The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast - Ben's Book Party LIVE!

Episode Date: February 26, 2021

We’re throwing a live Bachelor party to celebrate the release of Ben’s book “Alone in Plain Sight”!Your favorites from Bachelor nation stop by to share the intimate moments they unlocked by after reading Ben’s words. Dean Unglert, Jared Haibon, Becca Tilley, Blake Horstmann and Wells Adams are all in on the action! Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. Hi, my name is Enya Eumanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble.

Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your... free iHeart radio app search emergency intercom and listen now why are tsa rules so confusing i'm manny i'm noah i'm noah this is devon and we're best friends and journalists with a new podcast called no such thing where we get to the bottom of questions like that why are you screaming i can't expect what to do now if the rule was the same go off on me i deserve it you know lock him up Listen to No Such Thing on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

No such thing. I'm Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford, host of the Therapy for Black Girls podcast. I know how overwhelming it can feel if flying makes you anxious. In session 418 of the Therapy for Black Girls podcast, Dr. Angela Neal-Barnett and I discuss flight anxiety. What is not a norm is to allow it to prevent you from doing the things that you will. want to do the things that you were meant to do. Listen to therapy for black girls on the I-Heart Radio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. The Super Secret Bestie Club podcast season four is here. And we're locked in. That means more juicy chisement. Terrible love advice. Evil spells to cast on your ex. No, no, no, we're not doing that

this season. Oh. Well, this season we're leveling up. Each episode will feature a special Bestie, and you're not going to want to miss it. My name is Curley. I'm Maya. Get in here! Listen to the Super Secret Bestie Club on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. I just normally do straight stand-up, but this is a bit different. What do you get when a true crime producer walks into a comedy club?

Answer, a new podcast called Wisecrack, where a comedian finds himself at the center of a chilling true crime story. Does anyone know what show they've come to see? It's a story. It's about the scariest night of my life. This is Wisecrack, available now. Listen to Wisecrack on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is the Ben and Ashley I, almost famous podcast with IHeart Radio. What's going on, everyone? Jared, we're doing a live event for the second time, but this time it's not our Help I Suck at Dating Live. It's even better because we're almost famous live.

We're almost famous, the story of our lives right there. the story of our lives, and we're live with Almost Famous. Of course, Dean and Jared here, a host of the Our Heart Radio podcast, Help I Suck Get Dating. We're very excited to be like the opening act over here for Ashley and Ben. Yeah, that's the funny thing, too, is we're the opening act. So, I mean, hey, listen, all the greats at one point or another were opening acts, Bob Dylan, the Beatles. I'm sure at one point in their opening for someone bigger than them, it's our moment to shine. baby we can't mess this up well i'm hoping next year uh tanya and becca will open up for us

and then like we'll just go full circle you know what i mean right right right well someone will have to open for tanya and beka too next year there's going to be some other people yeah but you know they're going to work their way up you know right right um tonight is about ben ben higgins and his brand new book that he worked incredibly hard uh on for over a year you know it's about it already alone in plain sight. This is Ben's brand new book. It's fantastic. I can't praise it enough. And we're just super excited for him. And Ben's going to be obviously here with Ashley and answering questions about the book and how he wrote it, what inspired him to write it. So I'm very excited. I am very excited, Dean. I mean, I'm excited too. Anything that involves

Ben, I'm always on board with. I'm still waiting for my time with Ben where we can sit down together and he can just read me his own book page for page. That's really, that's going to be I'm sure, the highlight of my 2021. Yeah, that's what I'm looking forward to. Well, set the scene for us. So, like, what, is it going to be a dark, dim room and there'll be like a little spotlight on Ben? Perhaps he's maybe wearing some glasses, drinking a scotch, smoking a cigar while he whispers sweet nothings, including his introduction of the book, into your ear. Before I paint the setting for exactly how I anticipate Ben to read me his own book, I do want to tell, well, I think we should both tell everyone that's watching right now,

that we can read the comments. So be sure to send in any questions you have in the comments, and we want to answer them here live on Almost Famous Live for Ben's book. Anyways, back to the setting where I imagine Ben reading me his book. You know, there's going to be a lot of candles. That's obvious. It's got to be in the van, too. So a cigar being smoked in the van probably a lot of hazard.

But yeah, candles all over, you know, I hope that the thing is, I want there to be like some sort of like oil where, you know, it could be like kind of like a joint book reading slash massage. But I don't know how that would necessarily work. But I think there's a way that we can make it work. Oh, yeah. I want Ben to be making this face the entire time he's reading it to you. No smile. Right. No, nothing.

Just this face. And he doesn't make eye contact the entire time either. No, obviously. He always looks away. Eye contact. Then it makes it weird. Like, we don't want to make this weird. Right.

We want the eye contact to not be broken. That makes it less weird. Yes. So, of course, everybody please send in your questions. We'd be more than happy to answer. Like we said before, Dean and I are the, opening act. So we're going to be here for another five, maybe 10 minutes. And then of course, Ben and Ashley, your usual almost famous host will be here. And there'll be some special

guests coming in throughout the evening, including possibly, I don't know, a guy who maybe has made a margarita or two down in a beach in Mexico. We also have some former bachelor contestants that are going to come on that, of course, you know their names. We know their names. But we do have a question in the chat dean do you want to read it to us uh well yeah so i see a question here jared what is your favorite ben memory or moment oh favorite ben memory uh so i talk i actually wrote this in a caption when i was writing ben's book before the wedding dean you were passed out so i don't know how much remember this but we were all hanging out uh at a house that one of the guys rented and it was all the groomsmen all you guys ben was there my dad was there and um

That is definitely one of my favorite memories ever with Ben. And Ben and I somehow made our way outside and it was just the two of us in the driveway. And no, we did not make out, but I would have totally been down for that. But sorry, Ashley's. I'm joking. Anyway, but we were in the driveway for like 15 minutes just talking about life and how crazy it was that we here I am about to get married to someone that I met on reality TV show, surrounded by some of my closest friends that I met from said reality TV shows. So that is definitely one of my favorite Ben memories.

What about you, Dean? Yeah, that's a good one. I would say mine would have to center around every time Ben and I see each other for the first time in a long time. And I think this Ben goes back doing this with like a lot of his buddy. So this is not just a me memory. I'm sure a lot of his friends have very similar memory of him. But he always goes, everybody watch out. He's here every time he walks into a room, and it is the most electrifying thing I think I've ever experienced.

Every time I experience it, it just, it's absolutely amazing. And that happened after Ben and I hung out a lot on winter games. And so every time I see Ben, he screams out at the top of his lungs and then gives the biggest bear hug. So it's just, that's like one of my favorite Ben things. He's like Ray and the Rock Johnson. He's just the most electrifying man in professional sports. It's electric. It's absolutely electric.

It's absolutely electric. Jared, this question is from Sophia. What are your Valentine's Day plans? I'm going to cook for Ashley. We're going to stay home and I'm going to cook. I made a pizza a couple last week or a couple days ago, I forget. But I'm going to make a pizza for her again. She loved it.

And, you know, I might have some flowers or something along those lines ready to go. Maybe some chocolates. But yeah, we're going to stay in, have a bottle of wine. I'm going to cook for her. and that's our Valentine's Day. What about you? Nice. Are you staying in for it, huh?

Yeah, it's just, I don't know. It's going to be crazy out there. Probably restaurants are going to be packed. You know, packed with social distancing, obviously. So it's just better to stay home. Yeah, it's going to be very similar for us. We're probably going to stay home. I'll probably try to cook something.

