The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast - Almost Good Advice Part II

Episode Date: January 18, 2024

Ben and Ashley are back and answering YOUR questions, with advice on parenting, faith, and marriage!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly, and now I'm seriously suspicious. Wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, luckily, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend's been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone.

Hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That seems inappropriate. Maybe find out how it ends by listening to the OK Storytime podcast and the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, my name is Enya Umanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect.

And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. Hi, it's Honey German and I'm back with season two of my podcast. Graziez, come again. We got you when it comes to the latest in music and entertainment

with interviews with some of your favorite Latin artists and celebrities. You didn't have to audition? No, I didn't audition. I haven't auditioned in like over 25 years. Oh, wow. That's a real G-talk right there. Oh, yeah. We'll talk about all that's viral and trending.

with a little bit of cheesement and a whole lot of laughs. And, of course, the great bevras you've come to expect. Listen to the new season of Dresses Come Again on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. What would you do if one bad decision forced you to choose between a maximum security prison or the most brutal boot camp designed to be hell on earth? Unfortunately for Mark Lombardo, this was the choice he faced.

He said, you are a number. a New York State number, and we own you. Listen to shock incarceration on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is Almost Good Advice with Ben Higgins and Ashley Iaconetti. Hello, everyone. Welcome to The Almost Today's another episode of the Almost Good Advice podcast. This is our new spin-off series where, Ben and I will be giving advice to all our listeners, which, again, we call it almost good advice because, you know, we don't want to say that we are the greatest at advice giving. But we do

love hearing from you guys and all the situations that you have out there. And because, you know, we've gone through dating on TV, well, maybe we can talk about that to like a little bit of an expert degree. Yeah, yeah, we've dated on TV. You know, it's like a TV doctor. okay well guys um we have a couple great questions that we're going to dive into today uh ben do you want to keep leading do you okay so ben ben if you guys listen to it for episode one like i do think that he gives way better than almost good advice i think never listen to me guys always listen to ben he's so so good at this and um we're going to let him lead these stories so bad and go for it. One of the best things that have happened in my life is for the last eight years,

we've hosted this podcast together. This has been a gift that keeps on giving. And one of the things when anybody asks me about the podcast, I always say, Ashley and I come from like very similar like foundations, but two very different perspectives and how we kind of see the world. And I think that's what makes this make the most sense and why it works and why we can do this for as long as we have because you're going to say something that somebody out there is going to hear, and they're going to be like, that is exactly what I need to hear, because that's who you're speaking to. And I might say something that they say, hey, that's exactly what I need to hear because that's who I'm speaking to. And together, just like we do in our friendship or in life,

there's going to be some type of crossover that I think you can take a nugget maybe of wisdom from because together I think we kind of round the whole circle out. Okay, I totally agree. Yeah. Here we go. Joan writes in with the first question. She goes, my husband and I have been married for two years now and feel like it's time to have kids, but I'm still scared. I'll be giving up my life. So I guess this is kind of two questions. How do you know when you're ready for kids and how do you have kids without losing autonomy over your life and your time? Thank you. Love you guys. Okay. How do you know when you're ready for kids? I don't know that you're ever really ready, but, like, I think for me, it was, like, trying for kids.

And that, because, like, honestly, just, like, biological clock timeline being like, okay, like, I want to be around this age when I have one. And then I want to remember this age when we have two. And, you know, that kind of goes in line with the fact that we've been married for this many years. and like I want to have this amount of energy. You know, it's kind of logical at first, or at least it was for us. Because I think, and I'm not there yet, but I think that most people would actually feel ready, ready around 40.

And I would love to talk to a parent who actually became a parent at 40. But we all know that biology makes it harder to especially start having kids at 40. And then you're not going to have. have as much energy perhaps in your 40s. But anyway, so, like, yeah, I feel like there's just this urge still in your 30s that you're, like, kind of want to be like, oh, we are just young and married and we can do anything we want, whenever we want. We just want to keep kind of living that, like, whimsical, romantic young lifestyle.

