The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast - Everything That Glitters (Is Not Gold) with Gerry Turner Part 1

Episode Date: November 4, 2025

Ben and Ashley are checking in with the original Golden Bachelor, Gerry Turner, to talk about the details of his new book "Golden Years"...that holds nothing back! From his pre-wedding cold feet to his uncomfortable post-wedding sleepover with Theresa, Gerry is ready to tell his truth.The trio is also getting the scoop on Gerry's recent engagement and an update on his health.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. The murder of an 18-year-old girl in Graves County, Kentucky, went unsolved for years, until a local housewife, a journalist, and a handful of girls, came forward with a story. America, y'all better work the hell up. Bad things happens to good people in small towns. Listen to Graves County on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. And to binge the entire season ad-free, subscribe to Lava for Good Plus on Apple Podcasts. The Rich Russians Falling Out of Windows podcast is back.

Sad Olegark Season 2. Since we left you in 2023 after season one, many politically motivated. Russian millionaires have continued to die in suspicious circumstances. Season two gets very weird. Listen to Sad Olegak on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Nora Jones, and I love playing music with people so much that my podcast called Playing Along is back. I sit down with musicians from all musical styles to play songs together in an intimate setting. Over the past two seasons, I've had special guests like Dave Grohl, Leveh, Rufus Wainwright, Mavis Staples, really too many to name.

And there's still so much more to come in this new season. Listen to Nora Jones is playing along on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Whenever I got through the window, I tried to pick him up, and his body was stiff. I'm Ben Westoff, and this is The Peacemaker, a true crime podcast about a suicide. string of mysterious suicides at a Missouri university, and the fraternity brother tied to them all, Brandon Grossheim. The lawsuit says Grossheim was one of the last people to see each victim before their deaths. Was he profoundly unlucky? Or was something much darker at play? Listen to the Peacemaker podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

You know the shade is always Shadiest right here. Season 6 of the podcast Reasonably Shady with Jazele Brian and Robin Dixon is here dropping every Monday. As two of the founding members of the Real Housewives Potomac were giving you all the laughs, drama, and reality news you can handle. And you know we don't hold back. So come be reasonable or shady with us each and every Monday.

Listen to Reasonably Shady from the Black Effect podcast. Podcast Network on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. This is the Ben and Ashley I, Almost Famous Podcast with IHartRadio. Hello, everyone. Welcome to The Almost Famous Podcast. It's Ashley and Ben. And today we are talking to the original Golden Bachelor, Gary Turner. He has a new book, The Golden Years. What I've learned from love, loss, and reality TV. Ben got a little shout out in his book where I had talked to him about that. his dancing skills are praise

Gary also just got engaged so we're going to check in on that get the latest on his health everyone welcome Gary Turner to the podcast. Good morning how are you? Good morning we are good so we've heard that you are not

at your home in Indiana you're in somebody else's home is that Lana's home your new fiance Anna's home yes indeed okay well congratulations on your engagement. Thanks. Yeah, thanks. It's been wonderful. Gary, you're really smiling. Is this just like for camera or is this just like a life thing for you now? Is where you're just

walking around with the big old glow? Ben, I'm a pretty happy guy. You know, I found someone that has constant positive energy. Lana never stopped smiling. I have to up my game a little bit. How did you guys meet? Actually, it was online. I fumbled through some friend requests when I had a bunch of them, and I hit a friend request from her, and then on her end, she saw it and responded, and I didn't answer to it. And finally, we got to the point where we hooked up, had a brief online conversation, decided to meet. Now, there is a lot to catch up with you on.

Obviously, you've been busy. We're going to talk about the book. We're going to talk about this new recent. engagement, Gary, before we kind of dig into the details and ask more direct questions about everything, this last year, if you look at the timeline, has been a whirlwind for you. I mean, I don't know your life before the show, but I would imagine this has been one of the most active years just in terms of romance and projects that you've ever had, right? I mean, kind of starting, you're about a year away from the divorce, and then now you are engaged.

Can you just to kind of set the scene here, tell us about this last year, give us an insight into everything that's been going on? Sure, I'll do the best I can because that is a mouthful. But, you know, I've kind of tried to take it one day at a time. I really would say that the watershed moment was in March when I met Atlanta. Up until that point, it was grunt work, just trying to get by, trying to decide what I wanted to do moving forward, whether or not I wanted to sell the lakehouse and all of that. And then, you know, once I met Atlanta, gears really changed. We traveled extensively.