But we're, it's like so funny because even like for New Year's. And obviously, like, we're in a pandemic. So no one's really doing anything. But like, I was like sleeping by 8.30 p.m. on New Year's. Valentine's Day is definitely another one of those days where it's like you can go to restaurants and that's great but it's like it's A it's like safer to stay in and do it yourself and B it's just like it's more enjoyable anyways like I would rather just stay home and have like a nice meal and a couple glasses of wine so that's probably what we're going to be doing I think well that sounds like a great night and then of course like you said nobody's doing anything except for Tom Brady he's having boat parades down in Tampa oh there's oh my god I almost said pippa um um um um um um We just had someone, Kylie just asked, where is Pappy? And he was sitting here next to me. He just wanted to say hi real quick.

Happy. Oh, Lois is way over there. I can't get her. Also, it's Jordan's birthday. Happy birthday, Jordan. Happy birthday, Jordan. If you want to shout out from Ashley, just go to camio.com, and you can book us there. I'm kidding.

Jordan, happy birthday. We hope it's a great one. Thank you so much for tuning in. this one also is from from odette beautiful name dean how are you and kaelin doing are you guys going to have kids soon oh oh that's a that's a funny question oh we're doing good you know no complaints we uh it's funny because like we definitely you know obviously i've been spending a lot of time together with quarantine well not you know with just this whole pandemic that's going on so we've been spending a lot of time together um and there are times where we get like a little

irritated with each other but for the most part on the grand scheme of things things are going well we like done a good job of like giving each other space when we need it and when we are together everything is fine and we're not going to have kids any time in the near future whatsoever pappy's enough for us for for the next 5 10 15 years but you know i'm sure kaelin's on the same page with you on that one 15 years you fit 20 maybe 30 we'll see do you guys want to rush into things obviously. I also noticed Dean that the flow is coming back. Your hair looks quite nice. Well, you know, actually it's funny because I was going to tell you that I think, did you get a haircut? I did. I did. I was liking how messy it was getting. You were looking like very

lea-la, like Titanic or something like that. I looked like I could have a van myself. It was getting pretty shaggy. Right. I would thought that there was going to be one day we'd be driving down the highway. I looked to my left and there you are driving your conversion van down the road. Yeah, I wonder what Ashley. I would, we should honestly, we should honestly, do that just for Instagram content. I think Ash and I should live in a van for a month and just see what happens. I want to see Ashton. I would give you

anything you wanted. I would give you Pappy for a month. I would pay you money to try living in the van for the month. I mean, one, well, the money is great, but honestly, Pappy's enough. I'd love to live with Pappy for a little. I think you would be fine in the van. I just can't imagine Ashley.

No. Well, you can't bring an entire glam room into the van. The one I'm in right now. Literally, the lighting good because she has this huge like five foot vanity. I don't think that's fitting in the van doors. The vanity in the van. I don't know. It could work. Maybe one day, Jared. Maybe one day. Anyways, you guys, you, you bared with us for a solid 10 minutes. We're so sorry you had to sit through all of that. But the main event is coming up. Ben and Ashley are going to be hopping on for their live, almost famous. Is there anything that we want to say before we get out of here? Are we staying

Or are we leaving? I think we're bringing Ben in. Hey, you're out of here. Everybody watch out. Piggy! It's electric. It's electrifying. I don't know.

I don't know. Boy, thank you so much for the introduction. You guys are great. I know you have a lot going on in life, but the fact that you came here to hang out with us tonight is very, very special. Also, Dean, I think you not need to talk. I'm sure the people out there listening could get on board with this.

Ashley Ikenetti in a van for two weeks. Two weeks would all be I need. And it would be incredible. I'm down. Let's do it. That would be fun. Well, actually, that wouldn't be fun. That wouldn't be fun.

That would be funny. Right. Think about, you know, when you're old and gray, you could look back and be like, remember those two weeks I lived in that van? It's one of those adventures that I feel like you would not enjoy experiencing, but the memories would be really good. Have you guys ever had a vacation like that?

Yes, absolutely. I would tell like any big excursion I go on, I'm like, this is horrible. And then you look back and you're like, okay, that was actually pretty epic. Yeah. That was special. Well, hey, just to give a rundown of tonight, we do have somebody that makes margaritas, drinks on the beach coming on here to hang out. He's somebody special.

We did have Jared and Dean and you guys are great. Again, it's help I suck at dating, which is a great podcast. It's very fun. good content. It's not only bachelor focused, but you kind of expand outside of that world. It's been, what, three years now? Yeah, we're in our fourth year. We're going strong. Yeah, only getting stronger. Oh, man, I have a feeling there's more to that. Also, to let everybody know tonight, tonight, a portion of the proceeds are going to save our stages. In fact, right before this, I did a meet and greet, and Ashley did a meet and greet as well with a few

people who are watching right now. And I got to talk to a wonderful young woman who works in New York City in the theater industry and she was telling me how much she's been affected by COVID. I mean, it's been shut down and they're talking about another, you know, six to 12 months before Broadway can even book again. And so, you know, that's six to 12 months where your career has been put on pause. And so it's a big deal and it's needed. It's not going to talk about enough.

So a portion of the proceeds that I are going to save our stages. And, hey, what stops you from going out there and just donating to them on your own? yeah yeah absolutely i miss broadway um hey you know i'm going to ask you guys to stick around for a second because dean said something a little bit ago um and here's the next thing in the in this live turn and i'm going to read to everybody and i would love for if you guys give me 10 minutes that i could read to you um that would mean a lot to me yeah everybody out there um so real quick i'm going to intro the book if that's okay uh yes ben this is your show we want it totally to be about you. So just seriously take it from here, read anything you want. We're excited.

Yeah, you can read the paper if you want, your book. Well, it's listening to. For everybody out there watching, this is a really big deal to me. And alone and plain sight is a project that started two years ago. I'll tell you a little bit of background. I was going through a really weird time in life where I was feeling super disconnected, very isolated, really alone, and confused on how to even get there, to get back to a place of connection, or if I ever had been at a place of connection. So I started journaling, all these thoughts down because I was going through counseling, kind of advising me to write down my thoughts when I was happy, when I was sad,

when I was disappointed, lonely, and try to point to the common threads in it all. And as I wrote this, I kind of just continued to compile my thoughts, expound them a bit. And one day, Thomas Nelson Publishers came to me, and they said, would you ever want to write a book? And I said, I would love to write a book. I just don't know how I'd write about. I don't want to really write a tell-all. I don't have many secrets to share. The show was pretty easy on me. And so I don't have a lot of hidden secrets to it. And they said, well, what else could you speak on? I said, well, I do write a lot in my journal. And they said, if you wouldn't mind making that your book, that would be fantastic. What's your

journal about? And so then I had to start going back through my journal and finding common themes that I could find that would allow me to tell a story. So here's a theme I came up with. As I look through the things that connected us the most as humans, I found two things in common, one of which will be shockingly dark and heavy, and it's what I'm going to read about in a second. The other one is still kind of heavy and dark,

but I hope it gets to a place of light for all of us. The one thing that we all have in common is that we're going to die. And that sucks. I know it's not fun to think about. I know it's weird to think about, but it's true. I know a lot of us watching this, a lot of us here have had family members who have passed away. It's affected us deeply and yet we're all connected through that shared pain, which is to my second point. I think we can all have things that we celebrate in life.

However, I've met people that I would argue have never felt true joy, full joy and full happiness, given their circumstance on where they were born, given their family dynamic. They've never been able to fully celebrate anything. That's not something to scoff at. It's just truth. And so that can't be the thing that connects us. I don't think we can confidently say that everybody in this life, which is a crazy thing to think about on its own, has experienced hope and joy. So on the reverse side of that, one thing that we all have experienced is pain and sorrow and suffering. We all have moments that we've felt pain.

We've all had moments that we've felt sorrow. And so, yes, that's not really fun to think about. But what if that is the thing that connects us the most? What if as humans, that's the place that we can come together and say, I understand. I'm going to offer you more grace, more love, more understanding, more patience, more kindness. Because I know that in your life, you've been hurt, and I don't want to hurt you anymore. And I don't want to add to that hurt. So I want to sit with you in that pain and sit with you that hurt and help us all move forward.