But if you go, like, with what I, what we did, just kind of, like, logical. And then I felt like we were really ready when we were trying. and I really wanted the pregnancy test to say positive. Then I was like, oh, okay, this is something that I actually really want right now. And then, so I think that's, and then when the kid comes, you'll figure it out. Like, you will be ready, actually. I don't, of course, maybe not everybody's ready. I'm talking about, like, you know, people who are married, settled, like, planning to have this child, right?

So I'm just talking in this sect right now. but when you have the baby it'll all kind of click it's just kind of nature you get in the swing of it you're going to be fine and then how do you have kids without losing the autonomy over your life and your time well i don't know if i figured that one out yet as dawson is almost two the first six to nine months is definitely an adjustment period and then you kind like you kind of just like force yourself to get into a routine where you're going to like take care of yourself probably not as much as you would used to but like you're still taking care of yourself and then you're working and then you have enough time with your

spouse but probably not as much time as you would have liked not as much time as you used to have but like probably enough and it's just all kind of ebb and flow and it's all kind of just finding the groove but you will find your groove there's a lot I mean I'm I'm listening to you and learning from you there because I could have been writing this same question to you yeah I am in two years in a marriage I've made it very clear that I've never woken up one day and been like I can't wait to have kids I can't wait to lose sleep I can't wait to lose sleep I can't wait to do all these things. Um, but I know I want to be a dad and I know I want to share my life with a family. And I know Jessica is going to be an incredible mother. And I, and I,

so I want to do this with her. Um, but I've, I have felt like you, Joan, where I've said, I've never felt ready. And that's weird for me to say at 34 that I've, it's never felt ready for me. And talking to you, Ashley, off the show and on the show some. about it and talking to other parents a lot of my friends now have kids i think what you said is exactly what i've been shared what people have shared with me is they've never felt ready either and you never really will and there's a there's a for me there's a piece in that because what i know what i can do i know what i can do is step up like i know i can step up and i i know i can do i can do it like i know i can be there for my kid i know i can i can love something that i'm bringing into

this world. I know that if I've taken the responsibility on myself and I've agreed to it or whatever you do with your spouse or with your partner or whatever, I know I can step up. And that's kind of what reassures me is I don't know if I'll ever be ready, but it reassures me. It seems so elementary to compare it to this, but I didn't want a dog. I don't want a dog at all. Yeah, you didn't want a dog. But, and I tell Ben, it's definitely not like having a dog or a puppy, but it is the first step in kind of understanding. But I didn't want it. And I had told just that. I made it very clear, but she really desired to have a dog. And I said, okay, we'll get a dog then. Whatever. And we got Whalen. And I love that dog so much. Like, one of my favorite things to do is to play with that dog and to wrestle with him and, you know, to take care of him. And there was like a space in my heart that was opened up once he entered into our home. And I just imagine that it's going to be similar. And to answer the second question, what I'm learning, Joan, again, I don't have advice. here. I'm still trying to figure this out, because I'm not a dad, is, I don't know if you do. I think, but I think the cool part of that is you find out that you love your lack of autonomy.

Exactly what I was just going to say. Yeah, you love this new season. And Ashley and Jared, you do a great job. Like, you were at the Golden Wedding. Yes, you maybe had to cut it a day shorter than you wanted to. And maybe, you know, there was more stress on you because Dawson was at at home and you were like, you know, you're still mothering Dawson from a distance and that's not as ideal. But like my parents, I'm an only child, Friday night, we were always at one of their friends' houses. And we were always down in the basement with a babysitter that they would all split and hire. And they were always upstairs having fun and doing whatever they were doing. And then, you know what? We got home. And I never, and I loved that season of my life.

I never felt like I was disconnected from my parents. I just loved the fact that they had friends and that we had good times together. So I don't know if you give up. I think it just adds a responsibility in your life that you've got to accept and that you've got to know that this new season of life is going to be different. But it's going to be as fun and as exciting. It's just going to look a little different than it did before. And that's cool.

