The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast - Divorce Expectations vs Reality

Episode Date: December 19, 2024

Thelma & Louise are back! Is dating long-distance the way to go? Thelma thinks so! Plus, what these besties never anticipated regarding divorce, and they unpack: whether you should or shouldn't be fully healed from your previous relationship before you start dating again. Email us at: [e-mail] or call us at 844-4-I Do Pod (844-443-6763)Follow I Do, Part 2 on Instagram and TikTokSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly, and now I'm seriously suspicious. Wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, luckily, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend's been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone.

Hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That seems inappropriate. Maybe find out how it ends by listening to the OK Storytime podcast and the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, my name is Enya Umanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh, my God, perfect.

And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. The Super Secret Bestie Club podcast season four is here. And we're locked in. That means more juicy chisement.

Terrible love advice. Evil spells to cast on your ex. No, no, no, no. We're not doing that this season. Oh. Well, this season we're leveling up. Each episode will feature a special Bestie and you're not going to want to miss it. My name is Curley.

And I'm Maya. Get in here. Listen to the Super Secret Festi Club on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Wow, we are back. Belma and Louise still slaying in the dating world. Not.

I'm still single. Are you? still had a bunch of shitty dates, did you? But super flattered that the audience spoke and responded and had more questions for us and makes me feel good that what we're saying makes sense and it struck a chord and is relevant and I guess we're approachable and easy to talk to.

So maybe that will bode well for future dates for us. What do you think, Thelma? Bring it on. Great. Well, let's go. Let's do some more questions. I love the stuff. I mean, I love to not be in the position of always asking the questions because, as you know, I sit on dates now on my hands, pinching myself to stop with the questions because it feels like an interrogation. One of my dates called me rapid fire. That was not a compliment. I know it's the truth, though. I don't even know. Did he call me the next day? Maybe he didn't. I can't remember on that one. Anyways, I think Easton here has questions for us. And by the way, his name alone is so hot. So Easton, are you single? Are we too old for you?

I'm a married man We don't do married men That's a red flag When you go on a date with somebody And you go, why did your marriage break up And they say they cheated It's like once a cheater, always a cheater Like I literally Elvis has left the building

For me on that one Or I don't mean to interrupt again But I also think one, a red flag for me is When somebody, when I'm on a date And someone speaks very disparagingly Well look at ding-dong who I dated And then look what he did to me when we broke up. When people show you who they are, believe them. Yeah, I think we have really good

relationships with our exes and take great pride in that. And I don't think that that's everyone's case and I don't think it needs to be. But I still think it says a lot about a person, especially when they do that right off the bat and they don't even know me. I just, it just rubs me the wrong way. I think they are the mother of their children and I think it's disgusting when they do that. And you're right. You and I are deeply proud of our relationships with our ex-husband so much so that he and I had dinner last week. The kids are in college. He's engaged. I love his fiance. And I said to him, you know, if this is who you were when we were married, we'd still be married. And he goes, we would never still be married. I was in the nursing home together.

I still think he might be in the nursing home together. So anyway, okay, Eastern, what do you got for us? What do these people want to, what do these people want to learn? You know, this is a question that just popped into my head as you guys were talking about that. At what point, I know it's like a case-by-case basis thing, but like when you're on a date and the other person is, was married before, how soon do you get into that conversation of why did your marriage break up? That seems like a hard thing to do early on, but you also got to know that. Definitely not the first date in a real, in a real kind of pointed way. It's it organically comes up. But I've always found like being too heavy on a first day is not, it should be a little more light and fun.

Right. It could be more, in my opinion, for me, you know, second or third date. Now, if it's a setup, then you kind of know a little bit about why a relationship ended. So then you can kind of navigate around it. I don't know. In my experience, it does come up a lot on a first date. I feel like it just naturally comes up because, hey, you both ended up at this date. So, you know, your history brought you here. So I do. I don't choose to delve too deep into it. But I think there always happens to be a few questions around it. And then I just try to like know when to move on. But I also think the way we answer those questions on a first date is to be very different than how we answer it like when you're more involved with somebody. Right. Like I kind of have a cat answer as to why my marriage went south, which is, you know, not inflammatory. It's, you know, never, you know, negative about my ex-husband or anything.

