The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast - Almost Famous In Depth: Clare Crawley Part 1

Episode Date: August 9, 2023

Clare Crawley is sitting down with Ben and Ashley to go IN DEPTH on her journey to motherhood! Clare opens up about every step of the IVF process, including her honest reaction to the gender reveal!��Plus, Clare hints that we could all get an intimate behind-the-scenes look at everything she’s been through…  and it might be coming soon!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. Hi, my name is Enya Eumanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble.

Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your... free iHeartRadio app search emergency intercom and listen now every case that is a cold case that has dna right now in a backlog will be identified in our lifetime on the new podcast america's crime lab every case has a story to tell and the DNA holds the truth he never thought he was going to get caught and i just looked at my computer screen i was just like gotcha this technology's already solving so many cases listen to america's crime lab on the

the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Super Secret Bestie Club podcast season four is here. And we're locked in. That means more juicy chisement. Terrible love advice. Evil spells to cast on your ex. No, no, no, no, we're not doing that this season. Oh.

Well, this season, we're leveling up. Each episode will feature a special bestie, and you're not going to want to miss it. My name is Curley. And I'm Maya. Get in here. Listen to the Super Secret Festi. Club on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hi, I'm Janica Lopez, and in the new season of The Over Comfort Podcast, I'm even more

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This is Ben and Ashley I, Almost Famous in Depth. Hey guys, welcome to a special episode of the Almost Famous Podcast. Today we have Claire Krawler here talking about her baby news. We found out last week that it's a baby girl, and we are so excited to get all the deeds from her about surrogacy and their journey to have this baby. Ben, are you ready? So ready. Let's talk babies.

It's your turn next. You know, we announced Nick announced his baby on the way today. Now you sound like every other human in the world. I know. I love that I'm now that person. I'm so effing annoying. Oh, goodness.

You just want all your friends to be in the same chapter of life as you. I get it. I want to be in that chapter too. And I would say we're not far away. But let's bring Clarion. Let's talk about her baby first. Guys, Claire Crawley has joined us and congratulations.

You are a mom to be. You're going to be a mom in January. January is a great time to have a baby come your way. This is also a January baby. Is it a Capricorn baby? Is that what I'm having? He's a Saj. No, no, no.

He's an Aquarius. Okay, okay. Yeah. I don't really know what that means. Well, Ashley, here's my question. Is there a bad time to have a baby? Like, is there a month that you're like, don't have a baby? Or is an astrological sign?

honestly that wasn't exactly what I was basing off of but just in general if you're like hey January is such a good month to have a baby I'm assuming then there has to be a bad month to have a baby well um August I just think it's great because you know Dawson was born in January and he was born my mom's birthday which was also the day that my parents were born we're born oh well they met goodness gracious hey Claire congratulations thank you so much I it's finally feels so good to be able to talk about it because I've been holding it in for so long and I die laughing at this moment now

because it's like I didn't talk about it for so long and there were so many people on my literally I would get it all the time on my social media where I was just kind of like going introspective and just focusing on this baby and a lot of people on social media were like you're so boring, you're not doing anything all you do is make smoothies now

and I'm like little do you guys know so social media only shows you so much yeah well you sort of not so subtly hinted to me when we were in the Santa Barbara area in May that there may be something coming because you seemed very interested in baby products and like what works and what doesn't so I was like kind of catching on and it was kind of like a wink wink scenario and I'm just very excited that it's like a official at what point were you because May do you know

January like you must have just been like did you know if something was sticking with the surrogate at that point it was a still it was she was pregnant at the time it was still in question

if the baby was sticking yeah and I think for the longest time too I didn't believe it like it's surreal to finally be at this point and you don't want to jinx anything and it was kind of like

Like, you don't want to get your hopes up because then you're just going to get crushed. And it's just been years of praying for this and hoping for this. And so it was almost like, is this really happening? I don't want to jinx it or anything, you know? But I know you and I even, when was it? Last year, I feel like you and I were talking about baby formula. And you were talking about the formula that you love. And I was like, when the time comes and you were like, Claire, when the time comes, I will share.

