The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast - Meet Thelma & Louise

Episode Date: November 30, 2024

Introducing “Thelma and Louise”. Divorcee besties and I Do, Part 2 “experts” wanted a chance to share their thoughts. They are in the midst of their search for Mr. Right, again. They have practical advice because they are in it with you.  Ready to find love again? Want dating advice?Email us at: [e-mail] or call us at 844-4-I Do Pod (844-443-6763) Follow I Do, Part 2 on Instagram and TikTokSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly, and now I'm seriously suspicious. Wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, luckily, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend's been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone.

Hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That seems inappropriate. Maybe find out how it ends by listening to the OK Storytime podcast and the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, my name is Enya Umanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh, my God, perfect.

And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. Everyone thinks they'd never join a cult. But it happens all the time to people just like you. And people just like us.

I'm Lola Blanc and I'm Megan Elizabeth. We're the hosts of Trust Me, a podcast about cults, manipulation, and the psychology of belief. Each week we talk to fellow survivors, former believers, and experts to understand why people get pulled in and how they get out. Trust me. New episodes every Wednesday on Exactly Right. Listen wherever you get your podcasts.

Hi, everyone. This is Belma and Louise. Well, actually, that's not really our names, but the purposes of this, it's going to be that way until we get comfortable with this And since it's been about nine years that Thelma and I have been trying to navigate the dating world and haven't successfully got ourselves into a final destination chapter two relationship, we are hesitant to give our real names. But maybe one day we will be comfortable to give our real names. Anyways, here we are, Bestie since college, did not think that we would end up where we are,

which is divorce, but we've made lemonade out of lemons. And we are boots on the ground, normal people, not celebrities, in our 50s, children, kids in college, like ready to kind of focus on our chapter two. We spend a lot of time actually dating. We do the date prep. We do the post-mortem. And we are happy to be an open book and answer any and all questions because we are all in this together ladies and we all have a single goal of finding our uniform. So Thelma,

we thought it would be interesting if we were to talk to our friends out there and just talk about the concept of a first date, right? Like let's assume we've met somebody out or we've, you know, gone on the dating app and we have secured a first date. And you and I have a lot of kind of thoughts and opinions on outfits and how we should be treated and expectations and all that. So let's just start with the concept of a first date. Well, that's probably a good question for me because I feel like Louise has a lot more experience with first dates than I do. So I'm still kind of getting the hang of it. But I ironically, I have two dates this week so I can really talk in their first date. So I feel like I can really speak to this. I think starting kind of at step one is the date

outfit and I don't know about you all out there but if I we have a uniform well I think it is it's getting a uniform so that when you get asked out on a date you know what is your go-to that makes you feel confident and good about yourself and also it's not that it's an hour before the date and you have clothes all over your closet floor you're freaking out you're tempted to cancel and thinking this is not happening because if that's me and I'm not prepared and don't feel good, I either show up and I'm ready to polish off 10 cocktails because I'm such a stress case or I kind of want to can the whole thing. So I feel like we've really spent a lot of time to kind of figure out what is our signature look and like coming up with a couple outfits that really

work for us. I think what's important about the first date outfit is what message are you trying to give off about who you are, right? So, for example, you know, are we going to go in and are we going to wear, you know, at age 50, like a camisole and nothing over our shoulders and just kind of say like, hey, hey, like lucky you. There could be action today. Or are we going to wear an elegant blouse? Like what image are we trying to put forward that represents best who we are to give that first date person a sense? So I know you and I spend a lot of time on, you know, if we're going to wear, for example, a blouse and maybe we'll wear a more fitted bottom. Or if we're going to wear a camisole, then we're going to wear like a leather jacket over our shoulders.

So we're trying to do like a chic but sexy but elegant, you know, kind of age appropriate outfit. And if we feel good in it, then that's all that really matters to us. I also think that like for me, venues kind of important because I know that a lot of people probably have their ideal for a state, but for me, it's short and sweet. And I can speak to that because I've made this mistake. Now, like, how many times, Louise, have I called you and said, oh, my God, like, what is wrong? I just got suckered in to four hours. Well, last week, you were on a date. It was the first date, and it was like, four hours. I couldn't get you on the phone. And I was like, either you're chopped up or you got married and just eloped and didn't want your best friend

to come. So I think you're right. I think the first date really should be capped at an hour. Leave them wanting more. Don't exhaust everything that we're talking about, right? Like, it should be short and sweet and just enough to give kind of the sense of like, hey, do I want to go out with this person again? And if you're anything like me, like set that up ahead of time because I always get suckered into the too nice syndrome where it's like if it's not terrible. I mean, I can talk to a wall. You can talk to a wall. I can make any date appear good. But we all know if you're feeling it or not. And I think for me, it's like I sit down in the conversation flows and then sometimes I feel guilty. And I also think sometimes I'm so, I don't know if it's my ego or what it is, but sometimes

