The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast - Almost Good Advice Part VI

Episode Date: March 8, 2024

Ben and Ashley are back with more advice for for listeners! Find out what to do if your job takes you to a different city than your partner wants, and how to deal with the expectations of your parents!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly, and now I'm seriously suspicious. Wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, luckily, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend's been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone.

Hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That seems inappropriate. Maybe find out how it ends by listening to the OK Storytime podcast and the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, my name is Enya Umanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh, my God, perfect.

And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. Our IHeart Radio Music Festival, presented by Capital One, is coming back to Las Vegas. Vegas. September 19th and 20th.

On your feet. Streaming live only on Hulu. Ladies and gentlemen. Brian Adams. Ed Shearin. Fade. Chlorilla. Jelly Roll.

John Fogarty. Lil Wayne. L.L. Cool J. Mariah Carey. Maroon 5. Sammy Hagar. Tate McCray. The offspring, Tim McGraw.

Tickets are on sale now at AXS.com. Get your tickets today. AXS.com. What would you do if one bad decision forced you to choose between a maximum security prison or the most brutal boot camp designed to be hell on earth? Unfortunately for Mark Lombardo, this was the choice he faced. He said, you are a number, a New York State number, and we own you. Listen to shock incarceration on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

This is Almost Good Advice with Ben Higgins and Ashley Iaconetti. Hey guys, welcome to another episode of Almost Good Advice, or as I like to call Ben Sermin, because Ben rocks this segment. so we have a question and it is intense there's lots of parts to it so stick with me here this is from michela the headline is should i take the job even if my boyfriend is against it so here's the situation she kind of like lays this out like it's a science a scientific experiment so that is her like number one question she's trying to figure out then she says the situation i'm studying and writing well this makes sense my thesis right now and I have a shi job in my city and I hate it. Now I have an offer for a job

I really want to make. I also am doing part time with my thesis. Now know that I am done in three months and they express they want people to stay and work there. It seems I'm trying to put things together, it seems like she is kind of working for this place through her thesis. Her says, she says her point, colon, it's an hour drive and my boyfriend is fuming and wants me to deny the offer. These are her arguments. Number one, it's the field she wants to work in. And that's a chance to have the job right after she gets her degree.

It's a great point. Two, I asked and they offer two or three home office. office days for their full-time employees. And if everything turns out the way I think I would have my foot in the field that I want to work in, and I could still live normally with him and could even apply for different jobs in a year without having the fear to find nothing. Number three, I could sleep at my parents for a day or two per week if the driving money is a thing.

They live in the city that the job is. Four, it's nearly impossible to find something. thing I want to do in the city that I live in. Five, I don't think it's that easy to find a remote job on the spot, especially as a junior. Yeah. Six, in the worst case scenario, I get my degree and I don't find a job for months or I have to take

the next day thing. And seven, I don't think they would hire me for three months and just kick me to the curb after I get my degree. Okay, his arguments are one. I don't want you to drive that much it's too much money two i don't want you to see your parents i want you home three i can do the shitty job till i have my degree then apply somewhere remote and four what if they don't offer you the full-time job after you're done writing your thesis after the next three months so in

conclusion i'm so done with the discussions it really makes me sad that i feel like i can't do what i wish for. P.S., he is working remote and refuses to move for my job situation, so I search for jobs nearby. Ben, in our previous episode, you're talking about how like you're disappointed in the men based on some of the messages that we get. I'm again, disappointed in this man. And it's a serious red flag that he doesn't want her seeing his, seeing her parents. I knew that would say now to you amongst everything else. Because I love going home. Yeah, because if somebody,

if Jared would ever say, I don't want you to go back home, you'd be like, all right, this is, this is something. You do not find this alarming that the guy doesn't want her

to hang out with his, her family? I don't think it's the most important piece of this by any means. Okay. Well, let me also just say that I think that he just seems

super controlling and at the age that they are right now, assuming that they're juniors in college. If you're writing a thesis, it's not a thesis. It's not a college thing.

No, you're, yeah, you're not. You're probably in your master's. You're in a master's program. Yeah, you're in a master's program.

So you're three, you know, it's a four year master's program of some sorts. Perhaps. Let's assume that. It makes more, I mean,

it would make more sense given where they're out in their life, what they're talking about, that he's working a job, that she's writing a thesis and working that they're not doing their undergrad right now. Yeah. Okay.

