The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast - If You Wanna Be Happy For The Rest Of Your Life

Episode Date: December 26, 2024

Cheryl, Kelly, and Alexia continue their conversation with divorce attorney Dennis Vetrano to unpack why women are divorcing more frequently.Plus, why are single childless women the happiest?Email us at: [e-mail] or call us at 844-4-I Do Pod (844-443-6763)Follow I Do, Part 2 on Instagram and TikTokSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. Let's start with a quick puzzle. The answer is Ken Jennings' appearance on The Puzzler with A.J. Jacobs. The question is, what is the most entertaining listening experience in podcast land? Jeopardy-truthers believe in... I guess they would be conspiracy theorists. That's right. They gave you the answers, and you still blew it.

The Puzzler. Listen on the I-Heart. radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, my name is Enya Humanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD...

Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. Everyone thinks they'd never join a cult. But it happens all the time to people just like you.

And people just like us. I'm Lola Blanc and I'm Megan Elizabeth. We're the host of Trust Me, a podcast about cults, manipulation, and the psychology of belief. Each week we talk to fellow survivors, former believers, and experts to understand why people get pulled in and how they get out. Trust me, new episodes every Wednesday on Exactly Right. Listen wherever you get your podcasts. Hey guys, it's your celebrity mentor, Cheryl Burke, back again with Alexia and Kelly, and we're going to dive back into our conversation with divorce.

attorney, Dennis Vitrono. What profession has the highest divorce rate? I find, uh, firefighters, law enforcement. Firefighters? They're so hot. Casino players. I think the service industry is difficult. Oh yeah, military. Military. Military. What about I would say finance. You wouldn't say finance. I feel like a lot of. I think, look, I think with my experience with the finance world is there, they're just like there is so much money. and so much, you know, the women put up with it. Well, yeah, I mean, that's part of it, too.

I don't know if it's necessarily the money, but right now, like, people are, you know, these guys in finance or women, people in finance, people in finance are working 22 hours a day right now. That too. And you don't even know what your bonus is going to be. And I just think that the stress of that is really, obviously the firefighters as well,

just any, like, super high stressful environment I, just to jump back to separation, like I'm actually surprised by that because I would assume that, I mean, I understand the play ball part of it, but I would assume that if sometimes people, it's either or a scenario, you're either like, okay, you've separated, you've been apart from each other, you either miss each other, or, you know, you've been separated and the other person or, you know, you're both like seeing other people and then it's just over. So I thought that was actually interesting. I agree, Kelly. I know, but I feel like you too because that's like my situation. I also think that maybe women, it takes longer for them to just get over it, maybe. I get it. I get this whole new era of women just wanting to be alone and, and, you know, and healing and just, you know, self-love and just, I totally get it. They do say that women who are alone, child-free, single women, that they are the happiest population.

Why do you think that is? And the stat also says that they tend to live longer, correct? Hell, yeah, we do. This is my third life. I'm already like 150. Yeah, I feel like men when they age, like they really need the men that stay married or have a companion, they live longer because us women take care of them. Thank you.

They don't know how to wipe their own. And I was about to say, are you familiar with the phrase man child? So you get it. Oh, yeah. It doesn't matter the age. Of course. right the mommy the mummy complex it's a real thing it's a real thing um how important is it emotionally and legally to get divorced i guess you know you hear a lot of people who take so long to get divorced

five years all of that so what is your take on that well it's a couple of different things i think that um i think part of the reason why the divorce rate has spiked and part of the reason why I think, you know, women are filing for divorce more frequently is because they realize how short life is. And they realize how important it is to be happy. And they realize how important it is to model what a strong, meaningful, fulfilling relationship should look like for their kids. Okay. So, so, so to talk about how important that is mentally and emotionally, it can't put a price tag on that. You know, there's no, and it's funny because the ladies that come into my office that the vast majority of them like i don't care about his retirement plan or

whether he takes the more expensive car i care about my freedom my sanity my happiness and and before that all of those mys typically comes number one my kids so so they're seeing that and in your case since you're a divorce lawyer obviously all the women that come in there are women that are sharing these stories, you know, where they've probably been in relationships with men that have been controlling that, you know, now they want, you know, their freedom and now they're in a different stage in their lives with children and older, et cetera. Obviously, these are the women that you're seen. Nobody's been happy in their relationship because that's why they're there to see you and to fall for divorce. I mean, also like coming from a divorce family, it was not, I'm grateful my mom

got a divorce for my father. I think it would have been so traumatic, right? And it happened when I too but still to really those are like vital years of a child's life and no matter if they can communicate it or not it your the body keeps a score and it is held in their body and then it then reflects their dating pattern it's a freaking domino effect and no wonder like it's it is of course you have to kind of change the environment if it's toxic because you can't have kids around that environment unless you want your kids to continue on that you know generational trauma as far as I'm concerned. The body keeps score.

