The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast - Almost Good Advice Part IV

Episode Date: February 9, 2024

Ben and Ashley share some advice with brutal honesty that you won't get anywhere else! Find out how to tell someone they WON'T be in your wedding, and what to do when you and your partner aren't on the same page when it comes to "whose" house it is. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly, and now I'm seriously suspicious. Wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, luckily, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend's been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone.

Hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That seems inappropriate. Maybe find out how it ends by listening to the OK Storytime podcast and the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. How serious is youth vaping? Irreversible lung damage serious. One in ten kids vape serious, which warrants a serious conversation from a serious parental figure like yourself. Not the seriously know-it-all sports dad or the seriously smart podcaster. It requires a serious conversation that is best had by you. No, seriously.

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Search All the Smoke and listen now. Have you ever wished for a change but weren't sure how to make it? Maybe you felt stuck in a job, a place, or even a relationship. I'm Emily Tish Sussman, and on she pivots, I dive into the inspiring pivots

of women who have taken big leaps in their lives and careers. I'm Gretchen Whitmer, Jody Sweetie. Monica Patton, Elaine Welteroff. Learn how to get comfortable pivoting because your life is going to be of them listen to these women and more on she pivots now on the iHeart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts this is almost good advice with ben higgins and

ashikinetti hey team huge week of the almost famous podcast yes we had some episodes that are groundbreaking record breaking as some would say massive massive deal and this is as big an episode as we've ever done. This is called Almost Good Advice. He's kidding. I'm not kidding. I think these are great episodes. They've gotten great responses from everybody listening. We've gotten some incredible questions being written into us. It's been so fun to connect with so many of you and kind of hear where life is at and what your struggles are at. I actually feel Ashley, I'll say this. I was thinking about this today. I feel like almost good advice is keeping me younger. Oh, Ben, that's so sweet.

That's because you are really good at it. But why is it keeping you younger, if anything, you would make me feel older because you are good at it. So like you're wise and have situations under your belt. Because I'm hearing what people are like struggling with in today's age. And I don't always know. And so I feel like some of the issues in modern times are things that now I'm in tune with and touch with.

And I feel like I'm only going to get younger and more in touch. I feel like if we do almost good advice for another, 20 years, 30 years, when I'm a grandpa, they're going to be like, wow, grandpa, you're so cool. You know about the future and you know about, we know, modern times. And I'm like, yes, I do, kids. Yeah, no, I'm also very grateful that we're not dealing with these issues that these people are dealing with, too, with relationships and, well, like this first one about wedding party. there's a couple really juicy people asking us for advice this there's a few really juicy

questions not on juicy people i mean i'm sure they're a little juicy uh people you know you know when i say juicy people what i think of like juicy couture because that's what i think of no of you peeing your pants the other day on the podcast yeah yeah so you guys make sure to listen to that it was a funny moment all right yeah i'm going to read this question to you like we usually do you're going to answer first and I'll follow up. Usually I agree with you and maybe I have a thing or two to add, but it's really fun to hear your take first because I do feel like you come, we come from two different perspectives, but also the same mentality. So here's the first question. So I'm anonymous. This has got to be juicy. Anonymous asked, my question is, how would you handle

telling a friend they won't be in your wedding party? For context, I'm in my late 30s and newly engaged and want a small intimate bridal party with my closest friends. I have a long-distance friend that I used to be very close with. However, over the past year or two, I feel like our friendship has really distanced. We rarely speak. And when we do, it's surface level. However, she still considers me one of her closest friends,

although we are both at fault of not putting energy into our friendship. I simply feel like we've begun to outgrow the friendship in a lot of ways. I would like her to be at my bachelor's party, along with other girls who will also not be in the bridal party. How would I go about handling that with her? She owed a conversation. She'll definitely assume she is in the bridal party. And I imagine being very hurt.