So I just give enough, but not like enough of the depth that maybe I would share later on if I was really involved with somebody and I, you know, trusted them. I agree. And now we're going to take things to the map here. Is the dating seem really bad in Los Angeles? You always hear about that, but it is actually that bad? I think it's hard. I mean, look, I grew up in Los Angeles.

So this is a lot of the reason why, you know, dating apps have made me uncomfortable is because the few times I've played around them, I've seen 9,000 people I know, so I feel super exposed. I prefer setups. Like if I was to go to Northern California where Belmont was from, I would be on every dating app because I don't know anybody. I think it's hard. Like I think that there's, well, let's talk about this.

I mean, we're in our 50s. And it's very rare that a 50-year-old guy wants to date a 50-year-old girl. In fact, my children came home last summer and they sat me down and they said, mom, we're very concerned. And I go, about what? They go, well, we're concerned about your options. What do you mean? They go, well, it's the, you know, 80 year old guy or the 25 year old guy you need to support. And I was like, wow, that does sound dismal. Do you have a preference? And they said, yeah, the 80 year old guy. And I was like, oh, but I think it's true. Like, I think there are way more, I mean, I would say out of, you know, my 10 best friends, eight and a half of them are

single. And I think they're all amazing, right? There are fewer, um, good men. And there are, you know, fewer men out there that want to date age appropriate women. I mean, I have a guy best friend who's, you know, mid-50s, who's a fabulous guy. He's my guy best friend. His dating app age range is 25 to 38. He is 55 with two kids. So he wouldn't even, we wouldn't even come up on his, on his swiping. And I think that's more normal. Oh, it's 11. Make a wish. It's my good luck number that my soulmate is coming. Okay, got it. I know I do this all the time. Anyways, I find LA dating hard. What do you think, Thelma? I don't know if it's L.A. per se. I feel like my mindset is very different when I am at home. I feel like I'm in

kids mode or work mode and I'm just going through the motions. I'm going to the same grocery store. I'm doing the same things. I'm running around in my workout clothes. And I feel like part of it is just getting out of my comfort zone and I am more apt to do that. when I'm outside of my hometown, and I find that it's easier for me to date when I am traveling or going on vacation because my, I am just giving, I'm on receive and I look like I'm open to meeting people more. Well, you still have a kid at home. I mean, two in college and one at home. So your life is very different than mine, right? Like, I don't have children at home. So I could go on a date seven days a week. I could, I guess I could relocate, I guess.

But I don't know. I just think it's hard. I think it's hard in L.A. to meet people. And I think somebody who lives in Chicago or somebody who lives here, wherever you know, I think anyone's going to say

that there's just a lack of options. And I think that there's so many amazing single woman out here, and I think they're all beautiful. And I think they're all talented. And I think they're all really interesting. So I think that's also what the swipe mentality has done is it's kind of like 31 flavors, right? I mean, it's like, oh, she was great.

we had fun, but I could keep swiping. There could be somebody else better out there. And you never just kind of feel satisfied or content with what's in front of you. And I think that's, I think that's, it's just too many options out there for men. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly and now I'm seriously suspicious. Wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast.

So, we'll find out soon. This person writes, My boyfriend has been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now, he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone. Now, hold up. Isn't that against school policy?

That sounds totally inappropriate. Well, according to this person, this is her boyfriend's former professor, and they're the same age. And it's even more likely that they're cheating. He insists there's nothing between them. I mean, do you believe him? Well, he's certainly trying to get this person to believe him because he now wants them both to meet.

So, do we find out if this person's boyfriend really cheated with his professor or not? To hear the explosive finale, listen to the OK Storytime podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hi, my name is Enya Umanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh, my God, perfect.

And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. The Super Secret Festi Club podcast Season 4 is here. And we're locked in. That means more juicy chisement.

