The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast - Mother Knows Best with Jade Roper Tolbert

Episode Date: February 16, 2023

Ben and Ashley catch up with Jade Roper Tolbert and she doesn’t hold anything back when talking about her marriage to Tanner. Find out why they just made it out of the hardest year in their relationship, and how they reset their marriage before things got worse! Plus, we discuss why Jade would be the villain if she was on The Bachelor today!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. Hi, my name is Enya Eumanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble.

Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your... free iHeartRadio app search emergency internet com and listen now the super secret bestie club podcast season four is here and we're locked in

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get in here listen to the super secret Bestie Club on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. What would you do if one bad decision forced you to choose between a maximum security prison or the most brutal boot camp designed to be hell on earth? Unfortunately from Mark Lombardo, this was the choice he faced. He said, you are a number, a New York State number, and we own you. Listen to shock incarceration on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

I just normally do straight stand-up, but this is a bit different. What do you get when a true crime producer walks into a comedy club? Answer, a new podcast called Wisecrack, where a comedian finds himself at the center of a chilling true crime story. Does anyone know what show they've come to see? It's a story. It's about the scariest night of my life. This is Wisecrack, available now.

Listen to Wisecrack on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is the Ben and Ashley I, Almost Famous Podcasts with IHartRadio. Well, one of our favorites, somebody that doesn't come around enough on the Almost Famous Podcast, I would say. Especially for someone who actually still watches the show continuously every single week. Yeah, and she's married to somebody I bet still watches the show. anyways jade is here with us today hello jade hello thank you for having me well jade we should actually have you on to recap an episode sometime yeah totally i like i was telling you i just finished um last night's episode or whatever this week's episode of the bachelor so we do still watch it yeah

and tanner still watches too because no one loves reality tv more than tanner and tanner was a fan of the show if you guys don't know beforehand and he was called on Ben's season, Caitlin's season, as the Bachelor Encyclopedia, and guys would go to Tanner when they wanted to like foresee what their next move was going to be. Yeah, he would be like, this is week four guys. So that means this is happening. Yes. This will be happening. Ben, do you have any of those memories? I have all those memories. In fact, Tanner was a very calming force because of his knowledge of the show and his fandom of the show. And kind of like we talked about on this week's episode, Ashley, I actually have a theory about Tanner now that we're talking about it. Jay, tell me if you

think I'm right after watching the show and knowing Tanner very well. I actually think Tanner would be a villain today because I think he spoke so much about the show and what would happen next and kind of like maybe the strategy of the show. I actually think Tanner, even though he's about as least villainous of a person as possible, he would have been a villain today? I think so. He is not afraid to do like hot takes. You know, he would give the producers what they wanted in the ITMs about people. And he has a sarcastic side that can come off a little like direct.

So I think that they could have easily edited him into that. Or nowadays, people just wouldn't see that as funny anymore. Exactly. Like the guys, the guys would have reacted like, oh, he's here because he's a fan of the show. He's not here to actually find somebody. And then Tanner would have been the type of guy that you could have like honestly sat with and been like, Tanner, what happens to people when they get off this show? Like, I have no idea like what life looks like.

And he'd be like, oh, you're going to get a ton of Instagram followers. And you're going to get. He would say it. And nowadays, I think somebody would hear that and be so sensitive to it. They'd be like, that guy's not here for the right reasons. where when we were there, Tanner was a friend to all, and we just had a blast with them. Yeah, I think now, like, because of social media, it definitely changes the whole landscape of that, because when we were on, the only followers you got were Twitter followers.

