The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast - High-Conflict Divorce? You Need a BOSS!

Episode Date: May 10, 2025

Jennie Garth continues her conversation with divorce coach Samantha Boss. Co-parenting can be a landmine, and Samantha is telling you why you must drop the act and stop pretending everything is OK for the sake of your kids. Unsure how to navigate your kids' birthday party now that you're co-parenting? Summer break vacation giving you anxiety because of your toxic ex? Samantha has the best tips on how to handle it! Email us at: [e-mail] or call us at 844-4-I Do Pod (844-443-6763)Follow I Do, Part 2 on Instagram and TikTokSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly, and now I'm seriously suspicious. Wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, luckily, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend's been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone.

Hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That seems inappropriate. Maybe find out how it ends by listening to the OK Storytime podcast and the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello, it's Daniel Fischel. Writer Strong. And Will Ferdell from PodMeets World. We are back in Las Vegas and giving the people what they want, a full week of Y2K content. Tell me why. Well, for the Backstreet Boys residency at Sphere, of course.

We joke and say this is our second marriage, but it takes a lot of communication. Plus, it's carrot top, baby. And finally, Ashley Simpson-Ross joins us to talk about her upcoming sold-out Vegas residency. Listen to PodMeets World on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. December 29th, 1975, LaGuardia Airport. The holiday rush, parents hauling luggage, kids gripping their new Christmas toys. Then everything changed. There's been a bombing at the TWA.

terminal, just a chaotic, chaotic scene. In its wake, a new kind of enemy emerged, terrorism. Listen to the new season of Law and Order Criminal Justice System on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, my name is Enya Yumanzoor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes,

We're not the podcast for you But if you have unmedicated ADHD Oh my God, perfect And want to hear people with mental illness Psychobabble Yes, yes Then emergency intercom is the podcast for you Open your free IHeartRadio app

Search Emergency Intercom And listen now I'm Dr Joy Harden Bradford Host of the Therapy for Black Girls podcast I know how overwhelming it can feel If Flying makes you anxious In session 418 of the Therapy for Black Girls podcast. Dr. Angela Neil Barnett and I discuss flight anxiety. What is not a norm is to allow it to prevent

you from doing the things that you want to do, the things that you were meant to do. Listen to therapy for Black Girls on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hi, guys, it's Jenny Garth, and we are back for part two of my conversation with Samantha Boss, who is the boss when it comes to divorce coaching. I love this whole business model that you've, it feels like you've created this space, this white space that everybody in the situation needs. And also it feels like you are on, you help the person feel like we're a team. I'm your biggest fan. I'm your cheerleader. And I'm also your quarterback.

Let's do this. Here's what we're going to do. And everybody's case is different. And I think that's why I get so frustrated with certain lawyers is they want to use the same template on everybody. And nowadays, we have kids with severe medical issues. We got military. We got shift workers.

We got people that want to homeschool. We got, you know, holistic and not wanting to do doctors. We got all kinds of people out there. Why are our parenting plans not custom to our family? Why are we using a template from the state of Indiana? You know, the state of California, we're going to use the same template that the last six families got dished out, but all six families have different dynamics. That is the part that really blows my mind.

And I hope someday, someday soon, I can get in front of judges and lawyers and say, these have to be custom. These cannot be just boilerplate, stamp it. Oh, yep, use the guidelines from the state. No, it can't because kids are the ones that fall through the cracks when that happens. Yeah. because this is really all about the kids. I mean, this isn't about, I know I've been stating, you know, me having to work

with my ex, me having to work with, when I have to work with my ex, my kids get a different version of me that they don't want. My kids want the peaceful mom, the happy mom, the one that's not triggered, the one that doesn't feel threatened, the one that doesn't feel bothered. That's what my kids want. But if I have to continue to work with him and he does his high conflict bullshit on me, I'm going to always comply because I don't know boundaries yet. And then my kids are getting a bad version of me.

