The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast - Love Don't Cost A Thing...Except It Does

Episode Date: October 24, 2024

Celebrity mentors Kelly Bensimon and Cheryl Burke are giving you a lesson in prenups! From prenups to postnups, infidelity clauses, why YOU need one and why they don’t have to cost a fortune. Also, the good, the bad, the ugly when women make more than their partners.Ready to find love again? Want dating advice?Email us at: [e-mail] or call us at 844-4-I Do Pod (844-443-6763)See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. Hi, my name is Enya Eumanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble.

Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your... free iHeart radio app search emergency intercom and listen now what would you do if one bad decision forced you to choose between a maximum security prison or the most brutal boot camp designed to be hell on earth unfortunately for mark lombardo this was the choice he faced he said you are a number a new york state number and we own you listen to shock incarceration on the i heart radio app Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Every case that is a cold case that has DNA. Right now in a backlog will be identified in our lifetime. On the new podcast, America's Crime Lab, every case has a story to tell. And the DNA holds the truth. He never thought he was going to get caught. And I just looked at my computer screen. I was just like, ah, gotcha.

This technology is already solving so many cases. Listen to America's Crime Lab on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I do Part 2 is a one-of-a-kind experience in podcasting and love. If you don't get it right the first time, we're here to help you get it right the next time. I'm one of your celebrity mentors, Kelly Ben Simone from the Real Housewives of New York. And I know firsthand that love stories don't always have fairy tale endings. But that doesn't mean you should give up on love. Today, I'm going to be joined with another one of our celebrity mentors.

You know her as former pro dancer for 26 seasons on Dancing with the Stars. And she's the host of the podcast, Sex, Lies, and Sprayton. Please welcome Cheryl Burke to the podcast. Hi, Cheryl. Hi. How are you, Kelly? How are you? I'm great. Thank you. How are you? Oh, my God. First of all, you're so beautiful. You're like, drop dead. Thank you. Dead. We have so much to talk about. We have so much in common. I know. I read a little bit about you. I saw a couple of your past interviews. So yes, we do have a lot in common, actually. I mean, you were a dancer. I was a model. You have pretty long hair. I I have pretty long hair. I mean, if I really were to take, if I were to be real, most of the hair is fake, you know, but it is what it is. It's fine.

You're beautiful. We do have a lot in common. We both have been through a lot of difficult times in our past with relationships and with finding love. So tell us a little bit about your relationship and why you think that it didn't work out or why you. or why you know it didn't work out. Yeah, I mean, I think I'll just go backwards here. So now, right, as of today, I am single and celibate for the last three years, and I have definitely found power in that.

I used to be a serial dater, so I always went from man to man to man, never had maybe a couple days off. Like, I'm not exaggerating whatsoever. And with my marriage to my ex-husband, you know, we actually met when I first, started dancing with the stars through his older brother who did dancing with the stars back in season three so that was like in 2007 and i was very new to this entertainment industry um and it was just bad timing i guess too because he was obviously still is i'm assuming an actor and he started as a child and i was just at the height of the success of dancing with the stars so we were on tour we did

two seasons a year, two tours a year. So I was just like working all around the clock, barely had a day off. And so we dated for a year and then we reconnected about a decade later and started dating and soon after got married. So and now not married. Right. So serial dater to getting married to not getting married. So dating someone, marrying someone who was not in your financial bracket, I don't know how better to say it. We just weren't, I guess he wasn't necessarily working at the time. Yeah, as much. He was working, but not as much. Right. So that must have been really stressful because you were traveling and your hours are crazy and you're with a lot of new people and I kind of knew what I was getting into, you know,

like I am, that's just my personality. Like I am never going to not make money. I think that comes from my mother, who's rags to Rich's story, you know, and I've seen her hustle, was raised with her hustle, so that's who I am ultimately. And I am actually proud of that. There's no shame with that, for sure. And I knew what I was marrying. So, like, I knew what I was getting into financially. However, it did take a toll. I would say more maybe on, I'm not going to speak for him.

I'm not here to bad mouth him whatsoever, but I believe that there is this gender. role, right, where a man may feel a little emasculated when he doesn't make the majority of the money. And I think that may have taken a toll. So this episode is a lot about pre-ups. Did you guys have a pre-up? Absolutely. Yeah. And why did you get the pre-up? Well, you know, for obvious reasons. I mean, I got a pre-up. My family, actually, they were very involved with that. They, my mother, wanted, you know, me to be protected. I also, my family has money and we had to protect the family estate, but also for me as well. Like clearly, you know, I was the one making more money. So my mom, you know, I owned a home and there's just a lot of little details. I don't think a lot of

people know when it comes to, especially in California, you know, so I'm not sure if this is true, what we could ask, the professional who's about to be here soon. I hear that if somebody plants a succulent actually on your property, they could fight for your property if you guys divorce without a pre-up that is. But that was no easy conversation. Right. I was just going to ask that. How did you approach that? You're like, let's go pumpkin picking and talk pre-nups. Like, how does that work? It was an ultimatum. Yeah, it was a full-on ultimatum. And my pre-up attorney, first of all, it's not cheap. It consisted of like 70 to 85 pages long of lots of words and lots of fine detail and fine print, but this was something that my attorney suggested was to make sure I hire him an attorney as well. So that was definitely part of the deal. And I understood, like, it's all good. But I have to say that it definitely. It definitely. Definitely, it raised a lot of concerns, especially on his behalf. But there was really not much to do.

Either we do this and we get married or we don't, and it's pretty black and white. You know, you and I are so similar because I also prepared a pre-up for my ex-fiance. And, you know, I had this amazing lawyer that just really wanted to make sure that I was protected and my girls were protected. Yes, you have kids, so that's different. Yes, I do. Yeah. And just my, you know, the opportunity for me to make a lot of money in the future with just real estate and working in a lot of different states. I just wanted to make sure that I was going to be safe. He was married twice before. He's got a lot of kids. And so I just didn't want, you know, I was trying to be optimistic, but I also needed to be protective of my own self. And, you know, it was interesting. how he had the pre-up for a while. And I was just always like, what's a while? Like a couple of weeks and I was like,

you can read it and sign it whenever you want. Did you guys, what was the conversation like prior to that? There wasn't a conversation. I just was like, here's the pre-up. It's coming to your way. Did he know there was a pre-nap coming this way?