And that's, I remember back in May, I was like, Remember that time we talked about the formula? Yeah. It's again. Yeah, it's Bobby. It's an amazing formula brand. It's mom owned and founded. Now, there was definitely like back then, like even over a year ago,

you were just like you knew that you be a mother at some point in your life. And it was on the horizon. And you secretly were with Ryan at that point. And I didn't know. And I was asking, he was like, is there a guy? She's like, there's like, you know, maybe there's like someone I just started dating. and it was well and behold her future husband so that's cool oh so crazy ben is this exciting for you to talk about formula and one day he's going to appreciate this knowledge you're surrounded by women who are

in the nose so it's a good thing i mean i'm telling you i've learned so much in the last two years of this walking with ashley um is it exciting for me yes i'm excited for you do i do I think much about what formula is the best never in my life it doesn't matter until you need it yeah yeah so I okay I have some questions that I want to ask you but the big one is this and I want to try to frame it properly okay we have this is what year eight of the almost famous podcast I think it's been it's been a long long road and so through that we've seen and been able to be a part of a lot of your experiences on the show and throughout the show and off the show. And then obviously we participated in winner games together. Um, but more importantly, uh,

you know, you've always been somebody we enjoy having on the show, uh, enjoy being around. You know, similar to Ashley's story clear in a lot of ways for me, where when I first met Ashley, she was kind of like in love, but not finding it. She know what she wanted, but she didn't know if it was ever going to happen. And there was like, I have on my phone a whole, real of tear-filled videos of her just being like, I don't know if I'm ever going to find love. And then she did. For you, I feel like it's a very similar story where we've watched you fall in love, get your heart broken, invest in relationships, get your heart broken, wonder if anything's ever going to happen. Now we see something happen. And it feels like it just

all happened so fast for me. Like it feels like there's just been like this, oh, I hope Claire, find somebody. And then all of a sudden at the back end, like it all happens at once. And so I'm wondering for you, how does that feel for you? Does it feel similar where like the last 12 months of your life have just been incredible? Or like has this,

you know, how do you function emotionally in the midst of all these good things? It does feel incredible. It to this very second, it feels incredible. But I'll say it's, I know it seems fast for a lot of people. And I know it seems like,

oh my God, all of a sudden you have everything. you ever dreamt of. But this is truly, as you said, Ben, like, this has been years of my life. I'm 42. It's not like I'm 21 being like, oh, look, this all just happened. This has been something that didn't happen suddenly. This has been like years of working on myself, years of not giving up on myself, years of watching everybody else have babies, watching everybody else get married, cheering everybody else on while hoping and creating my own life that I've dreamt up. So I know it feels like it's all of a sudden, but it's, I guess, just been years in the making.

This kind of stuff, to me, it doesn't just happen like that. I know it feels like it, but to me, it's just been years of manifesting the man of my dreams and praying for what I want and honing in on what type of I want, whichever man I don't want, reading out the bad ones, letting the good ones in, and finally getting to a point of like, this is it, you know? So it's not just all of a sudden. Well, and I wonder if for a second here, because I think your perspective is super interesting because there's probably somebody listening to this, many people who are in their 40s,

who are women, maybe men, and they have a very similar story. And maybe they haven't found that happy ending yet. Yeah. Maybe they're still in that like, or maybe they're in their mid-30s and they're like, I thought I'd be married by now with kids and all these things. What now, now now, now now, what words of wisdom or encouragement or, you know, reality and truth, maybe some tough, hard truth? What would you give them?

What would you say to them? Honestly, Ben, it's the words you just used when they're hoping for that happy ending. it's the opposite of that. The happy ending is creating your life exactly how you want it. And creating, I guess just this creating yourself, rooting yourself on. The happy ending is not marriage and baby. The happy ending is being happy. The happy ending is living your truth and creating a life that is exactly everything you love for yourself.

