The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast - Double (Baby) Duty with Raven Gates

Episode Date: September 12, 2023

Raven Gates is here to tell Ashley everything she needs to know before she and Jared try for a second baby, which is sooner than we thought! Raven gets real about how she keeps the sparks alive with Adam, and you won’t believe the roleplay dates they set up for each other! Plus, we take things to a possible TMI place… with some nipple talk.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. Hi, my name is Enya Eumanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble.

Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your... free iHeartRadio app search emergency intercom and listen now. Culture eats strategy for breakfast, right? On a recent episode of Culture Raises Us, I was joined by Valicia Butterfield, media founder, political strategist, and tech powerhouse for a powerful conversation on storytelling, impact, and the intersections of culture and leadership.

I am a free black woman. From the Obama White House to Google to the Grammys, Valicia's journey is a masterclass in shifting culture and using your voice to spark change. Listen to Culture Raises us on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Just like great shoes, great books take you places. Through unforgettable love stories and into conversations with characters you'll never forget. I think any good romance, it gives me this feeling of like butterflies. I'm Danielle Robay, and this is bookmarked by Reese's Book Club.

The new podcast from Hello Sunshine and IHeart Podcasts, where we dive into the stories that shape us on the page and on the page. off. Each week I'm joined by authors, celebs, book talk stars, and more for conversations that will make you laugh, cry, and add way too many books to your TVR pile. Listen to bookmarked by Reese's

Book Club on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Apple Books is the official audio book and ebook home for Reese's Book Club. Visit apple.co forward slash Reese Apple Books to find out more. Why are

TSA rules so confusing? You got a hoot of your take it all! I'm Mani. I'm Noah. This is Devin. And we're best friends and journalists with a new podcast called No Such Thing, where we get to the bottom of questions like that. Why are you screaming?

I can't expect what to do. Now, if the rule was the same, go off on me. I deserve it. You know, lock him up. Listen to No Such Thing on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. No Such Thing. This is the Ben and Ashley I, almost

Famous Podcast with IHartRadio. Hey everyone. Welcome to Almost Famous with Ben out, still in Italy. We decided to have some girls, some mom time. So I have my friend Raven Gates on the phone right now on Zoom. Hey, Raven. You just started out by telling me it's been one of those days. And I was like, let's just press record because that's what we're here to vent about those days,

which you and I have experienced for the first time in the past year. half and now you are just doubling it with the second baby so please tell me what was your day like um today's one of those days that I'm like what have I done yes and take it back and for the most part I love it but you know how hard it is and then just like I ran in here I was like five minutes late hopping on because I was like okay we can go to Chick-fil-A Gates needs to like play and they have like a little play area there yeah well i get there and then max starts screaming so it's like you know it now it's not just solely one it's like one and the other and balancing that and i'm like dying yeah okay um i'm here for you and i am just terrified to like be in your position so like you were the same

like we wanted we i want another child yes you you want perhaps more but we'll get there later. You definitely want that second. You got pregnant with your second when you were nine months postpartum with Gates. So, like, I know that was a surprise. And I was like, girl, I don't know what, I mean, you know, like, I'd be happy and been like, okay, well, we're just going to knock it out. And then for me, I'd be like, and then we're going to be done.

And we're going to do it all together. But I just like don't know, like, how you're doing two under two. so just like let us in well to be honest with you usually most of my days people get on to me on instagram a lot because they think i'm sugar-coding it i really love and enjoy being a mom i love it even on hard days i really love it and honestly i think i'm pretty good at it yeah um adam has a much tougher time than i do it doesn't come natural to him plus i think it's just like the man thing They have a learning curve for sure. It was very, very hard for him.

He even told me the other day, he was like, is postpartum depression for men real? And I'm like, it totally. I heard it there is. Yeah, of course it is. I was like, and you are totally fond to feel that way. Most days are really good. But like today, you just have to know there are going to be days like today. Yeah.

And it's hard. But for the most part, I love it. And I feel like I've done really, really well balancing it. But, you know, we just all have, we have good days and bad days. And we're getting through it, you know? You touched on something, a couple of things there that I do want to bring up. First, your Instagram. You do make mothering look easy.

And I do look to you as like an inspiration, amuse at sometimes. and then half the time, I'm like, how the fuck does she do it like this? I'm like, she just made it, like, she's got her hair and makeup done. You said before we got on, you're like, you look pretty. I was like, literally, I put on mascara and tinted moistureizer on for you, Raven, because you impress me every day with putting yourself together. And, um, yeah, so like what, I do think it comes easier to you. Um, but, but let's go back to Instagram.

Lots of people do comment and they're like, is this. really like how do you do this how do you do this and i have 28 hours of like nanny help every week and i am still just getting by thank god for the nanny because she makes me feel relatively sane but like before she came into my life when he was at nine months i was like losing my shit yeah totally i mean i think we were supposed to mother with a community and yeah like we just don't have that anymore like our culture doesn't help us mother. It's really put on the mom. But yeah, I've been kind of in this little dilemma with Instagram because you see a lot of negativity about mothering. It almost discourages.

And I'm not saying not to be real, but sometimes it discourages women from being mothers. But my hope on my Instagram is to, like you said, be encouraging. and kind of be like a muse to people and not make people feel like less than. Or like she's doing it and I'm not. And I've been trying to make sure people know that. But I also find motherhood to be very beautiful. And to be honest, I recognize that it's much easier for me than most.