I think the biggest plus has been that I really committed to saying no to nothing. You know, wherever we want to travel to, we've been to London, we've been to Paris, we've been to Myrtle Beach, we've been to Niagara Falls, a number of other places. And so I'm not going to say no. I don't know how long I'm going to be on this earth, and I'm going to make use of every single day, and have a good time with every single day. So then, you know, the whole procedure with the book comes along. And that was an added layer of distraction almost where I'd written it, felt good about writing it, but then it kind of went quiet for a while.

ABC had to approve everything in the book, and that took an extended period of time. And so once I got it back, you know, then everything started happening pretty quickly. And so with that said, you know, that pretty much leads us up to, you know, where we're at now. I decided Atlanta was the absolutely right person for me and, you know, asked her to marry me on the recent trip to Myrtle Beach. She happily accepted. I think we both knew we were the person for each other long before that, long before that. But that kind of made it official. I kind of wanted to make that statement.

You went from one very quick engagement to another pretty quick engagement, six months. Why did you decide to do it so fast the second time? Well, I'm not sure it was, it's a good comparison because on the show, the amount of time that I got to spend with any of the women was really quite brief. You know, you guys have been through it. So you know the amount of time where you're actually. with someone and trying to get to know someone, is really condensed. Whereas with Lana, you know, after about the first two or three weekends where we spent weekends together, we went from two days together to three to four, and then all of a sudden

it was like, okay, we were really feeling lonely in those three or four middays that we weren't together. And it just rapidly built. So we have spent a bunch of time together. And so the comparison is really a disconnect. Obviously, this year also you came out publicly and told the world that you had a cancer diagnosis. It is slow growing from what we understand and what we can kind of read and what you've been able to talk about. Has that played at all into kind of this next chapter?

How often do you think about it? just, you know, kind of talk to us about your journey with cancer so far? Yeah, the, uh, my condition hasn't changed, but mentally, um, it has reinforced or really pushed that feeling of, of not wanting to waste a moment. Um, you know, it, just a small side story, the very first night, the very first date with Lana, she came well prepared. Um, but one of the things that most impressed me is about halfway through the entree. I said, Lana, you know, I have something I have to share with you. I go, I don't want to, you know, start off and then have to tell you this story a month from now

after we've started investing in each other. And I told her I had this cancer and I spelled it out. Man, she was right off the bat. She goes, Gary, I know about it. I've read about it. I'm okay with it. We'll get through it together if that's the way it works. That was like, oh, my God, my heart was bursting with joy and happiness when she said that

because she came prepared in a way that I don't think anyone else would. That's kind of one of the perks of being a public figure going into dating. I found it to be comforting knowing that the whole internet could tell you about my virginity dating after The Bachelor. It was like something that I didn't have to really bring up. If you Googled me, you saw it. And I think that you probably Google me before going on a date with me. Did you kind of like the fact that Lana knew a bit about you and you didn't have to explain some hard things before getting on the date with her?

Like maybe, hey, I got married and divorced within two months. She just kind of knew. That was, she was okay. She accepted that because she accepted a date with you. I don't know that she was okay with it instantly. You know, she told me she watched the entire season. She always felt like she'd be a better match for me than any of the women on the show. She was very optimistic.

So she came well informed and understood. I think the difficult moments for her was when I gave her the manuscript to the book. And again, I wanted to be transparent. I wanted to make sure she didn't have any surprises. So early on in the relationship, I gave her the transcript. And, you know, there was a couple of days of pause in there. When, you know, she came back and she said, Gary, I had to do a little processing there. I had to make sure that I could comfortably accept everything I was reading in that book.

And, you know, she did. She was happy with it, comfortable with it. And we've moved on without any consequence to that. Yeah, and I think that's an interesting thing, Gary, because, you know, I wrote a book alone in plain sight a few years ago now and just re-released it. And, you know, I don't talk too much about the show in it. There's some small snippets about my life and how that impacted me. I was personally, I remember when I presented it to Jessica for the first time, I was nervous and cautious. And I also wrote the book

with an intention at that time knowing I was going to marry Jessica so I was very nervous about you're kind of cautious of what I was putting in there and what I wasn't so when she comes to you and says hey there's things I'm processing how do you personally walk

through that with her were you willing to change the book for her you know was that difficult there wasn't any changes what happened was Lana displayed a very good ability to be a good communicator. She's a good proactive communicator.