She finds out she's not. I hate confrontation, but not sure if it's best to address this or actively. I know this should be one of the happiest times of my life. But I feel an embarrassing amount of anxiety over this situation. And I don't want anybody to be hurt. Okay. Okay. So my first reaction is you just don't have to tell her. I assume that if you're not asked to be a bridesmaid, that you're just not a bridesmaid. Do you know what I mean? I don't know that people like have conversations about not being asked to be bridesmaids. And then I think it's totally normal to have the bachelor party be a bigger deal or have more people at your bachelorette party than are in your bridal party. pretty standard and then I also think that if you just if you're truly this anxious over it

and you don't want to hurt her well then the other option in my opinion is just to suck it up and have her be in your bridal party because then you could just take that weight off your shoulders but really I don't think that you owe her a conversation if she wants to bring it up once she realizes she's not of course you can have the conversation it's not going to be fun and then you're going to feel like your friendship's even more strained but you can't exactly help if she's the one who brings it up

I'm sorry if my answer is avoidant but that's probably how I would handle it I think it's very fair actually I think I would strongly disagree with you I felt like you did I felt like you would two things here that you said I think One thing I very much agree with you on is if there is one person who you know will be hurt from not being in your bridal party and you are thinking about it and it's bringing on anxiety, then I do think one of the options is just to add her to your bridal party unless you're trying to make a statement.

It's not going to, yeah, it's not going to ruin your day to just add her. You're not going to look at her and be like, ugh, why is she walking down the aisle? That is definitely the easiest way to make sure this works or that there is no pain. I will say also, Ashley, from being married myself, one of the hardest things about a marriage or getting married your wedding day is this moment. It is really the only time in your life, if you think about it, that you're really telling your friends, distant or not, that you want them by you,

that you're that close or not, right? It's a really sad, hard thing. It's really hard to do. I had a big, you know. Did you have, like, 12 groomsmen? And then you had, like, ushers that you counted as, like, the other group. you're the second tier definitely and some of those guys would be standing up with me today all right like some of those friendships I knew would be continuing and so I had a big group and there are still

people left out it hurts it's not fun I didn't like it and honestly there was a moment where I talked to Jess and I was like let's not have anybody standing up with this because we either have them all or we have none of them like telling my friends who I love and who I care about who have been good to me that they're not in that inner circle is not fun okay. so that's it we get it like i understand where you're feeling i do think you owe her a conversation and the reason is is because this is the happiest day of your and uh it is the day that you are getting celebrated is the day that the attention is going to be on you and it's also the day that now your friends are really going to know where they stand and go i think the best answer here honestly

is to have her in your brighter party if she is one person that you're like i just really feel like she's going to be her have her up there like that that that you there's no reason for your happiest day to cause somebody else pain. Like, that's not fine. But if you're not going to, then I do think a phone call to simply walk her through where your mind is at. I think I do think that will help her probably just feel like she's in the no. It will probably leave a lot of questions left answered instead of unanswered.

And I personally in my life feel a lot more pain when questions are unanswered and not answered. When there's confrontation at some level, it doesn't have to be vicious. It doesn't have to be mean. It can be full of love like, I love you so much. We have grown apart as friends and I've grown closer to some other people. And as a result, I want those people standing up next to me because we're having a limited amount of people standing up next to us. But I want you to know that I love you and I want us to get closer together.

This doesn't mean this has to be the end of our friendship. It can mean it's a new beginning, but we have grown apart. But I do feel like if I was in the situation where I wasn't invited. to one of my best friends or somebody I believe it was one of my best friends, you know, to stand up next to them. I'd want them just to call me and tell me so that in my mind I wasn't thinking, my goodness, do they hate me now? Did I do something to hurt them? Why did I cause so much pain in their life that now they don't even want me around? I would, I'd have those questions to answer. So I'd say you, my opinion, Ashley has hers and I have mine. But my opinion is