And I think it's because I, all my best friends back home have six to 12 year olds. Okay. So I've been around forever. Okay. My nieces, my nephew. I mean, I have been a baby person forever. And I helped raise my nephew from the time he was born and my niece. And so I'm just, I kind of feel very confident in being a mom.

And I actually had many women in my life that were muses to me. And so showing that I have makeup and my hair done and all of that, it's not every day. But I think, you know what? It may be like 2 o'clock in the afternoon when I finally get one kid asleep. And I'm just going to bring the other baby in here with me. There are some toys in the floor and, like, do my hair makeup. not for anybody else but like I like to do it and that kind of helped me be me and not get like lost in the chaos of being a mom um but for other girls like hair and makeup's a hassle for some

people they don't enjoy it it's not like therapeutic I do enjoy it uh I like enjoy if I get like a half an hour to listen to a podcast while I do my makeup and he's somewhere else it's amazing yes and so for like for you that's there putic if you can just set the baby aside let him play and you do your hair makeup for like a 20 minute routine or less even like a five minute routine or whatever yeah um I think some may see that as like well it's just a hassle like doing my hair makeup and stuff so you just have to like do what the one thing yeah do your own thing do like one thing I told someone on Instagram the other day that have a cup of coffee when when everyone's asleep oh I was going to say

when it's hot or take a bath take a quick bat like something yeah honey you can enjoy and that way you just kind of feel like yourself you know just a little bit something in the day for you but like i said today has just been like there's no there's no time today yeah well like i even feel guilty about like when the nanny comes and it's like nine o'clock and i'm like okay it's time to get to work like I feel like if I waste any time where I'm not working during those times, I'm wasting, I'm wasting. In the back of my head, I'm like, you're wasting. Even though like sometimes I'm like, I'm going to take this hot cup of coffee, bring it back to bed and watch the first like half an hour of Kelly and Mark without trying to like think about anything else. Why do I have

this guilt that like when I have free time, I still need to be productive. Do you find that? Yes, I do. I especially did with Gates when I just had Gates. But with two, I'm just like, like, I need the cup of coffee. I need it. I have to have it. You loosen up a little bit. At least I did. But no, I totally understand that.

That mom guilt with, I mean, I have it. I have it really bad because Adam likes to travel. So he wants to go and do in like Ben's in Italy. We just went to Italy for our baby moon. Yeah. The whole way, the whole time we were there, I told Adam, I want you to know I'm really struggling. I feel guilty, blah, blah, blah.

Because you left gates? Yeah. And just that time, you know, I think mom guilt is just inevitable, you know? Like I want to go like on little trips, like just couples trips for like three nights. I think that would be nice. But Jared won't do it. Jared's like, I want to be with Dawson. You know we're going to talk about him the entire time.

We're just going to face time and look at pictures of him. And we're going to be like, why do we do this? And I'm like, yeah, I think we would do that like the first day. And then we would be like, oh, this is kind of good for us. And we do that when we go to weddings and stuff. Yes. But Jared is very much team like we don't leave Dawson unless we have to. Yeah.

Yeah. And I get that completely. But you guys also need your time too. It's so hard, though, because he probably feels the guilt leaving him. Well, probably because he doesn't have as much time with him during the week because like Adam he's at work he's away from the house the majority of the Monday through Friday and like even weekends and stuff so I have like my fill a lot of Dawson and he's just always craving more quality time yeah yeah um lots of lots of things um so

where do I want to go from here okay well Adam um Adam um Adam and you actually did inspire me through something on your Instagram and I told you this last week but like, I was like, how do they go on date nights? I'm like, they're always on date night. Like, they're always like at dinner and it's so nice. And like their relationship just seems like, we have a very healthy open, very communicative relationship. But like the thing is like, there's something about you guys that just like, there just

seems to be a lot of romance still there, even though you've been together for six years. And then you mentioned that you had the date calendar and that you plan your dates out, which I love. And I like didn't even realize that that's like something you sort of have. have to do because we would always just be like, oh, we'll see later in the week if we have like an opening at the end of the week and then we can see if we could get a center, right? But you guys like really make it a point and a priority. So can you share what you guys do and how long you've been doing it?

Yeah, for sure. I think, well, I think I've shared with this, this before with you that we have done all sorts of couples counseling before. Yeah, I was going to bring that up. Yes. And I think that really helped. But yeah, just having the kids, I just. I think one thing with counseling and then also just like your partner in general, knowing their weaknesses.

And I know that if I don't have some time with Adam, we're going to lose it. Like we're going to lose the spark. We're going to get in the mundane. And it's just like Adam traveling. I know he wants to travel. So like there are things that we know about each other's personality that we try to stay on top of. But when it comes to planning dates, there's so many good restaurants here in Dallas. Like, that's one of our reservations is like getting out and trying new restaurants.