And it's just going to be, like I said, like you're not going to have as much relationship time as you want. You're not going to have as much like self-care time. But it is made up in the fact that like with the love of. your child and being around your child is so like for example Jared doesn't really like we don't really want to go on vacation just the two of us which would probably be good but we also know that we're going to end up looking at pictures and just talking about Dawson the entire time so we'd rather just bring him and then bring a babysitter or a grandparent so that we can have him there but also have our together time and one more thing before I wrap this up but like uh I want you

you to also know that like when you think that you're ready, make sure that you definitely are in a place where you're going to have like the tribe and you're going to have help because you're going to really need it more than you think. You're going to because in that way you can have more of the life that you had prior and you can prioritize a relationship and such. That's a great point. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly. and now I'm seriously suspicious.

Oh, wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend has been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now, he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone. Now, hold up. Isn't that against school policy?

That sounds totally inappropriate. Well, according to this person, this is her boyfriend's former professor and they're the same age. And it's even more likely that they're cheating. insists there's nothing between them. I mean, do you believe him? Well, he's certainly trying to get this person to believe him because he now wants them both to meet. So, do we find out if this person's boyfriend really cheated with his professor or not? To hear the explosive finale, listen to the OK Storytime podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hi, my name is Enya Yumanzoor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called

Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you but if you have unmedicated ADHD oh my god perfect and want to hear people with mental illness psychobabble yes yes then emergency intercom is the podcast for you open your free iHeart radio app

search emergency intercom and listen now imagine that you're on an airplane and all of a sudden you hear this attention passengers the pilot is having an emergency and we need someone anyone Think you could do it? It turns out that nearly 50% of men think that they could land the plane with the help of air traffic control.

And they're saying like, okay, pull this, do this, pull that, turn this. It's just, I can do it my eyes close. I'm Manny. I'm Noah. This is Devon. And on our new show, no such thing. We get to the bottom of questions like these. Join us as we talk to the leading expert on overconfidence.

Those who lack expertise lack the expertise they need. to recognize that they lack expertise. And then as we try the whole thing out for real wait, what? Oh, that's the run right. I'm looking at this thing. Listen to no such thing on the Iheart radio app, Apple

podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Jennifer Lopez, and in the new season of the Overcover podcast, I'm taking you on an exciting journey of self reflection. Am I ready to enter this new part of my life? Like, am I ready to be in a relationship? Am I ready

to have kids and to really just devote myself and my time. I wanted to be successful on my own, not just because of who my mom is. Like, I felt like I needed to be better or work twice as hard as she did. Join me for conversations about healing and growth. Life is freaking hard. And growth doesn't happen in comfort.

It happens in motion, even when you're hurting. All from one of my favorite spaces, the kitchen. Honestly, these are going to come out so freaking amazing. Be a part of my new chapter and listen to the new season of the OverCompur podcast as part of the MyCultura podcast network on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Okay, a quick hitter here. Emma writes in and says, how do you compare yourself to others, especially since you're both influencers? I feel like I'm constantly comparing my job, my apartment, my looks, and literally everything else. do you think social media can be toxic? Is that rhetorical? P.S. Love the podcast. Thanks, Emma.

Thank you. Ben, you go first. Yes, it can be toxic. And yes, it can also be really good. It's a very weird, it's very counterintuitive. Social media for me has been a way to connect with friends and meet new people and learn about new things. But it also can be something that I sit at and I go through and I just pull my hair out or I get in a super, like, dark and heavy place because of it. I haven't met somebody yet that's on social media that has not compared themselves to others. Even my friends who are very absent from social media, as soon as they open up their social media and they start scrolling, I'll get a text that says, how cool is this that this person's doing this? And that's comparing. So I don't stop comparing myself. Here's what I do do, though. Years ago I went through a practice where I went through a really dark place because of social media and mostly because of comparing myself from this bachelor world and seeing what other leads have

done or other contestants have done and what I was not doing. I've talked about it openly. It was in July of a few years ago. I had to go back to Indiana and just like get settled in because I felt like I was losing myself and it wasn't healthy for Jess and it wasn't healthy for me. So during that time, I had to start talking to, I had to start talking. telling myself who I knew myself to be, who I was if all the labels were stripped away, who I was if I was standing there naked and unashamed in front of somebody and been like, I'm just me. What did I know to be at my core? Who did I know myself to be to others? Or who did I desire to be to others? Who did I desire to be in this world? And so I wrote this stuff down.