So the kids are the ones that pay the price if your parenting plan is not good. They absolutely do. I think it's really cool that your kids know the ins and outs of what you're talking about. And they have also their own experience of it, unfortunately. But it sounds like they, you know, it would be very cool if they were on their way to helping other young people. I know they will. They're going to deny it right now. But when they come and do trainings with me, as soon as they get off, they're like, okay, I was like, how's that feel?

they're like, first off, that was exhausting, but they're like, that feels so good to share because I know my story, even though they don't paint me as a rainbow unicorn mom, you know, they're like, that story is going to help other moms not make the mistake you made. And I'm like, hell yeah, because I was a disregulated mom those first eight years. I'll be honest. I was a screamer. I was a yeller. I was a goal play with your brother, you know, like, because I had to focus on paperwork. You know, like, yeah, you know, and I wasn't attentive to them. I was so distracted with bullshit. that I was a shit mom and I was just angry all the time or I'd go on a cleaning rampage and and they were just like walking on eggshells in my house. Now, all of us have had a shit

ton of therapy together and separately. So we're all better. And I offered for them. I'm like, hey, is it okay if I share your stories? Absolutely. I mean, because they're healed through their therapy of like, yeah, that's our past. But if our past can help other people, share it. Let's do it. They love doing trainings. They love it. I would too. It's just helping somebody when they need it so badly. Okay, so I think that one of the things that I realized in my situation through my divorce that became a really big problem was that me and my ex, we talked way too much over text messages, which is not good in terms of, you know, you can't tell someone's tone or if what you're saying is being heard and effective and the right way you meant it. You can read so much

into text messaging, and we just didn't want to talk to each other. So we fell into firing off texts, whether they were good or bad, and, you know, and just being short with each other and then putting the phone down and walking away, which was so infuriating when, you know, you're like, I really need to work this out with you right now. Right, right. Well, a couple things. Number one, good parenting plan, you won't have to talk as much. You know, if you cover all the detail and you won't have to be communicating as much.

Number two, I mean, I don't know how old you are, but I was before. the whole apps were out, you know, texting was like, T-9ing had just came out when I was getting a divorce. That's how old I am. So like, people are like, why didn't you use an app? I'm like, they weren't invented yet, okay? People were actually still calling people on the phone and having to talk. So I think first and foremost, an app to, you know, so you have your really good parenting plan to limit, plan out as much as you can in there. But then if something does fall through a sickness, a transportation issue, something like that or, hey, I need to switch a holiday or, hey, I have to work or whatever.

That's when we got to go through the app and or I recommend my clients to always develop an email that's just for divorce and co-parenting and school stuff, something that's not your work email, that's not your personal email that's designed for, I know I'm only checking this when I'm ready to think about divorce and co-parenting. And so you don't get a hold of me right now on my work computer and ding, get to blow up my day. Ding, interrupt my mood. You know, it's an email that's completely separate that maybe you only have on your iPad. That's a good idea.

or check somewhere else. But even still, we talk a lot about, I run a private membership for moms only called the next chapter. And I do it with my bestie, Leah Marie. And I would say she's the pretty calm one and I'm the high maintenance like off the wall in your face, you know, person in our group. But we run a membership group where we give trainings on specific stuff like this, where we break down and say, okay, if you're a thumb warrior, we got to train you through like, why are you

so emotionally dysregulated? Why do you feel the urge to defend yourself against someone that's never going to agree with you, you know, and we break that down as to why, why, why. And we teach them gray rock and we teach them how to use chat GPT. But the apps are where it's at, you know, that way everything that does get said could possibly be read by a third party professional and then evaluate who is the problem. But yeah, the whole urge to go back. A lot of that is just a self-worth issue. You feel like you have to defend against someone that's never going to change their judgment on you whatsoever. Or you're not right with them and you want to be heard, but you're not going to be heard that way. Yeah, never. They're never going to receive what you're delivering. Not the way you meant to deliver it. They will always receive it differently. Like I tell this story all the time. My ex-husband, I sent him a message on email back in the day.

And I said, hey, Walker, our oldest, lost his tooth. And I sent a picture. And he said, you know, why are you sending me this? I knew his tooth was loose. And I said, I know I was just sharing with you. He goes, the tooth has been loose for a week. How did you not know that? Oh, you're right.