Yeah. I know. I'm so jealous of everything you eat. Oh, my gosh. It's so good. Well, you just have to come to Dallas and we'll take you to all the places. But scheduling it out and having a date on the calendar for me helps me with the boys because I have something to look forward to. Yes.

because you can get so lost as you know you get so lost and up to your head with work with being a mom that you just need I tell Adam all the time let's just like book a trip six months out a year out and just have something to look forward to and so we just kind of started doing that with dates like this weekend we have a date and then we have some weddings coming up so I kind of consider like us going to a wedding as a date of ours you know and that's has helped so, so much just for, not even between me and Adam, it's help me not to kind of like lose it for myself. Like, yeah, okay, I can still, you know, go out and get dressed up. And then, of course, we have a good time because we get to reconnect again. Um, but yeah, I don't know. It's, it's hard. It's very hard. And like you said, we were doing the whole thing like, um, if we have free time, we'll go. Something always comes up. Like, you have to schedule it, you know. Yes. Mm-hmm.

All right. Well, I appreciate you guys for giving us that idea. I think we also were just like, oh, like the weekend, right? Like you obviously would go out weekend. But like, no, like for us, like actually like Wednesday's work better. So we're probably just going to stick to a Wednesday, like every other Wednesday. And I want to make it different dates because when we went to paradise, going on like the jet skis and stuff, like that was, that was way more sparky than just going to dinner over and over again. Totally.

Yeah. Yeah, you got to spice it up a little bit. I was just telling Adam, it's been six years since Paradise, and that seems like such a far, like another lifetime ago. But going on those types of dates is important because you need a little romance in the mix of everything. I need to still feel like my husband thinks I'm sexy. Exactly. I was totally joking with Adam Mother Day, but he was kind of like, we could do that.

Um, I was like, let's just, because after the C section, you can't have sex for until you're cleared. So I told him, I was like, you have, if you want to sleep with me, you have to take me on a hot date. Yeah, like a different date, right? Yes, like a different date. Like, you have to woo me. Like, act like you're dating me. Yeah. And he was like, well, why don't we just meet at a bar?

Oh, I love it so much. Act like we don't know each other. And like, I'm trying to get you to sleep with. And I was like, oh my gosh, I got him down for that. Oh, my God. I'd be so down for that. Isn't that fun just to like go and you know, I mean, it's, it's pretend, it's play, but you're so comfortable with each other at this point.

It's like, could be really fun and spicy, you know? I so want to do that now. Thank you for that idea. So with Adam, I know that you guys live in Dallas because of his work. Now, is his all of his family still in Southern California, or is there a parent that's in Dallas? Yes, one brother and his dad is in California, and then another brother and his mom is here in Texas. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly, and now I'm seriously suspicious. Well, wait a minute, Sam, maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit.

Well, Dakota, it's back to school week on the OK Storytouch. podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend has been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone. Now hold up, isn't that against school policy? That sounds totally inappropriate. Well, according to this person, this is her boyfriend's former professor and they're the same age. It's even more likely that they're cheating. He insists there's nothing between them. I mean, do you believe him? Well, he's certainly trying to get this person to believe him because he now wants them both to meet. So,

Do we find out if this person's boyfriend really cheated with his professor or not? To hear the explosive finale, listen to the OK Storytime podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hi, my name is Enya Umanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect.

And want to hear people with mental ill. Illness, Psychobabble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. The Super Secret Bestie Club podcast season four is here. And we're locked in.

That means more juicy cheesement. Terrible love advice. Evil spells to cast on your ex. No, no, no, no. We're not doing that this season. Oh. Well, this season we're leveling up. Each episode will feature a special Bestie and you're not going to want to miss it.

Get in here! Today we have a very special guest with us. Our new super secret bestie is The Deva of the People. The Deva of the People. I'm just like text your ex. My theory is that if you need to figure out that the stove is hot, go and touch it. Go and figure it out for yourself.

Okay. That's us. We're in the head. That's us. My name is Curley. And I'm Maya. In each episode, we'll talk about love, friendship, heartbrates, men, and of course, our favorites.

Secrets. Listen to the Super Secret Bestie Club as a part of the My Cultura Podcast Network available on the IHartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. I'm Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford. And in session 421 of Therapy for Black Girls, I sit down with Dr. Athea and Billy Shaka to explore how our hair connects to our identity, mental health, and the ways we heal.

Because I think hair is a complex language system, right? In terms of it can tell how old you are, your marital. status where you're from, you're a spiritual belief. But I think with social media, there's like a hyper fixation and observation of our hair, right? That this is sometimes the first thing someone sees when we make a post or a reel. It's how our hair is styled. You talk about the important role hairstylists play in our community,

the pressure to always look put together, and how breaking up with perfection can actually free us. Plus, if you're someone who gets anxious about flying, don't miss session 418, Dr. Angela Neal-Barnett, where we dive into managing flight anxiety. Listen to therapy for black girls on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Okay, so you have his mom, but like you don't have your parents. So for me, the biggest struggle with having Dawson has just been not having my parents. there, and my sister, there to help on a daily basis, it's, I think, like, very much, it's

like, I think the mom's parents, like, need to be around for that, like, extreme dependency. Yes, I tell at me all the time. Our lives would be so different if my mom lived close us. Yeah, I know. It's all the time every day. Yes. I'm different from mom every day. And even my dad, My dad, we joke around, like, he can literally be a night nurse because he will just stay up all night with the babies and not complain. And I was like, our lives would be totally different if my mom was here. I see that. It makes you, like, really, really miss your mom. Yeah.