I'm so fixated on like wanting it to be a successful first date that I get caught up in that as opposed to like, what do I feel? Do I want to end this date? Is this a good use of my Thursday night? Or would I rather be at home on my couch or talking to my kids? I used to do that. I used to look at every first date as an audition because rejection was so hard. for me that I would sit there and want to try to sign the date just to make sure that I was going to get the call back the next day. And then I would decide if I wanted to go out with them. And recently, I kind of switched my focus to your point of like, wait, does this person align with me? Am I interested? Do I want to go out of them again? Like, are we kind of on the same

page? And so I made it less about if I was going to get the call back and more about like, do I want to go out of this person again? Is this somebody that I want to, you know, spend an hour, quite frankly, away from you laughing, eating Goop Kitchen and sweats and putting the effort into getting dressed and putting makeup on and sitting there and going on a date. So I totally agree with you. You know, it's interesting going back to the concept of a first date, I am one who does not, and I know you feel the same way. We don't not do video chats. Like I think there's something that gets lost in translation. I mean, that's part of the problem with this whole swipe mentality is it's all based on physicality like swipe swipe swipe swipe swipe who's really reading

the description and I think so much has to do with like an energy and an aura and like almost like a ingredients of connection between two people on a day so I actually don't do video chat first dates but do you insist on calling them or I mean or having a conversation always have a phone call okay so try to pivot pretty quickly from a text to a phone call unless it's a setup if it's a setup to be with you and the person has been vetted from somebody in my life like I'm good just to have the kind of text to make the date arrangement and then meet them in person for the first time if it's an app then I think a phone call is super super important but I definitely like to meet in person for the first time and I'm one who prefers a glass of wine and not a hike or a coffee date um I think it's a

personal preference of where somebody feels their most most comfortable um some people want to you know, wear leggings and be like, this is me, you know, love me for who I am instead of done up with like the glamour. I like the idea of, you know, putting myself together and showing up and sitting in a place where there's a vibe and an atmosphere to kind of help kind of fuel the energy a little bit. And I'm always better on a gossip wine anyways. I am too. But did I tell you when I asked on my date, this guy, I said, so what makes you choose a coffee date over a cocktail date. And his answer, yes, this was his answer. He's like, I do it when I'm not really sure of the pictures and if the girl is going to be truly how she's represented online. So I do it

so that I can be sober and really check her out. Interesting. I mean, look, there's a lot of people that have been at this game for a long time and everybody kind of has their, you know, greatest hits playlist of what works for them or what is their comfort level. And, you know, it's almost indicative of like people connecting or not like does is our chemistry compass lined up or do our I hate to say childhood wounds line up or our our baggage is this it's interesting it's a fascinating it's a fascinating game and I've learned to love the idea of first dates let's talk about dating apps because aren't 99 of us kind of forced or subjected to that's what we need to do to meet people I mean these days Louise would you agree it's hard because I've

I've been on apps briefly, and it made me uncomfortable, and I prefer setups, but setups are fewer and far between. So I kind of look at all of it, and I'm always just open to a first date. Like, if somebody wants to set me up, or if there's somebody interesting enough on an app, like, my time is just not that valuable in that. I can spare an hour to meet somebody. And I think that people come into our lives because they're supposed to, right? I don't believe in random encounters. I think whether somebody is. It's supposed to be a lesson or a blessing or it's somebody that can be, you know, kind of punted to somebody else, right? Like, I remember I was once having this conversation, like one woman's trash could be another woman's treasure, right?

Like, so I'm always open to everything. And, you know, I have a lot of friends who spend a lot of time and they want to, like, Google and they want to know, like, where do they live and what do they do? What's their job and this and that? It's like, I don't even do the, I'm going to be in a safe space, public space, like, I'm okay. Like, I'm not going to Google. I'm not going to get preconceived motions. I go in now super, super open.

And I think it's like kind of what works for you and the way that we can increase our numbers. And have a dating app, which really, if you think about it, it's like the days are standing in a Starbucks line or, you know, what guy approaches a table of five girls eating dinner? It's so rare. We'd be better off sitting at a bar by ourselves, which is kind of scary. and I don't know, it makes me feel super insecure, but a guy will talk to a girl sitting at a bar by herself,

or maybe if you and I, like, look what happened last, oh, God, what happened last week? Was that crazy? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That was crazy. You have to tell the story because it talks about how we put ourselves together

and the energy we give off. Okay. Well, so Louise and I are at a bar and we're sitting there. Dinner slash bar. Yeah, yeah. And I always imbibe a little more than she does. So I'm always on my second glass of wine while she's still nursing her first. I'm very measured.