Terrible love advice. Evil spells to cast on your ex. No, no, no, no. We're not doing that this season. Oh. Well, this season we're leveling up. Each episode will feature a special bestie, and you're not going to want to miss it. Get in here!

Today we have a very special guest with us. Our new super secret bestie is The Deepa of the People. The Deep of the People. I'm just like Text Your Ex. My theory is that if you need to figure out that the stove is hot, go and touch it. Go and figure it out for yourself. That's us. That's us.

My name is Curley. And I'm Maya. In each episode, we'll talk about love. friendship, heartbreaks, men, and of course, our favorite secrets. Listen to the Super Secret Bestie Club as a part of the Marco Tura podcast network available on the IHartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. On the last episode you guys did, Thelma, you said that sometimes a plane ride is easier than an hour, hour and a half drive. And now I'm curious, like, if you were to meet someone,

that was long distance, how does that work? Like, are you, does there have to be an endpoint in sight? Is there a distance? Like, would you do a cross-country thing? What do you think about dating long distance? Like, I'm obsessed with it. Well, you did it. You did it for four years.

And I love it. I think I, I'm, I like to compartmentalize my life, apparently. But I think for me, what I love about it is unlike, when I say a plane ride, I think it's nice because it's, it's a total separation. Like when I get on that plane to go see my significant other, I feel like I'm all in. I'm present. I'm engaged. It's almost, I mean, not literally, but engaged.

I feel like it's almost like this honeymoon. And I have a great time. And it's amazing. But then it's great because I get to leave or he leaves. And then I get to go back to my week and I have my friends and my family and work and everything. So I kind of get the best of both worlds. Now, it's not necessarily balanced. in like the traditional sense, but it is.

It's like I get to have my fun. I get to have that romantic hit, but I also get to kind of keep my life intact, which I think is if you become older and are, you know, 50 plus, I think we alluded to this our last episode, but it's a little harder to juggle. You have a lot going on. And a lot of times I feel like when you are all in on a relationship,

sometimes men are needy. and they kind of need a lot of your attention and time. And I feel like sometimes distance, it's easier to manage it. Do you see yourself ever finding yourself in a situation where you are 24-7, you know, remarried, seven nights a week, sharing a bed with somebody, like, living that life that we all did when we first got married? Or do you think when we fall in love and have relationships in our 50s, that it's just part of our life. It's not all-encompassing. Or do you think it's a function that you and I say that

because we just haven't met the person that has slept of us off our feet that would make us want to make some significant changes in our lives? Oh my gosh. How many times have we had this conversation? I mean, the thought of sharing a bed, a closet, a bathroom with somebody 24-7 sounds my living nightmare. Like the longer I stay single,

I appreciate it so much. I mean, I even go to dinner with my married friends. And I think some of my girlfriends are like, oh, my God, I'm so jealous of you. Well, the grass is not greener, right? And so I think that's one thing to always remember. But I think that for me, I'm not saying that I couldn't meet the right person. I think with my first relationship, I was able to be 24-7 with somebody because they very much had their own life. So I know for me, if I met somebody who had his own interests and own personal.

priorities in life and we could come together, but also have our independence. I will never say never that I couldn't be with somebody under the same roof, but I also feel like I wouldn't be surprised if my next chapter looks far less traditional than my first. Great answer. Thank you. I try. You're a smart cookie, Belma. Glad you're guiding me. I mean, who needs a boyfriend when your friends compliment you, right? I mean, by the way, you're a hard act to follow. Let me tell you. I don't put out, but I do a lot of other things for you. You guys are so fun. What's one thing that people don't talk about when dating post-divorce

that you wish every divorced person knew when entering the dating world? I think that when you first get divorced, I mean, I can speak for myself. I think I thought like I would just find my next person really easily, and I would just slide right back into almost like a traditional relationship. I don't think I anticipated how hard it would be to find another really great situation. So I think that was the hardest thing for me that hasn't happened the way I thought it was going to happen. And, you know, I'm comfortable being by myself. I've gotten really good at being by myself and I have a really full life.

but I do want to find a partner. And I didn't think nine years later, I would be looking in the rear view mirror at multiple great relationships, but not one significant relationship. Yeah. I didn't anticipate that I would still be here nine years later. And it makes me scared sometimes.