It's, like, probably the only area in, like, our lives where it's like, we are in different pages. don't like know a solution on it at all like Jared kind of wants to do like the winters in Virginia I'm like so you're telling me that you want to live for three months out of the year in my parents basement like if you want to like okay but he like is so just tied to Rhode Island I don't know what we're going to do for the second it just feels like impossible not to have like that full hands-on family like the feeling of the feeling of practically having your parents live with you like because i know that my mom would never go a day without seeing dawson if we lived there and pretty much say with my sister and my dad is like so

obsessed with him too like every day like when's my dawson face time you know yeah totally isn't it is it frustrating do you guys ever debate where you might end up or because you're building a house yeah no it's always been that we're living here it's always that has always been the agreement. Yeah, it's kind of same with us. And everything changed when we had Dawson because I was totally fine living in Rhode Island. It's an hour flight for my parents. I go home for almost a week every month. We're very lucky in that. Of course, when we had the second child and then Dawson turns two, then the flights are going to get way more expensive and that's something to consider too. We'll be able to bounce back and forth so much. Exactly. Same story. Yes. You know, right?

So, like, oh, and I know my parents will never, ever move here. My dad wants to die in our house in Virginia. Now would your parents move to Texas? I don't see them moving. They have toyed with that idea. I truly never got my hopes up because I just don't see that happening. Yeah. My mom's retired now.

My dad can retire anytime. So that helps to come here. But it's just like you. It's an hour flight. and it's like seven and a half hour drive if we were to drive and then I get seven hours for us so it's exactly the same but no I mean I just I think I have already mourned my mom not being here yeah because I just know there's for our me and Adam there's no way she'll ever be here yeah I'm totally understanding.

understand that. My life would be so different if my mother was here. Yeah. And it's not as if we don't love our mother-in-laws. Like, I totally do. It's just like I'm not going to ask her constantly, like, can you watch him if I get my nails done down the street? Well, yes. And it's not like, you're comfortable with your mom and for you, your sister that you can kind of snap at them if you need to. Oh, yeah, absolutely. I can't do that. Like, I'm not as comfortable as like, I can't ask if I can go get my nails done. And, like, it's just so much better with my mom. And then I think, and you, you too, for now, we're the, we're the boy moms.

Yeah. Yes. So we're, we're going to be, we're never going to be the girl, girl moms. Well, maybe we will. Yeah, but I just think about that. Like, I'll be like my, like, Adams, okay, sorry. I totally understand what you're going with. Yes.

Adam's mom had three boys. When I had Gates, and you know the whole story, I was pushing, I wanted her in the room because she would never get to see the birth of her grandchild if she's with the daughter-in-law. And I just think about that. I'm like, if I only have sons, I may not get to see. I may not be as close. I may not get to see. I may not get to experience.

And so I just think about that because I'm like, yeah, it's definitely. different girls mothers it's totally different i'm okay with that but it's for my children but it is different like it's not going to be like how how a girl is with her mom like the son is with the mom yep exactly like if and jared also has this thing and i'm sure adam sort of would have the same thing he doesn't love asking for help from his parents even when we need it like that's a pride thing oh adam will ask at the drop of a hat even if i don't jealous even if i don't need it he'll be like i call my mom just coming over and i appreciate it so much but yeah he but i also remember you saying that jared was very hands-on very good with dawson yeah he is and adam adam is like i said

Adam is struggles with that so I think that's why he's so much more willing to ask. Interesting. Okay. Yeah, that could be it. So how has he grown in all that? I really think it has to do with Gates's age and just being able to communicate a little bit, smile, laugh, play. Like those were so important for Adam. And he's definitely had a learning curve. like right now with Max Max is almost two months old and Adam does not know what to do with Max he has no idea

and this is not his first rodeo like he has done this before and he has... Adam's my dad Adam was my dad with us and is my dad with Dawson when he was an infant like my dad didn't hold Dawson until he was like five days old even though we were like living at their house

because he was like I'm gonna break him I have no interest in But now he just obsessed and, like, very hands-on. It's so funny how some men just can't handle infants. Yeah, it's just so different. And I guess I don't know about your dad, but I know Adam hasn't had never been around babies before. So he had a huge learning curve of like what that.

And then he did it again. And then here we are. And now I know my expectation. He's just not good at the infancy. stage and that's fine because you know they usually want just their mom anyway and they're a big blob you just feed them put him to bed change a dopper it's like clockwork but uh he's so much better with gates i it's just like i told him the other day i was like i'm so proud of you for your relationship with gates not i didn't know i knew he would be a good dad yeah but i didn't know

how it was going to develop after seeing him with Gates as a newborn. Did that freak you out? No, I just like, you better get it together. Like, this is our life. So, like, he had to figure it out. And I was very frustrated at times. I still am. I still get very frustrated at Adam because I hear of all these girls.

I'm like, low-key jealous. Like, they're like, oh, yeah, he gets up in the middle of the night. I'm like, I'm so jealous. Like Adam's brother, older brother, was down here last weekend, the one that lives in California. And his sister-in-law was like telling me, oh, yeah, Will gets up in the middle of the night. Everything is 50-50. I give a bottle. It's his turn next.

I change it over, it's his turn next. I'm like, Adam, are you hearing this? Like, can you take some notes? Can you, like, change it up for every once in a while? So we all have our things that we're jealous of. I'm jealous of you being like the perfect pregnant person because you never have any symptoms. And then you're jealous of me because when it's in the infant stage, Jared was very your diaper, my diaper, your bottle, my bottle. Yes, that's amazing to have that kind of partner.