So anyway, so I had ordered a second glass and there was a guy sitting next to Louise. And I guess he noticed that her glass was empty as I'm like halfway through with my second. And so he all of a sudden a glass of red wine shows up and, you know, your glass was empty. Clearly mine wasn't. And so we start striking up a conversation with him. And he was nice, but he was definitely older. He didn't look older. I think he actually looked great for his age.

That's like the nice compliment I have here is that he looked great for his age. But it did proceed to get a little sketchy. But like we're glutton for punishment. So we just kept on the conversation going. But we also felt bad. Like he bought a drink for us. He was right next to us. We hadn't even gotten our food.

So we were not going anywhere. Oh, God. Okay. Wait. I'm interrupting you. So that's a total topic where you and I think, I think we disagree on is that I feel so uncomfortable when somebody has bought me dinner or a drink. And that's often why I have a hard time getting up during a date because I somehow feel like I owe them something. Do you feel that way? Well, that was a different situation. We were still sitting there and he had just sent a drink and he was like next to us. You know what I'm saying? So I feel like, again, I mean, this is. is let me just put this bluntly. I had a friend who's dating a guy. This was awful. And he paid for her to get her boobs done and her, um, some other work done. And then she calls me up two weeks post surgery. And she's like, yeah, I'm going to break up with him. I go, what? You can't do that. Like he, he, he, he's got to, you can't just be so obvious. Right. So it's like, I think those are extreme cases. But again, like, if I in my own head have carved out that we're going to have a drink for an hour and I have said I have a dinner I'm going to that I'm okay with them buying me a drink and

you and I look at that a little bit differently now if it's flowing like I was on a date last week and it was a drink date and it was a setup and um we'd agreed it was going to be an hour and all of a sudden like we're we're getting at the 45 minute market he's like oh by the way I have another hour and I was like and I remember in my head thinking okay like I do like him I'm enjoying him, but I don't want to be too available. So I was like, okay, I have about 20 more minutes. Remember, because you and I met after for dinner? Yeah.

And he bought my glass of wine, and, you know, he said, do you want an appetizer, which I thought was super classy. But that was based on the flow of that. It was clear that we were having a good time and connecting. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly, and now I'm seriously suspicious. Oh, wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit.

Well, Dakota, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend has been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now, he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone. Now, hold up.

Isn't that against school policy? That sounds totally inappropriate. Well, according to this person, this is her boyfriend's former professor, and they're the same age. And it's even more likely that they're cheating. insists there's nothing between them. I mean, do you believe him? Well, he's certainly trying to get this person to believe him because he now wants them both to meet. So, do we find out if this person's

boyfriend really cheated with his professor or not? To hear the explosive finale, listen to the OK Storytime podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hi, my name is Enya Yumanzoor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're We're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble.

Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free I-HeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. Hola, it's HoneyGerman. And my podcast, Grasias Come Again, is back. This season, we're going even deeper into the world of music and entertainment. With raw and honest conversations with some of your favorite Latin artists and celebrities.

You didn't have to audition? No, I didn't audition. I haven't auditioned in like over 25 years. Oh, wow. That's a real G-talk right there. Oh, yeah. We've got some of the biggest actors, musicians, content creators, and culture shifters

sharing their real stories of failure and success. You were destined to be a start. We talk all about what's viral and trending with a little bit of chisement, a lot of laughs, and those amazing vivas you've come to expect. And of course, explore deeper topics dealing with identity, struggles, and all the issues affecting our Latin community.

You feel like you get a little whitewash because you have to do the code switching? I won't say whitewash because at the end of the day, you know, I'm me. But the whole pretending and code, you know, it takes a toll on you. Listen to the new season of Grasasas Come Again as part of My Cultura Podcast Network on the IHartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. feel if somebody has anyone ever asked you to split the bill or like what's your take when people do that on a day look i know this is not the popular you know kind of climate right now but i don't think chivalry is dead and for me i'm raising two sons and i have taught them to be

chivalrous and respectful of women and it's really important to me you know i'm never going to be the girl who orders you know the crazy steak or you know the expensive thing on the menu but if somebody's asked me out, I really appreciate when they pay for my, pay for my wine. I agree with you. I mean, I totally agree with your chivalry's not dead. I feel like I often like do the pull out the credit card or offer just so that I know that, you know what I mean, that I'm making the effort. But between you and me, if then they take me up on it, I do, I'm kind of like, oh, like, that's not really like, are you really a gentleman? And I'm not saying that if you go on multiple dates with somebody that you don't want to start or that I think when you're dating somebody

sure I always pay for meals or whatever at the beginning beginning I think it's nice and it does mean yeah I agree and I'm not ordering the law you know one of the things you know you and I speak a lot about and you know I I think sometimes I ask simply too many questions to deflect the attention off with me and I get scared of silence at a table because I don't like bad flow so I'm always trying to think And one of the things I love to do is ask open end of questions because you can learn a lot about somebody by the questions you ask. I mean, super basic questions like, where do you see yourself in five years? And what if they were to say like dating lots of people? And then you're sitting there and you're saying yourself, okay, this guy's a player.