She would ask good questions. You know, I could read her face and see that she was processing an answer and maybe looking for a follow-up question. But, you know, I give her the credit here. She has accepted my history. And I've done the same with her. So we kind of understand that by the time you get to our age, no one doesn't have a history.

You have to be willing to accept it. And I think we both are very comfortable with that. Okay, friends, real talk. You are worth the wait. We've all been there, giving our energy to connections that didn't honor ours, and watching friends do the same. And honestly, we all deserve better. That's why Bumble is built for intentional dating.

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And on my new podcast, Here We Go again, we'll take today's trends and headlines and ask, why does history keep repeating itself? You may know me as the second hottest actor from the Harold and Kumar movies, but I'm also an author, a White House staffer, and as of like 15 seconds ago, a podcast host. Along the way, I've made some friends who are experts in science, politics, and pop culture.

And each week, one of them will be joining me to answer my burning questions. Like, are we heading towards another financial crash like in 08? Is non-monogamy back in style? And how come there's never a gate ready for your flight when it lands like two minutes early? We've got guests like Pete Buttigieg, Stacey Abrams, Lili Singh, and Bill Nye. When you start weaponizing outer space, things can potentially go really wrong.

Look, the world can seem pretty scary right now, because it is. But my goal here is for you to listen and feel a little better about the future. Listen and subscribe to Here We Go again with Cal Penn on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. In the new podcast, Hell in Heaven. Two young Americans moved to the Costa Rican jungle to start over. But one will end up dead. The other tried for murder.

Not once. People went wild. Not twice. Stunned. But three times. John and Ann Bender are rich and attractive, and they're devoted to each other. They create a nature reserve and build a spectacular circular home

high on the top of a hill. But little by little, their dream starts to crumble and our couple retreat from reality. They lose it, they actually lose it. They sort of went nuts. Until one night, everything spins out of control. Listen to hell in heaven on the I-Heart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get.

The forces shaping the world's economies and financial markets can be hard to spot. Even though they are such a powerful player in finance, you wouldn't really know that you are interacting with them. And even harder to understand. Donald Trump's trade war 2.0 is only accelerating the process of de-dollarization, which in a way is jargon for people turning away from the dollar. That is where the big take from Bloomberg podcast comes in. to connect the dots. How unusual is a deal like this? Unprecedented.

Every weekday afternoon, we dive deep into one big global business story. The biggest story of the reaction of the oil market to the conflict in the Middle East is one of what has not happened. Katie, you told me that ETFs are your favorite thing. They are. Explain that. Why is that the case? And unpack what it means for you. Our breakfast foods are consistent consumer staples, and so they sort of become outsize

indicators of inflation. Listen to the big take from Bloomberg News every weekday afternoon on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All I know is what I've been told, and that's a half-truth is a whole lie. For almost a decade, the murder of an 18-year-old girl from a small town in Graves County, Kentucky, went unsolved. until a local homemaker, a journalist, and a handful of girls came forward with a story. I'm telling you, we know Quincy Kilder, we know. A story that law enforcement used to convict six people, and that got the citizen investigator on national TV.

Through sheer persistence and nerve, this Kentucky housewife helped give justice to Jessica Curran. My name is Maggie Freeling. I'm a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist, producer, and And I wouldn't be here if the truth were that easy to find. I did not know her and I did not kill her, or rape or burn or any of that other stuff that you all said. They literally made me say that I took a match and struck and threw it on her. They made me say that I poured gas on her. From Lava for Good, this is Graves County, a show about just how far our legal system will go in order to find someone to blame. America, y'all better work the hell up.

Bad things happens to good people in small towns. Listen to Graves County in the Bone Valley feed on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And to binge the entire season ad-free, subscribe to Lava for Good Plus on Apple Podcasts. When I also wrote Alone in Plain Sight, a mentor of mine said, write this book, not because you want to, but because you have to. Was there ever a moment for you, Gary, where you thought, hey, with Lanna in my life, with all these things kind of happening, this book just should stay in a manuscript on my shelf? or I guess another way to ask it is, why did you have to write this book? Yeah, that's a good question. And, you know, I've thought about that a lot.

