The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast - Almost Good Advice Part VIII

Episode Date: May 27, 2024

Ben and Ashley are ready to share their non-professional advice for YOUR questions! Is a box of condoms in your partner’s nightstand a red flag? And find out why Ben thinks a 2 hour FaceTime is his worst nightmare!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. Hi, my name is Enya Eumanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble.

Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your... free iHeart radio app search emergency intercom and listen now hi i'm jonica lopez and in the new season of the over comfort podcast i'm even more honest more vulnerable and more real than ever am i ready to enter this new part of my life like am i ready to be in a relationship am i ready to have kids and to really just devote myself and my time join me for conversations about healing and growth all from one of my favorite spaces the kitchen listen to the new season of the overcomper podcast on

the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. I just normally do straight stand-up, but this is a bit different. What do you get when a true crime producer walks into a comedy club? Answer, a new podcast called Wisecrack, where a comedian finds himself at the center of a chilling true crime story. Does anyone know what show they've come to see? It's a story. It's about the scariest night of my life. This is Wisecrack, available now.

Listen to Wisecrack on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Everyone thinks they'd never join a cult. But it happens all the time to people just like you. And people just like us. I'm Lola Blanc. And I'm Megan Elizabeth. We're the host of Trust Me, a podcast about cults, manipulation, and the psychology of belief. Each week we talk to fellow survivors, former believers, and experts to understand why people get pulled in and how they get out.

Trust me. New episodes every Wednesday. on exactly right. Listen wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, it's Honey German, and I'm back with season two of my podcast. Grazias, come again. We got you when it comes to the latest in music and entertainment

with interviews with some of your favorite Latin artists and celebrities. You didn't have to audition? No, I didn't audition. I haven't audition in, like, over 25 years. Oh, wow. That's a real G-talk right there. Oh, yeah. We'll talk about all that's viral and trending

with a little bit of cheesement and a whole lot of laughs. And, of course, the great bevras you've come to expect. Listen to the new season of Dresses Come Again on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. This is the Ben and Ashley I, almost famous podcast with IHeartRadio. This new segment, almost good advice,

has been something we've really enjoyed doing. And as listeners, we really appreciate you listening. Your feedback and your insights and your questions have been amazing. It's been a bit since we did an almost good advice, not because of a lack of success, mostly because of the success of the almost famous podcast and all the interviews we've had coming out and all the great people we get to talk to. But your questions have been piling up in our inboxes. And so today, we're doing an almost good advice. We got some good questions. Ashley, take it away. The first one is probably our juiciest.

It's from Anonymous It says, I found a box of empty condoms At my boyfriend's place And we don't use condoms And before you jump to the Okay, maybe it's an old box And he's a messy dude Who just keeps empty things around

Well, her boyfriend, 30 years old And she, 28 years old, have been together for over a year Almost two years. Anyway, I'm allergic to latex And I've been on birth control for years So we've never used condoms In fact, we've never even mentioned or talked about using them.

Well, today I found a box of condoms in my boyfriend's underwear drawer, and it's empty. And he most definitely didn't use them with me. What do I do? What would you do? You guys live alone? It's in his underwear drawer. Oh, it's bad, bad stuff right here. what you got to do is confront him and you have to,

he might give you bullshit and you might have to figure out how to see through it. He might tell you the truth, but it's really hard for me to believe that that box has been sitting there empty for two years. At the beginning of this, you said before you jump to the conclusion that this could be an old box, you said, don't do that. Why did you say don't do that? well I said well thinking that like they were in a new relationship a newer relationship yeah

two years changed that for you but two years sitting in the in the drawer I don't know would you I don't know not shocking if somebody left a box of something in their drawer for two years I know I'm thinking the same thing like my nightstand I definitely have things I probably haven't used for two years I mean this is this to me is um this would be a really difficult thing to find. My advice would be don't let your mind go to the worst possible place right away. But can we at least admit that it seems like the most possible of all of the things? I actually don't know if it's the most possible. Really? You're very sweet. Well, I just would hate for their mind to jump to this, oh my gosh, this is awful. This is what's

