The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast - Meeting Your Soulmate While in a Sexless Marriage

Episode Date: August 9, 2025

What if you’re married and THEN you meet the person you were destined to be with? That's what happened to the author of Loveable, Amber Rae.Amber is talking with Jennie Garth all about the complex feelings that happen in a sexless and emotionally unfulfilling marriage and the reasons why we stop ourselves from acknowledging that something might be wrong.Amber opens up about what happened when she met the love of her life while she was married...and how choosing to listen to her inner voice changed her life forever. Email us at: [e-mail] or call us at 844-4-I Do Pod (844-443-6763)Follow I Do, Part 2 on Instagram and TikTokSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly, and now I'm seriously suspicious. Wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, luckily, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend's been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone.

Hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That seems inappropriate. Maybe find out how it ends by listening to the OK Storytime podcast and the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello, it's Daniel Fischel. Writer Strong. And Will Ferdell from PodMeets World. We are back in Las Vegas and giving the people what they want, a full week of Y2K content. Tell me why. Well, for the Backstreet Boys residency at Sphere, of course.

We joke and say this is our second marriage, but it takes a lot of communication. Plus, it's carrot top, baby. And finally, Ashley Simpson-Ross joins us to talk about her upcoming sold-out Vegas residency. Listen to PodMeets World on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. December 29th, 1975, LaGuardia Airport. The holiday rush, parents hauling luggage, kids gripping their new Christmas toys. Then everything changed. There's been a bombing at the TWA.

terminal, just a chaotic, chaotic scene. In its wake, a new kind of enemy emerged, terrorism. Listen to the new season of Law and Order Criminal Justice System on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, my name is Enya Yumanzoor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes,

We're not the podcast for you But if you have unmedicated ADHD Oh my God, perfect And want to hear people with mental illness Psychobabble Yes, yes Then emergency intercom is the podcast for you Open your free IHeartRadio app

Search Emergency Intercom And listen now Hi, it's honey German And I'm back with season two of my podcast Grazias, come again We got you when it comes to the latest in music and entertainment With interviews with some of your favorite Latin artists and celebrities

You didn't have to audition? No, I didn't audition. I haven't auditioned in like over 25 years. Oh, wow. That's a real G-talk right there. Oh, yeah. We'll talk about all that's viral and trending with a little bit of cheesement and a whole lot of laughs.

And, of course, the great bevras you've come to expect. Listen to the new season of Dresses Come Again on the Aheart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Welcome back to I do part two. It's one of your host, Jenny Garth, jumping in today. I'm intrigued by the conversation I'm going to have today. Sometimes when people break up or divorce, it's complicated. And sometimes there's a third person involved.

My guest today is an author, a speaker, and a teacher known for her books, choose wonder over worry, and the answers are within you. Her new memoir, Lovable, is out now, and I can't wait to talk to her about love, marriage, relationships, divine intervention, shame, guilt, healing, oh, all the things. So much, so much. So please welcome Amber Ray to the podcast. Hello. Hey, Amber.

So, so exciting. You have a new book, the title of your new book. memoir is lovable, and that is a word that carries so much. So let's just start with this question. Have you always felt like you were lovable? I have not always felt lovable, but what's interesting is that I don't know if I would necessarily define it that way. I wouldn't have thought, oh, I don't know if I'm lovable. It was for me kind of this unconscious story that was driving so much of my behavior and motivation without me even realizing it. I didn't realize that I was trying to accomplish all these things and I had this ambition in my career because

I felt unworthy of love. I didn't realize that I was going after a particular kind of unhealthy relationship because I didn't feel lovable. And I thought if I could convince them that I was worthy of love, then I would finally be enough. So, no, I haven't always felt lovable, but it's interesting all the ways it was sneaking up in my life without me even realizing it. Right. When you were younger, what were your examples of love when you were growing up, like things that you saw with your parents? Yeah, I didn't have healthy models of love, so happens a lot. I'll do it. Yeah. My father actually left my mom and I when I was about two and a half and he got into a car accident when I was three. He got behind the wheel of a car under the influence.

his best friend, who was getting married the next day, and said very sadly, died in the crash. But my father had a traumatic brain injury, which my mom found out about on the news. And then he was in a hospital from when I was three until I was 12. But he never regained full consciousness. But the reason I share all this is because I remember, you know, one of my, I have two core memories of him.