I don't think for everybody it's the same story and it's not for at least for me I can say even with Ryan even with having a baby on the way that is not my happy ending my happy ending was finding peace within myself finding my own happiness whatever that looked like even if it didn't include a man I was on my way well on my way and the people that know me really really well I was well on my way to possibly adopting. I had talked to my family and my friends. I was going to adopt a baby. I knew I wanted to be.

I've always known I wanted to be a mother. It doesn't mean a man and a baby, and that's the happy ending. You know what I'm saying? Like, it can look many different ways. That's why I want so bad to talk about, even our surrogate, happy ending's not just being pregnant, giving birth.

It looks so different for everybody. And it's what you make of it and what you want. you can make it happen. That's such good advice. I love that. I feel like every girl needs to like kind of clip. Every person needs to kind of clip that and just listen to it. Well,

and it's, it's only advice they could be given from somebody that's lived in it, right? I think it's, it's somewhat humorous sometimes when people want to speak into this and like, you know, you have relational experts at like 25.

And it's like, that's fine. Like, I'm sure you've figured out. But like when you're 42 and you look back on that period of time, Like you have some wisdom that you can only gain through living in it and living through it and living with it. And I think it's something that a lot of people should hear because a lot of times you feel

alone. You're like if you're living in this. And the truth is if they're not. So yeah, I just appreciate you sharing that. No, of course. And I have been there and I have felt those feelings. Absolutely. I think that's normal to feel alone and bummed.

And when's my person? and when's this and when's that, but I truly, and it's probably cliche to say this, but I found all my happiness when I poured all that love that I was hoping to find in somebody else into myself. And when I went on adventures and I went on the hikes and I ate the food that I loved and I worked out to feel good. And I just built this life for myself that brought happiness for myself by myself. And then I think that's when I was attracting everything else in my life is because

because I was radiating happiness and I was at peace, whatever my life was going to look like. You're alluding to that happening after you were at The Bachelorette and possibly after Dale, because when you were the lead, I still thought you commanded yourself with such confidence. Like, I thought that you just like, you knew who you were and what you deserved, but you think that you got even more to an elevated point of that after Dale. I definitely had it before that relationship and before going on the show it dipped low

because I was in a relationship that was not healthy for me that was I mean you know I can go on and on and on about this but it crushed me but it just that relationship brought out the worst in me

it crushed me it crushed my spirit it crushed in so many ways who I was as a woman. It brought me down to a level that I didn't want to be at, that I questioned myself, that I thought I was asking for too much. I thought I was not a good communicator. All these things that I was like, I thought I knew who I was.

I thought I was strong. And I found myself crying day after day after day, feeling so low, begging, reverting to old habits of like begging somebody for their love, for the simplest things. And I was lost after that. But you're right, before the show, I had it together. I was strong, Claire. That helped me, as with, I think, a lot of people who've gone through tumultuous, awful relationships can, I feel like can relate to that.

But I was never going to let a man, one thing that's like I pride myself on is resiliency. And I would never in a million years let any man bring me that low again or keep me that low. So I just focused on rebuilding myself and brought myself back to who I was and then came back even stronger on the tail end. It's interesting because, you know, like you said, you came into The Bachelorette, confident, healthy, you know, that relationship sounds like, and tell me if I'm wrong, it took, had you take a couple steps back in life to back to a not so healthy place. then the resiliency came in and you said no i'm not going to settle here what did that process look like i don't think we've ever asked you like post maybe because it was too soon and it felt weird but like post that relationship ending how did you start to refocus again and find yourself again and not ask yourself those haunting questions of like why am i not good enough what's wrong