Like he's not looking for a life partner. He's not looking for a long term relationship. So I think that, you know, it's always good to go on a date and have your kind of catchphrase. questions that will help you pretty quickly size up who they are and, you know, what their core value system is, right? Because ultimately, we're trying to chemistry is important, but it's really important to say, like, find somebody whose core value systems kind of line up with ours. So question for you, when you go out on a first date with somebody, do you feel like when you sit down and kind of, you probably had a conversation or two, right, potentially

with them. But when you sit down, do you feel like within the first five minutes, like, what is louder to you? The chemistry that you're feeling or lack thereof or the questions that you're asking them and their answers? Like, this is so hard. I mean, I grapple with this all the time because, of course, we all want that dopamine hit and that, like, instant, like, you know, what we see in the movies, right? And I think that, um, when it, I, again, like, I've read a lot of books because I'm trying to understand, like, who am I? I. what am I looking for and what makes the most sense for me? Quite frankly, why did my marriage fail?

And why have, you know, these relationships that I've had in the last nine years, why haven't they stuck or why didn't it go to the distance? Like, they have felt like bridges to me. And what I've learned is, is one thing. I used to sit on a date and be like, is this my guy? Am I going to marry him? Are we going to ride off into the sunset? I don't do that anymore.

I sit on my first date and I say, is this person interesting enough? Would I go out and have a second date with him? And then on the second date, would I go out with them on a third date? And what that has helped me do is learn to build a little bit more of a foundation and focus less on the butterflies. Because butterflies are really kind of like a trigger of something that's potentially familiar in a way that's triggering to what is your baggage, right?

And I think you have to have some degree of attraction for sure. but I think there is so much more that is important. And I think attraction, you have to have some. Like, I don't think it just can, I think it can improve. I think it can grow, but you have to have some degree of attraction when you're sitting there. But I think it's like an entire almost pizza, right? There's like equal slices of really important thing. So I think it's a combination of core values, chemistry, communication, connection,

like, are you living the same life? Like, you know, what I've learned in my dating is I don't want to be a somebody who's not a parent. I don't want to be somebody who's never been married. It doesn't work for me. We don't speak the same language. Some people might not care. They might not look at it like, oh, there's no kids.

Great. There's more time for them to focus on me and work around my schedule. What about you? What do you think? How important is chemistry on the first date for you? Well, I think chemistry is important. Like, if I'm absolutely not attracted to somebody,

you know, it doesn't matter. That's not going to change. Although I think people can become more attractive, you know, the more you learn about someone. And their energy. No, and I completely agree with that. And we've talked about this. I think a question we ask ourselves is, how long do you stay in a relationship or how many dates do you go on before you ultimately either call it and decide, do I, is this how I want to be spending my time? And I think, I feel like both of us are pretty lucky. You know, no one wants to be post-divorce, but often post-divorce. I feel like means you're a little bit older and hopefully a little bit wiser. But we have pretty good lives, right? I mean, the reality is we have such good girlfriends. We love being with our kids. And it takes a lot

for me to decide, do I want to break away from all those things to go out on a date? But I think a lot of the dates that we've gone on or relationships that, I won't speak for you, but for me, relationships that I've had, we talk back to like what you refer to is the bridge. And sometimes you get out of a relationship and it's super devastating or sad and you kind of wonder how you're going to push forward. And sometimes the next guy that comes along is totally different, but he helps you kind of look at your life through a different lens and move on and gives you that restart, right, for potentially the next guy. I don't know if that makes sense. Does that make sense? So I think for me, a lot of times what happens is, I'll be dating a guy that on paper is a 10, right?

Like everything I want, you know? And so I keep going to keep hoping that it's going to, you know, kind of go to the next level or I'm going to, I remember once I was dating this guy, and he was everything I wanted. And I just wasn't feeling it, but I wanted it so bad. And I kept trying. And I remember going to a psychic club saying, can't you do some waving around? So I like wake up and I'm like hit by a lightning bolt and I'm in love. So I just want to know, is this my guy?