I mean, I didn't, again, like it wasn't like pumpkins and pre-naps. Like, hi, you know, it's like I literally went to, I went to the lawyer and then afterwards I said, you know, a letter coming your way and, you know, so you want to check it out and, you know, see what the situation was. And it just really put me off.

It really put me off that someone wouldn't want me, someone that wanted to marry me so badly, wouldn't want to make sure that I was protected and provided for. That really, really bothered me. I think that. And it really, I was just like what, I was like, I'm like an on and off switch. Like I just am like the minute, if I find, If I feel like any fear, I'm like, fight or flight.

I'm like, nope. Yeah, no, I hear you. We're closed. I'm so used to that fight or flight or freeze feeling. It's insane. Yeah. You know, I just wonder, though, like I remember my, you know, the conversation, obviously. It was like, there was, you know, questions of do I not trust, you know, him and all of that.

And obviously, you know, this is separate from love. Money does not equal love. And that is something that I think is hard to instill is for me to this day. You know, back in the day I thought I can control people with my money. And, you know, obviously that is not the case. And that has a lot to do also with the way I was raised maybe. I don't know. I mean, I do know I've been in therapy my whole life.

But at the end of the day, like I get how the lines can be blurred. And I don't understand, but I can have a little bit of a compassion, you know, for that other person, but for someone to just call off an engagement because you're wanting to protect your assets and you're something that we don't get our money handed to us. Like we work our asses off for our money and it ain't easy. And I'm so sorry. Thank you for saying that. Yeah. Thank you for saying that there's no random money tree on housewives everyone. Regardless if I come from my, but my parents are very protective. I am well over 18. I'm 40 years old. And I also have my own ego and pride. Like, I'm not going to ask mommy and daddy for anything I

never have. Right. So it's interesting because a lot of people are, you know, like, okay, we're talking, you're talking about pre-ups a lot, Kelly. And they're like, is it just for, you know, women in their like 40s and 50s? And it's, there was a study that millennials, 47% of millennials are getting preempts. Absolutely. And so they should. Everyone should get a pre-up. If, if it's worth it. Because it's not worth it if you guys are both not, you know, you're just up and coming. but if you've made a little money, if you made $20,000, that money at 20 years old, if you put it away for yourself, could be a lot of money. It's, you know, so, you know, I think that it's just really, I think it's really important. You know, listen, I made the mistake. I should have talked to my ex earlier. I was going to ask you that. I did, I made a mistake. I did, I made a mistake. I should have had like a more open conversation with him. I just have never had an open conversation with him. I just have never had an open conversation. with anyone about finances outside of my father. And so he's deceased.

So he's not available. Hi, Dad. Love you. Same with my. Hi. Hi. So, you know, I should have probably had more of a different narrative, but I am actually glad that I didn't have one at the beginning

because I may have been like, we'll think about it or he might have like maybe said, oh, you don't worry about it. We're going to have a traditional marriage and I'm going to be like, okay, so if we get divorced or if I die, I'm taking care of your kids. It's not comfortable to have these conversations. And then by the way, the easiest thing to do is not to have it, right? Like, I mean, really, but then at the end of the day, you start to understand that, okay, well, without the communication, things are going to either blow up or have cause resentment.

And I think this pre-nup definitely caused resentment. within our marriage, absolutely. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly, and now I'm seriously suspicious. Oh, wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon.

This person writes, my boyfriend has been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now, he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone. Now, hold up. Isn't that against school podcast? That sounds totally inappropriate.

Well, according to this person, this is her boyfriend's former professor and they're the same age. It's even more likely that they're cheating. He insists there's nothing between them. I mean, do you believe him? Well, he's certainly trying to get this person to believe him because he now wants them both to meet. So, do we find out if this person's boyfriend really cheated with his professor or not? To hear the explosive finale, listen to the OK Storytime podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hi, my name is Enya Yumanzor.

And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you.

Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. The Super Secret Festi Club podcast season four is here. And we're locked in. That means more juicy cheesement. Terrible love advice. Evil spells to cast on your ex. No, no, no, no. We're not doing that this season.

Oh. Well, this season, we're leveling up. Each episode will feature a special bestie, and you're not going to want to miss it. Get in here! Today we have a very special guest with us. Our new super secret bestie is the diva of the people. The diva of the people. I'm just like text your ex. Okay.

My theory is that if you need to figure out that the stove is hot, go and touch it. Go and figure it out for yourself. Okay. That's us. That's us. My name is Curley. And I'm Maya. In each episode, we'll talk about love, friendship, heartbreaks, men, and of course, our favorite secrets.

Listen to the Super Secret Bestie Club as a part of the Mycultura podcast network available on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. So what about the press? You've been through the press and it hasn't been easy for you. So what did you think about the press, you know, talking about your pre-up? Well, let me first say that because of the pre-up, my divorce was pretty easy, right? So there was like, that is the positive of it all. Like, it was very clean and clear as far as what was happening and the next steps moving forward. So that in itself saved a lot of headache and stress. Now, as far as press goes, I mean, I mean, I've been on Dancing with the Stars. I was on it since 2007, never, and I did 26 seasons of it.

And I went, I mean, I've been on the press for my weight. I've been on the press for all my, all of my 26 partners I've hooked up with, which is all a lie. Right? Wow. No, not even. I mean, Wayne Newton, maybe, but, I'm kidding. But, like, it's, this was, this two shall pass. Like, it's so, I mean, there's going to be.

bigger and better news soon. So like that was what I was. It was not so much that. It was more like for me, I get affected still and I can't wait till the day I don't. But I do get, I care about what other people think of me and I'm not even going to lie. Like this is, yeah, this is what I do. So my, my publicist, you know, when he broke the news to the press and talked about the pre-nup, you know, I was like, you know, I've had such bad press. Like, I mean, I get great press for my work, but for my housewife's life, it's like, you're crazy, you're nuts, you're stupid, you're an idiot, you're this, you're that, you're awful. And I literally was like, he was like, shut your phone off and just go to bed. And I was actually getting a clonic while we were

organizing this. And I'm like, how serendipitous. I'm like, up, getting a clinic. Time to, time to sever the ties. And so he was just like, shut your phone off. And so I did. And in the morning people were like clapping and I was getting like all these clapping emojis and I'm just like oh my oh my gosh like did you not think that was going to happen I'm just so used to people saying that I'm nuts and crazy and stupid and idiot and awful and ugly and fat and whatever it is and that I you know I was just shell shocked I'm not going to lie and then I thought to myself oh my god like I could actually help people, like, navigate these waters because to your point, you know, it's just the transparency is just, it just makes everything. It's like everyone talks about like, you know,

your partner's your best friend, open up to them. Well, okay, so you're opening up to them on all these different levels and telling them all these things. But then when it comes to your finances, it's like, oh, just whatever happens, devil may care. And, you know, I, I, um, I'm so grateful for him, and I'm just so grateful for the press to be so proactive and supportive of me. It really meant a lot. Yeah, I mean, I'm not shocked by that just because, like, especially in today's age, I think maybe back in maybe the Renaissance ages, people would have been like, who are you to do it? Especially as a woman, you know, but I totally am with you.