I had to pray it over myself. Now, you might not be somebody into prayer. That's okay. I don't know what you call it. You call it, you know, meditation, whatever you're, way of speaking to yourself is or speaking to God is, mine is prayer. And I had to start praying over myself, I know this is who God sees me as. I know this is who I want to be to my wife, to my friends, to my family, to strangers. And I've had to repeat those words often and remind myself of who I am because it is a life of comparison. And there is a life of judgment. There is a life where you constantly feel like you got to keep up with the Joneses. And that gets exhausting.

The other truth of this is there's always going to be somebody doing it better than you. There is. There's not one person that's not doing it better than you. And there's a piece in that to me because there's a truth in that to me. And so I can settle into the fact that I still want to be motivated. I still want to be successful, whatever your terms of success are. but I don't have to do it in comparison to somebody else. I can just do it to the standard that I've set for myself

and for the standard that I know myself to want to pursue. So what I would say to all this, to summarize all of it, is spend some time in silence thinking about who you are, Emma, at your core, who you know yourself to be, who you know you want to be to others, and then just repeat those on yourself often. because the you is the best version of yourself is the one that is not trying to keep up

with anybody else but the one that is just being you to the best of your ability fantastic advice I will say one of my strengths has always been

kind of not caring what people think not to say that I've never and haven't been actually wounded by social media comparisons. I remember when Colton Seasons girls

were just dominating social media and everything they posted was so pretty and aesthetic and I was like, I am the old lady now. No one wants to see me model clothes. I look, I can't find my place in this.

And then I think I just kind of was like, okay, the more I realized, this is all the social media base, but like the more I posted that was things that were just like very me, the more feedback that I would get that was positive and they're like, they didn't want me to be what the other girls were, the picture perfect thing. So I've always found that with social media at least, me being my most authentic me, that carries me further. And that just

makes me more confident in like myself and my content. and it makes me compare myself less knowing that people like the uniqueness now I don't know what it is that I was like there's been I care people think but I also like probably less than most people

like when I was a teenager I liked going to dinner with my parents on the weekends I would much prefer doing that and being seen out with them than having to do whatever it was with kids my age. And I was never embarrassed by hanging out with my parents. So I just like kind of guess like I was always just kind of like in the boat where I was like,

I just want to do whatever feels best for me. That was good for me being on The Bachelor and like having that scrutiny. For anybody listening, can you just imagine a world where Ashley would have tried to compromise or fit into the mold of what everybody else was doing and we wouldn't have the Ashley that's authentic and that we love. And that's what we were saying is like one of the things that you would write or if I wrote your truce about yourself is like you're authentically you. And as a result, we learn or we know or it's hard not to love you because we know what we're getting. We're

getting somebody who is authentic and who doesn't try to just fit into the normal robotic consensus that usually comes in life. And that's a beautiful thing. And I can't imagine a world where Ashley would be anybody but you. And we love you for that. Thank you. But I also don't want to make it sound like I'm conceded like I am above caring what people think. Because of course I do. Like I'll read in my comments and, you know, there's one next. comment and that's the one where I'm like, Jared, can you believe this person said this? And then like, I go there probably. So of course it gets to me. But maybe not to the extent that it does like your average person. And I feel lucky for that. Thank goodness. I don't know. I must be like in my like seventh life and not caring or whatever that is. But also it's this person, what was her? What's her name? Emma was like, I'm always comparing my job, my apartment, my looks. It's like, believe me. We. We we're all doing this.

I look at people's houses and I'm like, oh, that's so nice. I want to do that to this house. Or it's like the job thing. You're always like, oh, I'm not working hard enough. I'm not being creative enough. Not putting enough energy into my next thing. Like, believe me, we're always feeling it.

Yeah, 100%. Yeah. Again, you're not alone. Two more questions. Carly says, I love listening to the Almost Famous podcast. I've never written into a podcast before. but I really want to hear your thoughts in this situation.

