's not original. He's just taking that. Exactly. Yeah. Okay. Number one, Harry Potter sucks. What? What?

I have to have this argument another day. Have you read them all or are you just saying that? I've read them all. I've seen them all. I've been to the theme park. I can't. I am appalled. I don't like it.

Let me stick it forever. All right. And then who else can eat my ass? Wow. But here are a few more fun bait quotes I found. Oh, fun. Here's just a thought from John Turturro. He says, in regards to the Transformers franchise,

I thought Transformers 2 was good. I liked it better than Transformers 1. Most people feel that way. Oh, do they? Which is amazing that he thinks most people have seen two Transformers movies. Here's one from Scarlett Johansson, who was in a movie that I vaguely remember coming out called The Island. Oh, yes, I saw that in theaters.

It was bad, right? It was horrible. Is it Ewan McGregor? Ewan McGregor. Yeah. It had a decent premise, but of course, because Michael Bay sucks, he completely botched the execution of it. Really quick. Ewan McGregor, bad actor, right?

Moulin Rouge. I liked him in that. He's great. But he wasn't a good actor in it. He just played like a spacey dude with no emotion. It fit. Like that was like his Keanu

in the Matrix role where it's like, oh, we didn't notice that he kind of sucks because this was like perfect for him. But here's what Scarlett Johansson had to say about a run-in

she had with Michael Bay. She said, I ran into him leaving a party once and asked him if I could be the Easy Bake Oven Transformer as a joke. He looked at me in all seriousness and said,

there is no Easy Bake Oven Transformer. Which I think is just a beautiful testament to how seriously he takes his terrible movies. And how little he understands jokes and comedy. Well, he was probably like, he's a woman. She must be serious. She's too dumb to make a joke.

Oh, boy. I just imagine that, like, Michael Bay's directing style is that he goes to the actors and he's like, listen, I want you to just be screaming all of your lines in this scene.

And they'll be like, I don't know that it really warrants me screaming and he's like no trust me on this just make sure you scream all of your lines and that is every scene in transformers and then he pulls out he just shows the hint of a gun he has and he's like i think you should scream i feel like he directs from within a giant transformers robot he He's just like, oh. Where it's like, they're like a huge intercom system. Like, Shia, yell louder.

Also, I could have told anyone not to give Michael Bay a job because he is one of the greatest fears of my entire life, which is an adult blonde male. Never trust an adult blonde male. That's a rule. Yes. We can all benefit from that rule. Think of an adult blonde male who's bettered your life. It's hard. There are exceptions to the rule,

but it's like 1 in 200. Yeah. New rule. New rule. Does anyone have any final thoughts about the movie at least we spent most of the time just hating it and discussing how much we hate it not a ton of time dedicated to the treatment of the female characters but i mean they didn't give us a ton of female characters to talk about true yeah yeah how would you fix? Is there a way to do Transformers?

I mean, make sure Michael Bay doesn't direct it. Like having more. I mean, there's no reason why every single basically every single character needed to be a man. Like there are women in the military. There are women working in government. Is Michael Bay aware that this is true? Does he know that women are allowed in the military now and have been for a long time i don't think so okay just checking i think that yeah there's a lot of potential that they could have done with the story like the whole idea of the all spark and you know creating life

like you really can go so many ways like motherhood like you know mother nature there's so much like feminine energy in life and then they just were like no robots that's it yeah there's like yeah there are ways to take because you're just given i mean it's i guess originally it was a toy franchise pushed at boys but there's a way to take that and do something not completely irresponsible with it yeah but yeah I don't know if there's any way to make this movie fair to anyone but white guys who are very mad without just scrapping this whole movie.

But these movies are so high grossing. So many people go to see these. Did you watch the other? I only watched, I think I watched the second one when he goes to college. I watched the second one. I'm thinking of a goofy movie. I do remember.

That was a good movie. There was like a really hot blonde girl who ended up being a robot. Rosie Huntington Whitley. And I will say that was maybe early Teresa discovering her sexuality. That scene was stuck in my brain because I was a straight girl in high school. That liked girls well she was like a Victoria's Secret model and she was the girl who was brought in to replace

Megan Fox when Megan Fox was like I and she does say several times Michael Bay is Hitler apparently that's his line and then they brought in Rosie who is beautiful Michael Bay as Hitler. Apparently that's his line. And then they brought in Rosie, who is beautiful and

I think, I mean, I saw Dark of the Moon. Is that the second one? It's called Dark of the Moon? Dark of the Moon. We don't need side of the moon. And then there's also one called The Last Night. And that's the one that's coming out.

Which sounds so much like The Dark Night that it's just like, do you need to name this? It's so confusing. Why would you name something Dark of the Moon? Or The Last Night? It's just... It's okay. Age of Extinction

vaguely sounds like it could be a Jurassic Park movie. But Dark of the Moon grossed $1 billion. it's okay. Age of Extinction vaguely sounds like it could be a Jurassic Park movie. Yeah. But Dark of the Moon grossed $1 million. So what the fuck do we know? Yeah. As did Age of Extinction. Yeah.