I think this is why people are like, you overshare, and I'm like, okay, but I know I'm helping somebody feel like they're not alone regardless. And I think that's why, you know, I have chosen to talk about it with respect still to my ex, obviously, about my everything. I've talked about my mental health. I've talked about my sexual assault situation being molested as little girl. Like I have been an open book. And I know that I, when I was little girl going through that, I wish I could actually hear someone else who had a platform talk about it as well. I love that.

I love that. I'm learning. I'm trying. I have a therapist now, which I've had a little on and off therapist, but I'm like, okay, how do I be a queen? And she's like, no more try to be a queen, Kelly. She's like, this, you need to get raw and real. And like, what is it that's making you attracted to these kind of men? And why would you even put yourself in a position like that? You have, you've raised two girls on your own. You've survived, you know, the wrath of, you know, wildness for so many years and still made it through the other side. Like, why would you put your food? through this. And like, what are your thoughts on that? Well, why, what was your answer? Why do you attract men like that? Well, you said it in one of your, in one of your articles. I think it was, I think it was like, E-Online, you just said like you picked you, you're the wrong picker. Yeah, no, I'm a bad picker because of the abuse I dealt with as a little girl that my definition

of a man wasn't necessarily stable, right? So my mother and father divorced when I was two, my very first memory as a kid was seeing my father with another woman. And then it just, and then I got molested when I was about six years old, went to testify against him at nine. And then from then on, my whole high school career, I dated abusive men, because that was my normal, right? Was my normal. Was that there was no normalcy as far as what a healthy relationship is. And when there was a good man that came or across my path, I was turned off by him, because that was not something I was used to. But this is why I'm choosing to be single and celibate because I need to retrain my brain. and that takes time.

Yeah, I mean, I think that that's, and you're sober as well. Yes, for six years. That's incredible. I mean, that's so good because we're talking about the transparency, we're talking about that clarity, and now you're able to, like, see

what is good for you and for your life. Which is also really hard because I also left the show for similar reasons. Like when I chose to be sober, I became so clear that I was, no wonder I was drinking and numbing, you know.

And were you numbing because of the pain from the, from the, Pain in general. I never felt my feelings. Like it was, and when you don't feel your feelings, though it's easily said than done for short, and I'm still currently, I'm a work in progress. I'm not perfect. Intellectually, I get it. But when it comes down to it, I am a professional number, even if it's not through

alcohol or whatever, like I can numb through work. And I can be so busy if I want to that I don't have to ever face my feelings. And I think that is an actual. in society today what we're all doing, to be quite honest. Oh my God. I hope I'm not doing that. I work so much. How busy are you? Very. Maybe I'm doing that. Oh, my God. One thing at a time. This is a forever thing. This is a forever thing. Wait, I'm having a very cathartic moment with you. I'm going to pay you $150 when we're done.

I don't. I don't need your money, Carol. What do you think of the double standard for women and for prenups? I don't, like, I haven't really thought too much about it. I really don't think it's our problem. I think it's the person who's receiving the pre-up, which if it's the woman, then it's the person she's marrying and it depends on that person's ego. Like, I don't know. I think people are very, I think, especially now, like I said earlier, people congratulate you for it. I think it's important to protect yourself, regardless of who it is, a woman, a man, whatever, if you don't go by any gender, so be it like, this is just life and we work too hard for us to give that away. Yeah, I mean, it's just insane. I mean, it's just like the whole thing is just, you know, I actually took, I mean, I'm not celibate, but I did take the summer off. And I have so many of my friends asking, you know, oh, when are you going to start dating again? And I actually started going on a couple of dates, which was like, I hate that question. It was just real, it was really awful. I'm like, it doesn't, you know, they're like, oh, she just like, what does someone say? Like, kick the dust off or something. I'm like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, what dust?

Like, first of all, I'm a clean freak. So there's no dust anywhere near me or around me. So you're a perfectionism. Perfectionism is intact just like mine. That's a whole other conversation. Do you think the preempts are unromantic? No, it's real. And I wish, if I could have done it all over again, I wish I was, because like anybody, I'm sure, and I think like you, I don't want to speak for you. But it was uncomfortable for me to have this conversation. And we went to couples therapy the moment we got back together the second time, around. like the moment like that was a requirement it was non-negotiable no matter like you don't go to for me i don't believe in just going to therapy when there's problems you go before there's problems because then you can really you know have those conversations because you're still at the honeymoon phase and god knows how long that lasts before you know you talk about marriage and look there was a lot of red flags for me and i think selfishly i wanted to see if i could get married i don't know if i was

ready either you know and it was like a production i made it literally i made it literally i made it like a Dancing with Stars scene. Like I worked with Mindy We tried to micromanage her. It was a whole thing. Like this was, there was just so many red flags. Oh my God. I also had red flags. And it's interesting you say that because now like looking back, um, I am seeing like, okay, you know, I probably, my own self was probably telling my myself like if he doesn't sign the pre-up, you're going to be fine. Because he doesn't really want to. want to be with you. My red flags were just, you know, to be 100% transparent. And this is not to be a huge dig, but his life with his ex-wives was so messy. And it was such a distraction.