The first was when I, I was right before he got in the car accident, he called me and said, you know, I'm sorry, I haven't been around, but no matter what, I'll always love you. And that's one of my first core memories as a kid and my first memory of him. And then to fast forward to I'm nine years old and I'm meeting him in the hospital. And here I'm, you know, now a young girl who wants nothing more than to feel that sort of love and connection with her father. And so I go to meet him and of course he can't meet me he has a brain injury but little me didn't fully understand and so she like walks into the hospital room just like can you see me can you know me can you love me

and you know he he can't meet me there but I end up making up a story that I tell my friends at the playground which is that the moment I walked in the room he knew my name he said I love you to me and only me and you know I share the story in the book because when I was reflecting on it I realized that the you know for little me that reality was so painful to look at that I had to make up a story to make the experience okay oh that breaks my heart man what was your relationship with your mom like my mom had me so young she was 21 she you know my mom was this like powerhouse entrepreneur you know she had all men working for her she worked in the field of construction. She was like a badass woman, strong woman. Was she a contractor? Was

she an architect? What was she was more like a interior like interior contractor. So she did all like interiors, flooring, window like everything inside of a big partner with developers and in architects. But so like I had this like strong career figure who like, you know, couldn't figure out love. And so I had the stepdad and I had, you know, So my models of love were kind of like, I don't want any of this, but the only thing I knew to look at, of course, is like romantic comedies. These grandeur expressions of love, this must be what love is like. Yeah.

I think my girls grew up believing that that's how real life was going to be, too, when it came to relationships and love stories. It's just not like that. No, it's just not like that. Yeah. I mean, when I was younger, I saw a real love between my mom and dad. It wasn't always perfect. You know, my mom struggled with her insecurities and jealousy.

And it was weird because my mom, too, was a very capable, strong entrepreneur out there with her own business and really very independent. But then I would see that other side of her that was modeling for me jealousy. and also I was at the other end of a lot of messaging that things were supposed to look like they looked in Cinderella like you were supposed to be put up on a pedestal and just revered and, you know, cherished all the time and it's not a very realistic, you know, example of what it's really going to be like.

So, yeah, I think we all have, we all come into like our, time when we start having those relationships and learning about love independently and we have to figure it all out and wade through all the muck that we've been fed by society or our parents or whatever it was our examples but yeah it's it's an interesting journey to find out like oh that's not how it really works totally yeah in your book you paint the picture of a couple that looks on the outside like they have it all together right but apparently behind closed doors the relationship was not what you needed it to be what what it needed to be it was sexless

there was a lack of emotion and that depth that comes with that i think a lot of our audience can understand that and can relate because that's what happens you know like the the decline of a marriage usually ends up with those characteristics. Why do you think as women we take on this sort of emotional burden to make everything look fine on the outside? Yeah, I think partly because of, you know, A, it wasn't modeled to us what it's supposed to look like of what true, lasting, genuine love two people putting in the word, two people showing up consistently. And so I can speak for myself, you know, I look to the media, I look to movies of like, okay, it looks like this and you have to paint this picture. And so I think I felt pressure to make my life match that

ideal. And, you know, I did that because I was trying to convince myself it was right. And I was afraid from the very beginning to listen to the inner, the quiet, persistent voice within me that was like, are you sure this is it? Are you sure it's okay that you don't really have. have sexual chemistry with him and he feels more like a friend than a lover. Are you sure that's okay? And I just pushed it down, push it down, pushed it down, pushed it down. Because, you know, I was in my first marriage. I was in my mid-20s. I thought this was what I was supposed to do. You know, women are supposed to now get married and do the thing and have the kids. And, and yeah, so I think there was both the societal pressure to get it right combined with,

you know not knowing how to face what was missing in the relationship not knowing how to navigate those conversations yeah because you feel the feelings you feel the the sort of emptiness or the the area where you're like where that questioning comes from what is this what it's really is this it yeah and it's probably very hard i know it's very hard to start really listening to that voice because what you want to do is shut it down and get rid of it because I feel shamed of those feelings. I can imagine you did too. And it's like, oh God, no, don't make me, this is going to be hard. It's going to be a mess.

Even though my life doesn't feel quite right right now, having to address this and face that, oh, don't make me do that. That's so uncomfortable. So I think that's part of it as well. I mean, for me, when I was going through a divorce, I really struggle with that. And I think there's, you know, that element of how it's been portrayed in the press and how people know of it, not just me, but like the world seeing it as one thing, but me experiencing it as another. and then just the feeling not only of the sheer disappointment for the kids, but then because you didn't have kids with your first husband. I did not. Thank God.

Thank gosh. Very grateful for that. That's a whole other mess to deal with. But yeah, I remember just feeling like I'm letting everyone down, not just me, not just my kids, not my family members, his family members, but the entire world. And that was just so much pressure. Yeah. So much pressure.

You really open up in your book about your struggle for intimacy in your marriage. And I think that's really brave because that too can be really shrouded in shame and embarrassment. And like there's something wrong with you. You know, I know that you talked about the fact that your partner would shut you down. did that resonate with you as rejection because I've been in that situation and for whatever the reason is it's still there's still something inside of me that says out you know is there's something wrong with me yeah I think I internalize it a lot and even looking back at the relationship and all the parts of it that weren't working I never pointed to the relationship

as the problem I was like maybe I'm working too much maybe I'm not, you know, getting enough downtime. Maybe we're not supposed to live in New York. Maybe I like women. Maybe, you know, it was like... All the questions. All the questions of self of like, why am I not feeling into the city? Why am I not feeling connected to my partner?

