The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast - Almost Famous In Depth: Blake Horstmann

Episode Date: April 16, 2020

Blake Horstmann goes deep for this highly anticipated In Depth revealing the truth behind the tears during his break-up with Becca Kufrin, getting passed over for Bachelor, and his INFAMOUS experience at Stagecoach. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. Hi, my name is Enya Eumanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble.

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And I'm Maya. Get in here. Listen to the Super Secret Festi, on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hi, I'm Jenna Lopez, and in the new season of The Over Comfort Podcast, I'm even more honest, more vulnerable, and more real than ever. Am I ready to enter this new part of my life? Like, am I ready to be in a relationship?

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This is Ben and Ashley I, Almost Famous In-Depth. Ashley and I are back with another in-depth episode of The Almost Famous Podcast. Ashley, I would say one of the highlights of this self-isolation process has been it kind of has forced us to get creative and start doing more in-depth, which is something that I know you and I both love doing. Yeah, that was our goal, honestly. We were like, okay, this spring, in between Bachelor and Bachelorette season, let's do as many in-depth with as big Bachelor personalities as we can.

We've had a couple of them. Before we bring on our guest today, which is a name that we all know, There's been a lot of kind of recent things happening with this person and this character. Ashley, I want to take a second to talk to you. I don't know if you've been getting many messages on social media. I'm sure you do. A lot of people lean on you for kind of emotional support. I've been getting a lot of message.

If you're listening, you know who you are from people saying, hey, they've really enjoyed the podcast. Or if they don't even mention the podcast, people out there telling me stories of pain, of confusion, of chaos in their lives right now in the midst of the shutdown and the virus. I think we do it. We try to do it every podcast, but I think it's appropriate for you and I just to kind of take a second and recognize that there's people out there really hurting and to tell people and encourage everybody to start looking around them at people that are feeling like outsiders and maybe try to do something to help. Yeah, 100%. I know that people look to podcasts for like kind of friends when they don't have any around them. So if that's how you guys are feeling about our podcast, but any podcast that makes us feel so good. And yeah, for

it's just like a tip to anyone who is feeling lonely, you may listen to our podcast, but, you know, listen to a humor podcast or listen to a girl talk podcast. It may make you feel, make more part of a community at this point. Yeah, it's interesting, Ashley. I've gotten a message today right before we got on. And I always get messages from people saying they're huge fans of you and fans of you and Jared. But today I got one from somebody just saying, kind of telling me their story. through a message of how much pain and difficulty days came through during this time. And they feel alone. But here's the truth of it all.

And I think our next guest can verify this is the one thing about this quarantine that's been that is helpful to understand is we're all in this together. Like everybody is in isolation right now. Like if you feel lonely and you're at home and you're like, I haven't seen my friends in weeks. nobody likes me you know maybe you're starting to question like if anybody really cares about you like you should be reaching out to people you should be asking for help but second is we're all alone right now like all of us are like i think a little bit pulling our hair out a little bit confused we haven't seen people in a while like you are definitely not alone we are in this together

this is a part of it yes and i just wanted to say thank you for sending my dad and all his co-workers at the hospital, that sweet basket of gifts. Did they get it? The things that, yeah, it's one of the things that makes them feel appreciated and, you know, just those small little gestures can just warm somebody's heart. And that, I mean, that's not even a small gesture. What you did was amazing. So thank you so much.

He got that today. Oh, sweet. It was so cute. Ben sent a package of coffee and sweets and like a couple little crafty items. It was really adorable. Thank you so much. I don't know how he had. hasn't texted you yet but he asked for your number earlier awesome hey well that's it's a small thing

to do for a lot of people sacrificing their lives in the front lines well hey uh anyways i just want to start that with that actually i know you and i both have uh have have shared uh in our empathy and sympathy and also just our own kind of struggles uh with being isolated and feeling a little bit alone so i wanted to start with that uh and i also want to start with it actually because our guest today is somebody that bachelor nation knows well somebody that bachelor nation has uh learned to uh just to be honest to be confused by to really get behind and love on to also be very angry at to kind of push to the side and then kind of invite back in like this this contestant has had um i i think it's very fair to say a roller coaster of a ride leading to this point in their life and and through all

of this uh they've been very open about their struggles with mental health uh their struggles uh their struggles uh with kind of anxiety and depression and panic uh some similar topics are probably what a lot of us feeling right now in this kind of season that we're in in life but we're going to talk about all this today it's going to be a wide array of topics we're going to bring on our guest for this episode of the in-depth podcast blake hortzman welcome to almost famous in-depth thank you thank you happy to be here to be a fun time i've been actually like it's given me something to look forward to because i've been kind of great thanks Blake are you quarantined alone so i am completely quarantined alone. The only person I've been seeing is my sister who's also quarantine alone. So we've been

going to go. Yeah. But I am. Would you guys ever just like become roomies or is that too much togetherness for you guys? Well, she's working still virtually. Oh, okay. So like she goes to and teaches, but I see her on the weekends. Yeah. So that's been good. But I don't have any pets or anything like that. So I'm pretty alone. Well, let's just start with there. I mean, that's a great question, Ash. Blake, a lot of people out there are going to be listening to this during the time of a shutdown. And who knows how long it will last at this point. How has, how has it been for you like you are alone in your house you obviously life has slowed down a lot we'll get to kind of what you were doing here in a second but just in general uh process with us what is it

like to be locked into an apartment all alone yeah it is uh i mean this is literally i feel like this has never happened like in human history anything like this so i we're all figuring out as we go and i've actually so i've been in a weird position the last two years i'm a big routine guy But the last two years, I haven't had anything even resembling a routine. So I've taken advantage of this last like month. I've gotten into a routine again, which has been kind of nice. I got myself a Peloton. So I've been writing that every day.

Yeah, it's great. Writing that every day. I've been working out making music. I've been like picked up hobbies. I ordered a electric guitar, which I got. I'm going to learn to play that. And then I used to play the sax as a kid. So I ordered a sax.

And I'm going to learn to play that again. Oh, very cool. Yeah. So picking up some new hobbies, or not new hobbies, maybe, you know, figuring out some old hobbies that I used to enjoy. So I'm trying to take advantage. I think most people should try and take advantage of this time right now as lonely or, you know, has.

And I know that's hard for someone who have, like, kids. I can't imagine having kids right now. I can't imagine. I can't imagine. And I've never been more thankful to not have kids yet. Yeah, it would be very hard. I have some friends who have. Yeah.

And, yeah, there's struggling. So. But it's been cool, too, real quick. I, uh, I feel like right now, So I know we're like all, everything's virtual and everything, but I talk to some friends I haven't talked to in 10 years. Have you guys heard of that like house party app or whatever that is? Have you guys heard about that? Definitely. So I was on my house party app the other night with college roommates I haven't spoken to in like 10 years.

So it's crazy. Like it's kind of bringing us all together because you spoke to how everybody's in this together. So it's kind of cool at the same time. Hmm. It is. That is cool. I was talking to Ben last week about it. I was like, I think I'd like really enjoy 10 days quarantined alone. But I think after. that would be when the lonely starts to hit. But that's nice that you have your sister who pops in every now. Yeah, we pop in. But I agree. This was like cool. Like the first like two weeks now, I'm like, oh boy. I got another month, maybe two of this. Well, one of the things, Blake, you know,

just for anybody out there listening, Blake and I both live in Denver. We're good friends. When I'm back in Denver, which isn't often right now, we do try to see each other when I'm back. One of the things that we've always talked about. I mean, really ever since you were on the show and I first met you was the transitions that this experience brings to you, right? You want to take advantage of the opportunities that presents themselves. And, uh, you know, a lot of times it does open you up for new careers and, and new opportunities that you never could have imagined. But you and I have both said, like you never want to lose yourself, uh, in the experience. And there was a moment in time that you felt like you were starting to lose yourself. You were so busy. You were traveling all the time.

You were exhausted. I remember at one point I, I, I, I, you came over for a drink and you're like, I've been to 12 different places in the last seven days. It was something ridiculous in a while. I didn't even understand how it worked. Has this slowdown been hard for you to adjust to the new pace? Or has it been refreshing? Are you healthier? Mental health is something you've always talked about?

Like, how is your mental health right now? Yeah, I think you use the right word. I think it's been really refreshing, actually, because I was on a tear there at the beginning of the year. I was doing, you know, DJ sets all over the country. I was doing some appearances here and there. And so I was definitely running on empty. So this has been a bit of a blessing in disguise for me.

I let my, especially when Paradise was airing, I kind of let my health get away from me. You know, I was in a bad spot. And I gained like 15 pounds. And I was just eating like crap. I was in bed all the time, didn't leave my apartment. And I've been trying to get back in shape. But this last like month, I've lost about 10 pounds,

lost about 3% body fat because I've just like been able to take the time for myself. And then hopefully a lot of people are doing that trying to take this time, you know, and really try and figure out themselves and what, you know, what they can do to become healthier, whether it be mentally or physically. Yeah. Well, Blake, again, I want to throw it to Ashley here. She's going to kind of take over from here, but I appreciate your vulnerability. I think it's going to be really helpful as this podcast continues, is hearing your heart where your mind's at. For anybody that they're listening that's going, who the heck is Blake Hortzman, he's from Colorado. You should definitely Google him, please. As a friend, I would love for you to Google to him.