Yeah. People talked about Twitter followers, I think. There was no this, like, social media job that existed. So I think nowadays, he would just be, he probably would just be very honest and up front and say, yeah, this is probably what would happen for you. And yeah, they could definitely run. people the wrong way i uh i just have that theory now um which is kind of funny if you know tanner because you're like there's no way this dude would have been like the villain on a season anyways um

yes uh so you are married to tanner still happily question mark seven seven years happily married you know what i will say i'm like an honest person too marriage is hard and we've definitely had ebbs and flows there's been hard years and i think last year was a hard year was a hard year year for us. But I feel like we've kind of, we hit a reset. And so things have been really smooth as of like, I want to say like November, December, but there was some hard stuff we went through last year. Can I dig into that for just a second? Because I know Ashley in about five minutes is going to be like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like question after question that I really know the answer to, but I want to ask for the sake of the audience. Yeah. Once she starts, she's just going to go. And so I'm

want to try to get some in here. Jade, I've only been married now for a year and three months, three months as of two days ago. So far, marriage has been hard. It's hard in its own way for us. Communication, especially how I communicate, has caused issues. What I don't say and I just think and I hold on to and try to suppress and then sometimes it doesn't actually suppress and it kind of like bubbles up at some point. Like, those are my issues that I'm dealing with. Yeah. But I think Jessica and I are finding a rhythm to get back to, like, a balance and

get back to being good. We're trying to figure out how to do that quicker than we used to maybe. So for you, you've been married for seven years. You said last year was a hard year. If you don't mind me asking, as much as you can share, what caused it to be a difficult year for the two of you? And then how do you work to a place? of health again in your relationship?

Yeah, that's hard, right? I think it's hard because two people come into a marriage with all of their baggage packed at the door, right? You know, we each have our own childhood upbringing. We've each had our own life experiences, and those have really shaped us as people, and then we bring them in and we try to make them work with somebody else who may not completely ever understand whatever you've been through as much as they try to. and we all require different needs and things to feel loved and I think that's hard sometimes and so

I think like for us last year I went through some like job changes that were really hard I switched agencies which was really hard for me and because of like personal reasons and I question a lot of like my identity and I think that I just was kind of searching for that and Tanner he really went on like his own growth journey with some stuff that he was going through with his family and sometimes when you're like going through that stuff you may like make mistakes or do like we have reactions that aren't necessarily healthy because they're coming from a hurt place and so for us I think it was just coming to the point of like if you're still in this willing to grow and I'm willing to grow, then, like, that's all you can ask for, right?

So I think it was kind of like, as long as we're still growing and you're going to start, you know, you have your stuff you want to heal on, and I have my stuff, I'm going to heal on. We're going to give each other compassion through this. And I think that's kind of what got us through it. But therapy, therapy helps. couples therapy or individual therapy or both individual individual i think um we eventually would do couples therapy just because i think therapy is so healthy but we did more individual and i think that that this like past year hitting year six in our marriage it was just it was just something

that we both were kind of going through individually and and so it was hard to understand each other and how to show up for each other um but the individual therapy we would come back to each other and share. And we learned things about each other that we never knew. And I think there was so much deeper understanding about each other and how to kind of heal together. Hi, my name is Enya Emanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD...

Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. A foot washed up a shoe with some bones in it. They had no idea who it was.

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My name is Ed. Everyone say hello, Ed. Hello, Ed. I'm from a very rural background. My dad is a farmer and my mom is a cousin, so like, it's not like... What do you get when a true crime producer walks into a comedy club? I know it sounds like the start of a bad joke, but that really was my reality nine years ago. I just normally do straight stand-up, but this is a bit different. On stage stood a comedian with a story that no one expected to hear.

Well, 22nd of July 2015, a 23-year-old man had killed his family. And then he came to my house. So what do you get when a true crime producer walks into a comedy club? A new podcast called Wisecrack, where stand-up comedy and murder takes center stage. Available now. Listen to Wisecrack on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Your entire identity has been fabricated. Your beloved brother goes.

missing without a trace. You discover the depths of your mother's illness the way it has echoed and reverberated throughout your life, impacting your very legacy. Hi, I'm Danny Shapiro. And these are just a few of the profound and powerful stories I'll be mining on our 12th season of Family Secrets. With over 37 million downloads, we continue to be moved and inspired by our guests and their courageously told stories. I can't wait to share 10 powerful new episodes with you, stories of tangled up identities, concealed truths, and the way in which family secrets almost always need to be told. I hope you'll join me and my extraordinary guests for this new season of Family Secrets.