Like, because I didn't tell him the tooth was loose a couple of weeks, ago when I didn't. It's just something so that I thought would be joyful. You're triggering me. I thought it would be just the thing to get us on this like, oh, thanks for letting me see you the picture. It was as soon as I told him, I got berated of how, you know, I didn't take care of the tooth. That's probably why it was lost because I don't brush his teeth. It was just a everything I ever did got turned twist and hooked upside down to how I was the bad person. And I was a slow learner. Eight years I did that shit. Until my kids looked me dead in the face of the kitchen table one day and they said,

would you just stop? He hates you. Would you just stop? You're embarrassing yourself. And that's when I went to therapy and I was like, this is what my kid just said. She's like, oh gosh. We have some work to do. We have. Yeah. If your kids told you this after this many years, it's been bad for a while and you've had blinders on. Yeah, because they don't want to tell mom, she's not doing well. And I was not doing well. And they don't want to see mom doing not doing well. No, and they were just sick of me getting my feelings hurt, but it was like I was stepping into the pile of shit every time on my own. I got out of the car. I walked up to him at sporting events.

I was engaging with him. Because I thought, I want everybody to see that I'm not the problem. I want my kids to see I'm not the problem. Like, look at me being nice. I look like fucking Mary Poppins everywhere I went. Like joy, joy, joy. And then he's just, wah, wah, wah. And it was just, it was humiliating what I put myself through because I didn't know what

boundaries. I didn't know I could say no. I didn't know I could stay in the car. I didn't know I didn't have to talk to him. Like I felt obligated to because I had a court system saying, be the better parent, be flexible, be a good girl, let the judge like you, don't be a problem. So I didn't know what that meant. To me, it meant kiss his ass. And it wasn't, hey, teach boundaries because what it ended up happening by me not having boundaries is both my children became people pleasers. And then they

lost themselves for a while. And then I found boundaries. And then, man, they jumped on the bandwagon right after me. And now they're both badasses and very independent and do whatever the hell they want to whoever they want, when they want. But that took a lot of work for us all to get there. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly, and now I'm seriously suspicious. Oh, wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend has been hanging out with his young professor a lot.

He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now, he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone. Now, hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That sounds totally inappropriate. Well, according to this person, this is her boyfriend. former professor and they're the same age. And it's even more likely that they're cheating.

He insists there's nothing between them. I mean, do you believe him? Well, he's certainly trying to get this person to believe him because he now wants them both to meet. So, do we find out if this person's boyfriend really cheated with his professor or not? To hear the explosive finale, listen to the OK Storytime podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcast. Hello, it's Danielle Fisher. Writer Strong and Wilfredel from PodMeets World. And we're bringing you Viva Las content. That's right. We are back in Las Vegas, the city of sin, and giving the people what they want. A full week of Y2K content. Wait, we're back in Vegas? Tell me why. Well, for the Backstreet Boys residency at Sphere, of course. We sat down with Kevin Richardson and A.J. McLean just minutes before they took the stage and our very own Wilfredel basically became the newest member of the band.

Boy band, please. Plus, the man who has the longest running comedy, show on the strip joins us and gets his props. It's Carrot Top, baby. And finally, we all L-O-V-E-Hur, Ashley Simpson-Ross, joins us to talk about her upcoming sold-out Vegas residency. It's a full week of nostalgic interviews you don't want to miss. Listen to PodMeets World on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. December 29th, 1975, LaGuardia Airport. The holiday rush, parents hauling luggage, kids gripping their new Christmas toys. Then, at 6.33 p.m., everything changed.

There's been a bombing at the TWA terminal. Apparently, the explosion actually impelled metal, glass. The injured were being loaded into ambulances, just a chaotic, chaotic scene. In its wake, a new kind of enemy emerged, and it was, here to stay. Terrorism. Law and order criminal justice system is back. In season two, we're turning our focus to a threat that hides in plain sight. That's harder to predict and even harder to stop. Listen to the new season of Law and Order Criminal Justice System on the IHeart Radio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and I'm the host. of the Unpurpose Podcast, and today I'm joined by one of the greatest athletes of all time, Novak Djokovic. The world's number one male tennis player. He's won 14 grand slams in a glittering career. Novak Djokovic! You've been through so many injuries, losses. Oh, oh, oh, he showed himself. What has Novak Djokovic done? What goes through your mind when you lose? I just want to be left alone.

What has it taken to become Novak Djokovic? consistent practice. It's prayer work, mindfulness, meditation, conscious breathing. It requires more responsibility from you on a daily basis to prepare yourself for the biggest battle. When you reach your 30, you start counting your days to your retirement. I'm 38 this year. How far can I go? How long can I push my own limits? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Have you ever wished for a change? but weren't sure how to make it. Maybe you felt stuck in a job, a place, or even a relationship.