happening who's it happening with kind of like path before the mean my advice is have the conversation i mean you found it in a place this is different than finding it on its phone if you found on his phone or a computer it gets really hard because then you're like hey i was kind of like looking into your stuff i had a reason to look into your stuff i i intentionally was trying to find something i i'm assuming here with his underwear drawer you weren't trying to find anything that uh was going to be bad you're probably putting laundry away you probably put laundry away you found this and so i think you go hey what is this like you just have to ask the question now like what is this i found these uh and you could i think in this situation the

the best statement to make is i i trust you and so i don't want my mind to jump to like worst possible scenarios but it's hard for my mind not to jump there and so i want to ask you what this is so that you can tell me and if it is If it is worst case in error, I want you to be able to tell me that too, because that's only fair to both of us. I think going in with that is helpful because it won't lose trust if it is maybe a mistake. Like, hey, I've had it there for three years. I totally forgot it was in there, not a thing, I promise, whatever.

You not attacking right away, not making assumptions right away will still hold the value of trust in your relationship and allow them the space and kind of the calmness in your voice and your tone to tell you also, hey, yeah, I have been messing around. And then you can get as mad as you want, really. You can fire away. Or you can be, you know, forgiven for it, which it was a whole different conversation. But you've got to go into it, like, take up deep breaths, be very calm about it, very at peace about it before kind of like jumping down the throat and making all the

assumptions. I think it's just having that conversation in a calm way, leaving the space open. for the two of you to actually have a conversation, even if that conversation isn't going to go in a path that is what either of you maybe want. And so just tell, hey, I found this. I don't want my mind to jump. I trust you.

What is this? And then allow him the space to tell you. Our next question is from Jenny. My friend always has negative feedback about my plan. I have this friend whom I always support. I give her all the advice that she needs when she has a plan or is asking for some ideas. She wants to start a business, a business that I have already,

but I, but because of some reason, I stop. And now she wants to try that thing. She asked me about it and I share with her almost everything. And then when the time comes that I want to start a different business, I ask her for some ideas and everything she says is negative. Now I have doubts if I will continue my plan or what. I know that I can do it myself, but I'm just thinking,

is she going to be here to encourage me? What do you think? Should I continue my plan and start the business or just listen to her? Okay, so Jenny, I'm just trying to get this straight. You want a business?

You have an idea for a business and she keeps poo-pooing the idea, but then she also kind of wants to take on the idea and do it herself. Ben, is that how you're interpreting this? How I'm interpreting this is that Jenny has a business, right now that her friend also wants to start a similar business too when she says that sounds like a copycat and very annoying she wants to start a business a business that i have already but because of some

reasons i stopped the business and now she wants to try that thing so jenny had this business she has stopped it because of some reasons that she's not telling us her friend now wants to start a similar business and jenny is sitting there now kind of without a job i'm assuming and going hey, I want to start a new business, something that was not like my old business, and her friend is kind of poo-pooing the ideas and giving her negative feedback. Like, is she even just somebody to trust with throwing out ideas too? Yeah, is the question here. Yeah.

I mean, probably not. Do you have another friend that you can talk to you about ideas? Because it seems like, one, she kind of stole your idea. And two, she's not even really supportive. so like find someone else to talk to is my advice I always come with the simple advice Ben I actually think she's being a good friend I want friends when it comes to especially business I know the saying is business is business I think I'm not like I don't love mixing business with friends it's not always the best but I mean I'm saying I actually do like

mixing business with friends. You know, most of the things I do are with friends. I think business is the saying. I don't think that's always true, but I do think there is a world in which it is true, meaning it's not true when you are hurting somebody else in the pursuit of your success. I don't think business is business. I do think business is business when it comes to honest feedback and opinions from people you trust and love and that love you. I can't tell you if you should start this business or not. I don't know what this business is. I don't know the plan you have. I don't know the model you have. And I don't know your skill set. And if you are built to run this business, I don't think you should just jump to find a friend that's just