Listen to Family Secrets Season 12 on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. There's this meme. Not a meme. It's a trend going around. And Amanda Stanton and Becca Martinez, they commented on it. And I feel like you probably saw it too. So the trend goes like this. It's a couple before they had kids. It's like back in their camera roll. They found like a cute clip of them. And then it fast forwards to when they have kids and they're like walking ships in the night. Did you see it, Jade? I did. Yeah. And I saw it and I laughed because of like accuracy. Right. And then I. I see Becca and Amanda's take on it, and they are both like, this is not something we should really be laughing at. Kids don't ruin marriages. Kids test marriages. They, like, challenge them and make two people grow together in certain ways and any relationship that fails after kids would have failed either way with or without kids. And, you know, they have great points there, totally. I was looking at it on more of a surface level. And they also were like, never blame kids

for a marriage coming apart. But you have to laugh at the fundamental trend, which is just like marriage does, I mean, kids makes marriage a whole different thing. It's the first time that it has felt like, work seems like a heavy word for me with Jared right now and us together. But it's definitely been the most challenging year of our marriage because you know how we've always been.

It's always been like so easy, breezy for us. But then with a kid, there are just like a whole bunch of new responsibilities and then you have to decide together how to share these responsibilities and the life change it is jarring so i would say that i would say from our opinion like i know people say like the hardest you grow of marriage it's either um your first year or it's like the year you have kids for me i'm very team when you have kids what's your take on all of this sorry for the straight up ramble no no no no i love it i did see the meme and i know you're i i know you're i i do remember, I didn't see Becca's comments, but I did see Amanda commenting about Becca's

comments. Yeah, yeah. And I'm sort of on your side because there is an accuracy to it and I don't at all, everybody has their own experiences. Some people may have, you know, the newborn stage is easy and they thrive and their marriage has never been better. And then the toddler years are harder or whatever. You know, you never know it. It's all different. But, you know, When you invite a baby into the picture that requires so much of you, it does affect your marriage. You know, and there are sometimes where you are two ships in the night and you may not be connecting because you are just surviving. Sometimes you're just in that survival mode, especially those first couple years. And so I think that's something you kind of need to be aware of too is like if your marriage is hard during that time, it's like you kind of really have to give each other great.

because you both are surviving. You really are. This whole new experience. You told me when I was pregnant, you're like, you're just in survival mode. You'll be fine. You just have to like hunker down. And now I'm in another zone that you've been in

and now you're telling me to do the same thing. As somebody with no kids, when does it start feeling different? I don't know. Because Tanner, I talk all the time. time about having a fourth baby and Tanner's like we're almost at like the light at the end of the tunnel because my youngest is two and so he's like we're almost there you know like are you sure you want to start all over again and I'm like are you sure we're almost at the light of the end of the tunnel

because all I see in our future is a sprinter van full of children going to baseball games soccer games piano recitals like we're not going to just be like back to you and me like life is great now our kids are a little bit older like it's a full long-term term responsibility to take care of these children. And so I think, I mean, I think maybe it changes in certain ways because maybe it's not as physically demanding of you. You know, I feel like actually like babies are so physically demanding of their mothers, right? I'm thinking, yeah, there's that and there's the phase where it's like all they want is you. He's great when Jared when like he closes the door and he's with Jared. But like if he has both of us in front of him, he's going to reach

over to me. I think the thing that Tanner might be alluding to is like communication. It's like, okay, they all know how to talk to us. And that feels like a big leap. But they also all know how to talk to us. Yeah. Yep. Ben's like, okay, so when, like, should I have kids? That's what Ben's probably thinking. Yeah, it's a question I have often. Jade, as you were talking there, of explaining the light at the end of the tunnel. A question popped in mind that I'm just curious about. And it could be very inappropriate. But I hope you know where I'm trying to go with it.

You mentioned that last year you did a lot of growth yourself and that you, I think what you said was like kind of an identity crisis. I think that's how you explained it, which Ashley and I both talked about many times in the show before, how, you know, all of a sudden you blink and you're having to switch your career or how people view you or how little they think of you or how much they think of you like those things happen especially coming off of reality television where it happened so fast and you kind of blow up and then you kind of blow out pretty quickly too it seems like um you know I also have been open about my identity crisis getting married even you know I'd been known as

the single guy for so long that was kind of like what I got paid to do uh it was how people viewed me, the bachelor. And so then I was getting married and very excited to get married and very ready to get married, but also being like, what is life going to look like now that I'm married? Like, I'm no longer ever going to be single again, God willing. So for as a mother, what I'm going here is as a mother, has it been an identity crisis? Do you ever find yourself waking up one morning and being like, wow, seven years ago, I was on national television as a single person with all opportunities in front of me in the world. And now I'm a mom.