I'm Emily Tish Sussman, and on she pivots, I dive into the inspiring pivots of women who have taken big leaps in their lives and careers. I'm Gretchen Whitmer, Jody Sweeten. Monica Patton. Elaine Welter-off. I'm Jessica Voss. And that's when I was like, I got to go. I don't know how, but that kicked off the pivot of how to make the transition.

Learn how to get comfortable pivoting because your life is going to be full of them. Every episode gets real about. the why behind these changes and gives you the inspiration and maybe the push to make your next pivot listen to these women and more on she pivots now on the iHeart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts oh my god i feel like i'm listening to my life played back for me in so many of these situations so i can really see how being i mean at first i mean at first First, I was like a membership. I don't want to be a member of the Divorce People's Club.

Like, that doesn't sound fun. But now hearing you explain it, you call it the next chapter, right? We call it the next chapter. Yeah, it's a monthly membership. We give a new training every Monday. There's 100 hours worth of trainings already in there. And then we run two Q&As a month. So you can post a question, jump on or just watch the recording.

So it's all women right now that are all dealing with high conflict divorces or high conflict co-pran journeys. They're in that middle phase, right? they were just married and we are that middle ground of like let me build you back up sister let me give you all the tools we have stuff in there about finances about fitness about money about parenting as a single parent discipline as a single parent how to do it when your kids don't want to go all kinds of stuff of like stuff that you're too ashamed to ask people you know you're too embarrassed or you're just like i don't anybody know how toxic this shit is hang out with strangers you know yeah they don't know

And we are building such a great safe community for people to be vulnerable and open up. We gave a training yesterday about boundaries. And I just spoke some truth about I sucked at boundaries. And I couldn't believe how many women were like, I'm ashamed, but I do this too. I do this too. I'm too scared. And it's just like, I think that was a game changer for every woman on there to hear that here's this woman on, you know, their social media all the time that they look up to

that I didn't have it all together at all for eight years. So I just want, I don't want women to lose eight years. I want them to lose eight weeks, and they figure it all out, and they're good, not eight years like I did. I lost eight years with my kids because I was distracted with bullshit. That sucks. It does. I'm so sorry for you. I'm so sorry for me.

I haven't calculated the amount of years that I lost, but it's probably about eight years, honest to God, of me being in my own torture device. Because nobody was talking about it back then. You know, nobody was talking. There wasn't TikTok and all these social media. And it was embarrassing. I didn't want to talk about it. it because I felt like I was a failure. I had done this. It was my fault somehow. Yeah. And there's just so many emotions that take over your mind in situations like that.

Exactly. And so I think that's why I love doing it. You know, like some people may be embarrassed. They're like, I can't believe you just told that story. I used to smoke and drink in my garage once my kids went to bed. Okay. I love you so much more right now that it was in your garage. Were you sitting in a lawn chair at all? No, I was sitting on the steps. to the door and I hid the cigarettes and the tennis shoes right next to the door like I didn't make it hard I didn't make it hard um but I quit smoking uh when my son caught me at a golf outing one time I took a drag off someone's cigarette and he was like that's disgusting and I was like okay girl it's about time to you get your shit together um and that was right when my awakening

started to happen of like do you even love yourself you know like you're so worried about this man being nice to you that hates your guts you love yourself right now are you proud of yourself and it was it was a deep dive into own it and that's what it takes that's what it takes i had a i thought i was going to go to this therapist and we were going to save our marriage but i didn't know we were going to this therapist and he had planned to end our marriage at that session and i i remember one thing from that therapy session and it was the therapist looking me straight in my eyes and saying jenny why do you want to love a man who doesn't love you I was like, oh, okay, I got to go now.

Like, it just like hit so hard. Well, that goes with divorce and co-parenting. So my kids were basically telling me, and this is what my therapist later said. Why are you treating him with kind words when he disrespects you? What are your kids going to do when their future boyfriend or employer or peer treats them like shit? You're going to want your kids to fuck you, you know, and stand up for themselves. But what are they mirroring right now? They're watching you still go back to a man that keeps treating you in front of them.