Okay. So that's what the book comes from. So it's for people who feel disconnected, isolated alone misunderstood. And I hope for the reader, when they're done reading it, they feel less alone and they feel more purpose-filled, more valuable, and more connected than ever. But through the process of writing the book, I was able to, one day, this girl's friends reached out to me. Her name was Annie.

And her friend texted me, he said, Annie's a big fan of The Bachelor. Would you do a video for her? Annie doesn't have long to live. And she wants a video from some of her favorite people. So I said, yeah, I would. So I did a little video for her. And it was just saying, hey, Annie, thinking about you. and I sent it and her friend responded with thank you. Annie loved the video so much.

And there was something that moment that just didn't feel right to me. It felt this will be a pretty popular word. I believe in the next couple weeks for Bachelor Nation. But it felt performative. It felt fake. It felt like I was being a fraud. I sent a video to somebody who is 22 years old and who doesn't have a long to live. And I was what going to feel better about myself. And so I texted her friend back and I said, hey, if you want to mind, can I call Annie? I just kind of want to. And so she gave me her number. Annie and I started texting back and forth. Here's Annie's story, because I'm not going to read the whole chapter. I'm going to read about three pages from it. But Annie was 22 years old. Her family's really great. I talked to her dad three days ago. But she was 22 years old. She was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis. She had two lung transplants. And she was, when I was texting with her, she had a week before found out that she had just been declined for her third lung transplant. So she had three weeks to live. And she was literally suffocating as we spoke. And at that time, I wanted to learn from Annie. What would it

look like if you knew you had a limited amount of time left? What would it look like if the one thing that I believe connects us as people, if you were facing it head on knowing you weren't going to stop it. It was a train coming at you. What would you want to do? I clicked the number and typed, hi, Annie, this is Ben Higgins. Caroline, give me your number. I hope it's okay for me to text you. Annie texted right back. I didn't have, I don't have her first text still, but I did save many of those that followed. I can't bring myself to delete them. They feel sacred to me. They're still in my phone as we speak. I told Annie How she had inspired me. She replied, yeah, I'm trying to turn this into something positive. I always wanted to make an impact on this world and now I'm finally getting the

chance. I always wanted to get into YouTube or something, but I was afraid of being judged. Didn't know if anyone would want to hear what I had to say. It was my dream job because I can't have a regular job since my immune system is so suppressed. I was sad at first thinking, I can do my dream job, like maybe I have the platform, and it kind of broke my heart thinking that all my dreams are true when my life is coming to an end. It didn't seem fair, but I'm not going to think like that. Instead, I'm using it to push me to get better and better so that I can live out my dreams for as long as I can. We texted back and forth for a while that day, and some of the next and the next until talking with her was like talking to any of my other

friends. She kept asking me, but I, she kept asking about me, but I wanted to know about her. Her attitude in the face of death just blew me away. Even though Annie was only 22, she seemed to have a much better grasp on life than nearly anyone I'd ever met. And that's what I really wanted to ask her about. I texted her one day. You spoke about wanting to help people recognize the fragility of life. In your 22 years, what have you learned about life? What do you tell people? She replied. I've definitely learned a lot, and I've spoken at many events about many different things, such as organ donation, finding a cure for CF, motivational speaking. But one thing I've always said was that I'll never let CF define me, cystic fibrosis. I never kept it hidden, but it was just a part of me. I always made my message about how I was a fighter and how I'd never give up. If I gave in, then I'd be letting CF win and take over. I knew I was going to die early. than most. And I always said that as long as we cherish every moment and take the time to live life, our lives would be worth it. I wept as I read those words. I knew I was going to die

earlier than most. And I always said that as long as we cherish every moment and take the time to live life, our lives would be worth it. I promise only two more pages. I'm not going to read this whole chapter um i had just turned 30 which is one of those birthdays where people act like you're old but you aren't before i met annie i felt like i had all the time in the world in front of me but reading her text i tried to see the world through her eyes life is so short it just keeps getting pushed it just keeps pushing you along like one of those moving walkways in the airport we jump on and move forward while life moves past us we watch it go by but we are moving too quickly to grasp anything until we hit the very end.

And by then, it's too late. Annie's life was shorter than most, but life for everyone is just a breath. I'd always known this, but up until that moment, I'd done nothing to get out in front of it or prepare for it. That doesn't mean I'd never thought about death. I have moments where I lay in bed, and my mind starts wandering and a darkness sweeps over me. I ask myself, what if?

The only thing I've ever known is breath, their son and our family and friends. faith and love and friends and celebration and laughter and tears and life but what if they're all taken away if it's not the right word because it will be all taken away someday the only question is when can i be honest with you thinking about my own mortality and how fragile life is really scares me just to think that everything i've ever known everything i take for granted everything i've loved all of it will be gone in the blink of it eye as this life comes to an end i am but a breath and so are you. And here was this beautiful young woman telling me to cherish every moment. I texted her back. One more page. What is something you would tell someone who was young and healthy to look

for in life? Her reply was the second half of her last text. I'm going to include all of it because she nails exactly what I want this chapter to say. Then, this is Annie. Then when I needed to go to the third lung transplant, I knew I had to fight again. And I was super. tired. The last three years wild in terms of all the crazy health things that went on. The doctors all told me that if I didn't go for a third, no one would judge me because no one knows if it will even work since there's only been 11 in the U.S. and three at Duke where I was going. But I told them, nope, I'm going to fight. I told them if I just get one week, if I just get one week being able to breathe again, it would all be worth all the pain and

the torture. And then I was told it was over. And there was nothing more. they could do. I was scared and frustrated and felt like I was disappointing everyone. I didn't just fight by myself. I had friends, families, doctors. I had my army behind me fighting too. I wanted to continue to fight for them and for myself. When that video was taken that went viral, the video that I was a part of, I was so out of it. I was told I had 40 hours to live, and so my friends wanted to cheer me up. I was so happy and grateful to all these people were reaching out to me, but part of it made me sad because, yeah, I would love to meet Taylor Swift. But the way it was happening was because I was dying. I saw news articles saying gravely sick girl's final wish was to meet Taylor Swift.

That's not me. Yes, I had only two weeks to live, but I'm so much more than just a sick girl. My friends and family all explained to me that they thought that they just need clickbait and that everyone would see that I fought my whole life speaking about how about life and how fragile it is. So we have to cherish everything in the moment and just be happy. I want the world to hear my voice because this is such an important message, as simple as it is. I'm sure I have to stop reading, right? Am I out of time? It's really your show.

Yeah. It's not my show. Well, anyways. Well, that was a beautiful passage. And Annie, like, as someone as a reader, I'm really glad that you shared Annie's story because it really puts a lot of perspective for me as well. Like you said, I'm someone who definitely takes things for granted and time and I get so stressed about things that should not matter. And I think reading someone's story like Annie's just, you know, makes me look at life in such a different lens.

Yeah, when you think back on all the passages in the book, I think Annie is one of the ones that I felt like personally just like hit me a little harder. it is crazy how someone 10 years your junior can give you so much more perspective on life you know absolutely her family reached out two days ago um yeah and he's been gone for a year and a half now um and i read that chapter because i think if in tonight's thing like you know i was sitting here before and i haven't had a lot of time to celebrate this book uh launching a book's really weird you like work on this thing for a long time you package it up you get super excited about it it gets out there in the world and you have no clue how to gauge it like I you know I'm not a New York Times bestseller um you know and that's great I didn't expect to be but it's it's like this weird

thing where it's like what is what is success or how do you celebrate this or what does it mean and I think the thing that I want to celebrate and get to celebrating more of is the fact that there's a book out there that I wrote that I took a lot of time on and that's really cool and I don't want to take that for granted I don't and I want people watching this to to look at the things around them right now like the fact that you have your arm around ashley jared or that dean has pappy sleeping next to him um right now like those are things to celebrate and i read that because i hope somebody out there watching this can just recognize that even when when things are really tough and when life is but a breath and moving past you can imagine and there's chaos and there's confusion and you don't know

when to speak and what to say you don't know what to celebrate anymore that maybe just possibly we can slow down for enough time to celebrate the fact that we're here um the fact that that that matters quite a bit. So that's why I read that. Annie's story goes on to talk more. You can read the whole thing for yourself if you go and pick up the book. But her story moves on until the moment that obviously the text stop. And Annie was no longer with us. And I got a text from her friend Caroline telling me that Annie was no longer with us. But I have been able to contact her family and talk with her dad and see that. And it still kind of tears me up a bit. But, It was a special life.