confront it, talk about it, doing in the most loving way possible, or freaking have on your wedding like honestly that's my my best answer is get her to stand next to you i think we should probably just like meet in the middle here and you and i tell her it might be to us to just have her in the wedding unless i get if you're talking intimate like you're having two or three girls up there that is a little different but if you're having five then just throw her in there 100% that's honestly like that's my answer now if somebody wrote us in at some point actually and said hey i have four girls that are going to be hurt, then I would say a whole different conversation, a whole different situation, we're going to handle this differently. But if it's one person,

yeah, Mrs. Anonymous, I guess, up to this point. If it's one person, have her in your wedding. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly and now I'm seriously suspicious. Oh, wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast. So, we'll find out soon. This person writes, My boyfriend has been hanging out with his young professor a lot.

He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now, he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone. Now, hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That sounds totally inappropriate. Well, according to this person,

this is her boyfriend's former professor and they're the same age. And it's even more likely that they're cheating. He insists there's nothing between them. I mean, do you believe him? Well, he's certainly trying to get this person to believe him because he now wants them both to meet. So, do we find?

Find out if this person's boyfriend really cheated with his professor or not. To hear the explosive finale, listen to the OK Storytime podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hola, it's Honey German. And my podcast, Grasasas Come Again, is back. This season, we're going even deeper into the world of music and entertainment with raw and honest conversations with some of your favorite Latin artists and celebrities. You didn't have to audition? No, I didn't audition. I haven't auditioned in like over 25 years.

Oh, wow. That's a real G-talk right there. Oh, yeah. We've got some of the biggest actors, musicians, content creators, and culture shifters sharing their real stories of failure and success. You were destined to be a start. We talk all about what's viral and trending with a little bit of chisement, a lot of laughs, and those amazing vibras you've come to expect.

And of course, we'll explore deeper topics dealing with identity, struggles, and all the issues affecting our Latin community. You feel like you get a little whitewash because you have to do the code switching? I won't say white watch because at the end of the day, you know, I'm me. Yeah.

But the whole pretending and cold, you know, it takes a toll on you. Listen to the new season of Grasas Come Again as part of my Cultura podcast network on the IHartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast.

My name is Ed. Everyone say, hello, Ed. Hello, Ed. I'm from a very rural background myself. My dad is a farmer, and my mom is a cousin, so, like, it's not... What do you get when a true crime producer walks into a comedy club?

I know it sounds like the start of a bad joke, but that really was my reality nine years ago. I just normally do straight stand-up, but this is a bit different. On stage stood a comedian with a story that no one expected to hear. The 22nd of July 2015, a 23-year-old man had killed his family. And then he came to my house. So what do you get when a true crime producer walks into his family? a comedy club. A new podcast called Wisecrack,

where stand-up comedy and murder takes center stage. Available now. Listen to Wisecrack on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What would you do if one bad decision forced you to choose between a maximum security prison or the most brutal boot camp designed to be hell on earth? Unfortunately for Mark Lombardo,

this was the choice he faced. He said, you are a number, a New York State number, and we own you. Shock incarceration, also known as boot camps, are short-term, highly regimented correctional programs that mimic military basic training. These programs aim to provide a shock of prison life, emphasizing strict discipline, physical training, hard labor, and rehabilitation programs. Mark had one chance to complete this program and had no idea of the hell awaiting him. him the next six months.

The first night was so overwhelming, and you don't know who's next to you. And we didn't know what to expect in the morning. Nobody tells you anything. Listen to shock incarceration on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Sarah asks when I, 30-year-old females, say, our bathroom or our house, etc. My husband, 30-year-old male, always has to point out that, It's his house, et cetera. Nope.

Nope, divorce him. Continue. Bob down, Ash. He'll stop me and say my house. And when I get upset, he goes, it's my house, but since I'm yours, you get to live in it. Damn, that's disgusting. Let me finish. Okay.