I still feel like he sounds like he's controlling and his arguments aren't strong enough to, in my opinion, have her not take it because if this is like an issue that you're having currently while you're young and in school, I just don't know. He just sounds like somebody that I I would be worried about you making like big decisions within the future

if this is really rattling him so much that you have to drive an hour twice a week. Yeah, so what's your advice? I think my advice is just like to do you, girl. You just make the your decision. Like you make the decision. They're not married. I know, but nowhere here is she referencing that she doesn't want to be with him.

I'm not saying break up. I'm just saying make the decision for your career because right now you should probably be putting yourself first. Okay. So your advice is you're not married. You might want to be with this dude, but just do it and make him figure it out. I think he should be supportive of her career right now. It's not like she's moving across country. She's really like so many people have an hour long commute daily. And if she only has to do it twice a week, I don't really know what the situation is here. Yeah. I mean, I think I think it's very obvious, right? What you just said is that

you know, he's being controlling, but the advice would be, hey, you need to do this. This is that important to your future and to what you want that you need to make the decision to take this job and make him, again, figure it out, handle it, see how, you know, just get behind you and support you. She just needs to go, that your advice is just go take it because you've told him that you want to and that you're not married. And if he doesn't like it, then you can can take the next best steps but right now go take the job that's your advice i think so okay but the way you word it to me makes it feel like i'm missing something i don't think you are talking it out more no i really don't think you are okay i'm missing a thing i think you're your spot i mean right i'm not

the keeper of the truce i don't know if my advice is any good or not i know i'm like then we have I don't know if I have the right advice or the wrong advice. I have no idea, but I'm listening to you and I'm like, I think that's what I would do as well, is take the job. She seems passionate about the job and her field. It's not even like she's in a situation where she's like, oh, you know, maybe I like it. Maybe I won't. It seems like she really wants to do it. Yeah. It's very obvious she wants to do it. She just wrote us a whole email that's bullet pointed with seven different re arguments on why she wants this job and his arguments why she shouldn't have this job she obviously wants this job i i don't love a few things here that just kind of stick out to me one is

kind of how she ended it and um she ended it with her last sentence and said so i searched for jobs nearby that feels like settling right and being married and and go kind of dating you know in life I will agree with most people's opinion is never settle. And I think that oftentimes is kind of a word thrown out there. And you don't really know what that means because sometimes settling can mean never settle for anybody that's not perfect for you. And that's just never going to exist, right? We're humans.

We all have our problems. You're going to have to learn to love the inefficiencies and the things about your partner. you'll learn to love the stuff that maybe you didn't know you could learn to love. So settling is a thing sometimes. It's not settling for anybody less than what you hope for in a partner, but you are compromising and you're committing to somebody to love them through sickness and in health. And I don't love those settling when it comes to things that are controllable. So that's one part, right?

My wife is the biggest supporter of me. It is one of the coolest things when you get in. into a relationship with somebody and I believe that I can do far greater things today than I could have six years ago before her. I can do far greater things because she's a supporter of me. She's on my team. She's got my back. She pushes me. She asks me the questions that matter. She makes me consider things and reconsider things. And as a result, I believe I'm a better man today than I was six years ago because of her. I don't want to speak for Jessica here, but I would hope that she would also say in her life,

a stressor is not my commitment to seeing her pursue her dreams personally, whatever those may be, spiritually, emotionally, physically, career-wise, that she knows that whatever she's pursuing, if I disagree with those pursuits, I'll ask some questions. But if I know that her heart's in the right place and we come to, you know, understanding why she's dreaming of the things she's dreaming of, that, you know what, I'll get my rally cap on and let's go. Like, I'll be her biggest fan.

And I think that's so valuable in a relationship, especially when you're young. You know, you don't have a family yet. You don't have those responsibilities that are keeping you tied down maybe to a household, right? The both of you being tied down to this household. So I'd say right now in your life, one of the healthiest suggestions I could give

is to explore and to take offers of jobs and to take some risks and to probably fail a few times and try again a few times, but just go out there. And if you found a job in a field that you care about and a job that feels like a dream job to you already at this point in your life,

that is an opportunity not to pass up. And if he had some other arguments that were maybe a little more understanding and maybe they had some complexities that would make us go, yeah, that makes sense. Then I would say, yes, sit down with your partner and talk this through and see if you can both come to a solution,

here but all these arguments that he mentioned are very selfish like they're completely selfish on his part and if he's coming at this perspective of himself and not what's best for you that's not somebody that right now you do you need to be making these big life decisions for so i agree with ashley take the job um tell him you're going to take it don't just like not you know show up one day and be like yeah i took that job an hour away tell me you're going to take it but tell me we're to take it because you dream of this job. This is your, what you imagined your perfect job being, this is not an opportunity you want to pass up on at this point and that he is going to have to understand that

this is something that you are dreaming of. And see, how he responds. And if he doesn't respond well, I think that is pointing then to a bigger question that maybe you'll write back to us one day. I don't even want to tell you how to handle that because I don't think it's fair to get that even in your head. but I agree with Ashley take the job go do it and I do want to clarify because you brought it up