And I just didn't want anything to do with it. And I just could, it was just messy. What did your kids think about him? My kids, my kids, you know, I'm so lucky, Cheryl. I'm so lucky. I just have a really great kids. And they, you know, they've been through a lot. I mean, they've been through, you know, housewives, which is really, really, not the show was hard, but just like, you know, how some of the housewives can just be, like, just venomous. They're 24 and 26. And they've just, like, grown to be, like, such amazing humans. And I'm so proud of them. Oh, that says a lot about you. Oh, my God. Thank you. Appreciate that. So some of the Red Flags were just like, you know, messiness with, you know, with his, um, his exes. Did he ever sign a

pre-up with them? He'd trying to post up with one of them. Um, but, you know, I just was, it was just messy and it was just too much. I didn't want anything to do with it. And that was something. Because I love children. And I'm like, if you can't get along with me, you can't get along with anybody. I mean, I am the most easygoing person. But if I don't like something, I'm like, good for you like we all have that right we all have an intuition the question is if you follow it or not you know and you try and release control because we can't control anybody but ourselves actually so I think that because I travel so much um and I you know I work in all these different cities and I travel a lot and I have a very unusual work schedule I think that you know he kind of thought that I wasn't

paying attention and I was just kind of like okay I actually was paying attention I just like not interested I was like yeah I don't like mess to have another kid. If I can handle two, if I can raise two kids and provide for two kids and not have

all, I've said this million times, like I don't mind if you have baggage like, you know, she cleave a baton,

little gooch, you know, like the Forell edition. Right. Oh, that type of baggage, not like a storage locker. First of all,

I don't have the keys for a storage locker. Second of I'm not going to the storage locker. I'm like, this is just not my vibe. I can't do that. It's not happening.

And did he work? Did he make money? Yeah, he worked. No, no, he worked. He worked. Um, so he, you know, he worked. But, you know, I was, I mean, I've, um, I just have the more of, more of an earning potential. Let's talk, let's talk about that again, too, about like just being with men who, um, you know, married to men, being with men who, who, um, you know, make less. Like, because I have done. I've only been with men that make less. And I think that's my issue with control. So I, I don't know if I could ever, I mean, I'm trying to change that because I don't, I think that there is a psychological issue there that I've been, again, working on with my therapist, but I am a controlling woman, obviously. Yeah. And I am, and this is a pattern for me, right? So I've never, not even, I've never dated anybody who was more successful than me. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly.

and now I'm seriously suspicious. Oh, wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend has been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her.

Now, he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone. Now, hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That sounds totally inappropriate. Well, according to this person, this is her boyfriend's former professor, and they're the same age.

And it's even more likely that they're cheating. insists there's nothing between them. I mean, do you believe him? Well, he's certainly trying to get this person to believe him because he now wants them both to meet. So, do we find out if this person's boyfriend really cheated with his professor or not? To hear the explosive finale, listen to the OK Storytime podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hi, my name is Enya Umanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, We're not the podcast for you.

But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free I-HeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. Hola, it's HoneyGerman.

And my podcast, Grasias Come Again, is back. This season, we're going even deeper into the world of music and entertainment. With raw and honest conversations with some of your favorite Latin artists and celebrities. You didn't have to audition? No, I didn't audition. I haven't auditioned in like over 25 years. Oh, wow. That's a real G-talk right there.

Oh, yeah. We've got some of the biggest actors, musicians, content creators, and culture shifters sharing their real stories of failure and success. You were destined to be a start. We talk all about what's viral and trending with a little bit of chisement, a lot of laughs, and those amazing vivras you've come to expect.

And of course, we'll explain. explore deeper topics dealing with identity, struggles, and all the issues affecting our Latin community. You feel like you get a little whitewash because you have to do the code switching? I won't say whitewash because at the end of the day, you know, I'm me. Yeah. But the whole pretending and code, you know, it takes a toll on you. Listen to the new season of Grasasas Come Again as part of My Cultura Podcast Network

on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. dated a couple younger guys. The majority of the handful of guys that I've dated have been extremely successful. So, except for one of them was younger and he was like starting off in finance and he had

an amazing job and but most of them my serious guys, I mean, it's different like guys you hang out with, that's different, but like, you know, real boyfriends. They were all really, really successful. but they, you know, some have been younger. And, you know, it's funny because when I was with them, I would be like, you know,

I would be so, I was like, so, like, attracted to the love and having the best time. But, like, in the back of my head, I was always thinking, like, you know, I'm provided for my kids. I've done this all this on my own. Who is going to take care of me? And sometimes it just gets exhausting, Cheryl, to be, like, constantly, like, sometimes I feel like that little hamster. on the wheel, just like, I can do it. No, I hear you. I can get this next license.

I can get this next deal. I can bring this. I can do that. I can do that. I'm like, hi, I know. I get it. I mean, this transition from this being on the show and having consistent work to then choosing not to be on it has been, it is still hard. It's hard, you know.

Right. But going back to the reason why, I think for me, I thought I could, I thought that if I made more, I was more successful, that they wouldn't cheat on me. And that's the big fear of mine is infidelity. Oh my gosh. That's really funny because you know what's so funny is because I would say like whatever if like we'd get into a fight or whatever. And they'd be like, oh, I just met this 23 year old. I was like, oh, like sign him a book and I'll sign it. Awful. I'm awful. I could be awful. I know. I mean, I'm loving, but awful. No, I hear, I mean, I look at, hear what I've been saying. Like I'm a full on control freak. Like I would like to say I'm recovering, but I'm not recovering yet. I'm. I'm. still there. That's why I'm not with another. The book that I was going to send to them was called

IMA can make you hot. Wow. It's worse. I'm sure they would find that funny. I can't. I'm sorry. I'm just, I'm just being honest. I'm like, I just need to be transparent. Yeah. For sure. Do you think this stereotype of men needing to make money will ever go away? It's just not true. So people could still live in the Renaissance ages. That's fine. But I mean, everyone evolved. and so does this world. And that honestly just isn't true anymore. So my, I think, and I also know that, like, my mother was the breadwinner in both of her marriages. So I don't know anything else. It's interesting because, like, my daughters, you know, they're 24 and 26. And they're, you know, some of their friends are single parents. And my youngest daughter, she's like, Mommy,

you're single, but you're not. Like, you were divorced but separated, but you're not really like a divorced mom. I'm like, you know, I'm not married. That means, I know, I said, she goes, well, We're not raised like that because you're like the mom and the dad. We weren't really raised like that. But she's like, other moms are not like you. And they are looking for these men and desperate for these men. And when I go on these dates, these guys are like, they want to know what vacation we're going on.

I'm like, I don't have time for vacation. They're like, do you have time to date? On his time, maybe? I'm like, wait a minute. You just asked me, you were just complaining about a woman going on vacation with you. And then now you're mad at me because I'm working so I can't see him until Thursday. Like, what? How long was your break from your breakup with your ex that you were going to marry to dating?

So we broke up at the end, end of June. And then when did you start dating again? Just recently in the past like couple weeks. Got it. Got it. Yeah. No, I, like, I'm not looking for anybody. I am, first of all, the fact that I'm alone, like, I live alone with my Frenchie.