I like that. I'm going to use that as long as you don't mind. Well, it's so funny because people are always talking about generational but I love that. I mean, I think that's really smart, the generational trauma. It's real. I think that's something that people are really passing down. You know, with one, you know, you're seeing your role models and how they respond

and react. And that was another thing, too, you know, outside of just like the fundamentals of divorce. Like, you know, when Cheryl and I spoke about this is just like, she always asked me like how do you feel and people don't ask you how you feel after you've gotten divorced or you're in the process of getting divorced it's kind of like when you say you're getting divorced they're like oh wow like you're just kind of some kind of baller and it's not like no no no like i have real feelings and i'm traumatized and i need to figure out how to move forward and it took me so long to on to like you know that's why one thing i i hated about the

I, this award, the word uncoupling, I just thought that was so, like, generic and it's just so difficult to, you know, when you're so used to, I don't like it either. And, you know, it's not the lifestyle. It's not the money. It's just like, you know, waking up with the person, talking to the person. It's comfortable. It's comfortable. Yeah. You know, like you just say we're saying before, like time does pass so quickly. I mean, we've all like, you know, seen. so much happen and it's just like I just constantly now thinking to myself like how do I feel

every day I'm like how do I feel how do I feel and it's funny it's people ask you so many other things like they want to talk about you know they want to ask what's going on with your divorce they want to talk about this and that oh my God can we talk about that how people are so nosy right you have to really block out the noise because everyone has an opinion of course you know especially if you're a public person you know like myself and Kelly share actions the three of us. So it's really hard. You have to, you know, just forget about everyone's opinion because according to how they've lived their life, you know, I have friends that have put up with their husband's cheating and all their lives. And then they're the first ones to say, oh, you can't

put up with that. Yet you've done it. You know what I mean? And it was worth it to you. So, you know, I feel like it gets really, really difficult, um, to, you know, to be, you know, who we are and have a relationship these days because, you know, our lives are out there. And, and I think that makes marriage so much more difficult, you know? And that was my question. Do you think there's more pressure on the idea of marriage? And that's why they fail. You know, I feel like everybody's just so caught up on like, okay, like get married and what if it doesn't work? Like so how do you feel about that? Then most people be considering just like lifelong companionship versus the traditional marriage? I think, look, I think let's start by going back to one thing that you mentioned.

I think being in the public eye is very difficult when you're going through a divorce. process. Everybody has an opinion. Everybody's weighing and everybody's watching you. But I think the best thing you can do in those sorts of circumstances is surround yourself with those people in your life who are going to ask you the question exactly like you said, Kelly, are you okay and really give a shit about what the answer is? Okay? Really care what your answer is. And not that they want to judge and not that they want to scuttle butt and not that they want to tell you what you should have done the mistakes that you made or judge you that they just want to listen to you and really care about how you're doing i mean the thing is that the people that love and protect you everybody

has like an opinion but for people who really like what you were saying genuinely ask the question there's not a lot out there you know so maybe it's quality over quantity right they don't want to know how you feel they want to know like what's going on like what's like what's really going on but you're right i mean i am lucky though i do have a lot of um you know friends that are like my family I don't actually. I could say that I have, I can count on one hand my friends if like seriously. And for me, that's okay. It's not, again, it's not about quantity. But since I've gotten sober for the past six years, you know, and since I have continued to work on myself and is so overused now, the work. But like, it is what it is. It has, you know, I have actually axed out a lot of people because it's not so much. about them. I'm saying that I, for me, this is this, everyone comes into your life at a certain time in your life, I believe. And then also we all evolve. And sometimes it's together and sometimes it's not same in a marriage. And I can't even judge that. Like, that's just human nature,

you know. Yeah, but even as you said before, I know you were kidding a little bit. You're like, I'm your only friend. But here's the, here's the thing. If, if you have one, one good one, that's enough. Yeah. One good one is enough. That's true. And that takes a lot of effort, too, you know? It's a relationship. It is. It's even interesting, like, when you're going through almost getting married and then you break off that marriage, I mean, being on this podcast, as like I said before, has been

so cathartic for me because it's a safe place for me to talk honestly. And, you know, I wrote a letter to my future husband. Oh, my God, I saw that. Oh, I want to see that. I made me cry. What does he look like, Kelly? How is he? Not like what he looks like.