Makes me feel so shitty when he does that. He sort of does it in a joking way, but it happens without fail almost every time. And I've tried to tell him, it's. hurtful and he just laughs and says he's kidding. For context, he bought a house last year right before we got married. I was part of the entire process since we already lived together, but he put his savings into the down payment and it was his name on everything for obvious reasons. I had recently spent the last of my savings to pay off student loans and was only doing freelance remote work so I wasn't really bringing in much money and was trying to focus on my mental health. He has a really

good-paying job and always said he was happy to support me. I've even talked about getting a job in my field again, if that would make him happy. And he assured me that I don't need to. But now, it just feels like because his money is what buys mostly everything, that I'm some mooch just living off of it. Mind you, I'm pregnant with our first kid, do very soon. This was all disgust extensively that I was to be a song, stay-at-home mother. So why does he feel the need to hurt me like That does he secretly wish I was working and bringing home more money? Does he think I'm pathetic? It makes me feel like I'm an effing roommate.

He hasn't paid rent and he's doing me a favor. And another thing that confuses me is if my parents, relatives ever want to give us anything, like a wedding or baby shark gift, he gets annoyed because he wants to be the one to buy that stuff for us and doesn't want to rely on their people. Goodness gracious, Sarah. this is actually like a moment to, I feel like take a step back and understand that this is a lot more serious than what this question even probably relays. I think, Sarah, if we were with you right now, like, you were looking for somebody to hear you and to understand that, like, you're hurting. And I read this and Sarah, I understand why you're hurting.

So if you're listening to this podcast, just know, if you're really mad and you're feeling about an inch tall and your confidence is shot and you're kind of, of walking on eggshells and you're confused at like why your partner is talking down to you in this manner and why he's treating you this like i would understand why you're feeling up uh i get it sir i read your question and the advice like there really wasn't a question for advice here it feels like more of like a somebody getting something off their chest i think i my advice to you would honestly be to put your foot down like to stand up and tell him this isn't okay and whatever he's wanting whatever he's asking whatever he feels like he can hold this over you in a powerful way is is something that he needs to stop because one I've never met a couple

who has one part of the partnership holding anything over the other or treating them as a less than or completely, you know, using their power that's worked, that's been healthy, that both partners have felt like they had the ability to thrive and survive and be the best versions of themselves. And so if you want this marriage to work, I will say, you need to put your foot down now. You've got to be the bigger person.

You've got to confront. this head on and say, no, this isn't okay. This language needs to stop because you're hurting me. And if he doesn't respond well to that, then obviously he's okay with hurting you. And he's not really listening to the needs and desires that you have in life. And he really doesn't want to see you be an equal partner in this relationship. And I think then you go into a whole different set of conversation. You're having a baby.

You're carrying the child. You have the power right now. You're doing a lot of work. Yeah, like you have the power. Like you are the boss. That's my first thought. I think the second thing is there's probably some pain that he's feeling or some need to maybe be that for you.

Like he probably thinks it's sexy in some way that he's the provider, whatever that means. Even though, you know, I do think there's a role in life for both the man and the woman to provide for their partner. I don't think that it's ever been healthy throughout history where one person feels like they're the provider for the entire household. They are the one carrying the weight because quite frankly, you're going to be a stay-at-home mom you're carrying a lot of weight he might go off to work he's carrying a lot of weight you're coming back together at home you're both doing this thing together no matter what and it's been that way

throughout history we just never said it like if we've always promoted work over stay-at-home moms and that's just not true and I think we're at a place in telling life now where we realize that the stay-at-home moms are doing as much if not more work than anybody going off to work or whatever job they're getting paid but I do think you need to put your foot down I think this needs to be a different kind of conversation. I think you need to humble him a bit with the language that he's using towards you, not because you need to get your power back. That's not why I'm saying this. It's because if you want this marriage to be successful long term, there has to be an equal partnership in the household, which means equal language needs to be given and equal opportunity