What is Blake Horsman best known for? Would be a great legal search. He was on Becca Kufrin's season of The Bachelorette. He was runner up to her now fiancé Gare on Becca's season. He did fall hard for Becca. He had a lot of respect for Becca. I know that was a real relationship, and we'll talk about that later on that lasted.

He went on to season six of Bachelor in Paradise, where he dated, or I guess we should say have feelings for Tasha, Kaelin, Christina, and Hannah G. Now, yes, that is what we know Blake for, but there's more to him than that. Blake, you grew up in Colorado. Describe your childhood. Yeah, I grew up in a small mountain town here in Colorado. So I graduated with like 110 kids, so pretty small town.

It's a really small town. Yeah, it's pretty small. Yeah, I mean, it's, you know, these mountain towns, Colorado, a little different because there's like huge, like, area-wide. but like there's not many people because everybody has huge lands and stuff so it's kind of hard to describe that people who don't know kind of what the mountains look like but yeah i still like 500 kids maybe 400 kids total in my high school uh pretty small high school uh close to my family um parents did get divorced you know when i was what was like 16 15 16 so that was hard obviously especially in a small town i think it makes it a lot harder uh and then from there i went to uh college in Nebraska

so also another small college in the Midwest. And then from there, I moved back to Colorado after graduating there and lived in Denver now for about six years. Did your parents' divorce have any effect on how you looked at relationships in love? Did you still want to get married at that point? Oh, absolutely.

So it had a weird effect on me because my parents definitely, you know, they were married very young. They were together, gosh, I want to say 18 years, something something like that 18 years long time like it wasn't like a you know quick marriage or anything and uh but they were you know definitely together for the kids for a long time and so it was almost when it finally they decided you know to kind of part ways uh it hurts but at the same time i knew it was best for everybody and they're both very happy now literally in the next relationship they were into they've been together since so uh for both of them so my mom remarried my dad now

I've been dating, you know, the same woman for, God, 10 years maybe, maybe longer. So, yeah, it was one of those weird things where it didn't make me not believe in love or not believe in marriage because they gave her the best shot the last long, you know, as long as possible. They raised me and my sister and stayed together for us, loved us. I was always in a very loving home. And then when they split up, they still found, you know, remarried and found love again. So definitely didn't affect, you know, my love life or anything like that.

Tell us a little bit more about what it's like. one of the things that I don't think we've ever discussed on an in-death podcast though is as somebody it's in high school or late high school you know you had some traumatic experiences I know it was public that you were at school you're a senior when there was a school shooting at your high school in addition to that obviously we just talked about the the separation of your parents for anybody out there listening that's just like hey these feel like heavy topics and not everybody's been through a school shooting. That is a unique experience,

but a lot of people have been through divorce. How do you process this? And has it changed your perception of kind of life and how you see the world? Yeah. Yeah, my high school, you know, at the time, when you're going through that, you don't really realize that it's much different than everybody else.

I mean, obviously, a school shooting is very unique. But when you're going through it, you know, you don't really think much of it. But when you look back on it, It's like, man, my high school, those four, three, four years really transformed to who I am today and the man I am still, you know. And parents' divorce, yes, it was very hard, you know, and especially in a small town, you know. But at the same time, it brought me and my sister very, very close. And so that is something that I'll always be thankful for me and my sister are super close now.

She's three years younger than me. We were always kind of close, but that's, we're going through the divorce, brought us very. very, very close together. And then, yeah, I mean, it was not much longer after. It was kind of during, actually. I was a senior in high school and a complete stranger. Walked into my high school, didn't have any ties to the high school, and took some female students hostage.

And it was very, obviously, for everybody in the community and the state really came together. But for me, it was kind of strange because, or you know, hard, because my sister was a freshman at the time. And then my mom actually worked in a high school too. So I had basically my whole family in that high school at the time. So it hit me a little differently because, you know,

so much could have been taken from me that day. And, you know, I'll never forget. My mom was actually the one who got on the intercom and said like Code White. And I could hear it in my mom's voice that something was wrong, you know. And the teacher, remember the teacher looking at me and me looking at the teacher and I could tell something was off. And I'll never forget stacking desks in front of door. and taking windows and things like that.

And it was very hard to process at the time. I remember crying, but I couldn't figure out why. I remember that a lot. But one of the cool things that came from it is the community, the state and the country, really rallied around us. And I remember we were getting, I was getting calls from people that I had, you know, would never have probably talked to when they were calling

in support. And I remember there was a ton of money donated to my school. And I remember we had a whole classroom full of teddy bears, things like that. So it was cool to see the outpouring of love when things like that happened and how people can kind of come together. And it gave me, I mean, sometimes you can lose, you know, faith in humanity a lot, actually. And that was just a reminder that there are really good people out there. And that was kind of a cool thing. Was everybody okay? We did lose one female students. Yeah. And, yeah, it was, it was really hard. You know, she was small school, so you kind of know everybody.

And it was also very, God, incredible to see was her parents rally and be so strong. And she, they actually, there's a Emily Keys Foundation. Her name is Emily Keys. There's an Emily Keys Foundation now. And anytime you, actually, I just did it because I renew my license, it was kind of a weird moment where, I was going through the, to get a new driver's license. And in it, it says, would you like to donate to the Emily Keys, I think it's a donor foundation because she donated all of, you know, her organs and everything.

And I was like, oh my God, that's crazy. That out of that, you know, how many lives have been saved? And I was like, heck, yeah, I was like, donate, donate, donate. So it was interesting. And it was, it was just the strength that her parents showed and her family showed was also, it was very inspiring. Yeah. Do you, Blake, do you feel like,

I mean, how much of that? There's always, I'm in therapy right now. And my counselor talks about there is this moment in every person, no matter if you're male or female or how you identify his life, where you, like you see, like there's a, you see the world differently. You become an adult in a sense. You lose your naïveness. I guess the lens of the world looks different. this that moment for you or if not um yeah was that i remember there was a moment during uh and i haven't talked about in a while you get choked up i'll never forget so when we were

evacuated from the high school um by you know swat teams um room by room uh i remember going into the they they huddled us into the gymnasium which was in a different building and they huddled us into the gymnasium and i remember seeing my mom and sister for the first time you know And we, like, ran to the middle of the gymnasium and did the big group hug. And it was just, like, in that moment, it was like, gosh, things can be just ripped from, you know, ripped from you so quickly and so fast. And it's strange maybe to learn that in high school when I was, like, 16 or 17. But it was definitely a moment that I will always remember, like, being so thankful that they weren't ripped for me. And there was.

And then also at the same time, though, feeling the pain of Emily's family and how she was ripped from then. You know, it was a lot to take in, you know, six and 17 and still stuff. I'm sure I, you know, process along the way and it took a while, but to be so thankful that for what I have, but then at the same time, somebody lost their child, you know, that was, that was a hard thing to deal with, you know, when I was six and 70. I remember just, I remember watching CNN, and they were like, you know, it was a helicopter with my school, and I remember seeing certain things happening. And I remember just losing it and crying. And I was like, why, you know, like, why am I crying right now? But it was just so much a process at the time.

Do you think, have you ever been that scared again? No, I guess that's a good point. I mean, I've never really, I've never really, thankfully, that I've never really experienced anything like that. And there was a feeling of helplessness. Like, I'll never forget that. I'll never forget the feeling of helplessness. And us running from, like, classroom to classroom

to try and lock doors and find doors that had locks. And you'd hear a knock on the door and you'd be like, oh, my God, what's happening? Because we had no information. So, I mean, it was complete terror, but also for myself, But most importantly, like, I knew my sister was in, you know, that height, that the school as well and my mom and friends and like your whole life, you know, at that time when you're 16, your whole life is in that school. And so it was not only you're worried about yourself, but you're worried about people you love too.

And that was, that was really hard. Did you feel like you had like long-term effects by it, like going back to school? Yeah. I mean, of course. Obviously, like that's a life-changing moment, obviously. and something that, well, unfortunately, too many people go through, to be honest now. But I remember going back to school a couple weeks later. They kind of opened up to school.