going to be your yes person. That's why good boards exist within organizations is because the board should never be the yes person. They should always be the one asking the questions, digging a little deeper, being critical, making you answer some of the thoughts and ideas that they have because it's only going to make you better or more prepared for the difficult situations. The only reason that I say that like she hasn't been supportive and like she's she hasn't been critical in a good way is because she ended up just stealing the idea and taking over the business, which makes me like worried about her morality here. You know what I mean? Yeah, but if I had a business. Okay, for example, podcasts. If I have a podcast, almost same as podcast, this podcast

stops. And then you go on to do another similar show on your own without me. Am I going to lose my trust in you as a friend? Not at all. It's not going to be easy, maybe. I'm not going to be like, I'm going to have questions for you, of course. Like, hey, what's going on here? Why don't you, you know, why don't you ask me to be a part of this. But you have every right to do that. And it's not you being a bad friend. It's you seeing maybe a gap or a hole in what we have here almost famous and saying, I think I could do this better on my own without Ben.

And then you do it. And that's okay. That's not a morality issue. That's just you saying, hey, there's only one way this model works in my mind right now. And that model works with, you know, Ashley and Jared co-hosting it together. or you and somebody else, or you doing a loan. I'm not against this friend saying, hey, you stop doing this business and now I think I want to do it

because I saw what you went through and I disagreed with you on some of your decision-making and I felt like I could find success in ways that you didn't. So I'm going to take it over and I'm going to try it my way now because I learn from you. I want to give you the credit for learning from you, but I learned from you and, you know, I think I can do this thing. I don't have a problem with that.

And I also don't have a problem with some friend being critical of whatever pursuits you have next. Starting a business is not easy. It's not just fun and games. It's really hard. It's oftentimes going to cost a lot of money. And your success is going to be dependent on how you handle chaos and how you get launched.

And so I think your friend hopefully is coming from a spirit of love and support, but asking questions that they have on their mind to maybe poke holes in what you're trying to build. So either you can adapt and evolve or, You don't do it so you don't end up on the back end of a really bad pursuit. Okay. That's a respectable answer. Thank you, Ben.

For being so understanding. Well, I have friends, I mean, when I start something, I have friends that I trust deeply who have told me, no, don't do it. Like, what are you thinking? Like, this isn't going to work. Like, have you thought about this and this and this? Those are the friends I would still call tomorrow if I had something going on. Because hopefully at some point in their life, too, they've been. and they've said, no, I think this is a good idea.

Let's run. Yeah. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly, and now I'm seriously suspicious. Well, wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend has been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her.

Now he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone. Now hold up, isn't that against school policy? That sounds totally inappropriate. Well, according to this person, this is her boyfriend's former professor, and they're the same age. And it's even more likely that they're cheating. He insists there's nothing between them. I mean, do you believe him? Well, he's certainly trying to get this person to believe him because he now wants them both to meet.

So, do we find out if this person's boyfriend really cheated with his professor or not? To hear the explosive finale, listen to the OK Storytime podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hi, my name is Enya Eumanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect.

And want to hear people with mental illness, psycho babble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free IHeart Radio app. Search Emergency Intercom. And listen now. Imagine that you're on an airplane and all of a sudden you hear this. Attention passengers, the pilot is having an emergency and we need someone, anyone to land this plane.

Think you could do it? It turns out that nearly 50% of men think that they could land the plane with the help of air traffic control. And they're saying like, okay, pull this, do this, pull that, turn this. It's just, I can do my eyes close. I'm Manny. I'm Noah. This is Devon. And on our new show, no such.

thing, we get to the bottom of questions like these. Join us as we talk to the leading expert on overconfidence. Those who lack expertise lack the expertise they need to recognize that they lack expertise. And then as we try the whole thing out for real. Wait, what? Oh, that's the run right. I'm looking at this thing. Listen to no such thing on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. My name is Ed. Everyone say hello. From a very rural background myself, my dad is a farmer, and my mom is a cousin, so like, it's not, like... What do you get when a true crime producer walks into a comedy club? I know it sounds like the start of a bad joke, but that really was my reality nine years ago.