Why isn't this working? Oh, I must be broken. I must be the problem. If I can just fix me, if I can just fix us, if I can just, it was like I was obsessively trying to figure it out instead of being like, oh, maybe we're not that compatible. Yeah, you don't want to, you don't want to jump to that one. Yeah. Maybe, you know, we're more friends than we are lovers.

Maybe we, you know, maybe this isn't the right fit. That felt, yeah, scarier to look at. And so it was, you know, I was always the issue. And in terms of seeing it, you know, what's interesting, I think because of my background and because of some of my, you know, my abandonment experiences as a young girl, I decided unconsciously to make safe choices in love. And I never wanted to feel the longing or the desire for someone who couldn't meet me. And so I think I chose my ex because he was more of a friend.

He was safe in some way that felt like a choice where I won't get hurt again. And because, you know, the intimacy and that chemistry wasn't really there from the beginning, I kind of was like, oh, well, maybe we'll figure that out eventually. Um, it's okay. Like I, you know, feel safe here in a lot of ways. So while it like, there were absolutely moments where it felt like a rejection and I felt like, what am I doing wrong? Um, but I also think I like knew deep down that I had, I was like waking up to the fact that I had chosen a safe partner, um, out of fear of being left again. Yeah. I can relate my first, uh, my first marriage. this is my third one

my first marriage was the same way like I felt like my father was he was really ill and I felt like he was going to leave me and I

chose somebody that felt safe in certain ways but I didn't even recognize the ways in which he wasn't safe at all yes because I wanted

all they matter to me was that feeling of safety that like big strong figure next to me behind me with me you know, so it's definitely something I think that we make mistakes, you know, and we learn from them. And even like in the ebbs and flows of a real, of a marriage, like there are days upon days when you're like, is this right? Or like, am I, is, are we two, are we just roommates? Are we,

what's, do we really connect? And then when you stop all of those spinning thoughts and you start to focus on how can you make the relationship what you want, like what work you can do from your side to see if those feelings change, those dynamics change. But I think it's natural to have all those doubts and all those questions because I don't know about you, but like, being with one person for the rest of my life is like, is that normal? Is that doable? Do you ever? do you ever feel that way? Like, were you ever like, maybe just marriage isn't for me? You know, that wasn't what came up for me.

Mine was more like, how do I, like, can we continue to grow together and how do we continue to grow together and fearing that we might grow apart? But I think I was the kind of person who, like, wanted marriage and wanted that, like, the idea of a long-term commitment was actually exciting to me. It might be more anxiously attached in terms of the attachment style. I was like, I want closeness. And it's more like, what if it goes away? So I think that that's more what I've had to contend with.

But I totally hear you on the like, is this, is it really one person? And, you know, it's so funny because like marriages go through seasons. Like I, you know, the story I tell in my book is how I met my person while married. And that was what finally woke me up to realizing, wait a minute, I'm in a fake marriage. And I didn't even know how much I was pretending. But, you know, in this, you know, we've just had a, in my second marriage, we've now, you know, we've had a kid, we have a 10 month old. And, you know, it's not the like sexy, long drives, romantic nights out. It's like logistics. Who's doing this? You know, it's, it's such a different

season of the marriage. And there are moments where I'm like, oh, are we ever going to get that, like, that, you know, back again. But I feel like it, like, it's, it's, it deepened. it evolves into something different and I think our like what we're doing now is how do we keep that connection alive in this season of like diapers and sleepless nights and all of the agitation that comes from not sleeping. Yeah. I mean, people could definitely relate to that if you have a puppy or if you have kids, you know, the focus is elsewhere. And it can really chisel away at those connections, those intimate, sweet things that you shared when those responsibilities weren't there.

Yeah, when you were child, I was like, why do I like you again? No, I love you, but why do I like you right now? Right. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly, and now I'm seriously suspicious. Oh, wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend has been hanging out with his young professor a lot.

He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now, he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone. Now, hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That sounds totally inappropriate. Well, according to this person, this is her boyfriend's former professor and they're the same age. And it's even more likely that they're cheating. He insists there's nothing between them.

I mean, do you believe him? Well, he's certainly trying to get this person to believe him because he now wants them both to meet. So, do we find out if this person's boyfriend really? cheated with his professor or not. To hear the explosive finale, listen to the OK Storytime podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hello, it's Danielle Fischel.

Writer Strong. And Will Ferdell from PodMeets World. And we're bringing you Viva Las Content. That's right. We are back in Las Vegas, the city of Sin, and giving the people what they want. A full week of Y2K content.

