The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast - Party of One

Episode Date: March 12, 2025

Cheryl Burke is asking the SEXY questions when it comes to being single and intimate. (You know what we mean….)Relationship expert Dr. Channa Bromley is talking about ways you can bring pleasure to your life, even if you're not in a relationship. Plus, what does it mean to be "sleep divorced" and why does it work? Dr. Channa explains!Email us at: [e-mail] or call us at 844-4-I Do Pod (844-443-6763)Follow I Do, Part 2 on Instagram and TikTokSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. Hi, my name is Enya Eumanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble.

Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your... free iHeartRadio app search emergency internetcom and listen now I just normally do straight stand-up but this is a bit different what do you get when a true crime producer

walks into a comedy club answer a new podcast called Wisecrack where a comedian finds himself at the center of a chilling true crime story does anyone know what show they've come to see it's a story it's about the scariest night of my life

this is Wisecrack available now listen to Wisecrack on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Tune in to All the Smoke Podcast, where Matt and Stacks sit down with former first lady, Michelle Obama. Folks find it hard to hate up close.

And when you get to know people, you're sitting in their kitchen tables, and they're talking like we're talking. You know, you hear our story, how we grew up, how I grew up, and you get a chance for people to unpack and get beyond race. All the Smoke featuring Michelle Obama. To hear this podcast,

and more, open your free IHeartRadio app, search all the smoke, and listen now. Don't let biased algorithms or degree screens or exclusive professional networks or stereotypes. Don't let anything keep you from discovering the half of the workforce who are stars. Workers skilled through alternative routes rather than a bachelor's degree. It's time to tear the paper ceiling and see the stars beyond it. Find out how you can make stars part of your talent strategy at tear the paper sealing.org, brought to you by opportunity at work in the ad council. Welcome back to Ido Part 2. I'm one of your celebrity mentors here on the pod, Cheryl Burke. Today, I wanted to talk about sex and intimacy from a single woman's perspective.

You guys know I've been really open about my celibacy journey, so I want to talk about that. And also about this new trend, we're hearing a lot about sleeping in separate rooms. So today we're joined by relationship coach, Dr. Shanna Bromley, to talk all about it. How are you, Dr. Shanna? How are you doing? I'm good. I've done a little bit of research on you. And let's just get right into it and talk about navigating.

intimacy, you know, I'm single. I have been very open with my journey and how I've been celibate. And I've been choosing, obviously, to be celibate for the past, I would say three years. I'm divorced. And I'm just choosing to date myself. And it's been lovely. I'm curious. What brought you to that decision? Dating myself? Yeah, dating yourself. Yeah. Dating yourself, being celibate. I admire the commitment. I'm always curious when people make that commitment to themselves. It is something I've never done before. First of all, I was a serial dater. I never was single, not even for a day. It was always back-to-back relationships since I was 13 and I'm 40 now. So it has been something that I am also very much in therapy and I have been for most of my life and I will continue to be till the day I die. But this is part of my work and being sober now for six years. You know, this is something that I now owe to myself. And yeah, there's no rush for me to start dating again. And for you being celibate, is it about not having sex and sexuality with

partners? Or is it also part of you shutting down your own sexual energy? Oh, no, no. I'm very sexual with myself. Okay. Yeah. But no, I'm not dating. So therefore, that is not an option for me at the moment, which is okay, because I also fall in love quickly if I do become intimate with you. But this is what I'm currently working on, right? So, I mean, look, it all traces back to the way I was raised, to the trauma I dealt with as a little girl. My definition of love is not necessarily something that I want to continue to live by because I want to change the pattern in my brain. So in order for that to happen, I really have to slowly rewire, you know, there's no time limit. There's no ticking time bump. is for our lives, but like one day at a time, like my sobriety. And yeah, I just don't have that

urge like I used to. I think I felt like I needed that person was going to complete me, but we all know that that doesn't happen through outside sources, right? That's all from within. And that's what I'm currently working on at this moment. All in all, I've been very open with just my story, especially on this podcast. What do you believe is important when it comes to whether it's newly being broken up as far as intimacy goes, whether that's with yourself or with other partners? Is it important to continue the intimacy? Is it okay to take breaks? Is it okay to just be celibate like me? I think absolutely it's okay to do whatever you feel called to do. I don't think celibacy is, I mean, The connections, your sexual connection should be the connection you have with yourself.