I don't remember if I saw any of the sequels. I want to say that I saw at least the second one, but I have no memory of it. I saw the first one with Rosie Huntington-Whitley in it because I also remember that white outfit she wore in the movie. I was just like, oh my gosh. Yeah, she wears a really cute outfit. But then she's like an evil robot. Right, right.

So she's like a femme fatale. So it's like, ooh. A little bit. A little bit. Not that she's treated fairly. No. But, you know, something happens to her. There's a plot point that has to do with her

which is more than we can say for megan fox who really just i'm glad that she like later was just like i recognize that as bullshit because she's panting so much so much panting yeah and she's like 17 or 18 when this movie's being shot it's just like i don't know in retrospect at the time i remember being like oh she's so dumb for being in this movie but now i'm just like i feel bad for her like i can't like if you're 17 and someone's like let me give you a million dollars to pant at me i don't know i don't know if you've already posed under a waterfall for the same person you're 10th grade i don't know where you know i felt i'm poor me, it's going to seem like a promotion. Yeah, it seems like she's doing well.

Let's talk about whether or not the movie passes the Bechdel test. Okay. Shall we? Let's shall. The only scene that I noticed where there are two women interacting is the scene where Megan Fox is in Sam Witwicky's house and his mom is all like, oh my God, are you masturbating in here, Shia LaBeouf? And he's like, no.

Mom, no. No, Mom. Stop. And then Megan Fox's character pops up and she's like, hi. She's like, I'm a friend of Sam's. And his mom says, oh, you're gorgeous.

Aren't you just the prettiest girl? Which is pretty similar to the scene in Gigli, where all... I was going to say, I was just like, oh my god, you're so hot. The scene in Gigli, at least, is very funny, where she's just like, where Ben Affleck's character,

apparently at this point, Ben Affleck has his Michael Bay teeth, because after a certain point, Ben Affleck's teeth are huge. They're very big teeth. Does he just take out all his teeth? I don't know. I'd imagine they're veneers.

But his teeth, I'm like, well, I guess his teeth are kind of big. And now I want to go back and be like, well, more of his teeth are small. Yeah, we got to look at like... When did Michael Bay give him his Hollywood teeth?

But there's the scene in Gigli where Ben Affleck's like, Mom, don't get any bright ideas. She's gay. And then her mom's like, well, that can change. You're handsome. And J.Lo's like, I don't know. Maybe it could change.

I don't know. Yeah, but this is a very similar scene where his mom is just like, Oh my God, you're so hot. You're so pretty and gorgeous. And Megan Fox is like, thank you. And then his mom's like, sorry you had to hear our little family discussion and that's the conversation so i i but technically don't they have to have no men present for it to pass or is it just two women i think it just needs to be two women talking and their conversation has to not be about a man there's no way that i'm going to give this scene the benefit of the doubt.

That doesn't pass. They're talking about Sam. But if you... I mean, he's in the room, number one. Which isn't technically... But I feel like it may as well be not allowed for a man to be there. And they're not... Again, I feel like we've...

I forget what movie we came up against a similar problem where it's like, I think it's Pirates of the Caribbean where it's like they are indirectly talking about a man, but they are not, they never use a man's name or say he or like use the pronouns or anything. But it's like, I feel like that conversation is indirectly about like, oh, sorry, you thought I was talking about my son jerking off. Like it just, that. It's definitely like a sexually charged conversation right it's like sexually charged but like a hetero and hetero blockbuster sexually

like if they were that would be fucked up if they were like hey we should hook up megan fox and sam's mom because that's an age problem but that would pass the test yeah well that's the other thing the only really notable thing that either of them say to each other is his mom being like you're so gorgeous you're so pretty which is essentially just objectifying her so like even if that somehow did pass the bechdel test it's really it's like not a good. I feel like the subtext to that is like, you should fuck my son. Yeah, exactly. Right. Yeah.

I'm going to say, based on what we know about the movie and Sam's character, she's like, I want my son to have a little girlfriend. Oh, you're a good candidate. You're hot. Look how cute. I'm so impressed that my son had you in his bedroom. Have you ever had an exchange like that with someone's parent where they're indirectly like, do you want to fuck my kid? No.

I had an exchange like that. Really? In high school, yeah, with my saxophone boyfriend. His old dad came in one night. We were teenagers and like hanging out we're watching a this the zach galifianakis special on his very old laptop in 2008 but his dad came into the room and he was just like hey kids what's going on and we're like nothing we're watching tv and he was just like hey jamie because he was like a i don't know what he did but he worked at like concerts and he was like hey jamie do you know why they call the band pearl jam and i was like no he's like think about it

and then i thought about it and i was like oh come pearl jam is come i didn't realize that and then and then he threw us paper towels and said, have a great night. Whoa. So he was just like in a weird series of comments was just like everything about cum. Here are some things to clean up cum with. Gotta go. And then just like shut the door. I was like, I want to go home. Like everyone wanted to go home. It was the least sexually charged moment of my entire life.