Wait, we're back in Vegas? Tell me why. Well, for the backstreet Boys' residency at Sphere, of course. We sat down with Kevin Richardson and A.J. McLean just minutes before they took the stage, and our very own Wilfredel basically became the newest member of the band. Boy band, please. Plus, the man who has the longest running comedy show on the strip joins us and gets his props.

It's carrot top, baby. And finally, we all L-O-V-E-Hur, Ashley Simpson-Ross, joins us to talk about her upcoming sold-out Vegas residency. It's a full week of nostalgic interviews you don't want to miss. Listen to PodMeets World on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. December 29th, 1975, LaGuardia Airport. The holiday rush, parents hauling luggage, kids gripping their new Christmas toys. Then, at 6.33 p.m., everything changed.

There's been a bombing at the TWA terminal. Apparently, the explosion actually impelled metal glass. The injured were being loaded into ambulances, just a chaotic, chaotic scene. In its wake, a new kind of enemy emerged, and it was here to stay. Terrorism. Law and order, criminal justice system is back. In season two, we're turning our focus to a threat that hides in plain sight. that's harder to predict and even harder to stop.

Listen to the new season of Law and Order Criminal Justice System on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of the on-purpose podcast, and today I'm joined by one of the greatest athletes of all time, Novak Djokovic. The world's number one male tennis player. He's won 14 grand slam. in a glittering career. Novak Djokovic!

You've been through so many injuries, losses. I always showed himself what has Novak Djokovic done? What goes through your mind when you lose? I just want to be left alone. What has it taken to become Novak Djokovic? It's a consistent practice. It's prayer work, mindfulness, meditation, conscious breathing. It requires more responsibility from you on a daily basis

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Presented by Capital One, founding partner of IHeart Women's Sports. I'm curious when we're talking about this, did you have that feeling with your first husband? in the beginning? No, it was very different. It was, oh, he feels like a friend. I feel safe here. And I resonated so deeply to what you said. I thought he was so safe and I didn't yet realize all the ways in which I felt unsafe. And like that, you know, that chipping away came later. But what I am very grateful for is that was a nine-year relationship. And I think because I felt safe enough, it was actually a massive moment for my career, my creative expression, you know, I became an author, I wrote many books, I really like found and discovered myself. I did deep work. I understood my

wounding. I, you know, learned about attachment trauma. Like, you know, it's that relationship enabled me to do all of that. And I feel like kind of become the woman who was ready for extraordinary and safe love. And so in some ways, that prepared me. relationship, as odd as that might sound. Was he doing work also while you were doing that work? That was part of the challenge is he was not doing the same work. And so I felt like there was like a mismatch in depth. And I, yeah, I just, that was my like biggest begging of him. Like, please, like, will you look at, you know, will you look at your stuff? Yeah. I know. And you can't make your partner do that. Yeah. And sometimes they don't do it. They just won't ever do it. But sometimes

something happens and they have that moment where they're like, ooh, I see my part in this. I really need to figure out why I'm, what am I doing in this team? Yeah. And I had a therapist say something really insightful to me. She was like, this is interesting. Who does he remind you of? Because it sounds like you've picked the same person who's familiar but new and you're trying to resolve the wounds of your past. Who are you always trying to change in your life? And I was like, oh, my mom. So she's like, you're not saying, hey, husband, do the work. Please work on yourself so that I, you know, I know you'll still be here to take care of me. You're saying, hey, mom, please do the work. So I know you'll still be here to take care of me. And I realized, like, oh, my God, my husband is a surrogate for my

No, my mother wound. I hate that so much. It's so hard because that's the last person you really want to be thinking about when you're looking into the eyes of your spouse. Like, it's not good. No. I was like, I don't have daddy issues. I don't have mommy issues. And my therapist is like, uh-huh.

You're never trying to change or fix your mom. Oh, man. That, I mean, that at the core of any, you know, you can't change or fix anyone. So. Yeah. that's you're never going to get very far with that challenge um we hear from a lot of people on this podcast that they knew their marriage wasn't right long before it actually ended whether it was you know near the end or even if it was before they walked down the aisle or as they're walking

down the aisle there's those thoughts you know i i i always wonder am i these thoughts that on these Questioning thoughts about, like, have I picked right? Is this forever? Can I cohabitate with this person for the rest of my life? I always think, is that a real red flag? Is that an actual red flag? Or is that just my mind just trying to destroy something good? How did you, like, because I'm sure you felt those feelings at times too. Like, how did you deal with that? Yeah, I was one who walked down the aisle thinking, I don't know how long this is going to last. God. It was, you know, but I was also like, bubble through a great party. You see, if that sounds, like, that's how I rationalize it in the moment. You know, I think my struggle discerning between intuition and fear is also part of what kept