Like when I talk to the psychic, I'm more like, when am I going to meet the guy or is this the guy? Right. And the thing about a psychic is what it does is it helps kind of put it in your head. So then you're manifesting and you're looking and you're this and you're, I mean, we've all played that game because we want to believe that the right person is coming. But I think what I've learned is, is, you know, there is value in every day, every experience, and it's all kind of building up and what might have been right for me when I was in my 20s looking for my husband is not right for potentially what is for me right now.

you know what I'm saying but let's go back so again as you know like I'm I'm a little more difficult when it comes to certain things on dates right like do they walk me to my car like different things how do you feel when you make a date and somebody has to reschedule like how does that feel unless if it's like a weird almost like a weird excuse well it's a good question I have a first story I mean a first-hand story I can share with you which I think you may have heard before But I feel like I have kids. I have a busy life. And so I think at this age,

if somebody needs to reschedule and is polite about it and gives you, you know, enough notice, it doesn't have to be crazy notice, but the night before, then it is what it is. I mean, maybe I'm disappointed. But the truth is, like, I don't want to be, I wouldn't want to be with somebody that was so rigid and unforgiving in a relationship. so I would kind of want to treat them the same way. What if they do it a second time?

Okay. So this wasn't a second time, but do you remember that I had a date and it was, I mean, I know it was. Like, objectively, I think I had a great date with somebody and we went out. He was a little bit farther away.

So he was like an hour and a half away from where I live. So it was always hard for us to schedule dates. But maybe we'd had a couple dates. And we had a really great date on like, a Friday night. And this was at a time where he was really busy and I was my schedule was crazy for like weeks on end. But this date was so good. And we both at the date were like, oh my gosh, we totally want to see each other again. Can we figure out something? Well, distance makes it so challenging also. That's a totally other subject because I think a plane ride is actually

easier than like an hour drive. But that's me. But anyway, so Monday, so Sunday we checked in with each other. We're like, okay, looking forward to tomorrow. And that was on the heels of your first kiss, by the way. And I had revamped my whole day on Monday to accommodate a lunch date, which was like, candidly really inconvenient. But it's like, okay, we're both in it. And all of a sudden, Sunday, he was great. Monday morning, I hadn't heard from him by like 10 o'clock. And I was like, hey, just checking in to see, like, are we meeting halfway? What are we doing? And he's like, I'm so sorry. I just found out that I have to, you know, I can't pick my, I have to pick up my daughter.

I have to do something. I can't remember. He's like, I can't really make lunch. And here's the deal. Like, everybody has things with their kids. I do understand that. But he had said, I thought I could swing it, but I was having a trouble, having her time last night figuring it out. And again, things happen.

But I did. But you were bothered because you reached out to him. Well, and I was also bothered that, like, if he thought it was going to be a problem the night before, like, I understand. Just say to me. hey, I'm kind of having a hiccup here. I don't know if this is going to happen. But instead, he kind of waited until the 11th hour, and then he canceled. And I remember calling you, remember?

And I was so annoyed because I had literally rescheduled like three other things. And I was like, I'm going to tell him, that's it. And I was going to be actually super strong and rude. And you even helped me tone it down. Remember I texted him and I was like, hey. It was a sharp, you had a sharp tongue on that one. Yeah, but I was like, things come up for everybody. But in the future, like if you could, if you could, if you.

you could have just reached out the night before I would have appreciated. I, you know, I rescheduled my day. And he said something and I just, like, gave him the thumbs up. Do you remember that? He was like, oh, I, well, nothing like the thumbs up. That is the biggest, like, yeah, I gave him the thumbs up, which is all I really needed to say. And then he never called me again. So, yeah, he didn't like that's okay.

Totally. Because next, but again, he was somebody you met on a dating app. And it goes to show you that there are some good people. on there, but what I've learned is whether it's a setup or a dating app, where there's a will, there's a way, right? Like, the truth of the matter is, is, this is

where he went wrong, was he didn't get ahead of it and call you, be like, hey, I really want to do this, like, we did have such a great date, like, I want, and throw out another date. That kind of, it kind of went off into the distance, so that felt bad. And, um, I don't know,

it just, it just lost its team. But here's the deal. I know our date. was good and nothing happened between our date and me basically. Like happened. But regardless of what happened, I also think that the biggest thing that I've learned is, like, I spoke my truth. I said what I felt.

If that was not what he wanted to hear, well, then he's not my guy. And so I really feel like I'm pretty good at this point to understand that like if things aren't working out or I'm not connecting with somebody, then like, just move on. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly, and now I'm seriously suspicious. Well, wait a minute, Sam, maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit.

Well, Dakota, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend has been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now, he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone. Now, hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That sounds totally inappropriate. Well, according to this person, this is her boyfriend's form. a professor and they're the same age. It's even more likely that they're cheating.