And I remember they chained the door shut of the room that really everything took place in. And it was really eerie, but also, like I said, it was all of us students came together and the teachers and the community and everybody was just this outpouring of love that I've never felt before or since. to be honest. And so it was pretty incredible. Yes, it changed me and changed our community, but also like it gave me hope again. You know, you lose all that hope, some stranger who just for no reason came into our high school. But at the same time, you lose hope, and at the same time you see all of these incredible people doing these incredible things and it gives you hope again. And that's why it's so important for people to reach out in times of need because it does make

a difference coming from somebody who's been in it. It does make a difference. The donations, the teddy bears, the food, everything. Makes huge difference. they uh you're just sitting here and i'm listening to everything you're saying and you know obviously as a kid who went to the high school you experienced this and there was huge life-changing effects from it the family that lost somebody had massive life-changing effects uh as you said like this is unfortunately not uncommon in some in uh the world we live in uh and it also makes me think that um that we all you know we all have a story that we all have something in our lives

that marks that point in time where we realize that we're out of control. Like we don't have control of this. We aren't in control of what happens next. And it makes me relate in a lot of ways to like what's happening now. Like, you know, a couple weeks ago people had jobs or a couple months ago people had jobs.

People were hearing rumors of a virus that was across the world. Things were operating as usual, as normal. We were able to be with family. You know, Easter is coming up. And as a Christian, like that's a big weekend for me. That's one of my favorite weekends. It's where I get to see my grandmother, who is in her 80s that I don't get to see very often.

And I get to give her a hug and sit with her and just share memories with her. I get to see my grandpa who's in his mid-90s right now. And like those Easter and these holidays are the times that I would make it special to come back home and to sit with them. And I say all of this, not to feel sorry for me. All of us have a story. You know, and all of us have a story. And right now, a lot of people, their story is being changed. Their story is being enhanced.

Their story is getting more complex. There's sadness involved. There's weird ways of like new ways of looking at the world and kind of celebrating through this. Blake, as we end this segment about your upbringing and who you are as a man leading you into one of the biggest things in your life, which is crazy enough going on a reality television show. For anybody out there listening, once again, that's going, my story feels so hard to understand. stand right now like this is so scary my world is being rocked my worldview is changing what would you say to them if you had your platform you had everybody that just feels lonely and scared right now what would you speak into their life well first of all i i get it and don't be like

you should be afraid you should be scared you know like kind of embrace that in a way because if you fight it you know the more and more you fight it um it's okay to be afraid right now i have more friends who have been laid off than friends who have not right now and it's a terrifying time and the virus itself is scary and I think like I have some friends who I recently talked to and they were like we were you know we were like crying on FaceTime and it's like I have a friend of mine and she had this day where she just cried all day and she just let out this big cry you know and then the next day she felt a lot better I think it's okay to be scared right now you know and to kind of you know embrace that and try and, I guess, figure out who you want to be coming out of this.

I think it's almost kind of an opportunity at a way to, you know, whether you were in a job you weren't completely happy with, whether you were a person maybe you weren't happy with. And now this is kind of a restart for a lot of people, which I think can be an interesting, it's an interesting time in human history. It is so crazy. None of us have been through this. So we're all just taking it step by step together. But I think a lot of people need to embrace it and try.

and figure out a way, you know, to help people and to become the person that they want to become. Yeah, because as you said, like, if we break it all down, there's one thing that's been very clear through any type of trauma. As you said, with the teddy bears and the gifts and calls, and then also with this, with the support, is we're definitely not alone. There's other people out there that want to love us and want to be there for us. We just have to be willing to accept it to maybe ask or to reach out to others to do the same. Hey, Blake, thanks for sharing all of this. Thank you for allowing us to kind of probe into a place that I know is a little uncomfortable and probably semi still hard to talk about and has caused a lot of change in your life and the community that you grew up in.

Let's take a break. Get a drink of water. We'll come back to start talking about you and your love life after the break. Hi, my name is Enya Yuman. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD...

Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psycho babble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. Imagine that you're on an airplane. And all of a sudden, you hear this.

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My dad is a farmer And my mom is a cousin So like it's not like What do you get when a true crime producer Walks into a Comedy Club I know it sounds like the start of a bad joke But that really was my reality nine years ago I just normally do straight stand-up

But this is a bit different On stage stood a comedian With a story that no one expected to hear Well 22nd of July 2015 A 23 year old man had killed his family. And then he came to my house. So what do you get when a true crime producer

walks into a comedy club? A new podcast called Wisecrack, where stand-up comedy and murder takes center stage. Available now. Listen to Wisecrack on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Super Secret FestiCol! podcast season four is here.

And we're locked in. That means more juicy chisement. Terrible love advice. Evil spells to cast on your ex. No, no, no, no. We're not doing that this season. Oh. Well, this season, we're leveling up.

Each episode will feature a special bestie, and you're not going to want to miss it. Get in here. Today, we have a very special guest with us. Our new super secret bestie is the divo of the people. The diva of the people. I'm just like text your ex. My theory is that if you need to figure out that the stove is hot, go and touch it. Go and figure it out for yourself.

Okay. That's us. That's us. My name is Curley. And I'm Maya. In each episode, we'll talk about love, friendship, heartbreaks, men, and, of course, our favorite secrets. Listen to the Super Secret Bestie Club as a part of the Michael Tura podcast network available on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Your entire identity has been fabricated.

Your beloved brother goes missing without a trace. You discover the depths of your mother's illness the way it has echoed and reverberated throughout your life, impacting your very legacy. Hi, I'm Danny Shapiro. And these are just a few of the profound and powerful stories I'll be mining on our 12th season of Family Secrets. With over 37 million downloads,

we continue to be moved and inspired by our guests and their courageously told stories. I can't wait to share 10 powerful new episodes with you, stories of tangled up identities, concealed truths, and the way in which family secrets almost always need to be told. I hope you'll join me and my extraordinary guests for this new season of Family Secrets. Listen to Family Secrets Season 12 on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. All right. Well, now Blake, we know the traumatic things that happened at your high school. But I want to know like what kind of high school kid you were. Like what who did you run with? Well, I mean, so. So popular. So I was the quarterback. I mean, yeah, I was like the quarterback. The quarterback. Yeah. I was like the quarterback and all that since sophomore year. I was a starting quarterback. But like my school is weird though, because. it was so small that there weren't like like because we all grew up together so we all knew each other

like obviously in high school is a little different who you sit with at lunch if you will you know I mean technically I guess I was like the cool table but there really wasn't like a bad table you know like we didn't have bad kids good kids it was kind of a weird thing in a small town how big was your high school actually that's really nice I had 500 per grade oh wow yeah so pretty big Ben what about you uh I was I had 400 per grade uh and it's a a small town. Yeah, my high school experience is wild. But Blake, we've got to throw the football around sometime from quarterback. Dude, I saw your, I commented the other day when you were throwing the ball. Oh, you were quarterback. Yeah. Uh-huh. Trying my heart is to still have a, live back my golden years as I sleep on, uh, my fiance's, in my fiance's parents' house asking to

eat their food. How long you've been down? I've been down in Nashville, Tennessee now for about two weeks we literally all seven of us have quarantined inside this house so it's like it's funny every seven or 17 seven there's seven of us but it's funny blake our fans love it i love it is like ashley and i've talked about it we've like turned in the high schoolers all over again because all of a sudden we're like freaking out our parents like we're eating their food we're sleeping on their couch like this whole thing has been wild yeah every day it's like mom can you give me a girl cheese. I don't know when I'm ever going to grow out of that. I think it's when you have kids of your own. Yeah, I was thinking that too, maybe. I still don't think like, I don't think anybody's

adult until they have kids. Yeah, I don't think so either. I completely agree. Like, Jade and Tanner are 100% adults and Jared and I. We're still a kid. Like, we're still going to sit in the backseat of the car. Yeah. And my mom and dad are going to drive. Okay, so then where did you go to college and did you play high school in college? Did you play high school at college? Did you play quarterback in college? Yeah, so I went to Hastings College, a small college in Nebraska. I want to say 2,500, 2,000 people, like not still pretty like a big high school. That's like my high school. It's like a big high school. But yeah, I played football out there. I was recruited. So it's funny because I can't believe, well, someone's.

the pictures have come out. But I was accrued as a quarterback, played quarterback for about year, year and a half. And going into spring training, yeah, spring season of my sophomore year, we got this badass juco quarterback and I just was not good enough. So I went to the coach and I was like, coach, I'm never going to play. Can I, you know, do something else? He's like, yeah, actually, we love, you know, we, you're an athlete and we think we can put some weight on you. Like, do you want to be a tight end? So I was like, sure. And I was up to 240 when I was a big boy just ate like five chicken breasts for lunch you know like huge steaks for dinner I was loving life it was great but yeah I was about 240 going into my senior year of

college I was a big boy I was like my neck was like huge and yeah different Blake definitely how are you with the ladies throughout high school and college uh high school I had two girlfriends all through high school. So college was an interesting time for me. So I was shy. I was super shy growing up and in high school. College is kind of where I broke out a little bit, but I wasn't the big man on campus, quote unquote, anymore.