me in it, because I kept saying, oh, maybe this is just fear, maybe this is just my mind. But the truth is, is that when I was alone and I was still, and I'm, you know, I'm a writer, and I was a pen and paper, my pen would say this is not right. that came from a quiet voice, that came from like a knowing voice that came from a calm, peaceful place inside of me, not a racing mind that's like, you know, there's a different energy to anxiety and fear than there is to intuition and knowing. And so the intuition and knowing would trigger the fear of like, oh God, what are you going to do? Everyone's going to be mad at you. What are people going to think? You can't cancel your wedding. People are flying

halfway across the world. You just spend so much money on this. That was the fear. That was react. to the knowing. And it was the fear that kept me, you know, so concerned about what everyone else would think and then not making choices that reflected my, my authenticity. And so my, the work for me as a like, I consider myself kind of a harmonizer and a people pleaser, it became realizing that I have to tolerate people's disappointment and disapproval of me. And that was going to be my greatest edge because so long as I was.

trying to make everyone happy. I was only going to make myself unhappy. If I was just trying not to disappoint everyone, I was going to continue to have to live with my own disappointment. And so I realized I had to, instead of like tolerating, feeling disconnected in my marriage or like I'm unfulfilled, I was going to have to tolerate the discomfort of other people being disappointed. So, you know, once I like knew the knowing was the knowing, it wasn't, the trouble for me wasn't so much hearing the knowing, it was actually acting on it. Right. Because he carried. around the knowing for a while.

Carried out of the knowing for a while. And I was really like just people, this is going to hurt someone that I do care about and this is going to upset people and people are going to have a lot of thoughts and feelings about it. And our nervous system can only tolerate so much. And so I think part of why we stay as long as we do is that our nervous system doesn't yet have the capacity

to handle, you know, canceling, let's see, canceling a wedding, spending all that money, doing all those things. And so we stay because it's actually more comfortable to stay than it is to face the hard but true choice. Right. Yeah, for sure. I mean, I felt that way for sure with my first marriage when it was over, very short-lived marriage, by the way, when I knew that it wasn't right. And then I started moving in that direction and then I met someone else and that made it a lot more clear and that's you know that always happens when you meet someone else in a breakup or a relationship ending it's a lot easier because you're like oh I can focus on that and that feels so good I'm going to go to that you know instead of thinking about the earthquake that you just you know the big show that just exploded in your wake and I remember feeling like the worst feeling of knowing that I was hurting someone ultimately yeah and that does that can keep you right where you are because that is a very big I choose me moment and it's it sounds selfish

it looks to other people and and even internally like grappling with is this the most selfish thing I've ever done yeah it's hard to like you got to just love yourself through that I guess and just keep you know reminding yourself that this is the right choice for me yeah because it would be so easy to just give in to those easy comfortable thoughts like you were saying. Yeah. Do you think, do you think about what your life would have been like had you not met your soulmate, John? I mean, do you think that you would still be in that marriage? Or do you think that it would have ended because of a different situation? Yeah, I think about that question a lot in this reason. I don't know. I would like to think that something would have been, you know, the catalyst or the mirror to have me

be like, wait a minute. I don't know what that would have been. And I felt a lot of shame about the fact that it required me to meet someone else to leave. I'm like, why couldn't I just done it on my own? Why could I just garner the strength of myself? I was like, bye. But, you know, for whatever reason in the way that my story wanted to unfold, it required me to meet someone else. And, you know, we can't really control how things happen. I think we can control how we respond to them. And, you know, I think even though that may have not been how I would have loved for it to play out, the one thing that I did do is I was very honest and transparent pretty immediately. The night that I met John, and they left, I turned to my then husband. I said to him,

I just met a soulmate. And I wasn't thinking. You said, I just met a soulmate. I just met a soulmate. Not my soulmate. Not my soulmate. I just met a soulmate. And I wasn't like, honestly, wasn't thinking in that moment. Now I'm going to like blow everything up and leave you.

And like I was just like, the connection was so undeniable. I just said to him like, I just met a soulmate. And didn't he acknowledge it too? He said, I saw and that was beautiful to witness. So it was, you know, I'm a big believer that saying, speaking the truth might be the hardest thing, but it's even the kindest thing. even if we think, oh gosh, I'm a terrible person. I am so selfish.

I can't believe I'm going to hurt this person that I care about. But a girlfriend of mine, she said to me as I was going through this and I called her, I was like, I'm so sad. I was freaking out. And she was like, listen, like, it sounds like you're coming to terms with the fact that the story of your relationship doesn't match the reality of it. No one benefits from someone being half in on a relationship. And I believe liberation is a two-way street.