I don't think that that should ever go away. I think that's something that we should always invest our time into. Sensuality is absolutely something that every woman and every man that they should keep for themselves, whether they're in a partnership or not. Right. And when it comes to the older generation, right? Because I think that there is this whole thing when giving pleasure to yourself, for example, right? It's like a, I think it is generational. I don't know. Maybe it's not. Maybe it's just where I was raised. Who knows? But I believe that there is this weird, like, how dare you?

You can't, you can't please yourself and you have to stay in a marriage or, you know, all of these societal expectations. How does one accept themselves if they want to do something that may not be what they think is right. I think you are spot on. I think society, whether it's church, whether it's our educational systems, whether it's just traditional family values and systems have programmed us to feel that

sex for pleasure, self-pleasure, that it's dirty and the big stigma behind it. And, you know, I think especially so for women, you know, that you're supposed to be the good girl. You're supposed to be appropriate. And so pleasing yourself, yeah, I think a lot of us need to break through those, like, societal programmings that we have. And how do you do that? I think, number one, just understanding that pleasure is not a dirty thing.

Pleasure is divine. It is a gift. I mean, sensuality essentially means tuning into your senses. There's nothing dirty or wrong about that. It's beautiful part of being a human being. And I think if you're having a hard time kind of breaking through that cap, then you can do some research and find other people who are also struggling with the same programming and then realize like, hey, I'm not the only one that's feeling this way. There's a lot of people that want to be having pleasure and are having pleasure and it's normal and it's beautiful and it should be cherished and it should be celebrated. Absolutely.

And I think also having these conversations are it's very important, you know, because we have to normalize it. Like, this is not, I think, living in that strict, you know, in that world in our heads mainly, right? Isn't it? Because like when you start to actually have the conversation, you're like, oh, I'm not alone, like, at all. Absolutely. Do you think that women get judged more for being celibate than men do? I find, wow, you're so strong.

And with women, it's kind of a whole different mindset. around it. It's kind of like, because I've been so open, right? Like I'm like an open book. I can care less what. I mean, I can, I care what people think about or what's what they think as far as like sometimes of what I say. Is it too much? But it is because I'm a woman. Like I don't think we get celebrated enough. Instead, it's kind of like, oh, you'll find the right one. Like, that's not the reason why I'm celibate. Like, I know I can find the right one. But I'm not out there finding the right one because I don't want to like I'm finding myself right so like that alone is almost like that without even the celibacy part it's kind of like oh popresita yeah absolutely people think that as a

woman a single woman like it's it's it's a sad experience and I don't understand I mean being single is so empowering you get to design your life you don't need to accommodate anybody else it's It's such an empowering experience, but it's very sad that society looks on it, like, oh, you poor thing. You're going to die alone. Well, how about this? We're all going to die alone. Yeah.

This is not a new news, people. And like, who's going to take care of you when you're old? Like, what? This is instead, like, you know how people celebrate. Oh, we're Instagram official. Like, I'm Instagram official with myself. Like, why can't we all just celebrate both, you know? and the fact, like Valentine's Day, it's all, oh, I'm so, like, I am. So I've never been so

consistently content and the love I have for myself has never been where it is today, put it that way, not even close than when I was in relationships. Now, I'm not saying it's black and white, right? Like I truly believe that maybe now, if I were to be in a relationship, yes, things would change, but it does take time to, because my, I always say my lazy brain, meaning like if I'm not really conscious and really thinking about who I'm dating or what I'm attracting and vice versa, I will go back to those old patterns, right? So I'm not scared of doing it. I'm just like in this moment, in this present time, I'm really enjoying myself in my own company.

And I don't think that's a bad thing. I'm 40, yes. And people are like, they say, do you realize that maybe you're not going to be able to have kids? like yeah guys like it's just so crazy how people are so open and quick to judge others but when it comes to their own experiences it's a big no-no or I overshare it's either or you can never please everybody I tend to look at whether we're single or we're in partnership as what is my spiritual assignment right now yeah is it that I need to grow I've had times where I've chosen like I really want to be single right now because like you, I might have been serial dating or I might

have been dependent relationships or I might not have been able to release relationships when I knew that they weren't right for me. And so I knew that a period of time with just me, myself and I was what I needed for my own healing and my own growth. And then down that I've reached a point where I'm like, okay, you know, I'm ready for another challenge right now. And right now, and right now, for me in partnership, it's quite a challenge at times because you're triggered so much in partnership as well. And it's a opportunity for me to look at what the mirror is in the situation. Oh, my God, I just got chills. There's not a right or a wrong. It's a very personal decision about where is your healing and where is your growth in what type of container right now is right for you.