with me why am i so bad at this did he ever even like me those like how did you not let those questions just haunt you into like a paralysis of never moving forward it paralyzed me temporarily especially because the very last day that I saw him that I talked to him was the day I was told we I was going to have to go say goodbye to my mother because she was really really sick right then and he basically said that's not my problem and I begged him to please not leave me in that moment. And it got me down for a moment, but I think looking at it and literally sitting there and going, why am I begging this man to have human decency? Why am I begging this man to care? Like, this is not what a real man does. I don't care. Not even a real

man, a real human. Like somebody who's genuine and sincere. Somebody who, dare I say, loves you, that's not love. Somebody who loves you, even as a friend, doesn't do that type of stuff to you and leave you in a moment where you're so desperate and so low and struggling as it is. So I looked at that and I just thought, I don't ever, I don't care if it's a friend. I don't care. I don't ever want to allow anybody in my life who would leave me in a moment like that. So I just started, I mean, I was in bed for a while, but truthfully, it was, and I, this is so weird to say this, but like, I had to convince myself to walk around the block for 10 minutes. Like, I was very low. I was very depressed. I felt the lowest you could feel with everything combined. But like I told you

before, I think I just thought, I don't ever want to let any man bring me that low because I've worked so hard to become such a strong woman and I don't know I just did a lot of therapy and I did a lot of inside work on why I allowed that why I allowed that why I let it get to the point of begging a man to have human decency hi my name is enya umanzor and I'm Drew Phillips and we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect.

And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. Imagine that you're on an airplane and all of a sudden you hear this. Passengers, the pilot is having an emergency, and we need someone, anyone, to land this plane. Think you could do it?

It turns out that nearly 50% of men think that they could land the plane with the help of air traffic control. And they're saying like, okay, pull this, until this. Pull that, turn this. It's just, I can do it my eyes close. I'm Mani. I'm Noah. This is Devon. And on our new show, no such thing.

We get to the bottom of questions like these. Join us as we talk to the leading expert on overconfidence. Those who lack expertise lack the expertise they need to recognize that they lack expertise. And then as we try the whole thing out for real. Wait, what? Oh, that's the run right. I'm looking at this thing. Listen to no such thing on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hi, I'm Jenna Lopez, and in the new season of the Overcomfit podcast, I'm taking you, on an exciting journey of self-reflection. Am I ready to enter this new part of my life? Like, am I ready to be in a relationship? Am I ready to have kids and to really just devote myself and my time? I wanted to be successful on my own, not just because of who my mom is. Like, I felt like I needed to be better

or work twice as hard as she did. Join me for conversations about healing and growth. Life is freaking hard. And growth doesn't happen in comfort. It happens in motion, even when you're hurting. All from one of my favorite spaces, The Kitchen. Honestly, these are going to come out so freaking amazing. Be a part of my new chapter and listen to the new season of the Overcomper podcast

as part of the MyCultura podcast network on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Your entire identity has been fabricated. Your beloved brother goes missing without a trace. You discover the depths of your mother's illness. the way it has echoed and reverberated throughout your life, impacting your very legacy. Hi, I'm Danny Shapiro, and these are just a few of the profound and powerful stories I'll be mining on our 12th season of Family Secrets.

With over 37 million downloads, we continue to be moved and inspired by our guests and their courageously told stories. I can't wait to share 10 powerful new episodes with you. stories of tangled up identities, concealed truths, and the way in which family secrets almost always need to be told. I hope you'll join me and my extraordinary guests for this new season of Family Secrets. Listen to Family Secrets Season 12 on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Do you think that it was him specifically?

that you were losing that you were sad about or was it the dream and the hope that you had found the person that you were supposed to be with and then you had to start from scratch. That's exactly what it is. You, you,

oh, I know so many women like this. It's like you put so much face, so much energy, so much time in investing your sincere feelings into loving somebody, hoping that they're going to, you know, reciprocate that.