So if you're self-abandoning to being in the relationship, chances are he, self-abandoning. And if like you're, you know, feeling trapped, he's probably also feeling trapped. And so I really like leaned into like, I'm just going to name and finally say the things that we haven't been saying. And I don't know how what's going to happen, but I trust that if I at least speak what's true, what's meant to be, will be. So did that happen right after you met John? The, I met a soulmate happened right after I met John. And then it was just kind of like, okay, well, my initial thinking was, I'm not going to be with John in this lifetime, maybe in another life. So I'm going to make him my creative partner in this project that I'm

doing and brought him on to this land project where, you know, I'm going to detail on this in the book without getting, without rambling too much, I quickly realized, wait, that he's not just going to be my creative partner. There's a lot more here. Wait, what did he wake, what did he awaken in you that you weren't feeling in your marriage? What was the feeling? How did you know? I felt home with him would be the feeling. Like it was a, it wasn't like this like, oh my God, I want you. It's like so fire. It was just like this peace, this calm, this like feeling of home, but also like feeling of aliveness. And it was, I think just the way I felt with him was just like, oh, this is what, you know, and it's crazy to think that I was a 35 year old woman and hadn't really

experienced like true romantic connection that felt honest and real and not like there were games it was just like oh this is this is what real connection is supposed to feel like was the feeling honestly i don't think it's that rare in this day and age to be in your 30s and have not experienced that feeling and that's scary in itself it is scary yeah so i was just like oh this this is what love is. This is what love feels like. And even though I barely know this person in my mind was like, you're insane. He's a stranger. But my body was like, no, this is, this is love. This is connection. This is true. And I can't deny that. And I don't want to. So how long was it before you ended up just, you know, exiting your marriage, knowing that that is what had to be

done? And what was that time in the interim like, especially now we're working with him? Yeah, it was about from the day I met John, four weeks later, my husband and I closed our marriage. And that in between time was like, I mean, it was crazy because, you know, John and I are first like, okay, let's collaborate. Okay, let's name what this connection is. Okay, you're feeling the same thing. I'm feeling. Okay, go tell husband. Husband, I'm getting feelings.

And he's like, no doubt you're getting feelings. You think I'm an idiot. I can see. But also, this has actually kind of, you know, been helpful. Because now that he's meeting your emotional needs, I have all this time to go do all of these work things I've been wanting to be focused on. So it was like, I mean, honestly, it felt like I was in a movie and I kept like looking for cameras. I was like, is Ashton Kutcher going to like jump out and tell me that I've punked? Is like, what, like is this?

Like it was, it was the most bizarre thing because we were kind of all in on it together. And even acknowledging like no one would understand this weird thing that we're all doing together, which is like we, the three of us happened to meet. and maybe like, and I didn't know. I was like, maybe John's a catalyst for our marriage to blow up, but I never see John again. Or maybe John's the love of my life. We're going to find out. Oh, my God.

What I, like an upended feeling, I can imagine. So four weeks, though. Four weeks is doable. Like that. I'm glad it was just four weeks and didn't go further. Yeah. That sounds like it would just be ripping me apart. Yeah.

It was a lot. It was a lot. But it was also like, yeah, as a writer, I was just like, I'm taking notes. I love what's happening in here, but I'm just going to keep taking notes. It was crazy. You're like outside looking in at your life happening right in real time. Do you believe in divine intervention like fate? Like did this happen because of that?

You know, I will say the experience made me believe in fate more. And there were strange coincidences. You know, my father visits me as a monarch butterfly and John's father visits him as a ladybug. and like we kept like it was on our butterflies were visiting ladybugs are visiting the stars were happening in our presence it felt like the universe was like hello wake up and pay attention you haven't been listening so I'm going to be over the top to kind of I'm going to drop another shooting star in front of you and John so that you guys are like okay so it was it was I believed that I do believe that we were meant to meet and even what I said to

John as it was all going down as crazy as this might sound I was like I feel like our dads met in spirit land or whatever we want to call it. And they've like been working to bring us together because it did feel like super divine, super faded. And like in how it all unfolded, it felt truly meant to be. You know, I don't, I feel like I don't have the words to describe it, but it did feel destined. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And when you're in that open place where you're experiencing new feelings,

and it's kind of cracking you open, then I think you see things, the signs so much more clearly and easily. Absolutely. The shooting stars and the butterflies. Absolutely. Yeah, I'm one of those people that's like, oh my gosh, all the signs.

I'm seeing all the signs that this is the direction I should go. But maybe it's not. Maybe it's just a butterfly coming by, like, you know. We put so much meaning on it, you know, because we want to be supported in our decision and we'll find the ways that we need so that we do make the right decision, whether it's fate or divine intervention or just a Monday, you know. I do find, I do, like, regardless of what it meant, when I'm looking for signs,

it usually means I know something in my knowing and intuition, and I'm looking for someone else to tell me what I know to be true is okay. So in some ways, it was like, I saw that. butterfly. It means I'm on the right path because I know I'm on the right path, but maybe I shouldn't be on the right path because society, your expectations would tell me I'm on the wrong path and that I'm doing a bad thing. But, you know, maybe the butterfly tells me I'm actually doing the self-honoring thing. I'm going to believe I'm doing the self-honoring thing. How did you heal from those feelings of, oh, I'm doing a bad thing? There was a lot of, you know, what was

interesting is that leaving the marriage was one thing. But then here I was, so six weeks after I met John, I packed my things. I arrived in L.A. where he was living and we had committed our lives to each other and we had not yet kissed. And I was risky. I was on the other side of a nine year, pretty much sexless relationship, feeling very disconnected from that part of myself. And John was not disconnected from that part of himself. And so then all the stuff, all the insecurities that I was in expecting, all the abandonment anxieties that had me be like, oh, this is why I chose safe relationships, because I didn't want to have to feel all of this and feel like a crazy person. All of that came to the surface.