My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly, and now I'm seriously suspicious. Well, wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend has been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now, he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone. Now, hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That sounds totally inappropriate. Well, according to this person, this is her boyfriend's former professor.

and they're the same age. And it's even more likely that they're cheating. He insists there's nothing between them. I mean, do you believe him? Well, he's certainly trying to get this person to believe him because he now wants them both to meet. So, do we find out if this person's boyfriend really cheated with his professor or not?

To hear the explosive finale, listen to the OK Storytime podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hi, I'm Jennifer Lopez, and in the new season of the Overcover podcast, I'm taking you on an exciting journey of self-reflection. Am I ready to enter this new part of my life?

Like, am I ready to be in a relationship? Am I ready to have kids and to really just devote myself and my time? I wanted to be successful on my own, not just because of who my mom is. Like, I felt like I needed to be better or work twice as hard as she did. Join me for conversations about healing and growth. Life is freaking hard. And growth doesn't happen in comfort. It happens in motion, even when you're hurting.

All from one of my favorite spaces. the kitchen. Honestly, these are going to come out so freaking amazing. Be a part of my new chapter and listen to the new season of the Overcomber podcast as part of the MyCultura podcast network on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. My name is Ed. Everyone say hello, Ed. I'm from a very rural background myself. My dad is a farmer and my mom is a cousin, so like it's not like... What do you get when a true crime producer walks into a comedy club. I know it sounds like the start of a bad joke,

but that really was my reality nine years ago. I'd just normally do straight stand-up, but this is a bit different. On stage stood a comedian with a story that no one expected to hear. The 22nd of July 2015, a 23-year-old man had killed his family. And then he came to my house.

So what do you get when a... true crime producer walks into a comedy club. A new podcast called Wisecrack, where stand-up comedy and murder takes center stage. Available now. Listen to Wisecrack on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. A foot washed up a shoe with some bones in it. They had no idea who it was. Most everything was burned up pretty good from the fire, that not a whole lot was salvageable.

These are the coldest of cold cases, but everything is about to change. Every case that is a cold case that has DNA right now in a backlog will be identified in our lifetime. A small lab in Texas is cracking the code on DNA. Using new scientific tools, they're finding clues in evidence so tiny you might just miss it. He never thought he was going to get caught, and I just looked at my computer screen. I was just like, ah, gotcha. on America's Crime Lab, we'll learn about victims and survivors, and you'll meet the team behind the scenes at Othrum,

the Houston Lab that takes on the most hopeless cases to finally solve the unsolvable. Listen to America's Crime Lab on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You has said so many important things just now about It really is. It's kind of like the triggers, right, are so important to look at and observe and not react, but that's so much easier said than done. Are you, so you are in a partnership currently. Yeah, I'm in a partnership. It's new. Okay. But I was after a period where I'd been

by my own for about a year and a half. Okay. And I just started feeling a little stagnant. my life was I was I was I was I was making my life quite isolated I found so partnership for me was I was ready for more challenges I was ready for have I resolved my childhood traumas can I be foot put in front of the triggers and learn to respond and not react learn to take a higher perspective can I learn to love and lean in when I really just want to hit the eject button and run for the hills I hear you. Wow. Okay. So you've done a lot of work on yourself. Would you like to tell me and my listeners, like your background a little bit just so, you know, we know, we just know a little bit more about you because it's so fascinating.

Sure. I mean, I grew up, you know, I don't think that there's good people or bad people. I think that we're all doing the very best we can with our states of consciousness at the time. But the environment that I grew up in was not very nurturing. And it was quite traumatizing, and it really left me with a lot of limiting beliefs about myself. I fully believed that I was not lovable. I would never be enough. And I started, as I became a teenager and I became an adult, I started making really bad decisions for myself.

I hang out with people that I thought would equate to my worth, and that resulted in very abusive relationships and just a life of kids. chaos. And I just had this moment one day where I just said, I don't want this. I don't want this anymore. And so I just committed myself to education at that point in time. So not just with psychology, but with metaphysics and spirituality, really just trying to learn as much as I can from my healing. And then now I spend every day helping people, you know, find their way out of the darkness. Wow. I can relate big time. And it's beautiful what you're doing as far as, you know, being of service because there's so many people who I'm sure also can relate to your story in a way. And that feels stagnant and stuck. And it's interesting because when you say that, it's like,

I don't feel that right now, just right now. I can only speak for now, right? And regardless of time, what is time anyway at the end of the day? But, I felt like that, like in my relationships and that feeling of stagnant. I know it very well. And it was, it is something that you can get really comfortable in. Absolutely. For me, it was very disempowering to be in relationships before. I really needed to spend time alone and just really focus on loving myself.