And that takes a lot out of me. And they need me often. And I am there to care for them. Does that ever hit you? Does it ever like kind of shock you? Because I feel like it's good. I'm mostly asking because I feel like it's really going to shock me. When you become a parent?

Yeah. Yeah. It is, it's such a right of passage that we go through, you know? Like it is you, you're one person. And then as soon as a baby is born, you have completely transformed over to a new role that you have forever. Yeah. So I think it's like the heaviness of it too. And it is, it's, you are responsible for someone else's well-being, someone else's safety, someone else's, you know, feeling of being loved and growing up.

And so it's like, it's, it isn't, it's this whole new identity that you take on and you aren't the same person. Like, I will never go back to that person, right, that I was seven years ago before my daughter was born. There are still pieces of that person in me, but I am, I feel like I have transformed. I always talk about, if I look at my life, all the people who I've been and who I've died and been reborn into. And I really do believe you get reborn with your baby. And so it's, it's hard because you kind of grieve that person. person you were before. But yet you're looking at this baby that's just like magic. You know? And so it's, it's a wonderful transformation. But I think it's kind of normal to grieve some of the

past of who you were because we do kind of as humans ground ourselves into an identity. Right. So I think that's hard for me. What I went through last year was a struggling with my purpose. And so much of my Instagram and, like, my job was taking, was like sharing about being pregnant and having a baby and what it's like to be a new mom. And I am growing out of that. So I was kind of struggling and like, well, what's my purpose now? Like, why are people wanting to connect with me? And I think that that was kind of like what I went through last year. Speaking of Instagram business and the strategy that Tanner happens to sort of have in like every aspect.

of his life. You guys are kind of well known as being one of the bachelor couples that really have dominated the Instagram, like, influencer space, you know? Like, when you think of Bachelor influencers, I think you guys really come to mind. I think it's probably because you guys are a successful couple right off the bat and, like, you got married so quickly, you know? Because, like, I think that with leads, of course, the leads are going to get lots of followers. But you guys were non-leads and you got lots of followers. But you guys were non-leads and you got lots of followers and then you had a baby and like everything and it just kept staying really interesting what kind of strategy and you guys have been insanely successful with it um did tanner have a plan

right off the bat when he saw these followers keep ticking up like he would i know he would get in trouble for this on the show today um you know when he he had no idea like he went back to his card dealership job, right, right after the show. He went on the show just because he was curious about it was like to be on reality TV because he was such a super fan of reality TV. And then once we got followers and we got our first sponsorship, he was like, you can make what on just by posting a picture on an app? Like he didn't even have Instagram, I think, at the time.

And so we, he downloaded Instagram, I guess right before the show, right? I guess that's when he downloaded it. Yeah. But we were able to tap in at the right time. I think timing was truly everything for what created our success because like Instagram had just become a thing. People were getting lots of followers. I think Crystal's season truly was like the first, you know, where people blew up.

I don't think Andy, Andy season. No, no, there was a huge difference in the seasons. And so he was definitely like, we have to take advantage of those. You know, and we did. we went full force like threw ourselves into it so he was working 60 hours a week at the dealership and then on Sundays we would film all of our ads um but I mean his strategy was always you know go until it burns out but what's funny is he pretty much like he announced like Instagram retirement but he did he announced to you Instagram retirement oh yeah I mean he doesn't post anymore

What would Tanner say if you wanted to retire from Instagram? Would he be cool with that? Oh, I joke all the time. I'm like, well, I'm retiring too. And he's like, no, you're not. Well, he goes, well, then we just have to move out of California. Oh, okay. So that was my next question.