I agree with you wholeheartedly that like at this stage in your life you should be like complete champions of doing whatever the other one wants career wise but then like yeah when you're married and you have kids that's going to be more of a compromise when you have to like make family moves and like talk about the amount of time you're investing in your family Yeah. They're not there yet. I mean, that's that's not a thing they need to even really be considering. I mean, your boyfriend, girlfriend, like run your races. I mean, it's, you know, this is one of the reasons why I think the subject of should we live together or not is one that's an interesting subject. I think one of the unhealthy things about living together is these situations that we're speaking of right now. If you weren't living together, then he has no say, really. I know. I was thinking that too. It was like,

Like, okay, so he is talking about the gas money to get an hour away twice a week. I'm like, are you guys doing that yet? Like, are we, is it your money, his money? Or like, if you combined it, even because you're living together, it is getting a little hairy. Yeah, you've definitely, you've tied your lives together, it sounds like, it's some way. And I think that would be one of the reasons. And there's reasons on both sides that we could speak to at some point. but one of the reasons why living together at this point is complex because you are allowing

the space for these decisions to be made together and I don't know if your commitment level is to that point where you get to have a say really and what the other person is doing. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly and now I'm seriously suspicious. Well, wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend has been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now, he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone.

Now, hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That sounds totally inappropriate. Well, according to this person, this is her boyfriend's former professor and they're the same age. And it's even more likely that they're cheating. He insists there's nothing between them. I mean, do you believe him? Well, he's certainly trying to get this person to believe him because he now wants them both to meet. So, do we find out if this person's boyfriend really cheated with his professor or not? To hear the explosive finale, listen to the OK Storytime podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

Imagine that you're on an airplane, and all of a sudden you hear this. Attention passengers, the pilot is having an emergency, and we need someone, anyone, to land this plane. Think you could do it? It turns out that nearly 50% of men think that they could land the plane with the help of air traffic control. And they're saying like, okay, pull this, until this. Pull that. Turn this. It's just, I can do it my eyes close. I'm Manny.

I'm Noah. This is Devon. And on our new show, no such thing. We get to the bottom of questions like these. Join us as we talk to the leading expert on overconfidence. Those who lack expertise lack the expertise they need to recognize that they lack expertise. and then as we try the whole thing out for real wait what oh that's the run right i'm looking at this thing listen to no such thing on the iHeart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your

podcasts hi my name is enya umanzor and i'm drew phillips and we run a podcast called emergency intercom if you're a crime junkie and you love crimes we're not the podcast for you But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free I-HeartRadio app.

Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. My name is Ed. Everyone say hello, Ed. Hello, Ed. I'm from a very rural background myself. My dad is a farmer. And my mom is a cousin. So, like, it's not like...

What do you get when a true crime producer walks into a comedy club? I know it sounds like the start of a bad joke, but that really was my reality nine years ago. I just normally do straight stand-up, but this is a bit different. On stage stood a comedian with a story that no one expected to hear. On 22nd of July 2015, a 23-year-old man had killed his family. And then he came to my house. So what do you get when a true crime producer walks up? to a comedy club.

A new podcast called Wisecrack, where stand-up comedy and murder takes center stage. Available now. Listen to Wisecrack on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right. Her next caller, next writer, is James. The big question is family or mom.

own desires. My family is pretty religious and I've been struggling with a certain desire that I've had since I was very young. And all I want to ask is if it's worth displeasing them and our belief system for this. Should I leave home and run away so I can chase my desires or should I just stay focused on what I'm doing right now? Please give your thoughts and opinions. Okay. So again. Vague. Vague. Yeah.