So it was more of a time. I think everybody in high school knew me as like the quarterback and like that guy. But then in college, I got to kind of reinvent myself because people didn't know me as that. And so I liked it. Well, that's what's so cool about college is that like all of a sudden there are not clicks anymore. you are a fresh person as far as like your rep goes yeah and i wanted to break out of a oh stereotypical athlete like i wanted to break out of that i didn't want to be that guy anymore because i think a lot of people would only seem as that so college was cool for me i i took a bunch of

classes that i never would have i ended up getting two degrees one in marketing and one of communication and i really broke out of my like probably sophomore years when i broke out of my shell i was still like super shy freshman year but sophomore year i broke out of my shell and like people didn't know me as a jock. I was just that fun guy on campus who like knew everybody was friends to everybody and that kind of thing. So it was great. We see that you're like pretty natural with the ladies. I mean, everyone loved you coming off Becca's season. Girls loved you coming off Becca season. Like doing events with you and just seeing their reaction to you was incredible. And then in Paradise, we obviously saw that, you know,

you were a girl that a lot of, you were a guy that a lot of girls had their eye on and well we know that there was drama that ensued and you didn't uh you weren't exactly the girl that a lot wanted to end up with well yeah everybody was going like trying to make sure i didn't end up with anybody like i think that was the plan going into paradise but there was an initial attraction that many girls had what is it about you and did you always have this power over women I don't know. I think I just I think I don't know

I don't want to like I'm gonna like self-describe here and I'm gonna- Oh no! I know! Don't do it. Don't do it. No, I think maybe I'm just

I think people are comfortable around me, I guess. I think I'm very, yeah, I think I'm very like, I don't know, self-depcating and like I don't think, like I don't take myself seriously. And so I think people are just comfortable around me, I guess. I had to say. think that's actually pretty good answer yeah i think and i'm always that person yeah and i think i'm always that person whether it be at like you know like parties or clubs or family reunions

or what a house party is that like want to make sure everybody's having a good time want to make sure everybody's comfortable and everybody's there's nobody left out i think that's kind of who i am i guess so then did you have a serious relationship before the bat the bachelorette yeah i have um I've had, so I haven't had that many girlfriends through life, I think four, I mean, unless you count high school, but four. I had one that I lived with, dated for two years, lived with her right out of college, and then another one right about, you know, eight, nine months before the Bachelorette that, you know, was pretty serious. And I thought was the one and everything, but didn't work out. So, and that's what I knew going into the Bachelorette,

because I never really felt like this is the one, this is it. I'm settling down and getting married. And so going into The Bachelorette, I knew I was capable of that. So it was like an exciting time for me. I was like, okay, I can get there where I'm like, yes, this is it. And when you'd you get married, kind of like. I was going to say, you were very eager on the Bachelorette. You almost see, you kind of, you brought a lot of your past relationship into it, I feel like.

I don't know, possibly, but I just think, I don't know. The fear that that was over, the fear that like your other relationship was over kind of rolled over into the Bachelorette. when you were kind of like, I know this is it, but like it needs to actually happen this time, unlike last time. Maybe, I guess. I never really thought of it like that. But no, I think I just felt it with that because I think when I'm one of those people who, like when I feel it, I feel it.

Like, I'm not going to beat around the bush. I love hard and like I'm ready to go kind of thing. And I think I'm the opposite when it comes like if I'm not really into somebody, I'm like scared to maybe say it or break it off or that kind of thing. But when I'm into somebody, I'm into somebody and it's, yeah, I know it. You know, it's one of those feelings. And I had that relationship before, and I had that during the Bachelorette. I was like, let's do this.

You come on to Becca season of the Bachelorette bringing a lot of the things that we've talked about. Not a lot of relationships, but some fairly serious ones. You bring, you know, coming from high school being kind of the popular kid, the quarterback, the good-looking quarterback to college, where you still were an athlete very well-known, very liked. You then have the moment where you start having a full-time job. You had a great job. You were a, what was your official title with Coors? I mean, basically, a off-premise sales rep. Yes, your sales rep for Coors coming on to the Bachelorette where you did fall for Becca. And yes, out of respect for her and Garrett, like we don't need to get into what that relationship

fully look like. But what it did do, and I remember when I first met you, is it held a lot of weight on your heart like there was a just a deep i don't want to speak for you what was your relationship like with becca as it ended and what were your feelings for her leading you into that next season which is where we'll get into some of the details of where maybe things went wrong right or however you want to process it um i just got to think back now um so i think i had a unique everybody has unique experience in that show. Everybody kind of has different levels of the relationship with the lead or whatnot. But I think mine was interesting because I, you know, we clicked pretty much immediately.

And I remember being one night, you know, there was a moment we had. And I remember laying in bed and being like, oh, like, oh, no, I'm going to fall for this girl. This is going to be really hard for me because it was fast for me. We're like other people, like I know Jason had a very late connection with her, you know. So, like, I had one of the ones, the early connection, so it made that journey very hard for me because I knew I was into her and I had to watch other people date her, if you will.

And, you know, towards the end, I mean, I guess the last two weeks are incredibly difficult for me because I knew that I was into her in love with her. The one thing I always respect about Becca is that I think she gave, you know, everybody time and she really was able to in those, what I'm looking for, in those moments when she was with us, she was with us, she wasn't thinking about anybody else, she was in those moments.

And yeah, it was very hard at the end. I think people could see that in the Maldives. It was very hard for me, but at the same time I was never angry at Becca, you know, never angry at Garrett or any of that kind of thing. She made the decision she felt was right for her. And so I'll never, ever, you know, being angry at her for that. I just backtrack for a minute. How did you get on the show?

Yeah, I was nominated by my sister and my mom. And then it was like in October. And then it filmed in March, like six months worth of going through that whole process, you know, how it is. So yeah, I hate them and love them for nominating me for the show. So I remember coming back. I remember landing in Denver, you know, calling my family being like, let's meet in my place and let's talk. And they all came in. And I remember my mom almost like wanting to apologize.

because I was heartbroken and she was like, oh my God, I did this to you. She was like, I nominated you, you know? It's kind of funny. Blake, I remember watching that finale in the weeks leading up to it and being like, I know she's supposed to be with Garrett, but I think I need her to be with Blake because I don't know how this guy's going to get through it. I don't know if he's going to get through it. I've never seen somebody like this head over heels on the show.

Like, truly, you, there was like a frenzy about you. I was like, this man has to leave with her. I'm gonna be worried that was yes and like I was you know I was very in love and like like I said it was like week three is when I was like oh my God like this girl's awesome I could get

you know really get you know really be in this and it just built and built and built and built and built and by the end you know it had been two months or whatever it was and watching other people date her it just finally was like oh my God I can't handle this anymore you know it's not an easy imagine watching the girl you love falling up with another man it's not fun not a good time

the note to take from all of this right now and getting to know you and there's a common theme here is one thing that you have done well if there is a definition of well from it is you we have seen in the last few years of you being a part of this experience some of your highest highs and your lowest lows and we have seen it like it's for you these moments in this experience have been some of the most impactful moments in your life. We have been a part of this with you. And I asked all these questions about, you know, Becca because a lot of the audience doesn't realize how real sometimes it is. But the breakup with Becca was a real breakup for you. Yeah.

Very real breakup for me. There's a lot of confusion. I remember in the moment there was a lot of confusion. for me. I knew, I remember, I remember reading back my diary and I remember my journal. And I remember I mentioned Garrett a lot. I knew that they had a really strong connection. But it was still at the end there. I still thought it was going to be me. And I'll never forget in the next morning after the proposal, you know, I was leaving on the boat. I remember it was early in the morning and some was coming up. I remember looking at that island and being like, you know, Garrett and I knew

Garrett and Becker were still on the island, obviously. And I remember just being like, oh, my God, like, it was like one of those, it was just a weird moment where I looked at, like my life will never be the same, you know, it was like my life, I was like my life could have taken such a different turn at that point. You know, I could have been engaged on the island in Maldives and now I'm leaving heartbroken alone, you know, and so it was a, yeah, it was a strange time. And then having to keep all of that secret. Like, I don't think people understand how hard it is, you know, when you're one of the F2s

there, like you have to keep it, everything quiet. You can't talk to your friends. It's the only people you can really talk to your family, you know. So it was really hard to get there. How long did that, like, depression last? I mean, luckily I got home, and literally two weeks later, the show started to air. So that was really nice. It was like, let's do this kind of thing.

Watching back the season, it was strangely therapeutic. Like, it's a weird feeling to watch yourself. Or, yeah, it's a weird thing to watch yourself fall in love. But then also I watched Garrett and Becca's. relationship. I was one of the one who I did watch every moment because I wanted to find answers and I want to figure out why it wasn't me and it was Garrett. I don't necessarily think there was like this one moment or this one thing that happened. But seeing how strong their connection was in a weird way, it helped because I wanted her to be happy and I want to Garrett to be happy.