My best friend is in a relationship, and I am not really a fan of the guy. She has basically given up her whole life to be with him, hangs out with his friends, does what he wants to do, moves where he wants to move, and it acts like he is the most amazing guy on the planet. She literally sees nothing wrong with him. She only hangs out with me now, doesn't talk to any other, doesn't talk to any of her other college friends. And if she's not hanging out with him, she's having a chill night at home. How do I talk to her about it without pushing her away?

See, I'm bad at this stuff because I'd be too blunt. The only person I can relate this to is my sister who in the past has been situations like this. And I have mostly never liked the guys that she's dated not referring to her fiance right now very much like her fiance but we the whole family has not liked plenty of boyfriends in the past some of them have been like nice guys that like we like love them as people or I learn to love them as people for sure but them as boyfriends have not been had a good effect on her and not had and not just been like great boyfriends and I'm just so blunt about it because that's like my sister, you know, so it's a little bit different friend-wise.

I ever not liked somebody's like, yeah, it's hard. This is hard because I'm thinking about like the boyfriends that my friends have had that like have showed me red flags. And I've got to say like I've never really said anything about it. I guess like what the best thing for me, is like when you're in the midst of a conversation with her about him, you can bring up questions about him then. Be like, oh, but what did you think about that?

Or that doesn't weird you out? Or like, does that make you feel like, like, why wouldn't you hang out with somebody when he's hanging out with one of his friends? You know, like kind of question her in the midst of a conversation that seems natural. What do you think, Ben? Well, I think you're right.

I think you have to ask questions. Yeah. but there's a level there when you start asking too many questions i think people can read through what you're asking here's the thing that this does not go into carly is not talking about what it is about this guy she doesn't like so we don't really know if he's the is the best guy in the world and her friend is just stricken with love and spending so much time with him because she can't imagine her life with anybody else and at that it's a whole different situation carly she just jealous. Exactly. And that's what I want to say. Carly, are you a little just, like, sad that you

don't get to hang out with your friend as much? And it is a natural evolution of life when your friend does meet somebody who they love, they are making that commitment. And when you go farther in your relationship and you get married or, you know, maybe you're engaged or maybe there's more years under your belt in the relationship, one thing I believe that is essential in any marriage is that you are going to put your partner first. Like you are going to put them first above your friendships. That sounds so crazy. But you are.

You're going to put them first most of the time, even above yourself, because you hope they're doing the same thing to you. So there's like some type of dance there where it's balancing itself out and it's working. And so jealousy, I felt that with my friends. I think one way I've seen that this is helpful and maybe not threatening is to call up your friend, Carly, or see her in person, and be like, hey, I am jealous of your relationship right now because I'm not in a relationship from what it sounds like Carly is saying. And I miss the amount of time we got to spend together. And I miss us also hanging out with

our friends from college that we used to do all these cool things with. And I just had to tell you this as a friend because I love you. I'm not saying this because I don't like you. I like you so much that I'm jealous that you're spending so much time with this guy and I don't want that to end. I'm not asking you to stop dating him well and stop spending time with him and his friends. All I'm asking

is for more time with you as a friend because I need you too. Yeah, I think this is a good question for you to answer too because I keep putting it into my sister's point of view because for me, my sister is my best friend

but for you as an only child you probably leaned on your best friend. friends and you probably needed them often. Yeah. And so this is a conversation I've had with them. Like that that exact statement that I just said is something I brought up to them is, hey, I've been resentful. I've gotten angry at you. I and mentally have made fun of you for all this time that you're spending with this person. And ultimately what I figured out is that I just miss you. Like I miss, I need you in my life and I need you as a friend and I love you so much I'm not willing just to, like, sit on the sidelines and wait for you to be available to me.

But I need that from you, like, I need you to pursue me in this friendship, too. And can we find a balance? Like, can we find a dance here that works for you and works for him and that we can build a friendship, you know, through that. Very good. And usually, I mean, that's a very, like, it's not very threatening. And you're also like, again, sandwiching it with this, like, I love you. Like, I'm not telling you this because I don't like you.