Sometimes I call down up in the morning. Oh, I love to FaceTime. She hates FaceTime in the morning. And I say to her, is this the best it's going to be? And I think for both of us, I don't want to speak for you, but I think right now I am totally happy.

My life is full. I do sometimes get concerned that like when my last child really, really leaves and 10 years from now, am I going to be rattling around in my house and sad? Well, that I am. I'm not there yet. But I think for me,

the back to your post-divorce question, I think I didn't realize how many, how much more complicated it was and how many more variables there were. It's really not solely about me anymore, right? It's, I have children. They potentially have children. Are we in the same place socioeconomically? Like, do we have different aspirations?

Are they slowing down because they're 10 years older and, you know, we just operate at different frequencies and levels? Like, I don't know. The first time I fell in love, I was 22 years old. I was married for 17 years, and it just seemed really simple. We were in the same place kind of growing up together. And I think now everybody has so much history that, I mean, in many ways, it's really

interesting because you get to meet very interesting people. But it's also, I don't know, it's a lot more complicated. I think we have to look at it like an opportunity, right? It's about flipping our lens. And I think what I started to do is wake up every day and say, I get to, not I have to, right? and I think it's awesome to meet a lot of people. And, you know, I think so much about getting excited, you know, about going on a date is less about meaning the right person, but the anticipation.

I mean, you and I have so much fun, like we'll be a Pilates. And, you know, and I know you're going to probably just have a little salad for the day so your stomach is flatter. And then we talk about the outfit, and then we FaceTime the outfit. It's like a whole thing. And the date is actually less important. It's the prep that's fun. One thing I wanted to just bring up, because somebody said this to me the other day,

to your point when you talk about, like, how am I going to feel in 10 years when I'm an empty nester? And I was telling somebody, oh, I'm an empty nester. It's interesting. And she goes, don't call yourself an empty nester. Look at it like it's an open door, right? Like, you are walking into a sliding door. I love that Gwyneth Paltrow movie, right?

This is an open door where every day I wake up, something new and exciting can happen. Like, what surprise is in store for me today? So every day I'm looking for the magic in whether it's a date or if it's a swiping thing or it's you and I, you know, laughing about something or getting our weighted vests because we now have osteoporosis. Like I every day am looking for the magic in my day where it's not focused on just finding a partner.

And there are so many amazing things that we all have going on. And I think at the end of the day, friendships, obviously our relationships are family and our kids. Like friendships are the glue. Like you are on my gratitude list every day. So I don't know. Like, we have open doors. And we can't control what isn't going to happen in terms of a relationship,

but we can really control our mindset and our outlook. And our attitude. We're just cheesy, but it's so true. I'm a little woo-woo. You know me and my crystals. Who doesn't love a crystal in L.A.? Do you charge them up in the moonlight? Is that a practice you do?

I do it during the day, actually. Really? Yeah. Is it supposed to be at night? Because maybe that's my problem. I think you have to do it for what works for you. What I've learned is I used to try to follow the rules on it. And I thought, you know, I'm just going to, I'm going to operate spiritually in a way that speaks to me, right?

Whether it's like the one crystal here or not washing them or like I try to like be comfortable with the way that I'm doing it. Because it's pressure all the other rules on how to do all of it. I meditate laying down. It's way more comfortable. So there's so much importance on a first date. What do you think is to each of you? which first aid activity is the best way to like determine if there's like a spark is it uh is it a walk a coffee a dinner miniature golf is there something that stands out above the others

glass of wine for me i know just meet at a restaurant that has like at like five or six that has a like a bar and bar slash restaurant i like to go and i actually like to sit next to somebody at the bar um if i'm on a date with them just to feel if there's kind of of any energy. And it's interesting, like, you can kind of tell if you feel yourself gravitating and turning towards somebody or if you're kind of sitting back. And I don't know, body language is super important. But I'm definitely not one who likes to go on a walk or miniature golf or do it. I like to talk to somebody and just see if there's an organic conversation that starts to flow. Yeah, not to sound like I'm not interesting, but I kind of am the same. The answer is the same