My grandmother was somebody that was a beautiful person in my. life and when she had transitioned she had left me her great great grandmother's engagement ring and so the promise that i'd made to myself when i had that aha moment was i put it on my finger and i said from now on i'm going to date you i'm going to love you and i look back and it's such a transition of how did that girl become this girl and really what it was it was just a decision to love me and invest in me every day and then slowly but surely you fill up your own cup and you just experience the world and people within it in a very different way. But it was necessary. Absolutely. For me. That takes a lot of self-awareness though,

right? So like, how does one do that if they're just not self-aware? Like, you know, I guess it's kind of like, do you have to hit rock bottom for that to happen? I know it's different for everybody, but like I have to take accountability for my sobriety. It's very similar. You know, And I truly believe I'm not grateful for the trauma that has happened in my life, obviously. But because of the trauma, I'm able to voice, I believe, in an open setting. And I think for that, I know is the reason why that has happened, you know, because I know we're helping people. I do actually think we need to hit a rock bottom. You do.

If I look at my own experiences and I look at anyone that's ever come to me as a client, no one's ever come to me when everything was going great. Right. How can I blow up? How can I level up? It's always been like, wow, okay, I just realized that I'm the common denominator in all of these things that don't feel good. What can I do?

And I actually haven't seen anyone come to me when they haven't been in a place of pain and they haven't been comfort. So I wish I could say, yeah, we just had like a seed of inspiration and self-awareness that just blossomed one day, but I haven't seen it. Yeah, no, I think you're right. Actually, something has to happen to where you're like, okay, I give up. Like, you can't blame anybody else but yourself. We surrender. Yes.

Just like, okay, okay, what do I need to do? okay so what happens when you're just not sexually inspired or you're no longer motivated like do you do is it important to recharge like to re-energize that part of you yeah I think our sexual energy is our creative energy so I do think that it is essential that we invest into ourselves and we cultivate that energy now we're not going to just be in the mood for that a lot of the time, but it's the same as if I want to have a certain body, I might not feel like going to the gym, but I know I need to go do those habits in order to cultivate the result that I'm looking for.

And that sensual energy and sexual energy and creative energy is all something that is a lifeline to me and makes me feel vibrant and happy and resonate on a higher vibrational level, then I know that I need to take the actions and the habits that are going to cultivate that. And it's really about exploration and a self-discovery. There's a million different methodologies that we can use to start to channel our sexual energy. I think movement, I'm a dancer, you know, so like for me, it's just like self-awareness with the body even. Just like, it doesn't have to, you don't have to go to the nearest sex store, you know, or whatever it's called. But like, honestly, it's just being in tune with your body, like just breathing. How about

we're just breathing. Stretching. Yeah. Even just, I mean, sensual energy, it's your senses. It's not about your vagina. It's about senses.

And it's any way that you feel like you can tune into your senses. You can sit here in the room and you can look at where the shadows and the light meet. You can smell and see what's the most fragrant smell I smell. You can taste. Touch. I can take coffee on my breath right now. Yes. How does this dress feel on my body?

right now. It can be just having a nice bubble bath with essential oils and giving myself that time. It can be putting moisture lotion on. It can be stretching. It can be self-love, self-care. This is all the giving back. Because, like, you can't do anything if you don't fill your cup up. You can't be there for anybody. I mean, you can, but it's going to run out. Like, you're going to break. Yeah, you're going to be resentful. What you give to others has to be what's left over, what's spilling out of your cup. You can't give up. It has to spill out of your cup.

My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly, and now I'm seriously suspicious. Wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend has been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want. Water gone.

Now, hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That sounds totally inappropriate. Well, according to this person, this is her boyfriend's former professor and they're the same age. And it's even more likely that they're cheating. He insists there's nothing between them. I mean, do you believe him? Well, he's certainly trying to get this person to believe him because he now wants them both to meet.

So, do we find out if this person's boyfriend really cheated with his professor or not? To hear the explosive finale, listen to the OK Storytime podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. My name is Ed. Everyone say, hello Ed. From a very rural background myself, my dad is a farmer and my mom is a cousin. So, like, it's not like... What do you get when a true crime producer walks into a comedy club? I know it sounds like the start of a bad joke, but that really was my reality nine years ago. I just normally do straight stand-up, but this is a bit different.