So you were prepared, though. I remember you telling me the last time we podcast together that it was on my I don't get a podcast, by the way, guys. And it was when we were both pregnant, you may have had the baby. I may have still been pregnant. It was something like that. And no, no, no, we didn't do that. That wasn't the situation because we had the babies within 10 days apart of each other. we must have been pregnant we are both pregnant so um i remember you talking about marriage therapy and how you

did it beforehand and how you were very prepared going into motherhood and fatherhood because you were like going to take that traditional maybe some may say old school mother route um so how did you guys discuss that like i just want to kind of know and like do you still do therapy just like keep it on a healthy level? Um, so Adam and I, and I might have said this in, on your other podcast, we grew up totally different. And I just, that's what I wanted for my family. And I reserve my right to change my mind. I reserve my right to not be a traditional stay at home, mom. And I deserve my right to say I don't want to live in Rhode Island anymore. Yes, exactly. No, I'm kidding. I'm really, I'm actually like quite good here right now during the summer and lots of family visits.

But yes, go ahead. Continue. Yes. I totally agree. But like therapy was really helpful for us, which we were mandatory, had to do therapy before we got married just because we had different religious backgrounds. And so to get married under a certain rabbi, we had to do all this therapy. So it kind of forced us to do it.

It was like not, we're not like, we didn't seek it on. our own. So we haven't stayed on top of it. But it did just highlight some of those differences we had and like, let's find common ground. Like, or maybe open our eyes to the perspective a little differently than what we would have before because we are so different. Adam and I are so different. And I don't know. I think like I said earlier, I was just so prepared because I've been around babies i wanted babies um and adam not so he wanted a family but he just grew up completely different because his parents weren't together and it wasn't like the kind of family unit you had no or was the religious it was all of it really um but he like his mom and dad were workaholics so he wasn't around them

like I was around my mom. And so for him, it was very easy to delegate a ton of time for a nanny or a housekeeper or this or that. That was just like his normal. And for me, I was like I'd never had anyone ever cleaned my house before. That was just unheard of from like where I come from. That was just total. I don't think you could get a housekeeper. I mean, that was just like, I mean, crazy to think.

that someone could even afford one. So we were just totally different socioeconomics, religion, everything. So to have someone to kind of come through all the things that we needed and wanted individually and then connect the dots for us of what would work was really helpful. Yeah, it sounds it. And I've given that advice that you gave us about like it's just a healthy, good thing to go through before getting married to other people being like if you feel awkward addressing this issue go to pre-marital counseling and then they'll bring it up for you and then you guys can hash it

out in an environment in which like it's not going to get like overly hostile because there's going to be a mediator yes 100% all right let's talk a little bit about max and your past few months so you had the plan C section because well it wasn't because of the way that Gates was born which was in total traumatic fashion. We don't have to go into that. But you would think that after that you would have had a plan C-section just because a lot of the times they don't do V-backs, which means if you have a first, if you have a C-section,

depending on your OB, they may not be keen on the idea of you trying a vaginal birth. So that wasn't the case? You actually had a placenta issue? Yeah, so she told me, I had such a horrible experience with Gates' birth. Yeah, I would have just wanted the C-section. Well, the most terrifying part about Gates's birth was the C-section for me. Oh, my God. I forgot. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. I felt everything.

Yeah. And little, so, okay, let me just tell you the story because I need to tell you this on or off a podcast. If you're okay and comfortable with it being on. Yeah, it's fine. So I wanted to do a V-back because I was terrified of the C-section. That was a movie for me. I mean, and I hear experiences like you and some of my other girlfriends that have just like amazing birthing experience, C-section or vaginal delivery. Like, I've heard amazing things.

And all my C-section girlfriends are like, oh, it's the best thing. You're in and you're out. It's 15 minutes. I was like, absolutely not. I could never, ever go through that again. That was a horror movie. And so I told my OB and she's like, I usually do not do V-Bs. there's risk involved and all the stuff.

She said, but if you want to try, I won't say no. It's up to you. So when we did my anatomy scan, my placenta was growing, like the umbilical cord is supposed to be in the middle. It was on the side of my placenta. So I wouldn't have been able to birth the placenta or like, you know, push the placenta out. I could have pushed the baby out fine.

but not the placenta. So she's like, okay, we're going to have a C-section. Because you could have the baby and then have a C-section for the placenta. We don't want to do that. Definitely not. Not another crazy experience either, or unexpected experience. At least with the plan C-section, you have hopefully the knowledge that like it's all going to go according to plan. Yes.

And my OBB turned around in her chair and she said, listen, it's not going to be like last time. Yeah. I said, how do I know? And she said, the person who was administrating your drugs has gotten fired from the hospital. Holy shit. Over me. So like you're the anesthesiologist? Yes.

You know, my dad's an anesthesiologist. Yeah, so is Adam's mom. Oh, no way. Wow, we have so much in common. No, it's cozy. So fast forward, it was the most. amazing thing I've ever experienced. It was quick, perfect.

I'm like, okay, now I get it. When they pulled him out of me and I was like, they're stitching you up and everything, I just cried and I thanked my, the nurses and the OB, I was just like, thank you. I knew this validated my experience with Gates because I knew it was not supposed to be that way. Yeah. And so anyway, it was just amazing. It was, it was so much better.

so I'm so happy and relieved I was praying for you that day and I was I mean what you went through was absolutely ridiculous it's crazy that the anesthesiologist has been fired because I mean what you went through is absolutely on completely you know it's bad if that's the case so yeah my boyfriend's professor is way too friendly and now I'm seriously suspicious oh wait a minute Sam maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend has been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her.