I'm like, and I love this life too much. My therapist is like, I'm a little worried about you. It's been three years. and I'm like, listen, you know, for every narcissist you date, supposedly, you need to give back to yourself like two years. This is from Dr. Romney. And I'm like, well, I still got a couple more years. So if you can't drink and you can't, and you're not doing to have sex, what about like dance lessons? I've retired, remember? I know, but just a little dirty dancing. I mean, I could teach you. Sure. We can't dance together. I'm talking about, no, I'm talking about you

your boyfriend or whoever you're dating at that time. I have like four left feet. It's like hideous. Please. I would love that. But no, but you don't, what about like just like, I don't know. I have zero interest in dating. I'm not looking for anyone. I am definitely, I know I'm looking for me at the moment. Like I'm currently trying to figure out my identity was so outside of me. The show was my identity. Everything that was so not something that you could definitely just take out of my life. I don't want that feeling ever again in my life. I want to be able to find happiness within myself. And let me tell you, with a lot of the stuff that I've, I guess, not dealt with, it's all coming up right now at the moment. And so I still have a lot to work on within myself before I even am interested in dating.

I never been on a dating app. I have zero interest, none of it. Yeah, I actually went on a dating app this summer. And I talked about it in my last podcast. And my housewives nemesis end up dating him. So that was hideous. Who's your housewife and missus? I'm not going to mention her name. Okay. No need to. He's a woman of a certain age.

Got it. Anyway, back to the show about pre-nubs. Let's talk about setting me up. Let's get serious. You know, like now I'm ready to go. I'm done. I took a summer off. I'm studying to Texas license.

I mean, I'm dating, but like I want to date with intention. Oh. Okay. So then you should get rid of the person you're talking to first. Then we can talk. Are you into dancers? I mean, I don't know how to dance, but I would love to learn how to dance. That's okay.

Okay, tell me what are you looking for? Like, what are the physical features that you want versus what type of personality traits are you looking for? I would like a head, shoulders, knees, and toes. Yeah, nowadays, you never know. No, what am I looking for? I'm looking for, you know, actually, it's funny because I don't really have like a specific body type. Like my kids are like, you don't really have a type. I've dated blondes. I've dated brunettes. I've dated shorter. Do they have to be good-looking? Do they have to be fit? No, I've dated like some chubbies. I've dated some like lean guys. I've dated like, yeah, I'm like, yeah. How about personality traits? Is it okay if he was married before? Yes, just as long as it doesn't sound messy. Just as long as there's no like, I hate my ex-wife. She's calling me every day. It's like, you don't hate your ex-wife. You want to talk to her if she's calling you every day. Are you avoidant or anxious attachment or secure attachment?

Oh my God, these are really intense questions. Can I write these down? It's like an SAT question for like romance. Oh my God. I am, I think that when I love, I like really, I have a lot of energy. I mean, you're talking to me. I'm like literally going to leap out of the screen. But like when it comes, do you run away from committed really? Are you scared or do you attach? Like do you like I'm anxious attachment? I'm like a wallaby Joey. I'm like, who. Yeah. Okay. So it supposedly, system. I could be wrong here, but my therapist said this, that anxious and avoidant always, most of the time end up together. And my ex was avoided and I'm very anxious. So I mean, all of those, I have to actually look up all those different terms. I do not know. Your emotional intelligence is a 12 and mine is a preschoolers. So I've been in therapy since I was five for obvious reasons. So that's the only reason. I just started. I'm going to talk to my therapist. I'm like, there's some words I learned. I'm not sure. She's very nice. She's actually so nice. She's like very warm with me. So what have you learned from yourself from being single? Wow. Well, the whole identity thing. You know, I said this on my, during my goodbye speech with Tyra Banks when she was hosting the show a couple years ago. And I was like, this show has been my identity. And I'd like to say that it has now changed because that for me was worse than my divorce was when I retired from the show because it was a part of my life since I moved to L.A. I went from Harlem, you know, being a starving competitive ballroom dancer with my

partner slash boyfriend and it was not a great healthy relationship whatsoever to not even having a voice to then having my own voice. And I still credit the show to this day for helping me with just finding my own voice. But then also it's not my identity, you know, and having to separate that. Knowing that really, the only that when people say you make me feel complete that's a crockish like only you can make yourself feel complete and that starts with self love self care and prioritizing yourself and being selfish but in a good way and all of that is what I'm currently learning oh my god you're such a thoughtful person I love that and isn't Tyra just a beautiful I love her she's just a beautiful human well so are you and I really

appreciate that and I appreciate your honesty Let's see. What have I learned? I've learned that sleeping in my bed alone is okay. I've learned that I actually really kind of like myself. I used to like not like myself. I used to be like everything that everyone's saying is going through my head and I am all those things. I walk down the street. I would be like one of those people that's like, you know, I would see people and they would like a pop-up, be like, you're crazy. I hate you. Because it's just like social media came out when I first started. So like, that's just all I thought. And so I was just constantly in a sea of insecurity. And recently in the past, like, I don't know, I've had this crazy wild awakening.

Just, you know, with all this new responsibility for myself. And I had to move out of an apartment and try to find an apartment within a day. And just really like taking control of my life overnight. I, like, just feel very, very, very proud of myself, which I never have ever. And it just feels really, really good to feel proud, really good. That's awesome. I mean, like, talk about resilience, right? Like, I mean, fight, flight or freeze to its finest. What, name three things about yourself that you love?

My energy. My kindness and thoughtfulness towards others. and my ability to see the best in things. Now, name three physical traits you love about yourself that you love. I really like my hair. Me too. I really. I really.

I hate my psoriasis. No, that's not part of it. That wasn't the question. That wasn't the question. Two more things. Come on, two more. Okay, I really like my hair. My eyes look fire today.

They're green. Yeah, they do. Um, so I like those. I'm gonna love my tea. Look at your cheekbones. You look snatched, girl. Like, I would love to have your face structure. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. That was really nice. That was a nice exercise. I really appreciate that. Why do you think, sorry to jump, jump to another topic. I feel like we're like on like pre-nup ADD here. But what is what, what, what, why are they so expensive? Why are these pre-ups so expensive? Well, I mean, think about it. You're actually, it's not that expensive if you put everything into perspective. It's worth every single penny, especially if you're trying to save your life

savings and, you know, whomever is attached to you. It's actually worth every penny, to be quite honest. I don't regret it whatsoever. Why is it expensive? Because they can. They can charge that much because there's not a lot of people that work in this business. Right, exactly. All right, guess what we are going to bring our guest, the CEO and founder of Hello, pre-up, to talk more about all of this. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly, and now I'm seriously suspicious. Oh, wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit.