On stage stood a comedian with a story that no one expected to hear. Well, 22nd of July 2015, a 23-year-old man had killed his family. And then he came to my house. So what do you get when a true crime producer walks into a comedy club? A new podcast called Wisecrack, where stand-up comedy and murder takes center stage. Available now. Listen to Wisecrack on the IHeart Radio app, podcast or wherever you get your podcasts.

The Super Secret Bestie Club podcast season four is here. And we're locked in. That means more juicy chisement. Terrible love advice. Evil spells to cast on your ex. No, no, no, no. We're not doing that this season. Oh.

Well, this season, we're leveling up. Each episode will feature a special bestie and you're not going to want to miss it. Get in here. Today we have a very special guest with us. Our new Super Secret Bestie is the divo of the first. people. The people. I'm just like text your ex. My theory is that if you need to figure out that the stove is hot, go and touch it. Go and figure it out for yourself. Okay. That's us. My name is Curley. And I'm Maya. In each episode, we'll talk about love, friendship, heart breaks, men, and of course,

our favorite secrets. Listen to the Super Secret Bestie Club as a part of the Michael Thura podcast network available on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Hi, I'm Jenna Lopez, and in the new season of the Overcover podcast, I'm taking you on an exciting journey of self-reflection. Am I ready to enter this new part of my life? Like, am I ready to be in a relationship? Am I ready to have kids and to really just devote myself and my time? I wanted to be successful on my own, not just because of who my mom is. Like, I felt like I needed to be better or work twice as hard. she did. Join me for conversations about healing and growth.

Life is freaking hard. And growth doesn't happen in comfort. It happens in motion, even when you're hurting. All from one of my favorite spaces, The Kitchen. Honestly, these are going to come out so freaking amazing. Be a part of my new chapter and listen to the new season of the Overcumper podcast as part of the MyCultura podcast network on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. So when it comes to partnership and you want to self-please and have, you know, please yourself, is it something to be open as far as communication goes? Because I have experienced, you know, ex-partners of mine who may have not necessarily loved

the idea of me giving pleasure to myself and have wanted to. to always be around it every time, you know. And obviously, I just think people analyze things a little too much. And maybe also I, maybe I did not have to talk to them about it. You know what I mean? As far as that goes, maybe it's another business. I don't know. You tell me. Well, it really depends what kind of relationship that you want to have. I think if somebody is trying to control your pleasure, that's a red flag. Yes. I don't, I don't really agree with pornography. I think that there can be an issue when we're using external people and external stimulus to orgasm into pleasure. I think it should be more about using your imagination and tuning into your body and connecting to yourself.

I understand people feeling insecure and having fear-based thoughts if they think that you know, you'd rather watch porn than be with them. and I can see how a lot of meanings can be given to that. I don't think it's necessary that you say, hey, this morning, you know, I masturbated and it was so awesome. Of course not. I don't think we need to share that, but it's also what kind of relationship do you want to have with somebody. If that's something important to you that you guys are in alignment on

and that you do share, then yeah, you want to share. If it's something that you want to keep as a ritual for yourself, that's fine too. I don't necessarily tell my partner every time I take a bubble bath. No. This is going to be, right? So it's just really, I don't think there's a right and wrong container. It's really about you knowing where you want your relationship to be.

And then you make that you're taking the actions and the habits in order to create that for yourself. Yeah, I guess you're right. I mean, I will, from, I mean, years ago when I was in a, I have only been in serious relationships, you know, so. And plural back to back, as you know now. But it was interesting because like when it comes to porn and all that stuff, you know, if it happens regularly and it's without you, then obviously those feelings of like, am I enough or not enough come up. And when you say like outside pleasure in a way, are you also talking about like sex toys and stuff like that as well? No, I think sex toys are fine because you're still using your imagination. Right. You're not using another person that you're watching.

Another person. And I think the issue with pornography, too, is it does destimulate you because there's always people trying to push the threshold more and more and more. And porn is performative. It's not real sex doesn't look like that. So it also just creates really unrealistic expectations. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's not healthy at all. I don't think. But like teach their own, you know. And I think when it comes to that, that, I do believe open conversation and being transparent is important because when you start to hide it, which I've also experienced, it's just not, that to me is like a red flag. Well, if you feel that you need to hide anything, it's already a red flag.

And that. Yeah. Yeah. You've done a lot of work on yourself. I really respect that. Thank you. Likewise. Thank you.