He was not shy. He would do this in front of them and talk about me behind my back to them. And then they're watching you still be Mary Poppins all the time. Like, no way. You're going to have to show them what boundaries and getting rid of people. And knowing your worth, like, yes, finding out. Like I actually, my time, my words, this is all, I'm worth something more than this. Yeah.

Yeah. I just got that tattoo worth on my arm. You did? I absolutely did. Because that word, I think, is what saved me is. is I'm worthy of being special. Like I'm not defined by him saying, you're a piece of shit, mom, you're this, you're that.

I have worth. And that's why I'm good at my job is because I can, I do have value. I am an expert in my field. You recognize that in yourself. Yeah. And it's amazing. I have two more kids with my husband who are only six and five

because I'm crazy and had kids at 40. Yeah. Whoa is right. And the way I parent these two in hindsight, like I have emotional stories like out the wazoo. of looking back on how much I was not emotionally regulated for the first two and how I am now. And even when my bigs come home, they're like, these two have it fucking easy, man. Like, they don't see you crazy.

They don't see you bouncing off the walls, yelling, scream and crying, you know, throwing a fit, raging, you know, whatever. And I'm not. I'm at peace now because I know myself worth. And back then I didn't. And again, thank God we had therapy and have worked through things with the big kids. But they recognize. And they're proud of me, you know, that I put the work in so that their brother.

have different lives than what they've had. But yeah, there was a lot of things that happened for my kids. And I know, I know there's women out there and dads who are emotionally dysregulated. And you got to figure it out. You have value. You have worth. And you should love yourself. And you got to work on all that shit before you can ever be able to deliver it to your kids,

ever be able to find somebody new. And again, my business partner, Leah, she jumped from one marriage to the next because she didn't have worth, you know. And then she worked on it. And then she found the man of her dreams. It takes work. Yes. And nobody wants to do that work, spending time with yourself, listening to yourself, like, loving yourself up when it's not easy. Exactly. Exactly. I have goosebumps for you because I'm so happy that you've found your worth and you have, you know, this feeling of assuredness behind you now, like that you're just unstoppable. But that's what happens to us women. You know, we sometimes it might take some other, some people longer than others.

to learn these important things, but we all eventually learn them. Absolutely. I mean, I'm glad I learned them. I'm sorry it took eight years, but I have eight years worth of great moments to be able to teach other women about. That's right.

My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly, and now I'm seriously suspicious. Wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, So, we'll find out soon. This person writes, My boyfriend has been hanging out with his young professor a lot.

He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now, he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone. Now, hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That sounds totally inappropriate. Well, according to this person, this is her boyfriend's former professor, and they're the same age.

And it's even more likely that they're cheating. He insists there's nothing between them. I mean, do you believe him? Well, he's certainly trying to get this person to believe him because he now wants them both to meet. So do we find out if this person's boyfriend really cheated with his professor or not? To hear the explosive finale, listen to the OK Storytime podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hello, it's Daniel Fischel, writer Strong, and Wilfredel from PodMeets World.

And we're bringing you Viva Las Content. That's right. We are back in Las Vegas, the city of sin, and giving the people what they want. A full week of Y2K content. Wait, we're back in Vegas? Tell me why? Well, for the Backstreet Boys residency at Sphere, of course. We sat down with Kevin Richardson and A.J. McLean just minutes before they took the stage,

and our very own Wilfredel basically became the newest member of the band. Boy band, please. Plus, the man who has the longest running comedy show on the strip joins us and gets his props. It's carrot top, baby. And finally, we all L-O-V-E-Hur. Ashley Simpson-Ross joins us to talk about her upcoming sold-out. Vegas residency. It's a full week of nostalgic interviews you don't want to miss.

Listen to PodMeets World on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. December 29th, 1975, LaGuardia Airport. The holiday rush, parents hauling luggage, kids gripping their new Christmas toys. Then, at 6.33 p.m., everything changed. There's been a bombing at the TWA terminal. Apparently, the explosion actually impelled metal glass. The injured were being loaded into ambulances, just a chaotic, chaotic scene. In its wake, a new kind of enemy emerged, and it was here to stay.

Terrorism. Law and order, criminal justice system is back. In season two, we're turning our focus to a threat that hides in plain sight. That's harder to predict and even harder to stop. Listen to the new season of Law and Order Criminal Justice System on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of the on-purpose podcast. And today I'm joined by one of the greatest athletes of all time, Novak Djokovic.