So anyways, that's a piece of a loan implants. I promise you, I do promise you that the book is not this. Like, I hope it doesn't send you into a tailspin of, that would be the opposite of what my intention was. I hope it kind of confronts the heavy things and pulls you back out of it to a place where truth or understanding comes from. No, it was beautiful, my friend. Yes.

And, yeah, it's just awesome. So keep up the good work. I think Dean and I, unfortunately, do have to get out of here because you guys do have guests. You are popular people. So love you, buddy. Congratulations, we're so excited for you. Thanks for coming on.

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the run right. I'm looking at this thing. Listen to no such thing on the iHeart radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, my name is Enya Umanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom.

If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD. Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you.

Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. What would you do if one bad decision forced you to choose between a maximum security prison or the most brutal boot camp designed to be hell on earth? Unfortunately for Mark Lombardo, this was the choice he faced. He said, you are a number, a New York State number, and we own you. Shock incarceration, also known as boot camps, are short-term, highly regimented correctional programs that mimic military basic training.

These programs aim to provide a shock of prison life, emphasizing strict discipline, physical training, hard labor, and rehabilitation programs. Mark had one chance to complete this program and had no idea of the hell awaiting him the next six months. The first night was so overwhelming and you don't know who's next to you. And we didn't know what to expect in the morning. Nobody tells you anything.

Listen to shock incarceration on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Super Secret Festi Club podcast season four is here. And we're locked in. That means more juicy cheesement. Terrible love advice.

Evil spells to cast on your ex. No, no, no, no. We're not doing that this season. Oh, well, this season we're leveling up. Each episode will feature a special bestie, and you're not going to want to miss it. Get in here! Today we have a very special guest with us. Our new super secret bestie is The diva of the people. The diva of the people.

I'm just like text your ex. My theory is that if you need to figure out that the stove is hot, go and touch it. Go and figure it out for yourself. Okay. That's us. That's us. My name is Curley. And I'm Maya.

In each episode, we'll talk about love, friendship, heartbrates, men, and of course, our favorite secrets. Listen to the Super Secret Bestie Club as a part of the My Cultura podcast network available on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hi, I'm Janica Lopez, and in the new season of the Overcover podcast, I'm taking you on an exciting journey of self-reflection. Am I ready to enter this new part of my life? Like, am I ready to be in a relationship? Am I ready to have kids and to really just devote myself and my time? I wanted to be successful on my own, not just because of who my mom is. Like, I felt like I needed to be better or work twice as hard as she did. Join me for conversations about healing and growth.

Life is freaking hard. And growth doesn't happen in comfort. It happens in motion, even when you're hurting. All from one of my favorite spaces, The Kitchen. Honestly, these are going to come out so freaking amazing. Be a part of my new chapter and listen to the new season of the Overcomfit Podcast as part of the My Cultura Podcast Network on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. All right. Well, Ben, we have Wells up first. And I know that I want you to lead all these conversations. I'm really just an audience member. But we're going to talk about

you know how how the story is in your book like if I believe this is your intention that like you're going to ask kind of us are moments in our lives that we felt the most alone and like what we learned from them right yeah yeah I have a couple questions lined up for each one of these guests specifically and you're going to be answering every one of those questions uh along the way so I'm putting you in the hot seat Ashley and Wells welcome to the almost famous live show celebrating alone in plain sight. You are a good looking film. Sorry, I had to step out because I was crying, listening to that little excerpt,

and I had to go powder this because it was bad. I was wondering, are you going to read the excerpt about when you went from the book that talks about when you met me and how happy your life became afterwards? Or is that the next one? That's in the acknowledgments that haven't been included yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, cool, cool, cool. I just, I don't know, like, I didn't know if we wanted to do it now or later, but yeah, that's fine. Your thing. all right ben what's your first question for both of us i look at the two of you i'm going to compliment you guys uh uh because i love you both very much i think you both know how much i care about you

both um there is a big section in here on friendship and the idea of community so i'm going to ask you both two questions about this one of them is wells when you think of your friendships actually you're going to answer the same question after he does uh when you think of friendships what do you look for in friendships what makes a friendship worth investing into ladies first okay well I would say that probably just like compatibility and common interests at first in a friendship and then just like being able to talk to each other like completely judgment free right to be able to vent but not to feel guilty about your needs to vent but also to like know that even if you're not saying like the most pleasant things that they get it

like that um i'd say loyalty is pretty important to me um in terms of friendship like i need to know that if uh if we go to the club and i do i say something stupid i need to know that you're not going to go tell uh everyone about it i need to know that you're on my team all right uh what else is important. I think that we need to both like Seinfeld, that's important. You need those common interests to bond you immediately, I'd say. Yeah, you can't be a terrible golfer because then what are we going to do on Saturdays, you know,

all that stuff. That's why Ben and I are so close because we're just both amazing golfers. Both fantastic golfers. I'm going to try a different internet because this is really frustrating me. Is this a little better? Yeah. Sounds good. right now. Okay. Well, one of the cool parts about both those things that I think is really interesting is like, we do need friendship, right, though. And that's kind of what the book talks about is the power of community. And the fact that community makes our lives more rich. It makes our lives more valuable,

oftentimes more complex. It's not always easy to enter in those friendships. But, you know, you both talked about that idea that friends do matter. Neither one of you said, hey, I don't really need friends in my life. I don't really need to have other people enter in. You both have been friends to me. Through your time on The Bachelor? So my second question for you guys, through your time is on The Bachelor, has it increased your ideas of community and your friendships or has it kind of like pushed those friends aside? Oh, I feel like the Bachelor had actually got to create a community for me that I feel like I never had because I was always that person who had friends like in different groups and I was ever in a sorority or anything like that and yeah I just felt like

all my friends were kind of separate like I'd have four core girlfriends that we would you know go to concerts and hang out with like very sex in the city like but besides that there wasn't like a community feel and the bachelor gave me that and that was very exciting but something I didn't know that I really needed until it started happening or like I didn't think that it would enhance my life as much as it did. Yeah, I think enhancement is a good word for this question. Like I always had my friends and my close-knit, like, crew, but it gave me like this whole other layer of community that I didn't have before,

even know that I needed it. And also gave me a bunch of people that understood the weirdness that my life turned into, which I think was important because a lot of my older friends just really could. and relate. But yeah, I would say the whole Bachelor thing did such a great job of bringing so many more people into my lives. Like these two idiots right here. And this beautiful woman right here who's bringing me a drink. That's amazing. I have a question about friendship. Do you guys remember the first friend you ever made? Yes.

Okay, Ben, who is it? Like, how did it go? James Poe is his name. I was on the playground playing pickup basketball. I was an only child. So I came into school without any friends, really any connection. I kind of lived in a place that didn't have a lot of people my age. So I didn't really know anybody coming into school.

And he was a good basketball player, and he was the coolest kid in our grade. And so I went out and I started playing one-on-one against him. And he's like, how about we play tomorrow? And I knew he was my first friend. That's how my first friendship. I were still friends of this day. That's so cute. Wells?