And I don't know. It's, it's, painful because you really don't want to start over. And like I said, it's like you've done that. I've done that over and over and over again. And it's tough. It was tougher each time coming back from relationships. And that was just kind of like, he knew my weak points.

He knew where I was struggling. I had just been dealing with at the very tail end of that too, getting my breast implants out and going through surgery and going through so many healthings where I felt super, super sick so I don't know I just I the more time I guess it worked in my benefit because I even even after we like talked I kept reaching out and like trying to talk and trying to have conversations with me he just wouldn't talk to me he wouldn't answer it was just done and it worked out in my favor because all that time that he was ignoring me all that time that he just cut it off um I was allowed that time to process

everything that he did, everything circumstance, even when I had my breast implants out, he showed up, took a selfie for social media, and left the next day while I was going recovering from surgery just to show people that he was there. You know, things like that where it's like, gross. I looked at that and I'm like, no man would ever, ever do that. And it makes me cry all the time now, how grateful I am for Ryan. Because honestly, if it wasn't for that relationship, like I appreciate everything down to the very last thing that Ryan does for me because, like, since, I mean, even now, it's like, it gets me emotional because he's so good to me. He's so good to me. And is there in the darkest, deepest moments, you know,

like when I was going through all the IVS stuff and it's stressful, it's hard to go through, it's emotional, so much so that I lost a lot of my hair. And it's, It's just starting to grow back now, but I lost a lot of my hair because of the stress of it. And every day, he would tell me how beautiful I was. And it's like, I never once had that before in my last relationship. So not to bring up the last relationship and talk about it, but it gives me perspective on how pretty should I have for a good relationship, you know? I think that's, it's interesting because we've talked about it many times, but those bad relationships, the ones that's, you know, know, we could sit back on and just have probably pushed us into a couch. Yeah, crying, you know,

and wondering are also the ones that at some point in your life become one of the biggest gifts. Because when you find somebody, it's not a comparison. It's a, like you said, it's a, it's a, it's a gratitude, it's a perspective. It's a, a peace, a calm, a joy that you found somebody that loves you. I remember Claire, when we're in Santa Barbara, Chris Harrison and I were walking out of his villa and you and Ryan had just left and Chris looked at me and he goes,

that just makes me happy. I remember he just looked at that and said, that just makes me happy. And it was like a very like sincere, I don't know. You'd have to get Chris on to ask him, but like it felt like for me

listening to him say those words, there had been this like, um, like friendship weight on him where it's like, I don't know what's going to happen here in Claire's life. I like Claire and I care about Claire and I love Claire. but like this isn't like a lot things aren't going in her favor when it comes to romance and then we see you and Ryan sitting on a couch and it felt like he like took a deep breath and goes

that just makes me very happy and you can tell and I say that to say you could tell that Ryan has a love for you that is not um an infatuation that's not like it's a debt there's a depth to how he looks at you and just says like you're it for me and I think that's a beautiful thing to see you in that in that role with him because you're also so great at it and you're shining. That's what the right relationship does. I feel like everything up into this point, I can look back and go, it completely makes sense why those didn't work out. Completely makes sense because I was even talking my sister about it the other day.

We fight for things and we don't understand at the time why relationships don't work out, why circumstances don't work out or situations. And it's like, you beg so hard for them to work out and pray and want so hard for them to work out. But then it doesn't make sense at the time. But I guess hindsight, looking back, it's like, I get it. If I hadn't gone through everything I went through, each and every step played a pivotal role in my life to where I am now.