You're both still in California. What part of California? We're in Orange County. We're like, it's called Tribuco Canyon. It's right up against the Santa Ana. mountains it's really pretty okay has that been a big change for you all i mean because you're both midwesterers right yeah um definitely more for him so i lived in l.a for like four years before i went on the bachelor so i was living in l.a when i went on the show um but he grew up in kansas city

he like lived there his whole life like all of his friends are still from elementary and middle school and so when we moved out here i think he uh he had a hard transition like a hard time adjusting because he didn't have any friends here and so except for me and Jared yes and then you moved and then we moved yes so yeah I think it definitely was harder for for him okay um hey jade we're going to take a break here when we come back I want to ask you if it's appropriate for me to talk to you I know you did it during a couple other shows about sex and marriage is that okay Yeah, yeah, that's cool.

Let's talk about when we come back. Hi, my name is Enya Emanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD, oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness.

Psychobabble Yes, yes Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you Open your free IHeartRadio app Search Emergency Intercom And listen now What would you do if one bad decision Forced you to choose

Between a maximum security prison Or the most brutal boot camp Designed to be hell on earth Unfortunately for Mark Lombardo This was the choice he faced He said you are a number A New York State number And we own you

Shock incarceration also known as boot camps are short-term, highly regimented correctional programs that mimic military basic training. These programs aim to provide a shock of prison life, emphasizing strict discipline, physical training, hard labor, and rehabilitation programs. Mark had one chance to complete this program and had no idea of the hell awaiting him the next six months. The first night was so overwhelming, and you don't know who's next to you. And we didn't know what to expect in the morning. Nobody tells you anything. Listen to shock incarceration on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

My name is Ed. Everyone say, hello, Ed. I'm from a very rural background myself. My dad is a farmer. And my mom is a cousin. So, like, it's not like... What do you get when a true crime producer walks into a comedy club? I know it sounds like the start of a bad joke, but that really was my reality nine years ago.

I just normally do straight stand-up, but this is a bit different. On stage stood a comedian with a story that no one expected to hear. Well, 22nd of July 2015, a 23-year-old man had killed his family. And then he came to my house. So what do you get when a true crime producer walks into a comedy club? A new podcast called Wisecrack, where stand-up comedy and murder take center stage. Available now.

Listen to Wisecrack on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Janica Lopez, and in the new season of the Overcomfit podcast, I'm taking you on an exciting journey of self-reflection. Am I ready to enter this new part of my life? Am I ready to be in a relationship? Am I ready to have kids and to really just devote myself and my time? I wanted to be successful on my own, not just because of who my mom is. Like, I felt like I needed to be better or work twice as hard as she did.

Join me for conversations about healing and growth. Life is freaking hard. And growth doesn't happen in comfort. It happens in motion, even when you're hurting. All from one of my favorite spaces, The Kitchen. Honestly, these are going to come out so freaking amazing. Be a part of my new chapter and listen to the new season of the Overcomber. podcast as part of the MyCultura Podcast Network on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever

you get your podcast. And we're back, and I can't wait for Ben to ask this question because Ben doesn't really talk about this a lot. I don't. Well, I don't. Nor do I. Yeah. You know, Jade, you have been now married.

married for seven years. You do have three kids, as we've talked about. I think it is such a incredible thing when couples, especially married couples who have been in it for a while, continue to share how they keep the intimacy alive. Because if it's not finance, it's, you know, the physical connection that oftentimes moves couples apart. And we just spent the first half of this podcast talking about how kids can so quickly or life can so quickly start to make you guys ships in the night, as Ashley said. Yeah, I mean, I've been vocal about this publicly before, but I know some people disagree with it, but it's just the way that our relationship works is we schedule sex. It's something that is hard to have spontaneous just like, I'm going to look at my husband and be like, I want to jump his bones right now. That doesn't happen anymore. That doesn't happen. No. Like, not at all. Sorry, Ben. I don't know. We can't speak for Jess, but I would say that is very, very.