But I'll never forget the finale, like the after final rose. It wasn't actually my conversation with her that kind of did it for me that closed the book it was actually seeing how happy her and uh garrett were on that couch and i was like okay i was like it's over it's done uh time to move on with my life so yeah then then you moved on and you did uh hey blake we're going to take one break here uh and when we come back if you can just spend the break kind of thinking through um this breakup with becca led you into a season of not being on a show uh you're kind of an in between season. This obviously was a time that a lot of stuff happened. You had people flocking to you, as Ashley's mentioned. You had still, you were recovering from a broken heart. You were

thrown into a whole new world that, you know, involves celebrity and being noticed and being sought after. When we come back, I want to hear some of those emotions and those feelings, which led you to then stagecoach. But before we do, let's take a break. Hi, my name is Enya Umanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD...

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of your mother's illness the way it has echoed and reverberated throughout your life, impacting your very legacy. Hi, I'm Danny Shapiro. And these are just a few of the profound and powerful stories I'll be mining on our 12th season of Family Secrets. With over 37 million downloads, we continue to be moved and inspired by our guests and their courageously told stories. I can't wait to share 10 powerful new episodes with you, stories of tangled up identities, concealed truths, and the way in which family secrets almost always need to be told. I hope you'll join me and my extraordinary guests for this new season of Family Secrets.

Listen to Family Secrets Season 12 on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Podcasts. Back with Blake Hortzman. Ashley, you have a question for Blake kind of in this in-between season that will lead us to get to the point where kind of where Blake started to mess up. Okay, so you get your closure-ish in July, and then you think probably you're shoe in for The Bachelor. Everyone thought you were going to be The Bachelor.

Jason did get a little bit of steam there, but it was between the two of you guys for sure. And then all of a sudden out of the blue, one of your really close friends, Colton, gets the title. And you're like, okay, wait, I thought I had a way to pick myself back up and I don't. So now I just am like, I can't imagine just having that heightened emotion and, you know, all that popularity. And then all of a sudden you're like, oh, man, I don't have it anymore. What am I going to do? how'd that chapter of your life go? Yeah, so kind of how I spoke to, like, how I was being F2,

you kind of have to, like, seclude yourself and you can't really go out because people are going to ask questions. So all during the airing of the show, I was kind of like isolated and not really going out. And then I had that couple months where they were trying to figure out who the Bachelor was. I was isolated and not going out.

So it was probably almost a year. It was almost a year where my life was completely flipped upside down during the filming, the airing, then the in-between on The Bachelor. so I was like in this weird place where I was like wasn't living like I was just not living my normal life it wasn't being myself because I was kind of trying to like isolate myself and then I mean yes I knew it was between me and Jason like I mean I thought it was between me and Jason I thought it was going to be Jason a thousand percent I never I never really let myself be like oh I'm going to be the bachelor like I thought

it was definitely a surprise when Colton got it but we also had talked a lot me Jason and Colton we were friends and you know we had a group chat going like who'd you talk to today who'd you talk to what was your meetings like you know so it was kind of funny we you know I don't think the producers have ever had anything like that and I remember they actually group texted all three of us together at one point we're like screw it we're just going to tell you all this news at the same time kind of thing wait really yeah yeah they were like we're going to have an answer fight for you three by the end of the week that kind of thing like they were like yeah they had just given up they were like and we know you guys are talking so we're just

going to talk to all three of you um but yeah I got the call and you know they told me colton was was bachelor and it was a weird thing we're like what now I think the show's gotten better and I know they're trying to get better at not really at kind of helping the transition from the show into real life I know that's something they're going to work on because I think it's really hard when you're just kind of like sink or swim and like figure it out like your life's about to be flipped upside down people are going to try and take advantage of you and I think they're doing a better job with that. I will all give them that.

But yeah, I was in that weird moment where it was like, okay, what now? I was still working. I worked for eight months after the show at Coors. I was still working, but I was also gone a couple times a week doing interviews, doing appearances and all of that with the attention that comes with it. So it was a weird time in my life for sure. It's all a weird world. But it brings us here.

I mean, so Blake, you don't know what you're getting into. you don't know how to pursue being the bachelor if there is a pursuit to be in the bachelor and we don't know yet if that's good or bad but you're getting hounded with attention from all different sides I was with you at iHeart Music Fest

Ashley and I were and we went out together one night and it was wild the attention you were getting and the energy you had I'm the same age as you and I was exhausted by the night I've been hiding for eight months yeah I was like you're going out now I just couldn't get over it.

2.30? But what it did is, and I said all this earlier to set us up for this question, because you're heartbroken by Becca. You're disappointed a bit by not being a bachelor or however you want to explain that. You're getting more attention than ever. You're trying to figure out what to do with it because you're still working a job Monday through Friday. in that in between season between not knowing you're not the bachelor and bachelor in paradise you were very single to put it lightly um walk us through that walk us through what your thought

process was were you trying to have fun where you not understanding the consequences like this all of that season of life set you up for what became a lot of backlash that we'll talk about in a bit but this this is this is real this is the real world to you and you're making real world decisions with real humans walk us through that yeah i mean obviously it was a very strange time when women were throwing themselves at me um and it was it was a weird time where i'm not going to sit here and act like i yeah i was single i was single i had fun But like also, I never and I want I can't express this enough. I didn't play with hearts like I was always very honest. I was always very honest But yeah, it was a weird time and I you know I'm not the first person in imagination to do this kind of thing

In fact I think most do but yeah, I mean it was a weird time where I was not only single, but I was heartbroken And I definitely think that I found comfort, you know, in other things and you know going out and having fun and And it was a weird time. And it's a point in life where you like learn, you know, you learn a lot and you grow. And that I didn't go on paradise that year. So it was that weird moment where I had even longer, you know, and girls coming up. You had a year of paradise.

Yeah. But girls coming off golden season. Yeah, it was the quote unquote because Jason was wiped up. It was like the quote unquote a guy. And so yeah, they wanted to be with me because for the, you know, multiple reasons. But like, yeah. So it was very hard. that too because everybody was citing my DMs and it was crazy. Did you ever feel like it got to your

head looking back in hindsight? I mean, this experience changes who you are no matter what. You're night one, your F2, whatever you want to call it, paradise, everything. It changes who you are, of course. But like, I'd be lying to you if five years ago I was a single man and two beautiful women wanted to have no strings attached one night's hands at a music festival, I wouldn't have done it. I'd be lying to you. Like in that sense, like yeah, I mean, this experience changes you. absolutely um but yeah i mean i'm not going to sit here and lie because i think that's kind of a cop out too be like you know i lost myself like i think that's a cop out you know so i don't want to lie anymore i'm over the i'm over the the fakeness of everything so we've we've kind of

talked with multiple people during the in depth and one thing that i'm constantly learning in my life because it was just a different way that that i ever again saw the world and not no moral ground i'm standing on here but the cut the show is talked a lot about sex recently you know people who are choosing to stay abstinence people who are exploring their sexuality and more open about you know what sex means to them we've had guests come on this on our pot almost famous podcast and talk about how they do podcast exploring you know partnership and what that looks like I'm learning what I'm saying all this is like I'm learning more and more that

everybody is entitled to their opinion but the part that a affected people the most that you hit on on was that you were accused during this time in your life of leading people on, of playing with hearts, of manipulating the situation. And you're saying that you never did that. But why was that the perception? Why is that the story that got put out there during this kind of limbo season? Because that was a good story. That makes good TV. That makes a good narrative. The man who everybody loves falling. off the top, you know? And I'm not going to sit here and act like I didn't make mistakes. I've made mistakes. Everybody does. Mine just happened to be in front of America.

But I, I mean, you saw very, very honest about how, you know, that night and how it felt. And they were very sure to tell me that it wasn't, you know, anything other than sex. Can you clarify the night? Stage coach. Okay. So there's Caitlin at stage coach. Yeah, go ahead. there's Caitlin at stagecoach. Was there an other bachelor girl at stage coach besides, I mean, Christina.

Yeah, yeah, just Christina. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Like, we both made it very, it was very clear what it was, you know. And so I think that was the frustration when I was watching the show back is, yeah, the way it was, you know, the way the story slipped a little bit. Not a lot of it, a lot of it. And so that was really pressure. I think, Blake, part of this gets heavy and,

weird and confusing because there was so many storylines happening leading up into the Bachelor in Paradise just for anybody out there listening and I know you've done it a hundred times before I don't think we need an exact timeline but just a summary of what that whole concert felt like to you like was it a big party and a lot of things going around in circles and all of a sudden you find yourself talking to, dating, sleeping with somebody you didn't expect, or was their conversation beforehand? And then we can leave this stagecon's conversation kind of if Ashley doesn't have any follow-ups. I just want to get a better idea of what picture was being done here so that we all understand the story a little bit better.

I mean, I feel like kind of, yeah, everybody's kind of heard it. But I mean, overheard it. I heard it too many times. But yeah, I mean, at stagecoach. It's a music festival, like, you know, everybody's having fun. I think that was the funniest part about everything. Like, this wasn't like a random, like, I don't know, like night, you know, it's like a music festival is a full weekend. Yeah, it is everybody's having fun. Everybody's, you know, living life.