for me. I also think being kind of in an environment where there's people around you and background noise and all of that, like, it just takes a little of the pressure off. You know, it's like, I don't know, but when I went on my honeymoon or you go to these quiet resorts where it's like you can hear a pin drop. And even if you're with like the, you know, the love of your life, it's just so awkward. Like you find yourself talking about the weather because you feel like the three other people are listening to what you're saying. And we all know, we've all been in restaurants where you look at somebody on a first date and you're just like, oh my God, I feel for them. And, like, they're barely able to, you know, carry on a conversation or whatever.

And I just feel like being in a bar environment or something where there's just more going on. It just seems a little, like, it diffuses the fact that you don't. I think people light people up, right? Like, I just think it creates, like, a buzz and an energy. And, but by the way, to your point, like, I recently was at a dinner and I saw two people on what really looked like a first date. And I was with my 22-year-old son. And it was like watching paint dry, and I was so uncomfortable with them. So I found a way to try to start chatting with them with the conversation.

Because you know me. I don't shut up. And so we were chatting all of us together. But then didn't he kind of like you? Then I feel like he kind of would. Well, that was bad. Then he asked when I got up. He kind of asked for my own phone number in a work thing.

And I thought to myself, well, I hope she's paying attention to the kind of guy that he is. Because that's not. You're like, I'm a girl's girl. This one's out. Yeah. Oh, such a girl's girl. Such a girl's girl. I love setting up my friends with somebody I've gone out with that maybe doesn't

feel all right to me. And, you know, I'm doing that for my sister right now. And I don't know. I would hope somebody would do that for me to recycle. Recycle. We have to recycle men. We think that that's a business idea. How are we going to properly recycle men? Matchmaking is hard. I tried to be a matchmaker for a minute. It was not easy. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly and now I'm seriously suspicious. Oh, wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra crap. Well, Dakota, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend has been hanging out with his young professor a lot.

He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now, he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone. Now, hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That sounds totally inappropriate. Well, according to this person, this is her boyfriend's former professor, and they're the same age. And it's even more likely that they're cheating. He insists there's nothing between them.

I mean, do you believe him? Well, he's certainly trying to get this person to believe him. because he now wants them both to meet. So, do we find out if this person's boyfriend really cheated with his professor or not? To hear the explosive finale, listen to the OK Storytime podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hi, my name is Enya Umanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom.

If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh, my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now.

Hi, I'm Janica Lopez and in the new season of the Overcomper podcast, I'm taking you on an exciting journey of self-reflection. Am I ready to enter this new part of my life? Am I ready to be in a relationship? Am I ready to have kids and to really just devote myself and my time? I wanted to be successful on my own, not just because of who my mom is. Like, I felt like I needed to be better or work twice as hard as she did. Join me for conversations about healing and growth.

Life is freaking hard. And growth doesn't happen in comfort. It happens in motion, even when you're hurting. All from one of my favorite spaces, The Kitchen. Honestly, these are going to come out so freaking amazing. Be a part of my new chapter and listen to the new season of the Overcomber. podcast as part of the MyCultura Podcast Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

Here's a scenario for you. You're casually, you see someone that you're casually dating. You see them out in public and they're clearly on a date with somebody else. Do you bring that up to them? Do you pretend like you never saw them? What's your reaction there? I don't think that that bothers me. I feel like we're exclusive, you know? And I think that at the time that, I mean, the way you present

that scenario, I'm taking it like, hey, we've gone out on one or two dates, which I think until you have that conversation, that's okay. Do you think you have to have a conversation to be exclusive or do you feel like it organically happens? Well, I think either romantically things start happening and then at that point I'm having a conversation or, I mean, reading the situation where you're starting to want to be with each other all the time, you kind of understand that that's where you are. But if I've just gone out on a couple days, I mean, I did have a situation where I had just broken up with a guy literally like the night before. And I remember feeling bad that I had ended it because he was a nice guy. And then the next day, I picked up a friend from the airport

and was coming back from LAX and went to what's the old AOC, whatever, tavern or something. And I walk and they have communal bathrooms. And he is literally at the bar in the same first date outfit, I guess, same first date outfit that he wore with me, same spot. And then the worst was I was in the bathroom and he came into the communal bathrooms. Obviously, he didn't know I was there. And it was really awkward.