similar to jade i will maybe we don't discuss it but i will plan it in my head oh we we definitely have a yeah you she has a schedule you have a schedule okay technically it's flexible like it's not like if i have a if i'm sick or something or we got it's a night yeah um well i mean you know obviously like my uh relationship is a little different like jessica uh and i like stayed abstinent through our whole dating for, I mean, three years, right? And so when we got married, that was a whole new chapter for us and a whole new thing for us to look forward to. But you're still, I think, very quickly into that stage where you are. You're with one person. You're trying to figure each other out. And so how, you know, the scheduling, I guess my concern there,

my question would be, does it keep things still interesting? Like, is there spontaneity still to the relationship? Or, and do you feel like you get out of, those scheduled evenings what you need for intimacy and for connection yeah i mean the scheduling doesn't have to be just like seven o'clock at night eight minutes long missionary boomer done you know the honesty here wow i'm glad we need it and this is healthy i mean it doesn't yeah i mean it doesn't it can you know you can still in that time try to just i call it like my mom hat i wear my mom hat all day take the mom hat off, which is really hard, but be in the moment, be in my body, be thinking about my husband, our connection, you know, and just making the most of it because it is, we do it once

a week. And so it's like that one time once a week, I know that he looks forward to. So I might as well just like show him that like, you know, even if like five minutes before, I'm like, oh my God, do I really have to go do this right now? Yeah. You know, I still want to show him that like I am putting forth effort into our marriage because I think it's worth it. And we always end up having a great time anyway. Do you have any advice? I mean, that's what you and Tanner have been able to figure out. And that works for the two of you.

Overall, like, holistically, do you have any advice for couples who are sitting there? You know, one year in, 10 years in, 15 years in, still trying to keep that spark alive? I think just which is hard is it's just the communication and I think it's we've really worked on that too it's so vulnerable to sit down and talk about sex right yeah like this makes me feel wanted this makes me feel completely unwanted when you do this like this you when when I want to touch you like this and I feel like you're shivering or shuddering me or whatever you know that makes me feel this way or I like when you do this this makes me feel turned on or whatever it's it's hard work and it sometimes can be exhausting but I really think it's worth the effort and I think there's

so many more ways to be intimate that's not sexual that makes the sexual intimacy better and I think that's just finding out what else intimacy means to you to me like having like meaningful conversations that aren't about our children and just like my dreams or you know like something about like did you ever know this about me or or something like the other day I was talking to Tanner about something oh I've been taking this supplement that's I that's been stopping nightmares that I've been having because I've been having nightmares every night for like the past like 10 months and he's like you never told me you were having nightmares every night and I was like I don't know I guess I didn't think about that and so we started talking about it I felt so much closer to him

which then just makes me feel closer to him when it comes to, like, his needs. So I think it's just finding what the other intimate parts are, even if it's just, like, soft touches. Like, I like hugs, you know, I want you to hug me and it doesn't feel sexual. I want to feel like that, that closeness, that connection. I think it all kind of like ties in together. It's interesting that you say that because, you know, when I'm upset or stressed out, I've had a long day at work or something's happened in my life

and I'm just feeling down when Jessica reaches over and rubs my back without me asking, but just like knowing that's like what I need. Like I feel that same closeness to her then, then I do no matter, you know, any other time in our life.

Like there are, and that's like for me kind of the surprise and also a really exciting thing about marriage is you have your partner now. They get to know you really well. And when they do something to bring, like to support you or to bring you closer to them and hopefully you're doing something to bring them closer to you.

It can be done in so many different ways now, which for me has been really fun to figure out. And she's doing such a good job at it. I'd have to ask her if I'm doing a good job at it. Yeah, I mean, that's super sweet. Yeah. I would love to kind of close this whole thing out with talking about what's next in your life.