The world's number one male tennis player. He's won 14 grand slams in a number one. a glittering career. Novak Djokovic. You've been through so many injuries, loss. I always showed himself. What has Novak Djokovic done? What goes through your mind when you lose? I just want to be left alone. What has it taken to become Novak Djokovic? It's a consistent practice. It's prayer work, mindfulness, meditation, conscious breathing. It requires more responsibility from you on a daily basis to prepare yourself for a biggest battle. When you reach your third, you start counting your days to your retirement.

I'm 38 this year. How far can I go? How long can I push my own limits? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the IHart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Have you ever wished for a change but weren't sure how to make it? Maybe you felt stuck in a job, a place, or even a relationship. I'm Emily Tish Sussman, and on she pivots, I dive into the inspiring pivots of women who have taken big leaps and their lives in careers. I'm Gretchen Whitmer, Jody Sweeten, Monica Penn, Elaine Welteroff. I'm Jessica Voss. And that's

when I was like, I got to go. I don't know how, but that kicked off the pivot of how to make the transition. Learn how to get comfortable pivoting because your life is going to be full of them. Every episode gets real about the why behind these changes and gives you the inspiration and maybe the push to make your next pivot. Listen to these women and more on She Pivots, now on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your your podcasts. What about co-hosting birthday parties for your kids when you're going through a high conflict divorce?

Should you avoid that? Should you be hosting them together separately? What does what do you think? I'm a rip the band-aid off. We're doing everything separate from here on out. And here's why. And this is where people in divorce have blinders on because they're doing what they think the children want and what they think that will appear as in unity.

kids act different with each parent. I don't care even if you're married. Your kids, when one of you's home and the other one comes home, your kids flip a little bit and act a little bit different. Nothing could be more true in a divorce setting, especially one of high conflict. My Joe was one example. She was a bubbly, you know, singing, dancing,

spinning down the hallway type of kid when she was with me. She was very reserved with her dad. So if we would have had a birthday party together, she would have had to pick which personality she wanted to be. And hands down, kids always pick the high conflict personality parent to cater to because they fear loss of love or that parent being like, why are you acting that way, you know, judgment. So having them together, it's not always what your kids want. I know maybe you have a six-year-old or a seven-year-old and divorce is fresh and they're like, yes, I want you

both there, blah, blah, blah. That's great. But ultimately, I also have to ask, what's my self-worth? Do I put myself in a binding position for an hour and a half just to please my child? So then I'm frozen in fear for an hour and a half that he's going to come in my ear or say something to me or embarrass me or, you know, talk to the whole room about, I'm not putting myself in that position. I have higher value of myself. So I'm not going to even put myself there. So I'm 10 out of 10. Do not recommend. No, separate. I can have a great party. And here's what you'll realize in going through divorce. One of you will be the friend party person and one of you will be the family party person. One of you will be the scavenger hunt person. That's who I am. One of you will be the,

you know, slip away for a holiday, you know, a birthday. You will find your own dynamic. You don't have to have a party. This is where you need to start knowing your kid and making it special and unique. Don't do what the Joneses do across the street. Do something cool when you're in a divorce just to eliminate that whole thing. You know, again, second set of kids, I don't do big birthday parties, never doing that shit again. We will do something special. We are not, I'm not hosting 13.7 girls. You're not going to stay up until 2 am. making a pinata from scratch. Never ever, because I'm going to be my 60s by the time that shit happens. So it's never ever, you know, like I'm just not doing that. And again, I think that's where what, what's the,

important to me. I'm not, actually, you shouldn't be doing things just because other people are, well, you know, Kevin's parents are married and they're having a group or both their parents. Exactly. Then you feel like you feel bad because you're not able to have such a peaceful situation. I, there were times when I opened up my home to my ex and his new girlfriend. And I'll never forget that, you know, I had tried to be so strong and stoic and. And then you're exhausted afterwards. It was my, yeah. And I remember sitting there and watching a, uh, a video compilation that he had put together for our daughter for her birthday and everybody crowded around in the family room and watched this fun video and laughing and having the best time watching it and there were no images of their mother in the video not only that but the new girl in that was being basically told to have a life with uh was the star of the movie like it was she was like queen and i was like is this really happening He did that and slept well at night.