He insists there's nothing between them. I mean, do you believe him? Well, he's certainly trying to get this person to believe him because he now wants them both to meet. So, do we find out if this person's boyfriend really cheated with his professor or not? To hear the explosive finale, listen to the OK Storytime podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hi, my name is Enya Umanzor.

And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you.

Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. Hi, I'm Jennifer Lopez and in the new season of the Overcomfit podcast, I'm taking you on an exciting journey of self-referferful. Am I ready to enter this new part of my life? Like, am I ready to be in a relationship? Am I ready to have kids and to really just devote myself and my time? I wanted to be successful on my own, not just because of who my mom is.

Like, I felt like I needed to be better or work twice as hard as she did. Join me for conversations about healing and growth. Life is freaking hard. And growth doesn't happen in comfort. It happens in motion, even when you're hurting. All from one of my favorite spaces. The Kitchen. Honestly, these are going to come out so freaking amazing. Be a part of my new chapter and listen to the new season of the Overcomber podcast as part of the My Cultura podcast network

on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. That's the difference between dating now, you know, kind of post-divorce with kids and versus like when we're just starting out. And I think that, you know, when you're in our stage of our lives and we're looking for a chapter two, like it has to be totally additive, right? Like we're busy. We have children. We have jobs. We have family. We have friends. We're quite content to stay home and read a book, right? And just like FaceTime with you. And I'm not looking for somebody to give me kids or a white picket fence. And I think it's also like shifting your perspective to find gratitude in that instead of desperation.

You know what I'm saying? Because I think the greatest thing about not being 25 and wondering, like, am I going to have a child? And I don't want to say anything if people do or don't, you know, there are many people probably still wanting to have children. But like, I feel like I've already had a really full life. And so I'm happy with my life. And if somebody comes along to compliment it, then great.

But if not, like, that's okay too. And we've always talked about being golden girls and all of us living together. in our kind of, you know, 70-year-old sorority house with, like, all of our fun friends and watch, you know, we watched Bell Rose Place back then. Who knows what we'll be watching in 10 years from now. And let's be honest, like, sometimes it's more fun. And I think that that brings up the conversation about dating and how, about putting yourself out there. Because I feel like you, it's so funny. Okay. You're kind of upset. You're more obsessed with my dating life than I think I am if we're being true. Well, let's talk about, so what have I done?

Okay, well, here's the deal. In fairness, you are from here. So you get set up all the time. Okay. You're always getting set up with people. I am not from here. I'm moved here. I really, I have friends, but like they're gay or they're my girlfriends. So it's not like I have a ton of opportunities. I mean, maybe that's an excuse, but like a ton of opportunities to get set up. So you have really been pushing me. And I love how you always say to me, There's no excuse. There's no excuse for you not going on. It doesn't just drop out of sky.

I get it. But you've been saying to me, like, you need to go on a date a week, a day to week. I'm like, where do you think I am going to procure a date a week? Like, I mean, am I asking out the guy, do you know what I mean, at the grocery store? I mean, who am I asking out? So I feel like you've been really pushing me on that, which brings up the conversation of online dating. And so finally when I said to you, there's no way in help that I'm going to be able to get a guy a week to go out into date with, let alone do I want to go on a day a week,

but I did humor you and say fine. So we did start online dating and I don't know if we should. Wait, do let's repeat the week. Yeah, I don't really feel like this is catfishing because it's kind of like actually, I think it's in everyone's best interest. But here is, here's how we kind of have made it work for us, right? I feel like online dating is a total drag.

And I feel like people get, or at least the reason I don't like it You have to change the lens and look at it as an opportunity to cast the net wide. I got it. In the short term, like, it's exhausting, right? Like, when I get home, I want to do $5 million other things than sit and swipe. And I told you that. And so here was the compromise, right, that we came up with.

So you came over to my house. When was it? Was it election night? When was it? I don't even know when it was. You came over to my house. We watched TV. No, I had already started swiping election night.

It was a few days prior. Okay. So we mutually. approved my pictures we mutually wrote well hold on let's talk about the profile for one minute so i i feel profiles need to be unique it needs to it's kind of like a kids essay to call you know application of college like we're all a dime a dozen we like yoga we like to go out to dinner we like to travel like how are we going to set you apart so that when somebody is you know looking at the pictures and then reading the three sentences, basically, how are we going to make you memorable?

Oh, and, and let me say, the first pass that I took at it, it said, what is your dream Sunday? And I can't remember exactly what I said, but I said, it was boring. Something like, wake up, go to the gym. It was so, it was so unmemorable. And then, and then I was like, you know, maybe meet friends for brunch, then do some errands, like, make my list for the next week. for the next week. So I'm prepared for the week ahead and watch a movie and go to bed.