And, yeah, Friday night, 4 a.m., yeah, text messages happened. Christina came over. And then the next night, yeah, 4 a.m., some text messages for exchange and Caitlin came over. to refresh the audience's memory you did have a brief thing with christina coming off of the bachelorette so that fall and then that fizzled out which i think both of you agreed that that fizzled out then you started talking to caylin later on that year saw both of them at stagecoach then you believe that it was clear to both of them that it was just a hookup thing and that it was more of like a weekend thing and then you tried to pursue Hannah G.

Thinking that you'd be dating her in paradise. You went down to Alabama to have a weekend with her? No. No, she came out to L.A.? Like six hours. No, I was in Birmingham for about six hours, yeah. So was this a quick trip? Yeah, I went to tell her about stagecoach, yeah.

Oh, because you guys were talking to before. We were talking, and I just didn't want her to be blindsided down there. I didn't want, that's why I told Katelyn, I didn't want anybody to be blindsided down there. I wanted to make sure, you know, yeah, I just didn't want anybody to blindsided. I wanted to make sure everybody, you know, kind of new. And me and Hannah never, I know we talked about this before, me and Hannah never agreed. Like, hey, I'm going to date you, you're going to date me.

We both, we're both excited about each other. Don't get me wrong, but it never was that the case. Ben, you have anything to add before I go further on the timeline? No, I bet. No, I don't. I think all this, like even now I sit here, And as a friend, I'm like, man, I know you've had to talk about this a thousand times. I know.

And I know this is frustrating. And I know it gets defensive. I think the hardest part here, and it will always be the hardest part for you, is it's so complex. Like, I just think, like, I don't know how you fit this in in that period of time. I think everybody's kind of joked about that. Like, how do you have so much time? The second part is, like, it's just complex. It's a complex story with a lot of different moving parts.

But, you know, your truth is this. And, you know, we'd have to talk to everybody else involved to get their truth. But your truth is, hey, you didn't play with any hearts. There was a mutual understanding between all parties involved. Nobody was, nobody felt misled. And that's why you decided to go on Paradise because you felt like everybody was in the clear, which, you know, is why you went to tell Hannah G in person that this is what happened. And if you choose to go down to paradise, I want you to know ahead of time. I promise you I'm leading somewhere with this.

to a more relevant question. So in Paradise, you ask Tasia out on a date, even though I think you had mentally planned on asking Hanna G. Is that correct? Yes. And you recently admitted this on your Instagram story because your contract expired last month. Yeah, I mean, I, yeah, I plan to take, like I got the,

I didn't think I was going to get the first date card. That was a complete surprise to me. But I remember getting it and being like, you know, you go to the ITN. They talk about who you're going to take, blah, blah, and I was like, Hannah. I was like, okay, we got up, left the room, and I don't want to talk too much about this. But, yeah, I mean, I sat down and it was my decision. I wasn't forced to do anything. But at the time, you know, I felt that people, you know, I trusted a lot of people,

but they had already kind of figured out a narrative for me. And if I was to maybe take Hannah, the narrative might have been a little different for them. And Tasia is an amazing woman. And honestly, I feel the worst kind of, like, Tatia was brought into drama that she didn't need to be in. Like, I brought her into drama by taking her on that first date. You know what I mean? Like, it wasn't fair to her. But yeah, I just, you know, I was about an hour.

I was convinced to take, to take Tasha. And that really is where everything started snowballing. And it was just a horrible experience. Yeah. I think that's everybody's, like, initial question was just like, but what, how did he pick? Why did he ask Tasia out that if I was show into Hannah? If I could go back, like I. I think one of the hard things about having a good experience on the Bachelor of Bachelorette is that you're very naive, you know, you're very naive going into Paradise.

And I, you know, I was, I was like, you know, these producers are making good points. And they have my best interest at heart. And then, yeah, I guess the rest is history. But, yeah. You also said on the same Instagram story that you feel a little bit of PTSD from Bachelor in Paradise. I mean, I still, yeah, I still. I mean, just talking about this is getting me wound up. My heart's bleeding.

My palms are sweating. Like, it was a really rough experience. And it was, I mean, it was just a hard time in my life to have, you know, not only when I was on the beach, having everybody, you know, gang up on me and bully me, you know, and kick me while I was down constantly. But, like, afterwards, too, a lot of people I trusted did the same thing, you know. and it was just, I felt very alone, very, very, very alone during all that. Ben, you were with him, I mean, with him as a guideer throughout that time. I know that you confided a lot in him, Blake. Ben, can you tell us from your perspective how you saw Blake's soul while the Bachelor in Paradise was airing?

Yeah, I mean, I think it's hard. It's hard because at one level, you know, you're a friend and you want to give your friend like I would anybody. direct what you hope is truthful advice and so like some of some of the stuff that my friends have said to me that's been the most helpful have also been the ones that the things that have hurt me the most uh so like if my buddy is out there uh making decisions that i don't agree with like i we have the relationship that i would tell him hey like you should stop um you should not do this and the the hard part for me or i mean you know and blake is a friend of mine a legitimate friend of mine and we also share this experience the hard part for me is you're

speaking to somebody one that is this has already happened so that's one issue because you can't really like take it back so you're trying to more console the second is it is being done in the public eye and being judged by the public um Blake I think if I look back on that though there isn't you know I have to have because of the podcast like I and other things like I share the opinion that I don't think it was great decisions I I don't think stage coach was probably anything good for you. I don't think the things that happened at stagecoach helped you as a man or just helped your life, but they happened.

And so you move on and we figure out how to process it. I think if I remember right going back to you, and after this, I want to kind of get into how it affected your head, but was the reaction from everybody else, the people, especially on the show. I remember you came back and you said, hey, this isn't good. like some stuff happened like this is hard on me but i had the support of my peers there who like helped me along the way when you watched it back that wasn't the case yeah i know and that was the so of course like you know the public scrutiny and like the comments but that

hurts don't get me around that hurts but you know when you're in the public i you kind of learn to let those roll off as much as possible or lock you back but it was watching these people who were so nice, like at times, at the beginning it was rough, but they were nice to my face. And then watching the things they were saying in interviews and the things they were saying to each other in group chats or whatever, you know, down on that beach. It was, not only was a shocking, but it hurts so, so bad. And a lot of them have apologized. A lot of them have apologized, you know, and I try not, I know, I mean, actually you've been there. That environment is very hard. And that environment causes you to say things you don't necessarily mean. And so I try to,

I try to keep that in mind. Like, I know how bad that environment can be. And I know that you're almost, you're asked to bully. And it's, and I try and keep that mind when I, when I talk to some these people and they have apologized. And I was angry for a long time. I was frustrated, but like, I couldn't keep that in my heart. Like I try. And I'm still working through it. I'm still working through to therapy. I'm still working through a lot of my frustrations. But like, eventually I was just like, I got to forgive these people because I can't live with this hate in my heart anymore, you know? And so, so stuff I'm working through. Are there still, are there people that still don't forgive you?

For what? For what? Like, don't forgive me for speech coach? Or don't forgive me for the text messages? They still haven't gotten over your moves in paradise? No. Okay, good. No. I think, well, maybe Dean and Caitlin. Maybe those are the only two. I know it's hard to it's hard to communicate I think the weight and of of this but like it wasn't during this time in your life and even today I mean it has been that long ago where like there were a lot of tears shed there were tears shed not only in your social media that obviously became kind of viral there was also tears shed in private with your friends and your family this took a toll on you you know all of this we start it's interesting if you kind of see the

the the story of this podcast you know we start with um some trauma uh we kind of go into like some more funny things like how cool you were in high school and college uh your your great job and kind of that you were the life of the party always wanting everybody have a good time and getting attention from ladies and being on the show that rocked your world but also broke your heart like that your your story here has always been complex and now we get to a place where it almost just feels heavy and it's felt like it's it's been heavy for a while now um i want to take a break here uh and i would love to come back and talk to you a little bit about not only where your head's at today the lessons you've learned about mental health and how

you kind of have worked through that for anybody out there listening and also yourself uh and then And finally, I know that you're pursuing a new career that I think would be really nice to share about here on the Almost Famous In-Death podcast with Blake Hortzman. Hi, my name is Enya Yumanzoor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect.

And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. Imagine that you're on an airplane and all of a sudden you hear this. Attention passengers. The pilot is having an emergency and we need someone, anyone to land this plane.

Think you could do it? It turns out that nearly 50% of men think that they could land the plane with the help of air traffic control. And they're saying like, okay, pull this, until this. Pull that. Turn this. It's just, I can do my eyes close. I'm Mani. I'm Noah. This is Devin.

And on our new show, no such thing. We get to the bottom of questions like these. Join us as we talk to the leading expert on overconfidence. Those who lack expertise lack the expertise they need to recognize that they lack expertise. And then as we try the whole thing out for real. Wait, what? Oh, that's the run right. I'm looking at this thing.