Well, Dakota, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend has been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now, he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone. Now, hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That sounds totally inappropriate. Well, according to this person, this is her boyfriend's former professor, and they're the same age.

And it's even more likely that they're cheating. He insists there's nothing between them. I mean, do you believe him? Well, he's certainly trying to get this person to believe him because he now wants them both to meet. So, do we find out if this person's boyfriend really cheated with his professor or not? To hear the explosive finale, listen to the OK Storytime podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hi, my name is Enya Emanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips.

And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free IHeartRadio app.

Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. What would you do if one bad decision forced you to choose? between a maximum security prison or the most brutal boot camp designed to be hell on earth. Unfortunately for Mark Lombardo, this was the choice he faced. He said, you are a number, a New York State number, and we own you. Shock incarceration, also known as boot camps, are short-term, highly regimented correctional programs that mimic military basic training. These programs aim to provide a shock of prison life, emphasizing strict discipline,

physical training, hard labor, and rehabilitation programs. Mark had one chance to complete this program and had no idea of the hell awaiting him the next six months. The first night was so overwhelming, and you don't know who's next to you. And we didn't know what to expect in the morning. Nobody tells you anything. Listen to shock incarceration on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hello. Hi, Julia. So nice to see you both. Kelly, I also love your hair. Hello, pre-up. Hello. How are you? I'm pre-up.

We're just going to call you from now on, pre-nup. Forget the Julia. Call me whatever you want, Kelly. Is it hello pre-up question mark or exclamation point or nothing? It's nothing, but I think the point is great. I think so too. Yeah. It's like, hello, pre-up.

Call me anytime. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly, exactly. Visit helloprinup.com anytime. I love that. I love that. Julie, so we're talking all things pre-up, obviously. You know, Cheryl and I have both had some incredible journeys with our own pre-ups, which have been, you know, I'm so happy that I, you know, created a pre-up and Cheryl is for her past divorce. Why are these pre-ups so expensive? Well, they don't have to be. I think that number one, if you're going the traditional route and you're each hiring independent attorneys, that's fantastic. Obviously, that's not the least expensive way to go about it, right? Attorneys have high hourly rates. And a lot of times if you don't walk into that engagement with an understanding of what you're looking for, there's going to be a lot of negotiation. Through a service like hello pre-up, you know, we have flat rate pricing. We have flat rate pricing. for the pre-up alone. And then when you add on attorneys in 45 states, right? So there are ways to get a pre-up that are affordable and accessible to all. And that's, you know, kind of the goal of my company and mission. What does that look like? What's accessible mean? Like money-wise range.

Yeah. So it's $599 to use the platform. And then for representation with an attorney, it's $699. So ostensibly, a couple can get a full pre-up with two lawyers for under $2,000. thousand dollars awesome wow um what is the difference between a pre-up and a postnup and our postnups yeah what are postnups are they do they really work yeah absolutely pre-nup should have worked alone right well sometimes people don't get a pre-up and then they get a post-knap oh got it say more exactly so you know post-ups are fantastic um the main difference is a pre-up has to be signed before you get married. If you do not get a pre-up or you don't, you start the pre-up process, but you don't sign it before you get married, you can still get a post-up. If you have the option, a pre-up is definitely

more desirable. They're upheld more. They're more likely to be enforced. Some states are questionable on whether or not they'll enforce post-ups, whereas I think the vast majority of states will enforce pre-ups. And one of the things that's so great, though, about post-ups is, let's say you've been married for a period of time and you don't have a pre you didn't get a pre-up you can get a post-up you can realign and make sure that you're both you know you have the same expectations sometimes things change in marriages too right let's say this is a second marriage and you didn't get a pre-up but one of you starts a business well let's sit down and talk about how that business should be held is that hours if we get a divorce in the future or is

that mind. Post-up allows you to reassess and realign. Or if like all of a sudden your partner makes more money than you? Yeah. Are they allowed to do that? Like can they? Well, absolutely. And I think that it's if life changes or, you know, if, you know, you have kids and one party decides to stay home, that's an opportunity to say, all right, now I'm staying home. I'm not earning an income. So I want to make sure that we reassess what we originally agreed to in our pre-up where everything was going to be yours. I need to be that I'm protected, right? And so that's where, you know, a post-nup, which is in some states, it depends on which state you're in, is a modification to a pre-up can be really beneficial. What should be in a pre-up? Well, you can contract almost anything you want. You can't

contract to children, so you can't contract. Dogs? Yes, you can have succulence. I've never seen anyone contract. Is that true? Is that true what I said earlier about if they plant a succulent in California? Are you in California? I'm not in California, but hello pre-up operates in California, 45 states. Is it true that if they plant a succulent, like let's say I own the property and we did not get a pre-up? Is it true that they can, after a certain amount of years, that the person who planted the succulent, your partner can actually fight and say that this is his property?

I think the point that that example is trying to make is that they now have earned some interest in that property. I think without a pre-up, what you're doing is you're leaving it up to chance. Correct. Cheryl calls bullshit. And they favor the person who doesn't make as much money. I really believe that. What about what about dogs? Fur babies are the range and everybody is like.

My ex and I got in a huge fight about it. Like it was crazy. I wish it was in the pre-nep, but he got me the dog when we were already married. Pet clauses are really, really popular. A pet clause, okay. Yeah, you can decide in your pet custody. You can decide who's paying for what for the pet. And I think just aligning on those expectations is really important.

What I always like to remind people is like I always hear, oh, like prenaps aren't romantic. Like, it means you're planning for divorce. Either is childbirth. Exactly. I like to remind you. I know. I was waiting for you. to be like, true story. I've never had a child, but I can only assume. I've had two.

I've had a child and I totally agree. Childbirth is not romantic. But, you know, neither is the fact that if you don't have a pre-nop, you still have a pre-not because it's just state legislature that is deciding how your assets get divided in divorce or death. So why are you leaving that up to chance? Why are you leaving that up to, in your case, Cheryl, the state of California, right? why are we not deciding what is best for us as a couple before we get married is it protocol like my attorney advise that i get an attorney for my acts is that something that's like protocol or not protocol but like is that normal yeah i think it's completely normal and i think it's very important to get legal advice um in certain states you're required to have an attorney for certain

things like in california if you want to waive or modify spousal support you must have an attorney The other states, you must have an attorney for, you know, again, certain conditions. And I think it's always advisable. Like, if you're entering into a pre-up and you are not sure what the default law would be if you didn't enter into the pre-nup, you don't know what those state requirements are. You should get legal advice. What about infidelity? How does that play out in a pre-nepid?