Girl, you're asking the wrong question. No, no, no, no, not like, not physically. Like, to you, what does he look like, not physically? But like, what are the qualities? What are the top, like people? I hear you. I was just joking. Yeah.

Someone who's very nurturing. Like, I need nurturing. People are always like saying to me how strong I am and actually, I'm actually the opposite. I just project being strong, just kind of like, you know, what Cheryl talks about. Yeah, it's a defense mechanism. I like that too. I'm like that too. And we're really soft inside.

I'm going to take care of everybody. Yes. Protect everybody. But actually, I'm the one that never gets protected or taken care of. So I would like someone who's strong emotionally and someone who has a lot of, you know, personal value, like not just like who they are as a person and like what they do and just have a lot of integrity because that's something that after going through all of these different, you know, situations. for so long since I got divorced. I've just noticed that men, a lot of men that I've, you know, been around or they just had no personal value.

And that was something that I was always like, honestly offended by. I just was like, you can't even like stand up. Personal value, like self-respect or like. Self-respect, right. And just like, you know, it was always like they were like playing, they used to like, a lot of guys like play a victim role around me. Oh, God, I hate that. Just because I'm projecting strength is not.

I'm strong. Like, people call me a bitch always. Like, she's just so, that means you're strong, Cheryl. Dennis, you're such a good listener. Are you seeing both of your ears, Dennis? This is, yeah, but listen, honestly, this conversation we're having right now, and we're talking about, like, hey, how we're sharing our experiences and, you know, talking back before they asking questions, people listening to these podcasts need these podcasts.

They need to know what to do through. divorce process they need to know there's hope after the divorce process and they're not alone right yeah hi my name is enya umanzor and i'm drew phillips and we run a podcast called emergency intercom if you're a crime junkie and you love crimes we're not the podcast for you but if you have unmedicated ADHD oh my god perfect and want to hear people with with mental illness, psychobabble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you.

Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. A foot washed up a shoe with some bones in it. They had no idea who it was. Most everything was burned up pretty good from the fire that not a whole lot was salvageable. These are the coldest of cold cases, but everything is about to change.

Every case that is a cold case that has DNA. right now in a backlog will be identified in our lifetime. A small lab in Texas is cracking the code on DNA. Using new scientific tools, they're finding clues in evidence so tiny you might just miss it. He never thought he was going to get caught. And I just looked at my computer screen. I was just like, ah, gotcha.

On America's Crime Lab, we'll learn about victims and survivors. And you'll meet the team behind the scenes at Authrum, the Houston Lab that takes on the most hopeless cases. to finally solve the unsolvable. Listen to America's Crime Lab on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. My name is Ed. Everyone say, hello, Ed. I'm from a very rural background myself. My dad is a farmer, and my mom is a cousin. So, like, it's not like...

What do you get when a true crime producer walks into a comedy club? I know it sounds like the start of a bad joke, but that really was my reality nine years ago. I just normally do straight stand-up, but this is a bit different. On stage stood a comedian with a story that no one expected to hear. On 22nd of July 2015, a 23-year-old man had killed his family. And then he came to my house. So what do you get when a true crime producer walks into a comedy club? A new podcast called Wisecrack, where Stan

up comedy and murder take center stage available now listen to wisecrack on the iHeart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts okay so then i have a question what do people need to know in order to make a divorce like smooth now that you're saying that people need to know right a smooth Divorce, yes, of course there is. I think divorces are difficult. So, again, I know I'm full of stories, but I represented someone years ago. This woman was at a point where she loathed her husband with every fiber of her being. Couldn't stand him.

That's awesome. That's for everyone. Into court now, now, you know, the way you do settlements in divorce cases is you either do a written contract or you will do it on the record in the courthouse in front of the judge and actually say orally, like, yes, this is our agreement, this is what we did, blah, blah, blah, and they do what we call an allocution, which means you swear them and say, you know, nobody's threatened you, you know, coerced you into reaching this agreement. And when they said, okay, we're issuing a judgment of divorce, you're divorced. My client just sat at the table and openly wept,

cried hysterically. And I think to a certain degree, it was about being relieved to be to be through the process, but to a certain degree, like you were saying before, Kelly, it's every aspect of your life is going to change. You wake up next to the person or you don't. Your situation with your kids is changed, where you live may change. So many things are changing. All the things you came to know as your life will now change. So when you say, yes, let's say we have the most amicable divorce possible.