I just normally do straight stand-up, but this is a bit different. On stage stood a comedian with a story that no one expected to hear. Well, 22nd of July 2015. A 23-year-old man. had killed his family and then he came to my house so what do you get

when a true crime producer walks into a comedy club a new podcast called Wisecrack where stand-up comedy and murder takes center stage available now listen to Wisecrack on the IHeart Radio app

Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts the Super Secret Festi Club podcast season four is here. And we're locked in. That means more juicy cheesement. Terrible love advice. Evil spells to cast on your ex. No, no, no, no, we're not doing that this season.

Oh, well, this season, we're leveling up. Each episode will feature a special bestie, and you're not going to want to miss it. Get in here! Today, we have a very special guest with us. Our new super secret bestie is the divo of the people. The divo of the people. I'm just like text your ex. My theory is that if you need to figure out that the stove is hot, go and touch it.

Go and figure it out for yourself. Okay. That's us. That's us. My name is Curley. And I'm Maya. In each episode, we'll talk about love, friendship, heartbreaks, men, and, of course, our favorite secrets. Listen to the Super Secret Bestie Club as a part of the Michael Tura podcast network available on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast.

This is from Joey. Me and my girlfriend are in college and we've been dating for over a year now. During our honeymoon phase, we would spend almost every moment and every night together and we would never fight. I'd say six months down the road after summer and the next year started, we would tend to argue and fight more, but we would still spend every moment with each other. And I feel like it's unhealthy because she gets frustrated or mad whenever I try to do something. with my friends, or if I want to do something on my own. Her best friends and her have recently been in a huge fight for months, and it's looking like they won't be friends again, because she has put so much energy into me and not her best friends, which has resulted in her not having

any more close friends other than me, and two other people she just started recently hanging out with me on the other hand i still put effort and hang out with all my best friends and when it comes it but but it comes with a price every time right now in an argument whether it's me golfing watching sports or just wanting to go hang out with friends it results in an argument and it's getting very frustrating i tried to set boundaries with her by sleeping on my own once a week but every time it came to that it would result in a fight i'm not sure if anyone has dealt with a girlfriend who has separation issues, but it's to the point where even if we are not in the same state for summer, she constantly feels like she has to have me on FaceTime all day long.

For example, last night, we were on FaceTime for two hours. And I told her, I'm going to smoke weed and watch a show. And she got very mad at me because I felt like I didn't even talk to her, even though it's been two hours. It's to the point where I'm not, if I'm not with her, or doing something without her, she gets very upset and starts a fight. I'm just looking for advice and other people's opinion on this. You're down a bad cycle, my friend. I don't know where it went wrong, but it did, and now she's that girl. I understand your first race. I understand your first I have a best friend that when we became best friends, she became very possessive to the point where, like, she got very jealous every time I would hang out with another friend.

And it really upset me. And it was a short-term thing and she got over it and blah, blah, but I just remember being very upset about the frustration that would come when I'd be like, oh, I can't hang out today. I'm going to hang out with so-and-so. That's the closest comparison I have, and this is way deeper, which is your girlfriend who you've been with for like about a year and a half now. It's not a good, it happens a lot that people end up distancing themselves from their friends when they're in a new relationship. So she's now dependent on you for the friendship element as in addition to the romantic

relationship element and I don't know how you go back because it sounds like if you're going to bring this up to her that she's just going to get very she can get heated she's going to deny it all well it's you're right it's not going to get better um this is not going to magically fix itself and it honestly i've i've never known of a scenario where um talking through it fixes it either this feels like a personal growth moment for your girlfriend and probably yourself too. Both of you need to grow. I'm not saying grow up, mature, all those. I'm not saying you're not that.

I'm just saying this feels like a moment where the two of you are no longer compatible as a couple and you aren't making each other your best selves. Because a few hints. One, she's lost friendships being with you. That doesn't mean that you've caused it. it just means that she's lost friendships during the time of your relationship. That's not healthy for anybody to be losing people that you love and that care for you because you are now with somebody else.

Also you, you sound exhausted. You sound resentful. From the message that you said, it sounds like you are constantly walking on eggshells to not be in trouble. So here's my advice. It's not going to get better. you've got to make the decision of what you now foresee your life looking like. Do you want this as a partner forever? Do you want to continue this path where as you get married, you know what?