I think the best answer is to say that through the show, America didn't see the entire Gary Turner. They didn't see everything about me that I wanted people to know. They saw what other people wanted to present. And, you know, I have character. and I have morals and values that maybe weren't at the forefront of the show. And now I feel like I've done a good job with that. I think the other part of it is I wanted everyone to know how wonderful it is

to have a support system that I have, my daughters and my friends. I really don't think I would be in the place I am right now, had it not been for those friends back in Kendallville, Indiana, that I developed a couple of years ago and my daughters. I don't think I'd be here. Gary, from my perspective, I felt like you came across so well on the show. I think that when, you know, the cover of Us Weekly, this week or last week said, they made me out to be the villain.

I felt like more of those storylines where you could have possibly been interpreted as the villain sort of came after the show. So was it what happened on the show or what happened in the aftermath of the show that you felt like you need to clarify more. Oh, that's a good question. And I would say, really, it's more what happened in the aftermath of the show. You know, things didn't really go the way I thought they should have. And, you know, I wanted to set the record straight.

The aftermath of the show is hard. You really don't have control or you really can't speak to the narratives that are being put out there about you. this this book is an opportunity to do that but you've also like stayed reasonably quiet since the show you haven't gone on much of a media tour you haven't spoken publicly about maybe some of the comments shared about you from past contestants or your ex-wife why have you stayed quiet until now so that's a really good observation then um it's really really a simple matter of desire. I feel like I had my moment, you know, that brief snippet of

celebrity, I enjoyed it. But I think I'm realistic in thinking that it's time to go back to a normal life. It's time to try and find normalcy. It's also time to value every minute I have. You know, for instance, to me, this week is a work week. I haven't had a work week in years, but, you know, we have podcasts and we have interviews and we have all this stuff planned. I would really rather be riding a bike with Lana or going to play pickleball or, you know, my daughter is now 20 minutes away from where I am, and she's starting to play golf, which is hilarious.

And I'd really rather go and play the golf with her. but I'm having a work week because it's of value to the book, but I don't want a lot of work weeks. I love being retired, and I still want to be retired. But you still feel like you need to get it off your chest through writing the book? Yeah, sure, yes. Okay. We have to get into the tea of the book because we got an advance copy.

There is something in there that says that you felt trapped the day before your wedding day. that you even confided in your top three woman, Faith, saying that you do feel trapped going into this. And she said, you don't have to do this. You can get out of it. Please take us back to that moment in that day. So I do remember pretty clearly. Faith is someone that I still have a strong level of affection for. She's like a sister figure, best friend kind of person. And I trusted being able to talk to her. And so that night in the bar, you know, we got off into this side conversation.

And I expressed that I was having cold feet, that I wasn't sure things were right. And I did indeed feel like I was at a situation where there were no good choices for me at that moment. And so, you know, she talked me through it. She kept telling me I didn't have to, but I felt like I did. You know, you don't spend,

And 43 years being committed to one person and learning that commitment sometimes is difficult to turn your back on that. And so I was at a point where I had committed to something. My family knew I had committed to it. Dries's family knew that she and I both had committed to it. And there was only one path forward. That didn't mean that I wasn't uncomfortable with it. unsure and so forth. But that's the way it is. Okay. I want to sit on that for a second. I think mostly

not just for your scenario, but for anybody in your season of life looking for their lifetime partner, forever partner, the way I'm hearing that, Gary, and I think it's just interesting. And something I could probably learn from us, you went through life for 43 years of the partner. You go on this show, you find yourself in a position to find somebody again. I don't want to put words in your mouth, but the way I'm hearing that is you almost said, hey, I committed to this, so I'm going to go through with it instead of the maybe how it would have been like in my, you know, in my, when I was 30 and I got engaged where I said, hey, I'm dating. I want to find the partner for me. If this one doesn't work out, I'm hoping I can date again. I don't feel any pressure. Yeah, it sounded like a job

the way you were at it and less of a romance. Well, let me clarify a little bit, and I think this might help. One of the fundamental mistakes mentally that I made going on that show, and maybe it wasn't a mistake, but I went into that show 100% believing that I would find my partner. It never was an option that I would come out of that show alone. And with that mentality, as I marched forward through all those progressions of things that happened, it was always the underlying belief that I was there and that my partner was there.