needs to be a balance and what is allowed, what's not allowed, what's said, what's not said. And so if you want this marriage to work, now is the time to tell him, hey, hey, hey, buddy this isn't fine pretty much completely agree with ben i think this might be an issue for couples therapy that'll best be hashed out there with a professional and a mediator i recently had a friend go to couples counseling with their significant other because of a situation very similar to this where like all of where all their problems came from kind of like shared household duties and shared financial responsibilities because he saw it one way and she saw it a more traditional way but he saw it in more of a possessive like my money your money situation and I come from

a family like my mom was a stay-at-home mom ever since I was born and my dad was always the worker and it was very traditional like that but it's always been my parents money it's never been my dad's money. It's like when we go to dinner, one time Jared said, which is very early on in our dating, went to dinner and my, and Jared thanked my dad for dinner. And I go, no, no, no, no, you think my mom and my dad, because it's their money. So I just am coming from the belief where I know it's different these days. And of course, you know, you can have divided bank accounts and all that, you know, some solo bank accounts, some joy bank accounts, I totally respect any way you do it, but I don't think that this way is the healthiest.

This is different than that. It just seems too much of a division point. And I would say this is probably an issue for a professional. I mean, I highly recommend couples counseling. I think we've said to every podcast so far that Jessica and I've been in couples counseling since the beginning, not because we need saving in our relationship, but because we need those tweaks. We want to stay healthy in our relationship.

It's something that I'm going to on Wednesday, actually, with her. No, yeah, Wednesday. It's just a thing in our life now. It's not uncommon, but stuff like this could get brought up. A mediator could sit there and tell you, hey, have you thought about this way? Is this the healthiest past? I do agree that is a good option. But something needs to be done.

This is a very, very unhealthy statement that he's, you know, and even the question, like, the fact that he doesn't take gifts, I think, speaks more to his mindset than it does to maybe how he views his wife, though. Yeah, the Gifts thing could be like a whole different, it's a whole different branch of this conversation. The fact that he refers to it, like if you guys are out with friends and he says, my house and not our house, that's very strange to me. It's so weird.

Sarah, we've given you our advice. but we're we feel for you we understand um that you're hurting and in your question i read it and i'm i'm getting upset for you because um quite frankly when i mean i'm at least in my belief system in my faith system when i say i want to commit to somebody for the rest of my life through marriage. It's not that I want to hold power for them. It's that I need a partner. I need a friend.

I need my lover to stand by me. And we're going to do this together now, together at every level. And I doesn't feel like this marriage right now that he's allowing you guys to do this together. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly. And now I'm seriously suspicious. Oh, wait a minute, Sam.

Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend has been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now, he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone. Now, hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That sounds totally inappropriate.

Well, according to this person, this is her boyfriend's former professor and they're the same age. And it's even more likely that they're cheating. He insists there's nothing between them. I mean, do you believe him? Well, he's certainly trying to get this person to believe him because he now wants them both to meet. So, do we find out if this person's boyfriend really cheated with his professor or not?

To hear the explosive finale, listen to the OK Storytime podcast on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. The Super Secret Festi Club podcast season four is here. And we're locked in. That means more juicy cheesement. Terrible love advice.

Evil spells to cast on your ex. No, no, no, no, no, no, we're not doing that this season. Oh, well, this season, we're leveling up. Each episode will feature a special bestie, and you're not going to want to miss it. Get in here! Today, we have a very special guest with us. Our new super secret bestie is The diva of the people. The diva of the people.

I'm just like text your ex. My theory is that if you need to figure out that the stove is hot, go and touch it. Go and figure it out for yourself. Okay. That's us. We're in the head. That's us. My name is Curley.