So it's hard for us to give advice with something this vague because, again, we don't know. So I think we could probably simplest down to the first question, family or my own desires. Do I follow the expected hopes and dreams of my family or do I pursue things for myself? It would probably be how you could simplify this question. there is an interesting caveat where he adds that his family is pretty religious so this sounds like

whatever he is desiring is not going to fall in line with their the view of what is morally right and wrong and so he is going to cause a conflict James believes in their life

Ashley take it away you can't hide from this your whole life you're not going to live a happy, healthy life if you keep this in and away from your family. I would just hope that at some point and at some point it would hopefully be soon

that your family would learn to accept it and all of you. But I certainly don't want you to abandon your family. I think it's just something that you're going to have to like kind of talk to and like I think hopefully you can just have a conversation with them and not have to do anything behind their back. I feel like they'll be more mad about the lies.

Yeah. This is a question so many people are asking right now, right? I mean, it's, I think the, when I spoke at in Belmont, North Carolina, at that church here last week, one of the quotes that I like to say these days is I hope the church can be known more for what it's for than what it's against. And right now it feels like the church is known for what it's against. and that saddens me because I don't believe as followers of Jesus that Jesus would have been known more for what he was against. I think he was for people. He's for the outsider.

He was for the people hurting. He sat with people who were by society standards considered less than. He dined with them. He washed their feet. He brought them up. He listened to them. He heard their stories. He walked alongside of them.

And I don't know where we've confused this notion that we should be really putting our stakes in the ground. And I say we as like a church community to push people aside. I think the big question here really is the church or religious people is a family of people of faith seems like the way I'd like to phrase that should they be the oasis in the desert or the desert in the oasis like should you feel safe and loved and cared for by them or should they be the ones to push you out i don't know maybe to do what to try to teach you a lesson or to tell you they're against you and i've always believed uh based on my faith tradition that the family is a unit that should make you feel safe that is it is your oasis in the desert it is

As the world tells you you're this and that, they'll tell you the opposite. They'll tell you that you're loved and that you're cared for and that they believe in you. And so I'm hoping, James, that's the dynamic you have in your family. I hope that for you. I don't necessarily feel capable of speaking to your question of should you follow your own desires. I don't think that is actually valuable here. What I will say is that I hope that you find a community and that you find love and that you find support in who you are as a human and who you really are as a human that you find because I don't know exactly what you're speaking to here. And I think it would be unhealthy for us to assume and then also to give advice based on that.

But what I will say is that you're, if your desires for whatever you're wanting, bring a light to you, bring a joy to you, bring a fulfillment to you, bring a health to you and those around you, then I would hope you'd have the opportunity to speak to your family. I hope your family is a place where you feel loved, welcomed, heard, understood, listen to, and that they desire to know you fully and to know you well and to care for you. however that care needs to be given. So that would be my advice is hopefully it's a safe place. If it's not,

I've never in my life believed or asked or wanted somebody to try to live up to the expectations of others just to try to please them. I don't think that is a path to a life of impact. dude I'm like so funny it's so funny you have like the term life of impact and I'm like I'm not sure you would live your happiest healthiest life you're saying the same thing well this has been another almost good advice we want to hear from you we want to talk with you we want to walk through your questions with you we can't promise wisdom we can't promise answers but we can promise is consideration. And we're so glad that we get to do this with our listeners.

It really does feel like it's bringing our listeners into our lives and hopefully vice versa. The responses have been incredible. The emails are flowing in. It has added more hours to our wonderful producer's job, which is always something she desires because she doesn't get paid by the hour. So the more hours, hey, really less money. So it's great. But we have enjoyed it.

And so until next time, I've been Ben. I've been Ashley. Bye. Follow the Ben and Ashley I, almost famous podcasts on IHeartRadio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly and now I'm seriously suspicious.

Wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, luckily, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend's been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her.

Now he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone. Hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That seems inappropriate. Maybe find out how it ends by listening to the OK Storytime podcast and the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, my name is Enya Umanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not. the podcast for you. But if you have

unmedicated ADHD Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness psychobabble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free I-HeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom. And listen now.

Everyone thinks they'd never join a cult. But it happens all the time to people just like you. And people just like us. I'm Lola Blanc. Blanc. And I'm Megan Elizabeth. We're the host of Trust me, a podcast about cults, manipulation, and the psychology of belief. Each week, we talk to fellow survivors, former believers, and experts to understand why people get pulled in and how they get out. Trust me, new episodes every Wednesday on exactly right.

Listen wherever you get your podcasts. What would you do if one bad decision forced you to choose between a maximum security prison or the most brutal boot camp designed to be hell on earth? Unfortunately for Mark Lombardo, this was the choice he faced. He said, you are a number, a New York State number, and we own you. Listen to shock incarceration on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an IHeart podcast.