My first friend was Ryan Polachi. I met him in preschool. And he was my first best friend, and he still is my best friend. And I was the best man in his wedding, and he'll be in mine. And, yeah. my favorite memory my favorite memory of him is there was this fort we had

down the street and it was like in this big hollowed out tree right and so like the fort was on top of the tree but you go in like down to the ground and the tree was like hollowed out around you and one day he had he had diarrhea and he went in there to diarrhea and our parents came to drive up and was like,

where's Ryan? Where's Ryan? We're looking for Ryan. And I was like, he's diarying in the tree right now. That's important. I'm so glad I asked the question. It was yours. Their names were Christina and Jessica Musto.

And this is a sad story in the way that like, I am no longer attached to them so much so to the point that when I friended them on Facebook about six years ago, they go, I'm sorry, who are you? And I'm like, well, that's sad because I have vivid memories about you guys literally calling my name and be like, Ashley, come out to play. That's what they'd always, that was their calling card for me. And then I'd go downstairs. And so their parents owned the apartment that we were living in as a kid.

And we'd always just play in their yard. Well, I do, I will say this. To close that thought, then I do think there's a power in community. I think it creates memories. I think it helps us become more understood. And I like, kind of like Wells was saying, I think it helps us be our freest versions of ourselves. Wells, thanks for coming on tonight. I love you, buddy.

You're a good friend to me always. But before you go, I do want to give a couple shoutouts. You are a fan favorite. Absolutely. People love you, not only from your time on the show, but your time after the show. You have been the bartender from Bachelor in Paradise. which is weird that you're probably best known for that from the whole show now, considering you're on a season, but that's a whole different deal.

You are the host of the Wells cast podcast. You sit down with celebrities, experts, newsmakers to find out where they came from and how their story began. It's a really cool podcast, and you and I share very similar interest in music, and I listen to that because I know your perspective is always something to listen to. Wells, thanks for joining us tonight. Ben, thanks so much for having me. So proud of you for doing this, I know this was tough.

you've been telling me about this for a long time now and to see it come to light, come to fruition is just really inspiring. I, like, the fact that you were able to write these, this many pages is amazing. That's what I want to do. It's not that impressive. I just think back to like my days of like writing essays. And I just think if I were to write a book, there will be a lot of like furthermore, like a lot of those things that you try to get the word count up. So this is impressive, bro. And also I've read a little bit of it. It's absolutely beautiful books.

So you should be really proud. And I'm proud to be your buddy. And I can't wait for the second one. That's all about me. So, you know. Love you, buddy. Thanks for coming on. Bye.

you hear this. Attention passengers, the pilot is having an emergency, and we need someone, anyone, to land this plane. Think you could do it? It turns out that nearly 50% of men think that they could land the plane with the help of air traffic control. And they're saying like, okay, pull this, do this, pull that, turn this. It's just, I can do it my eyes close. I'm Manny. I'm Noah.

This is Devon. And on our new show, no such thing. We get to the bottom of questions like these. Join us as we talk to the leading expert on overconfidence. Those who lack expertise lack the expertise they need to recognize that they lack expertise. And then, as we try the whole thing out for real. Wait, what?

Oh, that's the runway. I'm looking at this thing. See? Listen to no such thing on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, my name is Enya Humanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you.

But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. What would you do if one bad decision forced you to choose?

between a maximum security prison or the most brutal boot camp designed to be hell on earth. Unfortunately for Mark Lombardo, this was the choice he faced. He said, you are a number, a New York State number, and we own you. Shock incarceration, also known as boot camps, are short-term, highly regimented correctional programs that mimic military basic training. These programs aim to provide a shock of prison life, emphasizing strict discipline, physical training, hard labor, and rehabilitation programs. Mark had one chance to complete this program

and had no idea of the hell awaiting him the next six months. The first night was so overwhelming, and you don't know who's next to you. And we didn't know what to expect in the morning. Nobody tells you anything. Listen to shock incarceration on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Super Secret Bestie Club podcast season four is here. And we're locked in.

That means more juicy cheesement. Terrible love advice. Evil spells to cast on your ex. No, no, no, no. We're not doing that this season. Oh. Well, this season, we're leveling up. Each episode will feature a special bestie,

and you're not going to want to miss it. Get in here! Today, we have a very special guest with us. Our new super secret bestie is the diva of the people. The diva of the people. I'm just like text your ex. Okay. My theory is that if you need to figure out,

that the stove is hot. Go and touch it. Go and figure it out for yourself. Okay. That's us. That's us. My name is Curley. And I'm Maya.

In each episode, we'll talk about love, friendship, heart breaks, men, and of course, our favorite secrets. Listen to the Super Secret Bestie Club as a part of the Micro Tura Podcast Network available on the IHart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Your entire identity has been fabricated. Your beloved brother goes missing without a trace. You discover the depths of your mother's illness, the way it has echoed and reverberated throughout your life, impacting your very legacy.

Hi, I'm Danny Shapiro. And these are just a few of the profound and powerful stories I'll be mining on our 12th season of Family Secrets. With over 37 million downloads, we continue to be moved and inspired by our guests and their courageous, told stories. I can't wait to share 10 powerful new episodes with you, stories of tangled up identities, concealed truths, and the way in which family secrets almost always need to be told. I hope you'll join me and my extraordinary guests for this new season of Family Secrets.

Listen to Family Secrets Season 12 on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey Blake. What's up, buddy? Hey, what's up guys? Blake. How are we? Well, Ashley, to answer that, Ashley's just asking me how you put so many words in a book. Well, one, it's really easy when it takes two years. You move very slowly and you gather a lot of stuff and you, you know what? Help me. So you'll see a second name on that cover, Mark Tab. And it was about seven months left in the writing process, I believe, for me. And I hit a wall, a bad wall. especially for the last two sections of the book. I was no longer able to pull out anything emotionally inside of me. So one thing that we started doing was I voiced a lot of the chapters. I think I told you this, Ashley. I would walk through and talk through how I wanted the chapters to go,

what I wanted to say, what should be included. And Mark helped me formulate a lot of these thoughts into like a readable format. For the probably last, yeah, I'd say 40 pages or so. He was actively involved in that. And then I would write all of it down and then he would take it. And it was a good partnership. Now, that was one way. I can't take all the credit for this, but I can't take credit for the words that are in there.

Those are my words. I cannot take credit for being able to organize this in such a readable way completely because I did have a lot of help. And I think most authors do. I think most authors to just have one name on the title, probably have a huge editing team behind them that are coaching along. I just thought, hey, this dude sat with beside me and asked me a bunch of hard questions. And so let's throw his name on the title because he's incredible. Blake, I have a question for you, man. Our guests are going to be able to talk about what you're up to, and I can't wait for that.