Yeah, it was boring. So I rewrote your phone phone. It's my dream Sunday. Like, I was being authentic. I get it. But I changed it up a little bit and I rewrote it. And we are dating together, as we know.

So basically, listeners, I am doing the online dating for Thelma. And what happens to is, is I do the swiping. and then once we are put in match, then we do some texting. And then I give her phone number out. And then I call her and I say, expect a phone call from this guy.

Let me know how your first date goes. And it's actually been working. We've met really nice people. So far it hasn't been your person. But we are able to do the one day to week. You've had a few breakup texts, which we've worked on, which has been fun. We should talk about that after.

How do you do the breakup text? Be super transparent. It's been actually really, It's fun. We're doing it. Everything is more fun together. So I feel like it's not as painful to do it with a friend. I also think you could say it's misleading, but here's it.

I think it only works because you and I have very, we're both pretty. One day we can show up on the date together. Yeah. And we do laugh. Remember, I was like, what are we going to do if you totally fall in love with somebody? And then we were like, maybe we just both show up together and kind of. It's a TV show then. Yeah.

So anyway, it works because we kind of have the same personality. certain ways. We also know each other so well so she can answer all of these things. But we have had some funny texts. Like she drinks coffee. I don't drink coffee. And I think if she says to one more guy, oh, I'm just sitting having coffee because I have been asked out on a lot of coffee dates. And I'm like, okay, you got to stop with the coffee because everybody's inviting me out to coffee. And I don't drink coffee. So we've had a few funny things. And I definitely have to always look back at the profile to be like, okay, what have we talked about? I told her to put into her contacts on her phone, like the person's name and like a little bumblebee.

Oh, I bought like 55 bumblebees and I'm basically like a hostess at a restaurant, you know, who always has to write down like large, dark haired man glasses, do you know what I mean, with three kids in tow. I mean, I basically have a note section on my phone so that when I get the call, it is hard between the spam calls that you get. the random now numbers before I actually have entered it into my thing, it's like I never pick up my phone blindly, like ever. Let's talk about, though, their profile pictures. The popcorn ceilings, the tank tops, the muscles.

So like there's some things that are just obvious nose, right? But like, what do you think about when, I mean, because we both have kids, what do you think about when a profile has, when they have pictures of their kids and their pictures? well look it's again for me it's important that whoever I date has had children because I have dated people that don't have kids so I don't think every picture should have kids in it but I to see a picture of them like skiing with their kids which shows me they're a good dad and they're connected and they're doing activities and he has kids one picture like that I like that actually something like that I would be more apt to swipe

right than not right because I see a picture of just somebody just his picture of his face or selfies and I can't tell like who is he like show me what you're interested in show me a part of your life then you know it's easier for me and you get desensitized i mean it's like your finger just goes the left the left the left it's exhausting then your eyes be going to dilate yeah i mean if you see like six pictures of a loner in a in a bathroom taking selfies with like those awful fluorescence it doesn't align with what we're looking for or the kind of person that we want i got it but we might have to have a little talk after this because i will tell you the kids kids thing. I mean, I'm never going to put pictures of my kids online, especially initially,

but I also, I do appreciate if they want to put pictures their kids, but for me, being in my 50s with older kids, like, if I see an infant or a toddler in a picture, it's like, it's like I agree, don't walk because, I mean, not that I don't love kids, but like, I love my kids, but I'm not. We've done that. Yeah, and I'm not looking. I'm not going back to my gym. Can we talk about how many people, how many people, before we've even gone on a date, if one more guy who I literally have had one phone call with or one text with sends me pictures with his children before I've even met him, it's like, where do they think that this is hot? It's just, it's so not. And I don't know if they think that women think it's endearing that they have children.

I'm like, I know you have kids, but I don't even know you. So one, don't try to pimp out your kids to me. And two, I'm not like, I don't want to play mom. I just want to date you. also we're not interested in meeting somebody's kids right away like i have really strong i totally do i've been you know divorced for nine years and i've dated a lot and my kids have met one person and um i you know we've been dating and i figured you know at this point you know my kids i think really want me to find a good person so i thought it's worry that you're home alone important that well i'm on 360 still so they see i'm not all the time but um that they that so i introduced them to somebody as you know and you know they didn't really like him and quite frankly

I've learned that none of my friends are you like him so what do we do if your kids and your friends disapprove of somebody that you're enjoying um but I usually now because that thing went up in flames I think it's good that my kids met somebody at six months it was not like a month I think it's very strange when somebody wants you to meet their kids within a month as if they're trying to slot in a new mommy or something but I did six months and um I thought that was appropriate because we are clearly exclusive. But now I'm going to think twice because, you know, at this point, like I, my kids aren't even home.