Although that is also how I initiate sex. I say put your cube in my chest. That would be an interesting comment. You ever think about what Pearl Jam really means? There is paper towels while you figure it out. So gross. I can't believe that happened.

Yeah, that's bizarre. Cool. Should we rate the movie? Hey, let's do it. Wait, so we determined that this does not pass the test. I'm not willing to give it a pass. Yeah. I mean, if we're going by the super, super, super, super technical rules, but even then, I just, no. No.

There's no way that we could say, well, technically, Transformers passes the Bechdel test. Yeah. No. No. No. So we rate the movie on our nipple scale, zero to five nipples, based on its portrayal of women. I'm going to give it a half nipple. Interesting. Very, very little any of the female characters do contribute to the story is usually undermined by the male characters or it doesn't like bear any significance on the overall story. And yeah, I get that Sam is the protagonist. So like most of his decisions are going to.

But then there's just no women doing anything. There's just hardly any female characters contributing anything to the story. And when they are on screen, they're often, especially Megan Fox's character, is just heavily objectified. So, yeah, Half Nipple, I think it treats women horribly. And I think it's a terrible movie. What's the highest nipple you've given out? We've given five. Oh, good. You've given five.

What movie was that? Moana definitely got five nipples. What else was there? Thelma and Louise was that? Moana definitely got five nipples. What else was there? Thelma and Louise. Thelma and Louise got five nipples. I think the only ones that we've given like five across the board have been to Moana and Thelma and Louise. Moana's great. Yeah.

Moana ruled. I was just curious. Yeah, I think I'd have to give the, well, I'm going to give it one nipple because I agree that women are treated horribly. But I also think the men look bad in this movie true i mean there's not except with the exception of tyree and also i love optimus bryan so he he gets that nipple yeah to be fair there are no redeemable characters in this movie even sam what wiki is the most insufferable character I've ever seen on screen. I'm like, I'm sorry, we're supposed to identify with this guy as the protagonist?

His last name sounds like a DJ scratch. I do love robots a lot. When the robots take over, I'm joining them. I love the robots so much, and that's why I give it one nipple. I love sci-fi. I love a good sci-fi action movie, but this movie just missed the mark on every single opportunity. I give it no nipples. However, I would like to very clearly state what these nipples look like. John Turturro. John Turturro.

So first, he's got a half nipple on the right side. And it's like, oh, he's got it's kind of a small nipple because there are women in the movie. Right. Yeah. But then his left nipple is inverted about halfway. Yeah. It's kind of like this very unsavory, very dry vagina nipple that he has on the left side. So it evens out to zero, but it's technically one tiny pokey nipple because there's women in the movie and then an inverted nipple

because of everything else. Right. I love it. Right. So a negative nipple and then a positive nipple. So it goes out to zero. If you put, okay, in theory, keep visualizing this. If you put John Turturro's right nipple into his left nipple, it would be like there were no nipples. I'll illustrate this.

This is just reminding me of my chest vagina, so I get it. I already get it. The cavernous cube into the nipple. So, yeah, that's been our great discussion about the movie Transformers. Woo! See the sequel. Or don't. It'll make a billion dollars no matter what you do.

Teresa, thank you so much for being here. Thank you. Where can we find you online? How can people follow you? You can find me on the Twitter. Yeah. At Larissa T. you so much for being here. Where can we find you online? How can people follow you? You can find me on the Twitter. At Larissa T. Wonderful. Cool.

You can follow me at ladiesman217. You can find me on eBay or PayPal. Drive around in my Chevrolet. Oh, I was going to say Furby truck. I'm in my Furby truck. I'm mostly cruising around in my Furby truck. Just like looking for puss to say Furby truck. I'm in my Furby truck. I'm mostly cruising around in my Furby truck. Just like looking for puss in my Furby truck. You can find us on Instagram.

Caitlin's been managing her Instagram like a champion. Thank you. Yeah, of course. Happy birthday to Caitlin. Happy birthday. Thank you. Retroactively. As a gift to her, please do not see the new Transformers movie.

You can find me at Hamburger Phone. You can find me at Caitlin Durante. And you can go to my website, CaitlinDurante.com. Okay. And, yeah, thanks for tuning in. Autobots, roll out! Roll out. Bye!

Bye! Bye. Bye. Bye. Daphne Caruana Galizia was a Maltese investigative journalist who on October 16th, 2017, was assassinated. Crooks Everywhere unearthed the plot to murder a one-woman WikiLeaks. She exposed the culture of crime and corruption that were turning her beloved country into a mafia state. Listen to Crooks Everywhere on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hey, everybody. This is Matt Rogers. And Bowen Yang. We've got some exciting news for you. You know we're always bringing you the best guests, right? Well, this week we're taking it to the next level. The one, the only, Catherine Hahn is joining us on

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