Now, he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone. Now, hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That sounds totally inappropriate. Well, according to this person, this is her boyfriend's former professor, and they're the same age. And it's even more likely that they're cheating. He insists there's nothing between them. I mean, do you believe him?

Well, he's certainly trying to get this person to believe him because he now wants them both to meet. So, do we find out if this person's boyfriend really cheated with his professor or not? To hear the explosive finale, listen to the OK Storytime podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hi, my name is Enya Umanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD...

Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. The Super Secret Festi Club podcast season four is here. And we're locked in.

That means more juicy cheesement. Terrible love advice. Evil spells to cast on your ex. No, no, no, no. We're not doing that this season. Oh, well, this season we're leveling up. Each episode will feature a special bestie, and you're not going to want to miss it. Get in here!

Today we have a very special guest with us. Our new super secret bestie is The diva of the people. The diva of the people. I'm just like text your ex. My theory is that if you need to figure out that the stove is hot, go and touch it. Go and figure it out for yourself. Okay. That's us.

We're good. That's us. My name is Curley. And I'm Maya. In each episode, we'll talk about love, friendship, heart breaks, men, and, of course, our favorite secrets. Listen to the Super Secret Bestie Club as a part of the Marco Tura podcast network available on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. I'm Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, and in session 421 of therapy for black girls, I sit down with Dr. Afea and Billy Shaka to explore how our hair connects to our identity, mental health, and the ways we heal. I think hair is a complex language system, right, in terms of it can tell how old you are,

your marital status, where you're from, you're a spiritual belief. But I think with social media, there's like a hyperfixation and observation of our hair, right, that this is sometimes the first thing someone sees when we make a post or a reel is how our hair is styled. We talk about the important role hairstylists play in our community, the pressure to always look put together, and how breaking up with perfection can actually free us. Plus, if you're someone who gets anxious about flying, don't miss session 418 with Dr. Angela Neal-Barnett, where we dive into managing flight anxiety. Listen to therapy for black

girls on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Okay, so happy that went smoothly, but then you started breastfeeding and it was going smoothly and then all the sudden you had awful metisus. Can you explain what that is and what you went through? So this is a little TMI, but I've said it on Instagram. I can say it on a podcast. I have inverted nipples. So it's very hard for me to breastfeed. And even the nurses were like it's going to be very, very difficult for you. There's like levels of inverted nipples and I have level three which is the worst and most of the time level three nipples don't produce milk at all because they never get stimulated enough to um so i with uh gates it was very hard for me

i dried up within two months and started my period the next day it was just bizarre and i had like third degree burns on my nip like burns on my nipples from something because my, it was that hard to get my nipples out. So with Max, I was determined just to do it as long as I did with Gates. I knew I could do two months. I did it before. Yeah. Just do two months.

It was so much easier the first month. It was a breeze. I still had to pump every time because I still have the issue of the inverted nipples. But my milk flow was way better. I was keeping up with his demand. And then all of the sudden, again, like with Gates, I got mastitis. No, thank you for pronouncing it correctly. My bad.

I usually don't pronounce words correctly. So that so many times I know how to say it. And so it all started. The same thing happened. It was I got the infection. I also started breaking out on hives on. my eye and I still I woke up last night and had it on my eyes um and my milk dropped got the infection got on medicine milk came back up got some another infection milk went down and now I'm like

completely empty well I'm sorry about that you did meet you did almost meet your goal though right you were like almost almost almost there it's about two weeks two weeks away from being there so Well, shooting's hard. I mean, you know how different. I mean, I don't know because, you know, I didn't do it. There you go. See, if I have a third, I'm just packing the formula in my hospital bag. And I, that's all I'm going to do because it's just mentally exhausting. Yeah. Physically exhausting. And I just, my body's not made for it. Yeah. I have just, I grew up. I wasn't breastfed. Jared wasn't breastfed. It was from the. very start. So it was like I was kind of surrounded by women who who didn't like prior like I mean it doesn't whatever I'm just going to say things the way I'm going to say

not try to be overly careful. They didn't like prioritize that and like they had a great journey with formula feeding and then my sister-in-law who gave birth three months earlier she's like I tried in the hospital and I said no thank you here's the formula and then for me when I was just so much needing my body back after just being wrecked for like seven months that I was like I'm like yeah yeah I'm not going to like attempt I'm so sorry but I'm like not going to attempt I need it back you know and I know you turned out fine I turned out fine yeah we're good it's all good yeah I saw this funny meme that was like okay yes you're breastfed but like also your kids going to eat a fry off like their car seat in a matter of months so

what's it matter like when I was going through all this stuff trying to breastfeed my mom like, I can't help you. She's like, I literally have no words of encouragement to give you because I didn't do this. She's like, just forget the formula. My mom's like, get the formula, girl. You're just doing too much. Let's talk about your birthday. Like, your birthday was your birth date. And when you found out that your OB scheduled it for your birthday, this plan C section, were you like, can we do it like the day before or the day after because like I don't want to share birthdays? Or were you like, this is beautiful? I would love to share a birthday. Dawson shares a birthday with my mom. So that's quite special for us. Yeah. Oh, my God. That's so cool. I bet she loved that.