I'm telling you this because I miss you. Like, I want you in my life. Yeah. Well, that's if it's the case. And Carly, if it's not the case and the guy kind of sucks, then again, just kind of question her through natural conversation. Yeah, if he sucks, he sucks, totally different scenario. But we don't know that about him yet. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly and now I'm seriously suspicious. Oh, wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast. So we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend has been hanging out with his young professor a lot.

He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now, he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone. Now, hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That sounds totally inappropriate. Well, according to this person, this is her boyfriend's former professor, and they're the same age. And it's even more likely that they're cheating. He insists there's nothing between them.

I mean, do you believe him? Well, he's certainly trying to get this person to believe him because he now wants them both to meet. So, do we find out if this person's boyfriend, friend really cheated with his professor or not. To hear the explosive finale, listen to the OK Storytime podcast on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hi, my name is Enya Umanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips.

And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness. Psychobabble Yes, yes Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you

Open your free IHeartRadio app Search Emergency Intercom And listen now Imagine that you're on an airplane And all of a sudden you hear this Attention passengers The pilot is having an emergency And we need someone

Anyone to land this plane Think you could do it? It turns out that nearly 50% of men Think that they could land the plane With the help of air traffic control And they're saying like, okay, pull this, until this, pull that, turn this. It's just, I can do it my eyes close. I'm Mani.

I'm Noah. This is Devin. And on our new show, no such thing, we get to the bottom of questions like these. Join us as we talk to the leading expert on overconfidence. Those who lack expertise lack the expertise they need to recognize that they lack expertise. And then, as we try the whole thing out for real. Wait, what? Oh, that's the run right.

I'm looking at this thing. Listen to No Such Thing on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Janica Lopez, and in the new season of the Overcomfit podcast, I'm taking you on an exciting journey of self-reflection. Am I ready to enter this new part of my life? Like, am I ready to be in a relationship? Am I ready to have kids and to really just devote myself and my time? I wanted to be successful on my own, not just because of who my mom is. Like, I felt like I needed to be better or work twice as hard as she did.

Join me for conversations about healing and growth. Life is freaking hard. And growth doesn't happen in comfort. It happens in motion, even when you're hurting. All from one of my favorite spaces, The Kitchen. Honestly, these are going to come out so freaking amazing. Be a part of my new chapter and listen to the new season of the Overcomfit podcast as part of the MyCultura podcast network on the IHHHHHon.

Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Lindsay, final question of the day. I love you both and have been listening to your show for years. Thanks, Lindsay. I'm so excited about this new segment. I guess what I need advice with is dating my husband. I know it's so important to have date nights and one in one time. That's not with our baby or sitting in front of the TV,

but I am so just tired all the time. It sounds silly, but I am pregnant and have a toddler. And it's just so hard at the end of the day to get myself to do anything. I am such a morning person and my husband is very much a night out. So we both have our most energy at different times of the day. Any advice on how to overcome this? Thanks in advance. Well, Lindsay, I'm thinking afternoon dates.

That way you meet in the middle. but I also am being realistic here. You're pregnant and have a toddler. It might be one of those times in your life where you're just like, you know what? During this span of months, our marriage may not be the hottest. But once we're over this chapter,

which is inevitable, it will come again. Because marriage is, as I always tell you, it's like always in motion right it's always changing you have to keep it healthy throughout but like if this isn't going to be your sexy era um it's probably okay as long as we can rebound from this um i'm just trying to be realistic like obviously getting out for an afternoon date will be great And you should do it.

You should pepper it into this time. But as long as your husband is understanding of where you are, and I hope he is, he should just understand that it's sort of just the depths of the difficulty when it comes to creating a family. Then what do you think? Well, I think dates are very important. But I don't, when I see date here,

I don't think of like the date. that we would typically think of, Ashley. Yeah, what do you think? I think you're tired, Lindsay. I think he, your husband... We don't know where you are in your pregnancy, but obviously, side of fact. You're very tired. I think what you're asking here above anything else is intimacy.