We'll close with that. But each guest that is coming on, I've kind of picked out some questions from the book that I just want to ask you personally. And this is one that is interesting in me because of your story. And then Ashley is going to answer this as well. The question for you is you've been open about your time on the show and also your time with mental health. I know you've talked about a lot. it's it's not really something that's hidden at this point but within those moments uh something that doesn't get dove into very often is how alone you felt um and uh and i want to ask you just the the simple

question of is there a moment your life that you felt alone if it's about the show that would be great because we're watching probably do enjoy the show uh and if so how did you work through that what did it feel like uh and actually i'm going to ask you the same thing oh um you know i'm sure that there are you know, obviously the biggest moment that sticks out to me when I felt the, you know, the loneliest, was definitely coming off of paradise. You know, and that was, that was, for multiple reasons, that was a very difficult time for me. But when I say alone, it's not that, you know, I had family around me. I had friends. It wasn't in the sense that I was actually physically alone. It was more in the sense that I felt like nobody could relate to what I was going through. And, you know,

I was almost scared at times to talk about what I was going through because it was, you know, or looked down upon to be, you know, anxious, depressed, especially as a man and the stigma that comes with that. And so I felt alone in the sense that nobody, you know, what could relate to what I was going through. So that's why in your book at times, Ben, and, you know, other, not only men, but everyone that speaks out about their struggles and kind of their experiences, it just helps others feel more comfortable in talking about it. And when you talk about it, it allows you to get through it, not only faster, but it also helps down the line. Because I still have my bad days and my good days, but I'm able to, I guess, recover faster, if you will, because I'm able to

reach out to certain people that I know can relate and we'll talk about it. And so, I mean, there are times reading this, Ben, we're in a weird way, like, I'm like, feel like I'm kind of reading like your diary at a time, but like in the best way, you know, because you're so vulnerable in it. And that means a lot to people who do feel alone because it, you know, even if it's just one person that's what I always say I talk about my experience on the show and if it affects just one person and they feel comfortable enough to speak on or to reach out to somebody or to seek therapy then you know that's that's well worth it so yeah so shout out to you making a lot more people feel you know not not lonely so it's interesting because it did start out as a journal

um and uh-oh we lost you ben well while ben is rebooting um I will share the story of when I was felt most alone and that was when probably like getting into my 20s when I was the only person in my friend group I was starting to be the only person in my friend group who like had never had a boyfriend and I had never had sex and the whole virgin thing was getting me to feel very um I couldn't relate to a lot of people at that point because I was like the only one left and I was And it was very much out of choice. But when the conversation, when conversations would come up in groups of friends that didn't know that I was a virgin and they'd start talking about like their best time or their first time, I'd be like, does anybody need anything else to drink? And I'd like, you know, Joe Bobbin, it would be like so awkward because I just, I was like, how do we get off this topic?

How do I not let people on this? Like it's such an intimate thing to talk about. Like, yeah, like playing never have I ever. and you still have all five fingers up, but everybody else is down. Whenever have I ever would be suggested as a game, my heart would drop. I'd be like, I'm out. I hate never, have I ever? No, it's so lame.

So I, yeah, I definitely started to feel very alone then. And I always kind of kept that part of me as something that just my best friends would know. And then on the show, I was open about it in my audition process, which of course led me to being, you know, encouraged to talk about it on the show. And on the show, again, I felt very scared and alone and felt like it was such a turnoff. And I was like, no, but I'm so, I'm so weird for being a 26-year-old virgin. But then it's weird that it's weird. It's coincidental. It's ironic that Becca is going to be up next because Becca actually was one of the first people who made me feel very much not alone. We were sitting around. She's like, why are you so upset?

I'm like, I just told everyone that I'm a virgin. And she's like, me too. I'm like, no way. No way. And that was kind of the beginning of me being like, oh, like I did embrace it as a decision, but I didn't necessarily embrace it as like something to talk to people about. So then as soon as everybody knew because of the show, I actually felt very much less alone because so many people would come up to me and talk about how they were.

related to me in that and said, thank you for providing me somebody on TV that I can look up and say, oh, hey, I'm not alone in this area. Yeah. It's interesting how, sorry, I cut out for a second, but I'm back and I should be good now. I've tested everything. I caught everything you were saying. You just couldn't see me. It's interesting how some of our most, like, vulnerable moments connect us the most with others. And I think that is something to learn, too, is just to recognize that, is the moments that like make us feel most disconnected and make us feel the most pain actually connect us to the others because as we said at the beginning, most people, if not everybody, and I'm going to say everybody, has felt some sort of pain. And when you hear

somebody's story, it's really hard not to like him. It's really hard not to want to get to know more about them. And I think that's just a good lesson for us all to know. Blake, thanks for talking that. Now, I know we have a minute or two here left with you. what are you up to these days what can people how can people go find you how can they celebrate you what what's going on in blake's life yeah yeah i'll get into that too i do want to touch base because i don't think i've talked about it maybe once ben when we were on that mental health um kind of panel that we were on but i remember kind of what going off what you just said i remember ben you said something to me that it's still stuck with me two years ago it was two years ago right through going through paradise but you

said you know coming off the bachelorette you weren't that relatable because you had this like quote unquote golden image but he's like right now and what you're going through you're never be more relatable than you are right now and that stuck with me because i was like you're right like you just said everybody's been through pain everybody's hit rock bottom and everybody's bottom might be different but everybody's hit a rock bottom and you know people can relate to that so i just thank you for saying that because that's stuck with me over the last two years and everything so um that meant a lot because i was like you know what you're right and that was like a moment where i was like okay i'm gonna talk about my experience i'm gonna try and relate to people and hopefully help others

along the way so um yeah and then as far as like where you can find everything yeah i uh you know i've been i've been up I got a podcast now, behind the rose podcast. I was a guest on it this week. Yeah, yeah. Ashley was our guest on our Bachelor Recap. That went great. And, yeah, we do some Bachelor Recaps on Monday. And then we got a lot of some reality stars come on,

talk about their experience on the show. We're very mental health focused. We have musicians, a lot of country musicians come on and discuss life on the road, their story, how they deal with mental health and, you know, the stresses that come with living in the public eye and that kind of thing. So, yeah, that's kind of what I'm going through right now. I'm passionate about and still here in Denver. and yeah, that's about it.

So you can find me at Block A on Instagram and go listen to Behind the Rose podcast. Yeah, I know we're hoping soon. You're going to be able to get back out there. DJ World, keeping traveling to U.S. People can find you there, but until they can listen to you again on Behind the Road Rose podcast, Ashley was a guest.

I've done it. You can go back, I don't know, a couple weeks and find that one. Blake, thanks for coming on night. Thanks for sharing everything with us. Thanks for celebrating. Yeah, congrats, Ben. Bye, Ray. Up next, Ashley, we do have a really special guest.

Somebody we both love with our full hearts. She's one of the kindest, sweetest people I've ever met in my life. You and her are one of just, I think, four people from The Bachelor World that I asked to write a endorsement on the book. Becca is here right now. Becca Tilly, everybody. We're just talking about moments, like, you know, when we both felt alone in life.

And I was saying that you, do you remember during that rose ceremony cocktail hour when I was crying because I was open about being a virgin? And then you go, me too. And I was like, oh, my God, that's like when my whole, I like saw a shining star. I was like, somebody else? And she's like the full package.

That moment lives on with me because I remember I hadn't talked about being a, like, I was like, I don't want that to be like my storylines. I'm not even going to bring it up during casting. And then I would just, like, you were crying. And then when you shared it with me, my first reaction was like, oh, me too. And then I was like, I have a Michael and there's like seven cameras on me. Like, great. I was so bad afterward.

I was like, oh, my God, she was relating to me. And now he's sucked in it. Yeah, I was like, battle the virgins after that. please tell me that this is one of those scenarios where like Ashley's crying there's maybe like one camera following her and then all of a sudden you say that and every camera just swirls as fast as possible right up on you is that what happened oh immediately there was someone goes Becca uh interview ITM and I was like oh man and then I was standing there and she's like so just say I'm a virgin and that that line

came on. It was used multiple times throughout the season. Isn't it funny? Isn't our life interesting? Well, Becca, I'm really thankful you joined us. I've said it and I mean it. There are a few people from this Bachelor world who has impacted me greatly. You are definitely one of them. Ashley knows she is one of them, but you are 100% one of those people. You've been so kind to my now fiance. Jessica, you've been so kind to me. We've had really great conversations around faith and politics and life. I'm asking every guest that comes on. One question, Ashley has to answer it as well. And I've asked this question to Ashley already before, but I really want to hear from you. There's a chapter in the book, and you've read the book, but it talks about connecting with self and eliminating labels, expectations, all the shame, all the guilt, all the things that have been placed on us by this world.