Listen to no such thing on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What would you do if one bad decision forced you to choose between a maximum security prison or the most brutal boot camp designed to be hell on earth? Unfortunately for Mark Lombardo, this was the choice he faced. He said, you are a number, a New York State number, and we own you. Shock incarceration, also known as boot camps, are short-term, highly regimented correctional programs that mimic military basic training. These programs aim to provide a shock of prison life, emphasizing strict discipline, physical training, hard labor, and rehabilitation programs. Mark had one chance to complete this program and had no idea of the hell awaiting him.

him the next six months. The first night was so overwhelming and you don't know who's next to you. And we didn't know what to expect in the morning. Nobody tells you anything. Listen to shock incarceration on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hi, I'm Jennifer Lopez. And in the new season of the Overcover podcast, I'm taking you on an exciting journey of self-reflection. Am I ready to enter this new part of my life? Like, am I ready to be in a relationship? Am I ready to have kids? and to really just devote myself and my time. I wanted to be successful on my own,

not just because of who my mom is. Like, I felt like I needed to be better or work twice as hard as she did. Join me for conversations about healing and growth. Life is freaking hard. And growth doesn't happen in comfort. It happens in motion, even when you're hurting. All from one of my favorite spaces, The Kitchen.

Honestly, these are going to come out so freaking amazing. Be a part of my new. chapter and listen to the new season of the Overcumper podcast as part of the Mycultura podcast network on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hey, sis, what if I could promise you you never had to listen to a condescending finance, bro, tell you how to manage your money again. Welcome to Brown Ambition. This is the hard part when you pay down those credit cards. If you haven't gotten to the bottom of why you were racking up credit or turning to credit cards, you may just recreate the same problem a year from now.

When you do feel like you are bleeding from these high interest rates, I would start shopping for a debt consolidation loan, starting with your local credit union, shopping around online, looking for some online lenders because they tend to have fewer fees and be more affordable. Listen, I am not here to judge. It is so expensive in these streets. I 100% can see how in just a few months you can have this much credit card debt when it weighs on you.

It's really easy to just like stick your head in the sand. It's nice and dark in the sand. Even if it's scary, it's not going to go away just because you're avoiding it. And in fact, it may get even worse. For more judgment-free money advice, listen to Brown Ambition on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. We've been talking to Blake Hortsman about a lot. I mean, we've started in high school that's led us up through his first job, high school, college. and then on to The Bachelorette, which led him to a little bit of disappointment,

not being The Bachelor, then to Bachelor in Paradise a year after being on The Bachelorette. We all know Blake's story, Bachelor in Paradise. We don't need to go into details of who the women were and kind of all the storylines that played out there. We've heard it a hundred times. If you have it, I'm sure you can Google it, and everybody has been either hurt by it. Some feel like they've been hurt from the experience. others have been hurt by kind of the secondhand opinions and criticism. Blake, what has hurt you the most?

And I say this not to like, hey, I know you've experienced pain in this. No, it's like, hey, your pain has been very public. Like your struggles with mental health have been talked about often by yourself and others. What from this whole experience has hurt you the most? Oh, God, there's so much. I think I, and I've always been a bit of a, you know, I think I just was very naive coming into this world. And I think the hardest part was seeing people I considered friends, you know, just throwing me under the bus for retweets for likes, for pods, for, you know, whatever they needed to keep, you know, relevant or whatnot. And that was. It was hard for me because I just think I, even though I was told, you know, to expect that by 1,000 people, I just still didn't think that that was something that was going to happen. And one of the hardest parts through it all was how many people were on my side privately. How many people told me they would have done exactly what I did and that I did nothing wrong.

And then in public doing, well, not necessarily, some of them did the complete opposite, but a lot just were kind of quiet on the whole thing. And it's a weird part, it's weird because I don't expect in this world now, especially now that I know it a little bit better, it's hard to expect people to stick their neck out for you, you know, because they're risking their rep, they're risking their career. And I know that now. And so looking back, like, it's hard to be like, why didn't you say anything because they were worried about their image. But that was the hardest part was watching friends who I, you know, people I consider

friends saying privately they're on my side and publicly not. That was very hard for me. Well, this is our moment to kind of stay. our necks out and you know that's why we have this podcast and we want to hear the truth right because the truth gets hard to to sometimes see when all this is going on you know we're watching on tv we're still seeing glimpses on social media we're hearing the opinions uh from your peers and i think when you do that you go oh my this must be true but for you you're saying hey like this is a lot harder to understand than what anybody saw um and you were just

wanting people to be there now that causes some mental health issues right i mean you came on your on your instagram i remember during that season you just like in tears crying to the public like really crying out loud like for help and i i mean i i think i remember advising you um to i don't think i think we talked it through and i was like i don't know what you do here like i i don't know if this is smart to share like I know it kind of feels like you're outing the other people involved but you're like you were just saying

like I just need to get my story out there because I need to feel like less alone right yeah I mean not only my yeah and I'll just I'll I'll just I get parts like some people the whole text message thing but like it's it's frustrating

to me because imagine the whole world was against me like people had already decided like I was guilty there was nothing like I was guilty and unfortunately the show

and I don't blame the show necessarily for not showing my side because I couldn't like when I was down there I didn't you know it wasn't like they edited my side out like I didn't because I didn't know some of the things that were being said

you know but so I just felt like I had no choice and I was like listen I'll never understand how somebody can be angrier at the evidence you know

of the lies and the lies and the lies themselves. That's just not something that I don't know if I'll ever be able to really comprehend. But I, at the same time, it's like I get private messages of private messages, but it's like same time, millions of people watch the show, you know? So, I don't know. It was hard. It was a very difficult decision, and it's not one I took lightly, and it hurt. It hurt really bad at the time. But it was something I felt like I had to do. What steps did you take after the show was aired to better your mental health? after the show was yeah was aired uh and during while it was airing um yeah both i you know

i took um first of all i got off social media um like i didn't post i posted i didn't i posted i didn't i posted the text messages and then i didn't post again to the finale i just felt like i needed to remove myself from from that um so i got off of that uh took therapy took a lot of therapy leaned on friends leaned on family um and i still was really low. It's hard when, you know, you feel alone like that. And even I know my family cares and my friends and everybody loves me, but you're almost in, you're in a weird state, you know, when you're, first of all, let me start. I was always one of those people who thought that anxiety, panic, attack, depression was always something you could just, quote unquote,

rub dirt on. And I always thought that it was kind of a made up thing for people who, needed, you know, attention, quote, unquote, if you will. Now I know that that is not the case, that those are very, very real. I remember I was depressed and I remember every day. I was in bed for probably about three months. I remember every day, I'd be like tomorrow. I'm going to get up. I'm going to walk.

I'm going to take a jog. Tomorrow's going to do it. And then I wake up and I couldn't do it. I physically couldn't do it. And I remember my mom coming in and trying to drag me out of bed. I physically couldn't do it. I was just in a really bad spot. And your health starts to decline.

You start eating crappy and it's all just a snowball. And I was in a really bad spot. And it took a long time to get out of that. And it's still, like I said, that's still something I'm working on. But I'm definitely in a way better spot than I was four or five months ago. But it's not something that you can cure overnight. And it does take time for sure. to close off this segment um and thank you for sharing this stuff i think it it cannot feel

great but i i hope that speaking about it over and over again at some point uh you know you you will be able to move forward which you know i'd like to know have you moved forward are you dating again um and to close up all this like what did this teach you you know i remember a headline back in the day and I only say this like sorry this is going to be harsh but you've probably seen it's like how the mighty have fallen like you know you're at the top that people loved you people were celebrating you and I still think people love you like I'm not saying they don't like you're not you're not hated but you did fall hard like you fell and were humbled and in grand ways what is all this taught you this is your story man like this is the crazy part about the in

depth like we've just gone through most of your stories since you're in high school and there's details involved that we skipped over and there's things that we didn't talk about and pains that we never could approach here but like your story in a microcosm is now here talked about today where are you at yeah um like I said it's still in therapy you know and I still have my moments but I am you know I have some trust issues now but at the same time like I you just got to get to a point where you're like okay I need to get back out there and I you know I am dating and I am at least open to meeting someone again where I wasn't there for a long time. I think I had a lot of walls up. And I am open to that. And, you know, one of the obvious

things I've learned through all of this, you know, is kind of who my real friends are and who I can lean on. But then more importantly, like, I think a lot of people, especially my generation, our generation and, you know, the generation below us, we kind of find confidence in find our self love through the eyes of others and I think I was definitely guilty of that I think I was someone who unless you know I had a bunch of people loving me like I wasn't happy with myself or I didn't know who I was and I think this has taught me more to look instead of seeing people seeing myself through other people's eyes I begin to just look in the mirror and you know and find myself that way and I think that's huge and I hope more people are able to do that especially now

with social media and everything you know doesn't matter the amount of the amount of likes you have you know or any of that kind of stuff now so that's something i'm grateful for for sure thanks thanks a lot blake yeah all right well let's talk about what's making you happy these days and that is your new career you're doing a lot of djing how did you get into that yeah so i obviously i mean everybody loves me because i've always enjoyed like i said i was that guy who wanted to like make people happy at parties whatnot i've always been i was in college i was like the DJ at the house. You know, I was always the guy picking the music and things like that. But Caitlin Bristow, and I want to give a shout out to Caitlin and Jason. They were incredible

through everything. They were always, you know, called me multiple times, invited me out to see them kind of things. But they, Caitlin, you know, she stuck her neck out for me. And she was like, you know what? I want you to come on my live podcast door. And she was like, I love you to be the DJ. And I kind of like, like, okay, like that's a fun way of like, I'm not breaking contract, I'm not doing the podcast, I'm not doing interviews, anything like that. I can just come and feel the love again, quote unquote, and know that I'm not some kind of villain that everybody hates. And so I'm thankful for her for that. But then when I started kind of DJing and actually buying equipment, so I was like, well, I kind of like this. I really enjoyed this.