And so that brought me to therapy. And therapy was both like unpacking kind of this childhood, you know, this hot childhood trauma combined with this like good girl conditioning around, oh, this is bad, you know, what you did was selfish. You have to hurt yourself so you don't hurt another. Be the nice person. Don't rock the boat. You know, all of that really like.

came to a head once John and I were together, which, as you can imagine, was like really exciting for him. Yeah, I'm sure that was just a wild time in your life, too, of just all those things coming out and opening up and those realizations, but being caught up in this love story. Yeah. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly, and now I'm seriously suspicious. Oh, wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit.

Well, Dakota, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend has been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now, he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone. Now, hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That sounds totally inappropriate. Well, according to this person, this is her boyfriend's former professor, and they're the same age.

And it's even more likely that they're cheating. He insists there's nothing between them. I mean, do you believe him? Well, he's certainly trying to get this person to believe him because he now wants them both to meet. So, do we find out if this person's boyfriend really cheated with his professor or not? To hear the explosive finale, listen to the OK Storytime podcast on the Iheart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

Hello, it's Daniel Fischel. Writer Strong. And Will Ferdell from PodMeets World. And we're bringing you Viva Las Content. That's right. we are back in Las Vegas, the city of sin, and giving the people what they want. A full week of Y2K content.

Wait, we're back in Vegas? Tell me why? Well, for the Backstreet Boys residency at Sphere, of course. We sat down with Kevin Richardson and A.J. McLean just minutes before they took the stage, and our very own Wilfredel basically became the newest member of the band. Boy band, please. Plus, the man who has the longest running comedy show on the strip joins us, gets his props. It's carrot top, baby. And finally, we all L-O-V-E-Hur, Ashley Simpson-Ross,

joins us to talk about her upcoming sold-out Vegas residency. It's a full week of nostalgic interviews you don't want to miss. Listen to PodMeets World on the I-Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. December 29th, 1975, LaGuardia Airport. holiday rush, parents hauling luggage, kids gripping their new Christmas toys. Then, at 6.33 p.m., everything changed. There's been a bombing at the TWA terminal. Apparently, the explosion actually impelled metal, glass. The injured were being loaded into ambulances, just a chaotic, chaotic scene. In its wake, a new kind of enemy emerged, and it was here to stay. Terrorism.

Law and order criminal justice system is back. In season two, we're turning our focus to a threat that hides in plain sight. That's harder to predict and even harder to stop. Listen to the new season of Law and Order Criminal Justice System on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of the Unprivileged. Purpose podcast, and today I'm joined by one of the greatest athletes of all time, Novak Djokovic. The world's number one male tennis player. He's won 14 grand slams in a glittering career. Novak Djokovic! You've been through so many injuries, losses.

I always showed himself. What has Novak Djokovic done? What goes through your mind when you lose? I just want to be left alone. What has it taken to become Novak Djokovic? It's a consistent practice. It's prayer work, mindfulness, meditation, conscious breathing. It requires more responsibility from you on a daily basis to prepare yourself for the biggest battle. When you reach your 30, you start counting your days to your retirement.

I'm 38 this year. How far can I go? How long can I push my own limits? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. The U.S. Open is here. And on my podcast, Good Game with Sarah Spain, I'm breaking down the players from rising stars to legends chasing history, the predictions, well, we see a first time winner and the pressure. Billy Jean King says pressure is a privilege, you know. Plus, the stories and events off the court and, of course, the honey deuses, the signature cocktail of the U.S. Open.

The U.S. Open has gotten to be a very fancy, wonderfully experiential sporting event. I mean, listen, their whole aim is to be accessible and inclusive. For all tennis fans, whether you play tennis or not? Tennis is full of compelling stories of late. Have you heard about Icon Venus Williams' recent wildcard bids? Or the young Canadian, Victoria Mboko, making a name for herself? How about Naomi Osaka getting back to form? To hear this and more, listen to Good Game with Sarah Spain,

an Iheart women's sports production in partnership with deep blue sports and entertainment on the IHart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of IHart Women's Sports. You've said that journaling is a big part of your recovery and your healing. Tell us how you are so into journaling, you do it with other people, you provide that service, or how does that work with your journaling? Journaling has been, I've been journaling since I was a kid, but I also lead writing workshops, journaling workshops to help people to really create that practice with themselves.