leaving us to ask the question, like, who are we if everything else goes away? And I'm going to ask you that question, Becca, because there's a lot to you and a lot of beauty to you. Who are you, Becca Tilly, if all of those things get wiped away? Oh, I mean, to be just truly honest, I'm in the process of figuring that out. Like, I think this year more than ever I have actually really made an effort to figure out the answer to that question because I think I've spent a lot of my life like living for the expectations of other people and especially being on such a huge show and having a platform and people have these like very specific expectations of what lane they want you in and what they want you to say

and how they want you to approach things and I finally this year like started going to therapy because I was like I can't I have to I need someone to kind of help me. get there because I think my whole life has been this pleasing other people. And I almost didn't even know how to stop doing that on my own because I didn't even realize I was doing it. So I don't even know if that's a good answer to your question, but that is kind of, I'm like that whole question has been my journey this last year. It's a great answer, one, because it's true. So there's not like a right answer to that. I think for me, it's nice to hear. that. And it's interesting because the more and more I asked that question to people as I wrote the book and as as people out there watching, most people are in that place. I'm in that place where it's a constant journey. It's a constant asking of that question. Who am I? Who am I in this moment? Who am I in this response to this thing? This thing is making me feel angry or confused. Why? Like, who am I in this time in this event? And I think that's, I think that might be the answer. And the reason I ask this and the reason I say that is because I'm

there's people out there who've seen both of you on social media and said, wow, those girls are beautiful. They have it all together. They've got to figure it out. They're doing their thing. Life seems to be easy. Like, they've got it. And they go, I just wish I could be like them. I just wish I could have it all figured out. Both of your responses. So actually, I've already asked you the question of who are you. And you can answer it if you'd like right now. But I want to ask you that question is like, when people assume that or think that about you, what would be your response to it? I mean, you definitely only see one side, if even a side of a person watching them on TV.

You're seeing like the smallest little bit. And, you know, you often see like either like the funniest side or like the most put together side. You could in my situation see like the most like. emotional side, but you're definitely not seeing all of their struggles. And you're not seeing like, you're not always seeing their insecurities and stuff. Like, there's plenty of life beyond what they see on TV. And I think that everybody, or any screen, actually, for that matter. So you just have to take that in consideration every time you're feeling envious of somebody's

life through a screen. Yeah, it's true. It's very true. I just I think it's it's so almost comical for people to think that all of us have it all together you know like no the I consider y'all some of my closest friends from the show and some of our conversations we've had and I would say both of you are do a very good job of being vulnerable I don't think you put on this like facade that everything's perfect on social media but it is funny that to think that people have have that idea that there's no insecurities. There's no struggles. It's all together. There's no anxiety. It's all just easy going all the time, which for me is not the case. It hasn't been the face at all. It's, yeah, even tonight, you know, I'm sitting here and I was getting ready to do this and Jessica was getting ready to head out. She's like, how you doing? I was like, I don't know, my stomachs and knots. I have a very anxious stomach. I don't know right now. I don't don't know how I feel how I think. I just, I'm trying my best time. And that's, it's weird because

I was also getting ready to first, for the first time, take time. I had a Markle County to celebrate this book because it's been a lot of interviews and it's been a lot of talking. And it's been a lot of questions about my ex relationships. And it's been a lot of questions about how I write in the book about my struggle with addiction. And it's those things like, how many times can I talk about those things in the course of the day before I kind of become numb to like before they no longer like before I'm just a fraud again and I'm right I am the thing I write about in the book that I don't want to be the most um yeah I mean you're you're at certain point and I know you both have experienced this but you have your truth you have the answer to

the questions they have you can when you're being asked the same question over and over again you're only able to tell your truth and by the time the end of the day comes you've repeated your truth so many times that you feel like it's not even your truth anymore because it just became like autopilot so but ben i know that you had some times while writing this book where you would like get into a deep dark hole and it's because like you kept going back to your past and thinking so much about it but you're just know that like you are not alone in those moments like that happens to everyone even it's like long drives in the car by yourself and you're like oh my god that memory, to lead to that memory, leads to that memory.

But I do want to wrap up this interview with Becca in a little fun light because we both met you around the same time, and we both definitely felt the very similar ways about

like the endearingness and just like the special attention that you get from Ben when you first meet up. What was your favorite first first-ish memory of like what made what was like a great first memory um i would probably say nice mecca no no i all nice that's the thing it's like which beautiful memory do you share uh you know my one of my

favorite memories is actually probably at uh your wedding and i had so many before them when i was on your i came on to your season because i just i just thought you were so great and um but when we were at your wedding ash um there was just this it felt like ben and like i just met jess and it just felt like my friends and i was able to share some things that i hadn't shared with a lot of people from the um bachelor world at that time and my friend groups there and he just he's just everything that everyone thinks he is he really is so the i have a good beck of memory I mean, in fact, Becca came onto the season, and in Worse, Indiana, I said goodbye to Becca. And it was not easy.

And I sat down on a park bench with her. I thought the park bench is still there, and she just glars at me. And I was like, oh, no. Because, like, I had this, like, just deep. And I knew, like, after the show, I wanted her to be one of the first people I reached out to him. Beka, like, we can still be friends. Like, I love you. Like, I care about you.

like and she just looked right through me and i was like i'm done like this is over no i was like you told me you want to do this yeah yeah you told me to do this then i was like i lie hey uh beka uh thank you for coming on thank you for writing the acknowledgement uh again scrubbing in podcast uh with beck and tanya is something to listen to something to pick up um something to put in your ears anytime you can becket dilly everybody thank you i'm so proud of you congratulations bye i love you guys you. Ben, before we go to a Q&A with some of the watchers right now, I just want to share my first memory of you. And I know I've done this on the podcast before, but we were

in my hotel room with a whole bunch of other people after men tell all. And I just remember literally being mind blown by how good of a listener and like how engaged you were in conversation with people for the first time. Like, even though there was chaos or or maybe not like chaos, but a lot of things going on. It was a very exciting night. Like, when you're talking to someone, you give them your time and all your, like, energy

and all your brain. And it's really, really something. It's really nice. And it makes everybody feel so special. And it's not just me. Like, even when, like, my parents and stuff, when you were at our wedding, like everybody who's meeting you for the first time

feels the same line. That's so sweet. See, Ash, you know, we've done this thing together now for four years. So we met on that night. We've been doing this weekly for four years together. Yes, we can celebrate the book, and I would love to. But we also got to celebrate that tonight. That is always something to remember and something that we, you are,

you are my longest standing relationship today. I met Jessica. Yeah. A partnership. But I do think that your listening skills. and the fact that you just zone in on people's stories helps so much in the creation of this book because, I mean, like, you care like no one else.

All right. So shall we move into some questions? We should. Yeah, we should definitely do that. How's the house hunting going, Ashley? This one's from Christy. Wow, what a different topic. We have decided, well, basically we're going to move out of our apartment

next month, which is so weird, we're going to be like just bouncing around between his sister's house and my family's house until we can get like a good, a rental that we like enough to stay in for like about six months. And hopefully that would take us into the building of our own home in Rhode Island. So that's how the house hunting is going. We've kind of given up on house hunting and we've decided that we're going to go straight into building, even though that was something that we were planning on doing for a couple of years. We just feel like that's what both of our guts are pulling us towards. I didn't know this.

That's big news. So what do you do with all your stuff? So you're packing it all up. Is it going to Rhode Island and you guys are just going to couch surf? Yeah, it's going to go into Rhode Island. It's going to stay in a storage unit for a while. And then so his sister's husband is away in the military. He's in Bahrain until November.