And that's where people need to wake up. Like, I'm not setting myself up for that anymore. Because they're not thinking what you, how are she feeling about it now? They don't care. They don't care. They're in, it's just not who they are. They're on to something else. We went out of our way to make sure we had his favorite drink.

You know, hey, what does she enjoy? Is she a white wine, red wine girl? Like, let me make sure. You made sure they were comfortable in your home, but then they did not reciprocate. And that's where when that happens once or twice, that's a pattern behavior. Put that shit on your bingo card and start, learning it because then it's on you if you keep doing it. Because you're allowing it to happen. Absolutely. And nobody's going to be mad at you or if you're a bad person. If you don't go to your

kid's birthday party, you're protecting yourself. And that's way more important. And your kids, honestly, I feel like my kids were always on pins and needles whenever we were together, although they wanted that desperately. And they would say, can we just all have dinner? Can we all be together? Because they want that old family unit back together. But the reality of it, it didn't feel good when it was happening. And it wasn't until I found that piece that you talk about finding after eight years that my kids were like, I feel like now we can be together in the same room and we can have those family experiences again. And there's just, there's nothing there for me. No emotional pull or desire to prove anything. Yeah. It's easy. I think eight years.

was toxic. I went through a phase where I rebuilt and we rode in the car together to a tournament and my daughter rode home with us. And she was like, it was silent like the first 10 minutes. She's like, this is so fucking weird. She was in high school, but she was like, this is so bizarre that you're both. She was like, I've never been in the car with the both of you that I can remember. Now, it was a short phase where we got along. That phase was a very small window in her life where we were, you know, kumbayaing it. But that car ride was memorable. It's funny now to look back on that it was all just a facade, probably by both of us, but we did it.

But yeah, it's okay to not ever have those moments again. And now looking back on it, she's trained and so does my son Walker. They will say, no, don't do shit together because we are different people in front of each parent. And then we don't know who to be. And then we have our friends around going, why are you acting that way? And it's because there's one parent there that they don't feel comfortable being their true selves with.

So, no, I think your kids will adjust when you, adjust. But if you're not adjusted to it, then you're going to. And here's the other tip. Stop asking your kids what the hell they want. They're kids. They don't know. Why are you seeking validation from a seven-year-old? Because you want so badly to make them happy. You'll basically do anything. No. I don't think it's happy. Is it the guilt of the divorce? I think it's you want to make sure they're okay with you. You want to make sure that kiddo's still okay with you. Kiddo, you know, what do you want? If you want me to go there, I'll go. No. This is where I need to teach my kid a boundary early on, kiddo, I know you may want us both there, but I didn't ask you.

But if you came and told me, I'm responding and I'm saying, kiddo, I know you may want us both there, but that's not good for mom. So how about as soon as it's done, I'll pick you up. And then we'll go out for ice cream afterwards. But we're not going to be the same place at the same time. Okay. I'm not leaving it up for a discussion. But I think I have a lot of parents that'll say, you know, hey, you know, it's almost time for dad to pick up. You know, do you want to go? It's like, why are you even asking your kid that? Like, the whole reassurance thing, we can't be seeking from children. We have to know that we're making good decisions. because we're a good parent.

Yeah, we're the adult. We're the parents. What about spring break? Spring break is here. It's happening. Summer's coming. What about vacations and how that can affect the custody and the parenting plan? So spring break, I love to do every other year.

So you get even years. I get odd years. I know a lot of people are like, let's split it in half. No way, man. I wouldn't be gone for a full week during my year and you can be gone during a full week on your year. I'm not coming back on a Wednesday because then what if there's a delay? And then now my vacation plans, I was leaving Wednesday night.

And now you've screwed me up. So we're just doing a whole week, you know? here's the tricky part, though. We got to put specifics in there about do we get both weekends or just one weekend? So am I going on vacation for spring break leading my weekends the first? And then it goes for that whole week and then I have to be back by Friday or do I get to take that second weekend. Those kind of details really, really matter. For vacations, I recommend three weeks. And some people are always going to look at me and say, Sam, I'm middle class. I can't do three weeks vacation. Are you kidding me? And here's my perspective on that. Two weeks is pretty normal. But that third week, is for a buffer when you have a high conflict X and you say, hey, my sister's getting married in October. It looks like it falls on your weekend. Can I have the kids? No.