Oh, she loved it. We all, we thought it. Like, when I knew my due date was February 10th, I was like, I bet you I have him on the 31st. And then there it was. Isn't it weird how kids end up on dates of family members? Like out of all the days out of the year. We have a lot of roll over my family. I think there's three dates that we have multiple birthdays on. And then the January 31st, my mom's birthday, Dawson's birthday was also the day that my parents met. I think it was 41, maybe like 42 years to the day. I'd have to do the math. But I think it may have been 42 years to the day. I just, to me, there are no coincidences. It's just really, really cool to see that. That's so bizarre. And who would have thought? It's just,

just so crazy it has to have some sort of meaning like meant to be destiny all of that yeah um adam definitely did not want us to share birthday um he down to the day we were walking in the hospital he's like you can't do this tomorrow i'm like adam we are here we're this is happening in 30 minutes like what are you talking about he's like yeah just just don't want y'all to share birthday um for me i didn't care because like for i'm not a huge birthday person like i told adam i want a pink cake for my birthday that's all i want something pink and gruelly and just not for boys and just very girly and so he did he got me a pink heart cake but i i was excited i thought it was really cool. I love that his birthday is 723, 23. It's on my birthday. Oh, it was my 32nd birthday.

So we have like 32. 23. I was just like, it's supposed to happen. And then what's crazy is I was born at 1018. He was born at 810. So we have those numbers in common too. So I just thought it was really cool. But Adam absolutely did not want us to share birthday. he's still mad about that thing oh that's so funny all right you've mentioned it recently on Instagram that like Gates at first was so cool with Max so sweet oh those videos melted my heart of him running in

and visiting you guys in the hospital room best video ever like I feel like yeah I need to like I should have screened or quit it just watch it off from never again but recently he's had some jealousy issues with Max can you elaborate

oh my gosh he like wakes up every morning he's like baby and he goes and gets he comes with me to get max and he'll like kiss him and all of that and he'll be like baby baby he's just like obsessed of him but then throughout the day he will he loves to bop him as hard as he can on the head and any chance he gets he takes i can see dawson doing this so clearly anytime he's bopping him on the head and I mean he is rough if you have if anyone has seen my son gates he's huge he's wide yeah very wide and very strong he looks like a two and a half year old not a one and a half year old it's crazy he's just we call him hoss baby instead a boss baby we call him hoss baby because he's literally just so massive and strong and so the first time he bopped him on the head I was like

like, oh my gosh, like he does he have a concussion? I swear. I'm freaked out. I'm so scary. I'm so sorry. Yes. And now it's like, I just know if I, if I hear, if I have Max playing on his mat or doing tummy time on the floor and Gates all the sudden gets really quiet. I know. I better run to Max because he's just like got his hand up ready to bop him in the head. And then he'll like give him a kiss. I'm like, I know what you were doing Gates. He's just getting to that point. And I'm sure with Dawson, too, like, they can't verbalize how they feel. Yeah. And so they just kind of act out.

And so it's just kind of been difficult in that. Because when you're feeding the baby, I can't go to Gates's every needs them once, like I have been the past year and a half. And so it's just been challenging in that regard. But it's a love-hate thing for Gates right now. Yeah. No, I also, he's like at an age where he doesn't get it. Yeah. Like, hopefully with like, like, we're going to start trying next month, which, holy shit.

Oh my gosh. I know. I'm getting off my spironylactone today, which is like the worst thing ever. Because you're supposed to be off of it for a month. That's my like acne drug. And yeah, like I think it like an additional nine months plus whatever. who knows how much will help him to like understand that like you can't hurt things because he's definitely in like the handsy phase and as much fun as this age is a year and a half

it's also it's when the temper tantrums start because they just don't know how to communicate when they're frustrated yes that was us in chick's lay just like 10 minutes 10 minutes before I hopped on this phone call max is screaming then gates is mad that I couldn't pick him up I'm like your brother's screaming but he doesn't understand yeah It's just like a tough time with emotions at this age. But it'll be nice for Dawson too because a lot of people told me to let Gates give the baby a gift for his arrival or whatever. Make him feel included and like the baby can give Gates a gift. Well, Gates was still too young for even that.

Like he had no idea what a gift was. And so I couldn't include him in the pregnancy or the. birth because he just didn't have he doesn't have it just wasn't old enough yet but Dawson will be old enough I mean even if he got pregnant next month and nine months from then I mean Dawson's going to understand like oh baby okay give the baby a gift at the hospital or baby's coming home with us and he'll kind of kind of understand it a little bit better for sure and it should be acknowledged that I'm like, oh, next month.

It's like, wait. And you totally understand, right? Because it's like you want more kids, but you also just don't know how to hand through your life. So your good friend Tia just posted something very relatable on Instagram because she, her baby is what, like nine months? Yeah, he'll be the year in December. Okay.

So she said like, I'm just going through a hard time right now because, well, I don't have that much time for myself. It feels like everything is either taking care. of the baby taking care of the house or doing work and i just kind of like don't know that we have advice on this but like we're there with you for anybody out there in our in our and we're all in this together adam calls it we're in the trenches that's what he says yeah when people ask like how are you he's like we're in the trenches like we're we're in war right now so we get it yeah it's like it's just the best of times and the worst of times.