Wait, I don't know the story. Would you say this is your worst dating story? We didn't even talk about, like, what's your worst dating story? Well, I had broken up with him. So it's not like he broke up with me in the next day. Well, there's nothing worse than heartbreak. But I mean, who knows? Maybe he had it set up. I don't know. But the point was I broke up and then, I mean, it was so awkward. And then he was like, hi, how are you? And then he,

and then he texted me the next day and was like, oh, I hope that was not. I was just like, just move on. What is your worst dating story? I don't know what I, I don't feel like I've had any horrific. I mean, do you have one? I had a really weird one. I mean, I haven't ever got, had a scary, like, dangerous one. But I had an interesting thing happened. So it was a So during the pandemic, because it was harder, I was like, you know what? My friends and I were like, let's just do these apps for fun. Like, we made it like fun, right? So I talked a couple times with this guy who lived on the East Coast.

He's like, I want to fly out and meet you. And that was stressful for me because then you're like, oh, he's flying all the way out to meet me. Like, it's not just a drink. Like, at least have to sit with dinner. And he's like, and I'd love to know that we're going to have lunch the next day and we're going to do this. And I go, let's just start with the first date. That's the worst. So we meet for a first day.

And, you know, and he's staying at a home. hotel and so we meet at the bar and we just have dinner there whatever and you know I was like in my head I'm definitely going to have lunch with him tomorrow since it's like the right thing to do but I wasn't like I wasn't that into it but he was nice and you know he was you don't get a good poor value system and we were aligned on a lot of things so I was like okay you know whatever so the next day we're at the lunch so now I this is now probably you know 90 minutes total of learning meeting him and talking him And he says, oh, I just was diagnosed with, they just found a tumor and they have to biopsy and they think it's lung cancer, which was like, talk about like a heavy first, a heavy first date, right?

And I was like, whoa, okay, fine. And it just felt, I actually didn't know if it was true or not true. Like, it was just, it was really strange. He's like, can we go into dinner tonight? And I was like, oh, I have plans, whatever. Okay, Katia. So he goes back to the East Coast and he's texting me

and then he texted me. He's like, great news false alarm. I'm totally fine. Check your email. And he had sent me airline tickets for St. Bartz to go on a trip with him for 10 days. And I was like, I barely knew this guy. And you're still weird. I mean, you're such a private

person like. And it made me so uncomfortable and I was like, oh gosh, no, no, no, no. Like, I don't know you. Like, I didn't even know if it's going to go out of second night. I'm hardly going to say no, Tom. And I felt really uncomfortable, and I felt like it was super forward and slightly aggressive. And so he's like, okay, fine, that's fine, but can I come to L.A. again? And I thought, I just didn't, there was something about it that seemed a little too fast, too, it didn't feel authentic.

It felt weird. It was rushing, you know, and that was it. I mean, I sure, I would have liked to have gone to St. Bart's, but was somebody that, you know, I really would have been into. Neat. Yeah, totally. Dating is hard. Dating is so hard. It's so hard. This might be a, this is a deeper question. Do you have, do you believe you have to be fully healed from your previous lover in order to love someone new to have that capacity again? I mean, look, we've all had our hearts broken where you just want to like right away go out with somebody else.