No one cares. Nobody cares about infidelity anymore. No, I mean, the person involved cares. The person who was being cheated on definitely gears, but it's not part of the pre-up, unfortunately. People are like, oh, he cheated on me. It's like, no, no, that's not okay. No, it's not okay. Can you do an infidelity clause?

Yes. Like, it's not in New York, but you couldn't. It depends on what state you're in. And infidelity clauses can be included in certain states. What I like to remind people is often like a pre-up is just as much an emotional document as it is illegal. want, right? So just the mere act of including an infidelity clause in there, it means you had that conversation. And you said, look, I'm okay with this or I'm not okay with this. But isn't that just morals, values and beliefs when you're marrying? And like, that's just like an obvious, like,

I mean, what would an infidelity clause look like exactly? Well, let's back up to your morals and beliefs, right? That's point of a pre- He cheated on me. He's a jerk. He gets nothing. How about that? It's important to get out. Can we add for a lot of cut their penis off? or is that okay in the clause? No, that is illegal and you can be like Lorena bought it. That's a no, hard no, line in the sand. Yeah, I mean, you can define infidelity and you can define a financial penalty for infidelity.

Really? It's not enforceable in all states. But, yeah, they're very popular clauses, I think. So if you cheat on me, you get $10,000. So, hello, that's going to be way more than that, girl, I would hope. meaning like you have to cut off one testicle or you have to give me a million dollars

this is like you choose I think I think a lot of Here's the succulent People are often afraid You know they're afraid to talk about a pre-nav Because they feel like it's not scary It's scary Yeah and I understand why

I mean Cheryl you've had one When you were going into this process Like, how did you approach it with your fiancé at the time? I mean, it was, there was no right way to do it. And to be honest, I wish I would have had, I wish we would have discussed this more in therapy when we were in therapy. But yeah, this was a discussion that also my parents had for them as well. Like, this was important.

And again, this shouldn't have gotten, it shouldn't, I mean, of course it's emotional. Absolutely. And I have to say when it was time to sign everything, it wasn't necessarily the easiest. Like, we had someone there, obviously, to, what are they called again when they're observing? They have to be there to watch. Oh, right.

Yeah, no, very. And it was quite like intense, you know. But, yeah, there's just the sooner the better. And try to talk about it before you hand them the pre-up, ideally. I think, too, like, you know, my father, he passed away a year and a half ago. And I think that if my father had met my ex, which they didn't, he would have said if you, you know, A, what are your intentions with my daughter? Not to sound like all Jane Austen, but, you know, what are your intentions? And if you do have any

intentions, you're going to sign a prenum because I am the daughter of a lawyer. And I think that would have been a better time. I was the daughter of a lawyer. Yeah. So that would have probably been. But, you know, like when julia how do you like how do you go i mean i did not talk about it in a um with my therapist i literally just went to this amazing um matrimonial lawyer in new york who is unbelievable and she was such a maternal figure and was like i'm very she was very very worried about me very worried and she was like here's we have to lay this out and she's like if anything happened to you he could get all this money and your kids, you know, it wouldn't be good.

And I got really, really freaked out. And I was, I, like, it literally turned me off the minute that I found out that I wasn't being provided and protected that I would have potentially been exploited. And so what are your thought, what are your, how could I have, how could I have changed that? How could I have, not saying that I want to go back or do anything, but like, like, I made a mistake. I'd handled it the wrong way. So how could I have like, you know, for the, for everyone out there for like the young, you know,

millennials at 47 percent, they're getting pre-ups? Like, how do you have that conversation in a way that's like palatable? Yeah. Okay. Well, I would say third date, second glass of wine. Third date? Wow. Third date. Second glass of wine. Depends on your age, right? Like, depends on what you're looking for. Because like, listen, when I eventually date, I'm in my, I'm 40. Like, yes, absolutely third day. But for people in their 20s, same? Yeah. No, I mean, I think it's the sentiment, right? You're having a conversation about what you want out of life. I mean, if you're in your 20s and you're just kind of dating for sport and you are not intending get married, you're not serious, right? It's obviously a very different conversation and you should wait until you're ready. You're in that space in life,

but I do think that, you know, if you are dating because you want to find your person and you want to get married, especially as women, I mean, why should we be embarrassed to bring up the conversation, right? I think it's like, it's kind of like, I'm, I was scared for me about his reaction. Like, he was, you know, and that wasn't so much about like, scared. I also wonder, I wish I would have done this. I wish I would have educated myself about the state I was living in and what that required. Even before, like, what, like, let me just read through this textbook of information or have someone explain it to me. First of all, what? a pre-up is why I would want to get a pre-up, what that exactly means and what does it mean

for the state of California? Like, I think that is so important to educate yourself first, because I had, I'm still finding out things that I never knew. And that's exactly what this podcast is all about is people looking for love. And that's what we're trying to do. We're trying to educate and, you know, show that there's, there are solutions and that, you know, you don't have to be worried about protecting yourself. And, you know, you can provide it. You know, it's like, they always say like men are supposed to provide and protect. Well, they have it for me. So I'm going to do it for myself. Regardless of the gender, you have to protect yourself. Yeah. And I think information is power, right? Yes. You know, the fear of the unknown is oftentimes the issue when it comes to

the pre-ups, especially when you're talking, Cheryl, about state law and educating yourself and really understanding what goes into a pre-up and what the process is. I mean, one of the reasons we started hello pre-up was because we wanted to offer free information so that anybody could go to the website, choose their state, and read all about it, right? There's no barrier to entry. And I think it's really important to educate yourself, but also to feel empowered by the process. The process should be one that is, you know, you're both participating. It's not one person serving a pre-up on the other. You are each protecting your interests. I think in a case where there's family money, you know, there's a lot of pressure from parents, but I think that's an

opportunity in the conversation of bringing up a pre-nup to say, this is really important for my family, right? And you're relieving the pressure from yourself. I think But also, though, that family should have their own trust, right? So that they're protected in general, right? Well, sometimes, you know, trust don't take a second. So it takes a while to put a trust together. And that's actually what happened to me, too. That's another reason I had to get a pre-up.