I mean, they're in college. They're on to their next chapter. So I'm not rushing it anytime soon. I want to, the next person that my kids meet because this thing did not go out is going to be somebody I pretty much know I'm going to end up with. Like I love being by children. I don't need a Brady bunch of it, right? Like I don't need to have this guy with my kids all the time on the, you know, rare

nights that I even have them home anymore. So it's going to be even further apart when I do that. I think in my mind, well, my ex-husband and I both said like six months. And I think he waited three years when he was with somebody. So like he was super respectful. And I think for me, I feel like six months is kind of the minimum for me. But more so, it's I won't introduce anyone to my kids unless I see a potential future with them. Because I just, I just, don't think it's worth it. A, it's kind of my private life. And I don't, if I don't ever think it's going to actually impact them, then like, there are a lot of days I don't have my children. So I don't need to introduce somebody to my kids. You know, I also think sometimes they

are wondering what you're doing. So if it starts to be this one thing where you're with somebody all the time, I definitely like familiarize them with the idea. Well, I tell my kids when I'm dating somebody, but I say them, I'm not going to sit you down at a table with them until I know that this is going to go, you know, the distance or somewhat of a distance. Like, but I do tell my kids what I'm doing. Like, I always said to my last boyfriend, six months, and then six months came, it passed. Then it, like, eight months, ten months. And then he started being like, this is really weird.

I want to meet your children. And I think that was kind of indicative of where I know, but I finally after year did it. But it was also because it was long distance. And I feel like we always met, you know, so if my kids were going to be there, we were going to have to sleep in the same house with this person. And I'm just super private about that with my kids. Like your kids don't want to envision you actually having a romantic life. You know what I mean?

It's just, I mean, you know, it's amazing. There are, this topic is endless. I mean, we could do 9,000 questions and like go on and on because we have so much experience. And I think what I find we're refreshing about always talking to you is, A, we're not, we're not in this alone. And it's ever changing. and, you know, I don't know, like, it's just such a connecting with people and meeting people and

it's what life is, right? It's relationships. It's friendships. It's, you know, relationships. It's dates. It's relationships with our children or whatever it is. But I don't know. I feel like I love talking to you and I feel like, you know, always up to answer people's questions or have these like kind of, you know, girls' girls' chats about dating and navigating dating. And I don't know. Like, I'm glad we're in this together, and I do love that. We're dating literally together. I appreciate it. And, I mean, basically, when or if I finally ever do get a boyfriend off of our online

dating experience, I feel like. Oh, I'm speaking at the wedding. I know. Well, no, we're walking down the aisle together, aren't we? Oh, yes. Oh, yes. So anything else left to say and we'll come back another time and ask a million other things, like asking on a first date for a second date?

Is that a red flag or all of that stuff? Or do you text the next day to say, thank you? I don't. All those different things. It's, you know, dating at 20, dating at 50, it's still dating, right? And everybody wants to love and be loved and find a person. I don't know. You might be my person.

You might be my person. By way, I'd be okay with that. Like, you know me. There have been many times that I've been dating somebody where when you call to say, what are you doing, that I wish I could, you know, cancel my date and go out to dinner with you, even if it's just sitting at home and watching TikTok and ordering good kitchen. Totally great. So let's plan our date for tonight.

Okay, what are you going to wear? Talk to you soon. Bye. Hey, it's Jenny Garth. Thanks, Thelma and Louise for that fun takeover. If you are a single and want dating advice or if you're ready to find love again, we want to get to know you. Call us.

The number is, 1-844-4-4-I-DU-Pod. That's 1-844-4-4-4-4-4-3-6-7-63. Or email us at I-do pod at iHeartRadio.com. Follow us on Instagram and TikTok at I-do Part 2 pod. All of this information will be in the show notes. Make sure to rate and review the podcast. I-DuPart2 and I-HartRadio podcast where falling in love is the main objective.

My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly, and now I'm seriously suspicious. Wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, luckily, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend's been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone. Hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That seems inappropriate.

Maybe find out how it ends by listening to the OK Storytime Podcasts on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, my name is Enya Umanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble.

Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. Everyone thinks they'd never join a cult. But it happens all the time to people just like you. And people just like us. I'm Lola Blanc and I'm Megan Elizabeth.

We're the hosts of Trust Me, a podcast about cults, manipulation, and the psychology of belief. Each week we talk to fellow survivors, former beliefs, believers and experts to understand why people get pulled in and how they get out. Trust me, new episodes every Wednesday on exactly right. Listen wherever you get your podcasts. This is an I-Heart podcast.