And for me, my personal experience, when I have been heartbroken or really, really, really, really hurt. hurt, I am not able to switch gears that quickly. Like, I have to be totally healed to be open to meet somebody else. Like, it's, I've tried it. It's just too hard for me. I feel breakups very intensely. And I think it's really important to, you know, to almost kind of shut that door and then move on to the next. So for me, I'm not one who can overlap to try to move on. And I don't know if you're asking more from like a time. perspective or is it the first person after a breakup because I think it could be the first person but maybe you know you can't expedite the time on healing and healing do you think is it like a set

you know they said on um I think it was on friends one of those sitcoms they said like you take the time of the relationship and what cut it in half and that's the time it takes to get over it do you believe that is it a time thing or I think it has to do it has to do with the intensity of it And like, I dated a guy for two and a half months and he dumped me and I swear to God, I think it took me a year to get over him. And my friends are like, what is wrong with you? And he was not even a great guy. I mean, she's good.

None of them. I know. And I think that that falls under the category of, you know, something in his childhood wounds and emotional baggage in mind, it was like this like imprinting, right? And it was, it just, I don't know, I could not recover from that. And then there have been people I've dated for a year and a year and a half. And it's like, I don't even look back. Like, it just didn't trigger me in that way.

So I don't think it's so much time for healing. I think it's like, what was it that struck such a chord with you that you have to get over it? It's more about like, what work do I need to do within myself? You know, and I feel like every relationship I've had, I'm making healthier choices. And I'm learning like, I liked this from this person, this from this person to help build the toolbox of what's going to to be, you know, the perfect, the perfect thing for me. But I don't think it's time. I think it has to do with something with your wound, your emotional baggage for me. I agree. And I think also on making healthier choices, I feel like I'm getting much better at horse correcting or

communicating earlier so that something doesn't either become a bigger problem as I continue on in a relationship and has a chance to potentially, do I mean, kind of rectify itself because I'm doing a better job of communicating. And I think dialogue's so important. That's a total tangent. And communication is really important and vulnerability. That's something I've had to learn is have really uncomfortable conversations instead of shut down.

Okay. This will be our last question. We're in the holiday season here. Do you think it's a red flag if a guy wants to spend the holiday? with his family instead of being with yours? Well, this is really interesting because a friend of mine's daughter, who's 30, has been dating this guy for about a year. And my friend called me and said,

do you think it's weird that she's not invited on the, you know, she went last year on the family trip with them? And this year, they haven't brought it up to her. Do you think that's the red flag? And I said, I do for her, right? Because they're, you know, at a year in, you think it's potentially starting. their life together.

I think for us, when people have children or maybe like a regular plan that they've always done, I think as long as you're kind of communicating and maybe why, like, hey, like it would be so fun to do something together this vacation. But, you know, we just started dating recently and I'd already had this plan or I had, you know, committed to doing this. But, you know, it's nothing more than a function of. you know, that, right? It's not a deeper message of like, I'm just not that into you. But we can all read the tea leaves and read the room and know if somebody's into us or not or wants to be at us.

And where there's a will, there's a way. You know, somebody could fly home to be home for New Year's Eve if they really want to see somebody. And I think that's back to like the post-divorce where life is a little messier and complicated. And when it comes to the holidays, I think kind of what you're saying, Louise, is if you communicate on what the, why the reason, for not wanting to be there, I think it's totally fair because personally, like, I prioritize my family holidays with my immediate family. And I mean, I dated somebody for several years and we would do Christmas the three days prior to my family. You know what I remember. Yeah. And then I would essentially kick him out and be like, okay, my family's here now. But that really hurt his feelings.

Yeah, it did. But I, but I, that you weren't going to change. your routine, which is a happy routine. Yeah. So I guess I'm on the flip side of that question. But yeah, I mean, that's how I feel. It's important to me. But if you are really... I mean, I also

think, like, sometimes we don't make changes because we don't want to make the changes. Like, it's like, there's a will, there's way. If you really wanted him to be a part of it, you know what I'm saying? Like, you couldn't make changes. You just didn't

want to, and that's okay, too. But I also think you can have it all. I think you can have your cake and eat it too. And I think if you guys do, you know, a week with each other and then a week with families for various reasons, like, I think that that can work. So I think it's, I don't think you can generalize in, I think all situations. No, I agree. But I also think friends, no friends.