And, you know, so that kind of adds to the feeling of entrapment in one way, but it was self-generated. I should have been open to the possibility that no one was my perfect match there. you should have called past bachelors and asked hey how do i do this what is the mindset here you are so right it's uh it was helpful for me because i do think that entrapment can happen if you feel like oh my goodness i'm going to let myself my family and the world that's watching down if i don't end up in a love story after this gary i have to ask though you know joan was obviously a part of her season she becomes the next golden bachelorette she leaves because of a family emergency midway through the season i don't i don't know how you feel about this but i'll just ask

it if she would have been around do you think that would have been a better choice for you different choice you know how will we ever know um really i i i i can't say yes or i can't say no because, you know, I know Joan, I know how well she handles things, how level-headed she is, wonderful merit and characteristics she brings to any relationship. It's going to be awesome. But better or worse, it's hypothetical. I can't answer it. You talk about some juicy stuff when it comes to your relationship with Teresa while you were married.

You talk about how she'd like schedule phone calls and it was like hard to get in touch with your wife and then you talk about how she had you sleep on the couch when you would make visits can you tell us these stories well well it's in the book I know I know but just give us a little context like why were you sleeping on the couch why would she schedule you know talking times yeah conjugal visits yeah so there was there was really there was only one visit that I made to her house. It was like pulling teeth. And, you know, this is like a month and a half later, if I remember correctly, after the marriage that I finally said, hey, you know, we're married. We need to be together. We need to begin the process of getting to know each other better and to bond

and so forth. And, you know, my level of excitement was really quite high. I put my best friend dog Cody in the car and we took off to New Jersey. And when I got there, we had dinner, nice conversation. I fully expected that indeed we would, you know, have those quiet bedtime pillow talk moments and that things would really flourish from that point. And, you know, I remember the very first night. She goes, hey, I have a really tough day at work tomorrow. Do you mind if you sleep on the sofa. That's wild. You know, so I was trying to be agreeable. Seriously, you know, we hadn't been together enough. I'm married to this person. I don't want to create a battlefield over that. And so I agreed. The problem was when it happened the second night and the

next night and the next night, that's when I really should have manned up and said, hey, what's going on here? Probably the second night, not the third or the fourth, but the second night. And I didn't. Quite honestly, I don't know why. I don't know why. Whether I was trying to be agreeable or whether I didn't care enough. I don't know. We often think we know our type in dating. Tall, funny, a certain job. But the research shows we're usually not the best predictors of who will actually make us the happiest.

As we often say on the Happiness Lab, our minds lie to us about all kinds of stuff. and that definitely includes the kinds of things we need to be happy in a relationship. That's why it helps to stay curious. On Bumble, features like shared interests and prompts make it easy to notice right on someone's profile initial sparks of compatibility, like a shared love of cooking or the same nostalgic TV shows. Shared interests and prompts let you showcase your personality right on your profile and connect with people who get your vibe.

And with photo and ID verification, you can feel confident the person you're talking to is real, so you can date with a bit more confidence. When you treat dating as exploration, instead of sticking to a rigid type, you open yourself up to happier, more meaningful connections. So maybe your type isn't tall, dark, and mysterious. Maybe it's loves podcast as much as you do. Stay open, stay curious, and let yourself be surprised. Download Bumble today. Here we go. Hey, I'm Cal Penn. And on my new podcast, here we go again. We'll take today's trends and headlines and ask, why does history keep repeating itself? You may know me as the second hottest actor from the Harold and Kumar movies, but I'm also an author, a White House staffer, and as of like 15 seconds ago, a podcast host.