Let's transition to this article that has caused controversy. but, I mean, what hasn't nowadays? Let's talk about what being a sleep divorce means. What does that mean exactly? So sleep divorce is when you are sleeping in separate beds. And I mean, I think with like many things, there's pros and cons, do whatever decisions that you make. For some people, it's very practical.

It's more common in older couples. Snoring is an issue, menopause, different sleep. schedules, but the thing is there is an unconscious bonding that happens when we're sleeping next to somebody. So if you are choosing to sleep in separate beds, be aware that that closeness that you're not having does need to be substituted and replaced with another type of connection ritual. For sure. And I posted something on my Instagram story yesterday about this.

And I got so many DMs from people, yeah, saying, my husband. has been snores so loud, like there is no choice. Like I, and mind you, this obviously has happened over time. Like they've obviously started out sleeping together. It wasn't like a rule that was, you know, enforced from the beginning. But it also matters when it comes to your mental health. Like sleep is so important. But yes, I agree with you. Like maybe there needs to be a time for intimacy. But then there's the pressure of great, I just got to like have sex with you now. or it's not even about this physical act of sex. Yeah, it's not even about, it's not even about sex.

It's just about, it's about intimacy. I mean, laying next to somebody, there's those small little physical touches. There's the warmth of a body next to you. There's the presence. And so I think that you do feel a void when that person's not there. But at the same time, if you're getting one hour of disrupted sleep and you can't, can't function the next day, but you're like, oh, but we sleep in bed every night. I mean, what's the trade-off here? But there's lots of ways around this. I mean, you can go to bed

at the same time and you can just cuddle for an hour. You can wake up and you can cuddle for an hour. You can have coffee in bed. Like there's lots of ways that we can still put the intimacy if for your state of well-being, it just doesn't work to sleep in the same bed together. Have you ever slept in a separate bed or wanted to with a partner? I get hot. But I don't think so. I would say me three years ago wouldn't like that because that's not where I was in my personal life. I think that would have come a lot of insecurity to be just completely transparent with you.

I would have felt not as connected, but that had to do with my trust issues and stuff like that. you know and that was all also and just maybe just in my head but then it would just escalate and kind of go down a rabbit hole so but today I'm totally for it if needed some people even sleep in bunk beds as long as snoring's not the issue but if it's something I get too hot I have to say I have a really weird sleeping I don't have as like I'm a dancer and I my creative juices happen at like after midnight and I do remember this bothering my exes at one point where like, I don't, me going to bed before two at the morning is hard to do. Like I am a night owl and I know that that affected some of my relationships for sure,

especially if I wasn't dating a dancer, you know, and some people work better at night. Some people work better at mornings and it's just different for everybody. And so that would definitely screw, get a little screwy, I think. I think it's even a question on Tinder nowadays. Are you an early bird or are you a night owl? That's a good question. There is a compatibility issue there that means you need to talk about it and you need to compromise. My partner, he has really bad sleep anxiety. And so a lot of the time he tries to go to bed with me, but he'll just lay there and eventually he has to get up.

And then he falls asleep when I'm getting up to start with my sessions in the morning. And the transition to have because I haven't experienced that before. So it took us coming up with like our rituals and ways that we were going to work around this and creating a compromise and for that to work for us. Do you mind sharing just quickly as we're last thing? Yeah. So he'll lay in bed with me. And then I'm like out like a light by 8.30 because I wake up super early. The opposite is you.

And so he'll lay in bed with me. I'm gone. And then he goes and he does his work. And then generally, I only work till new. So when I'm done work, he's actually getting up. So we're not really missing important time with each other. But then on the weekends, when I don't have clients, I stay up later and he gets up earlier. So I'll usually book us an adventure that we're going on in the middle and we have something fun plant to do.

See, guys, there's solutions. It's very specific. There's always solutions. It's just a matter of talking it out. because, I mean, the biggest complex that all humans have is we think we think the same. So if you're doing something different than me, I must be right and you must be wrong. And it's where the issues begin. But if we can just accept, hey, you're different and I'm different, this is a very different thing about us.

But how do we find a middle ground here? What's a fun compromise? It feels good for the both of us. Let's try that. Let's make an agreement on that. And the communication, you have to feel comfortable enough to just communicate this, right? Because there's a lot of shame behind it. But thank you so much for all that you do.

Seriously, this is so important. Thanks for your time. Take care. You too. Bye-bye. Thank you, Dr. Shanna, for joining me today. I really hadn't given too much thought to the whole idea of sleep divorce. So I'm glad we talked about it.

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