No. Okay, then I'm booking my third week of vacation over that weekend. And now he can't take away that wedding opportunity. That third week is used as a buffer throughout the year for any special occasions that you may need. You can call in your vacation because they can't deny a vacation if your paperwork is written really well. And the other thing about picking three weeks is I want people to start manifesting and

understanding that you won't always be poor. If you change your mindset, you won't always be paycheck to paycheck, barely surviving. You will, especially if you stopped going after old toxic money, if you start focusing on rebranding yourself, getting confidence, self-worth, you're going to attract not only new people, but new opportunities. And so you can afford three weeks vacation. I would have never thought that at the beginning either when I was a teacher on a teacher's salary, but now I can definitely afford three weeks vacation. But my parenting plan would have been built just on me being a teacher and that salary, your life's going to change if you want it to. Yeah, you have to clear the way, though.

Clear the bad out. Yes. Get all of the effects, the lingering effects of all that negativity out of your life, out of your mind, and reframe and go on a different path because guess what you get to now? You get to do whatever you want. Yes, absolutely. You know, and vacations, again, I push my people to do year-round vacations, January to December, because not everybody can take off work in June and July with their jobs.

And it's very pricey to travel just during those months. But again, this is a moral compass question between you and your ex during mediation. Do you believe that school is more important than family time? You know, if you pick three weeks of vacation, your ex gets three weeks to vacation. That's six weeks that the kids could miss of school. Could you put parameters that only two weeks could be during the school year and the rest of it has to be during the summertime? Again, that level of detail, I know some people may listening be going, oh my gosh,

she's a control freak, push come to shove, you are looking at it from just your perspective. You're assuming that the other side is going to have the exact same perspective. And I can tell you, I wouldn't be popular if that statement was true. So you have to write down what you want it to mean, not what you think it should mean, but what does that mean? I write mine at the level that a third grader can understand it. It's not written in legal jargon. It's very simplistic.

Parent will do this. Mom will do this. dad will do this parent one parent two however it is it's got to be easy to follow not these big huge long paragraphs where you have to have a flow chart next to you with notes none of that nobody's got time for that no no i have to call my lawyer what does that paragraph mean yeah well this has been such a fascinating conversation it Samantha i just think you're doing god's work basically you know coming in and helping people in this such a vulnerable time and it's really amazing that you're offering this to people.

And I actually, if I was in a different situation, different time in my life, I would join your club, your next chapter club. Thank you. Thank you. It's been awesome being on. I hope the listeners just know that don't be ashamed, don't be embarrassed. It's part of it. It's where you're at.

You might as well get as much information as you possibly can and know that you've done everything possible to make the best choice. I have a lot of people that find me too late, like we said at the beginning, where they're like, where were you or I didn't believe you or man you were right like don't let that be you maybe I could put you on a retainer just like you know just in case yes absolutely I don't want it to have him but oh my gosh you're great I think you're just great so keep it up keep going you're doing great thank you so much are you going through a high conflict divorce and needs some guidance feeling like maybe you don't know what to do email us or call us we are here

here to help. All of the info is in the show notes. Follow us on socials. Make sure to rate and review the podcast. I do part two and IHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the main objective. Luckily, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend's been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now, he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone. Hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That seems inappropriate. Maybe find out how it ends by listening to the OK Storytime podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hello, it's Daniel Fischel, writer Strong, and Will Ferdell from PodMeets World. We are back in Las Vegas and giving the people what they want, a full week of Y2K content. Tell me why. Well, for the Backstreet Boys residency at Sphere, of course. We joke and say this is our second marriage, but it takes a lot of communication. Plus, it's carrot top, baby.

And finally, Ashley Simpson-Ross joins us to talk about her upcoming sold-out Vegas residency. Listen to PodMeets World on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. December 29th, 1975, LaGuardia Airport. The holiday rush, parents hauling luggage, kids gripping their new Christmas toys. Then, everything changed. There's been a bombing at the TWA terminal. Just a chaotic, chaotic scene. In its wake, a new kind of enemy emerged.

Terrorism. Listen to the new season of Law and Order Criminal Justice System. On the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, my name is Enya Humanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD...

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