It's a mediation. We reach an agreement. everybody's happy still so your sense of normalcy is going to change 180 degrees even in the most amicable divorce so it's a very stressful process no no matter how you look at it even when it's quote unquote easy right um and i think i think the biggest thing people need to do through the process is to prepare themselves before the divorce what you do in the divorce process is important, but I think it's more important to prepare yourself in advance. And when I say prepare yourself in advance, you know, we talked about that one person you can

count on. You know, you need to have a support system, which will include a therapist, which will include friends. And I always say sometimes you want that friend who's going to kick you in the ass when you need it. And you want that friend who's going to be a shoulder to cry and give you a hug when you need it. That's what therapists are.

They're not supposed to be biased, right? Therapists too. But I think sometimes, you know, friends and support system do something slightly different? What? Because I didn't find that. What? Well, I mean, listen, like I said, everybody's situation is different, but I think a therapist

is going to listen, but they're going to give you a professional eye. It's different than your best friend. It's just a different thing. It's going to sound strange, but right before I broke off my engagement, I started working out with a new trainer, and he was pushing me so hard. and right before I was going to be getting married like I was drinking I'm not a big drinker and I was drinking every single night a lot and not me a lot like not thousands of drinks but I would definitely drink you know definitely two or three glasses of wine a night and wasn't sleeping a lot was taking melatonin every night and just you know not eating a lot and not like trying to fit into a dress or anything I just was like trying to navigate that I had to be up in the morning because I had to work because I had to make money but I need at the end of the day I needed to like figure out like how I could you know Cheryl and I talk about this like numb myself and I

started working out with this trainer right before I was getting married a new trainer this is like maybe a like two weeks before and the way that he was training me was so taxing that I'm going to literally start crying. It was so taxing that my whole body was just like releasing from everything. And I was just like, I can't do this. I just can't do this. And it wasn't the exercise. It was that my whole body was saying, you need your body needs to like, I mean, Cheryl, you're a dancer. So you want you understand this. Yeah. No, it's true. The body keeps the score. Like you're, you're letting trauma, release trauma off your body. Exactly. It was a trauma release. And so I suggest anyone who is getting through a divorce to enlist if you can, if you can afford it.

Or a hot trainer. No, no, not just a trainer. Do something different, like whatever it is. Yeah. Pick dance class. You got to move your body. Do something for yourself and move your body. I agree.

Literally. A long walks are good. Long walks are really good. It was an absolute game changer. And then I remember the day after I had called it off. off, I, my whole, my whole head, I was having these chronic headaches and my whole head was just clear. I didn't have an, I mean, with it like that.

You didn't feel stagnant energy anywhere. Gone. Yeah. It was like, that's done. We're done. Wow. So I think that that's really important outside of obviously coming to see you, Dennis, but just to have someone who is physically helping you.

like move and just have that kinetic energy and not that, you know, frenetic energy. That was one thing that really was a game changer for me. How do you not take the emotions from us, like from not us, but from your clients? Like, how do you not take that home with you? I think the way I do that best is to make sure that I'm giving the right advice to people. I mean, it is a taxing area of law, but I think if you approach it with care and concern and not like you're just, you know, I say that our industry has become, files on a conveyor belt.

It's become, hey, this is what I did. Like we said when we used at the outset, oh, hey, you got to make a living somehow. Are you going to make money? You know, it's going to be a file. Sacrifice. Hey, you know, and the court system too. So, okay, we've got this couple.

We're going to, we're going to divide the assets. We're going to get the car. We're going to get a house. Okay. We're going to sign a judgment of divorce. Okay, goodbye. And you're like, what the hell? My life is in a shambles.

This whole process. Because this area of law, there's so many emotions mixed in with law, so different than any. other area of law. That's what makes it so typical. I agree. There's children involved. There's a family involved in children. I could never do it honestly. It's, I mean, I really admire and respect like what you do, even though you're, you know, sometimes it doesn't work out for the man or for the woman, whatever it may be. But it's just a really tough specialty because family law involving children. Yeah, thank you. I want to give advice that's like, you know, listen, when you come into

my office, I want to make sure that divorce is where you're going. I want to make sure that you're absolutely certain that's where you want to go. I want to make sure you, if you need counseling, that you have a counselor involved, that if, you know, you're seeking out friends and family to support you, you're thinking out the logistics of it. I mean, I can't make, you know, listen, there are things that, remember, your lawyer, and here's an important point to make. I think when people think of divorce, they think, oh, I get a divorce lawyer. I'm good. I get a divorce lawyer. Your divorce lawyer is going to give you legal advice, and then you're going to leave their office. And if they're a good one, they're going to do the best they can to represent you.