Like, what are you now looking forward to? What did you learn last year? As you said, you went through this kind of growing process, not that you're stopped growing now. you're still growing but what what is next for you what what is on the horizon yeah i think that's what's exciting about life still sometimes when i feel like maybe i'm stuck i feel like last year i felt like i was creatively stuck is that you can always change and evolve and grow and become who you want to become and so i think it's it's just for myself personally i'm just searching for like what's

my next purpose. Yeah. And I like I love being a mom and I know that's like one of my deeply rooted purposes. But I also just, I want something that makes me feel like I'm making a difference. And so I, and Instagram I've always felt like that was like for work. Like I could make a difference by sharing like my raw parts of motherhood. But I feel like I'm moving on to another chapter and I just don't know what that is yet. You're so wonderful in that space, whether it's talking about motherhood or kids and I know that you just love like you are a special person you like love the birthing process like you find beauty in it and I was like can we skip this part of my life and it honestly wasn't bad but you thought about like being a doula or something

like that is that still on the goals list I have no idea I really don't and I think that's maybe like I feel kind of like floating falling is like I'm just trying to figure out what it is and maybe a sign will smack me in the face or maybe I'm still just going to take a while to figure it out. I think this year I really I feel like I've missed out like putting so much of myself into my kids. I've missed out on like friendships and I'm really craving like soulful sisterhood. I never had a sister and I always wanted a sister. And so So I think, like, I'm just, I don't know, I want to just cultivate good women around me that support me.

I feel like that's what I'm kind of looking for right now. I don't know. But like other life parts of my life, I don't know. I don't know what's happening. It's, no, I mean, it's interesting. There was a period of my life. And still probably to this day, if you ask me this, somebody, you know, always ask, like, what are you up to?

what's next? Kind of like I just asked you. And there would just be this like gut, this like gut like punch almost in me. It's not as much anymore, but there was a season where I got really low. And every time somebody asked me that, I just pretty much like caved. Like my shoulder shrank, I felt like something inside of me was empty because I didn't know. And it made me feel really bad about myself. It made me question, you know, who I was.

And I'm what I just wonder if that is a something that comes from like, kind of this like weird season of life where it lasts for who knows how long where you kind of stuff's handed to you. I mean, it's very easy for a while, right? To make, have a career and you still have to work at it. But like stuff just kind of gets handed to you for a while. And everybody wants to pay to see you. And you can kind of like, you know, get any opportunity you want for a period of time. And that goes away. And you have to start looking at like, what was all this for? Like, what was all, what did all this mean? What did I just do? And for me that really, it put me in a hard deep place like a dark place for a while um and i don't know if i'm still there or not i don't

get asked as much what are you going to do next because i told so many people i don't know um so maybe they gave up but it is it's it's it's an interesting but there's a lot of healing too there's an i just want to share this during that period of my life i started to talk about purpose like what was all this for what did all this do what can i do with any of it and a really wise person told me some advice to said well what angers you the most or or what's on your mind mine the most, maybe. What fires you up to talk about? Maybe it is like childbirth.

Maybe like when you, somebody asks you about, hey, tell me more about childbirth. Like, you know, you just spew like, you know, all this information and all this passion behind it. And then they said, okay, for me, personally, my purpose came from a thing that made me angry, poverty and lack of things for people in this world. Put your stake in the ground and either join something or start something that's helping work towards the topic that you really care about. And for a period of your life, maybe not forever,

but your purpose will be in that. And it kind of has worked. It is a really healthy process for me to kind of do that and put my stake in the ground and say, no, this is what this chapter of life is going to look like for me. It's no longer about me being relevant. It's about whatever I can do with this platform that's been handed to me. But I just share that because that was not coming.

That's not advice I am giving to you. That's advice that was given to me. no i like it though because it makes me think of like what what does anger me you know like what i would want to see changed in the world which does have a lot to do around birth because the united states has one of the highest mortality rates for mothers and so that's something i would love to advocate for so it is something that like i do see like what you're saying and maybe it's just i haven't given given myself permission to like say that maybe this is more my life purpose because now that I'm growing out of that I feel like oh I can't keep talking about

babies over and over and over I don't have I don't have babies anymore but maybe it's like if I find the right avenue to do that yeah I've always called you mother nature so it really does fit for you and I thought you were mother nature even before you had a baby I will always remember sitting in St. Lucia this you had been married for six months and you were talking about how you wanted a baby and Tanner was like oh no I don't know and this is six months before you got pregnant and you were like Tanner I just want something to nurture and I was like wow she's so amazing and special it's so cute but Ben I just want to say I think that people don't like that I hate that question I don't think it's you or I think it's an overall hatred towards the

what's next question yeah because then it kind of makes you feel like what you're doing now isn't enough. Yeah. Or that I have to have something next. Yeah. Like, what if you're so happy with where you're at? Yeah. Very content.