And I'm Maya. In each episode, we'll talk about love, friendship, heart breaks, men, and of course, our favorite secrets. Listen to the Super Secret Bestie Club as a part of the My Cultura podcast network available on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hi, I'm Janica Lopez, and in the new season of the Overcover podcast, I'm taking you on an exciting journey of self-reflection. Am I ready to enter this new part of my life? Am I ready to be in a relationship? Am I ready to have kids and to really just devote myself and my time? I wanted to be successful on my own, not just because of who my mom is.

Like, I felt like I needed to be better or work twice as hard as she did. Join me for conversations about healing and growth. Life is freaking hard. And growth doesn't happen in comfort. It happened in motion, even when you're hurting. All from one of my favorite spaces, The Kitchen. Honestly, these are going to come out so freaking. Amazing.

Be a part of my new chapter and listen to the new season of the Overcomper podcast as part of the My Cultura podcast network on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hola, it's HoneyGerman,

and my podcast, Grazie's Come Again, is back. This season, we're going even deeper into the world of music and entertainment with raw and honest conversations with some of your favorite Latin artists and celebrities. You didn't have to audition?

No, I didn't audition. I haven't auditioned in like over 25 years. Oh, wow. That's a real G-talk right there. Oh, yeah. We've got some of the biggest actors, musicians, content creators, and culture shifters, sharing their real stories of failure and success. I feel like this is my destiny.

You were destined to be a start. We talk all about what's viral and trending with a little bit of chisement, a lot of laughs, and those amazing Vibras you've come to expect. And of course, we'll explore deeper topics dealing with identity, struggles, and all the issues affecting our Latin community. You feel like you get a little whitewash because you have to do the code switching? I won't say whitewash because at the end of the day, you know, I'm me. But the whole pretending and code, you know, it takes a toll on you.

Listen to the new season of Grasas Has Come Again as part of My Cultura Podcast Network on the IHart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Mary Clear writes in, what's a subtle? way to break up with my boyfriend for a dead bedroom. For reference, I am 21 years old and my boyfriend is 23. I have been dating the guy that I love for three years, but we have had a dead bedroom for two and a half years. I've tried everything, but get rejected 90% of the time. It's gotten to the point where I'm seeing a psychologist because all of the insecurities that rejection causes me reflects in my life with friends and myself.

It's really sad because I believe that is the only problem in our relationship, but I feel like this is ending me. I've tried to communicate a million times, but he just says that I am addicted to sex. We only have sex once or twice every two weeks and only one round. I'm not sure if I should keep waiting for a change or do something about it. Well, I guess, Mary, it's up to you on, I don't know. I just, you guys obviously have just two totally different appetites for sex. And we, I don't know how personally you should take it with him, whether it's, I would say that even though it's getting to your insecurities, my gut is that he just is not that sexual.

He doesn't need it that much. But of course, that doesn't mean that you're not going to take. take it personally. I totally understand how that rejection would hurt. I don't know how else to elaborate because it's really just going to, it seems like it's just coming down to appetite for it. And if you have such incompatible, if you're so incompatible there and it's going to emotionally affect you and you're so young, then perhaps it's just, it is time. to give up with the relationship. But are you deciding?

Are you trying to decide to end the relationship? Or are you trying to work it out? Because the question is, what's a subtle way for me to break up with my boyfriend? I don't even think you have to come up with a subtle way, because this seems to be such an issue in your relationship. You can just be like, this isn't working for me. I need more intimacy. So we're just going to have to end it now.

What do you think? Well, I think this is a whole different question If they didn't start with what's a subtle way to break up my boyfriend Like it feels like the question is I'm done Right? Yeah, it sounds like but then when you read the paragraph it sounds like The only problem in the relationship is that is this So that sucks

Sure it does Okay, so the question that you're asking is how do we break up? I think a breakup is hard, it's ugly, it's never done well Both sides are hurt it's awkward, you're telling somebody you don't want to be a part of your life anymore in a romantic way. My advice for any breakup ever

is rip the band-aid off and just do it. Like, you're not going to say the right words. They're going to be hurt no matter what. So just dive in. Any breakup, there's no, like, here's the trick to saying it so that both sides walk away perfectly fine. It's not going to happen.