Like when I'm dating somebody and I'm like, look warm on it, I'm like, yeah, it's great. You're like, yeah, you look like you're really excited. But no, it's amazing. This is it. This is really great. And you're like, okay. And then when I'm like, yeah, we're done. And she's like, no surprise.

No, I've been waiting for weeks for her to do. I was at dinner. Oh, my God. And then I know we have to go. I'd been dating somebody. And it was good. Like, it was good. It was nice and fun.

And it was good. And it fell under the category of like, I had a big life. It was a part of my life. And I was at a dinner with a bunch of girls. And in front of mine sat down. And she was like glowing. And she sits down and, she's like, oh, I'm so in love. And I was like sitting there thinking, I don't feel that way.

Why don't I feel that way? And my other friend looks at me, she says, you're dating somebody, right? I go, yeah, she goes, why don't you sound like that? And I was like, and it was like, like, getting hit over the head. You know what I'm saying? Because I knew what I felt on the inside. But when a friend can see it and can, like, call it out, it's sometimes hard to hear. Because the truth, you know the truth deep down.

That voice, we have that little inner voice in our heart and mind. Well, this has been so much fun. Thank you guys for letting me be part of the action here. I feel like we all just went on a first date. I know. Would we get a second date? Yes. I was going to say I would call you both back at the same time.

Easton. Such a cutie. Well, thanks for your vulnerability. Thanks for being so honest. We appreciate it here. Well, fun to talk to you. Thank you for having us. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly.

And now I'm seriously suspicious. Well, wait a minute, Sam, maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend has been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now, he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone. Now, hold up. Isn't that against school policy?

That sounds totally inappropriate. Well, according to this person, this is her boyfriend's former professor and they're the same age. And it's even more likely that they're cheating. He insists there's nothing between them. I mean, do you believe him? Well, he's certainly trying to get this person to believe him because he now wants them both to meet. So, do we find out if this person's boyfriend really cheated with his professor or not?

To hear the explosive finale, listen to the OK Storytime podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hi, my name is Enya Umanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect.

And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. What would you do if one bad decision forced you to choose between a maximum security prison or the most brutal boot camp designed to be hell on earth? Unfortunately from Mark Lombardo, this was the choice he faced.

He said, you are a number, a New York State number, and we own you. Shock incarceration, also known as boot camps, are short-term, highly regimented correctional programs that mimic military basic training. These programs aim to provide a shock of prison life, emphasizing strict discipline, physical training, hard labor, and rehabilitation programs. Mark had one chance to complete this program and had no idea of the hell awaiting him, the next six months. The first night was so overwhelming, and you don't know who's next to you. And we didn't know what to expect in the morning. Nobody tells you anything.

Listen to shock incarceration on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, hey, it's Jenny Gart. I love hearing those gals, Thelma and Louise, when they take over the show. Such great insight and advice. are single, or trying to get back out there after a divorce and you want dating advice, or you're ready to find love again, we want to hear from you. Call us 18444-4-4-I-DU-Pod. That's 844-44-4-4-6-763, or email us at Idopod at iHeartRadio.com.

Follow us on Instagram and TikTok at I-do Part 2 Pod. All this information is going to be in our show notes, but make sure to rate us and review us. because we love you. I do part two and I heart radio podcasts where falling in love is the main objective. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly, and now I'm seriously suspicious.

Wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, luckily, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend's been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone.

Hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That seems inappropriate. Maybe find out how it ends by listening to the OK Storytime podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, my name is Enya Umanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect.

And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. The Super Secret Festi Club podcast season four is here. And we're locked in. That means more juicy cheesmen.

Terrible love advice. Evil spells to cast on your ex. No, no, no, no, we're not doing that this season. Oh, well, this season, we're leveling up. Each episode will feature a special bestie, and you're not going to want to miss it. My name is Curley. And I'm Maya. Get in here!

Listen to the Super Secret Bestie Club on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. This is an IHeart podcast.