And sometimes it's not even such good advice, by the way, with all your respects. Right. Right. It depends. And then you have to go home and try to manage and navigate. Just saying, but yeah. Yeah, but Kelly, what you just said right there. Then we send you home to go home and navigate. And you're going to do everything you can to shield your kids from the process like you did. And you're going to put your kids first and put yourself second. And then what we want you to do is try to find a way to put your kids. yourself first. Try to find a way to get yourself through the process where you're intact when you come out the other side. And those are the things that we can't help you with. But didn't they

by calling you? Didn't they put themselves first? You know, they did. And I think that's a good point. I think that's the starting point. But I think it goes so much deeper than that. But even so, don't you think if the woman's going to see you, she's already made up her mind in it? It could be difficult. But I believe that she's the one that initiates it and she goes to see it. something that she already wanted. So, like, I don't know why they want to continue this. Because, I mean, I mean, I'm a woman, but I know a lot of women that just want to, like, drag out the divorce.

I don't know if it's because of the money. I'll be straight up. My divorce attorneys asked me those questions, like, are, you know, what is going? Like, wanted to make sure that I wasn't reacting and yet instead responding, right? So, like, this was, you know, something that we had long discussions about. It wasn't like, it wasn't a let's just go, you know, no, you know, he appreciated the fact that I've been in therapy since I was literally four years old and that I've been with this last one that I'm still with for 15 years consistently. So it's like, you know, this wasn't a pure

reaction. This was over time, obviously. And then there's a time when it's just no longer working. So what do I do? What's the next step? The vast majority of those cases, absolutely right. In fact, the overwhelming majority. However, you're having conversations with clients in these consultations, not like you're a lawyer trying to get a case to put their case on a conveyor belt and make money off of it. I hope not. You're trying to have a conversation with clients like you give a crap about what's happening in their life and them individually. So that's again, I think that's, that's the primary focus. It is and that's a shame. And you know what the big, what I'm hearing is like the big void is that there's information

of like how to get divorced and there's information of why to get divorced and there's information of, you know, the unraveling or the finance or the settlement agreements, the contract. But there's no next chapter advice. That's what we're here for, girl. Dennis, are you working on your new book? I am actually. I feel like you need to write a book. But there isn't only one way. You have both the legal and then the therapeutic. So that could be, you know, you definitely have the audience. Like day one, you signed your agreement. you're divorced, what do you do now? Don't go have a divorce party.

Like, that's ridiculous. I think, look, there's so much that, I mean, you, you, you touched on it. And Kelly, you're 100% right. It's the tip of the iceberg. And you're right, Cheryl, it isn't one path only for one person. But I think for people, we need to do the best we can as professionals in this space or people with experience and having been through the process in this space. Yeah.

Well, right. To get the word out. I tell clients when they come into my office, like, okay, what I want you to do throughout the process, consume information, listen to podcasts, talk to friends who've been through it, watch Instagram shows, watch things on TikTok, listen to videos. Does it mean that everything they tell you is 100% accurate? No, but as you gain more information, what you gain is come. And that's the most valuable thing you can have through the process. Okay, speaking of, I'll come, how come are these these divorces or these you know that last like five seven years like what what is the value

of that uh you just want to get back at the person you despite the person because i know those divorces and it's ridiculous could it be money situation it could be situational though in that sense where like they have like if they wait a certain amount of years they could pay less Alexia just answered it she got it right from my experience yeah it's despite of course it's a spite they want to spite The women, what do you hit the man with the money? It's like, why do people go back to abusive relationships? Alex, hit the man with the money? No, what do you hit the man with the money?

That's where it hurts. The men don't have the feelings and their emotions that we do. For us, it's like, okay, you can take away our car, but don't take away, like, you know, something that's meaningful to us, you know, maybe like a picture or an art or something that meant something to us when we were together with my children. I tell judges this on a regular basis. Women want to get the men back for whatever it was they did. I mean, vice versa can happen also.

I think and vice versa. Listen, I tell judges and opposing counsel in these cases and clients regularly, I say most of these divorces are math problems when it comes to the finances. There is nothing more than a math problem. Not if you have a clear pre-up. Well, and the pre-up keeps it, the pre-up keeps it clearer, but generally speaking, at least in New York State, it's pretty straightforward a lot of the issues.

What tends to complicate things are when, There are remnants of a broken relationship that you never resolved for yourself and feel like you need to get like, you know, she always did this during their relationship. And now I'm, and I never really saw it this house. And now I'm going to figure it out. We got to let go with that stuff. Let go and let God, folks. Let go and let God. Dennis, we can talk to you all damn day.