Got it. So the pre-ups are not just for the person. They're also for the relationship. Can you just talk a little bit more about that, Julia? Yeah, absolutely. So a pre-up is an opportunity. it's an opportunity to have those life conversations and set yourself up by building that foundation.

A pre-up is an opportunity to have those life conversations. So depending on where you are in life, it's like, do we want to have kids? Like, do we want to retire at 40 and like travel the world? Do we want to white picket fence? Or, you know, if you have children from a prior marriage, are you going to financially support them and what does that look like for our marriage? So it's an opportunity to have these really important life conversations. And I think it's also important to remember that, you know, all marriages end. They either end in death or divorce. Nothing's forever. Nothing's forever.

So let's be really sober about that fact. And like, yeah, we're taking time bomb. We're all going die, folks. Sorry. So do you have any like statistics about like pre-ups, like helping people not get divorced or do you have any, any kind of statistics that can help us out with that? I think one that's really important is 47% of millennials who are married or engaged have a pre-up. I know. I said that. That's crazy. And what that tells me is like, Millennials are getting married a little bit later in life, right? They're getting married in their early 30s.

By the time they get married. That's supposed me. Yeah. We have assets to protect. I'm a millennial. Yeah. Amazing. Me too.

I'm not. Sorry. You look like a millennial, though, Kelly. Definitely. I act like one. Oh, really? What is that supposed to mean? No.

You know, young spirited. You have assets to protect. Maybe you have debt, right? Maybe you started to do this. Yeah. That's not. all the school debt like right yeah right nasty it's really important to you know to pay attention to those facts and protect yourself and i think that millennials get that and they're also looking to

like not do what their parents did 24% of millennials have divorced parents right we've seen what divorce does to our families like let's not repeat that in our own marriages can you name just three qualities as to what happens like three things that are just not that could happen if you don't have a pre-nup just scare people please well you could lose half your assets you could be responsible for half your partner's debt oh you could have to split your inheritance oh hell no yeah yeah no people don't think about the inheritance piece they're like oh it's inheritance it must be mine well no no no no it could be considered part of the marital estate, for sure. Get it pre-ed up.

That's right. I, too, I like what Julia said, too. And I think, you know, the number, the 47% is such a big number. But I really believe that not only are, you know, are women and men getting married a little bit older, but that they are, they are coming from a lot of, you know, single parents and being raised by single parents. and I think they just don't want to have that happen again. And do you think the pre-nups are helping us stay married longer? Or do you think it's just kind of like, no, I'm just, I'm just, I was just curious.

I'm kidding. I mean, I didn't, he didn't sign it. So I am not, I'm not even in this conversation. My marriage was two days long. So I don't know. No, it was two years. Two years. Oh.

Three years. Three years. Two years. Who's counting? Yeah. I mean, I do. I do. I do because when you think about it.

it foundationally, you are setting yourself up to talk about the tough stuff before you get married. When people get engaged, they're all about the wedding, right? They're focused on the flowers and the bridesmaid's dresses and the guest list and all of those things that like over the course of a marriage are just irrelevant. And so if you have a pre-up, you're sitting down and you're intentionally, consciously having these conversations about what do we want? What are our life holes, like, how do we want to split finances? Do we want to have a joint bank account? If I start a business, is that my business? How are we going to fund that business? And I think that is really important. And especially if you're on your first marriage, like, are we going to have kids? And, like,

is one of us going to stay home and care for those children? These are all really important topics. I think, Kelly, in your situation, too, where I know you talked about how your fans say wouldn't sign the pre-nup, I think that's such a red flag. The fact that he didn't want to sign the pre-up tells you, you're not aligned. You're not on the same page. What is he really in it for? Right? And so I think we need to view pre-ups as being this opportunity of alignment. That's another time for a bigger conversation. We were definitely not aligned. Julia Rogers from Hello, pre-nup. Call her any time. Thank you so much. for joining us today.

Thank you. I'm ready to find love. I'm kidding. Yeah, exactly. What's yourself? Give us your digits. On your, on hello pre-up, do you have like a questionnaire? I think it would also help for people to literally the person who's giving the pre-up

or wanting the person to sign the pre-nup should have like what you just went through, like top 20 questions to ask. Even before you hire a pre-up attorney, I think we need to make this game, Kelly. You know how they have those like love card games or like emotional games? like we need to do questions to ask before even putting a ring on it. Like, for real. We have quizzes. We have all of it.

We have questionnaires. Oh, yeah. That's awesome. That's helpful. I love it. All of the articles, all the information. That's great. Thank you, Julia.

Thank you so much for having me. This was so much fun. It was great to chat with you both. Bye. Thanks, Julia. Bye. Oh my God, Cheryl. Isn't she so great?

She's great. She's so great. She has such good energy. She does. Yeah. I just love that she. I honestly, I bow down to any attorneys whatsoever that have to deal with this because this ain't fun. But also just like the way that she's communicating and I mean at the price

point that you can be transparent and be safe and protect and provide for yourself and also be in love. There's nothing wrong with having both. And like I said, you have to separate the two. Like money is not love whatsoever. Right. Thank you, Julia, for coming on the podcast and answering all of our questions about pre-ups, there's a lot of great information for the listeners to hear. And I hope if you knew nothing about pre-ups, that you're leaving the conversation with a little more knowledge. Cheryl, this was so great getting to chat with you. I know the listeners are going to get so much advice from both of us as they're looking for love. So if you guys are wanting some relationship or dating advice or if you're single and ready to find love again,

call us at 18444-4-I-do pod. That's 844-44-4-4-6-7-63, or email us at I-do pod at iHeartRadio.com. Follow us on Instagram at I-do part two pod. I-do part two. That's the number two pod. I-do part two and I-heart radio podcasts where falling in love is the main objective. Hi, my name is Enya Humanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD...

Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble. Yes. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. I just normally do straight stand-up, but this is a bit different.

What do you get when a true crime producer walks into a comedy club? Answer, a new podcast called Wisecrack, where a comedian finds himself at the center of a chilling true crime story. Does anyone know what show they've come to see? It's a story. It's about the scariest night of my life. This is Wisecrack. Available now.

Listen to Wisecrack on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Everyone thinks they'd never join a cult. But it happens all the time to people just like you. And people just like us. I'm Lola Blanc. And I'm Megan Elizabeth. We're the hosts of Trust Me, a podcast about cults, manipulation, and the psychology of belief. Each week we talk to fellow survivors, former believers, and experts to understand why people get pulled in and how they get out.

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