You're never able to hang out friends. The two of you are together all the time. You have very little freedom of your own. For me, I read this and I get anxiety because as an introvert myself, there's many moments where I have to be away from Jess. It doesn't mean I'm going to hang out with friends necessarily, but I'm going away. Like I'm doing my thing. I'm going to lunch by myself or I'm going to a movie by myself or whatever. She just understands that. She accepts it.

She loves it. She appreciates it. She just knows that's going to make me my best version of myself. I think your girlfriend needs to ask herself, how is Joey going to be the best version of himself, for us, for his friends, for his family, whatever? and she has to kind of as we said early she has to commit to allowing you that space you have to also ask that for her for her say how is she going to be the best version of herself in this relationship so here would be my advice honestly this is hard advice you got to take a break

you've got to cut communication for a period of time so that both of you can kind of take a deep breath and grow on your own without each other. Rebuild maybe past relationships. Commit to a period of investing into friendships and then not give up on the idea that there in the future could still be a potential for the two of you to get back together. But before you do that, you got to grow. Because right now, the two of you, at least from this email, your girlfriend is very dependent on you and having that dependence to that level will never go well in the long term. You can't be her everything all the time at every moment.

We're not made for that as humans. She has to take some time to invest into herself, to invest into things outside of you, to ask herself to question why she's so dependent. And then maybe you can get back together as that growth has happened because I've seen that happen. I've just never seen it a couple continue on. this path and it get any better at any moment.

Very good. I'm surprised, actually, Ben. I thought you were going to have an alternative, a fix. But I, but like in my, but the anxiety that is built from this story between you and I. You know too many people. You've known too, we've all heard so many moments of this is in college too. Like if this was in your 20s, like 26, 27 going up to 30, you'd be, we'd all be reading this like, whoa.

something really weird is happening here. This is a very common thing, Joey. Like when you ask, have you ever heard of this before? Yes, all the time. In every friend's relationship in college that I've ever had, one of the people were questioning why I'm not spending as much time together, you know, whatever. It's not uncommon.

I've just never seen it continue without there being some break to kind of revisit who, what they care about and who they are is people outside of their relationship. So that's my opinion. All right. Well, guys, that has been almost good advice. We appreciate you for listening. Send in your questions and concerns and stories to Ben and Ashley at iHeartRadio.com. Until next time, signing off, this has been Ashley.

And I've been Ben. I've been Ashley. What's going on with you? I don't know. Follow the Ben and Ashley I, almost famous podcast on Eye. radio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. Hi, my name is Enya Humanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips.

And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psycho babble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free.

Heart Radio app, search emergency intercom, and listen now. Everyone thinks they'd never join a cult. But it happens all the time to people just like you. And people just like us. I'm Lola Blanc. And I'm Megan Elizabeth. We're the host of Trust Me, a podcast about cults, manipulation, and the psychology of belief. Each week we talk to fellow survivors, former believers, and experts to understand why people get pulled in and how they get out.

Trust me, new episodes every Wednesday on exactly right. Listen wherever you get your podcasts. I just normally do straight stand-up, but this is a bit different. What do you get when a true crime producer walks into a comedy club? Answer, a new podcast called Wisecrack, where a comedian finds himself at the center of a chilling true crime story. Does anyone know what show they've come to see? It's a story.

It's about the scariest night of my life. This is Wisecrack, available now. Listen to Wisecrack on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Every case that is a cold case that has DNA. Right now in a backlog will be identified in our lifetime. On the new podcast, America's Crime Lab, every case has a story to tell. And the DNA holds the truth. He never thought he was going to get caught.

And I just looked at my computer screen. I was just like, ah, gotcha. This technology is already solving so many cases. Listen to America's Crime Lab on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Do we really need another podcast with a condescending finance brof trying to tell us how to spend our own money? No, thank you. Instead, check out Brown Ambition. Each week, I, your host, Mandy Money, gives you real talk, real advice with a heavy dose of I feel uses.

Like on Fridays, when I take your questions for the BAQA, whether you're trying to invest for your future, navigate a toxic workplace, I got you. Listen to Brown Ambition on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. This is an IHeart podcast.