This is a lot of fun. I love making people dance and seeing, you know, make people happy. And I got a call from a buddy of mine, two buddies, my buddy Eric and DJ Silver. And he was more like, you know, I'm creating a label. We'd love to, you know, kind of have you on it and teach you. It's called Blackout Artists. And it was one of those things where I was like, you know what? I'm at this point in my life where I can do something like this is I can do something I'm passionate about and try and make a living out of it.

And took classes, did the whole thing. I didn't want to be a press play DJ. I was like, I'm going to do this. If I'm going to do this, I'm going to do it right. And I'll fall in love with it. And I've made some incredible strides in the DJing. And I've done some pretty big gigs. And it's so much fun.

And I love making music. and I love remixing a bunch of songs. And it's just such a blast. One of these days you guys got to come to one of my shows for sure. I would love to. Oh, we will. Yeah. I was going to say,

is there anywhere that people can find your tour dates, but I guess they're not off. Exactly. I've had a cancel about six dates right now. So that's been really hard. But yeah, as soon as I get some dates on the books when this all is over, hopefully here soon, I'll definitely let everybody know because it's a good time. It's so much fun.

Well, uh, Blake, you've been to Bachelor Live on stage. You have came out with that. You've came on our podcast. Your story is one that real life was affected in ways that I think for anybody out there listening can understand. I mean, your life, good or bad, or people agree or not, like, they can see that your real life was affected deeply by this experience. But you've came out of it. as you mentioned, you have your DJ pursuits that will come back in full force once we're

able to join together again. From Ashley and myself, thank you for coming on the podcast. Thank you for sharing with us. Now, we end every in-depth podcast with our guest having 30 seconds to a minute to just speak into our listeners. Like, you know, just these are your fans. These are people that are going to love hearing from you. They've heard a lot from you today, but what would you like to close with?

It's your moment. Take it, say whatever you'd like. Okay, actually, so I had a bit of a break. This is because I wanted to get this out there somehow. So I had a bit of a breakthrough the other day in therapy. So I'm pretty cool. We kind of were talking and I had like one of those weird epiphanies. But my therapist, she asked me, she's amazing.

She asked me, you know, what is, what's your favorite show? And I'm a big friends guy. So I'm a big friends fan. Right. So she said, what do you say when somebody's like, hey, friends sucks, you know, or what do you know, Seinfeld's better or something like that? And I say, you know what, I don't feel the need to defend that because I just know they're wrong. Like, I just know they're not, that's not the case.

Friends is amazing. And, you know, she made me realize, she was like, why are you so passionate that people are wrong when they talk about friends? But when they talk about the person you are, you're not as confident in who you are. And I had a bit of an epiphany where I was, wait a minute. I was like, why am I more passionate about friends being a good sitcom than I am about who I am as a person? And, you know, and I think that's something you just got to realize, like, people don't know who you are. And I need to be just as passionate about myself as I am about friends, you know?

And so it's just one of those things where, like I said, you just got to look in to yourself, you know, and who you are rather than getting, gratitude from other people so yeah hopefully that helps someone out there during this quarantine thanks blake yeah that's great that's so great we like to end on a fun note with a couple rapid fire questions are you ready i'm ready all right what is the song or artist that gets people most hype when you're djing blink 182 oh interesting but i knew it would be early 2000 i play a lot of rock in my set okay awesome what are you posting mating during quarantine. I actually had pizza last night.

Big 18 inch pizza to myself, ate it by myself. The whole thing. Uh-huh. I can eat. That's amazing. I can eat a lot. What toppings? Uh, it's cream.

All the way. Everything, yep. We know that you don't slide into anyone's DMs anymore, but who from this past season would you, if you could and you, like, you would allow yourself to do that, which you won't? Uh, no, I, honestly, I, so. I did watch this season a little bit and I watch now a little bit differently

because I know how things can get taken out out of context and everything. I just honestly, I don't know who I would say out of this season. I know that's not the answer you were looking for and I'm terrified of DMs. I figure you do would be. All right. Who is your man crush from the franchise? The guy that

you would trade faces with. Faces with. Not faces. Faces. We'll do one for life and one for face. Okay, I want to trade lives with Ben Higgins. The man is newly engaged, living the dream, he's in love. He's just on top of the world right now. That's right.

I am. I feel pretty good. I've got a great girl, got a great podcast, got some good guests. Life's good. You what? Yeah. Faces. I've never thought about faces.

I kind of want, I'm trying to think of somebody with a good beard, My beard's horrible. I want Jason's beard. Maybe Jason's got a good beard. And he's got good hair. You want to trade Jason's head. Yeah. All right.

Cool. That's a good choice. Good choice. Jason's up there for Jared too. Yeah. We play this game where I know his man crushes of the franchise. And then who would you trade swag with? Like, who do who swag do you want?

Ooh, God. You know, Mike Johnson's got a lot of swag. Okay. Yeah, that's a good answer. Yeah, yeah. Mike's got swag. Okay. Lastly, what is the drink of choice while DJing?

I'm a tequila. Well, so I try not to drink too much while I DJ. But afterwards, a lot of tequila. A lot of tequila guy. All right. Awesome. Thank you so much, Blake. You really opened your heart up and we really appreciate it.

Yeah, no. Thanks for having it. Appreciate it. We feel like every almost famous in-depth pretty much ends with us liking the person even more. I hope that's the case. We always say, I mean, Ashley and I've said it, like, once you hear somebody's story, it's hard to hate them. It is. It just is. And now, like I said, I watch a show a little differently because I know everybody's got a story, like you said. Well, we follow along with our lead. You've been on this before. I think you know what we're about to do here,

but thank you for co-hosting this podcast. Thank you, everybody out there listening. Ashley and I just have really enjoyed speaking with some Abbaster Nation's favorites. It is our pleasure to speak with them. We're going to thank them for coming on our podcast. I know it's a very vulnerable moment when you say yes to sitting down with somebody for an hour and a half to two hours and just sharing your life story. Ashley and I don't take that lightly. We appreciate it. Thank you for sharing your heart with us and the listeners. This isn't it though. Ashley and I will be back many times over probably before this quarantine is completed speaking with you and to you about everything, Bachelor, our lives, and some of our friends' lives.

With that, I've been Ben. I've been Ashley. I've been Blake. Later, guys. Bye. Thank you. Follow the Ben and Ashley I, almost famous podcast on IHartRadio, or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.

Hi, my name is Enya Emanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast. for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you.

Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. Hi, it's Honey German and I'm back with season two of my podcast. Grazias. Come again. We got you when it comes to the latest in music and entertainment with interviews with some of your favorite Latin artists and celebrities. You didn't have to audition? No, I didn't audition. I haven't auditioned in, like, over 25 years.

Oh, wow. That's a real G-talk right there. Oh, yeah. We'll talk about all that's viral and trending, with a little bit of cheesement and a whole lot of laughs. And, of course, the great BVras you've come to expect. Listen to the new season of Dresses Come Again on the I-Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast.

Every case that is a cold case that has DNA. Right now in the backlog will be identified. our lifetime. On the new podcast, America's Crime Lab, every case has a story to tell, and the DNA holds the truth. He never thought he was going to get caught, and I just looked at my computer screen. I was just like, ah, gotcha. This technology's already solving so many cases. Listen to America's Crime Lab on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Super Secret Festi Club podcast season four is here. And we're locked in. means more juicy cheesement. Terrible love advice. Evil spells to cast on your ex. No, no, no, no, we're not doing that this season. Oh, well, this season, we're leveling up. Each episode will feature a special bestie, and you're not going to want to miss it. My name is Curley. And I'm Maya. Get in here!

Listen to the Super Secret Bestie Club on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Everyone thinks they'd never join a cult, but it happens all the time to people just like you. And people just like us. I'm Lola Blanc and I'm Megan Elizabeth. We're the host of Trust Me, a podcast about cults, manipulation, and the psychology of belief. Each week we talk to fellow survivors, former believers, and experts to understand why people get pulled in and how they get out. Trust me, new episodes every Wednesday on exactly right. Listen wherever you get your podcasts.

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