And if I didn't go through all that, I wouldn't have what I have now and who I have now. And I, every day, every single day, I am so grateful for right. Ryan. And he says the same thing to me on how do we get here? And we're so thankful we did. I have a weird question for you. Not to totally like derail because I think there is like, there is a beauty in your relationship with Ryan. But again, I don't think we ever asked you this because of timing and because of being inappropriate. But I think now I can ask you it. And if it is still, you can just tell me. You can ask whatever you want. Okay, looking back now on your time as a Bachelorette. Do you now wish you would have done things

differently. Do you wish you would have left? Are you glad that you still left early? Or do you now wish you would have stayed for the entirety of the season and get to know everybody else? I guess I'm interested based on one, obviously, how that relationship ended. And then two, with the perspective, obviously you don't want somebody else other than Ryan. But with the perspective of, hey, that relationship didn't work out. And now you found somebody so great for you. So I just, can you give us an insight into kind of how you look at that season? of life now? I will never forget how everything played out.

There was so much that I was grateful for for being a bachelorette. I will say there was so much toxicity and regressed all the work that I have done as a woman and as a person. It was very challenging on the backside of it. and it was extremely stressful of being the Bachelorette. I think it was toxic for my mental health being the Bachelorette, and I think it was a good thing that I left when I left. I won't say entirely that it was my decision to leave.

And it wasn't. It was not entirely my decision to leave. I'm glad I left. I don't regret it. I'll never regret it. it was supposed to be that way. Yeah. Hi, my name is Enya Yumanzoor.

And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble. Yes. Yes.

Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. Imagine that you're on an airplane and all of a sudden you hear this. Attention passengers. The pilot is having an emergency and we need someone, anyone, to land this plane. Think you could do it? It turns out that nearly 50% of men think that they could land the plane with the help of air traffic control.

And they're saying like, okay, pull this. Do this, pull that, turn this. It's just... I can do my eyes close. I'm Mani. I'm Noah. This is Devin. And on our new show, No Such Thing, we get to the bottom of questions like these.

Join us as we talk to the leading expert on overconfidence. Those who lack expertise lack the expertise they need to recognize that they lack expertise. And then, as we try the whole thing out for real. Wait, what? Oh, that's the run right. I'm looking at this thing. See? Listen to no such thing.

on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What would you do if one bad decision forced you to choose between a maximum security prison or the most brutal boot camp designed to be hell on earth? Unfortunately for Mark Lombardo, this was the choice he faced. He said, you are a number, a New York State number, and we own you. Shock incarceration, also known as boot camps,

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and you don't know who's next to you. And we didn't know what to expect in the morning. Nobody tells you anything. Listen to shock incarceration on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Your entire identity has been fabricated. Your beloved brother goes missing without a trace. You discover the depths of your mother's illness, the way it has echoed and reverberated throughout your life, impacting your very legacy. Hi, I'm Danny Shapiro.

And these are just a few of the profound and powerful stories. stories, I'll be mining on our 12th season of Family Secrets. With over 37 million downloads, we continue to be moved and inspired by our guests and their courageously told stories. I can't wait to share 10 powerful new episodes with you, stories of tangled up identities, concealed truths, and the way in which family secrets almost always need to be told. I hope you'll join me and my extraordinary guests for this new season. of Family Secrets. Listen to Family Secrets Season 12

on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Do you think that the fact that you did so many shows leading up to the Bachelorette role kind of jaded you a bit? Like you were actually too aware of what went on behind the scenes

yes and no I knew what was going on I knew too much of what was going on exactly like you say but I feel like I'm one of those people that's like I rise to the occasion

if it's challenging like I tell myself and maybe it's overconfidence but I'm like I could do it I could totally do it even knowing all the stuff behind the scenes but that's what made things I think a lot more difficult for production was me knowing and me having the awareness.

Not only that, but I think my age played a lot into it of, I think they bank on a lot of naivity and the power struggle of you got to do what we say. And I know there's so much of that, but there's also this role as just as a woman and as a strong woman of like, I don't care who you are. I don't care what I signed up for. I will only do what I'm comfortable doing and what I feel, feel okay doing. Even if you tell me this is what I'm supposed to do or these are the rules, it doesn't mean I have to do it.