Thank you so much. Thank you, Dennis. Oh, so good to talk to you, ladies. Thank you, Dennis. Yes. Listen, I love hearing your stories, though. It's amazing. I just love it. When I get married again, I'll make sure to move to New York and hire you. Do her pre-no. For my next divorce. I think, listen, if you haven't heard this

before, the fact that you've made it through the divorce process intact says to me, you're incredibly brave because it's so difficult to have that level of courage to get through that. People don't realize how difficult it is. It's so difficult that I'm a virgin. I'm born again and I am single for the rest of my life because I'm loving it. But you love you. That's the key. That is true.

That's all that matters. That will take you everywhere. I love Cheryl too. I love you. You love you. You love you. We're all one. Okay.

Folks, we're all one. Good to talk to you, ladies. We know you're good when you can handle three strong women. I bet you his wife is a strong woman too because he liked us.

And your mom. Was your mom strong? Yes. My mom is strong. My mother-in-law and my mom and top of the craft, my wife is she's a, she's a top, strong-willed, successful, confident lady, and I wouldn't have it any other way. So now that you're saying that, do you think that marriage is less longer when the woman is a strong woman like that or a weak woman? Only if you're a half longer. Right.

Only if you have the right partner. Only if your mother was strong. Only if, like, seriously. I always thought that because I was a big personality, very. confident person, very strong-willed. I needed somebody who was going to kind of like acquiesce to me. And what I realized over time, I'm 53 years old now, what I realized over time, oh, thank you, when I met my wife is, I need the opposite of that.

I need someone who inspires me, who matches my energy, who I can look up to, who I don't feel like needs to live in my shadow, sometimes I live in hers, sometimes she lives in mine, and we stand together with things. the fact that you are you aware of that is amazing amazing my wife is pretty amazing so I'm very lucky so I'll interview her next we'll see yes thank you Dennis happy holidays thank you happy holidays Dennis bye Dennis hi Dennis hi my name is enya you mansor and I'm Drew Phillips and we run a podcast called emergency intercom if you're a a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD,

oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psycho babble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. My name is Ed. Everyone say hello, Ed. From a very rural background myself, my dad is a farmer and my mom is a cousin. So, What do you get when a true crime producer walks into a comedy club? I know it sounds like the start of a bad joke, but that really was my reality nine years ago. I just normally do straight stand-up, but this is a bit different.

On stage stood a comedian with a story that no one expected to hear. On 22nd of July 2015, a 23-year-old man had killed his family. And then... He came to my house. So what do you get when a true crime producer walks into a comedy club? A new podcast called Wisecrack, where stand-up comedy and murder takes center stage. Available now.

Listen to Wisecrack on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. A foot washed up a shoe with some bones in it. They had no idea who it was. Most everything was burned up pretty good from the fire. that not a whole lot was salvageable. These are the coldest of cold cases, but everything is about to change. Every case that is a cold case that has DNA.

Right now in a backlog will be identified in our lifetime. A small lab in Texas is cracking the code on DNA. Using new scientific tools, they're finding clues in evidence so tiny you might just miss it. He never thought he was going to get caught. And I just looked at my computer screen. And I was just like, ah, gotcha. On America's Crime Lab, we'll learn about victims and survivors.

And you'll meet the team behind the scenes at Othrum, the Houston Lab that takes on the most hopeless cases to finally solve the unsolvable. Listen to America's Crime Lab on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What do you guys think of Dennis, isn't he? He's great. he's great he's we i really enjoyed talking to him what did you learn um well i learned that apparently you have to be prepared like i was like what like i never thought that okay um yeah i guess i've always been caught off guard and um so that was basically for me like the most striking

thing to listen to was that that you need to be prepared at first he didn't agree with that You know, and I still kind of don't because that's not how the way that I've lived in my life? I hear you. But then some people will say, well, how does it work out for you? Right? I have, like, some friends that said, okay, well, how has it worked out for you? But, you know, I do everything from my heart and I know, I would feel bad as a person if I were to do something like that, you know.

However. The type of person that I like to sit down and I like to have the conversation if you're my friend, if you're my lover, if you're my person, whatever you are. That's ideal. That's ideal. but intellectually, do you understand it? Oh, 100%. Yeah, you have to be prepared for everything in life, you know, right?

Yeah, I hear you. That's the most important thing that I took. So ladies, prepare. I am for my next failed marriage. I'm kidding. Stop saying that Cheryl. I'm not going to love Cheryl to say that anymore. Hey, it's all good.