Yeah, it is. And Adam and I had this conversation the other day because it has been really hard on him. And of course, it's been hard on me too, but way, way more on Adam. And he said, you know, I wouldn't mind another child. He's like, but it's just so hard. And I told him the time's going to pass either way. None, if you got pregnant next month, nine months, are going to pass regardless. So they're either going to pass with you being pregnant or not. And it's it's it's such fleeting to think that time, time is going to stay with us forever because it doesn't.

So if you can just make it past nine months that are already going to pass anyway, you can like change your perspective on things because I was, Adam was like, well, if I had five more years before. before we had kids, I could get this where, this, this place in my career and all these things. I said, yeah, but you would have wasted five years. I just feel like the time was going to, like, we would have either started a family now and been in the trenches now or we would have started a family in five years and been in the trenches in five years, if you know what I mean.

Oh, yeah. Like, there's no avoiding it, I guess. So, but you're going to get out. We're going to see the light. And I think the light is going to come around like four where you're just like straight up enjoying, right? Yeah. When they get, Adam says he asks everybody advice all the time. And he's, they tell him that when they can buckle themselves up in the seat in the car, that like even in the car seat, that is like freedom.

Yeah. Because you don't have to buckle them up. You just like, get in the car and they buckle themselves up. He's like, then you, then you know what freedom tastes like. because it's that little baby step that it's just the babyness is almost over. All right. I know I have to let you go in a second. I do have one more question.

But I also just want to put out a little advice that I got from people on Instagram when I brought up the whole like, okay, I was ready for one. I knew I was ready when I wanted to start. But now, like, how do you know when you're ready for a second? And the best advice I got was for multiple people saying similar things. It said, you won't regret having another. But chances are if you don't have another. you're going to regret not having it. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Final question is Adam does say that in the house you're building that you're going to put like this third bedroom, a third kid bedroom in there.

So for somebody who's really like stress out about all of this, he's open to the idea of another one, would he want it sooner rather than later? So you don't have to do those five years and then be like, oh gosh, we're going to start fresh again. Yes. He said that when we, it was really funny. It was like leaning over the table looking at his plans and he's like oh we could cut down square footage if we got rid of and he like stared at the the fourth of the room for a really long time and then he was like but if we have another one and I was like oh so there's a chance there's a chance it's in the back of the mind and he's like oh raven he's cussing at me and stuff he's like I don't know if I'm ready for that you know all that stuff and then he was like five minutes later

he's like, I like the name Brock for, you know, Brock Godshock. That sounds like that's actually pretty cool. He also sounds like a wrestler. Yeah, like really athletic jock something. And I was like, oh, okay. So we're, it's in the back of his mind. So we'll see. But for right now, it's so hard to say you'll have another one.

That's a newborn. Yeah, my goodness. No way. All right. Well, I'm so excited that we're going to. put this out there and that like we got you on the podcast to talk about all this stuff it's um just hearing this stuff makes me feel better as a mom so i know that we're well i'm excited for you wow oh my gosh are you really me me i am i'm so excited for you and you know what if you if you do you know

get pregnant close in age and all of that um one day they'll play together oh i know i'm so excited about that because they're going to, I know that he's going to, Dawson's going to love playing with somebody. And, you know, some people say that the transition's easier to a certain point, you know, after what, you know, you know, not the newborn, newborn, newborn face, but like once he starts to interact

and sit up straight, you know. Yeah. Yes. All right. I'm super excited for you. Thank you for having me on. Thank you for having me. It's so fun. Me too. All right. I admire you a ton. All right. We'll see you next time. Until then, I've been Ashley.

Follow my lead. Oh. I've been Raven. Yeah. You say I've been Raven. It's like our weird sign-off thing. We make everybody feel awkward at the end. Okay, bye.

Bye. Follow the Ben and Ashley I, almost famous podcast on IHartRadio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. Hi, my name is Enya Emanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crime,

We're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now.

Culture eats strategy for breakfast, right? On a recent episode of Culture Raises Us, I was joined by Valicia Butterfield, media founder, political strategist, and tech powerhouse for a powerful conversation on storytelling, impact, and the intersections of culture and leadership. I am a free black woman. From the Obama White House to Google to the Grammys,

Valicia's journey is a masterclass in shifting culture and using your voice to spark change. Listen to Culture raises us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Just like great shoes, great books take you places. Through unforgettable love stories and into conversations with characters you'll never forget. think any good romance, it gives me this feeling of like butterflies.

I'm Danielle Robeye, and this is bookmarked by Reese's Book Club, the new podcast from Hello Sunshine and IHeart Podcasts, where we dive into the stories that shape us, on the page and off. Each week, I'm joined by authors, celebs, book talk stars, and more for conversations that will make you laugh, cry, and add way too many books to your TVR pile. Listen to bookmarked by Reese's Book Club on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Apple Books is the official

audio book and ebook home for Reese's Book Club. Visit apple.c.O. forward slash Reese Apple Books to find out more. Why are TSA rules so confusing? You got a hood of you. I'll take it all! I'm Mani. I'm Noah. This is Devin.

And we're best friends and journalists with a new podcast called No Such Thing, where we get to the bottom of questions like that. Why are you screaming? I can't expect what to do. Now, if the rule was the same, go off on me. I deserve it. You know, lock him up.

Listen to No Such Thing on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. No such thing. This is an IHeart podcast.