So just break up with him. Tell him maybe why. So he knows what he did wrong. wrong so that he can maybe grow on that for the future. And maybe with his next partner, he does realize that the needs, the intimacy needs of his partner are very important to keep and check and to not to shame or guilt or judge. I also say this would be a different conversation if you guys were married.

So one thing here that is to point out that your boyfriend and girlfriend. So he hasn't made that commitment to you. you haven't made that commitment to him yet. You guys don't have like the commitment to each other yet as boyfriend and girlfriend to where you could say, hey, as my partner, I desire sex with you more. That's something that I think once you get in the marriage, you can start having those conversations. I feel like she's had this conversation. Sure, sure.

But what I'm saying is he hasn't made the commitment to her yet in a marriage situation where he said, yes, I want to be with you for rest of my life, where he has to be like, well, you know what? Once you get married, I feel like there's a level there where you're talking to your partner and you're like, we're going to try to do this thing forever. And as a result, I want to try to be the best partner to you and satisfy your needs, especially when it comes to sex, right? Like you're talking about things.

Maybe you're a couple that's into some, you know, freaky stuff. And you're going to tell your partner, hey, I like it when you do this. Or I want you to try this or that in marriage. I do think there's already the commitment behind it to be like, as a partner to you, I've agreed to be the first and last stop for you when it comes to sex. When your boyfriend and girlfriend, if you're saying, hey, he doesn't desire sex and I do, then it might be best for you to find a partner that does. You can move on.

In marriage, you just can't move on. That's not an option, at least in our household, is just to move on. You've made a commitment. We're going to try to figure it out so that we both are making sure we're, the best partner for each other as often as we can. And that's why we communicate about it. You know, that's why we talk about it. That's why when you would, you know, with your boyfriend, you come to him and say,

hey, I need to be intimate with you more. I want to be intimate with you more. It brings up, I lack in confidence when we're not intimate, when you turn me down. I think he right now has the ability to say, well, sorry, I'm just not the right guy for you then. But I do believe there could be a guy. So to break up with him, just break up with him. end it, but I think when it comes to intimacy part, now you know what you're looking for in your next relationship that you can be clear about with your partner to hopefully find somebody that as you

enter into a long, committed relationship with them will be more able to satisfy your needs and your desires. And maybe this guy will find, you know, somebody that just likes to sit on the couch and eat popcorn. Yeah, it happened, like this, the issue happened too early in your relationship and it's affected you too much and you're too young for it all. So it probably isn't the right one. And while you think that your relationship is practically perfect besides this, I'm sure you'll find somebody then realize that this future person is far more perfect for you. 100%. Yep. This is just a breakup. You move on. But it sounds like you've done the communication part. You've expressed your needs and desires. It's not being reciprocated. It's not being

respected so you move on to somebody that will this has been almost good advice this is some great questions goodness gracious uh again i do feel younger after this we hear you we feel for you we feel with you we're to try our best every week to give you decent advice uh advice that will cause more healing than hurting uh in your personal lives and in your relationships and your work lives whatever the questions kind of fall back on so until next week I've been Ben. I've been Ashley. Thanks for listening, guys.

Hi. Follow the Ben and Ashley I, almost famous podcasts on IHartRadio, or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly, and now I'm seriously suspicious. Wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, luckily, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend's been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her.

Now he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want or gone. Hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That seems inappropriate. Maybe find out how it ends by listening to the OK Storytime podcast and the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Don't let biased algorithms or degree screens or exclusive professional networks or stereotypes. Don't let anything keep you from discovering the half of the workforce who are stars. workers skilled through alternative routes rather than a bachelor's degree. It's time to tear the paper ceiling and see the stars beyond it. Find out how you can make stars part of your talent strategy at tear the paper sealing.org.

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