I told you. Like, where I'm at right now is I'm happily content. Like, I'm really good. Like, I don't want a lot to change right now. I'm kind of just in this, like, really fun season of marriage and life and slowness. And I don't know. Happily content. And I said that to somebody recently.

They're like, I've never heard anybody say happily content. I've never seen those two things together. I don't know. It's how I feel. I don't know if I want something next right now. I love that. I feel like that's something we all crave but can never give ourselves because of society and how we value success.

We value productivity. Like you can't just rest and enjoy your life and enjoy the now. Like you have to be constantly doing something. So I definitely agree with that. Like that sounds, when you say that, it sounds really nice. Yeah. I have such an issue with that, that constant productivity feel. Like, even, well, I don't have days, like, off anymore to just watch TV for, like, seven hours.

That's probably what I miss most about motherhood is just waking up in the morning and you know what, be like, you know what? I'm just going to binge watch an entire show. Like, I've not been able to do that if I want to do that after, like, start at 9 p.m. Anyway, where was it going with that? Oh, yeah, because I used to feel like I just needed to constantly be productive. Like, every time I was like, oh, I can relax. I'd be like, no, you shouldn't relax. Why should you relax?

You should get this done and that done. They're on the horizon, but as might as well tackle them now, it's a problem. And it's definitely been drilled into us by society because wearing busyness is like a badge of honor. And I think people who have any sort of platform on social media, because if you're not posting, then you're not being seen. And that's your whole job. Exactly. curse those who aren't relevant right curse them terrible people if you don't stay relevant um hey jade uh final question that i have for you you know since your time really on the bachelor you have um either purposefully or just because of who you are

and how life has worked out for you've made an impact in a lot of people's lives and you made people feel less alone and more seen and more cared for um i think that's a spectacular gift and something to celebrate and maybe the only unsolicited advice I would give is maybe sit on how big of an impact you've made and so many people who are probably feeling alone or you're going to make me cry well it's true um and you deserve to sit and celebrate that and see and just remember but um you've also made continue to make a big impact with those who are mothers new mothers um as we've talked about so much here during this episode. My last question for you is what advice do you have for somebody listening who is a mother to be, somebody who wants kids in the future, already a mother.

Do you have any overarching advice on motherhood? I think it's, I mean, my top advice would be to listen to your own intuition. We live in such an age where there's just information overload, which I think is great. You know, you can access every sort of resource. out there for every single topic imaginable when it comes to trying to conceive, pregnancy, birth, postpartum, motherhood. And so everything's at your fingertips. But I really think it comes down to you have everything already inside of you that like the toolbox that you need to be the best mom for your baby. And I think that's like the most important thing to remember because there will be so many people telling you what to do. There will be so many people judging

you there will be so many like people this needs to happen this way know this needs to happen that way and so i think just like being even if you feel like you don't know what you're doing you're like holding your baby you're like i have no idea what i'm doing right now just know that like being there right then and there is enough you truly are an inspiration of motherhood um i know that we've talked a lot about motherhood but seriously you are the person that i think of when i think of it and you're the person that I go to when I have questions about it or just need to honestly vent about it. So thank you for being you. Yeah. When I think of Jade, I just think of her walking down to the beach in paradise and all the guys being like, her, her, I want her. That's what

I think about. Somehow Tanner landed it. The upset of the year. Yeah. It was talked about for decades. Jade, thanks for joining us today. It's always great to catch up with you. If you don't mind, please come back and break down an episode of The Bachelor with us. It'd be a lot of fun. I would love to. I'm sure Tanner would give some great takes, too, if you ever want to. Both of you together. Yes. I would love to have Tanner on so he can say the shit that we can't. Yeah. Let him get in trouble for once. That would be awesome. Jade, come back soon. Can't wait to talk to you about the show. So thanks for joining us today. Thank you guys so much.

Bye. Bye. Follow the Ben and Ashley I, almost famous podcast on IHartRadio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. Hi, my name is Enya Umanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD...

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