So we have our own room there. And then we have plenty of space at my parents. So we're just going to spend time with family until like May. And then we may look into getting a place in Rhode Island for six months to a year. And then, you know, if L.A. calls back next year and everything is like up and running and we have to be here for work, we may get a small place like in the valley. Okay. Two questions for you. Just follow up. Answer them as quick as you want. Are you ready to leave L.A.? I know this is hard for you. I guess that's it.

ready to leave LA and I guess are you ready to go to Rhode Island so yes and no like the fact that we're leaving this apartment that I thought that we were going to stay in for a long like at least like another two or three years makes me feel weird because like this was such a gem and when I found it I was like I'm never letting it go the city of LA I'm actually pretty cool with leaving right now I think it has to do with an age thing it may have to do with a COVID thing but it just doesn't have the magic that it had for me at one point. It's so very glittery when you move here. And everything is exciting.

A lot of it is very superficial and a lot of it is very fun for single people. But once you like get to that, I'm married, like we like to nest and like make dinner every night type situation. It doesn't have as much of an appeal. And then I'm definitely ready to move to Rhode Island because I love Rhode Island. That's that's going to be fun. The winters, maybe not so much. I'm looking into getting heated hardwood floors.

Yeah, called Jessica. She can tell you all about cold weather. Right now, she has cold weather driving gloves, a parka, and a hat that she drives in her car with. So when you see her, she looks like a marshmallow driving down the road. It's actually very... You have the electric gloves? Yeah, she literally does. Okay, next question that we got sent in.

This was from Madeline. I guess this is to me. What was your favorite part to write? my favorite part maybe the part i got the most out of okay i'm going to say my least favorite part because it turned in my favorite part now i was on a tour bus for bachelor live on stage and i had to write the last section of the book and it was about my connection with god and at that point in time after hearing the stories in the book like annies and there's many others that are written about i had a lot of doubt questions and confusion and i was in a really heavy dark place i was actually

and it was 3 a.m. every morning for a month and a half, I was waking up in deep sweats. My heart was racing and I was having like the scariest thoughts. Like I couldn't get bad thoughts out of my head. So that's what sent me into my second round of counseling because I was having, I mean, what they call now, like a panic attack. But this wasn't just like an anxious attack, which I had today, like where my body starts sweating and stuff. This was like full on. Anxiety attack and a panic attack. Yeah, definitely.

Yeah. And so, like, these were, like, full on. And it was because I don't, I don't really know the reason yet. I'm not having them right now. But it was a really big growth season for me because I was digging into, like, why I say I believe in Jesus. Why I say believe in God in general. Like, if I do believe in a God, what is that, like, what then is my response? If I don't, what would that mean for me?

And these are huge life questions. And it helped me now filter through some of these things that, like, maybe I hadn't spent as much time as I needed to. I'll see the second part of that is listening to these stories of humans that are incredible. Some of them are no longer with us, but incredible humans. That was actually a lot of fun for me because I got to grow through that. And they spent their time with me, like Annie, spending it up until the last breath she took. So I don't want to take those things for granted. That was, I guess, enjoyable feels like a weird word to use, but it was helpful and I'll never forget it.

I think there's one more question. I have another question for you. Yeah, it's from Caitlin. and it says, what inspired you to write this book? Like, was there a pivotal moment that inspired it? Or was it truly just they came to you to ask, would you write a book? Well, let's answer that. So, yeah, that was why I wrote the book.

That was because they came and asked. But the concept of the book had existed long before that. And it really happened. And Ashley, we've talked about it. But, you know, my story is this. And it's not one to feel bad about it. It's just my story is, I moved to Denver, Colorado. I was an only child.

I had no friends in Denver. Denver, but it was the only job that offered me a job. And so I went and took this job. I knew nobody out there. And so for a year of my life, I would go to work. I'd go back home. I would sit on my couch and I would go to bed and wake up. And it was a really sad life. Like I was not doing well. I had not made friends. I had not dated. And it was just kind of a spiral out of control. Well, long story short, the bachelor calls. I go on the bachelor. And then all of a sudden, I become the bachelor. And the tagline for that season is the perfect Ben. And as soon as I saw it, my heart drop because I realized that I was never going to live up to that expectation.

I was going to fall short of that. And even if I try to live up to that expectation, that's not how I want people to know me. I don't want them to know me as this perfect human because it's far, far from who I am. And I want people to be able to look at me and say, hey, he's willing to sit in my, my shit with me. Like he's willing to sit with me in my worst moments. I don't want him to look at me and think, oh, he's just a fake and a fraud and he can't relate with me.

And so that happens. Then become the bachelor. And there's a lot of attention that comes with that. And some of that attention feels really good. Initially, it feels really like addicting and euphoric. And it feels really, really exciting. And then it fades. And I remember this.

This is an interesting story that I don't write about in the book. And I'll close because you only have a few minutes left here. I remember this. It was my final episode. My parents were up on stage with me. And Chris Harrison, there's a clock in the back that shows how much time's left in the show. And there was three minutes left in the clock. And he was done.

Like somehow they had messed up. He was done. He looked at me and goes, Ben, at commercial break. He says, Ben, do you have a, few words you could say for three minutes because we need three minutes to fill i was like i don't yeah i'll try something and i stood up there i was like what do you want to say and it hit me as i said and i remember this i said this is my last time as the bachelor on this stage i know this has been my 15 minutes of fame and i know it's ending and i and if i have one thing to give i just want to say thank you because i

knew that show is going to change my life forever enhance it forever well long story short fame fades i got into a really dark place a breakup happens even darker place and i started journaling and and that kind of ties into what we're talking about earlier and uh and that's where the journal came from i just i wasn't doing well and i needed to keep building upon this journal that had started when when i first moved to denver wow that's this is totally meant to be like honestly like everything seems like it's just leading up to this book being meant to be because i do think that like your purpose in one of your one of your purposes is to make people feel less alone and if you didn't have those moments as horrible as that is then people wouldn't be able to read this and then they wouldn't be able

to relate and feel better about their loneliness like I was before you started talking like five minutes ago I was like I wonder if him being an only child like led to like a lot of the loneliness that he feels and then I was like no like there's a bigger picture here there's like so many little elements that add up you like having the background to write a book like this and therefore makes me people feel better yeah i i agree with you i i don't i'm not met i mean it's kind of why we say like i don't want to be a victim in this because some of those hard some of the hardest moments built an empathy and a relatability inside me where i can look across the table and said i've been there and i know what you i know what you don't need to hear and that's me trying

to fix you i can just sit with you in this because i know you've been there uh actually tonight's been really special to me uh thank you for sitting with me. Thank you for always supporting me. Thank you for being my co-host and us. I don't even think we've ever argued, which is pretty impressive. That's actually, even when we call and like we call each other about how to handle situation, we're pretty much always on the same page. Pretty good at it. But thank you for your support here. Tell Jared, thank you for his support. Thank you for spending this evening, talking about my book and doing it here on this platform. Thanks to Iheart, an almost famous team,

for doing this with me tonight. Thank you for all you out there watching. I wish I could give you all big hugs, but we can't. Where's your favorite place for people to get the book? The local bookstore. I'm always an encourage of the small local bookstore. They need to help.

Obviously, those businesses are struggling. But if you don't go there, it's on Amazon. I read the audible book myself, and you heard me reading earlier. I mess up often, so you've got to imagine how much time that took me. Actually, I'm very surprised when you were reading those things. three pages how like you didn't stumble at all i'll be like oh god he must have read this over and over again for him to be so smooth and i'm not saying that about you i mean you know what i mean because i

cannot i can never read we when we read ads we're like oh great cut that out cut that out so you are perfect at reading your own book yeah it happens so the audibles out there kendall amazon barns and noble all those places uh you can go get it or you can just go to ben higgins book.com right now and order it from there. Hey, Ashley, we're going to do this the same way we always do it, because this has been a blast. Thank you for joining the Almost Famous Podcast, promoting my new book, alone and plain sight. And Ashley, it's very in here. You have a book out there. What is it called? Lucy and Clark, a story of puppy love. And you can get at lucy and Clarkbook.com. How sweet of you to plug. Hey, hey, with that, I've been Ben.

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