I can joke because I'm not even dating. We're good. Okay. So we went into this podcast, we're talking about divorce, but I really, my biggest takeaway from this entire moment, obviously just like being able to like talk and hear the stories. I love that so much. It just brings me like so much peace. But just kind of like the thought of, you know, what it is that what does that,

what are those next steps after you get divorced? Like I think that's what it's like who wants to get married again, right? I mean, it's daunting. It's like it's, you know, it's like one, it's like when you're in the divorce, what he was, what Dennis was saying is that people are asking questions or coming to see him. There's a lot of energy. that's into the contract. But the minute that contract is over and those phone calls are over and the conversations are over and the fighting is over on both sides. Like, what do people do?

What do the next steps? I think it's sitting in the uncomfortable feelings. It's feeling the feelings. But feeling them in a way where you have to understand in general, God, I wish I could take my own advice. But like, this is what I'm going to be. This is my goal for 2025 is to be able. to not, because I'm addicted to productivity now. Kelly, you know that. But like, so with that

comes me numbing. That's my new numbing device. So it used to be people. It used to be alcohol and I'm sober. So now what do I do to numb and not have to sit in my shit is work. I just work. My to do list is so long. But I'm going to have to because I don't want to, one, die early or to check myself into the nearest mental institution. I have to feel my feelings. And knowing that feelings come and go like the waves of the ocean literally is what is going to help me get through it. And I think the sooner you feel, the sooner it won't be held in your body. And God knows what that causes as far as diseases go or sickness or whatever. But like it is so important to just wherever safe space you feel like and it may not include other people. This is why I ghosted myself literally from

everybody when I moved out of L.A. Because like I know that I can't feel with other people surrounding me, let alone feel alone, right? So how am I ever going to feel if I don't really force that? And, you know, it's interesting that you said that because that's something that's been happening to me and before, or if I was ever in a situation that was uncomfortable, whether it was work-related or life-related, I would just push those feelings down. And now I'm just very open to everything. And because we've been having these conversations now for, you know, for the last couple of months.

And, you know, I'll be with clients and I can feel like getting overwhelmed. Like it's like I can feel that I'm going to start to cry and I don't know why. Oh, that's great. But I'm actually. That's great. That's good. No, I'm actually okay with it. I'm like.

And you don't need to know why. Who cares? And I don't know why. And I'm just like, I'm actually okay with it. And it just feels good. It's good to cry. It feels good to feel good. It feels good.

You know what's so fascinating. I still stop. myself from crying it's like it wasn't it's I have to untrain that part of my brain because crying to me it's like it's the scariest thing when I'm not present with it meaning like it's not scary obviously I know that in my brain but I've always stopped myself from crying it's it's interesting but it's okay sometimes it's good just to let it out it's okay I mean we all have different like outlets you know we all deal with things differently yeah I like to just be a sarcastic bitch but I don't know if that's my version

You're not true. You're the warm as human. Oh my God. I totally related to you, Kelly, when you're like, people think I'm so confident and this hard. I've got the wall of China. Now, if you could break my brick wall of China, that we're, then you're, you deserve self.

You deserve the time together because it is a defense mechanism for me, but I get it. Like, I get approached by people who are like so intimidated. I'm like, by who? Like, who are you talking to? You know? But I do have a resting bitch face, so that helps. No, you do not. That is not too.

You're always like, you're just a warm human. I think that's how I see you. Thank you. And same with you, by the way. Thank you. It's just, you know, they're not ready for us. That's why. Yeah.

We need to own our space and take up the space. I feel like just men today, they just, they don't want, they don't want a commitment. You know, they just don't want the commitment. Yeah. And, you know, and if you're committed to yourself, like in being better and just you know growing and getting stronger and you know you're doing things that are gratifying to you it's like you really don't get men anymore i mean really it's like if you i don't want to get to the point why i don't need men anymore because you know like

well me neither i mean that's what i'm saying me neither but i'm just saying that society can look at it look at look at your instagram feed everything is about like empowering women and self-care and devil love and so that's what I was saying so it's like it's really hard actually I have an amazing twin brother I had an unbelievable father like I have a lot of admiration so I don't ever want to feel like I'm alone on an island anymore because I've been on my own island Alexia for so long like I literally have been like it's it's it's I'm done I don't want to do that anymore I want to feel good I said like I was saying I want to continue feeling good about feeling good and I and I want to be open to that right person who's there and whether he sees me

walking across the street because I'm smiling because I'm actually like just genuinely happy or wherever or however but you know I do feel like I it's an energy thing I know that sounds like so like no no but it's true good energy tracks good energy wait what do you mean you're done being on an island I'm done with being don't say that out loud because then you're tracking a track you're attracting desperation don't do that you're not alone you're not done no I know but I'm saying that I put myself on that island just like you were saying that you ghost me on an island no me too but you live in New York so should we try in like 50 50 it yeah I know but like I'm also alone and ghosting people and I I'm ready for human connection but this is the problem I'm picky now