I have rights. There's so many things where they try to pressure you and push you into certain things and they tell you that this is kind of how things are. And yes, it's like what you signed up for. but just because it's what I signed up for it doesn't mean I signed my life away that you have ownership over me and my moral. No, they kind of do have ownership over us.

I have a slot machine in Vegas. I've never made a dime on with my face on it. So in a lot of it, in a lot of extent, yes. But I think when, like I said, when it comes to morals and what you stand for and what you will and won't accept. Yeah. There's things, here's an example.

You're expected to kiss a lot of people and take on this role of you have to do this and you have to do that and this is kind of what you're supposed to do. But as somebody who has come from sexual abuse in my past, child sexual abuse, which is not a light topic, I come from that childhood and I refuse to kiss somebody who I don't feel comfortable kissing or do something sexually that I don't feel comfortable. doing. And not one person, I don't care how much as my contract is, I'm not going to do it. If I don't want to do it, I'm not going to do it. And yes, that's going to ruffle feathers. And yes, it might make me look bad. But I don't care. This is my life. And I have to live with myself. When the cameras turn off, I have to be accountable to myself and feel good about what I'm doing. You were encouraged to kiss certain people that you didn't feel like it? Yes. Ben? Is that? did you experience that at all or is it just me was i encouraged to kiss no because i kissed

everybody um you didn't think that i don't think that i don't think that i don't think that a problem was also 26 true true no clear uh in all seriousness i can 100 percent hear what you're saying like there was a date during my season that we were they were trying to do where it was like a uh not a strip tease i don't know what it was like some kind it was like it was like very And I said, no, I'm not doing that. Like, that's very, that's not something I'd ever do in my real life. And it's not something that, like, we should put anybody in the place to have to decide if they're going to do or not.

This is just weird. It's, uh, and so there were things that you, you stand up for. I mean, um, you know, I think leads who, uh, has to, like, do have that inner confidence like yourself, they do stand up, um, and say what they, uh, they want and what they don't want. I never felt, I never felt morally like I was ever put in a situation I didn't want to be in. One of those reasons though, Claire, I think I had the benefit of like my faith was such a at the forefront of my story that I think it would have been really weird for them to put me in any situation.

Like I kind of felt like I had that like protection. Does that make sense over me where I went into it being like, you know, a man of faith. and from Indiana and you know he's he's just a simple dude trying to find love and they kind of like as a result

played that story throughout it and it would have been weird if that would have changed too much I think the audience would have been confused yeah well that's honestly

I think it was my circumstance and what I went through as a child I know production was very well aware of it yeah I think it was maybe

too much for ABC and I don't I understand that that to bring that into the mix but it's my story it's part of who I am and what has shaped me and to be the women that I am and to there was a lot of things that were omitted there were a lot of things that are omitted and that I don't know I I I struggle with with it sometimes because full stories were not shared on circumstances and I think if the full story was shared, things would look a lot different. Things would turn out a lot of different and people would understand a little bit better. But instead, that's why I was so hard on the on the back. And when the show was airing, I'd go, that's not what happened. That's not why I didn't kiss that person and walked away and didn't have dinner with them. You know, like, but again, I don't

regret going through it. And I don't have any animosity or anger. I think I've worked through a lot of that and hurt and pain from that. It's interesting to me that that wasn't a part of your story. I mean, I know that you feel like that might have been too much for ABC, but why would it be too much for ABC? It's your reality. It's your truth. It's, you know, good or bad.

It's formed you in a lot of ways on how you date and how you see people and how you function in the world. And I think that's maybe back a few years ago when people were asking for, um, The Bachelor to kind of change things up a bit to advance themselves. You know, yes, race was at the front of that conversation. But I also think there was an underlying currency of, hey, with that in mind, with race in mind also, we just want the truth to these situations again. Like we want to know people's stories.