But journaling for me is that safe place. where I can be as honest and as I possibly can so that I can see myself and know myself and know what I think and know what I feel. And so, you know, as a lot of, as I was really waking up to like, ooh, I'm actually really unhappy in this marriage. It became the place to just like name what was true. I don't want to be in this marriage anymore. I haven't felt, you know, like whatever that is, that the journal is that place for you. And yeah, questions can be helpful for people. So some questions that I suggest are like, what truth am I afraid to say out loud and why? Or where am I disappointing myself so I don't have to disappoint another. Those will get

you in there. Or just like, what's alive in me? It can be, if you want, it depends on like how deep you and how quick you want to go. What's alive in me? And so, you know, I find that like being brave on the page helps me be braver in real life. Do you go back and read old journals? Sometimes. you know, and it's, I love Julia Cameron the artist's way. You know, she says three stream of consciousness pages every morning just to like get stuff, get the gunk out of the way. And she tells you not to read your pages. But, you know, I sometimes go back. I think it's, it can be helpful. As I was writing this book, I went back on my journals a lot because it was like the, it helped me like have the pulse of what I was really feeling. So sometimes I do, sometimes I

Yeah. I remember I just wasn't ready and I would sort of kind of take a peek in there and then I just feel bad about myself all over again for whatever the issue was, whatever it was that I was working on. And it wasn't until I was like in my 50s that I was, let me crack open those journals and really get to know that person at that point in her life. And it's incredibly telling, you know, and you do learn a lot about yourself. through journaling. Absolutely. Yeah, and just get it out. Get it out of your head. A lot of people are going to have different opinions and they're going to understand the situation differently and you know, some people don't understand it. What do you want your readers to take away from your book? I want them to listen to the quiet voice within them that knows and make their life a reflection of that knowing and whether they're in a job that doesn't, that they feel trapped in or if there's a relationship they've outgrown, friendship, love, you know, I feel like we all get to, we often get to a moment in our lives where we realize like, ooh, this isn't quite it.

And I have been ignoring myself or I've been abandoning myself or I haven't been honoring myself because I'm afraid, mostly of what other people are going to think. And so really, I hope the book is an invitation to like come back home to self and to honor what you know to be true and to let your life be a reflection of that. So like, yes, the book is this like love story, but really the love story. but really the love story was just a vehicle for this self-love journey for me and ultimately the self-liberation story. So I hope people, it's a vehicle for people to liberate themselves from the cages of their own making. I love that. Wow. Perfect. Lovell is out now. You can see

Amber Thursday, August 14th, at Zibby's Bookshop in Santa Monica. And check out her website for other stops she'll be making on her book tour. Thank you so much, Amber, for being so vulnerable and bringing, you know, awareness to something that is, I'm scary. It's scary to come out and be so honest about that. Yeah. Thank you. This is lovely. But it's beautiful that you did. Thank you. Thank you. Take care. Are you working on finding yourself post-divorce? Need some advice on how to figure out your new life. Call us or email us. All the info is in the show notes. Follow us on the socials. Make sure to rate and review the podcast, all the things you know you're supposed to do with the podcast.

I do part two and IHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the main objective. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly and now I'm seriously suspicious. Wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, luckily, it's back to school week on the OK story time. podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend's been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone. Hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That seems inappropriate. Maybe find out how it ends by listening to the OK Storytime podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hello, it's Danielle Fisle, writer Strong, and Wilfredell from PodMeets World. We are back in Las Vegas. Giving the people what they want, a full week of Y2K content. Tell me why. Well, for the Backstreet Boys residency at Sphere, of course. We joke and say this is our second marriage, but it takes a lot of communication. Plus, it's carrot top, baby. And finally, Ashley Simpson Ross joins us to talk about her upcoming sold-out Vegas residency. Listen to PodMeets World on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

December 29th, 1975, LaGuardia Airport. The holiday rush, parents hauling luggage, kids gripping their new Christmas toys. Then, everything changed. There's been a bombing at the TWA terminal. Just a chaotic, chaotic scene. In its wake, a new kind of enemy emerged. Terrorism. Listen to the new season of Law and Order Criminal Justice System.

On the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast. or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, my name is Enya Eumanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD...

Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, Psycho babble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free. I Heart Radio app, search emergency intercom, and listen now. Hi, I'm Jennifer Lopez, and in the new season of the Over Comfort Podcast, I'm even more honest, more vulnerable, and more real than ever.

Am I ready to enter this new part of my life? Like, am I ready to be in a relationship? Am I ready to have kids and to really just devote myself and my time? Join me for conversations about healing and growth, all from one of my favorite spaces, The Kitchen. Listen to the new season of the Overcombered podcast on the IHeart Radio, app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. This is an IHeart podcast.