with like before it was just more bodies more bodies more bodies more bodies like I feel like the more time you're by yourself you get bigger and that's like I feel like a lot of my friends that's happened to they're so selective you know and they're so good with like managing their time and what they want and you don't even realize it like for you you know it's been two or three years whatever and you're so good with yourself and you don't need that but when you're not there like I'm not there I don't know that I ever will be there because I for me people are important like I have a lot of people in my life and you know I have friends and and you know and you know young and old it's just for me it's it's part of my life i don't think that

i hear you i could ever be in that island by myself like honestly i can't well it's just because it's a choice it's a choice right like and by the way to each their own absolutely right there's so many different ways telly let's have a zoom friendship okay i'm so down for that i have my own zoom account come on a zoom run i love you girls you too i really love talking to both of you You can call me whenever you want. We'll keep in touch. Yes, please. Tell William and I say hi.

Yes, I will do that. And if you see, if there's any hot dudes, you know, holler at your girls. Yeah. Well, you know, in Miami, it's really hard to find men here. Really? But, oh, my God, yeah. Everybody, well, there's hot people here, but, I mean, it's so fake and transitional. Correct.

Transitional is the word. It's like, I don't know that you can find. And there's like 25 women for each guy. Oh. And they're all fighting for the same guy. It's really gross. The guys here are so entitled to us. And in LA, by the way.

Mm-hmm. You know what? This whole world. I wish I was a lesbian, but I don't like girls. You know, that's what it is. I'm surprised there's not more lesbians, honestly. After having these conversations about men, I'm surprising. I mean, I love girls, but you know what I'm saying.

I've tried. It just doesn't, no, doesn't tickle my pickle. Mm-hmm. How about you, Kelly? this is another episode yeah it's another episode i just again like i just really i know that i'm going to have this amazing love story i do i know we're going to be there with you kelly we're going to write a book about it and it's going to be on fiction not fiction you know i love that you believe and love kelly so do i and that's why like i could go through all you know

people would be like oh my god but aren't you like because other women will will be that way And we'll be like, why are, how are you still open to love? You know what? And I always will. Nobody's going to take that away from me. Good for you. I love. I'm in love with love.

I love to love. Love is overrated. Just kidding. No, I mean, there's different, right. No, I know. But I get what you say, you know, but with love comes pain also, you know, with joy, you know, with joy comes sadness. How do you know sadness if you don't know joy? So it's, you know, it's very complicated.

You're right. But it's about my fear. It's my fear is so, so high as far as like wanting. not wanting to get hurt again. You're protecting yourself. Of course. Yeah. But you,

God damn it, we love you. You're going to be just fine. Oh, thank you. It's so good to see you after. It's been over a decade. So good to see you.

Happy New Year. Good to see you. We wish you all like the healthiest and happiest holiday and good feelings and good vibes. And Cheryl and I'll see you on your island. Thank you. I'm going to come to your island. Come to my eyes.

You should not come to Miami and then we'll go to an island. Hell yeah, I love Miami. Bye, girls. Happy holidays. Bye, happy holidays. I just love talking to these women. Alexia and Kelly, they're such just strong, independent women who've gone through divorce and it just makes me feel like I'm not alone.

But do you guys have any questions about divorce maybe or are you looking for advice now that your relationship or marriage is over? Make sure to call us or email us and follow us on all social. platforms, and the information will be in the show notes, so make sure to rate and review the podcast. I do part two is an IHeart radio podcast where falling in love is the main objective. Let's start with a quick puzzle. The answer is Ken Jennings' appearance on The Puzzler with A.J. Jacobs.

The question is, what is the most entertaining? listening experience in podcast land. Jeopardy Truthers believe in... I guess they would be conspiracy theorists. That's right. They give you the answers and you still blew it. The Puzzler. Listen on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hi, my name is Enya Yumanzoor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you live, love crimes we're not the podcast for you but if you have unmedicated ADHD oh my god perfect and want to hear people with mental illness psychobabble yes yes then emergency intercom is the podcast for you open your free iHeart radio app search emergency intercom and listen now everyone thinks they'd never join a cult but it happens all the time to people just like you and people just like

us. I'm Lola Blanc and I'm Megan Elizabeth. We're the host of Trust Me, a podcast about cults, manipulation, and the psychology of belief. Each week we talk to fellow survivors, former believers, and experts to understand why people get pulled in and how they get out. Trust me, new episodes every Wednesday on exactly right. Listen wherever you get your podcasts. This is an I-Heart podcast.