Like, how do I find intimacy with my husband in this season of life? It doesn't have to be physical. And couples find intimacy in very different ways. Some, you know, go off with the love languages. some just need some attention some just need the space i would encourage you in any marriage i think you know me two years in not an expert but i do think jessica and i become closer when we do spend time um intentionally just together doing whatever that is we bought a game for christmas it's called the date night game and it's a bunch of cards it's probably a hundred cards with questions on it

and they range from like wild questions about like your sexual preferences to easy questions like would you rather be a astronaut or a farmer um and we play that game at night at dinner now when we sit and we ask each other like four questions each just to keep in tune we also have changed the way we communicate we used to ask each other how is your day uh and that always kind of felt weird because if it was a bad day you're having to re bring up things that you maybe don't want to talk about and so we started to ask the question and stag, can you give me your highlight and low light from the day? So every day we do a highlight and a low light.

And if there's anything in between that we've missed that you want to talk about, we can. But I always know her highlight of the day. She always knows mine. And I know her low light of the day. And she always knows mine. And that can be crazy things. Like I stub my toe on a piece of furniture and it hurt like hell. And that was my low light because it still hurts.

Or it could be really like heavy stuff, right? But ultimately what we're saying here is Lindsay, you have to find a way in this season of life, with it looking the way it looks and with you feeling the way it feels is for you two to experience some type of intimacy. And when I think of intimacy, I just think of the two of you coming together in some way. It could be physical. It also could be with communication. It could be the fact that maybe your husband loves backrubs, talking about myself here. I know, but I was also thinking I was like backrubs are a good thing. Just like lying on each other.

and like, being like, here's my arm, tickle my arm. Yeah. Like maybe what you need to ask of him, Lindsay, is to just rub your back because what it does is it makes you know that he's willing to like do something for you that it feels really good for you and probably doesn't feel that great for him or maybe you need to do vice versa. Maybe you just need to lean over and rub his back or scratch his back. There's these just small things to keep you guys connected. And when it gets harder and when there becomes more chaos in your life, I do be,

believe that the small little acts of love can keep you too close. And then as you enter into the next season of life, which will be two kids running around, like you will still be able to keep those practices in place, that you don't have to necessarily change the way you're behaving because you know that even the small little acts keep you get too connected. And I think that's really important right now. So instead of dates, let's not think about dates. Let's not I think about a seven o'clock dinner. Okay. Very, very, very nice, Ben. Very good advice from somebody who doesn't have children, but maybe this question should have been answered by somebody who doesn't have children because I'm making it like too real. And you're able to

like make it seem simple. Well, yeah, I don't know if it's, it's that like, hey, I'm going to lay my life down at the feet of your life and you hopefully do the same to me. And we're going to figure out this dance that we're both caring for each other well. And we know we both have each other's backs even in the midst of this. Chaos. So do some small stuff first. Then maybe every once in a while you'll get the energy to go out to Burger King at 7 o'clock at night and go through the drive-through. I don't know. But right now, Jessica and I do a lot of date nights. We love date nights. We have the energy for it. We don't have kids. We don't have anything stopping us from going on beautiful dates. That will stop at some point. But what it does, we'll have to figure out something else. We will. And I hope you do too it, Lindsay. Okay. Second episode of Almost Good Advice is in the books. Keep riding us in. We want to keep talking to you. If you hate our advice, I'd love to hear that too. If you think we're so wrong, you're angry, you're sitting at home, you're like, how can these two people think they got it right?

Well, the truth is, we did it. We're trying our best. And we're learning as we go, just like everybody is. If you need some advice from us, you think that it would do you good, or almost good. You can DM us on our Instagram page, almost famous podcast. or you can also email us at Ben and Ashley at iHeartRadio.com. With that, I've been Ben. I've been Ashley. See you guys.

Follow the Ben and Ashley I, almost famous podcasts on IHartRadio, or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly, and now I'm seriously suspicious. Wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, luckily, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon.

This person writes, my boyfriend's been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone. Hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That seems inappropriate. Maybe find out how it ends by listening to the OK Storytime podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, my name is Enya Yumanzoor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom.

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Hi, it's Honey German and I'm back with season two of my podcast. Grazias. Come again. We got you when it comes to the latest in music and entertainment. with interviews with some of your favorite Latin artists and celebrities. You didn't have to audition? No, I didn't audition. I haven't auditioned in like over 25 years. Oh, wow.

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or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an IHeart podcast.