We want to hear the good, the bad, the ugly, the things that make these people who they are because that's what makes us ultimately understand them, fall in love with them, get to know them. And I think that's what the show went away from for so long. And you were kind of right in the midst of when the show felt like it was so going so far offline from what us as an audience really fell in love with the show for in the beginning loved, which was the reality and the truth to story. Well, that is why I thought that they chose me. Because when I initially went down to interview with producers, I actually, they'd asked me to be on Bachelor in Paradise that year. And I went down there, I told them prior to me even going down

for the interview for Bachelor in Paradise, I said, I was talking to one of the producers and I said, I don't want to go on Bachelor in Paradise, but I want to talk to everybody. Like I miss the producers. I miss them as, not as producers, but as people. I missed them and it was, I wanted to catch up with them. So I went down there and I said, I don't want to say yes to Bachelor in Paradise, but I want to thank you guys because if it wasn't for me, you guys choosing me for whatever reason to be on the first season of The Bachelor that I was on with Juan Pablo, I wouldn't have been able to have that voice as a woman to stand up for myself when I

stood up to him. And that propelled me into this life of speaking my turn. truth and I shared with the producers. I said in that interview when I went when they chose me as the bachelorette in that interview I said I want to thank you guys for giving me the platform because now I feel comfortable talking about my sexual abuse as a child. Now I feel comfortable and empowered and not just this shame that I carried for so many years and that I held in silence. Like thank you for helping me grow and being a pivotal part of me growing as a woman into who I am today and having the strength that I do now.

And I wish I can speak up for other women or other people who have gone through things and felt unworthy and struggled with things even at my age and are fighting for their happiness in spite of feeling worthless and so much shame. And that's when I was dry, you know, they said, thanks for coming. Cool. It was great seeing you. I know you said no to paradise. So that's when I was going back to the airport.

And that's when they called, Chris Harrison called me. said you turn that car we want you to be the bachelorette and speak up chris harrison called you this is like something that's on tv where they make it seem like chris harrison's in charge of everything and he's you know he's usually just the figurehead producer they took me back to a hotel and chris harrison facetimed me and he was like with what you just told us we want you to be the bachelorette and all that you've evolved and how you've evolved how your life is evolved and i thought I was signing up to be this empowered woman to share with other people, to share with other women, like, there is hope.

And that is not, that's why I signed up for it. I didn't, I was dating, happily dating and didn't need to be the bachelor, I didn't care to be the bachelorette, didn't even know it was an option to be the bachelorette, happily dating. So when I said yes to this, I was like, maybe this is a way to share with other people to have hope, you know, but again, that's not how it turned out and that's okay. but it was wasted opportunity, I feel like. Claire, we did not intend on getting this juicy as far as your bachelor experience went.

So we're going to make this a two-parter. We're going to close this episode out now. And in the next episode, that'll be out very soon, we'll talk all about the baby journey. Follow the Ben and Ashley I, almost famous podcast on IHartRadio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. Hi, my name is Enya Umanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you.

But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psycho babble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free iHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. I just normally do straight stand-up, but this is a bit different.

What do you get when a true crime producer walks into a comedy club? Answer, a new podcast called Wisecrack, where a comedian finds himself at the center of a chilling true crime story. Does anyone know what show they've come to see? It's a story. It's about the scariest night of my life. This is Wisecrack, available now. Listen to Wisecrack on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Janica Lopez and in the new season of the Overcomfort podcast, I'm even more honest, more vulnerable, and more real than ever.

Am I ready to enter this new part of my life? Like, am I ready to be in a relationship? Am I ready to have kids and to really just devote myself and my time? Join me for conversations about healing and growth, all from one of my favorite spaces, The Kitchen. Listen to the new season of the Overcombered podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. What would you do if one bad decision forced you to choose between a maximum security prison or the most brutal boot camp designed to be hell on earth? Unfortunately for Mark Lombardo, this was the choice he faced.

He said, you are a number, a New York State number, and we own you. Listen to shock incarceration on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an IHeart podcast.