Along the way, I've made some friends who are experts in science, politics, and pop culture. And each week, one of them will be joining me to answer my burning questions. Like, are we heading towards another financial crash like in 2008? Is non-monogamy back in style? And how come there's never a gate ready for your flight when it lands like two minutes early? We've got guests like Pete Buttigieg, Stacey Abrams, Lili Singh, and Bill Nye. When you start weaponizing outer space, things can potentially go really wrong. Look, the world can seem pretty scary right now because it is. But my goal here is for you to listen and feel a little better about the future. Listen and subscribe to Here We Go Again with Cal Penn on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

In the new podcast, Hell in Heaven, two young Americans moved to the Costa Rican jungle to start over. But one will end up dead. The other tried for murder. Not once. People went wild. Not twice. Stunned. But three times.

John and Anne Bender are rich and attractive, and they're devoted to each other. They create a nature reserve and build a spectacular, circular home, high on the top of a hill. But little by little, their dream starts to crumble, and our couple retreat from reality. They lose it. They actually lose it. They sort of went nuts. Until one night, everything spins out of control. Listen to Hell in Heaven on the I-Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The forces shaping the world's economies and financial markets can be hard to spot.

Even though they are such a powerful player in finance, you wouldn't really know that you are interacting with them. And even harder to understand. Donald Trump's trade war, 2.0, is only accelerating the process of de-dollarization, which in a way is, jargon for people turning away from the dollar. That is where the big take from Bloomberg podcast comes in, to connect the dots. How unusual is a deal like this? Unprecedented. Every weekday afternoon, we dive deep into one big global business story.

The biggest story of the reaction of the oil market to the conflict in the Middle East is one of what has not happened. Katie, you told me that ETFs are your favorite thing. They are. Explain that. Why is that the case? And unpack what it means for you. Our breakfast foods are consistent consumer staples, and so they sort of become outsize indicators of inflation. Listen to the big take from Bloomberg News every weekday afternoon on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

All I know is what I've been told, and that to have truth is a whole lie. For almost a decade, the murder of an 18-year-old girl. from a small town in Graves County, Kentucky, went unsolved until a local homemaker, a journalist, and a handful of girls came forward with a story. I'm telling you, we know Quincy Kilder, we know. A story that law enforcement used to convict six people and that got the citizen investigator on national TV.

Through sheer persistence and nerve, this Kentucky housewife helped give justice to Jessica Curran. My name is Maggie Freeling. I'm a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist, producer, and I wouldn't be here if the truth were that easy to find. I did not know her and I did not kill her, or rape or burn or any of that other stuff that y'all said. They literally made me say that I took a match and struck and threw it on her.

They made me say that I poured gas on her. From Lava for Good, this is Graves County, a show about just how far our legal system will go in order to find someone to blame. America, y'all better work the hell up. Bad things happen to good people in small towns. Listen to Graves County in the Bone Valley feed on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And to binge the entire season ad-free, subscribe to Lava for Good Plus on Apple Podcasts. you don't talk about this in the book i just gary want to know i mean jessica and i've had like

some of our worst arguments right before bed still you know not like going to bed together is not an option like we're going to lay in the same bed even if like we're going to lay in the same bed even if like we're fuming because at some point you know obviously we're going to roll over and be like I love you and I love you too let's talk about this tomorrow but I want to know what was going through your mind let's say night two or three when you're asked to sleep on the couch you're laying on a couch looking at the ceiling probably not able to stretch out all the way because you're not a short man what was just going through your head quite honestly I think that And I do remember thinking, okay, this kind of confirms my suspicions, that I had always suspected that maybe the genuine bond wasn't there.

And those actions manifested what I believed were the feelings. And it was quite empty. And it was that feeling on night, too, that kind of, allowed me to just let it go for the additional nights because I don't think you can change someone's heart. If it's not there, it's not there. And, you know, Ben, I'm really entertained by how you ask that question. It warmed my heart, quite honestly, because at the same time, I'm listening to you, I'm thinking about Lana. And I'm thinking how different it is when she and I have had some skirmishes. And yeah, we know 100% we're going to land in bed at the same

time we're going to snuggle and we're going to say we're still going to say the I love yous even if there's still a niggling of of discontent there that that happens and it's it's such a contrast yeah feels like you guys got yourselves into like a very uncomfortable awkward relationship I feel I feel bad for both of you because we've interviewed Teresa before and just listening to you and her It just feels like both of you ended up getting married and you're like, oh, man, like, there's a lack of intimacy here. Is this correct? Yeah.

Yeah. But I don't know. I mean, I've been a part of the show, Gary. You know that. Yep. I've been in a relationship from the show that definitely didn't feel great all the time. It didn't. It wasn't good.

Obviously, like, being with Jessica today, it's even hard for me to compare. because it feels like dirty and weird, but, you know, it's just completely different. The level of intimacy and relationship and connection and comfort and trust. All those things are different. I think that's just because we're a better match. And obviously, Lauren's a better match with her husband. It worked out great in the end. But I have a hard time, I guess, understanding how you end up with somebody from the show.

you get you say yes to a marriage because Lauren and I were asked to get married on television and we said no to it because of the things you're talking about like how did you get that far and then once you did get that far how was there's just such a disconnect yeah geez I really wish I had a good answer to that one but Ben I don't know that I do I just know that I'm getting carried away in the excitement of the circumstance and the show and everything, you know, kind of created its own flow. And, you know, the velocity of that show, it just became greater and greater to the point where we were swept away.

And really, I wish I had a better reflection on it, but I can't say. I don't know. Yeah, you truly just, like, got swept away. I remember before your wedding, I was like, I was on here all the time being like, these people have known each other for two months this is different than other bachelor weddings because other bachelor weddings you know like in ben's case it would have been over a year of them having a real life relationship if it would have happened with jaden tanner that was that was the quickest one there was in there and they were together for six months in the real world with you guys it was like eight weeks max in the real world maybe not even because your finale was right around thanksgiving so that's when you were able to to be public, like just the month of December. And yeah, so you guys really,

you were on a true whirlwind. Anyway, when it comes to the breakup, it's a little convoluted in the public and through both of your stories. We have the we didn't figure out where we wanted

to move. We couldn't agree on that. And then there was the rumor that she was weird about your cancer diagnosis. Can you straighten this out for us for the final time? Well, to address the second part of that, I don't think she was weird about it. I don't know what kind of label to put on it, but I think by the time I had told her about it, there was enough distance between us that she didn't care much. So I told her about the diagnosis and then really what bothered me

tremendously over, you know, quite a bit of time, was I never heard back from her to check in. You know, by comparison, Leslie, who, you know, she and I left on terms that were much less happy. Leslie would check in. Hey, Gare, how you feeling? How's it going? And so it was, it was, I felt very bad that I never heard from Teresa checking in on my health. So that probably is, you know, the biggest part of it. You know, there's St. John of the Cross has this comment that always popped up in my life when I think about these moments, the dark nights of the soul. Gary, I mean, goodness, I know there's two sides to every story and then there's the truth that sits in between. But it does feel like there were probably moments, I'm assuming, that you were, your heart felt pretty rich.

ripped apart, especially with a cancer diagnosis. You know, I would say my worst enemy, I can't think of who that would be right now, but if I had one called me and said, hey, I have cancer, I would imagine or hope that that would be a trigger inside of me to follow up, check in, to show care. So just to confirm, to make sense of this, you and Teresa had filed for divorce already when you let her know about your cancer, correct? I believe so. Oh.

I would have to check dates. So I kind of want to leave a little. It was close? Like it was reasonably close? Yeah. Okay. The conversation of at least being split up was happening. Yes.

Okay. But that wasn't the reason for you guys splitting up. The reason was also not a living situation, was it? It was just a full-blown incompatibility. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, let's put some clarity to that. A cancer diagnosis, I do not believe, was a contributing factor to our splitting up. I also do not believe that the place where we were going to live was a contributing factor. Perhaps the attitude towards that search was, but not that actual element. itself. I mean, plain and simple, you know, I'll speak only for myself. We found that we were not

compatible. And I think the biggest area of incompatibility was when on the show, the final dinner with Trisa, when she told me that she would leave her job when she found the right guy, only to have her tell me a short time later that she wanted to work another year. And as I've shown, I really want to travel. I want to see the world. I want to experience things. And those two things became mutually exclusive. And that was really the nexus, I think, of the problems.

Well, we have even more to talk with Gary about. So we're going to break this into a second episode. You can stay tuned. See that on your feed pop up. Until then, we'll see you next time. Follow the Ben and Ashley I, almost famous podcast on IHartRadio, or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. The murder of an 18-year-old girl in Graves County, Kentucky, went unsolved for years. Until a local housewife, a journalist, and a handful of girls came forward.

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